That Rules Podcast - Episode #76: Brendan Donegan “Super Bowl Baby Shower

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

One half of the South Jersey Bad Boys, Brendan Donegan is a comedic dual threat. Both funny and diabetic, you can’t get a more hilarious combo. Have a listen as he joins your two favorite Idiots for the latest installment of the That Rules podcast.

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Punchline show or Punchline Helium. I got there and they were like, we have free Kenwoods for people performing or whatever it was. And they were just like giving you two at a time.

Just like promoters walking around. What's a Kenwood? It's like a local shitty beer. It was fucking horrific. Isn't that also a speaker company? I think it was like car speakers back in the 90s were Kenwoods. No, these were full throttle beers. Oh yeah, that's totally a thing.

Yeah, subwoofers and nonsense. I thought they were handing out car systems. No, this was just a sweet guy walking around, and he gave me two at a time, and he's like, go ahead and bomb up there, you fucking loser. And I was like, check this out, version. You gotcha. I was going to bomb regardless if you gave me these.

Speaking of sweet guys, we got Brendan Donningham back on the couch. Three Pete. And that rules. We don't know. I think it's three, maybe four. We've been here in spirit we did the drunk uh drunk christmas episode me and danny came on for south jersey bad boys yeah that's it is that right that's the most returning guest though i think yeah it's probably big zach

over here just yeah i think zach's holding it down yeah zach also brings a big cousin listenership that we just can't deny you have a lot of cousins though i do have a lot of cousins let's say bring them to the table brother bear yeah man actually we should look at that i think i was looking at your two episodes where he came on your views are very your listens are very high up thank you in our ranks you gotta you gotta thank you gotta book people that have lots of cousins yeah that is true it's anyone can build a comedic following it's like how many cousins do you fucking have fuck it that's who's coming to if you're having a tapic following. It's like, how many cousins do you fucking have? Fuck it. That's who's coming to, if you're having a taping or something,

that's what Peggy was saying. She's recording at a helium and she was like, it's just going to be my fucking drunk cousins. Like, well, that's who you want. Like when I did the show at punchline, um,

you know, I did it with my boy, Joe Mattaries and the one night completely. Sorry, you dropped that. It was, uh, just dropping names there on us. My boy, Joe Matt out. Sorry, Holden, you dropped that. I was dropping names there on us.

My boy, Joe Mattarese. Yeah, dude. I mean, no offense to Joe. I don't think he's the... Look, some of us have never done comedy with anyone with a big name. I don't think Joe's the biggest name drop we're tossing out here. But love him to death. Good guy, funny guy.

But I had literally 50 of my hometown friends show up to the show. That's amazing. Joe's like, we sold it out. And I'm like, Joe, 50 of those puppies were my boys from home. That is great, though. You grew up with a lot of cousins, right? Did you grow up with close cousins? I had older cousins.

Wow, that's the worst answer. I had older cousins and younger cousins. I had older and younger, some boys and girls. I also had some that were around my age as well. They were on different sides, brother. I had young cousins that I had older cousins and younger cousins. I had older, younger, some boys, some girls. I also had some that were around my age as well. They were on different sides, brother. I had young cousins that I had to foster and seed and I went, guys, this is the way, this isn't the way. And then I had older cousins that were like, we're not

going to speak to you or be that nice to you sometimes. That makes sense. Did they bully you or? They bullied me with inattention. It's the worst kind of bully is ambivalence. Damn. Yeah. Like a lot of bullies will come up to you and be like, you're a gay pussy loser. But it's the bullies that come up to you and go, I don't even remember what your name is.

It's always going to be Derek if that's what they want. You look like a Derek. I don't look like a Derek. I look strong as hell. I actually noticed that. This is fucking crazy, huh, guys? Yeah. Not a lot of guys can be as diesel like this sitting on the left side of a

couch powering through. That's true. And not nearly as modest either. Not nearly as modest. I'm going through a lot. I had to go back in the office the past two weeks and i'm gonna fucking kill myself i was in there today you really yeah let's not even talk about it though because i don't want to get fired yeah true yeah somebody we know yeah old job montag brother jobs i don't know i got interviews coming up i'm feeling good the search coming in hot yeah i've literally just i so i have

like i've been applying to a bunch of jobs on indeed but i also just have like some referrals like from my old company and like people i worked with are like companies from the past so like the indeed thing is getting a little ridiculous i'm clicking apply to everything do you even get good responses with indeed because i feel like it's so uh it is so like clustered i'm starting to get more well because for a while i also don't know what i want to do for work so i've just been typing in like like the other night i was just half asleep and i was like nike let's see what they're hiring like you know what i want to be when i grow up i'm gonna fucking work for nike yeah are you kidding

me i would love to work kind of just actualizing little kids dreams as a 37 year old man yeah yeah that's when you grow your hair out. I'm going to grow my hair out. I love Chipotle. I bought a Vans shirt. I was like, guys, I'm pretty much a new guy. I'm reinventing myself. Every room you go into, you kickflip into it.

It's exhausting. It's awful. But with a tech tech. Would you consider completely reinventing yourself? Whatever job you get next, you come in as a guy that you weren't previously? So that's why I was thinking. Because like I. Has he not?

I've even looked at like every job I've ever had has been like one industry that bleeds into another one. So like an interview I'm going on this week is a former partner of the company I work with. So it's like the same thing. So I can't reinvent myself there. So it's like do I go like extreme? Who were you at the last job?

Just the funny guy. Just funny Johnny. And I only know that because my boss wrote me a letter of recommendation. And he wasn't really heavy on the great worker. But he was like, in there he wrote, supplies comedic relief to ease situations with clients. And I was like, so the fuck? You bring in the gesture and old clown comes in and does a fart joke? And then the real salesman comes in? You bring in the gesture and an old clown comes in and does a fart joke?

And then the real salesman comes in? So this is a sales job. He wasn't exactly crushing the numbers. But man, he was funny. Yeah, but he had callbacks on some of this fucking stuff that was crushing. A lot of callbacks. Never got a callback from a lead, though. A lot of callbacks.

None from customers. A bit of a problem in the industry. Walked a lot of people. So, I mean, it pissed me off because people started finding out I did comedy and I was already kind of,

I hate saying it, but I was already like the goofball of our sales org. You're so goofy. You know how I am. I just goof it up. You're zany.

I'm goof troop. Look how zany he is. He's pretty zany, dude. Look how zany that hair flip is. Zany's in Nashville. Oh, I actually have never

seen you flip it. That made me want to kill myself and two of my relatives. I hated that. I hope both those relatives are born. Do it again so I can get it on slow-mo. All right, ready? Who can say this magic moment? There it is.

I don't know why I picked my song. Your song was the right one. No, I've got to fix it. This magic moment. You're going to fix it in real time on the podcast? Not a problem. You've changed up ever since we started getting subscribers. Ever since I lost a job, I've been a real different person.

You guys have been chasing the subs dream, man. You saw Danny and I coming in hot, and they go, we got to put this on video. I kind of did. True. You guys are an inspiration. You were a hair inspiration for me. You guys are a podcast inspiration. My morning routine is I wake up, I brush my teeth, I check South Jersey Bad Boy subscriber count,

Foster Care subscriber count, and then hours. Then I go, still on top. All right, baby. Still cooking. You go, god damn it, Matt. Stay on top of this. When you want to feel really good, you bring up Wizard Intern episodes and you're like, yo, we're crushing them. Yeah. Wow. What a toss back. Remember that pod? That was fun, dude. I had like three guests. You two. Yeah.

Foster. Yeah. Pretty much the guests that we have also. So we can't. It's pretty good. Our first bookings were just, we looked at all of your guests and we're like, we'll get all these too. It was just whoever is close in proximity to Matt lived across the street. We're like, yeah.

It was fun. Yeah, but I'm also a lightning bolt of the guest. That was the only, one of the only podcasts I ever did with headphones. That's, and I liked it a lot. I don't know. It freaked me out. But now I have long hair. I can't be a headphone guy.

You could be whatever you want to be, dude. You're looking for a job. You could be. Damn, I should be a lot. I don't know. It freaked me out. But now I have long hair. I can't be a headphone guy. You could be whatever you want to be, dude. You're looking for a job. You could be... Damn, I should be employable. That's what I should be. You're definitely this guy right now. With the length that your hair is right now, you're rocking these all day.

Yeah. I love being a fake surf guy. I was a fake surf guy all through my teen years. I surfed a little bit. I'm just going right back to it, man. I'm just leaning back in. I was a fake skater. Yeah, me too.

I was a fake skater in college. Oh, yeah. Fake skater? Fake skater in college. I tried to reinvent myself. You had no identity. As the skater guy. I was like, you know what?

I'm going to start skating in college. Oh, no. I could barely out. That just means you bought three DC shirts, and you were like, I'm the skater guy now. I always liked the skateboarder style. I loved vans and all that. I always dressed that way, but then I never skateboarded.

And people would assume that I did. And then I'm like, I'm a total fraud. By the time I got to college, I'm like, I'm just going to start skating. I'll get really good by the time people notice. It's like osmosis. And it was just terrible. You're too old at that point. Guys lower to the ground.

You're supposed to be a little bit better at skating pretty quickly. See, you should have gone the route i kind of went the same route but i also just learned like seven chords on guitar and was in bands so you were allowed to wear because like skate culture and band culture were on the same side of the venn diagram so it's like you're allowed to wear van i still wear vans this day just look at those well they were touched a deck in the day in their life the Vans have crossed boundaries now

where it's like... Yeah, they're everywhere now. They're very fashionable, not just... Back in the day, early vans, it's like you looked like a punk skater kid. Punk skaters and now it's like whores and malls. I rocked a lot of etnies in high school. You had to get them at Hot Topic. Yeah. Yeah. Hot Topic was a bit of a... I don't know about you guys in your teen years. Hot Topic

was an experience for me. Hot Topic Rock. That was the one you went to. That's like the next level up of Hot Topics. Well, mine was still just a regular run of the mill, just a regular Hot Topic. Oh, Devin Mallet, too, actually. And I would walk in there. They had Hot Topic Rock in there.

I never seen The Rock. I only went there. Trust me, you were in The Rock. My buddy used to manage it. Shout out to John. I went in there and I'd buy it. What is a Hot Topic Rock? Nothing.

They just rebranded it by adding rock underneath of it. It was just like we added another row of stud rebranded it by adding rock underneath of it. It was just like we added another row of studs to the belt, so that's about it. The one that I went to, they had band T-shirts. Were you band T-shirts in college? You never quite went there? No, I didn't quite go there, but I did learn guitar in college. You're wearing a Rolling Stones shirt right now.

I was about to say, yeah. You're wearing a Rolling Stones shirt literally right now. Well, listen, college was a long time. Speaking of Hot Topics, you guys. He got that one from Target, though. Well, listen, college was a long time. Speaking of hot topics, you guys. He got that one from Target, though. I can tell. I have the same one. I do.

This is exactly from Target. You nailed it. You guys are nailing me to the cross right now. Come on, Jesus. You guys know my entire identity. Did you talk about how your skateboarding experience was really just a tech deck? Yeah. That's even harder, tech deck.

Did you even have a skateboard at college? I did. I was trying to skate. I just sucked. No, I tried to skate in high school, too, and I got the deck. It was a Cary Getz Habitat board. Pretty sick.

Yeah. Philly skater, Cary Getz. And I got the deck, and then somebody gave me a hand-me-down trucks and wheels, and I went, like, twice to the skate spot behind the old Bradley's in my town. It was like a Big Lots now. That guy was the best. Skate spot? Sound like you're a cop impersonating a skater.

Went to the old skate spot. Hey, fellas, what's happening at the skate spot today? I thought that was the gay meetup. Smoking. Smoking. It ended up being that because I was the kid that just – I sat off to the side and was like, no, no, I'll hit that ledge when everybody else is done.

A kid broke his deck and came over and he's like, hey, I couldn't help but notice you're not actually skating. Can I use your board? And I was just like, here you go, man. And I just gave it to him. Don't call me out, son. He gave it back to me and I was just like, oh, it's all stretched out.

Like it doesn't feel the same now. It's like lending a jacket to somebody or somebody fucking your girl. When you're older, you can't start skating because if you're carrying a skateboard and you're older people assume oh you must be good because you must have just dropped your child off you can't be like i just started yeah that's a good point yeah well that's like what's his name that's what i was trying to do is eric costan that drives around la and just screams do a kickflip well that's like a popular thing but that's a true thing there's so many things that you cannot start later in life.

If you're 25 and you're like, I'm going to start skating, and you go to the skate park, first of all, it's a big fucking risk of kissing little boys. Not that you will do it, but if you're ever in a spot where it might happen, not a lot of places you go to kiss little boys. Are you projecting something here?

Did something happen to you at the skate park? You shred a couple of ramps, you hit a couple of kiss flips, Are you projecting something here? Did something happen to you at the skateboard? You just avoid all situations that have little boys. You shred a couple ramps. You hit a couple kiss flips. And next thing you know, you're in love with a 16-year-old boy. What's a Little League baseball game like? Huh? What's a Little League baseball game like?

I mean, tough for me in these tight pants. I'll tell you that much, brother. A lot of stuff you shouldn't start at 25. You know, skateboarding, stand-up if you're you. Relax. They're a baby doll. I started when I was 15. How old are you now depends what do you mean for like this show enough for depends nah dude i used to wear band shirts when i'm an old

man now aren't you no i'm younger than anything ever why what a dumb question dude i'm so young the youngest you've ever been i'm top six youngest i've been today but i went to fucking i used to wear band shirts when i'd skate yeah and they were always overly tight we guys big what t-shirt kind of go yeah yeah yeah what would been specifically my chemical romance panicking the disco and I remember I would I was like skinny fat so I was wearing just like everything was just holding nice my my skinny chubby body in place so every time you'd like you're jumping in the air yeah getting aerial and like things are moving I like damn my pecs are coming in, aren't they? It's just man titties. Damn, my titties hit

my chin. It was exhausting. My nipples hurt all the time. It's tough to be a little chubby too as a skater too. Yeah, true. It's a thin man's sport. It's a thin man's game. My soiree into skating was, my dad was very against it. He would never let me ski or anything because he's like, you're going to break your arm and you can't play baseball. And the goal was to try to play baseball in college, try to do something with it. So I remember skating.

I was like, guys, I probably shouldn't even learn backside grinds or anything because it's like, I'm probably going to go to D1. What a weird rule for your dad who had been to jail to be like, no fucking skateboarding. He didn't go until I was in my mid-20s. I already was cool. What if the dads are more practical about it?

You can't skate, son. You got to go into sales. Those are your type of hands, jackass. Oh, dude. My dad seeing me skateboard, he was totally like, what the fuck are you doing? That's girl shit, dude.

You punk-ass bitch. My dad, their generation's our dads. Seeing us come up where, I don't know about you guys. I'm sure probably you. I don't know because you're, you know, so goddamn young. But, like, earrings, skateboarding. I'm three weeks older than his dad. But that was, like, a big, like, when we were in high school.

You got to have a third one on that one. Earrings, skateboarding. I'm trying to think what else. Skateboarding and earrings. What was some punk-ass shit? Summer Love in 2009. Some punk-ass shit that my dad looked at me where he was like, my son is a gay man.

He was like, he has both his ears closed. I had a studded belt in high school because I thought I was that punk rock. There you go. And I used to have to, I would come down the steps and be pulling my shirt down to cover it. And I remember the first time my dad saw it. That was a big thing. And he was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, get back in here. And I'm like, what's up?

And he's like, it's on your belt. And I was like, just a little bit of metal. It seems like the whoa, get back in here. I'm like what's up? He's like it's on your belt. Yeah, I was like just a little bit of metal. It's like the whole thing's covered in metal is the equivalent of the dad pulling his daughter's. I was like you got to put a sweatshirt on or not wearing that out of the house. Come on, dad. I bring a different belt and I

cover your skinny fat body. I know I'm walking out with a cup, so my dad's like you're embarrassed at the goddamn family. Yeah, that's a good example of studded belt Abercrombie dude. That was like, maybe not high school, maybe early high school for me, like Hollister.

My dad was looking at me and my buddies, spraying cologne and putting on ripped jeans and Abercrombie shirt and then going playing pickup basketball because you're waiting for two girls to show up. That's the thing. The irony is they call it gay, super combi shirt and then go and play pickup basketball because you're waiting for two girls to show up. That's the irony. The irony is they call it gay,

but you're doing all that because nobody's more desperate for pussy than the guy that's going to get his pussy. But also, they had their version of that too. What year was he born? 57. Your dad at one point put bell bottoms on and a fucking collar that was long enough to touch his nipple and his dad was probably like put bell bottoms on and a fucking collar that like was long

enough to touch his nipple. And his dad was probably like, you fucking pussy with a high and tight, like just home from war. Yeah. So it's like every generation has that bullshit. But even some dads are like, they had itineraries of like shit that they thought was gay, that they avoided their whole life. There are guys who were like, they had a checklist every morning.

They're like, all right, I can't be happy. I can't listen to like high-pitched music. I mean, those are usually the guys that can't out of fucking 40 or 50. True. Earring was a big one. I remember I got one of those fake magnetic ones on the boardwalk, and I came back like that night. My parents dropped us off, and then we got another ride back.

I walked in. I was just like acting like no big deal, and my dad like runs over and he goes, what the fuck, and rips it off my ear. And I was like just like acting like no big deal and my dad like runs over and he goes what the fuck and rips it off my ear and I was like what if that was real? We'd be at the fucking emergency room. Just me gushing blood. He just went full on now.

Also, he was probably like eleven to fifteen beers deep because we were down the shore like he dropped us off probably with a buzz that was like I'm gonna go home. I'm on vacation. I'm gonna get ripped. Yeah, my gay son's gonna come back with an earring. Good luck getting home. Yeah.

My name on a piece of rice around my neck too. You guys remember that? Are you two young? You guys young for that? That was a big thing on the boardwalk. It was like a little vial like this big with a piece of rice in it. And they would like really tiny with a paintbrush write your name on the piece of rice. I never got one.

That was a little too homosexual for rice. I never got one. That was a little too homosexual for me and my boys. I never got one. It usually involved a yin-yang charm in there, too. Yin-yangs were huge for my generation. We were strictly on the boardwalk for chubby Latina girls when we were 14. We didn't have time to spare. That's why we were seeking the rice, because the girls loved the rice. We were looking at girls who could barely zip up their hoodie from Abercrombie.

It was the same thing my generation, too, but it was like the girls, they were seeking boys with rice around their neck. Dude, they were looking at us white men with things to offer

and they're like, you can save us. And I was like, yeah, I bet I can. Sorry, I'm blinded by your puka show. My wife just brought this up the other day

and was like, I think I might get one of these. I was like, hell yeah, dude. Just the original mind of yours truly. That sucks. Brendan Donaghan. Brendan Donaghan comedy on Instagram. This could be some of our first merch that rules on a piece of rice. What is like, hell yeah. Just the original mind of yours truly. That sucks. Brendan Donaghan. Brendan Donaghan comedy on Instagram. This could be some of our

first merch that rules on a piece of rice. What is that, a crack pipe? That looks like a period blood in that one. I don't like that. Now that I think about it, it probably was just a crack pipe. You guys might have just been running around with crack pipes. Dude, how good was the boardwalk though? Just dudes in their 30s that

own shops on the boardwalk just openly trying to fuck teenage girls. You could walk around the boardwalk with that nickel song i'd be like this is a fetus at four weeks meet me under the boards do you know how fucked up it is what you're doing and my latina girls like we know exactly did you ever get cornered by the uh religious kids on the boardwalk that were like essentially jehovah's witness but like they they weren't like in you know suit and tie i remember my buddy and i we were in ocean city we were old enough where we were allowed to essentially Jehovah's Witness, but they weren't in suit and tie. I remember my buddy and I, we were in Ocean City. We were old enough where we were allowed to stay out

late at the boardwalk ourselves, but we weren't old enough to be drinking yet. So we were just kind of hanging out. We were like, yeah, we're going to get late night pizza. We're kind of bad boys. And I remember these two kids walked over and were like, what's up, fellas? And I was like, oh, these are fucking religious kids. So I started walking away.

My buddy got cornered for like an hour. But he was like in-depth. This is not even like stoned thinking. He was having like in-depth religious conversations. I was like, I would love to see those guys now and be like, I got nothing but time, man. Let's sit down and get into it. What is God? I thought you were going to get fucked up.

Turns out he was just having an argument about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He's like, what happened back there? Are you okay? Dude, they ended up praying with him. I was standing off to the side and like, can we pray with you? Yeah. And he was like, I mean, I guess. They like held their hands on his shoulder as I'm just over there ripping my fourth piece

of Mac and Mancos. We had some people that would walk around our town, like my hometown in Audubon. I remember one time these religious kids. The Jehovah's Witness? I don't know what religion. Like my hometown in Audubon, I remember one time these religious kids. The Jehovah's Witness? I don't know what religion. Some sort of Christianity where they are trying to preach the word and convert you. But we were kids, right?

So they're talking, but they were also kids. So they're just doing whatever they're told. So that's what this was too. They were like on the same level. But my mom came out and freaked the fuck out of me. She's like, what the fuck are you doing? That's a good Irish Catholic mom. We got one Lord. One Lord, one Savior.

Don't you ever come to my home talking about Jesus Christ. First off, go birds. Yeah, first off, go birds. This is some real fucking Dallas shit you're pulling out here. I can't believe you're getting hit with Christianity on the boardwalk. Your poor dad, dude. There's a church on the Wildwood boardwalk. It's at the very end. you're right you have to go to it my my really my parents would make us go to church

when we would go down to wildwood we would have to we would go we would go to an actual church though did you hit the boardwalk church no there's one like on the boardwalk and it's open like friday saturday night and you walk by and like like come on in hear the good word of the lord if all they had to do was have three attractive girls your age out there, I'd have been like, oh, check out Jesus. Let's do this. Yeah, it really was not a lot. That was crazy how much parents wanted you to go to church.

And you're like, you knew your parents didn't give a fuck. Like your dad was just like. But they're just like, I'm so fucking guilty about everything. I have to go. All of our parents, my parents, well, my dad was a Catholic school kid kid my mom was a public school kid that's mine yeah same setup both were catholic okay because that's what my dad would like force us to go and then like he was the first one to drop off and his excuse was always like i did enough church like wait you could just like you can test out i didn't know there was a like toss me i'll throw it in church down the shore is a

different level too it's like no air conditioning. You're in a gymnasium. Yeah, true. They're just kind of splicing together, church. They're just grabbing some bread. It's not even Eucharist. It's crazy to like go to church. It's a priest that looks like me.

He's like, I'm going to make this quick. No, they're still just as sad, but you're just listening to like people on the beach. It's like going to church at like an EDM concert right next door. I would love to go to church on the beach. Get high and go to church on the beach? That's a marriage. True. I did go to a beach marriage. It's like going to church at like an EDM concert right next door. I would love to go to church on the beach. Get high and go to church on the beach. That's a marriage. True. I did go to a beach marriage. It was the worst condition. It was like a monsoon came through.

Yeah. And they hired a, it was my cousin. They hired one of the planes you always see fly with like a thing on the back of it. And the dude still flew in this like insane monsoon. We all had to go out from under the tent that we were kind of drying under and just watch this plane fly by.

And it's like, congrats, Mandy and Dan. And you're just like, I fucking hate every bit of this. And then it goes right by. It just crashes. And then it hits a fucking Chinese weather balloon. What do you guys think about that? Before we get there, I just want to bring this up because you guys are, we have a father

and an incoming father. Look, and I'm not proud of this. because you guys are... We have a father and an incoming father. I... Look, and I'm not proud of this. I'll get this as quick as I can. Please. This past weekend, I went to a Jordan drop at a Plato's Closet. I woke up at 8 o'clock in the morning. And listen, before you guys judge with your fucking faces, will you?

I went to a Jordan drop. I didn't know it was that bad. It gets worse. I went to a Jordan drop at a Plato's Closet, a local Plato's Closet. I didn't travel too far. For the listener who doesn't know, Plato's Closet is used clothing. It's used fashionable clothing. But used nonetheless.

I just want that for story's sake. Lightly used. I've purchased two of my favorite clothing items. I've purchased from Plato's Closet. Nearly everything I'm wearing. I'm not judging. Just like the record to show, they are used yeah and that's a scumbag yeah it gets sometimes used by hot girls dumbasses and so i went there and wait

the guy in playa's closet like holding up a shirt and he's like did a woman own this no that's where i come in and i sniff it and i sniff him too some dork i bought a shirt that i thought was the eagles uh text text in Chinese lettering. It turns out he was like, damn, I didn't know we had an Eagles shirt in Hebrew. I thought Hebrew was Chinese lettering, and I bought it. Damn, you stay with Israel, huh? Yeah, I was like L'chaim or whatever. So I went to the Plato's Closet.

It opened at 10. I had to get there early, bright and early, B&E. So I got there at 9 a.m., and it was 14 degrees that morning. So I'm standing in line i'm the seventh person in line that's a pretty good spot to be in and you don't i know that you don't dress well for cold weather well i did i dressed it up were your ankles exposed yeah yeah all right yeah because i gotta be that's just the dad me you gotta cover those up bud all right your ankles got to be bitter cold all the time bitter cold what are you my beautiful

grandmother yeah you at least wear wool socks no guys i wore sweatpants so i could be dexterous and here's the reason why and here's where it goes back to being parents as we're as we're being let into the store this little kid and his mom not a little kid he's probably 13 or 14 are behind me he sneaks to the very front and darts in in front of everybody so like everybody in line's like what the fuck because when you go like it's a joint basically you're going there to resell the sneakers so you're there's like two three hundred dollars at stake when you're trying to get the shoes and everybody's kind of like annoyed and i outlined i was like that kid's a fucking dickhead and his mom went i'm so sorry and it was a nice moment that'd be great she was like i know i'm raising them that's

what she basically was like i fucking hate it and so she got in there and she's like, what are you doing? And he's like, I don't want to fucking tech deck. So that behavior is excusable for a two-year-old. But like, line etiquette, like,

I'm enforcing it on my daughter now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You got to respect the line. Yeah, respect the line. Big time line guy. Yeah.

I hated that in college when people, when typically, you know, and this is a very feminist podcast, but typically females would have no line etiquette. Not a single ounce.

They would just walk right up to the front. They sell everybody's Coke. The worst, this is the worst. You guys ever have this happen in your young 20s when you'd be going out to a bar and you'd be with a group of girls and they go, no, I know the guy who's running the door.

Just come with us. And you're the only dude? And you're the only dude. And they go, no, I know. And it's like, you don't know the guy. He running the door just come with us and it's like and you're the only dude and you're the only dude and they go no I know and it's like you don't know the guy he thinks you're hot and he's trying to bang you and you met him once we walk up and they're like yeah of course ladies all of you guys in and they're like hang on dickhead

I'm like I told you guys there's also a part of you though it's like man maybe if I just act very gay they'll be cool that was all at Rowan is every that would have been my ticket. Yeah, so you just like, just to get in, you just rainbow it up a little bit. You're in there. You wink at one of the bouncers. Did you guys have ratios in college at all?

Oh, yeah. Ratio was big. I went to a Christian college, so no, but I know what you're talking about. Dude. I was harsh on the, I was the door guy that was harsh on the, I'd be like, $5 for everyone. I don't give a fuck. What a douche, dude. Fuck how hot you are.

No, you got to put the short asshole at the door. To the girls you were. To everybody. Oh, good. Then that's, I'm all for that fuck. What a douche, dude. Fuck how hot you are. Yeah, you want to put the... No, you got to put the short asshole at the door. To the girls you were. To everybody. Oh, good. Then that's... That's a good move, though. You put the big tough guy at the door. We only have a 20. I go, well, there's four of you here. Shake those asses, then. If you want to get in, I'd pop that pussy if I were you. Yeah.

Fellas right this way. Anyway, you guys been playing Hardware Legacy? It's a pretty sick game. You can be any whether you choose like dude, please stop the guys like we're going to fuck you up. I think come on in. Really? Oh, are you going to have had a good day? You can actually fuck in my room do whatever you guys want. Is that a Harry Potter

poster in your room? No, it's also going the dark pussy. Did you guys even read the books? Look at this. I have a real life gun, but technically it's Ron Weasley. Actually, that's my poster. Yeah, I got a lot of those. That was just pictures of me graduating.

Have you ever been at a party when a gun is pulled out or just shown? I had a gun pulled on me at college. I'm like a generally annoying guy. What? You? You believe this crap? Get out of town. This is news to me, brothers.

I was out front of a 7-eleven at rowan and i just kept yelling shit and these two dudes were like yo shut the fuck up and i thought it'd be a hilarious thing to say why don't you suck my penis and the one dude did give me one of those the fucking shirt lift and he showed it to you god damn dude gritty jesus what and sam i mean was there any hope that he was gonna turn out out looking okay? Why are you always wet? Who's the guy that just won a bunch of Grammys last night? He's a British guy, and he's got some of the most popular songs right now, and he is one of the fucking ugliest musicians I've ever seen. Hold on a second.

There's this new M. Night Shyamalan show with him in it. I auditioned for this part of the show that's like two lines and i didn't get it but imagine if i did dude you'd have to look at this and be like rubicry is actually an incredible but imagine you're watching the show you go it's a shamlon show and then it cuts to brendan on the phone i'm like calling in for something what was the show it's whatever new i think it's called yes i i was i was lined up to audition for it too and then something with COVID, they shut it down and I couldn't do it the second

audition. You guys were auditioning for big time big time things? I've sent you the link for the thing. That's the only thing that I typically... Almost everything I audition for, it's like you'll never hear of or it's like a TikTok commercial. That is like one of the only things where I'm like, oh no, that's an actual show. I watched it. Isn't the thing with the fake baby or whatever yeah i haven't seen it but it is i think i i think

i was giving you the run i just know m night call us shammy it's also crazy that uh i've heard i heard his new movie is fucking terrible he's um into he's real hit or miss dude but i will watch the cabin i've heard his. I'll watch it. Dave Batiste it. Can we please talk about Cocaine Bear? They already spoke about it. We'll talk about... I'm trying to find the singer. I typed in

British singer ugly and Susan Boyle just came up first. I just watched You People on Netflix. Holy fuck, that is one of the worst movies You People on Netflix. Is that terrible? Holy fuck, that is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It was originally a Sidney Poitier movie I heard. Is that about the whites?

It's about an interracial couple, and it's like the most ridiculous stereotypical thing. Jonah Hill, right? That dude's Scott. Yeah, Scott C. Shout out Scott C. The Ikea guy. Oh, yeah. He's in this movie wow scott was

like a baltimore harrisburg area comic like started just before i started comedy wow yeah this is the role of this is a dream role i'm so excited yeah this is like it's just ridiculous you could get here from a gopuff commercial or something like anything like this is the role of a lifetime because i don't think it's going to take itself seriously. It's going to, it's like the movie's a bit. It's also Ray Liotta's final film

before he died. Yeah, I know it actually happened and we don't really speak to people like that on the podcast, but I don't know what you guys usually do.

It's like Sharknado. Oh shit, my hair looks like Ray Liotta's. I just realized. This is Ray Liotta's last movie. Damn it. Is Ray Liotta's

the one who shot the lady on set? Yeah, that's who actually did it and then he took the fall. He's a last movie. Damn it. Is Ray Liotta the one who shot the lady on set? Yeah. That's who actually did it, and then he took the fall. He's a great actor. He died. He fooled everybody. I've been seeing Alec Baldwin on Michael Rapaport's podcast. I'm like, aren't you in jail, dude?

Dude, he's a straight shooter. Yeah, what's going to happen with that? So he got indicted, right? Or whatever the word is. He's a murderer. They're like, yeah, that time when you shot a woman in the fucking face yeah you're gonna have to have some consequences about that and he's like yeah i was in that show 30 rock with tina fucking he was like talk to my wife hilaria she's from spain actually she's from boston yeah you guys know that old school yeah yeah she's a big spanish

girl that is that it's like the dude from new york who said he was jewish ben affleck and jennifer lopez made a single person. It's his wife. I'm not mad at it. Maybe it's just a looper. They made her now. The thing about my husband, Alex, is that sometimes he's got loose fingers, and he shoots people in the face.

But then the Boston accent still comes in. Yeah, you're like, what are you talking about? I'm not saying she had it coming. I'm just saying. My husband, Alex, I never shoot nobody, kid. That is actually the perfect example of the guy who said the Jew-ish because she had been saying for years, my family is from Spain.

I'm Spain-ish. They would go to Spain once a year. But she grew up in Boston. Damn, I'm Wildwood-ish. She was actually telling everybody, yeah, my family's from Spain. I mean, that's the most hot chick thing to do. like once a year but she would she grew up like in boston damn i'm wild woodish like as we tell everybody like yeah my family's from spain i mean that's the most hot chick thing to do they just say their world is just their own you can live wherever the fuck yeah when everybody tells you you've never said anything wrong you'd be like fuck it i'm from spain whatever you're like damn

she is she's she's spanish guys yeah it must be nice dude If you're a female and you are hot. That is amazing to lie that hard, though. You have to sit down and plan out that lie. And once you do, you've got to stick to it. Yeah, that's like Steve Razzisi when he was saying that he was in the towers. Yeah, then he's got to stick to that. Well, because they said

he caught traction with it stand-up wise. And in that, I'm like, oh, yeah. So I would lean in, too, if I start to get booked more and shit like that. Is John trying to tell us that he was in 9-11? I was in the third tower that didn't get hit. There was another tower uptown that was also a World Trade Center tower. The apartment complex?

Actually, no. I got the call the night before. I'm not Jewish, but I'm Jew-ish. So they gave me the call the night before. That'd be funny if Osama bin Laden called out Steve Ranazizi from like one of the cave videos. He was not that. No, he wasn't. He was fibbing. Oh, what are you in there, Steve?

I have more TV credits. He's watching the league in the background. Shut up. Shut up. Osama. No, he's a fibber. That's real terrorism. What do you guys think about the Chinese satellite balloon? What's your theory on it? Should be called Barone. All right, end of

segment. Here's what I want to know. How many kids they got in there, in that thing? Oh, you think they got kids? All the boys that they didn't want born or whatever? The Chinese don't like... It's no girls, right? They want a lot of boys? How does it work? They toss all the boys in there, and then they just have somebody once a year,

once it gets over Montana, they throw a dart and they pop it. My mom's friend moved to South Carolina, and today I saw my mom. We took her out for her birthday for lunch, and she was like, you know, I was talking to my friend, and that's her beach where they shot it down. I was like, oh, yeah? Did they shoot it down?

Yeah, so it was like, oh yeah? Did they shoot it down? Yeah, so they had like four like the blue angels were like circling it. They had like fighter jets circling it. How did they think that we weren't going to notice? Dude, so here's my thing. It's not a

Chinese spy balloon. That's my theory. There's no way a balloon could make it from China across the Pacific, then across the United States to Carolina. The Carolinas without the US being like... Do you know what the Chinese are capable of? Without the US government being like, hey, what's a thing?

Well, they could have been trying the most polite 9-11 of all time, just flying a balloon into a skyscraper. We're not in a hurry, but we're on our way. You can try to stop us. They said there was explosives in there, and they said it's because it was supposed to detonate over a controlled area.

So here's my theory, and this is my theory on aliens also. It's all the Air Force making up shit for technology that's beyond what we know now. So hear me out. I'll say that now. You're saying the Chinese are UFOs.

I don't think the Chinese had anything to do with this. I think we caught wind and saw a weather balloon that was doing some kind of new technology, and we shot it down. We were like, oh, no, it's Chinese. Quick, shoot it down. Freedom. I think that's what happened.

I think that whenever we see alien crafts, they declassified a bunch of that shit last year. You think that's what happened. I think that whenever we see alien crafts, they declassified a bunch of that shit like last year. You think it's China? No. I think it's the US Air Force. What the fuck are you talking about? I think it's technology that we're not... The general public isn't aware of yet. I'm picking up what you're putting

down. You mean balloons? When they get caught testing it out... No, like the... Not the balloons. I think this is... I think this was a guy like an intern at the air force just like because i ought to be wound yeah i'm a way to go just shot down the guy from up but my theory is that like when we see these like planes that they're like we can't recognize like the movement that made that's not anything of this world it's an unidentified flying object i think it's just technology that the air force has they got caught using object. I think it's just technology that the Air Force has. They got caught using it to test it.

I think it's a strong theory. And they're just like, no, no, no, no, aliens. It's totally aliens, dude. Yeah, no. I think it's just a weather balloon from China that flew off course. I have a lot of free time. I've really been going down a lot of rabbit holes. What is a weather balloon?

I think it's... Riddle me that. You have to put it above the atmospheric level to see the Sorry, I haven't gone in a lot of rabbit holes. What is a weather balloon? Riddle me that. You have to put it above the atmospheric level to see the current. Bro, did you just say atmospheric in my face like that? It's funny. He tracks down Latinas. He's smart, too, bro. You can nonchalantly, thoroughly explain something. You're like, I don't know.

It's like something with the atmosphere and the barometric pressure. Because I come on here and I'm like, shoes, dicks, and then I throw an atmosphere at them. Do not even mention Celsius in my face like that. They're shutting down people's hearts. John drinks four a day. Oh, you were talking attempts. No, I stopped drinking Celsius. I feel like a weather balloon, though, is really any balloon you put outside for an extended period can be a weather balloon.

You'll know if it's windy. You'll know if it's raining. Or if you take a balloon and you draw rain on it. Yeah, true. That's a weather balloon. Girls can use their boobs to tell the weather, too. You don't even need balloons. it's windy. You'll know if it's raining. Or if you take a balloon and you draw rain on it. Yeah, true. That's a weather balloon. Girls can use their boobs to tell the weather, too. You don't even need balloons. That's true.

Do you ever break a bone? You can feel it in an old injury. You can feel it when you break a bone? You ever break a bone? Shit fucking hurts, dude. You can feel it when the weather's going to change. I can feel it in my thumb when it's going to rain. It's like an old farmer.

Johnny faxed. I know two things. The government fakes UFOs and you can tell the weather with your bones. You're specifically your thumb. So hireable. Is it a thumbs up situation? Is it going to rain?

No, we're good. All right. Yeah. I don't know. I'm like, is it going to rain? No, we're good. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I fucking, I don't know. I think this is just Chinese sneaky shit, bro. And they're just doing it like you can't shit a plane. You got to do a little balloon.

Because how adorable are balloons? True. Is it a blimp, perhaps? Or it's definitely a balloon. The size of three buses. It's definitely a balloon. Wait, the size of what? It's the size of three buses.

Yeah. I think it's definitely a balloon. Wait, the size of what? It's the size of three buses, yeah. So what is speculation that they could be collecting data by just hovering or just spying and looking at us jerking off? Yeah, there's a geometric landscape of the entire planet. They kind of know. And they were in Wisconsin or something.

It was like middle America where there's really not much going on. How often do you jerk off outside? Once or twice a week, but you never. How often do you jerk off outside? Once or twice a week, but you never in Wisconsin. Have you checked for balloons? So the idea of jerking off outside and screaming into the sky is the funny part.

How do you like me now, China? Clip it. He's touching his body. Or starting with your head just out the window looking for balloons. You're like, you're just shooting. Not today, China. How often do you think you'd have to jerk off in your backyard, John,

in order for one day for you to see it on Google Earth? What's the consistency? Why me? Why was I picked out? He has a backyard, too. He knows where yards are. I don't know how often they take those pictures once a year. I really don't.

You have to just be trying to memorize things. So you've got to be out there every goddamn day. And I'm committed. I got behind a Google Streetcar car the one time. Excuse me? Why did I say car twice? I don't know. Google Streetview car.

That's what I meant to say. That's pretty cool. I got behind one of those, and I did not have to follow him. I'm missing all my great jokes. I heard that one. I got behind one of those and I did not have to follow him. I was just behind him making faces and being silly and I didn't get on any of it. A Chinese invasion of the United States. They're calling it Yellow October. That sounded like you

were reading a news article. I had one more racist bit to get out. Yellow October. They're calling it Yellow October. Red October is when the Russians came in. But it's February. It's more of a... Anyway, we'll cut that one. Yeah, to go that hard and that racist on that big of a bomb.

Dude, how many fucking... Because it was in the Midwest. You're just thinking about all the fucking hammered dudes who were just like sitting in their trucks. Eating cheese. Just keep shooting i'm gonna be the one to get this i'm gonna get this so that was my mom was like yeah my friend didn't go she's like but her friends went and uh and she's like i asked them to aim and try and like go to shoot it

down yeah and she's like they brought their guns that was like the answer like yeah they were strapped oh wow yeah it makes sense i saw a great a great TikTok the other day about in the mid 80s. There was a bunch of towns in the Midwest that were like protesting that you should be allowed to drink and drive. I just saw that today too. TikTok, another great Chinese technology. Yeah, true. We're like, there's a balloon in the sky. The spine is probably deeper in TikTok

than anything else. There's like Chinese technology on our phone that knows when we get sad during the day. That's what I love. I love when people are like, yeah, They're flying a balloon over here. It's like we're giving them data. It's like you're just handing them everything. China knows that I love big boobies shaking, don't they? How can we get them to let us know what they're doing every second of the day?

TikTok. This is excellent footage from Billings, Montana. Well, the thing was flying higher than airplanes, too. That's why I was like, the footage of it actually getting shot down, it's insane how clear that is for how high up that is. Yeah, but that's why I think it is actually a weather balloon because I do think it has to be high as fuck. It looks like that.

It's another moon. It does look like a UFO, man. The only thing I know about weather balloons is there was a dude that jumped off of one for Red Bull one time. Bert Kreischer or whatever? Yes, Bert Kreischer. Part of his Mickey Mantle gene was he hung onto a balloon. Does Red Bull even hype you up that much that you're jumping off

weather balloons? I don't know, man, but for a while, they were hosting. Red Bull just sponsored the coolest shit. The guy on the way up trying his first Red Bull, like, this shit is not working. I need about 25 more of these. He's just nervous at the top. He's like, yo, this is now I'm just more anxious.

You sure this qualifies me? Is this supposed to make my skin crawl? Fuck. Anyone can jump off a weather balloon. Show me a guy that can shotgun a Red Bull while jumping off a weather balloon. Yeah. Red Bull sponsored the coolest shit. You want to get a guy cooking, get him a Red Bull vodka. That guy, I'll fucking jump off anything. Oh my

God. Yeah, me and my twenties off Red Bull vodka dude. I'll jump off a fucking dude. You remember when Red Bull sponsored that flu talk thing. It was in Camden. Did you guys go to that? What the flu talk thing is like the it's a big platform and people build people call originally in Germany. People build like a flying machine and

go off the edge of it and it's just them nose diving into the river. They did it at Cam And it's just them nose diving into the river. They did it at Camden and people were just nose diving into the Delaware. So it's like you're having the most glorious moment of your life. And then you're probably going to get a needle in your neck when you plunge down into the Camden side of the Delaware. Yeah. That's gotta be the most dangerous part.

That was the flu togs. You had to create flying machines. And then they also did a downhill racing and manioc down like i think it was grape street one of the really steep ones and it was just if you can pull that up dude just look up like red bull manioc uh soapbox racing or something like that dude people were just doing like 45 miles an hour into a bale of hay and just going end over end and we're all hammered along the side of it, just saying, Red Bull fucking rules.

You got to invest in our product. Yeah, dude. I remember the weather was miserable. This is great quality, too. Is that Vegas? That might be Vegas Lancaster. That's fucking Vegas. This is John's next job.

That is Vegas Lancaster. Holy shit. What the fuck? Dude, I thought you were aware of this. No. What the fuck is that? Of high note fame, if any listeners. This is going to be Matt at the Super Bowl.

Are you guys pumped? Can I have some loose pussy, ladies? Is this Jimmy Rollins? Who did they just cut to? That was more racist than that. Look at these trash bag human ladies. It was right after the Phillies won the World Series, too. So it was like Phillies themed ones.

I can't believe you didn't know that Vegas Lancaster was opening this thing up. Wait. all right. Fast forward to when the soapbox cards actually go. This looks like a horrible girls going wild tape. This is like, hey, man, we're going to give the girls lots of beers, and then they're going to fall asleep, and then we're going to do whatever we love. Dude, careful, guys. Careful.

People got destroyed in this. That rules racist podcast. Right there. Go there, yes. I'm making a joke about these guys, dude. Racism rules podcast. Go back a little bit. Go there. Yes. Joke about these guys. Did racism rules podcast go back a little bit? Look at this guy.

Now that's America fighting up. If you ask me, look at flipping on his head and shit. It was like miserable weather. I was at a party that had a rooftop at the very start of this. Sick. We're like chucking beers at people. And so there was no rules. Yeah. Red Bull just let you do whatever you want. I still start of this. Sick. We're like chucking beers at people and stuff. There was no rules. Yeah.

Red Bull just let you do whatever you want. I still just can't get over Vegas Lancaster. Yeah, shout out Vegas Lancaster. This is what we do for fun in the Northeast. Give us a little bit of alcohol. We'll start rolling ourselves down the hills. Well, it's like Preston Steve does the Cardboard Classic. I think it's this weekend.

Is it? At Montage Mountain, they do. It's my mountain. Michael Nutty. The cardboard thing racing down that. Just fucking Paul Walker. That's how Paul Walker died. That was Nutty?

I think it was Michael Nutter. Giving a good bobsled down there. Look, I didn't say it was great. I just said they did it. I mean, that was well worth it. I think. Oh, it's going to smash. Coming in hot.

It was a Ghostbusters car. I think it was worth it. We pumped in our most racist segment in show history, so we'll probably have to cut about a minute and a half, two minutes. So if we get a time stamp on that one. I love it whenever somebody says time stamp, people think I'm actually hitting something. Did you not bring the stamp?

No, man. I'm just going to start stamping on the table. I don't know. That and then the Flutog thing was when Red Bull was in its prime. Yeah. That show was killing people. Is Red Bull TV still a thing? Red Bull TV?

It was like a Red Bull TV. It was on Red Bull TV? It was like a Red Bull TV. It was on like some cable network. Was that... All day snowboarding, fucking skydiving. Dude, the X Games and Red Bull, man, that shit came out at the... I was in like eighth grade in 97 when like all that shit hit. The X Games, like when Tony Hawk did the 900 and shit. Oh, man.

I still get chills. My big one. Those are big waves. Like the X Games and stuff being popular. Or like skateboarding being popular. It's like every 10 years it like pops off. Yeah. It amazes me that that stuff still goes on.

Like people still have careers even though you don't see it. Yeah. Because for a while like Tony Hawk was the most famous athlete in the world. Yeah. But like right now I couldn't tell you aside from like Nijer Muhammad, like who's like some of the top skaters. That's very obscure. Nobody knows who the fuck that is.

No, I only know Naja Muhammad because his shoes are fucking awesome. Stop saying Muhammad, dude. Careful, John. Houston. Houston. Naja Muhammad was a crossfitter. Okay, okay. That's even worse.

Naja Houston. Naja Muhammad was a skateboarding crossfitter, though. Almost every episode of South Jersey Bad Boys, I have to give Dan a careful dab because he almost says something completely wildly racist. I got to chop him down. We're totally lying with our brothers of different creed. Careful to listen.

If we can all come together as one to just shit on each other, what are we even doing here? What are we doing? What are we doing? Probably just me fucking bench pressing doing comedy. That's what I'm doing. Is that all you're doing right now? Literally, that's the only thing. I drink beers. I love drinking those

kinds of beers. You're kind of living like the 26 year old dream. How many plates are you stacking on each side? Dude, I probably put a fucking Brandon, get a grip jackass. Oh, I got a grip. Close grip. 315. Never in my life. Straight down onto my chest. Caved it in. I got a grip. Close grip. 315. Never in my life. Straight down onto my chest. Caved it in.

It's a problem. Needed a spot. Where were you? It's why I'm diabetic. I don't know how that worked. Actually, diabetes makes you jacked. That's a fact. Yeah, can you just like right before you hit a lift, you pump some of that venom in your butt. I get juiced up. Nice. That's got to be a good for a pump. I remember like, dude, I

used to, well, when I, I talked about this on Jeff and Rusty's podcast. I used to get, I got really into lifting my freshman year of college, but I also had a pylon idol cyst. So that's a cyst you get on your tailbone. Ladies. Ladies who are listening.

Any Latinas on the Wildwood Boardwalk want to speak my language? Hey. Hi. How are you? Special girls. You had the priest from the Wildwood Boardwalk say a prayer over your cyst. We've never seen anything like

this, but it kind of looks like the Virgin Mary. He can't sit down. It's weird. Speaking of virgins, this guy's got a cyst. I had a black choir just saying, hey, cyst, a soul, cyst. But I did have a pile of cysts, and it's not much of a fucking joke. And the big thing was I used to lay down to bench press, so I would lay on the bench press. Lay it down. i know the big thing was i used to lay down the

bench press so i would lay on the bench press lay it down lay it down brother you used to lay down the bench press how do you bench press now he stands up just chinese air balloon lifts it up i uh come on guys keep shoehorning you said some crazy shit doing that dude that pissed me and brendan off we did not like that we did not care for that. We were so upset and angry, dude. Listen, I got theories. But I used to lay on the bench press, and I would just... This is gross. I don't even know why I'm saying this, but it would shoot out while on the bench press.

The cyst? The cyst would shoot out. So it was almost like a hernia? No, it was goo. Oh, it would shoot... Okay. I thought you meant like it was like something that was. Ew.

You would like to go downstairs in between sets. I'd have to go downstairs, clean up, go back up. See, that's one of those things that you have where you go. I got to start working out from home now. No, I couldn't. I was in the care of other people. I was at Rowan University. I went, let me take advantage of this public gym.

Just pop and sis all over the place. Just pop and sis. Pop and pussy. Brothers and sisters. Take a week off. No way, let me take advantage of this public gym. Just popping cysts all over the place. Just popping cysts. Take a week off. No way, dude. No weeks off. When you start taking preventative measures, you just change in underwear constantly. Yeah, dude. My preventative measure was double up the underwear and call it a fucking afternoon.

How long ago did you fall off like this whole fitness journey? About a year and a half ago. Okay. It's the road back, okay if we're gonna talk like this during the podcast we might as well just call it a wrap we're just a common thing you threw that out there like you were like this was just junior year's cyst you guys know how that goes no dude i got it i noticed it going in the bubble on my tailbone i literally was ginormous dude how big How big were you talking? Softball. Not exaggerated.

Oh, holy shit. Swear to God. Wait, what was that from? The steroids? Not the steroids. So you're saying I'm in shape. Was it poor wiping technique? Huh?

No, it just happens to big dogs. Sometimes after guys do steroids, then they look like... No, dude. Was it a pimple that just got out of hand? You guys are fucking bully-ass jerks. Yeah, they look all like... Yeah, some might look like that, dude. Some might not.

Dude, you keep talking negative. Your child could come out like that. You can't put this negative air in the world. Like, was that the only one? I'm going to jack my son up with insulin. See, if your kid comes out with diabetes, boy, would that be the Lord's punchline. You could do a sweet father-son costume. He could be Bane, and you could...

Or you could be Bane, he could be Batman. And instead of, like, putting that juice into you, you just hit your thing. Juice up. That was better in my head. Does Bane do that? Yeah, it's Bane's thing. He powers up. That used to be his thing. Then the newer ones, he just wore that weird

mask, which that's still fun to do. That's true. Bane from the original was at the George Clooney Batman. Poison Ivy would hit a button on his chest. He didn't even speak. He was like a lucha wrestler. And she would hit a button on his chest and he'd be like, and all the steroids would go into his body. True. Yeah, it's true, dude. You keep the

fucking act up. I got a pack of fruit snacks in there. I'll shut down your whole night. Listen, dude, I got insulin on deck. I will fucking shoot all of us up in here. Yeah, so wait, how often did this... I'm not getting off this cyst topic. No, please. How...

Because I had one in college that... It was on my cheek. We all have cysts here? Dude, it was like an ingrown hair that turned into a cyst. I've never had one either, Brendan. I went to the doctor, and he was just like, oh, man, don't touch it. And that was it.

I kept playing baseball. I was a catcher, so I'd wear a mask over it. And one day, I just took off the mask, walked into the dugout, like touched it, and it just drained right there. What kind of podcast is this? The Handsome Sisters? It's not Handsome Idiots anymore, man.

It's that rules. It's a sis rule. No, dude, being handsome is an honest rules, dude. I respect the Handsome Idiots and the name of the podcast. And I've always liked the name handsome idiot so it's like yeah we're gonna actually stick him with it and it's like we're gonna just have jay splice in the word that rules over top of everything you just said there so that that name does rule handsome idiots look dude i had a cyst okay guys it happens to the

best of us happens to the rest of us what is that What is that caused by? You get ingrown hairs that grow into small holes in your T-bone. So my body is like, they saw one thing at whack, and they put a big sack around it. This is true. And then I had to deal my entire freshman year. Imagine you just started college, and you have a huge squirting asshole. You got a fanny pack on your back? I got a fanny pack that squirts straight pus.

They're calling you John Stockton because you're all about assists. Dude, then I got it removed and I couldn't move for like four weeks, so I gained like 25 pounds and my girlfriend, well, this is a woman I know at the time. How many weeks? This is four weeks. Is this the same girl that has the password? What were you eating, dude?

I was putting on masks, brother. Jesus Christ. I was hibernating for the summer. Is this the girl that has the password to casual peeps? No, no, no, no. I don't want to name too much. Okay, sorry. There was a girl I was dating at the time. We could bring up some casual peeps.

Did you not check out casual? You're obviously not a listener. We cannot do this every podcast. Yes, yes. I'm kidding. No, we don't have this. We're not rehashing old bits. What are we, the South Jersey bad boys?

Okay, anyway. We have new articles every week. We need to see if the follower count went up. It was 28 last time. We have new articles every week. We have new articles that we discuss every week. My fucking girlfriend's commenting on it. Brian Foster's commenting on it. Everybody's giving me shit.

Everybody's making fun of me about it, and they don't realize that I'm a cool guy. I'm a regular guy. I'm a God-fearing lesbian, and that they can't pull me off my swag. That is adorable. That is adorable. That is adorable. It's casual P-ops, actually. Jesus Christ. Hang on a second here. I'm going to head out. We're at 34 followers.

What in the world am I looking at here? Yes. All right. Cool. The idiots are listening. Is that a close-up on your wrist? Come on, guys. We already did. So if you really have any questions, you can tune into two episodes ago of That Rules Podcast, episode 74. Oh, my God. We covered this in detail.

It's a beautiful thing. Here's the long and short of it, dude. I dressed good, and I fingered girls like I'm playing with a tech deck. Move on. I applaud you for leaning in. You're not even embarrassed. This is a thing that most people would have shut down over. You're dressing yourself, and you wake up in the morning, and you go, fuck, man.

I look good today, right? And you put on the morning, and you go, fuck, man, I look good today, right? And you put on the beads, and you go. Don't call them beads. You put the beads on, and then you get a Hey Arnold shirt, and you go, that's unique. They're specifically wrist protectors. Yeah. They're prayer beads, actually.

Yeah. And then you go, John, take a picture of me, would you? Why do I know John? I don't even know John. No, I was just walking by. That was one of those things where we actually did cross paths. Take a picture, man. No, we already discussed this. His dad took one

of the pictures. Took two. Oh, not one. Just one. Dad, look how fucking hot I look right now. I'm going to start an Instagram. It's going to go viral because of how sexy my body is. Dad, you can get my throwaway trim. That's why when you guys were talking about that whole dad's thing and stuff he'd do as gay when I sat that convo out. I was like, I'll let you guys kind of stick this one by the wayside.

Dad, the lighting sucks. And he knew it. God. He knew it. He's bald head. Get one from the back. Bro, if I threw one from the back, good God. You and your dad are doing that one where you're holding his hand.

Dad, did you get it? Don't be gay. If I went from casual peeps to cardi peeps, you would have been fucking done for, brother. You thought you're unemployed now? That would have fucking put you out of the job for decades ago. It's a hot, cool page. You guys are upset you never had the balls to start one. Brandon's standing at a door calling women whores saying, you can't come in unless you

pay $20. You got nothing to embarrass about? As your dad's taking the pictures, is he going like, is he concerned? Is he going like, no, yeah, this is good. No, he's fucking looking at his son going, how did I do it? He's looking at his son. He's going, where did I go wrong? No, he's not.

No, he's not. Because he knows. Is he generally supportive of it? Like vocally supportive? Did he fund your venture at all? He's like, Matt, the next pair of chinos is on daddy. Dude, I'm buying $8 shirts from Ross. I can fund that one at that point.

Were you thinking you were getting into modeling or going to go down the route? There was just a sect. Dude, the vanity of a 20-year-old who just got abs knows no bounds. I was like, I'm the hottest guy. I dress cool in Old Navy. Girls think I'm all right. Where did the Hey Arnold shirt come from? Old Navy.

Okay. Yeah. And it was cool. shirt come from? Old Navy. Okay. Yeah. And it was a cool shirt. I was wearing mediums at the time. You didn't get into the Old Navy Nickelodeon crossover of 2012? Well, as Jay pointed out, I do buy all my t-shirts from Target. Oh, no. You're sitting with a full functioning Target podcast.

We should be models for Target. I mean, yeah. You're going to live at Target once you have your kid, dude. I'm there four times a week. Yeah, it's now. Imagine a target ad, though, with us three. This is it. This is the target Arnold. We get his dad to take the photos with send them right in. Yeah, these are target jeans. I'm wearing the worst ad of all time, just like close up of scratching our balls. We're like target when you got to get a bunch of different things. Target, it's open.

Just us three. Could be worse. Dude, there's a Starbucks in there. That's Target. That's the ad. I hit it every single time and get a croissant for my daughter. And she just munches that thing and keeps saying, this is actually a pretty fair. I want to know this

now. Do you guys buy coffee out often? What do you mean? Like just going out to get coffee? Or do you make it at home? Almost every day. Do both. Well, yeah, I make it at home, but. We buy the Starbucks iced coffee.

We keep some on deck. We keep it at home. Like if I know I'm not going to leave the house, but if I'm out and about, I'm grabbing a coffee. Dude, I've been ripping coffee at home recently and buying it. I've never felt worse. What's your process? I'm anxious and uncomfortable all the time. What's your brewing process?

Who are you working with? My girlfriend pats my little dumb head and she goes, I'll put the grinds in there. I went, thank you, mommy. Then she puts them in there and they soak through overnight and we shake it up and then I drink that. Oh, you do a little 12-hour cold brew. Those things are lethal. Dude, going back in the morning, I had two monsters back-to-back and I swear to God, I almost... No, I won't say this. Never mind. You everhour cold brew. Those things are lethal. Dude, going back in the morning, I had two monsters back-to-back,

and I swear to God, I almost fit. No, I won't say this. Never mind. You ever get cold brew concentrate and not know what the concentrate part is, and you just pour a pint glass of cold brew that is like 40,000 octane. Fearful. Yeah. I did that when I first bought my house.

I hate when I get too much octane. You know what I'm saying? You're talking octane. I'm all octaned up right now. A premium, baby. Me and my boys too much octane. You know what I'm saying? You're talking octane. I'm all octaned up right now. A premium, baby. Me and my boys, we're talking octane. If you're going to wear the jeans of a bully from the 90s, you can't act like one, dude.

Are you joking me right now? I'm the jeans of a guy who the girl is like, damn, he was in front of me the whole time, and I never realized I loved him. You look like a gym teacher on his way to jail. Dude, and I'm sprinting there with dexterous legs. God. Hold your legs to the camera right now.

Is that the word of the week this week? You've used dexterous twice now. Don't you dare make me whip out the calves on this podcast. I love your word of the week. I'm lucky it's the winter. Yeah. That does have to suck shopping for jeans when you have the calves of a fucking Brahma bull. Dude, it really is a problem buying jeans.

I have to go baggy. People are like, what are you in the 90s wearing baggy jeans? I go, it's the only thing that fits. That's kind of funny when girls have a big ass, they have to jump to put them on, and you're just getting up past your calves. Literally. If I take a shit, it's a problem getting these. You've got to leave them up around your knees?

That's where you store the shit? What are you saying? What does that mean? I just take out my ass crack a little bit. You guys know how calves get in the way of shit all the time. I whip my butt and make sure it comes out. Master the art of shitting with your knees closed. Yes. Real dainty.

I don't know why, but I feel like you shit Indian style. You feel like that guy, dude. Yeah. You hop on the potty and you fucking. I go reverse cowgirl. You AC Slater it? Yeah, dude. You fucking put your hands up on the bowl. You relax, take a nap. Dude, I had

a comic in his 30s last night. Tell me he's never heard of AC Slater. And it's a comic you hate. Oh, God. Say it, baby. That's a long list, brother. No, it's the one you hate. We don't have to say his name. This will narrow it down more. wasn't this guy but shout out to

Greg Goldstein I went to his concert last night holy shit that guy has some beautiful musical talent nice so he played piano and he wrote he wrote the entire like accompaniment he had a viola a violin a cello and some kind of horn that the guy wasn't that great at. Cello, you got a bass. Yeah, cello. But Greg wrote everything for it, dude, and crushed in between.

Well done, sir. Thank you. Crushed in between with like crowd work and stuff. He doxed a guy who canceled on him day of. We're sitting there and he was like, ah, this is supposed to have another horn accompaniment, but the guy canceled on me today. So fuck him.

And everyone laughed. And then he was like, fuck him, and then read the guy canceled on me today so fuck him and everyone laughed and then he was like fuck him and then read the guy's name to the crowd and then everyone's like haha kept laughing me and paul carson sitting off to the side like pissing ourself yeah then he continued to read the email from the guy saying he's like oh sure you can't make it today the people were there to just see like a beautiful musical show and paul and i are pissing ourselves in the corner we're like this is the best comedy i've ever seen that's great for greg though like i feel like he probably has an advantage of being a comic and knowing how to like work a crowd it was in it was such a i afterwards i told him i was like it was all around one of the best performances i've ever

seen because like in between you were like building this new mood and then you he kept joking he was like all right thanks for your life and here's another sad song. And then it would just be like a sad song about prom or something from 12 years ago. Does he have a good voice? Does he sing? Incredible.

Oh, I gotta see. So beautiful. So I posted that thing today on my Instagram. He just recorded, I think, like two or three songs. Check out Prom

by his musical name is Gregory Michael Jordan, which is a pretty great music name. Is that his real name? His real name is Gregory Michael Jordan which is a pretty great music name is that his real name? his real name is Gregory Michael but his musician name is Gregory Michael Jordan it's a bit of fun I like that

good for Greg incredible show it's a good addition what's that? it's a good addition adding the Jordan on there oh yeah no it gets eyes

it's a good move it was an incredible I was like moved by this but then it's weird too go into an acoustic set kind of show when you're so used to going to comedy shows. I thought every guy's lead-in was how Jay Simpson leads into a song. And then he's like,

this is a big important song, and that's a song about buttholes. And every time I was like, oh yeah, there's no punchlines in any of these people. These are real songs that are... I think'm so like not jaded, but like you're comedied out, bro. I think my soul has been murdered by comedy. It's like nothing can move me sad wise anymore.

I feel like not even a firing from a job. Yeah. I didn't even cry. I just, I reclined back in my chair and took a nap at my desk. And hasn't written a bit about it. You have a bit about it? Are you doing it right? No, I've been doing it. He's seen me do it.

Sorry. You saw what the fuck he did. I've been doing some new material. It's pretty good. Resume, a little resume material. I like the wink on that. Yeah. Maybe give it to the camera.

No, I'm not that good yet. Come on, dog. Hey. Are you working in winks? He's got a lot to work on. Yeah, you could pay me in Winx. He's sitting at home. He's looking in the mirror going, John, you're going in this interview.

Should I start winking in interviews? John, you're the man. You're going to get this job. I know it's a dispensary, but this is important. I know it looks like a nervous tick, but. Yeah, guess what? You're going to provide for your family today, brother. Sales is the number one wink job, though, dude.

Yeah, because you're winking. You're like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. You're like, I'm lying to your face. I'll tell you what, this deal is going to be great. Are you being sarcastic? I'm going to be laid off within the next three months. You guys both did sales, don't know? Yeah. I've been sales ever

since I was out of college. My buddy who does it said you just have to lie nonstop. Well, that's if you're a bad person and a terrible salesman. Yeah. So you're salesman. No, if you're a good salesman, you lie a lot. It depends on what you're selling. If you're selling bullshit. Yeah, if you're selling chocolate. I mean, I don't know what that meant.

But no, if you're a bad person, you lie to make sales. It's very easy to lie to close a sale. But then you deal with the real. If shit comes back around, it's tenfold. Because it's like you just built a mountain of shit for yourself. We're saying lies, but it's more so exaggerations. Stretching the truth. You're overselling things.

I did door-to-door sales out of college for Verizon. That was borderline lying. That was not explaining things to the furthest extent that you should. You guys are getting new internets. It's not even going to cost you that much. That's college relationships. That's how you talk to your girlfriend in college.

Yeah, just leaving out the truth. You're like, I didn't not cheat on you. I went there, I slept in her bed. I don't know what the fuck the problem is. What'd you do?

Well, we did have sex, but you're like, why are you being a bitch is the real question. Just like your mom. You remember you said you never want to be like your mom and look at you now.

This is unbelievable. I slept in her bed. Well, you left out the part that you banged her. Okay, I don't want to tell you. Remember you said you never want to be like your mom? Look at you now. This is unbelievable. You left out the part that you banged her. Okay, I don't want to tell you. You filmed it? Because you're going to complain about it. God, I'm just trying to keep you happy.

Look, I know you're on your period and you're just being a bitch. Is that why you got... You getting punched by a girl in college makes so much more sense. Yeah, of course, dude. I got to pee real quick. Continue talking.

Grab me a BL while you're up there. A hilarious thing to throw out at your girlfriend just as a complete joke if she's kind of giving you shit and you say it as most genuinely as you possibly can. You go, listen, I know you're on your period. Yeah, I know you're... And I get that it's a little... There's nothing that just makes the situation better

than that sentence right there. Yeah, yeah. Like, there's no way I could get any better than... Look, I get it. I can't start by going, I know you're on your period. I get it. You can sound as condescending as possible.

Look, I know it's your time of the month, but... You're a grown woman with no control of your emotions. That's totally... I get it. Look, hey, you're bleeding a little bit. Oh, no. You know? But my father, my grandfather was a Marine.

He bled a lot in Vietnam. I don't think he complains once a month. Listen, he certainly didn't want ice cream. He didn't have any. There was no ice cream. You're not going to remember this when your hot flashes calm down. Trust me. Yeah, once your hot flashes calm down and then the apartment's too cold,

then we can talk. Listen, once you start using the rational side of your brain, we're going to get on then we could talk once you start using the rational side of your brain we're gonna get on the same page once you start using the guy side of your brain then we could totally figure this out but in the meantime and in between time it'll just be like two dudes talking once we get there that's what i said to my girlfriend the other day we talked about this before the podcast shoot thank you she was like uh she was like you know i went on uh brendan's instagram and he's really funny and i was like you're on your period. She's acting up, dude.

You're not quite yourself. Shout out Gab getting under the boy's skin. That's what we need right now. Nope, nope, nope. We don't need that. I send in people to infiltrate Matt's mind about my comedy and what's going on. First, I started with his girlfriend.

Then, you know, John. I'm going to get in on John. John's going to go, Brendan had a good set the other night. I won't let that happen. Matt's gonna go what the fuck he's got a lot of new material Matt's gonna go I don't want to say it was better than yours but it was like I'm gonna start it I'm just gonna start a vague

rumor and I'm gonna let it travel like cancer dude I'm just gonna go to people and be like you know what he fucking said about I'll pick like a minority a minority I'm like you know what he fucking said about Naeem right it's my boy pick like a minority a minority i'm like you know what he fucking said about naim right dude like it's my boy no that's not exactly i don't like spread i just like to get out there and pump all

my boys up fucking sing their praises i did call you johnny no jobs during our show yeah you did and then i tried to hit me with a johnny no jobs I tried to retort because I was hosting. I came back up and I was like, you can find Brendan in the parking lot looking for a ride because I'm not bringing him home. Who the fuck doesn't have a job now? Dead silence. You yelled into silence?

Yeah. Then I took the W for the night. Yeah. That was two dubs. That was two dubs. You won one already and then I just handed you another one. No, you had a great show honestly that's a nightmare that was a fun show

new material too which is like good for somebody like Matt to see because it's like he finally gets an example to kind of look and he goes oh you know you write jokes and you know try them out you know where the fuck did you come from Matt you would have loved it there was a lot of fun people

I can't wait to see them hosted this Friday nope won't be there sorry guys at the show we did there was a guy who looked like small crowd work there. This Friday. Nope. Won't be there. Sorry, guys. At the show we did, there was a guy who looked like small Brendan Schaub in a fedora. And right next to him was even fatter, more coked up Tim Dillon. They looked exact. And they had the same aura. Yeah. And yeah, one was a cop.

And it was just like. It's a shame you guys don't have the balls to step outside your material. What I was going to say was. Which one of Mumford's sons are you? What I was going to say was... I was like, which one of Mumford's sons are you? What I was about to say was everybody crowd worked them perfectly. It would have been nice for you to be there to just talk about their sneakers or something. I don't ever bring up sneakers, brother.

I talk about real life shit. You talked about going to Plato's closet for a fucking Jordan drop. Picking on a 12-year-old. That kid's a fucking dick. No. The mom's like, settle down, dude. Aren't you like 30? I was at a Greek show, and I caught a 16-year-old kid, a fucking loser.

So I'm not beyond it, brothers. That's kind of your brand, though. It's like you're building it. Big old dickhead. That's just your thing. Dude, when I'm addicted to heroin and dead, you guys are going to wish you're me. You fucking losers. You only got like one more year to do it, you guys are going to wish you're me, you fucking losers. You only got one more year to do it, dude.

Once you hit 27 is when you got to go out. I got to Amy Winehouse it. Cobain, right? There's a bunch then. I'm going to go out on fucking... Jesus is 27, right? Jesus is 33, right? Gab's going to post a picture on her Instagram of R.I.P.

and it's just going to be a picture of me and you, and she goes, but thank God. His inspiration. This guy's... How old was he? Jesus was 33 when he died, right? He did a great urology.

He was hilarious. Jesus was 33. Yeah. Yeah, Jesus was 33 when he cocked out. What a fucking 33-year-old thing to do. Jim Morrison. Dude, kind of a bitch way to use your superpowers, though. Wait, who's Arlister Dyke Christian?

No idea. He doesn't even have a link. I can't even click on it. He's the front man for Dyke and the Blazers. Well, I got a new favorite band. Dyke and the Blazers? Oh, yeah, Pigpen. Wait, don't just say, oh, yeah, Pigpen.

Like, we would know who that... Wait, is Pigpen the Grateful Dead? Yeah, but, Pigpen. Like, we would know who that... Is that who's from The Grateful Dead? Yeah, but is Pigpen the peanut named after Pigpen, the Grateful Dead guy? What came first? Check it out. He looks dirty. What the hell?

Yeah, you're not allowed to live past 27 if you have the nickname Pigpen. That's... Right? Those kind of peanuts. Pull up Matt Peebles' Crowdworks Jersey Shore. Something good. Like, put up something good for once, too. Yeah. No, pull up's Crowdworks Jersey Shore. Something good. Put up something good for once, too.

No, pull up something Matt People's material. You might not find much. Yeah, whatever, dude. Why don't you write another good joke? Thank you, sir. Shut up. Goddamn. Why don't you write another joke that results in a really good reel

that gets a lot of attention your way, you fucking pussy. Keep it up. Start doing push-ups. Keep it up, guys. I want to push a button on your way, you fucking pussy. Keep it up and start doing push-ups. Keep it up, guys. I want to push a button on your little pager so bad. Dude, I always wish that it had Tetris or something. They should incorporate Snake, right? Look at that, 126.

I'm crushing it. It should be, and you get to win more insulin. Blood sugar. Blood sugar. Like if you beat three Tetris levels, you get your insulin for the day. Yeah, you got to really earn it. Yeah.

Yeah. It's been a little too easy for you diabetics. I think you got to start earning your insulin. This thing literally keeps me alive. Like I am a robot. Damn. Look, if I'm going to work out, I have to put in like a temp

like for how long I'm going to work out. Damn, I'll just keep doing crowd work if this is the shit you got to do. This sucks. Fucking blows. No, seriously. It's really interesting. Let's get into it. By the way, blood sugar is what a black woman says when she's telling people what gang she's in i'm blood sugar baby what are you in i'm a blood sugar

any other dumb questions i'm in blood sugar and if she squashes like i got a low blood squitter squitter squitter i'm in blood sugar and you're about to get shot. That is, again, keeping it up. This is the jokes we write, bro. With racism rules, with John and Matt. Look, this is because fucking Brandon's never met anybody that's not white before. Are you joking me? I have a black podcast partner, Dan Callahan.

You gotta let him out of that fucking basement. He looks awful dude Holy shit Dude Dan actually a little bit recently Has looked like Rupert Grint on the podcast He's matting his hair down forward I don't like it one bit I think he's been wearing a hat all day Then he pops it off for the cast

Go pull their podcast up real quick Their most recent episode Dan looks like he beats the fuck out of his wife It is unbelievable Rachel definitely fucked Dan up. You can just go on YouTube. He'll say that actively on the podcast. Rachel does scare me too because John said some nasty things

about Rachel on our podcast. I'm going to fuck you guys up. She was supposed to be our producer and she never fucking showed up. We should run this back for the Super Bowl. I thought you were going to. Let's do it. We're going to run my thing back for the Super Bowl. That's a classic. That's a South Jersey Bad, we're going to run my thing back for the Super Bowl. Look, it's 40 seconds. Play that, Jay. The Super Bowl. That's a classic.

That's a South Jersey Bad Boys classic. No, no, no, no. We're not playing this on ours. Toss that one on. I just want to see what Dan looked like. Look at this. This is classic. We can just look.

Come on down to South Jersey. Oh, check this out. They do accents of the smallest part of the country. Yeah. Let's go, dude. Look at that. We're not watching it, dude. Yo, my favorite part of that is Dan goes,

we got the best fucking customer service. Put on the Zoom call where John gets fired. Yo, people will quote this to me when the Super Bowl comes around. Dan, what if I didn't record that? He's fucking hot. It's a classic, dude. It was an okay video. It's a classic.

You earned all 56 of those views. Listen, it did better on Instagram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a classic. You earned all 56 of those views. Listen, it did better on Instagram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It deserves more. Oh, you can turn it off. Yeah, man. We should do a part two of that. We should, right? I thought you were going to, right? Let's do it. I mean, we don't have much time. I think we discussed it on the drive back

because we were saying it would be funny if it was like over the pandemic, we bought another dealership. And then Matt and I just walk in and we're like, yo, welcome from South Jersey Jeep. When we do it Sunday, we really don't need much. We could cut it almost like mockumentary style. And we could bang that one out too on Sunday if we want. Okay. Now we're literally just making plans.

This is our new segment of the podcast called Making Plans. Yeah. Look how the tides have changed once I start. Well, this is going to come out two days after the Eagles won the Super Bowl. Let's talk. We got to talk birds a little bit. Yeah. Matt, what do you think is going to happen? I think

I'm going to go to Philadelphia and dress up like Ben Franklin, and then I'm going to be asked to climb a pole in the name of my art. Oh, you are dressing up for this thing? It's not confirmed that I got it yet. I'll find out probably tomorrow. Do they supply the costume, or do you have to go get it? No, I don't have to bring my own Ben Frank.

They have their own Ben Frank that they'll give me. This is going to have you fulfill your... Did you ever end up doing that bit about the forefathers being just total fuckboys? Yeah, that bombed hard as hell. I thought it was a funny premise. I love that joke. God, material. It's hard.

Whatever, dude. Can't write about being high in a Starbucks like everybody else or whatever. Yeah. Who else has got that? I can't. It's not. You can't even make fun of bits if you can quote them like pretty accurately. It's just not even a good.

It's just like, oh, I remember it was good. Dude, seeing you dressed up as Benny Ben Frank, though, is going to be fucking sick. He was a ginger, wasn't he? Or no, Washington was a ginger. He was like a classic bald with the long. You think he was born that way? Ben Franco came out that way. He was always bald with the long. You think he was born that way? Ben Franklin came out that way? He was always bald with the long.

He was stout. The cool story about Ben Frank is apparently right before the American Revolution started up, he traveled overseas because he was like the ambassador for the United States, or what was the colonial United States. So he went overseas, and then apparently the British were like trying to kind of like scare him into backing out. So he went in front of the Parliament or I guess was the party they had the Parliament that way that's what the monarchy I was just talking fuck whoo

that is literally the best segue we've ever had in this room. Ever. There's some history for you. You're never going to forget that. That rules in a racist podcast. That rules. Thank you. Now that rules.

Sorry, what were you saying about the founding fathers? Okay, bro. All right. I've had just about enough of this fucking bully lesbian act that you've got going on, dude. You're like the fucking mechanic lesbian chick in the group who's like, check it out.

I can queef. You guys want to hear a fat queef? He's talking about history. If I hear things that I've never learned about it makes me insecure. Let me queef into the

microphone. That is not his and it's going to reek. We're going to give it to Jake. He's going to have a goddamn aneurysm. Anyway,

that was pretty funny. He started doubling down on the horror. There's nothing you can say that's going to win. I got nothing. It wins. Farts undefeated. Farts always wins. I know. It's a good one. It was a well-timed part. I didn't want to do it, but it felt good coming out. Were you holding it in knowing there was going to be

a long story? I didn't know how long the story was going to go so I had to just let it rip and I'm sorry. Somehow it's funnier because you couldn't get it out right away. Should we wrap this up? What the fuck are we talking about? What do you got coming up, Brendo? What do you want to promote? What do you want to plug? With David James tomorrow

in Conchahucka. This will be out next week. Okay, never mind. Next week. Two days after mind. Sorry. Next week. Well, I was going to... Two days after the Eagles win the Super Bowl. I was going to promote a re-up show. So go, Birds. Hopefully this ages well.

Well, the re-up's getting taped, so there should be some things coming from it. That's true. Well, we got Jay Bird there. He's going to be filming our sets. And just filming, which we'll talk about. But it'll just kind of give you a glimpse into hopefully what will be a monthly showcase

at Re-up fashion, which you should check out their website. It's pretty cool. It's on had nav, but we're going to try to get that going. It's going to be sick. And we have what next weekend. I don't know.

I'm in Hershey for a gig. Oh, I'll be in Harrisburg next week. Oh really? Saturday. I'm up there Friday and Saturday. Hey, hit me up.

Come by after I'm at the comedy zone. I could probably get you a guest spot if you want. I'm hosting. I don Saturday. Hey, hit me up. I'm at the Comedy Zone. I could probably get you a guest spot if you want. I'm hosting. I don't know if I can duck out or not. I'm doing it for Hypnotist. Headliner. Pretty excited for that. That's all I got coming up, really. I think I got a next in line show. Don't tell

comedy. Check out South Jersey Bad Boys on all social media. You guys know what it is. Brendan Donegan Comedy on Instagram. I got a fucking real flying on Facebook right now with 600,000 views check me out that's it is that the n-word one or which ones yeah yeah it's what we spells it I do like that one that one's a heater Matt what you got coming up he'd uh February big one February 24th the tap Tap Room, first showcase. Yes.

It's a big dizzle, fellas. So pumped to be there for my buddy's band for that one. We've literally, what did you say? I'm so pumped to be there to see my buddy's band. For the band that's going to definitely drown out the comedy. That's going to be way too loud. We're trying to fucking, there's too much shit going on in Philly. Stop letting them do all that stuff.

Start coming to South Jersey. We're going to get a big show scene. I'm just kidding. Still go to shows in Philly. Stop letting them do all that stuff. Start coming to South Jersey. We're going to get a big show scene. I'm just kidding. Still go to shows in Philly. But big show scene in South Jersey we're trying to start up. So come to the tap room. Go to re-up. Go to all the shows we try to put on around here.

February 24th, $5 at the door. If you're cool, we probably won't even charge you. 8 p.m. Tap room, re-up fashion. We're getting it cooking. Yes. We're getting ignored by other places that I DM'd a couple days ago Where they read the message and liked it

And didn't answer What can you do? I got another prospect I got another prospect I got Harrisburg Comedy Zone On the 17th and 18th I'll be hosting up there I forget the guy's name but he's a hypnotist

So that's going to be pretty exciting I really hope I don't get hypnotized. I'm so fucking scared of that. He's like, you will tell better jokes. You will write a punchline. I've never seen it. It's not working. John just all of a sudden hypnotizes him into just doing Bernie Mac's act.

That's what I do now. I take my dick out of this whole room and get dark. I ain't scared of you motherfuckers I'll see no one I got crazy I just want to be a good kid Yeah I got that I got Oh check me out

You were talking about band shirts earlier If anybody's going to the Gorilla Biscuits concert At the church on the 25th Let me know that'll be fun And then next month I have a show somewhere else But also yeah I'll be fun. And then next month, I have a show somewhere else. But also, yeah, I'll be working the post-game comedy showcase. It's a pretty cool setup. It's a little bit different than what you're used to seeing.

So if you want to find out what it is, come give us $5. No, you should actually tell them what it is. It's a post-game shit. It's a comedy show where they'll do like eight to ten minutes, and then afterwards they'll go over and they'll sit down. It'll be like a fake post-game press conference thing where they'll riff back and forth with comedians. You know what, dude?

Enough. End the show. Don't watch South Jersey Bad Boys. Delete the reel off Facebook. I'll kill myself in real time. I love you guys. No fun, nobody ain't no fun but time to live a little Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance No fun, nobody ain't no fun but time to live a little Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance

No fun, nobody ain't no fun but time to live a little