That Rules Podcast - Episode #21: Marble Mouth Bourbon Boys (the saga of Slipknot)

Episode Date: October 20, 2021

Matt learns how to sip bourbon, while John recalls the second greatest concert he’s ever been to.

🎵 Ladies and gentlemen, you've reached what some are calling the 21st legal drinking age episode of handsome idiots podcast. But unfortunately legal drinking age, handsome idiots podcast went out and had too many beverages at the bar, drove its car straight into a wall and died. So that's it. This is the last final episode. I'm sitting here, sitting queer,

sipping beer, but it's actually bourbon, with Mr. Matthew Carlisle Peoples. And the Carlisle is short for, you know. Hey, so look, I'm not a bourbon kid, but Big Johnny Matzah Ball over here brought it over. He was gracious enough to come to my $3.2 million estate, share a little $400 or $500 bottle. Well, per shot. So, I mean, what's the math? It's how many

shots are in a bottle. Yeah, I wasn't pumped on the broke boy shit. Who even counts nowadays? With all the money we're raking in from Shamrock Sun, I've just been pouring most of this stuff down the drain. Dude, the only count I acknowledge is Chocula. So here's the deal. I'm going to take a sip of bourbon live on the radio airwaves right now, and I'll

give you an instant reaction. This is actually Matt's first sip of alcohol ever. Ever. I'm excited. I've heard the rumors. They sound good. So let's give this whore a try. Let it roll over your tongue. Be with the taste did you just said graduate into adulthood did i just witness would you believe me if i told you i'm not mad at it ladies and gentlemen his pants just grew longer they're covering his ankles now i i am not gonna lie to you it doesn't i haven't gotten to where it tastes good, but I could just sit and sip that.

And sip it, right? Wow. Right? So that was how I made the mistake of like, and I realize it's very douchey 35-year-old to discuss bourbon. Yeah. Let alone on your podcast on a younger person's couch. But it's something where I think I drank whiskey a lot as a youth as a young youth in college but i was just pouring it violently into my face until i threw up yeah and

then at like 30 someone did exactly what you just they just were like they poured me a glass i said let the ice melt a little bit and then take a sip don't it's not a shot it's a sipping i took a little sip dude i'll tell you this i think it is an adult thing it't, it's not a shot. It's a sipping beverage. I took a little sip. Dude, I'll tell you this. I think it is an adult thing. It's kind of like the adult way to drink coffee. When I first started drinking coffee, I would get iced coffees. My sweet little sweet boy, hot sexy boy iced coffees.

All dunking? Did you start dunking? I started with the dunks because it was the closest buy. It's all I knew. And then it comes with a straw. That's kid coffee drink. You drink it too quick. Straw, suck, too quick down.

Then you graduate to Starbucks where they have the coffee, the lid that you drink out of with the smaller hole. So it forces you to slow down. Oh, yeah, because Starbucks just has like the big gulp lid. Just the big gulp lid. Starbucks is essentially 7-Eleven with just donuts and coffee. I think that's what 7-Eleven is. No, true. And hot dogs.

No, but Starbucks doesn't sell hot dogs. Or Dunkin' Donuts doesnin donuts doesn't sell hot that would be great every food place should just add hot dogs to the menu i will say since we're on the topic i stopped at a dunkin just out of necessity on the topic i'll stop it and put on that i love it i'm horny for it but uh dunkin donuts has snacking bacon which is just bacon oh it's slaps but they just are like i i want i wish i was in that marketing meeting where they're like, guys, we have all this bacon. Yeah. We need another way to get it into their dumb fucking faces.

And somebody was like, what about the pouch that holds the tots? We just fill that with bacon. And they just burn their fingies while they're eating it. Yeah, but they put all shug on it. It comes out as hot as you would get it off of a pan. But they put all that Suge Knight on it. Oh, true. It does have snack and sugar.

Yeah, that fucking Suge Knight coat and that bakey boy. Oh, bacon already. Now, this is, again, we're hitting all the cliches. Bacon bourbon. Also, pizza's fun. Anyway. But candied bacon? I will fight three of my aunts and two of my uncles to get to a plate of candied bacon.

I don't know that I've had candied bacon. Yes, you have because you've had sugar bacon from Dunkin' Donuts. Oh, is that all it is? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, but I've had it. Take it next notch. Have you ever been to First Watch, the brunch place?

Oh, have I ever? And have I gotten the bacon there? Million dollar bacon. It's candied bacon. They put some pepper back on it. Take you back to an earthen room. Oh, what do you think? That me and my girlfriend ordered it to split it and I ate it all too quick and she didn't

get to have any? We had a 10 minute fight after it? Is that what you think happened? That me and my girlfriend ordered it to split it and I ate it all too quick and she didn't get to have any? We had a 10-minute fight after it? Is that what you think happened? There's the young man's mistake. Now, whenever I order... Our order at First Watch... That is a young man's mistake. Our order at First Watch is violently expensive just because we will not share anything.

Like, if it's the bacon, if you leave to go get me a napkin being a sweetheart, you're going to come back to no bacon. No bakes. She should know that. I have to get – And also, they need to realize that you don't have to put four strips of bacon in a container that is meant to hold an entire breakfast. Yeah, dude. If you get a takeout – That's the one thing to first watch.

It really grinds my cock and balls. They're like, delicious food in one size container no matter what you get. But also, when they bring you your food, the plate's too big. I haven't eaten inside of one in a while. I'm a big takeout guy from there. I like to take in the ambiance. I love a chic barn-like place. I love a good two to three hour wait on a Sunday afternoon.

I've never gone on a Sunday. I've gone on a Tuesday. Oh, that's the time to go. Yeah, Tuesday. I think that's their big day, Tuesday. Welcome to Bourbon and Brunch. This is just two dudes discussing being cute. I call first watch first take almost every time.

Oh, yeah. Just walk in and Stephen A. Smith. So there's first watch and then there's also Turning Point. Which Turning Point 100% sounds like a drug rehab. Yeah, that's actually. And actually the font it's written in is very boring. Yeah. It looks very...

I thought I had to go there for like working remote years ago, like an annual meeting. Yeah. And our manager was like, it'll be cute. We'll do brunch. And she was like, we're going to get a turning point. I was like, is this somehow an intervention for me, even though I don't have an opiate? They'll just find something for you. Opioid addiction?

That place should be a rehab facility because if you're going to get somebody to get off drugs you hook them on the cinnamon roll pancakes and you force them to confront their their addiction with that cinny pans through cinny pans and you put some cream cheese on there i'm gay yeah i mean that was just that was an aside that was just an admission of sexuality yeah you just toss it in the middle of things you're like bourbon's unlocking me I mean That was just That was an aside That was just an admission Of sexuality You just toss it in In the middle of things You're like

The bourbon's unlocking me You're in the middle of a meeting You're doing an icebreaker You're like I'm Matt Peoples I'm from South Jersey And one time I ate bacon

With cream cheese on it also I love men's penises I'm gay They can't stop you From saying that At what Turning point Yeah

If you tell people Like I'm gay And they're like Ew what the fuck dude you gotta be like oh is there an issue oh is there an issue can i get more bacon yeah there you go and they have to bring you more gakin oh there it is i'm gonna kill myself well more gakin that's the name of the episode a good night folks oh that was easy enough it's the first sip the gakin sip so bourbon we're dude i'm not mad at it I kind of enjoyed it. How is there not a place called Suburban, and it's like a suburban bourbon bar?

Suburban? If only you could make money off naming stupid places, I'd be a billionaire. Oh, dude, that's so the guy at the party who's like, dude, I should be in marketing. And it's like, you work at ShopRite, Steve. I want to open a place called Stan Cakes, but it's Stan from the Eminem video. Tears go by the waffle pie. Yeah, it's nothing but Dido playing over the loudspeaker. And just a fucking guy with bleach blonde hair and he's really sweaty and angry just serving you pancakes.

It's right next to Eminem's new Mom's Spaghetti restaurant that he opened. Did you see that? He opened a fucking Mom's Spaghetti. Which also, if you really think think about in the context of the lyrics is disgusting because he talks about throwing up mom's spaghetti vomit on a sweater already

mom's spaghetti yeah that's what he's throwing up so I think their merch should just be like a sweater with just a puke stain on one sleeve he probably missed the mark by not just opening

a candy store and just calling it M&M's M&M's or just M&M's and he sells no M&M byproducts yeah he just sells binders. Snickers and fucking Reese's and nothing else.

The Mars Corporation fucked me legally. Dude, Mars is who, they make all the big treats, huh? Could Steve Nash look any more like a Bond villain? Like you, dude? No, you think I look like Steve Nash? Dude, it looks like you when you're 35. My face isn't pointy enough. Yeah, he does have a pointier face.

You have more of a, you have more of a thoughtful face. I got a Pinocchio nose. I got a Pinocchio nose. He's got the face of a man who doesn't apologize a lot. For the listener, we're also watching opening night of the WNBA. This is a live call. Yada, Zeta, Kuba, Bogazeta, Badoff, Griffin, Stace, Milwaukee, Ball. The WNBA spinoff, the NBA.

I recognize the WNBA as the first is the first oh this is like the guy version of wmba yeah what they did was they did it retroactively they let the nba be a thing for 40 years and then they were like all right it's actually wmba's uh sequel does this one have a cooking segment like the wmba does is there a cooking segment yeah every halftime this is my old chauvinist joke i could throw in there. I just love – so I follow – I do follow enough. We were talking basketball earlier. I'm still stuck in like probably like 2008 basketball knowledge-wise for me. Like I know the top tier.

Huge derp guy. Yeah, big. And he's still 28 years old, right? Still 28, yeah. All right. I know like all the top tier. Here, enough that – so I was in a fantasy draft. Who's playing right now? Right now is the Nets and the B two here. Enough that I was in a fantasy draft. Do you know who's playing right now?

Right now it's the Nets and the Bucs. Who's the best three players on the Bucs? Here's the funny thing. Hold on. Going back to that. I forgot that James Harden was on the Nets. Now, cut back to 20 minutes ago when we were talking. My fantasy basketball team, James Hardenwardword which is an amazing play on words when you when the

league has a bunch of funny names when you're the only team with a funny name it looks extremely racist oh yeah yeah i mean but also there's a couple kids making some giggly names but you're the only one who's specifically referencing the n-word yeah it's great and also if you look at like the uh the abbreviation for the team it's m-o-n-t because it's montag's team yeah it's great and also if you look at like the uh the abbreviation for the team it's m-o-n-t because it's montag's team so it's like yeah it's clearly me it's hard to get away i mean there's only 10 people in the league i forgot james hard n word is not uh on the rockets anymore is not um shack still with the magic shack is on the celtics now oh okay paul pearson now he just left the suns and he's on the magic he just left orlando celtics orlando so the orlando the boston mozzarella sticks so

it's weird though because i will watch nba i still love it but oh that's what i was getting at so somehow my algorithm on instagram is a lot of nba stuff i think it's because i also follow a lot of sneaker stuff which i don't purchase sneakers. I just like looking at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I just bought Vans, not fucking Jordans or anything. Yeah. And so like I'll now also get a lot of WNBA stuff in there too. Yeah.

But it'll be like highlights of the night and it's nine okay layups and then one what they're calling a dunk. This is WNBA? The WNBA highlights highlights and i'm not shitting on women's sports they're they're amazing athletes and but what they're calling a dunk shouldn't be called a dunk in the definition of the word like it's it's a it's a rim grazer it's a ball going into the rim from the hand yeah is what they should call it it's a power layup they should yeah it's a power layup and cheryl swoops is she still playing is that

a real person that's a real person right oh that was a thing too i was in the roast battle what a crazy name to have to play bat your name is cheryl swoops yeah that's a sick name it's a good basketball i feel like if your name was basketballball Dunk. Basket, middle name, ball. It's actually Duncan's theme, but they changed it when I came over on Ellis Island. I was like, what is it, Tim Duncan's name is Tim Duncan? The greatest thing Tim Duncan could have ever done was have never dunked the ball. If he was just nothing but layups his entire career, that would have been amazing. I don't even know if he ever did.

I mean, there's got to be Duncan Duncan. I have a long-standing theory that Tim Duncan is actually a tall lesbian. layups his entire career that would have been amazing amazing fuck you to everyone i mean there's got to be duncan duncan standing theory that tim duncan is actually a tall lesbian wasn't he is he military also no i'm thinking david robinson who's also david robinson yeah that's the other tall black guy from the spurs from the early 2000s dude you just living in the glory days move on bro you got a kid listen i Listen. I don't know. Don't even listen, dude. Let me ask you this. What is your algorithm looking like these days? Porn, black chicks, my dad.

For some reason, there's a lot of pictures of my dad on Instagram. Just people catching my dad out in the wilderness. A lot of security cam on my dad at Dunkin' Donuts. Listener, if you're in the greater Deptford, New Jersey area, and you happen upon Matt's dad, please start an Instagram that's just called Matt's Dad Kev. The only, because he doesn't do anything. You just have to get pictures of my dad

watching American Pickers in my fucking parents' basement. That would be the thing, though, that would somehow get five billion followers. It's just a guy in his fifties going to get the mail, and someone takes a picture of him every day yeah and it just catches on as like a weird reddit thing they call him the mayor yeah people

in my in my in my mom and dad's neighborhood call my dad the mayor really he was born and raised in the house that he still lives in and we have that's all it takes to be mayor in that in that neighborhood that's 58 years my dad grew up in that same neighborhood. Yeah, he sure did. They didn't call my dad the mayor. They called him get out of here, jail man. They called him 20 minutes and then his time was up. No, he ruled that town, man. He ruled that.

Actually, my dad, before he passed, while in jail, wrote a book about growing up in that neighborhood. Did he really? Yeah, when he was locked up, they won't let him out. They said, locked up, they won't let him out. They say, Locked on to one light hip. Is that a song? Yeah. Is that Slipknot?

Yes, we can talk about that, though. I'm so excited to talk Slipknot. I'm just slurbing on the blurbing. That's a bourbon talk. That sounds like a thing that you would do to another guy. Slurbing on a blurbing? Yeah. A blurbing is just a...

Racial slur. Yeah. It's a black guy wearing a turban. No, that's a good meme. Yeah. Actually, shit. This is a good segue. Nick Cannon has a morning talk show now.

He used to wear a turban. How the fuck is that a good segue? He used to wear a turban for no reason at all. No, he's Jewish. Oh, Jewish. You don't wear turbans. You don't wear turbans. Okay.

All right. You win that round, Montez. No, he's Jewish. That's why. Okay. I can see how you think that. All right. You win that round, Montez. No, he's Jewish. That's why. Okay. I can see how you think that. All right. So Nick Cannon, and I discovered this because I was just traveling for work, and I was,

my rule of thumb when I get into a hotel room and I'm traveling for work is immediately put on Pawn Stars and put the volume down to like six. What? Just so it's background noise for whatever I'm doing in the room. Oh, yeah. Whatever he's doing. Whatever he may be doing. It's a lot of touching myself in front of an open window just to see if anyone yeah you know yeah see if anyone's into it but it's usually pawn stars but the one i had

like a mid-morning flight so i didn't have to go like do any work and i could catch some morning tv which i haven't watched morning talk shows maybe ever yeah and the first thing i turned on was nick cannon's morning talk show that's which is unreal it's a audience of nothing but 45 to 65 year old black moms yeah and then there is one old white lady in there that looks like she just went into the wrong like uh studio yeah and they weren't letting her leave because of like covid regulations you have to stay and all like the black moms are and they weren't letting her leave because of like COVID regulations you have to stay and all like the black moms

they're hitting like claps in unison they don't even know the song but they're all like they look like a choir basically a black church choir

and then there's just this lady looking scared out of her mind but then there's also like a segment where Nick Cannon comes out in a sparkly suit, as I can— Yeah, that dude's a loss of style.

No turban, so no blurbin' on his head. He used to make sweet love to Mariah Carey. The man, I'll tell you what, you can shit on him, but the guy has done nothing but be successful his entire life. He's been successful at like stuff that's not that cool. Yeah, he also has like 49 kids, I think, right? I think he's got a lot of kids. I think he used to make love to Mariah Carey. Eminem disses him in several songs.

Speaking of Marshall. If you made it, that's when you're like, if you're coming up in the world and you're like, man, have I really achieved anything? You're like, Eminem does have seven verses about me fucking Mariah Carey. You're like, I'm doing something right. Eminem made a diss about Machine Gun Kelly and then he got Megan Fox. That's a decent trade-off. That's what it is, man. You just need Machine Gun Kelly to bash you and Megan Fox. Yeah. That's a decent trade-off. That's what it is, man.

You just need Machine Gun Kelly to bash you and then you get to hook up with whoever your biggest celebrity crush is. Nick Cannon. Nick Cannon. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. Nick Cannon, by the way, if it's a guy who should be associated with a thing, Nick Cannon should work at a circus. Shoot him out of a cannon. Joe should have a cannon. Dude, I should not be doing this for free. And he sells knickknacks afterwards?

Really? Lean into the game. Nicknack cannons. That's great. He great small cannons knickknack candy wax give a dog a bone and so he comes out and like at one point he just goes to a random lady in the audience and of course she's a nurse a frontline health care worker but she's like he's like he's like we're gonna go the audience and cheryl and i'm not making up her name is cheryl of. And she was like, what's up, Nick? You looking good. And he hit a spin and said, you know I am. And I was like, all of this is rehearsed, but I can't look away.

It was fucking incredible. I watched most of the show. He had just two comedians, Godfrey, the comedian, and I can't remember the other guy's name, just sitting front row. And I was like, oh, shit, maybe he'll go and they'll talk to these stand-up comics. No, he just had them in their own little penalty box, front row, no one else around them. All it was was he cut to them, and he was like, what's up, Godfrey,

and whatever the other guy's name was, and Godfrey's jacked, and the other dude was, like, pretty jacked too, and Nick Cannon, like, flexed in a suit so you couldn't see muscle, and he was like, well, I'll stay in swole or something like that and godfrey just pointed at him and that was all you saw of those comedians for the rest of the show yeah gilbert godfrey some of the jack one of the best things i've ever heard about gilbert godfrey gilbert godfrey was uh fuck it was in a roast and i can't remember who said it but they said gilbert godfrey you look like you always smell like pee that was uh that was the roast of uh rich boss i think

no it wasn't boss because it was one of the comedy central ones i think it was uh danny tanner bob saget roast i think dude one of the the roast of rich boss is so good which also if you've never heard of it rich voss plugs it at the end of anything he's ever done yeah well i know that because i opened for rich voss i make four million dollars a year did you drop something it was these names thanks thanks and opening oh i get paid to do comedy i actually host it i always wonder if hosting counts as opening but i'm just gonna tell clubs that i open yeah yeah i i lie to people just give them your credits they're like not that good yeah oh okay are you fucking oh you've run high note nice dude when's

that coming back in eight years november if you're listening and you're a comic and you want to know sometime in november i know it's coming back yeah and also look out for it because we're gonna i'm calling it now because this will make us do it a handsome idiot showcase once a month in south jersey is happening yeah no very honestly by the end of i'm gonna say end of this year early next year we should have a location set up yeah it might be matt's apartment which as he said is an estate so that is like it's oddly enough it an estate, but it's still just one random apartment in the middle of a huge field. I'm thinking about it. It's a little bit possible that...

You can do it in here. There was a lot of... During COVID in New York, they did a lot of... A lot of apartment shows. Comedy Fight Club went to an apartment that was basically this size. I would tell it. Start hosting some shows here and shit. Have 20 people in here.

Damn, I definitely would want all the people in the comedy world to know where I live. I don't care, dude. Cody Wright knows where I live. You're a renter. That's all that matters. You know what? You're a renter. You can.

That makes it worse, I think. No. When I rented, you could have, Hitler could have came in. I'm like, eh, have a drink. Did he stop by a lot or no? We, you know. We keep in touch. We left the door open. We left the came in. I'm like, yeah, have a drink. Did he stop by a lot or no? We keep in touch. We left the door open. We left the light on the hotel.

We left the oven on for him. Yeah. Oh, anyway. Speaking of ovens and hot things, I went and saw their Segway of the Day. That's the Subway Segway of the Day. The Subway Segway of the Day. This episode is brought to you by Subway, the official sponsor of Slipknot. Yes, there it is.

Segway into Slipknot. I went and saw what some would call a joke of a band. Okay, Jesus. That's not how I thought you'd start. Think about it. It's Nine Men in Masks. If you came up and you were like, you want to go watch Nine Guys in Masks play music? You'd be like, no, I'm good.

Sounds like the Democratic Convention. Am I right? As he reaches for a high five from the worst driver in south jersey we'll get into that zach's like for insurance purposes no we won't yeah uh cac cac summer cac summer is not a great driver um i went and saw slipknot in my buddy and i realized that this was like more than 20 years in the making because they came out when i was in seventh grade how old are you in seventh grade you know because you did a few of them yeah my one girl my now what's 35 minus 12 well my one girlfriend who's 12 goes to a different school that's why i've met her by the way so stop talking you know you're never going to get a secret yeah she's basically so like 20 plus years in the making i got to go

see slipknot for the first time yeah in what i thought was going to be just like ah this is just i'm going to go for the experience maybe the second best concert i've ever been they've got to be incredible fucking insane so first off it was kill switch engage open for them which is a band that i've loved ever since that same time so just that voice alone was the one of the reasons i went because i was like oh i can just sing in public in the you do a little too much like counting i do michael mcdonald uh if michael mcdonald sang for kill switch engage i realized that when i listened back to us doing it on another episode. So Kill Switch Engage killed it. Switched it, engaged it, everything.

Killed it. Murdered it. Slipknot came on and just, fuck it. They played every song you wanted to hear. Can't think of any of the names. I threw my neck out headbanging. It was, I got pretty inebriated. Sure.

I was there with a cop. That was fun. It's fun to be with a cop around the most derelicts you've ever been around in your life. Was he just protecting you or was a friend? No, I bring a cop with me nowadays. Matt, when you reach the level of fame I have, you just travel with security. That's a good point. I always forget that.

No, I went with a cop friend. Okay. I don't back the blue, but I got a really good buddy who's very high up. You know what I mean? I don't back the blue, but I blew the blue. Yeah, I don't back the blue, but I got a really good buddy who's very high up. You know what I mean? Back the blue, but I blew the blue. Yeah, I don't back the blue, but I blew the black. Alrighty, folks. Anyway, I leaned over to him at one point, and I was like, the best I can describe the crowd here is it looks like a shareholders meeting for Monster Energy Drink.

That's pretty good. meeting for monster energy drink that's pretty good and we were in the lawn which if if you've ever been like the outdoor indoor concert scene every city's got the kind of venue they have here in camden the like amphitheater with a lawn if you ever are going to go to something like slip nut get a lawn chair or a lawn ticket because you're going to want to see the type of creatures out there i was gonna say a lawn chair. You can't be sitting, right? There was so many people getting carried out, blackout drunk, head to toe in Slipknot gear before Slipknot ever even came on. Hell yeah.

So their favorite band, post-COVID, where they were locked in their house for two years, didn't get to go see the fucking Holy Nine Umphren or however many there are in that band. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nine Umphren. It's the Holy Triumphren is Rush, so I tried to make a joke there. It didn't work.

Oh, slap at a bass. Yeah. But they're getting carried out before Slipknot ever takes the stage. Yeah. Also disappointed, I only saw one person wearing a mask, and by that I mean a Slipknot mask, not a Fauci mask. Oh, there weren't a lot of masks in the audience? Not a single COVID mask not oh yeah a single

one i actually think you're not allowed to wear masks at concerts which masks uh well i think you're not allowed to wear like scary goblin masks so what i like to think is they had to carry it in and like get it checked at security yeah it's gotta be a clear it's gonna be a clear mask yeah there's no blades in it yeah and then put the put it back on when i get in there there was one guy in a jumpsuit uh that i saw but he looked like a realtor that just like wanted to cut loose on the weekends i like that a lot yeah which i was cracking up because i was like oh yeah i'm a professional adult yeah at a fucking slipknot show like still just and i was I'll say this, I'm a full-on maggot now. That was maggot with an M. Yeah, I don't know the cut out there. I don't know if you guys know that,

us Slipknot fans, we call ourselves maggots. He's a full-on trigger. Now, do I know the reason why? Because a day before, I went down a very deep wormhole, which is not just a name. That's one of the guys in the band. Yeah, they call themselves maggots's one of the guys in the band yeah uh they call themselves maggots because one of the guitar players one time in an interview was like watching our fans writhing great word in the crowd against each other looks like a swarm of maggots and i was like writhing isn't that like to be in pain so like right like that's what it you look like if you're at a slipknot can you do that one more time real quick? Okay, great. It's like, being at a Slipknot concert is like having indigestion throughout your entire body. Okay, all right.

You're like, I like it, but I don't. I like it, but it hurts. It's like spicy food. Yeah. But, yeah, incredible show. And, yeah, through my neck, it was the next day. This is the most adult thing ever. I was like, do we have any Biofreeze or Icy Hot?

My wife was like, why? I was like, I don't any Biofreeze or Icy Hot? My wife was like, why? I was like, I don't know. My neck hurts. I must have slept on it weird. And then halfway through my drive to Wegmans to get Icy Hot patches, I realized all of the muscles that hurt were all the ones you use to headbang. Yeah, it turns out the kid was just cutting loose. Got so into it.

Oh, my lanta, dude. Incredible show. So if we're coming to your town. What a good time. It was fucking sick. Amazing. And international listeners, we got one from Ireland nowland now i looked on the uh he's been looking for me hello hello thank you go see slipknot your grandmother's pussy smells like tuna there it is

that's scottish and bad and you know what you know the scottish isn't it the same you know the gaelic go see it do it watch it suck it it's an experience like they and they put on an amazing show pyrotechnics oh i love the heat dude you're barking also not a woman under 250 pounds in the crowd you could have just stopped after the first three letter words the amount of amount of above-the-belt hip weight that was spilling out of jeans was... Oh, yeah. It was on levels.

Actually, side note, ran into a fellow comic, Will Bozarth, there. Of course. My favorite 250-pound female, Will Bozarth. Will Bozarth, sweet kid. He introduced me to his girlfriend

as, this guy has a podcast. That's it. I was like, cool. like cool all right hey he's not wrong uh i would envision that a slipknot concert just looks like a huge hot topic it looks like the clearance rack at a hot topic like it's not it's not the top tier stuff you're not going to see a dance cabin dance shirt or you know you got some good i just know hot topic i have no clue is that a band are you being serious i was gonna say that no i know it's a band i couldn't name a song or anything by him also wrestling a lot of wrestling fans there wrestling wrestling and slipknot i feel like you kind of have to like both or else you have to go to prison oh yeah yeah well i'll say this there's a lot of people that were at one point in backyard wrestling that had either a slipknot inspired character or just wore a slipknot mask okay yeah i can see that also my second screen name on aol

and some messenger in seventh grade was slip monty seven you had it in seventh grade no way dude yeah i'm old no i had it in third grade that's weird and you shouldn't have the internet oh i had it we were probably in the same chat rooms and i I was talking about boobs, and you were like, what are boobs? Nah, dude, you got the wrong guy, bro. I told a girl that my favorite song was My Humps when I was in third grade. How about that? That's like a fifth reference we've had to Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas.

The Black Eyed Peas. But, dude, again, if you want to talk about going to see a concert, if the Black Eyed Peas ever find their way. Oh, I bet you they probably put on a Slayer-esque or uh sorry slipknot-esque show they look like they get tired midway through what if they just shared the same like stage setup and like they come out and it's just pyrotechnics and blood they're like we're actually just on the same label i don't know they can't afford fergie anymore so they just put like a different white chick there people like i don't think that's fucking Fergie up there.

I think that lady works at Subway. That's Blurgy up there. That's Blurgy, yeah. That's another racial slur. Blurgy is Black Fergie. That's not racist. No, that's Black Irish people. You damn Blurgies. What is, is Fergie white? Do you think her name is just Sarah Ferguson? She can do whatever she wants, dude. She can be any race?

Black face, white face, whatever she want to she can she can be any race blackface whiteface whatever she want to do yeah yeah i think so okay and you could put that you could put that on the bank in the bank around the bank you can put it next to the bank if you want that's how secure it is you could trade it on wall street anyway we're running out of steam on this no we're not dude that's i love the slipknot story slipknot was amazing i'm trying to think there's anything specific when you're there other than oh there was uh i had you ever have like a great random bro moment with another bro that you've never met and you'll never see again yeah so a guy walked by and just and he was he was uh he was white guy yoked so no definition just he was just all mass

and never cut yeah like never got into cutting maybe his wrist who knows he was just all mass and never cut. Like, never got into cutting. Maybe his wrist, who knows. He was a Slipknot fan. I was going to say, yeah. He's in a red Slipknot tank, and he walks up, and he, like, elbows me. And I was like, oh, shit, do I know this guy? Because immediately you see a white bro looking as we do. You're like, oh, I probably drank with this guy in Sea Isle.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was just like, you see my boy's phone? I was like, no, I haven't. He's like, oh, he dropped it when we were moshing down the hill. Fuck yeah and he was just like you see my boy's phone i was like um no i have it he's like oh he dropped it when we were moshing down the hill fuck yeah he was which awesome i did point out a vape on the ground and the guy goes nah i already picked that one up and hit it it's not mine oh god he picked it up hit it and said not my flavor and put it back on the ground yeah that's that's respectful you would think if you picked if you had the dirt baggedness enough to pick it up and hit it you'd be like not mine but maybe a

girl once but i think whatever state of mind he was in he was like oh i moved their pen i gotta put it back yeah so the reason we brought out the guy the guy like i was like no man but i'll keep an eye out for the phone and he kind of like looked at us for a second like he was gonna frisk us like i'm gonna find that phone yeah got it and he's like oh thanks man and he just he put the hand out cup toward him which is the the sign for a bro let's get in there and have one and that means a hug's coming and as he went to do it i realized on the back of his bicep he had one tattoo and it was the logo for the band that me and the cop are going to see next March was a band named glass jaw. Are you and this guy gonna fuck or no? He's my best friend.

That's my best friend. We go to concerts. We jerk each other off in the car on the way there. Yeah. No, he's my best friend. We just, we don't see each other a lot anymore.

So the reason you'll see this when you get older, like when you and Zach stop sleeping in the same bed, you maybe have kids with the same woman. Don't hold your breath. That would be amazing. If you guys knocked out the same woman, just on it nine months apart no same time same time twins we'll have a three and a malformation she has twins like no it definitely wants mine no that's maliki you'll see like later on you gotta find like reasons to like hang out with

your your boys your bros your dudes oh yeah, best friend. Me and him were born literally on the same day in the same hospital. Kind of beautiful. Grew up together. Great dude. So he and I are going to see this band Glassjaw that we love in, I think, March in Philly. And they haven't toured in forever. And so it's one of those things, like, we had to buy tickets, like,

back in the summer. Yeah. It's like, we're going to this. So the bro, fast forward to the Slipknot concert, concert the bro he's got the glass straw is a very distinctive logo it's a g and a lowercase j all in the same like logo so lowercase g lowercase j so yeah it's essentially a lowercase g with a dot over the thing to make it gj not mad at that not many if you were to see it you'd just be like that's some weird brand i don't know but if you like the band you know the logo like i have a shirt of it i've had five people

since i've had the shirt be like cool i'm a glass jaw fan so i see that and i like slapped my buddy on the arm i was like oh shit and this guy's got a glass jaw logo only tattoo on the back of his arm and i was like hey man glass jaw and he was like yo no one has ever known what that was and i was like ever yeah you got that tattooed on your body and not one person even like people you know was like oh i know that thing i could see that so it went from we did a bro handshake to he just full-on hugged me yeah that's kind of sick and it was just a moment he was like all right if you see that phone let me know i don't know how i would let him know like yeah i'll text you i don't have your number you ever think that

that guy like that was like not that it was overly significant to you but you're like yeah it was a cool thing that that guy will never remember that like he was he might have been drunk enough that he'll never remember yeah but now my hope is that at that show in march so they're i think glacial is playing two nights on this reunion tour. Not a reunion. Whatever they're doing. And I'm hoping that just somebody comes by and he's like, have you seen a... Oh my god, it's you.

And we just fucking re-bro it out and we go on from there. It's a weird bro moment. I like it. But I am still fixated a bit on the... I assume it's how guys that were in fraternities, when they see frat letters tattooed on them. Oh, yeah, yeah. Or branded on someone. Do you know anyone that never got their frat letters branded on them?

Which, disclaimer, again, Matt and I were never in a frat. Which is shocking. Actually, it was totally against them. Yeah. Oh, me too. I still didn't have them, but I was against them 100%. I was the type of guy that would be like, oh, you guys pay for friends and pussy? That's cool, dude.

Nice. Like, anyways, you want to go to the bar and buy me shots? I'm broke. Now I do comedy and everybody's like, look at these fucking cokehead frat bros. And I'm like, I didn't do either. I know. I wish I was at this point. I wish I had a brand across my chest at this point.

Well, then I'm like, at least I got something out of it. I mean, these guys were fucking. But they always say, like, when you join a frat, it's like the networking throughout life. And then LinkedIn happened, and they were like, oh, we're fucked. Everyone is networking now. Some of those frat kids, though, look like toes. And then they were like, yeah, I just had sex with Ariana Grande.

Yeah. Because she was at our house. Yeah, it wasn't Ariana Grande. It looked like her. I mean, but we all agree it looked enough like her. It was either her or Fergie. I don't know. I was drunkgalicious death death death death death death death death yeah this is just a call to fergie if and when you do listen to this show hit us up we always we always make the joke that this is our last ever episode the way we end the podcast fergie walks through that door is a guest on our podcast and then we're done could you imagine now if we the level of success we'd have to get to one to pull someone

who i don't know if she even is famous anymore or alive yeah she even with us yeah we but we also don't know we may be able to get her on cameo for like 28 i would pay for that in a heartbeat there's there's definitely a fergalicious look-alike at adelphias in deptford oh there's a girl looks enough like fergie that we could just have her on the podcast and be like everyone we've made it my sister's a nurse so i'm pretty sure of all of the people she works with my sister looks like fergie if you close your eyes i don't like that dude but i thinking, this is just a thing that popped into my head, and we'll see if this can, this will, you know, milk your pussy. But I was thinking, okay, so like, I've lived two lives. Especially in college.

I blacked out. Straight and gay. Straight and gay. And by that, I mean I'm gay. But I blacked out a lot in college and i'll throw out a blackout every once in a while these days so if you figure i look at it this way so i black out for for like two and a half hours of the night so if you black out for like two and a half hours time traveled at that point oh you literally it's a weird when someone first told me that you time travel i was like technically oh shit you did yeah i entered i i was living life on a dance floor at landmark

and then i you met the 20th member of slipknot i teleported to my bed in my own urine i did it on my own accord it's never time traveling to like a good thing no no it's never like i got drunk blackout and then all of a sudden me and fergie are making out the only time people teleport to a good thing is when they teleport to rehab the turning point i blacked out during my intervention but i was thinking like so if you i'm very offended going back into it that you said i look like steve nash dude everybody says every white guy looks like he looks like if you guy. Steve Nash looks like if you laid skin over a skeleton. Steve Nash looks like the guy that always lets his kid's friends sleep over.

That being said, one of my favorite basketball players of all time. And that's because he's one of the only ones you remember from 2008. Yeah, he's the John Stockton of my generation. He would piss all over John Stockton. He might have. That's a Utahah thing they're into it for like 13 mormons are weird let me ask you this question this is an important question what are we talking about so you and your wife have a kid no and i name it steve next kid steve nash

montag no so you so you fall on hard times and oh now i just realized i'm doing a shane gillis bit fuck i was actually anyway well i was gonna say if you've like lost your job and like trish got let go or i don't know if we can say billy your wife billy got let me have a surname before okay uh and uh would you basically what i'm getting to would you start an OnlyFans To support your family No No Cause I could work at Wawa But that's not enough money It is though What if you're making like 300 grand

Here's the thing Here's the thing about Just mashing your Just mashing your Johnson I don't think I'm gonna make money On OnlyFans You should just keep Believing yourself a little bit

I don't know No I'm gonna say no No I don't think it's a sound. So you don't love your family enough to make a sacrifice. That's fucked up, man. If the only option is to start an OnlyFans.

Well, let's say your options are limited. I'll work four jobs. Before I start an OnlyFans. Before I start cranking it to fucking PayPal payments. You could like sit on something. No, it's not even a shingles bit you're referencing a shingle sketch i honestly was starting it with with original intentions and then i was trying to think i was like i don't remember this bit

but somebody funnier thought of this before shout out listener uh most of you probably have heard it go watch gillian keeves on Some of the, it's the best content, sketch content that was put out in the past two years. Oh, easily. Not even close. I think it's the best sketch stuff. No, I would work 14 jobs before I cranked it on the internet to fucking the purpose. Dude, you're so inappropriate about it. You could just be in lingerie.

No, because think about how diminishing would this be if you put all your heart and soul into like getting proper lighting, all this shit. Yeah you you went and got waxed and all this stuff and you put on a show because like you i'm assuming on there you have to put on a minimum of like a certain amount of time yeah and then you get two followers like you can't even you can't even cover the overhead for your own your own only fans you bury yourself for any future career to get like three guys in idaho that took a break from the potato farm to be like let me jerk off to this handsome idiot you make like a big stand and like you tell your family and you're like look this is what i have to do support my kid and my wife i'm proud of it and then you go out and they like see some of your

videos and like oh what is he doing and then you make 14 you know what it's also embarrassing to think that one day so the internet's forever one day my daughter's gonna listen to these episodes as like an 18 year old yeah she's gonna have to come home be like dad i got questions i got a lot of questions one that's how you met fergie that's how you met Fergie? That's how you met Aunt Fergie? She'd be like, damn, we make it so big that we're friends with Fergie and my daughter calls her Aunt Fergie. Either that or she'll be like,

you did a podcast with a guy who sleeps in our basement? Yeah, oh, that's, this is how you met Uncle Matt? Wait, Mr. Matt? Is he abusive to a podcast with him? Don't assume my daughter's going to have a speech impediment.

Mr. Matt? Yeah, if you think I wouldn't just... That's where I put my money into. What's that? Speech impediments are cute until you're like five. I don't know that that's true. I saw like... There's a girl on TikTok that has one.

She's like 22 and it's kind of endearing. TikTok, you can't say there's no impediment that works. But like imagine like someone's presenting at work and like... If you look at a third quarter numbers... Look at a third quarter numbers. Over numbers, you can never fire that person. That's for sure. Anybody who has a speech impediment, I feel like you could distract them with a rattle. Do you know anyone that had a stutter growing up?

All right, all right. That works pretty cool. All right, let me see. A third quarter numbers, holy shit, is that a lot? Okay, can I see it? Oh, wow. Okay, wow, that's a lot of colors. Oh, my God, it whites up too? All right all right let me can i just hold it a light up bouncy ball not just entertaining for a one-year-old i stared at one for like 20 minutes

today i'm brain dead um what was that you're retarded now oh 100 what were you just saying other than that i just had a good point and i'm already off i could pause it and go back we were talking about only fans whether you know it's the speech impediment oh did you ever know anyone with a stutter growing up uh no i didn't know i knew a kid i don't want you i know let me just throw this out there i knew a kid who had a speech why don't you top me off why don't you give me stutter butter uh butter put another butter can't settle for no other honey a little bit of bourbon and matt and watch him rap get some bourbon and matt watch him rap no cap he just repeats the things you just said and then adds cap things i just said to your girl in bed anyway stutters anyway so i wish you had a stutter right now so you didn't do that yeah today junior oh stutter Things I just said to your girl in bed. Anyway, stutters. Anyway, so there's this kid.

I wish you had a stutter right now, so you didn't do that. Yeah, today, Junior. Oh, stutter freestyle? Just a guy trying. It just sounds like the record skipping. It just sounds like an instrument. Anyway, I'm the pooper. Oh, that's pooper.

It's like mumble rap. It's the next mumble rap to stutter rap. Yeah, that's actually not bad. Stutter rap. Stutter rap would be his name, too. That's a sick name. Stutter rap. All right like mumble rap. It's the next mumble rap is stutter rap. Yeah, that's actually not bad. Stutter rap. Stutter rap would be his name too. That's a sick name. Stutter rap. All right, stutterers.

All right, so when I was in like third or fourth grade. Could there be a worse word for the condition too? Like stutter is a hard word to say if you don't have a stutter. Yeah, that's a bad. It's also just like a diminutive word. Like it kind of sounds like something. I totally know what diminutive means. But for Zach, can you?

Okay, thank you. I totally know what demutative means. But for Zach, can you? Okay, thank you. I actually try to use it today, and I don't think I use it right. Yeah, you're right. That was real imprevedal of you. A lot of the things that I've noticed I do are so superfluous that it's hard to put into any kind of vernacular.

Well, I mean, you can't look up the dichotomy of the rugonomics. I'm glad you said that, because i feel like most people don't address their own fergie fergalicious i would love for someone in a court case to be like your honor it was very unfergalicious it was fergalicious it was not fergalicious and then the judge goes deaf and you know not're like, no, not deaf. Undeaf, some would say. Your Honor, let the jury stand that he made

the boys go loco. Wait, isn't that milkshake? That's a different person. Anyway, we're not loco. Fergie cast is next week. That's episode 22. Yeah, it's a Fergie cast. So stutters.

Stutters and speech impairments. Whatever. Imperiments. There was this kid. So when I was in like third grade, my parents had me enrolled in like speech class. Because my mom used to just say that I talked like I had a mouthful of marbles. Which I still to this day have no clue what the fuck that meant. You're the origin of mumble rap.

But like, is that what that means? Alright, next episode we're filling your mouth with marbles and we're going to make you do it again. But if you talk with a mouth full of marbles. No, marble mouth is like an insult. It's like a 40s insult. What does it mean? Like 1940s, you don't know how to fucking talk. But I spoke pretty normally.

I've seen myself in some videos. It sounds like your mom's just a bitch. My mom's a total bitch. That's what you get, Kelso. But Doc's your mom. Yeah, she put me. And I remember asking as a third grader and being like, what does a mouthful of marbles mean?

And then she'd be like, you know. And then I would go to school the next day and be like, you guys don't talk. You know, you're retarded. Yeah, I was like, just tell me that if it's that. Another paranormal activity. Unbelievable. So...

Paranormal activity? Wait, Bill Hader is in paranormal... No, that's it. And that's Joker. And that's it. This is is a tnt commercial oh um paranormal activity could be said with a mumble mouth mumble mouth is almost like when you start to feel like you're drunk and in your head the words are coming out great but they're all coming out marbles that's like a marble mouth i mumble so i guess maybe it was mumble.

Either way, shut up, mom, you fucking dork. Yeah, mom. Joke's on you. I got a thing where I talk words into the internet now. No, but I do adore my mother, and she's the greatest woman I've ever met in my entire life. That doesn't sound like it. So she puts me into this class,

and it's me and this kid, Jeremy. Which, by the way, if you have a speech impediment, you cannot be named Jeremy, because that's a tough name to say. It's a Jowamy. And that's Jowamy. His name was Jeremy. I can by the way, if you have a speech impediment, you cannot be named Jeremy because that's a tough name to say. And that's Jeremy. His name was Jeremy. I can't say it. His name was actually Je-we-me. And it was spelled Je-we-me. It looks like Jew-we-me.

But, Je-we-me. And he didn't have a speech impediment, but his parents just, his name was like Je-we-me Wobbins. But his last name was actually W-O-B-I-N-N-S. Well, his last name was Hoban. J-O-M-E Hoban. Oh, that's tough.

It's tough. So. Shut up, Jeremy. Damn. He goes, he goes, um. Isn't that what the song Jeremy is about? The kid that killed himself like in front of the class? Is that?

Who made that song? Jeremy, is it Pearl Jam, I believe? Pearl Jeremy? Pearl J-O-M-E. Pearl Jam has a song called Jow-o-me. Hey, I'm Harry, and I sing in Pearl Jam. Pretty good. Was that Pearl Jam?

Pretty fucking good, huh? Was that Pearl Jam? Yeah, you fucking dope. What Pearl Jam song is that? The third one. Oh. Number three off their third album. It was their third one, yeah.

But, uh, alright. So, Jeremy and I were in class together And it was around Halloween time So our speech lady Our speech bitch That was her name, that was what you had to call her Her name was speech bitch Miss speech bitch Because it was tough to say

Also, happy Halloween, I got all this candy I have a blade in my candy And I cut my mouth on it. Can you put Snickles? My Snickles has a blade in it? That's the one thing. So you can't make fun of nationalities. You can't make fun of, like, any type of accent,

but you can still make fun of speech impediments for now. This is going to be the one where, Matt, you're going to get SNL and they're going to come back. They're also going to cast somebody the same season as you that has a speech impediment. Oh, that's what it is. And then they're going to come back and be like, look at this piece of shit. Yeah, we hope it was funny and I'm like, it actually was pretty fucking funny. And then you and Gillis and

Louis C.K. go on tour together. But if they come at me and they're mad about the fucking stutter thing, I'll use the rattle and I'll be like, what was that? No, you'll have to get on twitter and say i'm sorry i'm very sorry for all the stuff i said you lean in and just speak with a speech impedder for the rest of your life so you don't get canceled that's the only way you don't get canceled that's why they cancel me on this i'm no that's not a. Oh, I hate myself ever just talking. Whoa, wait. I don't like that. Oh, how did that go? That's also you, dude.

Anyway. So, me and this fucking idiot were in speech class with the big old speech bitch and she was like, all right, so what are you guys like dressing up for for Halloween? Like, what are your siblings

dressing up for? So, I'm like, oh, I'm going to be whatever my sister's being this. So, he goes, so, for this Halloween how i swear to god this is how i'm not even like trying to do the bit anymore this is how he spoke he's like for halloween i think i'm gonna be a motor and then my brother oh my brother's doing the disciples of

color and i was like i remember i he what she would do is she would make us tell each other so it's just two fucking idiots that can't speak having a conversation her just trying to like pass the time yeah she's like i'm gonna make these morons talk to each other she's fucking i'm gonna be off in the corner i don't even instagram doesn't even exist yet but i'm gonna be scrolling through an imaginary phone well they really made you feel like a piece of shit because the speech class was in a trailer out on the recess yard you ever seen anything like that well you went to most hoey wood most hoey wood demons which they didn't have any room to build no i swear to god it was out in a trailer

so they'd be like you fucking idiots go learn to talk yeah they were like we're not gonna get a grant we're gonna get money from the state we're not gonna put it into building you in additions they would send us out during religion class they were like these guys god has turned away well widget well widget they would send us out on a widget class because they were like god has turned away from these fucking helpless apes and then they would send us so anyway me and jeremy are in the trailer and uh we're getting bit by snakes so i want to think that you went to school like one of those southern baptist revival churches that are in a tent

and they just had another tent outside of the big one a little REI tent with a marble mouse it's also like 25 degrees out so he keeps going so I tell him what me and my sister are being and then he keeps going

i'm gonna be a murderer and my brother's gonna be a gullet and i kept going like what like what are you saying and he was like i'm a murderer and i was like got that and he's like and my brother i was like right is gonna be a gullet and i'm like i and i started to laugh at him i am speaking bad myself laughing at him the speech bitch is like it's not you shouldn't laugh it almost sounds caribbean or jamaican right so i remember damn do jamaican people just have speech impediments? Do we just stop it? I think that's racist.

I don't think it is. I think it's just speechless. It's certainly racist. But we're just joshing around. So what's a Gullah? So I looked at the teacher. I swear to God. Now I'm living through this again. i looked at the teacher i swear to god now i'm like living through this again i looked at the teacher and i was kind of looking at her like what the

is this guy saying and she looks at me she looks at me kind of like i don't know what the this guy is talking about you can go to the other trailer with the less dumb kids a little bit i'm like i'm like i i don't know what you're saying and i'm like laughing i'm like i don't know what you're saying and he was like like a dress who'm like, I don't know what you're saying. And he was like, like a dress. He'll wear a dress. And like, he'll have long hair. And I'm like, a girl? And he goes, a girl, yeah, a girl.

And I was like, dude, you're fucking too far gone. That's beyond a speech. I was like, huh? That kid was just dumb. Yeah, that kid was an idiot. Meanwhile, that kid's a CEO somewhere. Yeah, that kid makes, yeah. Welcome to your first day at Google.

That guy, you know who that guy is now? Fergie. Good jobs, he's dead. He's Fergie. He's Fer guy is now? Fergie. He's Fergie. He's Fergie. He's Fergie. That guy is Fergie. Talk about a come up. He went from speech impediment, transitioning at a young age, to the most Fergalicious artist of all time.

His name was supposed to be Fugie, but he goes Fugie. Damn, I had a stutter story, but i don't think it trumps not donald uh i mean we just got he just got the jamaican accent came back baptist church imagine if trump came back 2024 and ran with a speech impediment and he was just like fucking say something about it well look if caitlin jenner couldn't do it, Trump would be... Donald Twump. Yeah, he's like, Caitlyn Jenner transitioned from Bruce to Caitlyn. I'm transitioning to a guy with a speech impediment. Try to keep me out of the way.

No, you know what would be even better? Trump. Twump. Imagine the merch of just TWUMP. He's like, actually, it's not Donald Twump anymore. It's Donald Twump now. It's so funny to think that Donald Trump would transition to a woman but still be named Donald Trump. Like he wouldn't change his name.

Or anything about him. I got tits now. I have huge tits. The greatest, tremendous tits. People are saying best tits. They're saying I walked in and I said, wow, this is some big tits. You and I can only do the Trump impression now. That Mr. Gillis taught us.

That Papa Gillis taught us. This is just a Fergalicious Shane Gillis told us. Papa Gillis told us. This is just a Fergalicious Shane Gillis devoted podcast. Fergy Gillis. Fergy Gillis. If Shane Gillis married Fergy,

we'd both be out of a job. I don't know. My stutter story, not as good. I grew up with a kid. I went to high school with him and everything. Good guy.

Nice fella. And then he and I worked at a... Which one was he? We worked at a... So he wasn't speech impediment. He was stutter. Was he a and everything good guy nice fella and then he and i worked at a which one was he we worked at a so he wasn't speech impediment he was stutter was he a good guy or a nice fella both okay through and through couldn't say good guy i can tell you that he now this lends to the story he would he would stutter through words and get frustrated which rightfully so like it was it was i don't know if he was born with a stutter.

He might even have been like a head trauma stutter, which it's a shame. Yeah. But he would be stuttering through a word and then would just say a totally different word at the end. So I was like, just say that in the beginning. He'd be like, so, trying to make an example, he'd be like, oh, we should go get the v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-car the car and i'm like were you trying to say vehicle that whole time yeah when you could have just said car vehicle but i think it wasn't i think the way his brain worked it wasn't like certain things triggered it it was just whenever it wanted he got stuck on that syllable yeah but just to like him just i'm realizing i'm just

shitting on a guy with a stutter now yeah you, you are. But he would struggle and then just say a different word. I was like, start with a different word. Yeah. Trick your brain. I don't know. I don't know how

stutters work. They don't work, they don't work good, but hey, God bless them. Dude, I used to have Tourette's back in the day.

Remember I told you the story about going like that? That's not Tourette's. You were just a dumb kid that flicked your teeth. Oh, is that what that was?

I looked it up. I was trying to get the mortals out of my mouth. Teeth flicking, yeah. There it is. You were playing tiddlywinks with your teeth. Oh, is that what that was? I looked it up. I was trying to get the mortals out of my mouth. Teeth flicking, yeah. There it is. You were playing Tiddlywinks with your teeth. Tiddlywink Teeth Boy, you think? You ever play Tiddlywinks? Good game. No, what is that? It was like before

Pogs. Like Pogs? For some reason, my brain, I thought that description would have been like, oh, yeah, totally. No, dude, you forget you're 43 sometimes. Tiddlywinks was, so like, if you could take like a plastic coin,

it looked like this. God, you fucking piece of shit. Ladies and gentlemen, if I'm not the biggest bro you know I am now because I just got met with a fucking,

I'm going to put a picture of it on Instagram so I can get all you guys No, you didn't even get me. Blow the waste. No, you didn't even get me. You jerk off. And you didn't break it

so you get punched. You didn't even fucking get me, you dumbass idiot. Tiddlywinks was just like uh were overhead projectors still a thing when you were in school uh yeah yeah so you know like in math and they would put the little like clear discs on there to be like there's nine red discs and four blue discs if we took away you know they were like transparent yeah translucent sorry translucent uh it was those but you put them on a mat and like you'd flick one with the other one and if you could flick it

over something that was a tiddlywink i'm making this up maybe it's like playing jacks i don't know but pogs were better were you into pogs was that before your time not a pog not what you're thinking porn search wise a pog pog i still don't know that it's not pod the greatest rap rock band before slipknot you mean lincoln park what rap rock you don't remember pod no who's that purchasable purchasable upon death or payable upon death christian rap rock look why would they be oh if it's a pond that's you no if it right. Dude, you're a dumb asshole. Maybe they're dumb assholes. Perks, payable, on death.

I don't know. Anyway, pogs. You know what pogs were in Slammers? I still don't until you tell me. Can you fucking tell me? Here's the dick tease of the century. We're out of time. No, dude. So you've got to wait a whole week to find out what pogs are.

And don't you dare go Google it. If you Google it, we'll hook up with your dad. I'll tell you this. You can sit on it for a week. I had a pog that had Pope John Paul on it. What? Anyway, Matt, you got anything you want to promote? You know what, dude? I think I fucking do.

I want to promote Miss Speech Bitch Class that is still going on at Muscle Redeemer. She's actually in the open mic scene now. Yeah, she's a bomb. She can't speak. She goes by Miss Speech Bitch. Speech Bitch? Miss Speech Bitch? What do we got?

Tomorrow I'll be at the Brightside Tavern in Jersey City with Lucas Arnold, TikTok famous guy. TikTok famous, Lucas Arnold. And the headliner is Ashley Gavin. Very funny on Comedy Central. she looked like she was a, I was looking at her, big,

big touring presence. Yeah, very funny. She's very funny. She's a blue check on Instagram. It's all that is fun. I'll tell you where I won't be.

I won't be at Axe and Arrow on fucking Thursday. Yeah, hey, here's the thing. If you're going to throw a show, he's not going to listen to this.

If you're going to throw a show at a brewery don't sell tickets that's alms that so that's canceled if you guys listen to this it's coming out this will come out wednesday tomorrow night a couple people that messaged me they were like i was gonna go to that i remember he said to me he said to me he said if we could have sold two more tickets wait really this thing would have kept going. But two people didn't buy tickets. I was going to do it after this pod.

No, don't. Don't, because it's a brewery. You shouldn't sell pre-sale tickets to a brewery. Yeah, it was goofy. Which made me wonder, were they just shutting the rest of the brewery off to anyone that just walked in? Dude, we'd probably get fucking put outside or some bullshit. Were they going to charge somebody $20 to walk in and drink at a local micro brew yeah all right anyway so that answers that but we won't get into that and then saturday i'll be at ruva in philly with the two dads and a dude or two dudes and a dad i should say first time you've gotten it right there it is

for like four weeks you got it uh where else where else november 6th I'll be at St. Mark's Comedy Club in New York City. November 12th, I'll be doing the roast of Kristen Manguel at Old City Brewing Company. And I'm just going to be having a good time. As you just said that, I just looked at a text. You and I might be somewhere November

20th for pay. Who's this by uh gary lamouche who booked you on my first ever comedy my exact first gary just i'm on a show with here i'll segue into my plugs uh don't come to accident actually know what go to axe and arrow support them go buy their alcohol on thursday night yeah it's very good there maybe after kruskies we'll just swing by there and grab a beverage and hit up uh uh the old landmark the market of the land uh on this saturday the october 23rd i'll be out at white swan i have to say it's like white's one the white swan sounds like a race war uh white swan and lit it's pa i think my cousin lives out there so i hope he comes out to it uh dude me too with some great comics uh

joey tepedino's hosting that one gary limoges on it and kirk griffiths amazing comics uh central pa all day but also nj the rest of the days um oh yeah baby possibly november 20th for paid spots because he wrote on here if you want to bring your friend and he fully referenced your name matt peoples i can pay him and we're not gonna disclose the dollar amount because you guys don't need to know that. But I'm sure it's – Hey, you're going to be happy for this dollar to minute ratio. It's very good.

Oh, really? Yeah, very good. Side note, I was looking up my things on the internet and I am also at – You can catch me on the Future Hoop Stars Comedy Tour at – Dude, what? That thing. I posted it. Oh, what? That thing I posted. Oh, shit. My current comedy tour.

What the fuck? So, not Glassboro. On the 23rd, Lit It's PA. The 26th in South Philly with two dudes and one dad. I'll be there drinking beer. One cup at Pennsport Beer Boutique. Getting hammered. Getting funny.

Having a good old time. That's the 26th. That's next Tuesday. And also November 4th, South Philly. Again. Because the people can't get enough of me in South Philly. They're like, we need you back. Loveable Monsters were like, we've got to have you here.

Right away. November 4th. Stickman Brews. Oh, fuck yeah, baby. Fun time with Miss Peggy O'Leary and Miss Ryan Foster. The beautiful women. Two of the best women in comedy, if you ask me. Two of the hottest bitches in comedy.

Ryan Foster, and it is a girl, Ryan, because I know it's an asexual name. It's the girl version. One of the tallest and beardedest women in comedy. He's a couple inches shorter than me, and I don't see the girl. The only way you can prove it is that he's a guy if he pulls his wiener out this show. Pull your penis out, you pussy. It's in your balls in your court there, Ryan Foster. Anyway, that's Matt Peebles Comedy.

Matt Peebles Comedy, MPeebles23 on Twitter, Matt Peebles Comedy on TikTok, and I'll kiss your dad on the mouth soft. You can find me in the people that Matt Peoples follows on Instagram at Montag Comedy. Hacks Comedy Golf. It might come back. Who knows? Watch them all. They're amazing.

I rewatched like two of them recently. I'm a lot funnier than I thought I was. That's a lie. I'm also terrible at golf. Bye. I'm gay. No fun, nobody, no fun, but I'm a little bitter No fun, nobody, no fun, but I'm a little bitter No fun, nobody, no fun, but I'm a little bitter