That Rules Podcast - Episode #77: Ben Staab “Grease the Poles”

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

VA Beach Sweet Boy turned Philly Bad Ass Ben Staab joins us to discuss everything from his opinion on our name change to the mayhem and chaos he has been getting himself into around town.

Ben, our guest, our wonderful guest, Ben Stobb of AO Actually. Welcome, Ben. Thank you. And we like his podcast. But Ben came on before we even got started and said, I got some opinions. So Ben, why don't you just rip the band-aid off? Just rip it off. The name change was Cowardly. I'll be honest.

It was. I know it was. It was a bitch move. I can agree with that. Because everybody made fun of it? It wasn't to make fun of it. So that's when we changed it. We discussed that. We were like, everyone's going to think we're changing it just because people made fun of it.

That is what everybody thought. I talked to everybody about it. You would feel bad about that people were talking about it, but people talked about us. See, that's the other thing too, though. You always go to that no press is bad press. So it got but people talked about us. See, that's the other thing, too, though. You always go to that, like, no press is bad press. So it got more people discussing the podcast. Sure.

And on a plus side, the numbers have gone up. So that was our first thing. It was like, all right, if the numbers go down, then we fucked up. Well, very honestly, the numbers have gone down since we changed the name. No, they went up, I thought. Brandon Donegan tanked fucking. Well, listen, we're not a numbers podcast. Brandon Donegan stopped watching, so the numbers went down.

We're a cool guys hanging out podcast. The main reason was just because it was like beyond reaching out to people we know, it's like reaching out to people eventually the bigger we get that we don't know and having it under like, can you come on, handsome idiots? They don't know us or get that. It is cowardly. You're right.

It's cowardly, bro. Sometimes you have to do cowardly shit. I feel like I got to commit to the name. Wait till you see how much is cowardly. You're right. We're not doing that. Sometimes you have to do cowardly shit. I feel like I've got to commit to the name. Wait until you see how much more cowardly we get when we change it back in a year. It's going to come back. We've kind of accepted that reality. We're going to be a Prince thing like the podcast

formerly known as. We'll just keep changing the name. We could do that. We can go full Prince and just become a symbol. It's a good name. That rules. We'll get there eventually. keep changing the date. We could do that. We can go full Prince and just become a symbol. It's a good name. That rules. That rules. Yeah, man, we'll get there. It rolls off the tongue. Actually, it's pretty sick. Not at all.

I like that you guys, it's actually like part of the show. Yeah, like it kind of fits. It is also funny to watch you say actually, I know I'm not good at it when it's when it's like kind of like you have to bring it up before you say the time you're like, actually, I love it because it's the perfect mix of you and Naeem because it's like the ayo part is fully naeem yeah and you're very you present as a very actually i'm very actually yeah so i i as soon as i saw that

name i was like oh this fits them it kind of inspired not inspired but when we were trying to come up with a name change we were like what's something we say all the time okay true and i was thinking in that vein of like the ayo actually being like a running theme and we're just two morons that well i guess we can be on brandon we're idiots well we're one moron and a guy without a job so yeah it actually is very yin yang yeah well literally it's very yin yang yes true i did like when i found out that that was it was going to be you too it kind of was one of those things at first you're like oh that's like a weird mix and then it's literally the most perfect dynamic of two people. Oh, you thought it was a weird mix?

Not a weird mix. I just didn't think, I don't know. No, it's a good mix. It's a perfect dichotomy. Because you get too many podcasts like ours where it's two dudes with very similar opinions and appearances just on here agreeing with each other. True, true, true.

So I think it is nice to have that to mix it up. That's why there needs to be more podcasts that are like total opposite ends of like liberal and conservative sitting down on a podcast yeah that kind of thing yeah yeah because it i love all the pockets i love where it's just dudes hanging out and talking but it's like eventually like all the tough topics have been covered like true yeah speaking of topic i want to cover dude it's a bummer that eagles lost that sucks that game was oh fuck so you got manhandled i saw the video yeah yeah well it wasn't all right i mean what went down with the pole climbing with the pole climbing did you see it yes yeah yeah i do like that you clarified you're like before i get into this we're talking about the pole climbing right i wanted to let him fill that gap.

What are the manhandlings? I've been thrown around a couple times in the past couple weeks. Sorry about that. Yeah. Let's see with the manhandling. I mean, he did grab my ass. He did, but he didn't tell me he was going to do it. Okay. I tried to climb that pole once and it slipped down and then everybody was hyped about the pole climbing. They were like

we got like I'm going to push you up and then he's going to get on his shoulders and he'll push you up and all this shit. He grabbed my ass. I don't know. There's nothing much. I didn't know what the ass grab was happening before. It seemed like there was another guy that went in

and fully was like, I'm taking advantage of this situation. Yeah, he was the guy that got on someone's shoulder to put his hand up my ass. Okay. You think he was eyeing you up for a while? I don't know. That was a crazy night.

True. That guy's been following you for like eight years. He's like, this is the perfect chance. So how hard was it climbing a greased pole? I don't know. We have a firsthand account here. Everyone's talking about greased the poles. We're in Philly.

Fucking fuck around and find out. Greased the poles. But you're an actual pole climber. Yeah, I'm a pole climber. It was very, like it was slippery. I don't know if it was, I don't know how greased it was really because I did make it to the top. And I feel like I couldn't climb a greased pole.

But I guess I did. They really grease every pole. I think they did. The big ones at least. So it was a greased pole. I mean it seemed to not stop anyone. Yeah, it didn't stop me. It seemed to be just like a thing that they were like,

we can put it on a t-shirt and make money off selling these. Well, they pushed me up towards like probably like a fourth up the pole. And then I shimmied up a little bit. Then they had a couple metal things that I pulled up onto. Okay. And then I could get my feet on top of those. So I got to the very top. And I wanted to do a pull up at the top,

but then I thought I was going to die. Yeah, you're really pushing your luck at that point. It's like you made it all the way up there. Yeah, yeah. Did you get up there and then just have that now what moment of like, oh. No, I hyped him up. I fucking.

Nice, nice. I did the whole thing. Grab my fucking ass yeah i'm coming back down get your hands ready for my cheeks i climbed two poles the first one i climbed i got to the top and then someone threw me a beer oh nice oh yeah i missed that beer every time that's such a glorious moment it was so glorious but you know what i should have done is uh just slammed it on the ground but i threw it back to the guy you returned it yeah? Yeah, I don't know why. Ew, Lodge. No, thank you. Just the fucking, what was that movie with Will Ferrell with the basketball movie? What the hell is that called?

I mean, the bit's already gone, but I was thinking about the fact where he kept posting up and he gets the ball and he passes it back out. Semi-pro, yeah. That was worth it. I was just smiling because I couldn't think of the name. Yeah, that's sick, dude. You are a sneaky party boy. Huh, yeah. I picked up on it. The couple times we've hung, I'm Nah, I should have slammed it though. You are a sneaky party boy. Huh, yeah. I picked up on it.

The couple times we've hung, I'm like, Ben is a little dirty dog. I'm a partier. Yeah, you're a little bit of a party. Yeah, I just like to go crazy. Yeah, but you don't present as such. No, I'm not crazy presenting. No. I told you, you present as an actually guy.

Not as a like, eh. Yeah, I let it rip. I let it rip when the... I mean, I'm really just in it for the rioting. Me and... You know Beta? You know Beta? Yeah, yeah. I let her rip. I let her rip when I, when the, I mean, I'm really just in it for the rioting me and, but you know, beta, you know, beta.

Yeah. Yeah. We went out when the Eagles lost to go beat someone up. We almost got a fight with a, this guy pulled over to, it was like two guys got out. And the one guy was like, it was crazy.

Like he put, he went like, it was like pretending to hold a gun. I think he was pretending because he never pulled it, but like we, we all squared up and then just didn't fight. It just dissipated. It was weird.

It was very strange. Isn't this crazy? Yeah. You don't present as a rolling the streets looking for a brawl kind of guy. Yeah, I've just never been in a fight. You've never been in one? No. Okay.

So I was like, let's go fight somebody. That's a bold way of getting in one. There's way easier ways to get in one. Just signing up to learn how to fight, you'll get in a fight. Instead of being on the street. You can't start a street fight in Philly for your first fight you're gonna die it also is like like you know your t-shirt turns on a movie and you know they were drinking the day before it's just ben just got his ass kicked we're watching a film today guys yeah i got cut up too from the pole check this out let me say yeah so are your clothes ruined at that point with the

grease i was wondering that i guess that's from like two weeks ago yeah yeah my clothes got ruined from like sliding down the pole and like the signs cut my so it wasn't i was just saying more of like the grease ruining my clothes yeah it was sad because i actually wore those pants to school i could always wear them to school so this was after the super bowl you went out you're just like we're fucking roughing kids up after the super bowl yeah me and beta like ran ran around just trying to find anybody but we couldn't find any chiefs fan like the guy that we were gonna to fight, the two guys, were Eagles fans. We were kind of like, what are we doing? Yeah, we're brothers.

We should be calm. Why are we mad? It's a traumatic experience for us. Did you go out in Eagles gear looking to start a fight with Eagles fans? Well, we were looking to find a Chiefs fan. Dude, just any guy in red. I have the perfect guy who could have fought after the loss. There's a guy dressed as Ben Franklin running around.

That was crazy. What an absurd experience. What was that? Who books GoPuff? It was just Cody Wright. He knows the person, the girl who runs it, and he couldn't do it. And he's like, anybody going to be sober enough to go do it? And I was like, all right, I just won't drink that day.

Fucking drank that day. Nice. I'm a bit of a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. Tell me that GoPuff. I actually that day. Nice. I'm a bit of a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. Take that, GoPuff. I actually drank a decent amount. I love that GoPuff were the ones that were like, we need you to be sober. Well, they were like, yeah, we don't. They said

the talent can't drink, and I was like, the what? I'm fucking dressing up. But you're like, say it again. I love hearing that I'm called the talent. I didn't like it at all. So I went in, and they were like, meet us in Philly. We're going to try to be there for a live reaction after the Eagles win. It'll be great. Everybody's going to be so excited. We're going to try to be there for a live reaction after the Eagles win. It'll be great.

Everybody's going to be so excited. You're going to be dressed as Ben Franklin. They're like, we just want you to get man-on-the-street interviews, get people hype. And I'm like, dude, if they win, it's going to be the easiest thing of all time. People are going to be going nuts. I'll just walk up. We're giving out free shit.

So as we're walking towards Broad Street is when the Chiefs are kicking the field goal to win it. It was right after the holding call. so the girl's getting a text from the guy are you just watching on your phone at this point as we're walking up yeah the girl like you just hear people screaming and like obviously sad from bars were walking by and i was like oh my god i'm dressed as ben franklin get stabbed tonight and people are gonna i look like such a fucking retard people are gonna be so mad and the girl's like, it's cool. Just get the energy up.

You'll just get their energy up. I was like, I'm going to get stabbed. There's no way I don't get stabbed. No. It's so funny because it's two possible scenarios. It's one, you're dressed as Ben Franklin. They win and you're just glorified the whole night. Yeah.

Or two, they lose and they're just somebody like Ben that's like, I need to get my anger out there. I need to go punch something. Who better to punch than one of the founding fathers? If I got jumped, I would have been like, yeah, of course. Because I'm going up with like a peanut M&Ms and I'm like, it's okay. It was literally like...

Did anybody get mad at you? So we get on a broad street and it was funny though. As we're like going up, it was like me, the girl, she's like the creative director or whatever for that thing. And then a PA and then a camera guy so as we're going up she's like all right start going so i'm like hey guys that was sad you know what i mean and everybody's like fuck you dude they're still on the phones with their dad and their pop-ups crying they're like

literally i'm gonna get them next year one before pop-up passes i swear hammered women crying about the first football game they watched that year and then uh guys just i would go up and they'd be like you guys want free stuff and like bro get out of my move don't and i'm like oh god so then she pulls me she's like you got to get more energy i need more energy i'm like oh my god so we get on the broad street and it kind of starts to like droves of people but they're all in pretty good moods so i'm just like whatever this is they asked me to do it i'm getting paid for it i do have to try so i just started. I'm like pegging Twizzlers at people. I'm like, you want a fucking Snickers bar?

And they're like, yeah. And everybody starts to kind of get into it. But then they get too into it. I was getting, people would just grab me. A girl came up to me and she's like, can I make out with you? And I was like, no. I saw that. And she went in hard on you, right?

That wasn't a girl. That was a guy who ran up to me and just grabbed my face to kiss me. Nice. I was adjusting my bifocals while I did. I didn't see. Sure. Yeah, just people were like, and then she was like. You kissed a guy who ran up to me and just grabbed my face to kiss me. Nice. I was adjusting my bifocals while I did. I didn't see him. Sure. Yeah, just people like, and then she was like. You kissed a guy?

I would do it if they won. I think that would have been the rule. If they won, I would have kissed a guy if they won. I would have given him a big, fat, sloppy one. And she asked. So you did or you did not do it? I did not. He grabbed me and tried to, and I went, yo, yo, yo, brother, come on.

The Chiefs. I'm a Chiefs fan. You think he was just horny for Ben Franklin? He was like if there's ever an opportunity yeah true i gotta seize the day right here people were drunk enough that were probably just like damn this old guy's really exciting uh and then yeah so then like everything's going good and she's like you have to crowd surf these are the these are things that a human being saying to me out loud yeah so i was like okay and she was like you two get over here pick him up and they're like fuck yeah dude so i get on their shoulders and they just like carry me for a little bit they put me down with like a grunt and i was like i'm not that heavy also the crowd wasn't big enough

probably to crowd surf right no it got pretty it was dense enough that you could okay and just that was all at broad street all on broad street everybody was there just to be sad uh everybody just got they were all the people who you could tell didn't really care pretty much everyone was like well they prepared for this to be shut down, so let's take advantage of... It's exactly what it was. Being in the middle of a street when you're not supposed to be is a pretty cool feeling.

It's so fun. Any time of the day. I love just standing in the middle of the street in front of my house. I'm just like, you could hit me if you want cars. Dude, the thing that encapsulated the whole thing, but it really was like, what am I doing with my life, was it ended by her being like,

all right, they said they're going to start tear gassing us. We can go home. And that's how it ended. And that was the end of the thing. She's like, we didn't have you sign that consent form. It clears us of you getting tear gassed. This was one. So we're walking back to her apartment

where we were kind of our rendezvous spot. And as we walk, we had to wait for an Uber for like 45 minutes. It's freezing cold out. All I'm wearing is this like paper thin Ben Franklin outfit, and I'm freezing. And like a car pulls up next to us, and the guy puts down his window, and he's like,

hey, how you like that Eagles loss, you fat bitches? And just drives away. Whoa. I was like, god damn, dude. This has been a rough one. How did you like that Eagles loss? I did not. Are you over it?

You okay? I didn't really care all that much. Yeah, I know you didn't. Are you not an Eagles fan? I am. I'm a fair weather Eagles fan. Yeah. How do you feel't. Are you not an Eagles fan? I'm a Fairweather Eagles fan. Yeah. How do you feel as like a transplant?

Did you like have a connection or you just want to fight people? Yeah, I was really honestly just in it for the rioting. That's why I'm like really sad about it. Yeah, it's a big one. I'm dead serious though. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I loved rioting. It's amazing though because I remember in like 2008,

people that were from outside of Philly that moved within that like time frame when the Phillies won the World Series. And they were just like, I became a Phillies fan because of the party on Broad Street, basically. It can turn anyone into a Philadelphia fan, or if they lose, it could be you out there in a Ben Franklin costume just hawking M&Ms

at people. It was a tough slide. There's nothing worse than watching your team. A lot of those dudes probably lost thousands of dollars betting, too, and then you're just drilling them in the face of Twizzlers. Yeah. I hit a couple people that didn't know where it came from, and they were like very clearly pissed. Yeah.

Because it was just in a crowd. Yeah, no context. Like did Ben Franklin just whip a fucking bag of Cheetos at me? I wasn't holding back either, brother. I was letting those things slide. What was the reason of the Ben Franklin? They were just like, it's Philly. It's a Ben Franklin thing.

Go. Yeah. Literally, there was just like, yeah. Ben. That was it. Did y'all party for whenever we got to the Super Bowl? Like two weeks ago? NFC Championship.

Yeah. Did y'all party for that? Yeah. I was at a tailgate, and I got pretty banged up. Okay. Did you? Well, I mean, yeah. You were.

Yeah, in the streets. Yeah. Were y'all already in the streets? Nah. I was too much of a pussy to go over. I was blacked out by 8 p.m. Damn. And you weren't either?

I was at my house in Jersey. I had the worst setup ever, and I did this to myself. I thought it would be nice to invite my in-laws and my mom over to watch the game with us because we have a small child that way we didn't have to get anyone to watch our kid or anything. And I was sitting between my mom and my mother-in-law who know nothing about football. And we're watching the NFC Championship. My father-in-law, who know nothing about football, and we're watching the NFC Championship. My father-in-law's passed out on the couch, and I'm just sitting there getting into the game pretty emotionally.

And they're like, now what exactly is a third down? I'm like, I'm going to strangle someone before the end of this game. Damn, that's me at every sports event. Are you not a sports fan at all? Do you like the event? You don't give a shit about the sport? Yeah. I just like when people are hype about stuff. It don't give a shit about the sport? Yeah. Yeah.

I just like when people are hype about stuff. It is good to get lost in like the mix of something. Yeah. I've wanted to stop asking questions. And just go with the flow. Yeah. I like that. I cheer like half a second late.

I've seen it in real time. We did a show out in that Virginia show. Yeah. And then after these, like people came up who I thought were clearly either swingers or going for our organs. One of the two. Could be both. And they were like, we live right over the border in West Virginia.

Let's just, we got a hot tub. You guys should come hang. And we're all like, yeah, like 100%. No. And Ben's like, just check it out, dude. They're like, it's an hour and a half drive. It was like a hot tub? Yeah, that is true.

I mean, a hot tub in West Virginia. It's going to be a good story, at least. Bro, at one point, the girl pulled out crystals. And I was like, we're not going. Her name was probably Crystal. Yeah. No. You you're actually probably gonna go there to do crystal also there was gonna be a theme to the night y'all are so whack about that no we were there was also two girls were like let's go to a hot tub you guys are so funny and they were like we have to work tomorrow i was like shut the fuck two couples there were two couples there are two couples

they were like come hang out in west Virginia. What could possibly go wrong? Yeah, you can never. Well, first off, if you go across the border, that's sex trafficking. At that point, that's human trafficking, I should say. I made up for it. I told, I made them stop and get Royal Farms. I was like, it's such good chicken. It was some of the worst shit we've ever eaten. Oh, it's instant heartburn. Yeah. This is just, I mean,

maybe in retrospect, we should have went and checked it out. I'll give you that. Would have been fun. That's true. Do you live your life by that like uh that credo of like just go toward whatever is going to be the most fun the most fun and a better story kind of like i think so i know it just sounded like a fun time though yeah yeah i avoid a lot of events i'd say it's it's good to how old are you 24 so... Yeah, doing those now is like perfect. Those don't present themselves to you like as much as you get old. That's never going to present itself again.

So yeah. So it's like Matt ruined that for you. I think it will, dude. You think so? You're never going to have a hot tub orgy in West Virginia. Never. West Virginia hot tub orgy sounds like a... That was like a sex clips for me.

You know what I mean? You're out of your stone. That's bananas and cheese. That just happens all the time for you? You're a very... No, you're an invitable guy. I's bananas and cheese. That just happens all the time for you? No, you're an inviteable guy. I can imagine after a show, people go, man, that guy up there, he's a pretty funny guy.

I want to get that guy in my hot tub. I wonder if he looks like Pruney. I think I want to do an invasive surgery to remove his organs. That would have been the most awkward hot tub with me, Matt, Seamus Millar. It's weird. Especially after they just saw you guys do comedy. They're going to want you guys to be on and like cracking jokes in the hot tub and you guys are just actively getting HPV from a hot tub.

I think yeah, it would have been a pretty brutal because yeah, us three and then James Moss just be like calling them gay the whole time. They're like you guys aren't actually as cool as we thought. Also, how big was this hot tub? They invited all you guys and there was four. That's a lot of people crammed in a hot tub. We could have made it work. That's never fun.

There's a reason why like a four-man hot tub is a four-man hot tub. You get one more person in there and it's a terrible time. This was a no-man hot tub and I believe they follow us on Instagram. So, sorry. If you're listening, invite them back. We'll call you serial killers. Yeah, that way it happens. We can undo

the wrongdoings, dude. But I did. I'll fight all serial killers. Yeah, that way. See if it happens. We can undo the wrongdoings, dude. But I'll fight all those people. I don't care. And if I ever saw you and I'm in a Ben Franklin thing in Broad Street, I'll come to Fisticuff. There's so many dudes

that wanted to knock out Ben Franklin that night. That would be a great story for them to have for the rest of their life. I was getting eyed up. It was like we had to move certain parts because I saw it.

You already are a very punchable person. We've already discussed this. Yeah, of course. But dude's kind of like angling towards me and doing like pant pull-up thing which is a very funny thing you do right before you hit somebody like people start to pull up their pants true have you noticed that yeah yeah right before they do they're like i got it because if you do punch somebody and you knock them out but your ding dong is hanging out you kind of lose in a certain way you do need that core you need your core to be very

stable too so you can't be cheeks hanging out. Do you ever get in fights? Have you ever gotten in a fight? No. We've discussed this. We're collectively like 0 and 7 in fights. Have you ever gotten in a fight? I've been in fights.

You've lost seven fights? I've lost three. I've been hit several times, but I've never been in a fight. No one ever gets angry at me. I don't ever get angry at people. But you fight. How does this or like i don't really get angry at people but you fight how does this happen what do you i mean i don't know you said you've never been in a fight though right yeah now have you been on like the the precipice of a fight and then not even close not even close i'm very chill oh that's why you're sick well no you're not dude

you're coming to the people they're pulling guns on you and you're like whatever dude that would be terrible to hear that. I had a gun on me too, but it was like hold my gun while we run. What the fuck? All right. No, I've never ran with a gun before. Hold my gun while we run is a great sentence to say to somebody else. So hey, do your fingerprints on this for me real quick.

Yeah, when he did that, I was like you got fucking nothing, bro. It's not fucking. I got a gun in my pocket and I can can't even name the running back of this team. I also love that you're like, I have a gun in my pocket, just loosely in your front pocket. That's one thing. When you have somebody hold your gun, you better not run gay. You got to run cool as hell.

Or with it out. If you let somebody hold your gun and you run away, you got to really fucking. Yeah, I don't know what I would have done if like, if he would have started shooting or flashed his gun, I would have been like, I guess this is my job now. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's not even mine, and then I'd be incriminated in a crime or something. My night could have gone terrible. Just go into a show and be like, do you know what happened at Ben's stop? I was like, no. He got in an active gunfight with other Eagles fans. He pulled out a badass gunfight with other Eagles fans.

He pulled out Bata's gun and accidentally shot himself. Yeah. I really just go with the flow of things. It sounds like you. You went from I'm down to party to I'll carry your firearm for you. You're a fucking weapons mule at this point. He's just seen Ben in a year, and he's just married with a kid, and he's like, just went with the flow.

Yeah. Went with the flow. Also, my kid's holding my gun right now. She actually missed her flow for a couple months and got pregnant that was uh it was a problem yeah i guess i probably shouldn't have taken the gun no i think it was a great move yeah i wish i could have seen it in real time dude you're a good friend that's uh yeah it's a good friend move sometimes you gotta get i've gotten a gun pulled on me uh but i'm like really annoying like yours seems like it was kind of uh like a regular just altercation I just got it from being an obnoxious person

I was at my college And I was walking to a 7-Eleven with my friends And I just kept yelling just shit out loud We talked about this last episode We started the discussion on if anyone's ever had a gun pulled on them I don't think we ever finished it though Well the guys were like Yo shut up

And I suggested I was like, would you suck my penis? That was me being a mean guy back to them. And the guy went like that and I went, scary. That's funny. You still didn't answer my question. True. It was Ben.

My brother put a gun to my head to prove that it was scary because I was saying it wasn't scary. This is what sucks. You have a death wish and you're going to live to 105. You're actively out there trying to die. I just said it wasn't scary because I knew he wouldn't pull it,

but it was scary. Was it loaded? I don't think so. That's why I said it wasn't scary. He grabbed me and put me up like that. I was like, yeah, this is scary. It was scary. What was your thought process beforehand of why it's not scary? Because I knew he was not going to kill me.

I feel like the fear is only the risk of death. You were bug chasing. Oh, that was deep. You know what I mean? Yeah. But if I know I'm not going to get killed, it's not a scary situation. But it was still scary. Yeah, but what if he's just...

How much older is he than you? 12 years older than me. So he had a little bit more of a handle. How old were you? You ever had like a black eye call you the N-word? Yeah. Because I was also saying that's not going to hurt my feelings because I'm like a white person,

but it also hurt my feelings. So the situation... Yeah. If it's said in a nice way, it feels nice. No, he said it very mean. Oh, it was like an aggressive way. It's a weird thing to call a white man. It'll definitely win the argument.

But I think the point was that... What are you going to say back? definitely win the argument, but I think when you say back now you are yeah, can't say the word skip that one. Yeah, that's my face and said it. I was like, yeah, this does hurt for some reason. I'm not even I get it guys. I get it now. I feel a fraction of the stick. Yeah, it's crazy. I can't believe your brother pulled it like just that's a rant. This is like this type of new gun new gun swagger you know what i mean you know when people get i certainly don't know what you mean that's cannot be you know what you're gonna do gun you want to like show it off to people like when you get a car you're driving around the first day

yeah i guess i got a new gun no dude i've worked they love like pointing at people it's like you buying new sneakers back when you were a big sneaker boy. It's like you want to show them off. You're like, I don't want to take them out today, but you're eager to get eyes on them. True, but my sneakers, I mean, yeah, true. Okay, I can kind of see it. True sneakers are like guns anyway. They're both fresh.

Have you spent a lot of time around guns? Did you grow up with guns? Yeah. Okay. I was around my first registered firearm the other day, and I was like, what the fuck are you? Get that away from me, bro. You're like, oh, there's numbers?

James bought a gun, and I was like, you registered that? He's like, yeah. I was like. James Moss? Yeah. What is happening to you guys? You guys used to be fun-loving, cool, regular guys, and now you're murderers.

Yeah, but I would assume anyone that came up from the south came with guns. Yeah. Right? Is that a thing? I think he bought a gun here. I'm about to get a gun, I think. It sounds like someone's just going to put one in your pocket.

Do you guys not have guns? I feel like you have to have one in Philly. We're in Jersey. We're a suburb. We're South Jersey guys. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you get in the suburbs, and it gets a little different, I think. Plus, Jersey's hard to own.

I believe it's hard to get a gun in Jersey. True. Which is, it seems like it's, I mean, literally people are handing them to you, so it seems like Philadelphia's an easy place to get a gun in Jersey. True. Which is, it seems like it's, I mean, literally people are handing them to you. So it seems like Philadelphia is an easy place to get a gun. I have thought about it. You ever watch Funny Games, the movie? You ever see the movie? No.

Yeah. I watched that the other day and I was like, I'm going to get a gun now. Dude, that'll do that. Yeah. I've never watched it twice. Yeah. I watched it a couple, I've watched it like five times because I want to show, I always want to show people it.

So what is, without giving away the whole movie, what in it made you, I've watched it like five times because I want to show, I always want to show people it. So what is, without giving away the whole movie, what in it made you think I need to get a gun? Well, none of the family. Okay, so it's basically just two guys that come in and like torture a family

for like two hours. Okay. Oh, I have kind of heard of this. No one had a gun in it. True, there are a lot of movies where like if the good guy just had a gun right away it would be a pretty quick film.

Yeah, but there's not enough movies that show the person who has a gun and then it just gets used on them. Yeah. That would be me. I'd be the person

that would either be at my safe forgetting the combo to get the gun out or I'd be the one where like they would knock me out and take my gun

and be like, well, we're the captain now kind of situation. Every Bruce Lee movie would be over in like eight minutes because he would like start doing fucking like what the hell and then of situation. Every Bruce Lee movie would be over in like eight minutes because he would start doing fucking like, what the hell? It's like in Indiana Jones when the guy starts swinging the sword

and Indiana Jones just pulls out a revolver and shoots him once. No, I want to see Indiana Jones get shot. I don't want him to do shooting. I actually hate him. Indiana Jones? And Harrison Ford. You know, I hate the break it to you. They're the same person. I know what I'm saying. I hate them both while they're doing it simultaneously. I get mad at Indiana Jones and I get mad at Harrison.

You're not an Indiana Jones fan? This might be the new... We might be two differing opinions, finally. Indiana Jones fucking rules. Nah, it's dumb, and I hate it. Ben, what are your thoughts? I like it a lot. There you go.

You guys just like it because he uses a whip. Yeah. You guys are gross. Oh, sorry. He uses the coolest weapon ever? No, it's not. Could you imagine... Why do you think it's so cool?

Could you imagine getting tested on... Yeah, I guess I... No, that was weird. Careful there, brother. Never mind. Not cool. Indiana Jones made it cool. Do you think that was propaganda? They were trying to take the history of the whip away by making it cool with the archaeologist. Well, it didn't work on me because I hate him and I'll beat his old ass.

Why do you hate him? You don't like adventure? We're like wonder? No, dude. Your adventure is not good. He's two of my favorite characters of my childhood for sure i would go on that adventure i would be his girlfriend that's a whole different thing yeah because then you get to be like i hate my boyfriend he's such he's all he's like stealing skulls like it's fun to like be a girlfriend who hates their boyfriend that one's totally that episode the uh crystal skull one sucked i think that aren't they all the crystal skull

isn't it like indiana jones and still the crystal skull again this time no no that was just the crystal skull one well don't besmirch the name there's a new one coming out though that's what all the Crystal Skull? Isn't it like Indiana Jones and still the Crystal Skull again this time? No, no. That was just the Crystal Skull one. Well, don't besmirch the name. There's a new one coming out though. That's what really got me is I saw the trailer and I saw his old ass running around

and I'm like, dude, just cut it out. You know? I agree. I don't like when old guys run around. Sit down. Take a seat, older guys.

Yeah, but that's like a Hollywood old guy. He's got the body of the elderly guy. Well, it's the Adrenochrome. Yeah, exactly, which I also hate, which way can we get back getting back to the Super Bowl? Can we talk about all the conspiracy theories that are coming

out of the Chiefs winning it now? So there's a bunch with like Rihanna because she wore all red and it was like all this messaging in it and stuff. Yeah, but then have you seen the like the sod father guy? So have you seen this the or heard about the sod father? So during the game, Eagles players, they kept showing like Jalen Hurts

had to change his cleats out after the first quarter, and a bunch of the kickers slipped on one kickoff after a touchdown. And they were saying the turf is in very terrible conditions, but it only seems to be affecting the Eagles. And then it comes out afterwards that 94 year old groundskeeper, the sod father is a diehard lifelong chiefs fan. And he's the guy who has prepared the sod for every super bowl for the last 57 years and like a couple of world series. So now there's this whole, like he even has a Kansas city chief super bowl rings from past wins. so then this whole theory came out that

like he's behind all of it and he alerted the chiefs that it was gonna be a slipperier field oh and now the eagles weren't alerted of it and all this shit and then yeah they were tying in like illuminati with it the levels people go to to like protect themselves from things that make them sad is so funny what's incredible is this whole story was out before midnight that night. Everyone had this conspiracy theory already chalked up. He needs to die. Don't you want to kick his ass? Old guy running around. Too old. He thinks he knows grass? He knew 1970s

grass. Old guys. Who's it? Name an old guy running around doing good stuff. Joey B? He fell off his bike. That's the last time you've seen him not behind a podium. Why can't they play on grass? Just normal grass. So they were playing on grass. When I say turf, I meant the turf, like the surface. It is normal grass.

It's not AstroTurf or anything? No. So the Arizona Stadium is pretty cool. The field wheels out of the stadium and sits in the sun, so they can have real grass. And then they wheel the field back in. Okay. So he planted slippery grass.

So he got in there and he slipped up the grass, it sounds like. The sod father himself. I don't know about that. Slippery grass is actually just a weed laced with PCP. Yeah. But I also like to think that it was like the Illuminati elites attack on freedom. Because if not, what is the biggest symbol of freedom in the world?

The eagle, right? Yeah, for sure. Oh, wow. That's beautiful. And I like to think that the Chiefs were chosen by, again, these lizard elites to fix the game, to attack freedom in our heads. That's what I'm... They're trying to besmirch the name of the eagle. That's fair.

I think Damar Hamlin's a clone. I think he's dead, too. Yeah. I saw that shit. Yeah, bro. I'm all in on that, too. Is it because he was out? No, you think he's a robot clone or like a physical clone because you can't just

a normal clone because you can't play football again right they're not gonna let him play i don't know because i don't think you can teach a clone how to play football oh that'll be true oh then yeah all of a sudden you can't play football anymore true we haven't seen his face he's wearing glasses yeah but that is the thing that cool black guys can wear sunglasses indoors like he does he's able to kind of like yeah that's funny too and everyone starts picking something like apart as like a conspiracy theory like he's wearing sunglasses inside. He's able to kind of like... Yeah, that's funny too. Everyone starts picking something apart as like a conspiracy theory. Like he's wearing sunglasses inside and it's like cool black guys have been doing that

for decades. I see LeBron do it. I'm like, God, that's so serious. He must be a clone. He has to be a clone. Did you see LeBron trolled everybody at the Super Bowl? He got booed and then he just pretended he was putting a crown on his head.

And I was like, that's... I kind of hate that, but I kind of love that too. That to me is brutally corndog. I hate when he does that. Can you do me a favor? Can you pull up the Indiana Jones trailer? Because I'm going to get you guys on my side. Wait until you see how annoying this guy looks. Are you talking the new Indiana Jones? Maybe.

But you can't besmirch the originals. It taints the whole thing. He hates snakes. Why do they have to be snakes, Matt? The first three are great. Yeah. Here's the next question. Matt snakes matt they're the first three are great yeah dude you wait no wait here's the next question matt have you seen the first three certainly not yeah sorry i haven't seen a moment something that uh we've uncovered on this podcast is matt uh never watches a movie he will look up the pivotal moments on youtube watch them and then he's such a narcissist we'll

just pretend that he's seen it the ending like uh never watch sopranos watch the final scene well the final scene sucks and has opinions on it but that's actually very good sopranos kind of sucks also really yeah how many watches through did it take for you to get to you didn't like well i've been around like um italian american families enough to see them copying sopranos so when i see like this true yeah i it. They start to adopt it into their life. It's all about famiglia. Yeah. I'm a big not a fan of Italian-Americans

either. I think everyone that's outside of New York also lacks culture. I love you, Jay. Are you Italian? Yeah. I don't like it. Just don't. I mean, just quiet down. Just don't shove it in our face. It's the way conservatives talk about gay people.

I just love it when everyone has insane pride about it. That sucks, man. When everyone has insane Italian pride, but they've never left the greater Philadelphia area. Yeah. Like, this is everything I am. And they're like, no, you're just a guy from Philadelphia area. Yeah.

I don't know. They just, yeah. There's not good people, and they're loud. Also, you didn't get to pick your heritage. I thought you were going to add like a nuanced opinion. They're actually like really bad people. Just historically, I've done terrible things. You ever had one that like positively benefited your life?

You know what I mean? Not a single one. Not if that's you, but yeah. I mean, well, Jay, yeah. I mean, he's made my podcast actually listenable, but our podcast, I don't know. That was very mean of me. Yeah, it was. I mean, it's just, sorry, I my podcast actually listenable, but our podcast, I don't know if I said my, that was very mean of me. Yeah, it was. I mean, it's just, sorry, I'm being real Italian when I act like that.

And they're just like mean, and they're just too loud, and they shake hands too hard. That's another one that bothers me. And they never have, I noticed this with them, they always describe something as like having everything and then have one example. Okay. This airport has everything

It has bagels, everything They're not big on lists They can't name more than one thing I can't sit here all day and list things My mom's an incredible cook She makes sauce Also regardless of location That is the only thing that they list is the bagel

You gotta go check out this Everyone's gotta show it the bagel. They're like, you got to go check out this. Everyone's got to chill with the fucking, oh, this bagel is better. And I'm sick of everyone having it like, I got a spot if you want a bagel. Same with a cheesesteak argument. If you have that strong of an opinion about food, I fucking hate you. Yeah, I agree. That bothers me too. I don't like when people are like, nah, Connecticut pizza.

Tell me not where to not go. That's all I want to hear. That place sucks. Don't go there. Nah, I'm just going to gonna go i hate fancy restaurants and that's what they that's all they have in philly really yeah true oh dude any restaurant where you have to do the thing where you put the napkin on your lap why i just went to one doing i hate that because um conan and james are trying to get me to go to this breakfast place and i i'm like does that bells and whistles and shit like is that one of these places and they're like no and then was the dandelion you've been to the dandelion i've walked past it

a lot we sat next to a fireplace so i'll put napkins on our thing i didn't know half the words on the menu yeah that they're i hate places like they're trying to like class up breakfast too much too i went to cafe lift uh over in haddonfield there's one in philly too and it was like my wife and i got a good brunch it was byob and we spent how much we would spend at a great dinner. I was like, this was breakfast. The price of food should increase as the day goes on. Breakfast should be your cheapest meal. That place is set up weird.

The bathroom's right next to several tables, and I had an explosive diarrhea episode in there that certainly groups of women at brunch had to listen to the entire time. Oh, they're just trying to sip their mimosas and I'm sitting there and you're just tooting. I'm sorry, girls. Are you guys mad at me? I think diners nailed breakfast. I think you can't

do a breakfast any better than a diner in quality, in price, and in selection. Yeah, diners are the thing I really enjoy. I don't like eating out ever. Are diners big down in Virginia Beach where you're from? Like is it – because I know like New Jersey and Philadelphia area, like just the greater northeast you want to say,

is known for like 24-hour diners. Like that's not a thing everywhere. Really? Yeah. No, that's not a thing. No. Yeah. Yeah.

I used to go to IHOP a lot. I used to go – if you would like fill out the survey on the IHOP receipt, you get free short stack. No shit. Yeah. So I would like go – Unlimited? They don't receipt. You get free short stack. No shit. Unlimited? They don't check? Just a free short stack.

Oh yeah, what do you mean they don't check? You just keep going back. Yeah, I went back. That's all I did from senior year of high school to sophomore year of college. You just bought one short stack and just rode that wave. I like it. You got to buy the initial one. Because everybody you go with gets something.

They order something, so they get a real receipt. And then I just take their receipt. Damn, you're a crafty boy. I'm a craft i also like to picture you diving out behind an ihop just for a receipt genuinely guys i got one the way short sex on me one of the waitresses used to give me her receipts all the time because i gave her good reviews that was always good if you had a connection we had uh one of my friends growing up his girlfriend worked the wendy's drive-thru yeah so like we would just pull up and order one order of fries and then seven bags of food would

come out the window. Always good to have those connections. I knew someone who worked at Five Guys, so I would go there, order some fries, and then she'd give me a big paper bag and I'd fill it to the top with peanuts and leave. You do what special need kids think heists are. It's the perfect climb.

It's almost like they want us to take all the peanuts. Every time I go, they have seats. I can take up a suite. What am I doing wrong? Nobody's getting a hood. It's just like this in the security guide is a guy is a retired cop. He doesn't want any trouble. Wow, that's I want to tip though on a free short

stack and you wouldn't know I wouldn't and then that's where people. Yeah, that's come. That's a scummy move. Yeah, that's where people yeah that's come that's a scummy move yeah that's fine you can say that but that's fine you gotta learn though this is true fair is yeah he is actually hitting his number true you tip for water if you get water I've never gone somewhere and just got water I do that actually that's not a lie I've tipped Matt's girlfriend for just waters because I feel bad at like an open mic continually asking for water she complained well she's not working he just does it to her is water. Huh? No.

No. Never complained. I think I also do it to make up for all the comics that we know that don't tip and I feel bad. There's quite a bit. Yeah. I hear some rough tales. I didn't know that until recently that comics are historically bad tippers. Yeah? I mean, a lot of them are unemployed. So it's tough times. I, if anything,

once I lost my job, I think I've turned up the tipping. I think I've upped it a little bit because I think it comes back to you. Yeah, I have heard about my friends not tipping. And I don't know if I should bring it up with them. I never do. I feel weird. Yeah. That is such a bold fucking thing.

With bartenders like Tara, like people I know. Don't hear about my friends that don't tip. But it's not my right to go tell them to tip. Yeah, you can start to hint to them or show them how good you are at it. Yeah. You're like, man, don't tip. But it's not my right to go tell them to tip. Yeah, you can start to hint to them or show them how good you are at it. You're like, man, don't you love tipping? That'd be funny to talk with her about how fucked up it is and then also not give her any money to cover it.

She's like, well, you could make it better. As she's telling you, you're taking some of your tip back because you realize you put too much on the bar. You're like, actually, every bar Ben goes to, he tries to get fucking short stacks at yeah it's a free receipt you guys got him here or not no we don't please stop i treat uh the money and the change thing at wawa as a tipping scenario like if the red the guy at the register was like cool and nice i know it's not going to him but like if i had a nice little

conversation i'm like you can get this change yeah but if it's just like real cold and they're just like 1250, I'm taking those two quarters. Which they usually are kind of mean. They were never going to them anyway. They're going to children, I guess. I don't know how those... I've never looked.

I throw change in those things all the time. A little thing with the... Yeah, and I have no clue what it goes toward. If you fill it up, it gets one heart. You have to give it...

Per box? That's a lot of hearts. That's not a bad... Yeah. They're always overflowing. You know you're in a good neighborhood when that's out in a box of coins. Yeah. You ever bad amount. They're always overflowing. You know you're in a good neighborhood when that's out and overflowing. You ever seen a box of coins?

Yeah, you ever seen a Wawa in front of the cashier that have the thing where you just put your change in? You said they get a heart? I think you get one heart. It's like a cardiac child kiss thing. It's funny to think, too, that there's a charity that's like, the box isn't all the way full.

We can't donate. You don't get a heart for a box of coins. You get a heart, dude. That has to be like $12.50. There's no... What do you mean? Where do they even get a heart for a kid's not getting you get a heart dude that has to be like 12 50 there's no what do you mean where do they even get a heart from they just nobody sells hearts well some people have one laying around yeah dude i think that i think one full box is a heart who told you this a couple of different guys i think you've ever said heart for a box of coins because if you because you go they don't like coin star they don't count how many coins are in there you walk up to the person you go one You ever done like Coinstar? They don't count how many coins are in there. You walk up to the person and you go one heart

and then you give them the fucking thing. They're like, that's so many coins. Where do you think you get hearts from? Different types of play. You can get them almost anywhere nowadays. Where do you get your hearts at these days? You walk in with a receipt. They give you a free heart.

Also, Costco. Get a big box of hearts. Sometimes I have too many of them. Gotta give them away to friends. I think you guys are way undervalued in the coin box. So were you a Coinstar guy? They're always fun. Yeah.

No, I'm not because they take like 10% a year. That's what it was. Do they really? TD Bank used to do it if you had an account there, it was free. But I would still count it beforehand because I, again, had a conspiracy theory that they were shaving off the top and they were. They do. Yeah.

I'm a big roll your own coins guy. Yeah. Yeah. It was always fun. As a teen, I always just had like a huge paper bag full of change. and they were they do yeah i'm a big roll your own coins guy yeah yeah it was always fun like uh as a teen i always just had like a huge paper bag full of change and if there was like whatever i was doing that weekend i would just go grab like six handfuls and toss it in the change thing and get it back and i was like sweet pretty much going to that concert for free now like

had like 40 50 bucks yeah i do hate change i do kind of look at it as i never deal with it has no money anymore true and like anything that's not my checking account, I'm like, that's not actual money. Like if I have cash on me, I'm like, well, I can spend that. I've had cash in my wallet for like five weeks now, and there's so many opportunities to spend it. And right after I, now that I have like Apple Pay on my phone and stuff,

right after I did that, I'm like, oh, you could have used that cash in your pocket. True. I don't know. I mean, this might be Ben's first fight. He's going to fucking jump me outside for my cash now. It's not going to be worth it at all, dude. It's not going to be.

He's going to pull out a gun that has his friend's name carved into the side. I don't know. This is my teaching is the first job I have ever had where I have actual money

where I don't need to do like scummy things for. What's the scummy thing you did? You dirty dog. Because I steal all the time. I go to the shoplift all the time. That's not bad. That's fine

Only do cheap things Try to sneak into everything That's just Robin Hood type shit Yeah Shoplifting But it's weird What do you think? Was there anything you were like really

Not ashamed But like not proud of yourself That you shoplifted? No I just get Over time I get I look down on myself for shoplifting Because I feel like it makes me

It's like a poor thing to do No, I agree I used to Oh, it's not a morality thing it's like an appearance thing you don't feel bad about the like it's you're doing something wrong i just feel like karmically it's bad or like i know it's wrong people try to act like oh it's good because it's corporations but it's like it's still stealing from somebody at the end of the day if you if you follow it down the down the chain far enough it's gonna fuck somebody over i give you i think it's a good thing to do i think it's a wrong thing to do but i also i do it and i don't really give a fuck if it's a corporation but i know it's wrong at the

end of the day i went too hard on that like they just factor in a certain amount of theft and i was like i'm just contributing to that number for them yeah and also they can't stop you for stealing yeah when i worked at cbs that was the policy it was a no chase policy yeah everyone's no chase policy and but it was like they told us like you're allowed to stop them in the store, but once they get out, you're not allowed. I was like, no, you're paying me $7.50 an hour. I'm not stopping anyone. I'm going to reach because the camera's watching just so I can be like,

oh, I tried. I was at Marshall's the other day, and the line was so long. And I was holding everything I was going to buy, and then I walked out. I just walked. Just put it all on and walked out? Yeah, I just know I was holding everything. I just walked out. just walked like i left it on and walked out yeah i left the yeah just now i was holding everything i just walked out not marshall's the fucking michaels the craft store there's been a lot of shit for uh collaging you and eight moms that nobody's stopping you at all dude yeah they're like look at that man yeah they just

thought you were a grown child they're like oh just let him have i had like a bunch of exacto knives and like a little board do you do a lot of collaging yeah yeah you don't make any sense as a person what's the most recent collage you don't make any sense as a person. What's the most recent collage? You can't get a gun pulled on you and then collage the next day. Everything's this year. Your whole being is a roller coaster of like collaging kind of gay did get a gun pulled on him. Collaging still pretty gay. He did steal it kind of just twenty twenty three forest gum, but with like no major achievements yet. No, I just like, you know what I mean?

Those are just things that are fun. I like stealing is fun. Fighting is fun. Collaging is fun. You've been told fighting is fun. Have you ever been punched in the face? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I used to like box and shit. Oh, okay. I've just never been in a fight with someone that I have ill will for. Yeah. Which I want to be in one. There was some hate in your eyes when you and Drew were going at it for a split second you were taking out some anger there that was actually a pretty even

that was a pretty gay fight it was one of those things where like midway through it's like one of those like you pull back and you're like what is happening and we're all grown ups like most people there are older than we are but it was sick to be a passerby of just walking by

and like, why is there 11 people in that garage? Peggy has neighbors that had to have been like, what? We got to run that one back. Me and Drew have sparred since too. It was a good fight. Honestly, I told you after. I thought I picked you as the winner of that one.

Well, it was a weird fight because it's all friends and it was a party. If there was ill will at any point in the fight, it would have been awkward. Yeah, if you guys actually started fighting, that would have been the corniest part. Not going super hard was also kind of whack at the same time. Yeah, I thought you guys walked a fine line. We walked a pretty fine line, but we should have gone harder. I love that Drew went from fighting you there to his next fight he's tried to line up is Street Beefs.

Yeah. The YouTube Fight League. That's a pretty big jump. I mean. That'd be kind of sick. I mean, that'd be big for Durag. Maybe you should sign up for Street Beefs. I would love to do Street Beefs.

I would. I really am. I'm in life to have fun. We're going to die one day. These do not sound fun. I just love that you and Street Beefs, like in the middle of the fight, you're just like, oh my God, there's a gun in my pocket. Can I use this in here? You don't like doing

crazy things just because? I do, but I like when they're fun and crazy. Usually they have to be alcohol-induced, bad decision making. No, I don't drink. You have to have fun somehow if you don't drink. Yeah, there's tons of other ways. You could be like John. You could have a kid. No, but I gave up drinking. I'm in a way different

part in my life where it's like my fun is literally like I went on a walk with my daughter today and that was the funnest thing I've done all week. Really? It was really cool. You're in a fulfilling... Everything in life is very fulfilling right now. It's a good feeling, but for the longest time,

I was the person who was like, what's the most old man thing you do? I take vitamins every day responsibly. Wow, that's great. Something you find fulfillment in, like sitting on a park bench looking at birds or something. Yeah, I mean, I do a lot of... Or giving young kids advice.

You ever give young people advice? Yeah, I talk to Matt every day. Wait, what's y'all's age difference? 10 years. Okay. Yeah. That's not bad. I think it's a good gap because it keeps me in the loop

of what's going on with people a decade younger. And I get to be Matt's OG and film in on with people a decade younger. I get to be Matt's OG and fill him in on some ways of the past. I feel like I'm mostly friends with older people. That's why I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm older. Start a podcast with a guy 10 years younger than you. It's your best bet.

It keeps it interesting. Were you always friends with people older or younger? My close friends growing up were always exactly... Two of my best friends were born on the same day in the same hospital as me so like we were all very in that same age range and it wasn't until I started playing in like bands in high school I started hanging out with like I was like 18 hanging out like 23 year olds okay so it was like a weird jump sure I went from

like yeah people around my age or like my cousin who's basically my little brother's year younger than me so some of his friends to like hanging out with dudes that not only got us booze but like would hang out with us the rest of the night looking back it's really weird yeah i don't know i'm always like because my when i was younger all my brothers are like like my youngest older brother is six years older than me and then it goes like from that to 12 years older than me so i'd always hang out with them and all their friends i'm always friends with older people and then in college my friend like when i was like 19 he was like 26 i was like my good friend and then after that my friend was like 12 years older than me and then like not like naeem was like 12 years older than me are you gonna like old people that's why like what do i

do when i'm old yeah when you get to like 90 you're just searching for 111 year old how the fuck do i i don't know where i'm gonna go from there once you get in your 30s you have to hang out with the youngest people yeah just like you an 11 year old totally platonic relationship where you guys just chill just at a park like and you tell mixture people know obviously like we're at the ihop he's cool his parents know he's here for the most part i am just hanging out with eight-year-olds now you have huge access to cool kids yeah cool regular kids but you can't do it yet because then it'd be weird once you get into your 30s what'll be cool as hell to hang out with young kids yeah that's right that's. That's exactly right. Yeah. Cool.

That logic checks out if you ask me, dude. It opens a weird door. Once I had a kid, I feel comfortable now. If I'm in public and a kid's doing something cute, to be like, hey, what's up, buddy? I never was that guy before. Or like, oh, look at you. You're climbing that thing.

That's awesome. Yeah. But now, even if my daughter's on the other side of the park, kids are always trying to get your attention too to be like all right i know my parents think this is cool but like yo check this out dude just random guy here at the park yeah no it's fun um with like uh teaching and shit like because uh i feel like they they think it's cool and because they think i'm like an old adult like they think i'm like 30 yeah no offense to you but no no but when you're doing you're in third grade, 30 is, you're almost dead. Hence why they'd be so cool to hang out with, dude.

Yeah, but today I took Beyblades from a kid and then I was bored, so I was like, I want to play Beyblades. So I played it with the class. So I'm pretty sure they think that's cool, their teacher's doing that, but I'm genuinely just in it for fun. I saw your Instagram post about it.

I also saw that Anna Gallagher was showing your stand-up to her class. Yeah, that was crazy. How do you feel about that? Well, because she said that she had that they had some dumb gay school thing and then they were like, she said, I'm going to teach a class about stand-up. Is she trying to like dangerous minds these kids?

Doing stand-up? Yeah, she's like their Michelle Pfeiffer. She's like, I'm going to show you guys a way out of this life. Yeah, probably. Your stand-up. But I was asking her what her stand-up lessons were and shit like that. So then she told me,

and she said she was going to show them her stand-up. And I was like, don't you fucking ever do that. That's an insane thing to do. Yeah. And then. That's hilarious that you were the next one. You're like, don't ever show your stand-up. Imagine if your teacher, take yourself back to junior year of high school.

Is she a high school teacher? Yeah. Okay. Imagine your teacher comes in. Yeah. All right, guys. I'll explain the fuck out of her. Put down Shakespeare.

Yeah. I'm going to show you something. It's stand-up. And everyone's stand up and everyone's like cool and like it's my stand up that would be me and my friends would still be talking about it now showing black philadelphia teens your stand-up is the bravest thing it's unbelievable that's why she told me she did it i was like all right show my fucking thing also uh film the reactions i need to know it's going to work amongst the youth. And they're just not laughing. You're explaining the jokes. Did she tell you what material she was showing them of yours? I only have one video on YouTube with me.

It's on Helium. And is it one that you would be comfortable showing teens? I would never do that with myself in there. But I wasn't a part of it. It was really just like, it was basically like press a button to see if they like your stand up. It was just like, yeah, show them if they like your stand-up like it was just like yeah show them and then like i'm not there for it right i was in the room i fucking never

dude that's crazy dude that sounds like an absolute night i have people at my work like the older people i work with they're like we're gonna come to one of your shows it'll be great like let us know just i was it's i can't think of anything worse than just being there not even like saying like the bad stuff you talk about anybody you know outside of stand-up if they watch you and then you somehow do bad whatever you have a bad set that i cannot think of anything worse because then they like look at you as like this hobby is already so corny yeah and then you're not even good at it which is that's why i like to it's nice to like when you can pick and choose when like your family or friends want to come out to a show.

And you're like, let me try to find one where it's going to be not like a softball, but you're like, I know I'm going to do well in this environment. Yeah, yeah. It's like, I don't want to invite my cousin to come see me in the brewery where there's going to be maybe six people in the audience. That would be like my ultimate death. Because every Christmas, they're all like, stand up, go, I'm pretty good. I'm like, yeah, it's's getting better i'm getting busier and then they come see me bomb in front of 11 people that didn't know there was comedy happening that night yeah yeah stand up sucks all the time

yeah at all times but it does it's the only thing it's so great in the moment and when you do well afterwards but then just going back to you're like i just gotta go home and still have to do the dishes and take the trash out this sucks yeah true once you exit like you get all this fake self-confidence and as soon as you exit the road it's totally you're just like oh yeah my ball still hurt i'm still kind of a loser this sucks i have to drive home yeah i still don't have a job trust that i do stand up you can't bring it up unless it's like actually like a thing that somebody was talking like they're prying for it right like i've seen people that will like just talk about it right away and you're like oh geez yeah i'll hold you yeah i started the job i just got laid off from it started to get to the point

where everyone knew that i did comedy but then like everyone always did that thing like we're gonna come out and see and i would even like some of the people i liked i'd be like yeah here's my dates like you're in philly you know come hang out it'd be nice to see you there nobody ever came to any of the shows yeah like everyone you always have that fear of like oh if they find out i do stand up it's over everyone found out and they're like all right cool like oh yeah yeah you do it is like an over like you're like oh there's gonna be such a big deal and they're like yeah i don't really you know because then you gotta think about there's also guys you work with that probably play acoustic guitar at bars and they don't ever tell anyone about it.

That's where I draw the line. I would call it a bomb threat to anybody doing an acoustic live performance. Someone said I play acoustic guitar. Yeah, that's Indiana Jones behavior. No. That's the permanent encapsulation. No, you can't tell a workie to stand up. Uh-uh.

Unless they need to. I got them following Facebook. Yeah. If I post a joke on Facebook that bombs, they're like, you're such a fucking pussy. I'm actually really cool. The worst is when they do know, and you start posting reels in the middle of the day. They're like, you're such a fucking pussy. I'm actually really cool. The worst is when they do know and you start posting reels in the middle of the day. They're like,

so are you working at all? No, not at all. I'm chasing my dream, jerk. That being said, I'm still unemployed. Hire me. I got laid off almost two months ago now. I've been in the hunts with your daughter appreciating life. Sitting on

benches. That's good. You're going to stop and enjoy it. I could be pissed off about this, but if you're letting a job define your happiness, fuck you. True. That's how I look at it. You find happiness from jobs? No, I'm saying if you do. No, I've never worked a job where I was like, I look at it as if I found happiness and it is a thing I would also do for free,

no. Like, does that make sense? Like, when, wait, something goes good at work and you're like, I'm happy about that

and you're like, no, I'm happy because that's going to give me more money. Yeah. It's not like that fulfilled my life making that, like I'm a sales rep.

It's like, closing that sale really made me the man I am. It's like, no, it gave me money. Oh, yeah.

Like, that's, you're in it for money but you want to be good at it. That's like closing that sale really made me the man I am. It's like, no, it gave me money. You're in it for money, but you want to be good at it. That's why anything comedy related would be the dream to be like, it's a thing I love and it could yield me money. Let's see if that could happen. I'm not mad at that, but I guess we'll wrap because we got to get a whole big

job. Jay's the only one who has things going on. He's got an actual exciting life. Ben, what do you got to get a whole big job. Jay's the only one who has things going on. So we can get fucking things. He's got an actual exciting life. Ben, what do you got to promote, you little dirty dog? You already promoted my thing at the beginning. Yeah, we'll promote it again. At AyoActually on Instagram.

He said it. I do suck at saying it. That's the worst part of the show. I'll do it one time. I'll be naive. You'll be naive? Yeah, I'm not going to say a single word. So bring up a topic. Ayo actually. That's good.

That's pretty good. That's fair. All you got to do is to be naive, just end your sentence with, you see what I'm saying, and you've nailed your naive impression. True. True. A fair one. Yeah. Do your best impression.

Of naive? Yeah. All right. Cool. I'm trying to think. He was just talking about being in jail. So he's like, I can't even, because he was telling a story about a dude getting tied down in jail.

Yeah. No, I'm not going to do that tonight. I can't screw my way out of this anymore. See what I'm saying? I had an autistic, I'll just say this real quick. I had an autistic roommate in college, and we used to have him do impressions. His impressions would literally be like,

it would be like, Kelvin, do your donald trump impression he'd be like hey i am donald trump that would be the whole and it was so sincere you really did put me on the spot there yeah it's really funny to put people on the spot with impressions do your do your best impression i'm not going to yeah you guys are do you have one no i don't i'm really bad at impressions it'd be like hey i'm naim but hey i'm naim the only impression i'm really good at is of my friend brett that's it really yeah yeah that's the point where anytime i do it it crushes around my friends and that's it i love it all right sorry what were you gonna plug i could i could plug it in bread boy oh yes

all right oh you won't come see me do comedy dude um that's a brutal i hate bread now that's that's good dude uh Nothing. I'm hosting the Comedy Zone this weekend, but this episode will be out after that. Next month, we got that show with Jay Yoder. This coming Friday after this show comes out, Tap Room, High No Humor, is

doing the post-game comedy show. It's going to be Drew Montana, Naeem Ali, Sydney Gant, Brittany Johan, Rob Cody. Am I forgetting anybody else, Matt? That's it. Cody Wright. And Cody Wright.

It's going to be a fun new type of show. A little post-game interview after a stand-up set. We're going to see how it goes. Matt's kind of running this shindig. I'm going to run it so damn good. So good. What are we going to see you run in it? It's called post-game comedy.

We can discuss it. It's after Wakanda? We're going to, so it's just going to be a stand-up show and then after the comic goes up and does their set, they go sit at a table like a post-game interview in sports.

Oh, okay. And then we're just going to have other comedians in the audience like interview them about their set. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Okay. It's going to be so good.

I'm going to run the shit out of it. People are going to see me running it like, damn, you are running this. And then right after that, Bellefonte Brewery, Jim Kelly show will be a lot of fun. That rules podcast. We'll probably change it back to Handsome Idiots at some point. We're cowards. You heard it from Ben first.

You should change it. Make this one Handsome Idiots. We'll just go right back. Well, whatever. We'll just go back. Yeah. No fun, nobody, no fun, but I'm a little bit of that No fun, nobody, no fun, but I'm a little bit of that No fun, nobody, no fun, but I'm a little bit of that