That Rules Podcast - Episode #22: Karate Body

Episode Date: October 26, 2021

Hiya! Welcome to the dojo. Sensei Matt and Sensei John sit down to discuss the martial farts.

🎵 8, 6, 7, 5 handsome guys who are dumb. Hey guys, that was me. That was me belting from the bottom of my balls to start off a little podcast called The Handsome Idiots. Now, we just started it. This is our first episode, but we just decided to end it here. This is a good run we've had. Actually, it's what? Episode 23?

22. I love this. I'm just thinking of if we get a new listener this week and they're like, I'm going to tune into this podcast, episode 22. Yeah. And then eight seconds in, you're like, 8, 6, 7, 5, 3, 0, 9 seconds in. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to the first episode.

And they're in their car going like, what the fuck? One of my buddies. Wait, what? One of my buddies listened, and he was like, hey, man, I've listened to your episode. Like, that was real funny. I really liked it. And I was like, yeah. And he goes, so how come you guys are stopping it?

And I was like, oh, no, it's a stupid joke we do we're not we're gonna probably keep doing it because this is the 23rd and final it's the last one man but your friend's also a moron yeah he is he's a smart cute thick bitch but we got him we got him you got burnt how many people do you think stopped listening because we told them on like whenever we started to continue i think it's been since episode one we've been saying we started off episode final episode that's the only good bit i've thrown in this podcast is the first episode i was like wouldn't it be so goofy and hilarious if i was like this is it this is the last one and then everybody listening would lose their tits but if we could our numbers like tripled that so many people have dropped off like i mean it was fun

we could be doing so much we only did nine episodes and i just stopped listening can i keep it real with you for a second keep it realer than the real deal Evander Holyfield Jr. who was a car salesman I don't know

is that true nah I have no clue well RIP to him what's boxers is there any legacy boxers really my grandmom had a boxer dog oh well yeah

but she didn't take too good of care of them his name's legacy his name's I rocked it up i had no legs he's also a used car salesman but uh what the fuck were we talking we can't not remember what we're talking about i feel like boxer kids don't box because it's like the rocky stew it's like

i'm doing this so you don't have to yeah flawless rocky impersonation by the way but also like i feel like nowadays if you're a famous boxer and you have a kid he's so enveloped in tiktok he's not gonna fucking learn how to box that hurts true that's good yeah that's gonna suck to like you grew up like the toughest guy in your favela in brazil and you made a living getting your face destroyed night after night and you have a kid and he just becomes a billionaire off of tiktok of just like never been punched once using your likeness like of just like he's never been punched once using your likeness like he's like he's using something about you that really doesn't have anything to do with boxing but that's how he gets some clout from it yeah have you seen

mckayla tyson's uh is that a real person does mike tyson have kids he asked though nothing he cares about george forman has uh five sons named george if you're ever a fan of my comedy you'll know that have you ever stuck around toward the end of a set and didn't leave halfway through? Well, I actually got my second tattoo. George Foreman tattoo? No, it was one of my shitty jokes.

Oh, I thought you got another one. Yeah, glad to hear you listen to my jokes. What's your next tattoo? Do you have it planned? A little... I don't know. Getting really into the USSR. Old school shit. Starting to Getting really into the USSR. Old school shit.

Starting to get real into the USSR. You're just going to get USSR tattooed on your calf? I'm going to get like Putin don't quit. You know what USSR stands for? United Soviet... Yeah, there it is. Soviet Russia. Soviet Soviet Russia.

Soviet Soviet... They really wanted you to know how sovereign they were? Wait, no. United Socialist Soviet Russia? No. I think so. Fuck yeah, dude. I actually don't know.

Dude, they call me. Welcome to the history, idiots. The historical idiots. We're here and we're taking over for history hyenas because they're a bunch of good guys. I'm trying to think of what history hyenas fans always have, like the funny names. They'll be like writing in from Matty Fatty Fat Fats. Yeah, we're in the fog. Or it'll be like,

writing in, commenting is Dave jumbling on my titties and you're going to touch my butt when you look at my Poppy Smith. I like when they're so used because that podcast was so off the rails. I started listening to it towards the end and had a hard time. It's like a different language yeah it really is if a podcast exists long enough

it's like a different it's hard to follow which is good it's all inside jays yeah inside jews inside shoes they're right jews do run podcasts yeah dude ussr bro well yeah it is that it's amazing to like i can't imagine having a serious podcast like you and i having to sit down and have a serious talk about something it like i would never be more nervous about something like being fun is a funny podcast which i'm hoping we are i would say like it just but we're just funny people. We're not serious people. Imagine if we just talked about, like, politics. Dude, I've had, like, maybe 11 serious conversations in my life, maybe. I can't stay serious in serious conversations. Yeah.

Like, I have to, and this might just be a defense mechanism and something. Yeah. But I think it's also, I just realized that situations are funnier if you can find the funny in them. Oh yeah. Like I, case in point, my dad's viewing a year ago. I remember people like looking at me like, how are you cracking jokes? And I'm like, I kind of like, I don't like, I was sad.

I cried and everything, but it was like, I got more out. I was seeing people I hadn't seen because of the pandemic or whatever in years. And I was like, yeah, I want to crack jokes. I i want to make i want people to laugh like with me yeah so it's like yeah i there no matter the situation i feel like i can't be 100 serious no that's like the grab because because because i know this is like i i thought people were like that like everybody was like that my whole life because that's just who i surrounded myself with but then you meet people who are like like let's let's be for real here and i'm like it's like if you meet uh like a spouse's friend's husband who you didn't grow up with yeah and you're like what are we gonna like i just please be cool about something yeah and then you're like what

are you into and like iguanas and rocks and you're like all right well you're a pussy is that funny to you that i called you a pussy and he's like no it hurt my feelings yeah yeah when you when you're with somebody that was never a part of like a group of friends that would bust each other's balls yeah and they think what you're saying is like real yeah like you'll come out and be like hey nice fucking shirt dave and he's like well this is my wife picked out i really enjoy this shirt like no i'm just kidding man like come back at me with something when i was uh when i was in high school or i guess i just started college or i like just finished high school i went on like a big group date with my girlfriend at the time it was not funny and also told me on

many occasions that i wasn't funny and i was like well you're gonna prove you wrong one day i'm gonna talk about you on a podcast it was stuff like people in our grade would go up to her and be like it's got to be so like you guys are just laughing all the time and she was like i don't think he's funny and i was like okay like and she would say it a lot what was her like is there anything she did find funny like people falling this girl might might be the one you might want to go back people falling it was fucking timeless no no no no okay obviously that's funny but like she if you were like okay so this is the this is the prime example so we're on a like um hayride and she had it's okay so we were in college because she met like some of her college friends that i didn't really know well and we went um

like to i guess it was creamy acres but it wasn't it was like similar to that yeah so we all go on this hayride and i'm like talking to the dudes and we're like kind of getting along like they seem like regular guys and i was like i said we were like talking about something that got like a little dirtier and i was like i know we're just like basically sitting where so many people were fingered and the two guys were like ew dude yeah and i was like yeah i know and they're like no that's fucking weird like that's gross and i was like oh all right but i think it's also the people that can't joke about that have something like that guy might have actually been thinking about that in his mind like in a non-funny way or he was trying to slip a finger in there yeah i think he was trying to finger his

girl he was there with or me you're really ruining this for me no well they were like and then my girlfriend was like that was weird and i was like no at the moment i was like you know i can't believe i did that i thought about it but i think back and i'm like that's fucking funny how many hate puns did you make i feel like i would just keep doing that like hey and then i just point at it i just can't because i do that now we have hay bales decorating the front of our house and i hit my neighbor with one the one day and i was like hey and he's just like what i was like get it because it's hey I know I just kept making jokes about like when the people try to scare you I'd be like isn't it so funny that this is their job and they're like no and I was like how is it not funny to you that these guys are grown like they get done and then they stop at wawa after this

like they're regular people but they spend three hours like yelling at children he's also the person that like that person that is doesn't get that joke is the one that's at a comedy show with his arms crossed and that look of like mate you gotta make me laugh it's your job yeah like just has like and then they i mean it is fun when you can get that person to crack yeah like i think i was telling you i did that show uh in liddits and guy who had a tucked in shirt didn't like the joke that i made about but then he did come around later on at some other joke and i was like it's just funny to find somebody's button yeah and apparently being uh personally attacked wasn't his butt oh who would have thought some people are such dorks in that way i kind of feel not that way in those scenarios i want like if they're because

those guys are usually there with like their girlfriend or their wife yeah and they're insecure that there's a guy on a stage making their girlfriend laugh that's a good point so i like to just go to the girlfriend and like when i make fun of him he doesn't enjoy you know table laughs right then i go to her and i was like what's up with this fucking dork like and then just she's kind of giggling and he's the whole time i want that basically i want them to have a silent or a combative drive home i can't wait until one day you're telling a story on here about how you got subpoenaed to show up in court for a domestic violence case that happened on the way home i'm like uh like she's gonna get in the car she's like it is funny what he said about the shape of

your head you gotta be you gotta be funny about that he's like oh yeah and he just bounces her head off of the window they call me to the stand and they're like do your act and then i'm like look at this fucking dumb gavel probably the size of his dick right folks you know he just does shitty crowd work in the court but i'm getting the bailiff so i'm sticking in it he's like they're eating donuts i don't know what do bailiffs eat you know that part of court where they take a break and everyone gets a donut? Just bailiffs just eat pork. All right, I'm going to lay down the law here, but first, if we could stop for our 12 o'clock donut break. Whiskey and donuts for 12 o'clock. This is a classic Southern lawyer with a little Savannah draw.

And I like my donut with a little salt and maple syrup on it. He graduated from No Jews University. And then they go, and the judge starts it back up we gotta do a better job of making sure we know who's mike is who did you ever have to go to court you're at the stand in front of a judge yeah for what i got in a little car to say is the statute of limitations yeah i think i'm good i got in a little car accidente and it was my fault and i got traffic tickets oh okay which is an insane maneuver yeah to somebody to like i had to pay like a grand for my car and then i got like 400 of traffic tickets on top of

it really yeah and they get like i was the cops are all like you know are you all right everything's good i'm like yeah it's my bad this and that like whatever and they're like all right cool just did it up and then as we're leaving he's like so these are for you and i'm like what are these and he's like so that's for an illegal left and this and that and i'm like are you fucking oh shit i was like okay so i had to go to court um because they said the one i could get dismissed if i went my parents got yelled at in court which was funny really yeah they were in the back talking basically like our son's a fucking piece of shit and the judge was like it'll be silent in here big cap stood up i'm not the one on trial here bitch and it's just the bird

it's just like for me i know he's right but i also in my head i'm like your father or the judge the judge but i'm also your father the judge yeah the judge judge peace i i also want to be like shut up you pussy like oh yeah you know yeah i mean we can get finally one again the legal system come on sis but i don't the fact that there's one person that sits up there and hands i'm now like in a jury case it's different you know they deliberate and they hand down the the verdict yeah i'm throwing all the words out i know you're good at law but the fact that like there's a like i watch a lot of that court tv on youtube i don't know why i said that that made me so you call the nba that's what you call the nba i love the court tv you know that one where they're all getting domestics um

but it's always it's one judge handing down like sentencing on and it's literally a lot of those courts are just like a conveyor belt of they're like let's knock out a hundred of these cases no it is yeah yeah and get the fuck out of here like if i'm doing work that's like mindless you know keep going through the motions of it at some point i'm gonna do a little bit of it wrong yeah so like like at some point that means some judge was like yeah life imprisonment they're like i got nine speeding tickets yeah yeah you get life imprisonment yeah yeah i don't know i hit the gavel i think that makes it official i didn't mean to but i did the fact that only one person decides your fate there is well the thing and you're exactly like the thing that bothered me more was i guess i don't know how much i could talk about whatever the guy who was the judge was the head basketball

coach for a like rival school that was just too on them? No, we would lose every time. So I'm like, I can't keep letting this guy win. And I was like, I'm going to fucking pull a gun in here. Yeah, I mean, you definitely can't say that. Oh, you can't do that? All right, well. Like a water gun. Yeah, like a water gun.

Or a water gun. Your Honor, figuratively, I'd like to shoot you in the face. The whole time, people are talking. He's like, oh, fucking turn this courthouse to shoot you in the face. Well, the whole time people are talking, he's like, I'll fucking turn this courthouse around if you guys don't quiet down. It was just like, yeah, all right, dude. Do it, dork. Yeah, nerd.

JD. No, I had a connection. So I got in trouble. Like a traffic ticket, I made a left where he couldn't and went in. And my dad knew the judge. It in uh like small town right near us and i think the guy's law firm was in the same building as my dad he so he knew him and when i went up he's like he's gonna pretend he doesn't know who you are yeah so i got up there and he's like uh mr john montaghi how do you say it son yeah meanwhile like him and my dad golfed i think like a week before yeah this is just nepotism um sure he's

a nepotism so he like gives me this whole speech where he's like you know i just got my license and he's like as this is you're an adult now and this means you need to make adult decisions and i think i mean i would love to just throw the bookie like all this shit like starts reaming into me. And I'm like, oh shit. And I look back at my dad and he's like just stone-faced. Yeah. And afterwards we're walking out and he just walks by and goes to my dad and he was like, kettle one. Not the big bottle but like a regular size one.

Oh, he's talking about that liquor order? Yeah. Yeah. So we're walking out. We get in the car and my dad was like, hey, you know he did that so it didn't look like he fucking knew you yeah and then my dad was like yeah i bought him a bottle of kettle one yeah and that pay i was like oh sweet so uh yeah who would have thought my dad would end up in jail he's got unrelated reasons but then later on in college i had a i got an underage drinking citation and it was in uh lower marion kobe bryant uh in his township

i asked the cop when he was arresting when he was writing my citation if he ever arrested kobe and he told me to shut the fuck up okay cool uh yeah i ran at a party and hid in a closet in the basement and the cop came down just like shine the light on me and he was like really come on i was like i mean i thought this is a good hiding spot like so we go up there like we're on the the living room level of the house and he was like all right uh waiting here blah blah and they come back in and uh they were like all right did we get everyone that was underage everyone in here is of age right and they're like yeah and i'm just sitting there and they're going to leave and the one cop right before he's got the door he's like no that's the kid in the closet and pulls me out anyway long story short sounded like i came out of the closet yeah we can't go that's a hack uh i went to court for that one and they said they

were like you you should get a judge or get a lawyer for this because what did you did you say it was underage drinking okay um i was very drunk too yeah and uh yeah so i went and another guy who i knew was there didn't get a lawyer and the lawyer that we had come out for me he even said to the guy he's like hey i'll represent you in there and i you know won't be that much but you're gonna need me in there he's like i'm fine i'll argue it down. So I go in first and the lawyer I had, it was sent from like, so my dad again knew this law firm. They sent out one of their guys. Yeah.

And it was out like in Villanova area. So we go in there and the guy's like, so I'm a Villanova graduate. I'm going to, you know, I know the area, I know everything. And he starts asking me all these questions. Like, do you play any sports? You do this and that. I was like, yeah, I play baseball. He's like, do you guys have early morning runs or anything?

I was like, yeah, we do. He's like, now, when you got the underage, did they ask if you had been drinking or did they actually breathalyze you? I was like, oh, no, they never breathalyzed me because when I was in that living room, it was when they were breathalyzing and writing down for the record of all the underage people. I got pulled out there but never breathalyzed so he's like okay so he's like there is no proof other than you saying you were drunk and there was no body cam footage or anything

of it or like anything he's like so we're gonna go in there he's like just don't say a single word so we get in there and lawyer's like in your name and the lawyer puts his hand on my chest and he's like my client and i wasn't allowed to say my name he's like my in your name? And the lawyer puts his hand on my chest. And he's like, my client? And I wasn't even allowed to say my name. He's like, my client, John Montague, blah, blah, blah. He was in the whole thing. And he's like, was not drinking at that party. He's like, I understand he was in a bad situation.

But, you know, we all make mistakes in college. He wasn't driving or anything. And one of the things he had asked me when I said the baseball thing, he's like, yeah, do you guys ever have early morning practice? I was like, yeah, sometimes we run at like four in the morning for classes. And he's like, okay. So the judge is like, you're trying to tell me that this guy was at the party.

Like point to me like this. Fuck boys. Dude. Yeah. Fuck it. He's got a beer helmet on in the courtroom and a Keystone shirt on. Wasn't drinking at the party. And he's like,

no, your honor. And he's like, you're telling me that a college. And he's like, no, my client who goes to a Christian university. Yeah and the judge is like damn it yeah let's look at his face he's like who plays baseball there who's a is a dedicated baseball player yeah who has a

run at five in the morning every morning so you like embellish the shit out of it and uh ends up like lawyer in the hell out of it the judge's like all right uh 15 hours community service oh you did get something so i got that but i didn't get any like fines or anything yeah it was not on my record as underage drinking because it wasn't technically right there was like no record of it so we get out there and i'm like oh my god that was amazing and the lawyer is like i know right that was my first case what the fuck this guy rips this kid was just out of law school yeah and the law firm because again it was like my dad called like into favors to people that he knew

and they were like oh we'll just send this fucking guy out there and he comes down he's like yeah man i used to get hammered here at phil nobel all the time yeah anyway if this ever happens again give me a call that's why my dad's like i swear to god if we ever have to call him again i'm gonna fucking kill you do you still keep in touch with the guy at all no i don't even know his name i i can probably look it up i might probably have somewhere but yeah it was it was a baller move he just like put the judge in his place and he was like well actually he wasn't drinking well but yeah i don't know fun story that's fucking sick i'm sorry i look like i'm no i enjoyed it i look like i'm crying because i put on put on moisturizer earlier and now my

eyes are it got in my eyes your eyes are homophobic it's fucking your eyes are like oh my god all right you make skincare guy i have to be dude i got the pores of a whore dude i got fucking i used to think i had great skin because i didn't have a lot of pimples and then you get a girlfriend and then they go almost everything about you is wrong did you know that and i go that's an interesting observation what attracted you to me at all i mean you like a fixer-upper like a project i don't really it's like a flip house i'm gonna really get in there she's like you're gonna have granite countertops and hardwood by the time i'm done with it my girlfriend is the property brothers of girlfriends there it comes in there she takes me apart you know what they did she shows me

she shows somebody a better guy that she could be with and she's like but i'll go with this dude she has a twin that when they're together you're like are they gay together or are they brothers she's uh and she's three years into this investment and she realized she is hemorrhaging money she's not making any money off of this she's probably gonna just burn it down from insurance money at this as well she should burn it down turn it into a karate studio oh nice yeah you got karate studio uh body that sounds just like a slightly pedophilic karate body karate body is perfect because i've never seen someone leave it so there's a reason we talked about it before out here the karate gi yeah there's a reason they're not form-fitting because there's never anyone it's always just fat

there's no form to fit yeah it's like it's like it has a karate body dude karate dot body is like um remember the karate karate karate karate karate body by the way i was kidding about that joke earlier about in the courthouse thing i would never never do anything like that. This is a comedic podcast. But if that judge ever caught me in there, my gi, he might fucking catch a rat. Can I get in trouble about that? He's gonna catch a kata, which is the forms that you have to perform in karate. If you were in it longer

than two weeks, you would know. That sounded like a poop. But karate body is definitely a thing, bro. Karate body is like a soft midsection with like arms that you never look like you had shoulders before. That bro karate body is like a soft midsection with like arms that you never look like you had shoulders before that's karate uh yeah i think i'm i'm gonna i've been eating like trash and i think i'm on a bullet train to karate body right now but yeah but you're a dad so you just get dad bodded no dad bod things fucking stupid like if you get a dad body while once having a kid is understandable but it the people

that like made that popular had them before had a body like that before they had the kid you know what i mean yeah yeah and and like there was i feel like there was like a chunk of time where girls were like i'm into a dad bod it's like no you're not yeah i don't know i think if given the two things in front of you you're gonna take the more aesthetically pleasing thing right maybe to get a little quick bang in but i think oh yeah i mean i feel the guys feel safe girls just gotta get down with some karate body yeah get some karate because you're gonna feel safe to you he can defend you there is a lot of karate body in our age range now too because so many guys are like

jujitsu and that's a different ball game those guys are like fucking diced up but they're not all like i know a lot there are some people that and this is a if you listen to this and you know adult karate come at us yeah seriously but there is like there are yeah there's guys in brazilian jujitsu brazilian jujitsu that are shredded and monsters there's guys in brazilian jiu-jitsu brazilian jiu-jitsu that are shredded and monsters there's also just karate body fat dads yeah karate body fat dad yeah a cbfd i'm writing these all down as possible uh episode titles as we're going oh that's a good call some of our titles have just been popping off at the fucking seams. And listen, if you're a dedicated... If you've been listening to every episode of this... Because what do we have?

40,000 established listeners. One kajillion, as we said. We have one full kajillion in metric tons. Total plays. Yeah. We don't measure our listeners in how many. We measure you in total mass. So we have, what, 425,000 pounds of listeners yeah definitely touch on

shadow I'm cramping my cramps so bad every time I just get so excited about casting all my potassium goes to my mind yeah you're you've always been kind of a potassium guy yeah they call me johnny patas they just call you johnny but as i think they used to call me uh i can't i don't know anyway uh no but thank you to the people that are listening to this that was pretty cool to see that we hit a thousand plays which means of our 20 episodes 22 episodes they've been played a thousand times i'd like to think that it's also someone playing it listening to his intro and be like fuck this yeah turning it off but they would listen to the intro and be like this intro music oh yeah those are just that's sick that's you gotta you gotta loop them in with some sick rob cruise tunes bobby cruise and then maybe we're just background noise while someone's doing the dishes after a long day at work yeah i wonder like anybody who's listening to this if they actually like sit and like listen yeah if

you if you listen to this and you follow us on social media message us and tell us how you listen to this i'm curious about that that's actually kind of how do you take in podcasts uh there's ones that i listen listen to and then there's ones that i passively listen to there's ones that i visually listen to well i cannot i cannot be alone with my thoughts at any time so there's always a podcast in my brain it's getting bad too oh it's awful i i if i'm walking from like my office upstairs downstairs i have a podcast playing on my phone yeah and it's bad i took a shower today without any music or podcast playing and i felt like a fucking serial killer i was just in there rubbing my body so you just yeah you're just oh and i just lubing yourself up quietly and

i took a long time too I had the lights off. You should never have your hand in your butt crack with no sound. Dude, I was deep in my hole just thinking about my past transgressions. It is terrifying. I was in there. I had the lights half off. I do love a good shower in the dark, though.

But I love podcasts or music going. Shower in the dark with a drink? You feel like you're in a like in a like a sports movie and you're in the locker room afterwards but like the guy loses and you're leaning on the tile and you're just sipping a i'm thinking like bull dorm specifically dude i hate that when you're in the shower it is kind of comfortable to lean on it oh yeah but then you're like what am i fucking usher dude i can't do that do you ever just lay down in the shower are your eyes fucked up now yeah i think your uh house is made of asbestos oh that's what that is okay and we don't eat that i think my contacts

have been in since the break of break of dawn no but i know laying down the shower kind of notates like a sad scenario yeah i love a good happy lay down in the shower dude it makes you realize how much you need to clean your tub i was gonna say that much i'll tell you something even sadder i don't have a tub i have like one of those standing ones and i lay and my hands are up and then i just get a real good look at my unit and it looks like a porky pig it looks no good there is nothing better too than when you're really hung over and you just sit like semi-indian style hugging your knees and you let the shower just beat down on your head and you just think about like oh god

I gotta stop drinking you're just like man why did I break I feel like an eighth grade I feel like a lot of people hit up turning point after those kind of showers oh my god because they think it's they think it's a rehab rehab I mean I guess I'll get some bacon and eggs on the way to real rehab some cinnamon roll pancakes but I'll tell some bacon and eggs on the way to real rehab. Slap some cinnamon roll pancakes. But I'll tell you, this is a quick shower story. I'm like a senior in high school. Shower story sounds like our spinoff podcast. Shower stories. We just zoom from our own showers.

Shower beers would be a cool name. I do love shower beers. I know it's a trope, but dude, shower beers are incredible. Yeah. That was how I kind of started underage drinking. That sounds depressing. Okay. But I would like steal Coors Lights knowing I'm going out and I'd be like,

I'm going to catch a buzz in the shower. And then I'd be like, I'd cough while like I crushed the can in the bathroom. And then would someone have to sneak it out of the bathroom, like under the towel into my room and some of the cans. But yeah, I would drink like three or four of my parents Coors Lights before like a friend would come pick me up to go to like a high school party.

Yeah, that's huge. See, I didn't start drinking until college. So I didn't get to embrace the Shabir until it was later in my days. Yeah. But then the thing that fucks me up is, no, you get the shower beers. I always brush my teeth in the shower. Are you? Yeah.

So I'm back and forth on that. And it's because of listening to Are You Garbage podcast. That's one of the questions they ask. Do you brush your teeth in the shower and the one thing that is true that i can't get comfortable with is brushing my teeth with warm water makes me feel like my teeth aren't clean oh okay but i now our shower setup is where the sink is right next to the shower yeah so i'll use the sink water and i do like the feeling of everything else is hot, but the toothbrush is cold on my teeth.

I'm not bad at that. I like that a lot. So I have like a hybrid situation going on. Okay. I can respect that. Yeah. I'm okay with that. I, having the, the, the sink right next to the shower and the medicine cabinet right

there, I don't think I can go back to not like having to get out to get stuff. Like it's not, I can keep like my nail trimmers in there. I there I now that I cut my own hair I stand in the shower and open the unbelievable dude listen the next three years you're gonna be off the grid you're just gonna be living oh yeah but I'll be off the grid but with like a tight fade yeah tight five I'm gonna be up in like the Poconos off the grid with a big old beard but like the tightest faded haircut and just some materials about how like squirrels do be crazy but you don't cut your beard you don't cut your beard at all but you still have a fade oh yeah yeah you can't let that happen so that's a tough look too i was

thinking about that recently because i am trying to regrow the beard again every fall i try to grow And the big beard, still tight fade, is a heavyset dad that loves IPAs too much look. You don't see a non-heavyset guy with that look very often. It's definitely a guy who likes beer. You either are just full-on jacked or you used to be jacked and you have a gut now. You probably have a Punisher t-shirt. Punisher t-shirt. You steal valor by accident. People will be like, you're a troop. you you probably have a punisher t-shirt punisher t-shirt you steal valor by accident like people will be like you're a troop and you're like i mean pretty much yeah and you like shop at hot topic but you prefer you pretend it's for your daughter

true like oh she loves you know actually i mean think about it i saw a lot of this look at the slipknot concert i was gonna say that's got to be a big dads that have corporate jobs now so they need a tight hair cup they're like i'm hanging over the beard keeping the beard i'm a fucking man yeah rip it out of it i won't put i won't wear a mask either i'll just use my hair but uh a lot of cargo shorts would go along with that look the guy that's wearing the cargo shorts in the winter just so that someone will come out and be like i can't believe you're wearing shorts in the cold oh he wants to be that guy i would never address that someone's wearing shorts in really cold weather because they want they want you to do that so bad oh dude that was there's so many kids i went to middle school with and they were just like check it you check these knees out they're still warm

i love a good pant good slack it's always a kid with cankles too it's always a kid with cankles nobody with like great calves he's been storing fat for the winter and that's why he thinks he can do it but he also has like speckled leg hair or it's the karate body they're very toned one yeah you're right okay karate guys love shorts because they don't want to be bound up with a they hate that they're talking about karate shorts we're gonna use the material from the karate gi but make shorts out of it yeah that's what we should uh anyways oh so okay so this is a story this is gonna be not an interesting one so so I'm like a senior in high school, and I would always shower in the morning before school. I never liked a night shower because then I felt like I woke up and I was dirty. Yeah, I like both.

I'll do both. I'll day and night shower. I'll probably catch a hot shower. No, I'll probably go to bed after this. Okay, that's fair. So I wake up, and I go in, take a shower and I'm like exhausted. Like it was just one of those days where it's just I fucking beat. Yeah.

So I go in and I take a shower and I like take a little bit longer and I like get out and I'm at my parents house. Obviously, I get out. I'm like in the hallway. And as I'm in the hallway walking to my room, my parents had fallen asleep on the couch like they both fell asleep in the couch living room and you can look just up the stairs and see the hallway and they both are like staring at me and i'm like what and they're like what are you doing and i was like i gotta fucking go to school and they're like it's 2 30 in the morning and i'm

like what they're like what are you doing right well i fucking i just woke up didn't look at the clock which i would never do yeah and just assumed like i gotta get up and i took a shower at 2 30 just go back to sleep i gotta tell you it's an incredible feeling to just like i get to sleep three and a half more hours you don't love you never come home from like being out somewhere and you can i feel like especially when i travel like on a plane the first thing i want to do is go shower as soon as i get wherever i'm going yeah i feel like you just have a layer of everyone else on you or like going out to a show or a mic i love coming home and getting a shower because it's like a fresh start like all right that mentally ends the day

yeah like and it'll keep me from laying on the couch too like after that it's rare i'll go lay on the couch because i'll catch a hot shower and then go right like dive headfirst in the bed damn see after yeah after having because like with the backyard we'll have a fire pit i hate smelling like uh campfire when you wake up i hate that smell oh yeah yeah that's yeah so i'll grab a shower after that i've always heard people like that and i'm always like i wish i taking a shower i obviously feel better i feel cleaner but i always hear people who are like oh when i get home and just shower i'm like it doesn't really no it's just it's just a hot water yeah it's good no you ever get in your own dishwasher was that what you guys do you just fucking pop the dishwasher take out the drawers and just head first in there you know what

trying it tonight well we both are we're trying it in the same one that's why it was the local comedians die trying to turns out they were eating tide pods while doing it too local comedians do hilarious bit that ends their life that fucking rips their life to shreds i don't know but i'll tell you what got ripped to shreds i did uh two dudes and a dad those motherfuckers know how to run a show there's leave it that i did two dudes i a dad I had sex with two men and a father it was a weekend let me tell you I'm sore I have not well I walk like I'm an old school cowboy

so I did two dudes and a dad I've just plowed them at Ruba correct oh I did a show too also at Gambia so it was at the Ruba it's the place called Ruba which I later find out is a Russian social club. So this is why you're getting into the USSR.

This is why I'm a big USSR guy. And you've known that. I've always been a big USSR guy. Yeah, you're a Russiophile. I'm always like, look, communism hasn't worked because it hasn't been done right, guys. Am I right, folks? So I go on to do the show, and it's like a wild looking place it's like older it's in the middle of a neighborhood damn so this is somewhere i could wear a tracksuit and it

wouldn't be weird oh my god dude if you wore a tracksuit they'd be like so glad the owner came we couldn't believe he owned the place yeah this is his place look at him russia comedy does you i did this means hot women okay in russia you can't stand that because you're so tired from too much vodka too much you're exhausted sit down comedy or shut the fuck up yeah then if you don't know but russians aren't allowed to laugh at comedy but they just they have to like ah they actually have to frown yeah it's their frowning is laughter in russia yeah but they frown so loud it makes a sound. Yeah, they go, hmm. But it's everybody in the audience is, hmm, hmm, at the same time. Just a fucking echo of hmms.

So I'm at this hmm-ass place. And go up, dude. Is it safe to say you were pooting in work? Okay. Well, I wasn't rushing to get there, I'll tell you that. Hey. I will say that I got there. And I got there.

The show started at 9. I get there at 8.15 because I'm a professional who doesn't take advantage of free drinks anytime they're at a show. So I'm at the show and I get there at 815 and dude, I just circle for 35 minutes and it's like, dude, I'm just going to swerve into traffic. Yeah. Like there was parts where I was like, Tommy can't go. Tommy can't make it. I've had that happen.

I'm going over to Philly too for stuff and you're like calling the person that's running the show you're like i swear to god i'm here yeah i've driven past past jesus christ the venue seven times yeah i'm gonna just park my car in the river yeah and i'm gonna just hopefully get back and you guys find me yeah hopefully you bought fishing hooks there's been a lot of times where living so close to the speed line here i've thought about going back home getting the speed line and then just taking it over yeah dude it's fucking impossible and then philly people always like oh you know you gotta fucking you know you gotta know where to put it and it's like i hope you guys have ugly kids so i'm at the place those bad boys run a tight ship they run a tight ship uh everybody's like

we have a like a pre-comic meeting and two dudes in that list them off just so everyone knows we got gary sharp rob cody and nicky p like i said they fucking kill it they run a great show they really give a fuck about it it's awesome if you want to find out a good of a show they run come out tonight if you're listening to this as the episode drops we'll do the plugs later but I'll be doing their show tonight, Tuesday. Look at this. We're talking the future now. The 26th.

I wouldn't. I personally, I wouldn't worry about that show. But the show that. Sorry, get back to it. No, no, no. So great show. I went up and I hosted. And it was, it is an, it is a, at least as a open mic or slowly getting booked more guy

well i guess not really i just get as an open mic or who gets booked you don't get a lot of them it is an audience that is like i cannot wait to laugh at whatever the fuck you say oh my god it was unbelievable like it's like it's like premise laughter yeah it was um premise laughter any interaction with the crowd is funny it looked like an awesome room too just looking at the pictures so i wasn't able to go to the show uh dimly lit room which is great higher ceilings higher ceiling a little mini theater stage okay stage two um so i think i told you i think i was in this place during my bachelor party okay because we were out boozing and at the time my sister-in-law's boyfriend who's not with anymore lived in philly and he knew after hours he was like hey we don't have to stop

drinking we can actually go to this social club that my friend is a member somehow we're gonna get in there and i'm pretty sure it was there or somewhere right by there i could say that was the same kind of thing and i remember near Yards Brewing Company? I was so hammered. I don't remember. Yeah. This was like four in the morning at my bachelor party because it was like a three-night bachelor party.

Yeah, nothing to brag. Anyway, but it felt like it was like carved into – it felt like a cave in there almost. Did it feel cavernous? I felt a little cave action. Okay. There was a loose cat walking around the whole place i love a loose cat they had a loose cat they had some shit in there did the cat i feel like the cat was missing an eye probably that seems like a very russian i didn't get a good look at the people that had like a half a tail

he had he was ginger oh how about that okay a little ginger puss action and i i was my doing like it was still in your thunder yeah i was like this fucking yeah he's a hack uh so oh there's also like this little place off to the side where it had like old computers and then it had like a lot of like pictures of like former russian scientists and i was like these dudes are funding the next manhattan project i was a little scared i was loosely scared i can't talk too loud my company is owned owned by Russian people. So I love Mother Russia. We love you. USSR, dude.

I'll fuck a guy. Yeah. People ask me how Viet it is, and I say it's so Viet. It's so Viet Cong out there. So, yeah, great show. I went up and I hosted. Rob Cody went up, killer set. Lamar Lee went up, killer set.

Cassandra D, hilarious headline, 45 minutes. Knocks it out of the park. Audience loved it like dude I'm telling you like this is this gets a laugh you do a joke

somebody in the audience like talks lightly and then you go what'd you say everybody like just laughs off of like a quiet

like what'd you say oh dude it's back and it's on crack and it's breaking my back as it takes my slacks off of my pants anyway anyway but yeah great

show great time anytime those guys do a show sans the one tomorrow i would go check it out uh great guys definitely only check out the one it's actually today where you're gonna learn in podcast speak today is actually tomorrow and tomorrow may never be i don't know there we go that can be a segue into cliches and sayings i asked you about oh yeah yeah yeah okay i i'm terrible at cliches or like just common sayings and this one really caught me off guard i saw someone post it i've never seen it written out was say the phrase make ends meet okay now yeah make ends meet in my mind the definition is you're scraping by to get whatever you can right so okay to you what do you think it is don't look at my phone i think it's up there the saying if you have to spell it out how do you think make ends meet is spelled my okay i'm thinking it's m-e-e-t okay okay but i could see

it like the end of meat but i would guess that it's make ends meet as in like two things that are ending you know me yeah hey you're a hundred percent right am i really yes let's fucking go baby i always thought it was make ends meet here's my dumb fucking brain on this dude i'm picturing you're like things are so bad the only thing we can get from the deli is the end of the meat when you're getting slices i thought it was something like that where you're like we're making it as as good as we're getting the best we can it still kind of works in that saying so make ends meet the actual saying i looked it up is like you think you're saying if you were to connect two wires you're making ends meet right you're you're taking whatever scenarios you can to get the best outcome for yourself got it but it's like the bare minimum yeah which really make ends meet is the same thing like

you're like you're scratching and clawing to get by you gotta eat the end of the meat before you get to the good part damn it was one of those things when i saw it written out my brain just went oh oh yeah yeah damn it so i looked them up you can vamp i looked up like common cliches and sayings that are said wrong you can vamp here and talk about your favorite cliches i like cliches what ones did i there was one a little while ago that i was like it blew my mind it blew my mind to the point where i rethought how intelligent i thought i was for my entire life i wish i could think of it but i'm not sure what it was but i found it out by like i found it out in the most embarrassing way where i was talking about it to somebody else and explaining what it meant and they're like that doesn't mean

that i was like see and that's this is what sucks this is why i never tried to this is why it's called the handsome idiots podcast what it is anytime i ever try to like flex any intelligence i have a fear that i am a hundred percent wrong yeah or that like i've been trying to write a bit about this recently about how like my wife doesn't watch the news she's disconnected herself from it but the really messed up thing is she gets her news from me and i get my news from instagram stories and comedy podcasts like yeah so everyone's getting their news from somebody's the whole premise right so you can say like oh i don't let the news in at all but also did you know that there's nazis on the moon and they're gonna attack venus next year like they didn't know that hitler was in brazil

all right so here's uh for all intents and purposes do you say it that way the other the miss common misunderstanding mispronunciation is for all intensive intensive purposes i've done intense and purposes okay yeah uh the next one those are nip it in the bud so that's a tough one do you do you get so what what's your idea of what you think nip it in the bud would mean i used to think all right i used to think that it was like the butt of a cigarette and you're like like don't even let it get started just nip it so it's interesting you said that because it's not the butt of the cigarette it's the butt of the cigarette that's what i said but but okay yeah so that's on here what it says is a lot of people think it's nip it in the butt yeah the phrase

comes from nip it in the bud if you were to cut the bud off of a plant or flower so like weed or a rose you nip it right where the bud meets the branch so you're cutting all ties you're nipping in the bud there's like that can't grow back i think is essentially what it is so it has nothing to do with butts with like nipples or air bud no that's what I like to think too nip it in the butt is just somebody jamming her boob into someone's butt just lactating into it and you're like yeah I can see how that's very deep

I can totally see that that should end up in a fortune cookie I wish you are those dog fighting ring outside of Matt's apartment nah those are just our fans trying to get in there one in the same not one in the same Or there's dog fighting ring outside of Matt's apartment. Nah, those are just our fans trying to get in. Calm down. Yeah, come on.

One in the same, not one in the same. What is it? One and, A-N-D, the same. Not one in the same. I'm a huge one in the same. Right? Now that is a threesome. Exactly.

Ménage à trois. Okay. Which is French for fucking two people oh that too yeah uh yeah so it says one of the same refers to one thing in a group of other things that look the same also meaningless a stupid definition well i don't see one and the same means two things are alike ah okay ah okay so they did the wrong one first okay dude what are we the vernacular bad boys over here deep seated or deep seated it's seated like a c i've been deep johnny appleseed seed thought it was seed it's deep seated now that's dumb and ugly i hate that this frames this this phrase means something is firmly fixed in place, not that it is planted deeply as the latter implies.

So it means it's a deep-seated, so it's seated deep within you, like a deep-seated hatred. But also deep-seated works just as well. I put a seed deeply. Yeah. Where do the seeds go? In the ground. Fuck that one. Dude, fuck you, Dr. Seuss, you stupid pussy.

Is that who'd come up with these or no? Yes. Horton, here's a Jew. What? What's he doing here? Oh, it was a who. Okay. This one's dumb.

I'll skip it. Case in point or not case end point. That's stupid. Yeah, I knew that one too. I'm a lawyer. Yeah. Ipso facto. Just cast a spell.

Should have, could have, or would have. Not should've, could have, or would have Not Should've, could've, would've So like I would've gone the other night But that's just you having Poor grammar Yeah that one seems fat and ugly

If you were to say I should have I'm picturing you're on a horseback Holding a polo mallet I should have I should have not murdered my family. Yeah, so I shouldn't have cheated on Tracy, but her family's poor.

You've got another think coming. Not you've got another thing coming. Bro, who's saying think? Holy shit. That way, hold on. Listen, this is PSA. If you're saying think, you better nip it in the butt. You better nip it.

You better jam your nip in that butt. Right in that air butt. I don't care if he's playing football or basketball. Put your nips in her butt and get out of there. And get in like they want. So it says, this phrase was originally, if that's what you think, you've got another think coming. Dude. So that makes sense there.

No, it doesn't. The fact that it was cut short. No, I can't get there so we just dropped the first clause still this may be a case where the misuse of the phrase now seems to be more popular than the original even President Obama

has used thing instead of thing but what he was saying is you've got another thing coming and that thing is a Drunch Drake at a wedding. I hope you guys enjoyed having kids because you don't anymore.

Wreak Havoc, not Wreck Havoc. I knew that one. Yeah, that's an easy one. Wreck Havoc sounds... Wreck Havoc is a name, dude. Yeah, it's a name of a minor league hockey player. Yeah, he's the enforcer. No, no, no, he's Wreck Havoc. Wreck Hav wreck havoc who did not

graduate high school oh i couldn't care less not i could care less yeah because it could i've always said that but that was one of the ones that you learn early that way you can make you also understand a lot of these ones that you learned to be pronounced wrong is because we grew up with morons yeah we grew up in new jersey and like yeah like i had dumb uncles yeah that would say this stuff and it just got in your head if i grew up with scholars maybe i don't know yeah well i'll tell you here let me throw one of mine if you look over there they're big dirty jay i got a book called speaking american and it shows different different terms that people use in different parts of the united states so like some people call it soda some people call it pop there's areas of the united states where they call everything a coke yeah no and i've been

there also uh any sneaker is called a tennis shoe in california yeah and i didn't know that was true like even like my brother-in-law who's like a big time skater wears just vans he skates in them so you think they would be called a skate shoe still Still calls them tennis shoes. Yeah, weird, dude. But who plays tennis? Mischief Night is literally – Mischief Night is just Philadelphia and Ohio, right? No, it's just Philadelphia and southern New Jersey. Really? Or I guess northern as well.

The book shows you like a map of the United States and then shows like the sprinkling of who says it. The rest of the country is completely white and then there's like very dark showing that it's only right there it's crazy we we actually the shaving cream and uh toilet paper numbers that go through the roof the night before halloween by which you want to go out and do a official handsome idiots uh mischief night thing on saturday yeah we'll go beat up some kids this should have been a spooky cast because halloween's coming up wait we got one more there was there was another one oh they went away yeah tell me this one and then i got another one from that book and it's a hot sexy you can talk about now because i lost it so hoagies you've heard a lot of grinders subs yeah so what this is the interesting thing the kid who wrote the books from south jersey

he explained that it's called hoagies because some guy opened he was in world war ii and he opened a sandwich shop during the Great Depression. And the name of the sandwich shop was called Hagi's because it would be like – the two things was that you eat so much, you eat like a pig. But then also it was ham and like ham cheese, whatever. And they called it Hagi's. But the shitty Philly accent slowly made it, oh, we're going to Hagi's later. And then it just became a hoagie. That's so fucking good.

It's fucking perfect, dude. I think we talked about it before, too. I think the phrase hoagie mouth is the best way to describe the Philly, South Jersey accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's incredible. Hoagie mouth. Hoagie mouth would be an easy name for a show. I think the other things that are regional.

The N-word? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, here you scream it. I whisper. I scream it out of whisper. were just too joking around i think i was trying what else i used to get wrong running out of steam on this getting stuff wrong thing i get everything wrong what are you doing this for halloween this year i just took a trip to uh

man if you ever want to feel good about yourself go to spirit halloween the week of halloween yeah and just watch the creatures and it's just it's just pimply tweens running around yeah like trying i can't knock it because i tried on my costume in the store before paying for it but um just like yeah the worst of the worst like i went on a date there as a kid would you believe that to the halloween store yep well buckle up folks we were at the different mall and we ran out of steam there her and i she was a what they used to call scene kids i think scene was a little yeah no scene kid scene kid changed so scene kid like i technically was a scene kid because i was in the local music scene okay of south jersey i played shows at vfws i went

to local small shows in philly so i was in the scene but then it ended up becoming like emo kid and scene kid kind of came so yeah it was scene kid in terms of like you're involved in the scene but yeah and when it came to my age it was just like you have girls have big hair your hair and guys wear skinny jeans and banties and now you're a scene kid i i was not in any kind of fucking music shit i was just jerking and going to the different mall so we go to the different mall and we're hanging out i took her to the arcade and i was like i'm so good at pac-man and she was like i don't know that i want to be around you because you smell like beef and i was like that's fair and then so i was like dad or like snack man i was like listen i'm pulling out all the stops for

you you dirty bitch let's go to spirit of of Halloween. And we went there and we were there for a half an hour. And she bought a costume. And then we never spoke again. What was the costume? It was like a seen cat. Like it was just like. So just a cat costume. It was just a wig.

Like a blue wig. It was blue. I remember I was looking at her. And I was like, you are a fucking angel. I mean, I was like, I've never seen anything so. She's like, actually, I'm a dude. you are a fucking angel i mean i was like i've never seen that she's like actually i'm a dude i'm a fallen angel yeah and then she did a handstand that's also my it's my my aol name my myspace name yeah and my myspace song is fucking but it's like romance two asterisks a swirly one a slash a star fallen angel and then those same characters in reverse and all her pictures were like from a down view and she was just in the woods.

And I was like, look how natural she is. And it's definitely capital F, lowercase a, capital L, lowercase l. She's like, I only see my dad on the weekends. So I was like, yeah, we could probably gander that from there, Stephanie. Seeing kid date at a fucking Halloween store. Dude, I used to go to the dude i go to the deferred mall and i would just rack up babes dude you would just wreck havoc i would just wreck havoc dude i would go around and i'd buy i dude i'd buy a monster energy drink and i would just go where

the night took me the deferred mall was cool too because there was that one spot dead center in that big open area it was stomped really, it would echo throughout the entire mall. Yeah. Did you know that trick? I did not. Oh, it still works. Do it next time you're there. Right where they do Santa, like in the dead center of the mall.

If there's like an octagon or something on the ground, if you stomp right there, the acoustics are awesome. I love the idea of doing that at 25. It's also a mall where a shooting happens, so don't it too loud there was a shooting there probably before you were born there was uh yeah a guy pulled a gun and i don't think it was like he went in there to kill people i think he was shooting at people in an altercation but it ended up like no like bullets sprayed like there was i remember because that was maybe right around when you were born because that's when i was going there i couldn't drive you i was late 90s yeah and i remember like everyone would be like that's look that's where the bullet break a shade off yeah and you'd go over and you're like i still think

that's just sharpie on there yeah so it's not a good idea the urban legend not a good nature i think it was no because there was something malintent it was right up front of the arcade that was there at the deffford Mall. Right by the entrance? Now that we're talking about this, I think it actually ended pretty bad. I think the original owner of that... This might have been a mass shooting. I don't know.

Jesus Christ. Now that I think about it, I think the owner of that arcade got shot in the chest and died. Oh, my God. All right, well, look, we don't know our arcade. We're going to end it on that post.

We don't know that guy. I'll look it up. Big ups. You know, he had Duck Hunter in there. He could have, like, faked it. There it is. Take him off guard. That Area 51 game where you get a red and a blue gun.

Yeah, you could let him off. He came out with those. Yeah, yeah, the pistols. Yeah, dude. Make your move. The guy's like, all right. Freeze. I can't move that far.

They're on wires. I didn't put any coins in. I had to flip them. The wires bad it hurts oh no i'm gonna get out of here and he hops in a cruising usa yeah he hops in the fucking star wars episode four game cruising usa the driving game yeah just we're driving on like the la that until the first time i went to california that's what i i thought los angeles just looked like cruising usa yeah and it's not far off. They kind of nailed it.

But a little more homeless? Yeah, yeah. A lot more homeless. No, I think you can run over homeless people in Cruisin' USA. Is that like just speed bumps? I think so, yeah. You just catch them. Do you remember Road Rash on Sega?

That was like the first game where you could fight. Sega, dude. I never had a Sega. No? Nothing Sega. Sega Saturn is the first system I ever had. Sega Saturn probably came out the year you were born. Sega Saturn was the the name of the virtual cop there's an emo girl i wanted to date with sega saturn yeah those are myspace name yeah sega saturn fallen angel

god damn it's so good oh i have a star what do you got coming up dude coming up on an hour somehow who gives a fuck man i uh all right well oh you go ahead don't support matt's comedy uh i'm on there if you're listening to this as it comes out tonight come to pensport uh beer boutique for two dudes and a dad uh boozed and confused it's gonna be a fun one i'm excited to finally get to do it um then on november 4th uh i'll be back in south philly if you didn't get enough the first time you want to see the same set uh stickman brew with uh lovable monsters oh yeah peggy and ryan always love them love them monsters uh november 10th matt and i i haven't officially said yes to this until uh if my wife's listening i hope we've

discussed this and you were totally okay with me going out to harrisburg pennsylvania we're back baby on november 10th for matt and i are gonna do a little bit of feature work out there at the comedy zone comedy where where the dream started for your boy johnny dude come back the old rudy boys oh going back to the weirdest backdrop in all of comedy. Last time I was there, I wasn't. Yeah, last time we were there, I wanted to show Matt the room and it was locked. And then I remembered also Matt was blacked out. Bada boom, bada bing. I just lied. I was like, here's the room. It's the bathroom.

I was like, this is sick, dude. You can also find us if you don't catch us on the 10th, November 20th, we're going to be out at Castle Rig Winery with one Mr. Gary Limoges. There it is. Out in Carlisle, PA by Davidson University.

That'll be a fun one on the 20th of November. November. I don't think I have any. If there's anything else, just Monte Comedy on Instagram and Hacks Comedy Golf. Check that bad boy out and I'll tell you what I got going up so you can hear it from me and me alone.

November 17th, I'm jumping ahead just because I have it in front of me. I've got something cooking at O'Neill's on South Street with Chance McDonald and Keir Williams. That'll be a cool little guy. What do we have? November 12th, or November 6th, I'll be in New York at St. Mark's Club for some bitch-ass bringer stuff.

November 12th, I'll be doing a roast of Kristen Manguel at Old City Tavern at 8pm. Don't miss that or I'll probably not notice. Like John said, we have those two shows the 10th and 20th. November 21st, I'll be at Devil's Creek in Collingswood at 5pm. I'm going to get hammered there on a Sunday and

probably get told that I'm cursing too loudly because we're in Collingswood, but what can you do? And I think I had one more thing, but who the fuck cares? I'm quitting comedy. We're one step closer to a, we talked about it last week. Yeah, dude. We moved one step up the ladder on a Handsome Idiot Showcase,

hopefully a monthly thing, bi-monthly, like us, that we're bi. I don't know. Yeah, we are. But yeah, bye. Bye, you cutie guy it was the wettest kiss Outro Music