Tell Em Steve-Dave - #605: Robot Gerbil

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

Q gets COVID…again! Bry goes to Dabblecon, Kill Tony, does Q wear eyeliner, Alien, TESD advises an ant.

Hey, Walt here with this week's Patreon plug. This Tuesday, August 27th, we will be dropping a very, very anticipated episode of one of our most popular shows on the Patreon. Tales from Behind the Fake Counter. In this episode, we break down the infamous Gene Simmons episode of Comic Book Men. Declan, if you'd please, play a clip from the episode. Nobody here can sit in Jar Jar's shoes. No. We get shit online. Jar Jar ain't feeling bad for me. Yeah, Nobody here can sit in Jar Jar's shoes. No. We get shit online.

Jar Jar ain't feeling bad for me. And it's the real John. And I've contemplated suicide. Not because of the online stuff, but... Where's your apology to Brian Johnson? I didn't use him as a punchline. But you know you can, anytime you want. So check that out only on the TESD Patreon.

Okay, I would also like to let those subscribers and the gift tiers know that those who are due gifts this September, the gifts will start going out a bit later in the month as I'm going away on a nine-day cruise and won't be back until the second week in September. But don't worry, as soon as I hit port, I will be getting your gifts out to you. I think that's it for this week's patreon plug. So let's get back to the show Are you gonna do nobody at the poolside? What? We don't have to talk about big boobs.

Have fun. Tell them Steve, Dave. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell them Steve, Dave. Hey, Walt. Hey. And BQ. Hey, yo. Patient zero for every strain of COVID that's come out. I just get it. I just get it. Are you collecting them now like Pokemon? Dude, I don't fucking understand.

I'm pretty sure like, this is humanly impossible what happens to me. I've had, I think every strain but one. That's fucking crazy. My heart is going explode. There's no way that a 50-year-old human heart could take this. It's good though, because at least now you're done with it. Yeah. You are, you're done with it for a good time. You're good for at least a year, I would think.

No, I don't know about that, man. I just keep fucking getting it, dude. It does seem to pop up every six months or so, because you had it in the winter, didn't you? Like this past spring winter. Fucking getting it. It doesn't seem to pop up every six months or so because you had it in the winter didn't you like this? Yes, like like spring winter. I I think it's any time I emerge and start like Interacting with the problem. You were going to MSG and party down to the kiltoni thing I went to the stream horror movie premiere and it's it's a lot of fun stuff

But it's like, you know, there's a lot of people in my face Yeah, but shaking hands. Everybody wants to shake hands, everybody wants to take pictures. I'm pretty good about the shaking hands like I know enough to like wash my hands frequently and I carry like the hand sanitizer and stuff. It is really I'm telling you and it's like when we were talking years ago at this point about like whether mass work and stuff and I was like I'm telling you the amount of people who breathe in my face and I feel their spittle hit my fucking eyeballs and stuff. It's what it is. And it happens every day of my life. Somebody just leans in to say something.

It's the curse of being, you know, a funny guy though, because you make people laugh and when they laugh, you know, they know it's not like that. It's not like I'm walking down the street doing like killer comedy. Like if you were a serious actor, you probably would have only got COVID once or twice. It is fucking horrible, dude. At this point, like everybody just makes fun of me when I get COVID. Like nobody has any sympathy anywhere. That's terrible. That's terrible.

Yeah, because it is a pretty serious thing. And at this point, yeah, it's like, you've got it so much, like you are kinda getting ribbed for it, it's not right. Well, he sounded absolutely miserable too. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't even joke around with you about it. It was horrible, dude. Well, July, you know, I was away six weekends in a row,

right, and then we were shooting all the weeks in between. So it's like you get to a place where you're like, oh God, finally, just a fucking week off and then you get sick. It's like now I'm fucking just miserable at home. I'm alone. I'm on my couch. I can't, you know what I mean?

It's like a missing fun thing. I don't know, man. It's And you had told me right before you're like, yeah, I'm looking forward to this week. I got this week off. It's going to be awesome. I don't know why I bother saying anything. And now I felt better. Sunday, I went to go

see the new Alien movie and then I have three days and I'm on tour this weekend. So it's like the downtime I had was just spent being sick and there's an anger to it now for me where I'm like, motherfucker again. Now when you get it, has this happened to you where certain body parts are targeted by the illness? I know when my eye starts leaking. If I'm sitting down and my eye just starts tearing for no reason, I'm like, I suck on a fuck because that's always the first sign for me.

Then I almost shit my pants with diarrhea the second day and then I was like, I guess I got it. Is that a symptom of cold? I didn day and I was like, I guess I got it. Is that a symptom of COVID? I didn't know. Not for me, but I had it. Trust me, boys. It's a symptom. Yeah.

I have not heard that symptom. Yeah. My stomach got all jacked up from it and stuff. Because there's like people and I know, I remember when I had it, like certain body parts get targeted like my hands and my feet. No. They were oddly, oddly very, very painful. I was wondering if that happened to you.

No. I get the lack of energy and I can't breathe. My nose get like clogged. So I'm mouth breathing for like three days in a row. The lips get all dry and shit. It's not fun. I mean everybody's going through it. Well, let's just say it's good that you got the vaccine.

Yeah. Yeah. God knows what might have happened. I might have got that sick strain that I missed if I didn't get it. What are you going to do? Oh, Lord Almighty. It's depressing. I am starting to get to the point where I'm like, what effect could this be having on

me? Right. It can't be good. This shit was made in a lab right like now They know they figured it out like some Chinese cat made this in a lab. I don't know if that's been confirmed I don't know if that's fake news or not. I mean, there's still a chance that uh, it came from a wet market and a pangolin and Pangolin fucking another like and like what are those fucking? one of those things that look like ducks, but they're

like, what are those fucking, what are those things that look like ducks, but they're, those- It was a platypus. Yeah, platypus and shit, you know. That would make me feel better rather than some like- It was a nature. Some Chinese dude had a bad day at work. And then they're like, oops. Yeah, and like now I'm just three times a year, I'm just fucking sick and made sport

by my friends. Yeah. You know what? I'm glad though, I'm glad the world decided it wasn't worth investigating how it happened. They kind of just said, you know, we don't need to know. What good would it come of it if we found out? Come on, guys. Devastated the economy, ruined how many people's lives, killed how many people, but they're

like, hey, it's gone now, kind of, so who cares? We'll probably catch ship for even talking about this, Q. I think that we need to draw on your professional contacts and get ourselves a PR person. A PR person? Why? Yeah, because we keep taking shit on Reddit nonstop for the most lame things. So, like, maybe if we get ahead of it, we get our- Just delete Reddit off your phone.

Oh, I don't know. People tell me. Oh, well, tell them to stop telling you. Yeah. Who's telling you? Brian Rupert. No, tell Rupert to I don't know. People tell me. Oh, well tell them to stop telling you. Yeah. Who's telling you? Brian Rupert. No, tell Rupert to just stop. He loves to tell me. We gotta lock that down.

Yeah. Yeah. You gotta, it's just, dude, it's, it's a wonderful world, dude. It's beautiful. If you're not on Reddit, yes. Just tell them not to tell you, man. It's, uh, the things that he tells me though, it's like, it's not like I go home and I think about it, I'm like, yeah, maybe they are right.

Somebody was mad that I was talking about Ming hanging out with a big boob cosplayer. Why? I don't know. I couldn't figure it out. He didn't know either. I think the fact that you called her big boobed, if you had just said cosplayer, I think that would have been fine. But the fact that you-

But who cares? You've kind of focused in on her big boobs is kind of gross. I guess so, yeah, it's disgusting big boobs. Who wants to talk about that? Well, I think- What's your fucking pussies out there, man? The fact that you like focused on it so heavily though,

like it was the only thing, like the first thing that- It was the only thing they're taking pictures for. I'm sorry, it's not my fault. It could be the quality of her costume. Some of them were. Yeah, I bet you some of them were. She had some good costumes. I'm just saying specifically the Ewok costume. I don't believe anybody really cares, dude. I think people are just saying it for you to mention it on the show.

To mention it on the show. Stop. There's no way you can really care, right? As a guy, you can't be like, what a misogynist. He mentioned that a girl had big boobs. I would have a hard time believing the sincerity of anybody that was like, that's worth firing up your computer. But hey, man, what do I know? I think though, like it's to veer on the safe side though, unless they're like Dolly Parton sized, don't mention big boobs. Just like some flat broad. No, just don't mention big boobs. Just like. Some flat broad.

No, just don't mention her chest size at all. Unless they're like gargantuanly. Like viral mistress of the night. Yeah, like you can't, like it's impossible to not be like, wow, those are. Then it's okay. Those are unusually large. It's okay, they're freakishly large.

Yeah. Like, what was that, the Kissin' Bandit, remember? Morgana? Yeah. Then you can say Morgana with a big boob Kissin' Bandit. But if it's just like, you know, average. A faceless cosplayer that nobody even knows who I'm talking about? You're right.

You're right. Yeah. I fucked up. Well, if he's listening, Rob, like you get, you, you, you're forbidden from passing on any info. Yeah. Keep it to yourself. Just let it, just literally. As far as I'm concerned, if I don't read it and I don't hear it, it doesn't exist. What are you going to do? Nobody's upset about me.

Everybody loves me. I don't think people are really upset about you anyway. I think like we just created a thing where we talk about Reddit so they... So they put you in there? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. All right, Reddit. Break up with it, Rob.

Yeah. Come on, Rob. You don't need to be wasting your time on that. You got a kid. Pay attention to your child. Yeah, raise that kid, man. I spent a long weekend in Rochester, New York. Rochester?

What the fuck are you doing in Rochester? It was an event called DabbleCon and it was a podcast festival. Dabble? Dabble. Okay. Yeah. Because it's, if you're not familiar with it, if you're not familiar with this, it's imagine trying to dive into the Tell'em Steve universe today and understand everything. Like with

just this one episode, it's impossible. It's years of lore and years of history and that kind of stuff. So it was a convention devoted to one podcast? No, there were... It wasn't really a convention, it was just like a show. There were... The first night they had what they called the roast of the dabble verse. They roasted a bunch of different people that are involved in it. Then the next day, they had three different podcasts. They had Potato Soup and Tookie. They had Who Are These Podcasts? They had the Uncle Rico Show. Potato Soup is the one I told you about a long time ago,

the guy who only does his podcast with a potato filter. And so this is, I want to show you this picture of him. Go on. It's pretty funny. I mean, yeah. He doesn't want to show his face, so this is how he walks around. Is that a mask? It's a helmet that somebody built for him, that somebody made for him.

What type of content is he talking about? Women's boobs a lot? Like, why does he want to hide his face? No, no, no. All he talks about is Stuttering John. The entire universe is centered around Stuttering John and what a fuck up he is. How are fucking, how? And I'm directing this to you. You wouldn't think so. How does anybody care? Like, Why is there a show around it?

Why a- A universe? Yeah. It's not a joke. An entire universe, yeah, because he's so awful and just such a... See, he's a human being that you can sit there and you can be like, how does a person like this exist in real life? The way he behaves, the way he acts, his hypocrisy.

How are they to know how he's behaving though? How are they keeping him? Because he has a podcast. Oh, okay. So they just go. So they break down his podcast. So this is just Reddit for Stutter and Jon. Yes.

Oh my God, you got to get out, bro. What are you doing? No, it's awesome. No, no, no. I made some new buddies this week, and Cardiff Electric, one of them, I never met them before, potato filter. Okay, all right. So wait a minute, so what do you call it, the dabble universe?

The dabble verse. The dabble verse. Mm-hmm. So what is the … The origin? Is there a podcast called Dabble? No, what happened was there's a girl named Chrissy Mair, and she was talking to Stuttering John once in an interview, and she said, you know, I heard that you dabbled in comedy and he got very

offended saying that he was a headliner, he was a professional stand-up comic. None of this is true but he's like – he has this idea of himself that is so inaccurate that you can't help but laugh and watch along. I can help. Yeah, I bet you can. I but laugh and watch along. I can help. Yeah, I bet you can. I think you're the best. But it all started with who are these podcasts. I listened to one episode years and years ago where he broke down Stuttering John's podcast.

Usually, Carl, the guy whose podcast is, he just moves on to the next podcast and we'll break the next one down. But Stuttering John took such offense that he was going to sue him. He was going to bring litigation. He was going to do all this. Stuttering John never stops threatening to sue people. He never does it. I was struggling to care about Stuttering John in the year of our Lord 2024. Really, it's amazing that this many people are. These people make a living off this. Oh yeah, a good living. Yeah.

These people make money. They should fucking invite him into the fray. I think they have, but he won't come. I mean, I wouldn't either. Well, I mean, if they're making money, I want to make some money too if I'm him. Well, all... That's the funny thing is that like everybody makes money except for him. But he...

But all this is driving listeners to him though, which bumps his numbers, which bumps... Not really because it's much more fun to watch these guys break down his show than watch his actual show because he's so boring and so stupid. Does he have guests? Sometimes he has guests. That's usually on his political show because he likes to fancy himself like this liberal lefty. So then all these people go back and they pull all the stuff that he used to stay on

the Stern show and even stuff from like rather recently, like I'm talking 2018, he's using words that like by today's standards, he would go after that. 15 years of changing tastes. I totally agree with you guys, but he's the type that's like everybody should be held accountable for what they used to say. So that's where the hypocrisy comes in. Oh, he takes that stance? He takes that stance where he's like this super woke guy, but then just recently.

So what do you do there? Do you just go like get autographs and shit? No, I don't get any autographs. Like most of the people I know. Oh, okay. So what do you do there then? Like you go into the table. Is it a convention?

No, it's just like it was held at a comedy club. Oh, okay. Didn't you call it a convention? No, I don't think so. Okay, maybe I filled in that word. The dabble con, I thought you said. No, dabble verse, yeah. Oh, okay.

Although hey man, dabble con may be down the road. I don't know if it gets big enough. This was the second one. This was the second double con. It was more familiar. I mean, it seemed more popular than the first one. More people came. I met a guy who was a potato farmer, which you think is not a big deal.

I talked to this guy for like a half hour about potatoes. He has like these, because he's one of these super chatters. The super chat is like, let's say I have a podcast and it's on YouTube. People can send me money via super chat. So this guy, he must have fucking bucks because he's constantly super chatting like large amounts of money to people. And it turns out he's a potato farmer and he has like these two big fast food accounts that I won't name. So you can remain anonymous, but like two fast food places where he provides all the potatoes for them. Wow.

That's gotta be some gig. Yeah. Is he in Idaho? No, he's in Maine. Oh, okay. Yeah, he lives in Maine. So what, it's like you were interested in the world of potato farming or the world of super chess?

No, I was interested in the world of potato farming at that time. Really? Yeah. So what did you learn? I learned that it's very difficult to get people to help you to farm your potatoes. Because it's hard work? It's hard work so people don't want to do it. He told me that if you import people, like you get people from South America, the federal

law is that you have to pay them as much as you pay your highest paid guy. So like let's say a truck driver is making $30 an hour. You have to turn around and pay guys who pick potatoes $30 an hour. So it makes it financially difficult. Wait, you have to pay them for the – you have to pay the highest amount that anyone in the chain of production makes? Anyone in the chain, yeah.

So it's not like the president or anything, but like, you know, a regular employees. Right. That's if you want to, if you want to, you know, keep it on. Import your workers. Well, no, keep it, uh, keep it all legal on the up and up. But I feel like you could play him under the table. Couldn't he? Uh, he may be able to, but I don't know.

I think that people, uh, you know, people from other countries have gotten wise to that it's not like the nineties and the two thousands where you could just go down to the home depot and pick them up for fucking six bucks an hour. Now they're like, fuck you. I want 30 bucks an hour. I want lunch. I want a ride. Like they've, they've, they finally, they finally discovered their worth.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm with them. They're not being treated like indentured servants. Right. Uh, well that's, that is, sounds that sounds like somebody pretty interesting, a potato farmer. I would listen to that. Yeah.

Oversay stuttering John. I saw Kill Tony. Kill Tony. Now, this is something I'm amazed by. It is. I think that, I didn't understand. It's a podcast that's been going about 15 years now. This is what I learned because I wasn't understand. It's a podcast that's been going on for about 15 years now. And this is what I learned,

because I wasn't too familiar with it. I've heard about it, because I know it's big, and it's like the biggest thing in the comedy world right now, but it's essentially the Gong Show with stand-ups. And it has a panel of, like, when I saw them at the Garden, it was Joe Rogan, it was Shane Gillis, it was Tony, the guy of The Kill Tony. And what they do is they pick names out of a hat, Hinchcliffe, Tony Hinchcliffe, and

people from the audience come up and get to do two minutes of stand up. And then the crowd and the comedian panel are essentially the gong thing where they tell them if they suck or not. And that's the show. And then they'll have like people come out like like Andrew Dice Clay came out and did a little bit, Big Jay Ogerson came out and did a little bit. And they sold the first podcast ever to sell in Madison Square Garden two nights in a row.

And dude, I walked into it blind. My agent represents some people on the show. And so people's like, I'm in town, you know, you lose in LA, come hang out for the night. Went, fuck dude. There are come hang out for the night went fuck dude, like I There are people having fun in the world. Oh my god, those people in Madison Square Garden They don't give a fuck about political, correct They don't get like what people are saying like things are like you said like to woke when I saw a Madison Square Garden was

Like I don't believe that's true anymore. It might be true in like You know scripted television where where everybody's overthinking everything, but dude, that crowd in Madison Square Garden, they were having more fun than anybody I've seen having fun except for impractical joker shows. The comedians got up and they all just fucking went for it. Dice came out to 20 minutes of shit and I was like, holy fuck. It was old school dice. Old school dice. Which you're like, it's just so shocking to see these days. The crowd was going berserk

and the crowd was men, women, all colors, all stripes of people and everybody was just loving it. I was like, fuck these people having fun. It was really kind of cool to see. Nobody gave a shit what anybody said. No jokes were like taboo. That's encouraging to hear. Yeah, it was fun. It was really fun. I mean, I don't have that. I can't even say a girl is big boobs. Why, we still have fun.

We don't have to talk about big boobs to have fun. I've lived my whole life having fun not talking about big boobs. Yeah, I know we're gonna be talking about comic books, but not Power Girl. No, Power Girl's off limits. We don't talking about big boobs. Yeah, I know you're talking about Connor Puts, but not Power Girl. No, Power Girl's off limits. We don't talk about her. Yeah, can't talk about Power Girl. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't exist.

Is the problem that you like big boobs? I don't want to get sucked into this. You know what? I'm sorry. I thought you wanted to have fun. I do, but I don't understand what is the problem. I kind of want to know what the problem is, but I don't want to. I don't want to get into it. Yeah, I don't know. I wish I knew. I wish I knew what the what is the problem. I kind of want to know what the problem is, but I don't want to. I don't want to get into it.

Yeah, I don't know. I wish I knew. I wish I knew what the person's problem was. I think they're saying he's too old to be commenting on a young cosplayer's attributes. He's probably in his 40s at this point. And this is years ago. This is a long time ago. But you listen to it.

Look, and I love how- I mean, not that he doesn't still do it. I still listen to Stern all the time. I know you don't as much anymore, but he'll look at whatever starlet of the day and be like, oh my God, she looks so good. She's got great tits. I want to fuck her. He'll say all that stuff to this day. And he's the biggest broadcaster in the history of entertainment, right? Certainly entertainment, maybe not over the news guys, but... People just get mad at you for noticing things.

You don't notice stuff. Or don't say out loud what everybody notices. Don't say outside what you notice. Can't really live like that. Anyway, those are the conversations that are happening on Reddit. At Madison Square Garden, nobody's having... They had ring girls in between every comic. They had ring girls in chain bikinis like fucking

Red Sonja. And the crowd went nuts every time they came out to like hold up the sign and you're like, oh there are still people like, kinda just having cheeky fun. It's probably most people. Probably most people. Most people, but they're cowed by the,

by this regiment of people that want to bring you down if you say something. And so are we. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. When I was at DabbleCon, somebody came up to me with a concern about Q. Me?

Yes. Really? You thought I'm sick all the fucking time? No, that you're wearing too much eyeliner. Eyeliner? That's what I'm hearing. Ha ha ha. I'm wearing any eyeliner.

He said you're wearing so much eyeliner on the recent episodes of IJ that it's distracting. Somebody get me a fucking, a screen grab of that. Yeah. I've never worn eyeliner. I have never noticed. Yeah. What would I do?

Sit here and deny it if I did? Maybe. Maybe if you want to bring out, you make your eyes pop or something. Yeah. Did you look, does it look like I'm wearing eyeliner? He didn't show me any pictures. Oh, oh, all right. He didn't show me any pictures. I was just like, I said, I've never noticed that. And he goes, no, no, you got to look.

That made me why your eyes are always leaking, all that mascara you're wearing. Yeah, all that mascara is like clogging it up. It's not COVID. It's too much mascara. Eyeliner. Yeah. It's not hypoallergenic. Why would I wear eyeliner?

I don't know, unless it was for a bit. I could see if you were wearing it for a bit. Well, sure, but that would be clear. That would be very obvious, yeah, but I was like, when, when, he's like, any episode, just check it out. Would you hide that or would you not want people... No, they've put put foundation on us. Yeah, who cares what happens, how it works, as long as it works.

They put foundation, Lilybeth puts foundation on us just to cover the bags and all the shit that we're developing as we age and a little bit of powder. But that's been since day one of the show. That's just for the shine of the lights and stuff like that. I don't think I've ever worn eyeliner on the show. Could it be maybe that they put it on you didn't even notice though? I think I would notice.

I... I... I... I... Get home, what is that? I... I... Eyeliner?

No, I can shoot that one down. Shoot that one down, okay. But did this person come up to you? We gotta go on, snopes. Do you know who they are? No, no, no, it was just a... Now did they come up saying it like, is this true? This guy's wearing eyeliner or...

He came up to me and he's like, you gotta talk to Q about wearing so much eyeliner on the show. So, in this guy's mind, he made the decision that I was wearing eyeliner. Yeah, and to come to me so I could intervene. Over multiple episodes, which means like he turned on episode and was like, fuck, he's fucking wearing eyeliner again. He's got it on episode and was like, fuck, he's fucking wearing eyeliner again. He's got it on again.

I mean, I don't know what to say about this guy. And then if I did start wearing eyeliner, again, wouldn't that be up to me? And wouldn't I have a reason to do it? And- Probably. What if it was a medical reason and I was like, oh fuck, I'm losing my eyelashes? I don't know why people wear eyeliners. That happened to me.

Yeah. My eyelashes started falling out like when I hit 45. Really? Yeah. I'd see them on the fucking pillowcase. You got eyelashes. I know, but I used to have a lot more luscious eyelashes than I do right now. You got to talk to your daughter, get some of those fake ones.

My eyebrows too. My eyebrows went from really long to almost half long. They look good. They don't look that good. They used to look a lot better. Wow. In my 20s, I had fucking crazy fucking. The girls were after him. Eyebrows.

They were perfect eyebrows. My wife used to stroke my eyebrows. That's probably what happened. She stroked them too much. I think she stopped stroking them. That's why. Lack of attention. I'm serious there, they really did. They used to go all the way down and then one day she noticed,

she was like, wow, your eyebrows are half the size they used to be. You know, that's all she noticed was half the size they used to be. I'm okay with that. Right, right, yeah. How long is this just your eyebrows? No eyeliner okay with that. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. As long as it's just your eyebrows. No eyeliner though.

No eyeliner. Okay. Can't confirm no eyeliner. Would say. What's that? I would say. I think you would. Yeah. Why wouldn't I? Do you love a great deal, Walt? Depends on the deal.

You're not going to crawl through a- I don't like deals with the devil. No? No. I don't care how good the deal is. You're never going to win.- I don't like deals with the devil. No? No. I don't care how good the deal is. You're never gonna win. What about a deal with Deadpool? We have a fucking Deadpool ad?

We have a Deadpool ad. Well, kinda, a little bit. What? Yeah, we have some sort of connection with Marvel and Disney? Us? More Ryan Reynolds. He, as you know, he started Mint Mobile,communications company and that's what this ad is for.

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It's Bespoke. What's Bespoke now? Oh, this is- Two new ads, two new sponsors? Yeah, this is a new one. Bespoke Post. Maybe you should keep up that boob talk. It's getting us new sponsors. It's getting us a lot of fucking, it's getting us a lot of heat over here.

Look, people like boobs. We can talk about them, fuckheads. All right. I didn't realize that was off limits. I know. Can't talk about that. We're on Reddit. We make the rules.

Fucking idiots. This is Rup cannot He is he's on thin ice with me Well, first of all, is that burger situation the burger situation? Yeah, yeah where he where he ratted me out and said that I was eating burgers that don't belong to me. Yeah Now this is something nice He'll be actually he'll be here later on. I don't know if you'll see him, but we're going to a rock and roll show tonight.

Oh, yeah. Alice Cooper tonight, right? No, whiskey Myers. Who's whiskey Myers? Rock band that's playing at the pony tonight. And aren't they fans of ours? Yeah. Yeah.

I met them yesterday. Super, super sweet guys. Who's going, uh, bri me RUP and get them. Oh, nice. We thought you had COVID. So we. No, you sweet guys. Who's going? Bri, me, Rup, and get them. Oh, nice. We thought you had COVID, so we... No, you were right. Just assumed it. Yeah, we assumed it.

I knew a strain just came, I knew a strain just dropped. I'm like a Petri dish, man. No, I'm leaving on tour tomorrow. I'm away the next four nights. We can't wait. I'm really looking forward to this. They're playing the outdoor stage. At where?

The Stone Pony. Stone Pony. Yeah. Yeah. We got free merch. Oh, nice. Yeah, we're living large over here. I'm going to fucking get rowdy tonight, man.

It's my first rock and roll show in a while. The last one I went to, I was fucking dehydrated. Oh, that's right. I look like a dried out sponge. Fucking, I'm all fucking lubed up tonight. Yeah, look at him. He's getting hydrated. His water's going. I'm fucking getting the mosh pit.

Nice. You guys getting like a VIP section? Yes. Really? Yeah, we got backstage passes. I wish I could go. What time are you going? We're going to fucking.

I think the show starts at 7, right? I think we start at 7, but I think we're going to get there at 4 just to like fucking tailgate. The show starts at seven, right? I think we start at seven, but I think we're going to get there at four just to like fucking tailgate. Three hours with four people. Three out of the four people don't drink. The whole time, the extra kid was like, I hope there's groupies there.

I hope there's groupies there. Groupies? What the fuck hope there's groupies there. I hope there's groupies there. Groupies? What the fuck are you talking about groupies? Oh, because Whiskey will speak up for him and be like, hey, this is my boy. And this fucking fever dream of his is like this, they're going to be like, hey, groupie, fucking, to my fucking friend over here. You want to get backstage? Oh man, I really wish I was gone. What a bummer. Sounds like fun.

It won't be anything like that, Q. It'll just be us standing in the corner. No, I know. That part I know. Bespoke Post, guys, your summer just got a hell of a lot more awesome thanks to Bespoke Post and their all new premium lineup of box of awesome collections As if there wasn't enough cool gear in each box with a box of awesome premium. They're doubling the fresh finds Now I'm supposed to talk about what came in my box. I don't know if did you guys get boxes from these guys? What is this should have been bespoke post? It's called it's a box of like random stuff for guys Guy stuff selfie stick showed up in my house selfie stick No, no, I didn't get anything. No?

No, I didn't get anything. I got a box with like a, I'm going to give it to Gitem because this is like a real Gitem box. It's an emergency tent, an emergency blanket, an emergency light. Oh, that's pretty cool. And then one other thing, I can't remember what the fourth thing was, but- What happens in an emergency? Have you given all your shit away to Gitem?

I don't know. I have a house. I'll just go in there. I'll just go inside. Lock the front door. I did get something in the mail that I wasn't expecting. It's a white razor for down under. Oh, yeah.

I think that's our next spot. Oh, Manscaped. Yeah, Manscaped. That's our next spot. It's very- It, Manscape. Yeah, Manscape. That's our next spot. It's very – It's beautiful, isn't it? Yeah. It's very white though. It definitely looked like a girl's razor. You think so? Yeah. I didn't want to use it online because it looked too –

Yeah. Like if your wife saw it, yeah. She's like, oh, God. First the eyebrows, now this. Yeah. I didn't get any box though with man shit in it though. Okay, well I'll talk to Mary Beth. I'll make sure you get your man shit box from Bespoke Post. Whether you want to eat and drink more awesome, dress and travel more awesome, or explore more awesome, Box of Awesome has you covered. To get started, take the quiz at BoxOfAwesome.com.

Your answers will help them pick the right Box of Awesome for you. It's free to join and they release new items every month across a ton of different categories. Choose from a standard or premium box and when you become a member, you'll have access to stellar discounts across a plethora of products. We're talking 30% off or more sometimes. Plus with each Box of Awesome, you're supporting a small business. 90% of everything that comes in your Box of Awesome is from a small up and coming brand. All right. They support small business. It's free to sign up and you can skip a month or cancel anytime.

So to get a free mystery gift with your first monthly shipment when you sign up at boxofawesome.com and enter the code TESD at checkout, that's boxofawesome.com code TESD for a free mystery gift with your first monthly shipment. Boxofawesome.com code T-E-S-D. Now, I could run right into the razor one and then we would be done with ads. Should we plow through? No.

No? You want to save it? Save it. We'll save it. That's what will keep people hanging on. Yeah, right. For that final 17th ad. Yeah.

Hey, I gotta pay the bills. Did you guys see Alien? I'm not that big of an Alien fan. No. No, I'm not that like that. I've seen the first two and I feel like I've seen enough. Like I've seen them all and I feel like, but I know that's this new one's gotten, it's gotten rave reviews though, a return to form I've heard.

Yeah. It depends on who you ask. I think if you've seen the first two, you've seen this one. Oh really? Yeah. It's very, it's very, I think like they went back to they're like basics, basics, back to basics. Yeah.

It's supposedly like on the timeline, does it take place between alien and aliens? It takes like 15 years after alien 15 years after it. Yeah, okay Yeah, but you don't really it doesn't connect to I mean no still in great business iron. Sure. Yeah. Well, it's fun I mean, it's like I rewatched Prometheus and covenant. Mm-hmm, and I like them so much more this time I think when I first saw him I was like, I like either one I saw I watched him back to back and I was like, I get what he was doing. And I like him. Yeah.

Uh, it connects very loosely to that. Yeah. You don't have to know anything. Yeah. I went to see it and the, the one thing that like, look, I'm all for diversity, but you got to hire people who I can understand those British guys. I could not understand a fucking word they were saying in the new one, in the new one, yeah, like the crew.

Oh, I guess I just... Yeah, that might be... I think you have a year for that. No, that may be an age thing. I've read that as we grow older, it's harder to discern and to decipher accents. Accents? Yeah. Well, we watch everything sometimes.

I must be getting real old then. Because I'm like, I'm looking at Mary Beth, I'm like, and she couldn't understand it either. Oh, I don't even think I noticed they were speaking in English accents. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. It was real British. I was like, I can't understand. And then I'm like, I can't wait until they get killed.

I know they're going to get killed. So I can't wait until they get killed. My problem with it was like, it felt like I was watching a slasher movie in the 90s. Like, I know he did last summer or something. The entire- You loved that shit though. The entire cast was like they looked like teenagers. Like they were all, if there was anybody in that cast above the age of like 25 I would

be shocked or look 25. It felt like I was watching like a CW show a little bit. I was like, God, they were all too young and too pretty to be working on a prison planet for their entire lives. Yeah, like the one girl was was indentured for like 12 years. And she just evolved right in front of our eyes. Yeah, for him to be there, they were too pretty. I mean, it was just I mean, they could have thrown a hot older girl

with some juicy cans in there. You know what I mean? Like an older would have been good. No, I just it was noticeable that everybody was like. Was it felt like a 90s movie to me. Like everybody was teens. I gotta get that young crowd. That's a, that's a what? Like a 40 something year old franchise at this point?

Sure. Oh, look, dude, I'm not, no part of me is like, they fucked up. I'm like, look, make the movie you want to make. You want to make an alien movie for young, like do it. Not everything has to be made for me, but you know. That's a refreshing take though, yeah. I wish more people had that. This movie doesn't have to be made for me. Yeah.

Yeah. You could use more of that. Yeah? Well, then you're just not looking forward to movies. That's all you got. Well, there's still movies they're making for me. Was it Gory? I wouldn't say overly. There was there's of course, you know, you get the there was some fan service with like the tail through the chest. That was the alien real close to the girl. The hits. Yeah. Was there a chest burster? There

was a chest burster. There was a really cool concept that's in the trailer. So I'm not ruining it where she had a light that could see through her body And she was holding it up and she could see that trailer Yeah, but like that trailer is the entire time that lights in the movie, right? Right. Yeah. I'm like, well, that's such a great idea Why wouldn't they there's an idea? I haven't seen before like why don't you guys they do it once where she's like, oh this is cool I can see the bones in my arm and then they do it with the chest burst or and then that's it and that's it Where I was like, well, I thought that was going to be like a new tool in the alien lore. Who's got the fucking alien in them? But no.

What did you think of, and I won't give too much away, the humanoid? I thought we'd seen it already. I was like, this is a resurrection to me. It felt so much like resurrection that I was like, wow, they have to be doing it on purpose. And also that's the movie that nobody likes. By the end, I don't know. I know what they were trying to do. I'm trying to talk in circles.

You don't want to give too much away. Yeah. But again, I didn't hate it, but I was just like, oh, okay, I see what they did type of thing. I wasn't blown away. Wasn't blown away. Yeah. I liked it. I thought it went fast. I thought it was like a fast movie. I was supposed to, it was two hours, but it felt quick.

Yeah. Once they got on the ship anyway. And it's cool shit, isn't it? Like this. Well, it looks amazing. Yeah. Like the look of it's astounding. They were practical, I think, for a lot of the puppets inside. I thought it looked pretty cool.

Yeah. As far as the chest burster, I was like, I would put the chestburster of 79 up against this one. Still, even with that air hose fucking tail going off. I agree, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what are you going to do? It's making a ton of money. And it's not bad. It's not like I was like, this fucking dog's

going to want to see this. And where you consider yourself a xenomorph fan? I wouldn't say that I'm one like yeah I would but not like a crazy one like like not like it's not like it's not one of your top ten franchises? I don't know that I would put it in there I mean I watch every one and I and I'll every few years I watch the Alien movie so I guess you know it's a they trot them out on a pretty regular basis don't they it's it's got to be one of the considered one of the more successful franchises ever.

Sure, one of the eight, nine movies at this point, if you add all the Alienverse part of the things in. But yeah, that's cool. Good stuff. And then I saw Stream. Stream. Now, this is something I haven't heard of. This is a horror movie.

There's a horror movie. You know the Terrifier guys on Staten Island? Right. Their production company, Fuzz and the Lens, made a horror movie called Stream and that was a ton of fun. That's where I'm coming in. It's like 80s slasher. It's like a new take on slasher horror. I'm such a sucker for that shit. You know what I mean? All I need is the fake blood spurting everywhere and shit like that and I get real happy. And stream delivers in fucking spades. It's got Jeffrey Combs in it and Tony Todd's in it. Like it's got like,

Danielle Harris is in it. They lined up all these horror icons. So these icons are in there. Yeah. It's kind of really good. And it's not Alan Boyce. And the guy who did the special effects for Terrifier, Damien Leone does the practical effects for this too. So like the blood, like the blood's good, the corkscrews and the eyeballs and stuff like that. So rated R then? Yes. Oh yeah. Rated R. And I hate to say one of the killers is female. She's got giant, giant poops.

Oh boy. Yeah. I know that's going to turn some people here off. But she does walk around with giant boobs. So sorry about that, everybody. Do you get to see them? No, not really. No. Yeah, it's not like that type of... You do see boobs in the movie, which is a hot tub kill.

Really? Which is fun. You haven't seen one of those in a while. But yeah, so stream. I think that comes out soon. So if you like- Oh, you got a private showing? No, no. I went to go see it.

They were doing like a previews of it in Manhattan. So I went that might have been where I caught COVID actually. Oh really? It was either out of kiltoni. One of the two. Yeah, I got it from Andrew Dice play gave it to me or something. I have something. It's a little long, but it's an aunt that is looking for our help or has a quandary and perhaps will be

able to guide them in the right direction. All right. What is it? They wrote an email? This is in an email. Male or female? This is a male who separated from his wife about six months ago and now he's just waiting to get a divorce.

Okay. He also has two little ones who mostly live with and now he's just waiting to get a divorce. Okay. He also has two little ones who mostly live with him so he's not ready to bring a partner in. Okay. So he signed up to OnlyFans for a little bit of fun and connection. And he's now met a girl who he's fallen in love with. On OnlyFans? On OnlyFans.

She's one of the OnlyFans model? Yes. Do we even need to hear the rest of this? I think so. Okay. I just don't know if it's real on her end. She knows about my personal life and asked me about my little ones and states she loves me and that I'm one of the closest people in her life. We share non-sexual videos and pictures of our lives and grow closer every day.

I just have a nagging feeling she is not telling me something. Now, when that happens, listen to that nagging feeling. Yeah. It's there for a reason. It's called gut instinct. Yeah. And why? You're telling her everything? He's telling her everything.

Everything. And she's telling him everything, supposedly. But you don't know. Well, my question is this. Is she still charging his credit card $4.99 a month? Yes. Well, then there's your answer. Not only that. That's it.

That's the answer. They've yet to have a live video call because she states that she is shy. She's also from the Ukraine, so English is hard for her. He's told her his concerns, and she states, we will talk live soon and put my fears to rest. But she's also asked for money, which is a flag. So at least he knows that.

He realizes that. I mean, this to me sounds like it could be real. Sounds like true love. Well, hold on a second. Let me read a little bit more. I think this, they think this, they have, they could, might have a future. You can't rule it out 100%. You know, she's shy. She's on OnlyFans, but that doesn't mean she's not shy.

Well, they moved to Snapchat. So they're not talking on OnlyFans anymore. There she requested $1,400 to help with her schooling as she wants to get out of OnlyFans. Yeah, she needs an education. Come on, you can't help out a poor Ukrainian girl. This question session in the Ukraine right now? Well, you can, I guess. Come on, we're funneling so much money over there as it is, you know, to help them fucking beat the Russkies, help her fucking get an education so she can get

out of that hell hole. Well, eventually he did. In the end, he gave her the money. Good for him. He kind of thought it was worth the risk. She is exactly my type, sexually and personally. And if she's real, she is truly my dream girl. I can't stop thinking about her every day, but I won't be giving her

any more money until we speak live. Am I being stupid or is it worth the risk for the chance of a lifetime? I think you're being stupid by not sending her any more money. Like send her everything? Yeah. Sign over your fucking, your mortgage, your house and put it in her name and write a new will. I'm going to go in the opposite direction here and tell him to just cut it.

Just don't even say goodbye. Just cut it off. Cut it off. Dude, like it's a lot of red flags you think? It's a lot of red flags. The fact that they haven't spoken, he's never heard her voice. The fact that she's still charging him, like I give you 1400 bucks. She probably give me the discount code Well, I think also because only fans will charge you a certain percentage if you

Send the money that way, you know it's like I think only fans will take like 8 or 10% because you know, they, uh... If I'm in love with a girl and she has an OnlyFans page, I don't want to be paying for that only. Like, I feel like I should be getting it for free if she loves me. If she feels the same way about me, like, I would think that maybe I should get that. Well, he doesn't really say if he's still paying for the OnlyFans page. I'm sure he probably is.

Yeah, but I think the the big thing is like, hey, let's move over to another platform where you can send me money that I won't be. That's called taking it to the next level. Oh. Duh. See, I'm not good with this kind of stuff. I hope he... You're more worldly than you all. The guys don't have any romance in your hearts.

I know. I hope he didn't send there any pictures of his dick or anything like that. Well, even if he did though. Well, the flip's going to come where it's just like, I'm going to send this to your kids' teachers if you don't pay me another fucking 10K. I don't know. I don't know how much that would matter to the teacher though. Well, it's your. Maybe his boss.

Well, whatever. But whoever. It's just like you just, you know, my wife's a teacher. I don't know what she would do if she got those photos like from like, you know, like if somebody was blackmailing me, right. But if he's giving her all information about his divorce and stuff like that, and they're making them look like a bad parent because he's showing, you know what I mean? You just don't know the situation. And there are people out there that want to destroy you. Why do you assume the worst in this chick though? Well because you've seen it time and time again, you know, even my own sister.

We're already going right from fucking zero to 60 with blackmail already. Yeah. That's fucking crazy you would go that way. No, no, no, no, no. We're not going to Blackwell. If he had called us earlier, I would have been like, well, she's asking for money. That would have been the first. That would have been 20 miles per hour.

I think we're at 60 miles per hour. My advice to this guy is just don't even answer another text or email. Immediately shut it down. Should he find another girl on Only fans and first write her off I don't understand the only fans model right now anyway because like I you just go to pornhub and so my advice save the money personal connection yeah that's exactly there's no personal connection though. Yeah, that's exactly right. There's no personal connection here either. But he got fucking emails about professing love and dreams. Yeah.

Here's another concern of his. Well, he says, is there any way to tell if she is real? I personally do not know of a way. Oh, she might be AI. She may not even exist. No. Well, he said he's concerned that she may just be a chatter, like somebody that's chatting for the girl or worse being told to do these videos by the Ukrainian or the Russian mob. If I'm being tricked, at least

I hope it's her tricking me, not some guy. This is fucking heavy for like dating someone you don't know. Like maybe start a love life that doesn't possibly involve the Russian mafia or chatters or money exchange. Like maybe just go down to the old TGIF and see who you meet at the bar. Go to a Whiskey Meyers show, see if you can pick up some groupies. Yeah, this isn't the going Christian mingle. I just wouldn't continue this. He says he has video proof that she is real as she states his name in the videos that she sends me. So she's a real person

and she'll say his name, but she doesn't want to go live because she's too shy. But she's in love with him. But she's in love with him. Also her OnlyFans profile state she's online a lot even when she tells me she's asleep. Is that a normal setting? I don't know that. Buddy. I don't know that about OnlyFans. The fact that you have this many questions. She might have fell asleep with her computer on though. She didn't fucking log off. Maybe

she's just catching some 40 winks and she just forgot to close the laptop. Well, I know. I read somewhere that a lot of times there was this – there's this one girl who does OnlyFans and she's online all the time and it turned out that she had other people answering – I don't know if they were girls or guys, but other people answering her messages for her, pretending that they were her. Sure. So that could be the case with this where it's just like she has like a dude or a couple of girls.

There's too much smoke. There's a little bit of smoke. You just got to stop. Can't deny that. There's some smoke. You just got to stop. Where is this going to go? What is the best possible scenario for this guy? That she moves here from the Ukraine in with him and his kids? Like, where are we going here? Right, well this is one sentence I left out. When she requested the 1400 to help out with her schooling

as she wants out of OnlyFans, this caused some grief in our relationship which we had to work through. In the end, I gave her the money. Which means that she fucking harassed the guy until he eventually was like, fine, I'll just, okay. Well, is she off OnlyFans now? If he gave her the money to get off OnlyFans,

so she's off now? I don't think so. So then what is- Doesn't appear this way. Dude, buddy, I know you caught up. She may have needed books, supplies. Yeah, no, I know. Her classes.

Sure. This is optimistic Walt, I don't know. I don't know about him. Oh, man. That's called irony, Roger. Trying to tell, show this guy, you know, through ironic means, like, yeah, he's probably getting had. Yeah. You are, you are most likely being had, my friend. It's happened. The story is old as time. It's happened time and time again again and this is just – this is a new way to do it through these electronic means.

You know what? You want to talk to somebody who's real, you want to fund somebody online, join the Adamant tier on the Patreon, $100 tier and I will respond to all your messages personally. He'll go live with you. I'll never lie to you. I'll never ask for any more than that, what you're already given. I don't need to go back to school. You'll get fucking sweet ass gifts in the mail.

It'll be the best money you ever spent. Right. That's not – and it's 100 bucks a month, so for a year, it's only 1200. Yeah. Yeah, it's not even – Yeah. You'll have a fucking – some sweet T tasty swag, some great shows, no drama. You're going to get something out of it aside from stress apparently.

Yeah, there'll be no drama in this. You're just going to – it'll be the best decision you ever made. Go watch 90 Day Fiancé and then figure out if you think it's going to be a good idea. You watch that show and it's just like every single couple is like, this is bananas that people exist in this kind of relationship. He's just got to stop. Yeah. I think you're right.

I think it's just like you just have to block her. Don't even say goodbye. Be done with it. Don't even say goodbye and just shut it down and get out. That's it. Yeah. I think he's probably vulnerable because he's, you know, he just got separated. Now he's waiting for the divorce. You got two kids.

I don't think you should feel stupid for it. No, you shouldn't feel stupid. Vulnerable. Yeah. Like, you know, you, you know, you, you put yourself out a little bit more than you should have, but what are you going to do? You're married. You're new to the, you knew being back in the game. Right. You know, last time he was dating someone, he wasn he was dating someone, this shit probably wasn't going on. Probably didn't exist.

Yeah, but you're getting yourself into a bad situation. You just got to get out, pal. Yeah, count your losses. Be done with it. Cut up your credit card. Well, it's still online. What do you mean? His number is still online.

You'll have to cut it up. Well, cancel it then. Cancel that credit card so they can't get any more out of it and don't log back on. Yeah. I hope because you know that whoever this is has a folder with all the videos he sent there. I hope they're like, they're like, all right, which I imagine they are because on these scams, I've heard that it goes like the second you send something that's like kind of like risky, they're like, guess what motherfucker, I'm a dude and I'm going to be suing you. I'm not suing you. I'm going to be exposing you to your friends and family on Facebook. So it sounds like maybe he hasn't gone too

far, but just get out, get out, get out, get out. Get out while the good is good. That's it, man. Get out now. All right. Another word, not a dramatic goodbye. End it immediately. Immediately, immediately. Is that the worst kind of blackmail that you like? Is that the nightmare scenario for guys, that kind of blackmail?

It depends on – I don't think so. Yeah, I think there's worse blackmail. Yeah, I think – I'd say there's worse. That's just mildly embarrassing. Then what, dick pics? Well, I don't know what – you know. Or, you know, like I guess he had dick pics and stuff. Well, it's in the center video where he's like, I love you so much. Why won't you come to America?

Like even shit like that. Like I'd rather have fucking dick pics out than me going like, I love you. And man, I just, I thought, you know, I just, you know, it's like, well, I was. I thought you loved me. You said this. Yeah. I'd rather they just be like. If you're too whiny and like, you know, needy. Yeah.

Yeah. I'd rather be like, look at me, he's jerking off. Look at this hog. You like that baby? You like that? Yeah, I'd rather that. You can come back from that. Nobody's coming back from like, man.

That gets around you become a meme. Oh my gosh. Wear some eye liner on television, man. You'll never get over it. All right. So, so sayeth, tell him Steve, Dave, just cut it out now. It'll be the, you'll, you won't regret it. Nah, you'll meet someone, bud. Meet somebody in real life, not somebody who lives half a world away, who happens to be

fucking Russian or Ukrainian or whatever. Those guys have the worst reputations for ripping people off. Oh, the Russians? In terms of this kind of like, marrying Russian brides and stuff like that. It's because there's something in the water over in Russia where they really make good looking. Like the women over there are like really either really hot or they look like they're peasants.

Yeah, it's weird. They have hunchbacks. I think they all get hunchbacks by the time they're 40. Really? I'm not sure how old this girl is. You're looking at a future hunchback, bro. Unless you want to live in a bell tower somewhere. And it's because it's a hard life.

You know, it's a hard fucking life over there. It ain't easy, you know, so that's what happens. your hunchback, bro. Unless you want to live in a bell tower somewhere. That's because it's a hard life. It's a hard fucking life over there. It ain't easy. That's what happens. The Bex gets hunched. Oof. Well, I'm glad he asked.

Yeah, me too. Because he's probably too embarrassed to bring it to his friends and family. Yeah, especially, well, it becomes especially because nobody's going to look at you and be like, good for you, you gave her $1,400 for schooling. Not one person's going to say that. No, no. So if not one person's going to say that, you have to look at that and say, hmm. Yeah.

You got got, bro. You got got. We all get got sometimes. We all get got, dude. We've all been there. We've all gotten got. Yeah. You got got.

It's just your turn. But now that you're aware that you got God, you got to get out. Focus on getting your final divorce, focus on your two kids, and then maybe meeting somebody more local to you so that you don't have to ship her all the way from the Ukraine to. The reason that you think she's perfect personally and sexually and all that other stuff is because they designed the conversations to do that. They tell you what you want to hear. By the way, that's just, that's just.

Which means it probably is a guy. I know what he likes. Well, doesn't everybody do that when they first start dating anyway? They're putting their best foot forward, the best version of themselves. So yeah, I feel for him because he's probably going to be legitimately heartbroken when he cuts her loose. Right. If he cuts her loose, but he should.

He should. Do not ever talk to that woman again. Ever. That's BQ's advice. And BQ gives good advice. He does. Yeah. Best.

I do. I've seen shit. He's been around the block a time or two. Been around the block. Yeah. Get out. I'm doing it for your own. I mean, I'd rather he join some sort of fucking club or, you know what I mean?

Do beach cleanups or some shit. You'll meet someone. Right. Yeah. It's out there, bud. You'll get there. His world is spinning right now. His whole fucking compass is off.

He's out of touch. He's out of time. He's older now. He's probably feeling pretty insecure about himself but you'll get over that pal. Yeah. That's it. The OnlyFans girls, they're there to tell you what you want to hear and show you what

you want to see but not really be who you want them to be. Not in real life anyway. Yeah. Yeah. I feel good we can help that guy. I think so. Yeah. I hope he listens. I hope he listens. I hope he listens to watch cut to Ukraine. This beautiful, perfect woman. She's totally real. It's like she bought books with like everything Walt said is true. And she's got her diploma from the University of Ukraine. She sends him a picture, it bounces back to her.

She comes up with a cure for COVID. But never makes her way to America, so you never get the fucking vaccine. That would be rough. Cut her loose, bro, and move on. That is the only answer, I think, here. Yeah, yeah, it's outrageous. But I do have the answer to something else. You got some hairy balls you want to take care of.

Now, Walt mentioned this earlier, because this could be good for girls and guys. Very sleek and white. That's how they used to do all the Apple stuff. Everything was girls and guys. Very sleek. Very sleek and white. That's how they used to do all the apple stuff. Everything was white so it looks sleek. Today we're here to celebrate the perfect summer grooming companion that will keep you looking cool even when it's sizzling outside. We're excited to introduce to you the latest version of the Lawn Mower family, the Lawn

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I had two jet skis for sale. We ended up... I was thinking about why. I was like, it's because my July Half of June and July got taken off the table for me because I was touring every weekend And then I was away for the other stuff. So it's like this whole summer got fucking around We never got to do you still got some time left if you were to go out right now Leave the the office and run over to the jet ski dealership Yeah, you can still get a couple of weekends in. I'm away this weekend.

What about the next week? I'll go on a Monday then. Nobody says you have to do it on the weekend. Brian's free fucking 24 seven. I think we're going to have to kick it the next year. I've been waiting down at the jet ski place for you. I think we're going to have to kick it the next year, dude. Why don't you get one of those suits, those diving suits.

I have one, a wetsuit. A wetsuit, a wetsuit in this way. You can go in cold water. It just doesn't sound fun. Like I wanted like a breezy fun, like, yeah, like we went jet skiing down in Key West and like, that's like, it's like the sun's beaten down on you. The water feels nice and cool as it splashes up and stuff. Plus I wanted to like, build a little culture. Like, we know we're going're going out. The first week we learned something new. Second week we know we can bring out maybe some sandwiches, some sodas, you know, out on the hill.

A picnic on the water. How the fuck you gonna do it? You're on one hand you're drinking soda, the other hand you're holding a sandwich. How the fuck you steering a jet ski? No, you go out there and you like lashing together. You're steering away your fucking knees? You just have like a watery picnic.

Lash it together or there's a lot of little islands out there, you know? Yeah, you don't drive and eat. I mean, I think it sounds way more masculine if you guys got wetsuits on your fucking it's cold Yeah, it's like 30 degrees out of it. Yeah, you're fucking hitting those rougher waves Yeah, well also by the time I go on a fucking picnic like it's a fucking Each other strawberries Make it more hardcore Well, there would be hardcore stuff too, you know, yeah, we'd be jumping waves going next to some big steamships and

Still got time to do it. There's still plenty of Warm enough weather before I get a day off. got time to do it. There's still plenty of warm enough Before I get a day off We got a buy it we got to get the custom D's Decals on it because I'm not going out there without the custom D custom decals to four color demons Yeah, the custom decals and stuff. How long does fucking take to slap on a decal? I don't know Sounds like you're looking for any reason not to do this. No, I'm telling you, next year, next year. Next year. You should buy them this year, though.

But then you got a storm all winter. I'd rather get like the fresh new models next year. Oh, you want a 2025 model? What am I gonna do here? You know, float around at someone's old waterfall. What's a jet ski run, you think? I think they go between like five and like ten grand maybe? They don't make any that are like, that are dual, like land end.

Oh land end, oh I think you meant two people. I really don't think you guys should fucking go in a two-person jet ski with the fucking, with room for the picnic basket. Then you could feed me strawberries. On a side cart. While you're riding, I'm just like reaching around. I meant they're like they should create one that can go on land and sea. Yeah, that would be cool.

You know, you just retract the wheels. Yeah. Then you go and then you could just ride it down to the beach. Fucking retract the wheels. Sounds amazing to me. You know, and then I fucking skid into the water. I love it. Make your presence known.

This beach now belongs to fucking Q and Johnson. Beware, the bad boys are back. It's middle of December, nobody's there. You're fucking taking other people's picnic baskets. Yeah. Like Yogi Bear and shit. With the picnic bandits. Fuck yeah.

You got a price to get them? Between seven and 21,000. Oh shit. Twenty-one thousand? What the hell does a 21,000 do? It goes fast. That's it? It's horsepower, baby. Yeah, all right.

See horsepower. I love it. I got to ask you advice on something real quick. Four years this Sunday. Holy shit. Married four years this Sunday. And now what is the four year anniversary? I'm looking at it here right now.

Traditional is fruit or flowers. That's easy. Okay. Flowers are easy. Yeah. Fruit is a bit more challenging. Yeah. Edible arrangement. Yeah, I got an edible arrangement like from,

is that the name of the company, Edible Arrangements? Yeah. What kind of arrangement are you going to get though? Is it going to spell out something? Like what kind of arrangement? Like a heart shape. Oh, yeah, I know. I would have to look and see what they have to offer. Does she eat a lot of fruit?

No, not really. Yeah, so it's probably not fruit then. What's the knot? Oh, that's a cool- She likes flowers though. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Look at that.

Get them showing us a sea-doo right here that has room for the picture basket. It's like the Batmobile a little bit. Yeah, it's kind of cool. Like the Bat-Boat. Now you imagine that with a four-color demon slogan on that? At least you get a red and black one. Then your decals won't really pop. Well, we were gonna get, we were gonna do a custom one.

Didn't we see the artwork for it? Where it had the captain's hat and shit? It's all in the future, man. Wait, so what's the non-traditional gift? Non-traditional is appliances. Like you get her a refrigerator. I think the answer's clear here, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Get her some flowers. Yeah. I always say flowers and like, you know, a dishwasher or something like that. Yeah. We got a dishwasher. And she has a ton of appliances she doesn't use already. Do you have a bagel toaster? We have a regular toaster oven.

Not a bagel toaster though. What about a Roomba? I do eat bagels every day though. A Roomba. Here's an idea. That's fucking six or seven hundred bucks, isn't it? Is that thing really expensive? What? That's four years. Here's an idea. That's fucking six or seven hundred bucks, isn't it? Is that thing really expensive?

What? That's four years. What's that? It's four years. What do you mean? It's too expensive? I know, but I brought it in to see Marilyn Manson already. Now I'm fucking paying for Roombas? Well, it does all the work for you. Yeah, you get a lot of benefit from that Roomba. I have a Roomba. Then there's more time for you guys to spend together.

Oh. more? The room is going to be the death of us. Just let you spend 24 and a half hours together. Somehow the Roomba has transcended time and space so the day is even longer. Honey, I got you two Roombas. Yeah. Upstairs and downstairs Roomba. Yeah. Now we could really be in love. Where you going?

You want to come with you? I turned the Roomba on, baby. Roomba, huh? Let me check Roombas. Let me see how much a Roomba... The most expensive one's like 900 bucks. I bought one a couple years back. About 125 to 250. And nowadays... That's not. About 125 to 250. And nowadays- That's not bad.

250 bucks? That's not right. Well, I'm just looking at something that says save up to $545. That's the low end one. That's like the Chinese knockoff. You want the one that can see vomit. That's a seven- Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I do. My dog threw up on the rug the other day. I was like, I almost gave him away. Holy shit. I almost gave him away. Really? Yeah, I couldn't believe the size of the puddle of this fucking farm. And I was like, what the fuck? Red has a new fucking thing to fucking tag on.

Fucking re-hensible fucking human being. Poor dog got sick. He's an honorable abuser. He said, did you hear this? Oh, he's just going to – you know, he just said on that episode that he was just going to give away the dog. Stick to talking about big tits because we don't want to hear about animal hatred. Yeah. I think I would be gone before the dog would if it were up to Mary Beth. But yeah, you want to get those Roombas that can like, they can pick up vomit or feces. Really? So then it doesn't drag it all through the carpet all over the tile floor.

They're super smart now. I don't think it picks them up. I think it just avoids them. Well, it has a feces fucking mode. Really? Oh shit. Yeah. I didn't know that.

It's like a little- Kick in the feces mode. Yeah, because it averts it then. It's like a little kick in the feces mode. It averts it then. It goes around. Yeah, that, that, that I, mine's like two years old and it had that thing where it's like if it sees dog shit or it will go around. Warning, warning, warning. Danger will rot.

Oh, okay. Pet owner official promise. Yeah, still clear of the waste. You your gals gonna fucking love that you like I didn't just get you any old Roomba, right? This one goes around dog shit It was meant to be forever and ever. Or at least the fucking Roomba burns out. Right, yeah. It misses the shit and goes, starts smoking.

I will say I do love my Roomba. Yeah? It is fucking awesome. Yeah. And it's just, it's good for like carpets too or like? Carpets. I use it, I use it mainly for the kitchen, but a lot of cat hair, you know, in my house. Right, right. Yeah. I always set the room in the living room. Yeah, we got a lot of pet hair in our house. Yeah, and it does a good job of that. I love the room. I've had them for, I mean, years,

years. Yeah. All right. Maybe room was the answer. I liked the room. Now they vacuum, now they clean themselves out. Oh yeah? You just have to pop out the thing and now they go to a dock and a vacuum bag just sucks all the dust out. Damn, that is smart. I put googly eyes on them and I name them. Oh yeah?

Yeah. You literally will never have to touch it once you turn it on. That's not true. I mean you won't. Some of the classic – yeah. They do need maintenance. Maybe I'll get a good one. turn it on. That's not true. I mean you won't. Somebody will ask them. Yeah. They do need maintenance.

Maybe I'll get her a jet ski. Now you're forward thinking. If you don't want to use it, me and Q are thinking about it. Wow. Four years, huh? Four years, yep. Geez Louise. Doesn't seem like it though.

Is this flu? Which is good, yeah, flu by. Doesn't seem like four years. That's good, that's probably a good feeling. Yeah. It's when it turns over I guess to like, wow, it's only been four years. Yeah, it seems like a lifetime. What do you think she's getting you?

She already brought me to the Monster Mania with the Henry Winkler thing. Oh, okay. So that was her gift to me. And then the DabbleCon was kind of our getaway because she watches too. She's pretty familiar with all that stuff. Then we may go down to AC because every year we go down to AC to have White House subs. It's in the Hard Rock Cafe. It's like the first year we went down to – our first anniversary was – I don't think I've ever seen you eat a sub. Oh, yeah. You did remember in the Hard Rock Cafe. It's like the first year we went down to – our first anniversary

was – I don't think I've ever seen you eat a sub. Oh, yeah. You did remember in the limo. You got all freaked out by it. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I almost blacked out. That's why I don't remember it. That was the last time I think I ever saw you eat a sub. Yeah. I don't eat them that frequently, but the first year we went down to AC, we were supposed to go to …

The very first year you were dating? No, the very first year we were married. Our first anniversary, we were going to go to AC, spend the night and go to Ruth's Chris takeout. That's a risky thing to eat if you're first dating though, subs. Subs? Yeah, because it's kind of not … It's not a very delicate – it takes a skilled person to eat a sub and not look like a fucking –

Not having onions hanging out of their mouth and shit. Yeah. I don't possess that skill. It's not a very feminine thing to eat in front of her man, a big old fat sub. Oh, I disagree. I think the wider she opens her mouth, the better it gets. I'm like, oh, yeah, baby. Then everything slides out the side of the sub. Oh, I disagree. I think the wider she opens her mouth, the better it gets. I'm like, oh yeah, baby. Then if everything slides out the side of the sub.

Oh yeah, she bites. It's like man-eats on the side of her face. I love you so much. And if it's an onion sub, then you got to smell onions all night long and you got to pretend you don't smell them like I did. Did you pretend because it sounded like it was you? I'm too old to pretend. I've been here a while to say this thing recently where he's like, I'm at that stage of my

life. I love hearing that because I feel the exact same way. I'm at that stage of my life where fuck it. Yeah. I know what you guys mean. It's nice though, isn't it a nice stage? Zombie, getting into it now where you're like, I don't care. Yeah, you just don't care that much. Yeah, I think that's nice. Fuck it, the fuck it stage. Middle-aged has gotta have some gifts.

Can't all be about taking shit away. I know, I just went to the doctor, they're like, your cholesterol is too high. This is too much. What do you got to do? This is too much. I think I have to drink more water and part of, part of it is. How come?

What does the water do for your cholesterol? I'm sorry, not the cholesterol, the, my red blood cells. He said I might be a little dehydrated because I had too many red blood cells. Really? But it could also be because of the testosterone injections that I take. So it could be either one of them. He has to keep a close eye on it, he said. And have you started on water regimen?

I haven't. As you can see, I'm drinking a Coke Zero. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to get rid of – I mean it's tough. I got to drop the soda, right? Well, no. You can still have a soda here and there. I was told by my doctor, have a soda in the morning to get you going, because basically that's my coffee. But then throughout the day, don't have anything other

than water. And then maybe at dinner, if you want to have another soda, only drink half the soda, and then nothing else but water the rest of the night. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. All right. Don't talk to me before I have my Coke.

That's the way you are now? That's the way I am, yeah. I wake up like a fucking tyrant. I can't stand people like that. I haven't had my coffee yet. Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. It's like, would you fuck off? Yeah. It's a medical proven fucking ailment though. What, that they're addicted to the caffeine? Yeah, they don't have it. People are in a bad mood until they get that stimulant. They're not lying.

Maybe that's why I'm in a bad mood all day. I should drink coffee in the morning. I think you're drinking the soda though, so you should be filling that caffeine fix with that though. How much water are you drinking a day? Probably like one or two bottles at the most. Yeah, that's not enough. All right, starting tomorrow.

Then I'll report back next week. It was tough for me. Was it hard to get adjusted to? It was tough, yeah. It felt like I was drowning myself, drinking three or four bottles over the course of eight hours was tough. Right. But now it's still tough because I'm not a big drinker.

My belly fills up quicker, I think, than most people. Dude, I've noticed, I don't know if you guys noticed this, but my bladder has become the bladder of a fucking baby. Oh, no. I had that operation. Right. Oof. I got, like I said, they told me I had the bladder of a 19-year-old. Really? Yeah.

Nice. Yeah, not me, man. Like every fucking... You get that operation? Every three minutes. Yeah, I'll just go in there voluntarily. Like... And remove a rib while you're on it, Doc. There's two needs. If we're doing one needless surgery, why don't we go for broke?

Yeah, that's it. I went to the doctor the other day and I got my blood pressure meds and I'm all fixed up. Oh, you got blood pressure meds too? Oh, I've had those for years, yeah. It's because I'm so fucking fat. You're not fat. I got it. Yeah, I am.

I'm like 50 pounds overweight. I've definitely been way fatter. You're not fat at all. No one would ever look at you and say you're fat though. Yeah, I wouldn't. No? No way. Not a chance.

That's why you guys aren't doctors. Doctors like you fat fuck. So how much meds do you take a day then? Sounds like you're fucking. Let's see. I take much meds do you take a day then? Sounds like you're fucking- Let's see. I take blood pressure. Do you have one of those big giant boxes where the days with the pill box where you-

It's not giant, but I do have one. Yeah, it's not giant, but I do have one. Yeah, I take for blood pressure. I take for my stomach. Mary Beth? Yeah. I need my two o'clock horse pill. Where is it?

Am I bedridden? Why am I yelling? Mary Beth, it's 2.15. I need my next pill. Yeah, like I have the timer on my phone going off. Why can't I give you two o'clock and then 2.15 at the same time? Are you a doctor? You don't want to see me?

You don't want to talk to me? You just want to play with your Roomba? This is our together time. All time is our together time. I'll be surprised if we see year five. Tell that dog to stop throwing up. Tell him Steve, Dave. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom.

I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom.

I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. Stop throwing up! Tell him Steve, Dave.