That Rules Podcast - Episode #74: Podcast Formerly Known as “HANDSOME IDIOTS”

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

THAT RULES podcast is here!!! Formerly known as the Handsome Idiots podcast, That Rules will carry the torch going forward. Don’t worry nothing is changing, just getting better! Stay tuned for big guests, silly times, and plenty of great memories. We love you Idiots all sooo much.

We're rolling and everything's business as usual. Nothing different. Nothing different. Nothing mixed up. Nothing hitting, ripping, flipping, and reversing. Who am I kidding, John? Things are a bit different now, aren't they? Things are getting a little

different around here what would you say is one major difference if you could name one i never knew what you looked like from this angle we're so far away it's actually funny to do a podcast this far away but we got to separate after things changed up as much as they did yeah guys we changed the name of the podcast we We are going to change the name, right? Will this one still come out? This one will still be, this will be named as the first episode. Oh, this is the first? You could say we're actively in the process, I think.

Yes, we're in the process of a little rebranding around here. It's a bit of a rebrand. It's a bit of an R, it's a BRB. It's a bit of a rebrand. And it's not like, you not like our CEO touched somebody, so we got to change the name and the look of the company or said something terrible when they were hammered on Twitter. Allegedly.

Allegedly. We're all the CEO. You're the C. I'm the E. Jay's the O. That's exactly right. Do we announce the new name? Yeah.

All right. Do we do it in unison? No. That's gay. That's pretty gay. And you know what? That's gay. That doesn't rule. That doesn't rule at all. And you know what? That's gay. That doesn't rule.

That doesn't rule at all. But you know what would be a great... Damn it. I went back into podcast voice. Why did I do that? We're going to fucking call the podcast That Rules. We think the name is fucking sick. We were sick of getting shit for being some idiots.

This is also... This is us putting our tail between our pussy because people would give us guff for the name of the pod. also we're going to start having bigger guests on we'll be getting more guests we have a producer now we have an actual somewhat of a reach now and listenership so we figured we'd get in front of this whole calling ourselves handsome as a name and just the name that rules kind of rules yeah and to truly commit we are going to actively work toward no longer being handsome and we're going to get really smart. So we're sorry to the listeners that enjoyed us just being goofballs and being silly.

This is an education podcast going forward. Those days are in the past. Yeah. Today we're going to discuss World War I. World War I. The Archduke Franz Ferdinand, a, a hierarchy of Serbia or somebody. So I should say, sorry,

John, somebody from Serbia assassinated him. Yeah. They say Franz Ferdinand is one of the men. It really sucks that like that band named themselves Franz Ferdinand and totally just diminished everything about that song. Take me out that they have is about, is it about Frank Archduke Franz Ferdinand?

Really? Yeah. I don't know if you're lying to me. because you already hit me with that terrible lie joke earlier. No, I swear to God. That wasn't a lie joke. And I'll say it on the podcast. I'll say it to the day. You know what this new podcast is?

It's me and my cool jokes that I hear on TikTok. Welcome to Matt's old podcast about cool damn jokes he's heard on TikTok. And if it's about Ikea and assembling a cabinet and making that comparison between a president doing it and you buying something from ikea that's a okay and very honestly that rules that rules so that's also rules we didn't discuss this last week i stumbled upon a great relic don't fuck it no we can't do this this is actually awful that's brutal i stumbled upon the relic of do you really it. No, we can't do this. This is actually awful. That's brutal. I stumbled upon the relic of...

Do you really not want to talk about it? No, I actually do. If you want to pull it, it might be funny to actually look it up. If you pull this up. Jay, you'll get a kick out of this one too, dude. So I stumbled upon an absolute relic from the past of Matthew Peoples. I was going to tag him on the handsome idiots Instagram In like a post And I just typed in Matt

I guess normally I type in like MA and it pops up And I wasn't thinking I typed out the full name So Matt Peoples comedy came up And then right below that Was what is it If you could go on Instagram for me Instagram.com And I

This is one of those things you try to hide, but I'm just going to embrace it and just laugh about it now because this was in my younger years. I was a different man. If you could just look up casual, P-E-O-B-S. Oh, boy.

That's that. Yep. So this was when I was about, think i was 20 i was like a junior sophomore junior you're gonna jerk off aren't you you're gonna jizz that's why you're getting them okay cry this is uh i so for the listener that's not viewing this, this is Matt's casual attire Instagram that he had when he was, I'm assuming, planning on becoming a fashion influencer? I thought. Maybe my calling.

Now, this is before comedy. Now, this is why. You kept your face out of all the pictures, but then still put your name, which is a very distinct name. Because, John, it's not about me. It's about the outfit no dude it was you know what it is it's when you date an enabler at the time i was dating a girl who told me everything i did was good you need a girlfriend or a wife let's go let's go there's

only five posts so let's go post by post and discuss by all means uh we'll go with the most recent uh it's a nice a loafer on your foot i believe sure uh pants that should touch your shoes but that don't now one would say he's probably got on some cool socks to make up for that gap between his end of his pants in the beginning of his shoe yeah i bet you would say that no socks now are you barefoot in those loafers or are you wearing are you wearing a no-show i was for sure barefoot i haven't i've never owned no-show socks now did you put this on just to take the picture, or were you going, oh, they're cuffed.

I didn't even realize that. You enrolled those to that point. That's in my parents' house. That was the other question I had. Yeah. What about that basement entrance? When you saw it, you were just like, this is pretty much GQ. Depth, you fucking idiot, dude.

You got to take pictures for where you could present depth to the viewer. All the places you'd want to present this outfit, like walking into a basement. Yeah. Walking out of a basement. I was living at home. Were you living in that basement? No. I'm gay.

How long did it take you to actually pick out those bracelets, those specific ones? Because you knew they were going to be in frame. Oh, I didn't even think about the bracelets. The bracelets. Dude, you know what the bracelets are there for for slapping everybody's wife's ass i just realized your nose is in the top of the picture too i got fashion eyes that one yeah because you were looking down at your belt i don't know what you're checking out well that's the thing everything in it is poor like that's an

old navy outfit yeah no it's not good it's not well it's not bad i mean you're wearing it well i'll give you that if you were going to a brunch, that's a brunch outfit, right? I can never wear that to brunch. If you saw me, I look like a total fucking pussy. I would be caught dead getting an eggs penny. You also tagged Old Navy. It's not even like it's like you broke down where all of the items are from. You have to do it, dude.

Dude, it's not even like these are small clothing brands banana republic like they were gonna repost it i thought they'd see somebody rocking their shit like a goddamn acdc concert and they might be like we're looking for a fucking pale retard to possibly model our clothes and their parents rain cellar thing why why one let's go back to the name originally now casual i get that now why peops and not peeps uh that's how my name spelled peops yeah but like imagine if you spelled it like p e e p casual peeps yeah you have to put that would be taken down in like in 30 minutes guys you have to put your own when you when you make fashion endeavors and you will you gotta put your own

little personal twist on it dude i would have even said to just have casual peoples would have been a great name the worst part is i don't i don't have this is kind of funny. I don't want to get too far into it. Oh, we're getting far into it. From what I remember, my girlfriend at that time, she kind of helped me manage it. When we broke up, she changed the password. So you can't even tell me to do it anymore. Which is a pretty good get back when you really think about it.

Oh, my God. So to the listener, don't have a shared account if you don't think that the relationship is going to last i think we need to have this intervention live on on the podcast about changing this about deleting this account you know what call her up let's get her yeah um all right so wait to go back to your outfit you did you did tag banana republic as a shirt i would love to see you put parentheses outlet because I'm pretty sure you probably got Banana Republic outlet, right? For sure.

Okay. Yeah, certainly. And then again, you put the khakis. It would have been great if the shoes were just like, Kev's, thanks, Dad, for letting me wear your shoes for this picture. No, I believe the feet mitts were- It said Stacey Adams. I saw it.

Stacey Adams, yeah. Is that a good shoe? All Stacey Adams and linen out. Is that a DSW shoe? I don't know. Why are you exactly right? Is that a good shoe? All Stacey Adams and linen out. Is that a DSW shoe? Why are you exactly right? Because I have to dress like this for work. So I have many DSW shoe in my closet from over the years.

I got to be casual business cash. Damn, you know what I'm kind of dressed like? A douchebag? You know the way like lesbians try to dress like dudes, but they're always a little bit off? You're an Easter lesbian. I'm an Easter lesbian. Well, that's definitely me.

You know what? The new podcast is not called That Rules. Our podcast is now called Easter Lesbian. That's at least the name of this episode. Yes. And on the third day, they moved in together. Old lesbos moving in so quick together. Lesbians can never celebrate easter because that's the perfect day to have a softball tournament it's always kind of sunday morning yeah and they are

if you really think about it what's a lesbian doing other than hunting eggs true you know storing them all right so then that was this picture good look now the next picture is just a close-up of uh embroidered hey arnold but the quality is startlingly good startlingly good actually yeah for 2017 that's a good picture that's not a bad pick uh and i noticed the the running theme of this is you don't wear the sunglasses you just dangle them from the collar you have to show sometimes you accessorize bro sometimes you just gotta accessorize um so this is a terrible shirt arguably right the captions are pretty funny now that i'm reading what is the caption please for the love of god don't jump with the t-shirt when it has a full steam driving to the

rim because it's either an and one or a poster that's fucking dude i've been funny so you for sure wrote these captions knowing you were gonna get attacked by your friends to me i was like the angle i'm taking is like i'm gonna be i'm gonna be silly about it because dudes would get in there like in this thing like i remember i was like big into like fucking corny ass fashion instagram and the guys would be like when you put a fucking when you put a button down on your body you're representing your family like just like real over the top shit the same people that now dress as peaky blinders yeah true yeah basically the same thing um now in this you put shirt old navy you had a did you have an old navy

credit card is that why this was that's the only thing that's your first credit card out of uh and then you wrote bod mad people's 23 that's fun that's just guys having fun all right oh wait you have comments too these are just my friends actually yeah djax is a follower of handsome idiots he's i've seen him comment and stuff on things shout out to von shout out to von my boy makes up most of our black listeners probably that's maybe 74 yeah um what did he say please make a Gerald shirt actually that would be pretty funny if you and him walked into a bar you had an Arnold shirt and he was rocking a Gerald shirt

and you didn't address it that would be pretty cool unfortunately my fashion endeavors fell short alright well what was the next picture we're going through all five that one's fun because that's beer and i like that one it's the lightest beer possible it almost looks like water it's so see-through no i just fucking i had to take a year was this at landmark no this is at uh ruby tuesdays

no not ruby tuesdays uh red rob oh i'm sorry so i'm a fool because dead at ruby too i'm a full burger and a beer deep i I'm not myself in this picture. You can tell by my neck. You're in a watch that I'm going to guarantee you couldn't tell time on that watch. Also, I broke off the cap thing to it, and it didn't work. Okay, so just for show. Yeah. So, yeah, that's true, because in that watch, it says it's upside down now.

So, that says 7.35. So, you're either at the bar at 7.35 in the morning or the sun was still up. No, this was like a 5 p.m. trip, I think, with my dad. I think my dad might have... Did your dad take the picture? He very well might have, which is like... You've heard of Instagram husbands, man.

Try Instagram dads. Just your dad, just like, oh my fucking God. He's so supportive. He's like, son, Old Navy's going to love this. No, I don't think it was my dad. I think it was with... It might have been one of my buddies because i asked my dad that i think in real time he'd force himself to have a heart attack and die okay so it's a wooden watch which don't ever wear a wooden watch certainly wear a wooden watch and it's got a fake leather strap dude and as if you

weren't you were like listen i want people to know my commitment to wood yeah i'm going double beaded wooded bracelets a lot of people and this is before the movie came out a lot of people were calling that the thanos glove yeah the wood watch double wood bracelet i was starting fires who started who were those people just a couple special needs kids i would pick up devon yeah these kids with down syndrome i'd love for you to read this caption as well if you don don't mind. What do we got here? God, I was so fucking annoying. I still am. Was, you're right.

I would get lazy with it and just caption it, beers and bracelets, but these are just too masculine to be called a bracelet. Instead, they're wrist protectors, warding off any imminent damage wrists are exposed to. Wrists, treehead croaks. I mean, God damn, dude. are exposed to. Wrists, treehead crow. I mean, god damn, dude. Again, sunglasses on the collar while

you have a pocket shirt, which a pocket shirt would be a perfect place to keep sunglasses. Bro, I had just started getting chest hair. I was fired up about it. I wanted to show... You didn't have the commitment to a deep V. You wanted to make it look like the glasses were forcing you into a deep V. Okay, dude, sorry it's not 2004

when you were in your 40s. I wasn't wearing deep Vs back then, dude. I was wearing shirts that pulled down. There were forcing you into a deep V. Okay, dude. Sorry it's not 2004 when you were in your 40s. I wasn't wearing deep Vs back then, dude. I was wearing shirts to pull down. This is kind of a manual deep V when you think about it. It's exactly right. Any shirt can be a deep V if you try hard enough. I earned my V. Do you ever use the pocket in a pocket shirt?

Just for fucking putting loose pussy in there, dude. I'm getting so much ass doing this. No, I'm not. I was just getting bunched. All right. So Shane Shark liked the wrist protectors. Sure. Jack D Fitness.

Buddy from high school. If I saw your wrist in an alley, I'd run the other way. People loved it, dude. This guy is very tanned up. Shout out to his spray tan guy. It was a smash hit, dude. And what's the beer's brand? That's a pretty good one.

Oh, wait. That's recent. Who's a pretty good one oh wait that's recent who's drudius maximus that's recent bro it's 289 weeks ago yeah i mean time's relevant you know irrelevant six years ago no i thought it was cool andrew for a second oh true okay i was like well wow he went way back um okay well what i mean that's that's a bad one you can't tell time um what is it dude i hit people with the quickness they try to come at your boy i'm not even a comic at this point i'm just a run i'm just a run-of-the-mill guy better jokes before you do comedy then it's honestly sadly true you should just go up and start tonight at the open mic. Just go up and read the captions from this. Hey, guys.

Dude, I was going to read out of context. We got to get the password back to this because I think this is a great branch in the That Rules universe. If I could promise you one thing, we're not getting that password back. We get hacked. Well, I mean, you aren't, but that's why I think if we get together, we set up a Zoom and we all ask politely. I'm telling you right now. Yeah, let's not rekindle old flames for the sake of comedy. Certainly, let's just hang.

Why don't we all wear my clothes? We should do a fashion show, Matt. Speaking of which, did you see all those all the comics from new york that did fashion week in paris you could be fashion week in like paris texas dude it'd be great you would kill it in paris texas all right now the just shoes pictures looks like a police photo of a crime scene of a bot this one's one of my favorite ones because you can like very clearly see how disgusting my college carpet was. You look like the Wicked Witch of the West.

No, I look like I'm fucking- Fucking get it out. No, you guys got it on roll. You look like the legs of the Wicked Witch of the West when she gets crushed and they're just out there. It's baloney, dude. It's the same kind of socks. Also, terrible tie job on the right shoe. That loop, you got one tiny loop and then a loop that you

could almost trip over with the other shoe you're snagging that on any gateway that's within kicking distance guys you have no this is this is the actually the truth behind this picture at all times i was running so fucking fast that somebody came over and they saw my feet at rest once snapped the picture i was gone i was out after that there was no retakes there's no let's fix the loop john whatever there's none of that crap dude because you know here's what's ironic you said uh honestly if you could rock one article of clothing it would have to be socks which you're not wearing three pictures later true yeah true very fair point you're, disregard everything I said. That was the old me.

My opinions ran as fast as my feet did. They changed like the wind. Boots, Alfani. Okay. Alfani is not even a good brand. No. You just throw some fucking WAP name on something, and it just sounds like it's a fancy thing.

No, I'm thinking of Aldo. Also not a good brand. What are chinos? Huh? What are chinos? It's a type of paint. I do know what chinos are. This is why you guys have no leg to stand on giving me guff.

Me and you, we're looking at this while wearing fucking some of the worst shoes of all time that I've ever seen. That's why you got to rekindle this. Not a lot of things are different for you, Chibblee. You're just more cash. Even more cash P-ops. The most casual P-ops. I liked that one, if you'll notice in the likes.

There's 10, and I am one of them. I don't appreciate that. You gained another follower today for the record. I just want to make that clear. I'm glad this is going to be active. Well, now we got to keep an eye on this. So this will tell us, listener, if you're a true fan of that rules, the new match sensation.

Casual P-ops is now at 28 followers, right? If it's not at 40 a week after this episode drops. Yeah, I have no faith in that rules audience. I agree. If you care about if you care about anything, my ex-girlfriend from college, I hope she's getting notifications every time there's a follower. We're getting this back. This is my new goal.

We won't even ask her. This is the method. We We won't even ask her. This is the method. We're just going to keep getting people to follow it. There's got to be someone that can hack the system and get us this back. Nah, maybe I'll just make a new one and it'll just be me wearing the most regular shit. No, no, I think we need to make sure this gets a following.

At least a slight boost. The real call to action for the listener. Hey, listener, create your favorite fake casual P-ops account on Instagram. I want to see the listener's casual P-ops accounts. I agree. Let's make this a thing. Because most people would run from something like this,

something that's just so blatantly gay and glee. Lead in. To me, I'm just him, dude. I'm just that guy. You haven't changed. You're that guy. I'm still this little bitch. Oh, I just realized that the default picture is the sunglasses hanging on the collar.

I don't know why. I thought it was so sick, dude. So this was a planned running theme. I thought it was so sick. Wait, do the other two pictures also have the sunglasses? If you can scroll down just a slight bit. No, it's my shoes and shoes. Yes, they do.

I mean, these two do at the very least. Oh, you did the thing where you lay all of your clothes out really terribly. That's what I thought. That's not true. What are you, a fucking fool of all? Well, that's not how you fold clothes, first clothes out really terribly. That's what I thought. That's not. What are you a fucking fool of all? That's not how you fold clothes. First off.

But you only went to the clothing stores. I don't think you were in a bag. Huh? You put the jaker. Is this just all the things you were wearing at the Depard Mall that day? I think I went to a happy Cinnabon next. I actually this day was my buddies. I was I guess I was a junior. He's a year year ahead of me so there was his graduating from like college party and i remember he like sat me down

he's like yeah you gotta chill with the instagram that's that's fucking brutal and i was like nah it's actually sick and you're stupid and fat and he was like okay and then here we are seven years later shout out life water now now who's stupid and fat out iphone 8 that's a six don't be an idiot definitely your dad's boat shoes you borrowed for the afternoon those are mine as a kid as with this haircut in college i for sure that's been my number one thing in life is i can knowing what my face looks like and what i am perceived as i could never own a pair of boat shoes that's because you went to public school because they. Because it's too much. I'm just too on brand.

I've had my father-in-law offer me. Now, he lives down the shore and lives on a dock. So you have to have boat shoes down there or else they kill you. He's been like, oh, I bought two pair. Do you want these? And I'm like, I would love those. They look so comfy. But I feel like I put them on and i immediately just start talking about a 401k

and i'm gonna hate myself so you put them on and you you a pill pops up in your hand and it's gliding over a girl's drink as soon as you put them oh yeah yeah and involuntarily so so yeah i can't reach my true form looked also cuffed the shorts too the shorts were short that was also before they really made good short short lengths were either like below the knee or way too short i think i mentioned the inseam length in this picture actually now that i if i think about it correctly i'm almost certain i measured the no no you did here it says oxford short sleeve button down knit nine inch inseam shorts with some beat up boat shoes i love it you had to emphasize it was beat up. I'm also equally disappointed that you did not tag the wallet company. That has to be Kohl's or something.

You should have tagged the water as 7-Eleven. I believe that was Thomas Hilfiger and that's a life water. That is a life water, true. Which offers no hydration value actually because it's so overly purified. Is that the same wooden watch or a different one same wooden watch dude i only had one watch you again remember this is a 20 year old guy no i'm i'm trust me i'm glad i didn't have i would have i i'm pretty sure if anyone gave me the like you should do that i would have attempted rap battling i think i genuinely ran it by like almost everybody like meaningful in my life and they were like oh dude no and i was like you guys are such idiots all wrong when i'm a multi-millionaire off of me wearing clothes that's why i always say stand-ups on the second gayest thing i've ever done

true did you think this was gonna be like did you think this was gonna start a modeling career be honest no no no it's not bro it's you're getting it john you're getting you're asking leading questions then you wouldn't have put your body in the clothes who else am i gonna put in there you would have laid everything out like this you're gonna put zach cummer in that yes zach gorgeous now with his sneaky jacked arms with his sneaky pale body and he looks like he's made of like like greek yogurt that is tough to be sneaky pal because like you are always pal so everyone knows it okay sure i went to a is that what this fucking podcast is gonna be now is tough to be sneaky pal because you are always pal, so everyone knows it. Okay, sure. I went to a – Is that what this fucking podcast is going to be now?

Is it going to be the Hurt Matt's Feeling Show? It is. Let's just be mean to each other. No, I'm not. Because I don't present as that pal. Okay, you're not pale presenting. I'm a pale guy, but no one would describe me as the pale guy, John. So you're tan pale presenting?

But yes, true. I'm stealing valor of of the tan namaste i uh i went to a aquatic center with my family to have fun on slides and what you what have you in hot tubs and uh my wife took a video of me and my daughter playing and sent it to me and i couldn't be any whiter yeah bathing suit in jan I had a bathing suit in January indoors. It also doesn't help that we were the only white people there, so I look even whiter. That's what I'm saying.

My whole life, dude, I am obviously pale, but most people are not as pale, but still look like shit. See, but that's the thing. If you take your shirt off, they'll be like, oh, my God, he's so crazy pale. Like, no, we knew he was pale. You just go, okay. I present as like I take my shirt off, and we'll be like, oh my God, he's so crazy pale. Like, no, we knew he was pale. You just go, okay. I present as like,

I take my shirt off and they're like, Jesus. You know what? And also as people who are pale with dark body hair, oh my God,

what are you, my Uncle Brian? Yeah, that's tough. You're definitely, yeah, you're Mediterranean. definitely your Uncle Brian. Yeah.

If I knew anything about your Uncle Brian, that's him. That's why I can get away with it with my fucking orange creamsicle body hair as it trickles down from my clavicle towards my penis and balls i already don't like what this podcast has become

this podcast rules dude it's casual peeps it's my orange pubic hair it's my penis and balls it's everything you want so you're saying that's great no i wouldn't have brought this up if it wasn't a public account the creamsicle my orange creamsicle, dude. My sweet, saturated orange vanilla Trix. Sorry, Josh. I love it. It's so good. You love my little Trix. Who doesn't love a good creamsicle?

What's your favorite popsicle? Go. Orange creamsicle. Yeah. Yeah. My parents, you always get the Weight Watchers ones. Oh, John, please say some fucking dumb shit. What is your favorite popsicle?

Just say it. I do like the coconut real fruit ones. I didn't even predicted that one, dude, you get a riddle on the stick. Sometimes is that what he said? Good podcast name riddle on the stick. No,

I was partial to firecrackers myself. Those are the classic. Yeah, true. Firecrackers. Okay. What is it? Coconut fucking it's the real fruit bars.

I don't know the real name of them, but the fruit bar that you would get, like there's a strawberry one. There's a coconut one. I believe there's a banana one. Banana one's pretty good too. Fudgy. What'd you man sells them down the fruit bar that you would get like there's a strawberry one there's a coconut one i believe there's a banana one banana one's pretty good too fudgy wudgy man sells them down the shore so you like are you saying as an adult yeah as an adult i'm more of an ice cream guy not a popsicle we're just gonna gloss over that you said fudgy wudgy yeah dude i but oh no you know i thought you ready fudgy wudgy riddle stick i take it all back that's

not what they called you in high school then they called you a real stick yeah it was a it was a real problem um no my favorite was uh from mr softy or the fudgy wudgy man down the shore it was the uh ice cream sandwich on a stick and the ice cream sandwich had wrestlers printed on it remember those so you could get like a stone cold pop oh that's fun once you it, that was always smudged. And Stone Cold had like three faces like smeared across the cookie. Oh, yeah, yeah. Those ones are all cool. They had a couple different wrestlers.

Yeah, there was always like a Macho Man one. Spider-Man, SpongeBob ones were big. That was good, yeah. So that's a little different. That was more of a fruit flavor. This was a vanilla ice cream with a cookie, and then the wrestlers were printed on it, on the cookie. Just like a blue chew. They had a sting on it. On the cookie. They had a screwball.

Screwballs were good. It had that gumball at the bottom that would definitely stain everything you owned by the time you got to it. Remember the Spongebob one? Yes. Spongebob wasn't bad. They had the grape gummies as the eyes. I couldn't bite them now with my painfully

stricken jaw. But I will say If you think about it Mr. Softee and Blue Chew should trade names True You get her pills because you've been Mr. Softee And they should also like Blue Chew gets the theme song now too So every time you take one in the back of the ear Yeah true

And your wife's like Do you want to fuck not her whore This is for you I don't know how he attracted you I don't know why you become Alex Jones when you can't get hard for your wife's like, are you Mr. Soft? You're like, do you want to fuck not a whore? This is for you. I don't know how I'm attracting you. I don't know why you become Alex Jones when you can't get hard for your wife anymore. They always talk about on podcasts the worst thing about blue juice is it dyes your tongue blue. Is that true? Because it's a chewable.

It's like candy. Yeah. So I guess they're saying if you're at a bar and you have a blue tongue, you're like, I'm going to get laid tonight. Wow. But then if you eat out your wife, you're blue man grouping're blue man grouping her man group wow i wonder how women feel about being blue man grouped do you think there's any women that have blown the entire blue man group for sure she can say blue man group there's somebody that wears that as like a badge of

honor somewhere imagine that that's your world she still has that's gotta be her mouth that's pretty there it is you're it's a bachelorette party And they lose one of the members After they go to see Blue Man Group When they're in Vegas Yeah And they run back into her later on And they're like

Oh my god Megan where were you And she turns around And she just has Blue paint Just around her mouth Yeah And they're like Oh really

All three of them Did they talk at all Were they playing pipes Did they Technically you were playing the pipes Did they Did they bring audience members up to help too? Yeah, they did.

They did. Did they hit a trash can when they came? Yeah, it was choreographed, wasn't it? It was. It was the best orgasm I ever had, 100%. All three of them came simultaneously? Simultaneously. Orchestrated, choreographed.

They threw in one joke. They were like, none of us are going to have blue balls. It killed. It was amazing. It was a great joke. What do you think that was like when three failing musicians were sitting around they were like there's got to be something the guys like hear me out yeah i mean what have we covered ourselves in a color green yeah what point i won't work yeah what point did they like they were like well obviously we have

to cover our entire body in blue it started they're like maybe we just do a little bit under the eyes and the guy's like oh we can go more there's got one it had to been one guy the entire time suggesting and they're like bro shut up no and then like he shows up one day just like guys and they're like fuck that looks like a lot of fun damn it it works i feel like i feel like it went gradually and they're like now we shave our heads yeah yeah true and it's like well we went this far it's kind of like a cold well we went we went this far. Is there a lot of... Here, look this up. Is there pictures of the members without their makeup on? Yeah, I think it's Jack De Niro. Because they have to be...

Their skin has to have a tint to it, at least now, of blue, right? Yeah, I imagine so. You put enough blue face paint on for 20 years. They're actually... This is actually... Really? That's what they look like? Just three dudes?

Yeah, of course, bro. What else are they what they look like. Just three dudes. Yeah, of course, bro. What else are they supposed to look like? Yeah, I don't know. I'm also disappointed

that they're not all bald. You're going to like this is actually what one of them is just John Ham. This is actually what Avatar 2 is about.

Yeah, it's just three. Yeah, they're just going through with other blue people. This is a I saw them when I was in

high school and just out and about i'll tell you what you want to pick a group of people who are not going to appreciate a blue man group it's a bunch of horny 17 year olds in florida everybody's sitting there like when can i finger and they're like no no you're going to want to watch these fucking three grown men dance so blue ball group is watching blue ball group yeah you, okay, this is kind of... It does have to get to a point where they're putting on the face paint and they're just like, I mean, when does it end? When can I escape this fucking hell?

Yeah, I'm a billionaire. I mean, I don't know about a billionaire. I bet they're... They probably don't have to work if they don't want to. Right. This is going to be like those fucking... Because there's like lead in the paint like in like 30 years action one of those like small claims is you or someone you loved in

the fucking blue man group you have people that like rotate out they have to have understudies right yeah because if you if you think about it to make more money they probably dull out like lesser blue men maybe this is also something you could have four blue man shows going on and no one's gonna know but the main blues are fucking doing like madison square garden but then they have the ceruleans down at like a concert hall or something imagine auditioning for blue man group they're like all right go let's they just slide a bucket in front of you like yeah see what you can do with this kid i mean that's the easiest sexual assault and like show business of all time or like get

naked paint yourself blue yeah in front of us so you can't be in the group you want to be in the group you want to be performing in in epcot in 2013 i actually have a story about these guys i wanted to bring it made me think about i have a buddy who worked for a theme park up in uh new hampshire and they had mini kiss which is basically i guess little people kiss yeah i've seen these guys live yeah and and so what he told me was that they there's a big alcoholism problem amongst the community like performer and they just literally if someone if someone falls off they just fly in another performer oh yeah just right they just have like a whole all around the u.s it's the most insane thing so i think there's multiple uh mini kiss

cover bands not that it's like oh it's under the same name I saw one that one I didn't know I was going to see it it was at something surf club on the Jersey Shore in Seaside yeah Seaside surf club or something like that we were out with a bunch of friends and they were like

we're going to go to a concert and I was like alright I'm in for the night or whatever and you should be prepared that you're going to see a bunch of little people on stage. And I use the PC term cause you know, I respect it because that rules. Um,

they, they should warn you one. Yeah. You're about to go see four little people on stage. Yeah. Also those little people are going to have a lot of face paint on. Sure. And then three,

they should tell you that they're not even going to play their instruments because they don't, they were airaring yeah and air drumming yeah the guy was just fake drumming the whole time and the other guy lip sank while they just played kiss on the pa system there yeah i mean it's hard to rip with fucking like your guitar and little t-rex arms dude how do you make guitars for kids dude drum set though sure they do make kids drum sets but they're terrible quality so they uh look how little the real little one is in there i should point that's rude they have like a brother band called uh mini nirvana and the lead singer kills himself with a water gun and it's a super soaker throughout this show yeah yeah randomly throughout songs

yeah like the chorus comes around that's just his only job the one picture is them that mini nirvana band sorry to cut you off but i want to keep this bit going that mini nirvana band the drummer of that band ends up making his own hit band called the uh food ticklers well yeah it's the third act yeah that big setup and you didn't even have a pun i had a bit of one i had one that i think i was counting on more really set up guy you let the rest of it just come to you i'm a bit of a setup guy dude i set you up with the midgets, and I say, you could dress them up, whatever little band you want, guys. Also, a mini-kiss band, they shouldn't be called mini-kiss.

They should be called smooch. Yeah, they should be called peck. I think just smooch. Smooch is a great. Actually, that's the name of our podcast now, smooch. And then if it's like, you do it really any group of people. You get big black women and call it. Come on, guys.

That rules. Now it doesn't rule? Now I'm just picturing four heavyset black women in kiss face paint. Yeah. They have one with all Asian guys called Val. I think we found an open market here, guys. You got to stop sipping on your setup. And then, of course, the Italian mothers one just called,

come here. You eating? That's called ma. Hey, ma. Yeah. No, the Italian one's called kiss dot dot dot your mother. Yeah. Kiss your mother before you go.

Kiss your mother. We're not going to fucking give your mother a kiss and then kiss your mother kiss your mother we're not gonna fucking give your mother a kiss before you go to the giants game and watch them lose again to the eagles you're not gonna kiss your mother because mini kisses here you can't kiss your mother and funny tiny small midget guys you changed ever since you moved to the big city and they're like i moved fucking to the suburbs you don't get me dad it. It's Montclair, guys. Everybody relax. Yeah. I don't know. Mini kiss. That rules.

That simply rules, dude. I wish they would make mini of everything. Mini Al-Qaeda. Al-Kinda? Yeah. Al-Kinda? Yeah. Al-Kinda is the sect of terrorists that are just not really sure about it.

Because extremism, you got to be pretty convinced about your point. These are the guys who are like my i don't know my dad did it so now i'm doing it they're one foot in kind of oh man did you guys uh hear about john what was the one story we were talking about today um i remember i'm still also just giggling at Alkine. Are you guys ready to attack? Alkine. A lot of Lockbar. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's dumb.

9-11, 9-12. We'll get to it. I don't know. Wow, that's very fun. Yeah, what was the one news story we were discussing? You put the Japan Prime Minister one. Yeah, what was it? His mom said he was...

Dude, no, that's why I wanted to... So apparently one of the Japanese Prime Minister aides, his mother publicly chastised him over... Isn't that what Japanese mothers are supposed to do, though?

Like the tiger moms? They're just supposed to say not going to do the voice. Because he had his hands in his pockets. I'll do it for you. It does look like he is very bored of whatever's happening right there. Yeah. That's the look that I did when

my parents made me go, like, grocery shopping and made you go to the fucking mall for your mom to shop and stuff. Yeah, he was being most dishonorable with the hands of the pockets. He's being very dishonorable. He's being most dishonorable, for sure. the he's being very dishonorable he's being most dishonorable for sure it's not asian if you don't do it's not racism if you don't do the voice dude and by the way a japanese mother yelling is her going take your hands out of your pockets listen also he could just be in the beginning of a very intense bow yeah they're barely bow the hell out of this dude he could

i don't think i i i'm gonna be honest i'll kick this guy's mom's ass i think what he's doing is a okay i think he's trying to not piss himself too because yeah i think i've talked about this before on here every time like i come home from recording the podcast or like doing a show i always have to piss as soon as i get to my back door and the way i don't is i look up and go no god no no no as i'm unlocking it and almost pissing my pants that's so how long have you been cultivating this technique for a while i've i've i'll undo my belt as i get out of the car i'll have to piss i have to pee now and i because i didn't pee before we started um i went in there and just was talking and forgot to piss uh yeah

i almost pee myself four times a week. Four times? Four? Is that on average or can you count? It's whenever I leave the house. If I leave the house and I'm out doing things, I forget because I get so excited to run errands. That's girl stuff. Girls are the ones who have to piss every time you do anything ever.

I blame working from home because I used to work on the road, so I always had to force myself to hold it in. Now now for the last three and a half years until I my company decided I shouldn't work anymore uh I've had the convenience of being seven steps from a toilet at all times at my house so I would just be like I'd get up and be like I mean I don't have to pee but I'll go squeeze something out and now my bladder I think because because of that, has lost its strength. You got to get it back in the gym. You got to Rocky your bladder. You got to start training it.

I used to do bladder workouts. It's just when somebody puts their finger in your bladder. What machine do you use for bladder workouts? Yeah, true. This guy Craig. There's something there, the peg press. I think it would be a water fountain. True. No, were you a bed wetter?

Huh? Were you a bed wetter? Just from sweat. I dreamed hard. No, were you a bed wetter? Huh? Were you a bed wetter? Just from sweat. I dreamed hard. No, I was a big bed peer. I used to pee the bed a whole bunch. That thing, I got to be honest, I have like a running theory that you people who did that were just being self-centered.

I think you guys just totally did not feel like moving and you just tinked. I think, no, I'm a very deep sleeper and I think my body enjoys the sleep realm too much. You think so? Yeah. So, I mean, I was a bedwetter pretty late in the life. This is the fun stuff, too. Are we talking like last week or like 10 years ago? I'm still.

I'm pissing right now. Whenever I die is when I'm going to be. That's when I can say I stopped wetting the bed. No, like my mom took me to see a doctor, and basically his answer, I got to ask her because I want to know the bed. No, like my mom took me to see a doctor and his like, basically his answer, I don't even, I got to ask her because I want to know the age. I don't even want to like, sorry, I'm getting choked up even thinking about it. Yeah. His answer was just, ew.

John's been pissing himself. He's like, stop. He was like, you drove here. What? Yeah. I run in, I got to go. Please, God. So his answer was, he's like you need to it's like a muscle

you got to strengthen your bladder it's like you gotta strengthen your mind it's a muscle that's a guy who wants to just give you a head for sure that's not a muscle you strengthen so his answer was now i think about this was terrible he was telling me i was probably like 10 yeah it was when you're peeing to pee stop hold it in yeah pee stop and intermittently while you're peeing to pee, stop, hold it in, pee, stop, and intermittently while you're peeing, keep edging yourself, essentially. Yeah, my dad does that involuntarily. Now, once you get older, you just have to.

Yeah. But that was his answer. So I'd be like, and then I'd be in public. I'd be at school, stop peeing. And the person next to me is like, can you just stop and you're still standing there? Yeah. Oh going again okay oh he stopped it you couldn't always do that though i used to do that like recreationally or like if i had to stop peeing i would well see you were doing it for the love of the game i then had to do it to try to yeah i feel like that's a good

inner monologue bit oh yeah people at the urinal well now i'm always worried when i talk about it it's gonna jog something in my brain i going to start pissing the bed again. Yeah. Because I wake up now in the middle of the night. Now it's just because I'm the most hydrated person you know, constantly sipping. And now I get up in the middle of the night to pee just because of the amount of liquid in my body.

And I'm always worried too because I've been taking a lot of melatonin sleeps. I'll take like a half of a melatonin deep sleep. Best dreams that I never remember. Wild dreams. I don't know. If I'm ever going to piss myself, it'll be during those dreams because you're gone, right? Do you remember the one where you start peeing in your dream and then you start peeing in real life?

No, dude. This is a wild circumstance. You've never had that? You've never afforded? I was just talking to one of my good friends. I think he listens to this. He just had one recently. I never, but on the same side, I never had a wet dream.

Me neither. Well, in the sense of the nocturnally mission dream. Dude, my dick is like an old black dude at the end of his shift. Every time I go to bed, he's like, I'm sitting this one out. Don't worry about me. You have beat us up enough today. That's enough for me. You guys do what you got to do.

You shut us in a door at one point. What was that all about? That's it. I lactate when I sleep. My nipples are like, it's our got to do. You shut us in a door at one point. What was that all about? That's it. No, I lactate when I sleep. My nipples are like, it's our time to shine, but I've never pissed. I never pissed. I never jazzed. You think I pooped in bed nightly. I pooped by bed. I mean, I've peed when I've been hammered, like in college. Well, yeah, those don't count. Those are always fun. I remember one

time I was blacked out at some party, didn't remember getting home, and woke up to my roommate because I used to, this is how sick I was in college. Not only was it casual peeps, I used to sleep in a mattress in my living room because I didn't want to share a bed with my roommate at the time. Not share a bed, share a bedroom. I was going to say you're not supposed to.

Yeah, that was never in there. Roommate, not bedmate. There's two beds or you don't have to do that. And I'm like, you don't get it. You're the worst person to end up being assigned to as a roommate. You show up, you're like, so we share everything, right? Toothbrush, bed, women. Yeah, I'm like like what are you bringing

and he's like i'm gonna bring like some food some snacks and this i'm like i'm gonna bring piss shit lactating nips um dr seuss too and i my roommate walked in at like four in the morning after i had fallen asleep on the couch didn't remember getting home and i woke up and i was like he was like what happened tonight and i was like i don't know what happened i was like i'm so sweaty dude i'm so fucking sweaty i don't know what happened i was like i'm so sweaty dude i'm so fucking sweaty i don't know what happened i mean while i just pissed all over myself i just i just ended up pissing all over i'm so sweaty just in my dick region i will say i would like to watch the footage back and see how i pissed like did i piss just down my leg or is it one of the ones where maybe it like flipped up and i kind of was like up here and like maybe the same way that my orange cream school body hair

grows did it just fall down my body? Oh, yeah. I just – I reposted it last week. It's a clip of a guy getting arrested, no shirt on, and he's an African-American gentleman. So therefore, I'm assuming very well endowed. And he must have had his dick tucked up, which that's a weird thing. I don't know.

Actually, I had one roommate in college. He came to us and he was like, hey, guys, how do you wear your cup for baseball? And we're like, what do you mean? He's like, how does your junk go in it? And I was like, oh, yeah, nobody ever really tells you. I was like, I don't know. I just put it over my junk. And he was like, I've been pulling my dick up. We're like, what?

And he's like, yeah, I make it point north in the cup. And we were like, why? And he's like, I just don't know. And we were like, well, try it the other way. And mid-game, we look over in the dugout and he's adjusting. He's like, I just don't know. And we were like, well, try it the other way. And mid-game, we look over in the dugout, and he's adjusting. He's like, I can't do it. I'm a dick-up kind of guy. So this gentleman in this clip is getting arrested.

He's clearly like, he must be on like acid or something. He's out of his mind. Yeah. And he's pissing while he's getting arrested. But it's because of the uptuck. His dick must be in the waist of his pants. The old uptuck. So the pee is coming straight up.

Yeah. But he's not even addressing it, and he's just saying, I'm going to be out of jail within eight months. All you motherfuckers are dead once I get out. And everyone's like, okay. And he's still just pissing straight up. And all I could think the whole time is I was like, man, that's terrible, but good for him.

Dude, that's crazy to have the dick pointing up. The dick tucked up. I don't know if this guy was just like, oh, shit, I'm about to get arrested. I should probably point north. That would throw my equilibrium off. I would be all dazed. But that is a good point. Once you start getting arrested, start pissing your pants.

Might as well. They got to clean it up. It's not your problem. Shout out to our most recent guest, Kyle Pagan. He just posted a clip of he was interviewing people at the Eagles Giants game tailgate. And at one point, it just got up today. I don't know if you've seen it. These guys run up to the camera and they're like, yo, get him on.

He pissed his pants. And it's a Giants fan and his pants are just soaked. Oh, yeah. And then he goes, yo, you won't piss your pants again. And then the guy actively starts pissing his pants. And shout out to Kyle. He holds the mic up to the guy's crotch while he's pissing his pants. He knows what the kids want.

Just in case you might get some good audio out of it. He knows what the kids want. I wish I could give that kid grief, but I was at that tailgate. Pissing your pants. Pissing my pants for views. You guys are welcome. I'm doing it because of that rules. And you get pretty fucking tank

there dude because it is just a like a barren wasteland it's my first one i ever go on that's your first eagles tailgate ever of all time oh this is we just opened up a great chapter i had no idea that it was just this like free-for-all of just like human debauchery yes like i i by the way dude look chill about my haircut Everybody else Anytime I've been interrogated By another dude It's always right to the haircut

We were talking to these kids These kids came up to me And I was with my girlfriend and all her friends They came up to me, it's me and three other girls And they're like, do you guys want to buy tickets to get into the game? Because we were leaving to go home to watch the game And they're like, nah, we're good, whatever. He's like, I can get you.

I have two tickets, $120 a person. That's crazy, whatever. So I was like, damn, that's crazy you got those tickets. For that price, I mean, you must be making no money. And he's like, yeah, I guess. And then he like, I was like. And you were honestly just trying to have a conversation. I remember just like, oh, shit, that's wild.

Right. And I think he took it as me being like, nah, you're full of shit. Because I was going to say, even in the tone you just said it right there, I can kind of see why the guy came at you. Of course. And I was hammer took it as me being like, nah, you're full of shit. So, cause I was going to say, even in the tone, you just said it right there. I can kind of see why the guy came at. Of course. And I was hammered too. So, so he walked away and he goes, yeah, good for you, buddy. Nice fucking haircut.

So again, I'm tuned up and I go, yo, what did you just say? And I was like, don't walk away and say it. Say it. Your boy gets a little fucking annoying. Yeah. Another kid comes over. He goes, I guess it's his buddy. And he was like, what are you going to do about it?

And then first thing I said, I was like, you're fat. I was like, look at you. about it and then first thing i said i was like you're fat i was like look at you i was like you're fat you know you're fat right and then my girlfriend from a distance goes matt are you out of your fucking mind and i was like yeah right we gotta go and then as we drove by that's her way of saying i don't have your back it's me and three girls and they're all looking at like girls can't relate so to when you're getting insulted by other dudes this is a big thing This is how I can tell you've never been to a tailgate because you can't run your mouth at a tailgate if you don't have any backup. Yeah, I know.

Because that guy is always going to have 11 dudes nearby. Yeah. So that's a tough thing. Tailgating with a girl that you are in a relationship, with a girl in general, it's tough. But tailgating with a girl you're in a relationship is very tough at an Eagles game because they are a target for so many dudes there and then you have to be the barrier between them and the i witnessed that uh the wing bowl jerry have you ever been you

know no but i've heard yeah so for our listeners that aren't from the philadelphia area the wing bowl is the weekend of the super bowl every year year. They had a wing eating contest in Philadelphia. It started in a small, like I think South Philly bar and the local sports radio talk station put it on, but it grew big enough where they used to fill the Wells Fargo center where the flyers and sixers play. Yeah.

And this was at 7am. It would start the, the, the wing eating contest would start at 7am. Yeah. So people would show up there at 3 contest would start at 7 a.m. Yeah. So people would show up there at 3 a.m. to start tailgating because Jet Row lot would be open or like random ones would be open. So you would go there and you'd be getting blackout drunk at 3, 4 o'clock in the morning. Yeah.

You're going into a thing that is literally just fat dudes eating wings and girls showing their boobs on the Jumbotron. That's the two things that happen at Wing Bowl. Because of that, in the tailgate, every dude that – there would be crowds of dudes that would just see a girl and would almost flock to them. Yeah, true. It was like I saw a couple times where like a couple was making out. Two seconds later, there was a circle of 30 dudes around them

chanting like, show your test, take your shirt, or something like that. And that guy would have to stand up and defend his girl's honor and inevitably get knocked out or cracked in the head with an unopened beer every single time. Or that guy would be a total piece of shit and be like, she's all yours, fella. Yeah. And it's a very good thing this doesn't exist anymore, the Wing Bowl.

It was a fun event, very terrible. I went twice, and the second time went with a group of people, and there were two girls in that group. Yeah. And we just actively had to be bodyguards for the entire morning. Yeah, it sounds like a nightmare. It was terrible. When you think about it, why do girls have to ruin just about everything?

Just stay at home, ladies. Can't you just let us – leave your big boobies at home so we can eat wings with our friends. We don't come where you guys are shopping and go like – Yeah, we don't go when you guys are out there emptying your purse for the newest perfume. It is tough. The tailgate is a tough place to be at. It was fun, dude. It is a great – I will say it's a fun time.

And it's a place too where like – are you a Giants fan? I am. I am indeed. Have you ever been to an Eagles tailgate? like, are you a Giants fan? I am. Have you ever been to an Eagles tailgate? Yeah, absolutely. In Giants gear? No. So you're smart.

I'm not dumb. Right. Now, you can go in an opposing fan's gear as long as you're like, I get it. Like, if you get it and you go along with the jokes or if someone's like, fuck you, you're like, I know, right? I'm an asshole. Yeah. someone's like, fuck you, you're like, I know, right. I'm an asshole. Yeah. Everyone's like, oh,

okay. The second you yell back is when those 11 dudes that wanted to fight you are going to flock over. Cause people will just see a bunch of people in green hitting someone in blue and be like, I should probably go join this. I know. Which that boggles my mind too. The dudes that get into fights that they're not involved in just to get in

the fight is a breed of guy that just doesn't need to exist on this planet anymore that's the gangbang that's the guy outside of the gangbang who's touching his own body the whole time while he's watching this and then he's like i'm tapping experience yeah i mean i almost got gangbanged by these guys scalping tickets these guys looked the guy came over he goes what are you gonna do about it and he was just like this pudgy drunk fat-faced kid and it's just the first thing i could think of and it's tough though and it's so funny because there's just like a first tailgate yeah dude there's like this machismo where you're like i'll show my girl i'm the fucking i'm the big diesel thing and girls are just like what are

you a fucking idiot why would you ever even respond you're like oh i don't know if you were 19 that response would have been good a girl would have been impressed by that yeah 26 doesn't hit the same with like a career're an adult with a career. Yeah. Smile and wave. Smile and wave. It's better to just go, are you all right? Yeah.

That's what I used to do when I played hockey. I played ice hockey, and as I started playing to an adult, I'm always one of the smaller guys on the ice. Yeah. If a dude got chippy, I'd be like, is everything all right at home? Yeah. Like, do you want to talk about it? Oh, they hated it.

It's so fun. Yeah. Now, you might get that answered with them just punching you in the face it's happened i'm okay i can take a punch yeah i'm not my go-to this is very true i played au basketball anybody who tried to talk shit to me i'd go milk me totally throws them off their game you ask another guy to milk you first of all he's not entirely sure what you mean because you can't still produce milk from your nipples we've discussed this but also i might be thinking about this we agree on this though we discussed it guys are you actually actively lactating you're wearing a great shirt dude if i got milk shooting out of my supple little nipples that is between me you and jay and my

cup of coffee every morning and youtube so long as it brings views in that's what's between dude now you do run the risk of running into the other weirdo that will be like all right and he'll try to milk you yeah but if i if i have to get jerked off by an opponent to win a game i'm willing to do that dude you guys have no idea like lebron you know scoring all these points are you willing to get jerked off to win this coward you absolute coward bitch dude instead of throwing chalk in the air like he does a baby powder you just squirt milk all right let's get into it boys for every game dude so i'm glad so that was your first eagle first have you ever been to a philly's tailgate wow no i have but i say how many 26 years old lived around here and didn't go to that yeah i don't i think i was just too busy with a fucking successful fashion account john true maybe we're not all just like running around

drinking you're getting 11s of likes on that so that is true yeah getting likes I think I was just too busy with a fucking successful fashion account, John. True. Maybe we're not all just like running around drinking. You were getting 11s of likes on that. So that is true. Yeah, getting likes seven years later with my new shitty hobby. It's going to blow off. I can't wait. I'm so excited. Guys, it's happening.

My first tailgate. I can now share the story. I was way younger. I was probably upwards of 15 years younger than you. I think I was like 11 or 12 or 10 my dad took me to my first eagles tailgate yeah and i remember when we were walking up he was just like all right listen buddy what happens here stays here we don't tell mom anything we saw anything that was said you know it's a fun time this is the dudes hanging out yeah we walk into the lot immediately look up on top of an

rv lady with her shirt off pretty fun so i was just like oh so this is just the best place on earth i'm sorry dad you didn't prep me well enough for this i come to find out later on cousin of mine who same side of the family has almost the exact same story except he walked in and his dad was like remember we don't say anything that happens here, looked up and it was just a dude mooning the entire crowd. Oh, wow. He immediately, now I think he was way younger because that's my uncle who really was cool. And he would be like, four-year-old at the Eagles tailgate.

I could do this. Yeah. He immediately went home and his mom was like, how was the game? He was like, good. I saw him as butt. And she was like, hey, what the hell? And he's like, dude dude i told you not to say it but i remember saw a naked lady on top of a essentially a topless naked and it was like

december cold like this lady was just like i've been waiting all week for this trying to show off the goods uh i don't think i got to i might have got to taste beer there. I forget. I think I was allowed to take a sip off a beer. Saw about 11 fights. Watched two of my uncles get pulled out of fights because they were the guys that like, there's a fight happening next to us. We should probably join in on this. So it was a great...

You should have experienced it younger. It's fun if you're inundated in it young. Yeah, I think I went into it. You wouldn't have come at that guy with that response, I bet you, if you went as a young pup. No, I would have just... Because you would have also recognized I'm outnumbered. Yeah, maybe so.

I probably would have been worse, honestly. If I went there, it was like 19, 20. When I was 19, 20, I was looking to be angry or fight anybody at all times. Well, we've talked about this. Neither of us are good fighters, and that rules. You shouldn't be a good fighter. You shouldn't be a good fighter. Guys, stop being good fighters. Be a bad fighter. The only way to get good at fights is to continually

fight, so you're a bad person. Really get a hobby. Be a man and just lose every fight you've ever been in. You're a bitch if you win fights. That's actually the most corny thing to do. That doesn't rule. Win a fight. Imagine knocking another guy. Then what? Then you go home. Holy shit. You're winning fights?

We probably should wrap. Imagine knocking another guy. Then what? Then you go home. Holy shit. You're winning fights? Good. We probably actually should wrap. I didn't realize. I have to go. Oh, you're at one hour. I thought you were raising your hand like, I've won a fight. No, no, no. People do practice at fights, though.

I don't think it makes people a bad person. No, no. It doesn't make you a bad person. But if you're the guy that actively is going out and getting into fights. Street fights and shit. You're a bad person. You're a corn dog. Those are bad reps, basically. Yeah. but if you're the guy that actively is going out and getting into fights, street fights and shit, you're a bad person. You're a corn dog.

Those are bad reps. Yeah. If you're fighting a fight with a bruise on your face from another fight, you're a very bad person. They're too close together. So basically Jason Statham, no, he's winning those fights.

Those are real fights. Yeah. Those are to save a girl sometimes or to transport something. I never really got into it. Transport a girl. Yeah. Just transport or transport her to I never really got into it. Transport a girl. Or transport her to. Traffic a woman.

Is that the one where his heart can't stop? It's basically speed, but for his heart. The movie Speed. That's Bradley Cooper. Limitless? No, there's a movie that Jason Satham. I know what you're talking about. It's like adrenaline.

Is it called adrenaline? I hope it's not. Somebody injects his heart with a serum because you know how serums are sure and if his heart rate drops below a certain point he dies so he has to actively stay like uh like dodging cars around a city and like fighting people yeah or else and at one point he takes an adrenal needle and like jabs it into his neck it's like something where if his heart goes below a certain beat per minute or something

I forget the woman that's in it, she's like a great Hollywood lady at one point to keep his heart rate up he just takes her and they just have passionate sex on top of a mailbox Amy Smart I actually had a big crush on amy smart this is you should you

know like 14 to like you know now yeah probably still today topanga canyon california topanga was somebody's name yeah you didn't know that topanga came way before topanga the girl i mean yeah i don't know where it came from So at one point, like he's like, oh no, my heart rate's dropping. And he's just like, we gotta have sex on this mailbox right in front of everybody. Perfect Statham, by the way. That's actually not bad. I'm very bad accents, but I nailed a Statham. That was pretty good.

And she's just like, what? And then they're having sex. So technically he rapes her on this mailbox and then she's into it. Yeah, but it's always going to happen. You can't really. So yeah. How rapes her on this mailbox, and then she's into it. Yeah, but that's not always going to happen. You can't really... So, yeah. How do we get on Crank? Crank was what I was willing to have happen to beat teams in basketball. Getting cranked off.

That rules. Well, look, I got to fucking... We got to go do... We got to go karate chop some comedy. I got to go be myself. Damn, look at Statham. I'm going to do the... It's Jason Statham. I'm going to give OMOF stuff for the rest of the episode in Jason Statham. It's me, Jason Statham. I going to do the I'm going to give All my stuff For the rest of the episode In Jason Statham It's me

Jason Statham I'm here for you You can catch me this weekend At Derailed Comedy No you can't It's sold out Sorry listener I hate this already

Or Friday night You can come to Just a comedy show At Van Jam Comedy I got that also Montague Comedy I feel like he's straying closer

to Russell Crowe. You're exiting the state. I'm going to just stay in this for the rest of my life. Yeah, that rules. You should go to a set like that. That fucking rules. No, that was terrible. Alright, I'm back in it.

Yeah, but Montague Comedy, Hacks Comedy Golf, it might come back. We're going to start a Patreon. That rules. Matt, where can we find you? Tomorrow come to the tap room for the High Note Humor open mic. It'll be every Wednesday. You don't understand timelines. Oh, technically, yeah.

In the timeline, there will be Okay, you're right. This episode won't come out for another week, but by the time it comes out the next High Note. Okay, well then in that Oh, it will have come out. This episode won't come out for another week, but by the time it comes out, the next high note. Oh, okay. Well, then in that case, this Thursday, so last Thursday, I will have done Helium, and it went great, and they asked me to host,

and the booker is, you know. You're the owner of Helium now. The same eight people won't be there, and everybody who gets to work there. It's really funny. And then what else? February 10th, we have Brandon Donaghan's show re-up. I think they're releasing more

tickets. Oh, are they really? Yeah, I think so. I think a couple more. And follow Casual Peeps on Instagram and blow it up and get it cooking and hopefully nothing's too serious with my jaw and the new podcast. It's called That Rules. We did it. Here we are.

And we're here and I will say one thing. Let a woman in the office for the love of AOC 2024. AOC 2024. 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 No fun nobody, no fun for time to live a better 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 뱀뱀 No fun nobody, no fun for time to live a better