That Rules Podcast - Episode #73: w/ Kyle Pagan from Crossing Broad

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Do we have great episode for you. We got Kyle Pagan from Crossing Broad flanked by the Idiots. You may know Kyle as “that tall dude that interviews dudes all over Philly”, but we get to know the real Kyle. Grab a puzzle, throw on some Birds gear, and listen to the dang cast.

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 How many pieces are we talking? I don't know. She'll find like, oh, 500. And then she'll say, oh my God, 1,000.

And I'm like, what are we doing here, dude? It's unbelievable. Yeah, at what piece count do you start to have to get her checked out by the doctor? Well, this is new. It's like, I'm finding a 43,000 piece. How boring are you? Dude, that's what I'm trying to find out. Well, at first she's like, what if we did Legos?

I'm like, look, dude, it'll be an abrupt ending to this relationship. if we do wego yeah she's like so puzzles was kind of like the middle ground yeah i pick out some pretty pictures dude i get involved i'm a decent boyfriend in that regard but otherwise i got nothing i've never helped for longer than 10 minutes have we sat here so puzzle either of you i mean like a 10 piecer back in kindergarten i was i've like played a couple games like tic tac toe maybe as close as i've gotten we used to crush them down the shore like when it was raining because we would go down for like as a family for like two weeks sometimes three weeks at a time and this is also me being old we didn't have like playstation or anything down there so you would

like you'd like break out the 4 000 piecer we could just hunker around the table with seven cousins you're missing like 400 pieces of it what an insane thing to be like, break out the 4,000-piecer. We could just hunker around the table with seven cousins. You're missing like 400 pieces of it. What an insane thing to be like, damn, we're bored. We should get more bored, dude. We should get angry and bored at the same time. That's what she was doing during the last game of the Eagles season against the Giants. It was like a couple of our friends all sitting around drinking and eating,

and she was like on the floor just puzzling it out. I was like, do your thing, soul sister. How in love are you? Dude, deeply, apparently. Good for you. You got a lady ever i do i do i live with her actually right now okay um we live in uh philadelphia together that's a great great gal great she puzzling it up she's not puzzling i'm trying to think what does she do um she's a speed cuber yeah well i would love that i'd bring her to the county fair yeah just keep them all around the house he's like hey babe and just toss her one trying to think loves tiktok okay

just basic yeah you know yeah she's just scouting your work on there dude that's all she does she's looking for you the next video oh god if that was uh if that was to get to the next subject that was a very good job of doing that i know there's's a word for that, but I totally just fucking. We're a bit of a segue podcast. Yeah, segue. There we go. There we go. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Now I'm trying to think, what the fuck does she do that's weird? You might just have a well-adjusted woman. No, no, no. That's when you know she's the one when you got to really think. You're like,

what is something that's not just a weird thing that bothers me? Like if other people saw this, they would also be bothered. You got to hear this broad tune, dude. You know you got a good relationship when you have to find something that it's like, Other people saw this, they would also be bothered. You got to hear this broad chew, dude. You know you got a good relationship when you have to find something that it's like, you know, fingernails are just a little bit too long.

Yeah. I mean, puzzles, all things considered, really not a big deal. That is true. We've all dated a girl who I'm sure is just batshit crazy. And you know, puzzles are probably like 10th to 20th on the list. Some girls love other guys' penises while you're dating them. And that's a bit of a problem. That's been an issue that I've found in past relationships. You're the girl that's just into puzzles.

I'm like, you've got to like just my puzzle. Just the puzzle I have. Even if that puzzle is a picture of some dude's dick. Maybe that puzzle is a four-inch piecer. Maybe, you know. Maybe it was cold when you put that puzzle together. It's not about the size of the puzzle. It's the picture only.

This puzzle is for six inches and up. Those are dumb. That's too big. You don is for six inches and up. Those are dumb. That's too big. You don't want to sit and do that. I used to puzzle by myself a lot. You're going to get hurt. You know, it's going to be, you know, whatever. You keep puzzling, you're going to go blind.

Oh, there's the title of the episode. I love it. That's a perfect time so we can introduce you. We usually forget to, and it's always at the end. But Kyle Pagan, we asked. I asked. It's not Pagan. It is Pagan, like the bikers right it is yeah my uh my uncle used to show his id because we either they grew up in like roslyn jenkins town willow grove area there was a pagan contingent out there and it was like

a party trick they loved it oh yeah because philly was like a big hub for the pagans right yeah huge hub i remember all my uncles just being like yeah i remember we've gotten a tussle at a bar with the pagans like no you like, no, you didn't. You got shoved by these scoots. Probably was. And your uncle's telling the story. He's like, we got in a fight with some pussies from South Jersey at a bar. It's really just pagan adjacent.

I've heard of several uncles doing the same shit. It's like, come on, Dad. They also say that they're connected to the mob in some way. Like, my dad, we're the most not Italian family in the world, but my dad always had slick back hair and people assumed he was, and he would never correct people, and then always acted like he had connections,

which was then ironic when he went to jail. I was going to say, dude did kind of walk the walk. He did not go to jail later on. This was like when I was, it sucked because I was like 25 when he went away. I got no street cred from it. All he did was not pay taxes. Yeah, it was wire fraud. It's like, dad, could you just kill someone, dude? 25 when he went away. I got no street cred from it. All he did was not pay taxes. Yeah.

It's like, Dad, could you just kill someone? He went to federal jail where the fence was waist high. No joke. We would go to visit him with my niece and nephew and you could kick a ball over the fence that kept them in and they would let some of the more trustworthy prisoners go around the fence and go get the ball.

I'm not kidding you. My dad was one of the ones that the fence and go get the ball. I'm not kidding you. My dad was one of the ones that was allowed to like, he was allowed to go grab a ball. What was his name? His name was mine, John Montague. John's like, John's harmless. Let him go get the ball. The only time they jumped over the fence is if there's like an insider trading tip on the other side.

They're like, man, we're going to go check it out, dude. Well, I mean, you just had at least a little good childhood. I mean, if your dad's, you know, cashing some checks and stuff illegally. I had the best childhood. It was great, and that's what was fun. It was like when we all found out all that stuff. I was in my 20s. My sister was almost 30.

So we were like, oh, man, that sucks. But this isn't going to affect my development at all. That's pretty cool. I got a bit out of it, basically. I have a good stand-up bit, I think, about my dad going to jail. That's really what it's all about. I like that one. And it seemed like you were talking about you down at the beach. So do you have a good stand up bit, I think, about my dad going to jail. That's really what it's all about. I like that one. And it seemed like you were talking about you down at the beach.

So do you have a beach house? No, we were long rental. So we did. My parents did well. They were both small business owners. But they did it where it would be my aunts and uncles, them, and another family would all go in on a month. And you would have 40 people in a place that's supposed to sleep,

maybe eight. And it was bad news. It was in front of a park. It was fun. But yeah, it was great childhood. But yeah, that was the funny part. Average criminal, not great criminal. Yeah.

He was in Stone Harbor with the rest of the people for fraud. He's a role-player criminal. Maybe more than average criminal. Like Lou Williams, like six-man-in-the-air criminal. Yeah, he was a good six-man crook. He'll off the bench he'll steal a little bit he'll get back in there that's the whole bit that i have is that they called him coach in jail but it was just because they didn't let him play in the pickup games so you see johnny gave us 20 today yeah i can't believe that and six assists he was a girls high school basketball coach crushed it

at that was like a a world like not world champion sorry like regional area like pretty well to do gopher like very successful dude and then just had a crippling gambling problem underneath all of it okay that's what's crazy now like i keep getting stuff in the mail from fandle and i don't gamble at all just because one like that happened in my life but two i'm just so dumb with gambling like i'm the guy that's like, let's bet on the team because their jerseys are blue today. Just stupid shit. That's actually the girl. You're the guy hating March Madness who wins because he loves the color of North Carolina.

I win because I picked a horned frog as a mascot. Which mascot beats the other one? You're marrying and accounting. But I keep getting FanDuel stuff in the mail. My wife's like, can you be honest with me like are you gambling and i'm like they don't mail you stuff if you have a gambling problem yeah they're not like here you go fandles in two dollars also fandle what the are you doing mailing people stuff the internet exists they're taking advantage of the olds dude the old sitting around trying to open a phone sorry i mean no no it's

fine hey touch me what you want today all right right, here we go. It's getting real weird now. They get the pension and they get that. I feel like it's more the slots, the pension. The pension, they want the slots. Oh, yeah, you do catch them, dude. You catch an angry old in Atlantic City. Can you play slots via the mail? 1 a.m.

You mail a quarter. They mail you back two cherries and a waffle. I don't know what the things are on there. A seven. Can we still talk about your father? It's really interesting to me. Yeah. This is what's...

Every time we have somebody on, I end up going and telling something. The last time we had a guest on, just a single guest, was when I got laid off. So we talked about that more than we talked about the guest. Yeah.

We were going, yeah, you can... I'm boring as fuck. I don't want to talk about me. And we are like on a therapist couch, so I feel like this is good. This is a casting couch. It's a therapist couch.

It's every feelings out and then you get your jizz out and you call it a day, too. You're just going to empty all your fluids here. So is Pops rehabilitated? He has passed away since. Okay, so technically, yes. Yeah.

So he's in that jail in the sky, baby. Did he pass away in jail or out of jail? No, so he did four years, did his time, was a model prisoner. They would let him not even... Pretty much, like, let him... Not even... They pretty much... He was doing taxes, essentially,

for, like, guards there. He was Andy... This is Shawshank. He was Andy Dufresne. He's basically Andy Dufresne. Morgan Freeman's coming in soon, yeah. He did. They called him coach there,

which was hilarious because he was a coach on the outside. Yeah. Yeah, he crushed it in there. He started teaching a... He learned yoga in there and then started teaching yoga. It's a federal prison,

so it was either white-collar crime or snitches from like drug charges in surrounding cities um but yeah so we would go like visit him all the time he got out then got pancreatic cancer which he then beat and like champ through it became instantly diabetic because of it because as soon as they take your pancreas you're yeah it's independent and then pass away like a year and a half later but like not because of the pancreas like I think it was a heart attack we still don't know like the cause but that was the saga of like just the last couple years of his life God was like you got it out you got easy jail time yeah I'm gonna make you ready I'm coming back for you you'll feel my wrath you got a jail dad or anything yeah i don't got a jail dad i got a dead dad there we go cheers all right he's got an almost dead dad well all right he's

towed the line a couple times yeah hey i wish you well he's a bad boy you want to set this one out tell me what it's like i'm gonna call my dad real quick no that's what i i actually we i make jokes personally all the time all the time because i think it's helped helps you get through a lot of different shit my dad was uh overweight okay so once like your dad was uh did he die of heart attack did he die of uh the liver stuff that you get from drinking too much right or did he die from you know uh blood clot or something like that right let's choose your own adventure we don't know you don't know and and then they it's it's so shitty too because they come to you and they're like look we can't say for sure what it was but for five thousand dollars sorry but yes do an all-time is that a real thing yes oh my yes

they ask you what the if it like if you unless if you i think it's if you die at the hospital they have to give a cause of death if you you're found dead or you die at home, whatever it is, then it's just, but it's up to you. You can get it. That was a battle with us. My mom wanted to get it. I do, out of respect, at first I was like, this is dumb. Why would we want to get it? Then later on she was like,

because I want to know if it's something you've got to look out for. I was like, oh, I'm a piece of shit. Okay, you're right. That's why we blood tested 23 and me, mom. I'll just keep an eye on my pancreas. How did he die i don't know but he is very irish they gave us like seven different things i was like well you know what guess what now i have something for seven days of the week sorry your dad's fucked up my thing he's so moved by it both your dads came back in the grave to fucking come after me that's the thing though so they give us like seven different things.

So like, hey, Monday, he throws us to the liver. Tuesday, he died of a massive heart attack. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I get to choose my own invention. I get to pick what I want. I didn't need a $5,000 autopsy. Go back to the beginning. Start again. You're like, I didn't even collect $200.

How'd your dad die? What day is it today? Right. Okay. So that's what I get. It's kind of fun, too, because every once in a while in my head, I'll be like, maybe it was like something crazy. Like maybe an assassin snuck in and he had a secret code.

And then that assassin knew a thing that made it look like he had a heart attack. That's cool. You're like, see, now I get to write my own adventure. That's pretty sick. I do like that. That's a good handle. That's a good goosebumps. Yeah.

Were you guys two young? How old are you? I am 29. Okay. All right. So you're the baby of the couch tonight yeah dude

the baby of the couch that we give out on the sex therapist calling me the baby of the couch you're the baby tonight aren't you that's your new name

for urban shows Matt baby of the couch people yeah dude were goosebumps big when you guys were kids or had that already passed kinda yeah I was freaked out everybody was freaked out by the puppet one whatever that was Were goosebumps big when you guys were kids? Or had that already passed?

Kinda Yeah I was freaked out Everybody was freaked out by the puppet one Whatever that was They brought them back on like Netflix or Hulu or something And I tried to start with that one I was like one night I'm up hammered And I was like I'm gonna try to put this on

Immediately I was like I'm going to bed So I get scared the shit out of me again I'm such a pussy The Polaroid camera one fucked me oh that was a good one yeah where you i think you take a picture and then you would die i'm pretty sure and maybe in seven days if i got it right i think the ring the ring just stole it damn it turns out the rings was ripping off rl stein the whole time what do you think the rl stood for are we gonna brainstorm this yeah we're not gonna oh here we go

hey what night of living dummy i remember being a black dude what the fuck was that because that was the one the the book was scary 93 93 too shout out a little progressive while they're making the villain it's really a little fucked up yeah but you it it is blackface when it's that swooped over dummy haircut like that is definitely a white guy with a bronzer on him if you will it's a little bit chris rock the night that will smith went after him that's right he's like i did yeah it's a gi jane joke that was a perfect chris rock that was one of the worst that was good borderline racist famous line i did i thought he was here mr rock uh well dude i gotta ask the fucking on the street interview stuff. How did it start?

Like how did the first couple go? Is it like an awkward endeavor? Fuck yeah. Oh my God, so awkward. It's got to be. So the first one was a, are you familiar with Pashon Gaff? Yeah. There's an Acme on about 11th or 9th Street right there.

Okay. It was the day after Doug Peterson threw that game. The game that got us Devante Smith in hindsight and stuff. The 2020 season is one of the worst seasons I can remember since I've been alive. I've always wanted to do Man on the Street and I was like, you know what?

If I fail, I fail. Fuck it. Who cares? Why did I pick an Acme at Pashunk F to interview people? I do not know. Because you're going to get the best people. I did. I did. I got a guy who didn't even watch the game, who didn't even know. I got a guy who was like, Howie Roseman picks players like I pick horses,

few and far between. And I was just like, and he's wearing his Notre Dame outfit. He's talking about the mummers and everything. And I was like, this is just all time. My people are South Philly, Northeast Philly, and Delco. Those are my people. but he's talking about the mummers and everything and i was like this is just all time like my my people are south philly northeast philly and yeah those are my people those are those are the gold right oh yeah yeah because yeah you are gonna get it's funny because we always talk about that like south jersey we lump ourselves in with philly but philly doesn't always lump philly or south

jersey in like with them yeah but like that's why i kind of love that like the the delco man thing blew up a little bit for a while and everyone like figured out i was like yeah that's we have those same uncles over here like 100 it's all the same pop-ups and uncles all within a 20 minute radius of philly so it's like the more you do find those people and you i love that you find them in their best element right you're getting them hammered hammered you're getting them on the thing that they've waited all getting them on the thing that they've waited all week for like the reason that like they put in five hard days of work 100 and they rested all day saturday so they could drink from 6 a.m till whenever the fuck the lights go

out well i think and you match it too which i feel like it brings more out of them because some people come up they do it and they're like what'd you think of the game like how was it and then it kind of it's weird but if you're like right with them they're kind of like dude let's talk let's get into this right now 100 and and you know you won't find that with like a lot of montgomery i'm from monaco so i can make fun of myself right us monco people are so boring we're so stuck up or so we think we're better than everyone else because we are better than everyone else but okay um but yeah a little bit bigger of a yard yeah exactly i saw grass growing up northeast philly people can't say that.

Yep, true. I had both my parents. Not a lot of people can say that. There you go. And you knew both of them. And I knew both of them. And I went to Catholic school. Now, was it LaSalle?

No. But it was a Catholic school that I had to pay for that my uncle also helped pay for two years of it. Yeah. It is always funny when it's like, because Matt and I both grew up in the suburban lifestyle. You're a Catholic school kid. Of course. I grew up next to a cul-de-sac.

It's a very, but it's like you always immediately have to like, but I'm going to justify why it's like, I'm like, well, my dad went to jail. Yeah. And I hate it. I have to do that to be like street cred. Well, I have a black friend. I have like two black friends.

One black friend, my first black friend ever. Quit bragging. His name is Dexter. So like, well, how the fuck can i talk about that like yeah a black friend named dexter yeah are you sure he's black exactly exactly 100 so it's like when you have a black friend it's like oh yeah what's his name andre no dexter it's like you gotta throw an apostrophe in his first name exactly so we did short it we always short it that's good that's a good rap name that shows how good i am that's

what good rapping i lived in northeast philly for like a year and a half and the immediate area like i was like right on ron i don't know the streets i know streets are big in philly we're like new jersey our entire lives but uh lived in northeast philly for a year on ron and then the immediate area was like kind of you described like kind of white i don't say white trash because they're kind of nice people but then you go to a certain section and it's like heavy russian ukrainian i did not expect that in the least dude and i lived there during the pandemic like the beginning of it and i remember like going on walks and you would just like i mean it was almost like a comic like it's just fucking people in black turtlenecks just walking with like thick accents and just angry at everything

they just hit you walk by and they hit you with a hello. Yeah. You're like, how far did I walk? I can tell why you're back in Jersey. Yeah, it was a unique experience. You described it beautifully. Why Northeast Philly? Why'd you pick that?

I work around there. Okay. Yeah, that makes more sense. I was like, we'll be close, and then the world shut down, so I went from being close to working at home. Nice. And I just sat in a 400-square-foot apartment. The American dream. Yeah, dude. I was like, we'll be close. And then the world shut down. So I went from being close to working at home. Nice. And it's just sat in a 400 square foot apartment. The American dream.

Yeah, dude. I was living it up. I lived in South Philly right off Italian Market. I did too. I love that area. I had an apartment that my wife has now affectionately named the Rat Trap. Nice. Yeah.

I actually got good at killing mice. And that's one thing that I strive to improve on and succeeded. You're also just like, what does that say about you? It trapped you. You're still here. Jay just prancing around like a cat. Just purring. Are you wearing that rat around a necklace

in your goddamn bright night? How am I going to get bronzed? His friend's got a gnome. Yeah. I do that with, I kill, you ever get those sprickets in your basement? You ever see those?

It's a cricket with like 37 legs, so it's half spider, half cricket. Sounds like a nightmare. I kill them in my basement and I leave them there so that the others, when they come back, they see what happened. It's pretty fun. I had a sprigget, kind of almost changed my entire opinion of my own dad when I watched

one underneath of our fridge. Trying to relate. In our shitty kitchen, dude. It's not recent, folks. Can can't relate dude yeah i wish my dad was scared of sprinkles why don't you guys go get an autopsy or whatever it turns out sprickets maybe if we go for two for one deal we can do a deal yeah you gotta think if you buy one you at least get one half of. True. True, 100%. You can find fours, you have nothing to lose. True. Wait, so your dad. Oh, yes, a spricket, dude.

I was like maybe six or seven years old, and there's one in the kitchen. It's underneath the fridge. I don't want to do it. My mom's not going to do it. My sister's not going to do it. So it's time for dad to step up to the plate. So my dad prances over like very delicately

with one of his many pairs of slippers. And we're like, all right, that's. Did he run to his room and go, not the good ones. Well, these are my getting the paper slippers. I can't have spiky guts on those. Dude, retrospectively, he was very like, all right, I guess I'll do it. And I took that as pure man confidence, which was just very obvious scared papa. Yeah, no wonder his heart failed

and he takes it and recovered true and he takes it and throws from like 10 yards away it jumps he jumps we jump and the sprig it lived in my house for like two weeks and it just was like i'm daddy yeah my spring yeah i had to call him pop and stuff daddy's brick he told me how to ride a bike and he my mom it was a total nightmare zaddy sprig it's no it was brutal dude that's great i didn't know your entire family was scared of bugs yeah dude we're just a group of pussies that's why i do stand-up comedy i'm raising my kid currently to like we hunt bugs in my house me and my wife will fight over who gets to kill a fly sometimes nice and then when you kill it, it's standing over it. You just brought back something on the hunt.

You're like, you got to see that fly. I think I take pussy parents over fucking Dahmer parents, just fucking seeking out things to murder. You're like, watch this, honey. Look what's inside. We're autopsying it ourselves. What's your kid's name? I'm not going to say it.

Oh, yeah, sorry. I'll say it oh yeah sorry that started chancing comedy clubs against me and my family before that's not a true in rose battles that i wasn't even in attendance that's up for debate that's up for debate little little johnny's bringing back like you know a little bird that he's dissected like that's never good oh yeah no i'll stop it at that like i agree now watching that thing like because watching the dommer stuff it was funny because like when he like walks him up to it like he's got that curious look on his face all kids have that when they see something new so like if i kill this sprigget my daughter's like what is that like i'm like he's a bad guy i don't know what to tell you yet like

things don't stick in your brain yet oh no you got kids no no no not at all not at all uh not one okay not enough that's a joke put that out everyone loves everyone loves that joke not that i know of yeah that's fine i want to guess me every time coxman yeah how much of that do you get on doing the man on the street stuff like i mean how much that was one thing i was wondering too How much of it you can't even put out? Like, is there any that's just a wild... There was one time a dude dropped the N-word, but I didn't know if he was Mexican or white. And you know there are parameters with the N-word. It's very...

But I don't agree with if you're Mexican, you should be able to use the N-word. I think it is strictly an African-American thing. But it's also not your place to ever tell them. Exactly, 100%. So I kept it in but i put a little you know shade over the uh or cut the cut the m word out because it was a funny bit yeah and i was like i don't want this guy to get cancelled or lose his job but i also want the

views and you know what that is what it's all about the thing about being a content creator well that's a weird thing because i didn't get the guy that's a good man that's a good i think he was mexican and you kind of open up the conversation. It's an important dialogue. Can he say it? Let's let them weigh in and tell us what we can say. Is he Mexican? Yeah.

If this goes on YouTube? Yeah. Yeah, it will be on YouTube too. In the comments, please. In the comments. Yeah, find out. We just want a whole dialogue on if... Asian kids use it too.

So if you want to get out of the Asian kids... Yeah, I don't know where that's coming from. I was in New york last this past may and as soon as i got off the train it was a crowd of 13 year old asian kids all throwing it around and i was looking around like is everyone else cool with this like i feel like do i have to be the one to say something like yeah i look like the opposite of the guy that's sometimes you're like i'll sub in let me get one yeah i mean technically rushes in like asia a little bit so like in the russian side very true i'm sure they mongolian yeah i'll bet i'll bet they throw it in there yeah i don't think they have a lot of

governor on that how many morals holding back dude he's got one of the nukes named after it how they used to do that when they would write like uh on the bombs in world war ii yeah it would be like up yours hitler would you be man? I don't have to really cut a lot of stuff out that's like offensive. Yeah. I think I also have a higher tolerance for offensive than most people would. Yeah.

So shout out to Eagles fans. Yeah. Yeah. All in all, I went to a game for the first time a couple weeks ago, the Saints game, and I've gone to tons of Sixers games,

and it's like, you know, people are kind of passive. They care. Being an eagles game when it's a rough game it's like you're not allowed to be having fun no like i was in the bathroom and people were like fuck this this fucking group of losers like everybody's yelling and about it and i'm like everyone knows a lot about football strategy when they're in that bathroom yeah that's yeah that's the worst getting stuck at a urinal next to a guy who played like two years of jv yeah he's like you know what they should be doing i'm like no because that's why we're here pissing in these urinals yeah like this is why we're not in a heated locker room john you gotta master how to pretend you're deaf

just give me yeah yeah like 100 man like working in sports because like we do you know we write too on the side. I don't just do me on the street. I work for a blog called Crossing Broad, and that was the first thing that put them on the map was writing. They started back in 09. And it's just, you just, your Facebook, we'll throw a blog out there, and we're mostly facetious, mostly try to be funny and stuff.

But there's another guy who writes for us who knows his shit and stuff and can see down the middle. And if you see down the middle, oh my God, you are a fucking pussy. Oh, yeah. It has to be one or the other. It has to be. You have to skim heels. I mean, Jonathan Gannon, the Eagles have one of the best defenses in the league, but Jonathan Gannon should be fired.

Yeah. He's like, I can't fight with someone who can't see both sides of the argument. Or someone that can't, like any call against the Eagles. You're like, there's no way. You're like, I mean, sides of the argument. Or someone that can't, like, any call against the Eagles. Like, there's no way. You're like, I mean, you know the rules. Yeah, the over-homer and then the under. Like, somebody who's too homer, somebody who's not enough is kind of brutal. I mean, it is true.

You do have to be, like, a hot take guy to some effect. 100%. Yeah. I mean, Stephen A. gets paid $10 million a year. Yeah. He's good at it, though. Yeah. That is the thing, too.

You start to realize, like, the guys that are just playing the heel. I remember when I was younger, my dad was telling me that – what's his name? The sideline guy for the Eagles. Eskin. Eskin. He was like – we're listening to him on the radio, and I was like, why is he being such an asshole? Why does everyone hate him?

He was like, because that's what makes him money. I was like, oh, and I didn't understand. I remember an older cousin explained to me heels and wrestling wrestling and you're like oh you're playing the bad guy because it excites someone like uh i'm drawing a blank on everyone's names too uh the mikey miss would always like argue against whatever the general you know populist thought because it's like that's what you want to hear you don't want to tune into like two guys being like the eagles are good and then the other person's like they sure are yeah oh it's the most boring but it is because radio is entertainment i always thought it was really

interesting that i think fox news would get sued but you couldn't sue them over what they said because they were technically an entertainment property yeah so it was all entertainment or some kind of tort law or something like that isn There's rumors that isn't the NFL going to be filed as an entertainment company? They were talking about that recently. And one of the conspiracy theories around it was they're doing it so that going forward, any CTE lawsuits or anything, you can say, no, that person was an entertainer, essentially like a WWE entertainer. They took their own risk.

So it's like, again, that's just a conspiracy theory. Dude, the devil works hard. Roger Goodell works hard. I mean, but crazier shit has happened in sports. So you're like, it's far-fetched, but part of that's probably true. There's a reason why they're switching it. Did I want him to play the game after DeMar Hamlin went down? I was going to say, yes.

For about five minutes, I did. Yeah. Maybe even longer than that, if I'm willing to admit. I mean, I was, I literally, like, I know Skip Bayless got dragged through the coals, and the thing about the Skip Bayless thing is, like, he doesn't have a leash. You can't just fucking say what you want anymore because you have burned that leash.

Now, if that's, like, someone, like, coming out, you know, starting their own career, you know, maybe they get more leeway and stuff. But Skip's saying it. He's done a bunch of dumb shit in his past and stuff. He called Aikman out on his sexuality when that wasn't right and everything. But he's just constantly stayed in the news and in the limelight because of it.

100%. He's gone after LeBron, who's one of the greatest basketball players of all time, and just always moving the goalposts and everything. I mean, that was the funniest part, though, is he got in so much trouble about the DeMar thing the next day when Shannon Sharp didn't show up. Bro, he was like fucking LeBron's body at this age. I've never seen it like he was like

worshiping him going from like lebron's a gay for years and now he's like he might be the hottest guy i've ever seen that's how bad he got in trouble dude just woke up turn them into lebron but like what i was saying though was like i didn't think it was that bad because i actually it crossed through my mind i mean yeah right but everybody had to jump on twitter and give their and give their thing where it's like nobody lets it breathe put in the group chat just yes put your thoughts in the group chat see if that gets a like whoa dude dude dude dude dude you're like okay okay maybe not that it's like an open mic with all comics yep i've done that several times of roast battles i'll send them to my friends that are non-comics and be like is this too mean because i'm usually pitching it to you and other comics you're

like dude fucking go meaner yeah we're like psychopaths cousin dude put that yeah but like you're having that governor of like oh right some people just yeah to be fair i've been trying to see if anybody agrees me on this skip bayless was kind of like people are going after i'm like oh you care about the outcome of the game like what, what's wrong with you? You're a psychopath. When DeMar Hanlon came to, apparently the first thing he said was, who won the game? Yeah. So it's like, really, dude?

All you care about is the outcome of the game. What do we go after? It's like, who's the psychopath in this situation? Could be DeMar Hanlon. Just saying, dude. I'm just saying. You look at it now, Buffalo and Kansas City are going to meet in the playoffs, and they're going to be playing in Atlanta.

True. Oh, yeah. Because of the neutral site. Yeah. Because they didn't get to play that game., and they're going to be playing in Atlanta. True. Oh, yeah. Because of the neutral site. Yeah. Because they didn't get to play that game. They rescheduled that game. Oh, okay. So there are some implications.

That's going to be interesting to see which fan base can travel better. And if the Bengals didn't beat the Ravens in Week 18, they would have to flip a coin to see where they played. Really? Yeah. I mean, it fucked a lot of shit up. That's going to also suck to be the Falcons. Just like, look, dude, you guys don't need this field.

Yeah. Trust us. You're just a loser fucking franchise. Can we at least get tickets? It's like, we'll see. We'll see. I didn't realize that's what they were doing. Yeah, I mean, he wasn't far off.

And they went after him, and he kind of stuck to his guns, too. It's got to be amazing, though, to be like that kind of a Skip Bayless guy, Howard Eskin guy, to wake up in the morning and wipe the dirt out of your eye and be like, all right, what shitty opinion can I throw at them today? It's like, Mike Schmidt was gay. Argue me. You're like, Jesus. It's most of what it is.

Well, Eskin killed a woman. Eskin killed a woman? You didn't know this? No. By the transitive property code. Allegedly. But he killed a woman, allegedly. What's the tale on that?

He was striking up an email relationship with a woman. This is back in probably the 90s, maybe early 2000s. He sent the woman flowers because she would talk about how her husband and her weren't getting along. They were thinking about divorcing and whatnot. There's more to the story, but he sent her flowers. Husband saw the flowers, intercepted the flowers, or maybe got home first, and a jealous fit of rage killed her. Holy shit.

Wow. So by the transitive property. For being a lover boy? That's got to be at least third degree, right? That's like ninth degree, dude. Eskimos trying to get a little poon. Maybe second degree manslaughter. I mean.

Imagine being the edible arrangements guy that just delivered that. You're just like, someone's going to sign for this. Well this well he's an accomplice let's put his ass away so you're just standing there eating chocolate covered fucking strawberries like man this shit escalated pretty quick wow i did not know that that's crazy that's a bird story man sick but it's uh there's a comic in philly that has a story it's's Tim Butterly. He's got a story that he thinks Howard Eskin banged his mom. It was in 93. I mean, I'm telling his story, but in 93 in Toronto,

she went up there for the World Series, I guess. She was on the phone like, yeah, we met Howard Eskin. And you could hear him in the background. They were talking about it. He's like, oh my God, I think Howard Eskin fucked my mom. It was all dad meat. Shout out dad meat. Tune in. Look for for that episode i don't know which one it was so sick that he's banging people's moms and he's doing i mean he got big like you said playing the heel because yeah what do 40 and 50 year old guys love they love being angry guys they're mad at

work the drive home they turn it off they like guys who bang moms that's very true they love fur coats on sidelines they do that's absolutely uh you yeah colored beats to whatever shirt you're wearing true i was a piece of shit asking the hard-hitting questions that's a big thing about asking hey ask the hard-hitting questions yeah nobody answers them yeah so how hard hitting yeah why didn't you complete that pass come on he was at uh i went to like one of these uh his son has a podcast. His son's a lot better than him. His son's the man. He runs a podcast and they used to do like live parties at Xfinity.

And Howard was there just kind of like going around taking pictures. So me and my buddies were like hammered. It's like 5 p.m. We walk in, they're like, oh shit, it's Howard Eskin. Let's go get a picture. So we go up and we're like, Howard, can we get a picture? Doesn't say a word, just turns, flashes the Eagles championship ring to the camera. So we panic and we pose, realizing we've never asked anybody to take a picture yet.

So it's just us looking at nobody, and he's just going like that for genuinely probably like 31 seconds. Yeah, the rumor is you bought that ring too. I was going to say, I bought one drunk for $25 that came from Indonesia, and it says Nick Foles on it. I wonder what player he has on his fake ring. Yeah, he tried to pass it off that he was giving it to the Eagles because he worked for the Eagles.

Like, no, you work for WIP. Yeah. No, they just let you stand on the sideline because you're media. That kind of rules, though, dude. Stealing a ring, stolen valor of rings. That's crazy. You'd be like, what battalion do you serve in? You see him walking around in Macy's.

You're like, where'd you get that from? It's amazing what that – those Super Bowl rings, the excitement. I put up that one post where I'm just an asshole and I have the fake ring on and a bunch of people mess with me like, is that a Super Bowl ring? What the fuck is that ring? I was like, you can all buy them on Amazon,

guys. This isn't a big deal. We're all pieces of shit. You can all get them, guys. I'll buy them for everybody. It's absolutely accessible. There we go. That's going to be one of our Patreon tiers. When we get to 5,000 subscribers, if we ever get there, we'll buy the first

10 Super Bowl rings. Yeah, I don't think we will do that. All the Carson Wentz ones that people returned. That'd be awesome. They're like 15 bucks.

If you just have Patreon subscribers that were from Kansas and they're like Kansas City cheese fans. Super Bowl ring. We etch handsome idiots into the side.

I described to this guy's podcast, he just sent me a Super Bowl ring. I think these guys are dicks. This sucks. Try to return it. It costs more than the ring costs. It makes their fingers Eagles green. The fake jewelry, dude.

No, that's sick. I don't know. I'm trying to think of who's the shitty player on that championship football team or that Super Bowl team. On that team? Yeah. They were kind of all the fucking dogs, dude. They were dogs.

They were dogs. Doug Peterson fucking going for it. That's a guy who's fucking people's wives. I don't know if he does. Oh, yeah. There was that rumor, and I think it was almost confirmed true. That he's banging around? Yeah.

That's why he got um that's why he got the job in philly supposedly they wanted to hire somebody else but andy reed called and vouched for him and it turns out that andy reed's wife found out that he was banging his secretary's his secretary and she was like best friends with um doug peterson's uh wife and she's like you got to get him the fuck out of here yeah really yeah dude so he was allegedly but I think it's almost yes confirmed in an urban legend that's confirmed true and he's just like no great guy like you're gonna have statues of him up one day it's sports cheating shit is nuts like I remember the big one like Tony Parker and Brent Barry when she I think he was

like married like Eva Longoria Tony Parker was married Barry. I think he was married to Eva Longoria. That's wild. Tony Parker was married to Eva Longoria and banged his teammate's wife. Some ginger's wife. And that's fine if he's a ginger. That's A-OK. I'm sure she ricochets. We're already going through a lot. They're banging on our fucking puzzle-doing wives.

This is unbelievable. Who was it from the Cavs that claims he fucked LeBron's mom, right? Delonte West. Delonte West, right? That's a pretty true one. Who won in the end of there? I was going to say he took a rough swap. That's a good conspiracy theory.

His mom passed on what she had. Are we sure LeBron's mom's not a Kardashian? She may be. She's got a lot of them. They're in that inner circle. Yeah. I mean, Lamar Odom. See ya.

Lamar, yeah. He's got a documentary coming out about all that. That's supposed to be pretty damning. Who, Lamar? Yeah. I think it just came out or it's coming out. Oh, about people talking about fucking him. A documentary about basically like, I almost died in a brothel.

Yeah. I think that's the title of it. Are we going to get Bunny Ranch footage? I hope so. Yeah. That would be so sick. If it's actually like, HBO is still there. Their cameras are still up at the Bunny Ranch.

I think that guy just died. I think the owner just died. He would be so sick. If it's actually like HBO is still there, their cameras are still up at the Bunny Ranch. I think that guy just died. I think the owner just died. He was running for Vegas. He was running for a seat or something like that or a council member. I'm amazed that guy was... He was so red and just high blood pressure looking when you would watch the Bunny Ranch. Shout out to Bunny Ranch.

That was like... Probably riddled with syphilis. Yeah, that was an early on. You're like, I mean, I'm kind of watching porn on tv like uh sexy cab confessions or taxi cab confessions that was a show called uh hookers at the point it was about ac hookers that was a good one you would just it basically looked like uh like grand theft auto it would just be a girl walking the block and then a guy would pick her up and they'd drive off and the cameraman would just keep the camera on the car oh yeah you were just like and she's still mic'd up and then just three minutes later like all right daddy that's two hundred dollars and then it would just be

like hookers that was it shout out hbo really doing the dirty work yeah you're texting confessional people like had sex in the back of the car. I told all the confessions. Yeah. While they're telling confessions. Were you a cash cab guy or were you more of a taxicab confession guy? I'm a big Ben Bailey head.

Ben Bailey, that deep fucking voice. I was just about to say, imagine if they could merge cash cab with taxicab confessions. People are having sex in the back

and they just start asking them trivia questions. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's good. Or it's the dating game and they have to answer the questions while they're fucking. Yeah. It's like Sarah said her favorite type of ice cream was what?

He's like, Rocky Road? That's got to suck if you get into the cab and you think it's the confessional and it's cash. You sit down and you think you're about to get head. You're about to get head and he's like, who was the president in 1824? And you're like, what the think you're about to get head. You're about to get head and he's like, who was the president in 1824? And you're like, what the fuck? I don't know.

Am I still going to get head? To be fair, I think it would actually be worse the other way around. When you think about it, you think you're going into cash cab and somebody starts taking your pants off. Yeah, true. What do you think they did?

Because you have to decommission that cash cab. That had to have been somewhere. Do you think there's still a taxi that goes around with those lights and it turns on when you get in and everyone's like, yes! You're like, oh, had to have been somewhere. Do you think there's still a taxi that goes around with those lights and it turns on when you get in and everyone's like, yes. You're like,

oh no, no, no, actually. Yeah. This is just the old cash cab. We got it. I sent the West Coast Customs exhibit.

I think I really should have just combined a cash cab and West Coast Customs. That's what they should do. All failed shows. They should do that with all failed shows. Really? Combine them together. Pimp My Ride was great.

Pimp My Ride, dude. We talked about that recently because we were talking about Next. That was another great MTV show. What was the one, Room Raiders,

where they used to do the black light? It was like, this guy jacks off a lot. It would be funny watching that with your friends. Could you imagine looking at that guy

and you're like, I'm going to go home and do some long tricks. Do it in a sock like an adult loser. I really was. The girls were all upset about it're like, I'm going to go home and do some long trip. Do it in a sock like an adult loser. I really wasn't. The girls were all upset about it. And like, shut up, dude.

Ew, he comes. Well, if you pick him, he could change this up a little bit. Actually, you don't want to date the guy that has no stains in his room. That's a serial killer. Yeah. Josh McCown didn't jack off. Never won a cerebral. Is that true?

He said he's never whacked? Ever. Ever. A lot of tension built, brother. Is that true? He said he's never whacked? Ever. Well, a lot of tension built, brother. Is that a Mormon thing, or is he? He might be Mormon. He might be from Texas. It could be either one. It's pretty interchangeable.

Well, that top left corner, it's close to Wyoming. I don't know where the Mormons are. Utah. Utah, that's where it is. Okay. Wyoming, too, right? Probably they spill over. 100%.

Vegas, probably the Lake Tahoe area. Have you ever gone cross country? I don't think I've ever been in the flyover states really. I went to, is Colorado one? I went to Denver once. I think technically, yeah. I think so, yeah. It's cool.

Yeah. Not a lot to do out there. Denver's cool. Wherever the fuck I was. It wasn't Vail or anything. It was like a mountain. South Denver. It was in the Rocky Mountain chain. It wasn't Vail or anything. It was like a mountain. South Denver. It was in the Rocky Mountain chain.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just went tubing the other day. We took my daughter tubing with my niece and my sister. I forgot how awesome tubing is when it's just pure ice, fake snow. Because there hasn't been any snow on the Poconos yet. Shawnee Mountain. It's all fake snow. And man, those tubes. The guy's guys like you want to go fast i was like hit me up he like drop kicks you

down the thing yeah i was cooking that rules yeah i was also very nervous because i had a two-year-old in front of there we lied about her age you have to be four we're prepping her to go in there we're like all right say i am four she's like i am too we're like all right just shove some crackers in her mouth and we get to the front of the line i got to the edge of the things you have to go up on like the the lift like it's like a conveyor belt so she was all went up all the way on there we get in and the guy looks and he's like she's kind of small and i was like what are you trying to say man yeah like, no, she has like a shirt on that says I'm two. Like, what's happening?

She pulls a shank out. How old am I, pussy? What about it? I use this to kill my spriggets. I was cracking up. I was like, well, if she is two, we still have to go down the hill. You got to let us go. We're getting reprimanded down there, my man.

Are you going to keep me up here for the rest of the night? Did you let her go by herself? No, I went down with her. I was like, this is crazy, but at least you went down with her. I do questionable parenting things, but at least I had a panic attack halfway down too because it was the first run and I hadn't gone down that hill before. So halfway down, I was like, oh, I don't know how quickly this stops or if it definitely stops at the end because it was like rubber mats to stop you.

And we hit those and it kind of kept going. If it definitely stops at the end, because if it was like rubber mats to stop you. And we hit those and they kind of kept going. And I was like, if I mush my kid, like I'm going to be on the news. Yeah. They're going to be like, and tonight on the news, he said she was four. Dude. The big story to that. I can't mush my kid. That's a good first like sledding experience though.

That was a real first one because she just did like in the backyard last year. I built like a hill that high. True. And that was a real first one because she just did like in the backyard last year i built like a hill that high true and that was it yeah the best one is you go to like your town's hill oh i love it and then you get there and everybody parks at the base of it so it's just gasoline sludge you really earn your keep if you fall out face first in it you got the wild kid that drank a lot of soda trying to stand up on the sled always broke his arm yeah and that kid good soda kid ran into me from behind and I may have gone face first in the gasoline. Who's to tell? The kid that never waited his fucking

turn. That was an asshole. That was the worst. That kid still exists even at the tubing hill. And nobody was saying anything and I even did like, somebody gonna do something about this? I was like, oh god, I suck. Anytime you see that kid. That kid just beat me and I was like, excuse me, sir.

You carrying a little kid. Me and my not four year old need to get down this hill anytime you see the kids like jumping and flapping hands you're like this kid's gonna be a fucking problem dude this kid's gonna be burning rubber you know what buddy you go ahead you go ahead and cut the line he's the one that jumps in during adult swim yeah

I don't know if you guys got any pools around you I'm a member at a pool now in the summer where there's an adult swim. Yeah. I don't know if you guys got any pools around you. I'm a member at a pool now in the summer where there's an adult swim and it's so awkward. Do you participate? Yeah, of course I do. Get me?

I'm going to go rip a lap or two. What are you doing? Do you do laps? You can't talk to the other parents unless you actually know. But you're just in a pool with a bunch of kids angrily watching you

and you're like, I'm enjoying my day. That's the thing. Because we were at a, shout out to the fourth street pool we should shoot daggers at at the people at the parents at the old people yeah how dare you this is our place and then they used to close off the uh the slide area there were no 50 year old people going down on the slide let us at least enjoy the slide area uh well the 50 old people were going on the slide when it was like sundown and all the dads were drunk because they've been secretly drinking at the pool all day.

I did that last summer. I got to get secret drunk at the pool before I gave up drinking. That was a good like checked it off the list before I gave it up. You're getting like koozie drunk where you're like no one knows. This is Bud Lights. Trusting your kid with a 12-year-old lifeguard. Face down in the kiddie pool for an hour. Yeah, I'm ripping gainers.

old lifeguard face down in the kiddie pool for an hour like yeah i'm ripping gainers 69 and with your with your lady on down the slide we got wild we got real it was i told you about because it was great i went with cousins from one side of the family and ended up seeing cousins from the other side so that was always even when you were a kid that was great when when the two sides would merge. Yeah. And you were like, yo, I'm going to show the other side how sick I am at wiffle ball. So we got to do that. It ended up being me and my adult guy cousins having a dunk contest on the six-foot rim in sandals, just pissed drunk. Oh, my God. That's bliss, dude.

Fatherhood doesn't seem too shitty. Fatherhood fucking rules. Start leaving it in. I'm going to tell you. In the beginning, you're going to be like, oh my God, we ruined our lives. If you didn't plan it, we planned it. I shouldn't say that.

We didn't ruin our lives. We planned it. My wife listens and watches this. I love you. But fatherhood fucking rules. If you have to watch Frozen a lot, if you have a daughter, I'm in that realm where I can just...

I mean, the soundtrack is a fucking banger but Frozen the movie it's just too much too much emotions I'm at Crossing Broad I'm the youngest oh okay

and they all have kids and it's just it's just amazing birth control yeah oh it's got to be it looks terrifying you just get the bad

you get the bad it's all you get right that's why I like to be the person that gives the good everyone talks about the shit they're like everyone complains about their kids no one ever talks about like i just giggle at half the shit my kids i'm like you're a goofball this is fun well i've had the long-running theory that like as a guy and if you talk about your

relationship or having kids in like a positive way all your buddies are like fucking pussy okay so you have to make everything sound bad so they're like yeah i hear you man as soon as you start being like ah my girlfriend actually like makes me feel like safe and comfortable that's the tim robinson sketch where he's like you'd be drinking a lot too if you had my wife oh yeah then he comes back and he's like i don't know why i said it guys she supported me through that thing i get that all the time i'll shit on my wife and i'm like oh yeah you brought a human into this world for me i gotta stop being a bad dude. Give your boss some credit, dude.

They put some work in. I'm the beginning. Look. Those things are pulling up from deep. Could have done without you. Starts and it ends with me. I don't know what that means. I don't like that at all.

Dark. Have you pulled the, I'll take you into this world? Or I put you in this world, I'll take you out of it? Not yet. I've only had to raise my voice a couple of times. She's a little bit over two. And the first time I had to raise my voice was to stop her from doing something

that would have hurt herself. That's most of the yelling you do now. And I watched it. It caught her off guard. And then she welled up. And I just melted inside. I was like, I just ruined her day by raising my voice a little bit.

So now I have to be like, hey. Well, good thing it's short memory. Yeah, don't put that fork in the outlet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She would be an awesome running back. Short memory. Oh, yeah. She is head down.

You've seen her run, I think, when you came by the birthday party. Yeah, she's a cloud of dust and a baby. She puts her head down. She gets extra speed from leaning but doesn't see anything coming at her.

So she's like a, she's a good like, like Mike Allstott type back, back in the day. Two yard loss, eight gain, doesn't matter. Next play. A CTE every play. Let's do this.

Lead with your head. Let your feet follow. I don't know if you watched the Cowboys game last night. I watched it. Yeah, I was in and out watching it. Part of it, yeah. Did you see they have these weird things in their neck? They kind of look like they were air conditioning things.

It looks like the headphones that truckers wear, too. Yeah. The parrot headphones that people keep on their neck every if you've ever been of seven in a 7-eleven you everyone that comes in there has them how many rest stops you going to hanging out with truckers oh i used to hit the turnpike i just hit the turnpike the other day it's true you gotta hit just sitting all over the place i gotta i love catching a good truck stop dude you get to see some of the best and worst of the world yeah the lizard lots oh yeah a lot lizards dude hanging around they're looking for fucking some and i'm just sitting there eating bugles in my car like where does where do you go wrong that you're a

lot lizard because it's just like there's there's being a prostitute there's being a hooker there's being an escort and then you're just a lot lizard you're like the bottom of the barrel yeah but i don't know i feel like the loving embrace that's're doing the Lord's work. That's a Mary Magdalene shit. You think she was a lot lizard? Or was she top notch hooker? I think she was a top notch hooker. Was she top notch? Yeah.

She was a bunny ranch girl. Probably. True. No, she was like a Wall Street escort. They need a Westworld because that was that big part of the show. Westworld was the brothel. They need a Westworld for Mary Magdalene. Wait, sorry. Oh, the CTE college.

So this stops CTE? So yeah, this is the product they were wearing on their necks. It's called a Q collar. Oh shit. That guy doesn't look like it's working that well. What a terrible picture to pick. It looks miserable. It looks like he just broke his back.

The QAnon collar? Has Alex Jones playing at all times. The frogs are gay! They did start introducing a lot of new helmets this year, too, right? They're the ones that mush when you get hit. Yeah, yeah. But now they're trying to be an entertainment company, according to you. I mean, I heard that on one podcast, and it was people that don't know sports.

So I will take that to the grave as fact. I've heard they're adding steel chairs, actually. I hope so. They started adding money in the bank matches and stuff. They dangle a briefcase over top of that. Are you a wrestling fan? A little bit. All right, cool.

Matt always makes fun of me. I got back into it as a 30-year-old. You got back into it now? Nowadays, it sucks, man. You grew up in the Attitude Era. I did. So I grew up in the Attitude Era and ECW era in Philly. Because ECW ruled.

3200 Arena. And then I got out in the Attitude Era and ECW Era in Philly. Because ECW ruled. 3200 Arena. And then I got out of it in high school and in college because I was like, girls are going to think I suck. And then once I was married and my wife couldn't really leave me, I was like, I'm going to get back into wrestling. Who was the champ when you got out of it? Do you remember? It was probably Cena.

No, I got out of it pre-Cena. I'm PC. I'm pre-Cena. I knew enough of it. But I'm pre-Cena. I knew enough of it. I'm pre-Cena, but I knew his whole thing. I don't know who's still the champ. It might have been when Kane and Undertaker were... I don't know.

Did it fuck you up when you found out they weren't really brothers? Yeah, it did. It did, because I was right at the age where they introduced Kane when I was probably at my dumbest. I was probably like six or seven. So I was like is all real they're actually from parts unknown and they're brothers and then like one day the day that he used the voice box thing to talk you were just like no you told me for three years he can't talk yeah now he's got a voice box thing and then two weeks later he was like anyway i'm came oh my god none is real. Yeah, the character development took some hits sometimes.

There wasn't, you know, wasn't the great. George R.R. Martin was not writing WWE scripts, I'll tell you that. Tony Hinchcliffe was writing for wrestling for a while. Really? Wow. Yeah, and there was a lot of guys. Like, who's the guy who was in 10 Things I Hate? He's like a.

Heath Ledger. No, not him freddie prince jr he was a writer for wwe creative for a while what yeah damn that's just like the cool job you get when your dad's famous you just pick what job you want that's got to be so cool you're like all right guy hits other guy with chair yeah busty woman on side of ring yeah says no that's gotta be yeah dude all right guys let's call it lunch and then throw mankind off the cage and we'll call it we'll call it a fucking show wrap it we gotta spice it up put the black light in that guy's room that guy's just fucking writing shit like that and jizzing that's just the guy's like enter stone parentheses, shattered glass. New girl, huge tits. Very dumb.

Like big, but like mega big. And then maybe she falls in love with one of the writers. Maybe we bring a writer into the arena. And then suddenly Dave's the champ. Look who's puny now, mom. Did you know you weren't allowed to sneeze in front of Vince? Really? Yeah, he didn't like people who sneezed.

He thought it was a sign of weakness. He has a real Tyrannosaurus head in his office. Really? He has an actual Tyrannosaurus skull in his office. Imagine walking in for an interview and you're like, Mr. McMahon, T-Rex. Jesus Christ. It's an actual.

Do you compliment the T-Rex skull or do you just let it sit there? You just act like you don't even notice it. You probably do. Do you think he named it? I want to believe Vince McMahon named the T-Rex song. I hope he did. I hope he named it. Something like Gary.

Yeah, something like Gary. Gary? Just like Hank. Something really shitty. He makes you kiss it. I mean, I forget what they were going're gonna name stone cold but it wasn't good that is always cool when you see the uh alternate stories of what they were gonna be and then or like the stuff they've tried with other people and it fails yeah they're just like

all right in this one you're a rapist wait why why yeah well you're a rapist i don't know get out there and wrestle do you remember the dude who was retarded yes eugene yes eugene that was so i think i saw eugene a little bit like but i now have seen it since this character we can pull them up on here they weren't even like hiding it they were just like this guy's retarded what and then he would come in he would literally walk in grab his head keep his tongue out like he was from Scary Movie. And he'd have a doll. The hilarious thing is he had a little run in the WWE, but then these guys just have to work in the indies to make a living. So he just had to ride this out because everyone at the VFW in southern Mississippi wants to see Eugene.

Dude, 6-1. I think they had him have a title run, too. I think he had a belt at one point, too. He had the tag team guy. What if they made him the first Make-A-Wish? John Cena comes out, wins the belt from him. He's a Make-A-Wish kid that just never died. We gave him that one-day contract, and then he just made it.

Did you see the pop? Did you see the pop that he got when he came out i mean look he like even wrote hello on his jacket and everything they really dolled this guy up but then how do you go like like now this is probably he made his debut and probably like the early 2000s i mean you're always eugene i think he was also if you can pull it up on there i think he also was like doink the clown at one point he was a bunch of people but it was always like in a mask or in face paint like to hide it because everybody's just like oh yeah you're eugene was he doing the clown as well is that the dude right that can't be doing oh my there was a bunch of doinks does that guy not

have arms on the left what is that doing the clown is always great that was another one it seemed. That was another one. It seemed like they were doing it. It's like, because they would give, sometimes people give people a gimmick as a punishment. I don't know if this was one, but I think it was one that like took off and they didn't expect it to. I don't know.

You can shit on wrestling. The actual matches are pretty cool. And the storylines, it's pretty impressive. Dude, I didn't know about this guy. I got a little more stuff in the cat now. When I'm like, yo, wrestling's retarded, dude.

Why do you say that? I didn't know he was also Joe Rogan at one point. What is it about retired wrestlers and bandanas? They cannot separate from them. That's a Macho Man Randy Savage bandana. It's got to be the steroids, right? Because they all have receding hairlines. That's probably it. Jay, you got to get Savage bandana. It's got to be the steroids, right? Because they all have receding hairlines.

That's probably it. Oh, Jay, you got to get into bandanas. Jay, you're not that bad. You're not going off any cages anytime soon or doing any stunts. You said you had a nephew point out your baldness, right? My niece today was riding the backseat of my car and I looked up and I'm like,

yeah, I'm losing my hair, Jay. And she goes, she goes no no it's growing back and I'm like it's growing back she goes yes that was the end of the discussion so she's hopeful yeah and then she took a picture of it later with my phone to show me how it was growing back I was like oh thank you oh also I drew you in crayon and I made you 14 feet tall that Wow, that's brutal. Huge dick, too. Honestly, that'll bring me back. I'd be upset about the bald thing, but if I got a fat wang, I'd be like, you know what? We're calling it even.

For every millimeter your hairline goes back, your dick gets that much longer. Where do you think it's going, dude? It's got to go somewhere. I got a bandana around my dick. I call it a day oh my god i did want to ask this because i guess we're coming to the end in stand-up like watching your own set is a nightmare it's just like you watch it and you just hate everything you're doing do you get that at all like watching old videos are you kind of like nah that's pretty good i was happy with it yeah i'm mostly happy with everything that i've done um there's some times where i'm like yeah i wish i made this joke or something like that honestly but the editing sucks the

editing like what i sit there and watch yourself i never know what is good what is going to be good what is not going to be good and people were like i was good and i was like go fuck yourself that's something that wasn't good i watched it i didn't think it was that good like oh it was really good and i was like but when you when you watch yourself so many times you're just like i could do this i could do this i could do this i could do this you know your beats and everything right okay yeah but the editing sucks but i'm usually pretty happy with with things that come out i actually did a couple open mics and you guys are are maniacs for for doing open mics oh yeah i don't get nervous doing man on the street i have never felt a nerve or nerves i guess doing uh open mics yeah do you remember

which one's helium okay no helium's a tough one to start there because that's an intimidating one room if to in general like i just did it last week on a late show oh well but i didn't get i didn't get the stage i was the one where you first come to the left and the bars right there that's where they put the idiots. Was that punchline? No, no, no. Was that helium? It was helium.

One time there was overflow and I guess a lot of people started coming. Oh, they used to have the mic up there. They were like, throw the vagabonds and the idiots and the kids that are going to be out of here in two weeks over there. Dude, trying to control

or get a room going when nine guys like right as close to me and you right and you're on this mic that's like barely working it's like yeah and i suck so that's the part that sucks is like the getting over the suck in the beginning you're just like i know none of this is good but i know i have to go and keep doing it to get good for you like going immediately like everything has to be on camera so like you said you went to that acme trying to get something out of nothing and then you have to watch it back edit that and then keep going out i don't know that seems fucking we've even seen just from doing like some sketches how hard it is to make the funny when you're planning it like you have to yeah does it get to like where you're pulling teeth ever um yeah

there's some yeah i went to a dog show it sucked because like you want to directly make fun of the people but you don't want to make fun of the people and a lot of them take it so fucking seriously like dude you're you're grooming a dog right in front of me like a right like a 34 year old man with two kids yeah you know going to a mountain with your daughter and stuff and like trying to convince the guy at the mountain that she's four years old and not two years old and everything it's like well those fucking weirdos this is embarrassing how do you know i'm 36 no but it's like and yeah like you want to make fun of them and then like i don't know i think i have a conscience more than i used to too that sucks

yeah does that get to like do you ever feel bad when you're interviewing anybody like if somebody is that drunk or like. No, because I don't sneak up on anybody. If I had a hidden camera, I would. Right. But there's also idiots. Yeah. And you could just go in on these idiots.

And it's kind of like with you guys, how like you ask other comics things. Yeah. That's fine. But then you ask like your mom or like your best friend who like doesn't even understand what you do. like, oh yeah, man, that's fine. But then you ask your mom or your best friend who doesn't even understand what you do. You're like, that's fucked up. That's true. You're like, all right.

That is true. It is good to have that too, though, because it keeps you balanced. Yeah, I shouldn't have asked that guy why he's missing a couple chromosomes or something like that. At the end of the day, these people came to an Eagles game

to watch an Eagles game, to enjoy an Eagles game, not for me to be in their fucking face being like, say something stupid. Well, I think you do a good job too of like that, that like almost the Channel 5 approach of like, just I'm going to point the mic. I'm going to let you do all of it. Like not all of it.

I'm going to let you guide where this goes, talk about what you want to talk about and see what comes of it. Like you do a good job of flowing with that too so that's awesome to watch i mean editing is the best and which once again what you guys do is all live and shit i get to go home look at it parse through and everything yeah and if people are long-winded i can cut it out that's a good point yeah it's crazy how big it's gotten too like there's there's like two different distinctions of like kind of what you're doing about going up interviewing fans and stuff and then there's just like I mean, I don't know how you feel about the other ones where it's just like dudes going up with their phones

Like, you know, what's a good size? Let me check your diamonds like all that shit. Yeah, is it real go through each other's phones right now? I just saw I hope the guy who sorry I hope the guy who goes up to the people and ask what he does what they do for a living I hope he gets aids. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What do you think what do you do for a living you drive this car what do you do oh yeah dude the guy who's trying to break into people's apartments in new york city he's like yeah show me your apartment yeah let me fucking come in weirdo yeah yeah okay i guess how do you guys feel and sometimes we experience this because i don't know if we got a cut or anything but no we can go as long yeah yeah i got another fucking dose yes um what am i gonna go back am I going to go? Back over to Fishtown? Yeah. I actually have another podcast. If my girlfriend's doing a fucking puzzle

when she gets back, I'm going to be pissed. Look, dude, I'll send mine over with it. She'll be here shortly. You go over and she's dropping one off. You guys, obviously, you do jokes. You bomb all the time, Bob.

I write blogs that are trying to be funny. Sometimes we bomb and stuff. Coming out of COVID and stuff where we were just at this, everything that was said, we had to be kind of at each other's throats and we argued a lot and everything over the last two years do you guys feel like maybe it's easier for you because you're in these these comedy rooms and it's like you know what you're you know you're like coming to a comedy show so you should know the premise of it do you guys feel like people are having a tough time taking jokes more or maybe jokes that are toe the line or jokes in general? I think one of the things that this past weekend,

I've had two people ask me, cause it was, I was telling you earlier, I went to two funerals. I went to two after lunches. So it was like a lot of like younger cousins and stuff asking stuff about standup. They're like, I've noticed a lot of people now are posting like uh heckler videos and like crowd like more crowd work videos so i think a lot of people are starting to see more of that and then thinking like oh we can go in and also do this so it's wow some people are almost getting free but it's i mean it's you'll i don't know if you agree it's room to room too and it's night to night like you'll get yeah every crowd is different especially like because of where we are like when you go into a city they tend to kind of lean more one way than the other about what they're comfortable with you saying or doing but then you go and you'll do like a bumblefuck show and like emmaus out in the middle of pennsylvania and they're like say whatever you

want yeah but then there's also kind of this like safety net of the like scene around you like when we first started it was very like very to the left and very like you can't say that you shouldn't be going up and doing this and then in the past couple years it's kind of totally gone really yeah that's one thing i hated the deal with mike's it was just all like very like toe the line the joke stunk because everyone told the line no one was able no one wanted to like well to want to go over the line or take a chance and then i felt like i did one time and the joke suck don't get me wrong I'm not like saying like it was the greatest joke ever

and nobody laughed but it was like the looks on people's faces I was like did I just cancel no it's like early on shut up

you're doing jokes to other comics so much early on because you're at open mics most of the crowd is the comics waiting to go up you will get like

some rooms where it's like oh that was a heavy like non-comic crowd there was 10 people there that you know were there to just watch the show so like you get that weird it's tough to read it but then when you go to like helium on a friday night or saturday on a saturday night and it's just people out having fun it's kind of like sometimes the you know you're free to like fuck around a little bit more. People are more accepting.

But again, you also can get somebody who's had the worst day ever and they're like, I'm going to take it out at this comedy show tonight. It truly, though, the change. It doesn't happen as much as you think it does. No, but it was worse before. Really, the change was, I don't know if you know Shane Gillis. Oh, yeah, 100%. He blew up and everybody watched how he does stand up and were like, oh, that is what people find funny.

We don't have to, like, toe this line and shit. Right. And kind of, like, the people who were against it a little bit fell to the wayside, and the people who were, like, around it and kind of similar to it, they were like, yeah, this is funny. This has always been funny,

and we can start doing it again a little more freely. Do you guys do crowd work? Because I feel like crowd work's a lot like being on the street. Yeah, Matt's a big crowd work guy. That's, like, most of what I do, yeah. Yeah. And it is a lot of, like, what you do, where you just have to, like, keep it flowing and, like, on the street yeah i mean matt's a big crowd work that's like most of what i do yeah yeah and and it is a lot of like what you do where you just have to like keep it flowing and like find the funny in it that's what i'm always amazed when i watch yours is it like

finding you sit uncomfortably in that pocket of like no we're gonna get to this i'm gonna find out why you're gonna make this funny that's very important yeah continuing the conversation because like i can kind of know in the first five to ten seconds whether this is going to be good or not yep but i will always have another question in my back pocket exactly yeah that's that's and it might suck at one point and the good thing it doesn't go on video but a lot of times if you continue to go i'll have like a two minute long conversation with this person and i might use 15 seconds yeah right so at the end of the day we got to where we needed to go to.

That's beautiful, dude. And we took a gorgeous scenic route, didn't we, fellas? Yeah. Talking about I'm from Fox Chase. And I wasn't checking up here nervously at all. And I want to put Daniel Jones' fucking head on a stake. Yeah. All right.

Well, tell me how that makes you feel. You're just a therapist at that point. 100%. 100%. It is always like like i think that's one of the things i've tried to do more is stay in the pocket because i bail so quick on crowd work but like the more and more you get comfortable the you know and it's really it's a it's a repetition thing it's an in the moment you know practice but it's like if you do it enough you've

been in front of that situation five other times. Like, oh, I've had that person answer that question this way before. Let me see if I can get the same answer. Right. Yeah. Well, I think what we figured out is we're going to have Kyle do another open mic at some point. Fuck off. We're going to make him do it.

No. We're going to drag him on. I hate writing. I hate writing. You don't got to write. Don't worry about it. We run one over here in South Jersey, and it's a fun room, and you can fuck around there. Kyle, I'm telling you, you're going to come out, man.

We're going to get you, dude. Just saying. I fuck. Well, you're not allowed to leave. Get to the puzzle room. Kyle, I don't do it that often, and I'll go up there. Okay. No, trust me.

Well, no. Jay, if I agree, then I've got to come out. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. You just said okay. We got it on camera. There are some things that, dude, I'm telling you, man then I've got to come out. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. You just said okay. There's one thing. There are some things that, dude, I'm telling you, man, I've never felt emotions like I did going up there.

I was like, this is the worst thing in the world. I would do, you would get five minutes. The light wouldn't even be on. I'd be over the set. I'd be like, my set would be two minutes. I'm just babbling, running through everything. A-okay, dude. That's all right.

Yeah. We'll see. We're going to keep hounding you then. Yeah, we'll hound you. We'll send a DM a week. We'll trick you into it. We're like, we're doing a live podcast. Oh, my God.

We only have one mic, Kyle. We're sorry. You're going to have to go up there. Up next, Kyle Pagan. Fuck that. Do you have any, like, do you want to try to do that? Like, taking the man on the street thing and eventually make it, like, into any kind of, like, a show or something? Yeah. A live show? That's something that i'm kind of like trying to figure out it's

not man on the street because man on the street's getting old everyone's doing it now yeah there's so many copycats with the eagles and stuff um but even just the lane of a philly sports focused just variety not variety show but almost just like a live podcast kind of thing. Like Q and A, that kind of thing. Live podcast, I should do more of. We should definitely do more live podcasts. The thing with the man on the street is, I feel like such an asshole saying this,

but it got so big that like now people are like kind of drawing a fine line between do we like this kid or do we not like this kid? Right. And I'm a lot different off camera than I am on camera. Yeah. Because it's just like,

it's the filliness of me and stuff. And I am, I'm a dickhead at heart, but like around my friends and stuff. dickhead at heart but like around my friends yeah like a philly dickhead like we're all like that like even south jersey people oh yeah or just like that yeah we're all just pieces of shit and like but like you know we do regular things like sit on the couch watch football and stuff but people see only what's on video yeah that is that's that's where the podcasting thing has been nice too because it's like

you'll meet people that you're like, how do you know this much about me? And they're like, oh, I listen to all your... Oh, shit. Okay. That's right. You know my whole life story now. This is interesting. I hate doing podcasts. I hate hosting podcasts. I love this shit. Just hang out. That's why we

like doing it the way we do it. Because we've tried it almost like in the beginning. We were like, thanks for tuning into them. And every time, we're like, why the fuck are we doing radio guy voice? And then when we finally realized it's just what the people that tune into this want to see is just bullshit. You're sitting around your friends. So that's the good thing about podcasting. It's an open medium.

You can do whatever the fuck you want with it. 100%. The only problem is everyone has one. Yeah. We're one of them, dude. We're thinking about switching to true crime just to have whatever it is. Now, we are 49% skewing female viewers, so I think we could get that to- True, dude.

If we mix in a little true crime every once in a while, maybe a puzzle talk. Yeah. Bit of a squirt cast, dude. Welcome to puzzle talk. Yeah. I mean, is there anything you want to promote while you're here Crossing Broadcast

is our Tuesday Thursday hour long sports show on YouTube on Apple on Spotify 12 to 1 we just come and we just talk about

shit that we wrote on the blog and everything for a good lunch time hour follow Crossing Broad and then my all my socials

are Kyle Pagan CB nice sweet appreciate it guys yeah dude what do you got coming up Crossing Broad and then my all my socials are Kyle Pagan CB nice sweet appreciate it guys yeah dude what do you got coming up

we got that show at Emmaus Theater this Saturday down the street on at Reup Fashion Brendan Donegan's show February 8th

sold out losers if you didn't get a ticket well just come if you're one of the 40 great list or fans that could fit into that shop. Just go. Nobody's going to stop you.

Just watch through the window. There's a storefront. Just watch. I'll get hammered and talk to you and hang out with you. Just say you're there to buy vintage clothing. They're not going to turn you away. The tap room tomorrow. High note. Open mic. Come hang out. Yes.

What do you got there, too. We're back every Wednesday. Yeah, what do you got there, Big J? The only thing that needs to get, I think it might be still some tickets available, is that show down in Woodstown on the 8th of February, a set for life. I mean, you got to get tickets online for that one. I've been posting about it, so you can follow the link for that. But Montague Comedy on Instagram. Hacks

Comedy Golf is still out there. We might be bringing it back. Are you a golfer? I fucking hate golf. Hell yeah. Well, you're going to come out and tee one up with us when we bring my old show Hacks back, where you just go golfing with comics. It's pretty fun. Yeah. We'd love to have you. Nine or 18 holes. We went to Topgolf one episode.

We went to mini golf. Can I be that guy? Can I be the next Topgolf episode? I want to play a golden tea episode. So if you want to do golden tea and we just chill at a bar all day, I think that sounds like a pretty sweet episode. I do like that. That's a good idea.

Episode three of Hacks coming back. What do you want to say on the way out, Matt? Fucking, you know, the red wave came and went. I got right out of this. We're done with you being Republican at the end of the podcast, right? out that fucking, you know, the red wave came and went. We should, we're done with you being Republican. No fun, nobody, no fun, but I'm never better No fun, nobody, no fun, but I'm never better