That Rules Podcast - Episode #85: Jamie Pappas “Liberty Bell Wawa”

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

The idiots are joined by Philadelphia Comedian, Bird Watcher, and Die Hard Philly fan Jamie Pappas. Wild discovery that Matt’s apartment is actually on the level of NFL Smash pads…. Tune in!

this is what it is dude sometimes people get a studio to alienate themselves i said look i'm gonna do my podcast in front of anybody i've ever spoken to i mean it looks like a studio in here you know how i thought about it i i didn't appreciate when you walked in you're like this doesn't make casting couch it does make sense everything looks like you got it out of the like i graduated college white man decor store yeah dude i'm batting a thousand all that like you walked into one store and we're like that's a chair i'll buy that like that's what every dude bought okay it's the stuff that like when people moved out of college they're like i can't take this home there's no room in the i was telling john your apartment is furnished with i once went to an nfl players like shared a like apartment that they would bring yeah i'm an nfl are you

saying i'm an nfl player no no it was almost their their home that they didn't live in was furnished exactly like this oh as long as you have a bunch of ndas in the drawer this is where they bring the side pieces in an nfl smash pad i don't think i think it's a little bit nicer would an nfl smash pad have um it would have exactly everything in here taped up string lights yes you're right they wouldn't tape that um i think i've gotten uh like a sad starbucks that's the one that i've got the most the most how many people are coming in here it's true you've seen this thing's true true true what kind of starbucks do people go to one with four different barstool types are there happy starbucks yeah i don't think i've ever had a good time at a starbucks

no no you're the rich the really rich Starbucks, like the one down here. You go there and everyone's just super wealthy and happy. There's no problems in the world. It's so good. What problems do you have, John? I have none. That's why I go to the super happy, wealthy, rich Starbucks. I'm just not rich.

I just pretend, as you can tell. What problems do you have? These are Gucci. Problems? Who are you pretending for? I got allergies. I have an ingrown hair inside my nose, too. Do you guys trim your nose hairs? No, that's a problem. I'm dealing with right now because you're old dude, but they could probably get a

few at the Starbucks. Yeah, what he's a baristas and you still don't tip. No, no, no, I don't tip. No, I the tipping thing. I know everybody's talked about this. I can't get over that. There's the tipping screen on every single transaction of all time now yeah yeah it is bad i still tip four bucks like i know one dollar is good enough so say like you're going to pick up food you just ordered you just ordered honey grow delicious little stir fry before answering have either of you ever worked in a restaurant yes no shout out Chili's. They just liked one of my posts. Chili's over there.

No, I'm trying to try to do our plugs in our ads. That was for Chili's. Yeah, chill. That'd be great. If you're sponsored Chili's, I worked at Chili's all through college. I worked my way up. I started as a host. Shout out hard deep.

I know you're out there. May taught me everything. I know being a host, not working your way up. Wouldn't that be starting in the dishwashing? No, no. I mean, you just give a step, dude. Oh, sir. For being a white guy.

I'm documented. So I started as a host. I moved up to a server. Yeah. Born and raised USA, baby. And then I was a bartender as well. It's a sex. Yeah, I got my when I die.

There's going to be frozen margaritas in my autopsy. It's somehow in my body when I die. And in case you drink while you're working. Yeah, all the time and we would take like, you know, the big to go cups like a no. You think I've been to a fucking chili chili chili you that fucking class. You've never been to a

no, I'm not classy at my town. Just had an Applebee's. See that's ever. I've always even before I worked at Chili's. I've always taken Chili's over Applebee's in that debate. That's just me. I wasn't debating. I just didn't have access to a Chili's, I don't think.

It's incredible. I don't know. I had both, dude. You guys got to diversify your portfolio. Hit up a Chili's. Hit up an Applebee's. I've been to both. Are you telling me to diversify something

when you literally live in an apartment that looks exactly the same as the 500 other apartments in the critics. Critics are saying this is a cool apartment. Everything is diversified. Nothing matches. It just comes with a girlfriend locked in your room. That's pretty good.

She was here. We moved in. She was like, you ever heard of Rapunzel? I was like, Dobby with that. She was having a blast. I'm a wine opener and I will get inside the room before you.

There's hell to pay. Truly, you waited way too long to tell me someone else lived here, too. Yeah, was having a blast and I would get inside the room before you held a pay truly you waited way too long to tell me someone else lived here to yeah think that someone would warn you hey there's another human on the other side of this wall

here, but then when no one was in the room that he showed me, I was like that's so cute man as an imaginary girlfriend or she killed herself. I wouldn't blame her. She goes to another fucking

school. You idiots. He's in my room. You don't even know. I homeschool my girlfriend. She's twenty four. She's still failing. Oh my God. What is that? Does your wife like when you do the pod at night? Yeah, we've done it at my house a couple times, but I think she likes it because we do it out back on the porch. So I mean she likes when you're away. Yeah, yeah, when I if it's outside of the house, she's like, go ahead. How did you guys be? Who'd you

point at? You're right. The chillies. I just do now. We we grew up in the same town, but then didn't start dating to like our mid my mid twenties, her early twenties and my cousin and her best friend like hooked us up actually down Atlantic City. You're stomping grounds. That was the first time we she in the middle of talking to me. She just goes, hey, I'm gonna go talk to this guy over there in the stories. Wait look yes, the questions I'm gonna answer, but then you brought up your cousin. I was like I don't give a fuck. You said you grew up on the same

towns. Boom, I have so many good cause I thought I had a launching pad that you were from Atlantic City and I was like okay and you're like I've never been there. I don't know where that is that you were from Atlantic City, and I was like, okay, and you're like, I've never even been there. I don't know where that is. All right, well, I'm going to just bow out the rest of it. No, no, no, my parents are in Atlantic City, yeah. Yeah. My parents are in Atlantic City.

Oh, there's a connection. Yeah, yeah. Oh, come on, folks. See, I brought it fully around. Why did you have to go all the way to Atlantic City to meet your wife that your cousin already met? Because you suddenly didn't care, and now you want all the details. No, I don't care. Let's do this.

You can cut those, right? Guys, get along. How before you meet your significant other got took her. I said I'm actually the reason you met your significant other. I thought she came with the apartment that too. Yeah, I'm his rental agent. He's killing me. I'm hemorrhaging money. You met her how she bartended our all year. You'll get a kick out of that. She bartend our open mic nights, so I just go there and get fucking hammered and just be like, you know, you're probably a pretty girl that I've ever known forever. She's like, oh, I don't like

this at all, but it worked. Wow, I had. I there was one night where I literally I had a good bartender. Yeah, she bartended last night. High note humor every Wednesday night. Come on out. Never been tap room. I went room i went up i had a good set you know after you have a good set you're like maybe i'm the fucking coolest person of all time although it was in an open mic but wow you just said it's a roller coaster guys what how do you mean like like she would find that attractive no she didn't she told me she was like i thought the santa thing was really weird like for the first like even like months of us dating.

Isn't that what you do now? Yeah, yeah. Well, she still I mean it's been a little while, but initially she was like yeah, I didn't really get the whole why are these guys on a stage? Why do they have a microphone? Why are they so sweaty? Why does it smell back here like she didn't follow the whole I asked myself all those same questions at every open mic I go to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of people. I'm like, what are your goals here? Yeah, like what are we moving this forward friends? Because some people I'm like

truly I'm like this is a hobby. It's bowling league. Yeah, it's bowling for some people which I guess you know you can't write it off like not everyone can play kickball. Yeah, yeah, I wish they would not like they cap those teams. They can only carry so many kickballers. I cap our list at the mic. Yeah, I was just saying there needs to be a cap just on comedy scene.

I got where actually you got to wait till somebody dies or quits. I'm sorry. Too many predators. You gotta go back to the minors. Yeah, you guys got an intimidating mic over there, dude. We do. The list is capped and you guys have a god mic. So in the middle of set, you're like, shut up.

Not that you've ever done this, but you have the capability. Oh, no, I've definitely done that. I think I might have gotten one before. I play music. If someone's just like doing something dumb or they get up on stage like what am i gonna say what am i gonna say yeah everyone's four minutes we're all working no one has time to listen to someone do that i play somebody off if they were doing that that's fair i don't know i mean we're if anyone like we have an issue with well i mean i'm obviously the

muscle of the group i I'll go confront them. Who are the two fellows you guys have added Brian Chesky and Brendan Murphy? Good guys. They're great. I would get great, but if we need to ban someone, I still get tapped in. You have to step outside here. We've only had a band three people. Really? We have one rule and it's just like if you creep someone else out, you're manned. That's it. Oh my you guys must be that's actually how you get into high. Know you have to creep somebody else out. There's all those guys come to our mic and they're like they're fucking crazy and Philly did they're like I bought a car just so I could come to this Mike.

What kind of creep stuff we talking? It's just truly baseline, like if someone comes out to me is like hey, this person may be feeling comfortable. I'm like good. Goodbye. Oh yeah, not even on sage stuff like I've had people tell me that like they just incessant DMS and some of the guys will like wait for them when they're done. They're sad. Yes, stuff like that's okay. That's a love. I wasn't waiting guys message and say stuff like oh I bomb at your mike because it's a girl mike like we have people say yes, that's the reason that one. Yeah, stop coming a bad set that night. Sorry, I'll leave my vagina. I don't know my

fault. I brought mine with me, so sucks to be you. Just put in my backpack. It wasn't that back. It wasn't a two and a half minutes you did about your dick, and then the minute and a half of ums. What else afterwards and I'll go up after and be like exactly that i'll say you get up there for two minutes talk about your dick and then your other two minutes are about how women are bitches and don't want to date you and i'm like no correlation i want to i would love to see the moment in every because i don't think i ever had a bit like even early on about like oh my dick blah blah blah but like it seems like damn that's a healthy way to start a thing just remember i'm always listening bye

but i also think like anything can be funny if you make it funny a lot of them just rely on the dirty content yeah i i don't i don't know i mean it works for some people but i think it works for people that have talked about your penis doing it forever no i don't think i've never done a porn joke or a penis joke i actually didn't i think about it i currently have a penis part in one joke but it's like just a tag part which part it's the left shaft the left side of most of the shaft oh i love that part of your day yeah it's that one no no it's just the it's the uh problem solver joke come out and see it folks if you really want to find out the virgin goes on stage you could talk about whatever you want as long as

it's funny that's my whole point i'm gonna start talking about people's vajingos that are not girls that's just gonna point them out in the audience. You have one. I guess he stares. I did a show. I love the person that runs a show. They had me do like a charity show. And the guy that was hosting the event took it upon himself to go up and do 15 minutes before everyone was doing the show. Nice.

But one of the things he did was he would point to a woman in the audience and he said they were playing a game. And he would say Bush or not and make the woman stand up and woman in the audience and he said they were playing a game and he would say Bush or not and make the woman stand up and everyone in the audience had a guess if she voted for George Bush in 2000. I know the second election. Okay,

that one was a mistake. That's when we call her out, dude. Yeah, there's just a woman that has to stand in front of an audience while people like size her up. Oh my God, dude. Yeah. And how far through the room did he make it?

How did he get everyone? Five people stood up and then when I went up, I was like, I can't ignore that. That just happened. It is funny to think of you. I just want to start my set off by saying I'm sorry, everyone. Your next comic come to the stage. Jamie Papa's in the audience like Bush Bush Bush light

both elections. No, I went up and I said something like I was going to do the inverse and then I made a joke. Not I didn't even think I made a dick joke. I think I made a wallet size joke just to like flip it on him, but I said the worst part of the game

was that he didn't make anybody prove it because I was like, why are you asking people to do this? And then everyone just like answers and there was no resolution. Everyone just sat back down. That's the craziest part is people in that audience

were probably on his side somehow. Like they're like, we thought the bush thing was cool. It's like you guys are so far gone. You'll never know what just happened to you. It was a like. It was one of those Tyler and I were there together and it was one of those we like got. He got off stage and we looked each other and we're like let's get in the car and never talk about this night again. It was just one of those like unsaid. We got in the car. Also we got to stop off at Cvs because I need to pick up razors and shaving cream.

It just really got me thinking. Yeah, I mean there was at least one couple left there that night and was like what do you think? I think you should grow it out. They just had that heart to heart on the way home. It's just like I think like the whole point of that was just like people

really think dirty is immediately funny because it's like yeah it's like they think the shock value like the surprise it's enough they don't hear at work and it's like uh yeah which sometimes is hilarious yeah yeah yeah that's the kind of stuff where the guys who are like uh like the comedians are like as comics we represent like what you can't say the stuff that everybody wants to say like i don't think everybody's looking at each other like gotta be a bush no one has ever wanted a random man next to them in a room to start talking about his penis no one has ever been like oh i wish that guy would talk about how he can't get hard right now some guy before has been like yeah i'm the kind of comic that pushes the limits

and he also has a tag in one of his jokes. That's just there out there dude. They got nine eleven material. It's get her done. It's the get her done theory. It's like nine eleven material with dick material in terms of just how boring and overdone it is. Yes, damn it. Not there are some of the closer right now, like you are really analyzing my own material. Anything could be funny. It's okay to be funny. It's just for like we're going through johns. Yeah, you know what guys just get married for the sake of jokes.

It all sucks when people have kids. Yeah, damn it. Speaking of, I have a formal announcements on the podcast. Yeah, you have a kid. No, no, damn it. Trying to get a hold of one. She's drinking a bottle of wine in that room. She's like, I got to get rid of this thing. You ran out of rooms in the

apartment to keep humans. It's going to come out cool as I was, but what is up guys? You know anyway, all right, time stamp, very cool. That's out there. It's on the internet. So one day your child is going to find that because I'm going to send it to him when they're like seven. He's not going to be able to read, so I'm not really worried about it. He doesn't have to read a video. he's not gonna be able to read, so I'm not really worried about it. He doesn't have to read a video. I can't read this fucking youtube. I've had a long day. Dad, can you watch this for me?

Explain me this video man. Those pictures are fast. Holy crunch. You guys are damn ass bullies. If you ask me, you said your kid was going to come out with a wild lisp. We didn't. We're not talking. Actually, he's busy. He's drinking Gatorade. He's doing things. Your imagination was us

bullying you and we were quietly sitting here. Yeah, that's most of my life is some of these people are being mean to me. I know I like you. I was like, no one's talking to you. Jokes. No one's thought twice about you. Yeah, they've thought twice. Twice. I've never thought about you.

Shut up, dude. Everybody thinks about six month hiatus of friendship. That was you, brother. Oh, getting deep. Do I even know about the six month hiatus of friendship? We just didn't run into each other for. I stopped going into philly for a while then because i got tired kind of the for whatever reason the blm movement really scared matt

i was like guys give it a rest it was the two-year anniversary he's like they're smashing windows guys it was 200 years ago move on this is gonna be so uh yeah i stopped going over i don't know what it is and I guess you guys don't experience it living in Philly. Just being in New Jersey. The idea of crossing the bridge is just like such an exhausting thing. I will never go to mania like there's certain neighborhoods that I'm like not forget it. I don't

know why it feels like so much more than it is like I have to drive to helium tonight and I'm like, oh my God, what if and it's 20 minutes away tops. Yeah, so you get a switcher mentality. You got to think like cool. I get to go to the city and I just make it a positive thing. Take it from the married guy. Happiest man, happiest man in podcasting, the bright lights. You can be in your car alone for twenty minutes. Yeah, you could get mugged. Yeah,

somebody gets to just have your own thoughts for a little bit. I'll tell you what, if you think the mindset that everybody's bullying you going into Philadelphia, you're like I got to get mugged and get bullied the entire time there and I'm a bigger guy. You need a good mugging. You're due for a mugger like compared to small like little tiny guys. You're above average. Check this out above average guy.

Yeah, but check this out. Big guy. Yeah, what a small guy be able to do that. Maybe can you sit up this? He's actually perpetually stuck and chill. Get comfy, dude. Do what you gotta do. I'm scared. Let your yeah what a small guy be able to do that maybe can you sit up this is actually perpetually stuck in chill get comfy dude do what you gotta do i'm scared let your hair down take a fucking it's already down take your hair off you know am i lounging pull your teeth out and just get comfy um what are we talking about getting jumped in philly like we're at weird couples therapy

yeah so guys tell me what are they all going wrong we're a weird couples therapy. Yeah, so guys tell me where did it all go wrong in there? We're all a couples therapy where nobody's dating. I am borderline lesbian. It is pride month almost so like we're just working through our friendship six months. Have you ever been mugged or robbed while living in Philly? Not dog

now. Technically one time in college my friend let their drug dealer in our house and he took my phone and the next morning I called everyone's like where's my phone and they were like oh and they his nickname because I still won't snitch but they were like he took it and I called my phone and he fucking picked up what was up Jamie's phone is like bush so I don't count it as anything because I would it sucked because I was the

drunkest person at the party. So when I got on a table was like my phone's missing. I misplaced it in his pocket basically like and then I went outside where he was and he was like you're too pretty for me to steal from and I was like, can I just have my phone? It sounds like the last word you hear before you get murdered. No, I wasn't that pretty. You're not murder pretty.

No, just phones. Oh, it's so robable. My phone, I'm pretty sure had the aux cord plugged in, so he had to swipe it off for someone else's phone and keep whatever Lil Wayne song was going. You guys didn't notice that it was stolen until he was out of Bluetooth range and it disconnected, but I think my friend did get

jumped that night, but he was we got in a fight and he was you had him jump. I did not look good. I found a guy is not pretty cops. He put two inch shoves be away. Jesus, you got bad friends

dude. Oh, we're not friends anymore. Okay, well, that would make a place. We weren't. We were dating. The plot thickens. I'm saying the best friendship of all. We were dating. He was dating someone else.

All the time is when one of those old date two people. We got an argument at this party, and then he left, and then some. I just had a weird feeling, and then I walked outside. It's not funny, but a block away his shoes were in the middle of the street. Oh and I they just he was getting ready to throw him up on a wire drunk enough that someone swiped his phone too, because like they did the like. Oh, what time is it? So he pulled his phone out and he was wasting enough that they like beat the shit of him, took his phone. Damn as a white

guy, that's pretty. Were they nice shoes? That's what I was gonna say. That's that sucks. If like your shoes aren't even nice enough to get stolen. Also wasn't a small guy. So your theory is kind of yeah. Sometimes I think big guys are robbable to there. You can shoot big people to you got. It's not just little guys that get shot. Yeah,

it's it's crazy. Bullets hurt no matter how big just like words have ever been shot. No, Have you ever shot a gun? I've shot guns, yeah. If John announced right now that he had ever been shot. Actually, yeah. I was in Baltimore today, so I just lift my shirt up and I'm just actively bleeding.

What were you doing in Baltimore? Business. Business. So we definitely got shot. Networking. Marketing. You know, a little bit of everything. A little bit of rubbing elbows. Yeah, probably Google words that have to do with marketing jobs. Make it make my friends think I got a job storming

synergy. God, I wish John had gotten shot. I'm glad he'd be okay, but I was in. Yeah, I was in a new part of Baltimore. It was over by you guys familiar with Baltimore for a while. They built a new island thing. I've ever. No, you know, Fort McHenry, where Star Spangled Banner was written.

Remember that on the I'm sorry, you just said a new part and then reference something that happened. Well, it's the they revitalize that area. Yeah, so it's like it's just a bunch of Starbucks and Panera. No, it's all fucking. It's like Starbucks and Panera around like historic monuments. Now it's hilarious, sick, just capitalism fucking win. I mean we got a wawa caddy corner, a liberty about yeah. There should be a wawa based around like the liberty bell should be in a wawa. It should be a

glass case like where you were used to order like at a deli. It should be like an old wawa and they have the case were used to actually order sandwich. It's an option on the touch screen at wawa. You're like I know I'm going to hold the bell on this one ring the bell. Yeah, when you're hoagies ready, they ring the bell instead. I have a bad relationship with that the fucking the liberty bell. Now I uh I'll elaborate guys on a hiatus me in the liberty. I am. I got mixed feelings about that old friggin thing. I had to do with like a dress up as Ben Franklin.

old friggin thing. I had to do with like a dress up as Ben Franklin. I've never had a good comedy gig. I just hope you know this. This is how life was. Oh yeah, the Trader Joe's. Yeah, it's in media, right? Yeah, that's right across from Ryan and Peggy show and it's so weird. Yeah, you walk out and it's it's a church. That's an infantry. Sorry. That's Trader Josiah's, dude. Anyway, that was a good one. So you don't have beef with the Liberty Bell. You have beef with your life. Well, yeah, my life's pretty. Anyway, so I had to go to.

Can I get that as a soundbite, please? Every time Matt texts me, I want that. That's a sound munch. I had to do a thing where I had to dress up. This was like four months ago. It was after the Super Bowl. Yeah. It was immediately after the Eagles won the Super Bowl.

I had to do like a commercial for GoPuff, and I had to dress up as Ben Franklin, presumably after the Eagles won the Super Bowl. So as we're walking to Broad Street, there literally, it's like the holding call. So like we're finding out in real time, like, oh my God, they're about to lose the fucking Super Bowl.

While your dress is Ben Franklin? While I'm dressed as Ben Franklin. I'm fully dressed as Ben Franklin. And I'm the only person dressed up. It was a great idea until that moment. It was never a great idea. By the way, go off places. We do more stuff for you.

So I had to go there and interview like people and be like, aren't you sad and they're like I'm gonna fucking hit you like that was a lot of what it was but people kind of absolutely nothing to do with the liberty we'll get there my tail I'm a Quentin Tarantino type of guy Ben Franklin

yeah careful John Montag oh I love women pre gunshot wound so I had to go back to the Liberty Bell to wait for our uber Call that a John Montag. Whoa, I love women. Pre-gunshot wound. So I had to go back to the Liberty Bell to wait for our Uber. And I'm freezing. You're still in a bald cap. Are you still in a Ben Franklin?

I'm wearing the pirate hat or whatever Ben used to wear. Yes, a pirate. And Ben used to sail the 70s. You're just doing a fucking Jack Sparrow impression. Paul A. You guys don't even care about history. Like Ben Franklin looking for booty he struck out damn you dress as Ben Franklin but doing a pirate voice is a new good

sketch are you mad the Eagles lost the Super Bowl you have to that sounded like a slur it did emphasis on the tip well the kites run the banks you were getting an uber uh so i had to wait for an uber and i was free they all had like thick jacket it was you know january so it's freezing and i was just wearing this like there's thin february sorry i'm not a real person or a boy and i was wearing this like thin outfit, and I'm freezing my balls off, and we had to wait for an Uber. You're in the middle of like after the parade or not parade, but like when

everybody's taking over the streets, so there's no Ubers and like the right radius about to ensue. Yeah, so it's me and these three like the PA, the film guy, and then the girl who was running it, and they're all bundled up, and I'm freezing and cars go by, and the car came up that we thought was our Uberber that we ordered and these guys roll up and the guy rolls down his window and he's like how you like that loss you fat pussies and then just drove away and it was right by the liberty bell and since then i've had a negative relationship that's a funny all that took away from that was he

thought someone called him fat yeah he's like i'm bulking he could have said so many way worse things no he thought yeah he asked how the loss felt and then he calls fat pussies and everybody I was with was marginally thin. So I was like who they talking about fat no matter what you're making it real now. It's not okay. I mean you are a fat pussy. I was just saying like I feel like

that's the first word that comes out of like I just called someone recently just called someone a fat ass and it was just like such a satisfying insult. It does. Yeah. Yeah. My dad who has type two diabetes calls people fat ass when he gets road rage.

It's the funniest thing. Take a look at fat motherfucker. Yeah. Fat fuck is also a good one to great. It's just a word. Fat is like a has a good like the fat fuck is good when someone's taking forever and a crosswalk like come on you fat fuck. They could be as skinny as hell. Yeah, they could have a cane and everything. They could be jogging, but not fast enough.

More like they got a canes chicken. So you hate the liberty bell now. Yeah, I fucking hate it dude. I'm kind of over all the philly cool stuff. I need more. I need why want Philly bad stuff. Oh, there's tons. Have you ever been to Kensington? I lived in northeast Philly for a year, so no, yeah, northeast Philly. Some would argue that northeast Philly is more Philly than the

people that live in the northeast. Yeah, yeah, the people are true language. Yeah, it's Russian. They are all Ukrainian or Russian, and they're so scary. Yeah, during the pandemic i was watching incredible pro there's a place that had great progies why were you there uh for a year i moved there for work to be closer to work in northeast philly so i was like 10 minutes from my office and then the pandemic shut everything down so i no longer needed to go into

the office so i just lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment by myself for sure. That was great for someone like you. It was awesome. Everything went a okay. Look exactly like this. No, it smelled more like pierogi guys. You guys think my apartments rad as all get out. I thank you for I'm not against it. I would not have sex with you if you if I walked

into this apartment gross dude John just got gone. It was an option. The first time I walked in or I just had sex with him. Yeah, yeah, I didn't like it on the couch. Gross, dude. John just got gone. Damn it. It was an option? The first time I walked in here, I just had sex with him. Yeah? Yeah. I didn't like it at all. On the couch?

No. Yeah. He did the thing where he like put his hands. I feel like if you guys had sex, you couldn't decide who would be top or bottom and then neither of you

would have sex. We would just giggle. Yeah. Fall asleep. Our sex would have a lot of and then just hit the light switch. Yeah, dude. You and I,

I would take you down, dude. No, we'll be yeah, passionate. Yeah, I would do. I would like put my fingers down your spine while behind you, dude, or I wouldn't or maybe I would not. It's you and me and we're on a we're on a clay wheel like the movie ghost. Yeah, yeah, you're sitting behind me and I'm who is it? Oprah, who is it? It's Oprah Winfrey, Patrick Swayze. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're sitting behind me and I'm who is it? Oprah? Who is it? It's Oprah Winfrey. Patrick Swayze. Who's the other person in ghost? Common mix up.

I was saying a ghost. No, it wasn't Oprah Winfrey, a ghost. And I'm thinking of you agreed to do the Goldberg was a ghost in a movie, wasn't she? Color purple. The color purple. That's what I'm thinking of. He's helping you out.

What we Goldberg over there. They're the same person. Who is Vincent Scavelli? Oh, my God. the color purple that's what i'm thinking of he's helping you out whoopi goldberg they're the same person who is vincent scavelli oh my god yeah i know he was right that's what i meant when i said over winfrey oh yeah demi moore i'm demi moore you're patrick swayze you're dead you're dead as fuck dude oh my god you're just helping me make that clay. Was Demi Moore the love interest of that movie? Yeah, she was the one claying. And slaying, if you ask me. Claying. She was G.I. Jane, right? That was a really stressful moment for me.

Sorry, that was a lot. Yeah, dude. That's what we do, bro. Anyway, Vincent Scabelli. You guys just went from intensely discussing how you would fuck to you very overtly mixing up to very famous people just because they're black. Yeah, certainly that's got to be racist.

Oh my God. Is that Oprah? No, it's just I don't have a good memory brother. It's not racist. It depends whatever you want it to be. How about that dude? My brain not being good doesn't mean it's racist. That's everybody's excuse.

I wasn't talking. I don't remember who that is, but instead you very wholeheartedly said, oh you did. I just assume Oprah is in every get a black woman. You get a black woman. You get cancelled. You get cancelled.

I don't think I've ever watched ghost. Should we watch it? No, I've never seen either. I've just seen that scene. That's the only thing I've ever seen from it. Yeah, Matt's never seen a movie, so I'm not a big movie. Are you were younger? That was like a people like still talk about that scene as like a sexy scene. Was there a movie or when you were young? Oh, Titanic. Titanic was like just because she was naked and no the hand on the the steamy glass that's imprinted in my head and I went and saw it in theaters with my mom and sister that was a weird moment because i was in like sixth grade starting to figure it out first time i

saw what the hell is this jesus first time i saw boobs on camera and my mom and sister were in the same theater that's what i was confused about you like this is the sexiest movie. No, no confusion. I stated that was it, and then I said... And then you were like, my mom and sister were there. He was sitting on their lap. Yeah, I couldn't focus. Here, she's fisting it.

Yeah, I don't like... That's all clay work is, right? It's called pottery. And then we have to watch him dry hum for two minutes. Well, he's a ghost at this point. He's not even really alive. Hence the title, ghost. I haven't seen a single movie, but I have seen this movie and this

is spoiler alert. Yes, we should have a new game called Matt guesses movies, bro. I'll if you show me the last scene, I guess I mean, I've ever seen Shutter Island. Yes, have you damn it? Yeah, I just was that the game. We got pretty cool segments on the one

guys. It's happening. I know he's alive. Yeah, I think I really know how to back as it goes starring will be gober. That's Bruce well is right damn. Macaulay, gulcan look bet. It's not my colleague. All good. Is it? Nope, that's the what's his name? He, Joel, Ozman. He got weird when he got older. No, because he looks like he still looks like a kid that they just same haircut now.

No, no, please. You put me next Haley Joel, Osman, please barely look like him. Pull him up. You might look like God damn it. I really hope I don't have the same hair because Haley Joel,

you might know he got really fat and has a beard now, bro. He was sore in Kingdom Hearts. You don't know crap about him. I don't have the same haircut as Haley Joel, Osman. You're out of your damn him. I don't have the same haircut as Haley Joel Osmond. You're out of your damn mind. I don't know. All white people look the same to me.

Yeah, true. What the hell looks exactly like you right now, right? It looks like me and John put together. That's John. That's me when I start drinking again. Yeah, right there. Yeah. Yeah, dude, you're not.

You don't come out of retirement. Are you going to start drinking it? No, I keep saying if like a cool moment presents itself and no cool enough moment has I'm sure what God damn it. He does have my hair on the bottom second from the left. That's the same damn haircut. Next could you Google berries and cream guy

damn hell. It looks like Billy McCusker from war mode. Yeah, this one's going to hurt you. John, you're like this one. Is this me? Yeah, you're not going to like this one.

Oh, it's Lord for one. This is what you're getting to. I'll take it. I'll take it. You don't remember this commercial. I do. I do.

Okay, it's back when John was forty cream boy bus out. It's a juicy. That's definitely me. That's how I get brought on. This looks like before Bill Hader got famous. Looks like what you're going for.

It is what I'm going for. I don't have enough doilies yet for my neck. Cut it. I don't know when the good Lord tells me to. I put my hands in the good Lord. I assume you're the good Lord in his life. Yes, I wish you wouldn't use the nickname in public, but yeah, sorry daddy.

He's good Lord. You should get like the cool tick tock mullet. I don't know. I'm just gonna keep growing it. I wish you wouldn't use the nickname in public, but yeah, sorry daddy. He's good lord. You should get like the cool tick tock mullet. I don't know. I'm just gonna keep growing it. I'm enjoying it. I'm having fun with it, so I'm gonna keep doing it. You know what? It's my body. It's my choice. Yeah, and it's actually almost nine months since I cut my hair, so I must take it full term.

I gave up drinking and gave up cutting my hair at the same time. This is great podcast content, guys. I probably drink enough for both of us now. I used to drink like a fun guy. Now he's a bad guy, bad person. I wouldn't know. Haven't seen you.

Do you've been busy? No, I saw you. We did a show together and you were there and we hung out for a little. I was even on the show. I was just hanging out. John was on. That was my. I was going to say that was my driver that night, but I drive everywhere.

True. That was fun. Yeah, I had a play. I was a great show. I like that. I got to drink. You guys were sitting off to the side like dorks doing. Oh, I'm doing stand up comedy. I was the one drinking having fun. Yeah, were we being dorks? No, we were just having a good show. What's a chaining the masses? It was a good and I was just sitting there going. I wish I was on this show well I didn't feel like I did well that show. Because, oh, that thunderstorm happened when we were all on stage. You wouldn't remember.

People were saying my set was a thunderstorm of comedy. You're right. Oh, yeah, because I think it was John and then you. Yeah. What? Is that the actual thunderstorm? Hurricane John came through. Yeah, yeah, there was like lightning

when we were up on stage. Yeah, there was flashes. But people were too busy laughing to really notice. That's kind of cool. It fucked up your set? No, I'm just think I like didn't, you know, you just sometimes get off stage and you're like, yeah, that's most times. I immediately

like go home and I listen to my setback immediately and like see what I want to change. Do you when you get off stage? Do you feel like that general like bad feeling? I feel like most times I describe your bad feeling like most times I do stand up. I get off stage, do you feel that general bad feeling? I feel like most times I don't. What do you mean? Describe your bad feeling? Most times I do stand up, I get off. Murderous rage.

And even somebody else will be like, yeah, that was a great set. And I'm like, you're just lying. I don't think, very seldom will I come off like I had a fucking great set. I think it depends. Because I think your mood going into it totally impacts it after.

What do you mean? Because I've gone into shows where I'm like not feeling great about it and of course that's the energy i put out oh okay so i'll get off stage and kind of be like yeah that's what i expected yeah um i did really badly on a show recently and i got off stage and it was in front of someone i really respect this chick i just met she lives in new york and she moved to la recently but i got off stage and it was at punchline and so she lives in New York and she moved to LA recently, but I got off stage and it was at punchline. And so she was in the hallway and she was like,

you really stuck with it. And I looked at her and I was like, I would have rather you just punch me right in the face. And I knew what it was like there. The setup wasn't great. I, you know, whatever I did.

That's when you just lay in your bed, staring at the ceiling, repeating that line to yourself. Well, so no, I talked to her later and she was like, no, seriously,

she was, you know, and then people do the whole crowd was giving you nothing i was like no no i also wasn't funny like let's say both are true yeah because i think people like you just like it's such a one chance thing like so if someone sees you one time and you're like not have a good time it's like that's what they saw had she seen you before yeah we have we've done it we did a show in new york together i've saw her in new york or something like she was actually sure yeah yeah it wasn't like it she wasn't i didn't take it as a bad thing she the setup of the show like we had like a hit a tough i'll tell you off camera it was fine okay but she said it and then later we talked and she was like no you've stuck with your jokes like but that's what's funny too is like that's a moment that she

99 doesn't remember but it's like it'll stick with you for the rest of your life i have a million of those she has no idea and we chatted about it but for the most part it's like i don't ever walk off stage and i'm like i'm the most amazing person in this room but i felt good yeah yeah that's fair i mean i felt good but a lot of times i'm like yeah that was that was dumb that part was weird yeah i think right off like right when I walk up stage, I like kind of blackout. I'm like, I don't know what I just said, and I enjoy the next ten minutes, and then I start recounting it. Well, you're like me. You kind of riff and do crowd work like with material. So there are times where you kind of like are just saying something off top of your head, and you're like that was I don't know why I said that. Yeah, and then all of a sudden you're back in. you blacked out a little and you're like, that was... The people in front of the audience hate me and I understand why completely. That is a concept that I think about because I've talked about,

I don't go, or I guess I didn't go to comedy shows much before stand-up. Yeah. So I don't really know what it's like to be an audience member. So when I do a brewery show... You hadn't been to many comedy shows before? think i'd literally gone to john mulaney when i was

like 18 and that was the only show i'd ever been to but once you start doing comedy like the idea of being an audience member unless you're seeing someone that you find an absolute genius is like so lost yeah i'm such a hard time yeah you're just a regular person and you saw a flyer at a brewery like going to and it was like comedy night. I'm like, I'm not going that night. Obviously put in my calendar to not go there. I steer clear of this fucking place. I've never understood. Most of these shows we do are like that being said, everyone listening come out June 8th

to postgame comedy at tap room. Very true. Very true. It's different. I know it is fun. It really is. It's like watching someone do your job. Like it's fun to people see it as fun it really is it's like watching someone do your job like it's fun to have those moments too though where like because i wasn't able to make

the last post game show but uh a friend that you know i see every once in a while he came to the first one he messaged me he goes he said hey i'm coming and i'm bringing people back and i was like oh that's fucking awesome like it is like the flip side of that is like he wants to be like way you had fun right and i was like shit, like you loved it that much. Like you're bringing them back. I think he came back to the most recent one. So it's like that part is awesome too. Yeah.

Yeah. Someone tonight, because I stopped somewhere before coming here and she was like, do you have something on this date? Like it's my birthday. I want to go out for my birthday. I was like, do not waste your birthday watching me talk. Not just watching me talk, paying to see me talk. I've been trying to take like joy in that though.

I had somebody from the company I just got laid off from. I just saw them recently. Shout out to them. Shout out Chili's. I'd love to come back. Shout out to Trader Joe's and Media Pennsylvania. I wish they had a mini Chili's to go in there.

That would have been perfect. But no, I saw people from the company I got laid off from and they were like, we tried to come out to one of your shows, but every i went online it said it was sold out so we couldn't make it and it was a crick show and i was like you could show up to that and get in like if you have money you'll get in but they saw that it was sold out same thing it's like they don't understand that you know sold out especially to like a promoter it's like they're not going to really

turn yeah odds are somebody away at the door for they have cash for sure but that felt cool for them to be like we wanted to come see you we couldn't i was like yeah and i was like thank god you didn't come to that show i fucking bombed that i remember when i first started i also liked uh i forget who the fuck it was they might not even do stand-up anymore but we did a show together and they were talking about that they brought like their aunt or something and their aunt was like really excited to have like the comedians mess oh we're excited for the comedians to mess with us, whatever, blah, blah. So you hooked up with her? No, I did not. I hit her with my car because I love my girlfriend. I wasn't her house. The I

wish I could think of who it was. I probably couldn't say it was, but he was like, yeah, my aunt's here. She's all excited, like someone's going to talk to her and another comic who I didn't know is all and he immediately starts doing crowd work and kind of she came there with her husband and so the first and the dude says is like so he finishes inside of you and you can see her just like this is not what I want. I can't imagine what it looks like on the internet, but that's another thing think you go to like a brewery comedy show and somebody does crowd work with you in a brewery and they're like so what's your fucking sex

life like yeah, exactly i had a woman come up to me uh recently and she was like i don't want to sit in the front because like i'm gonna get picked on and i just was like not in the mood for it and i just was like hey i gotta tell you none of these comics have ever thought about you and none of them are ever gonna think about you again yeah and she and her husband was like i told you and then she was like she she pulled me aside. She was like, I just went to a comedy show when I was younger with my parents or with just my mom. My dad was at home and I was 17.

And the comic asked my mom where our dad was. And then he made a joke about the dad like getting sucked off by their dog. And then he made me stand up in front of the audience and tell them if I had a bush or not. She said that and I was like that's horrible and I can't finish this story later. It's an ongoing investigation. I'm leaving now to finish the story. He asked the mom if the dad

had peanut butter and was home with the dog quality material that got into like a hack at all. This woman had to have been at least thirty four. So like that is stuck with her for twenty years. The idea of just i mean again like those shows are on like a wednesday like it's just somebody's wednesday night they got out of work a little early they're like i will stop by the show they left an hour and a half of

their life just ruined they left work all excited like i'm going to a comedy show tonight and then the next morning they go in and their co-workers like how is the comedy show like scarring and they're like nice people at all yeah they're nice people say the thing about being scared i'm like if you just normally just like nod your head or answer like a normal person it's always the people that say too much or like just laugh at jokes yeah it's all you have to do laugh at jokes and you're safe really hard for people yeah but sometimes when they are stoic like if it's a tough show and you're trying to get something going with crowd work and you're safe. It's really hard for people sometimes. But sometimes when they are stoic, like if it's a tough show and you're trying to get something going with crowd work and you're doing something to somebody in the audience

and like, okay, go ahead. Like I've gotten that before. They're like, dude, what do you got? And then I'll ask something. They're like, sure. And I'm like, stop. I just did a 420 show and I was like, this is gonna be tough no matter what.

Everyone's high out of their minds, like the most delayed reactions. So I just was like, let me play with them and ask questions. So I figured I'd ask if anyone remembered their first time smoking weed. And like some woman said her first time was when she was 29. I was like, all right, loser. And then I was like asking this one guy goes 15.

And I was like, do you want to like, you know, what was the story? Like, if you remember, he's like, oh, you don't want to hear it. And I was like, no, no, no, now we do. And of course he goes my sister was diagnosed with cancer so she got she got medical marijuana so i smoked to get through her death and i was like you don't want to hear it it's just it's just the plot of a new story that's coming out in two years well me being drunk i just was like i pour some out for his sister yeah i bet guys what do you think he's got a bush or not do you think his sister's actually dead uh yeah he was like i

told you you don't want to hear that and i was like yeah man i don't know i didn't know what i was doing before now i definitely don't know what i'm doing yeah you're like so can and does anyone just have smoked weed in the woods behind your high school? All you could have said was I was 15 with my sister. Yeah, instead told a room full. She was she was riddled with cancer. It was it was coming out of her. There was so much cancer.

Damn, I just my mind is like we were already too far in. So I'd have to start like a fuck that guy's sister chant like I would i'd panic, but yo fuck is am i right everybody like oh no she was a bitch right yes, i mean it was her time am i right what strain was it just like he's crying well that's what you get forget for smoking weed you're going to hell that's where she is right guys come on blunt am i right shout out to that guy he He's really nice. I hope it's not my dad

is at home, shaving his head in memory of his sister, just with a fucking bong recently ripped in the remember your it's a three year anniversary. God forbid we have fun dude. you got to celebrate the dead man you got to laugh at him you got to have fun oh i had you do some do you do any material that damage there i have some i'm trying to do what about when we spread his ashes so we divide his ashes and you're gonna you're gonna kill no it's just a great so we divide them in three my sister got some i got some my

mom got some divided them and what did you use my mom? She took a credit card and like lined them up like we're doing lines. They started. You guys did. So I got a bucket of my dad and it was like they went to. We went down the shore and my mom wanted to like damn telling the story of

spread my dad's ashes. You guys are trying to help you out. God damn. Well, I was didn't even tell the fucking story. Oh yeah, tell us what

your stupid fuck for it. True. Okay, sorry. So you smoked weed with your sister and she died or whatever.

Done. I'm done. Credit cards. You got a third of your dad in a bucket. Yeah, it was the closest you

guys have ever been. Yeah, and you spread that sucks because I was very close to my dad and you never knew yours. So that sucks.

Guys, I'm just kidding. No. All right, let me tell the damn story dad and you never knew yours. So that sucks. Guys, I'm just kidding. No. All right. Let me tell the damn story. Let's hear the tale. So we went to spread the ashes and we're like, like knee deep in the water. My mom just like, wait, I missed it.

Were you forging a river? Christ. I said we went down the shore to throw his ashes into the ocean. It was very poetic. My mom threw him and then a wave brought them right back and he just stuck to our shins. And then it took like two more like times of the waves coming in and out to wash him off your shin.

Were you guys laughing or was like in the moment not laughing? Me and my sister are just holding back tears of laughter and almost pissing ourselves. And my mom's like not getting yet why it's funny while some of my dad is still stuck to her camp and she's walking out like just like how sam would stick to you then to add to it uh we went like to have like a toast like with drinks like we're like oh you know to him so yeah well no we brought toast it was rye uh why my dad loved toast uh no we brought like

drinks we have a toast my niece and nephew brought yoohoo because my dad loved toast uh no we brought like drinks we have a toast my niece and nephew brought you who because my dad loved you who when they were done drinking it they went out and scooped some of the water into there because they were like we want some of the ocean and some of his ashes those bottles just rolled around the bottom of my sister's truck for like three weeks and i think she just had to throw them out ocean water and a little bit of my dad we think what part do you think in a yoohoo bottle yeah so he's stuck to yeah i don't know what parts i got they're still in my desk drawer and it was his desk like that he worked at so it's kind of it's a sad metaphor i was asking like if people come up to you after shows when you say dead dad stuff and like talk to you about it yeah no not really i don't do enough of it i

don't think probably yeah i used to do a lot about him being in jail and people would love coming up and talking about that though yeah yeah that was before he died he was in jail not after they put the ashes in a jail he patrick swayze that would be terrible if i went back and spread some of his ashes at the jail that he got out of. Say what? Like that they have someone in jail or something? No, they just always want to know, like, what did he do? Where was he? Did he know my uncle?

Like there's some people that would be like, was it the Ferriton prison camp in South Jersey? I'm like, yeah, like, oh, my uncle Dave was there. Oh, cute. Small world. So nice. That's really sweet. So people come up to you after and be like oh it's sad about not sad they'll like tell me so they'll be like oh they always do it backhanded because like people

get cringy when you start talking about stuff that so often people be like i was the one laughing during that joke and i'm like and then they'll tell me about their like dead parent story and i talked to a comic i did a show with that punchline she uh this is like on a smaller scale but still important to her her cat passed away she does a whole story about it but she didn't realize like how many people would come up to her after the shows and like talk about their dead animal so she's like i wasn't emotionally prepared for that after shows and i didn't even occur to me till it happened to me at helium. Someone came up to me and she just was like in tears, just like,

Oh, thank you so much for like me. Those jokes, like it just like really normalize it. Cause my joke is about how people get uncomfortable and I have to then comfort them. And then I'm the one hugging them and I hate hugs. So I'm like,

Oh, I hate this. Um, but she was saying that like her mom died when she was four, but then she found out she was adopted when they did a DNA test. It was too much to be telling me after my third martini. And then she was reincarnated as my cat,

and then my cat died. It was a real sad story. And then Swayze was dead the whole time. Turns out Oprah wasn't even in the movie. It's just something you don't think about. Jokes hit people differently. When you normalize and say like my dad went to jail like a lot of people in america have that situation yeah or just

like i i like that's my story like my dad being dead so like i get jokes from that yeah because i so many awkward situations in my life have happened from my dad being dead and like people asking me like saying my last name or something and being like oh you're greek and they're like you've been to greece so you close your butt and then i have to be like i just like and i'm such a bad liar so i just like they'll ask me a million questions like you don't know greek you've never been to greece i'm like i mean he's dead my dad died okay okay i was trying to not tell you i had to tell you and he died my mom didn't know she was pregnant yet and now we're in this conversation i could never go

to greece now john's behind you wiping the ashes off his leg you really keep to yourself very honestly do you want some you who i've had a very uh not similar but similar my dad came to a show my parents are so fucking alive so annoying they're the most alive. They're so annoying. I can't imagine having to bear my death. My dad literally ripped the heart attack like two years ago, which is like I'm good and he was show boat. He was completely fine. Yeah, he's hot dog

in it. He lost like forty pounds after he's like fuck it dude. He's really high stepping into the end zone now after that one. No it depends is what you think about guys who are old and bald and brittle. If you got to know me, might go. I said you say brittle. Yeah, I love your dad. I had the same shoes. We're good pals. Oh yeah, true. I have a joke about my

dad being in Q and on. He's just obviously not any hurt. He came to one of my shows obvious to, especially after watching this episode. True, very honestly. Yes, yeah, oprah that was him. Oprah was one of the colors and the q drops well in and makes sense that your dad would be racist because you had ashy legs. Okay, that one's a tall. That's a there it is. I see it too far

true too far. If you're not racist to make the connection too far to the left like this fucking liberals. If you ask me ask me guys okay go back to talking about your old dad i did a joke that i've been doing about my dad being a q anon that he saw and he came up to me after he's like what is what is that about he's like why are you lot because i'm like my dad's a q anon he thinks kovats fake and my dad doesn't it's just a funny thing to talk about and he was like not pumped on it believe it it or not. Was it not funny? Is that why?

I mean, in the eyes of the beholder, that's comedy styles, big fat liar. People's biggest worry is that you're going to joke about them. So like, I think that his biggest fear realized is that you've been doing a joke about him. That's also a lie. So anyone, your family and friends that have seen it and you're saying all this shit about your dad, they obviously

probably his worries that they're true real. He's going to hate the also. What is this? What have you making that joke is what makes him like start to get into Q and on? He's like well, let me see what he's talking about. He's gone. He really gets into it. He's on the precipice because he's into ancient aliens right now, and the next step is Q. It is a close. He is teetering the line and the elections are coming back up, so he'll come back and i'll be like there. You know those pyramids in mexico, the same ones, the ones in egypt, little weird, don't you think and i was like not dude they could. They

were just building shit. They got also, you know i don't think they counted all the votes. I don't know we're fucking killing people and the only way to not get killed was to build shit. I was like they're all building pyramids. It was aliens right that the only joke you do about it? That's my only written joke I've ever had. It's a lie. No one time. That's a big old liar. Romeo used to always quote it. P ninety sex. Was that you? Oh my God, I forgot. Well, I forgot about that tag. I'll have to bring that back. I still do that whole joke, but I forgot about. I don't remember a joke,

but that's fun. Anytime we were like Matt Peoples has jokes, right? I still think you need to bring back the ball and joke. That's still. Anytime we were like Matt Peebles has jokes, right? I still think you need to bring back the ball and joke. That's still one of my favorite jokes. That was a true one. See, do true comedy,

not lies about your dad being in QAnon. One time I, one of my, after my aunt and uncle got divorced, my cousin, shout out,

that's his like one tragedy is to talk about. Yeah, we're both like, no, they got back together though.

Guys, don't worry. They did. No, I'm just saying he's like, it was a real amicable divorce but she posted a status and she said like i'm thick bawling my eyes out she spelled it like b a l l i and g so i just used to do a joke about her just

like was it my fault like that kind of shit you doing the sky hook and hitting the ceiling and high note every single time you do it was always a great little uh punch on the end of it. Did people like that status? He crushed. Yeah, I got a I got a decent amount of likes. It was like, you know, other family members being like, it's okay, it's not your fault. It's okay. Also, I heard you put up a triple double. You're killing it. Trust the process. Am I right? That seriously? Yeah, I mean, it was like

sixteen year old kid and they were like, this was like early Facebook too. So when people didn't know, no, it was you're thinking Matt post this. She posted this. No, no, that's what I'm thinking. No, she wasn't being funny. She was just dumb. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. Yeah. I'm still not sure. I can't understand. This is why I don't write. She had a misspelling grown woman. No, she was like 16. Yeah. Who is sixteen? The cousin cousin. This is I'm starting to think you were the cousin. I thought it was

your aunt. Oh my God, am I Matt's baby? No, I thought it was your aunt. Okay, your cousin said that. So your whole family's dumb. Look at everyone's family's dumb. Are you from a smart family? Yeah, dog. Yeah, yeah, I'm the dumb one. There you go. What do they do? It's so goddamn smart, like read, you know, like all the words gay left to right. They're still fun, though. Really? I get nervous around really smart people. Does your family do like cross family events because I don't think they know how to talk to me because my job change. I think everyone panics. I just switched

LinkedIn. I finally bit the bullet, but I did you. I just put comedian because I was like, but I got stopped the TSA. This is so embarrassing. So like I was going through customs. I went to Belize in January with some friends. And I always write like marketing because I've always had some job in like tech, whatever. And I just don't answer questions. I was like, I'm going to finally be like, because I quit my job in November. So I was going to write like entertainment. And I get stopped by the TSA equivalent Belize.

He looks at me. He looks at the paper. He's like, looks at my body. He goes, are you a dancer and i was like no and i was like i do comedy you stand up comedy and he has pull up your instagram made me wait my friends are already going through customs and they're like what is happening thinking i'm like getting pulled over by the police you're like you're not gonna believe this yeah it was unbelievable that's the one we do puns there

you your puns were all just being racist i don't think you know you're just like the jews they're cool as hell yeah so i am had a like show tsa my instagram to prove that I was to get back into the country man. We could never let you back in into believe into Belize. Meanwhile, there's people getting through with guns. Yeah he's flirting with you and there's just a guy with a bag of guns behind you that gets through security. I never I was so mortified to. I was like I should just lied wide and at the one time I tell the truth yeah, but then it's also a thing where like you you

then ever like when I got to find a good clip to show you're scrolling for a while. It's like when you talk about somebody on this one, I show him a picture and you're like when I got to show them a good picture, so I don't look like a fucking idiot. That's also terrifying profiling from like a TSA like you've heard about like dudes who are muslims saying they have a hard time because they get profile for shit, but like if a guy got pulled over and he's like so and he's like yeah, let me guess he's like. Are you a dancer? He's like yeah, yeah, I was like you tell me I just I pull my tap shoes. Yeah, it was a hello. My baby hello start ripping

tick tock. Can you hold this for me? Yeah, it was embarrassing. I've been seeing an alarming number of kids just doing TikTok dances in public while not filming. It'll be like a family standing talking and just off to the side is like a kid just like practicing TikTok moves. It's like the age equivalent if we did like the movements to do DDR, like if we thought that was dancing.

Yeah, see, I think for me it's the equivalent of like power sliding Like if we thought that was dancing. Yeah. See, I think for me, it's the equivalent of like power sliding. You look, Oh yeah. Like they're, they don't look like actual dance moves. No,

I know, but they're like off practicing Tik TOK while parents are just having conversations. It's better than just be like, that's his thing. I don't fucking know. I mean, what do you think your parents would say right now?

He's got 47 billion followers. Yeah. They would certainly not be pumped on us. Well, they get that kid's getting more views than we ever will on this. If you went to clubs and there is people dancing like they did at DDR max in the mall, like remember to go to the mall and like if someone was just like they're

like so fast, like drenched in sweat, holding on to a back. Is there ever going to be like people doing tick tock live? It's like I'm on tour. You can catch me in Richmond. I'll be doing tick tock on the stage and it's just them'm on tour you can catch me in richmond i'll be doing tiktok on the stage and it's just them doing every dance i think there is to some effect there's to

that some degree there's something like that with um there's this one guy on tiktok who's like just going around and doing like throwback 90s like dance parties and he just goes on stage really and just djs well and the guy from High School Musical, not Zac Efron, obviously. Shout out, babe. He listens. Big fan. He hasn't returned any of my calls,

but he's a bit of a handsome idiot. He has an apartment like this in every city for sure. That's a compliment as hell. This has got Fs all over it. It's just everything has to be like wipe down a bowl. You know what I mean? You can take a hose to this apartment. Like you could Clorox everything.

If you actually lift up the carpet, there's just a drain in the middle of the floor, like a butcher shop. Like when you're in science class, it's like the lab like brings your eyes out. Yeah, you can actually. Where the fuck did you come from? The Gatorade squeeze bottle doubles if you have to

wash your eyeballs okay well and you know what you guys can't use it that's it it took me this whole time to realize what it is about the apartments and everything just has to be yeah it's real sterile the core it looks like you could shoot a scene from saw in here why because i don't have any soft grays in here. That's what it is. People in nice houses have soft grays. Your entire place is soft gray. No, it's hard dark. Hard dark is your TikTok stage. Just say it at this point. Hard dark is Matt's alter ego.

That's his rap from the video. It's the yin to his yang. Soft white and hard dark. Oh, God. The guy from High School Musical is going on a tour right now and just like singing the high school musical songs and I only see ads for it on tick tock. It's probably crushing.

Yeah, I'm sure he's selling out. I mean, they still sell out monster truck jams. Who am I to? Those are cool. I know I want to go so bad. Why did you say that then?

Because I'm jealous of all the people that have gone. I haven't yet. You're just a hater. I am. It's a truck. There's nothing new in monster truck jam, right? Like yin and yang to your friendship is you're a hater and you're so scared of haters. Yep. No, I'm captain positivity. I

wear college shirts and dress shoes. Now I'm very positive. That's like the least positive outfit. Yeah, it's got like corporate. I'm a tailgate lawyer. That's what we're in. That's not drinking. Thank you. I appreciate.

I feel good. Kind of sometimes. I don't know. I feel like you're saying more thoughts now. Like that's the only thing I miss about the old. Yeah, I just didn't say things. Yeah,

because you had a drink in your face. Oh, true. My mouth is full of liquor. Yeah, I'll keep it the tradition going. I haven't said anything since fucking two thousand and seventeen, and I'm not starting now dude hard dark soft white jp oh i wanted something

those are your initials i've already gotten i don't want to i'm gonna i wasn't it i wasn't racist at all during the podcast by the way guys, guys, I was being fun. Allegedly, you just have to say that the end of every podcast for my own career disclaimer and like at the bottom, it flashes like where to donate to a cp and a cp and a cp. Do you know what that is? Yeah, it's

the friggin. You know, I never see no color people. That's what it stands for. They better they should change that acronym because if you sounded out, it sounds like a slur. Do it. I'm not doing it. All right. What do you got to promote? We've already we came to an hour a while ago. What kind of fans do you have?

A lot of German demographic. I think just the people that have come in and out of these doors that you've seen. They'll subscribe to my only fans. Yeah, probably. Yeah, true. Is there a discount? It's true. It's your girlfriend and roommate. You can use it. I'm talking about our fans friends. No discounts, no cheap assholes. That's my only fans tag.

No discounts, no cheap assholes. Yeah, I guess my Instagram. You can see all my shows and stuff. Yes, my full government name, Jamie Amalia Pappas. It's Greek. My dad's dead. He was Greek.

And my only fans. That's the whole name. There's no character limit on Instagram anymore. All good. Swag. Matt, what do you got coming up? We have... Who's we?

High Note Humor Crew. Yes. For post-game comedy. You want to talk about a group of six white men who run an open mic? Six of you? It takes six of us to barely run an open mic. It's impressive.

They say it takes a village. You two and who else? Four others. Look at that math. I got math all day. Heard of them. Noah Houlihan. Not heard of them.

Steve Carr. Steve Carr. Andrew Baus. Seven of us. Oh, my God. Warren Davis. We're basically the new NSYNC. Noah Houlihan? Not heard of him. Steve Carr? Steve Carr. Andrew Baus? Seven of us. Oh, my God. Warren Davis? We're basically the new NSYNC. Who's the funniest?

Me, obviously. I'm just the guy. I'm just the guy. I'm just the guy standing in front of a girl telling her to... Come to my open mic. Come subscribe to my OnlyFans.

Go Birds, babe. Yeah, go Birds and go Ben Franklin and please win this year so I can get that gig again and not do you think i'll understand that that's my only fans handle is that really go birds oh go birds babe okay gotcha i don't want to i don't want to stop on the promo i wasn't just saying i thought that was just how you sign off i had a tick i just had a tick i almost had it

go birds god because when he said it to me i was like shut up dude you subscribe matt's my number one subscriber. I refuse why the only fan I am of is of God. I don't know through all him through him. All things are possible fans. Probably yeah, actually, yeah, he does. Yeah. Every time I went to church on Sunday, they walk around a

donation basket. True. Don't you love this guy so much? Jesus is pretty scantily clad up on that cross to so he's earned those dollars. He's an entertainer. Hot bod Jesus. Oh yeah. Pulled over by the Belizean.

Tell us what you do. You're Mike. You were selling it. So well, seven white dudes. No, well, it's not the Mike. We run a show, a monthly show, monthly show, June 8th, June 8th, Thursday. I'm busy. Hey, I'm not inviting you.

Sorry. I know no'm not fighting you. Sorry, I know no women allowed one per show. I said we we hit the requirement. You guys remember when you asked me to come to your pod and you're like we don't have girls on it and we warmed up by having two. Yeah, I don't know. We just are silly guys. What we talking about go Go bird I think your show Thursday, June 8th, monthly show, monthly show, subscribe to the

YouTube that rules podcast, the Instagram that rules podcast, Matt people's comedy. Give it a follow. See what's on there for God's sake. What do you have to talk about? I got Monte comedy on Instagram. I got comedy fight club coming up next Friday on who you're roasting May 26. I may cast them. So that Instagram. I got comedy fight club coming up next Friday on May 26 May

Kassum. So that's if I got a case. Well, all right. Well, I'm already over one in the joke writing then I'm going to give her some jokes. Yeah, we'll see. I'm pretty good at it. You guys are fucking and comedy on the creek at

Liberty Point outdoor show pretty excited about that one down down bro. And comedy on the creek at Liberty Point. Outdoor show, pretty excited about that one. Down there on a river, on the Delaware River on June 1st. Come out to that one. Hacks, comedy, golf, they're still out there. So watch those. We might bring them back one day. Do you want to play golf one day?

With you? Maybe. We might bring hacks back. We'll see. Okay. All right. That's a hard okay good night 4번 타는 에버베더 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 랩 �