That Rules Podcast - Episode #81: The Most Kissable Boys

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

“We’re not here to gather time. We’re here to set this thing a blaze!” Your favorite idiots are back! No guest, just the original handsome idiots back at it again! Tune in and tell you cousin we are sorry.

is pink your go-to wine uh i like all different types of wine just the sweetest berry i like all different types pink blue i like the sweetest of berries dude that's just kind of how I've always been my whole life. Sweet barrel wine. Did you drink wine back when you were a fucking cool guy? Yeah, I've drank. I've been through like four different wine phases in my life. Like I hit one. I was probably like 23, 24, and I hit a wine phase where I was just taking my mom's.

It's Valenzano is the winery, which is the most south Jersey. Yeah, Valenzano. Yeah, Staten Island. So I'm drinking Valenzano, which is just grape juice. Yeah. I was drinking that because I thought I was classy. I'd be like, yeah, I'm hanging out by my parents' pool, drinking my parents' wine. I'm 24 years old.

Then I stopped drinking wine for a while. Then I started drinking like good wine at like work events. Oh, yeah. Because I didn't have to pay for it yeah and like i would work i used to work with surgeons that like had wine cellars so we'd be out to dinner and i'd be like she can pick it and then i have to like nervously text my boss and be like um i'm gonna be expensing a 400 bottle of wine that i got like but what sucks is you would get like the tiniest of that. When you get a really good wine, everybody wants to try it. So it would be like 11 people at a table drinking all of it. I've never gotten grown-up wine at a grown-up place before,

so I don't really know the quantities that they provide. I usually just have it here when my girlfriend has it or... Well, you guys had a hit the adult style, and now I'll graduate to a good boxed wine. There's a lot like... Oh, who are you telling, Brother Bear? They've stepped it up, and that's a good gift, too. I brought one over to Rob Cody's house last time I went over there.

Just a good one at just $20. You can drop it on their counter. They think about you every time they get drunk and fight with each other. I'm not saying the Codys fight with each other. I'm saying in general, just our couple friends. I'll bet you that house holds a fucking mess, dude. Thanks, Brother. No, well, it's...

Salute. Yeah. You can also see down Matt's shorts for this episode. Oh, we're back to shorts, dude. No. Thanks, brother. Well, it's... Salute. Yeah. You can also see down that shorts for this episode. Oh, we're back to shorts, Matt. I love it. Yeah, shorts, Matt, today, dude. I went to the gym. So yeah, I had a few...

I had a few wine phases in my life. Yeah. It was always... I used to drink white in college. I didn't expect the answer to be this fucking detail. No, I mean, I'm an aficionado. I just burped the Diet Coke into a mic and then said the word aficionado. I think we could have wrapped it. Yeah, I used to drink wine. You're like, well, I used

to go to places and get small quantities. Well, sorry. I'm on a thing where I want to tell a story that's going to, you know, gather some time. We're not here to gather time. We're here to light this thing ablaze. All right, let's think about the fact we do. We've been doing so many podcasts with different guests and we're going, how did you get into comedy? What's your mom? You know,

does your mom think I'm cute? You know what is your dad single like all the the normal questions when did you find out your dad was single yeah how how does he feel like have you ever like snuck into his room when he was sleeping and like touched his ankle and been like i could take you out i'm not scared how many night kisses have you given your poppy while you sleep how many how many night kisses have you given your dad and be straight straight up with us, Jake Patera. Which we got to say again, I just rewatched him crushing those Melissa Etheridge notes. Just so much passion in there. You want to talk about a guy who was crushing Militia, whatever her name is? I don't remember.

The Militia. The metal Militia? You know, it's always tough because- What, words? Yeah, oh yeah, they're the worst. But when we do podcasts- See, wait, this is what I was talking about. This is your ADD brain because basketball's on.

No, I just can't talk. You're mush mouth and words. I got a cold and you're going to come at me like that? Dude, I have a severe cold. Your cold makes you not be able to say militia? Sure. Damn, that is the best way to say Melissa. I just heard it in my head.

You're warming up to me. I'm not even looking at the game, dude. Shout out to all the militias I grew up with. This show will be coming out two days before that so yeah true uh what we're talking about oh no uh when you guys like when we do podcasts with uh like people your age and you guys reference things and i like do have to sit it out because i don't want to be like oh i don't know like i'm trying to monopolize the conversation like i don't know about it explain it to me but you really don't know references. Really, not a lot.

I mean, that's fine. But then it makes me think if it's removed, if I was podcasting with somebody that's 46, but I think I would get all their references. Yeah. Because I'm a worldly fella. I know some references, and you're a bit worldly. You're not overly worldly.

I got long hair. I was just going to say you grew your hair out, and you thought you got worldly. I did. Oh, I did. Yeah, you do look a little Italian. I look a little european now i had to go yeah you do look european as all get out for work i just had to go to uh an embassy i won't name the country because i can't i can't give away the the company i work for it's easy to find but i was in an

embassy with a bunch of people from europe and i look like most of them yeah you're like an ankle roll away you have to roll the fucking jeans. They all have weird jackets. They're not different. They're just weird. Yeah, you could spot a European in America from a mile away, dude. They're wearing tight pants. They always have a tracksuit jacket and a scarf on.

But their jackets always have more buttons than necessary. All the buttons on this serve a purpose. Especially cool guy Europeans, there's a lot of shoulder buttons. There's no need for a shoulder button. Unless you were in war and you needed something to like, like that was your, you would remove that leather strap to be a tourniquet on your arm. Yeah, you strictly wear that for when somebody pimps your ride and you don't want them to pop your collar like that.

Yeah, hey Europeans, quit it with the shoulder buttons. Yeah, or we'll come to your country and we'll fuck shit up again, dude. Your country of Europe. Dude, if they're going to try to arrest our fearless leader, we're going to come for your fearless leaders. Yeah, what's happening with that? He got indicted as hell. How good were those, since we recorded

the deepfake photos of Trump getting arrested? Yeah, they're good. Did you see those? Yeah. And they were, I mean, it's scary. We're a year away from nothing on TV or the internet being real. Oh, dude. If that's that good this quick, that's insane.

People are doing like full Rogan episodes of just his AI. Well, I mean, we've probably put enough words out there on the internet that you could build a conversation between the two of us. And it would still just be like, backward hats are cool. And also, so are van shoes. That's it. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. That rules.

That rules. Did you guys see the new South Park episode with ChatGPT? No, I heard about it. So they wrote it using ChatGPT. Yeah. This is kind of a spoiler. They didn't tell you that

until the end of the episode and you're like, oh yeah, now some of these dialogue That's why this was weird. Have a good workout, my darling. That's going to be what's scary of a spoiler, they didn't tell you that until the end of the episode and you're like, oh yeah, now some of these dialogue options make sense. Have a good workout, my darling. That's going to be what's scary. I'm sure South Park's going to never end, especially now.

That's what's scary. Stuff like South Park where you don't need living characters and they can duplicate the audio, it may never end now if they just let the AI take it over. Holy shit, I just realized that. I think that might be on Trey Parker and Matt Stone, though. I imagine they own the intellectual property. Yeah, but one day they're going to die,

and somebody's going to have that. Can you be buried with the rights to stuff? I do think AI will never be able to fully capture humor. I know. Iverson was pretty funny. I don't know what you're talking about. Alan Iverson. He's got it.

No, he does not, dude. He lost it three years ago. He's, dude. He lost it three years ago. He's on fire. He lost it three years ago, and I took it from him. I saw you at an open mic. I went, give me. You remember that? Your hair's not even long.

I'm a jerk. I'm trying my darnedest. I can grow my hair. Oh, dude, don't even talk about me growing my hair, because I'll make you look like a fool right on live television. Watch this. I'm queefing, queefing, queefing. AJ, in post, can you just make a bunch of hair pop out of my head?

Something like that, yeah. This is going to be like, you ever observe your own sense of humor? Yeah. Today, I had a, genuinely for about an hour, I said... Oh, okay, sorry, go on. What did you think? I'm thinking of, did you ever see somebody do something

that they think is fun, and you're like, that fucking moron, and then you're like, oh, that's exactly what I do. I'm a of, did you ever see somebody do something that they think is funny? You're like, that fucking moron. And then you're like, oh, that's exactly what I do. I'm a moron. So to some effect, yeah. I was literally taking a very broad assessment of my own things I find funny. Because I'll watch things that I think people like and think are funny. And I'll just think they're kind of funny.

And I'm like, what makes me crack up? And I landed on it. And I was like, oh, yeah i like actually have autism like i was sitting here and this was making me laugh out loud the idea of like like a bon jovi type guy like singing a song about my roommate getting a buzz cut that was i was sitting here pissing myself that sentence just sounded like chat gpt made it it was just like i'm ai you're that was the most 26 year old nothing sentence i've ever heard but that's what that in my head for age and i hate sorry that i just like him just somebody being like he hit no that's

here he went on to the barber he said buzz it. I also at first thought you said Bond Jovi. Like James Bond Jovi. That's actually a pretty awesome Halloween costume. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's going to be my costume next year. James Bond Jovi. John, that's your man on the street calling. Oh, we're halfway there. And it's just the 007, the gold knight.

I'll be that chick militia. You'll be James Bond and I'll be, or whatever it is, James Bond. You're every James Bond. ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding I said that last night You and Jamie Fitzpatrick Tried to, wow, butchered the end of The easiest part of Fitzpatrick I butchered You both claim ginger And neither of you are ginger I'm living by this now We are a bit ginger, him and I But we're not like

There are fucking horrific looking gingers And we fall into the less subhuman Looking brand of them so we never really have much of a home dude you're like there's there's uh night dwellers i'm a gay walker i'm there's night walkers and day i love kissing boys what up idiots i kiss boys now dude things are way different oh yeah our new uh we changed the podcast name again now we're no longer that rules we're no longer Handsome Idiots This podcast is now called The Most Kissable Boys

Yeah dude, have fun saying that at the top of your show When you bring us up This guy has a podcast called The Fucking Kissable Boys It's called The Most Kissable Boys Say the whole name The name is entirely based on What will be introduced when you guys go up To stand up

That's the entire basis. This next comic has a podcast called The Coolest Guy Ever that also should definitely get paid more to do this show. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, we had a podcast called Don't Touch Me There. We talked about this. That's a great one to promote at the top. Your next comic is the host of I Swear to God These Jokes Are Funnier

If You Guys Are Three Drinks Drunker. Your next comic coming to the stage, guys, is very funny. He's got a podcast called i got a fucking gun i'm dead serious making making hosts get swatted by making his way to the stage your next comic's got a podcast called i fucking hate my life and i'm gonna end it tonight i swear to god me the host of this show i'm gonna kill myself this is really the fucking name. Yeah, dude. Yeah. You asked for credits. Dude, that's my credit.

That and also I wrote for Conan. You can see him this weekend at Helium Titty Fuck. Okay, now you're just getting... What is this, dude? Enough. Enough. I love how much people really stretch credits, too. Yeah, oh, yeah.

I've stretched a couple credits in my life. Your next guy has HBO Max. Your next guy has HPV Max. There it is has hpv max there it is yeah your credits are just all your mistakes in life in life i mean stand-up is the biggest of them so it makes sense to kind of stand up fun i get it i'm i'm re uh reborn excited for stand-up again because we got to see a fun show last night oh yeah that that was awesome we went uh for peggy o'leary's taping at a helium and naeem ali veteran of the podcast, went up, crushed right off the top.

And then Ryan Foster, veteran of the podcast, went out, did his damn thing. Do you see his chain? I like his chain a lot. He wears it a lot. I make fun of him pretty openly about it. His girlfriend got it for him, though. I thought it was a wishbone at first,

and I was going to make fun of him, and then I realized it was electrician's pliers, and I was like, lateral move? I don't know. Oh, I actually did not see that one. I didn't know that he had fucking Pandora trinkets on him. Yeah, he has a trinket. It's a Pandora charm. Did you have to buy Pandora bracelets for your beautiful angels back in the day?

I bought them for my mom. Oh, really? Damn, you're trying to get ass like that. Alex and Ani was a big one. It's like the bangle-y bracelet. Damn, I know bangle. I came spell, and I would have bangle bracelet. What's a bangle?

It's a bracelet that has a lot of jinglies on it. That cannot be right. Why is it called like a jingler? I think the bangle is the thing you put on the bracelet. It's a charm bangle or something. Wasn't Bengal King like a big smash hit at the beginning of COVID? Yes. Cincinnati Bengals.

That's the guy who has a bunch of tigers in Bengals Stadium in Cincinnati, Ohio. I hope Trump doesn't go to jail. We skipped over that. He got indicted. Now, what does indicted mean? I still don't know. There's a crime that is

I think actually associated with you at this point. That's the best explanation. I don't know. It was a crime. Did you realize I was going to go to law school? I thought about going to law school. Were you also going to go to med school? No.

No, law school, that's where your password is, law school forever. We're going to bleep that out. The formal definition of indict is to formally accuse of or charge with a serious crime. So he has officially been charged with a crime. A crime is a... You kind of look like young Trump now with your hair, dude.

You do the voice and I'll mouth it. We've got really long hair. It's growing. Very long. Tremendous hair. Frankly, the longest. There it is. You guys should keep that going for a bit. That was pretty good.

All right. We should do mime acts. All right. Ready? Keep going. You do a voice, and I'll mime it. Okay. I'm cheating on my wife.

No. All right. Now I get to do one. Now I get to do one. Now John doesn't want to be indicted he's not ready it's my turn you mouth this one okay man i love doing blackface that was a tiktok dance you just did oh true yeah yeah dude that's why people wear it like eye black because they're trying to get close to blackface i don't like it every time i see

lacrosse player with the eye black on i'm like careful dude i black so i am i used to wear eye black in baseball it's a hundred percent because it looks cool nobody everyone's like it actually reduces the glare from the sun it's like unless you are transparently pale there's not going to be a goal actually yeah you might careful dude yeah careful with that but no it's it's total bullshit and then yeah lacrosse took it way too far they did very aggressively close to blackface. There was a lot of baseball guys that did it too. I used to play with a guy that would put it on, smear it, and then he'd always wipe it on his hat so that throughout the season

his white game hat was just like charcoal by the end of the season. Yeah. It is terrible. I threw a ball into that kid's face once. Matt, there has to be pictures of you Eye-blacked out from lacrosse For sure If not, I'm going to Photoshop one I mean, I could pull one up right

It's on my Instagram How close are you to blackface? Well, that's the thing I think you do it Because when you're getting close to blackface You're getting closer to being black And that's making you better at the sport Okay

That's the logic behind it Of lacrosse? Dude, every time I play lacrosse Yeah, look him up Johnny Christmas He's the greatest lacrosse player of all time. No, genuinely. Black people just don't...

There's like seven of them. They're not associated with lacrosse, not because they're not good at it. They just don't feel like playing it. But every time we played a team that had a couple black kids on it, they were fucking nasty. That's what reparations should be.

We should give lacrosse to black people. Take it away from all the chads and the hunters from Maryland. The billion-dollar industry of professional lacrosse will be honored, I'm sure. We give black people professional lacrosse. I think that's fair. Yeah, but we stole it from Native Americans. True, but they didn't do anything to get it back.

Dude, every time we play a lacrosse game, we should have like a – what's the thing where you go quiet over an area that used to be owned by Native Americans? Oh, they do it in Canada. It's a recognition of Native peoples. They should make the bros do that for lacrosse games. Yeah. Yeah, yes, I am, John. Yes, I am. You dumb, crazy guy. Just a bunch of bros with this hair.

Fuck, dude, I'm fucking tucking this leg in hard as hell. They were brave. I don't even want to play attack because I don't feel like I'm attacking the other fellas. Damn, dude, I love Native American people quite a bit. Never met one, but I imagine they seem... You've never met a Native American? I probably have

they usually have i i don't know i don't think they're allowed to tell you they're like it's like if you're a cop oh are you native american you gotta tell me if you are dude you get pulled over it's like get out of the car i think i think are you a native american and they're like i know that's probably the next voice you can't do. Oh, true. Native American. Yeah, true. True, true, true. Too bad it's a good one. They get, like, on the reservations, I think we talked about it before in here, their law like reigns supreme, right? Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Like, cops, they chase cops off the reservation and stuff. No. Which... Have you ever been to Mohegan Sun? The security operations up there at the casinos and the surrounding reservations, it's impressive. Yeah. It's like a Disney park. You can win many wumpum.

You can also get both your legs broke. There you go. Breaks with legs. That was his name. You're at a music open mic and a guy gets on stage and he's like, my roommate hit the bar shop. He usually leaves it long on tap. My roommate hit the barbershop And he usually lives alone on top He got a fade

He got a fade on the sides and a shorter buzz on top I'm not gonna lie Everyone thinks I was really blue collar But I was kinda just a nerd And then everybody was like, man, he's so blue collar I never even stepped foot in a factory But back to my roommate's busker Dude, it's so funny to just think of a guy singing about his roommate

In particular, his roommate guy If you could start off with a three And then fade it to a two I'd like to take it up and chin strap Now you're kind of getting John Cougar Mellencamp, which would also be awesome for the record. I think my next length of hair is going to be John Cougar Mellencamp, which is a great name, by the way.

John Cougar Montag? John Cougar Montag? Yeah, his name is my name too, dude. Whatever. I'm John Cougar Mellencamp. That's why when I was talking about Chicago the other day, I had to say an old band Chicago because I was not sure if Matt was. I knew John would know.

I did not know Matt. What a dumb name. What a dumb thing to name your band because for fully not knowing what the internet was going to be, they're just like, we'll name our band Chicago. And now it's like the amount of shit you have to add on to search for that. Sorry. There's a band just called The Band.

There's some really dumb band names. Jay, you're holding the microphone like a sexy mom smoking a cigarette. He's holding it like you were holding your wine glass. Oh, shit. Are we a fucking... You know what? Picky out.

Picky out, boys. You know what? I'm not going to lie. I got notes of Ryan Foster's breath in this mic. A little bit of Marilyn there. It's good.

It's good. This is how the kissable boys hold mics. The most kissable boys. The most kissable boys, all right? We're the boys of the year. That's catching on,

isn't it, dude? I've started saying that recently, dude. Oh, dude. I've started saying that recently, dude. Oh, dude, one of my buddies was, like, Snapchatting a girl who was, like, maybe a little bit retarded. And she was of age. And I kept telling her, because she said she had a boyfriend. She ended up telling him that she had a boyfriend. And he was like, damn.

And I was like, you should tell her, like, I trusted you. Like, you were the girl of the year. And he said that to her. And he was like, I trusted you. Like, you were the girl of the year. And he said that to her. And he was like, I trusted you. Like, you were the girl of the year. Like, I couldn't believe you would do that to me. And she was like, I know. I feel like such a, like, never addressed that he called her the girl of the year, which is just so funny, dude.

You got to get that girl a t-shirt with it. Says it on there, girl of the year. You're just going to gloss over the of the year part. Like, it's a regular statement. Like, she's not even like, who voted? Do you remember? No questions. My roommate got a busket.

He used a good comb. It's been a couple weeks and his girlfriend said the top's too long now. It's the barbershop from the movie Barbershop. Go shut up. Shut up. That's Cedric the Entertainer. The guy who cuts my hair cuts Bryce Harper's hair. You know you don't have to be such a bully, dude.

My dad's accountant is also Eric Lindros' nephew. My dad actually got certified by H&R Block, so we don't need an accountant, you idiot. He does his own taxes, and he does mine, too. His name is my name, too. He had an H&R Block in one of his arteries. Tony Bennett touched me once. Not like that, though. Your dad's in an H&R Block in the ground, brother.

No, he was on the H&R Block at prison. Yeah, he was on the H&R Drop-In Block, dude. He got transferred from the H to the R Block. They were like, don't drop that H and R block of soap, dude. He's on the tax return board of the prison, which is really the cell at the end of the hall where everybody does TurboTax. I think he actually did taxes for it, which is ironic.

Are you at? Holy shit. Why is my mom calling right now? Oh, she's like, ears are burning. Should she come on on speakerphone on the pod? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She's not ready for that. She's not ready for that. She's not ready for that.

Hi, Jay. Anyway, as I was saying, I think my dad did the taxes of the guards. We talked about it before. He was full on, what's his name, from Charles Shanty. He was Andy Dufresne. Coach. He was already coach, yeah, but he did the taxes of the guards and shit. Oh, yeah, yeah.

And helped them with shit like that um which is ironic because i'm one of the things he didn't do on the outside was pay taxes yeah he's like yeah well they say uh those who cannot do teach so that's kind of a beautiful full circle moment that kind of rules dude i love that uh that rules uh your dad did have kind of a cool story yeah really cool story uh he, a really cool story. He was a wine guy. No, he wasn't. He loved Coors Light.

Oh, what dad doesn't love a good domestic, dude? I think that's why they made a Diet Coke can almost look like a Coors Light. Yep. For cool dads like me. Yep. I gave it up,

but I still want it. They love two things, dude. Domestic beers and domestic abuse. And domestic soaks. Hello, things, dude. Domestic beers and domestic abuse. Hello, folks. Hello, folks, dude. The show last night was pretty sick. Peggy crushed.

Everybody on there did really, really well. It was cool because it was sold out, too. And I think it was actually... I mean, it was a lot of friends and family of hers, comics. But I think she just sold it out, which was really cool to see. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, she was polling people in the front row, and they were just like, no, we just came for comedy.

It's like, oh, shit, okay. Well, somebody, Lindsay Bowling, who was on the show, was really, really funny, put up a video that I didn't notice it, and I thought about it today to maybe laugh out loud that Peggy got a standing ovation and then told everybody to sit down. Which was

incredible. Incredible. But, yeah, yeah it's good time i stayed i drank tons of beers i went like this i went oh i love drinking beers like this the whole night i was gone you didn't when you when i left you were still drinking said beers sure i didn't stay much longer though i'd probably stay for like another half hour and uh wow this is a riveting story oh yeah i know dude sorry yeah why don't you tell us about the times? See, this is ADD. Dude, it's not the game, bro. I'm the fucking...

I'm locked in on this podcast. That was a basketball commercial. And you're like... Yeah, so anyway, I went... You were even dribbling. No, I wasn't. I don't dribble. I shoot the ball.

I don't waste time. Yeah, so anyway, I was out drinking beers last night. Oh, we made that. Nice. You're not autistic. You just have violent ADD anxiety yeah bro what do you bring an anxiety i'm about like a low well now he's anxious about it because if you put those two together it presents as autism yeah dude i should have anxiety every time i'm mean to you when i'm

drinking i text you the next day i'm like hey i'm sorry about that dude that was that was all me getting those texts from people now when you weren't drunk is so fun like the next not. The next day, people are like, what did I say last night? I'm like, oh, I remember. I don't remember shit. Just start making stuff up. My brain is still terrible. Yeah, I know. I've done a couple of those recently.

I'm an international businessman. I can barely read. International business, John. That's me. International business. When Zach walks in with a buzz cut, you better laugh out loud. How high do you think he's going to get? That's actually, instead of saying we were just talking about you you better laugh out loud you're like how high do you think he's any that's actually instead of saying we were just talking about you somebody

walks in you're like we were just singing about you hey little girl is your daddy home i need him to give me a fade in a comb my room oh you're my barber this is equal parts the worst episode and the best episode we've talked about that song the fucking hey little girl is your daddy home hey bruce don't ever start a song like that ever he was yeah you don't get references i'm on fire i have a feeling it was it's chlamydia yeah he got chlamydia from a tween there's a lot of stuff back in like that 80s 90s like the seinfeld stuff where they were just like openly like yo kids are hot as fuck she's cute yeah what's the deal with underage girls i finally watched why are they attractive yeah i watched a gillian keys special where they did the uh the age of consent oh yeah yeah sorry oh my god that was fantastic i would just love to see

jerry seinfeld that's one of his bits seinfeld yeah no sorry but that was yeah it used to be one of his bits yeah it was a fantastic bit. It was a fantastic bit, though. I loved it. That is funny that Jerry Seinfeld used to make love to a kid. That's crazy. You can get so famous. No, I'm not kidding. Do you think he kept pitching that in the writer's room for the show? He was like, what have we got?

A 17-year-old. They're like, Jerry, stop, man. It could be funny. They're like grown-ups, but younger. Look, I'm wearing a suit jacket and Nike shocks that they stopped making in 1998 because they're the worst shoe ever. They have an intern on the writing staff. She's like 21.

It's like, look at this old bag. Ew. Ew. Have you guys ever heard of, for PlayStation 2, it's a game called the Guy Game? Oh, I think so. So this is something I stumbled across this week so it was a game that was released for playstation 2 that after it was released it was found out that one of the actresses lied about her age and was 17 when she took her top off for filming for the

video game how what year was this this game was released in hang on Oh, because if it was, well, that's probably, here's my, what did Lara Croft look like in 2004? Because if you remember how terrible those graphics were in 98? Yeah. But if that girl like got nude on camera to just be a pointy cone person, that's hilarious. This game was essentially just cut scenes that were filmed in a real studio. Oh, okay. It was called the guy game.

Apparently, to this day, it's a very rare game that people bid on on eBay. Yeah, perverts. That's got to be considered child porn. That's just pedophiles being like, loophole! It was a loophole!

It was a loophole! Hey little girl, is your daddy home home i fucking off i actually share but hey jerry if you see this i love you and i would love to open for you i can work clean okay yes you do you do work clean as a guy i work up the ranks i get to a point where i get to open even host for jerry seinfeld i'm like i will work clean And I go out and I just open with, what's the deal with teens? Jerry's like... You just watch him come out and beat the shit out of me?

Nah, dude, he's off the side. It's like, let him cook. Let him cook! Michael Richards is like, he's going down the same path as me here. Yeah, dude. I mean, that is... I'll never understand that concept.

What was your... As a kid, what was your comedy sitcom? Like what was on in your, like Seinfeld was always on in my house. Oh, dude. Well, as a little, little kid, like when I was like Jerry's favorite age, I was Full House,

which I should have been watching Seinfeld because I couldn't get into some action. So you were still, Full House was still kicking? Full House was kicking. And then when I was in like sixth grade, a big one. I don't even know if it was remembered or known. There he is.

Somebody got a fresh cut. We were just talking about you, bro. Hey, my name's Zach. I got a blue shirt on. I got a haircut, and I'm going home. Let's go, dude. Oh, we were talking wine earlier, and Matt told me to shut the fuck up. Dude, he went on a long rant, bro. I've gone through many wine renaissances.

I also have long hair. I know about wine. All right, sorry. Sitcom you used to watch. Oh, Grounded for Life. You ever heard of this program? Yeah, that was a good one. That one used to bop hard, dude.

Yeah. The youngest son or the youngest kid, they just couldn't negotiate a contract with them, so they just wrote him out of the show and never addressed him. Oh, that was always great when they would just change a mom, like mid-season, like Fresh Prince. I think there was like three of them, wasn't there? I think so, yeah. And that had to be like, oh, God.

To be like a, if you're a racist dude trying to do better, and you're like, that's got to be, hey, it's the same. You guys remember That 70s Show? Yeah, yeah. That was one of my sitcoms. I'm rapidly looking like an extra from That 70s Show. Yeah, with the clown. They did the same thing with Eric's sister, though. What's that shirt?

It's 93, though. That 90 show. Which apparently is beans as hell. They did the same thing, though, with Eric's sister in that show. Remember that? Yeah. Eric's older sister. Yeah, they changed her.

She was there for like three seasons, and then they just never addressed it and swapped That one wasn't getting by, because I saw that. I went, where did that gorgeous angel come from? Well, in real life, no, but in real life, I think she had like a rapid decline with drugs, and they could never, I think she had like a rapid decline with drugs and they could never, I could be totally wrong in making that up.

Yeah, that's just something you speculated about. Yeah. I could be wrong, but I think she lost her career to drugs. Statistically, she's dead. I don't want to speak out of turn,

but I think this multimillionaire ruined her life by drugs. I don't want to get like anything weird out there if it's not true. It was also great too, that 70s show was great because they cast Fez as a loser

and then he got jacked and hot and they're like, damn it, now we got to make him cool. He's on like NCIS now or something. Yeah, that's so funny that he was the only foreign guy

and they were like, I guess foreign people talk with a lisp. You know that's what Fez stood for in the original script. Yeah, they didn't have a name so they called him Foreign Exchange Student, FES.

That's a lot of fun. That's funny that he used to host Yo Mama too. Tu Madre. Yeah. My dad, I used to watch that with, you want to talking about a show you used to watch with your parents I used to watch that with my dad

And he would cackle laugh His favorite one was, this guy went up there And he was like, usually it's just up there You know, dudes be like, Yo Mama sold this blah blah This guy went up there and he's like I'm rubber, you're glue, and your mother's a whore And my dad, to this day Still breaks it out out about my own mom

yeah he used to do other ones like we play basketball together this is gonna he would be like playing basketball together and he would shoot and go bang your mother i'm like dad stop all the time and he would miss too which was the funniest part buckets of cum on your mother okay whoa jesus dad dude what the hell i Don't do buckets. It was your dad. It wasn't John. Yeah, okay, you know what? I'll turn that. My dad's fertile as hell.

He can make buckets. Was your dad sick at free throws? Yeah. Dude, dads love free throws. Yeah. My dad, we had a net in our backyard. Why did I say it like I was from upstate New York? Yeah, we had a net in our backyard.

We used to go fishing back there. It was crazy. Once the snow melted, we would go shoot whoops. I hope Donald Trump doesn't go to prison but my dad would go out and just would shoot free throws till like two in the morning he was he coached basketball he was a high school basketball coach like so he was actively still like playing every once in a while but he the next morning he'd just be like 46 like one is 46 in a row in the dark buddy, buddy. He's like, the floodlight barely even hits the court. Yeah. You heard of Larry Legend, dude?

Yeah. Whiteer than him. Dads love uncontested free throws. Well, that's because you know how dads think that everything that makes them feel emasculated is gay? Yeah. In the same way of sports, anything they're not good at, they're like, it's showboating. You play the game the right way. Quit hot-dogging.

It's called fundamentals because it's fun. I walk out. My dad's underhanding all 46 of those. He's doing the granny style. Every time my dad saw a dunk happen, he's like, all right, relax. I could have done that. Another vein pops in his neck. My dad just thinking that his 5'7 dad's jeans were like,

I could have made something out of this. Could you dunk? No. No, the answer is no don't laugh off camera zach could he dunk i could yo bro what are you talking okay i'm gonna give you one chance what are you six two and you can't dunk six one the only time i'll adjust my height the only time he's ever said 6'1". Dude, I'm barely 5'10". You guys, you don't know how hard. Dude, I don't dunk because I play the game the right way, jackass.

Yeah, I'm not dunking because I'm too busy setting a great screen. Matt's saying this while wearing the exact outfit of dad. Yeah, true, true. Those are non-junking shoes. I used to do a joke about champion new bounce. I might have to bring that one back. Man, dad's loved ankle support. That was a big thing in my dad's life.

If he ever saw me in these shoes, be over with. He's going to break your damn ankle, bud. What are you doing? What are you doing? This is another thing dads do. They assign names to people off of kind of references they remember. So my dad has a story.

We were playing three-on-three basketball. It was his three friends and then three younger dudes. I was probably 10 and then a couple 15, 16-year-olds, their sons. And this guy, Phil, my dad went up for a rebound, and the guy, Phil, pulled my dad's arm back, ripped his arm out of his socket. You know dads also don't go to doctors yeah everything in this is the total dad mantra gets his like fucking arm ripped out of a socket and then for literally still now he's like my arm's still fucked up when phil the future ripped my arm out of my

socket still calls him phil the future if he did something everlasting to you give him like a positive nickname yeah because if it was bad there would have been a different sound yeah you remember when phil the boop hurt my shoulder well it's weird because he tells other people his kid phil the future pulls his arm phil the future was like a disney channel show that ran like a season and a half so people are just listening to my dad calls him a kid people are looking at my 60 year old senile dad he's like yeah this guy from the future ripped my arm out of my socket while we played basketball he's from the future don't worry about details so john i know you can relate to this my dad when i when i played in bands in high school i never had the good hair you know what i mean but a guy in my band had i can't relate to that at all well no he he would play

on stage and be flipping his hair oh yeah the whole show so my dad used to scream at me for the hair flip my hair was probably this long in high school and I'd constantly hit the flip because I had the bangs going down and he would freak out on me and then I found his senior picture and he had the exact same fucking haircut. It's so

scary because they're always like, oh, you just become your parents. Every step of the way, if you put side by sides, I've just become him. It's scary, but cool. I'd be sick if you put side by sides i've just become him oh yeah it's scary oh yeah but cool if you go to prison i'm gonna i'm trying old johnny prison dude you'd get turned down try it don't don't internet don't try me i'm sorry yeah dude you there's a lot of things dude you're a walking donald trump and i hope he doesn't go to prison i'm not going to jail.

Damn, it's still bad. I can't do it. Donald Trump. Yeah, let me hear your best Trump. All right, give me... I got to get into it. Let me guess, dude. You probably do a good Hillary impression, dude. That's probably what you do.

No. I'm trying to think. How do you start a Donald? I know Gilles talks about this special. Listen, folks. That was something. That wasn't a good one. That was the guy that introduces Donald Trump.

You just said, listen, folks, in your own voice. That's how he always starts. Listen, folks. We've got a really big car. It's closer. I don't like doing that. All right. All right.

All right. All right. Joe. All right. Joe Biden. We've got, quite frankly, a couple very kissable. Let's just. Couple boys.

Let's do the debates right now. You'll be Donald. I'll be Joe. You are sleepy as hell. You are more of a Joe. I'm so sleepy. I think in the dynamic of this podcast, you're more of a Joe, more of a Donald. I'm as Joe as they come.

I love ice cream. Yeah. I'm tired. I'm old. How about that, dude? Him coming out after a school shooting happened and was like, I'm Joe Biden. They got chocolate chip ice cream up there. Well, I didn't see it yet, but they said like, didn't he?

He was like joking around, right? He was like whispering to them and stuff. Also, that's such a thing old people do where they just say things like a little bit wrong. Like chocolate chip ice cream is not a thing. It's mint chocolate chip ice cream. No, there's got to be vanilla with chocolate chip. But that's not a brand that people are like, oh, chocolate chip ice cream. It's like you're a little wrong, dude.

Yeah. I got chocolate chip ice cream out there. Also, my son loves heroin. Yeah. Or no, crack. Crack, sorry. Heroin's just more fun to say in that voice. Hey, I try stuff.

You try a little bit. All your problems go away. I used to live in Wilmington. I would get on the train. That guy would put a needle in my dick every day. Not going to DC. Look, I'm a little retarded. No, you're Trump. We're debating. All right, you're the train. That guy would put a needle in my dick every day. Not going down to D.C. Look, I'm a little retarded. No, you're Trump. We're debating.

Alright, you're the moderator. First topic is going to be sexual consent. What are your positions on the matter? Very gay. What a waste of time. Get in there, get out. With Crooked Hillary, I kissed her on the lips.

It was very kissable and sweet. Where am I? I used to fight a guy named Popcorn Nugget at the pizza parlor. And one time he came up to me and said, Joe, you're from Scranton. You're from Scranton. I'm from, I'm Joeranton. I'm from Joe. Wrong. I'm Joe now.

Pass. Pass. Next topic. Are cell phones good or bad for children? Next topic. My roommate got a buzz cut. I'm not going to lie. I saw it and I said, why am I going to Texas now?

I don't know where you're at with this, dude. I think I was going W there for a second. Oh, W? That's a good one. Yeah. Can you do W? I think I could do a Bill. I could do a Bill Clinton pretty good. Yeah. I've been to an island 27 times. You fooled me once.

No, they got a body count. I'm sorry. Who? The Clintons. True. Yeah. You can't put this on the internet. On the web? On the world wide web? I cursed in the first five minutes of our podcast today. Didn't they on the internet? On the web? Yeah. On the world wide web? I cursed in the first five minutes of our podcast today. Didn't they invent the internet? I know Al Gore invented the internet, right? What does that mean?

Did he actually invent the internet? I think he did a speech. He was like, you're welcome. I just, that was my Al Gore. That's your closest you've been to Trump. I know. I was trying so hard. Why don't you do this?

This will be fun. Why don't you do an impression of me? Was it Al Gore? Did Al Gore talk like this? Yeah, you're more of a baritone impression guy. If you got a lower register, who can we do? Foghorn Leghorn, do it. Oh, I said, I said, I said, I'll sit on you.

Yeah, you got a lower. You get down there, dude. I get deep. I'm proud to see this from you, dude, because you can you get deep. You got a real bitch voice. Hi. Damn, we just whenever it's just you and I, we slip into accents and voices. Damn, we just, whenever it's just you and I,

we slip into accents and voices. Yeah, because you've never had a real conversation. We've been friends for five years. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Welcome to the most kissable boys. Welcome to two of the most kissable boys. You fucking pussies.

Okay. You're a pussy. I cannot believe we have people that actually listen to this. I like look at the views and the listener. I'm like, what are you doing? We don't.

This is really an intervention with our listeners, I think. Yeah. We need to all have a sit down. Listeners, reach out to us. We got people out there. Nobody ever... Guys, we want you to talk to us. Comment on our videos and be like, this is so bad.

Comment bad stuff. Let's do it. Matt reads all of them. Just so you know, listener, Matt will literally read every word that you type on the internet to us. I've answered every comment we've gotten. And he'll find where you live and what you do for a living just to make sure that you're a reputable person.

It sucks you can't just comment, like reply to a comment with a sound clip of just... Who says you can't? Can you put that in the... Oh, you can put a link. Oh, that's what we need to cut. Just a super cut of you and I just going... I'm listening to the podcast.

I can get Brendan Donegan's fart and just make that a sound clip. No, we don't talk about him anymore, dude. Can we talk about the fart that you let go in the car last time I picked you up? That was assault. I was farting real bad because I've been eating foreign food at the embassy because I'm an international businessman. And my farts were very European recently. I was kind of hoping they would carry over

and I could just release one here, but I think I got all of them out earlier today. I did that just to you. Why would you do that to Jay, to my girlfriend? That's how wars work. Somebody starts it and then you keep going bigger and bigger until someone drops the bomb. Gorilla Toot Fair?

Collateral damage is a thing, dude. Where is your wine glass? Oh, I don't know. It should be over there. You know what I mean, John? Just like collective punishment was banned for a reason, but yet they keep seeming to use it. What's collective punishment? That sounds like a sick band name.

That's when you punish the whole village. We are collective punishment. You can catch us on tour with infant butt juice. I've never really gotten the whole concept of war crimes, which it's such a ridiculous thing to just be like, your goal is to murder other people, and then you do something that's a little bit meaner, and they're like, yo, dude,

what the fuck? Tear gas? There has to be something, though, right? I don't understand why. Collective punishment, though, is the concept of punishing the whole village because one guy takes a shot at one of the soldiers right you do that and then you kill one person from every house damn i'm realizing that my baseball coach in high school hit us with collective punishment oh yeah because oh yeah that's their god damn they're like well my baseball coach was also like

a uh crazy decorated drug detective too and was jacked oh i don't like scary guy great guy but he hit us with i remember one time somebody like three guys missed curfew this is actually pretty funny so they missed curfew because they got two just whores from our town to make out in the back of their car and that's why they missed curfew so the rest of us had to run while those three guys stood there and watched us and our coaches were like this is punishment because they get to see how much you guys suffer i'm like no they're the three dudes that laugh at us for this like oh wait they didn't have to do anything no they had to stand there and watch and then eventually they

ran but then at the end i mean we used to i remember a big thing in basketball was suicides yeah which what an aggressive name to call anything to a 12-year-old. We always had around 16s the other way. Maybe that's responsible. Sideline to sideline. That might be responsible for the mental health crisis we're in because everybody was like, do a suicide now. It's like, all right, guys, get on the line.

We're going to let your problems bleed out in the bathtub. It's like, that seems like a lot. Yeah. It seems excessive. All right, guys, we're doing this. All right, guys, tie the noose. Yeah, we're doing nooses, guys. Yeah, guys, all right. All right, guys, load the gun. You're only going to need one bullet. All right, guys. We're doing this. All right, guys. Tie the noose. Yeah, we're doing nooses, guys. Yeah, guys.

All right, guys. Load the gun. You're only going to need one bullet. All right, guys. On the line. We're doing a concoction of prescription pills. All right, guys. Pull the car into the garage.

That also just sounds like a great sports metaphor, though. Guys, we've got to pull the car into the garage and finish this damn thing. That's funny, because at the end of it, you're really exhausted, aren't you? Come on, guys. How are we doing? How's everybody doing? Comedy has always kind of come easy to me, dude. That is pretty fun.

That might be a new bit. I've also come up with new bits that I'm just making fun of my dad, too. Bang, your mother. Unbelievable. I was like nine years old. You were nine? I was like nine, me and my dad at the courts in Deffert. Do you remember when you started defeating your dad in competition?

At nine? Yeah, I was like, I had enough of this. What sport? Basketball. I was beating him pretty early on. Okay. Because I was like the same height as him when I was probably like 11. Yeah.

My dad, like the one we would always go, like I was catching up to him on was golf. And golf is definitely a thing where, like, once you get old and if, like, you get terrible ankles, so, like, if your body starts shutting down, you pretty much don't golf anymore. Yeah. So it sucked because I got to the point where I was like, oh, I might be able to beat him, and then he just had to stop playing.

Yeah. Because I was, like, driving the ball further than him, and it was always a constant chase. But it was, like, yeah, golf was definitely. He still was beating me in anything basketball related. That was like, yeah, golf was definitely He still was beating me in anything basketball related that wasn't like one-on-one. Free throw, horse, all those things.

That's a pretty good trump card for a dad to have is if you start getting better at a sport to them, they could just die. Trump card from Visa. What about you guys though? Now, do you guys, if you both, John, right now I know you have a daughter, but if you have a son, what's going be the point are you gonna are you gonna go to

your grave no i'll start cheating i will cheat i already like cross up my daughter in soccer in the backyard i hit her with like a like a hard head fake yeah oh man tell you what two and a half year olds they do not have a good judge of of a on a swivel. Breaking your daughter's ankles. Just a group of kids around. I'm like, oh. I was always terrible at soccer. I am pale in my backyard right now. It's amazing.

Dude, I'm telling you, if my kid ever starts to get better at a sport than me, if he's right on the precipice of getting better, I will die. And it'll be that day where he'll be like, hey, Dad, I think I got you. And I'm like, I bet you you don't. Hey, Dad, why are you parking the car in the garage? Hey, dad, you got to turn it off. Hey, dad. I'm picturing you just kicking out your son's ankle when he starts beating you in a race.

Your kid starts beating you. Oh, yeah, you got to trip them. I'm starting to think my dad just faked all those injuries because he knew I was going to beat him. That's smart. That's the best thing you do. Your kid starts beating you and you're like, fucking write my eulogy then, dude. Yeah.

How about that? Why don't you tear up in front of our aunts and uncles? True. That's pretty. For sure. That's the best thing you do. Your kid starts beating you, and you're like, fucking write my eulogy then, dude. Yeah. How about that? Why don't you tear up in front of our aunts and uncles? True. That's pretty good, man. I can't wait to start competing with my daughter. And what? Everything. You got to be nice.

I'm going to instill so much competition in her. So we've already talked about this. I was never a good athlete, but I was the annoying kid that would stay late and I got to work to be better. My wife is like, she'll pick up a sport she's never played and just be like, what's a basketball? Three-pointer. You're like, God damn it.

So I'm hoping both those genes crossed, and I'm just going to instill absolute competitiveness. She's going to be a serial killer. No, your daughter is already too sweet of a girl. She's not going to be like that. You're going to try to make her do it. She'll be like, dude, shut up. You're old and your hair is not even that long.

She's hitting goal celebrations at soccer already. She was the only kid doing them. We practiced them in the backyard. I showed her the airplane and then a fist pump. Every other little kid scores and they're just like, huh. And she scores and she's like, puah. Nah, dude. You got to teach her the old school fuck you.

The one you didn't even know. That one when you found out that was fuck you. Yeah. I learned that one from Grease. Yeah. A fun ghoul. It's Italian as hell. Is Grease a real movie?

It's a movie. It's a feeling. You guys see they're coming out with a new Grease movie that's entirely about the pink ladies. It's going to be on Paramount Plus. Yeah, it's just called Pink Ladies. Yeah, something like that.

Why do they keep doing remakes? How long can they beat the dead horse of these old movies? The first Grease came out 40 years ago. That's the thing. Geezers will go watch that. It's going to make money. That was because back in the day,

it only worked because back in the day, the closest thing to a black dude was a white guy in a leather jacket. I can't wait to hear racist South Jersey moms and dads be like, they're putting those in Greece now? Jesus Christ. Fucking trans kids and AI guys, that's what we got in Greece now, dude? Chat GPT molested my daughter? What happened?

Turn it off. I can't even enjoy a gay-ass musical anymore. I can't go grease lightning. I'm burning up a quarter mile anymore. Yeah, dude. Dads loved Travolta, too. No way, dude. They were like, that's a man.

That's a man. No way, dude. My dad's generation, dude, they loved it because they hit him with a Saturday Night Fever, and every girl wanted Travolta back then. And then he just went insane. But my dad's age range wrote hard for Travolta. No, dude. My dad was like, if I see this guy flip his penis at me one more time,

I'm putting a shell in this bubble TV. Does he love The Bourne Identity? That's a dad series. I'm not really sure if my dad's quite liked anything before. I tried to ask him. I was like, what are you into? And he's like, you're what? I don't know, man. I paid bills and you're what? I don't know, Matt.

I paid bills and you're alive. Isn't that enough? Making sure you don't die so you can go drink at your college every weekend. Dude, that... Okay. When you look back on it, it's like knowing your parents knew that they were paying that much money. If they helped, like if they paid for your college or helped you pay or whatever. Yeah.

That you were just blowing it all like that education means nothing i know nobody gets jobs now because of their education for the most part yeah well that was the one thing is my dad paid my car insurance in college whoa shocking and the big thing was if my gpa fell below a certain thing his car insurance went up so he was like if i find out your gpa goes below, you're done. So I was in college. Shut up, you old dork. The early years of the internet, it felt like I was in college when checking grades online

first became a thing, and my parents didn't know that. You had to dial up your grades, dude? Yeah, dude. I had to hit the key. He's failing. I failed weightlifting in college. Yeah, I know, dude. Of course you did, brother.

Could it be? Dude, you're built like a transitioning woman. I know. Oh, I am. I can't shave this beard. Most kissable boys. Yeah, we are a couple kissable boys. I failed weightlifting in college, yeah.

I had to have that conversation with my father. So what was the final exam for weightlifting in college? I don't know. I didn't show up for it. Did you ever have that dream that you were still in college and you forgot there was a class you signed up for? I just did that. You had to get a spray tan and shit. Dude, have you

even hit anyone yet? Your uniform is a banana hammock. That's the uniform for the class. You're cramming for the final the night before and it's just you flexing in the mirror like, I look like an idiot. The final is you just have to cut sleeves off of a t-shirt. True.

Overusing chalk. Overusing chalk is definitely on me. No, I know. I just never went to a class. It was like a 7 a.m. class. And I was just like, I'll ace the final. And then I got to the final. It was like, name all these muscle groups and name this and that.

And I was like, I don't fucking know. I have no clue. I didn't realize it was to that extent. Yeah, you had to know like the posterior chain and shit. No way, dude. Forget that chain. The only chain I worry about is my gold chain. Yeah, we should start wearing chains. Oh, wow.

Should we get chains? Should we get Most Kissable Boys chains? Ryan got the pliers, right? Because that's what he does. He does electric. What would you guys' chains be? Oh, you don't think I thought about this, dude? I'm a fucking career business development manager.

What am I going to get for a chain? A pen? No. Just not making commissions. Getting commissions pulled back because a client canceled an order, that's pretty much my life. How do you personify that in a chain? You don't. You just get

a drinking problem and then you stop for a while like I am now. I don't know. I don't know what my chain would be now i don't i don't know i don't know what my chain would be now yeah i know if yeah i don't really know what my chain would be now man i've been changing like i've been changing like the phases of the moon man because if you had you gotta get a chain like right now that represents who you are now it would be so corny because it would be like that running shoe with the wing and a fucking microphone cross that would be yours if you had to get one that represented like the two things you love i guess

well i guess i could get something with like my kid and my wife that's my second chain what about you what's your chain gonna be dude a fucking crucifix dude i love catholic god he's jesus yeah yep he's my one. I feel like your chain would just be a chain of you like this right now in gold. Where the fuck did you come from? Yeah, this isn't an open forum.

Yeah, dude. I think his chain should say single after that fucking joke. But in cool girl cursive, did you guys have your names written in cursive? What's cool girl? Is that a thing, dude? Yeah, you didn't grow up with girls that had their names written in cursive? What's cool girl? Is that a thing, dude? Is that a font? Yeah, you didn't grow up with girls that had their name written on a chain?

Every girl in South Jersey didn't know their fucking name. John, we need all of our graphics changed to cool girl cursive immediately. I stand corrected. And if you... I got me one for Christmas. Okay, but nobody's calling it cool girl cursive. That's not a... No, you know exactly.

Cool girl cursive is the exact font that live, Laugh, Love is always written in. That's all your Word documents are in Cool Girl Cursive. Cool Girl Cursive, yeah. We're changing the whole graphics package for the podcast over to Cool Girl Cursive. Graphics Cassage, yeah. And it's just going to say the most kissable boys. We are the most kissable boys. Well, there's the episode art.

Yep, and that's the episode title. And that's the episode. What do you got coming up? April 6th, High Note. And that's the episode. What do you got coming up? April 6th, high note. The showcase will be back. It's $10, not $5. I printed the wrong one and we had it posted all throughout the tap room

at the wrong price. So if you get there... You're paying double. Yep, that's what your chain's going to be. It's going to be double the price. No. No. When's your birthday?

April 11th. Okay, never forget. Mine's May 8th, and we have to find the exact middle, and we have to have a joint birthday episode. Okay. Okay, perfect. What is that? It's just going to be you and I just sitting here.

We're going to get a cake, and we're going to feed it to each other. Oh, that's kissable, if you ask me. That's so kissable. That's very kissable. What is that? It's just going to be you and I just sitting here. We're going to get a cake and we're going to feed it to each other. Oh, that's kissable. That's so kissable. That's very kissable. What else you got? I'm just putting it in his calendar. That's good. That's a great producer right there because Matt and I are both morons.

I'm going to make a most embarrassing clips day. Oh, yeah. For birthdays. I think that's something worth doing. Damn, we've given you way too much power. Oh, most definitely. I haven't thrown out any footage, by the way. Yeah, you just have a secret folder.

It's called fucking try me. It's called a whole hard drive. You know how big these 4K files are? I have a whole hard drive. That's a rock hard drive, dude. I'll tell you that much, brother. April 20th, Lost Planet Brewing Company. That show.

That's the first seven episodes already. I've had my legs crossed like I'm writing in Cool Girl Cursive the whole time. Cool Girl Cursive. Yeah. Okay. Well, that was... Yeah. And then just I post the dates.

Just come. Just be there, dude. I got... Oh, real quick. I've started trying Vanilla sweet cream Nitro cold brew Got that the other day It's pretty good

Telling you Just get Nitro cold brew With a splash of coconut milk You're welcome Shut up dude Fucking idiot I got on

Fuck you April 20th 12 Steps Down show The Sarah Bell And the Mary Lee run On May 22nd. Jamie Fitzpatrick show. What's it called?

Oh, yeah. You ever do that one? You're doing it on the 8th. You're doing it on my birthday. Black Sheep Comedy. Black Sheep Comedy. I got a couple other things, but Monte Comedy, Hacks Comedy Golf. It's getting warm.

Maybe we'll go golf. Maybe that'll be a new, we'll go golf together. John, I got the location now. Golf course? I got the driving range in Mans golf course? Of the driving range. Oh, sweet. In Mansfield. My friend's dad owns it. We can have free rain on the place after hours.

We'll drive the cart and we'll see if we can hit each other while we're driving past. All these options are on the table. I've driven the carts there. That rules episode coming up at the... Actually, you know what? We'll make it an incentive. We'll start the Patreon and when we hit 20 subscribers, we'll go record the Driver Range episode.

40 subscribers, I'll get a DUI on camera. A hundred subscribers in the first day, and I'll start drinking again. Okay. We still have to spit in John's face. Six subscribers and Matt's girlfriend will leave him. Dude, she was doing that

before we had any subscribers. All right now, folks. No fun, nobody, no fun, but I'm a little bit of No fun, nobody, no fun, but I'm a little bit of