That Rules Podcast - Episode #58: Interview With a Frontman 2.0

Episode Date: September 7, 2022

We did it!!! We finally got the @attentionhorse himself Rob Crews on the cast!!! You may know Rob from his many many endeavors, but true IDIOTS know him as the genius that gave us our intro song that we all hum in our heads as we go about our day. Rob Rules!!! Stay tuned at the end to hear Back to the Wall. (Not Backs Against the Wall, John is a stupid person with a stupid brain)

🎵 wherever yeah and then we go quiet what we can bring i need i need a starting point i like to hear hey everybody on the count of one i can't do i always see that and stuff and I don't know exactly what it is. We can start. It's to sync audio and video. That's it. See? And if we knew what the fuck we were doing, we would have that answer.

But that's why we brought in not only a local comedian, not only one half of the What's Up with Rob and Cody podcast also hell of a musician I'll tell you that much. You might have just heard him listener in your ear going bop do dee da do bop da do gee whiz. It's Rob Cruz is here ladies and gentlemen. Thanks guys.

Unbelievable. Yes we got him. I like the intro not only is he a local comedian. Yeah. As if that wasn't enough. I will say this. As the listener listens, and they're probably looking you up on Instagram right now, our millions and millions of listeners, you're going to get the bump.

Hell yeah. But I will say, I was driving over here, full admittance, I told Matt, I was listening to Back Against the wall by one rob cruz listener pause this okay podcast and go listen to rob cruz back against the wall on youtube i'm now gonna start judging my distance to places by how many times like so i was two and a half backs against the wall to get here tonight oh hell yeah we're gonna see how many it takes me to get to like north jersey tomorrow night but yeah that's a whole new level of uh like listening to your friends podcasts i do that i listen to like people's podcasts i listen to by the way do rag and the deer tag one third of it

i've got to say that part of it too yeah he's just naming stuff you did or don't do that much he's like what's up with rob and cody they're waiting for their eighth episode in four years it's kind of how you do easy but rob is the end of do-rag and the deer tag that's right yes that's right yeah i'm gonna get your guys's uh episode of what up is like a fucking what is it magnum opus or magna opus i don't know was that was that good it's our best episode isn't that a condom size that was a fun but with the editor it took me probably like three weeks to edit, and it got 90 views. It's crazy.

But it's my favorite episode. I remember I kept saying to Matt, I was like, do you think he just didn't like the episode because you hadn't put it out yet? And then finally you got back to me like, hey, I've been editing, and you sent that clip, and I was like, oh shit, this is why it hasn't gone out yet. Yeah. And hell yeah. It was so fun to do.

I was thinking of that, of the fact that you might not have liked it, it might have sucked, it'd be bomb on the fucking thing. But I forgot that like three years ago, I did an episode with you and Cody like in your basement or whatever, and then you're like, hey man, I don't think we're going to put it out. And I was like, if I fucked up two of their podcasts in a three

year span, I gotta quit comedy. Were you saying too many bad boy things on there no i didn't i think cody got blacked out oh that's right no well they were like let's do a podcast we're gonna come back from fucking uh what's it called the day after new year's new year's day the winter break no what are you my teacher? The day to rest and recuperate Boxing day? What are you teaching for? No one of the guys

They dress up all sexy and hot And they wear the big The mummers? The mummers yeah Oh yeah Yeah And you guys I think you guys had gone

Earlier in the day And you're like We'll do an episode right after And then Cody walked in Banged up dude That's right He's like Let's set out to do an episode

And they just went on Like this 15 minute rant Right at the end I was like What um What the fuck did you just say? Not a single word. Big code, dude. Those early episodes, dude.

We both got so hammered during those. Because I was still starting comedy. And starting podcasts. So I was so nervous. So I would just get drunk. For all of them. it's the only way to do it i don't think i don't think we started boozing much during the old apps we've had a couple episodes where we just got hammered like well we have yeah we had like a two and a half

hour episode with don again yeah we did where that was our christmas special which was just us getting ripped on bourbon on this couch for two and a half hours i don't know if it's actually listenable content no No, certainly not. The audio was bad. I had AIDS. My mom was dead. Nobody enjoyed it whatsoever. It was a Christmas miracle.

Yeah, dude. But we... No, I knew it was going to be a good episode when we did Your Guys 1. Whenever somebody walks in with like a loose fucking 12-pack of white claws,

you make eye contact and we all know what's going down here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so fun. Sloshing around That's right. We make eye contact. We all know what's going on here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so fun. Sloshing around in the box. Sloshing the box. Sloshing that goddamn box.

We were in the gayborhood. Everybody was looking tight and fit, dude. I was like, what the hell's going on? Just high up. Matt and I had to both pretend like we didn't know Woody's was right next to your apartment. You're like, oh, it's right here. Go. Oh, no, no way.

Is that where this is? Do you go out there at all often um i mean i've been there a few times but i don't like go yeah it's too clubby yeah is there any are there any just like not hole in the wall but like a regular spot in the gayborhood that is there's plenty of gay bar but it's true there no way god damn it now we're talking yeah now what size would you say these holes are? Are there any just like the cheers of the gayborhood? Like where everybody knows your name and what your cum tastes like?

Does that exist or is it all like type clubs? Maybe a U-bar. Okay. That's more of like just like a good old bar. That's on the cusp of the neighborhood too, right? I think it's on like... It's right apart. Between 13th and 12th. I'm thinking of a different...

Okay, yeah. I think. There's a sports bar kind of near there that I didn't know was a sports bar. We went to go hang out with two of our friends who are lesbians. And they were like, hey, come here. It's a sports bar or whatever. And it's like me and three of my buddies who are just the straightest. We just love pussy, man.

The way pussy makes us feel is great, dude. So cool. We love it, that kind of stuff. But we went over there, and we didn't realize it was like a gay sports bar, which I didn't know was a genre of sports bar. You didn't tell me Scissors was a gay bar? I can't think of the name. It's like not quite.

All right, well, let's make it up now. Let's come up with it. Is it next to Time? Maybe close to Time? Yeah. I think. I forget what it was called, but we went over there, and we're like, oh, all right. Yeah.

It was like a drag show going on, and then it was kind of cool seeing knowledgeable gay guys where they're like, Jason Tatum looks cute, and they're like, his true shooting percentage is actually 56% this season. It's down from last season. I was like, what a cool dichotomy you guys got here. That's what every sports bar should be. Yeah, it really should be. I'm so sick of looking at players in cute outfits

and not being able to acknowledge that they're cute outfits. Yeah, because every sports bar does have a hint of gay. Yeah, true. Yeah, it's just, it's fat gay as opposed to, like, svelte gay. Uh-huh. It's cargo shorts golfing together every saturday and sunday gay yeah we're like you guys might not have sucked each other's dicks but you spent every saturday morning together in a field for the last decade yeah swinging things it's pretty

gay and i'm a guy who golfs with friends on saturdays And both don't really want women there. Like a straight and a gay bar. They act like the barstool bro crowd, like the Saturday for the boys crowd, is so far from the gay bro crowd, but they're not. They kind of all want the same thing. Especially like a white

sports bar. They'll do gay shit, or joke with gay shit. A black sports bar, that'll do like gay shit or like joke with gay shit yeah a black sports bar that's another thing with that shit yeah you see like somebody hit like a game-winning field goal and then two dudes hug for just a second too long and you go where the hell are we at right now see that's why i think there needs to be a better like an aggressive sports bar in the gayborhood but like aggressively gay yeah and athletic well there's like um dangerous looking gays in my neighborhood oh yeah that's like if you ever go up to where is it where's the

gayborhood of new york is it everywhere the east village like chelsea maybe or something like that i don't know i used to play baseball guys and they lived there and they were like dude we were in good shape and we were the most out of shape guys in the neighborhood he's like every it was just bodybuilders walking tiny chihuahuas in the shortest jean shorts you've ever seen yes he's like it was hard to not be into dudes living in that neighborhood yeah they're beautiful yeah sorry to move the conversation i just realized that we never told you before the podcast that we sit here and talk into the same microphone and you get your own mic so i can imagine you're kind of like what the it's like you're uh sitting on like the same side of the booth at the diner we're same side we're like that couple yeah we're sort of the same yeah

we usually tell people beforehand we're like you get your own mic you know that's how far you hold it we'll sit here it'll be very close but then i really feel like we kind of threw you for a loop here dude i don't know what it says about me that i didn't even register that yeah probably a good thing probably a good thing i'm so fucking dude you're so woke as hell dude yeah dude what's the what's the weirdest thing i've been going to philly like super early in the morning and running so i've been seeing like a new side of Philly, like 6am Philly that I never saw before. So like you, how long have you lived in Philly? Like two years now? Yeah, about.

What's the weirdest thing at like different times of the day that you've seen there? I can jog you while you think. I watch the lady just sitting on the stoop in Chinatown, fully just inject a heroin needle into her thigh in front of a cop at 6 in the morning. And it was just, everybody was like, this is our morning.

Yeah. And it was like, I've seen that kind of shit at night, but not 6 a.m. It kind of caught me off guard. Yeah. In the morning, you know how like when deer come out at night, it's kind of agreed, this is their time. Yeah. That's what 6 a.m. is for homeless. This is their time.

Yeah. You can hit one with your car around 6 a.m. That's prime time. You see a pack of them, you slow down, you're like, wow, look at that. You never get to see them out here. Don't scare them. Don't scare them. Don't scare them.

Oh, look, there's the mom. There's the mom. A homeless lady hurt my feelings not too long ago. What happened? Because I just walked by her, and she just saw me and went, boom. Oh, wow. I was like, yo, fuck this lady. Yeah, you win.

Like, she wins immediately in that exchange. There's nothing you could say back to her that's going to get. You'd be like, you're fucking homeless. She's like, I know, but look at you. That brought the dark side out of the career. Did you hit her with something? What did you say? Just in my head, I was just like...

He waited until 6 a.m. and he hit her with his car. I hope this lady loses her ass. Fuck. It wasn't deer hunting season in Philly yet, so he couldn't do anything. He's going to wait another week. That's true.

Yeah, eventually they start leaking into residential neighborhoods. You know, it's really about population control more than anything. That is an indefensible one. Deep down, she's like eight-miling you. There's nothing you can say. You're homeless. You'd be like, I do live at home with nobody because I don't have one of those. It's unbeatable. They're in a very good position that's true sorry a part of me wanted to just flex on her

what would you flip rob what would you give me like a full break jingle keys in her face you know what i'm on my way to do fucking buy a gatorade you know the fucked up thing is lady i'm not even fucking thirsty. I got so many electrolytes, I don't even need this. Your tits are horrible. Those are littering. Your tits are littering right now. Start battle rapping.

Those are garbage. Yeah, that is funny, though. You got roasted by litter. I mean, that lady is essentially litter. That lady, and I feel bad, but it's like at the base of it like we're all pieces of shit and trash but she's literally litter that just made you feel like sub litter yeah i guess in a way i am in her home true but i mean there are like certain homeless people that are like comforting to see because they're like a constant in my life yeah like uh on my block there's this one like

really short lady and i just see her running around all the time how short are we talking like four foot something but not a midget i think you don't say midgets does it come back around you can whisper okay uh yeah we could say it dude dude fucking wouldn't just whispering slurs mean it was okay? So, like, you're screaming at somebody. You're like, oh, yeah, you know what? You're a fucking... Django Unchained would be so hard to watch.

It'd be one of those movies where you have to have your thumb on the volume the whole time. Yes. Because it's like sometimes the music comes in too loud, and you're like, oh, no, no, no, no. Yeah, Django Chains. I could literally quote that movie. So good. I was just laughing. Certain parts.

Go for it. Just certain parts. Start with just Jonah Hill's lines. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I just re-watched that movie. I've been on a Tarantino kick. I was watching Inglourious Basterds, which is just like

What a film, dude. What a film. I was watching it by myself and I just stood up. I was like, let's go. Yeah, I go yeah i know you want to go bash someone's head in with a baseball bat yeah personally it's tough to see the good guys lose but i did still like the direction of the film yeah it's gonna be hard for you watching that and you're just like but i look like all the other ones like would you guys hear them out like yeah in the movie theater do we have to do it here maybe christopher vaults is on to something. I know. They have families.

Also, this is not nice, but I just thought a midget genocide would just be like putting them on amusement park rides. Anyway. Yeah. I like to tell you this, it'd be the shortest genocide, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, just fucking like six years later,

at the UN, we're sending the court just like king deca operators you're complicit they're at the wildwood boardwalk the lollipop guild is just at a un meeting by the way dude i was at the wildwood boardwalk did you go down the shore a lot growing up being from jersey yeah i was a an atlantic city kid what the fuck, dude? Are you alright? That was for my parents, Sophia. Really? You have good parents. Like, Atlanta City, like, like, rides, boardwalk, all that? Yeah, there was, like, one part where they

had rides. It was, like, all the way down the boardwalk. But, yeah, I had, like, cousins that loved gambling. So we would say, like, Tropicana, Caesars, all that shit. No shit. Yeah, they get those free rooms. Damn. If you lose enough money, maybe give you a room is basically what it is. I was protected from that side.

Yeah. Shield your eyes, Bobby. Let's go to Ripley's, believe it or not. We talked about Lancet last week. Again. I can believe it, guys. I believe it now. I get it.

It's not that big of a deal. It's okay. So, yeah, what did you... I think the only time I was ever in AC during the day, like on the beach, was for the air show. So I don't – yeah, the beach is the same there? Or is it – Yeah. Just like a little more grimy.

I like that though. Yeah. I remember seeing my first like real junkie on the AC boardwalk when I was a kid. And he was tightrope walking on like just the handrail alongside the boardwalk nice and I remember I was like so amazed by it and my dad was just like that guy's on heroin I was like I don't think you know what heroin is that I think you're just assuming what he's like he was clearly on acid or something like yeah what do you think would be the best thing to tightrope walk on which drug not heroin it's arguably the worst one yeah maybe maybe like a

good old fucking meth quick math yeah that's probably great laser focused yeah for sure are we cracking it that all tightrope walkers are meth addicts i hope so i can see it it's the same way that most fucking uh professional athletes should be on peds if you're paying that much money to them they should be damaging their body irreversibly, so that could be peak performance. Oh, yeah. PEDs, performance-enhancing drugs. That's them, those guys.

I've long thought that. Give them steroids. Let's fuck around. There should be separate leagues. I mean, the XFL kind of was that, I think. I think they were like, yo, you guys love football? You want to see someone break their fucking neck?

Like, XFL. I think that was the original tagline. But like, yeah, you need an all-juiced-up baseball. You need an all-juiced-up hockey. I want it all. I want juiced soccer instead of just a bunch of scrawny twinks running around Europe.

I want just beefy beefcakes just running through each other playing soccer. I've been big into lacrosse lately. Really? Like watching it. Because I played it in high school. That was the only sport I really played. Okay, yeah.

So you grew up in the lacrosse area of South Jersey. Yeah. It didn't exist like where – it kind of existed probably when you were younger. But like lacrosse wasn't a thing in New Jersey. And I only grew up 25 minutes from where you did gotcha so it was like a weird yeah yeah it was big yeah um and yeah like that they started like a new league called the pll dude yeah they got a pretty there's a philly team right um that's like um that's a different thing the ml where it's like um

it's like indoor oh yeah yeah yeah i think there's also there's an outdoor philly team or there was at one point oh yeah i used to play at villanova i think yeah the um yeah they had the wings yeah that was uh those games are awesome that's more like hockey yeah because the goalies like are dressed like their gear is enormous it looked like mattresses strapped to their legs. Yeah. And the goal was set up like floor hockey. It's so small in comparison. Did you ever play the indoor version of lacrosse?

I played indoor, but it wasn't like box lacrosse. Okay. It was more open field, like indoor soccer, basically. Right. You play all four years? How long did you play for? I didn't play all four years. I did it from seventh grade to ninth grade. And then...

You played lacrosse, didn't you? My senior year, I played lacrosse. That's right. Nice. You look like a... He fulfilled the prophecy of his face. Like a deep hole middie. I was exactly a deep hole middie.

I was a short pole middie, though. I couldn't handle the long poles. And it was hard. Look at you now. You handle long poles better than most people I know i was at woody's last weekend yeah i uh we played one time i remember playing indoor and it was like before the season started so everybody would go there and get to know each other whatever and like all my buddies played i said whatever i'll do it and there was this one guy on the other team who was like six eight i've made this guy taller every

time i tell the story he was like it was Rob, but you told the story enough times. Rob was in 7th grade. 17 feet tall. He walks in. He was in 7th grade. He had beautiful long hair. He was working on our intro song at that time. He just walked in going,

This guy's going to be nasty, dude. Or he has Tourette's. But the dude, I remember my buddy was like, I'm going to lob you a pass because I couldn't catch it. Were you good at catching and actual skill work at all? Well, I was a goalie. Oh, you dirty dog. Catching was most of the job.

Okay, fair. Isn't that half of the sport? Yes. You should have been better at it, right? I'm not going to disagree with you, old Johnny Boat. I'm just making sure I understand it. There's something to be said about just a dude that can just run and not get tired. Oh, yeah.

You should have that motor. Yeah. I would love to meet those guys, but neither me nor anybody on my team was that person. So many, they were asking for subs like it was a fucking Quizno. What the fuck was that? That was good. Thanks, guys. I like that.

This is my first joke I've ever written. But the dude, my buddy was like, I'm going to lob you a pass. It'll be fun. You'll catch it, and then you just run a little bit. I was like, whatever. Sounds good. It's the second time I've ever written. But the dude, my buddy was like, I'm going to lob you a pass. Like, just, it'll be fun. You'll catch it. And then you just run a little bit. And I was like, whatever. Sounds good. Second time I'd ever played.

So he, like, lobbed me a pass. And I just remember, like, I see, like, out of the corner of my eye, this kid running at me full speed. So as I go to catch, he just knocks me on my ass harder than I've ever been knocked back. And I was wearing just shorts and, like, compression shorts. And I slid on the turf and it pulled my pants down so my bare asshole just like rubbed on the turf and I remember like I came home that night and I was picking out pebbles and then there's also pebbles from the turf in there too yeah I don't know if you ever got you ever get like knocked the fuck out in there um

no yeah goalies probably aren't getting like yeah people are fairly cool to goal as much right yeah i think there's kind of like a it seems like the same in hockey too where it's that unspoken yeah it's i mean it's the most punishable thing in hockey like if you do fuck with somebody's goalie you're getting your face broken yeah so it's kind of i think everyone's like and then you got like zidane acharo who's like i'm 17 feet tall it's probably who you were playing against yeah and he's like go ahead like fight me i'm gonna move your goalie like i'm gonna do this yes yeah well the the thing is with like lacrosse goalie is they have less pads yeah how bad are your shins i always wonder that

do they wouldn't they just aim for i'd aim for shins the whole time, right? It got better in high school because people were better at aiming. But in middle school, people would just blindly just throw at the net. Yeah. So, like, my shins were fucking dying. Yeah. I always think that. And I didn't wear a cup.

No? What? I still wear a cup. I thought it would make me better. Why? I just got lucky, though. Because I was like, if this is, like, life or death or death for my nuts, I'm going to be fully present. Yeah.

But you're just going to be thinking about your chicken McDiesels the whole time. You're not going to be worried about the ball coming at you. You're going to try to get not hitting the penis. Yeah. No, that's true. It's like fucking top left corner. I'm just like, yeah. Kids on the other team know.

They're like, yo, right before you're about to shoot just scream i'm shooting it at your dick and then just go top right so he does but yeah that eventually i was just like fuck this it was too much work yeah yeah it's not it's high school sports suck do you miss it now that you're watching it again do you miss playing i love the sport yeah but the the commitment of it of like doing it seriously i was like yeah this just sucked and uh yeah just the vibe the coach was super serious and i was like this is silly yeah yeah this is a game for my why are you yelling at me yeah this is after school this is i'm sweeping you know i woke up at 6 a.m how could you do this to me yeah i just failed three tests today

you're gonna make me come out. I just failed three tests today. You're going to make me come out of here and stop balls? I'm going to go home and get the shit beat out of me. Yeah, they're like, we're going to have two-a-days during spring break. I was like,

get the fuck out of here. I'm so glad I never played a two-a-day sport. I remember my friends going to soccer two-a-days and other friends going to football two-a-days and I was just like,

baseball, they were just like, just show up. I don't know. Have your arm okay to throw, and you're good. Like, let's do this. Yeah, because you're playing a lady sport, dude. I mean, it's the best sport, but, you know.

Anyway, I respect women a lot. Also, dude, like how much – I'm sure coaching makes a difference, but that and basketball, like I feel like – like how much can coaching really make a difference? Baseball, it can. Baseball, there's a lot of strategy. I see what you're saying. I'm like, like how much can coaching really make a difference? Baseball, it can. Baseball, there's a lot of strategy. I see what you're saying. Like in the pros especially.

So a guy who played baseball answer. Yeah, well, it's because it's the right answer. But managers, all they're really good at is like the main thing managers are great at is like situational stuff. So like knowing like, all right, it's first and third. We got one out. Where are we going here to prevent? Like, we can give up this run, but how do we shut this inning down? Or, like, making the lineup.

That's where it's important in baseball. Like, knowing the pitcher, you know, has this kind of breaking ball. I'm going to have this guy hit six today because he hits better with a man in scoring position or whatever it is. Yeah. So, like, it's really a stat nerd. I mean, if you watch Moneyball, like. Yeah, that makes sense. Jonah Hill cracked baseball. So, it's is. Yeah. So, like, it's really a stat nerd. I mean, if you watch Moneyball, like... Yeah, that makes sense. Jonah Hill cracked baseball.

So it's like... He himself. There wasn't a character. It was just Jonah Hill. His sister Birdie was in it, too. Isn't that her name? Like Birdie or something? I just want to say this.

I will kill Brad Pitt. But go ahead. Keep going. Yeah? Yeah. I'm not scared of him. Me neither, dude. I used to have this thing growing up

that, like, celebrities that were good-looking, I felt that they were,. Me neither, dude. I used to have this thing growing up that celebrities that were good looking, I felt that they were these dominant figures. Yeah, but he also always plays a dominant figure, too. Yeah, but those are theater nerds. So I'm saying that's why you think that, too, though. I think of Brad Pitt, I immediately think of Fight Club, and you're like, he was scrawny and scrappy, but beat the piss out of everyone. Meanwhile, you're like, he probably tap danced most of the time in high school.

Which is fine. Do you like which? I think there's something to just being around girls that are like, oh my God, that guy. Yeah. It bugs you.

That leaves a print. I mean, but you just think about the idea, like what would he be like in a conversation? I think he'd be awesome. I love Brent. I kind of just walked it backwards

where I really thought about it. I was like, fuck, he'd be so cool. I heard he's very nice, and he's cool to comics. Apparently he loves comics. Really? All right, you fuck faces. Look at you guys turning on me. Actually, he loves supporting lower tier comedy.

He wants PC people to ascend, and he's looking for people. Apparently we all love Braddy Pringles here. Anyway, whatever. Who knew Brad Pitt was the president of comedy? Yeah, shoot. Yeah, apparently he was like the weatherman on Jim Jefferies' Comedy Central show, which like he did not have to do. Oh, no.

I love seeing that. They're like, Jon Hamm does that shit, where you're like, you got Jon Hamm for this for 11 minutes? And you're just like, he didn't have to do this. Yeah. And apparently Slammin' Hog, too. Oh, yeah. I heard he's got a big old piece.

Yeah. You see that, and like, when you find that out you're like makes sense like you like uh aaron rogers apparently has a big old hammer of a dick and you're like cool yep that's that's why he's that confident okay yeah got it it's not just the you know mvps it's not the incredible athletic ability he just had a hog his whole life yeah I am infatuated with the celebrity dong. It's a very interesting question. You look at guys and you think they probably have a fat one but then you think of other reasons why probably not. They're such a unique person

that's hard to pin down. Who do you think has the most surprising dong in Hollywood? In Hollywood? Michael Cera. Caitlyn Jenner. You think Michael Cera? I could see Michael Cera having like A long skinny dick No full circle Small

You don't realize You go oh he's skinny and dorky Probably got a fat one But then you think about the way that he talks And then it comes right back to small Yeah He's got a voice that I think he fakes Yeah

I think I think it's gotta be like a Like a fat celebrity with a huge dick because no one thinks about fat guys having huge dongs. Yeah.

Like Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah. Yeah. Rosie, dude. She's packing. She's packing for sure, dude. I forgot she had a television show.

What did she do? Rosie O'Donnell was like the it girl of the 90s which is hilarious. Why did my sister have a stuffed animal of Rosie O'Donnell? Really? What animal was it?

Rosie O'Donnell. The dog. The big bad lady Rosie. I didn't know I would see it and she was wearing a pink polo and jeans and I was like, that feels very on brand. It's just like a my buddy, like a pillow pal of Rosie? Yeah. It's the wrestling buddies. The, like a pillow pal of Rosie.

It's the wrestling buddies. The legs came together so you had to scissor them to cut them apart. It was a very weird dog. She's got ultra warrior face pain for some reason. It's just fucking... Isn't it crazy how quickly you'll get forgotten? Unless you're on the

top. Yeah. I don't know. Gen Z, they don't give a fuck about rosie o'donnell even though she was huge but like there's people from that generation that they'll remember but they have to be so fucking huge oh yeah i bet you she could make a comeback with the like brunch crew if she came out with a rosé o'donnell and just sold it at brunches everywhere yeah she can make a comeback off that a lot of celebrities are getting into booze these days which leads us to our commercial yes dude i feel like she's got a really good app like she's got to take the whole other rank she's

got to come back conservative she's got to be like this is why you can use the n word she just doubles down and she's trump's running mate yeah yeah yeah dude trump o'Donnell, 2024. Just two people with fake New York accents. Oh, I would like to see that, too. She was in some movie. I always see the poster when I'm flying out of Philly. Because they have like that. If you ever go on like the one. I'm the lazy guy.

I go on the walking escalator. Yeah. I love that thing. Me too. And there's the one is all the movies that have been in Philly. And it's all like the posters. So you got all your Omni-Chamelons in there. And there's just one of Rosie O'Donnell as a nun with a baseball glove on and a Philly's hat. And I still have never looked up what the movie is.

She played a retarded person in the movie. I swear to God. She does the voice and everything. If she's a Philly fan nun, maybe that was the movie. Not that there's a way that they talk. She's getting retarded and juggling a lot. There's a way they fan, none. Maybe that was the movie. Not that there's a way that they talk. She's getting retarded in general. There's a way they talk. I swear to God, there's a movie, and I'm going to do my best interpretation of her in the movie,

where she's like, hey! That's her voice during the movie. Was she Grover? Yeah. I swear to God, there's a real film where she plays a mentally handicapped woman, which it was the early 90s where they probably just thought lesbians were mentally handicapped people. So they were like, yeah, that's how you guys talk.

They diagnosed her as retarded before she came out. No, I genuinely, I swear to God, this is a real film. I feel like there's so many eye rolls from the director. Yeah.

It's like, yeah, I'm sure you're going to have a real hard time doing this. Yeah, we think you're great for the part. Yeah. The director was like just making her do somersaults all day. It seems like a retarded activity. I don't know. funny i didn't even tell her actually we just turned the camera on

she started talking the director's sitting there like four years at nyu and this is what i'm doing okay go hon go again do it there was a period of time where it was very cool for people to play mentally challenged people oh yeah you think about that when they were making i am sam there had to have been scenes where they filmed it and they came over and they're like, hey, listen, we loved it,

but like, could you go a little bit more this time? Yeah, yeah. And he's like, well, how far? You want like tongue out hanging out of my mouth or drool?

Not that far. Take it there and pull it back a little. Just like, maybe like 2% more derps. Yeah. You'll probably get this because I feel like we've watched a lot of the same stuff somebody made the point that most modern comedy is just the main character is an autistic person and they just put them in different scenarios and they started naming like michael scott i think you should leave

yeah for you and they were like i mean the guy took his point a whole other way where he's like, we should be allowed to make fun of mentally handicapped people. Now, I won't take it that far, but I kind of thought about it and I was like, yeah, it kind of is. That kind of is that. Well, there's like the whole thing with the straight man and then

the fucking, I don't know what the opposite of the straight man is, terminology-wise. Oh, you know. A cool guy? Yeah. A regular boy. No, I know what you mean. I don't know what the phrase is either.

Yeah. Well, I think a reason everything seems like the main character is autistic is because writers got way too much say for a long time, and most writers are probably borderline autistic. Yeah, I think it's just, I think deep down it's just kind of funny.

Well, I think people are also kind of all autistic. Yeah, but I'm just saying they're really highlighting that part of it and they're like, look how funny it is

that Michael Scott promised he'd buy laptop chargers for these kids. Like, oh, this whole thing. Oh, yeah, dude. It kind of all

sinks into it. Hey, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do? What you gonna do? Make our dreams come true. That shit is so funny. Scott's tots is still... And then he ends up... The whole premise is like,

isn't it funny this autistic guy couldn't keep a promise? That's the joke of the episode. That's the entire thing. And we're like, fuck, that's good. Yeah, but also, he's just an average citizen in scranton i think i think that's how everyone in scranton is yeah slightly on a spectrum yeah jordan peele uh made like a sick correlation between like horror and comedy where it was like it's like this um totally unrealistic scenario grounded in like a truth so it's like uh i don't know like the sunken place yeah yeah

is like a very like out there concept that doesn't really happen but it's happening to like black guy with like a truth of like racism and stuff like that yeah that that is kind of like what comedy is it's like this thing that like normally wouldn't happen but it's happening to a family yeah like yeah something like this thing that normally wouldn't happen, but it's happening to a family. Yeah. Or like something like that. Or it normally wouldn't happen, but if it did, here's how it would pretty accurately happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking about, we just watched Gillis, showed all his new sketches at Helium, and one of them is Trump-Hitler. I haven't seen it yet.

Where Trump plays Hitler in a thing, and obviously the idea idea is ridiculous but then you watch like this is probably how trump would act if he was playing hitler so then it's funny it kind of makes sense yeah well it's like you say it's the what if it's the yeah the stuff that happens day to day we're like oh man what if that happened that's why that's when it's great to see it in movies yeah like what if i flew into germany and just had to kill a bunch of Nazis with my fellow Jewish battalion. Or if they were autistic. Oh, inglorious retards.

Oh, God. You just take down Nazi Germany with a box of Legos? We call him the Bear Jew because he knows a lot about bears. So a brown bear is something that you should definitely not run towards.

If a black bear, I would definitely turn around and run around. Oh wait, Bear Jew, hug him. He just hugged him in the back. It's Lenny from A Bucks of Men. Okay, so this is called a somersault. You can do them any season, fall, spring.

It doesn't have to be summer. Dude, a whole battalion of sillies? Yes. To steal from Naeem? A battalion of sillies, dude. What unit were you? I love when Naeem talks about his childhood. Because he does describe the life of an autistic child.

Oh, yeah. And then he was cured by getting hit. That's the thing. He was like, yeah, I used to be quiet he just got autism yeah and he was like then i was sparring then i get got hit super hard and then i started talking i mean it's got there that that logic holds up because it's like if a knock to the head can make you less mentally capable there's got to be a counteraction of that where like the right knock to the head and that happens where like people like get knocked out and then they wake up and they know how to speak another language yeah but i think like how to play piano yeah i have the same kinnison yeah right he was like hit by a car

and it just changes personality yeah something oh i didn't know is it always for the crazier though you think um i i think it definitely uh takes away inhibitions for sure yeah yeah it's like a booze the booze so it's a real yeah the booze is getting hit in the head that kind of rules uh we i wanted to ask when the fuck did you start doing the podcast with them how did this all come about man i feel like we don't know the old origin story um and give it to us straight dude we can handle it all right you want the truth the networks came to do reg and the deer tag and they said we need to make it more jewish um there's not a lot of jews on this podcast yeah i noticed they needed an agent

immediately you made him sign a record deal uh i i was a guest a few times and i really liked doing it yeah and uh i just like talked to drew i, yo, if you guys need, like, a third mic. I pitched it as, like, an Artie Lang slash Jim Norton kind of spot. Oh, that's sick. Yeah. Of, like, where, like, Artie Lang isn't, like, in the title. And, like, neither is Jim Norton. But they're, like, part of the show.

And they just kind of. Yeah. They're, like, a fucking counterweight to the show. Like, whatever it is, like, in the show and they just kind of yeah they're like a fucking uh counterweight to the show like whatever it is like in the spot yeah so i was like like if you need that like i'm totally down to like do this like for real that's cool that's awesome and then and then yeah they let me join that's something i'll say because i saw the beginning when i moved back to the area and started at high note was right when you were starting comedy i think for maybe the second time is your story right did you start before and then or you took a little bit off came back am i thinking of somebody else for durek no just for stand-up in general oh yeah well

like when you when i met you guys i was like back in it after the break like it was like the break like it was like man maybe like 2018 i did it for like loosely for a year um while i wasn't touring anymore okay and then and then i joined the new band and then went back into that for like another year and then came back started the podcast with cody and then okay did comedy because that's what i was gonna say like one of the things I've always admired about you and seeing like – because what I was seeing was I thought you were just starting comedy. I remember saying to Matt the first time I saw you, I was like, how the fuck is this the first time we've seen this guy? Because you just went up and crushed in that room.

Thanks, man. But then the other thing I always respected was you will interject yourself into situations like that. You're like, I want to be on do rag and deer tag i'm just gonna go up and offer my services or like i always respected you like that of you like and i try to i think about that when i'm like maybe i should just reach out to this booker and say hey can i do your show or like it's like if there's something you want to do find a way to get yourself in there yeah because you did go like you hit the ground running kind of coming

into comedy i guess for your second you know go, like, you hit the ground running kind of coming into comedy, I guess, for your second, you know, go at it, but like, everyone knew who you are right away. So I always respected that.

Thanks, man. Yeah. I think that there is like a, like a different mentality in music than there is in comedy where it's like, if you put yourself out there that's looked at

as like hustling and then it's looked at as kind of like corny in comedy. If you're like, promoting yourself. But it's the thing that needs to be done to continually rise up ranks if you will and there's a way to do it for sure yeah uh that that's kind of what i learned like if i did it the music way it would be trash and comedy yeah because with music i was like for sure like very shameless about it yeah where i was like

cold dming people be like just drop this yeah and like i always respect that somebody that will just give you like when you're in philly or any city and they're like here's my mixtape most of the time they try to get you to buy it off them but like the people that will just hand out a mixtape i'm like that's another level like i would never just go around and be like here's a clip i guess you do it on social media but like just to be out in public and be like hey here's a link to a clip of a stand-up thing i did but you're like actually if i did that that probably would get yeah nobody's gonna be yeah that's why i always respected that of musicians too or like a street musician someone could put a bucket out and just play it's like if you stood

there and just started telling jokes on the street, you're going to get knocked the fuck out. Yeah, I think it's also just the immediacy. For me, I was just terrified. I don't know if you get this at all, dude. I'm just like, I hope these people that I'm friends with don't think I'm using them. Like, Ryan, he ran a show, and I was like, look, dude, this makes me want to throw up. But if you need somebody to do a spot on the Virginia show, I'll do it.

And he's like, ew, dude, stop. Just ask. What are you doing? I was like, you're right. It is what you ask. You don't want to feel like yousy. You know what I mean? You don't want to feel like you're just taking advantage because you know somebody.

So I don't know if you've done that at all. That kind of fucks me. My general rule is like uh give as much as you take yep so like and do it in a genuine way that doesn't suck your soul yeah so i'm not gonna be doing favors for just anyone because that would like wear me out right and not that it was even like a favor or whatever that's like a bad way of putting it but i genuinely love your guys' podcast. And I love producing music.

So I was like, yo, do you guys need an intro? I forget how, maybe you guys asked me. I don't know. We definitely asked you. Yeah. But I was happy to do it.

I think, no, I think you did say something. I think I remember at Raven, I don't know if we had already had the original conversation, but like, I saw the excitement of you were like, I love that.

I'm going to do this little pride. I immediately remember going to Matt. I'm like, he's going to send us something fucking awesome. I can just tell. It's literally the only good part of our podcast. The only consistent part of our podcast. I genuinely like this podcast. Thank you.

And I don't like a lot of local comic podcasts. I genuinely like this cast. But, yeah, just, like, just putting out as much help as you ask for, I think, is, like, a good kind of metric. Without being fake, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Which, honestly, I struggle with. I struggle with being fake to people.

Because I hate confrontation. So I'll say good set to people who don't necessarily deserve it. Oh, he talks about it all the time. I've been trying to be better with that. And not at the sense that I'm like, I need to be meaner. But I'm like, for myself, I need to just like, if somebody didn't have a good set, I don't have to say anything to them. Like, you genuinely don't have to. I don't know. It's a weird thing.

Yeah. I'm done saying it to people if I don't think they had a good set. Yeah. Because I don't think it's beneficial for somebody if they didn't. Yeah, true. I mean, now, if it's somebody, if I know, like, all right, that's a third time that person's done stand-up, I would maybe go over and be like, hey, good go. Like, you suck.

That was awful. You're taking up time. Like, just quit. This is annoying. I'm in no place to offer, like, opinion on stuff. You know what I mean? But if it's a beautiful lady, you go, wow, you haven't ever seen anybody do anything like that. How the crap did you get up there and kill like that?

You'll be at New York Comedy Club in no time. Yeah. I don't know if you guys felt this, but I had it worse when I went to Philly. How do you mean? I think from the South Jersey mics, I was more friends with people there, and there wasn't as big of a networking vibe as there is in Philly. Yeah.

And I think it was more self-imposed, like a pressure of being cool with people. So when I went to Philly, i think i was fake a little bit to some effect it's like my experience because i don't really i do consider myself still like jersey comic who was in philly a lot but like i noticed there is like a you meet people that you actually get along with but then in terms of like getting booked and going to different shows like you're going to stuff you don't want to be at with people that you don't necessarily get along with. Not that they're bad people.

They don't really resonate with you and you don't resonate with them. Yes. But I never really fully experienced that anywhere in Jersey. I kind of just liked going to Jersey mics and just kind of felt like it was a bunch of dorks that just kind of got to hang out. Where in Philly, it's like there's kind of something to lose.

There's some stakes to it where you're at a mic and you're like, fuck, if I suck, that guy will see me. He books that show. I have to do this and that. And there's the legwork, the conversation of it. I think there's more people, and I'm not saying this in a bad way. Pat George always called it, there's people that are pursuing comedy and there's people that are bowling league. And sometimes, to me, comedy is my bowling league you know what i mean like it's like a thing i do during the week to get away from work and get

out of the house and i have to like accept it but then also it is like i'm gonna drive two hours to do a four minute roast battle tomorrow night so like that is i'm trying to do something more with it right but i think jersey in our area i love all the guys not all i love comedians in our area but i think there is more of people where this is the thing i do on tuesday nights in a different sense because i think philly also has that too where it's but that's more of like this is my social scene like right because it is people that have come from another area i think there's more people of like, oh, I found my friends in comedy in a city.

In the suburbs, I think it's more of like, you know what I mean? People still have like, I feel like I'm saying it in a dickhead way, but it's like. No,

I see what you're saying. Yeah. I think the Philly comedians, it's like their number one friend group is comedians. Whereas here, like I'm very close with like New Jersey comedians, but being in the suburbs,

like I'm still really close with like a group of people I grew up with that I talked to them. Right. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. I agree with that. Cause I,

most of them, I mean, I am envious of that by the way. That's what I'm saying. I think I'm like being able to just be like buddies with people. I think, yeah, I'm envious of that all the time where I'm like,

Oh, I would love to just be like, I'm going out tonight. I'm going to go hit three shows and I can't do it. I'm not far,vious of that all the time where I'm like, oh, I would love to just be like, I'm going out tonight. I'm going to go hit three shows and I can do it. I'm not far, but I don't know. It's just, it is funny. There's a weird dynamic between the two.

That element of it, I really like and respect it that people like move there and like they're all about it and that's all they think about. But for me personally, it exhausted me after a while yeah yeah you mentioned that yeah yeah i i think i don't know that when we're talking about it all the time

yeah it's it's kind of hard and i did like it at first and then eventually i was like this is kind of weird we do this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Well, I think you also see a lot of people that get into comedy and it becomes their thing. A lot of those people end up finding another hobby or something outside of comedy. You start to see a lot of comedians getting into working out or running or maybe playing a rec sport. getting into working out or running or maybe playing a rec sport because i think they need that separation sometimes from being like especially like if you're in new york city and you're chasing this yeah you're gonna need somewhere where like it's like four days a week

you're doing podcasts three nights a week you're doing stand-up and then you travel i always wonder that like it seems like the big comics their friend group is big comics well but i would need to have that disconnect where it's like, nope, I go hang out with this guy because that guy's my connection to the outside world, outside of comedy. Yes. And I think it's so crucial to just have life

outside of comedy. Oh, yeah. That's what you're talking about. At any level. That is literally what, when you're talking in comedy, you can't talk about, like, the people you hear go up there and they're like, actually, you know, I was at this open mic last week and the guy in the audience was like, everybody in the audience was like, what the f- You're at a what? You went where?

When it's at a show and, yeah, you're mentioning an open mic. Yeah, like, they don't understand that life. It's your own life that they can't relate to. So that's why you gotta go do fucking, join a bowling league and, like, have your office job and go hang out with your family because you have to have like these stories that are relatable and talkable which is like what i've noticed like i feel like a lot of new york comics that are around the same i think we're all like kind of in the same area or at least like time frame whatever yeah like these newer comics it's like they're not that funny and because most of their experience is wrapped up in like a very

unrelatable circumstance where you're in the biggest city on the east coast biggest city in the country all you focus on are like these like i i'm an artist i do this and that there's like it just you lose a lot of the actual like tangible human relatable experience right from what i at least from what i've noticed yeah but then it also depends on what kind of comic you're looking at because then you like i was just watching this clip today and i was amazed joe list uh eyebrow bit from his most recent uh special like that was literally he just sat down and was like i'm gonna make a thing about eyebrows that's funny in every club in every state across the country like yeah and he could also at the same time probably write a joke that

would just be funny in the village in new york like that's very local humor for sure but has that ability to know when to you know he's not going to go to kansas city and be like isn't it crazy that on fourth street the light does this like yes it wouldn't make any sense i guess it's like big time comedians is like their open mic jokes are airplane jokes. Yeah. Like every comedian's got a 15 chunk on fucking airplanes and it's like, yeah, no, that's cool. But do we have to talk about it for the next nine minutes?

Like I've only been on a plane twice in the past 10 years. Yeah. But then every time I fly now, I'm like, I'm going to write a joke about flying. Oh yeah, that baby is crying in front of the plane. And then I just end up writing three Seinfeld bits and I fucking shut my phone off. My biggest gauge of comics that are cool is how much do you talk about craft over the scene? Oh, yeah.

Which one do you prefer? Craft, for sure like um if someone's talking to me about like bookings and stuff like that and like obsessing over like yeah yeah it's corny like just seeing uh fucking hierarchy yeah i don't like it at all oh no yeah yeah but if they're like is this funny or like i'll i'll like geek out over like joke structure with people and stuff like that i like that. I like that. Yeah. Because that's more of like

a passion thing. Yeah. Where it, I don't, I don't blame certain people for feeling this, but I do get uncomfortable around people that

I can tell that they just want to be famous. Yeah. Yeah. You're not, yeah, you're not chasing it because it's like,

you're chasing fame more than you're chasing a laugh. Yeah. Like, yes, it would be cool to do theaters, but it's like having a joke hit in a small club or a bar and like everyone, God, you're like, oh, fuck, yeah, that was great. Like, yeah, I would take that every night. That little rush. I'll take that every fucking night. I'll overdose on that. I would take that every night.

That little rush, I'll take that. Every fucking night, I'll overdose on that. Yeah, and I think if you're chasing the best joke, it probably means you're more balanced than being like, I'm chasing the best show, the most eyeballs. Yeah. It's like, talk to your dad. I want Rogan's spot, dude.

Or something like that. Coming at his throat. Coming for you, doughy Joe. You can tell if someone's just missing something. Well, this is actually a funner thing. All right. So after a good show you've had, like you killed, you went up, you did X amount of time. What's the corniest thing you've done when you finally were alone like that night?

Do you think of anything that comes to mind? Because I got a couple. I don't know if you, I just want to hear if you got anything. I'll do it. Let's go. Let's go. I've rewatched sets to like a psychotic amount. Yes.

And like just the part where I crushed. Yep. You just keep going back. Like, fuck, that's great. You just flip out the crush part and you're like, let's forget about the three minutes

I bombed in the beginning of the set. Dude, that's what fucking clips are now, dude. It is. We're in a time, like, you know how like American stand-up really like diver uh how like american stand-up really like diverged from like uk stand-up from like the late night scene yeah it's like the

type 5 happened and then like lpms right in the thing that like formed like how stand-up was in america yeah i feel like clips are the next version of that yeah yeah we've talked about before we've spoken i think you and it's probably the same comic that we talked to about it was saying that like he'll be thinking of the delivery like he'll be thinking of how he's going to clip it out for reels while he's delivering the joke on stage yeah so it's almost like hitting your and i loved rob stan's episode that was really good. Yes. Bobby Steeves, shout out. But it's fun, like, to do a show.

I just did Kami on the Crick with Rob, and then saw, like, two days later, one of his crowd work things clipped out. And it's awesome to see, because I was like, oh, yeah, that murdered in the room. And then, like, watching him put a little bit of work into it, like, making it look nice. It's such an awesome comic.

I love seeing that. Yeah. No, it is cool because it puts the power in your hands a little more. Right. And I think it's one of those things like bigger, you could call them older comics, are going to shit on it. But it's, like you said, it's kind of a necessary evil, if you will, for the next wave of comedy. Like, if you want to views you want to get people to see you you got to put content out there you're not going to throw your whole set it's going to burn shit you know right so it is a necessary evil and outside of comedy like that's the shit that like whenever i see my friends they're like why aren't you putting up

more like you're always putting up these things you're doing this show here and this show here why don't you just put up some of your comment? I'm like, oh, yeah, that's right. That's what all the people outside of comedy want to see when they follow you. They don't give a fuck about your flyers. Posting flyers, for me, really is just to show everyone in comedy, I'm still doing this. I'm still getting booked. I feel like we're not going to see the effects of clips and stand-up

until 10 years because we, i'm pretty sure we're all like close in age i'm 29 you're in the middle of us 36 all right cool yeah so you're approaching my era yeah of age so like we came up more on like uh comedy central presents and stuff like that like you sat down you watched the full thing, but you would get sometimes, what was the one where it would skip around? Oh, crap. It was one of the Comedy Central things, and it would just hit two jokes from a comic and then switch over. Premium Blend? Maybe.

Premium Blend, I think. But you would get four minutes of a comic, And then it would go to the next comic. So you would get to see five comics in an episode. Instead of just sitting down and seeing Jim Gaffigan do 15 minutes. For sure. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off on that. Yeah, that's true. I wasn't a big stand-up head coming up. I was a lot of just like, oh, that actor's funny.

Unfortunately, I think improv people are dorks. But most of the people that I respected early in comedy were just like you know was it second city and fucking the chicago chris farley like yeah i mean literally like by the way improv is really cool i mean when it's good it's good when it's bad it's probably as bad as and also yeah we always really shit on improv in comedy but it's like, yeah, like you said, Middle Ditch and Schwartz on Netflix is incredible. It's three hours of Thomas Middle Ditch and Ben Schwartz doing improv. That's what's funny.

You're just like, this is fucking incredible. But then, yeah, if you just stumble upon an open mic improv, you're like, this is dog shit. Same thing. But you watch Gillis Crush, and then you go see someone at one of our open mics yeah one of us one night like yes yeah i mean i i always i shit on improv and then i get on stage and i go all right what are you guys thinking about what are we talking about like i just do 10 minutes of crab work lessons for christmas uh i'm taking a couple classes look let's not you did huh you took the classes not classes but i took a couple of like went to a place. Look, let's not worry about that, folks.

I took some acting classes with Ellie Summerling. Did you? Yeah. It was very fun. I went to one at YMCA. Hell yeah. We played dodgeball. We prayed a little and then.

Everybody shake your arms out. I was like, all right, let me shake my arms out. I got to get loose. No, I respect. Because it's another thing where like we'll shit on that. But then in my head when you told me and i was like all right let me shake my arms i gotta get loose no i respect because it's another thing we're like we'll shit on that but then in my head when you told me and i was like maybe i should look into i don't know it'd just be fun to do no honestly the only thing i do dude is just get pussy drink henny and smoke blunts with a lot of my different boys a lot of my different colored boys all my different boys all my different hues of boys

that's all we do guys look a lot of this stand-up talk you have a village people voice i love once a construction worker yeah i love the village by m night chamelon i knew they weren't monsters the whole time uh do you know this about matt that matt's never seen a movie he just looks up the ending really and yeah i'm a piece of shit acts like he's seen the movie isn't that the worst thing ever it's bottom four but it's not cliff notes it yeah this guy cliff tells me all about it i think that's and i uh i suck dude uh fuck i don't know dude well i haven't seen like any movies and like in the past year oh yeah you just what was the one you on uh you were talking about on dad me you You just saw something recently. Oh, fuck. I forget. There's so many.

Oh, Goodfellas. Yeah. You had just seen Goodfellas that day, right? Yeah. It was cool to hear you be like, it's pretty cool. I'm tight. Yeah. Claudia got me into watching movies.

That's awesome. Yeah, dude. Girl, Bays are good for that. Actually, no. Bays are good for that. My wife's never brought a movie to me. I think I've picked every movie that her and I have ever watched. Bays are good for that. Actually, no. Bays are good for that. My wife's never brought a movie to me. I think I've picked every movie that her and I have ever watched. Bays are good for television shows.

They're good for television shows and telling you to use Chapstick. Yes. There is, yes. I never used Chapstick until I had a bay. She always has it on her. Yeah. It's in the door handle of the car every time I use it for her. She's always like, you know your lips don't have to bleed in the wintertime.

And you're like, what the hell kind of magic shit are you talking about? You know those things touch really intimate parts of me at times, right? You know when you smile and there's a huge gash in the middle of time and you're like what the hell kind of magic shit are you talking you know those things touch really intimate parts of me at times right you know when you smile and there's a huge gash in the middle of your lips and i'm like yeah you mean natural selection she's like doesn't need to happen big dog you know you wake up every day and your pillow is blood dried to your lip i got you having your menstrual cycle you know what i'm talking about fellas because i don't get that yeah that's a good question chapstick what do you go how old were you when you got your period that's a good question wait we did the fucking uh we did greg's backyard show a little while ago yes we did how about the things we do for stand-up comedy and for greg goldstein

that was a sweet boy i i'm so glad you were there oh i went to liquor store together yeah that was all dude me and fucking rob just like the two like fucking alky boys who were just we got there and there was no booze whatsoever so we were like what if we went and we made booze appear here so greg's like well you know i'm you know feeble and jewish whatever he does greg might also be 11 we don't know yeah but he was like i don't drink 100 yeah and so i i brought i brought fucking like a six pack of high noons. And you would have thought we were in the Sahara Desert and I had like a bucket of water. People were like, oh, thank God.

So they're gone immediately. Yeah, Lily Markowitz was like, ah, yes. She's playing her ukulele. People that didn't get them, they're just like, can I just watch you drink it? Literally. So me and Rob were like, why don't we run to a liquor store down the street and get some shit? The whole drive there, we're like, man, we're the fucking dogs, dude. We're going to make this place lit.

Then we just got there and sat in the grass and got hammered. You're just dribbling cool words. Then I drove. Can you slide over a little bit? You're nudging me off the couch. Come on, big dog. There's so much couch to work with. I drove Rob and Claudia to the...

You didn't move an inch. Because I'm a diesel guy. You just did this with your shoulders and acted like that was moving. I'm a diesel guy. I'm saying it was correct. I drove Rob and Claudia to the... I keep saying gas station. I drove them to the train station.

There's a gas station right there. There is a gas station. And as soon as Claudia got in, she goes, Your car smells of farts and bo i went an interesting observation help me understand why she'll hit you with that puerto rican truth yeah it hurt and i thought about that for a while you pull out your farts and bo air freshener that's shaped like a tree like actually yeah it used to be Black Ice. Yeah. Remember that set? You don't see it coming.

That was a fun one. That was Rob Crush that night. A very killer set in front of the old Goldsteins. So did you. Don't do that to me, dude. Don't you dare. Don't you ever say that. Dude, that was murder. It was goddamn murder.

That was one of the ones where you're sitting there and you're in somebody's backyard for somebody's... And I love Greg. It really was a lot of fun. I'm not trying to and you're in somebody's backyard for somebody's... And I love Greg. It really was a lot of fun. I'm not trying to shit on it. It's just a funny thing to have to do. You're sitting in somebody's backyard on their back deck. And you're doing stand-up for people spread out in lawn chairs.

Half are angry. Half are Jewish. Didn't matter to me. They're all angry. They were the same. It's humid. But it's kind of one of those funny things for like really what am i doing a little bit it took me back um to like kobe chosen and also those festival shows that cody

would do oh yeah i never get to do any of those yeah it all looked awesome yeah they were fun i mean it was mostly like a sweet hang. Yeah. Where, like, sometimes the shows were good. Yeah. But it was like after the music was done at like 2 a.m. or something like that. And then people are in like Aston and shit like that. It's more like taking control of like an assembly. Oh, yeah. Like, all right, you settle down.

I mean, those kind of shows make you better as a comic if you utilize in the right way like you you have fun but it's like you also might have gone away from that with like all right well this is funny like i got this that i never get out of a crowd like yeah we did that last week it was like a music it was music poetry and rap mic. And then Matt and I both did comedy there. But it was like, I said it at the beginning. I went up after they did a 15-minute break. And I was just like, I just want to thank all of you for actually coming back in. I was like, if you give comics 15 minutes, they're going to leave.

They're going to go to another thing or they're going to go home. They're going to go drink somewhere. Everyone came back in. I was amazed yeah but it was like from that like i think i learned like two new ways to deliver a line in two different jokes yeah like because it was just a different crowd different reactions so i do like those mics it's like the closest you'll get to like an actual audience yeah that is that's really true yeah like uh you get very undivided attention at those yes which i was not ready for it i was like ready to be like all right only three the only person

that wasn't paying attention during my set was matt i was getting sweet peas i told you i kept looking over and you were on your phone the entire time and then on the way home i look at my phone it says didn't get a chance to take a picture big jayader. I was observing pornography. It wasn't because he was laughing. It was because he was texting. No, I throw in a giggle every time I knew the punch was coming. I've heard. I know. You know the shit.

But that's why it was funny. Like, it didn't affect me. You've seen it. You've seen your friend's sets eight million times. And you're like, all right, I know how this one goes. Yeah. I'll throw him a. Oh, that new tag that I heard last year.

That's the worst, though, when you do something new and then they weren't listening. Yeah, he'll – And you're like, no, no, that was great. Do it again next show so I can hear how you do it twice because I definitely loved it the first time. Let me see how you do it again. Yes, the dogs. I don't know. Do you want to – we were talking about doing that before.

I want to do an April Fool's. Now, this would be like inside baseball. And it could be fun for a regular crowd. But do six comics and you all swap sets. So, like, you go up and do Cody's. We did it out in Harrisburg before. And it was really fun. I just want to do the Rob Cruz voice.

Yeah. I want to go. To tell him where to go. Yeah, that gets me so hyped. That we know the voice? Yeah. The voice rules. You have a signature voice. to tell him where to go. Yeah, that gets me so hyped. That people, that we know the voice. Yeah, the voice rules. You have a signature voice. Claudia told me,

someone did a Rob Cruz impression. I'm like, that rules. It's sick. It's right there. It's dirty dope. I love it. You've replaced the hell yeah in Philly comedy

with like, okay. Everyone in Philly said hell yeah for the last four years because Gillis said it it i'm one of the people i'm a i'm a culprit of this i think rob cruz is taking it over and it's not even a phrase it's just a oh oh dude every time i hear sex is a lot like planking i want to do a body roll dude i want a body roll to that thing i told my girlfriend that joke the other day and she was like that's good crap right there she's like how come yours isn other day, and she was like, that's good crap right there.

She's like, how come yours isn't like that? And I was like, well, you know, that's not all going to be hits, you know. Well, you haven't told her all my jokes. No, I did your whole set. You'll probably hear another one where it's like, what the fuck? I did your whole set. She was tied with rope and had a ball gag in. Cool.

She's what she's into, dude. Okay, we've got to wrap this up. Holy tits in my balls. No, we can keep going. We're having fun. I know. I'm going to get another glass of something delicious. Anything?

You don't get to go anywhere, do you? You got nothing happening, right? I will say this. It's such a pleasure whenever I cast with you guys. You guys make me feel very comfortable. Yeah? Good. That's what we're going for. Yes. We're two violently intimidating gentlemen.

We want to make you feel comfortable. You're just pleasant fellows, dude. I think that's huge, too. I think you probably adhere to this ideology. I hate that I even said those words in a sentence together. But it is like comedy can just be fun with your boys like it's and i think dad meet those guys like they spew the positivity with just your pals and it's definitely from listening to like their stand up their content

their podcast it's i think it's rubbed off on me and some of the people I think that we're all friends with too. Because it's like a very easy thing to like go through this solo and try to do it. And you probably can succeed, but it's like it's so much more fun. That's why like when you're saying you're on a show with just like, I don't really know anyone here. When you do get put on a show and you're like, fuck yeah, Rob's on this show. This is going to be fun. Even if the show sucks. For sure. Because like my buddy's there we're gonna have a good time yeah you don't even like look at the lineup to be like oh who's good who do i have to do well against it's kind of like all right i'm gonna hang out with them we'll drink we'll fucking like that's the real looking at the

lineup it's like who it's almost like i'm more excited because i'm like i want to go make my buddy laugh and i think i get you get more of the audience gets more of like the actual me goofball me in my real life right because i'm like i'm trying to make that dude that i'm buds with laugh like yes yeah yeah and i think there's an element to where for me i i get very socially anxious so like mics and stuff like that i i i do kind of have to get hammered in those situations yeah to like like talk to everybody oh yeah but then when there's like a few people like you were saying like when you see on the lineup where it's like all right they're just peep yeah yeah it's just yeah like it's it's nice especially i mean in comedy you do and granted i love a lot of weirdos

in comedy but you're like sometimes you don't need to be that much of a weirdo off the stage, too. Right. You'll see people that are on all the time. Right. There's something to the psyche of performers. Yeah. Where even if they aren't necessarily turning it on around you, there's a networking vibe. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. necessarily turning it on around you that there's a networking vibe yeah oh yeah and like yeah and

it's too exhausting for me than it should be uh yeah i'm way too sensitive to it yeah but he tried to network last week he's like all right i got it guys leave me alone he's actually on linkedin right now and he just got three denials of connections. No, he's just got the worst OnlyFans. He's just yelling at the people donating to him. Yeah, I fucking suck guys. I get it. It's hard to stand in this position the whole time. You know how

bad a Sibian feels for a man, guys? Do you get this? Oh, I had that. I had that on a Sibian recently. No. I had that. Usain Sibian made me think of the Gillian Keeves skit where it's the dad riding the Sibian. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was at a barbecue with my friends that I grew up with this past weekend. And, like, sometimes I forget that you're, like, you're not with comics.

You can't say the weird shit that's on your brain all the time. And you also can't just, like, I just got really excited and started telling them all about Gillian Keeves. And halfway through, I'm like, you guys don't care yeah but like if you talk about comics they're gonna write off like here's my favorite sketch here's this and it was a point where i was like i'll send them to you guys and like oh yeah yeah yeah cool cool and it kind of made me be like i'm glad i only hang out with you guys every once in a while because it's like we're fun but dude that's so true yeah i've realized i've come into a place where there's truly no pleasing me. Really?

Because when I'm hanging around a bunch of comics at open mics, I'm like, you guys are too much comedy. And then when I'm hanging around my friends that don't do comedy, I'm like, you're not enough comedy. Yeah, that's like everything. I'm the same way with that. And that is fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's like everything. I'm the same way with that. Like that. And that is fun.

Like, I think I had, I'm glad I have like four close friends I grew up with that. Like they're a good crossroads between like, they also find the same shit I find funny. They love, like they'll say a thing where they're like, I don't know if this is the right opinion, but I'm gonna put it in this group chat. Yeah. And it has like that thing where they're like, I don't know if this is the right opinion, but I'm going to put it in this group chat.

And it has that feel of like, oh, this is what it's like when I'm bullshitting with comics outside of an open mic. Yeah. Or outside of a show. It's like, you can say a weird thing and see how it's going to play out. I'm glad I have a friend group that's like that still. For sure. But yeah, at the same time, even with them like I'll get really excited and start sending stand up stuff and they're like

a week later I'm like didn't we watch that and they're like no I mean I'll get to it I'm like fuck alright meanwhile it's like Matt would text me did you see Sam Rowell's

new special I'd be like I'm watching it tonight we can discuss tomorrow yeah yes so yeah the kind of thing

like using Gillis as like the benchmark to bring normal people into like what's happening to be like he was at open mics like I am like five years ago.

And then you just watch someone's seventh Rogan appearance. He was on your guys' podcast three years ago, right? Yeah, the second episode. What a get. Yeah, that was right before SNL happened and stuff like that. And I think he might have said it, but he was like, I'm about to be famous. Really? Yeah. I think he knew have said it, but he was like, I'm about to be famous. Really?

Yeah. That's fucking awesome. I think he knew, and we knew. Damn, what if that came up when he was getting canceled, and they were like,

also, look, he's a cocky piece of shit, and it cuts to just you and Cody's face, so they're like, oh, no way.

Dude, and that was like my second podcast ever. That's fucking awesome. Or, for what up, I actually did Matt and Shane's podcast when I was doing music. Did you really? Yeah, if you look it up, it's on the Old Testament episodes.

Look up Matt and Shane's secret podcast interview with Frontman. Really? Yeah. Holy shit, I just realized you're Frontman. Do they say your name? Have you listened to that i've been listening to matt and shane like from yeah that's me like i think i came in like episode six or something yeah holy yeah uh i was promoting my band moonwalker at the time hell yeah and uh i was so nervous dude so how did that come to be that you linked up and went on their pot because

that was i mean they were still interview with the front man yeah yeah holy macaroni and cheese they were you were still or they were still like fairly new because it was the old episodes all got deleted yeah that was in their basement philly and um so when i did stand up loosely for a year and then went back to touring that was the man i went back to touring with and like through doing that loose here stand up like I found out about them and I was like a huge fan of their podcast um so when we were on the road like we had like a new album to promote and I just hit up Shane and I was like really hey this is my name blah blah blah I do this like we're trying to promote this love the podcast like if I could come on sometime that would rule that's fucking awesome and he was like you guys don't suck like yeah come through

that's great guys don't suck that's the perfect answer that's all we're going that's a huge compliment it was actually like I think easier to go on then because I wasn't a comic yeah oh true yeah less stakes to it I'd also love to see yeah you guys promoting that album like how they're always like rolling stone calls it the album of the year shane gillis said it didn't suck yeah can film festival gives it three stars mccuster said it's cool but whenever i see him now i feel like he's like like so comedy like how's it going i mean i'm like it because he met me like through doing music yeah so it's kind of like a trip whenever yeah yeah i don't see him that much but somebody at his level though would rather

talk to somebody that went a different route you know what i mean like coming from a different world and then doing comedy yeah i think somebody gets that higher level wants to talk to somebody with your story more than somebody that's just like, no, I was doing nothing and I started open mics. Yeah. Right. You want to – I love hearing that. I love hearing about people's lives before they got into comedy if it's interesting. Yes. If it was just like I was 21 and I finished college and I went to an open mic,

I'm like, all right. Yeah. I like your comedy. I'll listen to what you have to say, but I'm like, I don't need to hear what you did before that.

Right. There's nothing that I'm going to like, take from this necessarily. Well, I shouldn't say that. There's no uniqueness to it. I will say, I take that back immediately because you were just on

Two Jack Bros recently. And I think that's one of the best things. Like, you're learning about people's childhoods on that show. So that's interesting. If somebody's willing to open up and really expose their life, I'll listen to that. But if it's just like, yeah, I played basketball in high school and then I quit. Which is fine.

Did you do more? Did you do more? I'm going to start a podcast with you now? All right. People do that. And that's fine. They have a good perspective. They go, oh, quitting was hard. You have to leave your friends dude yeah sacrifice i know i just i do get excited to hear like when people had quote-unquote a life before they started to do comedy yeah like they had a thing i mean

music was your thing for how long dude like since i was like seven oh really yeah hell yeah um i was just saying i just did the hell yeah thing fuck i mean i do it too that's sick i hit people the hell yeah too many dudes i'm shopping i'm a big dude guy big dude guy yeah yeah you said i feel like your your generation uses dude to address non-dude situations we've created because girls calling other girls dude that doesn't fly in my generation my era yeah uh that was a boys only club using the dude word you would get some but like talking to a girl and you call her dude that's like a very big no-no but some girls are like yeah who cares it's just a word yeah like there's like there's kind of a dude is very universal now which i think is a good thing yeah i think we'll get there

with other words damn it's it's scary to think that one day dude might get canceled for some reason like you know actually dude is what the pharaoh called all the slaves that built the pyramid you're like well god damn it do you know who used to work dude ranches? Yeah. Some of the most racist people ever. Actually, shit, that's true.

Dude ranches were probably 100%, if not ran by Mexican immigrants, run by just racist cowboys. Yeah. Right?

As it should. Damn. Dude. I just got a listening, I mean, Jameson banged me up more than I would have ever anticipated. Good. Drink it up. Cheers, my shit. Damn. Dude. I just got a listening. I mean, this Jameson banged me up more than I would have ever anticipated. Good.

What a stiff pour. Drink it up. Cheers to my Dr. Pep, dude. Let's get in there, dude. Nice. I love that you told me you're going September. I'm going to go light this month, and it's a Tuesday. This past weekend, barely drank.

I did one of these. On a Saturday, I had five beers. That's pretty good. That's pretty good, yeah. That's incredible. No, I just love it. I'm laughing because it's like now I'm like, yo, I had five beers. That's pretty good. That's pretty good, yeah. That's incredible. No, I just, I love it. I'm laughing because it's like, now I'm like, yo, I had a sick night. I went out and had five beers.

I had my fifth beer. That's my big night. I had my fifth beer at 8 p.m. And then I went, let's cool the jets here. And then I watched Dated and Related, a new show on Netflix, which is where they send two pairs of siblings into a house and they all date different people, and the siblings have to be the wingman,

and it's a brutally painful show that gets you rock hard. It's filmed in West Virginia. Here's the Shyamalan twist. They're all related. No, it's in the south. Why don't you watch how you speak? It's in the south of France, dude. They're in the south of France.

That's the West Virginia of France, though, right? Well, bonjour. Well, bonjour. I like the way you cut that baguette, sweetheart. Just weeks of just strictly French fries. You're like, well, goddamn. I didn't know we'd be eating so good. Oui, oui, am I right?

What is the French word for the N word? And be honest. And be honest and be honest isn't it crazy we call gays and these things we smoke the same things I am fully prepared to queef into the microphone

that's just a fun little thing I like to do you know how the French do I'm bugging southern and French baby I got it in me dude Creole? no not Creole i got a whole bunch of shit in me baby i got on my mom's side got fucking german jews no russian and german jews and then on my dad's side his mom was off the boat french and then

like his dad was fucking so Southern. I call him my peephole. He was so Southern that he doesn't have a nationality before that. Like, if someone asked him, like, what are you? He's like, just Southern. Just South, dude. Damn, where below the Mason-Dixon line was he? There was a lot of them in Florida.

Oh, Florida South. That's another realm. Yeah. I think I'm named after robert e lee i've heard you talking about this is why you're gonna be canceled my middle name is lee and like all that side of the family fought confederate yeah and i'm robert lee cruz the second yeah so uh robert lee cruz the first his great-grandfather, his dad was in the Confederate, like all that shit. So I'm coming hot. Damn, I love the time travel back. I'm at Gettysburg.

And I'm like, I'm just going to watch up from up here in a hill and just go, oh, shit, is that a whole battalion of Cruises? Yeah, dude. A bunch of dudes going, my back's against the wall. Again, that was a bad Rob impression. I'm not good at making my friends yeah i liked it i was a big fan of it dude i was gonna make a back against the wall reference because it's a beautiful tune god i'm telling you i got two and a half i was stuck behind a fucking shitty suv so i got to listen back against the wall two and a half times because i did want to start the episode by just ripping some of the lyrics and then I sang out loud and I was like

oh you're bad at singing you gotta give yourself a chance man I can't go toe to toe with the greatest singing is all mental are you? you tell me that was good

if you're confident that's all you need bob dylan he wasn't like technically he was a talk singer yeah talky singer kind of yeah yeah yeah if you just find your thing and then you're confident with it you're a good singer it's kind of a good point yeah acdc i gotta find my thing how do you find your that's just a band i named yeah you find your thing from failing at what you want to sound like so it's kind of like comedy too yeah yeah yeah damn i didn't think about that maybe i should i should try comedy different maybe i'm failing and i don't even know it i don't think you're very good no i just start coming in i basically just do what i

did in the uh royal rumble and i just lean into being a South Jersey piece of shit. That's the bummer. And then that's what makes me famous. Yeah, I mean, good work. That's the bummer is when you came in, you were one of us, dude. And then you left us. You went full Philly. We went full Philly Bobby.

No. I still rep the South Jersey. You do. He does. Rob has repped South Jersey as hard as anybody can in Philadelphia. I do like when, like, anytime I see Rob and we're, like, on, like, a cool show together, he's like, the fucking South Jersey boys. I'm like, you're right, dude.

I agree. Yeah, dude. All right, I take it back. You're more South Jersey than we are. Yeah, he's definitely more. It's like that thing where somebody's like, I love where I'm from. It's like, yeah, but you've never been anywhere else. Rob's seen the other side, and he's still Garden State till he dies.

I love the South Jersey. I think we came up in a cool time in South Jersey too. I don't know if it's the same now. Comedy or just life in general? Comedy. Okay. South Jersey scene sucks

right now, kind of. I mean, there's a lot of funny people. There's just not a lot of... It's a new wave. We don't have enough shows. Coming through. We don't have enough shows. It's a new wave.

So it's like mics are starting to get bulkier and bulkier. Some people are starting to figure it out. But yeah, again, there's not enough shows over here right now for people to chase, kind of. Yeah. So it's just open mic. right now for people to chase kind of like yeah so it's just open mic with i mean granted i shouldn't say there are shows in jersey but they're not booking jersey people which is weird to me and we just got done championing uh brendan donnegan as our our south jersey representative for philly's funniest it's a very rocky thing where he just went he went fucking 14 rounds and

didn't get knocked out and we're like you like, you're the fucking dog, dude. Dude, he was crushed. I think I saw him twice in this year's funniest. Man. Yeah. He's fucking. Turns out, so good. He pisses me off, too.

Because he won't go to an open mic for months. And then you'll see him at a show and he has like 15 minutes. Yeah. Like, where did these come from? Your dog has heard that you work through a lot of material yeah yeah yeah shout out graham it's good good i will say i went over there a little while ago and i'm a huge pussy and that's it that's it well i've recently gotten to like smoking cigars but i know it's not like it's like a manly thing like you have to cutter and all that shit i just like sitting out there smoking a cigar hanging with

a couple friends and we were sitting in brendan's backyard it was like me brendan dan callahan if you know dan yeah and then brendan's brother the podcast with yeah yep yeah um south jersey bad boys shout out fucking losers uh they were all like sitting out back and usually i'm the one who's kind of intimidated about smoking a cigar, but Brendan goes, which side do I light? And I went, oh, yeah, I'm not the biggest bitch here. I know which side to light every day of the week, dude.

Then we just sat outside and fucking gossiped about comedy for an hour and a half, but in that moment, I was the only manly one. Respect. It's what it is. Yeah, I miss when it was like

we had quite a few mics there was good ones they're like bobby rays and just dody just started uh the one in collinswood at the barbershop yeah that's right down the street from here yeah i went the first night and it was it was fun because it was like uh it was just maybe 10 of us just comics and it was kind of like all right i was going up and i was like about to do old shit and then you're like why this is why this is here yeah and it was just like fuck around scroll through your phone find a joke get it out so it was kind of cool to get back to that like yeah it wasn't awkward if you're like hey guys i'm gonna try this and like just start a joke

out of nowhere yes so i was nervous to go there because that's where I go to get my hair cut. Really? Every couple of weeks I go to that barbershop. I keep telling you, I'll cut your hair. No, I would never let that happen a day in my life, although you're pretty good at it. But I go there, it's a bunch of Italians, and I sit down in there and they do my fade

and they kiss me on the cheek and they tell me my eyebrows are too long, things like that. But to do stand-up in front of those guys? Because I've never mentioned that I do stand-up. One time I was – I don't know if you get this when people are talking about like, oh, you know who Andrew Schultz is? And you go, yes, yeah, I do. There are so many things I want to interject right here.

And then they're like, he's actually pretty funny. I like when he like fucks with the audience. And you're like, yeah, I also also like i've just held back except in your barbershop so many times have you seen sebastian maniscalco that's every italian barbershop yeah they're just all coming over sebastian yeah i love uh when like the terminology is like a little different yeah like he has the best skits dude his skits are so great skits when he gets up and does his sketches on stage i love it well you get, you get away with that, like dating a comic. I don't know if you, have you met families yet?

Or is that? Yeah. So like, you know, if you meet like my ex's family, we would talk and she'd be like, would I get to put this on one of your skits? And you'd be like, I don't know. Not really. You're not funny. So probably.

I've definitely had that with certain certain girlfriends families but with claudius it's like all of her family's talented it's like crazy really well like jay simpson is her cousin really oh yeah i forgot about it i didn't know that yeah um that guy's actually really pretty funny man i think he's got something yeah yeah i think that guy might have something yeah i think if he keeps on working on it, he'll figure it out. Shallot 2, Jay posted a picture today. The Bo Burnham stuff kind of sucks when he does that stuff. Jay posted a picture today of him in 11th grade, and I was like, oh, you are part black.

Okay. Yeah. Because I don't see it now. I don't know. All right, sorry. Yeah, and then like. You get racist for a second. Like Jay's sister is like a burlesque dancer really and then like uh wait does he he does

burlesque shows is he emceeing his sister's shows yeah yeah so his his mom and claudia's mom are like the producers of those shows so they're they're like kind of like a showbiz family that's awesome so it's kind of dope that's fucking cool cool. For me, because I don't have to explain anything. They all get it. They book comics for the show. So it's very cool. So you're sitting and meeting the family, and you're like, have you guys noticed that sex is a lot like playing game?

Rob, are you running a hot five again? No. It's very cool. Shut up, Mexicans. We're not Mexican. We quiplashed and like i was saying like crazy shit and they're like that's good that rules yeah i'm envious of that like i love hanging out with like my brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws but like there's always kind of like a disconnect of like yeah we're not all we're not friends but we are like yeah but there it's like yeah you're pals

yeah the bench the benchmark test is like can i make a 9-11 joke very like a light easy 9-11 joke people get weird about it you go all right then this is not not the crowd if they go like yeah it's pretty funny man then we're kind of cooking with grease a little bit at that point right it's interesting like certain people that's just not their frequency i wonder what they think. Don't you wonder what they think about when they hear that and it makes them upset? Do they think they're actually thinking about how people felt on 9-11? Or are they just so surface level that they think, I should be upset at that? I think it's just an exposure thing. Okay.

A lot of people aren't exposed to the the kind of like comedy we are yeah so like they'll hear like office jokes and like genuinely they're they're like that's great yeah yeah that's my barometer there's people i work with most of them know i do comedy now it got out and like people just started yeah i've been so far no one's it's never has been a negative thing like two people are like we want to come see. I'm like, all right, cool. But one guy that I'm friends with through work will just like send me clips on Instagram that he thinks are funny. So it is pretty cool to see that like in between.

But it's also a good connection because you're like, oh, yeah, these are the people that I want to be writing my jokes for. Right. I think we kind of are – I just went a full circle. I think I talked about this like 30 minutes ago no it's it's i i get what you're saying like you talk like my like family like my my i come from a funny funny family but like very foamy foamy very foamy dude jameson is a hell of a drug hell yeah but my mom will send me videos of like look at this dog running in circles look how quick he's running in those circles and i'm like come on mom what are we like there are people who will look at that and go that is funny or like i had an ex who was like she would only laugh at like people like falling or like people like getting hurt in some way it's

fucking hilarious it's funny but to look at it and be like but then you show her like a clip of like a norman joke right like my favorite norman joke is the one where he talks about where he's like To look at it and be like, but then you show her like a clip of like a Norman joke. Right. Like my favorite Norman joke is the one where he talks about where he's like, he brings his black friend into a store and the guy stares at the black friend the entire time and like Norman steals the entire time and he's like, hey, nobody ever said anything to you the entire time. He's like, yeah, that's why I brought you. Like he does like the whole, like she'll look at that and she'll be like, oh, well, he just talked into a microphone.

I'm like, oh God. Right. Yeah. Like, um. So that's gonna be good on your end though like is it fun being with somebody that you know gets the joke yes um i think i don't know that there that there's something to people who are distanced from it, though, where it sucks because usually they don't get it. But there is a thing where it reminds me that I'm too concerned about technicality. Yeah. Where, like, I have to go back and watch, like, Jackass. Yeah.

To, like, remember, like, this is better than Carlin. Yeah. Yeah. Where it's,'s like just shitting yeah in like a fucking uh garage sale toilet is better than the best written stand-up to be fair though like what's hilarious and i i definitely agree but jackass i get the example you're making of like the physical comedy of look, they're getting hurt. But you also are attaching likable and humorous personalities to those things. That's why Jackass worked. Johnny Knoxville is a good host. Steve-O is a likable guy. You just had a guy named Eric shitting in a toilet.

Yeah, and you'd be like, hey, what's up? I'm Josh. I've got to be a class in an hour, but I'm going to shit in Home Depot. No one even ball tapped people after he did it like what the fuck yeah the personality still matters but I do

I agree with what you're saying I see what you're saying yeah there has to be a redeemable quality yes yes Jackass did always have

that's why sorry to cut you off but that's why you watch like the Nelk Boys like you know who I'm talking about like the guys who are like

send it this stuff and you watch them and like normal to my eyes funny people are like yeah fuck that guy he's annoying but like other people are like it's so fucking crazy that he just drinks a lot of beer and like like that kind of stuff is you have to have the personality and like the actual like standpoint that you can agree with that they do right i i changed my view on comedy a lot after a roast battle with lamar because he he beat

me and it was uh and i i was focused too much on like rule of threes like miss rex and stuff like that yeah he crushed with the joke just being like uh rob's family uh survived the holocaust wish they didn't fucking crush and i'm like oh yeah i'm overthinking this shit roast battle is awesome for that too though it's like the most humbling thing because you'll go in you're like i got this the best shit written ever and then you'll lose to somebody's just stage presence you're like you didn't have a single joke but like you crushed because your stage breath like it's it's definitely a different lane and i wish more people mainstream watched roast battle stuff yeah a lot of roast battles less of like the technicality

of a joke unless you're like a great technical joke writer like we were talking about matt broussard today who's a great joke writer yeah the roast jokes were like very well crafted but like then you see like i going to like romy rosner had the one joke she did against a guy who was like if you if you're here who's going vroom vroom in their race car bed it's not a well-crafted joke it's just so funny right to look at a guy who looks like a child and say that right like and i like leaned into that when i did a couple roasts where i was like i stopped writing jokes and i would just like do like a long rant about like the person in front of me that was just like i would talk as if i'm reading like a speech it was like less about the joke and more about like the like performance of what i'm saying yes to get it you know what i

mean like that kind of thing well the hardest you ever crushed was starting a chant uh defiling my daughter's name and that rule and i had to ask True to cut it out. I sure did. I won't say what it is because Trish listens to this podcast. Oh, I think she knows what happened. What can you do? No, it's hilarious now. I thought it was hilarious then too.

It wasn't even bad. You were just like, screw John's kid essentially, but with more harsh words. Yeah. Yeah. I was horsing around. Yeah. I mean, some people can't write enough jokes, so they have to stoop to lower levels and face their friends.

Finally, you get it. I don't know. What the hell, dudes? All right, we can take that advantage of this lull. What do you got coming up? What do you want to promote? What do you want to get out to the idiots? Yeah, talk about it, Rob.

Just follow me at The Attention Horse on Instagram. Oh, we didn't even mention that. Listeners, if you haven't, go watch all the Attention Horse videos. Speaking of, keep doing it. Yes, bring it back, please. Yes, it's finally. Those shits are ruled. It's coming back slowly.

Okay, good. Watch the Attention Horse horse videos if you're like i don't have enough time it's the funniest like minute and five seconds you'll watch they were so good because it was like how you're funny and then you would take who the guest was and use how they're funny with it was so good it was so yeah yeah yeah but the the goal is to do like a like a properly like shot season of it. Yeah. But I wanted to take a while to learn how to video edit properly.

I'd love to do some crazy shit. I think your editing, I don't know if it was just on purpose, the look you gave it, or just where you were in video editing ability. It fit so perfect with what Attention Horse is. Yeah. I mean, I'm excited that if you know, if you've gotten better at it, it's going to only be better. But, like, the awesome random cuts,

like, the most... You can't... If you had... If you sat somebody down and you're like, all right, here's the first five seconds of this clip. Now, predict what the last five seconds is going to be. They're going to be wrong every fucking time, but they're going to be so entertained.

My favorite was just... I don't know if you did this intentionally, but it felt like you encapsulated 2008 YouTube. You know what I mean? With the quick cuts, the zoom in, the sound effect with it. It was all very

low budget where it's on a fucking iMac camera, but then the editing was the 2008 YouTube that still sticks and it's still funny as fuck. camera, but then the editing was like the 2008 YouTube that still sticks and is still funny as fuck. I don't know if it was an intentional thing. Was it Human Giant? Oh, with Z-Sun, sorry. Were you a fan of them when you were younger?

A little bit. I was big into Andy Milonakis. Okay, so there's the perfect way to sum up attention whores. It if andy milonakis continued to be funny yeah and if shane dawson didn't rape that's it yes i want to find a way to like maintain that quality but then also do crazy shit because like there's um there's ideas that i had for it like i want to fucking have like a rat go through like a mousetrap and he goes through like

like a hole in the mousetrap and then it zooms out and it's a fucking guillotine so like I'm like I have to figure out how to do this like animation wise yeah okay all right so I want to learn uh and I I'm I'm there now listeners if you could see the excited smile so I want to do some crazy shit because if you could see the excited smile on me in that stage. I want to do some crazy shit. Because if anybody else said that, I'd be like, this guy's fucking insane. But I'm like, no, he's going to make it great. We're also thinking about how can we help, dude?

What can we do? I'll be a mouse, Matt's like, I'll be a guillotine. I'm going to look up what a guillotine is. It's an Italian guy. There's a few scripts written that I'm excited about. It's going away from uh like people being themselves to more like characters like name's gonna be jesus which is gonna be fun you did a good job i thought with jeff colella's one like you got the goofiest i've

ever seen jeff because jeff has a very like his stand-up is like very like serious not serious but like has like that stern like thing to it and you just brought out the goofball yeah i kind of like the thing with jeff is like if him and i ever like came to like hand-to-hand combat like i'd kick his ass but i did notice drew and naeem are starting up ultimate fight and and rob for do right ultimate fighter season 31 right yeah i can't make it season 32 i told drew i said sign me up i said i don't even need to know a name. You pick them. I'm ready to box.

I'm ready to do this shit. You want to fight? Aren't you in your late 40s? Of course. So close to 40. Do you want to fight in Drew's backyard? No. Come on.

No, I'm too busy getting pussy and drinking Hennessy with a lot of my black friends. What about headgear? What about if you wear headgear? No, I have a lot of black friends I've got to drink Hennessy with, so I can't make it. Do you know how many black friends are going to be in Drew's back? If you ever need to find a place to drink Hennessy. I know, but I have a different black friend. All right, we'll discuss us fighting on another episode.

Next episode, where it's just you and I, we're debating why we should fight. Sorry, we cut you off. Where can we find you? So, yeah, the Instagram, and then also check out Do ragging the deer tag uh we got the patreon going it's fucking sick we got the fight logs yes yeah of that and then we're uh posting the fight night on there um and uh yeah i think that's it man nice. Nice. Check out Moonwalker. Where can you listen to Moonwalker? Probably on Spotify. And check out the interview with the front man from Bat and Chain. Yeah.

You'll see me at probably my more insecure self. Let's go. That's going to be fun. I'm very nervous. Now knowing you and going back and listening to you. Zero podcasting experience. I'm not very funny on it. That was the first time I realized, oh

yeah, talking is a skill. Seeing them do it in front of me, I was like, whoa. It was crazy to see, honestly.

For sure. So yeah, check that out. Hell yeah. Sorry, I'm drunk. I'm here, right now, in

this moment, I'm right hanging out with these guys. High note, tomorrow, if it'll be later than that. Thursday, Helium Comedy Club. We're doing the Thursday 8 p.m. show there, whatever the name may be.

Somebody forgets the name already, and somebody's phone isn't within reach to look up what it is. Thursday, it's hosted. Nightcap. Nightcap comedy with Ryan Foster, Courtney Reynolds, and Brian Fennell. I'll do a little time there. I'll jerk around. I'll kiss. And two weeks from now, it'll be a comedy on the Crick, September 18th in Bent Salem. The end of September will be, oh, Miss Sealy Blues doing their showcase there

I don't know if you guys have heard about they're doing a comedy showcase I'll be doing time there October 8th Hijinx Comedy with Alan Pickett and we're just gonna be

hanging out where can we find you buddy we're only 58 episodes in you'll get this at Matt Peebles Comedy on Instagram nice you can find me on Matt's page just go to his page We're only 58 episodes in. You'll get this. At Matt Peebles Comedy on Instagram. Nice.

You can find me on Matt's page. Just go to his page and then search who he follows and type my name in. So it'll get him a little follow. Give me a little follow. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Double dip. Sure, sure, sure. I got tomorrow night. This will already have happened before this comes out.

First round of the Big Dog Roast Battle Tournament for Comedy Fight Club up in Comedy Dojo in North Jersey. We battle in Brianville alone. I got to figure out how to pronounce the last name. So hopefully I already buried him and we're on to the next round. Yeah, man. Eating pussy is really good. I got. All right. What is that? Oh, yeah oh yeah good sorry fuck oh god not comedy comedy on the cricket i got cricket comedy next week

in berlin new jersey so south jersey people that are always like oh you never do shows here and tell us about it i'm fucking doing a show in berlin come to it berlin brewing says that come there like three of my cousins um and yeah i gotta i'm doing the craft beer show at the end of the month i don't know look on monte comedy hacks comedy golf it's probably never coming back but who knows and i don't know what you want to say on the way out uh look it's looking good for ron desantis finally we'll get somebody in there who's going to enact some policy. We're sick of tired Biden. And we just go there from there. The former governor of Florida will be our new leader, the commander-in-chief,

John. And you gotta turn it off now. Thank you. And you feel it, don't you? Pull the bed out And you got to put it on down for you Tell me where you're going When you're back to the home Back to the world, back to the home Tell me where you're going When you're back to the home

Back to the world, back to the home Oh, baby, baby I'm talking to you We don't know.