That Rules Podcast - Episode #86: “South Jersey Idiots Part 2” w/ Brandon Doogan & Don Cunningham (SouthJerseyBadBoysPod)

Episode Date: June 2, 2023

Them Bad Boys are back! And this time they are extreme than before. From the #2 Greater South Jersey Podcast syndicate. Check it out, tell a freind.

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 I joined in that time. I'm an official honorary bad boy. Yeah. Suck it, Matt.

You just can't nonchalantly drink a 42 ounce. We just all get up and just start. It's a 42. No, we wouldn't act like that on here. Have you ever had a 42 ounce? I've never had a 42 or OE out of a plastic bottle because we care about the environment. They stop making the glass ones, right?

No, they do. They're just tough to find. Did they add the two ounces in there for how much you pour out for the homies? Yeah, yeah. I usually pour out a good 36 and a half ounces for some homies that are no longer with us. Yeah, I think two is the perfect amount of ounces for homies.

Yeah, it's just enough. I wish it was 45 like the president, Donald. Give me that right now. I'm never going to die, dude. Donald, give me that right now. I'm never going to die, dude. I'm literally never going to die. Was he just the 45th or 45th? Is he 45? 45, 46, 47, 48. Collapse of the country. He's the emperor.

He rules the world. He's my dad. That would be sick. So if he wins in the next election, would you say that he's the first three-term, not the first three-term, but one of the first in a long time three-term president? Well, people don't think about the fact that he wins in the next election, would you say that he's the first three-term, not the first three-term, but one of the first in a long time three-term president? Well, people don't think about the fact

that he was pulling the strings beforehand. Yeah, that's true. He made this happen. Yeah, he did. Matt would hop on the mic and be like, reigning, defending, world champion. That wouldn't be the best way to announce a president, is to call Steve Austin.

We got to get Paul Bearer to come in and announce presidents. Yeah, like in China, when they announce the president, they hit a big guang or whatever before he comes out. I think it's called a guang. Yeah, I'm not sure about a guang. That could be a lizard. No, President Guang is the lead president. We hit a guana.

Guano. Yeah. Are you guys going to wish me a happy birthday or not? You can't see it off the camera. Wait. When's your birthday? It was a month and a half ago. Yeah, happy birthday. Chubby has happened since your before or after your. So it's actually johns. Yeah, so whoever's birthday is up next get out of town. I think mine is actually a chubs. Would it how do you turn thirty one? Does it feel at all? Damn, I thought you were way in your

thirty. You can't be. I know I look way older. There's a lot of people that look. I would rather have. Would you rather be older and just you're not as old as you're not as old as you care for you like to be like Jeffy where you boys are. Jeff is like what 22 and he looks like he's 47. Yeah, 45. Yeah, that sucks. He has been for the past 10 years. I've seen pictures of him from high school That old post And you're just like You look like a teacher

Some people look old But he looks like old But like You'd be scared of him at first But then you talk to him He's the nicest guy ever Oh, yeah Jeff's school picture looks like

They needed somebody to sit in To make sure their frame rights So they grabbed the janitor And they're like Just sit here And we'll just That looks good And he's like wearing the jumpsuit

And they're like We never tell him to wear the jumpsuit. That's his goal every time. Just wear a t-shirt and jeans. Like a Harley Davidson shirt. Shout out to you. He got his own custom made. Dude. Have you guys ever done a 40 hands? I feel like it'd be tough with a plastic bottle. Yes, I did and I ran into

the had to piss problem. So there was... So it was like I think like six of us competing. And two of them and their girlfriends pull their wieners out for him and hold it. I elected to just piss my shorts. Pissing your shorts sucks because you're really just pissing your thighs. I was like, ladies, ladies, don't worry about it.

I'm going to just piss myself. I got a little trick up my sleeve. Did you do like the nervous front wedgie pick when you did it where you're like a little kid? It was just, we were sitting in lawn chairs in our backyard, and I remember just being like, it's like at the beach. No, it's not. Yeah, it's true.

Salt water. Were you watching it go down the leg? Yeah, it filled the shorts pretty quick. I don't remember. I don't think they were like a gray or black like bathing suit, so it just kind of rinsed off. Pour a little bit of 40 on there. That's where the two ounces comes in handy.

That is. That's where it does come in handy. Just to wash off your piss. Yeah, dude. You make me sick, dude. The only time I did the 40 hands, I... Oh, you never just piss your pants on purpose? I can't say I have.

You know, on purpose, I don't think so. I used to have a big trick I used to do at parties where people would do keg stands, and I would try to commandeer the keg, and then I would just pour it down their face and their shirt, and everybody would get really upset at me. But they let me keep doing it. I went probably 12 kids straight of just pouring it down their shirts.

They had to gargle all over them. They let me do it. Where were you doing this at? Just some girl had a party, and she lost control of it. Like the soccer house at Rowan? You just show up, and it's just... No, it was a place where they didn't have a cover, but my autistic roommate got tricked into paying forty dollars for a cover. Those types of

parties, you know, I'm talking about this autistic room. He's just some guy that goes. There's a cover charge. You go. How much he goes forty. There's a ton of licking logs in there. You're going to come in. It sounds like a deal. You know, yeah, of course, man, I worked all week for this venmo. Yeah, I'm going gonna tiptoe my way in here because that's the only way I can walk. You guys take tips. Also, the train's gonna be here in eleven and a half minutes. Yeah, there's somebody's running a train on my girlfriend at the time. Oh my God. Wow.

Yeah, this just turned into a therapy session. Dude, I didn't have a girly pop. I don't have no girly path. Who was the guy that played for the Eagles that went to Rowan? Was it that guy? No. Corey Clement. Clement? No, he didn't play for Rowan. He's from Glassboro.

He went to... Oh, there's a little background tune. Yeah, he's from Glassboro. He didn't play for Rowan. Oh, I thought he went to Rowan. No, no, he's from Glassboro High. Yeah, yeah, Glassboro High School. Oh, okay.

That makes a lot more sense. That just reminded me, Matt. You guys remember in high school, whenever that me that you guys remember like in high school whenever that girl that would have a party and it would get out of control yeah it was just such a wreck for like her and her family and they just totally didn't care like I remember a girl she had a party her dad was like I'm gonna he was like trying to be the cool dad let everybody have a couple of beers I'll supervise the cops of course get called. And we were blamed, me and my friends,

because we came late and we were like loud coming in. So they blamed the whole thing on us. The cops come and her dad was, he had like a mullet and he was like sweating and he was like, he was trying to justify it to the officers. He's like, you know, everybody here just had one to two beers

and the cops were like, dude, you fucking creep. here just had one to two beers of the cops like to fucking see your haircut and then he got fined and she was going around to everybody going guys like to help pay for my dad's fun. I was going like go fuck yourself. Are you joking? You're never going to get money out of the cleat is fun.

They only had one or two beers. My wife made jello shots. It wasn't a big deal. Like as a dad, I hope that was fucking worth it. You fucking crazy. Yeah, that girl started go fund me just for her dad's fucking pay for my dad's abusive child. It's just whatever a fine. He doesn't have cancer. He

is a cancer. I'm glad I've never gotten caught. There was a house party at one time, and it was the same thing like the girl had no control of the party. It was just like a teenage like rom-com movies where it's like the girl's crying everyone's gotta fucking leave yeah my buddy pissed in the vcrs were still lingering around houses and he pissed in the vcr slot that's the other danger move it's like having a high school party that like everyone's goal is to fuck up yeah just a little a little bit. It's never like I'm going to put nine holes in the wall. It's like I'm going to piss

in this VHS thing. So in a way, when her dad goes to watch Philly's highlights tape, yeah, but that guy was definitely I was fucking pissing. Oh, not again, huh? Somebody walks in Isabella. I swear to fucking Christ. He pisses in there as we're all getting shuffled out the door. She's like, I fucking hate everyone. And what's in my VCR? And she picks it up and it runs down onto her face. And she must have been so pissed all over her face.

And that was as we were exiting the party. And nobody was already hearing that. Nobody thought that was hot. Nobody posted it online. I remember one time this girl had a party and other kids from a neighboring school came. Fight breaks out. Yeah, the dad gets involved and it's like fighting like, but the kids are like knocking her dad out

by a high school kid, dude, and then having to go into work and they're like, what happened? You're like, I got in a fucking high school. The confidence of that dad. He's like, you know, Donna, I'm going to do something about this. Got my ass kicked by a sophomore. He's all state.

Some kid was a senior who had like an O and forty five wrestling record was like not anymore. Just get that dude's fucking ass. Like just he belly to belly suplexes. Seeing him like the fear in his eyes to all of a sudden have to tee up and be like, oh shit, I got to fucking fight my way out of this. He had no backup. I got to fight my way out of this pool party that I

started. Teenagers are fucking terrifying these days, though. They're the worst. I actually never went to a high school party drinking. Get out of town. Senior prom was the first time I ever drank was senior prom. Really? And that was the only part. Yep. And then I didn't drink again until the end of my freshman year. And then it all went downhill. What were you doing? You can't

stop doing before that. I was doing stupid shit sober. I just can't. I I'm right. I didn't start drinking till my sophomore year of college. Yes, you're doing cool jackass stuff. Oh yeah, nobody liked me. I would walk around. I do you guys need a drink to have fun and they're like yes, it's now like you were you in this now. Were you an athlete in high school like what the fuck were it? No, I was like you were you in this now. Were you an athlete in high school like what the fuck were not? I was red hair. I played sports and everything, but my

big thing was prank calls. That was that you were a total. I always went d to and prank calls. I prank called this kid that was teetering on the line of there and not so much there and we prank called him as a big ROTC nut and I I prank like he was he was on the line of like fucked up like he was

in the lower level classes almost special ed and he was a big ROTC so naturally that was dance target. I was like let's go. You know what the R stands for and ROTC retards on the clock dude. He was so on the clock that we prank called him. I didn't even block my number

and we said hey you want you want a big award and you're going to be presented at an assembly at school on Monday you need to wear your full ROTC uniform this guy did it but then his whole family showed up with balloons and all this stuff that is a sad this is this wasn't it had nothing

to do that he was like kind of it was just like hey what's that get an ROTC yeah let's just call him I didn't even block my number he called back he left a voicemail. Remember ringbacks? I had that on my phone. Sure. Remember you would call and you got to hear lean back by Fat Joseph? Oh, yeah.

I was like, do you think that was a guy in Washington, D.C. that I said I was giving out awards? Gordo Josef, yes. I think the issue is who you were targeting. I might have kept that story in the chamber. I got a lot more I got to let out on this podcast because you guys just let it fly and I'm here for it. I almost hit a guy on a motorcycle on my right here on purpose. Yeah, definitely hit one on your way back.

It was going to be my good deed for the year and I'm going to do it. Yeah officer. I only had forty two ounces of beer. This could really say, oh fuck, is this still taped to my hand? That's on me. This could really backfire in court, so we'll see how it goes. Allegedly, that's a non-alcoholic forty. Yeah, that would be even wilder plastic bottles, non-alcoholic. When you were saying that you grabbed me one proactively said teenagers are starting to get scarier today. I witnessed a great moment. I watched a chubby teen miss hopping a fence twice so he he went up for it the first time and you could see he was not confident yeah but he was like god damn it this is a long walk

to get to the other side of this so he like went up and like didn't even get the leg over and he landed like all right i gotta feel for it yeah goes up again foot gets caught almost takes a header and he just gets up and sulk walks away. I was like, damn, I'm not scared of teens anymore. That's the funny thing about high school. There's so many things that are going on where it can qualify you as part of a cool crew

where it's like everyone's hopping fences, and you're that fat kid that can't get over. If you could go to that kid and be like, you're never going to have to interface with this in the rest of your life where you got to be the kid that can hop a fence. Yeah, but that kid who can't hop a fence, if you make the right choice in life, anything you can't do, you

designate as gay and stupid and then you become funny. Yeah, that's true. It all comes full circle. That was me, dude. I was skinny. Sports and getting pussy was so fucking gay. She sucked your dick. What? Like a homo? Yeah, my kid. You play an organized sports team? Yeah. You sound like you're trying so hard. Yeah, you were all state fucking go hard over here. I do what do less. Yeah, I

said venture the JV volleyball team. Why don't you be a man? You're not even on the team. You just sit on the bench. They have fat, juicy asses. I am the bench. They sit on me. That was another thing. I don't know if you guys had that. Score girls were just the big whore girls for every team. Total whores. It was unbelievable, dude. I had a bad run in one time. Statisticians? Yeah. Yeah.

That all went on to be anestheticians? That's ironic. No, they all ordered to be fucking nurses. What are they called? The ones that go before the dentist comes in and they go, oh, look at you, yucky. Nurse anesthetist? The hygienists? Hygienists.

A dental hygienist. That's all I like to call foreplay. Why the hell would you say that, dude? Why the hell would you say something crap like that? You get the locker room early enough and all you hear is that sound on the video that I sent you guys earlier. Did you watch that?

No, what did you send us? Oh, you don't remember? Dude, I'm fucking making business calls and decisions. Thank God you didn't crack this open in the office. Oh, yeah, I did. I got to hold this. Jesus. Dan has videos like this. If we're in a normal chat

back and forth with each other, like, hey, what time you want to do the podcast? He has so many TikToks in the chamber just ready to go like this. That's just this. That's the sound of Dan at the dentist. If you didn't see the video, the audio was Brendan booked at New York Comedy Club. That's pretty fucking sick. Did

what are you gay? The you see, so I want to work there. I'm gonna call it gay. Dude, I was your fence. You just couldn't. I just got a friend. It's fence to he got over. There was a big, dumb, sexy calves. Dude. I just couldn't hop Brendan's fence, dude. He got over there with those big, dumb, sexy calves, dude. I don't give a hell. You were probably a great fence hopper, right? Brought him out on the pod. Yeah, you better believe it.

You climbing trees like a lemur? Dude, I could clear it without even touching. Yeah, it doesn't even have to. This is what happens when you have haters at a young age, and they just come for you. The haters try, bro. You just sit in the back, and you just do this. Yeah, but they're not getting over it.

God bless you with two tumors in the back of your legs. They are like they're so big that it's actually not even attractive. It's the people are like you have look like you have a problem. Yeah, you look like it. You look like a dwarf. They got pulled taller. Who would you see for problems with your you look like? Are you kidding me? You look like you look like they set up a homeless program called dress for success where they go. We're going to reintegrate this guy back into the workforce. You too can get laid off now you'll get vampire that works at H and M.

You look like my manager at H and I look just strong and like good like the manager of all the keybler else where the fuck did this come from dude. I was holding the joke, making fun of the fence thing, but now I'm going to let it rip dude. It's the fence was so big talking about teenagers. Yes, sorry, I didn't get back into Dan's wheelhouse. What the problem is is that I go on nj.com four times a week and every single time recently around May, you will see nothing but albums of New Jersey prom photos ready for download. Careful Dan now. Now wait a second. I have a problem with them doing this

because it's every single high school and they're like here's our gallery of prom photos from this high school, this high school, every high school in South Jersey exclusive for subscribers. You can download every single photo. Make it worse thing. Why is it a thing? I'm questioning why it's a thing because teenagers at prom download all the photos open internet. Why it sounds like you got pretty deep into this. I researched it. I called and I asked how much for a subscription. Yeah, if I just if I just need a one hour subscription,

how much would that cost? Looking will cost you touching. That's where we really go. He's subscribing to only friends. They're not old enough to be fans quite yet. Yeah, Dan's like only the public schools. That's where the whores are that

that or the Catholic ones to where the revival horse. No, definitely course where now they they were a little more disguised. They might have not come out of their. No, they were out. They were in high school or did it wait till like in between freshman high school or some of the because they were Italian to which is fucking disgusting like Catholic school

Italian girls. Yeah, but they have to they have to have their moment then yeah, because they fall off pretty hard later and like oh like they have to be like the the top bitch. Then they're like, like around the time when we were in high school, like those tanning booths are catching. Yeah, oh yeah, there's a lot of wrinkles, ankles round town. They said to get wrinkles at twenty years old and they're like well, I guess I'll have a fucking kid. I got my R. N. Now I guess I'll marry a cop. I'm going to thank God Jersey Shore still pop. They all marry

I guess I'll just start selling Mary Kay now. I guess I'm in girls about their shampoo pyramid ski. Yeah, well, this this cool girl cursive necklace isn't going to pay for itself. I got a fucking job. You can make your own hours suck off who you want right whole thing. I guess I'm actively Republican. I can't wait to talk shit about my kids little league soccer game. Yeah, but in total contrast, all the guys are doing really good.

All the girls are stupid idiots and all the guys are totally not. Yeah, pro wrestlers, not dumb and gay. It's so fun going to a golf course on a Saturday morning and just seeing dudes that have shit relationships and hate their wives just get there and be like, fucking four hours of bliss. I'm like, how do you hate your wife this much? Golf is fun, but dudes will be like,

it's the only fucking freedom I get in my whole week. God, kill yourself, dude. There's definitely a correlation between guys who golf and guys who are not allowed to do anal with their wives. Yeah, I propose and guys who hanging out the bar at the moose, which I am a member at now. Yeah, you are just lodged up. I was looking for a way to squeeze that one. I don't mean to brag or anything, but it's fifty bucks for a humble. You also get access to all the prom photos. Speaking of Republicans on Facebook. They do have extra perks. You can get ten percent off of life insurance policies as well, so it doesn't come with just a fifty buck

donation. You only kicks in if you die in there, it's ten percent off. If you're willing to die sooner with a cigarette in your mouth, if you get a moose on your tombstone, you get a discount. They will pay for fifteen percent of the tombstone. Yes, that's a salesman Dan. Yeah, you should get a moose tattoo. I should moose lodge had to read on his knuckle. Don't we don't touch my bar a vest like it's like a biker gang, which is a big old moose on the

back of it. Yeah, me and Jim Kay are going to wear them on the back of our Harley together as I hold on to the back of them. Yeah, actually let's be honest. He'd be holding on to me nice and a side car for sure. Dude, I bet you put Jim Kelly in a side car that guys have at the time his life. What was that one? Was it a guy go commercial with the pig with the pinwheel like side car Jim sounds like a novel character. It sounds

like a good restaurant. It's just all good sides. You know, main courses here at sidecar gyms true and I'm Jim. Yeah, nice to meet you. I never leave. I had this interesting thing about me when people recommend restaurants to you. Does it make you very angry? I'm just like yeah I'm sure I don't need to hear any more details about it If you're like let me tell you Sure I'll go I don't care

I have this thing where I feel this It annoys me and then Conversely I do it to everybody else When I do it I'm like I have the right Restaurant idea you shut up. Yeah. I hate when people have hard opinions about eating places.

Yeah. No, no. The best Italian? No, I just want fucking pasta. I kind of hate hard opinions in general. I like when I say that I like a place, but they're like, oh, that place sucks. Let me give you somewhere better. Yeah. Oh, you've had rigatoni. You think you've had rigatoni, dude? Yeah.

Yeah, when people get hard with you about the most subtle, you're like, okay. Yeah, they're like, dude, next time you're in Salem, New Jersey, make sure you hit up Dave's. You're like, what? Oh, you think that's good spaghetti? Oh, you think you bet. You know I've been to Italy, right?

Yeah. I do hate that. So you're like, dude, I don't even eat out anymore. My grandma makes it. She puts a fucking menstrual blood in it. You wouldn't even understand it. Dude, it is sauce that kind of crosses over to the guys that have lived in Philly for a few years that have the biggest opinions and their whole

personality revolves around what cheesesteak places fucking. Yeah. If you ever, if you ever fucking like put your foot down and like, dude, I'm fucking telling you, Gino's is the the best. Oh no, there's people are the worst part. You're going to die before fifty okay of high blood pressure. There's people on both sides of that that like will not stop talking about the local corner place that's failed every health inspection the last twenty years is the best place ever. Yeah, then there's other people like I fucking

hate to. Are you never been in and whatever? No, they don't. They never say that no, they never do hypothetically. If someone were to say such a thing, their entire personality revolves around that. I was like, who because it's 2 a.m. and you're fucking wasted. I'll eat whatever the fuck. Yeah, that's you're hearing flip flops in a fucking Hawaiian

shirt. You look like an asshole, right? Also, it's a congratulations. You've been to another cheese. Yeah, you like you don't even know about this spot. You're going to die a little bit sooner. He thinks to another cheese. Yeah, you like you don't even know about this spot. You're going to die a little bit sooner. He thinks that's good. Yeah, it's like you you moved into Fishtown from Woodbury four years ago.

Now you're the Philadelphia tourism boy. Yeah, I don't like when people make where they're from their identity to you guys should watch South Jersey bad boys. Yeah yeah, seriously, we all we really hate. We provide social commentary. We tackle the heart issues. We kind of we can't go in the tap room without being recognized anymore.

I don't know if you guys know that I recognize that that was standing right there. You guys go to this fight. The guy, his name is Steve Kane. He knows all. Yeah, he's not someone you want to know you.

That was pretty. Yeah, you did get recognized at the show. Yeah, I just saw the guy just leaning over his head every two seconds just like this and then he's like are you on that podcast with brendan don again i was like yeah he's asking and he's like this guy right here he said he saw you on there and he's friends with his cousin i was like what the fuck is that i got recognized

through day like hey that's the kid that always talks about teenagers next to brendan who's trying to reel things back in and i'm like yep that's the guy well the funniest part is you start a podcast, so you could build like following, so people come to your shows. The guy didn't go to the show. Oh no, and I told him he's like oh that's cool. It was like I have a show thirty six steps away. If you want to come on the guys like not, I don't think I will. I don't goes Brendan here. Yeah, the six years were on, but I don't think it would have mattered. There could

have been a women's bowling championship on, and he would have stayed right there. By the way, we've been thinking about getting some South Jersey Bad Boys shirts. So don't steal this idea. But bowling shirts. South Jersey Bad Boys. I like it. Cursive names. Cursive name on the front.

Thing on the back. Charlie Sheen, two and a half men look, and bowling. You guys are going to order fucking ten of them from China and be belly up by the time. I don't think this is a wise decision. Dan and I took actual picture of Charlie. She ordered fucking ten of them from China and be belly up by the time. I don't think this is a wise decision. I took out a small business. Yeah, I know you guys are a little bit of trouble and our wives are paying it back. It's got a

thirty percent interest rate. Yeah, everything spelled wrong. We told all we do is talk shit on our wives who make so much more money than how much they make. Don't leave us. They make enough To be able to hide The fact that she's

Just smuggling goods For the cartel That's how much She's making Can we exit that out? Yeah No No

No Leave it in Leave it in Because she's going To cost you She's going to come on here And she's going to Tell the world

About your wife's Cocaine habits I will Yeah I will She's going to come on here And open the slander up I had to keep her out of the

basement when Brendan was on paternity leave. She's like let me get on that podcast right now. I was like now you stay the fuck up that in a fun episode. No, we did one with her before and it was off the rails. Now you guys talk shit on us for half of it. What's that? Yes, talk shit on us for half. We talk about you guys at least once in it. Yes, it's pretty gay. Honestly

it always comes to you guys. We're running out of articles. Yeah, there's not enough South Jersey content. I'm going to call the courier post and say after you send me those prom photos, you guys got to start getting a fucking beat reporter out here. People do go to us for local news. I like when you guys read the articles and when you're slowly

running out, so it's like, did you see this guy fucking shot himself in a while? Oh, my God, actually was pretty sad. What else we got Dan? It's like, well, I actually reached out to his wife and I emailed her and called her a dumb bitch. She's calling in next week. Oh, it's out in the ROTC program. You can't say you wouldn't be the slightest bit amused if a guy stood in a wawa next to the hot dog container.

You know, they remove them at like one a.m. and they're not there. Yeah, it's a saddest thing when you want a late night dog. Where are the fucking hot dogs and he just blows his head off right in the middle of the wall. Yeah, I mean, I would read the article. I would I would skim the article. I wouldn't start a podcast by bowling t-shirts and read it on the internet.

Look, that's why that's why we have such a rabid fan base. We'll take over your marketing and merchandising from now on. Yeah, we can talk about it. That's where you guys made a huge mistake. You have a group of fucking special needs guys who think their phone is a calculator and they're pushing in buttons

and just happen to hit your hotline. They're just sending, they're trying to type boobies. How do you guys get wives? Half the time it's you guys actually pretty and if they could tell you boys I was Puerto Rican whatever oh yeah the amount of toilet flushes I had to give on that episode holy shit we flush out an entire article less oh yeah you should talk about it on here can we pull it we'll pull it out what was it I'll tell you guys offline because we had to flush it for a reason. Yeah, I brought it up, and I didn't even know that Brendan had a little bit of a...

Dan pulled up an article that is a wild story, and I actually happen to know the person through a friend. Yeah. And they're like... I can't say it. Basically, it had potential to go viral, so we were just like... It is currently viral. Tune into the first episode of our Patreon to find out what article it was.

Your last one went viral. You guys just butchered a nice guy with a nice idea for Little League Baseball. You bullied a guy from Little League. From Matt's Little League. I DM'd him. I was like, I know the guy. He's a sweet guy.

Some lady DM'd us, too, and she was like, you guys are horrible people. He's a really nice man. She said, this is terrible. And I wanted to say, was the clip bad? Or are we? Are they quality? Yeah, I was like, was it a little pixelated?

You're right. We could upgrade the cameras a little bit, I guess. That's what I was wondering. But we would get a lot more calls on the hotline if Tony Parlante knew how to work a phone. That's probably the problem. Yeah, yeah, but we're getting there. What can you do? Is this the open like slander part of your guy show? We have that on ours. We just go off for about

fifteen minutes. We're a little too big time. Do we don't really do that guys? You guys have had some recently. Yeah, we had a sea level rapper cancel on us recently, so we kind of made it still coming on. He still follows the programs instant gram still coming on. He still follows the program's Instagram. Come on. Now he unfollowed. He canceled and unfollowed. I hope he comes on.

He has to come on. Then he unfollowed us. I will say he unfollowed us individually, but does still follow the podcast. So he looks at us better as a unit than individually. So how do you guys check if somebody unfollowed you? Matt's a lunatic. The most insecure person of all

time. It is funny, though, when you get to see it, and it's like you get mad about the person you haven't talked to since high school that unfollowed you. It's like what the fuck's this bitch is problem. Yeah, and all I do is post shitty flyers of awful shows. I'm doing it's a deadly cycle, the same thing that goes through my head every single time. It's like oh, that girl I haven't seen since sophomore English just unfollowed me. What the fuck's her? I was like, oh, I get it. Yeah, and then every single time that happens, yeah, it does break my heart, though, for some reason haven't seen since sophomore English just unfollowed me. What the fuck's her problem? I was like, oh, I get it. And then every single time that happens. It does break my heart, though, for some reason.

When I see somebody that I, like, it'll show you, like, a lot of times it's people I don't follow that just unfollow me, but when we mutually followed each other and they do it, I'm like, what did I do? Like, what's wrong? It hurts. You show up at their door. Yeah, I really. Was it the clip I posted?

I take it as such disrespect. Like, you ever do a show with someone, you, like, do just as well, you hit it off, you follow them, they don't follow you back? Oh, yeah. Fuck you. Who the fuck do you think you are?

But then you want to unfollow them, but then you're like, oh, they're going to see it. Yeah, and then I'm like, well, I don't want to look like I just followed you, so you follow me back. Yeah. But I do take it as disrespect. Watch your fucking back.

Yeah. Well, I can always tell disrespect. Watch your fucking back. Yeah. Well, I can always tell who's the little sassy bad girls. Whoever has their following under 1,000, I'm like, that's intentional because I do it. The ratio. It's all about the ratio. Yeah. I'd be lying if I said I didn't keep an eye on it.

Thank God, dude. I know I wasn't the sassiest little girl in the club. No, no. Shaking ass, throwing ass back. Did you guys... Wait. You guys are some of the older guys I've ever known. Did you guys used to go to clubs, or was it just dive bars? I used to go to... In eighth grade?

Huh? No. Whenever you went. When I was in high school, shampoo nightclub used... Yeah, I was going to say shampoo over in Philly. Shampoo would have an 18 and overnight. Dude, Dan wasn't interested. There was a dance club down there.

I was like, too old. These hags. Dan was like, I'm trying to shampoo 18 and under. Actually, no, it wasn't 18 and over. It was 18 and under. There was no alcohol surgery. It was at like 4 o'clock on a Saturday. Dan's like, you can take all the prom pictures you wanted,

and nobody ever said anything to you. I was dating this rich girl from Voorhees when I was a senior, and she was a sophomore, and she wanted to be a fucking Kardashian, and that's where she wanted to go. I was like, oh. Yeah, shampoo. Didn't it burn down, too? Imagine Dan

at shampoo in a Hawaiian shirt and fucking Under Armour sneakers. No, dude. That was back in the day when I had the custom Nikes that had my nickname D-Dog on the side of them. I would wear Reggie Bush jerseys in the club.

It just said D-Dog. D-O-G or A-W-G? No, D-O- no do double G. You know I roll yeah Reggie Bush, Jersey, looks like you have a stutter. Wait was shampoo the one that was at a Sahara Sam's. No, no, this was on Columbus Boulevard. There was one in Turnersville that's now like a trampoline park, but it was like club extreme. I think it was the name of that was that was I think that was a harris. I used to go. I went there a couple of times and it was literally they would do a thing. It was a water park. Huh? Is there a water park?

Yes, the name a kid died there like two years ago. Yeah, it was my boy dude. He went out on top. Was his name Sam? Why did they change it? Yeah, why were you riding on like a boogie board? He liked it. They used to do a thing where they would drop foam and it was just like the horniest 15-year-olds. Yeah, you get pink eye. One time,

me and all my friends, we dressed up like Guidos in high school for no reason and we went to Sahara Sam's and just like started a bunch of dance circles. You're like, actually,

we fought a ginger from Gloucester Catholic. No, you beat the shit out of Matt. He was wearing moccasins. I would wear moccasins at that time. You're such a fucking idiot, dude. You have no idea what you're talking about. Why would you say that?

Dude, I wore flannels and had a buzz cut. You wouldn't even have been able to tolerate me. I had a tall girl touch me on the penis. You can't handle me. You literally couldn't. That place was disgusting. One time I watched my buddy make out with a girl, and the girl came out.

She thought it would be hot. She would go in the water. We were like 14 or 15 and she went in the water with him, made him go in and then she made him go underwater a lot and he couldn't breathe good. So like and he always he was one of those kids like remember the kids in middle school that like always were congested at all times.

Yeah, this was Matt. You just see snot in the water running. Yeah, and she did a thing where she like thought it'd be cool to like whip her hair up, but it didn't look as good as she wanted the first time. So to make it worse, she did it four more times. And each time, Eddie would be like, that's really sick. Each time the hair hit him in the face, every time she came up, he's like,

oh, wow. Dude, if you want to hit the high eye with me here. So I imagine you pee out of your butt, right? Because where else would you? Dude, I had diarrhea a couple weeks ago, and I was literally pissing out of my ass. Oh, yeah. You guys ever have that? Yeah. Oh, the underside of literally pissing out of my ass. Oh, yeah. Did you ever have that?

Yeah. Oh, the underside of the toilet gets all nasty for your wife to clean up. Have you ever had a stomach bug, and you have that split-second decision where you have to figure out, am I going to puke into the toilet or shit into the toilet? I've never had the two at the same time. Oh, I had it. I had it about a month and a half ago.

Oh, it's the worst. It was two weeks after Jack was born. I got some crazy virus. It was the second week. Dude, you had it. I had it about a month and a half ago. It's the worst. It was two weeks after Jack was born. I got some crazy virus. Second week. Dude, you're in. Just get ready because the next two years, you're in for just being kind of sick for the next two years. I'm still in and out of it.

My body's in tip-top condition right now. Mine's a temple, but... You're withering away. Yeah. Sometimes temples wither. Me and Dan are the epitome of health, dude, without having kids. Look at us, away. Yeah, sometimes temples wither me and damn it. The opinion of what country without having kids look at us to your temples withering and ours is standing strong like Jeffrey Epstein. Our bodies built like a temple university. Come on. It's been held back a couple of years. Yeah,

because we're trying to get we're trying to get the Sarah Hams, Sarah where the boobies are. That's right. Sahara Hams, brother. Yeah, dude. But yeah, no. Sahara Hams changed their name. They had to do a little rebrand. Every day after that, your friend died. They changed it to a pig instead of a kangaroo.

Yeah. Water parks are... I don't know. What about Georgia? You went to Clementon Park? That's king of the water park. I went to Clementon Park once. I used to work at Moray Spear Water Park in Wildwood. You're not foreign enough.

You had to be foreign to work there. You do look Russian, though. Did you talk with an accent when you were there? Yeah. Like speaking no English type of thing? Yeah. Yeah. I would try to do Russian accent. Was it mostly Russians you worked with? A lot of Russians and then all over. Countries I had never heard of at that point.

It was like Albania, other stuff. One of the Slovakias. I still keep in touch with a couple of kids from Ireland. They're pretty cool. That is pretty sick. What state did you work at, Maurice Peer? They alternate you.

Me and... You're right. It's all foreigners. If you're an American and you're interviewed, they're like, we'll hire you right away. You're the diverse hire. They're like, we just need somebody who fucking speaks English. We gotta have somebody in the books, all these fucking immigrants. Literally, so they

have shallow guards and deep guards, self-explanatory. Me and my buddy from high school, we interviewed together and you had to take a swim test to be a deep guard. So you swim a bunch of laps and then you have to tread with a brick over your head for a couple of minutes.

I'm coming off of senior year of high school so fucking out of shape. I'm like, I'll just be a shallow guard. Me and my buddy, we look at each other and we're like, let's just toss the brick. We're like, fuck this. They came up to us afterward. They're like, guys, we're just going to have you be deep guards because we need more

Americans. Brendan Donegan, Maurice Peer, deep guard. Literally didn't pass the test. We're willing to take the risk. Are Brendan and I the only lifeguards, former lifeguards on the program? Yeah, I've never guarded life. Camp counselors are so close, but not quite a lifeguard.

Yeah, no. Never a lifeguard. What sort of camp? Just kids, different kinds of kids, kids of all races, all right, white kids really fast, can't speak in my language that we're talking which one I connect in in Medford. That was some of their nicknames. Yeah, here of the bleep out that were careful. Dang, it's awfully close. Yeah, awfully close. I was talking about this weekend.

I'm going to digger land in Berlin. You guys yeah, that's that's awfully close. Awfully close. I was talking about this weekend. I'm going to Diggerland in Berlin. Have you guys been there? Yeah, that's not fair. Yeah, that's like a third world country. We took our camp there one time, and this was unbelievable. So we took the camp there one time. It was the hottest day of the year. Diggerland.

Jesus. Jesus, guys. It's DL. Yeah, DL. Okay, yeah. We took the kids to DL, and they were loud in the movie theater and stuff. Okay. What was it like? I need to know.

I'm going there with two kids Saturday. Genuinely, there's only a few places that are covered by awnings, and there's no place that you can go inside. If there's anything that's there, like the arcade is just a gazebo over top of the arcade. Everything else is completely uncovered. So it was like probably 98 degrees this day, and they only have like three water fountains throughout the entire park so our our directors

of our camp start like panicking because kids are going up and like i can't breathe it's like eight-year-old kids so our our camp directors had to drive to the nearest wawa which mind you this thing is in the middle of fucking nowhere drive to the nearest wawa and they had to buy like 10 gallons of wawa water and they're just going up to the kids and dumping it into the mouth everybody's wearing a like a t-shirt that says the name of the camp all the kids have the t-shirt on so this is a big advertisement of like do you want your kids to die of dehydration in the middle of the summer i'm just dying i've been dying laughing

dan just saying d land and just you chugging a forty. You're like, so what's it like there? I got to bring my gun. So I mean, were the actual attractions good? No, dude, it was literally like you just watch a construction site. It's a construction site

that labor. They're like, yeah, we need a whole dog over there. Could you guys? It's just it's the highway over. It's seventy six. A lot of these kids are like low income kids, and it was like they're like yeah, we need a whole dog over there. Could you guys just it's just it's the highway over the it's seventy six. A lot of these kids are like low income kids and it was like they're like. Do you want to ride a forklift and they're like my dad does that he doesn't talk to me a lot. I got a do on one. He's the coolest. He hits my mom like this. How long ago were you there for the camp? This was probably like almost 10 years ago.

Oh, okay. All right. So we have a chance that the business practices might have changed. All right. It's D-Ga-L-A-N. Dan is turning into like this William Montgomery character. Yeah. Anytime I listen back to our podcast, I'm like, Dan will slip in something that goes

completely unnoticed in the moment. And I'm like, just the local references that... You did the same thing though i'll go back and look i was like oh fuck that was good i was just fucking you're you're just fully autistic for south jersey yeah yeah i am that i am the epitome yeah yep i am ready to go did you guys know that the only when he starts a sentence like this i love it the only name in the mambo number five why is your wedding ring like magic the Gathering looking? Oh, because I lost the original one and I went to hit reorder on Amazon.

$35 came with the engraving. This wasn't gold initially. It was just like the same color as the ring and it came to me gold. I was like, oh, did I choose a different color? I don't fucking know. So Mambo No. 5, the hit single from Lou Beg in 1996. The only name in there...

Yeah, don't let them know every stat. You know this fact. The only name that he mentions throughout the't like, you know, every stat, you know, this fact the only name that he mentions throughout the song that didn't end in an a was Mary. Did you know that? Anyway, I thought this would be a South Jersey fact the whole time. No, no, no, just a full fun. You just got you just went like a little bit trump on that one. Yeah, you know this. We all know we all know I do.

I do talk like an Italian with my your rain man for pointless facts. I am. Definitely was Mary. I am. I am. That definitely was Mary. I feel like such a slut with so much of my legs exposed. I've been there, brother. It feels let it let it let it go.

I like that. You can rest your fast and loose. There's a few episodes. If you look back where Matt's on the verge of a ball slipping, I think I've had a ball slip, but these beautiful angels that you worked with at the Wildwood Boardwalk, the Wildwood Boardwalk. The Russian-Ukrainian ones? You see Russian princesses.

When you're like 11 years old, and I would be sitting there, and maybe this is translated in my adult life, but just waiting for a woman to tell me to go down the water slide, and she's like, go. Legitimately, that was the first time I met people from Ukraine and realized that that was a country. I was like, what do you mean? I was like, you have a Russian accent.

Like, Ukraine's a place, and I learned a lot. It's like, come back to me in a decade, and we'll see. You mean Russia, dumbass? What have you guys done lately? They were like, and our walls will never be penetrated. Remember that. Did you hear their Vladimir put me in the deep end? I remember just a quick little water park story.

We would guard as... I feel like I should talk to them. I mean, what's the... Nah, you couldn't pay me. A little man on the street. We're just podcasting. No big deal. We got about 118 subscribers.

Ladies, that was an honorary deep guard of the Wildwood Board of Law. That's going to open the window. John. Oh, here we go. I was going to tell them it's called the That Rules Podcast. Look it up. Yeah, you got a promo. I think I just hurt my finger. That window that windows only caused me doing a sign out there to say like John was trying to escape for his life. He's hanging on a second.

Boobs and butts and boobs and butts promote the cast. You fucking perverts. Yeah, I did. Dan, say something autistic again. Yeah, anyway,. Dan, say something autistic again. Anyway, fun fact about Wildwood. It was actually founded in 1854. And actually, no. Tell your lifeguard story, water park story. So as an honorary deep guard, I'd be guarding the one that was called the Shotgun Falls.

Oh, yeah. Talk about where it's a drop off. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's pretty deep. So it's a 12-foot pool. Back scraper. Yeah. We can call it that. They don't put a lot of water in that Oh yeah. It's pretty deep. So it's a 12 foot pool. Back scraper. Yeah.

We can call it that. They don't put a lot of water in that fucking slide. It hurts. Yeah. Anything else before I can? Nope. 12 foot pool. So obviously like gotta be,

you know, strong swimmer. And like the amount of people that would come up to me, there was one guy that came up to me the one time. He goes, yo, do you think I'll be alright in this? And I'm like, well, it's 12 feet of pool.

Can you swim? And he's like, no. Are you 12 feet tall? Exactly right. Exactly the punchline. Kind of took the wind out of my sails there. I hope you weren't planning on finishing a story tonight. It's not only the can you swim, but when you hit that water,

you got all the water that was coming behind you, pushing you down even further. There's a bit of a current. People think like, oh, water park lifeguard. The reason I took the job is it'll be chill. You get to just kind of relax. You're saving people all fucking day. It's not true saves.

It's just like you have to get the little fucking fat kids out of the way who are like on the mat. And then there's a 500-pound guy coming down like soaring behind him. Yeah, and that's the worst scenario to have to swim in. You just hit the water going the fastest you've ever gone on water. Get out of the way. Get out of the way.

And you've got to jump in. It's freezing. You're like, fuck. That was your Vietnam. Yeah. Yeah, but the trade-off is beautiful, sweet Ukrainian girls. Dude, I remember it was kind of one of those. You got a lot of pen pals.

Really? Yeah. I only saw the slim, slim gyms. The ones working at the Coors Ice Cream. Coors, yeah. Were they Swedish or Russian? French Canadians sometimes. What's the difference?

They were blonde and white. Let's just. We went with my family last year. French can we went? What's the difference? They were blonde and white. We was with my family like last year and there was like watching them as adults. You realize how miserable they are your family or the Russians, maybe all parties involved, but you would watch them like this girl bill and bumper cars just thinking about like her war torn cut. She's like have your fun. Really, I was in, car bumps you.

I remember they were doing like safety training too. It was a huge class of people. It was like literally people from all over the country and like a couple of American kids. And they're going over training. It's like a pretty extensive, they have to certify you and everything. And they're like, they have like fake babies at the bottom of the pool that you're supposed

to identify to be like, if someone's drowning at the bottom of the pool that you're supposed to identify. It'd be like if someone's drowning at the bottom of the pool, like a small kid, you have to be able to see them. So it's like pretty obvious. You're like, yup, right there, right there. They go to the one. Dead, dead, dead, dead.

The one Russian guy who just, he had like the worst attitude, surprise, surprise. And they're just going to him and they're like, and you do it in front of the whole class and they're like, all right, you see anything whole class and they're like all right you see anything unusual and it just goes i see nothing there's like my content

i see nothing statistically no babies make you fail and i guess you have to go back to russia like that's a pretty realistic wildwood scenario though like a guy i'm like yo i fucking dropped my baby yeah lazy ass river I'm going to go get some airbrush work done. My baby's floating as hell in the lazy ass river. It's speaking of wildwood. We talk about earlier. Of course I brought up a fucking news article, so why can't we can put it up on this bad? It's only yeah, wildwood bands, alcohol and beach and boardwalks for real. Oh yeah, isn't there a bar on the beat or on the boardwalk?

They're very well. Yeah, there is some saw this. Isn't there a bar on the boardwalk? They're very well-made. Yeah, there is. We've done some shows. Captain Jack's, right? Yeah. It's right on the boardwalk. Yeah, I got nine shows canceled there. Look at that one, the first one there. The quote from the mayor in here is just so Wildwood. It's incredible. If you just scroll down. Yeah, dude, not for nothing,

but we're not allowed to drink on this fucking beach anymore. He also owns the Mr. Softness. Keep going down. Keep going down past that. One woman commented and then the mayor, drinking has always been illegal on the beach and boardwalks from like the beginning of time. All this is done as given.

So wait, wait. Common sense would tell you if they bring beer. Common sense would tell you these people didn they bring beard common sense would tell you these people didn't bring the beer to exercise with it they're drinking it wow that's an amazing insight from the mayor of wildwood this is like anybody from any other states but i guarantee everybody new jersey is a fucking retard and they read this and they're like no but you see what we were talking about earlier following in line with cil cities and ocean cities stepped the crack down on unruly teens. They now designate

underage drinking, alcohol possession, and other offences as breach of peace violations. You can be fined up to two grand. You're fucked. That's how you get them, isn't it? That's unruly teens. That's how you get them. I used to be able to lure them in with a few mics hard, but now that's not going to be dance hard. Not anymore. A couple mics hard, body surfing for the video.

Yeah, dude. I got a $600 fine for having a backpack full of beer walking in wildwood dude just on the boardwalk no you're walking down the street finds of two thousand dollars potential 90 days in jail could you imagine being in a cumberland county jail for 20 or 90 days somebody just saw wildwood beefed up drinking they're like yo beef and beers let's fucking go, dude. I love that it says, are people still going to bring alcohol to the beach?

Fucking probably, dude. We're looking for the worst offenders, you know? My buddy Stretch got like the first week we moved into our Wildwood house when we graduated high school. My buddy Stretch, he got... You're really driving home the Stretch name. Yeah, we get it, dude.

He's got a cool nickname. He's running down the street with a sign that he just picked up. That's so Stretch. Classic high school move. And he had unpaid parking tickets and he got thrown in Gateway County jail the first week we moved in. Oh my God.

I had a friend who ripped a sign out of a church lot and got caught and had to go to nine court hearings about it. Damn. Was that Paul Carson? Let's just say his name rhymes with Zach Comer,

the guy that left me who lives with me, Zachcomer.com. Can I read this paragraph towards the end here? In 2018, Wildwood police approached a 20-year-old Philadelphia woman on the beach and questioned her about some nearby alcohol. They also asked her to take a breathalyzer test. The woman passed the test and the alcohol wasn't hers,

but an altercation ensued and a police officer pulled her hair, slammed her to the ground and punched her. This video went viral. This video was like the fucking, the best thing from last summer. Yeah. A cop pulling a Philadelphia woman's hair. Sorry, not the best thing.

That was a weird way to say that. No, that's just like Wildwood as fuck. You need something like that just to keep the reputation. Am I right? Yeah. I mean, of course, the guy who wrote the article's last name is Nark. Oh, my God. I know who that is. It was our chemistry teacher's son.

Sorry, Mr. Nark. I write stories about the outdoors. Humble brag. That's not cool. Yeah. Yeah. I remember the Russians used to snort vodka. That was the first time I had ever snorted.

I've heard of people doing that. They would get those little tiny vodka things. What's a vodka thing? Actually, fuck. My roommate in college did that before. Yeah, like little shooters that you get at the counter. Yeah, you fill up the cap, right? Oh, my goodness.

They would do the full shoot. Oh. Like they were crazy. I'm like, well, that can't. They're like, yeah, straight to the brain. Let me introduce you to a Whippet. Let me introduce you to this crazy concept called your mouth. Just pour it into your mouth.

They watch you take a shot normal. They're like, what the fuck? I think I would rather put a shooter in my ass than snort. But I didn't miss his nose again. Yeah, I couldn't. Let me drive you 40 minutes north to Atlantic City, and we're going to buy some crack. Yeah, they just boof it.

That's it. He is unbreakable. Yeah. We're going to do crack in the bathroom on the second floor of resorts above the Margaritaville Bar. So specific. Not that I've been there, but it is a nice bathroom. They have TVs above the urinals for all the gamblers.

I like it. What do the TVs above the urinals do for gambling? They have sports games on them, and you can just sit there, and you're like, wow, good sports games. All the sports games, man. Sports games, guys running, doing different kind of things. You know any sports games, Spence? Sports games that got badminton on

at 3 a.m.? Pretty costumes. All these kinds of guys. Big, juicy butts. Can you look up the video of the transgender ice skater? He's on fire. Transgender, you got to watch this video. I saw this earlier.

I haven't seen this. This is actually incredible. We'd love to check it out. Hilariously bad trans figure skater. I mean, not ice skater, figure skater. Fast forward to the actual, not the commentary. Oh, good. Yeah, guys with our haircut should have a Matt Walsh video. Yeah, great. We just go to the actual

video up a little bit more right here, right here, right? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Now watch this. This is Jim Carrey in the two to an Asian. Is that Roseanne bar? Is this Disney on ice? Just wait because it's going to make a look at that name Mina Marina Akatina. I don't even know, but watch going for the triple cow cell and now

do that's a liberal plant. Dude, they're like everybody was like they're going to be fucking guys going to become girls and when all the sports and then they're like, are they really? Yeah, yeah, this is a sure about that one. Dude, the woman that's holding the finland flag has to help them up and then it's like grabbing the flag and it's like i got it look if you're gonna do that just be more transparent about it. Yeah, well the girl handed the flag was like. I think you're finished. I think that's

that's pretty much the video. It was just a matter of you guys ever been ice skating. Yeah, you guys pull up. This is what Dan does in his free. So what else we got? The amount of research I do ahead of time for programs like dance poor wife dude. He's blacked out in their basement. He's like babe. They got a fucking trans. It's like I recently got into mushrooms and weed animals and I have been going down some you do rabbit holes. You look like you have a crown royal bag just full of random words, and you pull them out, and you're like, short,

alien, Deptford, retard. All right, Google. Trans, ice skater, YouTube. That's my night. If I don't finish this, can I take it to go? I just need a brown bag. Yeah, of course. Dan's like, I didn't drink this, can I take it to go? I just need a brown bag. Yeah, of course. Dan's like, I didn't drink till sophomore year in college.

This is what happens when you don't let your kids drink until they're 20 years old. Have you thought, plenty of thought into that yet? Like being a dad, like what are you, are you going to let your kid experiment with like drugs? Now there is a distinction here. It goes boy, dad, girl, dad. Have that one out. That's a good point. But even, so yeah, I mean,

that could be a whole nother episode. Make a date. But even on the surface, they could, but I mean. I hope they do. Here's what I'm thinking. You drank in high school, right? Yeah. Now, look at the success of two guys that drank.

Right. And kind of like figured out what they're doing. You gotta fuck up a little bit. By the time we got to college, we were ready to be fathers. Dude, that was so... Look at these rejects.

I know. Still experimenting. Not a sip. You make a valid point. Still experimenting with themselves. Looking up trans ice skating in their free time. We're responsible fathers. Your kid's name has four letters, dude.

You couldn't think of more fucking letters for a name, dude? Look, I can tack on some letters. If I was going to have a kid, I would think of so many fucking letters, dude. No way, dude. If I was going to have a kid, I would think of so many fucking letters, dude. No way, dude. If I'm going to have a kid, I'm going to name him Matt. Your name's Matt. You.

You dumbass bitch. Wait, there's three Ts? Oh, really? Now I'm a dumbass bitch. My son's name is Jacqueline Donegan. You pussy. Yeah, my eighth grade girlfriend's name was Jacqueline. And I miss her a whole goddamn lot.

That is true, though. This is what happens. If you drank out of a Poland spring bottle with brandy in it in the woods you stole from somebody's dad in high school, you turn out to be an okay dad. You didn't do it. You guys just were fucking... You just can't let your kid drink and do ATVs. That's true.

They can either drink or they can do ATVs. They can't do both. For real, though. My daughter's not going to be in the X Games. I'm not allowing that. Yeah, you live in college, but you're not going to have... But seriously, drinking in high school, by the time I got to college, I was kind of like, all right.

Yeah. Kind of like, I'm not going to drink. I really put my foot down on the fucking gas pedal in college drinking, too. Well, I did, too, but I knew how to handle my drunk self. Right. Not that I knew how to- The only roommate I had that died was he overdosed. Okay, I take back everything I said. Yeah yeah i only had one roommate that was after college he he was the one

who like in high school was never allowed to have a drop of alcohol was never allowed to party yeah those kids came to college and he was just like what is weed and we were like oh yeah man it's cool like you just smoke and you hang out that turned into like now i'm gonna drink every night after he graduated college is like'm going to get into music festivals and end up fucking overdosing and dying. Yeah. His parents were like fucking button down Christian all through high school. Yeah, that's right.

You got to let them fuck up a little bit. I kind of fucked up. This is after college. That's like, this reminds me of a funny story. My friend that died. Thinking about your friend that fucking overd that like an overdose one of my friends did die in a car accident but uh yeah anyway uh there was after after college we i had like a work a different a different job i used to have uh we had to do like a month-long work thing and it was

just like a bunch of people fresh out of college so we all just got to like hang out for like a month in a different state it was pretty cool but the one girl that i knew was like pretty like her family was like pretty devoutly muslim so she's like oh i never drank blah blah so like on weekends we would just all go out and get hammered and she was like oh this is cool so then like one night it was like a wednesday and a couple of us like got together and just drank in our room and then after like everybody went back had another drink and she was like you guys go back to the room and have another drink and we're like yeah and she was like oh that's cool i'm gonna go do that too and then the rest of the trip every night she's like i've been drinking tonight

yeah and i was like you guys heard about these things called pills oh no that that's how it goes it's like the person that they they just discover and they're like whoa yeah and then three months later they're like i have to go to florida for a few few months yeah yeah you ever snorted Vicodin before yeah wait so all pills are snortable yeah yeah big boy drugs always scared me I've never messed with any of those would you

consider big boy drugs cane cocaine cocaine yeah that was very fun huge very short seven years but after now that you can't like you have to bring on that around a test kit with you. Yeah, every so many good business ideas. Every

seven years, your taste buds change. Yeah, what's that? Every seven years, your taste buds change. You got a fact. Yeah, you moved on. We're just autistic guys with no kids. Yeah, amazing. I think buffalo sauce tastes like vomit. Now I like it a lot. Really? I pretty I stayed. I used to fit to it. I've always loved blue cheese and anybody that fucks with ranch. I cut them now. I like it a lot really. I pretty I stayed. I used to fit so true to it. I've always loved blue cheese and anybody that fucks with

ranch. I cut them off. I delete. I love like that. You thought you had to tell us that you like blue cheese like we didn't know. It looks like I have blue cheese in my cargo shorts pockets, right? I think I always keep a spare on me. He saw the forties like you guys don't have blue cheese here. Yeah, the only one here that still wears cargo shorts? Are they? Yes. I just kind of dress like a hot guy. I just don't have enough stuff to carry.

Matt's wearing a sweater in full. Careful. Careful. I got like nine on the chamber, dude. He's going to feed you to the dogs out there. Did you see some of those girls walking by? It's cold in here. I'm an old man.

It's cold in here. I always come here and I'm always very cold. So I know to bring a little cover up. You're slimming in a good way, but also you drop in LBS. He looks gone. Yeah, yeah, felt some are saying no one's. I don't know. I almost look sickly. I feel like we need to get a I told him together. He's got a male. I mean, I think you look sick about me is my fucking hair. Now is all I'm not too long. I'm a type. Nope, nope,

certainly not certain to look like a beach boy. You need to know I'm going full flow.. Nah, it's too long. I'm going to tell you that. Nope, nope. Certainly not. You're starting to look like a beach boy. No, I'm going full flow now. I'm going teenage hockey player. You're going to learn how to surf. No, I'm going to pretend. I'm going to pretend real good. Dude, you don't even have to surf. I can talk surf. I'm like, yo, look at that. Just take a board and go out and sit on the board.

That's what they do all day anyway. Or I just am always stretching on the beach. Nobody really ever watches if you go in the water. I'm always just down by the board. I up on the board just trying to get on dry land i i have yet to see anybody ride an actual wave at the jersey shore on a surfboard yeah there's definitely a bunch of no there's like two guys that's it it's definitely philly trash that gets there like six o'clock in the morning they get out there they're freezing they're not having fun yeah they get into the water like how the fuck do you do this and their bio

and their Instagram is like sir life. They post a couple of reels that are fourteen seconds long of them just paddling out nothing else that chicken stone harbor just got her tootsie bit by a shark and we covered that story. Yeah, you guys got to tune into the pop. Yeah, we cover it

in a server. A girl got her just the foot bit by a shark in Stone Harbor and it looked like a pretty good chomp on those dogs and it she's just like yeah, I probably won't go in the water anymore this summer, but I'll be back out there next year and I mean it looked like a pretty sizable

chunk. I don't know what kind of shark it was. Maybe a Mako. She's right off those. It sounds like a newscaster that never made it. He just like continues to talk in that way. The teleprompter is just fucked up and it keeps running. I'm sending them. I just stopped the teleprompter. It's like I've applied for jobs at 6 ABC

for years. I've even kidnapped Rick Williams twice and I still can't get hired. So now I'm just doing stuff next to the pack. Oh, yeah. One of those hot girls that was this gentleman up for grabs. Yeah, but that's all you're going to keep. We're trying to get you guys blacked out. We're trying to make love to you guys. Dude, let's do the Brewers after this. Every time I hang

around you guys on this road, we get fucking hung over the next morning. Yeah, I wonder what it is by the fact that we just get hammered and go to Brewers and then... Hey, speaking of... It reminds me with Brewers, we got to put together the next re-up lineup. Who are you thinking for the re-up lineup? It's going to be July because

Zach, a five-minute spot? Zach, I'll totally put you up if you want to. I've got two minutes of material. You want to do it? You want to do it? I'll put you up. Fucking put Jay on there, too. Put both of these fellas. If you're willing to do it, please do it. You don't have to answer now, but if you want it, it's yours. Give him like three to five minutes.

Whatever you want to do, I'll put you up. I'll put you in a regular spot if you want. Go practice spikes in. Yeah, you don't have to answer now. Whatever you want to do, I'll put you up. I'll put you in a regular spot if you want. Go practice spikes in. Yeah, yeah. You don't have to answer now. It's going to be one. I'm ready. You guys ever seen a whore

get a pap smear or whatever the fuck? He does that. That is a fun joke that I still enjoy because that's a true story where he did a joke. Zach is funny

and would be good. We've talked about this many a times who would be good at stand-up but also respect you for being like, I don't need to do this. I've told him so many times I was like, you would be good. We've talked about this many times. He would be good at stand-up, but also respect you for being like, I don't need to do this. I've told him so many times, I was like, you would be a good comic. And he was like, everything you do seems awful.

I'm like, oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I just got back from a music video with the Tony Luke. That's a perfect place. We're way past an hour. Wait a second. I got to finish this. Keep talking.

Can we get the scoop? While he chugs, you promote whatever you got coming up. Oh, yeah. Promote our shows coming up next week. I'd like to hear the... Are we wrapping it up? We can keep going. I mean, it's up to you guys.

You want to talk tone? I could lightly talk about it. I feel like you got to kick an episode off with that. I'd love to hear it. So we'll be back next week, but talk about our shows. We've got a couple things going on. We can keep cooking. I didn't mean to cut it off. Oh yeah, no, no.

You can also just hang out and drink and talk after too. Tell your wives that we're still podcasting. Yeah, not going back to my show. Jay's fucking recorder broke again. We recorded an entire hour and a half that didn't actually save, so we've got to do it again. Jay brings a literal recorder from middle school. Yeah, now I got to remember where I plugged on my n words. All right. So what are we? I'm

going to over here, Zach talking to his girlfriend, and I'm like they fucking booked me on a show. I don't know why I said yes to that. I got to start writing. I'm pretty sure I said no. They made me do it. Fuck the small one. He's like I can put you on. I'll put you on said no. They made me do it. Fuck. The small one. He's like, I can put you on. I'll put you on right away. Is it at the place that's really close to our apartment? So people will probably see me after that show.

Just walking around. Yes. He intimidated me with his calves. Sorry, Zach. Yeah, that is a bold move. Come into another man's house. Just fucking. It's hot in arms.

Yeah, dude. I'm fucking. I'm flashing. It's right. It is flashing all bare in arms. Yeah, dude. I'm fucking flashing. It's his right. It is his right. Flashing all the cannons tonight. But yeah, Dan and I got booked for some South Jersey shows next weekend with South Jersey comedy promoters.

Yeah, one of Conan O'Brien's head writers. We're going to be doing an Irish comedy night at the Fire Hall in Pittman, New Jersey on Friday the 2nd. And then we're going to be going with the same cast of characters. Brian Kiley is his name. And we're going to be going to Atlantic City Country Club on Saturday.

And yeah, those two. And then on the 1st, the June 1st, Thursday, we're with Mark Riccadonna, Ready, Set, Joke. Doing an improv show. It's an improv show. It's very similar to Paul Provenza's the set list. You guys have probably seen that on

Showtime. Yeah, yeah, so it's his version of that and they basically give you a topic on a screen and you just have to riff on it. So it's me, Brandon, Steve. I thought you meant for a second. You guys are going to do improv. No, this isn't. They're going to know. I like I thought you were going to be like, all right, we need we need a funny place

and two men's names from the audience. Give us two men's names. Where's Drew Carey? Yes, and I'm gay. The location is Diggerland Amusement Park. Deal. The location is Diggerland and the name is more than four letters.

So we are doing that show at the Rivet, I think it's pronounced, Canteen and Assembly. I got Allentown tomorrow, New York Comedy Club Saturday, and re-up July. I think we're going to do July 24th. Okay. July 24th.

Maybe not. I'll reconfirm. But keep an eye out on Instagram for the re-up show on Had and Av. Next show is in July. We couldn't do it in June, so we're going to pick it back up. You could probably hit that place with a rock from here. I have a don't like it. I don't like cars. Yeah, we should do it. Maybe not this next one, because I still want to get like some some other people on, but we

should do maybe just say fuck it and do the whole South Jersey bad boys crew. I'm in just do a full white. I like that you're saying it like I'll talk to the guy, see if I can make it happen. See if I can schedule it. Talk to some managers. Do we dare? I say we rip a live pod from there. Not a bad idea.

I got a couple actually business suggestions I want to talk to you guys at the pod about something similar to that. Can we air it out? It's not that interesting. We don't want people taking the ideas and they're not copyrighted yet. Yeah, I do have a sketchy lawyer

sketchy lawyer is working on the paperwork. He's just drunk as us as well right now. If that's a good drunk as a digger land, I'm going to English. I finished my old English. Let's just take a record of that. Can we get eyes on this? Yeah, can we get eyes on that? Can we zoom in on that? That's a real

that you have to take it with you and pee in it the whole drive home. Yeah, I just felt like Michael Strahan on good morning America when he holds up like somebody's book for the next upcoming guest and he has to hold it up and you see his buck teeth in the backgrounds that make if a cop pulls you over, you should watch a good man to show me. I'm going to put this in my cup holder as a suit. It's like I feel like such Kelly Ripa right now. I'm such a Kelly ripa wait. You had a pretty good Regis Philbin impression. I had a good one. You guys let's do a regis off. I don't

do regis. You did reach us one time. No, I don't think so. I threw it on your podcast. Yeah, I think it was that was it. Oh, by the way, nobody's talked about this, but I went. I look at you guys podcast. It's I appreciate you guys are still trying it. I forgot that you were on. I bet you you didn't go ahead. Check out South Jersey bad boys, click videos and then click popular daddy's in the top two for somebody's

watching actually wait a second. Somebody's got a lot of time. The most popular full video is mad on the seaside heights boardwalk. Yeah, you skip that. Now I will say he was talking to teenagers and I cut that part out. The second part is the second video was them to talk about shitting themselves. Honestly, all of our most watch videos is when the four of us are on a pocket together.

You should probably start doing this. Number three, when was you were talking about those midgets that robbed the best spot in Mount Laurel? Yeah, they got arrested for murder in Baltimore. Well, I for everybody in on the news, those two midgets and yeah, they were one. They kill a couple of squirrels. They took their nuts. Yeah, oh, this is the type of stuff that you can get out. Jersey bad boys on YouTube backslash printed out to get comedy on it. Yeah, join the followers and the fan club will be over there. That on Instagram. Join the followers in the fan club. We'll be over there.

That's the name of the followers in the fan club. I think this one through South Jersey. Baddie is what we call it. We call them baddies. We call them thought dogs. We call them all types of stuff, but come on over. We've had a few of us. What's in your ass this week? Yeah, usually a lot of people tell us what's in their ass this week.

Every time you guys come on here, it just starts. We almost end it and then it turns into you guys just starting a South Jersey. Bad boys up. We need a one, two, three cut. Thanks for listening. I'm the best guy of all time. Good night. No fun, nobody, no fun, but time to level with them Dance No fun, nobody, no fun, but time to level with them Dance

No fun, nobody, no fun, but time to level with them Dance