That Rules Podcast - Episode #17: A Mediocre Life Well Lived. w/ guest Rob Cody

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

Give it up for our special guest Rob Cody(@robcody), a southern gentleman with a northern charm. Horse cops, what’s going on there?

🎵 This is it, guys. We had a good run. It was a good 17 episodes, but all good things must come to an end. This is the final episode, guys, the last episode of the Handsome Idiots. So we're here. We had to bring in a special guest because of this occasion. To my right is a man wearing one of the 11 worst things you could wear,

and I'm factoring in any kind of Nazi attire. That's John Montag wearing a suit right now. Hey, you want to know what the worst thing was? I was looking our guest up and down, and I was like, Nazi attire. That's John Montag wearing a suit right now. Hey, you want to know the worst thing was? I was looking our guests up and down and I was like, man, what's he going

to pick out on them? Didn't know you were talking about me. But, I said to my right, dude. I wasn't listening to that part.

I don't listen to you most of the time. I just thought you didn't hear you right. I just wait to see your mouth stop moving and then I'm like, I too have a point.

Well, what can you do? But as I said, to my right, that's big old XXL John Montag, one of the biggest human beings from a body mass standpoint in the game today. And to my left, a real stud of a fella, a funny kid, a man here to plug and chug. I don't know. Mr. Rob Cody. Hey, how about it? How about it how about it there it is i stepped all over your name there rob cody rob robert cody it was great you said they're very like uh calmly and

quietly which is tough because it's like you want to wait till your name's said but how fucked up would it have been if we just kept talking and then never introed you and you just didn't know your name. Let's get some time in at the end, but you know it's our podcast. This is true. So Rob, welcome. Welcome to the cast. We're going to try to do a better job this time. We had Brendan Donaghan on, couldn't hear a word. Now we're in the red, now I'm grabbing this and I'm not going to let go. But here we are. So we did the Porch Fest this weekend. The Porch Fest organized by Mr. Rob Cody.

What did you think of it? How did it go? I thought it was great. First time at the Collingswood Porch Fest. Found out about it like two weeks prior. Emailed the organizer. Got in, got a porch. Got some comedians together.

You're just checking off all the listeners. Yeah, just like running down. I was surprised at actually how many people, crazy type crowd we had. So for the listener that doesn't know, Porch Fest is usually, it's a music festival that is just on people's front porches.

This was actually done even before the pandemic. And it's just like you ride your bike around town. And a lot of the crowds are just like, so I live in the same town and just like, all the places I stopped before we did the comedy thing were just because we were driving past. So it was like, that was the gamble of like, all right, how many people are going to be just driving past?

And they're like, yeah, I want to hear Five Idiots. And how many people also pulled up and were just like, man, these musicians have no instruments. Well, that's kind of crazy because their first assumption probably isn't comedy. It's got to be, these guys are freestyle rapping. This is seven white dudes. I thought about opening my set with just freeform poetry. And I think I showed you on my phone, the only note I had was just,

poems don't have to rhyme, but kind of, shouldn't they? An absurd thing to write down. We all know why. I'm pretty sure you've been at the same open mic moment where there's a poet in the area. Which is fine, man. Poetry's great. It's art. It's more art than what we're doing, I guess. I don't know. But, also, I think. I don't know. But, also, I think poems should have to rhyme.

I am very big on the idea. Rob, what do you think? Should poems have to rhyme? Yeah, I guess. I mean, like, to keep my interest. Yeah. If you were a person on stage reciting poems. Now, if it was in a book, or you just were, I don't know, recording it, maybe it doesn't have to rhyme. But, yeah, I don't know, recording it, maybe it doesn't have to rhyme, but yeah, I don't know.

Maybe it's my age. The idea of a grown man sitting down and reading poetry makes me uncomfortable. I don't think I've ever read. I did try to write poetry, like, when I was, like, a younger, angry, aggressive, emo youth. What's an age on that? An age? Oh. 27. No, I think I wrote one in college.

You wrote a poem in college just like that? I wrote a poem out of anger after breaking up with a girl. Oh, this is all flooding back to me now. Do you ever forget things because it makes you all the bad parts of you?

Yeah. Yeah, this is something I totally forgot. It was a girl i dated for a year too in college like my freshman year and here's a proper amount of time in the dating game yeah especially your freshman year but this is so bad it's all coming back you ever give me like two lines if you can remember a single you know what i bet you it rhymes but i can't remember any lines but i remember the guy that she ended up like i don't think she dumped me

because she was with him i think they were maybe close to hooking up and she's like let me just break up this guy real quick and then i'll get back to it so i won't have a guilty yeah she's like hey john by the way we're done anyway back to you and the uh most distinguishable uh trait of this guy was he had a hand grenade tattooed on his chest but not because he was like a tough guy and in the marines or anything it was like a hand grenade hand grenade that like had like a heart design to it as if to say if you pull my pin i don't know i fucking explode with love i don't know if that feels very white supremacy i don't know why no it was just it was like a pussy emo kid. Yeah, isn't that like

a Green Day album is like a hand holding True, true. This one? Oh, yeah. Wow. There you go. Maybe just a huge Green Day fan.

Damn. Did I get dumped for the world's biggest Green Day fan? Yeah, but that's fair because you wrote poetry. Yeah, true. I really, you know what?

If I can somehow find this, it might be in a box somewhere. I really can't remember., if I can somehow find this, it might be in a box somewhere. I really can't remember. I wish I could remember some of it right now. But I remember the hand grenade heart tattoo making an appearance at some point in that poem. Dear Lord above. Well, folks, this is, like we said, last podcast. This is John's last time as the co-host.

Well, look, look at what I'm doing today. Guess what? Hey, this is for all you broken-hearted 21-year-olds out there listening to this. It gets better. Yeah, it gets better. It does. You end up wearing a track suit in a 25-year-old man's apartment recording a podcast for 13 listeners. What do you mean it gets better?

What, are you out of your fucking mind, dude? Good God, you got a bottle of Tums and a super coffee. This is better. No, Tums is our sponsor. That's why I brought it. I've done it. Fair enough. They were just in the bag, so I brought them back.

What'd you get, Rob? Yeah, we got live tasting. You're going to try it out? You're going to change your life here, dude. What we have here is orange heat candy, but not eat candy. Orange cream. Have yourself one of those. Pop one of those in.

Go ahead and get yourself one. This is definitely how we are. We're just like. Just passing around Tums. You're like, I don't know what time it is. yourself It won't do anything but the greatest thing ever well I was told that apparently if you have too many this comes from a pre-doctor became a lady She said if you have too many times you can't poop Yeah became a lady. She said if you have too many tons, you can't poop. Oh yeah. Yeah. How many is too many? I think it's my fourth one in the past two hours. I imagine four is pushing it, but only one way to find out. It should probably get good audio support. Yeah, listen up folks.

So Rob, you've been tall forever, huh? Yeah. As far as I can remember. Was there ever, were you always the tallest kid? Matt, you already established that you were the tallest kid in your grade. Yeah. I guess so. Were you always very tall or just you hit a point? Because you're what, 6'4", 6'5"? Yeah.

Were you 5'11", and then bam, 6'5"? Probably. I don't remember like my mom kept like a masking tape and a light mattress and stuff like that. I remember there. You ran out of door frames? You got too tall there. Pretty much.

There was a point where it was like when I finally broke 6 feet it seemed to like take a while but I don't remember what years those were. Oh, God. Probably like second, third grade or something like that. You ever get sick of answering? I got so excited.

Dude, I don't know anything about height anymore. My mind has been warped. I got measured. I was at a family thing this weekend. Not family. I hung out with my family this weekend. And we were drinking, and I was like, I'm six two2", baby, in all my fucking...

I love how much height comes up in your everyday conversations. Yeah, that's all I think about. I mean, I am... I've seen you change the subject in person. Happily so. From something that has nothing to do with height, someone's like, yeah, so I don't know, maybe the Phillies are going to have to draft a new shortstop next year. You're like, yeah, you know what's even crazier? I'm 6'3". are going to have to draft a new shortstop next year.

You're like, yeah, you know what's even crazier? I'm 6'3". Well, it's funny you say that because I'm actually 6'4", but I got measured. Dude, I'm 6'2", whether I'm 6'4". Who measured you? My daddy, my papa. Oh, did he make you go, and how great did your posture turn out at that point?

Dude, and he's like, he's a little guy. He's shrinking by the hour. Big Kev. He's kind of just pressing me down, pressing my head down. It's almost just a man trying to hold me down. Yeah, so he didn't

factor in the hair, right? Because you're going to get down three inches of hair. No, but I will tell you I have a fucked up skull that it elevates my head to. Well, that shouldn't count. I got a pointy head.

But which way? You should measure people to like their eyebrow level because there are some people with really tall heads. They're called the last five inches. No, but think about it. There's some people that

from here to here are way taller than other humans. You ever see like a Frankenstein motherfucker walking down the street? And he's just like from here to here is like another foot and a half. I don't think the top of your head is gigantic. Dude, you're a supremacist, dude.

Yeah, but in which direction? I'm not of any kind. It doesn't matter. And speaking of One Direction, some fuck called us One Direction at the mic the other night. The kid that everybody was like, you should go after him verbally, and I was up next, and I pussied out.

Yeah, that was embarrassing. But he called us all One Direction and none of us had a comeback, so I was like, thank you? We also weren't even paying attention to him. I was. I was just flattered. I mean, One Direction's hot dudes, right? I mean, as long as I'm Harry Styles in that analogy. I can't name another person. I think you had to wear a skirt, though.

That's fine. Yeah, I'd throw on a skirt. Russell Westbrook's getting a lot of stuff for wearing a skirt. You just throw on a skirt in a picture, which is kind of like, that I don't like. If you catch a dude in public wearing a skirt, that's one thing. Wasn't he putting it on to go to the Met Gala

thing or something? Why are we talking in high fashion? How did we get to high fashion? Is it because I showed up in a fucking Amazon I got real slides on. Sean, those are like I just got done my soccer game slides. You gotta throw those out. I'm wearing a track suit that looks like I just got done my soccer game slides.

You got to throw those away eight years ago. I'm wearing a track suit that looks like I just got done my soccer game too. Unbelievable. Sorry all of us can't wear beige Tootsie showing flip flops. They're actually covered by my socky walkies. So why don't you watch them now before you get slapped upside the head. What were we just talking about? High fashion?

No, I'm 6'4". Dresses. Dresses. Yeah, just start at my height, I'm 6'4". Dresses. Yeah, just start at my height. I got measured when I was 72 inches. Okay. I don't know how to do checks out at 6'2". I can't do that fast enough. I'm exactly 6'0".

I'm exactly 6'5". Really? I'm 6'2". So you really have been lying. I've been tying my balls out, yeah. How diminished do you feel? But if I wear shoes, I'm 6'1 and a half and I'm 6'2 and then... Damn, so we're actually probably the same height.

No, just because I'm still taller than you when we stand next to each other. Yeah, but from our eyebrows, we're even eyebrows. You're looking at this the complete wrong way. This just made you shorter. That means you're like 5'10". No, I'm exactly 6'5". No, I'm exactly 6'5". Well, if Rob's 6'5". My license says I'm 6'2",

because you can lie on driver's licenses. I don't think so. It's true, because I did. Well, here's the real question. So we did the Porsche Fest. Your neighbors, you can speak as vaguely as you'd like. How did they feel? Did you get feedback? Did you get any ideas of what the audience was...

Everybody seemed to dig it. I mean, most people kind of split pretty quickly to get to the heavy metal funk show that was Two Doors Down. Yeah. Man, I talked some shit on them at the end, and then they came out and put on some of the most entertaining shit I've ever seen

on a front porch. Proper musicians. Yeah. Oh. Guy had a turntable guitar. Have you ever seen that? Not a guitar. Yeah.

Did you notice that? The one that was like three houses down? Yeah. The fucking electro funk pop. Yeah. Ray Jansen machine. I could get past the guy just dancing. That guy, speaking of skirts, that guy had a kilt on, I believe.

Yeah. He had to hold up a ball game, though. He also had glow sticks during the day, which does nothing for me. Was he part of the band? I think he was the homeowner, and those were his buds. That's how I take it. That's crazy that he's the homeowner. He's like, you guys come over and do your thing? They all looked a lot younger, too.

Do you think he's the really cool music teacher in the town? And those were all like... I don't know. I think the drummer is. I'm guessing. I should ask about that. Yeah, you have to. If you're an adult drummer, you almost have to own a home.

Yeah. You can't rent and drum. No. Like, you've got to be able to, like, drum and also tell somebody, fuck you up within my rights because I own this place. Because it's very loud. It's like when you see those signs on the highway that say, don't drink and drive.

It's like, don't rent and drum. Yeah. So are you guys friends with any musicians don't rent a drum. Yeah. Do you ever see, so are you guys friends with any musicians like growing up or like anybody that kept going with it?

No. I have friends that like play in cover bands and stuff. Okay. So yeah, so still,

I don't know. They're still shredding. Yeah. The reason I ask is, what? Died like Oh, but he was in a band. Like he played in a band. Did he die while playing in the band? still shredding yeah what what what died like he was in a band like he played in a band

did he die while playing in the band no was he in that band Great White that like all burned to death at their concert no

I think he had a Great White heart attack oh alright that's a hard way to go out yeah

that's what's in the Jimmy World kickstart by Rock and Roll Heart everybody kickstarted shout out to that guy for rocking out. I have his guitar in my room, yeah. Oh, nice.

I have my cousin's guitar that passed away. It is one of those, I always think, it's probably the only thing I'm going to save in the house after family if it's on fire. House on fire. I'm like, white baby, you're out of here. Cats, maybe, and then that guitar. I don't give a fuck about the rest of the house. You're cats.

I'm not a fan. No. We're not here to talk cats. But, no, the reason I brought up... I would quickly change that. Did you ever see... It's always funny when, like, someone is, like, a fucking killer rock and roll drummer, and then they grow up and get married, and their wife is like,

you can keep doing it, but you've got to get the electronics set. I was too loud in that house. Did you ever walk in on somebody murdering on an electronic set? Yeah, because it's just... It's just as loud. Yeah, but it's just hilarious. And you see, eventually, that guy's probably like, fuck this. But then he's like, I've got to get it in somehow.

Crank it to 11, and he was in the zone. You walk in on him. It is pretty funny. I used to remember seeing them, like, when you walk in on it is pretty funny like I just remember seeing them like when you ever get a Guitar Center you go back to the job so there's one guy killing on the real drums yeah and then another dude the headphones on just even I got killing on the real drums is definitely single so it's really good who's what you you can get rid of the actual

percussion and gain a wife where you can maintain all your crashes and your bass drums. That's true. All the guys playing drums at Guitar Center aren't homeowners, so that's why they might be good at Guitar Center. Exactly right. You play them. It's not worth it.

Guitar Center, I used to hang around there for quite a long while at the acoustic room, waiting for any girl to walk in at any point ever, and that never happened. I would wait for everyone to leave that room because I'm like, I'm so not good at guitar, but I really want to play and see what it sounds like. I'm like, maybe it's because I'm not playing on a $12,000 guitar. Let me see what it sounds like on that. Guess what?

Still not good at guitar. Do you play any instruments? I kick the drums around a little bit. Oh, okay. I haven't set them up yet, though. I see you have an electronic set now. No, no, no. I got the good around a little bit. Oh, okay. I haven't set them up yet, though. I was going to say, do you have an electronic set now? No, no, no. I got the good old-fashioned skins.

I haven't set them up. What's a tall drummer like? Yeah, that's kind of wild. That's a good point. Is that harder down there? No, you just, you know, raise them up. Oh, okay, okay. Plus, like, the drummer for Tool is like 6'7".

Is he really? Yeah. Oh, wow. You never know, because they're always, he's on a riser that's also, for some reason, covered in a veil. Yeah. It's always just, you can't make anyone out in that band, and then the singer's always behind the stage. A tall drummer is a tough gig for a long life.

Because first of all, you're tall. You guys don't make it that long. You're not going to make it maybe four years. What? No. You got two years. That's nothing to do with the height. I have a crippling heroin problem. It's the only reason I'm here.

I got long veins. It takes a while to travel through them. I'm so long. Ooh, that's a good question. What? No, it isn't. Go ahead, ask it, dude. Do you think someone who's taller, if their veins are longer, will that affect dosage on

not even just drugs, not on bad drugs, but real drugs? It's probably more. Way more. I'm just taking long veins. Dude, you can't talk about heroin in that track suit. It feels like you're like... I look like my next question is, you want some?

I'll tell you this. When's the last time you wore a track suit? Never. Never? Well, you guys haven't reached fucking Austin. You know where warm-ups, like in sports? Basketball? You play basketball?

Dude, I wore a tank top and boxers. I look like I'm on my way to ref right now. I got dressed up during the game. I didn't get dressed now. You didn't break away pants? That's your mood. Can I tell you? I'll tell a quick story real quick.

Speaking of this. So, when I was in quick story real quick, speaking of this. So when I was in like 8th grade, we had this kid on our team. I will say his name. Probably not good to say his name. We'll call him we'll call him Thickums. That's actually awful to say too. Alright, wasn't a big kid either. That just came to my head. We will

call him Dennis Rodman. Yeah. So Dennis Rodman comes from karate practice to our game. We have the game there. We're all in warm-ups. He gets there late. He runs in. He's got his karate pants on and he's got his karate shirt on.

He's got to go get dressed in the bathroom because the game's starting in like five minutes. So he runs in there and he runs back out. And we're like eight years old so our uniforms never fit, not eight years old, eighth grade, so our uniforms never fit well because everybody's kind of growing as the season's going along.

Everybody thinks they're a large. Exactly. Everybody's a large or an extra large. Also, our school was totally cheap and just bought larges and extra larges.

So, he's coming out onto the court and is, you know, I guess he's rolled up his shorts because you could just see like his knees and then his kind of jersey

went down like past midway through his thigh. So, he's in our lineups and he's going to do layups but he's not really jumping he's not really raising his arms up so this happens like two or three times and one of my buddies goes i don't think he has pants on right now and we're like that's not true that's not possible my mom would do our book like she would keep track of the score and she was like matthew matthew and calls me over and she goes, Dennis doesn't have any pants on, you need to tell him to put pants on. Which like no mother ever thinks they're going to say while they're doing the book. Also, what is that your responsibility? How many adult coaches are there? Well, the coaches are often, I mean, they barely have pants

on themselves. Paul, this is at a Catholic school. There was probably some priest that was like, well, I've been waiting decades for this situation. He's like, prayers do come true. So we go over and we're like,

hey Dennis, hey Dennis, like, do you have pants on? He's like, no, I left my shorts at home and I didn't want to wear

my karate pants. So I figured I'd just boxer brief it. And we were like, yeah, that's a hard no. Well, this, going back to last episode, perfect opportunity. If he was wearing karate shorts, wouldn't have been a problem. That would have been, that's a great point. That's our first thing of merch is karate shorts.

That's right. Hit us up, guys. Like a weird end thing so you can high kick. High kick, yeah. And we'll do it even better. Whatever your belt is, we'll do it at the bottom of the. High kick, yeah. And we'll do it even better. Whatever your belt is, we'll do it at the bottom of the short. Oh, yeah.

Dude, let's quit comedy and sell things to kids. No one ever said kids. Okay. Let's go karate. We'll do a different target demo. Are you into the martial arts at all? I took martial arts.

That's such a broad topic. I took martial arts. That's such a broad topic. I took martial arts. I took karate. You're a student of the arts. I got to, like, blue belt. And you're talking to two yellows, so that's pretty. I got to blue. Is that racist?

I went to, like, my first tournament. And it was one of those, like, thinking back on it, I'm like, what was happening? Because my parents just, like, threw me in a camper with the people from the dojo. Like, I didn't really know them. Like, they dropped me off and picked me up. Anyway, the, you know, tournaments. Wait, you went to karate in a camper? No, no.

It was just the trip to the tournament. Oh, okay. You're too tall to do that. Your head's sticking out of the sunroof. We go to this tournament. It's like five hours away in a town. I forget which town it was. Someone did a good job of making you cloudy

on this memory of a random man. I got my ass whipped. Really? Oh, so it was a sparring level. Yeah, it was like full on, full contact. I was one of the main attack level. I'm so glad I didn't. All I really remember, I remember getting my ass whipped.

And I'm like bawling and crying. No one consoles me. None of the other parents, not the karate master, like nobody. They're just like go outside he's getting paid to talk to you at a kick punch and like

at the end he gives you some ancient wisdom and that's it it also probably makes him look bad so he's like just get out

get a comparison program sends me out of the gym I like sit on the sidewalk until I stop hyperventilating

and then come back to the show. Were you taller than everybody then? I guess. I feel like being tall is good for karate, right? I don't think so. Guys, comment on our social media.

Is being tall good for karate? Don't you need a lower center of gravity? Yeah, but I think of the theory of when you're holding somebody's head and they're swinging at you. Like the little guy's thing. Yeah, but if you're Bruce Lee then you just

like flip over then you're on the top of his head. Yeah, I mean, I don't think at a blue belt level you're fighting Bruce Lee.

Have you seen The Last Dragon? Yeah. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Oh, true. Who made that? But that's a film. Oh, okay.

That's a film. It's real. Take it to the streets. That's what I always say. That's what I always say. That's what I always say when I'm walking around in my track suit. I say to the kids, take it to the streets, kids. What do they say back there?

And they beat me up. They jump me. I have no money left in my wallet. I got to stop talking. They say, coach, are you a... What is happening? You can not have this track suit, coach, pussy. Tight-tuck kids. Flaunt the brand. Coach, are you, what is happening? You've been out in those tracksuits, coach pussy. Tight double cans.

Flaunt the brand. I still can't get over the tracksuits. Hey, I'll tell you this. What's that? I'm the most comfortable person here right now. Not even probably close. No, you know, you almost missed crossing your legs there. No, you know what I mean, dude?

I don't decide where my legs go. My legs go where my body goes. I don't trust somebody that wears sweatpants and also a flannel. How come? Because I've never seen a lumberjack. I might also have to go hit some Pilates after this. You've never met Steve? You've never met that guy?

Steve the lumberjack? He is the Pilates lumberjack. Well, the bottom half of you look like a convict. Oh, cute. You're like, I've got to choose this shirt. This is what he wore before he was in prison, and this is what he wore after. Yeah, you're changing right now. Are you going in or are you going out? I'm halfway. I'm like, this is what he wore before he was in prison and this is what he wore after. Yeah, you're changing right now. Are you going in

or are you going out? I'm halfway. I'm like Shawshank right now. Yeah. You're on like work release. I'm on work release. Yeah, I'm outside making

eight cents an hour for fucking some enormous company. I'm just building sheets and we're like, who's this for? And they're like, shut up.

And I'm just hitting an anvil to make sheets. I don't know. I've never been to prison. You guys have been to jail? I have. Let's talk about the life of a sex addict. No, I used to visit my dad in jail.

Listeners of the podcast probably know that my dad did a stint in jail. I'm going to go visit him. It was always interesting. It was minimum security. When I tell you the fence that kept them in was waist high. I wish that was just like a hacky joke. It was. A kickball would go over and one of the guards would be like, can I go get it? And he's like, you come right back. And they would. Because they were all not flight risk. They were either white collar crime or guys that snitched on drug charges. Dude, the idea of an older guy trying to escape prison, but then tearing his hamstring.

Somebody pull him up. Should we shoot him? They're like, nah, he's good. He's going to come back begging us for a tiger bomb. Just have a purple. Which is a very underrated muscle growth. Oh, it's a great bomb. I love a good bomb. What's for tiger bomb just have a purple which is a very underrated uh muscle oh it's a great bomb i love a good bomb it's a tiger bomb it's like a bio freeze yeah what's bio you played sports and never you're just so good you never got hurt no one time my dad gave me a five hour

energy before a game and i thought i was having heart palpitations he was like check this out and i was like nice and then i was like I'm sweating and we haven't even started yet. That was 100% him. He was at the red and he was like, you know what would be funny? If I bought this and I just gave it to Matt and just watched him either go do a break. It's kind of loud. I'm like 300,000% on my daily value. He asked the guy at the convenience store, is this good for an 11-year-old to play basketball?

Is this good for a skinny, fat ginger to go sit the bench for an AAU game? We just asked the guy at a random convenience store. The guy's like,

yeah, sure. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, okay. It doesn't matter. Also, we have loose Slim Jims in the back. Did you guys have that?

We had the one-stop shop near us. You had those where you grew up too, I think, right? Yeah. And they had

a bin of just beef jerky so it was like slim jims and there was like tongs and the paper you're supposed to put them in but i just remember like open hand going into that thing grabbing a just a grip of beef jerky and just eating like which there was no expiration date i don't know where it came from yeah that's probably i will say that definitely definitely led to being an adult that needs to eat Prilosec all the time. Or carry around Tums. Yeah. But you're from the South.

Is there a lot of loose meats in the South? Not in any. Well, we didn't have like Wawa's. We just called them Jiffy Stores. That was like the brand. I will say One Stop Shop was like, I wouldn't even say it's a Wawa. It's like a corner store like that. It's not nice. They call them the One Dot Shop because they're I wouldn't even say it's a Wawa. It's like a corner store. It's not nice.

They call them the One Dot Shop because they're owned by Indians. And then that just got shortened to the Dottie. So people would be like, yo, I'm going to the Dottie. And nobody would think twice about it. And then as I got older, I was like, oh, that was really popular. Jesus. And I didn't get it. I mean, I wasn't a smart kid. Yeah. Anyway, sorry. The South, loose meats. Jiffy didn't get it. I mean, I wasn't a smart kid.

Anyway, sorry. The South. Loose meats. Jiffy didn't have loose meats. That's a sentence I never want to have to say. It was all packaged. I'm sure there were some out in the country. Fried pickles.

Were you guys allowed to eat garbage when you were younger? I mean, no. No? Like, slum garbage? Like, actual garbage? Were you allowed to eat trash? Were you allowed to eat trash? I said it literally.

I've never been to the South. I don't know what you guys are doing down there. I just assume after the North won the Civil War, the deal was you guys had to eat all of our trash. Yeah. Okay, cool. Can we fry? All right.

All right. Fry trash. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Can we fry? All right. All right. Fry trash. I guarantee you, if you went to a, do you have 4-H festivals down there, like county fairs? There's the 4-H, yeah.

If you went to a county fair and just advertised as fried trash, one guy would eat it. Absolutely. I mean, a guy ate a turd after the Eagles

won the Super Bowl. Somebody downstairs was found eating it. Is that kind of life? I hope not. Yeah. That's the worst, like, is that not a life? I hope not. Yeah. That's the worst too because that's what like

they show the city. Like one of the biggest accomplishments in the city's history and if you go the second page of highlights on YouTube, I think it's like the guy munching.

How do you get away from that? Like later in life? How do you become not that guy? I say you lean into it and just put it on your resume. Yeah. You're going to go to any event and you're going to be like,

eat, eat, eat. This guy ate turds. Imagine the type of dedication he's going to have to working at this Jiffy Lube. Imagine if he, like, ate that and, like, didn't go down on his girlfriend. Oh, is it? You know. I'd love to find out. Okay, Boston on that one. I'd love to find out later on that, like, that guy actually was, like, successful

and it comes up in like a political Warren film they're like oh you want to vote for Jim Stencil well guess what commercial

he ate a turd go birds I don't know Jim Stencil was it his own exactly right was it his own no it was a horse turd

okay like from the horse cops yeah yeah cop horse horse cop horse cop it's just a horse roaming by itself they call it a gate that yeah there's a lot in Philly

yeah which if you get if you get caught by a guy on horseback like you all you lose there shouldn't even be a trial for whatever you did have they ever caught somebody one of the guys down down on those bad boys? You mean like an old western? Like they hang off the side? No, they have it like in New York City where they have them on horses. Maybe it was Philly too. That feels like a cop request.

They have them in Chicago too. I think every major city has them. I would like to see the numbers of like arrests. Can they just pull you over? Can a horse... A horse. A horse. Yeah. Yeah. And then over? And of course, the horse, of course. Yeah.

Yeah. And then he tells him to get off the horse. The horse just like does that kneel down thing. And he gets in your window and he's like, you know why I pulled you over? I'm like, I don't know anything right now. Couldn't you just feed the horse and get away? Yeah, sure. Like, distract him to hold it like cubes of sugar.

But can they, like, I wonder if they're allowed to have the same jurisdiction. I don't know. I'm actually very curious about this at this point. I want to find out if horse cops can get

the job done. Imagine the horses are racist too. I feel like we're wasting a lot. Granted, we don't live in Philly. We're saying we're

wasting. But I feel like there's a lot of police funds wasted on horse cops. I want to hear what's the benefit of having a cop on a horse? Looks cool. That does look sick. That does look cool.

Looks cool. Very menacing. That's it. I mean, I don't know. I would like to see. If you're going to do it, do it up. Put, like, the sirens on the thing. Stroke light up.

I think give the horse a gun. Why not, dude? Let's try some of these. Where would the siren go on top of the cop's hat? I think the police officer is responsible for making the noise. Do you think this would be great, so there's like the most

gung-ho Antifa person, they're like, all cops are bastards, except you buttercup just like that right do a cat people think that also horse cops are bastards you gotta love I think most of us don't know their father so they are bastards okay that's fair I don't know the horse sensual reading conversation now you know that the horse husband? My dad has a friend who owns three horses. Like, racist?

That was such a, oh, that was such a pompous, like, do you know who my dad is? He's the guy who has a friend. It sounded more like I'm learning English. That's like one of my artists. I would love to see you screaming that while getting kicked out of a bar. You know what? My dad knows a guy that's got three horses.

And then the cop who's throwing me out who was on a horse is like, all right, we'll let him stay. Are they like racehorses? I don't know.

I just found out about him the other day. Are they horse cops? He didn't offer a lot of information. He felt very sneaky about it. He just said, I have a friend

who has three horses. He's like, I know a guy. That's post. Your dad's selling drugs. Ah, okay, he's back into that's like I know a guy that's Coase your dad's selling drugs ah okay he's back into that again

yeah I'll have to talk to him then he's measuring his children and selling that's what he's doing he's just like measuring he wants to see how much drugs

he can hide under well I know he's got 72 inches of room to work with that's what it is well you guys are fathers you know what does that look like

talk about a segway yeah hard transition it's awesome That's what it is. Well, you guys are fathers, you know. What does that look like? Talk about a segue. Hard transition. It's awesome, man. I said it today. A friend of mine just got engaged. Shout out to John and Danielle. I don't think you ever used to. John and Danielle.

Congrats. I'll say this, man. They went on a trip like camping or hiking and everywhere and everything. Right now is not a good time to go with just your significant other into the wilderness and then propose did you guys see the girl they found another the girl's remains were found now the fiance is like m.i.a he just told his parents he's like going to the woods they were like wait what that's it's i didn't i didn't start following until i saw that they found what they thought yeah so my friend got engaged during that time so all the pictures i'm seeing online are like i'm his really fun trip and then that couple's

not so fun trip is my instagram timeline right now oh they're young too aren't they like 22 23 also here's my thing that guy was very bold for a 22-year-old. That's fair. I don't trust a bald 22-year-old. I don't trust a young bald. You know how angry that guy is? He had hair when he couldn't even get boners, and then he lost it. It's unbelievable. I know a kid I went to high school with started balding at 17. Was he having alopecia or something?

No, no, no. It wasn't alopecia. We asked. Which was a little probably personal, but when you're 17, you can just ask anything. We screamed at Adam all the time. And he's like, no, my dad lost his when he was like 19. Yeah, but I mean, did he have a good shaved head? No. No, that's tough.

Yeah, it's really bad. The guy who just got engaged, my friend, he's a bald guy that like when he embraced it, we were like, oh, you have the perfect head to shave it. Like you should have. And he says, he's like, I should have. He went from like having like a curly fro to lost it. And he's like, I should have, he went from having a curly fro to lost it. And he's like, I should have just did this

when we graduated high school. A shaved head with a beard looks pretty sick. That's not a bad alternative. It does look cool. It's not bad. It's not a bad look. But this kid looked like,

who's the rich dude in The Simpsons? Oh, Mr. Burns? Yeah, he looked like him at 17 years old. Montgomery Burns?

Oh, God. Did you go to high school with Benjamin Button? This kid was a teacher. Now? Yeah, he looked like him at 17. Montgomery Burns? Oh, God. Did you go to high school with Benjamin Button? This kid was a teacher. No, he was very funny. So he had something to work off of. And then you could be like the young, bald guy who's funny. It's not a bad shit. Well, you're ahead of the curve.

By the time everyone else is getting bald, you're so good at it that you're now top of the league. You need to be like 17. You're so good at it that like you're now top of the league you need to be like 17 year old you're so good at being bald you know what I'm saying by the time like say now he's like in his 30s

and all his friends are starting to go bald but he's like welcome to the game boys he's like well couldn't get a date to prom or homecoming

I think he's going to so many proms and homecomings now though did you guys have any of that at your high school prom or anything we had a He's going to so many proms and homecomings now, though. That's a new thing. Did you guys have any of that at your high school prom or anything? We had, I think, a 19- or 20-year-old go to our prom. A dude, because his girlfriend was still in high school.

Yeah. Oh, that's a rough look. We had a 21-year-old. How is that legal? It should not be at all in any capacity. Yeah, it definitely shouldn't be. But my school was trying to make money off ticket sales. So they were like, all right, you can come. You went to a Catholic school, too.

Yeah. Well, I mean, he was also buying booze for the masses. So everybody was like, all right, we'll turn the other way tonight. Yeah, as soon as they get busted, they're like, nah, it was Eric. He was the 23-year-old Eric. We look like one of the teachers hanging out there. He had like a beard and a 401k just kidding

none of the teachers in my county are struggling we didn't have anybody that was like noticeably older than

they thought you were way older he's that tall he's gotta be 28 do you play basketball at all I don't know uh

I heard you I heard you toured at a sports high school sports career to be 28. You played basketball at all? I played one season of basketball. I was one of the juniors on the JV team. But I had not played basketball up until that year. Oh, well, that's not bad. And I wasn't good enough to be. Yeah, that's pretty good. I'll take that. Get a little burn, run around. I did the same thing.

I started every game except the last game. Nice. Yeah, because in the second to last game, it was like a one-on-one foul situation. Yeah. And my head just wasn't in it dude shoots he makes it and I sprint down the other end of the court and I turn around and there's nobody behind me

everybody just like still standing in place it's good to know that you were also the special needs kid you were the kid like that on ESPN when they put him in when the team's up like 100 points and at the last game of the season they're like, Brad has been to

every game for the last four years and they let him just hawk up a three-pointer. Dude, I always love when those ones and then it's like, there's always the one kid that's like really cocky. He's very like special needs but like super cocky and He's very like special needs, but like super cocky and he'll hit like the three and like put the three up and

holster it even and like put it back in the pocket. You're like, all right man, calm down. Dude, I was trying to play. You're still a retard. I was trying to play basketball in college. So if I, and I didn't get a lot of playing time in high school. If I got put in the game, and they

start doing, on the other team, like, oh, give him a shot, you know, it's his first time playing, I'm fucking sending that into the bleachers. There's got to be a video out there of somebody that's just like, fuck that. That's our YouTube search after this.

How do you look for that? Special kid finally gets in game, shot swatted. Cool. The first search is horse cops. What's the deal? The second one is sending a special needs kid shot into the rack. You know somebody has had to have done that. Somebody has.

They just didn't know what was happening. That's got to be a sketch. That's a really good sketch. That's a bit. I don't know how you wouldn't know what was happening that's gotta be a sketch i mean that's gonna be that's a really that's a bit i don't know how you wouldn't know okay okay okay let james on the court he's gonna shoot it everybody back up because you have the one like friend who's on the team yeah definitely like pushing everybody out of the game so you're just going to be like a giant asshole

you gotta swat it and carry that momentum straight out the door get on the bus and bang the bus driver to come yeah can you imagine

just like talking shit after you do just like flexing at him that's such a good way to end like if you say you were terrible but you were still

on the team for four years you hated it and you're like it's the last game of the season who cares say you were terrible but you were still on the team for four years you hated it it's the last game of the season who cares what are they going to do

kick me off the team I just like the idea of being somebody who was trying to work so hard and they just didn't know what was happening

maybe they weren't paying attention and they think they're doing something good and they look at the audience all excited

and everybody's like oh my god I can't believe he was that wide open or even better you go to Swat and he takes a hard pivot and everybody's like, oh my god. I can't believe he was that wide open. Or even better, you go to SWAT it and he takes a hard pivot, breaks your ankles, crosses you off, and then just leaves it and hangs it in your face.

So then what I did was justified. Yeah. You know? No, then, yeah. Yeah, but it doesn't end that way. Plus, they don't remind you when he's sending the ball into his wheelchair. Can you imagine?

For sure. The gasp and the immediate silence. Yeah, silence that's followed by just a, wait, what? Dude, my parents love me so much that they'd be like, let's fucking go right now! Dude, this is totally stealing a bit, but Chris Wood has a story about that. stealing a bit, but Chris Wood has a story about that. He, like Chris Wood, Philadelphia comedian, buried a kid

in hockey, and he got up and he said that he heard his mom go, oh no! The kid only had one arm. He was like the kid, and he said that his dad was like, that's clean! You're going to play the game! You're going to be able to take that in! I'm not mad at that.

That guy's got to be from Southern New jersey oh chris wood there you go yeah it's south jersey there you go yeah it's the most south jersey thing of all time yeah dude parents got so it's unbelievable the amount please you guys have children if your kids play sports i think we talked about it yeah don't say anything ever during the games dude i, I used to referee. I had a separate fight between a former boxer and this 6'6 dude who played basketball in college during a 7-year-old basketball game. Really? It was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever seen. And I just let it happen.

Yeah, let that happen. I made like $10 an hour. Yeah, you're the guy that's in charge of stopping that. No, that's what horse cops are for. Dude, it was unbelievable. You don't get hazard pay. You're not stepping in between. You're throwing adults. You know what I mean? I was like 18

and my boss was kind of looking at me like, uh, hello, and was like, goodbye. No, I'm not going to do that. It was really insane. The dudes are literally... Mail me my check. I'm going to go work at Foot Locker. You said it as shit. I didn't even have a ref shirt. They were just like, wear a green shirt.

They were on your chest that Sharpie ref. Yeah, but they spelled it wrong. Matt, are you special needs ref? They would let me get a couple shots in during the game. You make the wishes. You wanted a ref. Middle school basketball. I wrote ref on my shirt, but I spelled it rev.

They thought I was the ref, which they didn't trust me there either. Yeah, I don't play them. Yeah, through the YMCA, I had some ludicrous ways of letting you referee a game. Oh, dude, I remember my dad played

in the men's league at that same YMCA when I was a kid. I used to go to all of his games. Yeah. And there was, I love that one,

there was a guy that lied to me and told me he was Dana Barrows. That's incredible. Do you remember Dana Barrows? Oh,

he is. Yeah, Iverson before Iverson in Philly. He was like our point guard in the Jerry Stackhouse era. And this guy, here's just racially dumb me. I was probably seven, eight years old.

And I was like, oh, there's a shorter black guy. He's got the same number as Dana Barris. And he was like, I am Dana Barris. I'm like, my dad? Plays hit the Y with Dana Barris? It wasn't Dana Barris. Anyway, shout out Dana Barris. That's a jersey I want. I want to get an Iverson jersey, cut the letters off, and with Dana Barris but it wasn't Dana Barris anyway shout out Dana Barris that's a jersey

I want I want to get an Iverson jersey cut the letters off and just write Barris because he was also number 3

but so my dad's friend that was on their team tall guy I mean he's probably like 6'4 so way

taller than you Matt he went to dunk in the warm ups and still had his wedding ring on and caught

it on the rim and it ripped his finger off it was hanging on my tendon this is burned into my skull i was the ball boy i was like grabbing rebounds is it the yc yeah it was the the um i can see it vividly it was the back board that is when you first walk into the gym yeah that side of the cord yeah and it was hanging on by like a tendon and i remember like i don't know if someone my dad or somebody just like rushed him because the hospital is right there yeah they reattach it had full use of his hand no kidding yeah but that is burned in my head of like when every time you say ymca i picture that guy's finger hanging off so it doesn't hang on by the when i say hang on by a tendon

i'm saying no so the ring was still on the finger yeah the tendons that connects to the bone disconnected at the joint didn't break but the tendon but like the skin ripped tendon was what was keeping it all dude his wife is definitely like our wedding ring kept your hand yeah so cut to probably eight nine years later i'm'm working at the CBS right by my house. This guy also lived in Maybrook I grew up in. Yeah. And he walked up to the counter and wasn't really paying attention and slid a box of condoms across the counter. And then realized it was me and just went, oh, no.

And I was just like, anything else today? And I just quietly put them in there. and was like, how's your finger? Is that the protection finger? Did he steal them on the ring? Yeah, he redatched his hand. Yeah, I think he's still married. God bless him. Ripped the finger off.

Actually, I'll stop it right there because this six degrees of separation could get back to South Jersey. I mean, you've given an enormous amount of information. Yeah, I think you might have gone to high school with his kids. I don't know. Anyway, we'll talk about that. I'm excited.

I'll say the name. Rip this finger off. You ever rip a finger off, Rob? I did yank this tooth out, though, playing basketball. How so? On a net. That's one of the hot feet. I think Did Jordan have you up that high? It was one of those slam dunk goals so it was like all the way down we were playing horse. Yeah. It was already bent. And you were too tall. Yeah I had a janky front tooth. Went up. Did like a reverse.

And my buddy was like can't do it. We all kind of for whatever reason like walked through the yeah move I went I came down that caught the tooth did you hit the dunk though no did you cuz that would win every dunk contest did you know that you did it or you try to play it off and just like a hole in my head wait the net ripped it out? Yeah, so like, holy shit. Reds like this, nets hanging. Shout out to that Wilson.

Was it the red, white, and blue one? No, it was the slam dunk ring. Oh, okay. You mean?

Yeah, it was red, white, and blue. Oh, nice. Oh, it's patriotic.

It's painful to think about. It was awful. Wow, that's a weird, when you said yank, I thought you meant like, you took it out like, as an intimidation factor.

Stuff to tip off. No, no, no. Wow. When you said yank, I thought you meant like you took it out like it was an intimidation factor. This is horse though. You have to take your tooth out first. Then make the shot. I'm going to create a new game called Tooth. And if you miss the shot, you have to rip a tooth out. Okay, fair. Other than just acquiring letters. That too.

Actually, you take all your teeth out for every shot you make, you get a tooth back. That's also, okay, fair. Other than just acquiring letters. That too. Oh, OT. Actually, you take all your teeth out for every shot you make, you get a tooth back. Yeah. You get your word backwards too. Now the dentist is a sham. Until they put your tooth back in your mouth. Yeah, they're really good at that. I can see that. I can see that.

Every time I go, I'm just like, I don't buy it. Damn. Just some woman. How do you not have a nickname that's based around, like, you gotta have a nickname based around, I'd just call you Nets for the rest of your life. Snackletooth. They weren't a, I would say my friend group at that time

wasn't the nicest. Yeah, that's, yeah. Wouldn't it be weird though if your buddy's like, oh my god, are you okay? Like, oh yeah, I'm fine. I don't know, at that age I couldn't take any kind of affection from a friend like oh are you all right like shut up nerd you don't get that at all you guys have good relationships with your friends it sounds like all right no i'm just trying to think of basketball and tooth fun sorry all i got so far is toothpick and roll. Yeah. Dude, fuck you. Look at that.

Top it. Yeah. Alright, well, I think we have to then. We're going to vamp in the meantime.

A good basketball pun would be... You got nothing. You know. Who even, dude,

comedy's dumb, man. Who cares, dude? 70 incisors instead of 76ers incisors yeah well there you go i don't think any of my thoughts that well i was saying i don't even know sports well enough i'm like what does 70 have to do with

basketball you know what i want to ask how did two dudes and a dad start because i've never you guys are newer to the scene and then coming together and like putting together shows as quickly as, like that's a, yeah, tell us what makes you see them. So,

me, Nikki, and Nikki P, and Gary Sharp met in one of those helium comedy 101 classes. Ah, okay,

got it. That's a code word for grinder. Yeah. That's just how everyone we met at comedy classes, okay. Got it. That's a code word for grinder. Yeah. That's just how everyone we met at comedy classes. I don't know. Now we actually

have to do comedy so our wives are not none of the wives are. So that's where sort of our relationship started. We all do that class, do the showcase,

keep doing open mics, et cetera, et cetera. And then you kind of just start realizing how the scene works a little bit yeah you're like yeah all right we got to figure out a mic or a showcase or something yeah something quick and uh found that one spot uh pinport beer boutique had one and just like riffing names for the flyers i think somebody threw out two dudes and a dad. Yeah. That was just... That's awesome.

Nobody questioned it or thought about it. We didn't look in to see if it already existed anywhere else. Yeah, none of that. It's kind of funny. When we were starting

the podcast, that was a name we thought of for the podcast. Dad the dude. For just two people, it was too close to fighter and the Kid. Yeah.

We were like, let's keep working. Then we came upon the great name Handsome Idiots. I think that's great. Thank you. You're the first person to say that. I'm the first person to say that. I don't even think I like it. I don't know.

I'm still thinking about it. I don't know. It's catchy. People will talk about it. Yeah. We were going to name it Hitler. No, just leave it at that. Yeah.

You figure it out. Well, I'm glad you didn't go that way. That's fair. Okay. I mean, insane. Instead of two dudes and a dad, the show presented by Hitler. You guys have been getting a pretty good turnout, too, from what? Killer scene, right?

It's been pretty good. I think mainly because it's free, which is cool. I mean, you get eight minutes, so it's better than a mic, like a five-minute mic. Proper audience. Huge audience. That's a killer turnout. A couple times I've gone, it's been 70 minutes. It's an audience audience, too.

It's been like a proper audience. Which is great. Having a legit audience. And for the listeners that aren't... The two people that aren't comics and listen to this. You do a lot of comedy to comedians when you're in the beginnings of stand-up comedy. And it makes you really question why you want to keep repeating the same words to the same people over and over

and then you do it in front of a real crowd and you're like oh right okay this is how it goes oh yeah this is really enjoyable

that was nice yeah I'd like to do that again yeah see you think that that's not how you sound to us

but that's exactly how it sounds which yeah what's your what's the what's the Rob Cody story Rob Cody story 52 Rob Cody story.

52 minutes in. We're getting to this one. If you had a movie made about you or a book, what's the title? Start there. That's good. A Mediocre Life Well-Lived. Damn, you definitely thought about that. Beautiful.

Jesus Christ. I cried a little. You just pulled a screenplay out of it. It actually is. Jesus Christ. I cried a little. I thought, you just pulled a screenplay out of your eyes. We can take it from the top. Open on Georgia. Do you guys read this and give me some feedback?

Everything just is the same. Do you do push-ups in the shower repeating that to yourself? No. I just thought about that like recently. Like, that would be a good name for

I guess a book or something. Anything. I'll tell you what, in that accent too, I've told you before, your southern accent is like the perfect southern accent because it's not aggressive and it's not too dumb hickish. So it's like things like saying,

what was it again? Rip it off for us. A mediocre life Well, it just sounds better He can't learn an art like yeah media real life well live real good real good like yeah, I'm okay Everyone's scrolling past that I do did okay. I Everyone's scrolling past that. A dude did okay. I really want to try.

I've been trying to get the like, was it a Delco accent? Is that what they call it? Yeah. Brutal. I've tried. I just can't. Well, here we go live in real time. There's some words like,

Mike is that way. Okay. Mike. Yeah. Paul. Paul. That's good. True.

Yeah, that was good. Hoagie. Hoagie. You need a trigger word that might get you going into it. And a friend of mine, she coined the phrase a hoagie mouth. And that describes the Philadelphia accent so well. Yeah. Hoagie mouth.

Yeah. Oh, it sounds like you got more of a little bit of a hoagie in your mouth. It's an unbelievable accent. I mean. It really is good. I've always wondered, why do people in the South have an accent and the North doesn't? Why are people different? Let's take a look at this one. Don't you guys both know that?

I mean, and Tennessee sounds different from Alabama, sounds different from Georgia, South Carolina. There's subtle dialects yeah within them too I probably would be able to tell but you can pick up on it

it's the same I tell you it's probably the same way you can pick up on like New York versus Philadelphia versus Baltimore

versus Pittsburgh yeah I think if you put those four people speaking to me I could nail it where they're from which one they're from

and anybody like who lives in like you know Minnesota over, whatever. Going out. I don't know what they're doing at that point. Just Canadian people. So, alright, the Ron Coney, a life well lived,

a life well lived story. Born in... I feel like I'm helping you fill out man live. Born in, i need a state kind of a wild story i wasn't like a i don't know i'm gonna start all the way at the end beginning don't start at the end that's very morbid yeah do you know when the end is hold on like now versus okay uh grew up in georgia southeast georgia brunswick georgia it's called really was just trying to see how many times I could say Georgia there.

That'd be even funnier if you were like, you know what's funny, actually born and raised in Maine. I don't know where that's going. Southern money. Joined the Coast Guard out of high school. Coast Guard is a good southern word. Yeah. Because we say Case Guard. That's funny because I wasn't doing

really well in like college my parents were like alright you've either got to move out do it on your own

or like join the military you better guard these fucking coasts very southern thing to do so you dropped

out of college and joined the coast guard I wouldn't say I dropped out because I wasn't really in it they'd sneak out

like I was yeah you're good I did a year dropped out because I wasn't really in it. They'd sneak out. Like I was. Yeah. They said you're good. I did a year of junior college and then just didn't go back. Okay. It's not really dropping out. There's still someone there waiting for you.

I dropped out. I knew what my calling was. Yeah, I think you just gave the definition of dropping out. No, yeah. Yeah, you didn't go back. You idiot. Uh, did the Coast guard for four years that was one of those like fun cool life experience um but you're just like i don't know you're either in that's a gig that if you do that you're like you're either doing it for the whole 20 so what's the coast guard training is it like what's the boot camp of coast guarding uh what's in cape

main new jersey oh well that's how you know it's very laid back. Actually, it's in a Queen Victorian town. I went in probably right as there was a shift happening with

not political correctness, but they couldn't really cuss at us. As much as you could. Was there, they couldn't really cuss at us. Oh, wow. As much as you could. Was there a lot of coast guard cussing? Well, you know, like yelling at a recruit or whatever, like they couldn't really do that anymore.

Yeah. So it was like a weird, you could see them like want to do it. Polite little thing. I've been doing this for 40 years. Now I can't. So that was cool then I went to college after that

graphic design, I'm in advertising now there's a bunch of little stuff in between there do you ever still get the urge to guard the coast? not are you ever at the beach and you look left, look right you guys don't even know how much I'm doing for you. Just punching the tide.

Hey, everyone here, I want to make this known. I bet you guys didn't see any terrorists come on this coast today. Yeah. You're welcome. What does the Coast Guard do? They guard the coast, man. Is that like a lifeguard? Like you guys sit on like a tall thing and you wear a lifeguard?

No. They're like the police of the ocean. Damn. The only three mile, I think. Was there any seahorse cops? There it is. Oh, seahorse. Oh, dear God.

All right. That's the worst thing I've ever thought. It's pretty bad. I don't, I work with the Department of fence and don't know what they do. I'm picturing you on a stand-up paddle board full camo, but ocean camo so they can't see you. And New Jersey ocean camo is pretty much just camo. And you're just on a stand-up paddle board with an AK-47 on your back. No. Alright.

Well they do, they do have guns. They'll take that back. You think they do? They're like they'll take that back they're like they didn't get me one i did get well you sort of thought it's funny so you have to everything that you carry you have to get trained on right so you have to be able to shoot the nine millimeter then you can carry a nine millimeter um these are any harpoon gun training? No harpoon. This is like, okay, if you get the like if you're doing, becoming a boarding

team member, I guess is the best way to describe it. So that would be the guys who, if they're doing like drug tours, they are stopping boats, searching them for drugs. If it's a fisheries tour they're just stopping fishermen to like hassle them and like make sure that all that catches and give them the drugs that they took fishermen love drugs i partied with a longshoreman one time

whoo that guy loved drugs he's fresh off the boat too man this guy was out for like however many weeks they do they do like a big grip of weeks and he was out of like this was down I think like in the Atlantic City area so some boat that went out there

and went out I don't know what they call it but he had just gotten his sea legs back and that was a thing so he was walking down the hallway of this apartment and was bumping into wall to wall and I was like how long does that last and he's like a the hallway of this apartment and was bumping into wall to wall. Yeah.

And I was like, how long does that last? And he's like, a couple of days. And then he just proceeds to go into a room and bang out a bunch of rails of coke. Yeah. Wow. Good for them. They party hard. I didn't realize that was a thing.

I would always just think they'd just get hammered and just kind of like wait around. Yeah. Wow. No, they like, well, they make a lot of money and I think it's all cash. Uh, yeah, they do. And they're paid paid right when they get off the boat, I think. It's like, you go do your run. They do love jokes where you use semen as a punch. I did that all night.

I killed it. All night. That is a bit. It was amazing. Did you say the same joke? I probably used semen. He's like, you mean like cum, right? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, anyway. Really getting my sea legs back. You know what I'm saying? Also getting my land nose. Did you ever catch anybody drug running? No. The boat I was on, it was a 270 foot medium endurance cutter they called it found out it's 270 feet because they ran out of money while they were building

the boats a lot of that stuff like right when I get it in your life like I showed up to the boat I was on for like the first year and they were supposed to go on some tour like two months or whatever they're like yeah we're not going we don't have any money for gas like what do you mean this so we all paddled the government right they're like yeah yeah we're like we're the end of the line they're like first we gotta get marines we're gonna get I don't know, douchey haircuts and bad tattoos. We've got to get that first. And then you guys are way down on the list.

We've got to move this nutty somewhere else. Just starting off that by talking about Marines being shitty. Dumb haircut and a tattoo. Oh, I have a couple Marines I know. Also the same haircut we have, which is also pretty funny to say. Yeah, all the good ones became cops anyway they're all now horse cops damn a former Marine horse cop now no or a horse you want to run into I was

for a picture in the horse became a marine it's like a Disney movie the horse went through boot camp it's gotta be the horse of a different private private buttercup that's definitely that's a movie that just didn't get

greenlit in the 90s when they were doing like Operation Dumbo Drive Major Pay and the guy's like I got this movie called Sergeant Buttercup

and I think it's gonna be great but it's just like very like graphic and like a deep movie like where he sees awful things it's 1917 but with a a deep movie where he sees awful things. It's 1917, but with a horse.

He's in the trenches. Yeah, we're all in the trenches. You saw another friend get killed? It's probably shot from his back home perspective, so he's beating his wife. He's having a hard time adjusting. Yeah, can't get back into it. He's standing in line waiting for work during the Great Depression. He's on a dock.

Flashback happens. I think we just figured out the crossover for A Mediocre Life Well Lived. It's actually just the story of a horse that went to war, came back, became a horse cop. It's just Cinderella Man with a horse. It's in the boxing. And then he retired and lives with Matt's friend's dad. And it ends with him becoming glue. No, I like the thing he becomes president. We turn this

into a whole, like, this is the new Fast and the Furious. We'll make 12 of them. Buttercup 9. Buttercup's revenge. I just like to think that it's 9.58 at night and just three grown men.

Wouldn't it be funny if a horse served in the United States military? Gentlemen? What branch would you be in? Not the Coast Guard? Yeah, definitely not. I bet you if they asked him to be in the Coast Guard, he'd say, nay. Oh, definitely not. I bet you if they asked him to be in the Coast Guard, he'd say, nay.

Oh, God, dude. Oh, man. How's that? Did I just kill a pun? Kill it. We are at an hour. Holy shit. Oh, shit.

Do it quick. I totally took the gas out of it with that beautiful pun. I enjoyed it. You know what? We're going to gallop on into plugs. What do you got rob what do you got what do we got oh we got uh next tuesday is the 28th right september 28th that sounds right we got another uh two dudes and a dad show at the pinsport beer boutique beautiful do those every last uh tuesday of the month. Johnny Motz is on the October one. Hell yeah. I'm excited for that.

Yeah. It'll be, it's a lot of fun. Come out if you're in and around. Tinsport. Which is South Philly, right? South Philly, yeah. We've got another show that we're putting on. You're hosting.

Matt Peebles is hosting. I'll be there. October 23rd at the Ruba Club that's in Northern Liberties Philly see the cool spot yeah it's a cool

like it's an old it was an old Russian social club I've been there yeah holy shit dude part of my

bachelor party I ended up in that one of like Russian or Ukrainian social clubs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was someone that was on my bachelor party because we did it in Philly. He was a member or something?

He lived in that neighborhood. And I think you could just sign up as a social club member. Yes. And we went in and it was just like $2 Coronas. Yeah. And it was a weird, it felt like a Dungeon-y type feel. Yeah, it kind of has that. I wonder if it's the same place.

I'm definitely. It probably is. I'm not going to come out to see the comedy show. Great. That's fine. Spring Garden. I don't know. I was so blackout drunk.

This was like. And I think we went there because it was like 3 a.m. And all the bars were closed. But there you can keep drinking. Yeah. If you were part of the. They have like an industry. Yeah, I might be on a list.

Yeah. Kind of like people to watch out for. I'm wearing this track suit. I'm going to rush. Ooh, I'm definitely wearing this.. People to watch out for. I'm wearing this track suit. I'm going to Russia. Ooh, I'm definitely wearing this. You got it done. You got it done. You should wear it the night of the show.

The thing, I'm not going to wear this probably for the rest of the fall. I also did a Kelly Green one. Go birds. That was the first one I bought. I wear it during Eagles games, and I wear it during St. Paddy's Day. Oh, boy. It was only two days. The green. Yeah. that was the first one I bought I wear it during Eagles games and I wear it during St. Paddy's Day oh boy it was the only two days

that green yeah not a great purchase where where okay where

socials where can they find you social media at Rob Cody man on the at Rob Cody

man at Rob Cody damn it should be Rob Cody, man. At Rob Cody. Damn, it should be Rob Cody. On the Instagrams. Two dudes and a dad on Instagram, right? Yeah, at two dudes and a dad on Instagram. It's just kind of where we post all the haps that are happening. Nice.

You can also catch him on the list of people that went AWOL from the Coast Guard. Also, if anyone asks, you have a different name. Yeah, not me. Matthew, what do you got coming up? Well, I got that one. Also, if anyone asks, you have a different name. Yeah. Matthew, what do you got coming up? Well, I got that one. The Aruba and Norman Liberties. I'll be hosting that bad boy. We got LaMare Lee. Yeah.

Cassandra D. Headlining. You're on. Rob will be on the show. So that's going to be a barn burner. Yeah. Matty P. Matty P.

LaMare Lee. Cassandra D. And Rob Cody. Ooh. I'm at that. Yep. Ooh. The 25th this, and Rob Cody. Ooh. I'm at that. Yep. Ooh. The 25th, this Saturday, I'm hosting for Mark DeMeo at the B&B Adventure Farm in New Jersey.

That sounds great. Very, very adventure farm. Very, very, very and very adventure farm. That's a little Soul Joel's gig. That'll be fun. October 2nd, I'll be featuring for a headliner, Johnny Montag. I don't know how the hell that happened. You don't think I am not wearing an all Adidas track suit to an all black backyard barbecue?

Oh, boy. You're off. What is your saying? You're out of your stone, dude. You're out of your stone. What do you got in your stone? You can talk about that later. That's one of the greatest sayings I've ever heard.

I heard you ask him the other day. You were like, is that a thing you made up? I don't know. I think I've heard it before, but... I think you've just mashed together four different cliches. That's most of my vocabulary. So we'll be there. You come see a headliner, do like

11 minutes. With crowd work. October 5th, Wilson's Secret Sauce in Upper Darby, a little cricket comedy gig. October 5th, Wilson's Secret Sauce in Upper Darby, a little cricket comedy gig. October 20th, I'll be at the Highland Tavern.

No, I'm sorry, the Happy, what the hell did this kid say? Brightside Tavern in Jersey City. And then the 23rd will be the Ruba Show.

So come check that out. Kaboom. Boom, baby. Where can they find you, Matthew? Matt People's Comedy on Instagram Matt Peoples 23 on Twitter

and wherever else you see me walking around and on the most recent episode of Wizards Intern oh I remember Brandon Donnie

that was a lot of fun yeah Wizards Intern Brandon Donnie there's height talk on there too they're just all on the height I don't know that person

I got it I got it on the 26th one inch punchline over a Kung Fu necktie. On the 29th, I might actually for that Kung Fu necktie show I might have to get a karate shorts. That's a cute prototype. On the 29th, loaded laughs out in Easton, PA at Peerly Bakers, which is not a bakery. I found out it's a bar. Part of me is kind of upset because I just wanted to go eat strudel and fucking tell

giggles. If you don't think I'm bringing an apple fritter and I'm going to ask them to warm it up in their microwave, we can talk about that. Apple fritters, put them in the microwave for like seven seconds. Have yourself an evening. On 10-2, Backyard Comedy

up in Harrisburg with my feature act that's right out with me, Matthew Peebles. That's right, baby. It's been fun. Harrisburg, it's the triumph

and return. Your prodigal son is coming back, baby. Oh, boy. Shangri-La. Can't spell prodigal. Well, yeah, the other one. I stole the track. I think he's thinking it, probably. Anyway.

1014 Cricket Comedy, Axe and Arrow Brewery in Glassboro. It's going to be a fun one. And 1026 Booze and Confused with Mr. Rob Theodore Cody. Rob? Yeah, that's close. All right, nice.

Pensport Beer Boutique. Excited to do that one. Outside show. Oh, that's definitely going to be tracksuit weather, too. It's late August. It's got to make it. You're kidding me? Yeah.

Yeah, it's made. It's made. It's beautiful. Montague Comedy, Hacks Comedy Golf. You can find me on the probably next Tums Chewables

commercial and go to Shamrock Sun for 10% off whatever dude use code

Matt Dick yeah one of those will you kids use code free and see what happens use code idiot

that would definitely be 10% did they really sponsor you guys? Yeah, they did. It was a deal that I cut with a company that I had a good hat that I got for free once. If you guys are listening, we love you. Use code dishonorably discharged.

Use code least coast. Nope. We're going to cut that. and I'm going to cut it at one hour and a half Outro Music