That Rules Podcast - Episode #71: w/ Geoff Colella “Skip Bayless… Maybe Skip SayLess”

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

Coming in hot!!! With the one and only Muscles Marinara himself, Geoff Colella. You can find Geoff out Mummering 2 Street or you can catch him on Big Boy Mountain podcast!

🎵 Bang bang baby Now we're talking We're good Everybody looks great You guys better not look like shit because we're on camera. Don't embarrass us.

I like to think that this is a bit you guys ran through like on the way over. How do we look? This is just our life. This is how we do it all the time, brother. Why do you need mirrors? All I do is calm the women

around me's nerves. Women are stupid. No, they're not. They're cool as hell. You need to calm them down. I love women. Shut up. Nobody loves women more than me.

No, but seriously, why do you think I love Raisa? I love it. I love watching it. I didn't want it to end. He won't lie to me. Like your lipstick looks like shit. Go in the bathroom. I'm kidding.

It looks good. I know. I just reapplied. If it did look like shit, I'm going to use it. You son of a bitch. It's going to be the first time we ever have a cut in an episode. Go in the bathroom and figure it out. No, I'd want it kept in so people knew why we love each other so much.

That's got to be tough with lipstick. Wouldn't you easily just smudge it throughout the day if you're wearing it? Not if you set it further. Set it. What do you mean set it? There's better lipstick that it lasts longer. Some, yeah. Okay.

I'm just thinking because I can feel the tingle of Burt's Bees all over my face right now. And that would just be all lipstick. Fucking amateur hour, Burt's Bees? Dude, that's the best stuff on earth. No of Burt's Bees all over my face right now. That would just be all lipstick. That's the best stuff on earth. Burt's Bees is pretty good. Are you one of those people who has the Blistex thing and you put your finger in it? I hate those people.

Those people have those weird chapped lips like the girl that had to leave for a reading class in elementary school had. You got no stick? You reached for stick and you have no stick? It's in my Carhartt hoodie. I do have some.

What is that? Carhartt brand fucking chips? Irish? He had to make sure he got some Irish. No, O'Keefe's is great. They also have the stuff for hand cream. You don't know nothing about that. They also get that shit out at Irish weekend.

I put moisturizer on today for you guys at 2 p.m., you fucking fools. I knew you guys were coming on guys at 2 p.m. You fucking fools. I knew you guys were coming on. I have a nice moisturizer that I rarely use. Yeah. I went right here,

right here, right here. Oh, like how creamy. Yeah, I get dry skin right here. I have very dry skin. But you don't want to do the whole face. I get tired.

I can't. I don't have time. That's a lot of face. It's a lot of face to work with. That's a lot of face. It's a lot of surface area. You have about

as big a face as me. No, your forehead's actually pretty tiny. No, the forehead, but I have this thing juts out here. It's very Cro-Magnon. It's very like before humans. That's high T. Yeah, that's what I've been trying to tell you for a while now. No, I'm all pointy.

I got a real like French aristocrat face. Yeah, you have white collar face. You told me to shut up my rich face when we were doing hacks. I'm born with just rich face. I have cul-de-sac face. You guys did do the old hacks. Yeah. Back in the day.

Yeah. You guys got, yeah. I remember when I got the bill for how much we boozed. We kept saying we would help you pay for it. No, you guys did help. Because originally I was like, I'll pick it up. I was like, mama knows what she drinks. And then we got a bill that I was just like,

did they ring up everyone on our floor? Your wife was pregnant, so we were like, yeah, no, I'm not going to let you sleep. Listen, get rid of that baby. Yeah. Cover this tab. Because your mama and papa need to drink a Topgolf. I did put an eight ball on our tab.

I was like, I don't need it. That was fucked up. I was in the kitchen. You were making people go to mini golf and shit and driving ranges, and you guys got to go to Topgolf? Hell yeah. Because they were the big dogs. That's adult Dave and Buster's, dude.

I didn't know we were the big dogs. At the time, lovable monsters, you guys were like... At the time. Listen, is lovable monsters even a thing anymore? Brother, it is. Is this the reunion you guys are still doing? February 8th. Stop listening to this podcast right now. Go buy tickets. February 8th. Yeah, we still do it. Stop listening to this podcast right now.

Go buy tickets. February 8th, Punchline. No, actually listen to the podcast more and don't make it there. Yeah, while you get the tickets. Yeah, you can just keep listening. That's fine. No, do not listen to this. He doesn't realize.

He's like, you have to send in a check to Punchline. That's how you live your life. You do. You get the ticket. I do. I'll fill it. Every time we get an email, I'm like, I have to screen grab it and send it to him.

And he's always like- Secretary. Whoa, when did this come in? I'm like, 10 minutes ago. He's like, how'd you get it so fast? I'm like- Yes. What are you, some kind of wizard?

He's like, I'm on a ladder. What are you doing? I'm like, I'm serving tables. You email me. You ain't gonna- But I can also use my cell phone. Yeah, you're better off just sending someone to go look for me in person. Just find a homeless guy and be like,

look for this douche and tell him that we want him to do something. They find me and John first. You're close. You're getting close. His last Instagram post said he was in Villanova at a big house. Go find him. Go. And he's like, I'm still there.

Dude, I'm not there. I'm still there. Dude, I'm not strong with the fucking emails. I work. I tell them my email doesn't work. I'm like, yeah, my phone doesn't get those, brother. Screenshot them and send them to me. You're my pop-up? Is that basically? People send me blueprints to bathrooms.

I'm like, print it out. Dawn? Office lady? Back in the day, he used to be like, Peggy, when I was working at the funeral home, he'd be like, can you print this out for me and I'll come by? I'm like, do you want me to just send it to you on your phone?

He's like, I don't know how to do that. I used to swing by that funeral home, get some candies. That's kind of fun. Peanut M&M's brother? Did you ever come mid-fune, though? That probably grows the mood. Come to a fune? Mid-fune. Brother of the dead, that's an effort easy act. Really?

Did you hear that accent? He he's asking did you ever come when a funeral was happening and yes oh yeah I did I started talking to the body guys what are they called

the body guys they're the body guys you're right that's exactly right we gotta cut this we gotta cut this I'm gonna get in trouble I just picture

the west coast custom guys like what's up we're in the basement of fucking Peggy O'Leary funeral home. Putting LED strips on the fucking coffins. He really loved fish. We're going to put a tank where his stomach used to be. That would be tight, right?

You know what's so funny is Ryan's very bad at technology. My family's even doubly bad. And they don't understand. Peggy's just bad at the English language. She's got technology on lockdown. Damn, you're sending emails to each other. You're never getting it. Hers is in fucking hieroglyphics.

How do you guys get anything done? Peggy's somehow emails in crayon. Why do you think we don't exist anymore? Literally, my family was like, oh my God, the electrical box. Electrical box. No, and I was like, let me just see. I know Ryan's in Villanova.

He came by and they were like, hero. One guy gave him a card being like, I'm a limo driver. Ryan walked in and he's like, a limo driver said he would take me places. He uses our limo.

He's not a limo. You don't have to type that, B, if I got to show up to fix you. Bitch, you got a chandelier out? I have a fucking limo. Even better if you showed up in a hearse. Fucking hungover. They have limos for funerals? Yeah, do they?

For the family. For the ones that made it. What a huge spectrum of things. Isn't that what you call them? That's not how we call it. I hate the funeral procession. I've been railing against those for 10 years. Yeah, it makes me upset.

Yeah. I got into one. I was in a traffic. You know the Taconi-Palmyra Bridge? There's like that jug handle? Some lady was trying to cut me off, and she was like, I'm late to a funeral. Let me out. I'm late to a funeral.

I'm like, he'll be dead still. He's not going anywhere. You should have stopped him and been like, aren't we all kind of late for a funeral? But the service will be over. This is why that's a dumb fucking joke. He's dead already anywhere. You should have stopped him and been like, aren't we all kind of late for a funeral? But the service will be over. This is why that's a dumb fucking joke. They're dead already. But the service. You don't go to a funeral for the dead.

You go for the living. Yeah. You go for the party afterwards and the pity puss. Yeah, that is fun. The weight puss. Did we railroad your show already? No. The weight cooter.

No, I like it. I got a funeral in like two days. I got two funerals coming up. Who died? Just extended family. Like older family. Doesn't count. That's three days old.

You should ask that more politely, dude. That's crazy. What if somebody important died? Aren't we all a little bit important? No. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, I got two coming up, and it's, yeah, you're going for that. It's like I'm almost like going to be like, oh, I haven't seen my cousins in a while.

True. It's going to be cool. That's pretty tight. Friend funeral is pretty sick, too. It's a family reunion. A friend? Yeah, one of my buddies died, and we went and got hammered after. That was pretty sick.

That's good. Oh, yeah, man. Wow. You have no conscience. That's crazy. Bang some chick who lost weight since high school. No, you get sad, but then you go, hey, Jägermeister, that kind of crap. And then we got a little let up, a little tuned up at Dominic's Tavern, and then it

was all good. Oh, Dominic's. Wow. Do you rip some roast beef while you were there? That's an honest place. Huh? Some roast beef while you were there. Some roast beef while you were there. Strictly, it was a while ago.

Just claws, dude. What's your flavor? I'll do a many. Anything that gives me acid reflux. It's like doing fucking all the serotonin's drained out of your body. Matt holds a mic like a ballad singer. I got yelled at for holding the thing. The death clutch on this fucking thing.

Look, guys, take this thing. Hey, yeah. A little work. What was that? Make fun of me. My friend died five years ago. What was that wigger ballad we just heard at 700? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Shit, shit, shit, shit. You're ready to hear your voice. Sounds so sweet. Lips of an angel. Lips of an angel. Lips of an angel. The lips of an angel. Lips of an angel. The lips of an angel. Didn't that song come out when you guys were in your 40s?

Yeah. I'm so young and supple, dude. Anyway. How young are you? 26 years young. Really? You're going to age like shit. I thought you were way older than that.

Don't look at the dick I'm telling you. You don't get it. Why do you think I look so young? I just suck that cum. You're adrenochroming your relationship? You're Republican centering, dude. That's crazy. You do have a real Hillary vibe going.

Adrenochrome, that's what Hillary Clinton. I'm looking at Beanie. Adrenochrome, I'm just saying. I wish I was Hillary Rodham. I'd be riding Bill Clinton's face. I'd definitely have more money. Yeah, Hilldog is the man. I fucking, how often

do you think Biden calls Kamala Black Hillary? Kamala? Yeah. Kamala? You call her Kamala? What do you call her? Is that wrong? Kamala. Kamala. Does he call her Blillery? Yeah. Did you know she was getting fucked by Montel Jordan? Is that true? Yeah. This is how we do it, fame?

This is how we do it. How? This is how we do it. How if she doesn't come out every time? Yeah, she had to. Honestly, I would come out every time. Just doing the DX shotgun. Every time she puts a black guy in prison for life for selling weed, she's like, hit it. 25 to life. Hit it.

Guess who's about to be Muslim? She's hot. I get it. She's hot? Nah. For a politician, yeah. Yeah. For a politician.

I mean, fine. Yeah. They kind of say AOC's hot. Okay. I'll say this. AOC's the hottest, right? That Puerto Rican princess. Yeah, she's the hottest.

Who? AOC, right? She wins, right? Ayo, let me see them titties. I don't want to see them. And then the guy with the eye patch is number two, Crenshaw. What? I don't think he's a guy.

Is it Town and L.A.? Yeah. Shout out to Nip. I think that's his last name. I don't know. Who is the hottest? I like that guy in New York right now who just keeps lying about everything. Have you seen that guy?

I don't even know what he is. I don't follow politics enough. Me neither. I just see it on Twitter. Who's the hottest politician in the biz right now? My buddy's dad ran for local mayor and he's cute. Oh, we're going to local mayor?

You guys want to talk politics? It starts at the ground level. Who's that chick? There's some comedian lady who just won like city councilwoman of some place in Jersey. Wait. Rosie? Really? Oh, she won?

Wait, the one that does the Crick shows, right? That gives out cannolis after the show? Yeah, she rocks. Yeah, yeah. What the heck's her name? Me? Rosabella? Yeah.

Oh, I was talking about Rosie O'Donnell. No, no. So she won. Rosie O'D it was she won dead for years now she's got Rosie's nuts isn't why Rosie's nut yeah she just won big hoss of the year last year she was on a cruise she won a cannibal contest like you're allowed to to run Oregon. It was crazy. I didn't believe it. How long have you been working on that bit? Jesus, you came out firing. Nobody said Rosie once and then you said it and we're like,

okay, cool, we'll listen to you, Matt. And he's like, okay, so... Have you ever thought about a fat whore comedian? Nobody called her a whore and said she was fat.

What just happened? We're getting berated by Big Brother? This is my girlfriend checking in. She has surveillance. I'm sorry. Is your Alexa only listen to Rosie? That's what just happened. I said Rosie too many times.

You got a pet name for that? Matt, we love you too. We'd love to squish your nuts. Playing sex playlist. You do have a new girlfriend, huh? That's nice. I know, it's like a year. That's great. How long has that been going on? Has this been the craziest opening to a podcast?

Oh yeah, welcome Ryan Foster and Peggy O'Leary. Peggy Foster and Ryan O'Leary. The lovable monsters. I tried to do a bluh. That was a bad one. Check him out on Drop Tent Media or whatever you guys used to do the podcast on back in the 80s. Check him back in 2021 on something.

Yeah, this is a reunion tour. This is Brian Paggie and Adam Nutter just hanging out. Did you call me Paggie? I was just going to say, hey, I said Paggie. What? You already got his head in all that rosy talk. He's like, Paggie. Stop playing with your hair.

It's as good as it's going to get. It looks good, doesn't it? Just leave it. It's fine. It's windswept on the sides. Huh? It's windswept. It does. It looks beautiful. It looks as good as it's going to get. Just leave it. It's fine. It's windswept on the sides. It's windswept. It does. It looks beautiful.

It looks like you've been on a sailboat. It honestly looks like you put a little curl in there. I curl it. I go like this. And I like it. And I do it at the gym a lot. And people look at me. But it looks like you were skateboarding on a sailboat.

Like, you know. It looks like you were slapping your girlfriend around. No. The only thing I slap her with is love and affection. Brian, you should Google it, dude. Yeah. the only thing I slap her with is love and affection, Brian. You should Google it, dude. That's what he calls his fist, love and affection. There is no chance in hell that the only person on this couch

that doesn't hit their significant other is Matt. The three of us definitely beat. I'm not a hitter. I'm a huge pussy. I'm kidding. I know, that's my point. Matt, of course you're a huge pussy. Matt's like, I'm a huge pussy. You kidding I know that's my point Matt of course you're a huge pussy Matt's like I'm a huge pussy You're like we know

Look at these creamy delights But that's why I love you You don't try to be anything What you are That's all I can do You're gay you know it And you let it fly I'm a soft boy

Don't give him this I think Ryan is double downing On being a douche bag For no reason This is a Christmas gift He's just Ryan's an unbelievablying on being a douchebag for no reason. This is a Christmas gift. Ryan's an unbelievably sweet guy, dude. Oh, he's the nicest. Why do you think he's my best friend?

But in the last year and a half, you've been like, 6'5", it's a joke. You're like, come on. No, that's not a joke. Yeah, but Ryan's a good... Check my... He's got to ride the wave because right now you're in a sweet spot timing-wise where Carhartt is in fashion and also you're a contractor. I'm so mad about it.

I fucking hate it. Don't even bring this up. It's going to be a 30-minute foster care right now. I got crossover drip right now. Yeah, you're in your peak coolest right now. Dude, wear Carhartt if you want. You also look like you work at Hot Topic with Matt with your fucking shoes. Look, we got off our shift.

We're having a couple drinks and cooling out. Why don't you let us live our lives? I've been putting tags on fucking Hurley t-shirts for nine hours. Dude, you busted my fucking dick. This Brixton merch isn't going to move itself, Trevor. Anytime I've worn anything, even remotely, Carhartt or anything around Ryan, he's like, fuck you, you fucking soft-handed pussy. I'm like, look, that may all be true.

I just hate that my shoulders hurt from lifting things. I could be a mechanic, too, if I wanted to. I'm just jealous I can't type. Yeah, it's really not that good. It's kind of sad. Oh, look at that. A piece of wire in my hoodie. You start wearing IBM and fucking Apple products.

It's just funny to me that you are still a bully. I'm not a bully. You're about to turn. You're 34 years old, and you're still like, look at you. You just got up. I'm not a bully. He just got up like, bitch is going to fuck you. turn you're 34 years old and you're still like look at you just you just gotta bitch is gonna fucking you want to take care of shit so funny if i backhanded and they were like and this is why level monsters doesn't exist anymore no that's why we just all you went full cobra you're like what'd you say Cause he knows I'm right

Listen I wanna say this My friend just lost his job We don't need this kind of drama Yeah I didn't hear that story Yeah I got laid off You can tune in to last week's episode I've listened to all the episodes

Your hair looks great Your hair looks great and I love all your episodes. It does look good. It was fun. Your hair looks amazing. Thank you so much, dude. Always. Don't do this to him. Don't give him this.

Yeah, whatever, job boy. Your hair looks good too. Dude, honestly. I got my flow. I'll tell you why. Can I say honestly why? I've never thought you were unattractive

or unfunny. Nobody ever even thought you were ugly for even a second. No, but she says it all the fucking time. But like when we were joking, we called you. We were all on a show together at Uno's Pizzeria. Boy, was that a blast. It was a good time.

We are making it. In my hometown. Hell yeah. That's my hometown. Sloanville? Why didn't you come? Yeah, you could have came out. We needed you

On that second show He put that life Behind him Yeah that's where I grew up The main streets Of Hamilton That beautiful

Italian princess We call Matt Because I love Mad people I love John I love you guys And we call Matt To be like

Oh shit we're running A little late And he's like Did you both call me To bully me? We do not We bully each other We don't bully Matt to be like, oh shit, we're running a little late. And he's like, did you both call me to bully me? Yeah. I'm like, because you guys We did attack him

with your words. We do not. We bully each other. We don't bully other people. We were being nice to you. Yeah, you're expert. Nah, I will, no, you guys,

you guys bully each other and then sometimes that bully It does carry over. It comes into a, no, you unify. We just are like kid on our level.

I've seen you guys like, you're like connecting the rings like fucking Captain Planet characters. Go Wigger, go. And then you guys turn it on just one person. I've seen that. And I'm like. Many times.

You did it to our server when we were recording hacks. And then you introduce him and says, hey, we're here with Eric, South Jersey's greatest pussy eater. That's a compliment. Yeah, it's not bad. That's us complimenting you guys. I loved it. I loved it.

But the guy was just like. All right. Maybe we don't know what we're doing. No, it's great. They just opened a Topgolf in Northeast Philly. Oh, I cannot wait. Which is a dangerous spot. You have to bring a bat if you do. It was on the way to the job I just got let go from.

It's a driving range and a fucking... Yeah, you check this one out. It's a shooting range, too. I'm smacking this one on a Roosevelt Boulevard. Every time anybody hits a driver, I think we bully. I think everyone thinks we bully, but this is us loving it.

No, I know it is for fun, but the fun is watching you guys bully people. Nah, compliment me. Because I realize it's something, I'm watching you guys do it right now to Matt, and I was like, yeah, take that. Oh, we're complimenting him. I know, but you almost bully with compliments.

Yeah. I don't know how do you get off. I don't know how you come. Did you guys not have Catholic mothers? Yeah, I'm like, what do you think a compliment is if it's not like a backhanded one? If someone doesn't also say, thank God you look good, I'm like, thank you.

Fair. Whoa, you don't look bad today. Oh, you look attractive. Like when Ryan knows, if Ryan's just like, your hair looks good, I'm like, you're a fucking liar. He's like, listen,

your hair looks good for today. I'm like, thank you. It's good. It's not bad. Thank you. Considering the night we had last night, it doesn't look bad. Yeah.

God bless America. Those are the nice ones. The Pizzeria Nuno was a good time, though. That was a good time. Did you just call it Pizzeria Nuno? I like saying words different. I'll tell you right now. Pizzeria Nuno, you got my fucking loyalty.

Delicious pizza. Not a bad gig. Yeah, you go there, you do a couple jokes, they give you a full deep dish. Yeah, I was going to say, nothing like doing comedy on a big, tum-tum full deep dish. They didn't pay for it. We definitely paid for it, but yes. Yeah. Got a free brisket. No, but pay for it. We definitely paid for it. But yes. Yeah. Got a free brisket.

No, but it is nice. It is nice. I'll say this. There's not a lot of places that you can like, you're like, you gotta tell your significant other like,

hey, I'm gonna leave you for a couple hours with two beautiful men. And then a guy that I'm really glad that he always books me. When I'm bringing home pizza. Chance doesn't get mad at that.

If I have a pizza. Zoe's not mad. I came hung out. That's why I came hung out. The Crick shows are great. I just bring home leftovers every time. I will never eat that food. It's not bad. It was for a benefit for dogs.

Yeah, it's like, alright,, well, you just come hang, get a chicken marsala at fucking McGillen's. It's the same. The dog show. It was a benefit for dogs. Brian goes up and he's like, yeah, I think if you guys don't give money, they're going to kill these fucking dogs. They're making me keep bludgeoning these dogs to death.

Did you tell him about the woman that was like? Yeah, I sent him the details. She was so scary. There was like an Italian... She was a bitch lady. She was eating pizza with a fork and knife. And I broke her down. I was fine with how much I hated that show.

I gave her the Foster shovel. And then Foster sent me the screenshots of it just being like, you weren't set up. Those motherfuckers suck. And I'm like, Ryan, don't send me that. Like, I already knew I did bad.

Oh, yeah, I got the same shit. Yeah, right? Didn't that make you just feel extra? He's like, isn't it cool how much this lady thought I was funny? And me and Peg both went before him. She was like, you went up there with no setup. Also, I was supposed to go last, but I am a good friend. And I said, Rye, you can go last.

I'll go first. I went first, my boy. I know. True. I didn't have to go first at all, you can go last. I'll go first. I want first, not one. I know. True. I don't have to go first at all because I was shocked. You got snatched.

Yeah, kiss it first before you put it away. Are you shocked that you didn't have to go first at all? That I had to eat it up top? I thought they would be like, all right, you're the newest one.

Go up and kiss around. Yeah, but you do shows with me and Ryan. What do we do? We make a show. What do we do? We help you out. Oh, so I got a worse? Yeah, you got the... No, you got the golden spot. I got an easy one, but I thought

that was out of a lob. Like, alright. Well, yeah. It's because... A little Maddie sandwich between the bread. Well, look. First show was fun. Second show... I feel like now I... I want to get back to this lady eating pizza with a fork and knife.

But slut daughters are beautiful slut daughters. I didn't even say the daughters. Italian queens. Wait, are you supposed to eat good deep dish pizza with a fork and knife? Like Chicago style? Lou Magnati alleys or whatever? I think they got a thin crust. If I know these women.

I love a thin crust every once in a while. You eat the whole pie. You're like, I'm going to eat this entire thing. I'll breeze through a thin crust every once in a while. I got it in a true style. You eat the whole pie. You're like, I'm going to eat this entire thing. I'll breeze through a thin crust. Yeah. Breeze through it. It's like a Catholic wafer.

I was thin crust back in the day. Ooh. I fucking hate Catholic wafers. Yeah, you throw some sauce and cheese on the weed. Jesus, dude. Jesus.

They're tastier than hell. They're so good. Honestly, it just reminds me of being a little kid and just being like, I couldn't do better. It's dry on the top of your mouth.

I wish I was getting molested by Claudio. You're not supposed to chew, God? No, you're not supposed to chew the bread, dude. You let it dissolve into your head. Oh, my God. I got caught taking those little puppies and throwing them under the pew. Crap. Are you fired?

I tried one of them, and I was like, that thing stinks. That is also very funny. Remember my mom's funeral? Chance was so mad because I was like, Chance, you can't. Because it's a Catholic funeral. I'm like, Chance, you can't get up. And he's like, Ryan got up. I'm like, all right, what is this fucking?

I'm Catholic. I'm like, he's Catholic. He was. Confirmed. He was confirmed. But also, what that is, is like you were. I'm like, you weren't, Chance. And he's like, yeah, but I can go get it if Ryan does.

I'm like, no, you weren't. That priest has no way for security. I can strip sack that. That's what I mean. But I'm so in my head of my mom's dying. Chance is like, what the fuck? Ryan gets to get up? You didn't let me get up.

She was dead at that point. She was pretty dead. Room shot. I'm pissed You're pissed that you didn't get to go to my mom's funeral? You could have That shit was a banger By the way I gotta be honest

That shit was fucking whammy It was And that's good Your mom's No, it's good that it was nice Oh, it was beautiful It was like It was like a thousand people in a church Yeah good that it was nice oh it was beautiful it was like it was like a

thousand people in a church yeah like it was insane my autistic my autistic sister came we're at the

fucking the they had like a viewing at the beginning and my little sister she doesn't know

Danielle Davis Danielle Davis Danielle Davis just shaking nice to meet you Danielle looks across the street look

sorry for your loss she looks across like literally across the room she left across the street. Look. Sorry for your loss. She looked across the room, looked at me and was like, sorry for your loss, Peg. Everybody's like, who's the retard? Literally, probably my sisters would say that. And then she was like, Daniel Davis. They're like, we still don't know who it is.

Oh, that's her name. Oh, okay. Yeah, different last names, brother. Fair. You do the math. I mean, I could have went first at that pizzeria when I showed up. It would have been fine. Oh, are we going back to that? I'm just kidding.

I'm horsing around. You almost put a hole in the fucking drywall there, chief. That was maybe the fattest noise I've ever made in my entire life. The funny thing is the guy who you got that fucking jacket from definitely has punched some holes in some sheetrock. For sure. That's secondhand North Face. That's why he sent it away.

I was going to say, some dude found out he couldn't date rape in this thing. He's like, god damn it, dude. You get caught. They're looking for a homo. The last thing watching this is an Andrew Tate video. He's just like, save your help. Speaking of, he's done.

Yeah, he's in Romania, right? For the guys. I don't know. What did they get him for? Human trafficking. He's done. Yeah, he's in Romania, right? For the guys. Who? I don't know. What did they get him for? Human trafficking. Andrew Tate. You never heard of him?

Andrew Tate. He's a dickhead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I love that. You're like, he's a dickhead because I'm here. But if I wasn't here, you'd be like, pretty cool. No, I actually don't like any. No, he's such a tool.

No, I don't like anybody doing well. So if he massages me, it annoys me that he's so successful. Whatever. But he... Sex traffic all the women you want, but God damn it, if you're making guap from it. Keep it to yourself. Keep the Bugattis off the internet, all right? Bugatti.

He was like making cam girls do shit or something like that. Like he was like forcing them against their will to be like... You're telling me porn isn't done? Well, scrupulous methods. I think there's some dark parts. Human trafficking, you're starting to realize more and more things are human trafficking. They're like, he drove a girl across state lines.

And it's like, but if you boil it down to it, it's like, okay, so if you and another person go across state lines and then they get over there and they're like, I don't want to be here. You're like, oh, fuck, I just trafficked a human. I think he was saying some yucky stuff. Okay. I know.

All right, break this down for a fucking second. Because that doesn't happen. Keep the hooker in your state. I don't know. In theory, you're right. Yeah. But in principle and like actually. Yeah, don't do that.

Don't kidnap people. You could go to court and do that. And like actually be like, this is human trafficking. It's not going to happen. Yeah. It'd be so funny of getting in a fight with your girlfriend. I know. I was just trolling. She's like, this is human traffic. It's not going to happen. It'd be so funny of getting in a fight with your girlfriend. I know, I was just trolling you. She's like, he trafficked me.

He trafficked me to Waddle-a-Dot. Every woman I know. You get to Pennsylvania, she's like, you fucking idiot. Everyone I know that hated somebody would just be like, I fucking got hit. You know how many times women have been trafficked back from Irish weekend? Ryan, you human trafficked Peggy over the night. In your car. In my car.

That's what I'm saying. Why human See? That's what I'm saying. I human traffic. That's what I'm saying. Out of these two people, who do you think is going to get sold faster on the market? I'd be worth hundreds. Which market? 100%. This motherfucker, I would.

Slurped and sucked up. Listen. Now, Peggy, you a crush on the Boston market. Do I have? Fuck off. Honestly, I would do in any market, but get me to Boston. I'm like, fuck a Patriot. You're a Patriot's friend.

Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, thank God. But fucking Tom Brady's still there. Okay, sidebar. I'm more meant like rotisseries and mashed taters. I love Boston market. Dude, Ryan would definitely. Why do you think I brought him on the road with me?

I think it put a lot of thought into this. That's why we brought you here. Why did you? The ripping and the tearing? There it is. The ripping and the tearing. What's that? That was an old Tosh.0.

Now, Ryan wouldn't do well getting sex trafficked because, remember the thing you would say when you were a kid, and you're like, if you're an annoying kid and you get kidnapped, you keep talking in the backseat. You're like, where are we going? What's this mess? Am I going to suck another dick today? You would talk shit on the guy. You would say when you're a kid and you're like, if you're an annoying kid and you get kidnapped, keep talking to the backseat. You're like, where are we going? What's this? Am I going to suck another dick today? You would talk shit on the guy.

You're like, you're hard? Okay. If you say so. Just try to intimidate boners down the whole time. He's on his knees and he's taller than me. I hate it. You call that a penis? You're bragging to all the other people being kidnapped.

You're going to get canceled. God damn it. DC is delicious. I was going to say, we got, yeah, Peg's got an album recording coming canceled. God damn it. DC is delicious. I was going to say, Peg's got an album recording coming up. Oh, yeah. Oh, please.

Wait, the other day, Chance told me the other day. Everyone from her parish will still be there. We'll be fine. Yeah, every Doctrine and O'Leary will still be at my album recording. Throw a couple slurs out here, you'll sell that motherfucker out. No, but the other day,

Chance said that I was high watching the game on Sunday, and I was like, please, if anyone heard how my thoughts really were, I'd be canceled years ago. If I kept it real? If I kept it real, dude. You just said that out of nowhere, no context? No, I mean, I was out there.

There was a context. Do you do that a lot, though? I do that a lot when I'm fucked up where like you start a sentence in your head and then finish it out loud and you're like,

oh, I sound like a fucking lunatic. You could have sex trafficked me. What do you think my whole career is? Why do you think I'm back in Philly

doing handsome idiots? Which has 117 subscribers. We're so happy to have you. Thank you for coming on. I love it. Did you think that... I want to hear this because you did say that. Do you think that Ryan and I are done?

Like, Love of Monsters are done? I don't know. You guys know the podcast. Do you do it anymore? We're busy. No, it's not busy. So what I'm saying is... Fuck that, dude. I got four shows this January. What I'm saying is... I assume you guys

weren't doing the podcast anymore. You're not, right? No. So my assumption was right. Okay. We're on a hiatus. But we still do a show every week. I know,

but I meant more in the podcast sense. I apologize. Guy loses his job because he starts lashing out at everybody else. Yeah, he's out of his stone now. Why don't you tidy up your own room? Why don't you make your bed?

Yeah, what are jobs, really? Fucking. When you really think about it, guys, isn't life a job? Nah, dude. I'm going to say yeah. First job you got is taking out these Christmas decorations when we leave. What's the deal? Brother, it's January.

They're now Valentine's decorations. I knew he'd be annoyed. There are a few things that I know about Ryan Foster. He needs to talk about a haircut. I complimented the hair already. He's not insulted. This is a Martin Luther King tray, actually.

No colors. Put a crown on top. Having Christmas decorations up too long, it's a big no-no in Ryan's life. It's January 11th. That's as long... You go to the 15th. That's real long. You go to like the 15th. That's real Jewish type stuff, dude. Are you Jewish? No.

I'm saying getting rid of them quick is Jewish. Last year they were up until St. Paddy's Day. No. You keep it up until January 6th, which not. Happy anniversary? Yeah. Patriots? Not including what happened a couple years ago.

Yeah, our dogs? That is called Little Christmas. That's when technically- That's what Little Christmas is? What kind of gypsy bullshit is this? We call that Little Christmas. That's when the- I was going to say wizards.

That's when the wise men came to Jesus was the six. And that's what Orthodox Catholics celebrate. All right. Bye. I'm going to kill myself. What the fuck did Jesus do for like 11 days? Vibed out, brother. Yeah.

He was born. He probably got thick as shit. He was a baby. Yeah, but then Mary fucking. Was an amazing mother? No, I don't like the whole Mary angle. Mary. You don't like Mary.

I don't trust her. I don't like any Marys personally. Me either. Do I know any Marys? Oh, Radzinski. She's cool. Never mind. Very funny person. True. Wait. Very funny woman. Don't misgender her. I don't like any Marys, personally. Do I know any Marys? Oh, Radzinski, she's cool. Never mind. Very funny person, true. Wait. Very funny woman.

Don't misgender. I don't see color. You like Jesus' mother? J-Man's mother. J-Dog. You ever been to like a youth sports game and the kid's pretty good and the mom's louder than the kid's good? Ryan and Denise.

You're literally talking about Ryan and Denise. No, you're right. Mary definitely had an airbrush football shirt. He was born. She was like, you know, I wasn't even fucked. They didn't have the technology for airbrushing. It's Jesus' time. Yeah, they did.

You're so smart, Ryan. Way to be. They did air compressors back then. That was Jesus' first miracle. He put Tupac on a tee. Everyone thought it was water and wine, but it was water and airbrush. He made a half Tupac, half Biggie face on a tee.

Don't tell me you didn't have a fucking airbrush shirt of yourself, Jersey Boys. Did you? No, I didn't. I had the caricature on my wall though. Not on the shirt. Tweety Bert? No, it was me and my sister. She was a ballerina and I had one of the, you know the ninja sword

you'd always get at the boardwalk? Oh, so you didn't have any sort of sport? No, my stepdad gave me a samurai sword. No, I had a baseball one too, but the one I'm holding the ninja sword on. It's pretty epic and it's amazing. I have a tattoo on my ribs but the one I'm holding is all cool, and it's pretty epic, and that's amazing. He's a special boy. I actually have a tattoo on my lips.

You should put that on your resume. I need to write a resume now. It sucks. Attach that. I'm just going to put a link to Hands of Idiots. I'm good with the ninjas. You need help with that copier. Are copiers still even a thing in the office world?

Make sure they know on the resume there's 117 subscribers. That's so fucking many, dude. I'm proud of you. In special interest, I'm going to put... I don't think Level Monsters ever had that many. I'll subscribe to this if you take down these decorations. Ryan, dude, it's a nice, warm place to be. Don't you feel warm as hell? I love it. I do feel warm.

I took off the hoodie. Christmas is cancelled. That's not even Christmas. We're keeping that up year round. What'd you get for Christmas? A lot of things. Google Home, different hoodies. Oh, that was Alexa. Oh, different hoodies. Well, no, that's a Google Home.

That's why. It's a now unplugged Google Home. Yeah, yeah. Alexa's more of like an African-American. Google Home's a quiet thing. Because I did say something that made it. Yeah, it's true. I don't know where that one was going, but it's true.

She was going to play a song. She's like, shit. Shit, it's hot as hell. I know you don't mean to ask me was going, but it's true. She was going to play a song. She's like, shit. Shit, it's hot as hell. I know you don't want to ask me to play no goddamn R. Kelly. Hey, Alexa, what's the weather like? Fuck, it's 8 a.m. We're in an hour. Anyway.

Now, I'm keeping the decorations up. No, I'm cooking grits, goddamn. I've got to take myself off of this shit. Every morning, just having to listen to Get Down On It is exhausting for me. Get down on it. Earth, Wind & Fire, every goddamn day. That sounds like the best morning ever. It does.

It's pretty good. It really does. It'd be 300 pounds in two weeks. That's what Andrew Tate's girls were listening to every morning. Get down on it. Get down on it. She was like, get down on that fucking Bulgarian cock. What a disgusting thing.

Dude, did you see the rap video he came out? He entertained us. Somebody was like, look at his, I thought you called him Andrew Taint. Shut up, dude. That's a lot of fun. I mean, that's what I call it. That's a tough name. Is that where we can pull it up?

We have the technology now. On Twitter, they had a rap video. Yes, we got things. And people were like, this is so embarrassing. I'm like, for a foreigner, that's amazing. Yeah, for a Canadian guy, whatever he is. He's something. Is he British?

I think he's British. Is he living? Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate. Rap. I'm going to be on a list for Googling. Yeah, yeah. Make sure you put rap and not rape.

Can we not? This is like so annoying. Okay, we won't have to watch it. No, do it. I want to watch it. It's a good... I just wanted the pushback, so people thought she was a feminist. You do watch him to like hate watch him.

No, don't put on... Mr. Plenty. I don't like him because I don't. Mr. Plenty. This is top tier foreign rapper. Do you think he owns all these cars or is this Reddit for the video? He did like a little Dickie thing. Yeah. He just went to a house and was like, can I use the car?

And then I was like, I am also an alpha man. He's like, can I borrow your daughter? Door to door. It's just his fucking... Okay. Yeah. What? So now he's...

You actually think this is his voice? This is 100% not his voice. Isn't this the Logic song? The like, I don't want to die. It's the opposite of it. Yeah. Yeah, it's just sped up. It's the sequel.

I think we got the taste of it. That's literally every northeast Russian rap. That's exactly what you're going to get, brother. Somebody else wrote that. I heard that on the boardwalk this summer. I haven't been to the boardwalk in years.

Which one would you guys go You guys are PA people. What boardwalk do you guys go to? I was a Wildwood guy. I love that we're 15 minutes apart where you're like, you're PA people. Yeah, but I don't know if there's like a distinction.

I went to Ocean City. Oh, okay. Oh, dry. That's where I worked. Okay. But I lived in Longport. Okay. Longport.

Later in life, Shout out 73rd Street. What's the street? Yeah. 32nd, but then my street was Evergreen. Evergreen. Really? Patrick, you're a good AC. Shout out 73rd Street. What's the street? 32nd. But then my street was Evergreen. Evergreen. Really?

Patrick, you're a good friend. Shout out to this year. When he was little, we used to have this. Did I ever tell you this story? So when he was little, his dad would bring them to my parents' house for like a week. So a few times he would come. When they would come and we were all there, he'd be like, this is our house. Yeah.

And me and my brother would be like no it's not it's our house it's a battle we like talk about it now we're like that's such a funny thing as little kids

we're like no this is my house who's house my parents house so his good friend I lost concentration his wife his wife

and her best friend yeah our best friends yeah got you wait who your wife this is groundbreaking podcasting guys His wife and her best friend are best friends. Yeah. Got you. Wait, who? Your wife? This is groundbreaking podcasting, guys.

I just want to tell you. Yeah, never mind. This is... No, I get what you're saying. I like Longport. The beach is cool. I don't think I've ever been to Longport. First time I ever went?

John, are you trying to fucking bully me like Ryan because you're on that side? Yeah, we're trying to bully him. That tea leaked over to your brother. He knew exactly. So John's wife's best friend is my friend, is my cousin-in-law, Carol. Oh, that's cool. Docherty. I didn't know there was a connection.

Just doxing the shit out of people that don't want to be talked about on a podcast. Carol Docherty and Patrick Docherty love me. That's at least 12 people creeping. That's like six handfuls of subscribers. That's a lot. Also, what am I saying bad about it? I'm like, we have a connection, and you want to act like we don't have a connection. No, it's fine that we have a connection.

I just think it's... Wow. Unbelievable jerk. You're right. I'm so glad I said on this side. I'm glad you lost your job, dude. You don't deserve a job. I'll put your address on right now.

There's a Starbucks in my neighborhood looking for baristas. Damn, that would suck. Oh, no. That would be fucking sick. I would get all the names wrong. Then you could wear Carhartt. Yeah, I could wear all the Carhartt I want.

First of all, okay, so you have not had a job for like, what, two days? You'll be fine. I know I'm going to be fine. Yeah. Why are you getting mad oh my god he's a man no i talked for the podcast he said he's doing great nicer to people and i said i'm gonna start being meaner and he's not doing well i don't know what's happening

i'm being nice i'm doing great no i i appreciate it i think i'm the only nice person in this room besides jay i feel yeah but like only in this room days Jay? I feel... There's a Santa Claus decoration. Day still Christmas, brother. You put that in reverse. There's only 344 left, you fools. Might as well keep it up at this point. You guys aren't excited. Are you guys Christmas people? Are you big into it?

Am I a Christmas guy, he says. I can't tell. I can see it either way. I like Christmas. You love it. So you don't know either. What are you talking about? You're asking yourself.

Brother, let me tell you a thing about Christmas. I'm a Thanksgiving guy. Overall. Really? That's your number one? Yeah, holiday? Thanksgiving is number one. Gravy, rice, turkey. Rice? I like turkey. Who has Thanksgiving rice?

I make my mom make rice with the mashed potatoes. So weird. Okay, you gotta be a Christmas gal. She's the 4th of July. I've always been an Easter girl. She's a patriot. Yeah. Easter rules.

Easter's sneaky good. Yeah. So I always loved Easter. Also, I was very fat, so Mama loved her candy and ham. Yeah. Give me a candy and ham, Mama's a chad. I'll tell you right now. I'm a little 8-year-old just like, I want a candied ham. You pulling up some ham?

Also, I didn't have a lot of younger cousins. I got a few. At least a lot of younger cunt. There's not that much young cunt in my family. That's Loveable Monsters

rebranding. Young cunts. Young cunts. We're both going to get Botox for the young cunts. Your entire thing. They're like, they smile a lot on stage

with the Botox. Loveable Monsters, young cunts young cunts we're just back to back fucking Botox needles I love well also I did love

Jesus as a child yeah Jesus is the man dude but the Mary thing sucks I I can't believe I can't no Easter ruled though Easter

you get to find a nice egg hunt in there Christmas my family would fight Easter was like you got a basket what did you get in the basket There was too much excitement with Christmas. My family would fight. Easter was like, you got a basket. What did you get in the basket?

This was always a point of contention. The big thing in our family was that the baskets were hid. Okay. So it was exciting in the morning. We'd go downstairs and be like, oh, where is it? It's in the closet. And sometimes we'd be like, oh, shit, you can't find it. Mom and dad didn't get us anything.

No. You're crying. Your brother's rubbing his candy in his face. So my uncle Joey's kids always stayed with us on Easter. And he would be like, my mom would be like, our baskets had to be in the house. But Joey would do like, he'd do crazy stuff. Like put it in.

It's on the wall of Baltimore Pike. Yeah, it would be like on top of the garage. It would be like down the street. Right age, returned it. But no, it was always candy and then usually a gift. That's what mine was usually. A little small

gift or something. I had a friend growing up who would get a new BMX bike or PlayStation. It was another Christmas for him. He was a spoiled dude. I think my nieces had that a little bit more because my mom was more excited. She went to mama mode.

Yeah, she went to grandma. She was like, I'm fucking Nana. And I want to have a baby. Or it would be a thing because it was always at the shore. We always went to the shore house. The beach. On Easter. So that's also why I loved it because we would go to the beach.

I love off season that the beach is awesome. It's the best. And that house felt like a house. I grew up on top of a funeral home. It's a home. It's a home. It love off-season at the beach. It's awesome. It's the best. That house felt like a house. I grew up on top of a funeral home. It's a home. It's a home. It doesn't feel like a beach house. No, it doesn't.

We have it written on a boat or above the door when you walk in. It literally doesn't feel like a beach house. That one's kind of nice. It's like beginning of April type deal. It depends on the year. It depends on if you believe in Christianity. Sometimes it's in May. It depends on the year.

I believe in Christianity. All the holidays, although Christmas- They started off as pagan holidays, I hope you know. All the holidays although like Christmas They started off as pagan holidays I hope you know. Yeah. Which is alright.

I think I taught you that. I 100% taught him that. You're going to pull out crystals now? He's like my gypsy friend told me this. Jesus was black. You know astrology

makes sense. Jesus had cornrows. Christmas was cool. Let me tell you. Christmas like the whole excitement was your parents being like, I don't know. I don't know if we loved you this year. We might not have gotten as much stuff.

We didn't really love you a lot. You had to be like, I don't know. You lost this job. You don't have anything for Christmas. I'm already realizing how you can leverage Christmas against... We did it with our daughter. You used it against your children. She'd be acting out and we're like,

I don't know. I think you should get to sleep, because Santa's probably watching. You know how you've only had nine experiences? One of them was bad. We might not get anything this year. Who knows? You've had nine experiences. You only had eight thoughts.

One of them was a curse word. We might not get anything ever again, you little fucking piece of shit. You little retard. Do you want the blocks or not? All right? You know how you do everything me and your mom do, because we're the only people you've ever known? Well, you've been a little

mean. You don't even have a personality yet, do you? You little ball of mush. Everything you ever thought, we made you think. We don't know. Can't hold up your head. One year... Mary's a bitch. One year at Christmas... I gotta get down to this.

We do a fucking Christmas Eve party and my aunt and uncles and my aunt got uncles, the one year my aunt got so drunk, she like, well, I guess my uncle went home and she hid all the Christmas presents that she passed out in the foyer of her house and all the kids woke up with no presents because my uncle didn't know where they are. And she was so hungover,

so they ate Christmas at like 10.30. That's fucking great. Well, yeah, are you, what is, like you're the oldest, Ryan, and you are an only child? That's fucking great Well yeah Are you What is Like you're the oldest Ryan And you are an only child No I have an older sister

You got You got only child energy though No I don't Dude No I'm very good No I don't What about me as only child Good hair

Your pompous attitude Overall That's bullshit Do you like your sister I love my sister Entitlement I don't know I know.

You were like, you're hating on Mary. That is the only kid. It has nothing to do. No. My older sister probably would hate Mary too. If I sat her down

and I gave her my rationale. Yeah. Okay. If I tell my sister I hate somebody, she hates them. That's what I'm saying. The baby of the family

to have an older sister. So did, oh, so you guys both just have an older, so like, but, so Christmas was like,

like I know Ryan's from a big family My family Christmas Why it was crazy is because there was Outbreak fights Of teenage girls And I think in later years There were fights between you and Justin Just like the immediate You mean the immediate family?

Yeah, just like our family Christmas is always real. That's why Easter was my favorite. Everybody's tired of fighting on Christmas. They're all talking about it. Easter was all just... It was me and my cousins. We hadn't seen each other since Christmas.

We were just sucking and fucking. I learned some new cool... Look at our weird younger cousins. hey, what's up, girl? Yeah, he's like, yo, I learned a bunch of new swear words, and I'm going to fucking rip them. Let's go. Easter was good because there's stakes to drinking and hanging out that day because you have school the next day. Christmas, you're like, I can fuck around. Yeah.

Easter, you're like, fuck, I have to wake up at 7 again tomorrow. I didn't get off for Easter. You'd rip a bunch of work wine. I went to a cappy school, too. We didn't get off. We. You'd rip a bunch of work wine. I went to a Kathy school, too. We didn't get off. We were there Monday morning, bright and early. They're like, how was the candy? Capitalism is ruining this country.

Who is it? Capitalism. Capitalism? That's right. I think you're exactly right. It feels like we're really on the same path here. Easter, my grandma, every year now, my grandma puts little travel liquor bottles in eggs and hides them around the yard.

That's right. We get a blackout on the driveway. That is why Maureen is the greatest woman. now my grandma puts like little travel liquor bottles and eggs around the yard why Maureen is the greatest that's cool too when you find one in July and you're like I should we forgot one my grandma's just shit house on gin Ricky's forget where she hit all the fucking eggs like there's definitely been summers that we go down there and like my mom's like gardening and she's like oh i found an egg it'd be so funny it was like oh look at this little titus butter my mom was like my grandma you don't remember when you were younger and you would see like older people in your family do stuff and you couldn't put together why like i thought my grandma was

clumsy because she used to like drop our food and be, kiss it up to God. Kiss it up to God and then you can eat it. Then we got older. I'm like, she's fucking blacked out. She's fucking hammered on the driveway. We're on big wheels. Dropping my goddamn drumstick on the fresh asphalt. I didn't know kiss it up to God was also just the five second rule.

Dude, that was my family. I didn't know that was the same thing. Kiss it up to God. I love that she did it up a guy? Yeah, it was big. Kissing up a guy. Kissing up a guy. Oh, okay. I love that she did it with a whole crock pot. It was like a whole- Shepard's pie dropping on the driveway. You're like, no, no, no.

The crust should be at the bottom. Sundae gravy. Kissing up a guy. It's fine. You're going to have to make that with this one. Scoop it with your hand. Kissing up a guy. I'm bringing that back, dude.

That was a big one. I forgot about that. I get that a lot Yeah That's from the vault My mom used to hit me With the St. Anthony's prayer When you couldn't find something

Oh my mom still hits that brother You guys still rip those? Yeah Sean's like Dear St. Anthony Come around A job cannot be failed I'm going to type the words

Of it into LinkedIn Type that into Indeed St. Anthony's prayer Is what I do all the time. What was the one, because did you always get all the pendants for, I remember I got, my grandma or my aunt gave me one

that you put on your bike and it was for the saint of transportation or something. That was to mark you for a sex trafficking ring. Yeah. Like, please take this piece of shit. I'm out there whipping my huffy white heat around town. It's like every Catholic family has a few. Or everyone's got them on their visor in their car.

Like my family loves St. Rita. St. Rita is the patron saint of... Wiggers. That's St. Michael. That's our... St. Big Mike. That's Psych Michael. No, St. Rita is the patron saint of...

That's St. Nah. What the fuck is it called? It's not... It's like... Fucking... What's a... Oh, like World War II? No, what's like a bad event that you can't like hear?

Holocaust. Catastrophe? It's like that. This is terrible. Mama should not have had been that... No, we're playing that game. What's a word about bad? No, but it's basically like patron saint of...

That's not good. I don't know. She had two dead kids, so our family... Patron saint of grief? Grief? No, but what's the other thing? That's Saint Elizabeth and... No, Saint Rita.

Let's just run through the saints. Saint Rita. What's Saint Rita? Rita's gone, St. Rita. Let's just run through the Sts. St. Rita. Yeah. St. Rita. What's St. Rita? Rita's gone, baby. You ever hear that song? I hate Rita's water ice. What? It is beans.

What? Of heartbroken witness. No, let's discuss this. Why? Stinks. Cassia? St. Rita, Cassia? Do you not like water ice in general?

Really? I wrap it away too many conversations here. Hang on, hang on. St. Cassia. There's not a second thing that's like... St. Cassia? No, she's St. Rita, Cassia. You want to talk sluts, that's my girl. Yeah, hang on. St. Cashew. Isn't that a second thing that's like... St. Cashew? No, she's St. Reno Cashew. You want to talk sluts, that's my girl.

So she had two sons that died in war after her husband or whatever. So she's like the patron saint of... Complaining women. It does make sense. It does make sense. Heartbroken women. No, that's not what we always said. Loneliness, marriage difficulties. I mean, it make sense. It does make sense. Heartbroken women. No, that's not what we always said.

Loneliness, marriage difficulties. I mean, it makes sense. She's the patron saint of, yo, many. Shit, dude. Sterility, abuse victims, loneliness. Patron saint of all Philadelphia women. Hair-perking women specifically for abuse victims, loneliness, marriage. The saint of my stomach hurts.

Impossible things. That's what she's normally, that's what my family always says. The sad part is all those things are very possible. I know. She's impossible as like, all right, shut up. I'm going to say that every annoying bitch for now on is Rita. I think we found the episode, Dan. You're being a real Rita right now.

Be cool with your Ritas over there. Not Rita's his ass. Why don't you like Rita's? I think we found the episode, Dan. You're being a real reader right now. You're a real reader right now. Be cool with your readers over there. Nah, readers is ass. Why don't you like readers? I don't like it. I love it so much. I think it is. Have you ever gone to like another? I love all water ice.

Like Cabanas is great too, right near me. I've been to like good. John, for a second. Now I'm going to get some shit thrown at me. You don't know about it. I want... John, for one second, I want you to give me your honest opinion.

Yeah. I don't want you to do your John thing where you're like, I like everything. I like Ryan. I like Matt. I like Jay. I like Peggy.

No. Tell Peggy you hate her. You hate me. Just say it to my face I just start crying that would be kind of cool that would also be good for views Peggy's being a reader

just like you you're being a real fucking reader if he felt that way I'd be pissed as all get out but yeah you would yeah I'd be pretty upset about that but

I would let it do you like me that much yeah but I would let it manifest and then I'd be like oh whoa like if we cut the commercial. Whoa, whoa, everybody chill.

Oh, what the crud? What the hell? What in Sam Halen's going on here? And then you guys would come back from commercial, and then it would be like a recap. How much do you hate me, John? I think that Peggy asks me this every time I see her. Well, there's a reason.

But yet, I invited you here. What do you put in now, Peg? I love everybody. I don't know. You're a married man, John. Am I putting out the vibe that I don't like Peggy? This is Matt Thomas. No, you, Peg. I love everybody. I don't know. You're a married man, Tom. Am I putting out the vibe that I don't like Peggy? This is Matt Thomas.

No, but it is fun to talk about. Not at all. You guys can do that. I love you so much. I've never been so attacked. Literally, my cousins only came to my show once because John was there.

You've got to turn your hat backwards. That's your vibe. I know. But if the show was at a pizzeria or no, I could have won. I think I just got laid off

from the Philadelphia comedy scene, too, I feel like. I'm not even a part of it anymore. No one likes me. That's right. South Jersey comedy scene coming at you guys. Coming at you live. But I do have a bomb in a local area. What's this complex called?

Where are we at? We're going to stop saying that on the podcast. We've been saying too many personal things. I would like people to show up. Someone call a bomb threat into this podcast. All 117 of you, come to the saying that on the podcast. We've been saying too many personal things. I would like people to show up. Someone call a bomb threat into this podcast. All 117 of you, come to the Haddon Town Center. The window is literally street level behind us. Come hang out.

If you want to murder Matt, you can't. I can't die. Yeah, I don't like this at all. I'm so close for choking. But next week, I'm pretty sure Matt's not going to sit there. I am always in this seat. This is the danger zone. Listen, I had a stalker, so it's not a to sit there. I am always in this seat. This is the danger zone. Is that it?

Listen, I had a stalker, so it's not a good idea. No? What? You're so jealous, dude. Damn. Really now? What kind of was the stalker? Was he a...

Just talk about this on fucking Jeff's and Rusty's. Yeah, but they don't have 117 subscribers. Our audience is so much more diverse. You tell the story. Yeah, oh, I know. Yeah, I would like to hear it. We would like to know. Our listeners would like to know, I think.

Yeah, I didn't know about it. Right before. You know how much I would love beating the shit out of a stalk know. Yeah, I would like to hear it. We would like to know. Our listeners would like to know, I think. Yeah, I didn't know about it. Right before. You know how much I would love beating the shit out of a stalker? Yeah, that's going to be so good. Yeah. Wait, but now the reason we talked about it on the last one is like, here's my thing. He sent, so remember the guy that sent me stuff to Sterling? Oh, yeah, all the undies.

All those like undies. We're not undies, beanies. But it's like. All the Eagles gear. Yeah. The spread of Eagles gear. A bunch yeah. All the undies. All those undies. All the Eagles gear. Yeah. The spread of Eagles gear. A bunch of butt plugs. Three boxes. Recently, this year on my birthday, it didn't come until December.

Literally, my manager comes over. It's like a packed December afternoon at McGillin's. And they're like, Peg, you have a delivery. You got a box. She's like, yeah, I do. It was sent here. You have a box that's dripping? You got a box that's tight as hell. Yeah. I'm like, Peg, you have a box. You got a box. She's like, yeah, I do. It was sent here. You have a box that's dripping? You got a box that's tight as hell.

Yeah. I'm like, thank you. It drips and it's tight, but thank you. And it's corrugated. Corrugated. Like a box. So I literally was like. What does that mean?

I'm like, what does that mean? Like, who would give me something here? So I go in the back. And it's literally the same typed out thing. It says Margaret Mary O'Leary. MMO. And then it says McGillins and the address, but the zip code was wrong, so that's why I didn't get it.

But he sent it on my birthday again. To your work? So it's the second time that he's sent it to a public place. You're done. So it's the second time that he's sent it to a public place. You're done. So this is why I'm like, could it be the same stalker that was from when I worked?

Or is this a new guy who just doesn't want to? And I posted about it a bunch. What was in the box? The stalker is Dan Madden, and I'm calling you out. Dude, fucking sick starter jacket. Yeah, I've seen this that you put on Instagram. Oh, that was the stalker? Yeah. Yeah, and then he sent me another thing. Dude, stalk me. He. Yeah, I've seen this. You put it on Instagram. Oh, that was the stalker? Yeah. Yeah, and then he sent me another thing.

Dude, stalk me. He's got good taste. Yeah, it's a lot of good Kelly Green shit in there. He sent me old school shit. Well, that's what I said. I'm like, give me cleats. You should throw him some rules. Cleats.

Give me something I can jerk off into. Dan Madsen said it. Peggy's walking around with metal cleats with rules. Dan Madsen in a... Click, clack, click. Oh, fuck, it's Peggy. Yeah. I used to tap dance, but now... It's like cowboy stirrups. Poor guy sitting in a Click clack click Oh fuck it's me Yeah I used to tap dance But now

It's like cowboy stirrups Poor guy's sitting In a dark room Just tapping his thumb To his middle finger To stim It's weird And you want to

Send him a letter back I hope whoever it is It ends up being the guy That's actually Swoop The Eagles mascot Honestly just let me Get a free ticket Yeah

Save on the jacket That's why See I think it's funny and you guys think it's funny but when you tell someone in not a funny atmosphere everyone's like wait, so just a man

sends you Eagles underwear? That's the dream. That's not fair. I want that. Oh, I wore them. When we did that show in Virginia

I put them on for a bit of a laugh. I forgot you were there. Over your pants. Oh, that's hurtful but I hear you. Guess I should have went first at the old a laugh. I forgot you were there. Over your pants. Oh, that's hurtful, but I hear you. Guess I should have went first at the old pizzeria.

I would have lit that bitch aflame if I went first, dude. The rest of the show is going to be great. And it's fun. Damn, you're going to kill yourself one day. You think you'll kill someone or yourself? I think probably myself. You're going to kill somebody else.

I could see you strangling a woman. I would do it like a bitch. I would run into somebody as fast as I could to kill myself and them. I'll do it by natural means. Who would you do it to? Probably Ben Staub.

Yeah, I could see that. I love Ben. I think I could take him down with a full-fledged run. No way. You could collide kill him? Hey, that's my roommate. That's a brutal way. I fucking love Ben and I'm taking him with me.

To the afterlife. Why? To meet Mary. Just get to know him better. It would be cool to hang out with Ben in the afterlife. Because he would talk like this. He would eat sardines the whole time. We make him sit outside. He eats sardines all the time. We make him sit outside. He eats sardines all the time.

We make him sit outside. I'd spray him with a fucking hose. I'm like, you can't have, like this is a small, you cannot have sardines in the fucking house. Go outside. What, an Italian peasant? Who the fuck eats sardines?

He's making Caesar salad. He loves it. Then he was mad at us because Drew took him to sardines bar on New Year's Eve and he's like, what the fuck? You never told me about Sardines Bar. They have sardines?

Yeah. They do. It's a sardine sandwich. Oh, I thought they were just packed like sardines. That's crap. Sit in that moment. That's a bunch of crap. Sit in that moment.

Sit in that moment. God damn it. John. Why do you hate Peggy? I'm starting to now. No, I'm kidding. Take that back now. No, it was the whole sardines thing I don't know

You like sardines? No I've never even had them I had them in the Caesar salad recently And they were a delight Yeah they're in the dressing right? Yeah in the Caesar salad I didn't know that You muddle it into the egg

He literally opens a can of sardines in the house It's throwing me off Because I'm You eat the whole thing right? The whole No I don't like anything where you eat the whole thing. You eat it with like fucking Costco. Okay, I'm not going to blow up Ben's top.

I love Ben. We all love Ben. I mean, you just said you wanted to kill him. Yeah, that's like the highest honor. Yeah, true. Oh, yeah, no one would ever want to kill me. They just send me eagles. January 6th, they love those fucking congressmen. They're like, we're taking them with us. God damn, January 6th They love those fucking congressmen

They're like we're taking them with us God damn January 6th was the best I'm so sick of the fucking whole Caesar salad the whole dressing where you do like Fucking anchovies or sardines and like eggs and stuff That's such an Italian ass thing My girlfriend did it Caesar dressing

That is coming out blazing I'm taking down the edge Just coming after my people And I know the edge. Caesar dressing is just coming after my people. And I apologize. And I know that's wrong. Caesar dressing is the best dressing. What are you, like a balsamic? He's a raspberry balsamic.

Oh, my God. Why don't you guys not speak for me and let me say my piece? Is that why your pants are rolled up? You're muddling those raspberries with my foot? It's because I'm quick as fuck and I need to be agile at all times. Okay. Didn't you have asthma as a child? I don't believe you're muddling those raspberries by foot it's cause I'm quick as fuck and I need to be agile at all times okay didn't you have asthma as a child

I don't believe you're quick I'm not quick at all look at everything about me once he gets going though he's fast yeah once I get

going towards Ben Stobb and I'm taking his life out of his bare hands then I'm quick as hell his hips are wide but once they get

moving yeah we talked about this Matt's like the juggernaut yeah he just keeps on going

how many times do you have to run into somebody until they die he's like the juggernaut. Yeah. He just keeps on going and he'll go through a wall. How many times do you think you have to run into somebody until they die? He's like, hold on, I almost got him. Honestly,

probably upwards of 60. They're going to have to be patient with me. 60 times? I think 60 times I'm taking it. Now, don't move.

How would you do it? Would you tackle him? Yeah, the head hitting the curb is going to be... Or are you going to juggernaut it? You got to go forearm to a skinny head.

Because honestly, there's some men in my life that I could go breast first and just like. A-train them. It's less about what you do. Chest bump them to death. Honestly, though, some of you fucking, those smokers that we're friends with, if I hit them, I'm a big ass bitch. It's like DeMar Hamlin. They were like, he got hit in the weirdest spot at the weirdest moment. He was smoking a cigarette at the time.

If you give someone a chest bump outside of helium and you hit them in the wrong thing, he's like, ah. How about that going to be a big turn? Nobody would make a joke about it because obviously you shouldn't. But now that he's fine, there's going to be so many shitty, annoying. It's like the Holocaust all over again. It's like, oh, well. It's the Holocaust.

Big doing stand-up in the 1940s. What's the Holocaust that bad? That's what I really want to know. Mash, eh? Six million? Seems like a lot. Matt's 1940s. What's the Holocaust that bad? That's what I really want to know. Mash, eh? Six million? Seems like a lot. Matt's been investigating. He's looking into it.

You've been to an open mic in the last two weeks. Every new open mic-er has a joke about the Holocaust, and you're like, why? Yeah. Why? Yeah. Nobody cares. They have that new angle 90 years later.

I mean, everybody cares, but nobody cares about your hot take on it. Yeah. There were some Germans who were standing by that. I did a... I'm sure. Not that I know any, but I'm sure. As you're dressed, and you're just like...

I am going to grab this. No, you look like you're cosplaying Aldo Rain. You look like you hunt Nazis, dude. Who's Aldo Rain? Inglourious Bastards. Brad Pitt? Yeah. I'll take it.

I said you look like you're cosplaying him. I didn't say you look like him. No, it's me. Shut up. Stop pumping these guys up. They don't need it. Killing Nazis. First of all, that's not a problem.

I don't have a job. I need some confidence, guys. You're hot, too. Tell me I'm Aldo Rainey. Are you mad that I haven't hit on you? No, no, no. I don't hit on people. You want us to suck your dick, John?

No. I believe in you. Nobody better do it to me. Yeah, with those cross legs, I can't believe your dick even gets up. I got a big clit. Huge. It's taped up tightly. Matt's got big

pink nuts and a little piece of meat, don't you? No. How many inches are we talking? Pinkies? Pinkies. Depends how fast I'm running. I don't like this. This is gross talk. I fucking hate when you guys do that. But you know why? You know what you're doing?

You're doing a nice thing for your friend. Because John felt slighted. Trying to take the heat off of him. And you were like, listen, I'm going to take the fire. That's what we do to each other. That's a Teddy Atlas speech. And I love that. I wish I could get it in return.

You're a fireman. But John needs a compliment. No, I don't need a compliment. No, you fucking are. I don't need now. I need a job. John, you're going to get so many jobs. He could use a job.

What most people don't know is that John actually quit his job. There were sexual assault allegations at John's office. No, Colella tried that last week and it didn't work. Did he? Jeff Colella.

Who also looks like a sex offender? True. Colella? He's losing that hair. He's not a sex offender. He's more like a sex midfielder. Wildest thing about him? Have you ever seen his parents?

Sex striker. Have you ever seen his parents? Yeah. Hot as fucking people. I've seen his mom. I can see that. Dude, I was like, why do your parents look like they had you at 10, and you look like you're 45?

And he was like, I'm asking you. What happened? I think it's just when you're a hot mom during childbirth, you get like halfway through. You're like, I got to go. I got to go. Yeah, I got to go. Push it out and then it gets all screwed. Yeah, he was half-baked.

My thoughts. Plus, he's very weathered from having to live life with a hot mom. That takes his toll on you. That's like smoking for a kid, having a hot mom. That shit will age you like a motherfucker, brother. Did you have a hot mom. That takes its toll on you. That's like smoking for a kid, having a hot mom. That shit will age you like a motherfucker, brother. Did you have a hot mom? No. Now, you have a hot mom complex, right?

He acts like a kid that had a hot mom. And he had a hot dad. Hot dad? That's what his mom talked about all the time. She brings it up. Yeah, hot dad. My mom had me with her best friend's husband. If you ever think Ryan Foster is a fucking cool dude and hot,

if you hear this story, you're like, I know exactly why he's friends with me, why he's friends with everyone in his life. Love and origin story. You end up with a friend named Rita. I wish my name was Rita. It's more fucking grandma than Peggy. That's one of the best bart's more fucking grandma than Peggy. Rita O'Leary?

Rita O'Leary. Yeah, Rita and Peggy is who you want to serve your fucking scrapbook. Whatever happened to Rita Ora? Tell me about a beefing beer tour. Tell your fucking story. Oh, yeah. My mom had me with her best friend's husband. And she was like...

On Valentine's Day. That's also the title of a Maury episode. I was conceived on Valentine's Day. Yes. Damn, dude. You are a lover boy, dude. This is my favorite ever. That's also the title of a Maury episode I was conceived on Valentine's Day Yes He walked in with it This is my favorite ever They use lubes and edible panties That explains my sexual energy

Denise still gets excited hearing Damn Debbie's gonna My mom was wet as hell Denise literally tried to make out with me Thinking about it once Peggy made out with me thinking about it once. Try. She's about to drink down your dad's beer. Peggy made out with my mom one time. No.

No. Yes, she did. How are we now just opening up this? All right, let's go. This is podcasting. How do you not know why we're friends? I think we were drunk on like 4th of July or something, and Peggy came walking out of the hallway.

And I was like, I just made out with your mom. I was like, you think you made out with her? You made out with her. She was like, she was literally like. There her? You made out with her. She was like, she was literally like. There was a beautiful black princess living in the basement. She was like,

we're sitting there talking and I bet she was talking about like. I forgot about that story. Mine is going to be like, you were definitely dating Zoe at the time. So it was definitely like, oh, but the black princess. Yeah, yeah.

There was a minority living in my basement that I used to make love to. Yeah. So it was like, it was like, this is the black people. Yeah, yeah. There was a minority living in my basement that I used to make love to. Yeah. So it was like, this is the whole thing. Listen to Loveable Monsters, all 10 episodes to hear the story. But literally, I'm sitting with her on his mom's bed. We're talking. She's getting fingered.

Not thinking anything of it. I'm a good cat girl. Say to Anthony, pray to look for Peggy's clit. Here's St. Anthony. Come around. Where's those middle fingers at, brother? St. Anthony, St. Anthony. Where's Peggy's bean?

She got chuffed on him by his mom. I always say to Ryan, I think it's actually more insulting that she made out. Because she, I think, thought I was in love with Ryan. Because she was like, listen, Ryan will come around. I'm like, come around to what? What are you talking about, Denise? You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

That's nice. It's good to know that Ryan and his mom have the same move. I'll just keep you warm for him. Every girl for Ryan, you'll come around, dude. You'll be fine. He's just got to fuck a couple more whores. It'll be quick as shit. You won't even notice it. He'll have babies with you, I promise. And I'm like, what are we talking about?

I was like so, because we were so drunk. We were like in the sun all day drinking. And then she's like, do you know? Doers smelling cigarettes. Yeah, and she bought me Tully specifically and gave it to me. I think we were probably drinking it in the bedroom. She spit it into your mouth. No, listen, I love Denise.

She's baby birding it. I love Denise. She caressed my head and then kissed me gently. And it's like one of those moments where you're like, is this happening? What's in my ass?

Dear diary. But it was like a very sensual... They made out. I'm just picturing candles are lit. Denise listens to everything you do. So Denise, I loved it. It was a great kiss. It was strange at the time because I didn't know that you were rude.

You know that? I say you guys run it back this summer. 1-18. I should run it back whether you like it or not. Yeah. Home field advantage, Denise. That's what she wants. I love when monsters are over.

I'm like, love monsters are never over. We have too much skeletons in the closet that we're like, meh. I think you guys got to run it back. You put on some soft, nice music like, kiss me. I put on Trap. Head strong, go take your mom. Let my mom put the strap on,

put it in the microwave, and then take you to Pleasure Townsend. She'll fuck you in my childhood bed. I was the nervous one. Like, your mom came out cool and collected, like still would probably be like, yeah, whatever,

I kissed you. Like, such a cool person. Some fucking whore in the van. She's senior freshman to you. No, I walked out there, Ryan,

I was like, oh my God, my mom just tried to make out with me. He's like, yeah, curse. Yeah, Peggy kept talking about

this dumb bitch Rita, so I kissed her to shut her the fuck up. Bitch wouldn't stop yapping, so I had to put something in her mouth. You know what I'm saying? Dude, the story Ryan learned as a child was, I saw your dad, and he had beautiful legs, and I beelined. No, she said sex on a stick.

Sex on a stick. Sex on a stick. Your mom seems like a lady that would carry a switchblade on her. What is happening? She has too many rings to work a switchblade on her. What is happening? She has too many rings to work a switchblade. Oh, hell yeah. Like championships? She's got all the titles.

Basically, she's like Tom Brady with the fucking diamond rings. I mean, he looked out because obviously his deadbeat dad gave him the looks. Yeah. Denise gave him the fucking willpower. And then Drew, who is the love of my life. My dad rules. Montana, shout out. The amount of times I've accidentally been like,

I'll suck your dick, Drew. My stepdad's Andrew Montana. My friends call him Andy, though. Big and. I love Drew. He rules. Damn, so you're just trying to cuck Ryan through his whole family. No, they have been cucking me since they wanted me. They're cucking me just trying to cuck Ryan through his whole family. No, they've been

cucking me since they wanted me. They're cucking me. I get cucked. Why do you think he hates Chance a little bit too much? He's like, what the fuck? You could have my cousins, my stepdad, my mom. Now you're with this fucking dude from Maryland. That's my grandma. Who'd you say?

Sarah Bell came to a family barbecue. She's like, what if my grandsons would fuck you if you stopped dressing weird. She's all hammered. Or no, because Sarah Bell is shaved head. But mine does that. She was like, if you grew your hair, one of my grandsons would fuck you. Jesus. My grandma bald as hell.

I have a fucking friend, Mikey, every day of the week. I got hot cousins. Nah. Hot cousins, that's tough. No, it's cool. They're all dudes. No, because they're like. So that of the week. I got hot cousins. Nah. Hot cousins, that's tough. No, it's cool. They're all dudes. No, because they're like... So that's the thing.

People always say the weird stuff about me and Ryan, like that we liked each other. I'm like, nah. Have you ever seen any guy I've ever dated, any girl he's ever dated? She looks stumpy, guys. I love Billy and Mikey. Literally, I saw a picture of his cousin.

Your type is your cousin? Oh, his hot cousin. Like, yeah, he's like... 5'10", beefcake. 5 type is your cousin? Like, yeah. 5'10 beefcakes. Thick calves. Solid little sausage boys. Thick calves. Mine are full sinew. I'm all fast twitch muscle. Yeah, same.

You're sex on a stick. I don't want sex on a stick. I want sex on a corn dog. I want sex on a corn dog. I want sex on a corn dog. I never had a corn dog. Ever? You look like you were raised on corn dogs. No, I was raised on Hamburger Helper.

Can we get you a horn dog? Jesus Christ. Can we get you a corn dog? Did we ruin this episode? This episode rules. I've done really good on this episode. I've been so good. That's why your body language is so far away from me.

Oh, you kept moving. I thought I was fucking, I smelled like Duke and poop. I smell good as hell. I've been using Axe Cologne. How is that moving? Wait, no. What? I've been using Axe.

I've been smelling real good. I've been using Axe Cologne. Have you really? I've been talking crud about it. Aerosol? Yeah, it's A- good. I've been using Axe. Have you really? I've been talking crud about it. Aerosol? Yeah, it's A-OK. I do that. Don't ever fix your watch like that when you're talking to me.

What was that? Oh, sorry, dude. It's heavy. I thought that was beautiful. I thought that was beautiful. Ryan's fucking weird. Ryan has this thing about him. What do I do?

I don't know. Everything you've ever done. This is just the chill side of the couch. These guys are in attack mode. I'm just relaxing and drinking a delicious Diet Coke. Can I say this? You can say whatever you want, Peg. These guys are in attack mode. I'm just relaxing and drinking a delicious Diet Coke. Can I say this? You can say whatever you want, Peg. Women can say whatever they want.

Yeah. We don't silence women here on this podcast. Actually, you're the first woman we've had on this podcast. Tell me I hate you now. Up top. Boom. We broke the... But you're Jacqueline Robinson of this podcast.

Jacqueline. Speaking of Jacqueline. Tonight on this podcast. Speaking of Jacqueline. Tonight on this podcast. Sorry, Jay. You're an amazing producer and you're going to have a great career. But I'm killing myself. You're going to have so much blood to clean up.

What does that mean? Is that a fact? You said you were going to kill yourself. So much blood because I'm fat? You said you were going to kill yourself. You did say she had fat blood. I didn't say nothing about fat blood. Why did you say I'm fat?

I'm done. You just said she was fat like Jim Gillespie. All right, guys. Promote something. Real quick. The way the show went, everybody did 30 minutes. I could have went up, did an easy 25. You could have gone first, and you would have crushed it.

I asked you to host my fucking show, and you fucking always are overbooked. No, I forgot about that. I did want to do your show a lot. That would have crushed it. I asked you to host my fucking show and you fucking always are overbooked. No, I forgot about that. I did want to do your show a lot. That would have been sick. Cancel whatever show you have. I fucking love you. I never said you didn't like me. You said I didn't like you. Oh, yeah, you're right. I assume everyone loves me.

It must be a nice way to go about life. At all times. They just love me too much. like, what's that like? What the fuck is that like? I'm the same way as you. They just don't love me yet. If they hate me, I'm like, they love me too much. They hate themselves.

I have been hated by people. You don't love me, you hate yourself. That's the problem with you, brother. Call me when you figure it out. Brian calls a poor kid a faggot. He's like, you just don't like yourself, brother. That's on you, brother. I hate to tell you.

You're not comfortable with your sexuality? I call all my friends gay. I will say, being friends with Ryan is the first thing ever that literally, like, I have never been hated because someone liked me. Like, for, like, maybe a year of our friendship, his best buddies would be like, I don't get you. I don't get it. I don't get why Ryan likes you.

Are you a dyke or something? Yeah, we're getting drunk. Yeah, dude, it's six guys with GEDs. I don't get you. I don't get you. Why does he like you so much? What's with the laptop, bitch? What's all this email shit I'm hearing about? Calculus this, calculus that.

Why don't you pick up a shovel, huh? And I'm like, I would. And I'm like so insecure. I'm like, why do they hate me? He's like, they hate you because I like you. They hate you because they hate you, baby. I'm trying to teach you the ways. She's coming in here

with her glasses on. Was she a freaking smart bird? Stop listening to this podcast and go subscribe to Foster Care with Ryan Foster on YouTube. And Ryan just said he's going to throw me on at Helium tomorrow night,

which was sick, and I'm excited for that. That was so nice that he said that. I rescinded that offer. That's amazing. Literally ran a show with him for years. I've only been on it once.

I've only been on it once, but yeah, yeah, yeah. I book it with three people. In all sincerity. Yeah, because all those three people hate us. All right, what do you dirty dogs got coming up? I got to piss. February 8th, Loveable Monsters, Punchline Comedy Club. Hell yeah.

Every Thursday, JJ Milans in Fishtown, 9 o'clock. Also, I'm recording my album.htown, 9 o'clock. I'm recording my album. Woo! Yes. March 29th. It's a Wednesday, 8 o'clock. Would be awesome

to be there. Ryan's going to be on it. It's going to be great. I'm sure John and Matt will be there because they won't fucking

see me. Because I love Peggy O'Leary. You have to bring a sign. I will for sure. Go Peggy. I fucking love it. I'm going to get your face airbrushed on a shirt for your recording. That would be sick.

Like a proud woman. You have to put a grill on it. If you do it, honestly, that should be my merch. Just my face like an old school. All right. Like caricature. It'd be cool if she lets us come on stage, but nobody can hear it. Just go out there, boys.

It's okay. It's just music's on. Music's on. It's the shirt part. It's the shirt part. 40, 45 minutes. I drink coffee out of a Peggy O'Leary mug once a week. I love it.

I know. That's why I can't believe you don't love me. I do love you. You hold my coffee for me. This room is crazy. Thank God I sat here. You guys would be fucking right now. After we go in and bleep out all the people that Peggy mentioned.

Yeah, they live at 1412 9th Street. I didn't do any of that. Jay? I thought we had a good time. All right. So we were already. You guys, I cut you off in the middle of promoting stuff. Sorry.

No, that's it. The Punchline Show. Punchline Show. That's a big one. Helium Show. I am, I mean, when does this come out? Next week. It's going to be out, yeah.

What day? I am hosting for Dave Attell at Helium. Oh, my God. Next weekend. Isn't that amazing? That's fucking amazing. My God. I've never been more excited in my goddamn fucking life.

Yeah. Thanks for waiting until the end of the episode to tell us that really cool news. Yeah. Well, I want to know how you really feel about me. Is it that part where you're in the same body? Oh, now you're excited. You want to be friends with Peggy now? Yeah.

That's how much I love Peggy. Why? You want to meet Dave Attell? I'm sorry. I forbid it. I forbid Dave Attell to meet you. I could easily do it. I'm good.

What date is it? Love of Monsters, February 8th. Wednesday, baby. Sucker Dicks. Also, January 31st, Best of Something at Helium. I'm on that. I'm good. What date is it? Love of Monsters, February 8th. Suck our dicks. Also January 31st, Best of Something at Helium. I'm on that. Oh yeah, Best of Helium. Suck our dicks. Dan Madden's a racist. Yeah, he is actually. Oh fuck, I forgot about that. That did just come out.

Just came out. He said something crazy on Facebook. Violent racist. That's why he hasn't been around. His girlfriend bought him. We can get him on here to talk about it. I don't know if we'll deny it or accept it. Violent racist. Yeah. That's why he hasn't been around. In the great rooms. Maybe we can get him on here to talk about it, but yeah. I don't know if we'll deny it or accept it, but. Wait a minute.

His girlfriend got him an acoustic guitar for Christmas, which I'm not pleased about. I didn't think you could put the N-word in the song that many times. He got one lesson. He already dropped a hit

on YouTube. These 117 people are going to definitely unfollow Dan. Yeah. Yeah. As well they should. And follow us more if you can double follow him.

Yeah, make another account and follow him. Follow my podcast, free followers, though. Yeah, whatever, dude. Ryan sits there and goes, Oh, yo, I got a fucking exposed brick. I have a nice house, whatever. Actually, the house needs work, but I'll figure it out because I'm a man, all right? I would pay for it.

I can't talk shit. Ryan came over and hung a fan on my porch while I stood there next to my daughter, and he was like, you see that? That's how a real man works. He made his wife stand in the corner. I can't believe you ever think I don't like you. Ryan's a monster, but because he's a tall- I'm a nice guy.

I'm a guy. I'd fucking defend you to the nth degree, John. Yeah, but can you hang a fan on my porch? I'll figure it out. She'll hang herself on the porch. I'll hang myself on your porch. And you know it ain't coming down. How about this?

A fan madness, just as the N word. I will be at Myers Brewing Company on Friday. I'll be doing Myers Brewing Company on Friday. I'll be doing a shit-ass roast battle pointlessly at Emmaus Theater on the 21st. Oh, Brandon Donegan's show is next month. Brandon Donegan's a lesbian.

He's a lesbian, but boy is he a gentle lover. Yeah, but a cute lesbian. Yeah, but lesbians can have babies. They're allowed to now. Everybody could. Even guy lesbians. You don't need to have a womb to have a baby. We're the number one Male lesbian podcast

In South Jersey I'm literally the first girl You've had Yeah A lot have cancelled on us Yeah Your girlfriend talked to me All the other women

Cancelled on us Because we're not important to them But you did And we love you for it I will always We're breaking fresh ground Yeah I'll always be here for you

We're a female first podcast We have like 49% Female listener base Really? Yeah. So it's your two... Yeah, pretty much his girlfriend, my wife, and like... Wait till my mom finds this shit.

Oh, yes. I know. Denise, I love you. You get soft lips. I'm sorry. That she does. I'm sorry about your soft lips. I will be at the same roast battle that I'm excited to do.

Matt's being a little tricky bitch about it. I'm going to win. Phoenixville Cricket Comedy on 120. 127, Turnersville, just the Van Jam Show. Derailed Comedy in Lumberton on the 28th. And then Comedy on the Crick shows here and there. Oh, and a set for life down in Woodstown. I think it's almost sold out.

But if you need your tickets, get those. Holy shit, this is boring. February. Sorry, I'm so booked. I don't have a job. And to wrap it up, I will say, now that we have Kevin McCarthy in office, we can get some things done.

The liberal agenda doesn't rule us anymore. We speak for ourselves as a faction of people, as one. Let's go. Are you saying that? Wait, it's the game. Thanks. There's something to say. Thanks for something to say. Your purpose kind of never been a fan Your fun, no, but it ain't Your purpose kind of never been a fan