That Rules Podcast - Episode #14: Road Dawgz

Episode Date: August 31, 2021

You ever wonder what it is like hitting the road to do a comedy show with your pal? Well quit your stupid wondering and out this in your damn ears!

🎵 Here we are, baby. This is a special edition, episode 14 of the PitCast with me, Fat Johnny Matzobal. You won't believe this right now, folks. We made a huge decision that my living room was getting too old, getting too boring. We couldn't go back to the garage. So we said, what's the best thing we could do? We've got to wait until we're on a show together

and we will record a podcast in a moving automobile right after John Montag gets a cramp in his foot. The worst cramp I think I've had in months. The worst cramp. Some people are saying I'm one of the most physically fit 35-year-olds to ever do a podcast. And that comes with a price.

But what you didn't mention is it's the 14th episode. It's the final episode. This is our last episode. Thank you so much for your support over the past three years. Actually, I don't know if you see that water straight ahead. I'm going to drive right on it. There it is. We're going to go right now.

It's where the GPS has to go, so we're not going to defy our overlord. You're going to catch a lot of ambient sound here. You're going to hear me hit a rumble strip or two on the side of the road. I've been known to drive on those a whole bunch. That would actually be fun. Every time I don't like what you're saying, I just hit this real quick. Well, folks, that was a rumble strip some ambient sound by the way that is mine and john's nicknames we are rumble strip and ambient sound that's our dj who's who yeah rumble strip they seem great they seem like they're

better if they're dipped in barbecue sauce uh try out a rubber strip rubber strip remember um um yeah it's car talk we're. We're doing car talk. You never want to hear the term ah, boats when you're driving in a car, because it sounds like you're driving into a river. I drove into a river one time when I was 15. Did you really? Nah. So that's what we can talk about.

I was saying this would be fun, because we can talk about less than satisfactory driving records. Yes. How are you as a driver, man? Well, it depends on who you ask. If you ask anybody but me, you will be told that I'm a pretty piss-poor driver. If you ask anyone that's able to go into a law system, a law system? That's not a thing. Police system and look up your name and your driving record. A police law system,

says old crampy boy over here. Listen, Krampus. Oh, God, it's coming back. Is it coming back? Kind of. He's getting cramps in the ball of his foot. That's not even a choice. When you become a high mileage guy like myself, you cramp everywhere that's like not athletic. Yes. Well, I don't have anywhere that's athletic.

My teeth cramp. He's got enamel cramps. Do you got a charger in here? Can I use your charger? Yeah. Oh, I'm the worst guy around. Thanks man. Um,

so driving record, you got your life. What, what did you get? Oh, wait, shout out to, uh,

that sticker in front of us. University of Miami sticker. Yes. Cause we are the number one, New Jersey official Miami hurricanes podcast. So go canes. We're both doing the U. Oh my God.

I should have had my hands on the wheel. No, we are in the woods. Oh my God. We're into the woods. We are dead. Uh, what are your license at in Jersey? Right. No, we are in the woods now. Oh my god, we're into the woods. We are driving through. And dead. What are you getting your license at in Jersey, right?

So I'll give you the full rundown. So I got my license when I was 17 years old. So that would be 25, 8 years ago. Learner's permit for how long, right? A year? Yes. Six months. So it's 2013.

I get my driver's license, and I've been whipping it ever since senselessly. And I've been in, let me count right away. One, two, three. Jesus. He's running out of fingers to count the number of accidents. Five accidents. Look at that thing going nuts on the LG Pass. Oh, it's torque and force.

Yeah, bounce it, baby. Five accidents. I've been in five accidents. Three were my fault. Three were my fault. The other two, I was asleep asleep so i don't know whose fault those were yeah i don't know i had a hooker in the car with me uh let me see if i can top that i've been in uh we can run through it so my first accident uh what was that oh actually i was ever

in an accident that wasn't you weren't behind the wheel yeah yeah i got one uh good friend of mine who lived down the street he got his license like early in the year like the school year so before any of the rest of us so he got to drive to school and like a week after he got his license we were picking up a friend on the way to school and he was like where can i go and me the kid who doesn't have a driver's license at the time because i wasn't old enough was like oh you can just hit a u-turn anywhere and anywhere, he thought in the middle of an intersection was where you can hit

a U-turn. We get sideswiped and showered with glass from the windows. I didn't really, like, I mean, they're made to shatter so you don't, you know,

get jagged shards into your throat. Jagged shards? Jagged shards. Actually, the band we started, metal band Jagged Shards. Album coming soon.

And we were just showered with it. We still had to go to school that day, which I thought was horseshit. Yeah. His mom picked us up from the scene with the accident. She was like, well, you guys are going to be late for school. I was like, I think I have whiplash and a CTE. I was literally, at the time, I had longer, shaggier hair, you know, like a dope-ass high schooler would.

Yeah, don't say shaggy, but I hear you. Well, it was shaggy. It had some shag to it. This was pre, like, bang, swooped across the face look. You let schooler. Yeah, don't say shaggy, but I hear you. Well, it was shaggy. It had some shag to it It was this was pre like bang swooped across the face. Look you had ever you let everything go Yeah, I'm gonna just grow the beaver bangs like your generation. I have a beaver and the beaver bangs and I Was literally like sitting in class like five periods in the day Scratching my head and just pulling pieces of class out of my hair still The point where I was like, oh I should probably like go wash my hair or something get all of glass out of my hair still. To the point where I was like, oh, I should probably, like, go wash my hair or something,

get all this glass out. Anyway, that was accident number one. It wasn't my fault. Okay. I think I was in four accidents. That's actually concerning that I've been in five, and I am ten, count them, ten years younger than you are. I didn't say we're not going to get in one tonight. No, that's a very good point.

We are going to see if we can make this, because here's the deal that I kind of think about from this perspective when I think about things that I think about. And I kind of project them into words through my mouth. Did you just glitch? No, I don't think so. I think I have the glitch. I think I have the plan. So, dude, if there's ever an STD that makes you do weird shit, call it the glitch. Oh, the glitch.

Or it's just one where it's like a, it's a gruesome itch. Yeah. Like a Gritch. The Gritch. The Gritch. Starring Mike Myers. Who is it? No.

Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey. Uh, that's actually my dad's favorite movie. And my dad has Asperger's. I don't know. I don't think so. My dad is the brain of an 11 year old child. Actually, that is a great movie.

Anyway, we're going off on a tangent. Yeah, we're going off on a tangent. Car accidents. Cancellos. What was your first accident you got in? My first accident I ever got in, so this is like when I'm actually driving. I was going from school

back to my house to pick up stuff for basketball practice later in the day. So as I'm leaving, I'm in Gloucester City, New Jersey, probably like one of the three or four best cities in the entire country. It's like, most people will say it's like New York, LA, Chicago, Gloucester City, New Jersey. Yeah, it's a tie people will say it's like new york la chicago gloucester city new jersey yeah it's a tie they're like newark camden gloucester so like seattle has

the needle and gloucester has the needles yeah yeah seattle only has one i think i might actually keep that bit all right yeah that's pretty not bad all right so uh at any rate uh i'm driving home and i'm feeling good i have a girlfriend at this time. And I had, like, in the past, like, two years, I had just become popular. So that's been huge. I'm dating a popular girl. So I'm, like, nice. But this is not, I'm really, this is not a good story. I love to think that 90% of our listening audience just out loud went, ugh.

It's painful to say. I don't know why I did it, but here we are. So, anyway, so I'm going, and as I'm going by, there's a roundabout. Going, kind of like, so we're going straight, and there's a roundabout that'll let you do a U-turn as if you're coming away from where we're going to turn onto the street we're going to.

Is it in front of Virtua's, uh, produce? No, it's not that one. Not that roundabout. This one's a literal, like, roundabout. It's not a circle. There's a circle and there's a roundabout. Alright, dude? No, dude, roundabout. It's not a circle. There's a circle and there's a roundabout. All right, dude. It goes to the same thing. No, dude. Get your fucking head on straight.

So. Cramping ass. So. Krampus, the Christmas movie that wasn't that good. So. We're driving through. God, this story's not good. I feel like I say that once a podcast.

So we're going straight and the guy comes the roundabout and he just goes right into the side of my car it's like an older guy he's driving an acura and he's like moving so it like hits me and i like swerve off of the like the lane i'm in and it's kind of crazy like you think like when something cool like not cool but something dire happens you think when a really cool accident like a really sick axe so when like a body spray so when you think when that would happen you'd be like really kind of like courageous and heroic i like banshee scream yep like a baby boy like white knuckling the steering wheel oh yeah and i couldn't figure out how to stop my car i remember in my head being like i can't stop my car i can't stop my car because i was just rolling

i was like oh shit break break and then i had to like think to hit the brakes but the guy came out and he apologized he was like that was my fault this and that and I was like, oh, shit, brake, brake. And then I had to, like, think to hit the brakes. But the guy came out, and he apologized. He was like, that was my fault, this and that. And I was like, your insurance agent would hate you, but I appreciate it. And then I had to stand outside in the cold. So I'd gotten out a little bit earlier because I had a free period as the last period of my day. So I'm standing out in the snow waiting for my mom to come because I'm 17. And everybody from my high school is just driving by me, looking at me standing in the cold. And that was your last day of being cool and popular.

I was cool until I was cold outside that day, and nobody talked to me anymore. No, but that's my first axe. The best accident I've been in, I was out of college, so I was working at the time, and my boss had tickets to a Penn State game. And he was like, hey, whoever has the most sales this week or whatever, he did something like bullshit parameters around it, gets these two tickets. And me and the guy who ended up winning the other ticket were just the drinking buddies of the boss. Yeah. So we knew we could have not closed a single sale, and he would have just given them to us.

Right. So inevitably, that's what happened. So I think we closed like enough to, you know, make the argument and we win the tickets. We drive up to see Penn state versus, uh, Eastern Illinois or Eastern Michigan. One of the two, no, Eastern Illinois, which is even worse. It's like a 56 to nothing blowout. We drove up. Uh, I don't think we drank at all. I think we had like two beers

before we went into the game. Didn't even drink in the game, but you can at college games. Okay. And then we didn't have anywhere to stay or anything. We just drove back home. But here, we were out the night before getting hammered all night. So that kind of caught up with us. And we're driving back, and if you've ever left a Penn State, have you ever been to a Penn State football game?

I have not, no. So there's like one road in, one road out of the town. And the one road out on the way out is just like bumper to bumper traffic. So you're never going faster than five to 15 miles an hour. And I nodded off at one point and we were going downhill and I smashed into the back of a tractor trailer, but probably only, it had to, if you were watching this from an outside perspective it probably had to look like i did it on purpose like we went into the back of a tractor trailer at like fifth maybe 10 miles an hour which you know it could be probably deadly like if you hit the wrong the wrong thing and we went under like the back step of the truck oh my god a nissan

centra so it like it a shaped my hood it bent it up and uh it threw my buddy who was in a Nissan Sentra, so it A-shaped my hood, it bent it up, and it threw my buddy, who was in the passenger seat, he laid down and went to sleep, didn't put his seatbelt on, and it threw him forward and smashed his head on the windshield. No fucking way. To the point where the outside of my windshield had a bubble that came out that was the shape of his forehead. forehead and all that so i woke up as we were smashing into the car and i remember little wayne uh the carter three up was on my car and i must have like as we hit i must have hit the dial forward so it was like the loudest possible volume for little wayne blaring in your face and i did the same thing where like in the moment you're like i'm probably going to be really heroic and calm and i just like let out like a weird yell and then i looked at him and i was like we've been in an accident and he looked at me with blood running down his head from his forehead going yeah i know

yeah i've heard yeah so we get out of the car and he's fine he didn't even feel he said he's like you know i don't feel concussed which i'm sure most people say when they have a concussion yeah but he was like you know i feel fine but an ambulance did end up coming like cops came oddly enough i'm leaving a penn state football game i'm a 23 i guess maybe 22 23 year old guy yeah they don't even like test to see if i'm drunk which was odd and i i kind of like would have welcomed it so you were driving i was driving yes and i just nodded off for like a split second because it was was just that mind-numbing stop and go traffic. Yeah. So he flew forward, smashed head into the windshield.

They were like, hey, you got to go to the hospital just to get this thing cleaned out, blah, blah, blah. We're like, oh, okay. So we do that. And then our buddy we worked with who went to Penn State, we called him. And we're like, hey, man, can you drive out here from Philadelphia, which is a four hour drive maybe. And he was like, yeah, I'm on my way. What a guy. So he even more of a guy.

He goes, hey, my friends own or manage the 401 club or whatever the bar. Go there. I'll meet you there. You guys can drink while you wait because I'm going to be driving. He told you to go drink. So he's like, go drink. He's like, I'm not going to let you drive my fucking car you already crashed one today right so i'm pretty yeah a cop ended up driving us to the bar dropped us off and we proceeded to just get hammered my buddy's head's all bandaged up unbelievable we get hammered and

we said to the guy we're like well do you know anyone out here like you can just come out and drink too we can crash out here and he's like no it's to the guy, we're like, well, do you know anyone out here? Like, you can just come out and drink too, and we can crash out here. And he was like, no, it's cool. This guy shows up, has like one beer or two beers, says hi to a couple people. And he's like, all right, guys, let's get going. He's like, all right. So we're hammered. We're both passed out in the backseat.

The guy was just a good dude. I mean, this is the greatest guy of all time. Just a good dude. Yeah, and he's one of those guys when you meet him, you're like, something's shifty about this guy. And I think it was because he had a fully shaved head at, like, 23. And you're like, there's something shifty, but I think he just was bald. And it was like, I'm going to embrace it. His hair's boring.

So, yeah, great dude. Anyway, so, like, three days later, I work with this guy. So, the guy who headed the windshield, his name is Don. Shout out, Don, if you ever listen to this. You're welcome for that cool scar on your head. There it is. And he's Don if you ever listened to this. You're welcome for that cool scar on your head. There it is. And he's a handsome fella. He was actually,

he might have been the most handsome idiot I've ever met. No. Like, he was just dumb hot. I gotta have him on. Maybe we can zoom Don and check out the scar

and see if it healed better. So, we're out drinking like a week later because we'd always got Thursday nights as like an office and get drunk. Yeah.

Go to like a bowling alley, eat wings and chug beers. Beautiful. And he's scratching his forehead like where the scar was or where the bandage was. I don't think they put stitches in. Yeah. And he's like, dude, something is here. And I'm like, no, man, what's there?

It's scar tissue. He's like, no, there's something there. He goes into the bathroom. He's like, yo, come here. I want to see when this happens. He literally pulls a piece of glass out of the healed wound on his forehead. It was already healing. And I was like, so that just shows you how good they are at whatever Penn State hospital they took us to.

He pulled a piece of glass a week later out of his forehead. And I was like, hey, that's the most badass thing I've ever seen. Oh, my God. And then he just went back to drinking that night. I would have gone home. I would have called out. This guy sounds like the best person of all time. He is, and maybe the worst, too.

He's a good dude. But I would have just gone home. I wouldn't have worked the rest of the week. I would have, yeah, I would have called my mom. I would have went in the fetal position. Also, totally cool guy that he never, like, complained or tried to sue me for throwing his head into a windshield. No, that's just good friend stuff. I'll try to find this picture.

I could put it up on the Handsome Idiots Instagram if I could find the picture. Because it is legitimately. Because windshields don't shatter the way like side windows do. Side windows will shatter and like fall into little pieces. Windshields just spider glass out. Yeah. And they usually maintain their shape. Yeah, very fake.

It looked fake. Like, you know those. Because Matt smashes one of my windows. He hits what it is. You know those. Did you ever see like the decal where it looks like half a baseball smashed into a back window? Yes, yeah. It looked like that, but the shape of his head.

Yeah. And eventually I had to get a new windshield. Oh, that was the worst thing too. It was like then the following weekend, my dad and I had to go up and get the car back. Because it wasn't totaled somehow. It bent the hood up and didn't touch the engine. I'm very good at crashing cars yeah sure so me and my dad who are not you know mechanically inclined we were like we're not going

to fix this so we're like we don't want to tow like i did the math to get a tow truck to drive it back would have been more than the car was worth yeah it was like an 04 centro so effectively total so what we did was i got a u-haul box truck and then the toby hind trailer for like a hundred dollars each way was basically the deal yeah i mean i'm a genius i can i'm really good at like moron piecing together solutions okay i can i'm the same way all right that's like if that was if if we really looked we probably could have found somebody that had a trailer we could have done but this was like my best way of idiot you know engineering this one if you will so handsomely idiotically engineered getting this car back got a new hood put on it the hood was uh unfinished like uh dark gray yeah that did not match the rest

of the car yeah proceeded to rust out to the point now where there's a car that is right near us that i see all the time that i am 99 sure is that car it got i sold i traded in got a sick mazda 3. oh boy not a female car at all you're a liar if you say it is well it had a it had a cd in there from the girl that owned it before me that she just left it in the dealership didn't take it out and it was like a mixtape of like the girliest songs ever yeah and i listened to that thing all the time and i have a little in there any apple i also crashed that car too jesus dude you're worse than i that's a i mean i will say that it's a much better oh actually i crashed this car we're in right now that's what we're in right now you're saying i ask he fucking drives into this one i will say not my fault it was my it was

the i think i told you i had a pair of these i have a pair of kobe nines or kobe 11s yeah i love them man but when they get a little bit wet like if you're walking through snow they don't grip too well no tracks especially a brake pedal yeah when you're pulling up to it i was pulling up to a red light in this jeep we're in now i only had this for like maybe four months at this point. Not even. Yeah. And I just, you know, lightly went to hit the brake and my foot just slipped right off of it. And I went right into the back of a lady who worked for an insurance company.

Her car or her? Her. Sorry, her car. How deep? She was big. I hit her. Yeah. I kind of just mashed up her trunk a little bit but she worked for an auto insurance company

and she was like don't even call the cops I was like okay I'm either going to get I don't understand how insurance works so I'm either going to get really fucked Passing the Six Flags exit That's going to be so loud You said that like it's like you're subtly trying to give hints as to where I'm abducting you to

You're like oh my god I can't believe Six flags is right here. That's so incredible. Look if you're not okay. That's a good accident story. I never had, this one won't be quite as good, but now that you mention having things inside your body. All right.

I was riding the gear shift. So John's accident story, that's way better than mine was. Although I will say one time I got in an accident coming out of my neighborhood, and it was this white trash couple, and we were both going 20 miles an hour, and their airbags deployed, and then they literally fell out of their car. They opened the doors and literally fell out of the side. They got paid off of that. Oh, dude, they were rolling around on the street.

You should have done it too, and then when the cops got there, they just have to determine who's acting better. We had to roll off of that. Oh, dude, they were rolling around on the street. You should have done it, too. And then when the cops got there, they just have to determine who's acting better. You got to roll off, yeah. Yeah. I was like, roll with me, bitch. Roll-o's. Cute rainbow in the distance. Look at that.

Yeah, we're about to kiss. Does it get any gayer? Roll-o's are the best candy I've ever had. Anyway, so roll over, roll-o. Roll-o was probably an Italian. We all got how you got there. Yeah, all right. You guys are welcome, listeners, all six.

So, one time back in my younger years, I was probably 18. No, I was 18. I was exactly 18. Me and all my friends from high school got together and it's like, we're all going to different colleges. Only one of us, only two of us were going to the same college. Shout out Zach Kummer. So we all get together to hang out

and we're like, I didn't drink yet. They weren't really drinking, so we weren't even like really. Oh, so you weren't that cool and popular? I mean, no, I really wasn't. I didn't start drinking until I was 20 years old. Are you the sober kid at the party that's like, you guys know also, saving your virginity is real cool, too. No, I had my virginity ripped out of my cold, dead hands.

That's called rape. Oh, okay, that's why I keep seeing the therapist. All right. So, yeah. So, we were, like, meeting up. It's the one last time. And my one buddy had a longboard. So, we were, like, damn, longboards are cool. Longboards are fun. Everybody knows that.

Tell you what, long and board was that first fucking accident story you told. That was a brutal one. I apologize for that. But, listen, we've got to fill up 45 minutes, you cunts. We don't have to. Also, side note, we're on the smoothest highway I've ever driven on. Yeah, this is a smooth... 195 that cuts across the waste of New Jersey, if you will. John had mentioned it before the podcast. He said it was smooth like one of his victims. I didn't really know

what that meant, but I don't know. Take his word for it. So, yeah, so we're like... The longboard's there. My buddy has his car, so we're in a neighborhood. Wait, longboard skateboard or longboard, like, a surfboard? Longboard skateboard. Okay. So I'm in a surf mindset because we're heading to the beach right now. Listen, bro, if you need to rip a wave, do what you got to do. Also, if you are at this show or see any picture from this show, yes, Matt and I match tonight again.

On perp. On perp. It was all on perp. A lot of people have blue shirts with pockets on them. Yeah, it's really not a very, it's a very white guy shirt. White guy shirt, blue shirt, white guy. So my one friend, like both

two of my friends over there, there was eight people there, two of my friends live in the same neighborhood together. We're at my one friend's house. My other friend was like, oh, I forgot something at my house. I gotta go grab it. Anybody want to take a ride? So we're like, yeah like yeah okay we'll go yeah it's so I'm just asking yeah it's still recording John we're not good with audio it would be great if we were talking all this time and it wasn't recording

my friends like we'll go to my house I gotta grab something I'm gonna take a ride so like for whatever reason my friend Zack and my friend Ant like, we'll go to my house. I gotta grab something. I'm gonna take a ride. So, like, for whatever reason, my friend Zach and my friend Ant, who's now dead, miss him every day. Not from this. What a cold-blooded way to say who is no longer alive. I love them, miss them,

you know. I like how you said who is now dead. Not in this story. In this story, fully alive. Probably the most alive he's ever been. Died in a car accident. So, all right. Hold on, is this, are you about to tell the story of your friend dying in a car accident? No, no, no. That's my second best car accident story. This was about to really take a turn. No, no, no, no. He lived through this one. Not a car accident. So, as we're going, love you, Anne. Sorry. So, Guess what? You can't get podcasts in heaven or wherever.

I was popular in high school. So we're like, all right, cool. It'll be fun. We'll drive there. And my friend Ann goes, wouldn't it be funny if one of you guys rode the longboard and hung on to his car? We're not going far. And I was like, wow, that sure would be hilarious. I'd love to be the guy.

Yeah, that sounds like the idea of a guy that died young RIP died only two years. No, probably a female another four or five Good lord. I hope his family never I also hope his actual death wasn't longboard related. Now I died in a fiery car accident So, don't say fiery. His casket is just made by sector 9 wood. He's got independent trucks fiery his casket's just made by Sector 9 wood he's got independent trucks on his casket so we actually don't need

any pallbearers that's gonna kickflip we don't need pallbearers we got pallbearings alright now the grease has been cooked you fucking pieces of shit

and hit record now we can get going now we can use the N word alright just joking around so I'm kidding guys come on we're having fun so uh so i hang i'm hanging on to the back of his car we make it to his house no problem but it was terrifying so then he's like now we gotta go back and i'm like that makes sense so i'm hanging on the back of the car and things are a little more wobbly you made it once and then you were like i'm i didn't hit my well i made it to his house and i was like i'm not gonna i'm not about to bitch out for the ride home.

I'm not going to bitch out like some living, non-powerful agent. Yeah, dude. So, that's a good way to classify the dead. You're a living, non... No, whatever. So, Jesus. So, I'm hanging on the back of the car as we're riding home, and we're like, I would make it the whole way,

but again, I'm having like speed wobbles. I'm like hitting gravel and it's kind of like catching the truck it's a lot of like stuff where you're like i should stop doing this but i was like nah i gotta do it for the boys it's so fun like young brain you know you're doing something wrong you're like you know what's worse than falling and cracking my jaw in half as my friends think so we're literally five doors down from my other friend's house which is your cover band of three doors down it's five doors down from my boys houses our name they said it was too long the production label dropped us so but i didn't blow so we're like five doors down all i can hear is kryptonite played on a shitty Fender Squire now.

If I go crazy will you still call me your Superman? That's what I'm gonna ask tonight when I get on stage. We have to do a show soon. Can you please just open your soap? Also recipes ain't anyway. Guys, how you doing? How's everybody feeling? Where you guys from?

If I go crazy will you guys still call me your Superman? Let's hear it from the left, from the right. So we're five doors down and my friend who's now dead again r.i.p yells out of the window home stretch speed it up bad thing to yell so he was driving though no he wasn't he was in the passenger seat it was so it was my friend who lived in the neighborhood my friend ann and my friend zach and me i would have been better if you were like and my friend who's now dead yells in the window we're never gonna die we will's now dead yells from the window, we're never going to die. We will live forever. I'll never go hungry again.

We're going to tell all of our children these stories one day. I mean, I'll tell mine. But so we're like five away. So he says, home stretch, speed it up. And my friend Andrew ever so slightly grazes on the gas to go from like 25 to 30 miles an hour. And that was all it took my momentum goes forward because i'm not hanging on anything i'm just pressing down on his trunk and the momentum and the pressing keeps me on his car so he speeds up a little bit i lose my grip i

go i don't fall but i go to step off because i lost my balance and i can't run 30 miles an hour which i know might be shocking yeah at that point people listening. Yeah, at that point you could. Now? Now I'm probably one of the quick guys. 32 and a half. I'd go 32 and a half when I get bored. So I stepped off the board, and I fall and I roll for like quite a while. You roll up. You rolled past that white trash couple that was still rolling in the ground. I was eating Rolos mid-roll, eating asphalt.

And I ate ass. And I'm rolling. And you roll for a while. Like when you're going 30 miles an hour and you fall, you do roll probably like, I did like probably seven or eight somersaults. They didn't teach you that in Catholic school science class. Nothing. It's an object in motion, stage in motion until it's met with an objective force. Is that what it is?

I kept hearing about this gay guy Jesus the whole time. Didn't learn anything about the momentum of falling. So I fall. i have cuts everywhere my hand is completely scraped and battered i have like cuts on my face so my friend's like we got to get you back to my house we'll clean you out so i'm in my friend's bathroom and they're picking gravel out of my cuts all over my body so you spoke about somebody having glass in their head to this day you can see i'm showing john in real time i have pieces of gravel that are just in my palms. You got gravel palms? Yeah, I got gravel palms.

I got old GPs. I got old GPs. What can I tell you? Wait, what? So that night, I had to go to the hospital. My parents took me and I was like, yeah, I fell off a skateboard going downhill. Wait, the hospital didn't clear the gravel

out of your palms? Not well enough. You went to Underwood, didn't you? I fucking went to Underwood. You did. This is a shout out. They're going to try to hide. They changed their name to Spiro Woodbury. No, I did. I went to Underwood. Fucking Underwood. It's where I was born.

God, I somehow made it out of there alive. So I get there and they're like, you're gay. And I was like, that's mean. They're like, it's policy. We gotta tell you. Welcome to Underwood. What's it like being gay? I was like, that's mean. I'm like, it's policy. We got to tell you. Welcome to Underwood. What's it like being gay? I was like, I'm sorry.

And they're like, you'll see the doctor soon. I'll bet you're going to be sorry soon there, gravel bombs. I'm going to hit you like John did that lady. So, yeah, I went there and they told me that my wrist was broken. I had several abrasions and cuts, which I knew. And then they were like, no concussion, but we did look look at your brain and you do have a small tumor in your brain and I was like Uh-huh, and they're like also be fine not a hospital. You want to get diagnosed with a brain tumor It was definitely just a smudge of food on the x-ray lens

Somebody had a nature valley bar the realms It's a little animal cracker. And ironically enough, tumor, shape of a llama. Beautiful. I mean, crazy. And I got to love all you. Delicious. We're going to put you in a paper.

Yeah, you look great, kid. By the way, you are gay. Yeah. We tested for that, too, when we were in your brain. Turns out you're gay. You are gay. Hold on. Time out. That is the best thing. If you're an x-ray tech, you're gay you are dad hold on time out that is

the best thing if you're an x-ray attack you're like yep now here's your wrist it's broken uh here's your and here you see this this bone right here tells me that you're 100 gay super gay yeah sorry buddy i don't know if you can see that down there but uh but yeah so there's my not accident story so you just had a non-tumor in your brain? No, they just, they were like, yeah, you have like a very... Was it gravel? Yeah, yeah. I'll show you that later. They were like, yeah, you have a small, what's it called? Dormant tumor?

Benign. Benign. They're like, you have a small, benign tumor. Should be fine. And my parents are like, what the fuck? Is this bad? And they're like, should be fine. Which is not something you want to hear about a brain tumor.

The hack comic, and he was like yeah but nine but ten you know same thing oh god i almost killed myself hearing that i stole that that's someone else's joke they move for me so i went to that same hospital when i was younger for a blood blister that was basically the size of a ping pong ball on my toe i used to in the you're in your, did you have like a corner cabinet that was the spinny cabinet? Uh, no. So we had like, I mean, it's raised pretty high, and we had a spinny cabinet. Oh boy. And that was the perfect place to climb to get to the cereal.

So I climbed up there, and the cabinet spun and caught my toe in there, and just blew up to literally a ping pong ball-sized blood blister. Ugh. And my mom took me to that hospital where they diagnosed your brain tumor they're like you got a toe tumor also we got this kid with gravel in his palms in the other room yeah so yeah we full-on gay we gotta really get this thing care of so they that was the first time i ever saw them hit you with a trick where uh they're gonna do something if you're gonna reset someone's arm or you're going to rip a band-aid off and you go, all right, on the count of three, you go one, two, and then you rip it off.

Yeah. You're not expecting it. Except this nurse did it with a needle into my toe. Yeah. It wouldn't have mattered if she was like, all right, we're going to do it on 43, 41, 40, poke. She poked it in so deep. like you could have just probably touched it with this needle and it would have drained all the blood yeah it went like into my toe and it felt like it was going out the other side but that was the first time i ever uh europe had to soak

anything and they probably did for you in this and beta dine that like stinky brown warm liquid maybe it's a weird way of saying it but they they soaked my toe in that, yeah, and then just jammed a needle in there. That's my Underwood story. Blood bliss. Yeah, that place is not that great. I mean, I went to, not a Blood, not a Underwood. I went to an urgent care when I was in college.

I thought it'd be really funny, cool, and local if I punched a mirror at a party. Oh, you are a white kid that went to college. Yeah, I'm the worst guy ever. Well, it wasn't like an angry thing. Wait, okay, it wasn't a wall over a breakup? No, no, it was literally like, the guys at the party were like, I fucking hate that mirror. And I was like, you want me to break it? And they were like, yeah,

what do you have in mind? And then I punched him. You're like, well, I got gravel in my palm. I don't know if that helps. Well, I thought I was like, fucking, the guy from Fantastic Four. Oh, I want to see you in the Suicide Squad. I'm like, what's your power? You're like, you guys know how most people's palms don't have little rocks in them? And then I show them and they go, ah.

Yeah, and then you die immediately, which, spoiler alert, everyone dies right in the beginning. If you are hoping to see how good Pete Davidson is in Suicide Squad, you don't have to watch past nine minutes. Oh, this guy's a spoiling-ass bitch. I haven't seen it. No, I'll spoil it. I think you told me. It's good, though. So I punched a mirror, and I was like, that's fun.

That's cool. Man, nothing, like, punching a mirror sounds like you have so many inside issues. Like, you're like, I don't want to look at myself anymore. There's a punching a mirror scene in every Green Day music video of all time. Ooh, true. So I was like, I'm in a Green Day music video. I punched that bitch. Did you ever see the movie Nightcrawler?

Yes, one of the best movies ever made. What's his name? Jake Gyllenhaal. The scene where he smashes the medicine cabinet mirror. Improved. And it falls down and it swings back and perfectly one piece falls and it shows just the reflection of his eyes.

I looked that up. I was like, there's no way that they could have engineered this to do that. And it was. I don't know if it was one take or what. Then I always wonder that like when there's movies where they gotta smash something.

Yeah. It's gonna be so annoying like if someone farts in the middle of the scene and you're like, God, now we gotta get another medicine cabinet in here

to smash. And you gotta be the actor who has to punch it 23 times. Yeah. And you're like, dude, my fucking hand hurts.

Yeah, I always thought that scene was incredible. That movie's great. That is a great movie. Shout out to Jake. Welcome to Great Movie Talk here on the... Great Movie Talk with Johnny Matzabal and Grapple Peeps.

This is comedians in cars talking grapple pumps. Comedians in... Comedians in Jerry Seinfeld getting dated. I am drinking coffee during this drive, too, so we're pretty much... I think we're going to get sued by Netflix for this episode. I've gotten calls from Netflix. Can I tell you what they said to us about the podcast? Yes.

They said, we don't do podcasts. So I got a call from one of the executives at Netflix. I got a call and, you know, that's how my phone sounds. Wait, you got chirped by a... Well, I got a call on my BlackBerry. The guy says, hey man, it's Derek. You know, Derek from Netflix. Well, that's the thing.

It's Derek Netflix. It's the owner and founder of Netflix. So it's Derek Netflix, and he goes, hey, man. It's actually Netflix Oladuchi. It's a very Italian restaurant. About to rear-end a car with no license plate. About to rear-end your mother. Not yours, John.

The wheels have fallen off the episode and soon the car. Well, just wait because our plan is that we're going to do more of this when we get yes we're gonna you're gonna get to hear the lead up to so let's talk about the show yeah let's talk about the show those of you that aren't comedians you are now going to get to experience how fun it is when you're driving to a show if you're with somebody and you're cracking jokes you're talking about your favorite accidents of all time yep uh and then you're going gonna get to see one or two or listen to one of two things you're gonna listen to right no there's a couple options one we do this show we get back in the car if there's enough

battery left in this laptop we hit record and you get to hear how great we both just did that's right or one of us does good the other doesn't and you just get to listen to the other comic no you had a couple good things you have to hear you have to listen to the good ones say like no dude i thought they were weird yeah you have to listen to whoever did good choke down the excitement in their voice where they're like yeah oh you know what you were up when they were still vacuuming next door and that affected your set i'm expecting a big fat i already missed one turn i knew i was gonna have the worst still 12 minutes minutes. That's amazing. You know what?

So, yeah, we're heading up to Asbury Park. Which, last episode, I definitely, as a joke in my head, was calling it the Ghost Harbor Corrective. Because it was like, oh, dear. That's an ancient part of it, isn't it? I thought it was collective. It's not. It's called the Ghost Harbor Creative. Which is a little art space up in Asbury Park.

Sunken Ships Comedy. If you want to check them out. Ran by Sean McDonough. Was he at Raven's Lounge? Yes, he was. Now, he said hello to me, and I didn't know who he was, and I gave him a half hello. Yeah, you're a bad person. So, that's why tonight, Matt will be going while people are coming into the room.

Yeah. Matt will be doing a set. I will be doing a set from the audience. But yeah, it'll be fun. It's a comedy scene. I don't think, have you ever, well, actually, yeah, you just did a show kind of up here last night. Sucked.

Yeah. You want to talk about that one? Yeah, I did the show. We were outside. A lot of people with shaved heads. A lot of dads who coach baseball teams. And they weren't excited to listen. And then I went home.

Wow, that was the greatest synopsis of a comedy show pretty good is with it was the dads with the shaved heads that look like they coached me that has with shaved heads who have the glasses that are necklaces too that oh they got a croaky on yeah and they are wearing uh whatever their shitty uh little league team like the whatever that material like an Under Armour material. I want to shit on it, man, but I am so close in years to being that dad and, uh, look, dude, I can't wait to rock a good Little League tee. No, dude, I'll tell you this right now.

I'll say this to you later. I'll be your younger foil if I ever see you doing that shit, dude. Oh, you don't think that, alright, so, let's say, somehow when my kids, you know, multiple, in this case I only have one, but, you know, in the't think that. So let's say somehow when my kids, you know, multiple. In this case, I only have one. But, you know, in the future, two.

There's a say. When let's say they're playing sports, if I'm still doing comedy at that point, you better believe I'm going right from practice and I'm coming in. We were talking shorts last week. I'm going to graduate to a five-inch short at some point just to embarrass my kids. Fair. to graduate to a five inch short at some point just to embarrass my kids fair and i'm gonna have on probably the sickest possible little league collared shirt you could ever find to the point where like people be like oh my god he bought that ironically i'd be like no we're actually four and three this season you know we're playing the uh panthers next week and i don't know it's

i mean folks we can only hope that public executions will be back in style by the time this happens. In style. That's why they stopped doing people in public. It wasn't fashionable. It was just so tacky. It was very tacky. It was like cargo shorts. There you go.

Did those dads have cargo shorts on yesterday? Dude, you can't wear cargo shorts. No, but I'm saying, did those dads? I didn't get a chance to get scope of their legs, but I would imagine. Like we talked about before, I'm not for cargo shorts, but it's a beautiful bay scene. Nice bay scene. Nice bay watch. I don't mind. So if there is a piece of clothing

and it has a practical use like a cargo short, like back in the day, I used to see my friends sneak beers into Phillies games because apparently people that pat you down are like, I'm not going to check these huge pockets on the side of their shorts. And wave around. I will say a cargo short at a baseball practice,

you can hold so many baseballs in those pockets or seeds. You can fill one with seeds and you're just reaching down. What's better than seeds, by the way? You get a good sunflower seed, maybe a ranch, if you will. Oh, you would suck sunflower seeds while you're living your life? You don't eat sunflower seeds? No, you know what I eat?

Pudding. We can't talk about youth sports You don't eat sunflower seeds? No. You know what I eat? Pudding. Pudding. Yeah. You can't say, we can't talk about youth sports and you say you eat pussy in the same sentence. Yeah, it's probably not good. Oh, I should mention, I don't think I've ever talked about this on the podcast. Guys, I am black, by the way. Also, comedian Rob Cody called you out. He was listening to the last episode.

Yeah. And he immediately texted me. He goes, there's no fucking way mad people's six foot six. Dude, yeah, I am, bro. So here's the challenge Rob threw out there. I went's no fucking way mad people six foot six dude. Yeah, I am bro So here's the challenge Rob threw out there. I went to lunch with one Rob Cody today. Good dude. Great dad. Good comic decent Yeah, okay Dad so but you know, we don't know how good Yeah, he was like I want to do a back-to-back challenge. I was like first off. That's the lamest challenge

Oh, you're wearing you don't want to be in a lane right now. At the end, it's just like, yeah, we're going to finagle over though. I'm sorry, because this guy's my bitch. Isn't it so fun picking someone who's going to be your bitch in traffic? And then swooped in in front of them, but then you give them a nice wave and you're like, thank you. Yeah, but whatever. Rob Cody dude. So Rob Cody said, there's no way you're 6'6". And I said,

a lot of people are saying that he's got the heart of a 6'6 starter. That's right. But the execution of maybe a 6'1. Well, here's what it is, folks. I am 6, probably now 8. I'm just growing. I'm a 6'8. Like I said, I'm probably 4% or 5% body fat black guy.

45% body fat? 4% or 5%, dude. 45%. You heard it here, folks. No. The fattest, tallest man to ever podcast. You're going to sabotage me. He's actually laying down in the back of the car right now.

That's how big he is. I was like, you can't sit in the front. I know. That's what I said, too. But I figured we'll do the podcast. We'll sit in the front. We have now entered Belmar-Asbury area. Oh, yeah.

We are in the thick of it. If you've ever seen the Jersey Shore. Let's go to DJ's, Kais. We're not far. And we 100% can go after this show Jersey Shore. Let's go to DJ's, guys. We're not far and we 100% can go after this show. Yeah, let's go to DJ's. Oh, that'd be so terrible. That'd be

a unique drive home. Did you ever see that video of like the four guidos in the car driving to this area? And the one guy, they're all like

getting excited. They are like as steroid yoked out as you can be with like the spaghetti strap tank tops on yeah yeah and they're saying all these weird stuff like i'm coming for you baby blue like i guess

calling out girls that they're gonna see there and then the one guy just goes to the shore in my car and then all four of them in unison go b-e-l-m-a-r part of me hated it but the fact that they definitely practiced that because they were this was probably right when

cell phone cameras like first came out and he was like we're gonna post this he recorded on the sidekick we're probably gonna I'm gonna fight

three guys tonight at least three oh I hope we see some juice heads because there are like South Jersey has juice heads but man up here

they are a this is the breeding ground it's the chef's you get a couple dago dickheads yeah dude north jersey is that and then south jersey is camo and i just want to see them do like fight to the end true you know true but i mean i don't know i've never i've been to djs once before i went during the day and it was fun and then as we were leaving it became incredibly fun and i was like we should not leave and then my friends like we gotta go it is it is and i've been up here too there's another bar up here called bar a yeah which is like the other popular one my big uh big old

double xl fat roommate was there a little while ago okay and it's it's cool until it's not you know what i mean like it's you're there and it's fun but i'm even like at a younger age i hate to be a shoulder to shoulder in a bar yeah like i don't mind if you're at a concert and you're like up against people and you're feeling the love of the music yeah you're feeling it like that we're all one right now we're here for this well nobody thinks that we're here for this uh five doors down concert and you're just feeling it but like when it's in a bar and you know it's especially up here like the macho energy is just on 100 and it's just like every dude trying to look good like you know you're gonna bump into the wrong guy i'm a big excuse me guy too even if like excuse me guy

yeah all right hey can i get past you pal because it's like i'm a big let me scoot by yeah let me let me sum that up by saying I'm a pussy. Huge pussy. I'm a big tap arm scoot by. Oh my God, we're driving by a place right now where there's

just a drawing of a guy deadlifting. That's me? Oh, fuck, they got that picture of me. They did get that one without your consent, too. Fuck, man.

What is this shit? And they made me white, too. It's Bradley Beach Something Lifting Club. Bradley Martin. He's a big famous... Jersey Shore Fitness Shop. Dude, if I don't get a fucking pump in before I see these orange hoes...

Can we just stop and get matching spaghetti string tops that say Belmont? Oh, like I didn't already buy them for us. Like it's not on under my clothes right now. Yeah. Dude, do people live here year-round? I don't know. This is a weird short because we're used to the South jersey shore towns where those are like 90 vacation towns but this feels like we're just driving through any other shitty new jersey town it's like fucking but if we open the windows we would smell ocean

right now well what does the ocean smell like to you uh no the ocean's a weird one where it's a bad smell but it's a happy smell for me is that weird i think that's like a molestation yeah i block it out i used to i can't smell in my brain i used to go let me smell the ocean yeah no you don't get that when you get on the shore you smell and you're like oh my childhood was great yeah no you're saying they say smell is the best connector to memory it's probably the worst too like if you were like if you got beat up and there was like freshly baked cookies around you do you think that that smell is burned up and there was like freshly baked cookies around you do you think that that smell is burned into your brain as like fight or flight reaction i hope not i'm a big cookie every time you see you smell cookies your finches plants and you start crying

dude i had a fucking cookie i guess we'll wrap it up here i can't wrap it on this story all right no we're gonna wrap it on cookies john you want to plug the next 15 minutes? What's the battery out on the laptop? It's 59. All right, so we're going to have enough when we get out of here. Yeah. And guess what, guys? TV timeline, you're not even going to notice any difference. You guys won't even tell.

It's going to go from us happy to us going like, You stupid fucks won't even know what hit you. Right after this, it's going to immediately cut to like, Hey, you know what? Maybe I should stop doing comedy. Look, I don't want to speak out of turn but fuck you guys listening to this because you

guys have no clue that we are going to go to a show come back in but according to your podcast it'll be within a second. Also you have no clue that we've actually just

been driving in circles around Matt's town and we're not actually doing a show tonight. We just had nothing else to talk about. I'll do you one better we're riding a bike and

John's hanging on my pegs. Pause it. Shout out to Peggy O'Leary. Alright we're going a bike and John's hanging on my pegs. Pause it. Shout out to Peggy O'Leary. All right. We're going to, we'll be back in a second. Bye. But guys, we're back again.

We had the show tonight and we had a bunch of crunch of fun. John, how did it go for you? Post show, I'm excited. There's a podcast playing in the car right now. Great show. Well, I called it. I said, you're either either gonna get two very happy guys about a good set that's right we're gonna get one guy it's like yeah man you

did okay but guess what you're getting two jolly fellers if you will look folks we got two jolly fellas we got two thick bitches two of the thickest bitches in the club we have a man who had the hiccups enough to the point that the only cure was getting out of the car and hitting some sick crossovers with the Biscuit. Oh, you mean ripping the fucking moves I made,

dude? I don't want to say that they were great basketball moves, because they weren't. Well, you're wrong. They were good enough to get rid of your hiccups, which is amazing. Yeah, just like that. The cure to hiccups isn't holding your breath or getting scared. It's having a dope-ass handle. Dude, the fucking cure to getting rid of your hiccups is just having Larry Bird come and induce his ball handling right into your body.

Dude, I was so wrong. No, Larry Bird's not a ball. We're talking mid-level pistol Pete Maravich yeah do I kiss myself actually in a fraternity basement when I was like in 21 you fish yourself in the car when we ended the cast and then Matt Pete in a canal no I peed outside of a canal that Jason to a canal listen I don't know Jason is but I peed near a canal the guy that owns the canal. Oh, Jason Canal. Actually, Canal's Liquors is pretty good.

Shout out to my wife. She used to work at a Canal's Liquors. Listen, shout out to John's wife, Barbara. Yep, old Barb. Old Barb. Old Barb Wire used to call her because she was always recording things. All right. Well, listen, folks, that's what the deal is. It was an amazing show.

Shout out to the Sunken Chips comedy guys, to Tom, right? What are you guys' names, right? No one cares. Tom and Sean put on an incredible show, and I'll say this.

If we're going into a show where there's two, the first two rows are nothing but just 23-year-old bros. We're home. Yeah, we're home. From there on, it's just smooth sailing.

We're going to talk about how everyone there is just stinky and trying to have some fun, and that's what we did. And then we pissed off a few people on the way, but I'll say this. Great time. If you're a comic and you want to have a fun time and you want to go to Asbury Park, hit up the Sunken Ship, guys. Fucking amazing show. Matt, what do you got coming up? you're a comic and you want to have a fun time and you want to go to Asbury Park, hit up the Sunken Ship guys. Fucking amazing show. Matt, what do you got coming up? Guys, listen to me right now. I don't fucking talk. Don't you act like you're not going to hang out

the whole time to listen to the things Matt's ready to say to you. I am so, thank you, John. I'm so sick. Also, if anyone knows a Wendy's on the way home from Asbury Park, let us know. Just one Wendy's. You may go, oh, it's a chicken and bacon double. Listen, focus. Now, Matt, wait, hold on. We can get into plugs in a minute. Yeah.

I wasn't going to get it. I was going to keep talking. Why are you limited as to what you have to eat at Wendy's tonight? Look, folks, you're looking at a guy who's 6'7". You're listening. You're smelling him. You're hearing it. You can smell the masculinity.

Look, I don't want to be too... You guys are fucking a guy who is 6'8". He is 235 pounds of pure muscle. And look, he's got a fat piece. We all know. We've heard it. We've heard the rumors. Are you 235?

No, I'm not. I'm actually 6'2", 200 pounds, and I'm built like a lesbian. Knows me, Rob Cody. I got to admit, it's real hype. Yeah, shut up, Rob Cody. Stop growing. Dude, Rob Cody, bro, your accent's not real. Nobody buys it, dude.

Anyway, love you, Rob. Very funny. Guys, we're on the road. We're looking for our local Wendy's. But what we're really doing is John and I have had the opportunity to share a lot of time with one another. A lot of good times hanging out. Did anyone else hear Matt deflect why his order at Wendy's is limited? Because I did. Because Matt hit me with the quote, I'm down for Wendy's, but also, I'm cutting right now.

And if you've ever looked at Matt's wrist, it's not that kind of cutting. It's not. I'm telling you, I'm built like a lesbian in if you've ever looked at Matt's wrist, it's not that kind of cutting. It's not. I'm telling you, I'm built like a lesbian in a good way, like in the best way. Oh, there's a cop over there. Yeah, we both got silent because we forgot we were white for a second. Well, we're back in the comfort of our own homes. Well, listen, I'm one of those guys that I try to cut every summer

and I didn't go as thorough as normally. Listen, I'll get listen. I'll get down I'll get down to a low weight. I mean this cannot be interesting. I'm just speaking I mean is there any way we post this can we even post this weekend because I'm gonna make you eat three frosties in the Way, okay, so quick Can I show you something real quick? Ladies and gentlemen, he is now pulling his butt apart and showing it to me. And you know what?

I get it. One of my favorite parts about pulling this old asshole apart is knowing that I got the stinky, stinky poo-poos behind me. And at that point is where we start to wrap it up. I cannot believe John is still letting this happen. Listen, folks. So what we did, we went to the fucking Ghost Harbor Creative. What is it? Collective? Ghost Harbor Collective. No, it's Coll happen. Listen, folks. So what we did, we went to the fucking Ghost Harbor Creative. What is it? Collective?

Ghost Harbor Collective. No, it's not Collective. It's Creative. We went to the Ghost Harbor Asian, and we had a good time. No, Ghost Harbor Creative. Great spot. If you're an artist and you want somewhere to hang cool, dope-ass art on the wall, hit them up.

They were awesome for putting this thing on. That's what it is. So, yeah. Plug it, man. What do you got coming up? What do we got coming up guys we might have a Wendy's if this sign on the road is right oh what do we got it says Chick-fil-A there's an Applebee's not open there's a Wawa up here's what's happening. I'm going to plug my last couple dates. Guys, this is my last time doing stand-up. I enjoyed it while I did it. In September, I have a couple dates coming up on weekends.

More importantly, I have a date in October coming up on Cricket Comedy. It doesn't matter, guys. What we're really trying to talk about is this is our last time doing comedy. Oh, but also, I'm excited. Samesies. Check out my Instagram because I'll be doing doing my first cricket comedy show in October. It's going to be fun. I'm excited about it. No, it won't be that good, but it should be. Oh, ouch.

Hey, guess what? Matt, where can they find you? Guys, you can find me at Matt Peoples Comedy. You can find me at mindconf.org. Joking around, having fun. That's a joke. You can find me at Matt Peoples Comedy. You can find me at Matt Peoples 23 on Twitter. You can find me at Matt Peoples Comedy You can find me at Matt Peoples 23

On Twitter you can find me at Matt Peoples Good body at clubpenguin.org John what do you got You can find me You can find me on Instagram At Hacks Comedy Golf Or you can find me at Wendy's in the next

58 miles Maybe who knows We're going to tune you out with a quick little song I don't spell Or you can find me at Wendy's in the next... 58 miles? Maybe? There you go. Who knows? Love you. We're gonna tune you out with a quick little song. I don't spend money in foreign... No fun, nobody, no fun, but time to live a bit of Dance Dance No fun, nobody, no fun, but time to live a bit of Dance No fun, nobody, no fun, but time to live a bit of

Dance No fun, nobody, no fun, but time to live a bit of Dance