That Rules Podcast - Episode #75: Sidney Gantt & Brian Finnell “Bidet Etiquette”

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Sidney Gant (Stoner Dadz, Two Jacked Bros) and Brian Finnell (Night Cap Comedy) joined us to discuss everything from crappin up someone else’s bidet to the fastest rising tag related game Kabaddi. Tune in, That Rules!

This is why my back like I've had lower back pain all day I was sat in this chair like This is fun shit you're approaching that you're still in your 20s watch it Just three old dudes looking at me out The femur length to sit on this crew Sit all the way back on the yeah Fuck it's showing off over here. Sorry, Brad. I have a lean at like 36 degrees.

If I didn't have this pillow. Are you deceivingly not tall? How tall are you? I'm 5'2". That's impressive. That's impressive. Two inches. That's just his hair, too.

You stretch it out. You're doing wonders. You stretch it. You fill those Levi's up. I'll tell you that much. No, my hair actually makes me not imagine. Without this hair, I'm amazing. Push it down.

I'm a tiny guy. How tall are you? 5'10". He only grew his hair out like that so he could get on amusement park rides. Yeah, my kids are like, but he's my dad. Why can't he come with us? I like how you're pointing down, too. He's my dad.

Walking back through that line. His kids are 6'5". That's impressive. I was in my mind pictured you His kids are 6'5". That's impressive. I was in my mind, pictured you as tall in 5'10". You're right if that was my assumed athletic aura. We weren't talking athletic auras.

We're talking real stats. What athletic aura do you identify as? Pick a sport. I'm 6'6". That's an important thing to know. Horse racing. Too tall. What athletic aura do you identify as? Pick a sport. I'm 6'6". That is definitely a Sydney analogy. That's an important thing to know, though. Horse racing. Too tall. I mean, you know.

That's what I rely on my midget side. I think that's important to know as you age, just knowing what athletic aura you give off. Oh, yeah. Because it changes. In your mind, you're like, no, I'm still- I think my athletic aura is a lot of billiards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, darts.

Yeah, that guy can fuck a dart, dude. Yeah, that guy is captain of the league. He gets them all together. That's the only thing he's serious about. Damn, that's true. See me on that air hockey table, dog. I would love if someone just assumed that I was a bubble hockey legend because that would be incredible.

What's bubble hockey? It's the hockey game with the bubble on it. It's like foosball with the hockey. That was my shit growing. I think I might be undefeated. What's bubble hockey? It's the hockey game with the bubble on it. It's like foosball with the hockey. Yeah, gotcha. That was my shit growing. I think I might be undefeated. We're getting lacrosse, brother, every time. Is that why you only kind of have hockey hair? Is that what it is?

I'm starting to grow out the flow, so I'm hoping that... I have bubble hockey hair. I don't have actual... I play hockey hair. I can spin them wrists, baby. Okay. Now, did you play lacrosse? Yeah, it was obligatory.

My senior year, I hadn't played yet, and I was just like, I got to knock out a year of you, man. They give you a lacrosse? Yeah, it was like obligatory. My senior year, I hadn't played yet, and I was like, I got to knock out a year. They give you a lacrosse to play. According to your class pick. Everybody would sit up. I had to go do birthright, play lacrosse for a year. I made the travel. I like to think that you were just taking a shortcut across the field, and someone threw a ball,

it hit off of you, and scored a winning goal, and they're like, he's a fucking legend now. I don't think I had a single goal that season. I got hit pretty hard one time. I got laid out where one of my buddies was like, I'll lob you a pass. Like, it'll be fun. It'll be good for the whole team to see you catch a pass.

And he throws the pass up very gently. And there's just a kid barreling towards me. And this was an indoor league before the season started. And he caught me so hard in the air that I slid backwards and my pants came down and bare asshole rubbed on turf. Oh, and that's just like, and there's no, those little black turf beads for days and it's tough to wipe and be like, what is that? Yeah.

That's got to be the end of lacrosse. No, I was like, this is for me. I didn't use your bidet cause I want to know what people's, uh, I want to, what is bidet? Uh, what's the proper you etiquette yes yeah when you use oh wait i didn't see that wait i didn't see it so we wait hold on a second you said piss in the dryer right you said there's a bucket yeah work with it i well i i pointed that out the first time we came here too because i said i was like i'm impressed that you had uh downstairs bidet because we went upstairs because it's just for if you live in this house you can

use that bidet yeah or if we allow you access to the second floor oh yeah you have two bidets wow so yeah but his is just downstairs you choose to use it in the well we just redid the bathroom upstairs oh so bidet two's coming damn dude sorry fucking. Sorry, fucking. This guy's got money. He's got a clean ass, too. Money, but you could fucking class it up a little bit. We have a downstairs bathroom, too, right next to our kitchen. No shitting in that bathroom. You're not allowed to shit next to our kitchen.

That's insane. Dude, you can't let the boy go. I will poop my kid off a toilet. Have I ever seen my son sitting on that toilet? Dude, he's getting pulled off. I can't pull the girls off because they could be doing either. Of course. I don't know what you off because they could be doing either. Of course. I don't know what you're doing. I'm familiar with the anatomy.

I don't know what you're doing in here, but it's real suspect, honey. They're doing most of the shit. My twins, those girls, because they know they're fucking in disguise

at all times. Yeah. What's the rule if someone is shitting upstairs? Is it allowed to be used for shit downstairs or is it a hold it until I'm done situation?

Go the fuck outside. Pick it up with a doggy bag. Don't shit in my downstairs kitchen. I guess it is. All right, dude. I'll stop. Jesus. Here's the deal.

Here's the deal. My kids have sick ab control. Okay. I don't know what your kids are running around doing, but if my kids- What a wild child. I got you, bro. She's still ripping duties. My daughter's shit, and they have great abs. My kids' abs are running around doing. What a wild father. My daughter's shit and they have great abs.

My kids' abs are so fucking sick. If one of my kids couldn't hold a shit for the length of time that someone else was shitting. He would disown them. I mean, I wouldn't disown them, but they wouldn't be a Gann anymore. They're going to have to take my dad's last name. The therapy sessions of these kids. Like, my dad made me do crunches after I shit every day.

Actually, that's when they get their mom's last name. Yeah, you're a cocksnapper. Yeah, gans don't do that. He looks at their shits. He's like, this isn't a good ass. There's no swirl on this. What have you been eating? Yeah, what have you been eating?

The elk's is on the freezer. Finish it. Yeah, we're solid shitters in my house. Good fiber, good bowel control. I took a shit the other day that concerned me. How so? I was pushing, and I was like, I think this is how people have heart attacks, dude.

That's how all of us die. I was like, how much cheese did I eat? What the fuck is going on? Now you got to balance. Dude, I sit in lotus position and just let it fall out. I've never pushed a shit in my life. I mean, I've pushed some shit, but that one was, I was like, what the fuck?

That was my intro to bro science with someone. I was like 27, and they were like, my intro to Bro Science with someone, like, I was like 27, and they were like, you know, you're not supposed to be pushing when you shit. And I was like, how did I make it to 27 without anyone telling me that? I figured that out when I was like five. And I was just ripping pushers. I mean, I think I pushed full force

piss at a later time. It was there. It was so, I pushed so hard at one point I stopped pushing and then, like, kind of tried to It was gracious. It was there. It makes you improve your diet. It was so... I pushed so hard. At one point, I stopped pushing and then kind of tried to shake it off. And then when I was wiping,

I was like, I think I'm just digging more the rest of the turn. You're just pulling the rest. Yeah, I'm just getting in there and helping it out. I can only imagine the looseness of your buttholes.

That's shocking. Oh, my butthole is wildly, wildly loose. Goodness gracious. That's insane. My whole life, I'm like, everything that comes out of me is full force. That's shocking. Oh, my butthole is wildly losing. Goodness gracious. My whole life, I'm like, everything that comes out of me is full force.

No, it is. It's something that like, I've never put money into my shit. I've never taken a shit and had it not be a problem. It's always an issue. Sorry. I noticed a squatty potty

at your house when I was there. No, tonight was pretty good shit. Squatty potty's important. Yeah, you gotta get your posture right. I got all the shit out of the way. Goodness gracious, these are soda kids. This is like, this is where, were you a soda kid? No. I got to run out of the way. Goodness gracious. These are soda kids. This is like,

this is where, were you a soda kid? No. I wasn't a soda kid. We're fucking busy dudes. We got to push it out. Did you drink soda growing up as a kid? Yeah.

I mean, we did, but not a lot. These are soda kids. Because this doesn't start as an adult. This develops as a kid. No, my parents were pushers too.

Yeah, it's a learned behavior. This is insane. That's soda kid behavior. That is. Yeah, I did pop a couple Pepsi cans. Yeah,

that's how your couch is going to stink. Soda kid behavior is just Yeah I did pop a couple Pepsi cans And wonder how my Bows are going Soda kid behavior Is just such a nice way Of telling me That I'm going to be Diabetic when I get older Yeah that's kind of That's the real pre-diabetes

I wish you were around When I was younger I'd probably have Less diabetes now And incredible abs Yeah dude Sid uses time travel Just to go back

I'd have the tightest asshole Yeah My friend Sidney Helped me get the tightest asshole. My shit is puckered. Doing butt kegels. Is that one of those dollar store water balloons that you can't get open?

When they're like sticking in a package. Once I get this on the hose faucet, it's going to explode. It is amazing though how much the rest of your life gets in order when your shit is in order. When you're pooping properly and regularly, the rest of your life is just kind of easy. Yeah.

Things just start happening for you. So I've never, since we're on the topic, I've been a pretty prolific shitter my whole entire life. Everybody knows it about me. But I recently had an episode of diarrhea that led. So the longest I've ever had diarrhea was probably like two or three days when I was having the flu. I was really sick. But when we went to Ohio, I had diarrhea. We went to this shitty taco place.

I had diarrhea Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. And I've never had that happen in my life. You were on a plane at one point, weren't you? Dude, it was insane. That just seems like that's what happens when you go to Ohio. Wait a minute. To be honest, we never even covered this bidet etiquette. True.

I did want to find more about that. Apparently, that's a gloating bidet that you have it on the first floor. We'll get back to the diarrhea. Back to bidet etiquette. Is it okay to use another stranger's bidet? I think so. Yeah? I think so. Yeah, I think so. Now, do you get to use all the

settings? You don't get to play around with the settings. Why not? You get to use guest setting only. It should be a guest setting. That one's for me and my special poofy time. I don't mind you cleaning your butthole. I don't want you to strike any pleasure off of this. I feel like if I had a bidet, I'd be like, use it.

Those things find a spot. Those things, whew. Yeah, use it. You're firing one in there, and you're like, ah, just found something out about myself. Wait, is your bidet heated? There's heated ones? Oh, do we have?

Because I'll tell you what. Trying to make tea? What are you doing? No, no, no. Why does it need to be heated? No, no, no. He had whistles when he's done it. I used to think the best way to wake up was like a cup of coffee

and, you know, just kind of mosey around watching news a little bit. Then I started working at a place that has a bidet, and it's cold water, very cold water in the winter. You blast your butthole with some cold water, you're up, dude. You're like, yo, I'm going to get all sorts of shit done today. Our house is pretty old, so the insulation's bad, so our water in the winter is fucking freezing. So I've been catching

the icy blast. Did you catch some water like 32 degrees up on your butthole, dude? That along with coffee, it's a perfect morning. I've been having some great mornings. You're taking cold showers in the morning. You're Jocko Willink. You're taking cold ass showers. You don't need a cold shower in the morning as long as you get a cold butt blast. Just in the butthole, yeah. The rest of it, you're is going to be kind of chilly.

I've never – I heard coffee also works better there too. Up your butt? Yeah, coffee enemas. I think everything works better up your ass. Yeah, maybe we've been doing it wrong the whole time. I think we're doing a lot of things wrong. That's what we get to.

As a global society, as a humanity. I'm going to try to smoke a joint through my asshole tonight. I'll tell you that much. It probably will take, dude. It will take. Take a blunt to the hole. Blunt to the hole, dude. It's a whole new meaning to shotgunning.

There was a whole chapter in the Bible that no one found the book of boofing. Oh, dude. They're taking that out. That's one of the lost books of the Bible.

Oh, yeah. That's a dead sea scroll for sure. For sure. Yeah. That makes sense. That's the whole reason why they have

the New Testament. They're like, we got to to get this butthole. We got to care about it. For everything that the Bible tells us about life, there's a suspicious lack of butthole maintenance in the Bible. It's anti-gay propaganda. They found that out. Also, there was no bidets back then.

Could have been. So they didn't understand how good life could be if you had a very clean butt. Yeah, they didn't know how bad butts how good life could be if you had a very clean butt. Yeah, they didn't even have toilet paper then. Think about how bad butts were back in the desert. Desert ass? Yeah. Dude, could you imagine finding out that-

How raw these assholes were. Here's the deal. So ass maintenance gets really popular back in the day. And then you're like, you're Jesus. And you're walking around and there's all these different religions. And you're like, oh, they're beautiful. And you go and you meet some Muslim people back then. And you find out that they're wiping their ass

with their left hand. It's like, all right, take that shit out of the Bible. We did this wrong. Yeah, true. We did this wrong. Yeah, that's fair.

Well, that's what started the crusades. I don't know if you know that. They were looking for toilet paper. They were like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. They were only cutting off the left hands.

They were just taking two-ply everywhere they went. Oh, dude, that'd be so rude if you got caught stealing and they're like, we're taking your butt-wiping hand. You're like, what do you mean? Come on. Like, just let it crust over and deal with it. Yeah, you can't wipe your ass ever again.

Yeah, so is that fully looked down upon? Like, if you have something wrong with your left, are you going all right, and then you're just looked down upon? Nah, dude, you just dub-pound everybody, dude. Yeah. As long as you had your stone-throwing hand, you were Nah, dude, you just dub pound everybody, dude. Yeah. As long as you had your stone throwing hand, you were A, okay. They can take the ass wiping one.

Yeah, I don't know enough about the specific ethics around the ass wiping in ancient Muslim cultures. Well, isn't it like most countries have just the, even developed countries have such bad plumbing situations that you can't flush a lot of shit down toilets. Civilized countries that just have insane... Every foreigner I've ever worked with is always... I'd go in the bathroom like, fuck, they did it again.

Wipe their ass and just throw the toilet paper in the trash. It's like every Puerto Rican I've worked with and every Russian. I was glad you went with another non-Spanish. Every Cuban, every Puerto Rican, Ecuadorians. I just start listening to South America. New Mexico, that's close enough. Have you been to Texas?

Wild. That's a wild thing to assume that another person also does. When you're in somebody's other, like you're in another place and you wipe your ass. Clearly they also do this. That's insane. It has to go through their mind. They're like, oh, somebody must have just cleaned in here. There is no shit on paper in here anywhere.

They probably should. This must be a bathroom small, a little bit like doo-doo. They must be small, a little bit like doo-doo. They must be hiding it. But that's probably more of an American problem when

Americans go other places. I don't think other cultures shit the types of logs we do. True. We are big

boys. I don't know why I fucked that word up twice. I don't even know if it's logs we're

taking. I feel like America's mostly diarrhea. We're a wet poop society. We're mostly diarrhea. I would challenge that.

I would challenge that. Dude, there's a lot of logs out there. There's a shocking amount of logs out there, man. Not everybody that lives on a fast food diet doesn't also get fiber. You think it's more of a fiber inefficiency in the country than a terrible diet. For sure.

So listen, when I was growing up, a lot of the heavy diabetics would crush blueberries. Really? True. Because they're delicious. Yeah. They were crushed delicious. That's nature's candy.

You're right. Delicious fruit in season just to be like, I hate fruit. That was it. I feel attacked right now. Fidel just slides a thing of blueberries out of frame. They are delicious. It's not a bad move, dude.

Actually, what the fuck? No, honestly, I don't like them. I like blueberry. I don't like the consistency of blueberries. I'm a strawberry guy. Okay, here we go. Them strawberries. Strawberries. But it's always a berry. You see what I'm saying? It is a berry. It's always a berry. Healthy people don't like the consistency of blueberries. I'm a strawberry guy. Okay, here we go. Them strawberries. But it's always a berry.

You see what I'm saying? It is a berry. It's always a berry. Healthy people don't eat berries. I don't know if you know that. What? What? That's like the cheat meal for a healthy person.

Oh, fuck. 11 blackberries is the cheat meal of every CrossFit athlete, basically. They're like, I had six almonds and 11 blackberries. Now back to just fucking kipping pull-ups for an hour. That's a fun, if we can get one thing across this podcast, it's berries are for fat dudes.

Enjoy it, brother. Berries, now for fat guys. Stop picking on me, guys. Yeah, it's a fat psyop. I still don't know this fucking bidet etiquette.

I don't know why we keep it. So yes, I think you can use it, but I think, yeah, the length of what you, if you're using it past cleaning toward pleasure, you're pushing the limits. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it. But I think, yeah, the length of what you... If you're using it past cleaning toward pleasure,

you're pushing the limits. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, why... You might need some stuff power washed off the bed. Keep mindful of the water bill first, all right? If you're new to a bidet.

Oh, that was a weird thing. One of the first time I used a bidet was at my... Like, at the time, it was a new job. And they're like, we got a bidet in there. You should try that. I'm like, dude, I'm still getting used to... Too much no at once.

I'm still remembering... Can we not talk about my asshole together? I'm still trying to remember this. Too much no at once. I'm not talking about my asshole. I'm still trying to remember everybody's names here, and you want me to jump onto that fucking? They're going to look at what your speed was that you left on the dial, too. Oh, dude. That's something everyone knows.

They're like, oh, he's a high-pressure and warm guy. I do go full blast, dude. That was the worst part about getting laid off from the company. I just got laid off, and they just got beautiful bidets in the office. Oh, yeah. Whenever I went in.

Well, how do you think they afforded them? I know. I got cut for bidet money. We give it a John salary. We get bidets for everyone. Yeah, since we've last seen each other. So I came on your podcast and talked about how I've done the lowest level and get released. I got laid off right after

that. For a bidet, which is pretty fucking low. So the whole time in the beginning of if you tune into Two Jack Bros, my most recent episode with sid in the beginning of where i'm talking about the boss that owes me an apology it's not the one that just laid me off because i think he watches this podcast oh you're okay in my book oh he watched i've come to grips with your john dude yeah maybe this is why i got laid off uh i mean i talked to him personally he probably had it coming it It's not. I mean, most of our podcast was John being like,

I do the bare minimum, dude. They never fire me. They're fucking pussies. I bet you they won't. And the day came, dude. I would look directly in the camera when I said it. Every time I was like, John, not an advisable move, dude. Yeah, you were asking to be fired, which is cool.

I was getting cocky. Yeah. You got to get humbled. Like back in the day when I was like, I didn't really have the balls to break up with a chick, but I no longer wanted to be with her. You know? Cheat.

Yeah, I was just... Cheat't really have the balls to break up with a chick, but I no longer wanted to be with her. You know? Yeah. I was just like, yeah. Cheating. True. You cheat and you make it obvious. It's that Icarus shit, though. You flew way too close to the sun. Yeah.

Nah, you're just putting all your eggs in one basket. You're like, you know what? If I get rid of the job, there's no safety net. Unfortunately, the eggs are very expensive now, so it's a tough move. Yeah. Yeah, not the time to look into a camera and challenge your job. No, I did, and they won. They won.

They came out on this one. They 100% won. The man is undefeated. Yeah, that is true. So I'm in the market, on the market, whatever it is. Yeah. Dude, you can get any. I'm going to go work at the market is what I'm trying to say.

Yeah, you're not putting forth the best resume, though. Yeah, resumes are tough. I had to start re-bullshitting mine. You might be a great bidet salesman. Yeah. You do have some knowledge on it. Tushy. That was the company.

That's the one I got. It's a good one. Affordable. I hate to admit I've never used a bidet before. Come on over. You can use mine. I'll let you. We can put it on the podcast.

Yeah, just me in real time. Ooh, that's good Patreon content right there. Yeah. Like, if you were unbridled, because it's going to be hard now, because you're not in a in-the-moment situation, but if you were unbridled and you sat on a bidet and it hit you for the first time, what sound do you think you'd make?

It would be one more inquisitive. I'd go, mmm. I would go with one of those. You'd hear it from the outside of the room and you'd know that it was my first time. And then you'd hear him crank the speed up? Interesting. Do you remember the sound you room, and you'd know that it was my first time. And then you'd hear him crank the speed up? Yeah. Interesting. Do you remember the sound you made when you first? I think it was gleeful surprise.

Yeah. Because I was like, I got what I think it's going to be. But then once it hit, I was like, huh, all right. I think I did a, oh, boy. Whoa, whoa, that's cold. Yeah. I remember going, uh-huh. Yeah.

No, it-huh. Oh, so this is a guy that knows about his colon. Yeah. So if you know... He said other things up his colon. Yeah, he's either a butt doc or very well trained at putting stuff up his ass. You gaming dudes, you know he's had a fucking Xbox controller up there.

What do you think is the easiest controller to get in your ass of all the gaming controllers? There's the hard-hitting question. It's a Wii every time, dude. Oh, Wii, yeah. I think that's 64 because you got three options. You got three prongs. Yeah, with a Wii, you can put that silicone thing around. Old school.

Very rigid. Boxy. Oh, no. Super Nintendo. There's almost like two kidneys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I'll just take a whole Game Boy up there. We are just whatever how loose my asshole is.

An Oculus. They have Game Boys of all sizes too, so you can really make a little variety happen. You know we had a mini, right? You didn't have to go with the biggest one. I went with the old school one. I'm like, nah, give me a brick. Dude, when we said we,

we meant the controllers of the whole fucking thing. Well, you gotta specify. I got, yeah, I'd put that in my ass. That's tough to put in your ass. Yeah, I'll see God after that. This guy's next video is breaking into Nancy Pelosi's house. She's live streaming. Oh, yeah, I'd put that in my ass. That's tough to put in your ass. Yeah, I'll see God after that. This guy's next video is breaking into Nancy Pelosi's house. He's live streaming.

Oh, yeah, wait. So we were talking about that. I think right before you got here. Oh, yeah, did you see this video? It's fucking wild. It's fucking insane, dude. Yeah, it's pretty wild. So, all right, we can watch it, but what are your thoughts?

The sound of it is alarming. Okay, so go back. So let's look at this from a tactical standpoint. I've seen it. So here's the sound of it is okay so go back alarming so let's let's look at this from uh you haven't seen it i've seen it so here's the deal so uh already uh mr pelosi is fucking up because he's trying to go towards the other side where the hammer is which i get it right yeah that that seems like it makes sense but what he wants to really be doing is controlling the elbow on his close side fair right so right here okay turn into me yeah turn into him dude what the hell are you even doing right now and and if you were on your feet you'd be turning yeah you understand i'm saying yeah so that's what he really wants to be doing and like also so stop it no no no now take that arm take that arm and touch me your other arm this one your hammer

arm you see what I'm saying? So that's why he's fucking up. So he should be back, hand to the elbow, base, and be backing up with his stiff arm. So that's why he's fucking up. I get why he wants to control the hammer. So for a lesson, for the listener and for us, if you're getting attacked, do you want to go after the hand that has the weapon? I mean, I think, yeah, you want to create a situation where they can't swing the hammer, first of all.

Yeah. Because my thought was always, like, if I can keep it, like you said, an arm's distance, I don't mind if a knife's going to go through my hand. It's going to suck. Yeah. But that's a slash that's not on my throat or face. See, he has police there.

So he can be controlling an elbow with a stiff arm and then spinning away. He would have to, like, show his underweared ass a little bit to the police. Maybe he was trying to be sophisticated. Now, tactically, should he have put his drink down before this? The drink's crazy. No, no, no. Because you have to maintain badassery at all times.

So if you're controlling the elbow, you want to be taking sips of your drink. Yeah, but button down in boxers has got to be badass enough. You're just showing off with the cocktail at that point. Also, it's like, he's Donald Duck. One thing I think is interesting with this video is there's so much of that other man showing. Yeah. They couldn't have shot him. Yeah, how about the cops be like, there's so much body there.

There's so much mass. Yeah, but this is probably the ninth call they've gotten of like Paul Pelosi banging a dude. And they're like, what's the role playing scenario this time? Paul's got it again. Yeah, he's got at it again. He's Donald Ducking again. I got to code double P. I got to go to Pelosi residence again.

See, and then he let go and went towards the other side. He should have went towards the police if he's going to let go. Yeah, he should have went out. Out the door. Yeah. I mean, he's a level of fucked up that he's got to be drinking and pilled up. But here's what I like about this. Watch how the hammer swinger closes the distance. He leads with the foot that's closest to him,

slides and instantly bases. Like, to really, like... He's trying to fuck him up. Oh, he's going for him. It was a death blow that he was planning for. Which is a hard thing to do to somebody that you just got done having sex with. Right. Well, I mean.

Allegedly. He just dropped the hammer on him twice. Well, so then it's coming up, but he's out. He starts snoring. So we also learned that Paul Pelosi, he might have discovered he needs to sleep after the massacre. Look at him. He's playing lacrosse

right now he's getting dragged he's getting laxed that's a bad swing move there also the hammer swingers wearing some great dad shoes but not a father

well the craziest part dude is him like this is his big day he's been doing this I'm gonna kill the speaker's husband and he wore cargo shorts well he's got a lot of stuff

cargo pants he probably had duct tape in one gotta go cargo pants but I mean look he wants to breathe you're going to fucking go shorts. He's got a lot of stuff. Cargo pants. He probably had duct tape in one, ties in the other. I mean, look. You're going to the Pelosi's house. Put a belt on. Look the part. That's a bad snort.

Hammer to the head or not, he needs a sleep apnea mask. Yeah, that's got to be just totally... I think that Hammer Man saved his life in that he won't die in his sleep. We couldn't see it. I don't. Did he hit him with the hammer?

Because listen. It's off camera perfectly. It's a little weird. He might have hit his head and just got knocked out. Because here's the deal. I don't know if you've ever dealt with old people, but their bones are just like peanut brittle. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

There's no way a hammer is not coming through his head. I've hit so many olds with a hammer. I know exactly what you're talking about. Dude, you would put a hammer-sized hole in his head. I've hit so many olds with a hammer, I know exactly what you're talking about. You would put a hammer-sized hole in his head. The skull's resilient, though, man. I think your skull, it's like your ears, it keeps growing as you get older. Does he get the adrenochrome, too,

or is that just mostly for Nance? True, we didn't factor in the adrenochrome. He may be young as hell. Fair enough. Yeah. That's fortified bone. Yeah. The sound, right where you pause it

is where the flack is. Maybe that glass is full of whole milk. He's just fucking he's getting all the calcium he needs are we listening for contact right now yeah

I didn't hear it I don't think he got contact I think he fell you can hear flesh at one point and hammer I know flesh and hammer

yeah but that's what it sounds like when old people move the oh shit sounds so rehearsed right it feels weird I feel like the way it looks

like a step down, I think he just fell. Oh, is there a drop? Yeah. He doesn't even know his own damn house. To be fair, he's three glasses of milk in. He's been drinking fucking I might be a carpet. You know, I think it was.

There's a sound of something, but it might have been something jingling around on the cop's bat belt. Yeah. I'm amazed at how little they say right here. I would be going like, fuck, fuck, like saying something. They didn't read the lines. Dude, he oil checked them. Did you see that?

He put his hand right in his ass. Oh, dude, he's got a fucking bidet in here. I mean, the Policies have a great bidet. Maybe that's in his ass. Oh, dude. He's got a... He's got a great bidet. Maybe that's what it was. Paul comes home. This guy broke in just to use his bidet because he heard he has the newest model. So watch this. As the cop is getting up, he puts his hand in

dude's... Right there. That's very unnecessary. That is an oil check. In grappling, we call that an oil check. That is also police brutality. I'll tell you what, that is also police brutality. I think that's police sensuality. It's crazy too that he pulled his finger out

covered in Paul Pelosi's cum. There's that. I think he was swabbing. He was swabbing. I got DNA, guys. I got it. I got the evidence. Quick, somebody bag my hand.

Nancy spit DNA. Never mind. What the hell? I'll, somebody bag my hand. Nancy spit, Deanna. Never mind. What the hell? Hold it in my mouth. I also, you said with the cargo shorts, Matt, we don't know that they weren't those cargo pants that you could zip off into shorts. Oh, you think he was breaking in?

I feel like if you're going to go fuck up somebody's husband. You want options. Yeah, you want those options. You do. Because you might get there and you're like, damn, it's actually kind of warm. Like, DePolosi's house is You want options. Yeah, you want those options. You do. Because you might get there and you're like, damn, it's actually kind of warm. Like, the Pelosi's house is pretty fucking warm.

Yeah. Yeah, it's too hot. They keep it toasty in here. I'm going to get my hair done. It's set on 75? Who pays the oil? Oh, God. They find out it was an argument

over the thermostat. It was nothing that had to do with politics. That's what the hammer, that's what he was trying to hammer was the thermostat. He goes, this is ridiculous, guys. Now, what would...

If you're this man... He is right by the central air. We could be on his side. I swear to God. Right there. It's too damn hot. That's kind of nice. I love that they're not doing anything for Mr. Pololsky.

Yeah, they're like, that looked like it hurt really bad. Oh, he dead. Like, nah, I mean. Oh, that motherfucker dead. Well, the thing that came out was like he apparently like. With your dead ass. He keeps touching his butt.

Yeah, you got to. Oh, is that blood I saw on the floor? Maybe he did catch it. Oh, it is. Yeah, but what's that white stuff over there? I think it's the glass part. Oh, the ice. That's his ice.

Oh, dude, he puts ice in the glass. It's good to know that he's a cube in the milk, yeah. I took him for a crushed guy myself know that he's a cubed. He's a cube in the milk, yeah. I took him for a crushed guy myself. He feels like a cubed guy. Now, would you have used that- Could you get him off my arm, please? Would you have used that drink as you were turning to be like, yeah, in his eyes?

Like real housewives, like in the middle of an argument? You don't cry over spilled milk, but you don't spill it on purpose. Yes. What percent was he? He's like, skim? That's a skim household. Nah, dude. They are still Democrats.

It's almond. Think about how many dudes died because they didn't want to do some bitch shit. You know what I mean? Oh, true. Like, he could have maybe saved his life if he was like, eh. But he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He was like, your cameras are on. He's like, nah, I still got that dog in me.

He's still alive, though, right? Yeah, he's still alive. He'll have another DUI within a month. Oh, yeah, I forgot he got Brackley. He's sober. He's got like 13 degrees. That was a white Russian. That wasn't just milk, then.

Yeah. No, he was heavily intoxicated. He might actually be the fucking man then. That's why the blood was flowing so freely. Oh, yeah, that's probably why he survived. He's like, you think that hurt my head? Because have you seen? This is just pictures of him from a Tuesday, not from the attack.

Yeah. That's car damage. No shit. So Drew. You got to put hammer in there. Yeah. Drew Montana. It's going to be like him with a bunch of dicks on his shoulder.

Apparently, like Drew Montana talked about when he was on here, he killed his brother. He drove a car off a cliff when he was in his 20s and killed his brother. Yeah, like, Drew Montana talked about when he was on here, he killed his brother and he drove, like, a car off a cliff when he was, like, in his, like, 20s and killed his brother. Yeah, he's a busy kid. So he's got bodies.

Dude, there's... What's up with all these politicians and big figures killing people in their early life? It's not Google-able. Like, images won't come up in the zines.

Oh, isn't that interesting? Why do they have the hammer on top of the tighty-whities in that photo, though? He also... The first picture is he has the picture option. They had to take him off of him. That's Donald Trump. And it's Yahoo Sports.

He's mocking him? That was Trump's tweet. What was his tweet? Because Paul Pelosi was in his underwear and he got attacked with a hammer. Dude, that's funny. That's fucking funny. I got my best parent tighty-whities.

Yeah, do you think Donald sent somebody out? Trump posted it. That's fucking fucked up. Donnie's like, I got my best pair at Tidy Whitey's. Yeah, do you think Donald sent somebody out? He was like, I mean, they're kind of yellowed. Like, they're for sure used underwear. Well, he was like, get me a fresh pair.

I'm not going to try and terrible. You're better at the accents or the impression. Big K going in there? He's like, get me a fresh pair and a very small hammer.

Do you think that that's a nod at Paul Pelosi's dick size also? Yeah, was this his first tweet back? That's a tack hammer. He posted that Trump did get back in a more small hammer. Do you think that that's a nod at Paul Pelosi's dick size also? Yeah, was this his first tweet back? That's a tack hammer. He posted Trump to get back in a more, dude.

I'm back on Twitter for this. Oh, yeah. He just keeps mocking him. He goes and gets hammered and drives. He's like, look, I'm Paul Pelosi, aren't I, guys? Ooh, one of my brothers, get in here. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you guys early in life.

Wow, dude. I'm a big Paul Pelosi fan. And then that first picture to the left, that's just grandmom hands. He's A-OK with his grandmom hands. That's not even an injury. You can get a hand like that from a bad IV. 100%. That was Donald Trump Jr.

That wasn't even DT. Oh, OK. That seems like him. It's a little less funny than I feel like. He's a troll, essentially, right? Yeah. Right? Wow.

Pretty humble flex showing the Apple Watch, too. Take it off before they take that picture, right? Yeah, there's a. Pretty humble flex showing the Apple watch to take it off before they take that picture. Yeah. There's a text from the guy breaking in the same time next week. I didn't even come.

It's just a cucumber and a hammer. Sorry about last night, but you know how I feel about that thermostat. It's so hot in there. I wear my best cargos from JCP.

That's unbelievable. Yeah. What a time. What a time to be alive. We need more politicians. We had a hammer fight in my high school. How so? That's how he got the diplomas.

Some kid showed up to my high school with a hammer and then another kid caught wind of it and instead of telling somebody, he went to the old shop class and got another hammer and they just had a hammer.

Holy shit. So which one was the chosen one? Yeah, they thorn out. It was the Highlander. It wasn't a teacher trying to break it up, I'll tell you that much. He got fucked up. Yeah.

The wild part about it was like, I went to a technical high school, but that was the... Technically, it wasn't a high school. Yeah. That was the school that the hammer fight took in was the school that I was going to before I went to tech school. Is that vocational or is that a whole different thing? I went to a vo-tech, but that hammer fight didn't happen in a vo-tech school.

It happened in a regular high school. Technical schools seem like they throw down. They would have been critiquing your hammer form. We knew how to use hammers in vo-tech. They clearly did not. I mean, it's the schools where it's like, we know you're not going to college. Just fucking be a mechanic. Here's a hammer. Oh, I was... That was what my parents told me. Yeah.

They're like, my older brother, you should be in computers. Brian... You should be in computers. Well, my parents were also vo-tech kids, too. You should be in computers. You should do something with computers. Brian, something with very little math. Get the fuck out, too. You should be in computers. You should do something with computers, Brian. Something with very little math. Get the fuck out of here.

You should be good with computers. He is. He's pretty handy. Yeah, that's pretty sick. Just nonstop Microsoft Paint. Just be like, look at this, Dad. I'm in it. Blue, red, every color.

Those are the best ones I remember. They're like, man, did you see Mikey crush his PowerPoint? I used to go on Microsoft Paint after getting yelled at by my parents, and I would write, like, fuck you, mom, in Microsoft Paint. It was very cathartic. It was a nice time, to be honest. I don't know how basic the computers you had when you guys were young. Clearly, we were in very different eras.

But you remember that Snake game, and it would get a little bigger? Yeah, yeah. That's like, we're talking Nokia. Nokia fucking first level. No, this is on a computer. Yeah, it would get a little bigger? Yeah, yeah. That's like we're talking Nokia fucking first level. No, this is on a computer. Yeah, it's on a computer. We would have to use the – you could either use the arrows or the ASD. The lettering.

Yeah, yeah. It was a fun game. It was a fun game. It was a snake, but it never really got faster. It stayed the same speed. So you would have an entire square of this snake. And then you'd just be working in the tiniest part. Oh, that's fun. The mid-90s were sick. I can't believe it. You're

making a mandala. You know what I mean? It's like this thing to keep it from eating itself. I thought, I mean, some kid in class always made a swastika out of it. Oh, well, that's how you start. Not quite this. It wasn't this intense when I played. I just only ever had a... I think he just had it. Oh, well, that's how you start. Not quite this. It wasn't this intense when I played. I just only ever had... I think you just had it.

Yeah. It was like this. A 76, okay. That's an old-timey one. I just had poker, and I never knew how to play. I was never a big video game kid, but we had Wolfenstein 3D, which was... This was the one on the phone. Was that Doom, right? It was like Doom.

It was like the same premise, right? Except Wolfenstein, you killed Nazis. Yeah. That was awesome. That was pretty cool. I have heard of that one. Yeah, that's a lot. But I remember walking around in the Wolfenstein 3D, and there would just be swastikas on the

wall. And I remember asking my parents, I'm like, is it okay if I'm playing this? They're like, yeah, no, you're killing those guys. I was like, again, is it okay that I'm playing this? You're like, yeah, but, you're killing those guys. I was like, again, is it okay that I'm playing? You're like, yeah, but how do I join those guys? I keep looking for the recruitment part of the game. My dad comes in in cargo shorts. He's like, you're using the hammer, right?

Yeah. Make Paul pay. So that was the Nokia one. Yeah, this was great. Yeah, this was a good time. That was a, so I had Nokia, like nokia brick or whatever they were in like 2001 holy shit this is tron yeah yeah it's tron dude i'll tell you what i put i got tetris on my phone and i've been fucking crushed i guess you would technically is snake yeah because it's snake games

yeah yeah so what is the most recent let's fast forward because we're watching the evolution of snake for the people who are listening right now. We're watching the evolution of Snake games. 1976 to 2020, listener. Sync it up. We're in 2000... It's going to be a die with his dick out. So that's when I... I had that gold Nokia phone.

That thing was great. Holy shit. It's a literal Snake. Look how it's grown, dude. This is... I've never seen it. Donkey Kong Country Snake. 2023 is just going be you wear an Oculus

and you're a snake eats Ice Cube and Anaconda well now they just play these videos like underneath of TikToks to try to keep your attention if there's anything

that's not I'm hypnotized oh I can't stop I mean all four of us are sitting on a couch right now watching this the evolution of Snake and people are listening

to like holy shit this sounds good this sounds incredible I'm also somebody that's like dude how can you just watch Twitch how can you watch somebody play video games? We'll do this for an hour.

I love watching video games. So I was like that. And I've like since I don't play video games, I sucked at them. But I've gotten into watching like friends or famous people that I follow. And I'm like, I don't even know. I watch mobile, man. I did too much of that shit growing up waiting for my friends to get done playing video games because we could go out and do something.

Yeah. Same way. But now I just, I hate that I catch myself pooping and watching someone play a video game every once in a while. Dude, I watch Street Fighter tournaments a lot. Okay. Wow. The speed run ones are pretty awesome.

Dude, have you guys ever seen the sport Kabaddi? No. Nobody's heard of Kabaddi? You familiar with Kabaddi? It's a sport. It's not a game? It's a sport now. Okay.

It's a sport now. So it is, it's funny that you say that because it's based off, it's an Indian game. India from India, not Native American. Okay. But it's a game in India. It used to be like a children's game, but now it's a sport, right? So what you do, there's a team of like eight people. You go to the other team's side, like past their half court, you have to tag

somebody on their team and then get back to your side before they tackle the fuck out of you. And if you get back, you get a point. But here's the deal. The whole time you're over there, you have to hold your breath. And the only way that they know you're holding your breath, the only way you know you're holding your breath,

is the whole entire time you're going, kabaddi, kabaddi, kabaddi, kabaddi, kabaddi, kabaddi, kabaddi. You just say kabaddi the whole entire time. What? And then you get the shit tackled out of you by like eight dudes. Isn't that a fucking Megan Thee Stallion song? This game is insane. Kabaddi, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Now, if you make it across, the person you tagged, you get one point for them and a point for everybody that touched you on your way across the line. And they all get eliminated from the game. If you're just incredible at breathing practices, you could still be saying Kabaddi and breathing. To make a wall. To make a wall so they can trap him. Because as soon as he tags, they can't touch him

until he tags. So he went back over to the other side to catch his breath. Dude, this looks like the fucking... The set of dodgeballs. Yeah, so you can tag with your hands or your feet, right? So watch what happens when they tag somebody, though.

Dude, the way they get converged on is so... It's like... Dude, it's like... Imagine if he was like an unarmed black man and they were all cops. I was already doing that, brother.

They can shoot him? Matt just imagines that for anything I've ever seen. Pelosi was a fucking... That was what was mine. This has got to be maybe the gayest sport. He got him. That's the point. He just scored one point.

This might be the only sport where it's required you hold your buddy's hand. Get over here. Stop resisting. Stop resisting. Stop resisting. Fuck. What did I do, officer? I mean, these guys have kids,

and they're missing their kids' lives in doing this, which is the funniest part. They're millionaires. They're gods. They've trained. Can you imagine making good- They're doing well. They're doing well. They're making six figures playing tag.

True. Their fucking kids are like, that moves, dude. This is like their fourth job. They're making like $22,000. Although because it's in India, you know there's no women's league. But he's got to

go home and keep his kids humble. He's like, now kids, remember, you're not going to be as good as daddy at this. You need to go to college. You need an education. I don't want this life for you. No, he just sees his kids playing in the backyard and he's like, my son's going to be a prodigy. This is going to be a flashback in five years

when Sid is the American commissioner. So it's very important to make up your team a specific way. You have little tiny people that are quick, and you go from little tiny quick to big fucking monsters that can drag people across the line with them. There is actual strategy to the actual people on there. I'm starting to see more and more of it. This game is so sick. It's a bit fun.

The more you watch it, you can start to understand it more. I've tried this with cricket to try to watch and understand cricket without reading the rules to just watch and I'm like, I can pick it up. I can't figure that fucking sport out to save my life. I think all foreign sports that involve balls are gay. Yeah. That's a pretty good point. sports that involve balls are gay. Yeah.

Right? That's a pretty good point. Soccer is a big one. Yeah. Soccer is... Ireland has that weird field hockey that's not field hockey. I can fuck with soccer.

I can get down on it, but that's the least gay of their gay sports. But like all the other ball sports from other countries are pretty gay. What is it? Like cricket, soccer?

Lacrosse. Lacrosse is Native American. Yeah, it's Native American. That was the most American. The OG Bros. They just got taken down by two of their little guys. Now that he's not done, they have to hold him for three seconds. He's humping his way out.

Yeah, they have to hold him for three seconds. He's like, what's the coach? Grab him harder. He 69ed him. Can we go back to, were you being serious about the holding your breath thing? Yes. They're saying Kabaddi the whole entire time. How can you enforce that, though?

Because the refs, they can hear you. But like I was saying, you have some people that can hold a note forever because they've learned how to train themselves to inhale. But you can't do it. I can't. Do it. Because say Kabaddi. I'm not saying I can.

All right, let's take this out back. But I'm saying this could be the next generation of people learning breathing techniques. For sure, they're breathing. This is India. That's where breathing techniques come from. Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi. That move to the couch over. For sure, they're breathing. This is India. They have all the, that's where breathing techniques come from. Kabaddi, kabaddi, kabaddi. That's just hard to say.

Yeah, what if you start saying something else? Well, you got to keep in mind it's probably a cultural thing. Okay. So,

yeah, I just said something offensive. Yeah, you don't have kabaddi lips. Yeah, true, true. This is unbelievable.

Actually, technically, you guys have the same because they're from the Caucasus Mountains and Indian people are kind of like Almost a million subscribers. We can get into that in a little time. Actually, technically, you guys have the same because they're from the Caucasus Mountains. And Indian people are kind of like brown Caucasians. Almost a million subscribers, too. We can get into that in a little time.

Yeah, yeah. Holy shit. I get that my joke doesn't make actual sense. I did just buy basically a Cliff Notes book on the history of the world because I realized I don't understand world history that well. Yeah. So I'm going to read this book. And if I do like it because it's literally just like the Cliff Notes of it, I'm going to try this book and if I do like it, because it's literally just the cliff notes of it. I'm going to try to get more

into reading about world history. Technically not the history of the world. It's just in the bridge version. I don't need to know all the details. I just need to know who fought who and when. The good guy history. I don't need to get into why or people's opinion on it. I just want the facts. We already discovered earlier that Crusades

started over butt wiping. There we go. So I'm going to flip that page out of the book. Cut that shit out. Wow. This is one of those things where you're like, I've probably seen everything. This has existed for years. You do think all sports exist. There's no way they're going to come out more. You guys do know

World Chase Tag though, right? Yeah, of course. I think a dream job of that would be the course designer. you couldn't do it that would be so fun you couldn't do it it's just free reign because it's so much trial and error you're like hey guys i need two of you to pop over real quick i got this sick course i just got to test it out on you guys and you get to sit there with a clipboard and be like no those rungs are too close together all right let's space those out we need We need another car. What does your course look like? I'm thinking it's going to be a mixture.

So it's going to have one corner that is very clustered. There's going to be a car maybe with all doors open, so there's the option of going through the car. Dude, I fucking doubted you. I'm loving the car. I've thought about this. Right on the other side of one of the open doors is going to be like a tree stump

or something. When we say car, are we talking bench seat or buckets? I think it's got maybe a bucket up front, bench in the back so you got options. Okay, all right. Oh, no, I actually want to make it harder.

I'm going to go SUV, all the center console arms down. So it's like in an Uber when if you got to get all on the same door and you're hammered and you're trying to get over there. You leave the sliding door open on one side closed. Yeah, there we go.

And somebody's going to forget. So I think through trial and error, it's going to be bench seat for both. Yeah. At the end of the day, when we refine it, it's going to end up being because you can't have... Double bench. Because the point of the car gets defeated

when you have the impediments to go through it. Well, but then also eventually people might get so good at going through the car, you're going to have to add in obstacles, even in the car. You know what I mean? Now it's like people... Throw a baby seat in that motherfucker.

True, yeah. Yeah, baby seat in there. Or just make them put a baby seat because that shit is a pain in the dick. Yeah, you have to do it without cutting your knuckles or smashing the seat in your driveway at four in the morning. I've never had to do that. Without threatening to divorce your wife.

It's always the coldest or rainiest day of the year. This is fun. And then we didn't go anywhere the next day. What was that all about? Dude, take it easy. You already lost your job because of the podcast. I know. I'm going to lose my family too now.

We've never had problems with the car seat. No? Never. I put mine in the car a thousand times, and I still don't know how to do it. They literally just put their kids in a basket. Yeah. Yeah, we put them in the car seat. Wait, you're telling me there's special seats for kids?

Sidney's kids just do kabachi in the back of the car. Yeah. Kabati. Put some respect on his name. Kabachi. No, he actually, it's an Italian thing. He merged it. Hey, Kabaddi.

Hey, what's up? Kabaddi. Kabaddi. What are you doing? That is crazy. I can't. I'm going to think about this for the next two weeks straight. Thank you.

Let me ask you something. Have you had pussy? Because that sounds. He's just thinking about while he's getting pussy. No, pussy still rules. Pull that video up. Pussy still rules. Kabaddi, two things can rule. That's a good way to not cum too when you're having sex. Kabaddi, kabaddi, pussy. No, pussy still rules. Pull that video up.

Two things can rule. That's a good way to not cum, too, when you're having sex. Kabaddi, kabaddi, kabaddi, kabaddi. Kabaddi, my dad dying. Kabaddi, my dad dying. I mean, this is just- You said there is some science to how you assemble your team. What's your ideal team? How many is it per side?

I think it's seven or eight. Is there any mega kabaddi where it's like... Wait, can I buy a Kabaddi jersey? Jersey would be sick. Yeah. Dude, if we start rocking Kabaddi jerseys... Kabaddi jerseys, never explain it to people? They ask me like...

They could be soccer jerseys. That's right. We could be like those pricks that got into soccer a week ago. Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah. You could make it... You know you see people throwing a football on the beach? You're just playing a loose game of Kabaddi.

Yeah, dude, I'm going to get a Kabaddi jersey. No, I didn't get almost arrested by the cops. I just challenged them to a game of Kabaddi. I'm trying to play international games. That would be funny if the cops had to like say Kabaddi the whole time they were arrested.

Or if you get called. You're in a body count? Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi. If there's like a loophole, you call Kabaddi. It's like calling mutual combat.

You call Kabaddi on the cops and they're like, fuck, all right, call five more troops to come down here. You call Kabaddi. It's like calling mutual combat. You call Kabaddi on the cops, and they're like, fuck, all right. Call five more troops to come down here. You call Kabaddi on us. Everybody gets one Kabaddi. Yeah, you get one. One Kabaddi. And if you win, you get another. Three Kabaddi.

Four. This would be great. Dude, that would be sick. Yeah, that would be pretty sick. Listen up, cops. You don't need guns or batons. Let me see. Can I see your ID?

Gladly. Here you go, officer. Oh, you pulled a Kabaddi card on this? Dude, I would love that. That's like the new FOP card. Yeah, you get out of it easily. Why do they have all white dudes modeling the Kabaddi jerseys in India? Yeah, they whitewash them.

Well, there's a dude called Karkas Mountain. It's a whitewash. It's a whitewash. It's like to me. Because Indian people and white people are basically the same people separated. It's a whole thing. Don't get to it in your cliff notes. Yeah, true. I will check back in. I will say European people

are European sports. I thought you just said Sydney. European people. I was like, what a turn this has been. European people are much faster than us. He baited us with the cop stuff. He knew it was coming.

I did it. He knew we'd get excited. We got the short one. Let's get the tall one now. I'm going to be a tough nut to crack. I'm pretty open about it. What I was trying to say is European people sure do love a lot of advertisements on their sports jerseys. Oh, that's the normal.

European soccer jerseys, It's unreal. You can never find the actual logo for the... Do you ever watch professional fighters? They just have that shit drawn on their body. The one guy sold the rights. I think it was one of Tyson's last fights. He sold the rights to the bottom of his shoes because he knew he was going to get knocked out.

And it said, like, bet MGM on the bottom of his shoes. That's fucking sick. Do you know why the reason they hit the ring with Tyson? There's people that have gotten, like, bet MGM on the bottom of his shoes. That's fucking sick. Dude, there's people selling it. There's people that have gotten, like, tattoos on their forehead for companies, like, going into fights. I've seen that shit before. Dude, I ain't mad at anything anymore because, like, what else are we doing on this earth? Not enough Kabaddi, I'll tell you that much.

You know what I mean? God gave me all this skin. I'm not using any of it to make money. I'm foolish. Well, the whole thing with American sports is they're the ones who are, like, the the purists of like, oh, we can't put ads on our jerseys. They're beautiful garments. They're giving into that. Well, the NBA was like, fuck that, dude.

Cream on the patch. That China deal fell through. I mean, it kind of did. Yeah. Shout out Darryl Warren. I think it's Nike going like, the only logo on this jersey is ours. Yeah. Definitely a big part of it.

I also want to be very clear about this. I stand the same way on transgenderism. Okay. Here we go. I'm saying, fucking, what else are we doing on this earth? If you want to turn yourself into the other thing, fucking do it. Yeah, for sure. Live your life.

Go ahead. I don't want to participate in it. Yeah, that's the first answer don't let it hurt anyone or be in the way of anyone but no but no in the back of your mind

that some people get tattoos they regret so yeah listen I also reserve the right to find it weird as fuck

like I'm not gonna not find it weird it's weird that's what it is there's no laser that's gonna bring your penis back either. Bill Burr has that one bit

where he's like, if a person walks in with a different haircut, I'm like, ah, shit. He's like, if you walk in with a clit, I'm like, oh, wow. You got to give me a wig, dude.

For sure. Yeah. I like that. That's a good transition. How did you stumble upon Kabaddi? I just look up... I look up obscure sports as often as possible.

Weird sports search. It's like, what else would I dominate? What else? Google's like Kabaddi. What's the one that thinks in like Eastern European countries, but it's soccer, but it's really just fist fighting. Have you ever seen that one?

Oh, you're talking about like these weird MMA half-legs? No, no. This is like an old like ancient tradition. Oh, it's a Spanish. It's an old Spanish boxing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Click on chess boxing. Okay, so it's a Spanish. It's an old Spanish box. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Click on chess boxing. Okay, so there's a whole documentary series

on Netflix about this. Cooper's Hill cheese rolling. Oh, that one rules. But down further, they said chess boxing. Wife carrying. Reverse 69ing. I get it. True.

She's just eating your butt. Dude, you ever eat pussy with the back of your neck? Scroll up again. Look at the sky. Dude, if a pussy's on me, it's getting eaten. I'm gobbling up pussy with every part of my body. That's for being, if you were heavy, those neck rolls come into play.

That's the man who figured out how to taste with the back of his neck. She is so mad. She's like, you've got gas. He's ripping those gel pack farts the whole time, too. He's been running with her on his back. She's like, oh, the protein powder's got to stop. I don't know where to put my face. He joined a men's adult baseball league,

and she was like, can we just do something together? All right, babe. Fine, it's what you want. All right. I hope that pussy has shock absorbers. I hope she took a bidet, because that's very close. Yeah, I've seen that one. There's different iterations of that, the pole climbing one.

Camel jumping. That's a racial slur. Camel jumping. There's fucking camel jumpers over here. They're moving into the neighborhood. Toe wrestling? Please just scroll right past toe wrestling. That's disgusting.

That's funny. Toe wrestling? Okay. So gross. What is that? They look like they're hugging, consoling each other. Chess boxing, though. I've seen chess boxing, yes.

So you fight around, then you sit down. You have to take your gloves off, which is hilarious. And you play chess for like the period of time. Oh, I thought you had to fight for your move or something. No, no. You box. You beat the shit out of each other. So it's basically who can get quicker CT.

This is like that fucking skiing and then shooting sport. It's just dumb. Could you imagine the guy that's like, yeah, but I won the chess match. And the other guy's like, yeah, you did. Yeah, sure. You sure did get my ruck there, buddy. Underwater hockey. Remember when I broke your orbital bone?

Underwater hockey. Sounds like drowning. I was in Sports Illustrated for kids when I was little in a doctor's office waiting room. Yeah. Pediatrician. I remember there was no Google

so I just for the longest time I had underwater hockey stuck in my head and thought it was made up. Dude, that is literally like that's like every

old Polish joke your parents would make. Like, oh, they're playing hockey in the summertime out there. The ice melted, didn't it?

Oh, yeah. That's how that came about. They went out and they're like, ah, shit. Underwater hockey is caused by climate change, actually. I saw a Polish joke the other day. I got fired up with him. I tried to explain it to my girlfriend and she's like, I've never heard that before. Why would they be mean to Polish people?

Is she Polish? The Polish joke was always, did you ever hear about the, it was like the Polish Navy and it was like why they failed and it was the submarines had screen doors. That was the whole joke. Oh, did you ever hear about the Polish Navy? It was like why they failed. It was the submarines had screen doors. That was the whole joke. That's a fun one. I like those.

I don't like comedy type. No, she's, I don't know comedy type. Clearly didn't have buckets. All those things are very like. Funny girlfriend. Some people don't like jokes. Funny girl, yeah. She's a very interesting funny girl.

Man versus horse marathon? Well, you lose, right? Mr. Hands. That's right? Mr. Hands? Yeah, that's really what Mr. Hands was. That's what he was training for? Dude, he was like, oh, he didn't read the rules. Yeah. Guys, there's bound to be a portion where the thing fucks you.

I mean, these are all in like, go in there unfucked. They've all said the United Kingdom. Sheen kicking? Oh, that's a tough one. They got hay in there, though. Yeah, they got like sheen. Oh, you're allowed to stuff your pants with hay? Yeah.

Why are they wearing fucking... So then it just comes to who had the best crop. Why are they wearing lab coats? Yeah, why is there a doctor's? Well... That's British as hell, dude. I don't know. That's an overly British name. Bukashi, way too close to another name.

Yeah. Kutuzkashi. Goat dragging. Goat dragging? Well, that's the racial slur. Quidditch. No, fuck you. I'm just saying,

get these goat dragons. This is goat dragon camel jumping. This is so gay. They put Quidditch dash Hogwarts. All the other ones have the country.

This is a zany British guy. I'm going back on my soapbox. Fuck you, Harry Potter fans. Extreme ironing? I hate you all. Dude, fuck yourself. Extreme ironing. Extreme ironing.

That's not even kind of ironing. Also, there's no women in the sky, so this could be real. Yeah, this is like guys who smoke weed for the next time. Go into a 24-hour dry cleaner where you drop off and get it the next day. There's never a guy working behind the counter. That's not mean. Kabaddi wasn't even on that list. Fuck this list.

It's so weird. It's a terrible list. What a dog shit shopbox basics we no longer support you yeah come on come on we're ending our sponsorship right now but yeah so the sport that i was talking about is it's it's essentially like soccer or handball i think but you can just fight whenever you want it doesn't stop the game so there will be like seven different fights going on at once it It's on the Netflix docuseries. I think it's called Champions or something like that.

I could be wrong on the name too. Yeah, soccer fight blood. So it's soccer with everything soccer doesn't have because real soccer, it's a dive every three seconds. Like there's never been a punch thrown, I feel like, in a soccer game. Yeah. Dude, I was at the, game. Dude, I was at the related to sports. I was at the tailgate yesterday

and I had a nightmare moment where I was walking to the bathroom and some dude was like, yo, threw me a football and it was like all my girlfriend's friends are near me. This whole thing I was like, I gotta not throw the football bad. And I threw a total like through that way.

It was a kid. It was awful. As you just said, I realized I've never seen you and I threw a total like, like threw that way. Oh no. The kid, it was a kid. You threw a duck? Maybe 12, oh it was awful. As you just said this to me, I realized I've never seen you How hot are your girlfriend's friends? Not,

not crazy. Nothing to ride home about but it was, everybody, I'm going to ask you when it's not being recorded to your girlfriend. The tone of the day

changed a little bit in that moment because nobody made fun. It's kind of like, oh yeah, that's very unsettling. They all look at your girlfriend like, so does fun. It's kind of like, oh, yeah, right. That's very unsettled. They all look at your girlfriend like, so does he know he's gay?

Yeah, I mean, I try to say, well, why don't we go over here later in the day? They're like, you're not in charge, pal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you learn how to throw

a perfect spiral, then you can make decisions. Shut up, you mean bitches. They turn to your girlfriend and say, he could have kicked it. As of right now, you're just here

to hold our jackets. Why didn't he give it to you? I do hate that that was also my move as a kid. I didn't want to throw because I couldn't do it, so I'd kicked it. You're just here to hold our jackets. Why didn't he give it to you? I do hate that that was also my move as a kid. I didn't want to throw because I couldn't do it, so I'd punt it. Yeah, that's the other way. It's going to duck anyway. It was a tough one. It got there, and I'm more of a kicker.

Dude, I was more of left hand or right hand. That's me. You're out of your stone, dude. No way. I'm a kicker every time, too. Yeah. What do you throw better with, left or right? It depends what type of throw. If I'm rolling out to the

left, it's better with the left hand. If I'm rolling out to the right, I throw with my right hand. There's a kid who's like an elite not recruit, but a five-star recruit or whatever that's an ambidextrous quarterback. There's the talks on when he gets to college, could he still continually do that? Well, San Francisco should look at him.

I think they need more. True. I could have helped out at the game yesterday. They needed me to come in there. Oh my God. That would have been so great. They're like, he looks athletic. Let's get him here.

I'll make that noise every time too. Like I'll hit a bidet. Yeah, you throw it away. I sit on a bidet. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what I do. Oh yeah. Purely inquisitive.

Very sensual thrower. Where's this ball going to end up? That's kind of how I do it too. Yeah. It was not my greatest moment. Then I had to just, you know, the pissing situation there. You can't ask for it back for like a second chance, and then you throw another duck. No, no, no.

Let me get to that. It was a younger kid. You got to start saying young ball. Yeah. I should have hit him with that. You got to start saying young ball now. Yeah. I was like, I have gout.

I'm not young ball, young ball. Let me get that back, young ball. That's why I have a rule of thumb in my life. I don't care how old you are, dude. I need some seniority. That's why I have a rule of thumb in my life. It's official. I need some seniority. I need to get this fucking pussy. You got to make it sound like your back hurts when you bend over to get the ball. Yeah, I haven't done this in a while. That's why I have a rule in my life that I'll never return a ball unless it's a Vortex Nerf football.

Because you can throw those things underhand and they'll still hit a point. Those are dark. Just in case. Yeah, they move. I, myself, so I can't throw a football a far distance with a good spiral, but I can throw a tight one short distance, a little out route. I'm good there. But can you do it while saying hibachi and holding your breath?

Yes. Yes. It's hibachi for now. I know. I'm going to keep. Put some respect on my name. I'm going to keep fucking it up. No way.

Hibachi? I eat there all the time. Hibachi? Hibachi? If eat there all the time. Hibachi? Hibachi? If you had to say hibachi until you ate your food. Just say that. Hold your breath. Yeah.

Come on, chef. Hibachi. Dude, you're the volcano. You're the volcano. Hibachi, hibachi, hibachi, hibachi. Flick the shrimp at me or don't. Move on. Holding your breath in a sport, is it like a PED?

Is it just an oxygen mask like he's gassing up before the fucking game I'm the frazzle dazzle chef come on come on we get it

we get it it's a heart can we get the not and one mix chef please he squirts socket you're like are you fucking

my wife and I had the greatest hibachi chef in the history of hibachi on our honeymoon so we went they had like a bunch of restaurants

at the place we did our honeymoon it was in grenada so grenada not known for their hibachi but it was on a resort so we're like okay you know we're gonna go it's gonna be good they seat everyone there's like the four stations no chefs and they seat everyone in there all at the same time you're all having drinks they bring out appetizers and then they almost do a parade of hibachi chefs that come out. As they come out, they are just each one after another, just more Asian and more looking like the perfect hibachi chef. Can you describe that to me, please?

Can you describe to me the first least Asian and then the more Asian? That's a tough one to walk into, brother. First guy? They get shorter? Is that what happens? The first guy was a white guy like this. John's like, yo, you guys, he's the best guy ever. He's hilarious. The third guy came out

crouching, smoking a cigarette. That's how I'm going to say it. The last guy came out crouching, smoking a cigarette. The fourth guy came out. The last guy was actually just gizmo. The fourth guy came out. Crouching, smoking a cigarette. Full on six foot four black guy. Yeah, they evolve into an Apple iPhone.

This is the Pokemon of them. six foot four black guy. Yeah, they evolve into an Apple iPhone. This is the Pokemon of them. Six foot four black guy comes out. He's our hibachi chef. So three tiny Japanese chefs come out and then a six foot four black guy who just comes out and immediately- Were you in hibachi cockpore? Yes.

Immediately, my wife leans over. He got hibachi black. I'm just on a couch looking nervous. It was just somebody filming your reaction to it. Two guys holding her over the burner. To that, then me and my wife are hammered, and we lean over, and I go to her. I was like, what do you think his voice is going to sound like? And she's like, what do you mean?

I was like, do you think he's going to do the voice? And sure enough, he did. We're in Grenada. He's like, there's no rules here. We come out, and he does. He starts in Grenada. He's like, there's no rules here. We come out and he does. He starts off full on Japanese. Like, I'm not even going to do it. Was he speaking Japanese?

No, no. Full on just Japanese accent on his voice. Then he changes it to a high-pitched, almost anime girl. And he just thought like this the whole time. Oh, my God. Almost a Spanish twing to it. I swear to God, when he did like the, he was flipping shrimp, he would throw it and be like, you, oh, yeah, if you caught it. So because of God, when he did like the, he was flipping shrimp, he would throw it. He'd be like, you, oh yeah, if you caught it.

So because of that, for the rest of the honeymoon, my wife, my wife just kept going, I was like, can I get you a drink? She'd be like, oh yeah, like at the pool because of this fucking guy. That's the man having a good time. We never saw the guy ever again. Like usually a lot of guys worked in a couple of the restaurants and you'd see people. Shout out young Mickey. He was a rapper I met there.

Still follow him. He's pretty good. He was a rapper I met there. Still follow him. He's pretty good. And we never saw this guy again. So I think he was just like a last minute replacement. Like the most Japanese guy. Dude, he probably was just vacationing Grenada. True. He was like, let me get big dishes.

He was like, oh, this will be fun. But if it's an equal opportunity race, this one, like the Asian guy comes out and he's like, oh, basketball, Barack Obama. I'm like them, right? If they get all kind of, damn, a resort that's all stereotypes? Yeah. Just all shitty guys.

Just doing hacky racist shit. Dude, that would be my favorite thing. Yeah. I feel like in order for us to start getting along as a society, we need to appropriate all of each other's culture. I've been saying this. The fact that we're trying to put the kibosh on that is insane. Let's all just lean in.

Dude, I'm a swagger jack right now. And it is. Yeah. What do you want? You can't stop. What do you want from another culture? Look, the only thing I will agree with is, we don't,

white people don't need dreads. No, no, no. No, no. Get dreads. Yeah. Get dreads. Live your fucking life. No, have them,

because they tell me everything I need to know about you if you're a white guy with dreads. It's not even about appropriating culture when I say no white people with dreads. There's this hot chick that lives in my town that walks like 30 dogs at times. Girls with dreads is different. Girls with dreads is different. Girls with dreads is different.

Yeah. Girls with dreads is a good way to know, like, oh, you're Pits and Harry, too. You can't be a blonde or redheaded guy with dreads. Nope. That's fair to say, right? Yeah, but that's not even a deck of cards for us. We're not even considering that. No, I've seen a lot of crusty.

We're not accentuating the hair. You should go dreads. I've seen a lot of. Don't say that to me with such disdain. But what about a spite like Jason Momoa? You know, I'm going to spite gross dreads. Well, if you're doing something cool, you. You should grow dreads. I've seen a lot of... Don't say that to me with such a state. What about somebody like Jason Momoa? If you're doing something cool, you're allowed to have dreads. In wrestling, Bray Wyatt's got dreads, man. He's cool.

He's very white. White wrestlers can have dreads? Yes. White wrestlers can have dreads. Listen, I say no lines drawn, but if you guys want to start drawing lines, I guess that's part of your culture. Yeah, that's cool. If you guys want to start making rules... But now you're to appropriate that right now. I'm going to start making rules.

But now you're going to appropriate that, and you're going to start making rules. Dude, no lines drawn. That's my rule, dude. So then what's the first thing you want from another culture that you're just like, we get dibs on that now? OK, so you know how Asians can fly a little? Yeah.

They're like, yeah, I do now. True, they're like womp bats. Are we talking like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon kind of flight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just talked about this today, man. It was like because they're all built like those sugar gliding squirrels. Oh, yeah. They have hollow bones. For sure.

They would never survive a Pothos hammer strike. Yeah. Also, you know what I would take first? You ever see the way a geisha runs? Oh, it's like a shuffle, right? Chase geisha. I want to see you run a marathon Geisha style.

While saying Kabaddi. That's my shit. Oh, you're so Kabaddi. Do you think you could Kabaddi a... How long could you run holding your breath before you pass out? I think I'd start breathing first. Yeah, like you have.

Alright, true. Alright, like you have. True. But all right, all on an exhale of Kabaddi. You got to continually say Kabaddi while running. How far do you think you get? You're fully pushing it. I mean, I don't even know how to reference the distance, but further than you.

Damn, all right. We got to have a hold your breath running challenge now. I'm down. No, we simply do not, dude. That, all right. We got to have a hold your breath running challenge now. Yeah, I'm down. No, we simply do not, dude. That's good content. But how, like, we need two refs? Like, who's going to be tracking me while you're back there saying, come on? You need somebody holding a mirror in front of your mouth running next to you so they

see if any breath comes out. Okay. I can fuck with that. Okay. Yeah. This also, I also want to, there's like this passionate, like love,

this unrequited love, like of like, uh, bandits and royals. That's who you want to appropriate for another culture. I want some, I just want to learn how to love. I want to be loved by a dirty bandit chick. True.

Oh, I actually want the Asian power of Rubik's Cubes. I want to be able to do those quick. Yeah. I guess that's become more... Autistics have kind of appropriated that. Indians are pretty good at that, too. Yeah, they get in there.

They took over that cup stacking for a while, too. I guess Indians. That was always a big... Yeah. Cup stacking was huge for them. And we made a cup song. Dude, I cup stack. It was the way good.

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mother-in-law bought uh ansley and me cup stacks like oh nice a while ago so you crush it at like family minute to win it no no wait go back say so you crush it at everything and then i'll be like yeah yeah see that's what i was loosely gonna get at because everything we brought up we're like flights it's like i can almost kind of pretty much fly yeah dude i'm almost asian like i i do my bones aren't hollow But like I can fuck with My bones aren't hollow So you're like I fuck I Yeah What are you appropriating

Phenel Dude also I named my son After Yeah I appropriated I'm appropriating Sidney's children Yeah

My son's name is Phenel Yeah First name Phenel No that's awesome I appropriated But I don't even know What the fuck it is I just appropriated it

I was like that's cool I'm taking it It is a nice first name Isn't it crazy I do love it too That you didn't do like An honor of him You're like no that's pretty dope It wasn't like I love you so much I'm taking it. It is a nice first name. Isn't it crazy? I do love it too that you didn't do an honor of him. You're like,

no, that's pretty dope. It wasn't like, I love you so much. I'm going to name my boyfriend after you. I was like, so the way it happened is one day at Raven,

the guy that was hosting was so drunk. He might have been in my closest, Tom Cassidy, we were all close. He might have been so blacked out

he forgot Brian's first name and he just brought him up as Finnell. I think it is because most people just call me finnell yeah yeah rule of thumb with me is if you call me brian you probably want to fuck me yeah or you're my mother everybody else i'm glad we didn't intro anyone tonight when you're bringing them up on stage you say the brian part fast as fuck yeah it's like ladies and gentlemen brian yeah it's brian for now you just get right right It does flow.

You just get to the facts. So he brought him up as just Finnell and we had just found out that we were about to have a baby and we were at the stage where we were talking

about names and I heard that and I was like, holy shit, that was cool. Yeah. It was a mic drop. Yeah,

that's pretty sick, yeah. And then as soon as he got off stage, I didn't even, like he had a great set but as soon as he got off stage,

I was just like, dude, can I name my son after your last name I'm appropriating your name how do you take that I've been at this point anytime a comedian

every time I hear about another comedian having a child I'm like name him Finnell I got a cat named Finn so it's close I had a cat named Finn but I'm a dork one N or two what? I got a cat named Finn. It's close. I had a cat named Finn, but I'm a dork. One and or two. What? One and or two.

Two. That's after you. We dropped two in there. It's Finn with two N's. John's daughter's name is Matt. We were kind of the same thing. Matt named her, though. I just wasn't there. They were like, I called tips. I got third faster.

She prefers Matthew. He has rock, paper, scissors. I just wasn't there. They were like, I called dibs. I got third faster. Yeah, she prefers Matthew. You guys rock, paper, scissors. Who gets to name his child? Dude, I'm nice with scissors, dude. God damn it. Paper again? Oh, can I also say this? I love the way Indian men dance.

That's my other thing I'm taking. Yeah, they do dance with, and they dance well in groups. Yeah. They're very like, I don't think we dance well enough in groups in the United States. Men don't get together and just like fucking lose themselves. no girls, and it's just 11 of you in a room It's the bad we don't get to do it end up on an eggs Tyrone video on Instagram We dance to imperially we dance very like it's just us we got to be the best at it Yeah, I only dance when it's just me in my house, and no one's around Abraham Lincoln looking white Muslims?

Then they do that fast foot dance. Oh, yeah. Taking that. I like that and I like the shaka too. I'm going to get really good at hokka. I'm going to start saying goodbye to my kids that way. I love you.

I want to get really good at braiding hair. That's mine. I love you I want to get really good at fucking guys I'm not done you know it's a seven part braiding hair that's mine I'm going to take that I'm going to become I'm going to open like

a fucking wig shop you're going to braid hair a Jamaican braiding shop yeah dude it'll be fucking in the podcast I'm going to look on people's faces every time they come in

they're going to be like what the fuck did this place get braided what's going on what do you want you want a standard yeah just do two braids

that's it the whole podcast between your legs and having to take care of that'd be unbelievable absolutely What's going on? What do you want? You want a standard? Yeah. Just do two braids. That's it. The whole podcast, dude, sitting between your legs and having to take care of it, that'd be unbelievable. Oh, absolutely. I might phrase that a little better. Threaten eyebrows.

Oh, yeah. That's a good one. I might take that. I'll take that, too. That's tough when you're not... Yeah. That would be... Is that a Middle Eastern?

Oh, wait. Hold on. Dude, Ethiopian. Eating rice with my hand. That's like... Rice with your hand. That's like... Man. I saw my daughter eating rice with her hand the That's like rice with your hand.

I saw my daughter eating rice with her hand the other day, and I was like, it's so much smarter. It's the way you should eat rice. True. Do you have an Ethiopian mat? My very pale Casper-looking daughter is a true Ethiopian. You're very right. I've been saying that for years. You're very right about that.

So we didn't even introduce you guys. We're wrapping it up now. We're past an hour. Yeah. We got cooking. Sorry, do you guys want to, anything you want to intro, anyone you want to promote? Sorry, we did a terrible job up top.

Yeah. So not next week, the week after that, right? Or no, next week. Yeah, next week. Next Tuesday. Next Tuesday. Next Tuesday. We're taking in a young man and having him be my ward and then training him to fight crime.

I thought that was what you were promoting. I thought you were promoting that. You're like, I'll be taking in a young man. Like Bruce Wayne. That's white shit, right? Yeah, that's our shit. That's the whitest shit. Like Batman Robin?

Yeah, you're going to Alfred him? Oh, yeah. Or am I Mr. Miyagi him? I don't know. Ooh. Some say that Alfred is just the white Mr. Miyagi. That is a good way the trick

like if you Mr. Miyagi you just basically you trick you get to trick a white kid into cleaning your house and be like

no it's Kung Fu yeah that's right Tom Sawyer like a Huck Finn Mr. Miyagi Huck Finn that's what karate kid actually is just an Asian tricking

a white guy into doing chores he's like nah it's gonna make you punch or whatever I don't know if you guys know this. It's part of the Legend of Sidney Gant. But one time on stage, there was a fly buzzing around on stage. Oh, I was there.

Everybody was at. Yeah. I seen it. And I intentionally, I caught the fly out of the air. Oh, what? In front of everybody. That fucking rules. Dude, it was so sick.

Oh, I would think about that forever. So it lands on the table. And I was like, everybody be really quiet. I'm going to catch this fly. It was bothering everybody all night. I went to catch it and I missed it. It flew up here. I didn't even turn.

It was like, whoom. It just snatched out of the egg. It was magic. I didn't have AIDS. I just caught it. That fly had AIDS. Appropriate in culture, I want the AIDS one. That's mine.

Yeah, I've got dibs on malaria. I want to cure AIDS in my body, please. Yeah, so you said it comes out Tuesday. So we've got Nightcap on Thursday. You can catch some flies. Yeah, Nightcap. Yes. Select Thursdays.

But yeah, Thursday the 9th, we got Nightcap. You guys have all done it. Yes. Sydney, he's caught some flies on that stage. Yeah, for sure. I've caught some bombs on that stage. You'll be both. Dude, I fucking ate it last. I heard you got a little

hustle with a gentleman in the audience. This dude was heckling and I was just like he was one of those dudes. It was like arms cross like shut down. Yeah, look just do you bitch funny man. It was like I'm not going to win this. Yeah, so I had him kicked out. Here's the thing. Nobody else heard him heckle, so everybody else just saw me be like you get the fuck out. Yeah, it was a talent in back. He's like you do that every. Why do you think that dude

out like he was heckling? He's like nobody else could hear that and I was like I'm a shit. They just saw a crowd work. So I went up later and tried to do crowd work. And they were like, fuck that. Crowd work means we get kicked out. Fennell brought a hammer to a heckle fight. It was fucking, I felt so dumb. Damn, if you stayed in long enough, you now know why the title of the episode

is Hammer at a Heckle Fight. Nice. Holy shit. Yeah, and for me, you just check out Stoner Dads. Check out Two Jack Bros. I mean, you know, just doing the coolest podcast on earth.

No big deal. Sweet. Check us out. Agreed. What do you want to plug? What do you got come up? His butt. Guys, quit bullying me.

I'm so good at throwing footballs. Fucking February 10th. Are you controlling the app on his butt plug right now? He's stimming me right now. That's why I keep seeing you do this. Guys, I don't know. I'm comfortable. I'm sitting.

Why do you guys need an extra pillow? This is perfectly fine. Just one control for a butt plug. The other one's just playing Drake in my ear the entire time. I have not stopped coming. February 10th, re-up fashion. Brendan Donegan's

show over there. And follow the podcast with the new name, That Rules, on Instagram. And what do you got there? Yeah, we're no longer handsome idiots.

This is That Rules, right? This is the first episode. I don't know if you noticed me trying to fucking get you guys to mention it when I was like, two different things can rule at the same time.

You know, we're bad at podcasting. Yeah, we didn't pick the same time. You know, we're bad at podcasting. We didn't pick the same way up. That rules. This is the first. Well, so technically last week we announced it on just an episode. Wait, what's the podcast name of that? That Rules.

That Rules. I thought you were going to go over like ugly idiots or something. Yeah, it was Art Hagen. Damn, dude. We tried Treacherous Rapist, but that was another one that was not going to fly. Yeah. I kind of like that. Treacherous Rapist. It that was another one that was not going to fly. Yeah. I kind of like that. Treacherous Rapist.

It's actually not bad. It's actually a good band name. I mean, at least they own it. I never started a prison gang. They're really leaning in. Having to pay another guy for that domain is going to be a tough one. Yeah.

Didn't think they'd actually rape me, though. That's the Patreon. You guys got time to see it. Which that, good segue. We are starting a Patreon. We've talked about it a million. Which that, good segue. We are starting a Patreon. We've talked about it a million times. It's coming out. We're starting one.

So be on the lookout for that. It'll be That Rules Patreon. I'll be on that same re-up show at Haddon Ave Re-Up, right? Is that what it's called? Yeah. I just shut down there for a second mentally. And then hosting at Harrisburg Comedy Zone the weekend of the 17th. That'll be fun. That'll be fun.

Oh, the mentalist guy that hypnotizes people. Oh! That does a tour through Central PA. I'll look up his name. Oh, wait. I'm featuring for Patton Oswalt. I'm sorry. I forgot about that. Or not Patton Oswalt. Sean Patton. Woo!

Edit that. That's a Jeopardy question. What is Sean Patton Oswalt? Yeah, yeah. There really is. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, you can. It was a human centipede thing. Damn, how is human centipede never a snake game?

That's technically the worst snake game of all time. Just keep that. But yeah, Monte Comedy. Hacks Comedy Golf is still out there if you guys want to watch those videos. We might bring it back for Patreon content one day. Just keep that. But yeah, Monte comedy, a hacks comedy. Golf is still out there. If you guys want to watch those videos, we might bring it back for patron content.