That Rules Podcast - Episode #103: Kyle Pagan Returns!

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

The tallest boy in all of Philly Sports reporting has returned to get silly with the Idiots. Check out Crossing Broad, Kyle Rules!

Dude, I love Jeff Bezos should have to look at that video of him. You ever see the video of when he first like came out with Amazon and he's got like the horseshoe baldness, like a $20 suit on. He should have to watch that video once a week just to be like, oh, right, I was that dork. Yeah, but I think he would do the opposite effect. I think he would watch that and be like, never again. He would squash another union. He should legally have to grow

the horseshoe back out. True. Just to humble himself. Yeah, all these dorks getting hot. I don't like Mark Zuckerberg's taking fucking Tai Chi or whatever. Don't like that. Weren't him and Elon Musk supposed to fight each other? Yeah. That was like the rumor. And they were talking about doing it in the Coliseum.

Yeah. Oh, really? Where actual gladiators have battled to the death. Two of our biggest fucking nerds. Are we a minute in? All right. Well, we'll bleep a couple Fs in the beginning. Yeah.

Apparently, you're an algorithm master, dude. Apparently, you're not supposed to curse in the first minute of a video. I'm not an algorithm master. Are you? I don't care. You're like, I'm sitting in this basement with you guys. I'm obviously not an algorithm master dude apparently you're not supposed to curse in the first minute of a video i'm not an algorithm master i don't care basement with you guys i'm obviously not an algorithm that's the thing like people like want to talk about algorithms someone actually told me today to not put uh fuck in tweets because they won't get retweeted enough really shut the fuck up how does that even work because they don't think they think people are going to clutch their pearls and not want to tarnish their Twitter feed or their Instagram feed with a video or a tweet that says,

fuck on it, so you should censor. Well, the other one I've seen is people can't say killed. People can't say killed themselves anymore. See, TikTok is bad. TikTok's nuts. But then again, they're also just bad on their end. So it's like we can't say unalive. We have to say unalive. But then again, they're also just bad on their end. So it's like, we can't say on a live, we have to say on a live on a live. Yeah, but then I've also seen people that just look at the internet and they're like,

he deaded himself. Yeah. And you're like, well, actually, that kind of sounds cooler. And they also, they'll put like an asterisk, like if they're writing the word out, they'll be like, K, asterisk, L-L-E-D, and it's like. I do like on a live. I liked it until. It gets around.

How do you like unhoused instead of homeless? See, that's stupid. You're without a home. You're're homeless you're less of a home like i'm i'm less of a eight inch cock like i should be i'm eight inch cockless you're ungerthed yeah ungerthed cock lacking yeah i'm actually girthless sorry that's what i tell my girlfriend dude it's okay poor girl yeah i don't i don't like it all the new, it just makes no sense where it's like just dancing around. Like if you're just two people debating in front of a homeless guy, it's unhoused. And he's like, I haven't eaten in four weeks, fellas. Let's get this thing settled down.

I'm so goddamn hungry. You can call me whatever you want. If you pissed in my mouth, it would hydrate me. Let's get this thing. I get to kind of figure these things out. That's why I always like the corner bar test. What's that? Just go to a corner bar.

Because all this stuff that we just get on social media nowadays, sometimes you just got to unplug and go to a corner bar test. What's that? Just go to a corner bar. Because all this stuff that we just get on social media nowadays, sometimes you just gotta unplug and go to a corner bar and you just gotta hear some people being called, things they don't want to be called. That's why I love the holidays. I get around a couple uncles and I just sit and I watch. It's so fun just watching uncles do

their thing. Just go to the guy next to you who's always there, who's always at that bar for 30 minutes to an hour. I mean, you don't need to be, you know, no one needs to be reading Mind Calm

or anything. You dabble. Yeah. Yeah. You dabble in it for a little bit. You remember how fun the world used to be

and then you get the fuck out of there and you're like, you know what? Yeah. Middle ground. It does reset the hard, yeah,

you go in there and the guy's like, fucking, eh, Ronald Reagan's not the best president but he's all we got right now and you're like, this guy's so out of touch. This is awesome. You're like, you go in there and the guy's like fucking, eh, Ronald Reagan's not the best president, but he's all we got right now. And you're like, this guy's so out of touch.

This is awesome. You're like, I defragged the system. He's like, actually, the frags are what's really bringing this country down. God hates frags. Dude, that whole thing about... What was it, the Westboro Baptist Church? That is the craziest thing. They're still kicking around.

They've been putting in work for decades. I mean, as much as they suck, you've got to give it up to them for consistency at least. Jesus Christ. They protest soldiers' funerals. We might not have to give it up for them. Yeah, we might have to give it down for them.

I do love the troops. Someone on the Cowboys. It was when Mike McCarthy got his appendix out. It actually might have been right before the Eagles game. Demarcus Lawrence goes, shout out to COVID. We know what it's like to practice without a coach because obviously everyone was like, oh, getting sick.

And I was like, I don't think you got to shout out to COVID. Just be like, hey, during COVID, we learned a lesson on how to practice without maybe some superiors in our lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is nuts to say, look, dude, 2 million people had to die so I could learn to play without a coach. It's important for me. Yeah, shout out to breast cancer.

My chest hurts sometimes, too, after a long workout. Our coach's new nickname is The Ventilator. It is funny, though, to think that there's some scientist in Wuhan that's watching that interview and he's like, there it is. Finally getting the props I deserve. True. What would he sound like if he said that? That's his voice right there.

Because it was an American. We sent him over. It was a joint venture. Now we're definitely getting a pull. We discussed COVID and curse in the first minute. A couple bad boys here. That's how we get down, dude. Oh, by the way, Kyle Pagan of Crossing Broad on the pod,

back hanging out with the boys again, dude. I think this is, you were one of our last guests, I think, under the handsome idiot's name, right guests I think Under the handsome idiot's name Right? Still love the handsome idiot Yeah I I think I was the episode

I might have been the episode When you guys released The new name Oh yeah I think it was It was definitely It had to be right around there And it's been a smash ever since

We have We cannot Just a steady climb That we just cannot stop man We're hitting the point of Everest. Look. And we're coming quick, dude. Dude, think of the other companies that have changed their names and gone on to just repeated success.

Yeah. It's always great to make sure that your audience has no idea who you are. Change it all the time. Yes. That one perk company. Purdue. Purdue Pharma. They're doing great.

Oh, they make chicken? Yeah. Is that the right same people? Yeah, yeah. They make chicken. Purdue. Purdue Pharma. They're doing great. Oh, they make chicken? Yeah. Is that the right saying, people? Yeah, yeah. They make chicken. Purdue chicken. So it looks like it was Handsome Idiots Episode 73 was the last Handsome Idiots episode. All right.

On the YouTube channel. I mean, we retired the name because of you. You're the most handsome idiot we know. I mean, you kind of usurped us. I was also thinking about this earlier when you agreed to come on the podcast. It's like, we couldn't look like more of the three most unsuccessful people from the Skull and Bones. It's just like everyone else went into politics and we were like, we're going to go to local Philadelphia entertainment. Yeah, we're the femurs and elbows.

We're not quite the Skull and Bones. I mean, that's not a bad, if you're still, they're the Illuminati. I don't know any of this shit. Is the Skull and Bones the same thing as the Illume? We talked Skull and Bones last episode, didn't we, I think. I don't think so. I don't remember anything about these guys. Skull and Bones is like a Yale-specific company

that's not affiliated with any of the other national fraternity. It's just like... Yeah, it's a secret society. There's been, I think, three presidents have been confirmed Skull and Bone members. There's been a couple. I think presidents have been confirmed Skull & Bones members. There's been a couple. I think when it was Bush versus John Kerry was the first time it was a Skull & Bones member versus Skull & Bones member. So that's got to be pretty sweet.

You're just sitting in the Skull & Bones house with the boys, and you're like, I mean, we literally got this one in the bag, guys. That's crazy. They did a pretty decent movie about one of the guys from the CIA. It was a movie called The Good Shepherd. Yeah. Matt Damon. It went heavy into what Skull and Bones was. It was part of it at Yale. How basically

it originated the CIA. A lot of members from that fraternity, basically. I have a theory that... Did you ever see the other Skull and Bone movie? It was like the late... It was in the early 2000s. If you can look it up, it just had a bunch of hunks and heartthrobs in it, which is what you would cast in a Skull & Bones movie.

And at the time, I remember thinking, this is a great movie. And I went back and watched it, and it's absolute dog shit. But then I also think there's probably just Skull & Bones members in Hollywood that were like, yo, let's make a terrible movie so no one fucking cares about us anymore. So they think that this is just a joke. Is that this movie, John? Skulls, I believe, yes. After John just came up with that, that makes me go back to my point.

Is it the Skulls? There are too many conspiracy theories out there. That conspiracy theories are just starting to jump the shark. Hold on. Paul Walker was in it, and he got killed by a car. I mean, if there's anybody that knows how to drive a car, I'd like to think that the Illuminati and Skull & Bones got Paul Walker now. I'm not going to play this whole thing on here because it's going to take the video down.

Yeah, Joshua Jackson better watch out. That was the most autistic journalist of all time. That's Paul Walker, and he was killed by a car more at 11. Did you see the Barbie movie? That's time. That's Paul Walker, and he was killed by a car more at 11. Okay. Did you see the Barbie movie? That's Ken. That's Ken. And my sister drowned him, and that's how he died.

Maybe that was more autistic, actually. That made no fucking sense. Yeah, we really lost it on this one. Anyway, guys, sports. Let's get back into sports. Oh, is that why I'm on? No. No, dude.

No, we wanted to... We're using you for your body, dude. You need to guess, and you're like, well, who's close to Manny Young? What could we make have the worst drive to get over here? We went through, and we're like... We did. We were like, who do you think's car handles hills the worst in the ice? Yeah.

We got to get K-Pegs, dude. Last time we were out, dude, we were pickleballing hard as hell. Yeah, that video didn't do well. Kyle, you don't have to be specific, but do you have an SUV? Or are you rocking a... Jeep... I don't know if it's a Compass or not. It's my girlfriend's car. I have it. Or fiancé. Is that a girlfriend?

Yeah, back when I was on last time. Now she's a fiancé. Last time we talked, you were planning it all out. That was post-Pickleball. How did that go? It was cool. It happened in Switzerland. People were going were going to think like holy what's this guy doing it's like no we just happened to be in switzerland i was like how can you not just propose on a vacation yeah yeah that's nice would have been like switzerland or like rittenhouse square would be the alternative

some say the same exact place or that one street where everyone goes down that's like really nice during this i know exactly which one you're talking about. I don't know the name of it, but everyone knows. It's just outside of Rittenhouse. It's Rittenhouse adjacent, if you will. I would have liked if you just did it in that same corner bar you were talking about. There's some guy in there just talking about it. He's like, yeah, you know, this country's really going to shit.

And you're like, hey, buddy, hold that thought. I wanted you to be here for this. I really needed Ted to see this one Were you nervous going into the proposal? No I talk to fucking derelicts for a living and stuff so I get more nervous You already knew she was going to say yes too

I have your return ticket And we're on a mountain Do you think she was wise to it at all? Did she have any idea? She says she did but she's a stone-cold liar. Really? Yeah. She said she had an idea.

She said she had an idea. Well, she knew it was going to happen in Europe, but she didn't know when it was going to happen in Europe. But the day she said she had an idea that was going to happen, she once again is a stone-cold liar. Yeah. Were you planning shit throughout the day, and she was like, he hasn't planned anything ever before? No. No, it was planned up to the minute. Obviously, things went to shit like every plan I feel like does.

But nothing crazy. It's actually a really boring story, but it was a great time. I actually asked the wrong woman. It was really embarrassing. It's kind of funny how that's such a difference between guys and girls. It's kind of just a boring story. For a between guys and girls as saying that it went well. It's kind of just a boring story. But for a girl, a boring story is the most interesting thing.

It's kind of like the way everybody thinks that their friends are in a bad relationship because if you talk about the good parts, it just kind of sounds gay. If you're like, I don't know, man, she just makes me feel really supported and at home when I'm around her. It's like, nah, she talks a lot. It is funny when you will go into that mode, though, and then you're like, now I've got to say something bad about her and take it back to even.

I really do. You've got to chop her down. Yeah. You can't let her hear, especially when you're talking in front of her friends. I don't know if this is like a fucking epidemic going on of guys bad-mouthing their girlfriends to their girlfriends' friends

thinking that they'll think it's funny. Or like family. It's crazy shit. Like talking shit like, you know how she is. She's just you know yapping around and it's like trying to make light of it do you see am i the only person saying this i i'll say i'm a culprit of that sometimes but it's always a light-hearted uh approach to it yeah but you've been together for like 30 years yeah true true but it is it's fun like to get in there and be like see just like

your wife like to my my father-in-law true is that how you guys connect it's fun, like, to get in there and be like, see, just like your wife, like, to my father-in-law. True. Is that how you guys connect? Just do be crazy. Yeah, that's it. He's sleeping on my couch as soon as he gets to my house every single time. What a life shock. Dude, that guy just, he does it right.

He shows up, he hugs like two grandkids, and he's like, I'm on the couch. True. That is a highball. He's got a blazer with his realtor pin on his lapel. That's highball status, dude. Wait, realtors have pins? This one does. If you're a good enough one, I'll tell you that much.

Like, what's on the pin if you're a realtor? He's his best realtor. That sucks out loud. I remember my dad had a ring that, like, a company he worked for gave him, like, a class ring. Like, hey, you achieved your goal this year. Here you go. He's just like, all right, cool. Thanks, Allianz. We used to be a class ring. Like, hey, you achieved your goal this year. Here you go. He's just like, all right, cool. Thanks, Allianz.

We used to be a proper country. We used to get watches after 20 to 50 years. We used to get plaques. We used to get like actual like five-year anniversary, maybe a little bit in the paycheck a little bit more. See, that would be nice. Or like a gold plaque or something like that. Like nothing that great.

But now with like, you know, the shareholders, you got to cut down on expenses and everything. We got to make bucks, bucks, bucks, bucks, bucks. Yeah. Dude, when I was at Comcast for five years slaving away, all you got was a little like certificate being like, congratulations, five years. Like, what the fuck am I going to do with this? Yeah, like cool, now I got to go buy a frame like an asshole? Yeah, I actually lose out on this. Yeah, it's a net loss.

Now I'm at Target, and I'm trying to think what kind of frame speaks to the guy that I am. Yeah, that is weird. A bunch of my friends that work at Disney, if you work at any of the Disney properties, your anniversaries come up as gifts that are like characters. So at like 20 years, you get a freaking gold Simba statue. Like solid gold? I don't think it's actual gold. I can't wait to go melt down a Simba statue.

It is definitely gold-plated metal. No, it's the mini in Times Square painting it. Nice. Sending it out to Florida. That's the thing, though, man. What I hate is, like, I spend 50, 60 hours with you people a week. Right. I don't want to go to happy hour. I spend 50, 60 hours with you people a week. Right.

I don't want to go to happy hour. And then when they try to tell you that, like, you're, hey, it's Christmas time. We're doing a Christmas party, Christmas happy hour. We're doing a, you know, New Year's happy hour after. It's like, dude, just put the fucking money you're paying for this thing, open bar, into my paycheck. Yeah. No one wants to do this. Right.

Yeah. Like, we all have lives outside of that. Yeah, I want to enjoy my time. How about all of us get an extra $200 to $500, taxable, of course. Sure. And we'll call it a day. Yeah, you're a big government guy. Yeah. Of course.

Please, Dick. Uncle Sam's got to get a little taste, you know what I mean? I do agree with that. We had a Christmas party, I mean, last month. No, we had a Christmas party four months ago. And we were sitting at, like, a and pete's in uh northeast philly we had to drive from our our place of work actually even better they let us telework that day so like actually drive from your house in new jersey to and you could tell we weren't supposed

to be there because we were sitting out and just at the main bar and you looked right out on the beautiful roosevelt boulevard yeah and my i'm talking to my boss he goes a uh car just flipped out there somebody's gotten a massive accident and we out, and there was just like a dude's car flipped, another dude crawling out of his car. And that was the first 20 minutes. And that kind of set the mood where we're all like, you guys are just sitting there looking crab fried cheese off your fingers. I mean, genuinely.

Your boss set that up. Your boss set that up. A hundred percent. That guy came from the bar. Actually, that would have been an extra $500 on your paycheck if you didn't set that up. I'll take that. Yeah, that'll go towards that if we have live stunts going.

That guy came from the bar 110%. He saw you guys show up and they had to leave. Maybe it was like they knew we were gonna drink and drive, so they wanted to do like the thing with prom where they put like a dead body in a mangled car on base, and they're like, that could be you. Did your school do that? You didn't hear about that? Did you guys ever do that? Where they would

take like a fucked up car and put like dead looking dummies in there. No way. Ours never did the dummies, but they would get a smashed up car and put it right out front and be like, that could be you. Yeah, if you drink and drive, that could be you.

Did you guys go to college or high school in the 1980s when you didn't have social media? You're a good guy to man out on this one, I guarantee you. But when you have the social media, you understand what a car crash kind of looks like.

Well, I will say- And do you have to be reminded of that? Yeah, social media didn't exist when I was in high school. I will say that. Okay. So neither did you when you were in high school, right? Yeah, they had social media.

Yeah, you're younger than me. I graduated in 2014. Yeah. All right. Yeah, they had just live stream, like LiveLeak playing the entire time. Yeah, they do ISIS beheadings, too. Like, this could be you if you read Mein Kampf. Second Mein Kampf reference.

Yeah. You guys are done on YouTube. Look, we all have our own Kampfs. Why does it always have to be about H-Money? What's going to be our comp? That would be nuts. I can't believe I'm coming over here, risking my life just to go up the outhills all day, and then I got the bioweapon next to me right now coughing all over the mic.

That is nuts. I am leaving here with something. I'll cover his mouth every time he coughs. Don't worry. I'm leaving here with something. You're going to leave here with he calls you. Don't worry. I'm leaving here with something. You're going to leave here with five knuckles across your face. Or four. Damn it.

I forgot how fists work. Five knuckles. You know how fists work, right? I punch you and then I roll. Make sure the thumb gets in there, too. Back to the problem, though. We got the riot act. Vitriol, dude.

I love it. I am so angry. Get a little bit of ice under his tires and he wants to cut some throats. I mean, we called him after the worst Eagles loss in the past eight years, and we're like, come joke around. To be fair, I think I asked you before the Eagles loss. I think it was midday. I know.

And no reschedule. He's a pro. We know he's a pro, dude. We know he'd come out and do some poise. Come to the Handsome Idiots podcast. Sleep, snow, rain, or hail. Sure. I would equate this to being a male man or woman.

A lot of male women these days, and they're some thick bitches. God damn, were they low to the ground. This country was better when there wasn't male women. Every time you see a male woman, she just rolled down these hills. They're big, burly women. These letter ladies. They're like a letter lady. I'd refuse to work in Jay's neighborhood for anything.

Trash, male. Oh, yeah, your mailman's got to have some killer calves. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure he does. He's got a fucking car. They're so lazy nowadays. Yeah, true. He'd be sharpening the iron.

I don't know what that meant. I'm going to be a mailman. That's my next career move. I'm going to quit comedy. I think about it all the time. I would crush it as a mailman. I can't stop thinking about the fact that...

What exactly do you need to do well, John, to excel as a mailman? One, opening mailboxes. I'm pretty good at it. No, you've got to have quick little one-liners. You've got to be like, hey, how you going? Good, canman. One, opening mailboxes. I'm pretty good at it. No, you got to have quick little one-liners. You got to be like, hey, how you going?

Good. Can't complain. What's your 40? Listen. My 40? That's not important. Dog comes out of the house chasing you. What's your 40?

I'm going throat rip every time. Bull shit. Huh? What kind of dog? Not a chance, dude. What are you, doing the mail in Radnor? Oh, I'm going to get chewed up, but I'm ripping a throat. No, you're not.

What? Give me a dog. Jay, can you give me a dog right now? Pitbull. I'll rip his throat out on TV. Pitbull. Look up a dog. What's a dog look like these days?

Not a pitbull. They got tough skin. Oh, so we're already backtracking. Yeah, because they aren't a dime a dozen in Philadelphia. I'm trying to think, yeah, up to what dog could you take? A Boston Terrier would probably be as far as I go.

Yeah? Yeah. You're just giving up, you're letting yourself get slowly munched to death. I know, I'm just getting licked on the cheek.

Tap it out of your shit too if I gotta be perfect. Yeah. But you gotta like, there's two ends of the spectrum where it's like too hard to kill but also like, you're not gonna murder

a corgi dude. 100%. If you see a sweet corgi come up. I'll kill a chihuahua in a second. I will punch a chihuahua. I would pull them in half.

There are so many pointless dogs out there. Yeah, most of them are. Anything below 20 pounds, I would say. They get below 20 pounds? Oh, yeah. Chihuahuas weigh almost no pounds sometimes. They're always incorporated

by a bitch woman, too. Have you seen those Stanley Cups? I'm sorry to change the subject. Are we off dogs? Yeah. I think we're good with dogs. We can come back to dogs. We can always come back to dogs. We'll table it. What is the Stanley Cup business you're talking about? Did you see the Stanley Cup stuff? Not the Stanley Cup, the hockey Stanley Cup, but the Stanley Cup that is in the... Yeah. You know what they look like? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Fucking ginormous. Every bitch secretary or nurse aide or anyone has always had that cup. The fact that these are going viral, I hate you if you have this cup.

Bitches be hydrated. Why do they need to be that hydrated? What are bitches doing? What are the sweet angels doing that they need that much? They need 32 ounces available at all times or it's going to be a problem. I don't understand it. 32 ounces available at all times or it's going to be a problem. I don't understand it.

I mean, I'm a very hydrated person, but I hate when anyone jumps onto any quick trend like this. I'm very happy my wife didn't ask for one of these for Christmas because it's a real, I don't know what to get my wife, let me just get her one of these kind of gift. Did you get that? No, I didn't. You picked up the mic like, gosh, shut the fuck up. Not for that.

Two other women in my family wanted them. Now, I also have gifted a Yeti Not for diet. You picked up the mic like, go shut the fuck up. Two other women in my family wanted them. Now, I also have gifted a Yeti here and there. And you know what? I'm not even going to apologize to the people in your family.

You are a mongoloid. You're saying he's an enabler, dude. You are a rock. You are an idiot. You're a stupid, stupid, you're not even a handsome idiot.

Oh, because that's the Starbucks one that people are going nuts about those. Someone jumped over the Starbucks counter and started stealing them. Because they're selling for $1,500. That's awesome. I'm kind of okay with that, dude.

Have you seen how nasty baristas get, dude? It's not a rock-barrel world. Matt just wants to watch the world burn sometimes. I just want to see a thing. He's the one that Michael Caine talks about. Sometimes people just want to watch the world burn. Yeah, Michael Caine. That's a pretty good accent.

When you're sick, you can do accents better, I've realized. Sure, you get lower raspy. I will say, in defense of the Steak Cup, dude, it is like a fuck, it's December 23rd, I haven't gotten her anything, I know this will check like a box. You think you're finding a good Stanley on December 2-3?

I saw a lot, dude. I was buying luggage on 2-3. I went and I had to buy the back little technology part of Target. Great gift, luggage. She asked specifically for it, so it required no thought, which is the best gift. And I went back there to buy it, and the dude was like, guys, I can't take any more people if you're not buying tech stuff. So I was the second to last person he could take. And I thought it was going to be like $90, because I picked out just kind of the shittier looking brand.

Tumi? No, not a Tumi. take and i thought it was gonna be like 90 bucks because i picked out just like kind of the shittier looking brand to me he uh no not to me it was called like open door and i thought it was like targets like jesus shit generic brand and i go and i check out and the lady the dude's just like 260 dollars and he told me i was the last purchase i couldn't back out at that point no luggage is insane well that's awesome because i used to work at staples yeah and if we were closing and someone was like, I gotta go get one more thing, dude, I wanted to kill them every time. No dice.

No, dude, I just... What do you have to rush to get at Staples? Well, I mean... Staples. I will... It is a regrettable thing because I bought it.

Sorry. I bought it and then I walked to the return section and returned it. Right away? Yes. Nice.

And then bought the cheaper one in the same time I was in the store and I returned it to the guy and he was like, what's wrong with it? And I was like, I haven't even left the place. Why did? Yes. And then bought the cheaper one. In the same time I was in the store. And I returned it to the guy and he was like, what's wrong with it? And I was like, I haven't even left the place.

Why did he say final sale then? No, it wasn't final sale. They just, I just couldn't read. Did he not just say last sale? Yeah, you said something about last sale. Because I was, there was three people in line

and the guy at the tech section was like, I'm only taking you three unless you're buying tech stuff. Was he going on break or something like that? I don't know. I got scared, dude.

He yelled and I thought, you're acting with people. You pussy. That's crazy something like that? I don't know. I got scared, dude. He yelled and I thought, you're acting with people. You pussy. That's crazy, bro. Dude. Tie it down. I used to be like you. Okay.

I would leave it at the counter and be like, all right, see ya. Yeah, I used to be like you. I think it's just with age. I think I'm just getting more ornery. I think it's social media doing it too. I just, why? I'm a why guy.

I'm annoying. I'm the worst. I'm the why? I'm a why guy. I'm annoying. I'm the worst. I'm turning into the guy I hated. Fellas, you're not being why guys. You're being bye guys. You guys are getting fucked both ways. If you're in line and they tell you you're the second to last sale that I'll accept,

and he looks you in the eye and say, you think it's $90, it ends up being $260, you're going to just walk away. I'm the guy that goes, you know what, I think I grabbed the wrong one. Are you lying? Oh, he fibs. See, I'd rather be you than little white lie over here. That's what I'm screaming from the top of my lungs. I lied to cashiers all the time. I took it like a bitch.

I cut it between my legs. Just say it was $90 over there. Half the time they're going to be like, oh, okay, we'll give it to you for $90. Worst they say is no. They don't want to do their job as much as you don't want to pay for it. That's what I love is going into a business and knowing how little everyone in there wants to do their job. I respect that so much. That's why they factor in billions and billions of dollars of just stolen goods and theft and all that stuff.

See, and when I used to steal from Target, you used to tell me, oh, you can't steal from Target. True, man. I did get firm and thoughtful on that one can't steal from Target. True, man. I did get firm and thoughtful on that one. I don't know, dude. I just don't have it in me. Go grow into it. This world will beat you down. That it has, fellas.

I do stand-up comedy for drunk people in a casino. That's how I get down. How's that? What casino? I had a fun weekend. Mohegan Sun. Some of the best casinos are Mohegan Suns. When I went to a Mohegan Sun when I was nine years old,

I thought I was in Vegas. Every casino under nine is awesome, though. But they do a really good job of catering to kids. Really? For some reason. The one in Connecticut

is very good. The women's basketball team in the Kansas Sun they play there. Do they really? They got lollipop slot machines in there. I just pictured it.

Oh, yeah, right, yeah. I just pictured a short craps table and a bunch of kids around it with fucking gambling cards. Free smoothies. This is my favorite. It was legit free smoothies.

I threw a tantrum. My parents wouldn't take me out of there. Yeah. No shit, dude. They were probably throwing tantrums, too. You've been full of vitriol for a long time. I like it. You're just pissing vinegar everywhere.

I love it. How's an edgier guy than he gives off? I know. Give him that. It's dark. What the hell happened? He used to be a fun-loving guy, dude. Just going to different sporting events, being like, what's up with you, man? How are you? A very bad game happened yesterday. Gully, dude. I learned that

word the other day. Gully. I have no fucking idea. What are you, the dictionary calendar guy on the desk? And you're like, I'm going to work this into the podcast. I mean, I got to have something. I can't say no. I can't let people say no to me. I can't come up with interesting things. Is that a positive? I don't know. I heard Jay let people say no to me. I can't come up with interesting things to talk about. You think Gully's good or bad? Is that a positive or negative? I don't know. I heard Jay-Z say it in a rap song. You guys don't listen to Jay-Z in rap songs now? There used to be a battle rapper named Gully TK.

And I knew that, but I never knew what Gully meant. Gully TK is the guy selling the place in Chinatown to the Sixers. Can I shoot in some soup wontons also? Here we have the definition of gully Oh, ravine Yeah, dude, you are exactly like her Now it looks like, oh yeah, ravine with water Okay, yeah

Like jumping in the gully or something like that That's not exactly what I thought it meant I thought it was like a adjective Can you look up gully slang, I think, is more of what we're looking for I don't know if it's like He looks up cool What is a guie in slang? Yeah, right to the bottom.

There we go. People are starting to really... Goalie in slang refers to people... Yeah, dude. Am I not allowed to... Oh, okay. I didn't know if I stepped on Jay's toes right there. No, no, you're good.

You got it. You have a good reading voice. Go ahead. Goalie in slang refers to people or things that come from the gutter. If you're a tough, rugged, or gangsta, you might be gully. What if you're a wangsta? True. You gully.

That's me at Target. I was a big-time wangsta. And people always say, what's the worst I could say? No. It's like, yeah, dude, that's the whole point. You got to start living with it like that. What's the worst I can say now? The worst technically is they can shoot you.

True. I would prefer that. True. No, Target's not allowed to carry. I could live with that. They don't know how to carry, right, in Target? I don't think there are rules anymore. Was it the Target? I think that's kind. No, Target's not allowed to carry. I could live with that. They're not allowed to carry, right, in Target? I don't think there are rules anymore. Was it the Target?

I think that's kind of what it is. Was it the Cherry Hill Target? Yes. The toughest-looking security guard in all of security guard-dom works at the Cherry Hill Target. Oh, and it goes to the— That's the one I refuse to— You don't think the South Philly Target could be up there? I don't know.

Have you studied this? This guy is terrifying. This guy is diesel. Have you been to the Target on Washington and Broad? Guys, welcome to Target Talk. I lived right there in South Philly

in Hawthorne for a while. When they put that Target up, they might as well put a metal deck you walked through. Yeah, I mean, that same big-ass security guard also goes to my gym, so he kind of just emasculates you

just from looking at you as you walk out, and then I see him there fucking benching 315 for like 15. Yeah, he got a from looking at you as you walk out. And then I see him there fucking benching 315 for, like, 15. Yeah, he got a security shirt two sizes too small for sure. But, like, it works for him. You know what I mean?

That kind of thing. I mean, at least Target's taking their security, like, they're not just hiring some dude who's 350, fat as fuck. That is my favorite. Because, like, those are half the security guys. They're just fat dudes. Like, you make one move, their ACL's done. This guy's actually going to stop and prevent.

I love when I see a fat cop. Fat cops are some of my favorite people to watch because you're just like, you're doing nothing. If you run, that belt's falling off immediately. They do minimal testing, I think, for cops. You don't have to continually physically fit. The presidential physical fitness test.

They do a sit and reach. They do a rope climb. It's like when you pass your driver's license. True. You don't ever have to take the test ever again. That is true. You should get retested all the time. No, I want to keep on driving.

Thank you very much. You should be able to get a drunk driving license, too. If you could demonstrate that you're baller as hell at drunk driving, you should be able to get a license for that. What do you have, my phone notes? I tried to write a bit about that the other day. My B? My B. I was like, look, not drinking and driving obviously isn't working for this country, so we just got to start to train people how to drive better drunk.

It's like when you're at the skating rink and they're like backwards skaters only. It's only for the advanced. Right, and you would respectfully get off. You're like, this one's not for me. It's only for the advanced. Right. And you would respectfully get off. You're like, this one's not for me.

Between the mashed up car with the dead people and, what is this, adult swim at the roller skating place where it's just backwards skate only? That's what I'm saying. That's exactly what I'm saying. It's like only the advanced. You never did backwards skate only? Buddy. Wait. Do they literally backwards skate only?

Like it's adult swim? Yeah. You never saw this? And there's a couple people that will try. They're like, I've been practicing at home, boys. Watch this. We're from Jersey, dude. We're off the go. And there's a guy people that will try. They're like, I've been practicing at home, boys. Watch this. We're from Jersey, dude. We're off the gully, brother. And there's a guy named Tyler who was really good at it. He's

not good at a lot else, but he's good at that and wearing camouflage. He did it all the time. And he would backwards skate in Master P baggy camouflage. And god damn if he didn't look cool. South Pole? It might have been South Pole. It probably was. He had a matching jacket and bucket hat, too.

Anise? Camouflage is interesting. Too cold, brother. It's ice cold. That's very gully of you. Thank you. This chair is so cold. That is such a thing

from a state that doesn't let you turn left. Backward skate only, yeah. That's actually how we decided. What are you guys, fucking Australia? You got to go and like, your toilet water spins differently

than Pennsylvania's toilet water? That's exactly how you become the governor of New Jersey, fucking Australia? You got to go and like, your toilet water spins differently than Pennsylvania's toilet water? That's how you become the governor of New Jersey. You have to drive a jug handle and then backwards skate at the Deptford skating rink. And you have to hold hands with like the second cutest girl in your class. Yeah. So there's that. I was always over crushing the hot, warm chocolate chip cookies at the snack stand when the backwards skate time came in. That was my go-to time, too.

Rip a couple cookies, play some skee-ball, fuck my buddies up in Mortal Kombat, get back out on the rink when I can. Easy money. Back to, do you ever think about, like maybe you're hungover coming home from a wedding and stuff, like driving is insane. Like when you think about it. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Like we all trust each other to all stay in our lanes and not just plow us off the road. It's amazing how frequently driving goes well for what it is. We should die every time we're in a car. Knock on wood. Every time. But we don't somehow. Yeah.

You're talking about 60 cars in a square mile and none of us fucked anything up. Yeah. Like, we shit on the world a lot. We shit on the country a lot. Shout out to us for being actually decent drivers. Especially in this area. That is true.

People run their mouth, like, in the Midwest about, like, being good at driving. You're like, yeah, because your roads are huge and no one's there. Tell them to come drive in Maniung. Yeah, true. You're going to come on a podcast and be pretty angry. Like, we can't even agree on anything in this world right now. Politics. Politics, masks, viruses, sports.

But we all agree on the same. Most of us, I would say, agree on like, I'm not going to run this guy off the road. Yes. True. But it's a mutual. But it's one thing where we're forced to, you know, there's a nice give and take where it's like, I won't drive you off the road because I could die or I could go to jail. It's still informed by our own selfishness, but sometimes you got to use that bad boy to your advantage.

That's why cars are as expensive as they are. They don't need to be that much, but they make it that. So you're like, well, now I got to protect this thing. Yeah, true. So I'm actually looking at, Goalie's still up. And I guess there was a movie in 2021 named Gulley, and there's already two canceled people on the cast out of four. We have Jonathan Majors and we have Amber Heard.

I don't even know the other two. Amber Heard. Jonathan Majors, dude. What the hell was up with that? My mans. Free my mans, dude. I think he's innocent. Yeah, I don't, I just have heard his name.

I don't know. It's such a weird, it was such a weird ruling. It was like he was guilty, but he was innocent, but he was not guilty. It was, when I was reading it, I was so confused. Yeah. All I know is, dude can fucking run. Quick as hell, dude. Dude's got stamina.

City blocks, too. We needed that woman at linebacker last night. She was in pursuit. Holy shit! Because she tracked down a black guy. I was in a big, strong black dude. And she's like a little skinny. Why was she not plugging the A-gap?

There's footage of this. You've never seen this? No, I haven't seen it. Dude, they run for like a mile. I didn't know what it was until Cat Williams was like, ain't nobody ever said John Williams wasn't a hot man. John Majors, whatever his name is. John Majors is not a hot man. That's what Cat Williams goes on. He'sors, whatever his name is. John Majors is not a hot man. That's what, so that's what

Cat Williams goes on. He's like, when did we recreate what an attractive man is? He's like, if Jonathan Majors is hot, then every N-word is hot. Again,

another perfect accent. I appreciate it, guys. Can we get the footage of Jonathan Majors running away from the broad? It is one of the funniest videos. I mean, God forbid if this, if he did, you know, do whatever, this is bad. Yeah, what did he do?

So before this, I know nothing about the Jonathan Majors thing. Here's the thing. Like, I can't be held accountable to – Sound bite, clip that. Just cut it right there. I can't be held accountable to figure out everything that someone has done. Like, I saw a guy put up a picture of Kelly Ripa in an Eagles shirt on, is it Regis and Kelly?

Is it Kelly and Mark? Is it Kelly and Ryan Seacrest? I don't even know who it is right now. Yeah. And the guy was like, well, you know what she did, right? No. Is Kelly Ripa canceled? What did she do?

That's a sweet South Jersey angel. That's all I know. She's South Jersey born and raised. But you could find something shitty about everybody. Oh, my God. So I'm sorry. I'm going to let the Jonathan Majors running a 5K from this woman. I mean, that's him in the black coat.

And watch her. Somebody has to set this to Rocky music. It's got to be in heels, too. It literally runs out into traffic. I don't want to point that out. They were like, the whole thing was that she reported that he was putting his hands on her, but then they have a testimony from the Uber driver. The Uber driver was like, yo, she started it. And he was like, I'm not letting her fuck with my bag.

I just got in, like, the MCU. And he just books it out of the car and she just chases them through city did what every guy has wanted to do in the middle of an argument just run away true dude I've plenty of arguments why I was just like I just jet out this door right here and nothing would feel also yeah do you live with your sweet baby girl now that's the worst too is when you live together and you're like well I guess I'm just to go sit in the bathroom for three hours. Like an outdoor cat.

He'll come back. If you kind of fight with your wife and then just started sprinting around your house to show dominance. He's got the zoomies. He'll settle down in a little bit. He just run into the wall back. You stop on the couch for a second. Oh, that's so fucking funny, dude. That would be so good. We give him a biscuit.

It tires him out. He's good. Free my man, Jonathan Majors. Free my man Jonathan Majors! Free J-Maj, dude, he ain't doing nothing wrong. I'm putting my flag in the ground. I've been in the ground for J-Maj, dude. But that's the thing, I don't even believe in canceling anymore, because once Kanye comes out with his album, it's going platinum.

Yeah, it's probably a slap. That Backstreet Boys song was amazing. Now, I think he has to... Don't do this to me. Does this kid live on the fucking internet or not? I don't know. Apparently he doesn't. I'm just a foolish boy. Do you know about it?

What is the... Do I know about it, man? Come on. Guys like us? Couple guys like us that know about it? The Backstreet? I live on the internet. You do? Like this is why I'm filled up with so much pent-up aggression. Backstreet's back. Because I live on the fucking internet like an idiot.

True. Anyway. He's got a Charlie... It's Charlie Wilson doing background vocals of Backstreet's Back. All right. But he comes in on the intro with the Backstreet Boys music and stuff. I feel like. The rap, the lyrics aren't the greatest. Kanye just rewords it to, I don't trust the Jews.

Yeah. Like, Jesus, Kanye. Like, listen. It sucks to see, like, one of, like, your favorite rappers become favorite rappers become just an anti-Semite right in front of you. But the guy's going to go platinum when he's- Here's something else. Regardless of what you think about Kanye West, he has fully recreated the woman that left

him. He was just like, oh, he's like, you don't want to be with me anymore, Kim? I'm just going to recreate you in some other big-titted dumbass. It was. Cat Williams did put it pretty well, where he's like, you guys spent 15 years telling a retarded guy he's a genius. He was like, what did you think the end of that was going to look like? The dude is like, on the spectrum.

Have you guys watched it? I think he's admitted it, too. Did you watch the Netflix documentary? I was going to say, have you watched the Cat Williams and Shay Shay interview? Because we can get into that, too. I've watched part of it. It's incredible. It's already the most listened to podcast of all time.

It's incredible. Best three hours of entertainment I've ever seen. It's also one of those things. How much of that is sour grapes? Dude, at one point he said he reads 3,000 books a year and he can run a sub 4, 4, 4. I have said that black guys lie about the funniest shit of all time. They've mastered the art of lying about the most like it's inconsequential, so you'll never follow up on it.

But they just lie about the funniest shit. That's like the best. I read 3,000 books. It's like, all right, I guess. I mean, sure. Cool. It's just itquential, so you'll never follow up on it, but they just lie about the funniest shit. That's some of the best lines. I read 3,000 books. It's like, all right, I guess, I mean, sure. Cool. It's the greatest skill. Will Chamberlain sit there and watch it read? 10,000 women, it's like, oh, okay.

Exactly. I don't think you can do that. I don't think that's physically possible. Or that he scored 100 points in a game. There's no video of it. He didn't hear it from me. Well, we need to get in. There's definitely got to be good sports conspiracy theories

that existed before video. Yeah, one of my favorites is Kevin Costner banged Cal Ripken Jr.'s wife, and it was during his Ironman streak, and they canceled the game that day for a stupid reason. I think it was electrical failure or something like that. It was electrical failure. Wasn't it? Didn't the sprinklers come on and it flooded the failure or something like that. It was electrical failure. Wasn't it? Didn't the sprinklers come on and flooded the field? Something like that.

Something weird. Because that might have been the urban legend because that's what Kevin Costner does in Bull Durham to get a day off from the game. He says, you guys want to rain out? I'll get you a rain out. And he goes and floods the field at night. Got it. So that might be what that came from.

So apparently he was so distraught that he wasn't going to play the game and the Orioles cooked the game. At that time, that does have to be tough because you're one of the biggest baseball players in the world, and one of the biggest fake baseball players in the world fucked your wife. Holy shit.

I mean, Kevin Costner's the biggest fake baseball player in the history of the game. He's in what, two, three movies? Well, Quaid. Isn't Dennis Quaid? Is that Angels in the Outfield? I would have seen Randy Quaid. That'd be incredible.

Dennis Quaid was the rookie. Then you got Kevin Costner for The Love of the Game. The Love of the Game is a great flick. And Bull Durham. Yeah, you're right. He's Mr. Baseball. And Cal Ripken literally is Mr. Baseball, but still his wife was like, yeah, but it's Cost. I mean, it's K-Cost. I gotta get something.

Yeah, K-Cost at the back of the day, too. What a hunk. I mean, still is. Still is. I mean, great job. I argue it all the time. The world was way better when all we cared about was hunks and babes. I know. I know.

I agree with you. Baywatch and muscly dudes? The world's okay. Yeah, I don't got a problem. Yeah, electrical failure. Electrical failure. All right. I liked my possible to play.

Yet some sources suggested that the outage was fate because Ripton Jr. simply couldn't play. How great was the movie Robin Hood, though? You're asking the wrong guy. I think I used to watch Robin Hood daily as a kid. If I'm being honest with you, Kevin Costner, you can have sex with my wife. I'm cool with it. Really? Yeah, I'm not going to miss a baseball game because of it.

I was on Cal Ripken before this, but I don't know. Yeah, but then you can't enjoy the movies anymore. You've got to think about the long-term effects. You're sitting there and she's like, you know what, I take it back, but I don't know. Yeah, but then you can't enjoy the movies anymore. Like, you gotta think about the long-term effects. You're sitting there and she's like, you know what, I take it back, Kevin. No.

Yeah. Maybe half. Do you have any other ones you like? The conspiracies? I mean, the all-time is Michael Jordan's dad, dude. I mean, that's my go-to.

That's my go-to. I mean, it's almost inarguable. That's why, and it's not even, it's just layered and it's really bad. I thought you were gonna go flu game.

You went above the flu game. I love that. Flu game, dude. He fucking was hungover, dude. He was hungover, pish posh, dude. Yeah, for sure. Fucking his dad, dude. They talk about, like, I think it was Jamal Crawford.

He said when he was a rookie, he went out gambling. I think when, like, Jordan was on the Wizards. And it's, like, a couple NBA players and a bunch of just, like, fucking, just sheisty-looking dudes all sitting around gambling. And one of the players kind of leaned over to him. I think it was like Rip Hamilton was like, yo, make sure you pay if you lose. And then he was like, oh, yeah, yeah. And he's like, no, these dudes will kill you.

Like, make sure you pay. And so Jamal Crawford was like terrified. He's like 18 years old the entire time, right out of high school. So like there's all these stories that lend credibility to that. Jordan was entangled with some fucking creepy fellas. Oh, yeah. Misses the season. Just, oh, I guess I'll just go play baseball.

It's like David Stern was like, you got to get out for a couple years. Fuck. Yeah. The baseball was like, dude, we'll take you. Come on. We'll send you down to go play for the Barons. Yeah. True.

Triple A. Did you guys see the documentary about the NFL refs that were fixing games? I've seen the basketball one. They're from Delco. The NBA ref is from Delco. Tim Donahue. Joey Crawford's from there. There's another altar boy

looking guy that's from there. If it was just you and your boys you grew up with and you can decide NBA games, you would. What about Delco makes you think that it just generates NBA referees. It's crazy. It's the greatest breeding ground for refs. It's got to be the biggest concentrated area of the same piece of shit.

It's like California for wide receivers and Florida for running backs. Yeah, true. That's a bit of a different demographic, but I see where you're coming from. True, Delco is white. I get where you're getting at. Okay. Yeah, but if you meet people from Del True, Delco is white. I get where you're getting at. Okay. Yeah, but if you meet people from Delco, they are kind of always

trying to tell you what to do. So maybe that was just like, they're like, what's the one job that I could kind of just enforce that nonstop? All right, there's two things I love. Telling people what to do and whistles.

What the fuck can I do with this? But I do want to dress like a cop really bad. Also, I want to be corrupt. Foot Locker fired me again, so I got to get on this. Anyway, I'm going to stop coughing now. Yeah, I doubt it. Dude, he's clutching his burlskies.

I was out doing some real homeowner shit. I was shoveling. I made a snowman today. Dude, you got to trust the science. You're fine. Just trust the science. Did you guys make a snowman today? I don't think so.

I did. I'm triple boosted. I can't get fucking libbed. You know what I realized was... Did you know Travis Collins got paid $20 million for that? Yeah, I don't understand why. I did. I'm triple boosted. I can't get fucking libbed. You know what I realized was... Did you know Travis Collins got paid $20 million for that? Yeah, I don't understand why he gets shit for that, dude. You could triple boost me. Yeah, you could put it in my eyeball.

I don't give a shit. Boost the... I don't even know if you got it. Put it in my eye. Boost the shit out of me. I boost me nonstop. Literally once a week. $20 million?

Easy money. It's unreal. To hook a product? Yeah. And you get the kiss up on Taylor Swift? That's pretty cool. Dude. I don't know.

My girlfriend's convinced that's a beard. you get the kiss up On Taylor Swift That's pretty cool Dude I don't know My girlfriend's convinced That's a beard For her Oh for her She thinks that Taylor Swift is gay She's brought it She's brought it up

Three times You want to talk about A conspiracy theory This might be number one This is girl Roman Empire I guess Which I never really Felt with the Roman Empire

Yeah I hated that That was stupid What's her rationale I'd love to hear How she comes to this She rationale And this is bad Because I don't listen to her. It was yada, yada, yada, something Taylor.

I liked her version better. She's a dyke. I don't know. She thinks it's a little bit of Travis wanting to become the Rock. Apparently, he said he wants the same career as the Rock once he's done with football. That makes sense. The Rock's the man. Which is fair.

One can act. I don't think Travis Kelsey can. No, I don't think Travis Kelsey can do anything but play football. That makes sense. The Rock's the man. Which is fair. One can act. I don't think Travis Kelsey can. No, I don't think Travis Kelsey can do anything but play football. Play football and maybe make bad... I don't know. I think he can say the N-word. I think they're cool with that. I think he's a wigger enough that... That's also

to it. He dated the opposite of Taylor Swift. Up until Taylor Swift. Apparently he wanted to date SZA. SZA's management didn't want him to. Then he moved on to Megan Thee Stallion. Megan Thee Stallion's management didn't want him to. Apparently this is what happens in Hollywood.

You have to make bids for the favor. It's all PR, building your brand and stuff. Wow. He's got a complete 180 on his preferential type of woman. I've only dated girls, blonde girls. Yeah. And my fiance's going to be a blonde. Okay.

It checks out. Fair. If you're dating all black girls. I mean, if you meet guys from Cleveland, they're all wiggers. Oh, yeah. Oh, everybody from Pittsburgh until you hit like Colorado again.

They're all the same. MKG. Yeah. Or Machine Gun Kelly. MGK. MGK. Travis Kelsey. EMG. Yeah. Or Machine Gun Kelly. MGK. MGK. Travis Kelsey. EMG.

That one guy on TikTok who's a Cincinnati Bengals fan, but also moonlights as a mailman because it's his day job. Oh, you're talking about the stank old booty? Yeah, stank old booty. Dude, he's the man. Shout out to stank booty. That guy's the fucking man. Emmitt. Well, Detroit.

He's king wig. I mean. But then is Travis Kelsey actually just galaxy braiding Where Taylor Swift Kind of looks like A lot of my black friends Who've had white girlfriends Are usually skinny, pale

You see how he put an S on the black friends Every single one My army of black friends My militia A.K.A. my wife My black friend Joshua Dude I got a couple dude My army of black friends. My militia. A.K.A. my wife. My black friend Joshua. Dude, I got a couple, dude.

I have a black friend named Dexter, so I can't really. Dexter? Yeah, Dexter is a good black guy name. Dex is, but we always call him Dexter. So it's like. Dude, there's these two. Dexter's not a good name. You should not name your kid Dexter. Unless you got a laboratory.

You can name your kid your dog Dexter. I don't know about that. I would not name your kid Dexter. Unless you've got a laboratory. You can name your kid your dog Dexter. I would not name my kid Dexter. What if your dog just constantly kills squirrels, but does it really clean? Name your dog Dexter. True. That is a bad use of both names. Great show, though. Mom's name's Karen.

You're never going to hear that name ever again. Is that your mom's name? That'll come back in 50, 60 years. No, that's good. I think it's all mine. I'm Kyle, and we always get the whole monster punching holes in walls and stuff. So man, you put us together. We're like a white trash head.

It's true. That is a big one. We're like a 04 Toyota Camry. How many walls have you punched through? The Dodge Caravan of family. Kyle can strike a great bit about Kyle's don't live long. He's like, you've never met anyone's Grandpa Kyle. That's true.

It's funny that way because it's like, I grew up with maybe one, two Kyles. Probably met 15 to 20 to 30 Kyles in the last five years. It's crazy how many people were named Kyle. But you know what it was? Our parents were such lazy shitheads that they just read baby books, and Kyle was a big name in 1992.

Matt and John, we couldn't fathom having a name that everyone else has. I fully understand your plight in the world. I went by my last name. Actually, still, there's so many people that don't have a fucking clue my first name is John. They just call me Montag, except you call me Maytag in everything we do together. Video didn't do good, John, so it doesn't matter. You didn't say his name right, dude.

He's got name recognition, dude. He's a brand in and of himself. He's not a businessman. He didn't say his name right, dude. He's got name recognition, dude. He's a brand in and of himself. He's not a businessman. He's a business man. Yeah, we don't. I listen to Jay-Z. Dude, that's me and my black friends. That's all we listen to, dude.

Dude, that pickleball thing. God be damned the likes and views. We had a good time, didn't we, fellas? I had a good time. It's rare. Good time doesn't pay me money. Yeah, that's such. You are doing this for a living I forget that sometimes doesn't doesn't I'm trying to think of that one

one movie quote quick is there a Jay-z line that it's a it's a wedding singer good time doesn't put you know put money in that jars and put the cookie in the panel let's move on great movie though Great movie Yeah dude They were cones That was fun That is a good line I appreciate that line I was getting that You guys know there's a

Wedding Singer musical now Yep And I saw advertisement The other day for a Mrs. Doubtfire movie Yeah there's like 40 Mrs. Doubtfires On stage at once

Get a Tony for it So don't take that back Come on no Musicals that are made After movies Like it's basically A cash grab at that point Mrs. Doubtfire was the Weirdest But what about musicals made after movies, it's basically a cash grab at that point. Mrs. Doubtfire was the weirdest.

But what about musicals turned into movies, like Hamilton? Still a cash grab, just in movie form. Have you guys seen Hamilton? Has family ever been in a movie? I refuse. What's that? Hamilton, I just am making a personal stand. No, no, my wife played the soundtrack for a week in my house,

and I was just good with it after that. Yeah, they're always like, listen to this. It's unbelievable how good it is. And it's just like Will Smith from the 1990s, the way he rapped. My wife still listens to Hamilton constantly. Oh, mom's love it. My sister's is obsessed. Mom's are like always like, listen to this. It's unbelievable how good it is. And it's just like Will Smith from the 1990s, the way he rapped. My wife still listens to Hamilton, like, constantly. Oh, mom's love it

because it's like, mom's are like, I'm into rapping now. It's crazy. If I wanted to listen to a racist singer, I would just buy the new Kanye album.

Is that true? Or just listen to R-Pod. Which I legally stream. I legally stream it. You get that off of... So it doesn't get the views and the streams. Yeah, that's good.

That's a good stand of why you can also enjoy that. That's how you separate the art from the artist, maybe. I re-downloaded LimeWire to download to Kanye. Gave my computer viruses. Yeah, about to say

the 50 viruses are inconsequential. COVID has reached LimeWire now. Yeah. It's a variant, yeah. I have morals. That Mrs. Doubtfire thing, I've been thinking about this. I think we briefly talked about it.

Why was that a movie? Could that get made today? No fucking way, dude. That's what I, like, we were thinking about this. I think we briefly talked about it. Why was that a movie? Could that get made today? No fucking way, dude. That's what I, like, we were talking about it. It would, but they would make it like it's a powerful thing. No, they would be like, why didn't you cast a tranny? I mean, I think they would literally ask, like, it's got to be. But, like, I was thinking about the fact that, like, a lot of people, like, our parents' age will get shit for, like, not being able to, like, adjust.

Like, okay, like, trans people are a thing now. They've always been whatever, but now they're part of the zeitgeist. My dad probably thought a trans person was just a dad trying to see his kids. That was the only way. Every time he saw a dude dressed as a woman, he was like, he's just a guy trying to get in touch

with his kids, man. I get it. You ever take it away from me? I'd throw it away. My dad thought it was a Pontiac. Yeah. I think we've got to give them a little bit of slack with his kids, man. I get it. You ever take it away from me? I'd throw it away. My dad thought it was a Pontiac. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think we've got to give them a little bit of slack if they're watching Robbie Williams fucking dress up as a big...

By the way, I don't know why he'd have huge tits in the movie. Here's the thing, too, though. Why do we care so much about what older people fucking think and say? It doesn't matter. Let older people do older people's shit. Let younger people do young people's shit. I know. It's not like they're...

They knew everybody within five square miles of each other. Yeah. They never got out of the house. Now you got to keep track of the olds because they're fucking running the planet. That is true.

They do control everything. There is that problem. They need to air tag all of them. That is a funny- That's a big ups to them, dude. They can't drive a goddamn car. Big ups to the- Big ups to the good

while I'm on. Twa, twa. Move that budget. Big ballad on Trump running for re-election. Can we just take one year off from politics? Let's try that. We don't have government for a year.

We're going to take one year off. We just don't know. There's no politics for one year. It doesn't exist. We need to reset. We were talking about resetting. We're getting too fucking gully. You know what I'm saying?

I think we need to un-gully the government. We're getting too gangsta? Gullyman. We're getting too gangster? Gullyman. We're getting too gangster. One of the good things is I did look at the top 100 most viewed things on TV for the year 2023. You know, they do that every year. 98 of them are football, which is awesome. One's the Olympics, and then one was uh uh so i guess a state of the

union address or maybe uh maybe debate and i think that's actually decreased a lot so i think people are starting to be like yo politics yeah yeah i'm like are you sitting down to watch the state of the union maybe yeah you're old now i've never watched the state of the union once people were tweeting about i know a guy was tweeting about the the State of the Union once in my life. People were tweeting about, I know a guy was tweeting about the Republican debate the other day. He's like, these dudes are jokers. That's nuts. That's crazy. It's Donnie, baby.

That dude might not be on 48 of the 50 ballots. He's still running. That's what I'm saying. I mean, there are some fun ones where it's like, yo, Nikki Haley, I'd probably hit. I like those ones. Those are fun. Nikki Haley, dude. That's a beautiful lady, dude.

But it's good, though. I think people are being like, you know what? I'm going to watch football. Yeah. Which I think would be awesome. Yeah, just show up and watch Allen Iverson highlight videos. Nick Saban for president? I could.

Nah. I don't think I'd like that. Why not? I don't know. I hate Alabama. Don't like greatness? The only good thing that came to Alabama was Forrest Gump. After that, again, they should have just stopped having Alabama. Don't like greatness? The only good thing that came to Alabama was Forrest Gump. After that, again, they should have just stopped having Alabama.

Yeah, but his mom got AIDS. Let's close it. You know what? You play fast and loose sometimes in the South. You got to keep track of the moms getting AIDS. She was like the first whore. Yeah, she was like the OG. That's so fake.

I mean, talking about the hours on Hamilton, I think he had sex. But she was a whore. That was academic whoring. Yeah. But that was like when they first started letting him out of the house. And she immediately was like, oh, I'm fucking everything right now, But she was a whore. That was academic whoring. Yeah. But that was like when they first started letting him out of the house and she immediately was like, oh, I'm fucking everything

right now no matter what. That was his mom in the 60s. It was his wife. Even still. What's the difference, dude? His mom was a sweet baby lady that fucked his principal.

Yeah, whatever. Tell Freud about it. He says it's the same thing. And she was such a homely looking woman, too. I don't think they casted that role well. When you look at her,

you don't look at fucks, fucks, principal. No, it's what's her name? But then you kind of, I don't think they casted that role well. When you look at her, you don't look at fucks, fucks, principles. No, it's what's-her-name. But then you kind of... True. She had the tight haircut, right? Yeah. Looked like she definitely sold Tupperware,

had Tupperware parties. Yeah, at the time, that was... Made the mean cookies. She was balling out. I can't see her... Yeah, you think there's Tupperware... Sally Field, that's who it was. Sally Field, yeah.

Sally Field doesn't strike me as, hey, I got to cast a... No, you know what? I always get Sally Field and Marty McFly's't strike me as, hey, I've got to cast a promiscuous mother. No, you know what? I always get Sally Field and Marty McFly's mom mixed up. What's her name? She's still a babe. Mrs. McFly.

Oh, sorry, yes. Mama McFly. You know who I'm talking about. The lady from Back to the Future, Mom. Listen, they've got the new Back to the Future coming out. There she is, Leah Thompson. Isn't that the swimmer? She was always awesome. Isn't that the swimmer? She was always awesome.

Isn't that the U-Pen swimmer? Oh, actually, yeah. That's Stolen Valor. Shout out, dude. Put Leah Thompson in Mrs. Doubtfire, dude. That'd be incredible. Just have her kids on the other side of an Olympic-sized pool. It's just her swimming laps for two hours.

Yeah, it's just her fast as hell nonstop, dude. Dad, can you get out of the water? I'm mom now. Sometimes the movies write themselves, fellas. Can you imagine in, like, 20 years an art piece is going to be a woman playing robin williams role in mrs doubtfire yeah dressing up back as a woman i love it somebody will say it's deep for some reason true not even just a woman a fat-titted old lady if you watch that movie back that movie was actually pretty ahead of its time yeah that's a good one where you ever seen people recut the

trailer and they make it into a horror movie? There's a really good Mrs. Doubtfire recut where it's a horror and it's like, in a town where no one knew they were. So many dumb things on the internet that I miss, man. You're going on them right now? Yeah, no. I don't know. There's a lot.

I mean, times have changed, dude. I was thinking about the other day about like if you, because I was at my apartment and I thought about the idea of if I walked... I don't know any of my neighbors. And we live in a building. You live in that same place I was at? Yeah. So we're all in literally a hallway together and none of us speak at all. The idea of me knocking on their door and being like, do you have any extra sugar?

It's like a psychotic... They'd pull a gun on me. He's door dashing now. They would sell you coke. You would end up leaving there with cocaine. I know. Did you see him? I mean, he was definitely asking for coke. I get taste. They'd be like, on me. He's door dashing now. They would sell you coke. You would end up leaving there with cocaine. I know. Did you see him? I mean, he was definitely asking for coke. I'd get a taste. They'd be like, no, I just wondered if you had any loose milk that I could steal.

That's crazy. That was like a normal thing. Either that or the mailman, who is underratedly the biggest whore of all time. Well, let's not forget about the other man, the milkman. Or the milkman. I'm sorry, the milkman. That's what I meant. Yeah, quite a bit.

Don't you talk shit on the postal boys like that. No, well, the milkman is like... One's still around for a reason, okay? The milkman was just throwing dick around town. This will age me again. We had a milkman for one second. Apparently, there was resurgence. This company wanted to start it

back up again. We're going to make milkman a thing again. You get this aluminum box you put outside of your house. Every three days, we're going to put some milk in there. My parents were like, that's good. We're going to make milk men a thing again. You get this aluminum box you put outside of your house. Every three days we're going to put some milk in there. And my parents were like, all right, well, that's good. We crush milk as a family, so let's get into it. We've been running our numbers on milk the past month, and this would be a great investment for us.

Crushing milkshakes, man, scrambled eggs with a little bit of milk in there. I would be putting milk on everything. Yeah, well, your mother's a fucking milk guzzler, so we've got to go get a delivery service or something. Oh, sorry, your bones's a fucking milk guzzler, so we got to go get a delivery service or something. Oh, sorry, your bones suck. Did you just say your dad was an alcoholic? No, no, degenerate gambler.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. He's drinking milk at the tables, dude. He gambled gallons of milk. But God damn it, if his bones weren't incredible. He gambled like a dude in the 1700s. I'll give you a sheep and two gallons of milk. It was a dowry. I'm putting him on Wilmington. Put them on UNC.

They were like, he's betting the farm, but he was literally betting the farm. We had the metal box. Piece by piece, he's betting the farm. Dude, we had the metal box. They never brought us the milk. My parents signed up and everything, so some dude just going around towns, just scamming people. He's like, yo. You got Bernie milked off?

Yeah. Bernie milked off. I think he took like 2% too. Hey, come on, dude. You know what? Ponce's game passed for ice cream. Trying to really skim this one together, you know what I'm saying? Oh, I'm going to kill myself in a public setting.

All right. How is the mics and stuff? Because I do always, if I can get a little sentimental for a second, I do always appreciate you. You grind. You post it. And you post it on the Instagram.

And I always think that's really cool. Thanks, brother. Yeah, it's a bad. It's good. I've done it. I've done two. You know how bad it is. I wanted to kill myself each time.

And this is, we're starting to pass the open mic thing where open mics are really not even like. Now we're in the dilemma of running an open mic and a show. And that is fun. You guys see bad comedy for like a living. Non-stop. Yeah, you just have to sit through shit comedy and then go up and sometimes do shit comedy yourself as well.

And then sometimes it goes good. Yeah. I think we're both on a good upswing right now. I'd kill myself. It would be me putting out bad video after bad video after bad video until one hits. And I would literally just... Yeah, I mean, it's at least similar to... I don't know.

I mean, we don't really have to go to open mics anymore. You're booked pretty regularly, so you get to skip that. I kind of miss... No, I wasn't saying anything braggadocious. I guess what he's saying, he does one commercial. I didn't mean it like that. He takes over my bit for GoPuff, who fucked me, and now he's just booked all the time. Oh, you were a backfill for this guy?

Oh, he wasn't a backfill. I was a, I want a certain amount of money for doing this shit. And they said, we'll find someone else. I forgot about this. They said, we got this ginger retard that'll do it for half. I got to clarify to the audience. We still go to open mics. We're complete failures.

I didn't mean to say anything of the contradictory to that. Yeah, I'll be at one maybe after this. I can't forget about Tony Luke streaming for the year. I saw that. He posted his total numbers. How much of that do you think was you? Oh, my God. How did we not talk about that?

Shit's different, dude. I mean, the smash hit of the summer. How did you get in on that, bro? I forgot you hit me up about that. You know what? He's actually, I guess we can call him a musician? We'll call him a musician. He's a cheesesteak entrepreneur and a musician. He dabbles. He's a renaissance man. He's a milkman.

It's a very interesting job title. As bad as that song could have gone, I was pleasantly surprised. He's a milkman. It's a very interesting job title. As bad as that song could have gone, I was pleasantly surprised about how bad it was not. Does that make sense? That was the review I got from most people. I think what people expected is that it was going to be a poorly written

and also sound bad. It was going to sound bad? Yes. I won't say it. The quality of it for being like a a am I in the way on this if I put my foot there you're good Matt does it all the time Matt's a real he's actually very angry that he can't put yours up now that's literally why it's out there Kyle get the fuck off your tootsies are gonna look so tiny next to his I look like a damn fool I will say

yes the quality for it being a parody song and I think we all know it was that. I don't think the producer of the song knows it was a parody. Oh, it was a parody? So this is what happened. Not a parody, but a novelty song, I should say. Novelty. Novelty. It's supposed to be a jokey song.

Like, it's supposed to be like a rock lobster kind of like. That was the angle that he was going for. It's Weird Al. It's in the vein of Weird Al. How did he find you? A guy I used to work at his club a lot knows him, and he was looking for it. So an ex-boyfriend. So one of my ex-boyfriends who used to drill his club and let it roll.

No, he was just like, look, I have a weird thing for you if you're interested. It's with Tony Luke. So I heard the name, and I was like, also, you can't really say no to stuff too often. No, 100%. Paychecks are awesome. checks are all 100% so I paychecks okay no you know so my mom smoked in the house sweet but anyway so so it was a cool thing it was like a weird opportunity like getting to know him was cool you know he's a nice guy he's good dude he was good to me he was like cool to work with and very, like, supportive.

And he organized everything. So it would just be like he'd tell me when and where to be, and that was really it. But the funniest part was that we worked. So, you know, he wrote the song, and then he's in with, like, these big producers. So he's like, all right, we have the song down. I had to, like, practice it and go to his home studio and do all this shit. Dude, it was, like, for a month and a half. This was, like, most of my life was just doing stuff it was fun to every three days you

would check in and give me like an update on you're like now i gotta go do a fucking photo shoot yeah i did it was it was so then we go record the song and the guy who's the producer produced like lauren hill's big album whatever uh the one she did about flippy flops yeah that one was she with the fujis uh yes i I think so. Yeah. And then like, he did a Bruce Springsteen album and I just had to be in his like nice studio being like,

I got my Walmart. And I could tell the guy was just looking there like, this is what it's come to, huh? Just me. He's like, you know,

Bruce wrote Allentown on that piano. Yeah. From the top. Yeah. He's got platinum records all over the walls. And it was,

so then we recorded and then he was like, all right, well we got to do like a music video and an album shoot for the cover. And it was, so then we recorded, and then he was like, all right, well, we got to do, like, a music video and an album shoot for the cover. So then we go to this, like, photo studio. In the end, is this worth it to Tony?

Is this worth it to him? Or is he just tickling his creative funny bone? This is a guy with a bunch of money that has nothing else to do. We were in a position where he had a firm belief that this song was going to the moon. And that we were in on this thing together, that it was going to pop off. Dude, sometimes I wish I was just that delusional. And Tony, if you're watching this, I apologize, man.

But, like, drunk delusional confidence is probably the most powerful thing in this world. Yeah, you can get really far on it if you lean in, too. It's insane. I used to have quite a bit of it. Now I just get scared of targets. And then the photo shoot was wild. It's just me with these half-naked girls and we're just doing six

million shots. But it was a funny story at the very least. It's a fun thing to look back on. I've tried. I don't even know what. I can't wait for next summer's version of it. You do it in a Springsteen-esque voice. That would kill here. But you couldn't go to Asheville, North Carolina and talk about Tony Luke.

Yeah. He's got the chain. He's got a full chain. Is it a commercial for Tony Luke's in it? There's no reference, right? You were talking about Walmart and Flippy Flippy. No, because he wants to separate himself. I think he would crush in the South.

He talks about Walmart a lot. True. They love that shit down there. It was a wild time, dude. Not all they got. They don't really have a lot of choice. And then did I see you reposted a movie clip, or was that a movie you did back in the day?

We'll talk about that. He's also in it. Johnny Silver Screen. It's a film that a friend of ours is making that will come out eventually. Oh, is that Porch Pirate? Yeah. Matt's in it, too.

It's been in the makings for a while. I saw the one deer tag and do-rag guy. Drew on there? Drew. Yeah, yeah. Drew's the lead. I like him. Drew's the lead.

Good dude. Yeah, he's good, bro. Good fellas. I think they're possibly coming on next week. Nice. Yeah, they're doing good things. They're blowing up. Naeem, shout out Naeem and Rob Cruz as well.

I'm just going to shout out the whole crew. Sure, why not? Fine by me. What do you got? You got anything you want to promote? No. Nothing ever, dude? Look at that.

More pickleball? Dude, you were so fucking nervous in my backhand or whatever it's called out there. Are we going to do the spelling bee? We still don't know? Kyle, can you play hockey? Dude, there's so much stuff. Like, can I play hockey? No, I can't really skate.

That's even better. It's more entertaining. You and John should play. I played a little bit. John's been playing. I've been dabbling. I've been dabbling. I've been dabbling. Once my hair hit this length, I was like, I've got to fucking get a puck under these

feet. Are you playing puck at night? How do you play? I just, I play. Like 9.30 at night, 10 o'clock at night? No, I showed up. My friends of mine from high school have been doing that. Like on a Monday night, they play.

Men's league? And they told me that I could, they were like, you can come out. Because I've always, always been able to ice skate. And I used to play like deck hockey as a kid on foot. Police athletic league. You call it deck hockey? Yeah, we call it deck hockey. 1997 goalie of the year.

I did men's league for, like, five or six years. But you know what? I could never. Buy a weapon. So I started going out, and they were like, yeah, you can, like, shoot around when we warm up. And then, like, in between, they were playing three-on-three on a smaller rink. They're like, you can go out, you know, and we're resting and everything. I was like, cool.

So I'm the mites on ice at this whole thing and then as soon as they would all get too tired they go over the bench and there's one dude who i didn't know be like all right go do your fucking thing i would just be out there ripping slap shots and knuckle pucks all over the place it was very fun and i am a lot better than uh i thought it would be stick handling on skates so that being said if you get anyone else out there, and I'll panic and probably fall a whole bunch, which will be better. I mean, Kyle, at one point you did, right? Didn't you do like a goalie thing with the wings?

We did a goalie thing with the wings. How was that? Please describe that. I made them go back far, but they were still shooting about 90 miles an hour. They whipped their goddamn thing, dude. I played a little bit in high school. I had no cup on, so that was like the only thing I was worried about. But cross balls are no joke.

Yeah, no joke. But like that's different because like you're padded up on that. You guys that are outdoor lacrosse, they're nuts. Yeah, no shin guards, nothing. Yeah, I think they might do shin guards now. Do they? Because they're all wearing sweatpants now. So if you're wearing sweatpants, you're hiding something.

What are you trying to prove? Yeah, unless you've got a big old dick and they're gray sweatpants. But you can wear them. I mean, at least when I played in high school, it was like, you can wear shin guards. For goalies? For, I think anybody can wear a shin guard, but it was one of those things where it's like, if anybody did it, you're like, what a fucking puss. But it's like, as soon as I see a goalie without shin guards, I'm shooting for the shins all day, right? Yeah.

But yeah, that was cool. No, I mean, we were supposed to do something. Unfortunately, I don't know how much you know about the Cutter Goatee drama. Oh, yeah. And whatnot. And our guy reported that Kevin Hayes had fingerprints in it. And I've been trying to do this new series where we go and tour former athletes' houses that are on the market. You'd be surprised by how many former athletes' houses are on the market still.

I mean, Pep Earl's, Ryan Howard's, Kevin Hayes was the one we were supposed to do on Friday. Really? But just the optics don't look good after Torts body bagged our reporter. Oh, yeah. And Kevin Hayes kind of called us out and everything. So, like, if I showed up in his house, you'd be like, what the fuck is this dude doing?

That would be nuts. Yeah. I could see that. We should definitely do it. We could see that, yeah. The reorder was all about it. The listing agent was all about it. See, that's what we thought? That would be nuts. Yeah. I could see that. We should definitely do it. You could see that. The reorder was all about it. The listing agent was all about it. See, that's what we thought it was going to be.

I thought the listing agent would have been the one to pull out. He actually was hilarious about it. He was like, anything to get it on the market. It's very funny. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, he's like, but I don't want to make any jokes. I was like, well, we need to make one joke.

Like, oh, was this where he told Carter Gauthier to request a trade? Yeah. That's all we had to say. And he's like, that's fair's fair that's fair we can do that one yeah like I negotiated with the guy like I was negotiating for the house sure you negotiating number of jokes all right there's gonna be a couple slapsticks in there yeah Matt's gonna do a pratfall what do we gotta do to get a dildo in this place exactly no no already moved out of this place if you

know what I'm saying take Oh, my God. Take that. This guy's booked? Fuck, man. What the friggin' hell? Listen. So, K-Pag, you got nothing coming up? Nothing fun stuff you want to throw in there? Stuff always comes up, but just read Crossing Broad. Well, I guess people don't really read nowadays.

Nobody can read. Crossing Broadcast, we do every Monday, Wednesday. It's a fun shoot-the-shit sports show. Yeah. Uh, I'd say it's, like, mostly sports. We do talk about some other stuff. I enjoy it. It's fun.

Um, that's really it, though. Yeah. Cool. Follow us on TikTok and... TikTok. Instagram. Crossing Broad, hit them up. We gotta be cool.

We gotta be cool on there. Are we on TikTok yet? I think we are. I don't know. Are we? I post reels every once in a while. That's our social media guy. I'm not much of a guru

on there, dude. What do you got coming up, brother? Friday, Fat Lady Brewing Company will be over there with all the doggy dogs, Jim Gillespie,

Rob Stant. February 4th, I believe, Sligo in Media, Pennsylvania. I'm hosting for Ryan Foster, Peggy O'Leary.

That'll be a fun one. Just come hang. It's double headliner, just us three frigging around. And check the Instagram. We got a bunch of stuff coming up. So keep your eyes peeled. I got Emmaus Theater on the 25th. That's going to be a fun one.

18th is nowhere to come out. It is. It's an old movie theater that they started doing comedy there, I think, a while ago. But then post-pandemic, it started like everyone in that area loves it because there's finally a thing to do in that area. Come out. That's a fun one. I think Tyler

Rothrock runs that one. He hasn't been on the show yet, has he? No. I'm doing Narcotics Anonymous Gala at the beginning of next month. I'm doing comedy at a Narcotics Anonymous Gala. You know them then? So do you have to sign an NDA because they're supposed to be anonymous?

I think it's all anonymous. It's first name, and you get your first name and first initial of your last name. So I'll be doing it as John M. That's a crowd work. It's going to be tough. Like, what do you do for a living? And they're like, I can't. Welfare?

I'm barely living, to be honest with you. Foodie snappies? And then Rosemont Comedy up in Easton on the 17th of February. That'll be another good one. A couple other ones. Monte Comedy. Hacks Comedy Golf. When it gets warm, you want to go out and golf with us? No, I hate golf. Alright, well, you're coming. Even better. That's what I want.

That was the whole point of starting the show. I want people that hate this or are terrible at it to come out and do it. You think I'm cynical here? I'll be so cynical during golf. Perfect. That's what I want. Alright, you're penciled want. I'll play seven. You can play two. We did one at Topgolf. We did a mini-golf episode.

You can do whatever you want. You want to get shit-faced at a bar and play Golden Tee? There it is. Next episode of Hacks will be with Crossing Broad's Kyle Pagan. Thanks for coming on tonight. Thanks for having me, baby boy. Don't pass me after that.

He's penciled the fricker. No, but ain't no.