That Rules Podcast - Episode #106: Waiting For Our Guest To Show Up

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Dude seriously where the hell is the guest?

episode 106 Coming at you live I did it I haven't done podcast voicing forever And you did a podcast intro We didn't start talking We were talking We were talking bartending I know

I don't know We were talking until our fucking guest Went upstairs to the bathroom Now 12 minutes ago I think has to Like bad Bad poop problems We'll see

We'll find out in due time If the guest returns. But in the meantime and in between time, we were talking about Johnny Bartender, which I'm always funny to think about. It was one of the most, I said, the day you stop bartending is a very fun day. But I think, like, any true bartender, you've never really quit. It's always, like, in the back pocket of, like, well, if I get laid off again, I can always go 10 bar.

It's all guessing. Every bartender's a liar. Yeah. Every mixologist can go fuck themselves. Damn it, I'm not supposed to curse. Any mixologist can go frick themselves right in the neck. They can go frick themselves right in the G. They can go frick themselves senselessly even.

But everyone lies. I would lie on cocktails all the time. People would be like, let me get a Henry Kissinger. I'm like, all right. I'm pouring IPA and bourbon into the same glass. I put a sugar rim. I'm like, all right. I'm pouring IPA and bourbon into the same glass. I put a sugar rim. And I'm like, here you go. They're like, just how I like it.

Sure, you get a salt rim. And they're kind of like, yeah, we get where you're coming from. We don't really know what's in here. Everybody's getting a salt rim anyways. Disgusting. And if you know well enough, I'm a martini guy. And I like it very specifically like this. As soon as you saw me behind the bar, you'd be like, this guy's going to fuck it up.

I'm just going to get an IPA. I like hearing the stories that Gab tells me about alcoholics at the bar and the sneaky drinking they have to do. Alcoholics are not there by themselves. A regular is a whole different bag of tits. But an actual alcoholic who's there with family and a wife, and he's like, what's the highest percentage beer you guys can serve me right fucking now? Can you put it in a kid's to-go cup, and I'm'm just gonna say it's for my child who's asleep in the car I just want I always see the videos of people who ask for like a hurricane shot And that's where like the girls take it like a dude takes shot And then a girl throws water on him and slaps them just requesting that at every like a Chuck E cheese

Some of those are insane the you start to see the ones going around of like the girls. It's always a big You start to see the ones going around of the girls. It's always a big, voluptuous bartender just with curves for weeks. Careful. And they're always just beating the living hell out of a guy. And then at the end, they pour a shot in their mouth. Have you ever been to a bar where they have that? I've only seen the lore of this.

I've never experienced it firsthand. I got to see it once in Chicago, I believe. It was either Chicago or in Green Bay, one of those Midwest... Well, hold on. Let's sit and figure this out. Where do you think you might have been? I'm kidding. Who gives a fuck? I've been on two Eagles trips and one was to Chicago, one was to Green Bay. And I got to watch multiple cousins of mine just get themselves destroyed

in a bar. And it was a beautiful bartender. Every dude there was like, if she beats the shit out of me, then maybe I get to kiss her. Yeah. Never. That's a fate worse than hell. She just gets to beat up douchebags all night. It's kind of the best job for a feminist. Yeah, but it's worse for the guy. You leave a strip club and you're like, she was so in love with me.

It's like, that big burly softball player who beat the shit out of me wants me so damn bad. She can't even focus. There is the one video. The girl's beating the shit out of the guy, pouring the drink in his mouth. He's all happy. And some drunk girl comes over and slaps the bartender on the ass and thought that she would get a girl pass like you know girls think they can just do anything at any time right like hot girl pass she the bartender turned around immediately just started beating the shit out of her yeah and like hot girl pass

just got right out the way yeah of course only guys are allowed to do that hgp only regular guys can slap bartenders butts at least for would you use a hot girl pass for? What would I use a hot girl pass? I don't know. Become president? Hell, none of them have done it. That shows you how fucking dumb the Brawns are getting. Just be the president.

It would be so easy for you. Yeah, just stick it out. It's crazy that Monica Lewinsky just blew Bill Clinton and then just didn't become president. She would have if that happened now. Two years later, she would be on the that should campaign that should be the natural progression like you know how like in medieval times you have to kill the king and then you're the king i think in our time to blow if you blow the president you become the president to the blown by the fun well there's the episode hey everybody what are we doing i just got the power of whiskey in me i'm drinking on a tuesday i don't really have work

tomorrow we're having fun just imagine though that was what was the lewinsky thing 95 we'll call it right something like that yeah just the perfect time where bill's like this is never gonna get out the internet doesn't exist yeah pictures are you gotta go get them developed no one's taking pictures of this yeah and then she was just like yeah let me find that fat bitch linda trip true dude but dude what isn't even hotter if bill's like i I hope they find out? You know what's funny? All of my mental recollection of all of that is just off of the SNL sketches. Like, when I picture Linda Tripp, I just picture when, was it John?

Not John Candy. John Goodman played Linda Tripp in one sketch. So in my mind, Linda Tripp just looks like Jabba the Hutt, basically. Holy now. I have no clue what she looks like. But, like, Johnny Cochran, I don't know what he looks like Jabba the Hutt, basically. I know. I have no clue what she looks like. But, like, Johnny Cochran, I don't know what he looks like. In my mind, it's just Tim Meadows from 1996 in the O.J. trial. I guess there's no association.

Yeah, you don't have the internet, so you're just going off of, like, very limited resources. Yeah. I've only had the inter, so I kind of know what things look like at all times. Yeah, it's been at your fingertips always, right? Oh, I'll tell you something else has been at my fingertips. Dial-up Fergie pictures of her first album

cover, My Penis. That was back in the day when there was a real low-wage gene was in for gals. I gotta pull it back. I talk about Fergie about every other podcast at this point. I told you my roommate in college had a poster of Fergie on the wall. That's how old I am. I still went to college when dudes

had posters. True. Were you a poster guy? Yeah, I only had one. It was like of Ford's beliefs about... Shut up. We're having a blast. Yeah, I had one. It was just a pictorial representation of the industrial complex. Like, Jesus.

Yeah, dude. People were like, Israel-Palestine. I'm like, how about Boeing? How about Lockheed Martin? Let them step in the ring. I told you I got to experience a little Palantine Palestine thing yesterday. Way to blow the punchline.

We did. No, well, I'm not going to go through the whole bit. I think it's really funny. I wanted you to talk about it. So my daughter, our block had everyone exchanging That's what John calls one. The block. So they were exchanging valentines, and instead of calling it valentines, they called it palentines.

And I came home and just saw a heart-shaped flyer on the table, and I was like, another fucking rally for Palestine in this town? Yeah, I was just wrong. To be fair, that is a very close name. How many people did that get by when they were like, yeah, this is fine? Yeah, it's on the doorstep. It's clearly not fine. It didn't have to get really approved. It was just my neighbor who was like,

well, here's a bunch of kids' names. Write them on cards. And man, giving out valentines, you got to tell a bunch of people you've never met you love them. That's weird. I fucking love you so much, dude. We went around and told all the kids on the block

how much we loved them. And I was like, and you're Archibald? What the fuck are your names? You just sprang your daughter's perfume on every school. Wait, did your school, like an elementary school, do Valentine's Day cards? Yeah, we did them, but it was like I knew my classmates. Yeah, no, that's still weird. You're like six giving those out to people.

Yeah, and you didn't want to give them to everybody. We had girls in my class who did not give them to everybody. No? I had many a Valentine that I did not receive, and I went around. I was like, guess who's fat now? Matt, do you still know their names, to be honest? No, I don't remember fucking Just Eat Prosper. Okay, okay, okay.

I'm whoresing. I forget we're live sometimes. You think she's tuning in right now? Gee, golly gosh, I hope not. But who knows, man? We need every audience member we can get. If you are tuned in live, thank you for checking out the lives we've been doing. We do like doing them.

And you guys are true bros to us. What do you think the listeners are doing while we're talking in the background right now? Shadow boxing in hopes that their dad comes home strong and they can finally take care of business. That's my guess off the cuff. That was very specific. Just a guess. What are you guys thinking, dude? You don't control me anymore, Kev.

I see this as prime knitting background noise. You know what I mean? For someone knitting on the couch. I was listening to... Nailed it. It's knit us. I was listening to a podcast while tinting windows the other day. I told you I broke a window in my garage ripping slap shots in the backyard.

So I had to get a replacement plexiglass, and I got clear. So now all the crooks in the neighborhood can just go and look right into my garage. So then I bought car window tint, and I've just been tinting out windows. Oh, my God, dude. It's one of those things so satisfying, though. You get to use the squeegee and push the bubbles out. Yeah. I think I might get into window tinting.

Just do it real bad. You should confuse your neighbors and tell them you're doomsday prepping. They're like, I don't think that's going to do anything. Do you understand how bad UV rays are going to be when the grid goes down? Dude, you don't know how it goes. You buy five cans, and the next thing you know, it's 500. They just pile up. Dude, I really want to start.

Speaking of, I would love to start Doomsday prepping I've been I'm in the same boat And hopefully the same bunker as you Because I've been Doom and gloom Like the last three days Listening to too many podcasts

Talking about the Potential End of the world Grid dropping out And I'm like We don't have enough Dried fruits

Like in this house It's starting to scare me I feel like you would have More dried fruits Than probably 90% Of the population. No, we go through food so quick, though. I'm bad at stocking shit. True.

We eat it, we buy it. You think we'd still pot if we were in a bunker? We still keep it a running thing, but it's not going out to anyone. We're like, well, we've got to drive to Jay's bunker in Manioc. Guys, you're just holding sticks. Podcasting to the five people. We're just sitting Indian- rocking back and forth live.

So it's just the podcast before Jay came along? Yeah, just about. Very honestly. We're still doing it on my wife's shitty laptop? Yep. Yeah. Did it just stop again? All right.

Write it back. Oh, dude. That would be... I can't think of a better life. We're just trying to find whatever radio channel Jay's broadcasting from out here in Maniunk. We're like, did you try seven today? So Jay, we're going to have you pepper in the intro before the live.

So this is actually a thing. Are you familiar with pirate radio stations? Yeah, I'm familiar with the movie Pirate Radio where they broadcast. Oh, yeah, something like that. So regular people around the U.S. get low power. Sorry. That was a good one.

It was too good to not recognize. But regular people just get FM transmitters and broadcast an unlicensed station. Yeah, Chappelle talked about those FM transmitters on his latest special, didn't he? He was upset about those.

FM, MF, that guy didn't get it all done. Chappelle is not ready for the grid to drop out. Dude, we're on. That was great. That was a great one. So, I mean, we're essentially, we're pirate radio a little bit here. We're flying under the radar.

I mean, essentially. It's the same principle. Yeah. I mean, it is pretty sad. Dude, do you think when the first radio broadcast went out, they were like, one day this is going to change the world. And then you just fast forward and we're just the ancestors of that guy. And we're like, yeah, anyway, the other day i was scratching my nuts yeah too i mean it's also but like how crazy is it that's a good point to think about like the first radio broadcast was

probably such an unbelievable accomplishment and immediately they're like we should talk about bullshit play music now oh yeah three minutes in they were like so how do we sell bits they're like how do we sell we can get people to listen we could sell things yeah well you know we can do? All right, I'm going to have one of my friends call up and pretend like his wife is cheating on him and we're going to send roses out to that person. Yeah, yeah. That was the second radio broadcast was War of the Roses.

Speaking of War of the Roses, it's a very important thing. It's a very important thing. It's a line in your pockets, I've heard. I don't know. You haven't talked about it on here, have we? I don't think I technically can, but who the fuck? Well, a comic you know does War of the Roses. Yeah, I've heard some of these guys do those live catching your girlfriend cheating calls.

And boy, do you have to go out to your car during your lunch break at work to do those. And people think you're a fucking psychopath. Of course. We can ask our guests if he ever comes down from taking a shit. It has to have been like 20. What's like 20? Whatever. I'm not going to say anything.

I don't want to make him look like shit, but that is nuts. He's making himself look a shit. It has to have been like, what's like 20, whatever, I'm not gonna say anything. I don't wanna make him look like shit, but that is nuts. He's making himself look like shit. Yeah, true. I also don't wanna gender they, whoever this is. Well, I just don't want people to know who,

I don't want people to be able to guess who the fuck this asshole is. I mean, stay tuned. It's a pretty big surprise. Yeah, I mean, either way. Well, I'm sorry to get angry,

so we'll stop talking about it. But yeah, Soupy Balls, dude. Super Bowl? Yeah. Did you watch the whole thing? Yeah. And by the way, I still can to get angry, so let's not talk about it. But yeah, Super Bowls, dude. Super Bowl? Yeah. Did you watch the whole thing? Yeah. And by the way, I still can't get over how much of a fucking betraying bastard you are.

Me? Why so? When we did Kyle Pagan's podcast and you said, I don't even think Matt watched a second of that game. I went, John, I know for a fact you didn't watch a darn millisecond. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah. I watch all the games. I watch all the games.

Oh, John! You know me? They call me Johnny Football. Foolish. Liar. No, I definitely watched that game. I can't remember which one we're talking about. That game was a good game. Let's just talk the big game. Super Bowl. Are we not saying Super Bowl? They always do that where it's like, come on out for the

big game. You show up, you're like, is the WNBA championship on or what? I know. Most important thing is just knowing that Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift had breathy missionary sex that night. That's all I need to know is that she was on top and he was, she was on top and he had his leg spread and she was laying prone and she humped into him and played her greatest hits. And he played his greatest hits, which are giving him CTE as we speak. You think they're into pegging? Honestly, that would be the greatest. He pegs her. He wears a strap on to peg her. played her greatest hits and he played his greatest hits which are giving him ct as we speak you think you think they're into pegging honestly that would be the greatest he pegs her he wears a strap-on

to peg her with his soft weenie i like to think too he's like you you sing your song i'm gonna sing we are the champions but he's just humming a different queen song yeah he's like this one's it yeah oh yeah that's not even queen true if. True. If only that guy could have a thought. Maybe we would be able to get it. I've listened to their podcast. Jason Kelsey is the man. Dude, yeah. It's...

Travis Kelsey. Not... Jason pretty much carries the show. He's got too much vaccine in his system. That's what it is. He's brimming with vaccine. Yeah, dude. Mr. Fiza.

Really, he's the best possible endorsement for Joe Rogan's theories. Yeah. I mean, Travis Kelsey. Well, I feel like when Pfizer picked him, they were like, look, he's already pretty dumb. True. Like, any side effects, we can just say that's his brain. That's CTE. True.

They should just find people who are already fucked up. So any side effects that come, they're like, yeah, it's obviously for playing football. He was already in that wheelchair. So Pfizer's sponsoring their ninth stuntman? Have you heard about this? fucked up. So any side effects that come, they're like, yeah, it's obviously for playing football. He was already in that wheelchair. So Pfizer's sponsoring their ninth stuntman? Have you heard about this? I guess they're big in the industry. I was happy

to see Blake Lively there. To remind everyone that Taylor Swift isn't that hot. There's a much hotter white lady, and here she is. Oh, Ice Spice you're talking about? True, true. The picture of Jason jason kelsey meeting ice spice was uh timeless did you see that yeah that was not he's like hello mrs spice yeah like you look at the cover of the iron giant it's a crazy visual dude you see him in the after party

he just had a luchador mask on and like checkered red and uh yellow suspenders nobody else was in chief's gear i know yeah but the guy who didn't play for the Chiefs. Yeah, dude. You know, Deep, if you could get like a fucking reading of his thoughts, it's just like, don't touch her hair. Don't rub her hair. Don't rub her curly red hair. Don't rub her Chucky the doll hair.

Don't rub her in your pocket. Yeah, dude. She looked like Corky. You remember the doll Corky? That shit used to scare the fuck out of me, dude. My dad used to have one in our like crawl space. We didn't even have a basement. Huh? Corky. Yeah, I'm also out of the, dude. My dad used to have one in our, like, crawl space. We didn't even have a basement. Corky.

Jay, could you pull Corky out if you get a chance? I need you guys to see. Because there's a different Corky from my generation. I want to see if it aligns with what the Corky doll is. Okay, no, this guy will... Because this is... Well, let's see what Corky doll is first. I think you got... Yeah, if you just type in Corky doll.

That's also my personality. You remember you would go to the Corky Doll is first. I think you got... Yeah, if you just type in Corky Doll... That's also my personality. You remember you would go to the Corky Doll Festival? There you go. Oh, okay. Now, if you can now also pull up Life with Corky, the show about growing up with a retarded brother. 300 beans for one of these. Life with Corky.

So there was a show in the 90s, something like Life with Corky or something like that, and Corky was the name of the child with Down syndrome. Oh. Which is just, that's the meanest name you can give a kid with Downs. By the way, we were talking about- Don't put a Y on the end of their name. Just a quick aside. Last episode, we made a joke about making a Down syndrome only Love on the Spectrum.

It exists. And it's on Netflix. Down for Love. Yeah. Absolutely insane. So, oh, no, I've never seen... This is like an off-brand Chucky, basically, right? They should have a schizophrenic love on the spectrum.

Voices of Love. It's just a guy sitting in his room punching in one of these things and just hearing voices that tell him to kill his mom. Anyway. Once again, wildly specific. I applaud it. I think I have a mental illness.

I just see Love is Blind, but it's them just reading braille porn. Oh! Oh! Ugh. She did it where? Ugh. I know.

I was watching porn the other day. I accidentally clicked on a sounding video, which that was a quick exit. Please elaborate. I'm not familiar with this. What is sounding? I'm going to be honest with you. I really do not watch porn almost ever. But it was one of those like I'll see what the hell

is going on back there type of things it's like it's like checking out the shed in your backyard just be like make sure there's not anything got in I went in there and I checked I checked the integrity of turns out tons of squirrels got in tons of squirrels got into the penis hole of a man that's what sounding is dude it is it's a tuning fork in the penis hole of a man. That's what sounding is, dude. What? It's a tuning fork in the pee hole, right? As soon as I saw it.

That we can pull. It's going to be a good diagram. Let's not get real pictures, but maybe like a drawing we can look at. No, I don't need any of that baloney. Is it lady sounding? It was a lady doing it to a man, yeah. It's just called whining. I'm sorry. I'm just not Googling that.

Hey, please do not, Jake. Thank you, too. That's why you're the producer, baby That's why we got a pro Also, if you could please hit a key of C I think I'm tuning my fork over here Yeah, true Tuning my guitar So Corky Doll, your parents tortured you with this?

Yeah, they used to say that that was Chucky Doll That would come after me if I was bad And I bring this stuff up to them And these old senile bastards are like I have no idea what you're talking about and I'm like I vividly do and I didn't have the imagination to come up with it as a kid yeah they used to tell me that my uncle was locked in my grandma's attic because my aunt my uncle got divorced and I bring that up to them my parents just tell me that my uncle was locked in my grandmom's attic because they had just gotten divorced and there was a

clown that wouldn't let him out so anytime I went upstairs in my grandmom's house they're like why is he so fidgety and i'm like oh i don't know you fucking psychos you know dude so so wait a minute john i need to know your do you have any do you have any lies planned that are gonna no because i'm gonna raise my daughter nicely jesus christ your parents are like they're basically doing like guantanamo-level torture on you. Truly, yeah. They locked me in a room and put a strobe light and metallic on for three hours and told me it was my good time. If I came

out, that same clown would eat me. I used to have to wear a mask every time I took a bathtub, and they're like, go under the water, waterboarding him now. Man, your parents, a lot of psychological torture. Yeah, it's what you get when a mom smokes cigarettes, man. My mom smoked cigarettes before I was born, so I'm okay. So I'm just kind of fucked up in the head.

No, I'm raising my child right. I'm not going to scare the shit out of her with fake clowns. John, the point is you're missing a golden opportunity. If you could just lie, get away with it, and then just act one day like it never happened. Do the absolute fury of your offspring. Yeah, I mean, it's going to be unmatched. Truly unmatched. We tell a lot of little white lies, like,

we're driving by a restaurant she loves. Slavery to her. That's one lie. All right. Sorry. You know, they don't really have another bone in their foot. That's a white lie. Show me the boats.

Okay. Clearly it a white lie. Show me the boats. Okay. Clearly it happened. Sorry. You know, there's actually more white quarterbacks have won the Super Bowl than black. That's a white lie. If I let you get the last word, I never was part of it. So, what was I going to say? White lies.

Yeah. We'll just tell her, like, the rest. Like, she'll be like, I want to go there. Like, nah, they're closed on Tuesdays. And then now she's starting to be like, why is there people in there? You're like, shit. It's corporate meeting that they're having in there. Explain it way above her level.

My parents could have done the same thing. But they were like, oh, let's get a little inventive. Let's tell him clowns will murder him if he goes in there on a Tuesday. We can't go in there. The terrorist organization Al Qaeda is in there beheading kids your age. It's like, what the fuck? Do you think we have your parents on? Could that be a Patreon episode one day?

Have your parents on and just ask them? My mom, dude. Why should you do this to Matt? You give my mom a glass of wine. She'll talk. We could put the mics down. Just let her go. Are we going to have our moms on one episode?

I think that'd be great. That would be incredible. We should have our moms on and their rivals. I think my mom just found out who Usher was two days ago. Oh, really? She came over so excited. Who in that situation would be considered a rival? Just like one of their adversaries.

Just like another mom from the PTA meetings? Is that what you're getting at? I don't even know who my mom's rival would be. Probably... No, you never met Deb? Like they're Pokemon trainers and they have a rival? Yeah, and then we just meet them at certain points throughout the game when I've leveled up.

Every time my fucking main Pokemon evolves. Rival Moms would be a great Sega Genesis fighting game. Yeah, yeah. Different moms. Street fighters. Deborah fights Karen. Yeah. Who can make a pie that makes somebody float when they smell it out the window?

There's just like the finishing move is like a real guilt-like thing. It's like, I mean, you can go out, but I wanted to hang out with you. Or it's the wooden spoon for the more brawny mother for the more brawny mother in your life you could just neglect a child in it yeah finish him and you just wait seven years and don't talk to him finish his mental psyche he can't come with a woman unless she's mean to him. You finished him, but she can't finish him. Once again, fantastically specific. Freud was right. Freudality.

Dude, if I was in Freud's domicile, I would just try to flip his shit over and be like, I actually want to fuck my dad. What now, science boy? Oedipus this shit right here. How about this, dumbass? I want to blow my dad. You got anything for that in your stupid little fucking notebook? All right.

Two beers and half a glass of whiskey before the pod. Not a good idea. Do you ever, like, do you question shit like Freud and all those people that were, that's prehistoric in my mind, dude. If shit happened before 1980, I don't believe it happened the way it did. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, Freud, like, yeah, he's a genius. Like, now he would just be an asshole.

Just a real judgy dick. But then does that make you think that people who are, like, pronounced known assholes now are going to be the ones that will look back and go, all right. Like the prolific people of our day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like who's going to be the, you know, I was going to say wordsmith, and I can't even put together that. Okay. Who's going to be the prolific people of our day?

It's like Pauly Shore for some reason. Kanye West for sure. Kanye West, yeah. We're not going to have a great batch. He'll have a chapter in the history book. I can't wait for grandkids to ask me about Yeezy. I think it is, truly. I just watched that Tucker Carlson interview with Vladimir Putin.

That's getting wild, man. It's getting real wild. I watched that shit while I was hammered after a show. I tell you what, you listen to a Russian guy talk when you're hammered, nothing sounds better. I pledge Russian allegiance, yeah. I actually cannot say that. Start looking up plane tickets and passports.

Matt, how much are tickets to Russia? You looked it up, right? Yeah, dude, who knows? They're like $1,200 round trip. Yeah, no, it was pretty interesting just seeing the opposite side. Either way, we went back to the Super Bowl. Oh, Super Bowl, Yeah, we got it. Commercials. Can we talk about Jesus'

advertising budget? Jesus' ad budget is through the roof. Dude, they... Did he get a grant or what happened? Jesus and Temu. Who would have known? Temu, true. The Lord above and a Chinese company that we don't know enough about.

It's basically the flea market of the internet. Yeah, I don't think... But their commercial's so hilarious, too. It was like, Shop like a billionaire! And you're just ordering a T-shirt that has three arms in it for some reason. Billionaires fucking love shirts with three arms in them.

That one came out of Fukushima. It came out of one of those cities in Japan. True. Again, I hate to bring it back here, but my mom got me two gifts off Teemu for Christmas this past year. I'm dead serious. She got me a full blanket and a t-shirt.

Now, did she include the receipt so you knew? Actually, next podcast, I'll bring the blanket on here. It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Good blanket. It's like a mother's love for her son knows no bounds. And it's just like newspaper pictures that have nothing to do with love or kinship between a mother and son. It's just a horse accident. It's just a horse accident from the racetrack front and center on the newspaper.

Truly, it was like the second tower goes down. And I was like, damn, my mom loves it. God darn hell out of me. They do love them. Yeah, but the J Money commercials were a little bit overwhelming. I mean, a couple of them, you were like, this new miniseries on addicts is going to be incredible. Yeah. And then it was like Jesus 2 struggles.

Like, ah, they got me again. Yeah, I know. Well, I used it to flex a little bit, washing it with my girlfriend, where I was like, the first time I saw somebody washing feet, I was like, you know, Jesus was kind of known for doing that kind of crud. She was like, who the fuck would ever care about that? I hate you so much. Yeah, who honestly washes feet nowadays? I mean, don't get me wrong. With the way we use our feet with socks and all that.

Well, the depiction of it, too. Nobody does it anymore. We need to start washing feet again. This is what we can do. You said we should do the reacts. You want to do a watch-along to a Jesus commercial and just commentate it live? Can you pull one of them off of the Super Bowl? I think this would be good just to pop out as a reel, too.

This is comedians react to Jesus watching Tootsies. The washing the foot thing was funny, too, because it was like in the middle. One looked like it was like the January 6th riot. And they're like, yes, we stopped in the midst of storming the Capitol to wash this poor lady's feet. Those guys' feet are disgusting. Her toes, I mean, listen. They're so dirty, they're black. Dirt's insurrection aside.

Dirt's insurrecting these toots. Yeah, I mean, listen. They're so dirty, they're black. Insurrection aside. Dirt's insurrecting these toots. Yeah, I mean, it is. That commercial, it had an intention. It's just like... It sucks, dude. Super Bowl commercials used to be incredible. It used to be like, you got pumped for them, everyone talked about them. And I feel like now we're excited about stupid stuff now.

It was like the funniest thing of the year. It definitely fell off quite a bit. Now they're rehashing the E-Trade baby and shit. I'm finding more recap videos than the actual commercials here. Oh, it turns out we're not the only podcast to talk about it. Well, if you... Just go to Jesus.biz. If you seek him out, you will not find him.

He must come to you. There it is. There's some feet washing. Family planning clinic. Yeah. Like a broken home. She's like, look. That's a hot lesbian scene that could have popped out at any moment.

They're fracking for oil on that. What is this one? She stopped the bus? Did the bus run over someone? Wait, go back to that one. Hold on. She's about to get hit by a bus. She's like, oh, my God, your feet are just absolutely filthy with this 12-wheeler coming high-speed at you.

So this is a, oh, I think this is the migrants that got bussed out of Texas up to New York. Do you think that's what this is? No, most people thought that it's actually extreme home makeover. Her new house is behind that. Deb, quit washing her feet. We got to reveal the home. Your bedroom is an arcade with no bed. There's also that basket off to the side there.

How good would it be if the next frame was just someone posterizing that mom after she washed that lady's feet? Get yammed on, Cheryl. Yeah, I like that. Jesus is... They got to remind us how good of a dude he was. That guy still looks racist. Like, they're trying to make it a nice thing. The guy in the back still looks racist.

And this one's nuts. This was the Pepsi commercial. This was the Pepsi commercial with Kendall Jenner. This one, now, is this just two... The old... Go back to the old white guy and the old black guy on the porch together. That's just two guys that found love late in life, right? Yes.

This is just two fellers. Yeah, if we ever soak feet together, just know we're fucking. Yeah. Actually, that'll be our Patreon tier. Come soak your tootsies fellers. Yeah, if we ever soak feet together, just know we're fucking. Yeah. Actually, that'll be our Patreon tier. Come soak your tootsies with us. Yeah. If our guest ever gets back, we can soak his tootsies, too. I think at this point he just left, right?

I think pedicure should be the actual Patreon content. I would absolutely get a pedicure. Don't tempt me with a good time, baby. I want to hold hands with you on a porch. Will you be an old black man? Will you be Uncle Ben from the Rice Bowls? And I'm the Big Lebowski? The dude?

Yeah, with our old basset hound. The dude and the bruh? Dude, I mean, that's kind of the life. You retire with your best bud. You guys were enemies at one point. Yeah. And then you just start making sweet, sweet love in your 70s. And you raise a basset hound on a porch somewhere i'll be back shortly and i'm gonna go soak my tootsies do you think they're interlocking toes in that bucket what's happening

i think if mlk came back and saw this he'd be like all right not all of it i had a dream but this is a fucking nightmare it breaks a little bit yeah jesus yeah that's nuts man this commercial they were just they had such high hopes that i can't believe this is the thing i just try to think of the person who watches this and gives it the okay and what they're like there's there's some guy that's that is down six grand gambling watching that game. And he's like, wait, what? Jesus washed feet? Yeah. I could have not been spending my money all along, and I could have put it into the Lord.

I know. And he's like, honey, get up. I didn't hit you that hard. Look, look at the commercial. You can actually get up. He gets us. He gets us. He gets us.

And I'll get you again if that's cold. I swear to God. These all start ending with, use promo code footwash at fanduel.com. It's soaked tootsies at fanduel.com. I think the best, the most successful advertising campaign ever would be if somebody took the template of that and then just slapped OnlyFans at the end of it. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's kind of what it is.

This would make top tier money. You get a cop washing a young black male's feet. Why make the cop whiter they didn't make the cop white enough here they tried to make it you gotta make him real white well it's a jesus commercial the people making it are still racist they're still like well you know they make mistakes too like they're still fucked up people i'd love to be in the writer's room for this one yeah they should have an epstein Island cut too. It's Epstein just putting lays on people as they come off of the plane. Mahalo.

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome, brother. Dude, do you think there was ever a time on Epstein Island they got off the plane and he greeted them playing a steel drum? Oh, in a ukulele. Welcome to the island. They're like, what accent is that? If you own an island and you don't do that, that is a wasted drum. Oh, in a ukulele. Welcome to the island. They're like, what accent is that? If you own an island and you don't do that,

that is a wasted opportunity. True. Did you know he had one of those fake Rasta dread hat with the braids coming out? Ah, Bill, you see this one? It's a good joke. Wagwan, that was a fight. Anyway, the children are that way.

Oh, man. Just follow the signs that clearly say children They're just there in the corner And then there's hors d'oeuvres over there for you guys I know it was a long flight Pigs in a blanket Oh god just thinking of a guy going to that island Popping his ears

Long flight I watched Big Fish on the way down and cried the whole time. Now he's a big fish in a little pond. Yeah, just some guy getting all this. He's like, I watched Field of Dreams. Anyway, Jeff, how young are the tweens tonight? Jesus Christ. Come on, man.

Reset the hard drive before you come off the goddamn PJ. Think. Yeah, that commercial was nuts. I was expecting a Gillis commercial the entire time. I was, too. I thought it was going to be a Bud Light one. Yeah. I was hoping for it.

It's so corny. It also wasn't a – it's the first year in a couple years Tommy Pope didn't do a commercial. Ah. He said he wasn't going to because him and Chris Wood, alum of the podcast. That's right. Had a Super Bowl commercial two years ago, which was a good one. Yeah. And then he had one the year before that.

I think he had two before that. But, yeah, I remember him saying he's a guy who just got too busy. That's what, I mean, sponsor companies, if you need somebody next year, we'll wash people's feet in a commercial. For sure. I'll wash Matt's feet. He'll wash mine. Yeah.

It'll be cute. I'll wash mine. That'd be the best 69 ever. Yeah. Oh, dude, I would fucking manhandle you. Just toe 69. If we ever, by the way, if we did ever 69 dude I would fucking manhandle you Just toe 69 By the way if we did ever 69 I would outdo you in a second

You'd be sitting up there like I'd be like getting the job done Getting the job done You'd sit there fiddling around I'd be like get off I'll do it I'd be interrupting you Quit humming What are you humming about

What could you be humming about? I don't want to envision that again I'd pick you up I did like the Michael Cera CeraVee commercial Wasn't bad That was pretty funny Love good pun

I've seen it on the internet first That's what you're saying They were underwhelming commercials Because they've kind of already talked about it and any good funny clip is our our friends from our friends from down south yes our pals yes uh yeah we just had so much food and i was on a mission and on top of that i got like 20 good uh 20 count of wings that we were like we're gonna plow through this right i ate the rest of them last night at midnight. Bad call.

Dude, they just sit there and you look at them. Go out there when you imbibe in a certain kind of. Leftovers. Leftovers are the best. Yeah. Welcome to leftovers. That is the one benefit of being awful at cooking is I'm like, I don't want to fucking ever look at that again.

That's disgusting. You're not a leftover guy. Not if I cooked it. I'm like, I don't even want to when it was hot again. That's disgusting. You're not a leftover guy. Not if I cooked it. I'm like, I didn't even want to when it was hot. No, no, no, I mean leftovers if it's like takeout. Even still, I'm like, eee. I'm good at cooking portions. What do you even mean by that, dude?

I cook the right amount for us to eat, and there's not leftovers? Oh, my God. Your poor family's probably starving. Dude, I cooked down entire things. John has four plates, and his wife has like a fucking napkin of like a salad. No, it's the opposite, because we've been together for so long. No, you're actually stuffed. We've been eating so many meals together forever, and when I was back six foot, 200 pounds,

I'm still the same height now. Okay. When I was 200 pounds and having eaten like crazy, my wife was eating the same portions I was, because we would just cook and be like, let's split it right down the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should definitely have the same portions as a guy that outweighs you by 75 pounds. Yeah. That's always a problem.

Does that ever happen with you guys when you cook? With drinking, yeah. We'll usually go beer for beer, and she's just like, I'm going to vomit. And I'm like, I'm going to the casino. It's funny you mention that. Yeah. I am going to vomit in said casino, but I'm going to it. I'd do it.

I got no fucking bones about that. Yeah, soupy bowls, I watched that. I don't know. I'm trying to it. I'd do it. I got no fucking bones about that. Yeah, Soupy Bowls, I watched that. I don't know. I'm trying to think what else. This past weekend was just like a whirlwind of absolute. I mean, I did a show. I was talking with the John about this before I got here. I just, sometimes I get caught up in the goddamn cosmos on stage,

and you call women in the front row of your show truck drivers to their face. And you say, thank God you're here, truck drivers. And they look at you and they go, why would you ever call us that? We paid to come here to watch you. And you think about that until Tuesday night. Here's my argument. We said this on the way over. I think that's a compliment.

You called them one of the most important careers in this country. Yeah. If there aren't truck drivers, there aren't goods that get shipped. I'm not going to get my things from Amazon. I wrote a good new desk organizer that came in under 24 hours. I'm not getting that without truckers. Sure. Actually, that was mostly just delivery guys.

Actually, a guy in his own Maxima pulled up and delivered it. Now I think about it. Yeah, I don't like that. Dude, it's so weird. So when does one become a trucker? Is there like a weight limit or does it need to be a detachable cab? How does that work? I think you definitely got to dig up any old Facebook posts or tweets to see like who you voted for in a couple elections.

You should have had, you wanted to storm the Capitol, but you were on a long route the night before. There's no way you were going to make it. You were so tired. Yeah, you were asleep in a 7-Eleven parking lot. That always amazed me like i remember my parents tell me when i was younger like at truck stops whatever my dad being like you know they sleep in those things and i'm like there's no way but now watching videos of dudes like sleeping as their truck rolls off and their camera catches them waking up in the bed like yep no no no no no i see the videos are like real people like legit live in those things, no. I see the videos. It's so real.

People like legit live in those things. I know. And I see videos on like TikTok and shit of like dudes at night when they have to kind of like lock it up to make sure nobody's breaking in. They like take the seatbelt and put it through the door handle and lock it back in and all this stuff. I think nothing looks cozier than sleeping in my fucking 18 wheeler. Oh, yeah.

I would love that, dude. You think you would sleep good in those Chinese pods they had, too? They were like desk drawers, basically. I'll never sleep in anything Chinese. I'm staying woke if I'm near them, dude. I won't let them fool me again. I recognize Taiwan. They're our number one manufacturer of goods.

We're bleeding them dry. Oh, man, lot lizards. You got to worry about your... Not just your stuff getting stolen, but your sweet, sweet virginity of your soul. Your goods getting tarnished. They tarnish your soul. They come and say, oh, please don't tarnish my goods. I don't tarnish my heart and soul.

But if she comes up with a 7-Eleven frosted donut, I'll say, put it around my penis and do your thing. Yeah. I've never seen a lot lizard in the wild. I want to. I don't think you want to see those. I think they would be very scary and nervous. I want to spectate them scarier.

I like the thing that they move like a lizard even. Yeah, they leave a trail like the tire marks. They're very yucky and disgusting. Their skin changes to whatever truck they're leaning up against. I'm Amazon Blue. No, you're just overdosing. I can blend in any Wawa or Sheetz. I look exactly like the stone facade

out front of every Wawa. Even the ones that aren't Wawas anymore, but you can be like, yeah, there was a Wawa there at one point. I know that stone facade. They just walk past a brick wall of a Sheetz and you hear, any long stops, stud?

Or whatever they say. It's always hun. What? She's like. Yeah, I'm talking to you. It's just Mystique from X-Men. What would be the Mystique name? It's Miss Teak.

She's made of teak wood. Miss Teak. It's a rarity. Miss Teak. I know for certain I'd get in there. If push came to shove, and a.k.a aka they pushed me and shoved me, I would absolutely get in there. Not now, obviously. I'm a community man, but I'm just saying if I was living

a different life. If there's X-Men, there's got to be Y-Men also, right? There's got to be a group of the ones that didn't pan out. I want to see that. Literally Y-Men. They literally sat there going, wait, why? Why do we need to do that? What was your ability? It was going to bed pretty early.

Yeah. It's like, oh, I don't know if you're quite an X-Men. So you're a Wolverine. I'm actually Badger Boy. Yeah. It didn't really play out as good. Turns out I just have rabies. It's a problem.

There's Dr. X, and I'm Nurse X. I'm actually Chiropractor X. I'm a doctor, technically, guys. Dr. X can see into the future. Nurse X is just like one of those annoying ladies you meet. He's like, I have really good intuition. It's like, okay, sure. Nurse X can just see into the past and just remind you of all the dumb shit you've done.

Yeah, yeah. If only they could live in the present. I hate when people say that, too. Live in the present. I was going to make a real homophobic Magneto joke, but I decided not to. Give it a go. See if you can talk around it. You know what it is.

You can think of it as just guys are attracted to me. Okay. Okay. There we go. Got it. Go with F in there. I can't believe that I realized it that quickly. I was like, yeah, absolutely, for sure, 100% I know what you're talking about.

Do you think there's a version of Magneto that just controls wood in the literal sense? Yeah. That's what you're thinking? Yeah, I mean, that's Jesus. He was a carpenter. Yeah, do you think he just... He would levitate carpenter. Like, that's not really carpentry.

Yeah. I mean, if they made a Jesus commercial where he was controlling wood like Magneto, I think they'd get a much better point across. Yeah. Just saying. That's probably what got... Because obviously... You think they slashed the CGI budget across yeah just saying that problem that's probably what god because obviously you think they slashed the cgi budget like what that's what i'm saying i think very honestly jesus though they probably like one idiot probably saw him it was like oh my god this guy's like the fucking god of carving wood and he's like what'd you just say

and just goes with it and they hang him on wood he wasn't a carpenter you have a drinking problem yeah he didn't have any wives every carpenter i mean meet is pretty pretentious, so I wonder if he's getting crucified and he was like, you follow this fucking cross, dude? Look at the dimensions. You got an 8x4 with a 2x6. This same thing is far too bad. Come on, guys. Me, I would have gone with a different.

I don't know. A T? That's a little on the nose. Whatever does it for you, I guess. Also, how the fuck do we have nails? It's the year one. How do we have nails? It's the year one. How do we have nails? Also, how did they get a picture of this? There is no steel manufacturing at that point. How the fuck did they make nails?

You're right. He died. He died when he was 33. So I wonder if people in the audience were like, this is so 33. People were like, this is so 2024. He's running new shit. This is so 33. Do you think right before he died

he was just like, draw me real hot! And then he'd been just going shit and piss. Yeah, dude. He had so much poo-poo coming out. That's where the term holy shit comes from. Because that camera's like, holy shit, dude! The whole bottom of the cross is brown. What the fuck happened?

They're like, Jesus Christ! That's where all those terms came from. I was just watching him. Shit. There is a good chance that the Last Supper was undercooked or ill-prepared for the time being. Yeah. Like, there was probably some bad fish at the Last Supper. Yeah. Jesus is just up there, and he's like, I mean, this whole torture thing's terrible.

True. But the IBS, I got all of a sudden. Well, think about the least faithful fucking uh apostle was like a little dry and then you watch them oh my god i should have dude being crucified with diarrhea that was probably great yeah honestly that should have been the go-to like just non-stop fiber the day before just shit hard as hell on those fucking italians at the end of the last supper do you think when the bill came, they were all just like, Jesus has got this one, right?

He's going to pick this one up. Judas is like, actually, I wasn't drinking, so I'm going to need, I'm not paying as much. Yeah, Jesus was Jewish, so he's like, we'll split it 13 ways. Not to say they all were. When you think of Final Supper, check spot, new sketch idea.

No, I'm saying Jesus being a Jewish man when they got the bill to find Last Supper. I'm saying save it. We're doing this as a sketch. They literally all are Jewish men. Final Supper check split is incredible. I'm just thinking it's the final supper.

That's how it's starting. Do you think Jesus ordered for the table? He's like, yeah, yeah, come here, come here. Oh, he's like a chauvinist. He's like, I'm actually Piscatarian. I'm actually, all right, we're going to start off. He's Italian in this one because most depictions of Jesus are Italian. Yeah, okay.

We're going to start off with a little something for the table. Yeah. Something for Judas. You're not picking. Put that knife down. Paul's gluten-free. We got gotta be fine With gluten free

Well it's also the year 33 So they only have Four food options We're gonna start With the bread Cause that's all we have Bread Wine and water

That's it And one fish And watch this guys I'm gonna turn One into the other True if they ran out of food Out of the thing And they were like

Make the fucking Make more food You made the bread You made the fish Make more food See it's just booze I can only do it with booze I can't do it

Trust me I tried once with cheese. I just made a mouth. It was crazy. Opposites. Italian Jesus. That might be my favorite Jesus. Well, no. I like the Italian. Super daggoed out Jesus. Well, especially if he does shit on the cross. Like, yo, what the fuck? Oh, he's fucking straddle. No, fucking Jesus Christ is

over here shitting and pissing and farting. Jesse up there can't hold his own. I like that. Jesse's a good nickname for Jesus. That's why he moved it. Jesse Christ. Hey, JC. Hey, JC.

JC. What's up, guys? That's why he moved the tombstone to get out of there. He's like, it's stuffy in here. He's back to Jewish now. Oh, my God. Jewish Jesus versus Italian Jesus. I want to see that fight.

Yeah, they're just going to sword fight with their noses. All right, we're live. In Italy. In Jerusalem. Yeah, it was all the Roman Empire back then, dude. Do you think there's anyone in the Gaza Strip watching us right now? I hope so. And I'm sorry.

We can talk about this i love that palentine joke that's what i thought was funny yeah uh we've been on driving over here matt mac thought this was a little autistic of me but the last time we were driving over here i pointed out that one of the buildings in camden was lit up uh green red and black well not black so you can there's no black lights on there. They're not Hot Topic. Black is the absence of color. Right. But they had green and red lights when they usually always had white and blue. I thought they were lit up

for Israel. So then when we were driving across, it was Palestinian colors. And then tonight, back to Israel colors. I think this company, I don't want to come after them, but I think they're flip-floppers. I think they're having a power struggle. We got a Gaza flip-flopper.. We've got a Gaza flip-flopper. You think we have a Gaza flip-flopper?

I think there's a power struggle within the maintenance department of the building. Oh, that's good, too. It's become pretty hostile. Yeah, I can imagine. The off-nights are covered by a Palestinian guy, and then there's a Jewish guy. Bro's just changing them when he gets in in the morning. Oh, that's true. Yeah, true.

That could be just front runners, though, about who's doing the best. It's so funny, too, to think that every Thursday there's a board meeting and they get together and like, all right, guys, who are we rooting for next week? Yes. And again, we need to stress this is a real thing about a building. We're not making jokes about this. If you're going over the Ben Franklin Bridge, look into Camden. I won't say the name of the company.

It's so weird. We have gone the past three weeks. It's been a different color each time, look into Camden. I won't say the name of the company. It's so weird. We have gone the past three weeks. It's been a different color each time, just between these two. So I don't know what the hell these frickin' friggers are doing. But we're going to get to the bottom of it. We're going to get to the gosh dang bottom of it. We're going to fly an airplane by the building. It's next to the aquarium, too.

Where do you think the sharks lie on this? In the Gaza, Israel, Palestine thing. Where do you think the fish at the aquarium next door? No, it's next door to that. What do the sharks think? I think you've got to worry more about the octopi. They're the ones who know what's going to happen. You watch an octopus in a fucking aquarium, you're like, tell me now.

What happens? You know they know, dude. They're sentient beings. I'm just picturing a shark thing coming up above the water. And just a Jewish voice. They're sentient beings. I'm just picturing a shark thing coming up above the water. And just a Jewish voice. Okay, there we go. We're back. I'm not scared of sharks. Are you scared of Jewish people coming out of tunnels?

No, I'm happy. You're not scared of sharks at all? Well, I mean, on land, I'm not afraid of sharks. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Drew, how often are you in the ocean? I mean, yeah, on land, I certainly have the upper hand. To be fair i'm in the ocean in 43 years but i ain't scared of fucking sharks i'm dead i'm not even trying to be funny

if a shark underwater or a bear on land came up to me i i would like be fine shark touched you on the leg you're not freaking out no you never freaked out when something touched your leg in the ocean jellyfish nope i get i get i get interested a lot of people go oh no i go look at this big huh floating body stepping on a kid to get out of water yeah that's always step on his head for sure no if i see a shark i just dude they have beaks their mouth their mouths are further back than their beaks so just grab the beak and go i'll go nah different place not i definitely think that'll work. You need to test that theory. I promise you.

Can you YouTube just like... 14 beers deep on the beach. Guys, watch this. And then just getting your other arm chomped right off. If it's a chick shark, I'll fuck it too. Oh, a girl shark?

Yeah. That's one of the ones you can. Are you not scared of street sharks? Did you watch that show when you were younger? No, I don't believe I did Is that a real thing? No, Street Sharks is incredible

Oh, that was a great show It was the raddest show ever Really? It was like in the vein of Ninja Turtles They were just like half shark, half human That drove cars and fought crime, maybe? Oh, you guys would watch that after the Mary Tyler Moore show, right? Yes, yes, yes

You're the youngest child ever Street Sharks was fucking incredible Dude, you would would watch that after the Mary Tyler Moore show, right? Yes, yes, yes. You're the youngest child ever. Street Sharks was fucking incredible. Dude, you would have loved Street Sharks. Actually, there's a good video of Vin Diesel's first job ever. He was the spokesman for the Street Sharks toys line. Vin Diesel does look like a shark, yeah. It's Vin Diesel, and he's like, guys, you're not going to believe it. We got Bulkhead or whatever his name is.

Are you guys fast and curious about the world of sharks? Fast and curious. There has to be that porn parody, right? You want to see a private island off the coast of the U.S.? Too fast, too curious. Fast and curious, dude. What a great Sylvan Learning

Center. I live my life a quarter inch at a time. And a quarter inch, right, guys? That's almost one-fourth of an inch. And if we had eight quarter inches, we'd have two. That's right. Yeah, look up Vin Diesel Street Shark. It sounds like the name of a ska band.

We are Vin Diesel Street Shark. Please stick around for Puddle Honey. That's another one that sounds like a quarterback before he says Hut. Street Shark, Street Shark. Vin Diesel, Street Shark. Vin Diesel, Street Shark. Look at him. Just couldn't be more of just the dude.

Why does he look like the evil kid from Toy Shark? He looks like the shark, you're right. He looks like the street shark. He's scared of sharks. The guy like that is scared. If you get a guy like me, sweater, pair of kill shots, I'm fine. Your shirt does look like those bite-proof sharks. Yeah, got the chainmail

Yeah, yeah You can stab me in the gut, nothing's gonna happen I wouldn't even feel it, dude I don't know I fear the power of sharks Myself, personally And I'm an aquatic man I'm probably in the ocean more than you

Yeah, I'm not surprised to hear you say all that bullshit But whatever, dude I'm the most aquatic comic in this Oh in the ocean more than you. Yeah, I'm not surprised to hear you say all that bullshit, but whatever, dude. I'm the most aquatic comic in this. Oh, here we go, dude. And we're back. Name a comic that's in the water more than me. I mean, a lot of these guys are underwater. Most of their sets, they fucking suck.

We're going to suck. What do you got coming up? We're past an hour, right? No, no, we're coming right up to it. Damn. I thought, we can keep going. Let's keep cooking. No, actually, I'm done now.

I think I've had enough. All right, what do you got coming up? What do we got, dude? This Friday, I'll be performing at an apartment complex center. Because everything's right where I want it to be. No, that'll be fun. It's a John Phillips show. It's like a community center night for an apartment complex. So that should be fun. It's a John Phillips, John Phillips show. It's like a, a community center night for an apartment complex.

So that should be fun. Um, and then next Thursday we're at helium comedy club. Actually, sorry. No, uh, Monday,

uh, Philly city winery. Please come to that. Jim Gillespie and friends. It's a crowd work show. So I'll be working the crowd. I'll be nonstop working them. I'll actually be putting them to a nine to five,

uh, with unpaid labor and no overtime. And then on Thursday we'll be at helium. I'll actually be putting them to a 9-5 with unpaid labor and no overtime. And then on Thursday, we'll be at Helium. I'll be opening for Josh Blue. Very excited about that. That should be a very fun time. So please come hang out. And what about you there? Oh, and of course, Shock Drop Comedy Show

March 2nd. Score Sneaker Boutique. Score Sneaker Boutique. Collinswood, New Jersey. That's right. Collinswood, New Jersey. We have the ticket links. I have the ticket links in my bio on Instagram. Uh, if you're listening to this, bring your own alcohol.

We will have some there, but if you prefer something, just bring it. Yes. B I O B. Uh, if you're listening this far in, you probably would have brought it anyway.

True. Good point. Yeah. Um, yeah. So shock drop comedy, March 2nd, get there, be there. there uh if you're listening live

this thursday i'll be hosting uh at helium for the eight o'clock show on thursdays right yeah uh then this saturday i'll be up rosemont comedy in easton pa uh next week the 23rd and 24th will be hosting for john heffron at uh helium so come out to that that's gonna be awesome john heffron's been a comic that i've loved for a long time back the old comedy central presents days so pretty excited to get to to do that johnny helium baby he's in there like trying oh and check out a video just just came out today, Crossing Broad. We filmed the Home Run Derby up at Victus Batts. I got second place to Philly TikToker Sabrum, the Delco Douche guy in all the videos. He's just a say less my guy. True.

Yeah, I got second place to him. But tune in, watch it. I think it was rigged. I hit bombs. I saw you put up a great fight. And speaking of Crossing Broad, keep an eye out for a new fun live podcast coming there with some specialty boys. Specialty boys?

A lot of high T-boys. That has been our podcast. Good night. I love you. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Outro Music