That Rules Podcast - Episode 28: Heather Grey Neutrality

Episode Date: December 9, 2021

One nation under Grey, indivisible, because we really don’t care about anything. Nah mean?

🎵 Episode 28, take 2. Shut up, idiot. All right. Look, it's the Handsome Idiots Podcast. We're starting it up. It's episode 2, 8, 28, 20 plus 14 or times 2 i'm here with the boy johnny montable this is the last episode we're ever fucking doing of this piece of shit podcast john how are you doing all right good enough after 29 and a half minutes of trying to get this

computer to start yeah because i'm great at technology yeah you're pretty good i'm too good at it people are saying they call it a job because you get the job done true yeah and you also know technology and you treat your workforce poorly and you always wear black turtlenecks also just eat fruit and i'm dead is he a turtleneck bad boy he was right he was yeah black do you ever see the girl see the girl that mimicked her entire life and everything around him? She was an inventor also. There's a documentary about her. No, I didn't see that. She invented this machine that basically you put a small vial of blood in there.

Normally, when you get blood tests, you have to give multiple tubulars of it. Yeah, dude. She invented this thing that cut that process down to where like they only need like an ounce of blood yeah it puts it in this machine does all the work and it spits out like your full blood panel like work up right away it tells you if you have cancer if you're a superhero the machine was like fake oh really so she got this like patent if you watch the documentary it's funny but like basically the machines kept malfunctioning. It was like one of the machines almost ripped a guy's hand off in like the process of making them. But this woman models her entire life after Steve Jobs.

Like she only wears turtlenecks. Oh, boy. She like does like the same diet as him. Probably does like weird sleep habits and stuff too. She also has a deep voice like this. Yeah, of course. Okay. But doesn't – you were talking about voice is not fitting it doesn't fit her at all that's the most annoying yeah it's so funny though but like i think she's in jail for like ever now good for all she she's a white woman i would presume right quite yeah that's white

woman activity yeah that was still when they were letting white women do things you're really gonna put me in prison for this that's so funny yeah oh she did she pulled the ultimate uh thing and she blamed her investor who was an indian man i believe and was like she was who she was sleeping with like lived with him dan her biggest investor and uh she blamed him and was like he was making me uh crazy and he was a sex god i don't know what she's talking about. Basically, you just nailed it. I need to look it up what it was. But yeah, it was a great documentary.

That's a combo you don't see often. A white girl and an Indian gentleman. Yeah. You don't see enough of that these days. It's so funny too because you're like, I want her to succeed. It's like,

stop making these things about just... You're doing great racial work. You're uniting forces and now you're going through... I'm trying to think think of name of it and i'm literally looking up blood machine documentary that's a wash blood machine is actually a name of our metal band we'll be touring with this next month isn't blood machine an actual thing well it is now isn't it folks it's called the inventor out for blood in silicon valley oh what an annoying title elizabeth homes which is a shitty name don't trust anyone named elizabeth

holmes elizabeth hurley though i trust her with my life true elizabeth hurley was one of my first like uh and bedazzled that movie was it bedazzled uh where she's the devil no i only saw her in awesome powers and i think it's bedazzled she plays the devil and brendan fraser like sells his soul to her and at no point is he like, yo, do I get some? The devil? Like you're Elizabeth Hurley. It was like a genie situation. How my wishes work out.

Rub my bottle, sweetheart. Yeah, that's what it is. Part of that movie, he sold his soul and I guess he got like wishes or whatever he wanted. Yeah. And he became an NBA player and he was super huge. But then he didn't specify like any, you know, certain details. So she made his dick super tiny. And I was like, man, the 90s have the greatest movies ever.

I was just going to say, it feels like in the 90s, you could have any idea for a movie and you'd get a $15 million budget for it. Oh, yeah. Well, some of the best movies came out of the 90s. Like, I think it was like the summer of 98 when you were a wee nine or two years old. Two years old strong. I think it's 98 movies. They always say it was the best year for movie releases.

For blockbuster movie releases. Armageddon? It might have been Independence Day. That's the same movie. Basketball came out in 98. Can't Hardly Wait, Half Baked, Waterboy, Dirty Work. I saw Waterboy. That's it. Pie. That's a good movie. movie let's see 98 basketball came out in 98 can't hardly wait half-baked water boy dirty work saw water boy that's it pie that's a good movie that i still don't understand never saw american history x aka the matt uh people's story oh that's the one where they're all nazis

yeah that movie's hilarious because it's like there's definitely somebody that watched american history x but stopped before it got bad and they're like this is a good movie about what this is not a bad film and he's like i gotta run out to the store but i really like this movie about what's and never got back to the part where his life goes to shit and he leaves the aryan brother isn't it spoiler alert isn't it in black and white uh yes yeah it's a good movie it's a good movie but it's just one where like as a white guy you can't be like yo i fucking love american history because really like the end message of it is a good movie it's a good movie but it's just one where like as a white guy you can't be like yo i fucking love america history because really like the end message of it is a great message of like don't fucking be racist but everyone's just like you mean the movie where he's got a huge swastika tattoo on his chest all anyone remembers to be a white guy i'm like i love 30 days a slave

or whatever the fuck that movie's called yeah i love that you'd be like i respected that movie i didn't love it what did you love about it just uh cinematography love seeing the homies on top you know that was my friend in college who rest in peace is now no longer with us he for drug related reasons oh yeah he used to watch the movie blow every single day right up until the guy's life went to shit and everything sucked he would watch like because blow is a pretty long movie and do you ever seen blow with uh johnny depp nathan so he's a drug runner so the whole movie is like the build-up to like the the crux of the movie right in the middle is when he gets arrested and like by the feds has to like turn on everyone his life goes to shit his wife hates him is the end of the movie is basically him like trying to reconcile with his daughter for

you know having like put her through this but my roommate would just watch it up right before he got busted which if you do that it's just a great movie about a dude that runs drugs he would do that and be like all right time to go to math class that's a lunatic type guy i was like you need to watch the rest of this because you have to understand that this doesn't end good ever. I don't like reality. And then sure enough, he got into drugs and it didn't go good for him. He thought he was just going to live the roller coaster ride up. He forgot they go down.

Looks like he cut his own movie short. That's me. Bada boom, bada bing. Sweet guy. We miss him. Yeah, enough death. What have you been up to? What have I been up to, dude?

What the hell are you talking about? i've been up to dude what that what the hell are you talking about you're in a you're in a winter wonderland now oh i warned you that i am which i love christmas i'm so excited i love christmas decorations i love lighting a house i don't like where this is going exterior illumination is one of my biggest um i don't want to say hobbies because i'm better at it than a hobby and can you say that phrase again exterior illumination okay um lights on the outside of your house for the for the idiot let's short yeah yeah uh i kill it i go i go subtle tasteful yeah no colored lights that i mean multi-colored lights okay multi-colored lights none of that 30 days of sleep you either

go red and white or you go all white and just for lights i'm saying this is for christmas lights yeah you go the soft white much like me they called me that growing up they're like yo here comes soft white a dangerous my rap name yeah that's what they used to call you on the streets i know you go soft white and you don't go led led dude it's too i don't like to bring robots into my christmas yeah i hate to i hate to take this in a different quick direction. LED headlights should be fucking illegal. It doesn't make sense. When you drive behind me, it shouldn't hurt my eyes.

Yeah, they're always on the douchiest cars, too. It's always an Alfa Romeo. Like an Audi SUV, and it's fucking way too bright, and the guy driving it is wearing a polo and a popped collar, and you just want him to die. Yeah, this person's up to date on their payments on their car and like both headlights work and they haven't skipped an oil change for six months i'll have a shore house it's like we get it dude you fucking own a landscaping company cool you care about your properties meanwhile you're in a car

where you're like yeah i'm mostly just kicking yeah the honey grow is rolling all around my honey grow trash rolling around yeah your My honey grow trash is rolling around. Yeah, your lights are blinding me. I can't eat this hug on my way to an open mic. I'm drunk. I had to turn the flashlight on my iPhone to get my fucking lights in front of me. My lights literally don't do anything at all. Well, so speaking of cars, speaking of decorations, I talked about this in the mic last week.

But I love decorating. But also, I hate when people decorate their cars yeah i don't like that either and i love saying it to a crowd because there's always like i love when i pull into a place like last night i did that show uh uh out in delco sweet baby rays uh yeah sweet baby rays uh bottling shop where they make the sauce the cream and i pulled in and there was antlers on a car and i was like oh sweet i'm gonna talk about this so i was like oh man i was like don't you guys hate i was like you guys all decorating your cars yeah and everyone's like haha it's terrible and i'm like one of you in here doesn't think it's terrible and you won't admit who it is they

didn't say who it was no you should be able to spot who it is it was tough yeah usually that person has like a a shirt that they made at home says like, I still believe and it's got a stencil of Santa on it also. Or the ones that are like, keep Christ deep in Christmas. Yeah. Dude, hey. Yeah, that's what, if you're going to decorate your car, go full, like glue a baby Jesus to the hood. Dude, who cares more about. Keep the Christ in Christmas.

Who cares more about their birthday than Jesus? He's like the girls on Instagram who need everybody to know it's their birthday he's like make sure you guys are keeping christ and christmas it wasn't like and it hasn't come out that jesus christ wasn't born in december it was in like july yeah but then it was they just needed a reason it was like everyone was freezing to death and they were like we need to bring happiness somehow yeah to the coldest part of the year. Dude, look. Just Jesus. You got to move on. It's your birthday. Look, 2,021 years ago when Jesus was born and he founded the United States of America, that was fine.

And that's great. But we can't dwell on that hereafter. Like, it's move on. We'll go to, what's the guy's name? Allah? Yeah. It's Allah. Oh, yeah.

Allah. Follow Allah. Oh, is that? I think it's an ode it's a follow a lot and it got shortened into follow la la la isn't that it was follow a law that's what it was i think that's what they were saying on the 9 11 attacks follow only was in december never forget we've already ran out of steam no we haven't stopped but yeah no that's what i said my whole joke and i've been trying it is if you decorate your car like a reindeer i should be legally allowed to hunt your car i should be allowed to throw things not shoot it but throw things at it oh yeah and just pretend like i'm i'm also playing pretend here dude if you want your nissan ultima

to be a fawn we'll treat it like a fawn and we'll hunt that bitch down i will say you can decade decorate a camry because those things are gonna run so no i'm just kidding don't decorate your cars you should try the camry because like i stated before i am a human cam what can you put on your car i'm trying to think i don't like a bumper stick i don't like the christmas decoration no bumper stickers no balls the fucking thing with every once in a while i don't mind a simple uh sports team on a car. You just get a Phillies P, maybe. Yeah, I'm not mad at that. A little one in the window, in the corner of the window. It lets me know if you cut me

off in traffic. I'm like, well, you're not a total piece of shit. You also root for the same team as me. Yeah, you also fucking, you love Embiid is what I like about you. I had an Eagles magnet that I stole from a car. Put it on my car. We went to aillies game the one time and we got drunk and we forgot to get tickets so we're like all right we'll just listen to it in

the parking lot we kept drinking in jetro and walked around and just stole magnets off the back of cars because some asshole that pulled up he like pulled up in the spot next to us and like ran over a friend's chair and was like being a dickhead and then said something like don't fuck with my truck okay so we were like well now we have to fuck with your truck sir so a simple prank we stole every magnet we could find in jetra a lot and we covered his truck in magnets that's beautiful and then right in the middle of his hood slapped a big old piece of melted american cheese we were like that's just gonna move and then burrs just came and just shit all over it so american cheese on the we got out of there because we're pussies.

Before the game was over, we didn't want them to see it. But I ended up taking one of the Eagles ones that I took. Yeah. And I put it on the side of my 92 Jeep Grand Cherokee that I had back in the day. And drove it up to Central Jersey along the beach. Went out to like dinner somewhere. Came back and someone ripped it off and just left the beak. Because I was in like Giants country, I guess. that's insane that this thing has been through so much i got so mad and

i was like these motherfuckers stole no no you know what i stole it too okay it's that guy i just stole it forward he just got it back from you yeah he followed me back i thought this was a game but yeah so i think sometimes a magnet. I don't know. I'm curious. The magnets are fine. I don't like the family thing. Magnets? Oh, yeah. No, fuck that.

Everybody hates that. You ever see the one that's really depressing where it's the family and then there's like an angel above it? Yeah. That person wants you to ask. That's pretty fucking funny. Right? Yeah. It's terrible.

No, that's funny. I know a bit about the one time I saw a lady. She had five rest in peace stickers in the back window of her car yeah and the windshield wiper took out the uh the the death date on the last one so it just said like edgar jimenez 1953 dash blank that's kind of like she got like a buy four get one yeah statistically edgar is gonna die he's gonna go down drinks a lot. And I'm just ready for it. Yeah. That stuff is weird.

The fucking – I don't like the baby on board. My kids are hot. So it's weird. The baby on board one, I'm on the fence about. I will never get one. I won't. All right. That's fair.

But I understand the – and it's in the total – I hate that my brain goes this way now too. It's like every once in a while I get like morbid and I'm like, all right, if I get into an accident and I crash my car, like I don't care if I'm injured or anything. If the baby is in the car, like I don't give a shit if I'm injured. I give a shit about like can I get to the baby or can somebody know there's a baby in there? Leave me in there. Let the fucking car explode and leave me in there. But somebody get the baby out yeah i hate it but my brain goes there like once a month and i'm like maybe i should get a fucking baby like it went there recently i was scrolling through reddit

and it was like uh it was a kid that started choking in a right it was like security camera footage and a kid started choking on food and the mom like didn't know what to do and some lady ran over with this like essentially suction device so like uh like a reverse air pump sucks food out puts on the kid's face like squeezes it and it sucks the food out like heimlich maneuver essentially and i watched it and then i was like well now i have to buy this thing and have it in my house yeah so i just have that in my house now and i have to like oh let's try it i just yeah i want to use it to get food out of me yeah john that's what i want it for leave that bad boy here overnight will you think about what are you dude i'll put up i'll put my massage gun in my ass and put that bad boy in front and go to town dude i'll tell

you this the way you look at you turn that around because it was just getting more and more and more i was like yeah more dad of the year shit shut up you nerd i'll tell you this. I'm glad you turned that around because it was just getting more and more and more. I was like, yeah, more dad of the year shit. Shut up, you nerd. I'll tell you this right now. The way you look at fucking antlers on a car is the way I look at baby on board in a car. I will hunt you down. Also, I don't know why it made me laugh to think of if somebody, like a kid was choking and somebody like loosely knew the Heimlich maneuver and they came over and they just

slapped the kid across the face because they thought that was the Heimlich maneuver yeah they're slapping his ass they're like that's when the baby's bored to make him cry not when he's joking they start giving him raspberries they're like what are you doing have you ever seen this is a fun one with stuff on cars uh when somebody is all decked out in the like I support the thin blue line and we support cops cops are the and we support cops. Cops are the best. We love cops. You ever see one of those people

pulled over on the side of the road by a cop? Yeah. Change your mind a little bit here. That's going to be so hilarious to watch him, like, be like, man, I really want to argue with you, but, you know, you saw the six-foot flag on the back.

I support the shit out of you. I'm supposed to be blowing you right now. Yeah. Oh, I want to, there's got to be body cam footage of a guy being arrested going, I support you want to that there's got to be body cam footage of a guy being arrested going i support you oh they're 100 i support you yeah dude it's like the same time when like the police sheriff gets pulled over shit face he ran over a school of

kids he's like but i back the blue what are you guys doing yeah listen did did i run over that dog yes did i try to sure a bit. But I also support the blue. You're not both not big fan BLM, are we? You're just not my big fan. Wink, wink. They beat up all the targets. They keep beating up targets. What's that?

Oh, you're a black cop too? Well, I did not see this one coming. I actually didn't know you guys were allowed to happen. Yeah. Actually, you're the black part of the flag. It's black with a blue line. So lucky. I support you so much.

Anyway, should I get more beer? Should we hang out? You seem sick, dude. I love the ones now. Flags are getting hilarious now where people are just trying to one-up each other. So there's also the I support the thin red line, which is firefighters. Which no one's anti-firefighter, right? I don't think so.

That'd be funny if there was a real real like fucking there's like you're just so pro-fire that you're anti-firefighter but then there's also now flags that have arsonists start protesting firefighters like this is bullshit oh that's funny um well hit the bell but yeah there's also ones now where it's a red and a blue line on a black and white flag yeah so they're like i they're getting to the point where you're and on the opposite end of it there's the lgbtq ally plus seven nine yeah bop it twist it spank it all it flag that is literally every color now yeah and they they ran out of like how they could design they had to add new shapes yeah to like which is fine but like i just can we get rid of all flags get rid of them i mean you but the flags like you said are cool

because you could put any you could just make a flag with just like cupcake penis and people just see that and they're like has to be something yeah he's oh man he just supports he's into pastries and if you're gonna make i think the 17 year olds that go to the mall the 15 16 year olds to start protesting the mall security like the guys with no guns and can't run that quick dude that was the most yeah yeah they're like let us in the pack son more than four at a time more than four at a time no justice no peace they're like what the fuck this kid's one annie ann's bad i would have fucked up a security guard back in my diesel dude back when i was high on the hog 14 years old i remember the first time like uh the first

conference not confrontation but uh with a friend he was driving at the deptford mall and like cut through parking spaces in a wide open portion of the parking lot. Wide open spaces? He got pulled over by the parking lot security, which they always have the light going anyway, so they had to follow him for a while. Because he's like, am I getting pulled over? I was like, they might just be going the same place you are.

They pulled him over. They're like, do you know why we pulled you over? He's like, I didn't know you were pulling me over i just parked and i was going into sears what do they do can i give a tick they gave him a ticket he's like so where do i have to pay this they're like here and he's like what if i don't they're like and they i don't think they ever got hit with that question i also don't think they ever gave out a ticket i think they were just like you're gonna go into you going to go behind the Santa Claus display. There's going to be a guy named Tim.

He's in charge of mall ticketing. But if you go and Tim's on lunch, you can't pay it. Yeah, you can't go. When's Tim on lunch? 11 to 4 most days around there. But they did. They gave him like a citation thing. And he was just like, so if I don't, I'm good.

Am I like never, is my picture going up on the wall in the mall? Yeah, what am I going to do? A wanted poster in the back of fucking Tilly's? Have you seen this fucking crazy guy? Dude, that's unbelievable. Yeah. I got a ticket a while ago. Actually, I haven't paid.

It's probably accruing some interest. I got a ticket a long time ago. Not long ago, probably two months ago. And I was parked in front of a fire hydrant. Like, you know, it's a car length away. Because you're anti-firefighter. I'm anti-firefighter. That was your silent protest.

You could probably go to court and argue that. You're like, actually, I wasn't parking illegally. It was a silent protest. And you cannot deny me my right to protest. That's my American given right. It's my American given right by the Declaration of Independence freedom to assemble

peacefully. Is that right? That's in the Declaration of Independence. You assembled your car in front of that fire hydrant. Or it's even just a personal vendetta where you're like, my girlfriend's ex is a volunteer at the fucking yeah you're out there chanting defund the firefighters and they're like we're all volunteers we don't get paid no you're defunding tim the firefighter you're like stop texting her you're protesting when they do the hoagie sales out front

of fire halls yeah i'll tell you what there's not much better than a fire hall hoagie no i don't like my mom would grab like she my mom supports the hell out of the firefighters when she was a kid. Where she worked was right next to the fire hall. So she's like – in order to get out of the parking lot, I had to cop six hoagies. Yeah, snag a hoagie. She would bring them home, man. And those are the ones that sit in there for like a week. And you come home drunk from the bar.

You're like, I want to go to bed. You're like, I don't know. There is a fire house hoagie in there. A five-day-old hoagie when the lettuce starts to blend into the cheese because it's just like no that's when you take you take all the vegetables off and you just make it into like a melt situation you put in the microwave you're like seven seven minutes ought to kill off everything make sure you cover it in aluminum foil first oh yeah but the cook fire firehouse hoagies dude you want to talk in aluminum foil first. Yeah, but – So it gets really good cook. Firehouse hoagies. Dude, you want to talk about aluminum foil in the microwave?

Have you ever done that? I'll tell you who has. It's only a mere six feet away from us. I still almost do it once a month. I haven't pushed start, but it's every once in a while when I'm like not paying attention. I'm like, oh, I do have leftover pizza or something. Toss it in and you're like – Oh, wait. Yeah, dude. This bad boy took a chick-fil-a bag you know the regular sandwich bags that come

in that one's not that bad like that's a trickster that's chick-fil-a's fault on the outside huge disclaimers like i clearly do not microwave in this like what are you doing there's not even a chick-fil-a logo on there it's just a skull and a microwave and a Ghostbusters circle with the line through it. I never know what to call that. Like, I've tried to type that out. What, the X thing? Yeah, or like when you're searching for it.

Same thing, yeah. You type no and it doesn't come up and you're like, Ghostbusters symbol and it fucking comes up. Circle no. I think I got it done with a circle no. Maybe circle yes.

Yeah, it's fucking... Nah, dude, I'll microwave whatever the fuck I want. I'm so sick of these rules, dude. I'm so of corporate america telling me what i can and can't do right you and i both think that what is corporate america been telling you to do they're always like um like the jews are trying to put 5g in my cereal that they have yeah the government has succeeded five grains yeah well they're putting that's what g stands for right yeah well they have baby fetus in the vaccines i'll say this i'm sick of a time where

you didn't have to have an opinion on things you still don't know but like now everyone wants you to remember like not too long ago when something would happen and then you would just be like oh that thing happened i don't have any insight on it. Let's move on. Now it's like, everyone's like, what do you think about that thing? I'm going to keep it vague so I don't say I'm taking that either side.

But I just hate now that it's like you have to have an opinion. You have to care about things. Once people started talking passionately about Taiwan, I was like, all right, dude, we got to fucking roll this thing back

a little bit. This is kidding. I don't even know what Taiwan is. I don't either. I think it's China who are sworn enemies, and i both well i've always been neutral i'm a fence sitter if oh if a war breaks out you better believe i'm just waiting yeah and waiting and then right when someone's about to win i'll be like i was on your guy's side the entire time dude i will i will

switch sides to whoever's winning dude if i was in world in World War... That's why they make reversible coats. Remember when they were the shit back in the day? You get like an Eagles one, the inside was green, the outside was black. Yeah, dude. I'm a reversible coat for my politics. Dude, World War II, I would have a reversible. I got an American flag on one side and I got a swastika on the other. And I'm like, look, folks, I'm just trying to be on the right side of history.

Waiting it out. Seeing who's catching a dub, dude. I was like, those motherfuckers got Poland? All right, we're going swastika now. And you were right back. No, we're just kidding. We're patriots. I just don't think...

That's my... There's my flag. I'm neutral on everything. I want my flag to just be Heather Gray. That's very good. The only... It's no stripes, no shapes. It's just a Heather Gray flag. it looks like a t-shirt out

front of my house and everyone's like what do you support i'm like i don't think anything i just i support my right to not to have to support anything dude why by the way why did they make a color pattern that sounds like a porn star's name haynes heather gray heather gray yeah heather gray well i'm i think heather gray was around before porn hard to say it's weird when heather the color heather is another like do you get a heather blue t-shirt you're like dude it's and i get it it's like static he is the heather yeah it's the whatever but i think gray gets the name she's she's the most popular we're wearing heather gray right now most of the clothes i wear are heather gray yeah, it's not corduroy. What's a Jaquard?

What the fuck are you talking about? There's a pattern. It's like Jaguar or Jaquard or something like that. I think it's just Heather Gray. It's just a gay way of saying Heather Gray. Also known as French. Absolutely a little bit gay. I thought Jaquard sounds pretty French, yeah.

Jaquard, yeah. Jaquard actually sounds like a point guard that I have in fantasy basketball. Yeah, he's pretty good. He's put a good number. Jaquard Gray? Jaquard Gray is actually, you know how collegiate athletes can now be sponsored by corporations? Yeah. We're proud to announce that the first corporate sponsorship, first handsome idiot sponsored

athlete is Jaquard Gray from Eastern University of Illinois Tech Poly Institute of Interest. People are expecting a lot. He's a 5'6", 226-pound point guard. He is overweight, and he has early-onset diabetes. It's Division IV, too, which we had to make up. Yeah, it's just above the Special Ellipse. But no, we're excited about him, man, so keep an eye out for the young man.

We can sponsor that college team that wasn't a real college that happened a couple months ago. What was it? Is that what it was? Grand Canyon University? No, no. That's like a DeVry type universe. There was a team that played on ESPN. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it turns out that they just made up a team and made up a college. Yeah. That's who we sponsor. We love those channels. I watched it and I remember they had like killer uniforms. I don't think they had enough helmets though. I think they had to share helmets. Yeah, they did.

You either had to play both ways and you get to keep your helmet or like the punter had to hand it off to somebody. That's incredible. I would like to see a helmet handoff during a play. Like the quarterback throws it. Well, it's like back in the day, like baseball. The quarterback throws the ball and the helmet to the player. He's the wide receiver catcher. Or there's two handoffs.

He hands the ball to one player and the helmet to the other player to go block upfield. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That should be a real play. That was back in the day. Baseball was that way. You would go to the field and there would just be one glove for each position and you would leave it. So you had to be right-handed like a condom or um pretty much it was like sharing condoms you know how people do that yeah you would make it out and then leave it i feel like i would be too inclined to

like you make like a diving play get up and just spit in the glove and then leave it you're like well that's your problem now buddy it was sweaty mitt Sweaty Mitz, dude. Sweaty Mitz. A lot of warts going on back in the day. Sweaty Mitz is also a guy responsible. That is a, yeah. He's a collegiate boxer, Sweaty Mitz. Sweaty Mitz sounds like a baseball player from the 1920s who was always nervous, but he was very good. Now batting.

Now back recently from the wall. Give it up for number 12, Sweaty Mitz. I'm a little nervous. He's just so timid. It's okay. But he's really good. He fucking whacks him out of the park, dude. He hits a triple and he gets up and he's like, I'm a little nervous. He's just so timid. It's okay. But he's really good. But he fucking whacks him out of the park, dude. He hits a triple and he gets up.

And he's like, I'm sorry. His hands are so sweaty that the bat comes out every time he swings. Sweaty Mitz, yeah. Yeah, Sweaty Mitz. Old Sweaty Mitz. Local walker. That's the guy he played every sport to. He was like the Jim Thorpe of his high school.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, ah, Sweaty Mitz wrestled last week, too. Guy couldn't hold anyone. Dude, that guy definitely gets into politics after sports sweaty mitts senator sweaty mitts wisconsin he's still nervous he's like um your honor he's running for the gray party he's he's the head of our gray party he's running from his past that's what he's doing dude sweaty mitts has a checkered past sweaty yeah then he's a he's a that's for sure dude. Sweaty Mitz has a checkered past. Sweaty Mitz. Yeah, that's for sure. He gets into politics.

He develops a drinking problem. He puts hands on his wife. He puts Mitz on his wife. He tries, but his hands are too sweaty. He just keeps sliding off of her cheek. Officer, clearly he gripped me up. She just has two wet hand stains on her shirt. He's just soaked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's incredible. Damn, Sweaty Mitz. God rest his soul. What about you, you big, big guy? Oh, I reached my first level of fame. What? I don't know how else to word this.

Oh, boy. If you, you know, not that we're doing anything big, comedically, podcast-wise. We have listeners. We have a fandom. Love you guys. You're all hot and cool. There's upwards of six people in the world that know i do stand up yeah sure i got asked on instagram from a account that had no image zero posts following 26 people yeah i know and no mutual uh i just got asked what my foot size was wow the name of this instagram was like foot dot fat dot 12

ah i imagine so i had a foot fetish i'm assuming it's just spam and they just blast it out to yeah 60 people and they were like so of course i was like i'm a woman's size 19 and a half right and i'm a men's size 4.3 right and the person wrote back and they're like no seriously dude this is i like that he's coming at you like can you take this yeah can you fucking act right they wrote back and they were like seriously it's this is not for any ill intent i just want to know it can be between us and i was like i have to delete this and i just deleted it because i was like incredible it's only it's either that or it's one of my friends really fucking with me good well i have something to tell you are you foot fat 12 but i sure wish i was in another life but then a part of me too like after i deleted i

was like what if his next message was going to be like i have this surplus of 10 and a half jordans i have a and i can't get rid of these yeah do you want them? Also, can I smell your feet? Also, I don't know if you, I run the comedy store in LA. Yeah. We like your stuff. Also, sorry, this is Louis C.K. Yeah, well, that could be a little rude. But yeah, so your boys, I'm in the foot fetish game.

Dude, Big John, Johnny. Johnny Two Toes is what they called him back then. When you see me and you're like, have you worn those same socks for the past week i'm like yeah this guy in hong kong's paying me to wear socks for a week and then mail them to him my foot sugar daddy asked me to it's such a funny thing like and i'm i'm not knocking it have your thing but being in defeat is such a weird and to be so specific that they just wanted to know now is that the gateway question that they were gonna then be like what do your tootsies look like? Yeah.

You clipped your little bad nails. It's probably the only thing that... There's a bunch of clips of me doing stand-up online. There is hours of us doing podcasting. There's probably not a single picture of my tootsies on the web. I don't think there are any. Maybe a summer pic where I got some sandals on.

Even then, I keep those bad boys out of frame. I think FootFat12 is going to locate them. Dude, I'd say, here's what I'll tell you. Can I give you some advice from nephew to uncle? Yeah. Let that guy suck your toes. Let him into your heart. Let him in between your toes.

And you need to be more open-minded. You've always been close-minded. True. And I think this is your opportunity to kind of explore new avenues of life. It is funny, too, because what it like wasn't a sexual thing he was like just super autistic and he was like no i just love numbers and i love comedy count how many feet there are yeah he said something too of like i'm trying to just see if there's anyone i don't think he said within the industry or within the scene or like he didn't even say comedy he kept it vague and i'll say he said industry and he was like

i'm trying to find someone within the industry to start this conversation with and continually carry it on i was like oh i don't know how to respond to this i don't know that i love because i thought at first it was spam i thought the next day was gonna be like here's a link for free socks i click on it and then my phone dies. Yeah, it explodes in your head. No, this guy just really wanted to look at my toots. Damn, dude. I got a spam message a while ago. It's going around for a lot of comedians where you'll just get a message from somebody and they'll be like, hey, do you do private events?

I heard about this. And I answered. I didn't realize this is what was happening. So I was like, oh, yeah, I do. What's up? And he goes, I need you to record a video for my wife. What's your shoe size? Yeah, what's your fucking sexy shoe size, Jordan to uh record a video for my wife what's your

fucking sexy shoe size jordan boy i'm like uh 12 that's the thing too like i'm not a big sneaker head yeah so i don't know how maybe he respects that you don't rely on sneakers to dress up your feet you just naturally beautiful true because they say jordans are this makeup of tootsies you've heard that right i like it yeah it's something it's maybe something uh sorry you're yeah so he just goes you do private gigs and he's like can you do a video for my wife and i just i could have fucked around with it a little bit but where does that scam go i don't get it like what is the end it's one of those things where he'll be like he actually got a friend of mine got scammed in a similar fashion what they'll do is they'll they'll say um

you send me 2 000 and i'll send you a thousand back or like i'll send you 2 000 you send me a thousand back yeah like they'll send you 2 000 the check will bounce and you'll already have sent them a thousand well that's totally yeah it's a numbers game because if you send that one to enough people someone's dumb enough to be like oh i mean this is this is foolproof like there's no way this could fail as soon as someone starts mentioning numbers that happened um not to bring up wrestling his part was he had it listed for 600 bucks dude's like i'll give you a thousand dollars for this old couch that was beat to shit it was for a couch it was for a couch he's like it's for he had it listed for like 600 bucks and he's like

i'll give you a thousand bucks and he's like all right cool yeah oh man that's so funny scams are so good because i mean most of them are geared toward like whenever you get hit with the uh like the your car is out of warranty call oh yeah it's geared toward like some geezer that you know is 90 years old hasn't had a car in like 10 years but i was i do like that i like taking advantage of older people you like keeping them on their toes if you're gonna stay alive you gotta fend for what you've accumulated it's so sad it's like this person barely knows how a cell phone works and they're like i mean i don't want to have my identity stolen so i had to give them 10 g let me get my grandson her grandson's a crack addict he's like yeah i love

when those people call and let's be like no way my it's out i'm a guest please pat put me through to somebody yeah and then i'm like which car is out of uh warranty and they're like yours and they're so vague and i'm like i have so many is it is it the ass and martin is and then you keep naming better things and someone up in the other end is like it's finally working like sanjay we're getting one yeah yeah um but yeah anyway so what was the last three digits yeah what shoe size are you yeah he's like i work he works for two companies he's a real foot fest foot fest just the indian spammer yeah india spam yeah dude i like uh my girlfriend would get messages from indian dudes on instagram and she gets send bobs yeah send bobs exactly she got yeah send bobs send bobs baby love you big long

i will kiss you all over your left yes yeah oh the thing that they speak totally clearing yeah they're just like they're just so horny they can't type it's kind of how i text when i'm hammered i should just be like show me your bubs and she's like my wife stop holding it on me i want to get more spam my dad now that i said that yeah my dad used to eat uh right when you thought we ran out of gas, Matt and I both peed and we came back super energized and ready to talk about trans athletes. Oh, boy. The UPenn swimmer I just said to you. So UPenn, University of Pennsylvania swimmer, swam as a guy for the first three years of their collegiate career. I'm very gingerly walking around this one. Good man.

Ginger. Decided that they wanted to transition from a male to a female and is now swimming their senior year as a woman and is demolishing collegiate records. Oh boy. To the point where

there was an article about it, and now it's like every week it's like, and they broke another record. And one, it's hilarious it's right in our backyard at UCAN. Two, it's hilarious that it's at an Ivy League college too. And I'm all for it. If you want to transition, you want to identify as whatever you want. Again, I'm the gray party.

I don't care. Do whatever you want. Gray party, just don't. I don't know. Do whatever you want. Don you want to identify as whatever you want again i'm the gray party i don't care do whatever you want yep gray party just don't i don't know do whatever don't be loud about it that's really the rule yeah be gray about it yeah say a little bit about it but no but again now this say this athlete they may not be loud about it at all they may not even have like made a deal out of it you know i mean yeah they decided to do this but the fact that for three years he was just an average swimmer like i never heard about this person breaking records for the past three years yeah and then this year they're like you know what it would take down a couple records and somebody was like yeah but eric you can't even swim that good like yeah you're the worst on the guy's team he's like exactly dude he is living dude he's living his

truth and that truth just happens to be demolishing some swimming ass bitches i i will commend them on this i'm so proud of myself i'm nailing this a lot of sports are about finding a loophole to to get ahead against your competition sure in football there's trick plays in baseball you learn how to throw a different type of curveball that no one's ever seen the spin on before we're just seeing the next iteration of that this person was like i can't find any loop i mean i i guess i could get gills i could get gills and identify as an aquatic creature i could swim faster then maybe i get it maybe i get one of those mermaid tails

and that'll help me swim faster or is there any better trick play than surprise i'm a woman now that is a that's the real the first trick play in swimming that's the flea flick the flea digger that's some real they'll catch everybody all they had in swimming before was like trick plays that were like pranks like you would yeah you would pee in somebody's goggles or something yeah the old yeah old old hide the speedo trick the person's gonna swim with their dick out yeah what can you do um it's hilarious they found a trick play in swimming i more power to them i think more people should transition to play the other sport i think dude sports are games so matter that much let it

rip exactly if you it's just hilarious now too too, because, I mean, it's going to – it's happened. It was happening. I know Joe Rogan had, like, a big thing about it. He's like, you shouldn't be able to compete. It's like no matter what anyone says, it's going to continually happen. Yeah. To the point where it's just going to – it's going to get funnier and funnier. Oh, my God, yeah.

Because now, like, records just don't mean anything. Mm-hmm. And I don't know. It's just – it's hilarious. It's great. Dude, again, identify as whatever you want. Change the course of history in athletics, whatever you want to do. But it is hilarious that they just found a loophole.

I'm happy to hear that the boys got some undercover agents going over there and knocking out some records, if you ask me. And after he graduates, he's like, nah, psych. I was a dude the whole time average jason's back dude yeah jason's just gonna go into the working world now and then he works at a company for 10 years and he's like man i am not advancing oh wait let me go back into the old bag of tricks jason is now good to see you she's like anybody want to fucking race in a pool and they're like this is the corporate world it doesn't really i also just have that mental image of like

because like a male swimmer is a pretty and now female swimmers are pretty intimidating like they're very put together yeah they're broad shoulders they're they're you can almost spot even like in street clothes like a v taper yeah're like, that girl is so like in shape. But like a guy is another level too. Because a lot of like Olympic swimmers and collegiate swimmers are like six foot five. Yeah. And they're just specimens. So just the picture, like there's already a row.

You're looking at all the starting blocks. And they're already like the most in shape women you've ever seen. And then just a six foot six dude. Yeah. That's just screaming in the faces of the competition just like it was filmed to be the camera going as they're on like the starting boards before they dive and it just shows them and then the camera goes up and then it comes back down as it goes across wow it's almost like a movie adam sandler would have made back in 1998

that literally is comedy it was it's joanna. It is. It's already a movie. What's it called? Juana Man. Where the guy is like a struggling professional basketball player. No. And then he just cross-dresses and plays in the NBA.

You've never seen Juana Man? I've never seen it. I know I've told you to watch a lot of movies. At least watch like the highlights of it. I'll look at some clips for that bad boy. It's so incredible. And it would never fly today or it may be celebrated as like what opened the door for what 25 years ago was like this is a joke that literally

hollywood is putting out there is now reality dude it's kind of funny but adam sandler probably has made every movie you're not – like Waterboy is just a retarded Southern guy with anger issues. He did such a good job of not stating that he was retarded. Just by doing the voice. I think somebody calls him that in the movie. Do they? I think at some point.

When you still could. Yeah. And then what did he do? He did the one where he dressed up as his sister and himself. Yeah. This is how Adam Sand Sam got in the catalog. He's got some wild shit, dude. There is some wild shit.

Now he's just doing a bunch. Everyone wants to shit on him for all of his Netflix movies coming out, but he's doing the best formula ever. It's just him and his boys, and he's like, I don't know. This one takes place in Hawaii. Fuck it. What's the plot? I don't know. The plot is I get to take my wife and kids to hawaii and not pay for

exactly yeah there's a 50 netflix bill oh a bonus i'm hanging out with all my fucking dudes spade rock and every once in a while we have to turn a camera on and i have to go like you he has to put on his finest and one basketball shorts yeah to get ready we talked about before he just writes it into every movie because he's probably just like man i do need some new shoes yeah let me write into this movie that i play basketball so that dreamworks has to buy me a new pair i think he made a movie where he was like a cobbler or whatever they're called the guys that like shine shoes true he did i just needed a pair of suede boys or something how has adam samler not had a signature basketball show it would have to be like the most off brand it would have to be like it would be shack brand from walmart it would be like which i thought about getting you a pair of shack brand

shoes for christmas that'd be fun you want to do a gift exchange i'm already spoiling it we do a $20 limit okay for our nugs and nog episode i'm not mad at that we'll do $20 whatever you can buy within 20 sound good or you want to go 30 i'll say 30 30 a little wiggle room yeah all right but yeah i think shack brand needs to make an Adam Sandler signature. Shaq Brand would be good. There's got to be, oh, like Airwalk from Payless. Oh, true. That's what it would be.

It would be like Airwalk. I mean, N1, they're still like. N1 sticks around a little bit. There's a guy in the NBA who was a prominent player who was sponsored by N1. Still wears them. Or Lance Stevenson. What? You ever heard of that?

Yeah, the name sounds familiar. He was on the Pacers back in the day. Is he still playing or no? He's overseas. Well, because N1, I mean, when it came out, it was like Vince Carter was their guy. Yeah. And it was huge. And then it literally just Walmart got it, which probably was the best thing for that

company. Yeah. Like they probably made a buttload of money when they sold out to Walmart and agreed to like sell it. Yeah. Those big sellouts of like, yeah, the brand sucks, but the CEO is making $45 million a year. And everyone shits on it. And you're like, yeah, but that's why he did this.

Yeah. And they get to like lie. Like the shit where they get to be like, look, we feel better making lower cost items for our lower budget customers. Well, that was the Stefan Mulberry started the Starberry shoes. Yeah. Which, and it was the whole idea of it was great they sold for like 25 dollars yeah because he said when he was a kid he could never afford shoes and he's like and i always wanted to have a good looking pair of shoes that you could play

basketball and people respected yeah and then he did that and you know it worked but you know he wasn't at the top of that no pyramid where like he got i'm sure he got paid out nicely for those oh my god but there's also some guy out there that was like yeah dude let him think it's for a cause gives a fuck that cause bought me an island also dude those shoes were 25 and the coolest feature was that after four wears they turned into sandals because the fucking entire upper way their convertibles rip off genuinely i think like i had it for three months and like the starberries yeah dude oh my god yeah he was to go to uh not foreman mills stephen barry's oh yeah effort dude ripped that

place up with a pair of marberries uh and then he got the logo tattooed on the side of his head when he was playing in china yeah and then i think immediately it was like i should probably grow my hair back yeah this is a barbarian china is a fucking wild specimen. Yeah, he was huge over there, right? I mean, Chinese people were just like, whoa. Oh, wow. But then they got Yao Ming, and they're like, we don't care about you anymore. Yeah, but they still were fast. Iverson had a run over in China, didn't he? He did.

No, Turkey. Turkey. Even funnier. People say that's the China of the Mediterranean. That's what they're like. He's so quick. I don't know how Turkish people talk. Actually, I got a Turkish buddy.

Damn, I would have loved to see when Allen Iverson got the contract. He's like, you're going to pay me a turkey? I would. Now, that's just because he's historically a very stupid person. Yeah, that's well known. We still love AI. Oh, I love AI. Artificial intelligence and artificial Iversons.

Probably the most overrated. Damn, fake Iversons. If they're not just called artificial Iversons. Artificial Iversons. That's not bad. The questions. The questions. I fucked up. I had a pair of questions. The Iverson shoe. Yeah. iversons if they're not just called artificial iversons artificial iris that's not bad questions question actually questions i fucked up i had a pair of questions the iverson shoe yeah panic traded them at a store yeah way worse shoes that i recently just sold they're still the ones that

like i wanted those when they first came out the originals were like the toe and the heel were a different color like they're white blue heel to blue so i had the powder i wanted those so bad and i remember i put a pair when i was finally like old enough i bought my myself my first pair of jordans in like my late 20s yes i was like i was one of these when i was little i remember putting this on my feet and i'm like man i just have to guess i just have to let this dream live on because i'm like a fucking idiot and my dungarees yeah you gotta you gotta find a way to make them work. Sometimes you look a little...

When you first start out in the game, it looks a little wacky. I bought a pair of Jordan 1 mids that were bright red because they were the only ones they had. And I just had to wear bright red shoes as often as possible. And I look like a fucking douche.

But now I look cool and awesome and cool. And everybody knows that. Dude, you know that. This is the portion where we just do affirmations about ourselves john you look good in heather gray i think you should keep buying that color that's the thing too is like you have like a like your look and your style is like it lends to wearing like a not a bright shoe like a flashy shoe i've committed so much to the gray party yeah that i just have to wear nike skate shoes and occasionally a jordan but like it's a jordan that's all white with a little bit with a little bit of cement gray little cement gray nothing

wrong with that cement gray is wild in my party yeah but then if you think about it dude you can't be 30 like i can't i can't look like this for the rest of my life i gotta milk this for now and then when i'm 35 i'm certainly not gonna fucking oh corduroy's and jordan sounds like a mumble rap album name that could be that could have been our podcast name corduroy jordan corduroy jordan corduroy jordan is actually he is the second person we're gonna sponsor well he's a good friend of carhartt brown carhartt i think we established carhartt brown is a lawyer he is a disgraced lawyer and he represents carhartt jordan this is a convoluted universe we're establishing but i'm all here for it carhartt brown jacquard gray jacquard gray french uh

basketball player no what was i think no he played it like uh indiana tech poly how about that like back in like the 90s there was like a good string of like uh generic sports movies and tv shows too it might have been a little bit before your time like you remember the show hang time it was a saturday morning show about a high school basketball team right i don't think there was even five people on the team it was like maybe five no bench players they had a girl point guard but like the team names had to be like so generic it was like valley tech high yeah and then like there was college ones too where they just couldn't like they didn't want to pay for the right so it was always like minnesota university of minnesota yeah i like that you can do it there's already a Minnesota University. It's like just say Minnesota University of Minnesota.

The best one of that is the show Coach that was in the late 90s. It was like Minnesota State, I think was the name of the college. They actually released starter gear for that made-up school. Yeah. And it only sold a limited run. And now that starter jacket goes for an insane price. Yeah. But you can still get – I do like little sold like a limited run. And now like that starter jacket goes for an insane price. Yeah. But like,

you can still get like, I do, I do like little things like that. Like you get a t-shirt that's like Minnesota state. Yeah. Everyone else that sees it. Like, Oh,

that guy just liked some college in Minnesota. But one person's like, no way you like, you like the show coach too. Like I like that little nod. I want to go. It says you're brought up. I want to go to Ohio and up i want to go to ohio

and open a college called ohio state university because they're so adamant that it's the ohio oh true i thought you were going to say the opposite of that is you can go to miami and open up a university named ohio university of miami because there's miami university of ohio yeah yeah no you go to oh Ohio and you open up Ohio State University and they're like what the fuck that's what's already taken you're like no that's you guys go to the Ohio State I am a university I am a Ohio State University what's our team colors Heather Gray a Ohio State damn a Heather Gray football helmet that just looks like a t-shirt so funny you might

you might keep that for a bit there sir that's pretty good a ohio state university that's fucking i hate when colleges cross state lines like there's indiana university of pennsylvania don't do that because for the longest time when i was a little kid i got confused and i thought indiana was a part of pennsylvania yeah although somebody they try to explain it and they go well it's still this it's a surrogate school of indiana university it's like keep it in indiana keep it where it belongs you fucking hoosiers you hoosier ass dude shut up white basketball players yeah dude what do we always say about white basketball players yuck we always say that we don't hold back yeah we're two guys who say what's on our chest and usually what's on your chest heather gray t-shirts and hoodies dude heather gray t-shirts my new merch is just gonna be

plain heather gray t-shirts it's somewhere in the heather there is a jm your logo is just you holding one up straight faced and and the the motto is for sale that's the entire slogan. Oh, in that vein, I will. So I got my sample for the nice fun t-shirts, NFTs, which that's not a taken thing, right? I also wanted to call them insecurities. That's pretty good. Because they got some great lines on there like generous and humble. I genuinely don't understand my 401k. That actually would fit in with insecurities.

That's actually pretty funny. So I think insecurities. I have to rename the store. But those will be up in the new year. I figured it all out. Hell yeah, dude. I got the sample. I wore it.

Two people were like, that looks cool. I was like, that's all I need. They're sick, dude. I finally think they're sick. So yeah. So listeners, be on the lookout for that. I'm keeping them very cheap too. I'm making a very small profit on these.

Yeah, dude. Just because I just was like, oh, you can do this thing from your phone. I can't believe it's that easy. It's so easy. But we are now the entrepreneurial idiots. I think this is how Supreme started. I think a lot of people are saying you're a Supreme guy. If Supreme can sell a brick for like $10,000, an actual brick that just says Supreme on it.

Yeah. I can sell a t-shirt for $21. Oh my God, dude. Way below market value. You should make the partner brand for Supreme called Supremacist. an actual brick that just says supreme on it yeah i can sell a t-shirt for 21 dollars oh my god dude you way below market value you should make the partner brand for supreme called supremacist you should look into that i think that'll fit your brand dude that's so good every time i see a white guy in a supreme shirt now it's all supremacist yeah yeah that pissed me off too because right when supreme got big well i guess they were around before they blew up. They've been around for a while.

They were a skate lifestyle brand. Reggie Turner, a hype brand. I was really into a band that I knew some of the members of named Rain Supreme, which already kind of sounded too white right enough. But then people were like, oh, is that like a drop from Supreme? I'm like, no, it's just a fucking hardcore band that I like a lot. And then they listen to them and they're like, they're terrible they're terrible i love them both things are pussy but it's fine hardcore bands i'm gonna get back into being a hardcore let's start a hardcore band what do you want to call it heather gray two black guys that's the name of our hardcore band

two black dudes we go but it's two black eyes oh because we hit because we're tough because we're scary guys that was the thing for a while like guys i knew that were in uh old school tough guy hardcore bands would put they would give them old school tough guy hardcore so so ost tg yeah you know the ostrich htbs uh for examples it would be bands like like mad ball was one of the names of the band it's all like straight edge hardcore yeah but all the kids that started getting into it would give themselves nicknames yeah and so i knew a guy who gave himself the nickname pipe wrench oh dear lord another guy was uh steam pipe he was chris steam pipe whatever his last name was i think that's just plumbers what is the right but if you look at most of these guys you're like yeah they do look like union workers but like yeah because it would

be like bobby brass knuckles you're like damn he already took brass knuckles and then they had to think of other weapons from video games in the 90s timmy ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch chains over here sonic the hedgehog the guy and it's like jesus man a little ingenuity goes a little long way yeah dude i went to a hardcore uh straight edge concert when i was like 13 14 by accident and i got there and i was like what is straight edge and it was like everybody here is completely sober and i was like oh that's worse i was like they'd keep running into each other and they're sober i i had a lot of it was weird i had a mix of friends that i think they have like one or two that still are straight edge to this day yeah which that's

incredible there was there was one it was uh like a kid had a straight edge t-shirt and then he broke his edge as they would always say yeah so he had to give it to somebody else that shirt got passed down as everyone kept breaking their edge yeah and one kid finally had it and i think he maybe stuck with it right but now it's like you either have it tattooed on your throat or you're just a guy who's like i don't touch this stuff you're just a recovering alcoholic yeah the straight edge thing was i remember i used to call myself straight edge when i was like 13 i was like no you're just 13 well the worst thing too was there was a lot of bands i like that were they identified as like straight edge bands yeah so they would put it on their merch and i was like well am i not allowed to wear like there's a band 10 yard fight i still

love them and they have like a just a cool shirt 10 yard fight Fight. I still love them. And they have just a cool shirt. 10 Yard Fight's got a football player on it. And on the back, it just says, Straight Edge, Established, and the date they... But I can't wear that shirt and then go drink at a bar. Yeah. Right? And it's also a wild shirt to wear. It's just a good tee.

I like just wearing old school band tees, too. You're a guy who likes a good tee. You love a secure tee. Heather Tees. It was Heather Tees, baby. But yeah, they. But, yeah. They would put it straight. It's like, it would be like if a band was like, I don't know, I'm trying to think of

a good way to put this. Oh, boy. I'm ready for this. Let's hear it. No, I'm not. You know what? Dude, you suck beans, bro. I can't think of it, and we don't have enough time to word it out.

Tune in next week, maybe. Yeah, find out. You might learn something. What do you got coming up? This will come out probably tomorrow. Well, so that means today I will be at the Belfont Brewing Company in Wilmington. December 8th, right? Tomorrow?

The 9th, tomorrow. So, yeah, it'll be today if you listen to it. I'll be at Belfont Brewing in Wilmington delaware with the homeboys rob stant jim kelly ryan foster gary sharp romy rosner and headliner abraham khalif so that's gonna be a fun hot thick show saturday i'm gonna be in new york licking it all and uh that'll be good i'm gonna be at saint mark's comedy club and what else some january stuff january 16th will be in the poconos at a brewery up there i gotta look at the brewery but i'll put more stuff out and then the 20th i'm doing a show with jeff colella and others at

another brewery somewhere so yeah there's all my detailed so that vagueness didn't give you enough answers where can they find you oh and this uh i will say this brendan donnegan just put out a new sketch it's on his oh you didn't even talk about it yeah i know i suck balls uh brendan just put out a sketch i was in it real quick but he did a great job it's fucking hilarious it turned out great yeah uh yeah search in brendan donnegan on youtube and watch check it out you get to see matt's acting debut. Dude, it's incredible.

I've never seen someone be a base for MMA techniques. Dude, my dad watched it and went, you are really good at this. Damn, your dad finally told you he was proud of you? By accident. And all it took was being in a thing and almost not having a line? He's like, your other friends are much funnier, but you are okay. He's like, Matt, you were so in this. You were 100% present in this. I couldn't help but watch he's like matt you were so in this you were 100 present

in this i couldn't help but watch and go man he is in this man he is definitely a human he's he is the eighth lead what about you you big you big old i'm just vamping because i don't think i have anything to promote uh book me i got something in january up in uh colts neck gonna do a show up and up by around the asbury area uh it's supposed to be in january and then i think oh uh promoting it further out but uh peggy uh o'leary's show out in media at this launch or at sligo His name of the bar. Slancho Show at Sligo. I think that's the end of January. So you can find it at Monte Comedy on Instagram. Hacks Comedy Golf.

Yes. Oh, I'm going to be doing a spelling bee with the second annual spelling bee with Pat George from Baby Mermaids Productions. We did a Zoom spelling bee last year. It's actually pretty fucking funny. It was so fun. That's actually pretty fucking good. I think we actually did two. We did a Zoom spelling bee last year. It's actually pretty fucking funny. It was so fun. That's actually pretty fucking good.

I think we actually did two. We did one that was all Christmas themed kind of. Yeah. So I'll post about that, but it's going to be on YouTube and probably Instagram Live. Yeah. I just got drunk in front of my laptop and spelled words like Yule Log. I had some negative thoughts at first, but I'm not mad at it. Oh, and go December 15th.

Hideout Humor. The tap room. Yes. We'll be there. Everybody's kissing. On the mouth. Right on the mouth. The vaccines are not safe nor effective

and they're using it to program you and control you. you that was the sound of the podcast flatline yes of course No fun, nobody, no fun, but time to live a bit of No fun, nobody, no fun, but time to live a bit of