That Rules Podcast - Episode #55: Rob Stant Teaches the Idiots About the Internet

Episode Date: August 5, 2022

Check out Rob on the internet. He is literally everywhere. @robstantcomedy on IG, @stantmanpodcast on IG and YouTube.

🎵 Yeah, let's get it cockin'. Let's get it started. This guy said rockin' started and somehow ended up with cockin'. How'd you put your arm around me? Yeah, baby boy. Aww. Look, it's good to be here with John, but we're kind of getting sick of the same old run-of-the-mill podcast john is a bad dad and because of that we decided to bring in a guy who is not a dad but has a fatherly aura to

him and that is none other than bobby steeze himself mr tiktok instagram 42 rob stant rob how are you dude hey how's it going? It's good to be here. Is it, though? Yeah. Well, I have a question. Do you guys always make the guests have sex with you before the podcast starts, or am I special?

Hey, Rob, remember before we had sex, we were like, don't mention it on the podcast? Oh, you're starting now? Right. Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought we were practicing. And guess who's not going to be finishing, because he was such a bad little boy. Let's say, to be fair, usually it's's a one before one after kind of thing. So it's rare that we both get at you before the cast starts. Well I see your roommate's here so I figured he's just gonna...

He's actually waiting his turn. He's been eyeing you up since you walked in the door. When you said roommate that's actually our security in this million dollar studio we have. Dude I was listening to rogan recently i didn't realize like he travels everywhere with security you have to did you know he's got like a hundred billion dollars so i guess he could that's true you can hire somebody to be like hey just fucking just watch me but then why is he so good at adult karate then what is that all for i mean i feel like that's something you don't want to have to use unless you absolutely have to like do i want to have to whoop somebody's ass or do i want somebody to do it for me that's something you don't want to have to use unless you absolutely have to. Like, do I want to have to whoop somebody's ass, or do I want somebody to do it for me?

That's what those guys say, though. They always go, you want to know it, but you never want to need to use it. Yeah, what's the saying? The gun one. It's like, I'd rather have it and not need it than not need it and not have it. Same thing with condoms, too. Isn't that the same thing? Yeah.

That's why I have a kid. I use condoms in fights often. And I go, look, I don't want to use this, but I will if I have to, dude. On both hands, because my knuckles get cut real easy. Yeah, that's where I put it, dude. I put it up my ass, so when they hit me hard and I fart, it just catches it and it goes back in. I haven't used a condom in fucking forever.

Oh, awesome. Quit bragging, dude. Yeah, dudes. I'm never going back. It is. It is fun. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, it's kind of the best.

It's kind of ruined. It ruined, like, I don't... I couldn't imagine... Like, not that I would ever leave my wife but like if i did dating would be so hard because i would just be like i'm not wearing one like i would have like nine kids well that's fine and that's why we were kind of talking about the fatherly aura that you have yeah i'm ready nine kids yeah i think you're ready i mean sex without a condom is literally it's the greatest thing to the extent where like wars have been started. Oh, yeah.

Over a girl that lets somebody hit without protection. Yes. Like, what was it, Helena Troy, right? Wasn't she kidnapped? She was thrown around. Helena Troy is a WWE wrestler. Oh, true. And then Genghis Khan has like a million kids because he was just hitting her all girls.

That's crazy, dude. Don't they say it's like. Like a 1.1% chance you're related to him or some crazy shit? Right, it's like 60% of the world can trace their heritage somehow back to him. Yeah, that's bananas. That's, I mean, and we all applaud Will Chamberlain for banging a bunch of ladies in the 70s. Shout out to him. What did he have, 20,000 bodies?

Genghis Khan had a terrible post-game, though. Yeah, God. That's not, I didn't have a good name. But speaking of jujitsu, we were talking about adult karate. Okay. Something that makes me laugh is imagining if it was like ju-jitsu and it was like a bunch of Jewish guys like really not doing well. Are you running new bits at me right now?

No, I just thought, look, I'm not proud of this dude. What's the deal with jujitsu? Is it a bunch of Jewish guys? I don't know why it's not like Scooby-Doo. It's like a bunch of Jewish guys, man. All right, Reggie,gie I'm gonna kick your ass Anyway, Velma made me cum Do you think MMA stands for like

Matzah, mitzvah Assault There's some pretty decent Scooby-Doo porn parodies out there Really? You've seen these things? Some Velma, yeah You've dabbled? Now anybody can fucking cosplay as Velma But I mean, if you find the professionally done ones, there's some decent ones.

True. Anybody with glasses, you could be a Velma. Dude, I could. Yeah, dude. What are you trying to say, bro? I'm just saying you could be Velma. You're trying to. I mean, look.

We're just saying, all right, in the cosplay universe of Scooby-Doo, you're not. I mean, you're if Shaggy trans to Velma. Okay. It's a nice in-between. Like, zoinks. Look, if the money's right and somebody out there is willing to pay, I'll cosplay for fucking whatever. That's fair. What would your first cosplay be?

My first cosplay? Well, I mean, I did do a Mitch Hedberg impression, but that was, I guess, more of an impersonation. But if I was some of this dick out, that would be like a like a sexual cosplay i guess did you go all the way and just do some heroin before yeah that's how i got into character yeah that's a good way to go that begs the question how much money and i want you to weigh in on this too jonathan how much money would it take for you to transition to a woman do i get to pick everything like i get to pick all my redesign, my new kit? Yes. My new body kit?

But the thing is, you have to get a new kit. I'm getting a spoiler of an ass. It's got to go. I can't keep my dick. It's got the out it becomes an innie. Dude, that's pretty sexist of you. You're saying I can't be a woman. I'm just fucking with you.

Sorry, Rob. I was really worried about you. What if I keep it, but I put it somewhere else? Yeah, like... No, I would... I mean, well... Okay, you can pickle it. I was really worried about you. What if I keep it, but I put it somewhere else? Yeah, like... No, I would... I mean, well... Okay, you can pickle it. I can pickle it?

Yeah, you can put it in a mason jar of vinegar, and you can keep it around. I mean, I've barely got a dick as it is, so you can just kind of push it in and turn it into a quit. Or imagine if you Walt Disney-headed your dick, and you froze it until they found a cure for trends. Yeah, or you Han Solo it. You freeze your dick and they're just showing the display of everything. They're like, yeah, and here's his dick and it's just the tiniest because it's on ice. That's not fair. Isn't Dicks on Ice

going to be at Wells Fargo soon? Did you guys hear about the conspiracy about that? What is that? This is such a weird thing to transition into talking about, but to answer your question, I think it would have to be a livable amount of money okay like it like but like like fuck you money it couldn't be like i think you mean like 65 grand a year oh also does the general upkeep and maintenance of my new lady body is that on me or is that fronted by whoever the investor i don't know

john who comes around and douches your wife every week? Yeah, it's on you, dude. Okay. All right. Sorry. Make it 20K and I'm in then. Okay. Fair. So talking about freezing Disney, so there's a conspiracy theory that the movie Disney Frozen, that whole movie was created so that when you would Google Walt Disney Frozen, that dude would come up. He fucked the algorithm up.

Yeah. Yeah. So now that movie comes up I love I love the I do love conspiracy theories but then when like your brain actually kicks in

and you're like I love that people think that they would spend more money on the production of that film than just pay someone to write a new algorithm

like they could just pay someone to be like hey go get a job at Google write us a new algorithm also here's 3 mil yeah they could have pay someone to be like, hey, go get a job at Google, write us a new algorithm. Also, here's 3 mil. Yeah. They could have called that movie, like, Snow Princess or anything.

Ice Bitches was, I think, the working title. Yeah, Ice Bitches. Yeah, that's one of the conspiracy theories I think is, like, somewhat believable. I can see that because I've been uploading a bunch of pictures when I was, like, 12. So that when you Google Matt Peoples' 12-year year old boy, it's just me that comes up. It also just comes up as Elsa for some reason too. You know, when you like

Googling shit, like, I don't know if you guys do this but like I'll try to like write bits about like, I'll write a bit and I'll be like has this been done before and I'll Google it. There's some shit that's like, I just like, I wrote a bunch of bits about like porn and I'll go to Google it and it's just porn comes up and I'm like this is just yeah like just like fucks my shit up so it's like oh no now i gotta sit and watch i gotta watch yeah now i have to do all the research to make

sure like but that also means that there's some guy that's like yo i'm so horny all right google yeah tits yeah search that was the og way to look at the og way but who's doing that now i i'm not to lie to you. I'll tell you all of our dads are. My dad is in heaven. Our dad is watching porn. They're 12 years behind us. They're 15 years behind us.

They're watching porn. Anyway, how are you? Let me ask you guys. Think about your guys' dads. I'm sorry. Have you guys ever found like a video that like you've been looking for for like fucking like four years yes you find it you're like hell yeah uh-huh yeah dude that's enough i don't have a topic that's just a good feeling you're like you

were like oh man i really wish i could bookmark this yeah i probably can't though right well with like i think pornhub took down a lot of their videos and like some of my friends were like dude i lost like fucking 300 videos i had saved yeah a lot of their videos and like some of my friends were like dude I lost like fucking 300 videos I had saved. Yeah a lot of the ones they got rid of were... Dude save videos? You can bookmark it dude literally you can do that. Why? Yeah, dude a lot of Rob's buddies would do this. A lot of my friends... They go to a different school. You wouldn't know these guys. And for just a dollar on our patreon that we don't have yet Rob will name all of them and give their address. Yes, and I will tell you what videos they were and why they got taken

down. But apparently it was just straight rapey videos. There's also, you can watch LaMare Lee's stand-up on Pornhub. Which is huge. Which is still, I think, the funniest thing in the world. He years ago put like six stand-up sets on Pornhub. And it would have been

great because he could have named it like fat black bitch takes it hard or something like weird to get sorry that was mean yeah he could have he could have named it that job he could need a handsome strong African-American man gives it to yeah but Albert Davis was busy that night true but it just says like Lamar Lee does stand up you could watch uh I think there was For a while there was like You could watch like Full movies on there and stuff Cause like Oh true I think Pornhub didn't have

Like a Like a Like a pirate policy Or whatever So you were just like I think I watched Toy Story on there Which is like

I kind of found it by accident Just like searching like toys And I was like Toy Story I was like what the fuck And I watched That's a weird one If you can watch full movies

That's a weird one For your girlfriend To like look through Your Pornhub history And it's like holes It's just like Oh shit No like Stanley Yellin That's Stanley weird one. If you can watch full movies, that's a weird one for your girlfriend to look through your Pornhub history, and it's like, holes. It's just like, oh, shit. No, Stanley Yellen, that's Stanley Yellen.

Yeah, it's like, well, you busted a nut, and you're like, well, I got fucking now, I guess. Yeah, sure, I haven't seen this movie in a while. Let's see what Shia LaBeouf was up to in 2004. So basically, Pornhub was just net tits instead of Netflix. Really now, dude. I guess you could safely say that, dude. Look, you guys are- Net clits? There it is. Sorry, we saved it. Net clits. There you go. That's good. That's golden, dude. I guess you could safely say that, dude. Net clits? There it is. Sorry, we saved it. That's good. That's golden, dude. But look, we have Mr. TikTok himself,

so we need to really take advantage of your TikTok expertise. You might know Rob from the mean comments you've left on his YouTube. Yeah. Hey guys, knock it off. Dude, it's... YouTube is... I would say YouTube is probably the most toxic

and then tiktok and then i've only gotten a little bit of like shit on instagram true but reddit is the worst i avoid reddit like you ever read people talk about you on reddit no well no i so is there an r slash no i'm staying no there isn't no it's gonna be yeah there's gonna be i i used to post a lot of like my shit on like uh r slash like stand-up shots. And it was just, like, the most, like, toxic bullshit. Like, people, like, like, dudes, I don't know. It was just, like, like, not even comedians. People were like, this sucks. Like, fuck you.

But it was, like, I don't know. Like, I started doing that when I was, like, maybe, like, three or four months into comedy. Just posting, like, all my, like, bullshit, like, whatever, one-liners. And that kind of, like, introduced me to, like, oh, the internet, like, sucks when you're trying to put yourself out there. It's just people blatantly being, like, this, like, just this sucks. Yeah. It's gotta be so easy to be, like, nah, don't worry about it. But, like, I would sit there and read it nonstop and be, like, fuck, man.

Well, that's, that's the thing. Because, like, there's a lot, like, the night, there's way more nice comments than mean comments. But, like, the, I, it sucks to, like, take the time to respond to the shitty ones. Yeah. And then ignore all the nice ones. Be like, oh, this is really funny. And then some dude's like, fuck you, fucking lesbian. You're like, hey, hey. That's my joke.

That's literally my joke, okay? Don't use that against me. That's insane, dude. Damn, I can't wait now if I ever have to roast battle you. I'm just going to scroll through Reddit and have them do all the writing for me. Or scroll through YouTube comments. There's plenty. There's plenty of shit to just fuck with me.

Do you ever get any that you're like, ah, okay. Yeah, there was a couple. I don't know. There's a lot of people trying to compare me to other YouTubers. Oh, this guy looks like this other white guy with glasses. He's chubby. And it's like, alright, dude.

And it has a million upvotes or whatever i'm like all right let's but i think there was there was a couple i forget but there was a couple like pretty good slams where i was like all right that was a little tip of the cat like all right like i'm gonna use that on stage i was gonna say have you ever thought about just keeping one and being like for a self deprecating joke like ah that was a good fucking i i think what i used to when i wore black frames on stage i used to say like i look like walmart brand dead sheeran and that's everybody used to say that and i was like i'm gonna run with it yeah but but now i yeah but now i just don't because i kind of like my hair grew i grew my hair out so now i do john lennon it's such a hacky bullshit thing well yeah we talk about time

i've started my set and i'm a hack so that doesn't help the argument but it's like i've started my sets the same way too of like i look like this it's like it's such an easy but like i genuinely enjoy it it doesn't fucking matter as long as the audience likes it like right if you can make it a real bit i hate when people go up my least favorite thing in comedy is when people go up and they go all right let's get this out of the way as if like oh yeah everybody's been sitting there like man is you gonna talk better? It's like nobody gives a fuck. Like a little bit about me?

Yeah, a little bit about me. Just get to it. But I don't know. People say, oh, that's hacky. But the audience doesn't know. No audience member knows. Unless they do comedy, they're like, oh, that's hacky. The people that are going to say it's hacky are other comics.

Even then, I've seen headliners to it. Right. Yeah. There's a reason why it's hacky, other comics. Even then, I've seen headliners to it. Right. Yeah. Well, there's a reason why it's hacky because it's something that has worked for a year. That is, like, that's kind of a decent observation. Like, I just complimented myself on the observation, but it is, like. Yeah, that's decent. Hey, John, good job.

I'm going to hurt myself, pat myself on the back. But it is funny. It's, like, the reason something sucks is because it was so good like the reason everyone hated the macarena was because it was such a fucking catchy song that swept the world and then eventually it just got beat down your throat but like at one point it was fucking awesome so you're comparing your jokes to the success of the macarena they call me the macarena of south jersey A lot of people are calling you the John Montacarena. Yeah, you go on stage and they go, I love this one. They act out John's jokes.

I do have that oscillating fan thing going on where I could just start incorporating this. True, you're a swaying boy. You kind of move around a little bit on stage. I've been trying to get a little bit more mobile. Some cartwheels for the kids at home yeah you're talking to the guy who has never stood in a spotlight ever yeah which is pretty impressive yeah but that's for fun that's for the shits and gigs do you like to you like to keep them guessing no i just look like i'm on cocaine on stage which i've been told very often recently that i do look like i'm on cocaine because you know when you do stand-up and you

have i literally just and you have cocaine in your system you snort a line of cocaine but like you know when you're on stage and you have like those like kind of ticks between jokes like you'll scratch your eyebrow or like hands through hair i just like flick my nose non-stop i'm always pushing up my glasses yeah i can't i i got out of the habit touching my face because ain't like i have really bad skin so if like i touch my face i just immediately break out yeah um it's like it also if I eat chocolate Like just the dumbest shit Like gives me I'm like a fucking like On stage

Yeah Yeah you know how Some people have a beard To like loosen up I just got like a Hershey's Dude That sucks You can't do that classic bit

Where you touch your face With chocolate anymore Yeah Just eating a block Of chocolate on stage Which is so funny There's like some But there are some

Like days where it's like I like I'm really craving like Like you know To like like days where it's like i like i'm really craving like like you know to like ice cream or whatever and i'm like i can't fucking like i have like there's like a show coming up i don't want to like go up there looking like a bunch of pimples in my face and shit but if i don't have anything for the weekend i'm like hell yeah dude i'm fucking making s'mores yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna buttfuck myself with a hershey's oh yeah i will say your mean comments traveled over to me at one point. What? No way. Dude, we did a roast battle.

We did Raven. Rob fucking kicked my ass. It's because you didn't look at the comment section before. I got one dude who just showed up, and he was like, I think we got the rest of the votes, and somebody wrote, who the fuck would vote for that Matt guy? He was awful, and no one laughed.

I was like, he won! What are you being mean to me about? I'm glad we eliminated a minute when we're all on a time schedule. It's all good. I don't know. Bad segue, artists. I listened to the news today for the first time.

Do you guys ever actually take in the news? I go through Reddit. That's always Reddit and Instagram are my news usually. ever actually take in the news? No. I go through Reddit, and if I see something... So that's always, like, Reddit and Instagram are my news, usually. And this morning, I was yelling at my Siri to put just, like, music on, and it just played Apple News. Okay.

And I was like, all right, fuck it, I'll listen to this. It was super early. It was kind of nice to have my coffee, and I'm like... Actually, I was running when I was doing it, so I was having coffee. Okay, well, wait a minute. And I'm sorry, I got up really early. Hey, I'm hot and in shape, turns out the fucking world's what's going on with that even on like the water down because like i've been getting my news from instagram and reddit which is like so aggressively in your face oh it's like hey here's another video of a person dying and i

almost i stopped like reading reddit late at night because every six things on r slash instra thing is fuck. It's like a dude getting his head blown off or something. It's like murder suicide. Right. It's like crazy fuck r slash crazy fucking videos. Right. And we're going to shut it off.

And I'm going to click on it because I'm like, okay, let me see what this is because my morbid... But it turns out the regular news isn't as good. It was... I don't know. I guess apple is more left-leaning right i believe i mean i'd make it's i think it's cnn is their news true so but it's now the news is literally just hot lady voice telling you news like news headlines yeah she literally was just a lady with like an asmr voice yeah and she was just like basically reading the new york post headlines like i don't

know it's it's weird that that is what i have nothing no take on or anything but you'd be able to curate it which voice like gilbert godfrey that would be amazing oh it's like how you set your we're all fucked today the united states carry out an assault of assad milan the new leader of al-qaeda have you guys ever heard like any of those like they have like AI generated like voices of celebrities? Oh, yeah. There's a like 100% AI generated think

like Joe Rogan podcast and it's so crazy because it's so much nonsense. Yeah. But it sounds exactly like him. It makes sense. There's like hundreds of thousands of hours

not hundreds of thousands thousands of hours of him talking. He said almost every word. Yeah, you can train like a voice to like learn his pitches and like say I don't know.

Technology is scary, dude. Deep fakes are getting really fucking scary. Deep fake porn, dude, changed my life. I haven't watched the news ever since I figured out what deep fake porn was. Oh, my God. I remember, I don't know, six, seven years ago, I don't know about you guys. I'm speaking for everybody. This is a normal thing. I would find a porn star who kind of looked like a celebrity i

had a crush on i'd be like fuck yeah dude and now it's just like you can google whoever deep fake and it looks just like them yeah that never did much because i just kept seeing like the older ones where it'd be like selena gomez's face from like wizards of waverly place i'm like oh god she is magical but not in that part. Like, at least use a newer one. Yeah. Plus, now she's thick. Yeah, dude.

Selena. I don't know if you've seen her, but, you know, it's really... If I can talk to Selena Gomez directly. Yeah. By the way, fucking... She might want to be one of our 46% female listeners. Who knows? Well, I'll tell you what.

She's 46% body fat, so I want to bring it over. Oh, she's heft up. I'm going to see everybody. Yeah, she's... That's a lot of body fat. Yeah, that's... But, look she wears it uh pretty bad but um no on the reddit shit like the crazy videos whatever i've always looked for them because i do have that like weird i think it's a guy thing like that weird morbid like i want to see fucking yeah brutal looking stuff

yeah and i've never like we when we were in college, Live League was the move. I was just going to say, I think I had to, I'm glad Live League went away and I stopped looking at it before it went away because that was making me just totally desensitized to literally everything. Yeah. It got to a point where I was like, oh, that was just a lady getting ran over by a car six times. Like, that's it. And I'm like, oh, I should have never seen even that level.

4chan. You guys, like. No, I should have never seen even that level. 4chan. Do you guys like it? No, I have never done it. I've never. Everything I know of 4chan is from the Q document. Isn't that what 4chan is? The QAnon shit? So I think QAnon was like a big part of like being on 4chan.

But like I used to go on it and just like browse through shit. Yeah. And a lot of it's like porn. But then there's also like it's like certain threads. Like it'd be like suicide thread and you go on it and just like browse through shit. Yeah. And a lot of it's like porn. But then there's also like, it's like certain threads, like, like it'd be like suicide thread and you click on it. And so there's like people like recording themselves with them,

like blowing their brains out. And it's just like, I saw that one of the guy who does it. Is that in the porn thread or that's in a different one? That's in a different one. Yeah. But there is a weird crossover. Yeah.

There's, oh, there's some weird. Did you ever see one of the guy that does it and then the cops come in like a minute later? No. I did see that one. And you can still... That's exactly what I was thinking of.

It sounds like a running faucet. Oh, God. It's how much blood is still coming out of him. Dude, there was... Oh, I just ran out of it there. I don't even... Yeah, there's some fucked up ones. I saw one on Reddit.

These two kids who were playing with a gun. And this one girl fucking shot her friend and then panicked and didn't know what to do so she shot herself. Whoa! And then fucking you could hear the family in the background be like, what's going on? I stopped watching. I was like, this isn't real.

Who puts that out? I was like, this is fake. I had to tell myself. Who put that video out to the world? Dude, the weirdest episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm of all time. Yeah. Oh, my God. You're killing yourself after you killed him.

What are you doing? Yeah, so this is a really upbeat podcast. She's a double shooter! Whatever, dude. Shout out LD. Yeah, dude. No, I've always been very curious about the fucking deep parts of Reddit. Because I don't know how to Reddit.

I don't Reddit good. Yeah. I just got the app the other day. And it's too much. I don't know how to... I've never been good at the internet for my age. Like, old i should be much better it's a good thing though that you can curate to like what you want to see yeah like i mean this i guess it's the same with any social media but like my instagram has gone so off like the edge that now it's like the most random shit

yeah gets fed to my algorithm where like i think red Reddit you do have a little bit more control of your own algorithm. Yeah. Reddit's good for, yeah, I mean a lot of shit. I mean there's like a lot of like the shit that's like really bad gets taken down. But some of it I'm like how did this like stay? Right. It's funny to see like the life of a Reddit page too. Like I saw from like the early years of the Matt and Shane Secret Podcast Reddit page

was just about, it would be people like, man, that was an awesome episode. Cool episode. Hey, they mentioned this place in that episode. Here's where you can get the pizza from that place. It was kind of a happy thing. Now it's just violent. It's like every other one. I think the entire Fighter and the Kid Reddit

is just attacking Brendan Shaw. Which is hilarious. Now apparently Matt and Shane's one's all that too. They're attacking Matt and Shane? No, Matt and Shane's Reddit is just attacking Brendan Schaub all the time. And WarMode's Reddit.

It starts off where it is like, oh yeah, this is probably just a couple people listening to this podcast. Just like anything, if it grows, your fanbase is just going to get shitty inevitably in parts. It really is. Reddit's just like anything if it grows your fan base is gonna get shitty inevitably in part yeah but like it really is reddit's just like you can't if anything ever is spoken about you on there you can't like take it's hard as it is yeah but if you think about it dude how bitch is it to be nice on the internet like can you imagine logging onto reddit going to like a podcast fan page and

writing like this was a great episode and then logging on i think the whole that sucks yeah who cares yeah like if you're a fucking significant other you go back to that your significant other finds your search history and she finds out you're going to your favorite podcasts and being like you guys are my idols i love this podcast like dude if you don't think when i listen back to this i have such a fear of like i was listening to a red light the other day and I wanted to put my windows down, but I was like, if anybody pulls up and sees me listening to my own podcast, I look like the biggest piece of shit on earth. God forbid if I'm actually laughing at it.

Cause like I listen back to every episode, just one. So I'm like, well, we got a little drunk last night. I don't remember what we totally said. And I put them out just kind of not totally vetting everything. If we have comfy with it, we'll throw it out. I'd say comfy. Comfy. But, like, I'll openly laugh at it, but, like, there is times where I'm like, oh, I'm fucking just laughing at my –

I think this is the vainest, dumbest shit. Well, the thing about – when you're talking about, like, negative comments and stuff, so it's funny with, like, the Instagram and, like, the TikTok algorithms and stuff and YouTube, people don't realize when they say negative shit, it helps you. Right. Because the algorithm doesn't look at like, oh, this person is saying something bad. This video must be bad.

Yeah. The algorithm goes, oh, this person's commenting on this video. It boosts the engagement rate. Right, yeah. So it's like I've noticed that like anytime if you post a joke, if you do a joke where you're talking about something controversial, then it'll blow up because so many people want to talk about it like i did a joke about chick fila like it was it wasn't even like a good it was like a cell phone quality video like it was

at bar 13 i recorded it and it was an open mic and it got like fucking like three million views or some shit yeah but that's only because all the comments were like fuck gay people like it's like no no no no no no that's not what the joke is about. Yeah, sorry about those, dude. Yeah. I was just fired up. That sucks, too, though, because then say you write a totally innocent joke, but then someone clips out a part of your joke. Right. And then all of a sudden you're a meme, and now you're the face of homophobic memes and

jokes everywhere. And you're like, no, no, no, I was on the gay side. Well, they say there's no such thing as bad publicity so yeah they're probably yeah there's some bad publicity yeah it's probably yeah it's probably it's pretty bad it's never bad when your name's mentioned but it's terrible whatever follows that a lot i mean it's just like comedian and good friend of alex jones you know but alex jones is another one we've said it on here before, I hate that I say that all the time, I guess I've said it, but Alex Jones is another one

that like, he just understands that the more people he like, either, not pisses off, but like, kind of excites,

the more popular he becomes. Yeah. I don't even believe that. I think Alex Jones straight up is like, I mean, that dude went up to his like, Sandy Hook parents

and was like, you're fucking lying. Oh my god. He's on trial for it right now. He's in a defamation lawsuit and they had to explain hearsay to him. Because they would ask him, what do you think about this? He goes, well, I read in the paper. And they're like, well, things you read isn't what you think.

What do you think? And he's just like, totally out of his mind. So, shout out to AJ. He was on an episode of Impulsive, whatever, like Logan Paul's podcast. Yeah. And I think one of the people, like one of his co-producers or whatever, like brought it up. He was like, he's like, I know one of the Sandy Hook parents.

They offered me $50,000 to punch you in the face. And he was like, do it, do it. And he was like, no, I'm not going to do it because it's like, I'm like, obviously we're doing a live podcast. He's like, no, do it right now. It was very like very like he's a crazy dude he's out of his mind dude yeah any guy that exclusively dates russian women is out of his fucking mind shout out 45 dude oh my god keep it pushing dude if donald trump's next campaign thing i guarantee he goes we're gonna look into sandy hook we're not sure not everybody's sure you think you think he's you think he's

coming back for sure i think he's coming back? For sure. I think he's coming back and he's winning. Biden fell off a bike and America was like, alright. Biden's pulling out fucking the Obama hits where he's just killing leaders of Al Qaeda and he's like, look at me. What do you guys think? It is gonna be fucking wild if Trump runs again.

I'm telling you, dude. He's gonna run and he's gonna win again. It's gonna suck, but it'll be so funny we might have a World War 3 and a Civil War start at the same time yeah true

hey more fun tweets is he gonna be allowed back on Twitter how weird is it gonna be if you're the president of the United States but you're banned I'm a bad boy

yeah that'll be funny to watch fucking companies capitalize on Civil War in the United States we might not agree on anything. Doesn't he have his own?

Didn't he start his own Twitter? It's called, like, Truth Freedom? Yeah. There's some wild shit on there. He did, like, some, like, post about Elon Musk where it's like, Elon came to me. Like, he asked for help. Of course. Like, I don't know.

It was so weird. Like, I'm not even going to attempt to do a Trump impression. But he, yeah, I don't know, man. That shit's crazy. Do you guys, like whole i remember when the whole like pandemic thing and shit like it's sad to like do you guys kind of like miss like the first like like two months of the pandemic where it's like nobody knew what the fuck was going on you just chilled inside and like fucking played video games you just cloroxed your your groceries and oh my god i don't that was your day i've heard a lot of people say that where they romanticize those first couple months yeah they were pretty bad really yeah dude

i was fucking was living alone in a studio apartment it got to a point where i was watching walt disney world tour videos like twice a day and being like oh it's four o'clock you know what time it is and then i get some fucking beautiful woman's voice like welcome to epcot today and i'm i was i was i think i was a functioning alcoholic for two months straight i was just like i was like yeah it's fine you know like because my because like i don't know like my job like we didn't know how to adapt to working from home yeah there really wasn't much to do so i drank it's like all right fuck it's 11 a.m but i think that's kind of like how like college sluts did like a tour of Europe after college.

It doesn't count. That's fair. Those two months, whatever you did, if you were like, I'm going to probably try heroin and get into woodworking, it doesn't count. You were still trying to figure it out. I bought a punching bag. My sleep schedule was like 5 a.m. to 1 p.m. I bought a fucking spoon whittling kit off Amazon.

I was like, I'm going to whittle a spoon. Ooh, that's pretty good. Did you get any weird hobbies? No, I mean, I drank pretty heavily. But that was about it. I hung out with literally one person for like three months. And like all the people, you should have gotten into drinking. In those three

months, the same people who started fucking baking sourdough bread, they'd finish the bread, they'd go on Reddit, and they'd be like, fucking Call Her Daddy was a great episode. really liked it it was real men like us holding this country together oh yeah going on reddit calling brendan shabba fucking pussy and getting hammered at 3 p.m like adults talking shit on fortnite or whatever dude like and that was that was dude that was the move just like fucking oh well all i did was i played video games and just drank like every night and i would like i i would like be up till until 5 a.m. and then fucking wake up at 1.

It was crazy. Dude, you fucking... But at the same time, I'm like, yo, that was sick. But then there were people dying. I'm like, all right, well... No, I talk about it in my set that some people had good... I had probably the cushiest setup in the pandemic. I was already working from home.

Yeah. So I had no shift there. We had like a. I was already working from home. Yeah. So I had no shift there. We had like a week of like, all right, let's figure this out. The public pool that we're members at down the street from us really didn't close. Yeah. And my wife was home pregnant. We just found out she was pregnant. So like I just had a good reason to like hang around the house and do things.

Like it was great for, I got a lot of like probably undeserved brownie points for like oh my god you cooked again tonight it's like yeah well everywhere's closed and we can't we can't leave but like i lucked out and like i think i took full advantage of that time too i i did the same thing too like i bought a skateboard i was like i'm gonna learn how to skateboard again i learned how to play guitar and then forgot how to play guitar. One time I was sitting alone in my apartment and I found out that through trans transcendental meditation, you could go back to when you were born and remember it. So I tried to do that one night.

How did that go? Yeah, everybody, the first couple of months of the pandemic were a lot of fun. Did you remember anything? I'm not going to lie to you. I remember my mom deeply. Well,

what? No, dude, anything I'm not gonna lie to you I remember my mom deeply well what I think I honestly remember a little bit of when I when I was born I was c-sex I remember coming out of my mother's womb and looking into the bright earth that I never seen before and I remember going I'm gonna call Brennan Chow a fucking fan I I had this very vivid memory when I was a kid I don't know why but I was throwing out a bag of chips. And I remember as I'm throwing it out, I said, I'm going to remember this. And I still remember it. I don't know why.

It's like I remember it was so weird. I remember it was like – Do you remember what flavor they were? It was spicy kettle corn, like a black bag of chips. It was in my old house in Chichester, PA. And I'm doxing myself. And I remember. You definitely know where I still live.

Yeah. I remember I threw it out of the bag. And I just remember as I'm throwing it out, I'm going to remember this. And dude, I don't know. It's weird that just some things that you specifically remember. I accidentally have movies as memories. When I think back, I'm like, that was just the summer where i moved to that weird town and i started playing baseball in the field with those kids we got chased by a big dog and i'm like oh no fuck that's just

sandlot okay cool cool cool i don't remember shit like do you guys ever get scared that like you'll like unintentionally like take another comedian's bit because you buried it subconsciously oh all the time. He and I have done each other's shit by accident. That's why I don't write, dude. Shit fucks you up. I almost try to avoid certain specials because I'm like, no, I don't want to.

Because I want to enjoy comedy, but at the same time, I don't want to. I think I had to throw away four or five jokes that were like Demetri Martin's. I was like, what the fuck? What a deep pool. It was your material where you brought an easel out.

I'm like, I don't know where I could have gotten this from. You just start biting Jeff Dunham and you're like, fuck, where did I get puppets? You still sign all the pages, Dimitri Martin. Anyway, that's an original Rob Stan bit. Was he funny? Dimitri Martin? Dimitri Martin was. He had good one-liners.

He was like in that interesting like almost like alt scene but like made it. Yeah. Because I feel like the alt scene was like a huge offshoot

that gave us like He was a lot of Mitch Hedberg I feel like. He was like a modern Mitch Hedberg. Yeah. He was like here's a weird thing

about this. And it was like one-liners. It was and at that time that was like perfect. I think now that wouldn't be as great but like i remember watching dimitri martin on comedy central like every week oh yeah because that was just a constant rotation and then dane cook they were fucking crushing it yeah and like opposite ends of the spectrum yeah exactly dane cook has hit

he hit a level of just being a comic that i don't because you think about like kevin hart was kind of huge but he got bigger with movies and then like bill burr louis where they were just stand-ups dane cook was like this weird fucking like he was really popular with like young people and was also enormous and also a psychopath yeah and by the way shout out to dane uh 50 years old married a 23 year old who he like when they were, how long you been together if you do the math? It was like, she turned 18. Yeah. And then he was like,

we date now. Yeah. Oh my God. She's an old soul. Which means he did a lot of leg work. That's the quinceanera. It's so funny

when older dudes fucking date like a young girl. It's so funny that these old souls are all trapped in hot 19-year-old girls. Yeah, it's crazy

these fucking older millionaires are pulling these young women. Dude, we're pulling these fucking young ass souls. The show we did in media last week, there was not necessarily a younger trophy wife, but there was a trophy wife situation for the guy that hosted the show. Did you notice that? Oh, yeah, dude. The dude was so old.

And God bless his soul. He pulled your move. He didn't stand in the spotlight once. Now, granted, the spotlight took up the entire stage. Yeah, it was like he was avoiding it. It was burning. I think I heard him. How was that show overall?

How did it go? It was good. You guys did a show together. It was an awesome room that on any other night other than Tuesday is probably very fun. Tuesday might be the worst night to do a show. Yeah, it was a crowd. It wasn't us at all. Yeah, we were doing a comedy.

Yeah, we did great. But the crowd sucked show. Yeah, it was a crowd. It wasn't us at all. Yeah, we were doing it. Yeah, we did great, but the crowd sucked. That's what it was. But the host, he did a whole bit about it. He's like, my loving wife's sitting over at the bar. Yeah.

Honey, raise your hand. And she raised her hand. She was, I mean, he was literally 70. Yeah, and she was like maybe 40. Maybe in her mid-40s and like boobed up. Oh my God.

Definitely. And he's like, can she shop? We're like, well, we know. Yeah, bro. You clearly have money. Yeah. We don't know what you do. Whatever, creditobed up. Oh, my God. Definitely. And he's like, can she shop? We're like, well, we know. Yeah, bro. You clearly have money. Yeah. We don't know what you do.

And credit to him, he's only done comedy like six times when he hosted, and he did it. You can tell how short amount of time people have been doing comedy by how happy they are before they go out. But they're like, it's so good to meet you. And you're like, oh, you're new. Okay. It's like, you don't want to kill yourself. Okay.

But it was weird. It was a weird audience. They were... It kill yourself okay but it was weird as a weird audience they were it was so it was a mix it was a dinner time it was after the show like a couple people come up and tell you how great it was and you're like cool i watched you not laugh yeah yeah but it's the people that are like no i was really thinking i'm like no i know my material none of it you have to think about there's no it's very this is a thing, here's why it's funny. That's it. Yeah, I saw a lot of Yelp reviews from that place

that the audience was saying, like, we really let the comedians down tonight. But then there was a table of like, 26-year-old hot girls and one dude. Let's do some shots. Dude, they were drinking red wine and doing shots of tequila. And on a Friday night?

On a Tuesday. On a Friday night, that would have been a killer crowd. Right, yeah, that would have been bad. But on a Tuesday? Yeah, yeah Tuesday. On a Friday night, that would have been a killer crowd. Right. Yeah, that would have been. But on a Tuesday? Yeah. It's like,

you got a problem. It's pretty sad. You're standing up to comedy. Yeah, hang on. I think, hang on. He's on stage. Hang on.

Look at him. Look at him. Are we being loud? He's doing what they do on TikTok up there, though. Oh, my God. I, yeah. Oh, my God. I comment on this lesbian yeah youtube

he looks familiar oh my god oh i've talked about him on reddit before r slash wine and tequila night oh yeah dude no it was when they brought it was like right before matera went up too yeah uh and. I think he handled that perfectly. He was also running a bunch of new shit. It was awesome to see him sit in the pocket on all the new shit. Right. Because I guess when you're at that level where it's just like you're headlining a bunch of spots, you're going to take advantage of like...

That's his open mic. Yeah. I kind of essentially look at it. Yeah. I mean, if you're not at a club and you're just on a showcase, I feel like you just kind of treat it like yeah i'm gonna fucking run new shit yeah and it was i mean it was i'll say it was a fun show yeah it was yeah it was a cool room and i definitely i think it was the townhouse and media yeah the video i recorded the video looks

great it's just like it just looks like i'm i'm just eating shit in a perfect spotlight i one of the That's great too, that when you kill in like a basement somewhere and you're like, the video looks like dog shit, but they literally carried me out. I have, I think one of the first shows I ever did,

it's like some fucking bumfuck place in PA. Like it was the first show I got booked on. I was like, this is it. I had my buddy come out. He had this like fucking like 4k camera and record like, like a like movie quality camera. It looks like a fucking net. i still have the tape it looks like a netflix special but me

just like bombing like so hard for 15 minutes yes and it's like it's just so funny like look to like watch and be like because i don't even have like the same delivery or like i just i used to be very like deadpan on stage yeah it's just like oh i'm not i don't i look like it like a lot of my old stand-up looks like somebody was holding a gun to me it was like tell jokes now and now i'm the one with the gun yeah now now i'm on stage yeah we had the same thing we had a pro camera crew come out to the mic that we were on and i was like sick gonna get a good tape it was a decent turnout and then the guys came over and like do you mind hosting the first half so the first comic goes up and you're like hey everybody and they're like please no it's gonna be a great show yeah we didn't have any drunk 26 year old girls that night well it didn't get any

better at the when i hosted the last third of the show and got blackout drunk yeah and just yelled at the audience oh my god the guy who taped it uh who filmed our set up in uh at the pop-in the dog jay yeah jay he was like hey i got some great stuff and i was like i don't know what you possibly and he did he did like cut like good stuff together but he was just cutting the shit that made him laugh and it was mostly just me being very mean to people to their face and i'm like cool man I'll use this clip somehow. I don't know how. Going on stage hammer can be hit or miss because it's either going to be a lot of fun.

You're just going to be like. I did a fucking burlesque show at Bar 13. And it was like packed. It was all like burlesque. That's where you got like naked on stage? Yeah, yeah. I had 12 Michelobes. And then I went on stage.

I mean, 12 Michelobes. That's like whatever. Fucking like four actual beers and then I went on stage. I mean, 12 Michelobes, that's like, whatever, fucking like four actual beers. But I went on stage, and I was just like, you guys ready to laugh? And they were like, yeah. And I was just like, I don't even, like, looking back on my shit, I was just like, I'm not going to start doing stand-up until you throw some fucking money on this stage. Because it was like, they had like, ones. And then I was like, I started taking my clothes off.

And it was like, I think I told maybe two jokes, but they were just laughing. Yeah, dude. They're always going to get naked on stage and they're blacked out. That is the greatest. I think I've done stand-up hammered maybe three or four times. And it, very honestly, is pretty fucking fun. Yeah, that's why I tried to go sober. I went sober for two months. Yeah.

And it's like, I mean, you're definitely more sharp on stage, but it's like I'm not having fun. It's like – Exactly. I did that a year ago, almost exactly a year ago, last July. I went all of July without drinking. And it was the same thing. It was like, yeah, I hit every mark I wanted on my jokes.

But I got off and I was like – I felt like a robot. Like there was – some people would say something and I didn't have like the – It is that like liquid courage to't have like the, like, it is that like liquid courage to be like, well, you, no, you suck

and then go into it. It's a dangerous game to play. You have to find the fine line of like not becoming an alcoholic. Yeah. I think vodka sodas are my answer. Yeah. I see,

I'll have a couple millers of Coronas and I'll go up and if it's like, if I'm not like, if I'm really comfortable, I'll bring it up with me. But I have the worst fear that I'm going to spill the beer on stage. That's my biggest fear.

I don't know. To me, there's like a 3, 4, 5 sweet spot that you kind of like. We say this as we're about to go get violently drunk at Iron Man. Yeah, we're already two or three beers. What with the fucking mic you're on, dude? That's for fun. That's literally, we look at this mic as like we go hang out. Yeah, you make FaceTime with other comics. It's a good time.

Yeah, we literally FaceTime other comics while they're on stage. We go, that sucks. You suck. Please quit. You're taking up time. But no, I mean, getting drunk and going on stage is not the worst if it's a low stakes thing. Right.

But we actually did that pop-in show. Probably shouldn't say it. Yeah. I just fucking. I'm going to edit more shit out of this episode. My girl drove me there, so I was like, I'm just going to drink. It doesn't matter. Whatever.

You heard that, listener. She's officially my girl now. Hell yeah, dude. My friend drove me there. My friend drove me there. Just say my name, Matt. Come on. Okay.

Robbie Bobby drove me there, and he had 12 Michelobes. My sex friend, Rob. He was like, I'm not pressing this gas until you throw money at this stage. I said, okay, you whore. You sounded like you're a fucking girl from the Bronx. Okay, you whore. Because I want you to want me back too, baby. I don't want to fucking be all about you.

But yeah, dude. It's just you get that one sip when you know you're next up and you go, oh, fuck, we've gone too far. So when you're on stage and you're not only thinking of your next joke or a tag, you're also thinking of don't slur. Oh, my God. In both ways. In both ways.

A racial slur and also how Asian guys do it. Yeah, how's everybody? Yeah. You got to think coronavirus liberation people's fault. A little bit time, a little bit Asian people's fault a little bit time a little time bit I did I did a fucking show

in upstate New York and I was like I did like 30 minutes and like I phoned it in to be fair but like cause I got there

you weren't even there you called huh you fucking get out of here I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm gonna read

the fucking Jerry Seinfeld book I fucking I like it was one of the situations did you just say yes and his story I'm sorry. Get out of here. I'm sorry. I apologize. I'm going to read the fucking Jerry Seinfeld book. I fucking, I, like, it was one of those situations. Did you just say yes and his story? I'm sorry. It was one of those situations where, like, I, like, I drove fucking, like, six hours, and the bar tab was covered, so I'm like, I'm tired.

I want to have some drinks. And I went up, and I was like, oh, fuck. And I'm just, like, basically reading off my notes the entire time. Yeah. It's just like, I should not be this drunk. Now I know. That's the worst feeling like literally getting up there and be like

alright now I have to also the third element you know like you said remembering time to joke tags whatever but also being like don't sound

like a fucking idiot yeah it's tough dude I had a I had a fun one last week Thursday night I did Mel Harris' show at the Attic

Brewing Company and it's a fun show but it is in Hood adjacent Germantown area yeah there was a lightning storm going on in the background show at the attic brewing company and it's a fun show but it is in hood adjacent Germantown area yeah there was a lightning storm

going on in the background and it was like I ended up if you listened to the last episode I ended up having the entire

mostly black audience sing the family matters theme with me nice at the beginning and they loved that and then as soon as

I went into material it was like constantly fighting to get their attention back so that but it ended up being a fun show it was a good set great time uh good comics there the next night i was at the polar opposite i was in an adjacent town of lancaster yeah and like drove through cornfields to get there for literally i'd say the average age was 56 years old white people that's my crowd

bro that's my crowd too i love it dude because i think they look at it as like that's my nephew ironically enough my aunt and uncle were in the front row of this show okay i ended up it was pretty fun too because i talked about it was like it was pretty hacky but i was like they would say in standard or in a public speaking if you're nervous picture the audience naked after I told them my aunt and uncle were there and I was like here's the problem

they've both seen me naked and he wasn't my uncle until I was like 11 and it was so hacky but it just like felt so good but it was so funny to have those

almost getting shot at and then like I'm in cornfield the next day I had that happen awesome like experience what's the I want to ask you guys but like what's the what's the worst you've ever bombed And then I'm in cornfields the next day. I had that happen. Awesome experience. I want to ask you guys, but what's the worst you've ever bombed? I know this is a thing that people – I feel like this has been talked about in every podcast ever.

Have you guys talked about this before on this one or no? I actually don't think we have somehow. I want to know. Because I was – 54 episodes. No, even though we've never bombed. That's what you're saying. John, quit the crap. And by the way, how does a Family Matters theme song go?

It's a Wrecking ball I like how you got the Perfect pitch I'm trying that joke tonight The dude who sang all those songs Is a white guy It's crazy, you know

I know you guys aren't doing the whole camera thing But I don't know why you're doing blackface We're just trying it out it's called Urkel face by the way the theme song of Family Matters is this

why fuck your bitch you fat motherfucker free money anyway what the fuck were we just talking about I asked you guys what's the worst

you ever bombed not like a show where nobody knows no I know specifically mine a show where you know you should have done well and you just ate it. Yeah, I got one.

Mine was Church of Satire out in Snyder PA, I guess. That's where Snyder Pretzels is. Yeah. Hanover PA. Sorry, Hanover Pretzels. Same thing. Pretzel Town. Good Pretzel Town.

I was hosting. I'll take one. It was originally supposed to be a full weekend. Mm-hmm. And a weird storm came in, and he was like, hey, man, if you can't stay over, I think I had, I don't know if my kid was on the way yet or not. Nice. Dropping cans.

Anyway, I drove all the way up to Hanover, which is a hike. Right. Through the fog and everything, got there, and there's six people in the crowd. And it's a small room but like six in this small room yeah and i'm just like all right all you're doing is you're just hosting for john super arrow or something he's actually the voice of monster truck which is a pretty cool thing okay uh i was and i'm talking to him it was my first time ever fully hosting at you know a club if you want to call it like it like it is just in the middle of nowhere and

just went up and immediately bombed on like trying to connect with everyone on the weather. I was like, it's foggy. Like we know that's why most people aren't here. And then I was like, fog's weird. And rant, there was no light since there was nobody there. God bless Jim Bryan. Like still was like, if you want to come back, I'll have you i'm like all right like yeah but it was a two and a half almost three hour drive home in the fog after bombing that's totally sober and i'm like i just want to run my car off the fucking road it's the worst when you eat a dick and it's a long car ride oh my god right because then you're full you never bomb on You never bomb On a short drive Dude I've got I have sad Rob hours

On Spotify Specifically for like Oh it's just your playlist Yeah What's your go to For Sad Rob Sad Rob hits

It's Lil Peep What's the fucking song Come let's watch The rain As it's falling down You guys know that one Yeah Keep going

No you don't know it No way dude you go no you gotta look it up no no no he's one of the lils that's dead right yeah he's so you can sing it he's not gonna see it yeah i think it's uh it's a good song but it's like super sad rob out because him and xxx tentacion who also died yeah are both on it and it's like it's like such a sad it's a song about fucking like rain and like oh my god it's like you got yo y'all guys weather hits you like yeah dude is that your is that your go-to sad song that's my go-to that's my go-to sad song what's your go-to sad song um probably uh i don't have one what do you got raining in baltimore i knew it as soon as you

said rain dude raining baltimore bying Crows. It's a good sad one. It's also a good I might be a little too drunk to drive this car right now. Let me open all the windows and sing something at the top of my lungs to appear sober. True. Song as well. Fair. I've gotta look up. I have sad Rob hours. I gotta see what this fucking. Oh, Falling Down.

That's the name of it. Yeah. Okay, fair. It's a good. I have a playlist. If I bomb hard, I gotta listen to it. dude you're right i just listen to better comedians if i literally just put on better comedians and then i go that's a fucking shitty joke yeah i gotta i gotta soak it in dude i've got like oh you like to let it hurt i like to yeah i like to i had one i had one that's the worst one of all time it's like a comical level bomb i did a soul joel show sold out valentine's day okay spent the whole day with my ex-girlfriend and after that I'm like let me leave drive up driver to soul Joel's like an hour from my house get there like it's a

great crowd everybody's in a good mood it's right I say they're drinking I get up there I'm hosting I mean I bombed I'm not exaggerating I had to do like 12 minutes I might have gotten like six laughs yeah people always exaggerate they're like I got like two I literally remember getting like six actual laughs over the course of 12 minutes. And so, it's so bad that one of the times

I did a joke that got no response and I hit the people with like a, oh boy. And then just keep going. Hang on, am I drinking your white claw?

No, no, you can have it. Okay, all right. I would never touch this stuff. Sorry, it was a very important thing to interrupt. Yes. Go ahead. Not that we're drinking

during the podcast. Yeah, no, definitely not. I'm going to take an Uber safely out of this. I'm not a problem. Anyway, speaking of a very important thing to interrupt. Go ahead. Not that we're drinking during the podcast. Yeah, no, definitely not. I'm going to take an Uber safely. I'm not a problem. Anyway, speaking of, we probably got to... All right, we got... No, we're good. I want to hear Bob's fucking...

No, finish yours and I'll tell you mine. Anyway, so yeah, so I do the whole thing. Bomb. I sit in the back of the club, which is just a fucking sandpit. Right. Just like in my feelings. Joel texts me like, hey, this girl's wrapping up. It was a double headliner.

I thought he meant the guy's not here yet. She's wrapping up the show. Right. So I'm like, all right's not here yet she's wrapping up the show right so i'm like all right cool and she's like all right that's my time so i have to like run through sand there's no traction it makes it harder to run right so i'm just like you love showing off your your stride i got no stride i got no stride the only stride i got is going he's all neck this guy's all neck dude i'm straight neck dude you know i get i'll give you i'll give you a head anytime you tripped and fell that would have made it probably the only thing that could have made it funnier i get up there joel's like what the fuck are you doing because she's already getting off stage i'm like that sucks i get up there i'm like hey remember when i did bad

everybody's like yeah yeah so then i go bring the next guy up i get off at the end of the show people are walking out because when you do a joel show right he likes you to like stand like you know thanks for coming whatever everybody walks by and says like to the feature great job headliners we loved you that's the worst they kind of just wave I got one girl cuz I choose hey and I'm like thank God right your zipper was down the whole dude you're worried about playlists in the drive home i'm looking at like really thick trees that i can careen my fucking car into that's the worst when everybody else gets attaboys and you just gotta i just got a lot of like dude like yeah like the

special needs kid who did a decent finger painting they're like wow man you tried hard as hell the worst i ever bombed i did a bingo haul on new year's eve it was the night betty white died so you can imagine like it's an ocean of old people yeah and so it's like it was such a fucking weird like setup so it was like bingo it was so i got there i'm excited because it's like 150 people or something it's a lot of people and it's older people i'm like i do well in front of older people right so i get and then like they're like playing bingo and it's a night betty white died and keep and so after bingo they had like oh we've got a comedy show and nobody fucking knew right and they're all worn out from all that binging right and so they fuck they lost so all these people lost all

their money and a fucking their icon who they looked up to and i was like you know i'm gonna have a good time so i go up there and my and the worst part is it was like uh it was this booker who like just opened up like a new like comedy club and they were like yeah man like you know like let's see how tonight goes i could show on some more spots and i was like hell yeah dude i brought my uncle out with me because he wanted to come back because i don't have anything going on new year's because he loves bingo no he so he like he like i've brought him out to like a ton of bringers in New York and shit and he's like he's seen me at my best and at my worst so I get on stage and I walk on stage and I go

hey how you guys doing so it's New Year's so instead of like woo I hear woo because they have the blower things and I'm like oh this is going to be horrible so I get on stage and I go are you guys doing good and they go woo and I go who here is going to make it to 100?

And just bombs hard. Because Betty White died like, whatever, 99, like four years. And just immediately like, boom. I'm like 30 seconds in. And now I'm like, all right, now jokes. And I try to go into it. And this one guy, I bombed for like 11 minutes straight i tried to riff i was like i wish i had one of those noise things you guys are just the whole time no laughs yeah and this lady she felt

so bad she walks she gets one of the noise things and brings it up to me and then like i get like an applause break because they're handing me anything else to not do jokes with yeah yeah and so i tried doing more material and again somebody just yells tell a joke i'm like i want to kill myself i think he said like he said yeah do like 12 to 15 i think i did like 11 45 i was like i was like literally tapping my phone like okay so i did so bad i like i forgot who i was i was like i forgot all my material I was doing like jokes From like Did you use the noise maker at all? Yeah I was like

Are you guys like this one? And they were just like At least you're not Trying to tell jokes You keep going back to the It was Look I'm the Philly fanatic It was dude

It was so bad I got off stage And the comic who goes up after me He goes Way to hang in there And he goes So he walks on And he

So he He did like I didn't stay to watch his set obviously but he like i could tell from like the first like 45 seconds like he was gonna get him because he goes like he was like he started like he like he like had this really high energy he was like really owning the room yeah and they were like they were like oh this is a comedian like they were like i was like oh fuck you guys so it was so bad so the exit was like past the stage yeah it was so i left through the emergency exit because it was so bad. So the exit was like past the stage. Yeah. So I left through the emergency exit because it was so bad.

And I brought my uncle with me. And the worst part, I have this like bit about Applebee's. I think you guys have heard it. Yeah. I don't really do it anymore. But like if I'm bombing super hard, I'm just grasping at straws. I did Applebee's. I'm like, these guys are old.

They'll bomb so hard. And then the emergency exit, I'm leaving. Chili's crowd. I'm like these guys are old though bombed so hard and then the emergency exit I'm leaving Chili's crowd I'm leaving at the emergency exit and in the back of the fucking bingo hall is Applebee's and it's a big sign

it's like it's just a giant fuck you from God like I did get paid I got paid 50 bucks the mental image

of you the mental image of someone finding your corpse with a gunshot wound to the head and one of those noisemakers in your mouth.

And he went out partying. I don't fucking know. And believe it or not, the booker has left me on read since. I'm like, hey, the new club looks great. I know I bombed really hard, but I'm kind of killing it on Instagram. You can check it out. He's left on read. Dude, your only option is you've got to start a shitty show at that Applebee's next door.

Yeah, dude. You can't keep up with me, dude. My uncle was like, we've got to start a shitty show at that Applebee's next door. Yeah, dude. You can't keep up with me, dude. My uncle was like, we've got to go there and play bingo next time. And I was like, yo, you're just going to pretend I didn't eat shit? The worst is when you bring somebody you know and they talk – when you're done the show, they bring up anything but the show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's why you can't bring – No, my uncle roasts me the whole car ride home.

He's like, you bombed your dick off. I need – that would make me feel so much better. It's just being like – That lends back to last week. We talked about surrogate pop-ups we could have surrogate uncles as well like everyone needs somebody to be like yo you really fucking suck yeah like yeah hard honest truth like so yeah man at some point if i suck i would love to hear that yeah well now is a good time well you can get your own uncle bingo that's his new new name, by the way. Uncle Bingo. Uncle Bingo, yeah. You got to run.

We guess we'll... Yeah. We'll look at Bobby Bob's. What do you got? Thank you so much for coming on. What do you got coming up? Any fun, thick shows? You want to promote the TikTok, Instagram, any of that? Yeah, I'm just on all socials.

Rob Stant Comedy. Sick. Follow me on there. Yeah, I post all my shows on my Instagram stories. So just... Yeah, check it out on there. An electric promotion from Rob Stanton? Yeah.

I don't know if you ever bring it back, but Stantman podcast? Yeah. You got a few episodes in there? Yeah, I got a few episodes. I've been lazy. I went on vacation and came back from vacation. I haven't been the same since. Summer doesn't count for stand-up. You're going to get the handsome idiots bump now.

You're going to get 11 of our cousins are gonna start listening to you now hell yeah dude you're welcome i appreciate that thank you any dates or anything you're gonna throw around anything i mean i don't i i don't really have a whole lot going on uh hang on now i'm feel awkward i have to look the 11th the 11th we're in Jersey. A couple of Jersey boys. A couple of Jersey boys. That's it. We're just going to be in the great state of New Jersey. Figure it out, dorks. I got a bunch of just like random shit going on.

I'm like, my calendar's like nothing. I'm like, yeah, I'm booked. Yeah, I post all my dates on Instagram. So get at me on there. Sick. Suck them off, folks. Yeah, Robbie. Bobby. No, it's Rob Stanton.

This is where you clearly say it so they can find you. Yeah, yeah. Rob Stanton comedy. There it is. Alright. Hell yeah. What do you got, you piece of shit? All I got this month is... Hey, can I stop you real quick? Sorry about that. No, no, no. I'll be at the... This isn't really a show, but it's always fun. Riffin at J.J. Mallon's now

this coming Monday. I'll be on that.J. Mallon's now this coming Monday. I'll be on that. And then two comedy on the Crick shows. I think one's on the 19th, one's on the 26th. One is the Clean Comedy Show. Oh, nice. But the week before on the 19th, you and I are on the same show. Yeah, that'll be fun.

I'll be going too. Also, Handsome Media alumni Rob Cody's on that one. So I'm hoping, Rob, if you're listening, can you drive me out to that show? Because I'm going to get drunk at it what the hell but yeah then the following week I have the clean show at the Crick which I think I just can't say fuck so we'll see if you can do that I'm just going to have the most morbid

disgusting material but just not any curse words in it what about you Matt what do you have going on it's fun what do we got we got the Tom's River show we're doing a full weekend there to hang out so nobody gives a fuck about the show. I'm going to do mushrooms on a boat. It's going to be fun. We're all going to be blacked out at the show and then get hammered in a pontoon boat.

So the show is really just like the one inconvenience of the trip. Yeah, yeah. And then hang out there and then fucking the 18th, Punch Boogie Brewing in Philadelphia, John Deere show. The 27th, I'm doing a comedy on the creek. The 25th will be at Simply Nutrition on Station Ave in Haddon Township. And I'll kill myself in a public forum, and you can check it out on Reddit. Cool videos.

You know what's crazy? What's that? So, Handsome Idiots, you guys are so ugly, and yet you call this, like, so which one, like, who's, so I'm the handsome one, and you guys are the idiots. That's interesting, Rob. That's exactly it. We were absolutely drilling you before the podcast. All right, look, anyway, before we get out of here, Nancy Pelosi, stay out of China or

else we're going to elude the trade war. We've got to get 4-5 back in office. We'll keep it... Too much shitty to eat, no fun nobody ate, no fun but had a little bit of Cancer Cancer No fun nobody ate, no fun but had a little bit of Cancer No fun nobody ate, no fun but had a little bit of

Cancer Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam No fun, no money, no fun, but I'm a little bit of Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam No fun, no money, no fun, but I'm a little bit of Sam