That Rules Podcast - Episode #70: Rob Stant & Jim Gillespie “NEFARIOUS”

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

The fellas from the Two In The Stink Podcast, Rob Stant & Jim Gillespie, linked up with the Idiots. Boy is this a fucking heater!!!!

I like Jay's new producer spiel. What the fuck is up, dude? Yeah, honestly, this fucking podcast is kind of no cap lit. And there's like mad fucking fat hoes that like it. So just chill, vibe, and see if he gets a puss. This is me when I smoke weed. That seems so ergonomically. He literally is like, is my wife okay?

I should probably go to bed. Yeah. I have to jerk off now. Yeah, Rob's like, I got to beat off. Is my wife okay? That's a great thing for anybody who smokes weed, whether you're married or not, to think. Just to be like, fuck, I hope my wife's okay.

I hope my wife's okay. Wherever she is, dude. I said to him, I was like, well, good thing for anybody who smokes weed, whether you're married or not, to think. Just to be like, fuck, I hope my wife's okay. I hope my wife's okay. Wherever she is, dude. I said to him, I was like, well, good thing for her, she's in the best place you could be if you're in trouble. Yeah, she's a nurse. She's in a hospital. She's in a hospital, and luckily a doctor would just kill her and get her organs, and they would be done.

I get high, and I'm like, something bad's going to happen. That's like immediately where I go with weed. And then Mulan 2 came out out and you're like, no! I was right! I don't know. I never watch that, but I've watched it. We're a big Mulan podcast. Yeah, we're pro-Mulan. Alright, fine. Rip me apart then. Are you anti-Mulan?

No, I'm pro-Mulan 1 and anti-Mulan 2. Oh, we never talked 2. And I'm also anti-live- action Mulan. Why is that? Because you don't like it when they're not animated? Is it because you don't like the Asians?

Try focusing on a plot line when there's Asian titties. True, yeah. Asian. Asian breasts. You're just going to sing it? That's Mulan 3. You can only get it on Pornhub. My wife loves Mulan because she's Asian.

Isn't your wife Mulan? Yeah, pretty much. She's got Asian and has tits. I think that's all it is. Is that an offensive thing to just call an Asian woman a Mulan because she's Asian. Isn't your wife Mulan? Yeah, pretty much. She's got Asian has tits. I think that's all it is. Is that a thing to just call? She also has a cricket on. It seems like it sounds bad, but I feel like it's a thing of honor. I'm going to get drunk.

I'm a car that tonight. You know, you fucking Mulan. They should start. They're going to start calling trans people Mulan's. Yeah, she goes from fucking woman to man. I like that. Hey, we know what you're talking about. We're going to refrain from using Mulan's. She goes from fucking woman to man, dude. I like that. We're going to refrain from using Mulan.

This is the most Italian podcast in South Jersey. And now I'm a fucking animal. Timestamp, brother. Is that your racist trigger is bajou? Or just any time we get near a word that's a slur, I'm like, I got to let it out.

It's on my tongue. What do you want me to do? Swallow it? It's spicy. I can only say the word trigger so many times. You should have heard the car ride up here. What was the car ride up here? We're getting nasty, dude.

You guys better not be fucking slurring. He's dropping slurs the whole way out. He wasn't even driving, dude. What were you doing? Me? Watching somebody drive like a fucking Mulan. Revisionist history from a traumatic, damaged boy. I'll say that.

What happened? Matt's doing this, so I'm going to do it. Yeah, bro. This is cool. I feel cool now. We're dank as hell, bro. Google it. You look like in a commercial where the girl just melts into the couch because she does drugs once.

I got a joke. Try to cross your leg. Okay. How about that? How about you shut up? Yeah, yeah. a joke. Try to cross your leg. Okay, how about that? How you shut up? Yeah, you shut up. Okay, dumb shirt. How about that? Stupid stupid idiot shirt to be roasted ones. We love fucking got a tab. Mike said to that one like a fucking live turkey doesn't want to do

it. He's a Rob. Stan is a notoriously bad sport. Is that true? Are you guys like when somebody busts your balls? If you think it's too far, do you fucking flip or you just like, how do you react to it? Somebody takes that one fucking like the off limit thing. Do you go like laugh it off or you're actually a fucking loser?

It depends on who it is. True. I'm a whiny little bitch about it. For real? Yeah, I usually tell them like, hey, you hurt my feelings. Like Donaghan made a fat joke at me and it bombed. I hated him for eight months. Really?

Just for fun. Brenda Roni cheese. Yeah, dude. Yeah, he made he went on stage. He was like a Jim Gillespie's here. You lose weight yet and it Bob and I was like I was laughing really. I was like, fuck you. Do you think it was because he's not tall enough to get to the mic?

People didn't hear it. Yeah, okay. That could be it. Yeah, it was now he's going to hate you for eight months, dude. Yeah. Donovan, here's that. I got his back. It was so fun.

I don't know. I was just like, I was like, yeah, he was like, hey, I hope I didn't offend you all. Fucking carried your hatred of Brendan to term the entire time. That was really what was inside you, the hatred of Brendan growing each day, dude.

But you aborted it at three months. You got me close. I almost did it. I'm having a little bit of fun, dude. You got me there. I got a couple of Mickeys in me, dude. Where is he tonight? Doesn't he live in this apartment?

No, he left. Is that my motor now? He did, yeah. He lived upstairs. That wasn't a weird thing I was beating off to? That wasn't real? It was real. Okay, cool.

Thank God. What a specific thing to be like, oh my God, proximity. Yeah, were you just writing fan fiction about Matt and Brendan? I like that. You should come over. What a specific thing to be like, oh my god, proximity. Yeah, were you just writing fan fiction about Matt and Brendan? I like that. You should come over.

The John Montag Library is plump with stories. You should see Jim's Tumblr. It's just full of that. Yeah, my Tumblr is full of mashed potatoes. I shook it the whole way here. I was like... You made fun of me Because I had a chocolate Peanut butter protein shake And you're like

Oh Rob's trying to lose weight No Here's the funny thing About that The chocolate part He was drinking peanut butter And I was like I don't think that's how

You lose weight Just cutting the bread out No it was really good You can't put the peanut butter And the jelly in a drink And be like No no no It's health

No it's good for you It's for my health If you put it in a shaker bottle It's technically healthy It's like a loophole. My buddy, he brings a ton of fucking drinks. He puts a little tequila, a little mix in there, shakes it up. And it's good.

It does make you... It tricks your body. You're shocking your body, dude. What does he do? You put a little tequila, a little body armor in there and you shake that up and you go, holy fuck, am I better than everybody? The results are in, Steve Harvey. I was at Jim Kelly's house and we drank this fucking shit the day after drinking. Him and his girl

had this... You drank it the day after drinking? Well, no. We had this... It was like a recovery powder. Liquid IV? Yeah. It was like this salty... Yeah, that's what it was. They're great. That's the name for that. Those things are pure hangover killers. Dude, it fucking... It was salty as a bitch

but it fucking got me there I blew a load So crazy in the toilet You shit You shit You shat or you mean You made cum I made cum

Really now I'm like hey Listen We're guys To be fair It came out of his butt But guys We have a finite number

Of natural boners That we will get in our lives Don't waste them Yeah That is scary That is scary to know That like one day It can go away

I'm gonna be hard forever. Yeah, that's honestly my point. You're going to die hard, you think? Especially with Jim Kelly. Jim Kelly's got that fucking hot little piece running around everywhere. Is it a dog? I'm talking about Jenny. I'm talking about Jennifer Lopez.

You know what I'm saying, Rob? Okay, ow. That was a conversation for a car. Don't do that again, actually. What if we started fighting? Don't say about touching me. I'd just break the fuck out of Rob's face. Just slowly watch you deteriorate on camera.

We definitely wouldn't interfere at all. No. I would. I would separate it quick as hell. I'd go, no! I'd go like that. Oh, no. I'd go, well, let's quit it.

This is what happens when you give him a beer. That's how you get bit. No. That's how you get bit by a fat man. Do you have a drink that makes you a sassy bitch like is there one specific drink vodka cranberry pepsi yeah vodka cranberry makes me shit talk rob's sisters to their face oh yeah at the wedding yeah they're giving it back they don't know you're ripping vodka crayons at a wedding hell yeah i'll rip anything anywhere do you like crazy i like it i

did coke on the way here in rob's car. He didn't even know. In the backseat, like driving Miss Daisy? No, in the front seat. He's like, what are you doing? I was like, picking my nose. I just took a big fucking lump on my hand. It's also funny if it was never Coke and you've just been snorting pure sugar for years. You're snorting his protein powder? I'm like sucking a Fun Dep.

Fuck, I love the 80s. You tell it's good because you're my mouth is numb fun dip marketing had to been like the best meetings to be in they're like all right we got a bag of sugar like what are we gonna get it in the kid's mouth with he's like hear me out a stick of sugar. I thought there was like a dickhead that was like, all right, here's what we'll do. They'll lick their finger all good, and I'll watch. Research. Nah, dude.

He's like, I've been tasting sugar off a bunch of kids' fingers. Let me tell you. I think we should come up with something. Fundip had to have been a bunch of Cokehead candy execs were out partying one night and were like, yo, what if we could make Coke for kids? No, it's a guy who wants to suck sugar. Coke is for kids.

Have you ever seen E.T.? I've seen it, but yeah. What does that mean? I don't know how those go hand in hand. Tricks are for kids. You're thinking of tricks. No, no, no. What's the...

Drew Barrymore. She's been doing cocaine since she was like four years old. What did that have to do with E.T. other than that she was in it? Coke is for kids. She was in E.T. I'm just trying to figure out why E.T. was brought into the mix. She was in E.T. as a kid and did coke on set.

Oh, on set. Okay, now we're unraveling. She was like four years old. She was like four years old doing blow. That's sick. I think that's fine. She turned out fine. We got there from ET. She actually turned out better than fine because none of us are Charlie's Angels. Yeah, but also at four years old, it's called blow.

Yeah. Blow. I want more blow. My name is Drew Bowie Mall. That's actually hilarious. She's not retarded. She's four. Yeah, but that's a four-year-old dog.

I'm like, can the two of you get on board with that? That was really funny, actually. I'm buttering him. I'm going to give him the craziest handjob of his life. He's like fat hands. They're like vacuums. Ooh, fat jobs. Let me hear that Drew Barrymore again. All right, let me get

back into character. Hold on. Drew Barrymore does have a stupid list. Bogle Shuckle? You're saying she was doing Bogle Shuckle? Is that what you're trying to get at? Yeah, boogle shuckle. I have a real problem. I do like the idea of her being like a fucking cream and not a coke head, dude.

But if you were a kid, you ever see the kids react to like if somebody dresses up as Santa or the Grinch, they freak the fuck out? If you had a prosthetic or whatever it is, if somebody dresses ET, you have to bump a line to get through the fucking day. Yeah.

You're in your trailer and you're like, fuck, I'm scared. Nine hours. I wish they would have given her the other direction gave her psychedelics and then been like just go sit next to this fucking animatronic alien now and she's like i mean are we aliens well they just give her psychedelics now and put her on a fucking john's a father i just saw a clip of her the other day that somebody reposted and i it was her and some other lady with the worst back and forth i've ever seen. And then at the end it was like, that's Drew

and a million dollars. You said you hate her now? You hate one of the Charlie's Angels? She's the least, yeah. If I had to choose... Keep talking and die. Who was it? Lucy Liu? Cameron Diaz?

Cameron Diaz is the most hot. You can take Drew Barrymore. She's out of the Angels for me. If you end up with Drew Barrymore, you actually won, you didn't lose? It's Cameron, Drew, Bill Murray, Lucy Liu. Oh, yes. Those are the three.

I like Drew as Bjergen Jørgen from Wayne's World 2. I never watched Wayne's World. No? No. Great party time. Yeah, very excellent, I would say. That's hilarious. I've had a great time without ever seeing it. Yeah, I'm A-OK. Never see

that movie. Yeah, I'm so good. It's only because we're young as hell, though. That's probably why. Yeah, I'm so fucking young. We didn't spend... Yeah, dude, going to fucking college in the early 2000s watching Wayne's World, bro. I got texting while I was in college. It became a thing while I was in college. If another dude in his 30s suggests Dana Carvey to me,

I'm going to start killing people. No, I'm not suggesting Dana Carvey. I'm not watching a guy with a girl's name next, brother. Also, with, I don't know, it's iconic. I got nothing. Have you guys ever beat off to the Charlie's Angels? Because I did that a lot as a kid. No.

Yeah, dude, I had a Comcast box. I beat off to anything. I beat off to the Powerpuff Girls like yesterday. My big thing was when Pam Anderson had a spinoff show. Yeah.

I forget what it was called, but there was a lot of boats involved and a lot of like leather and Pam Anderson. It was like a Night Ranger type movie show.

So that was my go-to. I touched my body to my own successes growing up. Like if I won a championship at basketball, I'd think about laughs I had. That's real. That's real as fuck. Yeah, bro. You ever

play on a baseball team and then you make the baseball team on the video game and then you play the position that you really wanted to play? Yeah, you're my careering. Yeah, you're my careering, but it's like you made everyone that's on the team in real life. It's all your friends. You make them all shitty. Yep. And you hit mad dingers. And they keep asking you the team in real life. It's all your friends. You make them all shitty.

Yep. And you hit mad dingers. And they keep asking you for money in the game. You're like, fuck it. You're like, whoa. The ask for money feature of my career. I know. And then I have to turn around and actually give my mom money

because she needs it for heroin. And then you make the running into their mom in public feature where you tell the mom they ask for money feature. I love that part of the game, dude. Yeah, there should be a game where you just embarrass your friends all the time. It's good to know that in the metaverse... Wait, you didn't know

he's drinking every day? Oh, I thought that was common knowledge. I thought we were all just on the same wavelength. Oh, okay. Yeah, so I guess so. I love knowing that...

That's not me. That's all. In the metaverse, you guys get to pick anyone you want to be and you're like, I'm going to be an even bigger piece of shit.

Yeah, just being punts in the metaverse is pretty sick. I'm just glad... I would have Goro's body and The piece of shit. Just being punts in the metaverse is pretty sick. I'm just glad. I would have Goro's body and the rock's head. That would be me in the metaverse. Goro, full body Goro. Because he had little legs for how big his arms were.

He had four balls and two dicks. That was how Goro's... Nah, if I was in the metaverse, I'd pick myself a female president and then fuck it up. I'd still be here with myself doing the party really hard. Wouldn't it be sick to make yourself Hillary the metaverse and then just not do a good job? You know what's funny?

There was a book when we were growing up, us children. Us kids, yeah. Us kids, us young kids. I hear myself do that party really hard. Wouldn't it be sick to make yourself Hillary the metaverse and then just not do that kind of a job? You know what's funny? There was a book when we were growing up. Us children. Us kids, yeah. Us kids. Us young kids. It was called The Kid Who Ran for President. And that was more believable than any woman I've ever seen in politics.

This guy gets it. There was a movie called Kid President. No, First Kid. That's the one that was never mine. There's a drone strike on a wedding in Syria. This guy's over here googling why don't more women have double mastectomies? He's like, chop them off, give them to me.

I'll take care of them. I'm really happy that nobody noticed me that took two tries for me to pick up this beer. Take as many tries as you want. By the way there, what the? He's getting snagged on all that fucking jewelry. Yeah, dude. I got a fucking gold ring.

Rob keeps doing stuff with his left hand. He's like, I don't know. I'm like, oh, man. I'm like a righty, but I'm trying a new thing where I grab it with my left hand. Is it weird wearing the wedding ring now for you? I go like that. I keep fidgeting with it. I'll play with it a lot, but I'm going to lose it.

I know that. Eventually, I won't have to wear it again. That'd be nice. Eventually, I'll lose it, and then it won't be my problem. Statistically, you'll not have to wear that ring for very long. Oh, yeah.

Statistically, he's going to get a ring tattoo. Oh, yeah. I was thinking about doing that, just being an ultimate douche. Yeah. Could you imagine? I think that's sick. Could you imagine?

That'd be fucking... That's sick as fuck. I mean, most things I think are sick are annoying and stupid, so it's not a ringing endorsement, but I think that'd be kind of tough. Honestly, you know what else is sick as fuck i mean most things i think are sick or annoying and stupid so it's not a ringing endorsement but i think that'd be kind of tough honestly you know what else is sick as fuck the sanctity of marriage the sanctity of marriage is actually dope as hell i want to get looking into your lover's eyes and reading your vows that you wrote yourself yeah i want to you're allowed to take it off the wedding ring like when you're going to bars and

shit right yeah yeah because how sometimes it falls off yeah encourage it because uh hand wash you're gonna get free drinks yeah because then girls won't want to kiss you. Yeah. And that's sad. True. Girls get pissed. Most of the going out to the bar. I'm gay.

And I still, I'll go out to the bar and just make out with fat bitches. For sure. Just can't. Just sit down. Is there a color for that in the gay flag? That's just the outline of the flag. Yeah. It's probably the same.

It's like anything that happens inside the square. Yeah. It's probably the same color with the flames as hell, dude. Have fun with that. Yeah. Matt's a pure Republican Christian. Yeah, it's probably just like anything that happens inside the square. Yeah, it's probably the same color of the flames as hell dude. Have fun with that. That's a pure Republican Christian. I love Republican

Christian. Yeah, good luck. I'm heat resistant baby. I'm like, okay, wasn't that funny? I know, but it wasn't that funny.

I'm going to talk about the whole way home. Guess what, buddy? You just got real number one from this episode. Jesus Christ. No, guys. Remember when I tried to pick up the beer and I couldn't?

That was funny too, right? That's the idea that you said you're heat resistant. Yeah, that makes complete sense. Did you ever go big guy shorts in the winter move? John Montag, you've known me for two years. Yes. I don't think I've seen you shorts in the winter. You're fully t, you've known me for two years. Yes. I don't think I've seen you shorts in the winter.

You're fully painted up now. I'm doing a whole business cash thing for the last six months. Okay. Don't ever say business cash again. I'll take my fingers down your gay throat. I don't care. You are kind of dressed like IT guy who doesn't know anything about computers. Yeah, I'm actually

an IT guy that talks your ear off about computers. I'm actually an IT guy that talks your ear off about ET. Is this Windows 98? It's like it's 2022. I don't think so. Ask me anything about code and I will leave. I'm just typing up chode, dude. Anyway, sorry. Sorry, short to the winter.

Ask me about cock chain. I don't know. Cock chain? The cock chain? I don't know. Cock chain? The cock chain. Okay. Get out of here, dude. Dude, I just love Josh with the fucking fellas. Dude, you know what I'm saying? I wish somebody would like, I don't know, rat tail me and call me a pussy.

With their dick. You know what I'm saying? See, this is where a better producer would look up rat tailing and explain what it is to me. What is rat tailing? It's when you fucking spin the towel. Oh, okay. You're acting like you didn't invent it. What did you call that?

Mickebockering. Back in the 1800s, it was... You just want to get that close to saying the N-word. Yeah, you're walking a fine line. If you want to hear a story where I do get close to saying it, just listen to Jim's stand-up. Did you guys see the video of the guy who's selling solar panels? And he drops it.

He's like, yeah. I'm just going around talking to... He meant to say neighbors, but he didn't say neighbors. I love that he immediately was like, my bad. My bad. And then tried to continue selling. I think he tried to continue selling solar panels. I think at that point, you just got to be like,

look, man, can you please buy these fucking solar panels pack it in brother yeah that's like the fourth house slur he was on that day he was like damn it he's like we're just going around talking to my bitch fucking wife's fuck sorry i that's i did this guy's i mean that felt it did feel innocent the way he did it like it didn't feel like there was any malice yeah but like guys can't just fuck up because of ring camera anymore. That's how I feel. Now that guy can't be employed anywhere

because of ring. That's how I feel every time I say the N-word. Who is it? There's no hate behind it. Ring cameras really ruin slurs for suburban white guys.

I think that was a Comcast door-to-door salesman and that probably is how you get into the job because they're like, say it. He's like, all right. Anyway, you you got married how the fuck was the wedding i did want to talk about the wedding that's why i brought up the ring it was dope uh yeah it was a big party that's all

it really was i mean yeah big boost to open bar everybody got fucking hammered yeah it was fun dude yeah it was a good time i would recommend it i want to get married like four more times i've been thinking i would keep racking them up yeah i'm gonna keep yeah i think this one's uh running you know running out pretty soon and then i'll find you guys do did you do a cool entrance um we did it was like dude i'm such a dork i we i like somehow convinced my wife to make almost all the music from like goodfellas hell yeah so it was like rags to riches and like like all that shit and it was it was really cool i loved it that's it there's no there's no end of story there yeah no i i it's like because it's a fine line between like

if you do a whole choreographed thing obviously you're a fucking loser oh yeah but if you do nothing you're like are you not enjoying like this thing you paid a bunch of money for oh yeah rob's wedding was a bringer yeah you had to bring people. Rob's groomsmen were people I've never seen before in my life. You noticed Rob? Yeah, yeah. You noticed Rob? He literally did a bringer. He barked out front.

Everybody got a good tape out of it, though. You get two hours, but if you're doing well, you get another hour. You know what's hilarious about Rob? Rob put the comedians in the fucking nosebleeds. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can't have comedians right up front. Yeah, that'd be a nightmare, dude.

Look at the way fucking Rob eats steak, pussy. I'm like, look at the way Rob's dancing with his mom. Kiss her, faggot. Oh, cry a little bit more, you fucking pussy. Yeah, I bet you fucking love her, don't you? Oh, this is something you're going to talk about one day. One of you is on your deathbed. I hope somebody's scrapbooking this beautiful day.

Yeah, it's like a turn of day. Yeah. Eternal Loves. It was a good time. The mustache, I love it. Thanks, dude. I've been growing it out and almost nobody likes it. I've gotten just resounding shit on me. You ever catch yourself eating it a little bit? I lick it.

I lose ice cream in it. I lose different other kinds of foods in it. Yeah, you nibble on them. Jim's like, I'm going to lose. I'm going to take a bite of it. I'm going to come over there and take a bite of your mustache. I can guarantee that. If you had to name the flavor palette,

what do you think Matt's mustache tastes like? Oh my God. Give me a color wheel. Color wheels with six black eyes. It tastes like white claw and skateboarding. Like a fresh death. White claw and tech deck.

If Matt's mustache was a Yankee candle, it would be like Fireball Fat Girl. like a fresh white glow and tech tax. Yeah, if Matt, if Matt's mustache was a Yankee candle, it'd be like fireball fat girl. No,

no, wouldn't I slay tens? My beautiful angels only she's in the other side of that door.

She's in there. She's cleaning my bathroom by unbelievable. Matt's got her working right now. Fuck. That's playing cute games with turn it around. I went in the fuck? Unbelievable. Matt's got her working right now. What the fuck? Matt's playing cute games with his friends.

Turn it around. I went in there to grab something. She was like, yo, your shower's fucking abhorrent. What is that, dude? I'm like, yeah, I guess I'm a little dirty. Where'd you find her? At the library? Yeah, you fibbing to me?

You fibbing to me in your living room right now? At some point, I think Matt lost a bet that he has to shoehorn abhorrent into every episode that we have. Yeah, this is at least the third time we've heard that word. This is not normal. Dude, they call me, I got a big dictionary. He's like, I know how to go from an A to a B to an H. So, kind of. You guys are a bunch of jerks, huh?

You guys are a big old trio of jerks. And you two are there, dude. I'm not saying anything mean. It's apparent that we're jerks. That's close to a Boren. Yeah, dude. So I'm getting two tattoos. I'm getting a ring tattoo and then trust the process. That's apparent that we're jerks. That's close to a born. Yeah, dude. So I'm getting two tattoos.

I'm getting a ring tattoo and then trust the process. That's what it's going to be. Rob, I want to applaud you for just getting back on track. Well done, sir. That's crazy because you did inspire me to get a tattoo. I actually got a tramp stamp that says thrust the process. Yeah, you did. I just checked.

That's all. I'm like, guys, you don't have to laugh that hard. Okay, relax. Rob, man, he's trying to silence a black voice every day. Trying to silence my black voice, dude. They are loud. I'm kidding. I'm kidding around. I know it's Wakanda forever.

I know it's Wakanda forever, but come on. I'm kidding around. Maybe timestamp. That's great. Don't edit that out, you piece of forever. I know it's kind of forever, but come on. I'm kidding around. Maybe time stamp. Don't don't edit that out. You piece of shit. I'm going to watch this in its entirety, and if I don't hear that, I'm going to scream in the comments. He's just going to write. I'm going to scream rape. I will scream rape alone. Just at Starbucks. Just go right. Rob, you do have one of my favorite tattoos that i've seen on instagram though um you're one where you went in to get

the flash one and you got the part of it was the sign where it's like you pick anyone right yeah me and my buddy yeah me and my buddy we got drunk and we were in media and we went into a tattoo parlor and the idea was to pick each other's tattoos so cute so i picked that is cute so there was a whole sheet of tattoos it said pick a design a hundred dollars all these designs my buddy points at the block that said pick a design a hundred dollars so now i have that tattooed on my thigh and then i was like okay well if i'm gonna do that then you have to get this tattoo and at the bottom of the sheet the shop owner signed it with his initials and the

shop name so now he has the shop owner's initials and the shop name tattooed on him. Nice. I hope one day that guy goes down for something terrible. Oh, my God. He just got that on him. Rob, tell me. Was that the shop across the street from the Wawa, the little shack one there? Or is that downtown?

It's across from the parking garage, like off of Lemon Street. That took some guts to walk in there and just pick one off the book. Oh, yeah. They weren't happy, but we had money. so yeah it turns out money wins every time it turns out when you're keeping the lights on yeah i'm sure every tattoo artist right before he was asked to tattoo the old tattoo guy wants to shut his mouth yeah dude why don't you get gd and shut up you talk a lot for a guy who made coloring books a career you run your mouth a lot brother it's crazy you go to get your first tattoo and

you think they're talented and then they just print out a stencil and trace it and i'm like yeah that was an eye opener for me it was unbelievable i will never let one of you near me i walked in some girl covered in tattoos and pierce i was like damn this bitch is exotic and good at drawing and then she was like what do you want and i was like you're not gonna like this and i told her the trust process and she prints it out in like fucking Times New Roman letters. She's scrolled through. She's scrolled different fonts. And she was like, you want wingdings?

I can do wingdings on your arm. That's like anything but Helvetica, to be honest. Dude, it's close to Helvetica. And they tried to impact font, dude. That would have been sick. They touched the process. It gets bigger. Like a text message on iMessage.

You can rub it to invisible like my own tattoo i had i had an artist freestyle one tattoo that was it because i have like i have like roses wrapped around it's really good but he did yeah he freestyled that will you ever because like you your legs are all covered right will you ever do arms too or um i don't think it fits like i i originally yeah i would have but like jim's just gonna make fun of me i can originally yeah, but like I'm not. I'm not. I take you very serious. I take you and your trials and tribulations very serious.

I don't think arm tattoos would fit like me on stage because it's like I get what you're saying. I would look like I would just look weird. Like if I walked on stage with tattoos, they'd be like, who the fuck? What is this guy? Who is she? Yeah, exactly.

She's so brave. I keep them all hidden. I got chest tattoos, too. I just got those done. Oh, really? You should probably show those off. They're actually nice. Yeah, let's get it.

Get a little birdie here. No, no, no. You need the phone. No, dude. Christmas has done me dirty. I've been eating like shit. Oh, nice. That's kind of fun.

A couple birdies, yeah. A couple sparrows. I like it. What bird been eating like shit. Oh, nice. That's kind of fun. A couple birdies, yeah. A couple sparrows. I like it. What bird is that? Beats me, dude. That's every girl that I tried to hook up with in 2006 had that tattoo on her hips. Yeah, I just got them up a little bit higher.

I'm glad you went higher with them. Or else I'd be real horny right now. I have tattoos on my hips, too. It says heaven sent and hell proof. I dated a girl that had tattoos on her hips and they were in honor of her grandpop yeah and that was so weird once i learned that part of it oh geez you can't get a pop-up tattoo that close to did you come on every bit probably at some point yeah that's what i have brit has a grandma tattoo and like sometimes i'll like shoot one on her tits

is it like on her face it'll leak down like it's like yeah it's pretty rough is it like a like a portrait of her no sure i'm sorry it's like forgive me oh chicha it was her white grandmother dude chill okay yeah her other grandmother's still alive dude she's like 108 yeah imagine living to be 108 just to get covered in Rob's spunk That would fucking blow That is crazy how early white people die We don't make it very long Some would argue not early enough

Wait till you see the car ride home It's gonna be crazy Damn now you can't die Drinking and driving hilarious I'm gonna fucking bust a couple thickalos Dude nothing wrong with getting behind the whip Six deep and going how fast can I take this Subaru Damn now you can't drive and hilarious my right, and I'm gonna fucking bust a couple thick aloes Did nothing wrong with getting behind the whip six deep and going how fast can I take this Subaru brother? I'm like Rob put on a hosier. Let's get weird. Oh, yeah, dude. You're driving. Oh, yeah, the two of us We sing it together. We scream cry the blood is red and sweet

Something tragic, but I gave her everything it actually yeah I can get a couple of something kick. You know you're dressed like an overcast day. There's something tragic about you. I'm like, nah, sing it, actually. Nah, but I can get a couple licks in. You know, you're dressed like an overcast day. That's another one. I was trying to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a gloomy Tuesday. Don't you act up in your Christmas outfit, dude.

You fucking got this on the past four days, dude. When your wife bestows you some bean, you throw that thing on. You never take it off. Matt, you look like you're... I'm just like baseball six. Holy shit, everyone's speaking. John looks like he's about to hike in a place that's not that cold. It's near a skate park.

You look like you're going hiking in an REI, dude. You're just indoors. Just going up the staircases. That's our new sponsor, REI. You know, it's actually just REIT. It's named after a pixie yeah you know those guys who like sell like shoe cleaner in like the middle of a mall like yeah that's uh well okay either one of yous i'm like that's both of yous yeah now matt says

something cool he's like oh my god are those jordan blebbins and they're like they are he's like they're kind of dirty let me scuff them out for you dude he just rubbed his mustache yeah i like i like him pretending not to know. Not to know about the grapefives, dude. I love that. Yeah, dude. Just being the guy who doesn't know cool shit. Oh, I'm sorry.

I spit beer out early. Remember that? That was cool. I like that. I'm mad that that's going to make the reel. I'm really upset. You're so funny. You know, guys, I'm funny.

Yeah, you're both funny, dude. I'm working on it. That's why we had you guys on our podcast. Because we've been watching you guys recently. Oh, thanks. I appreciate that. We'll introduce you guys now. Jim Gillespie and Rob Stanton.

Hey, we're here. That's us. From Two in the Stink podcast, which when I first heard it, I was like, oh, come on, guys. So lowbrow. And then I saw that it spelled out tits. Yeah, you're like, hell yeah. And I was like, yes. At first, I was like, and then they were like, acronym.

I was like, what? Damn. They know I love periods between letters. It's the words, but just the beginning of them. I've noticed that people either love the name or absolutely fucking hate it. There's no between. I don't want to drop names. Go ahead and drop names.

And where do they live? Do it. My mom. A couple of my non-comic friends hate it. They don't get humor. names Go ahead and drop names And where do they live? Do it My mom A couple of my non-comic friends hate it They don't get humor So they're not comedians They don't understand I'm like no

I said the same thing I was like no it spells tits Yeah They were like yeah But it's still two in the same What did you come up with first? Did you start with tits And then fill in the words?

No We wanted to do We had a bunch of ideas We had the straight and narrow That was one of them I don't want any part of that. What was the one you wanted to name it? I think it was like doodoo time.

It was like poopy time. That's hilarious to me. I didn't have a real idea. Jim's like, welcome to gay guy finger fuck. I'm welcome to the booty and the knuckle sandwich podcast. I remember looking up two in the stink podcast and being shocked it didn't exist. Yeah, that is pretty impressive.

There's a lot of pervs out there. But yeah, it's fun. It's mostly just me figuring out different ways to make fun of Jim for an hour. I do love your Christmas gift that you gave to Jim. Oh, yeah.

I got him 50 Uber gift cards and two of them were activated. Oh, that was good. I did enjoy that quite a bit. So how do you get the other 48? You fucking shoplift when you're drunk in the mall.

There it is. Okay. When you're in Springfield Mall, you fucking shoplift. That's what you do. I like it. If there was a Christmas gift, if we could just get

hammered in the mall again. That was such a good time. That was a great time. What mall? King of Prussia. Is that where we were? We were going to get hammered in. mall again. That was such a good time. That was a great time. How much did you get hammered in? What mall? King of Prussia. Is that where we were? To be able to get hammered in. Yeah, dude.

Where at? Which location? Bloomingdale's? Bloomingdale's? See, Matt loves cute shopping, so he'll tell you all the sections of there. I do like drinking in places you're not really supposed to, but beer is available. That's my favorite place. Where the fuck did we go?

We went to Workhorse Brewing. That was across the street. That's where we got drunk. What a fun time that was. Yeah, we got drunk, and then we went to the mall and uh yeah we just were being menaces in a store that we could not afford to buy anything that's the best part yeah you ever play guess that price in a store when you're poor it's a lot of fun yeah that was a lot of people in the late 1700s early 1800s yeah they're like they're at the fucking they're at the doctor and they're like, how much is the Alexa?

Four sheets of wool. Yeah, four slates of salt. Four sheets? Steep. Three. Half a chicken. Your mother's a whore. Anyway, that's what they talk to me about. Your mother's a whore. Your mother's a bitch whore. Your mother's a whore. Where is she?

You're not of gypsy descent, are you? Are you a Blackfoot? You guys know about the Pennsylvania Blackfoot? Nope. We're about to find out, though. The Amish, dude. You know about the Amish, dude? Is it like Blackfoot, like the name of their...

Blackfoot are like gypsy Amish, and they're the worst of the worst. Sounds like a fucking pirate, dude. Gypsy Amish. They will walk on broken glass voluntarily. They prefer it. Yeah. They prefer it. They're like pikeys in a snatch, basically.

They're like, you get out there, you know the Amish. They're like horses and wood and shit. And then like the Blackfoot are like that, but less. Oh, yeah? Yeah, they have even less stuff. Blackfoot sounds like a mythical creature. Yeah, I thought we were going to go Sasquatch there for a second. Or like the Jersey Devil.

Yeah. Yeah. Jersey Devil's real. Mrs. Smith's 13 kid or whatever it is. Yeah, being Amish is fucking dumb because it's like the blue collar guy who tries to flex how hard his life is and how little he has and call you a bitch. That's what the Amish are doing at all time. Yeah.

They're like, oh, really? Yeah, their whole thing is that they're humble and close to God. But no, all the Amish do a lot. Most of them do normal everyday shit and just fully lie about it true really yeah i lived out like no i lived in harrisburg but like close to lancaster and you would just see and i know there's like sometimes mennonite people can do more than the amish or whatever but you'd see amish dudes like smoking cigarettes talking on phones like hanging out and then would just go back to their fucking churning butter lifestyle

i i saw a amish guy get shot with a musket yeah it was insane where was this this is your time traveling tale no this is real this is real i was out and i was in narvan pa that's not a place made up place for sure good luck nartan. Thanks to the opioid crisis. Good fucking luck. I was in Narnia. Good luck finding it on a map. And this Amish guy got shot with a musket. And the fucking ambulance shows up, and they're defibrillating the guy. And I get out of the car.

I'm like, don't fucking do that. He doesn't want that. He's pissed. He's pissed. Yeah. You're going to make him go to hell. How did he get hit with a musket? Yeah, you skipped over a really important part.

He's like, clear. And he's like, clear. He got in an old-timey fight, and the guy was like, you wait right there while I stoke this. While I'm done with you. Damn, he keeps that thing on him? In about seven to ten minutes, you're going to be in a lot of trouble. I was really hoping somebody held up his fruit stand, quite frankly. Yeah.

That is a funny part of the American Revolution is both guys talking shit while they're loading gunpowder for 15 minutes. You're such a bitch, dude. That's got to be a skit somewhere, right? There's no way. It's an old skit. Is it really? It's an old Abbott and Costello bit.

Who's on first? Your mother. Your mother. No, that's on first? Your mother, a whore. No, that's on second. I worked out in operating rooms in the Lancaster area. No, this is great. Bro, did you do it?

Okay. All right. No, I don't want to tell a cool story at all. No, no, no. I actually am in love with it. All right. So there was an inbred family of Amish people. There was an inbred family of Amish people. There was an inbred family of Amish people, and because they were so inbred,

I'm breaking so many HIPAA rules right now probably, but all of their femur bones would bow out, literally like a bow and arrow bow. And they were roofers, so they couldn't work on the roof that well with bowed out legs. So they would pay in cash to get the surgery to straighten and lengthen your

bones it's like the one that like super short dudes get oh to be like three inches taller and how do you book that what was that yeah recovery for that like so i'll meet you too so shut up all right so the whole thing was that they would this would be like probably like a 60 70 100 000 surgery they'd pay it in cash yeah because the whole fucking Amish community just pulls all their cash that they make for all their medical bills. Fix Ezekiel, please. So all those dudes just got new robot legs on behalf of their fucking brothers around town.

That's crazy, dude. That's pretty cool. I don't know. I thought it was cool. But the whole family had bow legs. Dude, just fucking buy an Xbox. That was a terrible story. You guys were right.

No. I was there for it. And nailed it. It was, I mean, like, yeah, that was a story. It's kind of just fun for- It was so good that Matt texted the whole time through. He was like, this is a perfect time. Yeah, Matt's kind of a bad friend.

It's even worse. I wrote two bits during it. I wasn't even texting. I just wrote two fun thoughts. I'm sure that's great. He was like two dudes loading musket. Was the one bit turn to crowd, ask them what they do for a living? Is this the route we're going to go down,'s christmas time yeah yeah christmas over baby john's got company over now

it's all fucking he's all you know he's playful i was just saying it's a fun thing when somebody says anything to be like oh really dude okay and then look at others and if they laugh boy you own that guy for life it's gonna be totally nonsensical. You literally said you worked in an ER or whatever. Yeah, right. That guy. It's immediately hilarious. Dude, am I on the podcast? Handsome Minutes are kind of bitches.

Did I just get kicked off? Hydrate then. Fuck you guys. I'm called Hydrate on the pod, dude. I tried to set us up so no one had to get up and yet John Montag was fucking out of here. He's got to hydrate. Yeah, fatherhood is

exhausting. The boy needs his water. Yeah, the boy's got to be hydrated. I'll tell you what, when he gets his lips wet... They can't talk about anything. He looks like damn fools over there Damn, oh okay Anyway, how was the drive down here? He smiled at me from across the room

He's just so distracting Look at these black foots over here Alright, sorry, where were we? Say that at 69th street I don't know what you're talking about I'll be honest Do you guys find New Year's Eve plans? What do you guys do? I don't know what you're talking about. I'll be honest. All right, you're a fucking asshole. Let me ask a distinction. Do you guys find New Year's Eve plans?

What do you guys do? Yeah, so media. Be real, too. I want to hear your real thing. I scratched my forehead. I'm about to feed you lies. Yeah, so I don't know. I pretty much, I don't know.

Once I'm done fucking supermodel dudes, I just kind of like. You look like an accountant explaining why somebody's broke. You're like, dude, it's a lot on the Tesla. You know how sometimes money goes in and it doesn't come out? The Tesla was a big mistake. It was bad. It's like a poor person shows up to the bank with their quote-unquote case manager. Yeah.

They always have a case manager. It's like, here's the case. You don't have any money. You don't work a job. That's the case. I'm like... He's got a briefcase for the fucking problem. He's like, why can't I get the credit card?

It's like, ah, dude, have you ever thought about the fact that you're a fucking loser, dude? And then I'm in the mirror. It's the mirror. Every time. Son of manual labor worker can't afford loan. Breaking news. Fuck you, dude. Yeah, breaking news.

Middle class doesn't exist. Being a prick loan officer does sound sick. I would love that, dude. Anyway, New Year's Eve. What do you guys got cooking? New Year's Eve. So I grew up in a black foster home. That was like what I did.

Yeah. What? Nothing. It sounds like a mad lip. Like you're starting off with like, I grew up in a... All right, give me a color. I.

Go ahead. It's fine. You sit with three of your closest friends. You try to open up about your experiences, your background. I got you.. It's fine. You sit with three of your closest friends. You try to open up about your experiences and your background. I got you. So Jim's black. No, I grew up in a black group home. So in media...

The Jackson 5. There was seven of us and it was Washington. No, here's the thing. We all go out to media And media has their own ball drop Out there It's like a little town You know what forget it I lived in media I'm there with you

It's a great time downtown media is great Media is kind of cool I was there a little while ago So me and my black foster siblings We all get together and we go to media Is that what you're doing New Years Eve Did you ever tell me this about you ever I was there a little while ago. Yeah, so me and my black foster siblings, we all get together and we go to media. So I'm excited. Is that what you're doing New Year's Eve?

Yeah. Are you being... I don't... Did you ever tell me this about you ever? Yeah. Is this when you said... We hang out all the time and you don't retain a single piece of information from my life. Is this like when you said Queen Latifah was dead?

No. No, I never said that. Wait, was Queen Latifah one of the people in the house with you? Queen Latifah... Yeah, she ran the joint. Yeah. What are your foster siblings' names? What are their names?

Oh, here we go. Your black foster siblings. Tell me your black foster siblings' names. I want to know all their names. Tell me them. I won't do it. Tell me them. There's got to be a Malcolm, right?

Tell me their names. No, because what's hilarious is you're going to try to take an intimate moment. Tell me their names. And you're going to try to weaponize it. Tell me their names no because what's hilarious tell me their names you're gonna try to take you're gonna try to take an intimate moment tell me their names and you're gonna try to weaponize it tell me their names amplify your own voice

give me one name really give me one name just tell me where the apostrophe is you're gonna do this on my friend's girlfriend's birthday

give me one you fucking pig dude give me give me one name Alquan okay yeah Alquan. Okay. Absolutely just an ingredient in shampoo.

Just not a thing. That is hilarious. No way. As he's 100% real. He is 1000% real. Alquan? Yeah, Alquan. I can never tell when you're just fucking lying your ass off or if you're being serious. Are you a good liar?

I'll rattle all the names off right now. Yeah, give me the rest. Alquan. Alquan. Destiny. Destiny. Trinity. Trinity.

Caleb. Caleb. Jemichael. Jemichael. Nefarious. Adjectives. Adjectives. Nefarious.

What was the last one? I'm going to need you all settled. No, go ahead. Gofarious What was the last one? I'm gonna need you all to settle Go ahead No go ahead Go ahead What was the other one? No because this is fucked up No

What's happening here is actually fucked up No no no Tell me again Tell me what's the next one What's the next one? Nicole Train I lost track Okay well repeat the ones you just said

Okay Alshon Uh huh Nicole Simpson Destiny Uh huh Trinity Okay

I forget Damn it you got me. You got me. I'm racist. Fine. I don't care. I don't know any black people. Fine.

I've heard rumors. Fine, fine, fine. Dude, I keep missing my mouth with Michelob. I just heard of Mari this morning. I'm like, that. That was fun, huh? That was fun. That was fun.

I'm just picturing you walking out of a place called Delonte's Group Home for Troubled Youth. All right. That's your New Year's plans, huh? Yeah, imagine giving a business loan to that guy. You're going to go stand around a group of black people in media. The most painful thing was hearing my family. It's all just made up. None of it's real.

I knew it was fake because if it was real, your comedy name would be Jimmy from the foster home. No, that's so funny because I actually... Jimmy Dior. I actually do have a black comedy name. What is it? It's Jim Raised by the Stop Sign. Jim Raised by the Stop Sign.

Jim Raising Cane's by the Stop Sign. It's like like what's funny I don't know where the fuck That's unbelievable You guys have the peanut gallery That's my roommate and friend Or used to be Before this crap happened

I'm getting hot and heated You get hot I love that Rob do you have a black circuit comedy name It's Bobby Francis That just sounds like an R&B singer It beats women in the 50s your name? It's Bobby Francis. Okay. That just sounds like an R&B singer. It sounds like he beats women in the 50s.

Ah, do you have a new Bobby Francis album? Old Bobby Francis. Have you heard of the new Bobby Francis? It's great. Shake a white glove at it. I don't know. I don't know. I'm trying to think now. Give me some time. I'll come back. Bobby Francis was new album songs to hit your wife to.

Yeah, that's what it was. It's like, you listening to the new Bobby Francis album? Shaking your motherfucking clit off. That's every 98.9 ad. It's like, these Jamaican bitches' t-shirts are so fucking wet. You better be at this rooftop. I don't know. Scared of roofs. I've never been to one of those parties. Do you guys ever beat off the Girls Gone Wild commercials? Oh, yeah. I don't know. Scared of roofs. I've never been to one of those parties.

Do you guys ever beat off the girls going wild commercials? Oh, yeah. I didn't have enough time. I always thought they were too short.

A big part of seconds there are printed in my brain that and all the women of ECW wrestling. Oh, yeah, because they all those commercials were

always on on the brakes for ECW. Are you not horny enough? And then you hear that and the guy plays the Jamaican drum. He They're like, are you not horny enough? And then you hear that... And the guy plays the Jamaican drum. He plays the steel drum and you knew.

Oh, yeah. You knew Girls Gone Wild was coming. It's like, hey, you horny little fucking kid. We know you're up late. Hey, what's up? It's Mario now. What's up? Hey, horny child.

I wish they had more like slip and fall stuff. Do you guys remember... Okay, this might have been like a fever dream, but do you guys remember a girl's gone wild like in space? That's a fever dream for sure. I think it's... No, it's not a fever dream.

That's just my dream when I was in seventh grade. Yeah, am I retarded or a savant? What are boobs like in zero gravity? No, there was one. Like, we have to look that up.

Is there a way... Do you guys have a dream about boobs? No, they did. They did the gravity plane where they fall to the earth. So you knew and you just wanted to. I know. It just jogged my memory.

There is a Girls Gone Wild commercial where it's like, and now we got plane sluts. Is it like where all the teachers died on the spaceship? Where were you 45 seconds ago when I was retarded fraud? Trying to recall through all the horny fog in my brain. Jim's black crew phone was also on a space fucking plane coming down. See you gravity soul point. Yeah, right. Those people were scared of heights and swimming.

We got a third. No, but that was it was. It was like space. All right. The zero gravity plane was a big deal. Yeah, I'm actually working really hard to change my body. Are you still at Starbucks? No, it's like five jobs ago.

Yeah, no way. Yeah, I'm a job hopper. If you follow Jim's career like the rest of us, you know he's currently working at Wawa. Yeah, Jim's like a fucking NBA. I got trading cards. Yeah, I'll be taking my talents. Yeah, bleacher stats bleacher report sends sends you like the dumbest fucking notifications about me.

It's like, hey, yo, Jim just yammed on fucking. Jim Kelly has a three-year offer from Chick-fil-A. Yeah. He's weighing his options. He's not taking it because they're not right wing enough. One time Jim needed a ride to work at like 5 a.m. but he didn't have one. I didn't want him to get fired from his job because that's the only way we can hang out is if he has money.

So I took him to his job at 5 a.m. and then he quit like three days later. I was like, you son of a bitch. That's friendship though. What have you done for him? Name all the good things you've done for him. Yeah, name them. Actually, you got Sixers games tickets. That was pretty cool. I'm taking Rob to see Sixers beat the fucking brakes off the pistons hell you

went are you going we're going yeah it's gonna be a fun one yeah i got to that's what i did for christmas here i got everyone tickets to shit that's good that's the best thing giving events is a great gift so i was like uh why don't i just make people do what i want to do yeah hell yeah um i took my nephew to his first Monday Night Raw this year, the beginning of this year, and it was awesome to watch him. He was 10, so it was perfect. I'm going to be there on, I think it's January 28th.

It's the 30th anniversary of Raw. Ric Flair is there. Ric Flair documentary just came out on Peacock. Do you know who Tatanka is? God, dude, with these fucking dorks. Look at that. I could grow a mustache like that. We should have a tag team match this side versus that side. And it's raw, dude. I get it.

Because we're not like them. Because the way you guys are going back. Man, we were just having a great moment and then these guys just tried to make it funny. Sometimes things can just be fun. Imagine you know what having to watch two guys that crush pussy just chill so hard and then yeah, being over there all anxious and red sorry is yeah,

it is the right side of the guy. I so fucking crazy so much paint up horniness for busy. That side of the catch is the worst resting heart rate ever. You guys are fucking so pass up. That's just me. That's just me. Maybe you're so combined blood pressure of this fucking quadrant is like 103 000 really sweaty dude that's why i wear black tees because you can't see the sweat stains by the way re-up sneaker shop is that your merch i'm a fucking loser we did we had a sponsorship early on and it was for a sunscreen company how did that go They never gave us anything. By episode nine, we gave them free episodes.

We were like, fuck this company. They're dumb. Now we promote skin cancer instead. If you think you have melanoma, double down on the sun. Think about it for an hour. And dump out a bottle of Shamrock Sun sunscreen. Oh, that was what it's called.

They did give me a cool bucket hat, though, so there's that. I did one brand deal ever, and it was on TikTok with a water bottle company. It was like a Nalgene knockoff. It was coldest water, and they paid me like $100. You're smoking a Jimmy Neutron invention. What the fuck is that? It's got a flux capacitor in it. Did you just take a hit of Goddard? What is that?

Donovan Zinsaline. What the fuck is this doing out? Jimmy. You just somehow smoked Matt's Roku remote. These batteries fucking slapped. I'm trying to lean on this. The couch is like, not you. Whoa.

Grab that cushion. No, no, I'm good. grab that cushion I'm good brother I'm literally going to get a friend no no no scoliosis fits me look at that you're good lay back was scoliosis one of the names of your brothers in the foster home alright let's move on

do you believe he said that I was trying to think about what that meant that is good no yes yes cutie guys it's been a long time since I've seen you I was trying to think about what that meant, but I like it. Yeah, I was trying to think of what it... That is good. No. Yes. No. Yes, cutie. Guys, it's been a long time since I've seen you. Please tell me a story.

One time I did Jim's show at Workhorse Brewing Company, and the people were like, so we're going to do an intermission. Oh, yeah, that was horrible. Okay, and they go, before the intermission, we have painting and wine night, and you need to promote it. So I went up and I bombed

for 12 minutes, and then everybody else bombed, and then I went, okay, guys, are you ready to take a break from this scolding hot show? How about a wine night for you fucking losers? Everybody left. I'm like, wait, you didn't have the best time ever? No, I had so much fun.

To me. Just kidding. It was a good time. Fun thing about that night, everyone said the word rape, and we never got invited back. Shocker. You sold that place out, and they were like,

no. I sold that place out in, I feel like, record time. Yeah, it was great. But to be fair, the name of the show was Jim and the Rapist. Yeah. Yeah, Josie and the Pussyc of the show was Jim and the Rapist. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Josie and the Pussycats dropped the show and I picked it up and ran. I feel like I was being a little nefarious there that it was a fun

show. Just the intermission was the funniest thing that's ever happened of all time. I said to her, I was like, I was like, I do this. I was like, I was like, I do this shit. Yeah, I was like you would take an intermission right now. Everyone's gonna fucking die. The whole room is this shit. I was like, you would take an intermission right now, everyone's going to fucking die. The whole room's going to go up.

You sound like fucking Heath Ledger. We do one intermission. All I do is pretend to be in this whole place. All I do is act in my mirror when I'm not doing this. So, yeah. Just you coming up in Joker makeup to the lady who's running the brewery yeah i look like the smoker i don't know the smoker i'm like i'm like i'm like a brisket i don't know with makeup on i like that fuck me with a knife fuck me with a hot knife i thought that was cute the brisket

yeah nice dude thanks what were you eating on the way up here what was that you had a crimpet i asked him what are you eating he said a crimpet i was like him, I said, what are you eating? He said, a crimpet. I was like, that's not real. Those don't exist. We were on our way to get Mexican food. Was it a butterscotch? Butterscotch? Yeah. You peel the extra glaze off of the wrapper because some of it always ends up on there.

He's got a crimpet master. Old crimpet mod tag. Yeah, you heat it up and you fucking splash it on your lower back. My child died of it. I had a child die of crimp it's on the oregon trail you know about a crimp it you know i know i fucks a crimp it's the best tasty cake yeah yeah i went to disney on ice yesterday that was uh that was actually very fun yeah incredible for who for me the frozen soundtrack soundtrack fucking rolls. Did you get the people watch Disney adults? Yes.

That would be it for me. Especially I got the people watch them in the concession line because you could tell who was there with kids off of what they were ordering. There's a lot of people getting shit faces like Elsa. It's me. I'm like,

Elsa, come here. Do you guys know about the Disney on Ice conspiracy no I told Elsa her waist was snatched

I beat the fuck up the reason the reason why Disney on Ice was even created same thing as Frozen when you Google it it's like instead of

like seeing like Walt Disney Frozen it's like Disney on Ice because people I guess people would just bury it in the search results yeah Disney on Ice and the same thing with people are good. So it would just bury it in the search results.

Disney on ice and the same thing with Frozen. I'm all for it, man. I think they should bring out his head. I think they should bring out Disney's head and like put it on display during the show. Dude, Disney is frozen. They've been doing Disney on ice before they started doing Disney cartoons. Yeah. Did they? Yeah. No. I mean, Disney, the beginning of Disney

was cartoon. No. They're doing a thing now. Steamboat Willie. No, it was dancing on ice. cartoon. No. They're doing a thing now. Steamboat Willie. No, it was Dancing on Ice. What? No, they're doing a thing now where they're doing holograms of Disney, like Walt Disney, Henry Ford and then Kanye comes out and then they show their Jewish thoughts and they get

real fired up. They all give a really good salute. It's actually just his new album. It's me and how Graham Disney West. You know the what was your high school mascot? The Rams. What was yours? Eagles

ours was the model. Yeah, what's my Ford? The model T for yeah you in a car. We were the Fords. I was also an eagle. Your football team was you guys were the eagles. I'm an eagle.

That's so funny. I just thought you just like went to school on the computer. Okay. In a dark school was the tea for tarted. It was. We were Haverford. Is there a Ford plant? Oh, yeah.

You guys are the Fords. That's right. We live in Haverford. So it was Fords. Oh, my. Yeah live in Haverford, so it was Fords. Oh my yeah, and so you're called the logo is the model T's. The logo was the model T Ford. It was the Fords, the fucking football teams running

and then our robotics club got a bunch of money one year from like a former student. Yeah, and they built a working tiny model T word and everyone called it the faggot machine it was i i fucking it was the funniest thing ever the school was so fucking hype and then that name was like finally they're calling somebody else yeah i was like i finally got out i started that name so i could get out

from under it i was like no no no the real thing you get into you want could get out from under it. I was like, no, no, no, the real thing. Did that be you? Kidding, dude. You want to get out from under anything? Yeah. I like how I like how when Rob laughs, he laughs at my face. He's like, yeah, you fatty.

Rob laughs like a 2008 3D movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rob, it's funny. Rob sitting on the couch. He looks like Polar Express graphics. It's crazy. Okay. Dude, a school that's named after Henry Ford, they'd be like, you know, we've had over six million people.

And that's where a guy like me goes. There are like six million people have gone here. And he's like, there's way less than six million. Yeah, yeah. Numbers are fucking lies. That's a Holocaust joke. Sorry about that one, guys. Jim gets high.

He's like, numbers aren't real. I just said that. I know. That's why I said it again. I just said, I'm like, numbers aren't real. I just said that. I know. That's why I said it again. I'm like, this makes that. This makes that. Also, I'm 100% calling bullshit on the Model T thing. No, it's so true.

You think I'm lying? I'll show you right now. The school's named after Haverford, the town. The Pennsylvania. Yeah, but the logo, it was the Model T Ford was the logo. We both grew up in towns where Ford was the end of the name, but we weren't the fucking Model Ts. True.

In Deptford and West Deptford. We were the West Deptford Ben Shapiros. It was so good, dude. It was an electric team. I wish I was lying. This might be the name of the fucking name. Damn, he's right. It's a Model T.

All right, well, I apologize. Bullshit rescinded. It's so cringe fucking damn. He's right. It's a model T. All right. Well, I apologize. Bullshit rescinded. So cringe. Damn, that's it. It's a tough pill to swallow. That was like there's the school right over here. Their name is just the green wave. And it was because one guy did AOC go there.

Pride dead drunk bitch. She bartended. So she's a whore. Politics is good. I like it. I could talk it all day. Who's your favorite politician? Newt. I think he's dead now, though.

Newt Gingrich. Newt Gingrich is in Harry Potter. Who's the guy that's in the fucking... Played the guy, the fucking pervert with the robe. Yeah, that dude. Catching animals. Fucking gay bearded robe nerd. That's what I call him.

That's what I'm whispering. I'm whispering. I'm yelling it. My favorite politician is Sarah Palin. Why? I think she's out of the game. Because of Nalen Palin. She just lost.

I know, but she's still my favorite. What do you mean she just lost? She was running. I thought she was out of the game. I thought Tina Fey killed her. No, but what's her name? Lisa Ann. Lisa Ann revived her career.

Lisa Ann revived it with Nail and Palin. Yeah, dude, I'm going to beat off to that tonight. Nail and Palin was a classic. Wait, is that a porn star? No, Nail and Palin was the movie. Lisa Ann is the actress. Is Lisa Ann a porn star? Yeah, she's fucking got huge knockers.

And she plays Sarah Palin very well. Oh, yeah, it's great, dude. Nails the Alaska accent. All right, so fine, fine. I'll say it. Female anatomy. What are we going for? Titties? On Palin? Yeah,. Oh, yeah. It's great, dude. Nails the Alaska accent. All right, so fine, fine. I'll say it. Female anatomy. What are we going for? Titties?

On Palin? Yeah, I'd say titties. You're looking for a nice pair of Palins? I'm just saying in general. No, rump. You're a rump guy? I'm a rump. Rump.

Titties. Brits? What are we saying? Brits got nice tits. Like the iris of her eye. Like when I see the color. Ask Matt again when she's not on the other side of that wall. Because when you finally let your hands go from her neck,

when you're staring into the iris, you can watch the life leave your eyes. They say there's a spark at the end. It's actually not as good as you'd think. Yeah, it's overhyped. I've heard it's overhyped. I have a lot of prison pen pals. They write me some gory stuff.

Matt does look like he's in a lacrosse murder movie. I look like the wrong way to use lacrosse team, dude. Matt looks like he dies in the first 15 minutes. You look like the guy that did do it. No, I make it to the end of the movie, and then I betray everybody, and then I die from my betrayal. So you're Matthew Lillard is what you're saying. That's exactly right.

That's so funny. Yeah, where were you during the last Hockey World Cup? There was this very cool sophomore in high school girl that was like we had been testing. Super into you. She was chill, like super mature for her. They always are. I don't know, man.

You just like, you get so deep. This is Matt reprising his role of Chris D'Elia. Dude, you mean this? He's reprising the role of like, you get so deep. This is Matt reprising his role of Crystal Lee. Dude, you mean this? Yeah, he's reprising the role of like, there's going to be him later. I'm like, shush right now. Did you watch the documentary that that comic put out?

Yeah. Who? I forget what the comic's name was. A comic put out a documentary of like, he made his own documentary of like Crystal. I didn't know he was a comic the entire time. And at the end he dropped it. He's like, oh, by the way, I'm a comedian. And I was like, oh, this makes sense.

Well, he would do a good job of reporting from... And then in the middle, he would try to throw in a burn. He's like, and the true pervert he was. I don't like... Report the facts. The guy's a creep. I can't watch a video where a guy talks like that. So the guy, he makes the whole thing dissing Crystalia or whatever.

And then he's like like I'm not saying this so that I can get clout or whatever but everybody in that everybody who watches that video is gonna oh you're a comedian they're gonna click on his fucking thing oh yeah go watch his comedy so it's like he's not doing it to try to suck like I watch like the first two minutes is that over

with his Chris D'Elia just like no he still does just exists again oh yeah he does he like leaned in he sells he again no he does yeah he does he's like he sells he sells he sells out theaters but if you watch the documentary it definitely makes you not

even though you're like oh his stand up was you know I was into it all the things but it's like if all the stuff in the documentary

is true it's like the dude was legitimately trying to start a harem and a cult of young girls I will say I will open for him

any day I don't know it's a legend. You hear phone calls in it. It's like, holy shit. The one girl's from Philly. Yeah, that part. She's like, yeah, it's not that bad to get on a train to go up north.

And I went in there, I was like, yo, Chris, you just show me that dumb dick or what? Yeah. I'm 17, but I fuck around. I throw that thing around like a 26-year-old, though. I remember when you came to my game and you were like, go Model T's. Go Model T's.

You're going nuts. She said, go Fords. Go Fords. Go Fords. Crystalia in the audience. I can't imagine being a comedian and then also making a diss documentary on another comic. That's hilarious.

You actually did that this year. Oh, yeah, you're right. I did. Yeah, you're right. I did. You literally did that this year. Oh, yeah, you're right. I did. Yeah, you're right. I did. You literally did that this year. Oh, yeah, you're right. I did.

We'll put a link to that video right here. You're a fucking retard, dude. Yeah, you're right. Dude, me and Robert in the back of that open box. White people love to revise history, dude. They do. White people revise history like no other. I forgot about that.

I'm sitting in the back of a mic Googling every one of this dude's jokes. My dentist. My dentist. My fucking dentist. I've been... Reddit. Reddit. My dentist. My dentist. My fucking dentist. I've been... Reddit. Reddit. Reddit.

Yeah. Wow, I forgot about that. Dude, then I messaged the guy who booked that show and I was like, yo, this guy's taking all... Because he kept booking him and I was like,

hey, you know this guy's just taking shit and he sent me this big paragraph. He's like, he brings people, he sells tickets. I get it. The traditional comedian

these days isn't somebody. But I was like, all right, dude. He also meets that booker's requirement of being older than 50. Well, yeah. And by selling tickets. I won't say his name. I live around the corner from that place. By selling tickets, I mean, he brings 50 people.

I'm going to kick off so hard in that fucking room. Oh, yeah. Which place, without saying it? Schmelly Schmenner. It was in Schmavertown, Schmensylvania. It was the Kelly Center in Havertown, Pennsylvania, where I fucking live and where you can find me if you need to. Oh, sorry.

I thought we were talking about it because that guy also used to go down to Cross Keys. I was making a Tony Parlante reference as far as the booker. Nothing you said was inaccurate. It's the same. It's just that in Havertown. It it was that but a show that's booked oh it is a tony book show though no no it's different guy it's okay it's tony ask okay very much so because it's anybody yeah the only person who's willing to tolerate like but this guy straight up like knows that the guy is a fucking piece of shit and it's like yeah but you know yeah the guy who books fucking piece of shit. And it's like, yeah, but... Yeah, the guy who books it, he knows he takes jokes.

The average age of my entire crowd is 55. Yeah, they love knocking jokes. I went up there and I was like, here's the thing about getting my ass in. They were like, good lord, I got one of these at home. Holy shit. You can find me next month on a cricket show in Contra Hawk and PA.

It's not. I'm just kidding. I just want to get a jab at Eddie any chance possible if he ever watches this yeah he's a fucking prick bastard fuck I have no idea who he is I've never met him in my life I'll just say anything we're talking about two different people

I'm talking about don't say his name but the person who ran the smelly schmetter I don't even know that guy's name yeah it's different no it's a different Oh, I don't even know that guy's name. Yeah, it's different. Not that. I suck at it. Oh, okay. No, a different person.

It was, yeah, I don't know. I don't remember his name. Brendan Donaghan. Brendan, yeah, Bernie D. I think of the wheels falling off. We're past an hour. Are we really? He gave us a sign a while ago.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. No way, really? Oh, wow. That went by really fast. That was cool. I enjoyed talking to you. This is a good time.

You guys are welcome back anytime. Hell yeah. With that being said, what do you guys want to plug? Jim's butt. Hey, because you're gay. From the top, make it drop. I got somebody fit out already. Jim, go first.

You go first. Oh, plug? Yeah, plug. My Instagram is at the jim gillespie and i have a podcast at two in the stink podcast on all social media yeah my instagram is at rob stant comedy and i also have a podcast called two in the stink podcast what a coincidence we have the same podcast name yeah we have to stop meeting like this. We have to stop.

You're so silly. Also, March 4th, I'm recording my first special, so that's exciting. Get there. Mickey's Black Box, Littitz PA. Central PA. There's a couple of handsome media listeners in Central PA. Hell yeah, come out.

Also, I forgot Mickey's Black Box is the group home you grew up in. Littitz was one of the people living there. Come to Mickey's Black Box March 4th. Buy tickets. I'll be there too. It's in my Instagram, in my bio. Jim's going to be there. Gray West is hosting.

That delicious little treat. What do you got, Matthew? January 8th. Van Jam Entertainment. I'll be over there, I believe. Have you done it yet? I have. Love that show.

That is a lot of fun. Good room. Good fellas. I had one of the wildest sets of my life in there. It is a good. It's a very fun place to get a little loose. Great dudes. That whole crew started showing up to High Note now, too, and I love it.

They're good dudes. They're sweet boys. The 17th, there's something going on. I don't know. Anyway, there's shows coming up. We'll plug them. I've had a couple of beverages. Matt, people's comedy on Instagram.

20th Cricket Comedy. You and I on the 24th. Sorry, 20th Cricket Comedy, Phoenixville. You and I are on Roasted at the Emmaus Theater the 21st. One of those, yeah. The Roast Battle again, which was fun. Really awesome room, so come out to that if you're listening to this. Hosting at the Comedy Zone, but I think that's not until February.

Oh, yeah, the winner. Yeah, from winning the Roast Battle tournament there. Yeah, shoot. But Monte Comedy, H, comedy, golf, fuck it. Go watch everything. I don't know. Oh,

nice. When was the last time I wanted to bring it back? Yeah. I need to bring it back. That looked like, so where do you do that? We were doing it over here. It's actually right where the course.

Yeah. Public course. They don't know we filmed there though. Oh yeah. We just turned the damn cameras on and we get after it. I got, I have golf clubs. Oh yeah.

I'm a pretty scratch golfer too. I want to bring it back. You guys were already both on my list for if we kept doing it and then we just stopped. Absolutely. I love when somebody tells me that. You're on my list, baby. I don't do this anymore, but you were.

Jim's trying to make this podcast go for two hours. Whatever. We got nothing else to do. It's like, Jim, I don't sleep with men, but you're on the list if I do. This is going to be make this podcast go for like two hours. Whatever we had nothing else. It's a Jim. I don't sleep a man, but like you're on the list. If I do, there's gonna be a longest podcast episode. You guys have done. Wait a minute. What about me? You guys are both on the hell. Yeah, everyone in this room is on. I just want to get like lumped in and you're on what that was a really

special moment that you watered down in like ten seconds. He's like he's like if I could fuck any guy be you and then also everybody else. All right. Well, that that, Dan, that was Can we not end on that poem, Dan? Oh wait, Matt's gotta be racist. How do you end these? Not racist, I do it Republican, and I will say

look, if Trump was in office, Taiwan would have been handled much more carefully than whatever old sleepy Joe's doing. And by the way, Joe and Trump both sound like different versions of drunk guys. Good night. hit the song