That Rules Podcast - Episode #96: Dan Callahan “Borders of Barnes and Noble”

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

Dan Callahan of the South Jersey Bad Boys Podcast has returned yet again. And this time he means business.

We're talking about no cursing in the first minute. I see that happening a lot, and I don't know if it's just like Schultz does it and then everybody else follows suit. I feel like he could upload a reel of him taking a hot steamy dump and everybody else would be like, well, yeah, do it. I don't know, but I see. Have you seen the comedians that will upload stuff? I mean friends of ours to maybe it's a way to go. I don't

know if it's proven or not. They'll say the a word in their real and instead of putting a caption with the a word, they'll substitute it with of putting a caption with the a word they'll substitute it with but or something yes yeah i see that very often but like i'm like i don't even know if that's a thing right i see reels that have millions of views where they're doing the most obscene yeah i don't know if it matters or if it does because i'll see ones where they'll they'll say the word sex in it but they'll spell like s e g g s yeah yeah and i hate it because i

started doing that like instead of the f word i'll put f-a-w-k on like the things and i always did it just because i thought it looked cooler and funnier but it also like i guess fits into that well i i also i started doing the asterisk instead which is fine but then people will also beep out them saying it and a lot of the bigger names people that were railing against like if you want to be who you are, not be censored by mainstream this and late night TV, you can go online and do whatever you want, but now they're censoring themselves.

I just find that kind of humorous. It is funny. Well, I guess you got to just atone to Miss YouTube. Who's Miss YouTube? Just a big white lady who's upset? Yeah. Yeah. Who do you think the most famous YouTube lady is of all time?

I think she got her YouTubes tied, and she realized she could never be a mother and she's like I'm just going to be a really mean angry lady. I think it's a lady from that old mean that was like there was a fire and I got the bronchitis. I think that lady is the queen of YouTube. Oh, the woman that was caught off guard by the news reporter, right? Yeah, I got bronchitis. I don't know what it's always a black person getting interviewed on the street. What is the deal? There's always a man person getting interviewed on the street. What is the deal?

There's always... Cameramen and news reporters are all racist. That's basically what it is. My mom sends me some of the most insane responses from people, and most of the time it's like a black guy talking like out of his mind. I will say this. As much as it hurts that the Phillies run is done in the playoffs, I'm very glad to not have to watch drunk man on the street tailgate videos anymore.

What are you talking about? I love them, but the deeper the Phillies were getting into the playoffs, everyone was just trying to one-up the video before. Yeah. So they're like seeking people like Kyle and like, what's it, 856 Sports Entertainments or something. They're seeking them out now, and they're like, I'm going to go up there and tell them that I would lick my own

aunt's butthole for the Phillies to win a World Series. And then a guy comes up and he's like, I'll eat my aunt's butthole. Like they just see a lot of that butthole, right? Yeah, we can say, well, you do see a lot of like people one up in the man on the street or like people one up being like playing pickleball at City Hall. People are all trying to like

pickleball. Some people are doing it with crowd work. They're asking people what they do for a living it's kind of fuck are you some insane kind of jackass or something is that what this is all about dude no yeah but now the hacky thing is to go on podcasts and talk about people doing hacky crowd work and reels because everyone's going on podcasts now and saying yeah you gotta cut it out it's like fucking let people that is infuriating yeah i'm seeing a lot of that of people being like like any comedian nowadays and it's like wait this guy's wearing the red shirt and they i get what they're it's it's funny to make fun of it when you're somebody who goes to comedy shows yeah but it all i think it's just i'm going off of i had a real bad set of shows this past weekend

and some of the people in the audience so it was kind of fun some people in the audience felt like they were the type that like go to comedy shows and they sit like they're like at a paint gap painting gallery and just observe and they take it in like was that well crafted or was that trash were they all like under 25 years old they were all about 25 i've been noticing that anytime i do a show to anyone under 25 they sit like everyone sits cool now it was in northern liberty smart like cool smart i don't know yeah they were all in there and then this was kind of fun i was i was not doing well the first show and uh i had one of these and i had to do 15 minutes up top cold so like not only am i not doing great i'm

the first person they saw so they're definitely sitting there like is this the whole thing like is this how everybody is and i'm like there's a decent chance it is but it might not be and i was like all right guys i'm about to bring up your next comic and one of the dudes in the audience was like finally did it get a laugh? no well it's one of those ones where nobody's happy about anybody in the like it wasn't just me it felt like

at this point they're just sitting there with their angry wife that they thought this would be a fun date night and you know their big body husband there was a couple of girls that I thought that was going to be the same thing at the show that I did last week with old Smurdog up in Delran. There was a couple of girls,

they were probably in their early 20s that were sitting in the front row. And I was like, oh, this is going to be a problem. And they had the best time of their life and they came up after the show and were talking me and Pauly Carr's ears off. Dude, non-city white girls are some of the better audience members you can get.

Yeah. Yeah. But if you get city folk, them city folk over there, them big urban town centers. Yeah. With their electricity and running water. I added on doing the Don't Tell shows.

The first one was a younger crowd and very sober because it was seven o'clock. So nobody had enough time to get drunk yet. That was weird because it was like doing material to people that are already too young. And then they're not drunk. So they're not getting like fun with, I don't know. I did my 9-11 material, which is in every set. And I realized halfway through, I was like, oh, some of these kids weren't alive

when 9-11 happened. And I just asked, and they weren't. I don't think they were sitting there like, what the fuck is this old guy talking about? 9-0 what? That came out the other day. I referenced ASL. Do you remember that?

Yeah. I referenced that, and somebody was like, what does that mean? American Sign Language now. I'm just kidding. I was like, no, ASL is what you used to send to unsuspecting women in chat rooms where you were posing as a lesbian

and you thought you were talking to other lesbians. It was probably other grown men. Yeah. And you would say to them, what's your ASL? They would lie to you. You would lie to them. And then you would like get each other off. That's what some people did that I know of.

I would send each other pictures back and forth that were definitely just Britney Spears. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I still do that. I start every email at work with that thing. Toom and Ray Concern, ASL. Email my boss about ASL. And he'd be like, 44 and a dude. I still do that. I start every email at work with that. So this is a human. Make concern and my boss of a asl and he'd be like forty four and a dude. Please stop. Come on. Also, I need that fucking report and where are you at? What are you wearing? Speaking of hanky shit that pisses us

off, I will say to the phillies end of things, you probably realize this too because you played college baseball. What is it with people at the home stadium when the opposing team tries to pick off somebody on base? It's people that don't know baseball. It's 100% people that don't know baseball, and they take offense to the fact that they're doing a thing that's in the sport. Yeah.

It would be like if everyone booed a bounce pass in basketball. It's just part of the fucking sport. There was a guy on third, and Trey Turner's on first, who's fast, and he's known to steal bases, and the gets picked up run on a lot so he tries to pick him off twice and people are losing their mind and the stands just booing the shit out of them and i'm like that is a part of the game it's the same people that at a football game boo a team for taking a knee to run out the clock yeah they're like fucking play the game you coward they're like it's 42 to 10 like they're just trying to get out of here without someone's neck breaking

yeah yeah that type of stuff was driving me insane because I think the playoff games do they increase the like audience volume more than the announcers that's what it sounded like I think it was just that loud in Philadelphia yeah I mean it's it's raucous that's stuff sorry i don't i had this weird problem with my brain where that kind of like self what's the word self-effacing like once it felt like once the philly audience found out audience the philly crowd found out like oh they're talking about it's like we're the best audience then it felt like they were going and doing it to be like yeah we are the best audience as opposed to it being like an organic thing yeah and the annoying thing is is it's the same people that they didn't take that phillies t-shirt out of

their drawer till yeah september yeah and it's going back in their drawer now and you're not gonna see it again till the phillies make a run yeah which is fine but it's like they i saw a thing in uh over in england they they let like and like anyone that could like basically the general working public go sit wherever they want in a stadium so like they got to sit front row yeah instead of having to pay like thousands of dollars to sit front row and i think that all the time like you'd watch behind a baseball thing i'm like none of those people are the now they're fans of the game i won't say they're not like i know somebody who has second row tickets like his his girlfriend's parents have them yeah and like they're fans the game they go but it's like a lot of that is like

corporate bullshit and stuff but like if you were allowed to have those real fans come down and sit behind it would just be fucking mayhem yeah it wouldn't be able to broadcast games tons of ubers too because they don't know enough about licenses at all yeah oh yeah that's multiple warrants out I just kind of I looked at it just I I was like that that fillies run. I kind of I'm not a phillies fan, obviously, but I was kind of happy that they lost. It just felt like everybody was jerking themselves off. Yeah, jerking the team off, jerking themselves off, and you can only jerk off so many times until blood comes out dan yeah, that's right. No, how many times is that for you? Yeah,

multiple times and I like what you said that leaning into the audience, not even so much that, but like they have like philly has garnered this huge thing now where they are known to be assholes like these degenerate just like sports fans but they're insane so now everybody's leaning so hard into it and they're like well we got to boo at everything we got to throw d batteries at the umpires we got to so they kind of like and like, and that just to me is like, oh, like, all right, let's show the Rocky steps again and play the music. It's cool. It just feels like that.

It kind of gets annoying. Yeah, I agree. But it's so funny because if any of the everyone always acts like this is all new to it's like people have been drinking in parking lots in Philly for as long as these teams have been around. I think it's just different because it just felt like a lot of sports media was just like, this Philly crowd, man, I wouldn't want to. It felt like the nerdy kid, not the nerdy kid,

but maybe like the trailer trash kid got told, like, you're cool. And then the next day you came to school wearing a leather jacket and you're like, that's weird. So many people talking shit about the D-backs. I was like, I'm not even mad they lost to the D-backs. Look at their old school. They were a very good team purple and green. Oh yeah, purple and teal. They were the team that beat the Yankees after nine

eleven. How could you hate those guys? That's the one America's team. Yeah, it was the game to be America's team. Luis Gonzalez, you remember him, Randy Johnson, Curt Schilling, Jesus. I mean, how could you get mad at that team? You just see the guys last night behind their dugout wearing yeah forms from back that those were the the nineties were every new team either had purple or turquoise or both in their logo, and the other one was if you have an animal as your your mascot, it was coming through some kind of shape. So it was like the Memphis Grizzly is coming out of like a triangle. Yeah, it was like always the rafters were coming out of yeah everything looked kind of like a

taco bell rapper like it was just like crazy, like almost crazy color or crazy designs, but tame as well very nineties, and that's why we got to close the border. I think it's coming a bit of a they are rafters are coming here from mexico. We got to shut it down. We never talk about yeah. We got to close the we need to close the northern border. They close. They close all the borders. I haven't been to one in years. It's just Barnes and Oble now, huh? Suck my dick idiot. I'm the best. I'm the best. Who would have thought that

I'm the best and we're talking about bookstore acquisitions. We're getting deep in the heart of it, but i was at a birthday. There's the real. I was a kid one time. It was fucking hilarious. I was in a i remember i was at a birthday party and one of the older kids heard me say ass and they were from like not from new jersey. So i say ass and they're like ew. Why do you say it like that? It's ass and i was like oh i said it weird. So then i was in the bathroom and it was like a single person bathroom. It say it like that? It's ass. And I was like, oh, I didn't think I said it weird. So then I was in the bathroom and it was like a single person bathroom.

It was just for guys on the prowl. No, I mean like it was just for one person at a time. And I was in there and I was in the mirror going, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass. And then I walked out and there was a line of like three people. So it just seemed like I was in there and like this thing. I forgot what to wipe.

I was like, I know I have to wipe something. What is it? What it was? It ass ass ass ass and yeah, I just came out saying it's still just like ass ass ass. It's like every time you wipe, you have to say it.

Yes, ass. I'm not upset with that theory. No, I'm not either. I got caught one time by a teacher in the bathroom in high school by doing something really strange. I mean, that was, I mean, you guys ever wear basketball shorts under your jeans in high school? Sure.

You never knew what a pickup game was going to happen? 100%. That's how I was. I didn't like getting changed for gym, so I was like, you know what? I'll just wear my gym clothes under my clothes. This was school. This was sophomore. Man, this was great.

Yeah. So I would go into the bathroom during my one physics class. I go in there and because I had these basketball shorts on under my jeans, I just pulled my jeans all the way down to my ankles and then pissed like basketball shorts like a toddler. Yeah, basically. So then my teachers walked in and just walked in on me and like standing at a urinal with pants around my ankles, just like pissing like that. I'm sure he just saw that and I had boxers and was like, oh, he's like, I'm going to leave now.

Sweet around game worn Duke boxers. Yeah, I think he was like, where do you get those Grayson Allen game worn boxers? Nine years basketball shorts. I remember I got the like official Penn State basketball, like team shorts, like the Nike ones, like the legit. These are the ones they wear on the fucking court. And then I got the jersey too. And I was in full uniform in front of my house and was quickly told by

somebody that that was the women's team's uniform. And I was like, no, it isn't. And I was waiting to look down and it just says lady Nittany Lions on it. But it was like the font that they used on it. They pointed it was more cursory pre-internet, so I had to wait till like women's Penn State basketball came on ESPN and I was like, ah, God damn it. It is the women's uniform and the biggest crime in that story

is that women's basketball made it on ESPN track in the day. It was the live laugh love font. He said we are Penn State. You should have known at the point because the boys, I think boy shorts for Penn sort of Penn State at that time were like the first breakaway pants because they were the preference of that football coach, whatever his name was. Yeah, Sandusky. He actually invented the breakaway pants.

Easy access. I like it. No, and what should have been a dead giveaway too was it had like the cut of the sleeve was definitely a lady cut. You know, like the original WNBA jerseys were very tight to the pit. Yeah, it's got like a stove and yeah, it was it was I was like no, no, that's so it keeps the smell and yeah, it holds a set. It holds the hue. Let's I just think that if the Israelis are warning people that they're bombing people in these buildings, like why can't my wife let me

know that she just dropped a bomb in the bathroom before I just walk in on some female fecal matter. Oh yeah, there's nothing better than the the look on a woman's face when you walk in after they just did something terrible in that toilet. Yeah, and you just open and they give you that look like you just don't inhale. Yeah, he's got turn around. I just Oppenheimer the fuck out of this bath. My problem with it is that it smells like stale perfume, like if that's even a scent. Yeah, yeah, you think she's drinking the perfume again. They're trying to cover it up. They're trying to cover it up. Yes, she goes

there and she's she sprays her dolce and gabbana to cover up her dolce dolce and gabbana. Let's be let's be honest. She got some knock off clinique and she drank it and then it came out the other side. Clinique has a new special on netflix. Clinique is what it sounds like when a turd hits the water. Clinique click. Yeah, if it's a fucking thick one, I just splash out every time I take it. You just go in, you paint. I go in there

and I go. That's my ass. Every time I go to the bathroom, it's same with me. It sounds like Pearl Harbor in there with the shit coming out of my yeah. I've had like fucked up time zone, but for the last six weeks because I've been flying all over the world so like my poop schedule and my food schedule is just

like the food intake has been so different my stomach doesn't know what's going on but it is a real problem I've ruined a few toilets early Austrian toilets can't handle American dumps they aren't ready for what we're bringing I had a lot of talking to toilets as they're like Austrian toilets can't handle American dumps. Really? They aren't ready for what we're bringing. They don't want McDonald's dumps.

They can't do it. I had a lot of talking to toilets as they're like, the water's still rising, and you're just doing that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. No. Oh, it's coming over a little bit.

Your shit's like the- No poop went over the falls. Your poor turds in all those movies where water's starting to fill up in the room, and they're like have you uh gotten breakfast at the popeyes and terminal e of philadelphia international i want to kick you in the throat because i did a month ago you did delonte owes me nine dollars yeah he works the morning shift monday

through wednesday no i did get uh i was hours making no money where Where was I? I was just flying out of I can't remember now. I've been all over the place. Charlotte, Des Moines. No Vegas. It was Vegas. We'll say it was Vegas. Des Moines and I

found a Chili's to go which I didn't know. It's like just like fast food Chili's. So I got the boneless buffalo wings. And I'm a former Chili's employee myself. I know my way around that menu. Of course. I wanted to go Southwest Egg Rolls,

but I didn't trust them for my Chili's to go. Anyway, I got my food, and I just walked a little bit further than the airport because I had like two hours to kill. And I then found the actual Chili's that's in the fucking airport. Wow. So I had to sit there and eat my fake boneless nuggets and I then found the actual chilies that's in the fucking airport. Wow.

So I had to sit there and eat my fake boneless nuggets in front of where I could have gotten the real deal. Oh, no. That really, that's a real kick in the dick. That set off like my week and a half of just being angry and like depressed. I think I was going to ask you, what is the thing since you've been traveling a lot recently that pisses you off that just the travel process where do you want to start brother? Let's start with people

on the plane. What is the one thing I do that drives you up a fucking wall? This is a one off situation flight into I flew. Yeah, I'm sick of that guys flying into fields and Pennsylvania.

Let's I can't even go into it because the day that it I flew with a flying into fields and bombs from them. Leaflets. I can't even go into it because the day that I flew with a bunch of fellas that had great sideburn game and their hat game was on point, the same day that Israel-Palestine just popped off. So I was like, I can't have thoughts on these people's behavior on this plane. What are they going to do? It was a crew of Hasidic dudes. It was all like eight, like maybe 16 to like 90.

I found out just from eavesdropping that they were going back over to- One of these schools of fish, you couldn't quantify them? Yeah. I think they were going back over to like honor some like 500 year old rabbi or something. But it was just, the boys were wild and they play by their own rules

they they looked like a flock of seagulls like on the beach none of them are ever going in the same direction yes yeah no yeah that's immediately what I thought of no I mean like on you know the fucked up face like pigeons when you're looking at like a group of pigeons none of them are ever

going in the right direction or doing the exact same thing so we're comparing jewish people to pigeons yeah let's stick with the seagulls i like i got a video that i'll show it to you like that was a flock of pigeons and they were cool like i end up talking to the dude next to me like he was very nice but they just were playing by their own rules they were swapping seats the whole flight yeah so like the flight attendants were like, can you come on? Just sit down. It was actually it was Austrian air, so it was Austrian

flight. It was it was Austrian. Dude, they took it back. This was good for them. This was their 40 acres in a mule version of they got an Austrian airplane. You told you guys on a plane sound incredible dude. This sounds like the greatest like they didn't. They didn't turn up.

I wish the fellas got into it, because I've seen some good videos of a whole pack. Don't say pack. Stick to flock. All right, a whole flock of dudes. A whole flock of J's. It's called a jiggle. But they'll be at a wedding, and there's just no chicks,

and it's just the dudes dancing. Yeah, dude. That looks awesome. That's what all weddings should be. They're all like, Diet Coke's for everybody, and they crack it open and they drink it with two hands really slow. Women are the worst part of weddings. Yeah, if you're just

wedding out with your boys ruin weddings, that's the thing. I think gay guys are missing out on is like gay guys only invite the bros to your way. Stop having girls in your bridal party. Just have a bunch of ruin it unless they like wrestling. They cannot be in your wedding party. Yeah, that's my rule. I wrestling you or WWE. So you're going to say that you're not sick and tired of

these motherfucking jays on this motherfucking plane. I will say I've had some great times with some of the jaybirds on planes with me as well. I was sitting in the Miami airport coming home. That's where I also flew a lot of a lot of Jewish people love my host of Boca, a booker, a tone. Yeah, you know my buddy leaned over. We're just sitting at the terminal and he just leans over to me and to ask me he's like you know a Jewish person's favorite wine and I was like what he's like. I want to go to Miami. I've never heard that street joke before and I'm like that's amazing and

I've heard a lot of really good jokes are good take it imagine if our dad's generations had podcasts and they would just have been. It would have been that joke. I think that's how World War Two started. Dudes got a hold of microphones and they started wiling the fuck out. Yeah, yeah. Some of them drew big crowds to that was their first social media is they could just do

speeches and talk shit like Winston Churchill was like. What did he just say about me? Yeah, fucking hit dog trying to talk. That's it. Fire up the radio. I'm going to drop shit. That's it. Fire up the radio. I'm going to drop something on him. Honey, turn on the radio. Make it make that cushy sound. Yeah, I think you can't quite find the channel.

It's me, Buzzard. I'm on here on Channel 4. I want it to sound like the beginning of that fastball song. They made up their minds and they started laughing. What song is this? What song is it? About fastball baseball? Fastball, The Long Drive, I think it's called. And the beginning of the song, they're scrolling through like a radio dial. They made up their minds and they started nothing. What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this?

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What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? What song is this? Can we just talk about songs I know and like? Stop talking about songs I don't know and like.

We're big of lack, sorry. It's Friday. Damn, my autistic girlfriend one time, sometimes I'll just sing a part of a song to her. And you know the song, it's Friday, Friday. Gotta get horny on Friday. This was, yeah. I looked her in the eyes and I sang,

it's Friday, Friday. And she went, meeting my girlfriends at the pizza hut on what planet ever would anybody ever make that the lyrics of the song you obviously never heard the rebecca black b-side yeah that was the remix yeah you know she's still making music yeah she's uh probably making music in a she's making music still about days of the week did you guys used to eat inside of p huts i did a couple of times yeah wings yeah no even pre uh wing stop pizza hut when you could be part of the pizza book club were you in that pizza dude

were you in pizza book club holy shit every time you read a book at school you got like a new sticker on a pizza hut card and when you filled the cards you got like just like a free deep dish like meal for your family yeah so you were literally my reading provided for my family yeah they would come over with those the red coca-cola cups you just crushed dr. pepper or root beer mug root beer in those yeah and they had a good salad bar there too everybody had a salad bar Wendy's had a salad bar back yeah how would you get all the things to to get the free pizza you would have to drink sodas i had to read you to read how did they know you were reading you would like finish a book in school and your teacher they were the gatekeeper they held the stickers so i think a lot of teachers

got a lot of free pizza hot meals they're like log. My son finished another card. That's the only perk there. They're paid ten thousand dollars a year, so they're like yeah, are you going to have all the pizza hut cards? I know you're a cheesy bread winner of the house. Yeah, so yeah, you would win a meal for your family. It was like you literally provided come home after reason like Narnia and your mom would take your boots off at the door. Yeah, I just come home like a like a tattered old salesman. I'm like it's you don't know i'm i can't read another clifford hun i can't read this fucking big red dog and his dumb stories yeah she's like but sit down have another butter deep day if only i had the qualifications to be a teacher because you know what i would take those things

to every single pizza hut in the tri-state oh yeah i'd be at the one on 130 del ran down on delce driving glassboro i remember in the same vein uh my friend's mom classic south jersey trash she just was like yeah i got a hold of a bunch of frosty coupons you want them yeah and it was when you could just turn one in for a free coupon so we just each had a stack we never asked where they came from she just knew somebody on the inside he just had a stack in our car yeah those were nice she had the inside to go buy or a dollar and you just buy the little keychain you get a frost you get one frosty every day this is even before that it was just you just got a stack and it was like one free frosty so we'd pull up to drive through and i'd be like small frosty and just pull up yeah and the mccoup on and they'd have to hand me a frost where where was i was only in the game on box tops i wasn't getting free frosty you never went and got the one dollar frosty

that was recent for one dollar frosty was pretty recent dude no that was a thing when i was a little tiny bite-sized little kissable boy yeah i used to be able to go there i go there with my mom and we'd get a fucking frosty on the house, and it would be unbelievable. Dude, is there anything better than having a keychain but no keys when you were a kid? Yeah, dude. I had so many keychains. And then just like keys to like the house my parents had before they bought ours. Yeah.

Because they were just in the junk drawer. One like skeleton key that when I was little, I told myself, I was like, one day this is going to open an important door. Yeah, it was just my apartment door. That's how we became friends. What's up? You want to do a podcast? I had keychains that didn't even have keys That's how we became friends. What's up? You do a podcast that I

had. I had key chains that didn't even have keys on them. I had those. What were they called? Gigapets or something? Oh, yeah, Tamagotchis Tamagotchis, those things Tamagotchis. You could fight gigapets with the girl ones gigapets. You raised them and nurtured them. Yeah, Tamagotchis. You could battle them. Yeah, you could you. It was

essentially pre Pokemon. I think yeah, same time. Yeah, that's kind of fun. Now you you leave your house you're like phone wallet keys back then it was like tamagotchi keychains yak back velcro wallet remember yak backs no it was uh it was birthed off of uh home alone he had the the talk boy yak back and it was like you could talk into it and then just play it right back. That was technology then. That sounds... So then they created one that was just like a little... Then they made an even smaller Yakback that was...

Can you pull up Yakback? I need to see it. Mine was purple and blue. And it was shaped like a... Yeah, I'll take another one. It was shaped like a futuristic TV remote. There it is, Yakbacks. I had the teal one top here next to the clear one.

You would just..., you would just, all you would do is talk into it and hit play and it would just say back whatever you just said. But then the next one you recorded would erase the previous one. So it was like the original Snapchat for 11 year olds. So you would say all the worst words. You'd be like, play it back. And you're like, dude dude. I can I can delete it. I can keep this right now that so I'll say that podcast really originated with the act backs back. That's where it started with short form podcasting. Yeah, you get some of those you remember. Look at that. You hack back, you hack back with options. You could add sound effects on that orange one. Damn between those and

sock and boppers, you could have everything you need in life. Who and you throw on a pair of moon shoes, nickelodeon, moon shoes, every kid broke their ankle on that shit hurts so bad. My lawn was just filled with a huge divots to. It was like a God damn. That was World War One for me. Did I be run across no man's land with the mines? If my kid fucked up my lawn, I would lose my shit. Yeah, I'm going to come fuck up your law. Don't do that as an adult. I just come upstairs and just look out the window at it for about a minute. It's not even up my lawn, I would lose my shit. Yeah, I'm going to come fuck up your lawn. Don't do that as an adult. I just come upstairs and just look out the window at it for about a minute. It's not even a great lawn.

I just like looking at the lawn. I feel like that's just what I'm meant to do now. Fertilized. You should get a pair of Nickelodeon moon shoes and mobile on him. Now, there's like you see Dan, the guy that said he's a comedian. You should wear moon shoes to the airport when they're like, shoes go in a separate bin. You just rip out some moonies.

Yeah, the Home Alone Talkboy. And that got everyone's hopes up too because in the movie, that's what helped him thwart the bad guys. He used it to play back the recording of the one he would call down to the desk because he would call down and play it at half speed. Yeah, and it would be like I'd like one large ice cream. Oh yeah,

reviews and a bag of chips and all that shit. Yeah, it's what he does when his uncle's in the shower or whatever. He gets times are simpler than do that was like all technology needed to be. That's all we need now is just you say something you play it back and go. That sounded fucking stupid like I do every time I listen

back to our podcast. I think I need lower left with it. Dude, I even love they were like talk, talk, boy, girl, talk, girl will make it pink. It's like email for girls. Yeah, g female. This is going to be great for when you become a secretary.

If you work hard and go to school, you could become a mother of three fat kids and that's it ever no matter if i have a say in it imagine the alimony payments you could receive yeah i i like your idea of fucking with tsa though i think we need to do that more all it takes to do is moon shoes at tsa moon shoes in a one-way flight on frontier it's like 20 bucks yeah get some moon shoes at TSA moon shoes and a one-way flight on frontier. It's like 20 bucks. Yeah, get some moon shoes show up

and fuck with some people. It's just all waiting in the line like this that you buy moon shoes. You buy every product that you have that

has to be like a like it has to be named after bomb like you be like, oh, this is like the bomb lip gloss. This is bomb parts of a bomb.

You got to take my pocket knives out of my bomb pussy. Every product has to be named after a bomb dude. Your t-shirts all say bomb j just google the word dynamite in google images search dynamite that gets past t s yeah. Have you ever

followed? You can follow tsa on instagram t s he was about to auto completes about to autocomplete. Do you follow TSA on Instagram? He's got some clapbacks. Don't post all the shit that they confiscate. Like it'll be like it'll be brass knuckles with like seven knives coming out of the fingers. Yeah, and they're like, yep, took this out of another bag today.

I was a bit of a bad boy last time I flew and snuck some edibles through TSA. I was like, oh, this is bad. I know. They don't, and I've never done it, so I'm like sitting there sweating. The first time you do it, you feel like a real rebel. When you fly all the time, you're like, these are just daddy's snacks. Then I finally get there, and I taste, and I'm like, wow, they taste really different, and they taste like shit because I put them in my ass.

When I got there, I mean, it was worth the wait of doing it. Were they gummies or like real gummies? They were gummies. It was just like- Pure chocolate bites, so he ate a couple turds. Yeah. there. I mean it was worth the worth the weight of doing it, but they were gummies. It was just here chocolate bite, so he ate a couple of turds. Yeah, I took a took a bunch of them, and I was too scared to want to fly them back as well. So you just munched. I just I just took like four and one day, and I'm wandering around the duke book store out of my fucking mind before the football game. Oh my God, it was just see animals on plane. Yeah, I'm sitting next to me who they served a meal because it was an international

flight. He has it on his tray. He wants a second meal. I didn't know you could get seconds on airplanes if you ask. So he wants to get up at his tray is down with food on top of it and he looks behind him and then he just tries to get up with the trade down without trying to like disturb it and he just gets up and just knocks it over and then comes back with another set of meal and just like pushes it all on the ground. He's wearing pajamas. I'm

like have some fucking self-respect. It always said that's what that is one of the things that pissed me off the most about traveling is like just not even not knowing like the common behavior, but just like think for one second before you do shit. Yeah, yeah.

Everyone that just stops in, when they stand in, even in the airport, everyone they'll just like stop randomly and go, where's terminal seven? And you're like, there's people flying past you because they're late for their flight

because they wanted to get another 15 minutes of sleep this morning. Yeah. And you're just like, should I get a Cinnabon? Or like standing on that fucking, the walkway. If you don't stand to the right that fucking the walkway if you don't

stand to the right on the moving walkway you can fuck right off oh yeah yeah there's people that are in the left is for the rapid guys like me i feel like i'm walking so fast oh i get what you're saying dude i love going fast on a moving walkway you feel i did it in a suit the other day i've never felt better in my life you should do it in your uh track suit just travel like left right ass cheeks just like i'm skiing dude, traveling in a suit. It's always weird. Usually I travel sweatpants, hoodie and like comfy. And I see a guy in a suit and I'm like, fuck, that looks cool.

That does look cool. What happened? You said I usually travel in like sweatpants, like hair up. And I was like, I do. I do it now. My hair is long. It's a hat or else they get fall mouth. Sweatpants and hoodies,, though is respectable. That's

so it's grown adults that are wearing fucking the pajama pants is yeah. I'm like you can't have a cartoon character on your pants. That's crazy. People do that. Yeah, you fly in plaid pajama pants. Yeah, you can open season to shoot. You could just be open really into ska. Yeah, that's true too, but no, I always see whenever I'm dressed like sweatpants like this. I see a guy in a suit and I'm like fuck that looks so cool. Yeah, I want that and then I

did it the other day and you do feel cool until you see somebody in sweatpants and a hoodie and you're like fuck. He looks so comfortable. I want that flying in a fucking suit is for the birds. I don't know I did. It did feel great. I flew in and out to a city in the same day and it did feel pretty cool flying in a suit, flying out in one. It's like at the end of a wedding, it's like you never look good in a

suit at the end of a wedding. Everything's on talk and like stretched and wrinkled. Yeah. I felt like such a bag of shit. Like now I get back. I just have stains from I flew into Chicago. I sampled a really good coffee at Starbucks and then I went to an old Navy and then I went to a work event and then I flew home. Yeah, that was my eleven hours in Chicago. Yeah, and you feel like a slutty flight attendant. Huh? I do. I do. I didn't do anything fun or cute. Just come back to like sorry. I'm like a pro at this is my job. I like do this all. I did walk around a record shop and think to myself, I'm

not going to buy any fucking records. Yeah, I did. I walked up and down every fucking bin just to kill time. I didn't know air Austria had flights to Chicago and one day really that was another trip. I've been on too many. I need to count it up. It's been six weeks in a row. I've

flown. You get miles or points or is it? Yeah, I'm racking that up. That's nice. Give him yeah dude. Is that well? You're going to Chicago United has the hub out of Chicago. Billy, you are so autistic. Philly is American. Charlotte is delta. We can go on and on. I mean Newark is united. Charlotte is American. I think actually is it very well could be I did a lot of travel and I had to go through. Oh no, no, I'm sorry. Raleigh Durham is yeah. This is my fucking nightmare. Just so you guys know, I've lived in an airport for the last six weeks and you guys are like cinnabons are great. You know

what goes into them terminal d twelve's got a good one in Raleigh. Fuck right off dude. That's a plane can go fuck them all the things we've ever talked about on this podcast. That's your trigger words. Don't you't you mention delta around me, fat people and sweat pants at an airport or else i'll lose my chicago. It is. I do like out the philly airport, though literally terminal e is nothing but spirit and frontier flights like they just zoned off an entire terminal for those people. If you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah, let's just send them all down there. We'll have our delta sky lounge in another terminal. I do. I

play. I play lost in my head when I'm on there and I plan out like if this plane was to go down, fuck, that's going to be the guy that I'm probably going to have to fight to be the king of the island who's going to be an in reality. I'm just gonna be the guy that's crying on the beach for a month straight where everyone's like, dude, we got to get a plan. I'm just give you the guy that's crying on the beach for a month straight where everyone's like do we got to get a plan. I'm like all my families there. Yeah, I just be on the side well, son yeah do they're selling us balding finally leaned in and they're selling Wilson volleyballs really Wilson handprint on there. I saw that in Austria. That's an

maybe just in Austria. Oh yeah, you can't find that shit in the Us. No, I don't know, but yeah, I do. I love playing lost. I look around. I'm like, all right, if we had to eat someone on this plane, who's it going to be? Yeah, I thought lost was I forgot the losses movie. I thought I was a show volleyball. No, what was that? Was it the was it Billy cast away is the movie cast away. I kept thinking cast away. We had no you were thinking of lost. That was Gabby Petito for a few weeks and then then she was found yeah, and then she was found and yeah me and my bitch wife are thinking about going as Gabby Petito and her ex boyfriend. I think

their ex is now right. We're going to have you have to have gator teeth marks on you because he definitely got eaten right yeah, kind of like that kid in Disney World. They got chomped up by a gator yeah, but I'm crazy. It is what are you you guys dressing up for Halloween? What's the deal? I think I got a my daughter is going to be a little mermaid deal. What's the deal? The Chicago airline sin of Beasley's bro. We strictly sin of blizzlies. You got cinnamon toast taste. Fuck you lady.

No, everyone kept telling me to go, what is it, Lou Mail, Magnates or whatever. It's a casserole. I'll tell you who makes a good deep dish. Costco makes a good deep dish, Chicago, so eat a dick. Yeah, they do. Yeah, that's another way to fuck with TSA

is only pack Cinnabons when you travel. All you have... They bring it in there and they're like... Cinnabons? And then they go over and they're like, what are you doing with these? And you're like, let's just say i never learned how to land and they're like that doesn't even fit

you're giving me so many ideas i'm about to go online that tonight and by a one way to panama city beach florida oh dude that would be a fun just yeah fill your i mean i have it it's a real no come off my dick i'll go and get it again i don't care it'll but but yeah, I would love to fuck with TSA. Do that. I'm firing. Just fill your pockets with random shit and keep when you go through and they're like, sir, anything, the first thing I take, oh, keys, duh.

And you put in, actually, this might be a good sketch. You walk through again. They're like, sir, you're like, oh, fuck, and it's like wallet. Then it's like go through again. It's like, sir, picture of my grandmother, like just in a frame. No picture of that guy's grandmother, like just in a frame. No picture of that guy's grandmother.

Find out who works there. Scout the employees there. Just get information on them. Pictures of their kids. Oh, you just are handing them pictures of their kids. Yeah. You're like, I think you guys should let me through. And then eventually it goes to like the missing kid on the back of a milk carton type of thing.

Yeah. That's how they know that their kid's been missing. It's just pictures of them printed out from facebook yeah you look you like you google pictures of them in college and you laugh at yourself because you're like there's a guy that does that on tiktok have you have you seen the guy on tiktok doing that he will literally go to a best buy take a picture of somebody working i love that go print it and put it on t-shirt and then walk in 10 minutes later and the people are like what what the fuck is that? I enjoy that and nobody seems to be too

thrilled about it. I sit in my bed with my Cheetos on my belly and I go. I am firing back up the old Facebook marketplace, but cast again, though I'm getting some really squirrely ideas. We're going to fire it back to that wall, but right by that Walmart that we

dropped the hot dog humidor off. Hell yeah, I'm expanding, not just food anymore. We're going to fire it back to that won't right by that Walmart that we drop the hot dog, hot or human or human or off hell. Yeah, I'm expanding, not just food anymore. We're going really off the rails. I'm getting into people now. Trafficking tons of them on Facebook that I went to goodwill and I picked up something at goodwill that I'm like making my own and then I'm going to list it and I'm going to be fishing for lunatics making your own. Yeah, well, I just I find it is. Well, I I'll give you a hint. It's a glass covered table and then I'm going to list it and I'm going to be fishing for lunatics making your own yeah. Well, I just find it is well. I I'll give you a hint. It's a glass covered table and what I did was took. I took not a hint. I took just told me what it was. I took the glass off of it and it's a nice circular

like coffee type of table, and I'm going to print out nothing but photos and cover the table with now it's going to be a surprise what kind of photos they are, but it's going to surprise some people. It might horrify some people, but we're going to do it. I'm going to put some people on a Megan's law. You should continue to meet up with people at walmarts, but you should stand at the top of the walmart and drop leaflets and just say and they just say up here. If they could see you the whole time, I got to hide from them is the thing. Yeah, that's what I have to do and jump out of a bush or on top of the roof. They love when you jump out of a bush.

Yeah, so wait, go back to your Halloween costume. It's not even funny. Now I think I'm just going to. I have to be king triton from a little mermaid, so I think I got to go shirtless with a trident around my neighborhood. Who's being Ursula? I don't know. Fuck looks like there's a gap for one of us fellers to fill in i'd love to be a big octopus lesbian i'm the one who runs the sea or whatever did you ever see so they they based that well no they based ursula off like a famous drag queen and when you see the the drag queen you're like oh they just stole the whole

fucking thing from that look it up yeah it's, it's like Big Sally or something like that. There's a director's cut where she's reading to kids in the underwater school. She's reading to an underwater school. It's a problem. Oh, shit. Yeah, they just stole the whole thing off of what was her name? Paul Giamatti.

Looks like Paul a Dean. Who's Paul Giasquati? Am I right? Divine. Yeah. Oh, shit. That's where you on the ad is where you go to school to be j from state form shit university was yeah. It looks like they're in training for target or at state farm, dirt, chick, fillet, khakis. Anyway, what's your costume going to be

me and my lovely betrothed are going to be Abraham Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth. Per her idea. No, the fucking pre-gunshot when they were still pals. Yeah, we're going into Center City, Philly, and I'm going to dress up as John Wilkes Booth, and she's going to dress up as the man who freed the slaves. Are you putting a horn on her head? And this is supposed to be funny for somebody?

I'm going to get my shit rocked, dude. I don't dude. It's no one's going to look you and go. Oh fuck john looks booth. Yeah, like if she walks away, nobody has a goddamn clue. You are going to kind of looks like edgar allen poe. Look that up. I think everyone from I think every villainous character from that era looks exactly like that in your mind. I don't know what do you think they would be all kind of look like hitler to I can see a little bit. Do you think they fuck it? Are you going to die at black to know he could have been a red head? We don't know. Wasn't he a failed actor? Yeah, that's yeah. I mean all failed

actors end up shooting somebody in a movie. It is the first time he killed in a theater. Yeah, that's why I like to support the people over at the eastern state penitentiary. It's a theater kids time to shine in the month of october yeah dude you gotta let them have it by the way people are going there and beating the fuck out of the actors wait they are good they are hell yeah that's the thing that they're complaining like people are being rude they're putting their hands on because you can wear a little thing like light up necklaces that let them touch you if you wear one that means that you're allowed to be

touched so i can see somebody wearing that and then they get touched and then they lose their fans got three of those knuckles is on walk around with his dick out. Yeah I wear those when I go into my physical. I don't wear them at the eastern state. That's actually the only way my wife knows I want to fuck. I just want to know what it feels like to be touched again, and that's where I go. She just sees blinking your wife sees blinking lights coming from down the hallway. She's like not again and I'm gonna have to dress. She's like not again. I'm

going to have to dress like that murdered security guard again. Those see and touch haunted dude. I want to go into those see and touch haunted houses or whatever they're called and just go assassins creed. I want to see and touch on it. How is the ones where they could put their hands on you? Oh yeah, Eastern State will. I want to learn over top of them in a cape and just fucking. I haven't been to a really good suburban haunted house in a while. Eastern States its own thing, but they have some over here that you like walk through the fucking woods and people. Yeah, I don't like those ones because

those are the ones where I feel like that's where you're going to hear the story that like an actual murderer. Yeah, just wandered in and was like yeah, he just lurked in the woods at dusk. That's how he did his kill. Everybody thought it was just a really well acted script. Were you when you were younger? Were you guys good like and with scary shit like scary, like haunted houses and like scaring people are good with no like were you do you handle it? Well, I was a fucking. I was a very scared kid. I was very scared. I would stay towards the back, but then you're in the conundrum of you're in the back or the last fucking one. So you got to work your way into the middle of the group. Dude, my parents,

they they must have loved it so much because there's so many pictures of me crying out front of like the winona haunted house like that dude that one was right down the street from my mom at a shop like a hair salon so like we knew everyone in the town it was a big event and i was like i don't want to go because it's just gonna be me crying in front of girls that i think are cute yeah and sure enough every year they drag johnny through. And the people knew my mom, so they would use my name specifically. They'd be like, you go into a room and be like, Johnny. I'm like, I'm going to kill you. I remember I was at Creamy Acres.

I was like 14. Creamy Acres was a terrifying one. I was at a date there when I was like 14, and it was me and my girlfriend at the time and then her two sets of couple friends. And they had me lead through the mirror thing. Dude, I was in like a fucking... You ever see when NFL players go when they hit the bag?

I was running full speed in the mirrors because they were like, go, go, go. And I would go. And I started rocking the entire maze itself because I was a big hoss at the time. Big hoss. They had you in the blue tent for CTE protocol afterwards. I would just hit it, but not that way. Not that way. My name is Rick Harrison and I run

this haunted house with my son, big hoss, and it's just you running through fucking mirrors. They said I can one and then I can. That was me being that was about how to call it. Yeah, Canadian cold. That's a new way. You say retarded Canadian. He's got the old Canadian cold. That's a new way you say retarded. He's got the old Canadian cold. No, but dude, Creamy Acres was a big rite of passage. That's where I think I finally choked down my pride and was like, you got to

at least appear to not be the biggest coward in this group because it was all girls and boys. It was like the girls you thought were, it was always like a year older than you were some reason hanging out with the year younger. And I'm like, I got to fucking impress this girl. I remember her name was Courtney.

And things didn't go too good for her later in life. But at the time, she'd only failed seventh grade once. So she was the oldest girl in our grade by default. No C-cups were coming in. And I had to impress her with how cool I was at Creamy Acres. So the whole time, I was just like, this is barely even scary. They do make money. Apparently, I don't know the amount of money you could make,

but I think that they are pretty big money grabbers. You just set up actors and some bullshit in your house. You pay the actors nothing. It's just very seasonal is the problem. I wonder if you got to probably... Yeah, we need more Christmas haunted houses. I want to see one. Plan Parenthood.

You need a little extra money? Just set up a haunted house in there. You got all the stuff hanging up. It's sitting in the trash can. All right, that one's going to be... Dude, there's a town... There's a house in my town that they're definitely too overboard

with their decorations. They have like baby dolls on spikes out front of their house and shit. Yeah. And it's like... I never really noticed it until now like walking with their decorations. They have like baby dolls on spikes out front of their house and shit. And it's like, I never really noticed it till now, like walking with my daughter. I have to avoid that house now. And there was a thing in like the town mom's

Facebook group that my wife showed me that was like, are people going a little bit too far? And I was like, how bad could it be? She's like, well, somebody has somebody just hanging from a tree in their yard. I was like, all right well yeah that's uh that's pretty bad for multiple reasons not even scary factor uh there's a bad history i'm attached to that that's a toughy again maybe we take that one down babies on spikes that could be a political statement my problem with going to the

haunted. I don't know how to react if you're like you get scared and ship, but i'm like i'm not a screamer per se yeah, i just like wince a little bit. I laugh a lot now to hide the the yeah yeah, i think you fucking get scared at all. I pissed my pants before i got here. You kidding me? Oh, that was good. That one was good. That was do god be that type. Yeah, we should get the boys and go to a haunted house and like hold each other. That's actually fuck man on the street stuff. Let's all go to the haunted house and film some content. Yeah, have you seen get scared? Have you seen the Nathan for you haunted house episode? Holy shit, it's

incredible. He basically is like we're going to make those scariest haunted house and he just has a standard haunted house brings people into it, but his whole twist on it is that he stops the haunted house stuff and he's like hey. There was one worker in here who actually has a very deadly disease and they accidentally touched you. We need to get you to a hospital. They put them in an ambulance, bring them to a hospital, people and hazmat suits come out. They literally think they have like a deadly disease on them as people are freaking the fuck out and then they walk out of the ambulance and

then he has a sign like up. That's the end of the haunted house. What do you guys think and these people were like out of their fucking minds? It was damn. It's crazy that the government just bit off of Nathan for you and did the same thing with Covid. Yeah, the ultimate haunted house really got you and you can't leave your houses. How about that? Now I'm seeing a bunch of people are now getting COVID again. What's the dealio with that? Yeah, sorry about that. No, I just kept giving it. Oh, yeah, it out for Halloween. I kept going on airplanes. I

put all in my suitcase with Cinnabon's and I just get everybody COVID. Oh yeah, dude, I used to do that with SARS back in oh seven. It was a bit of a problem, but I thought I was spreading good word. I was like a missionary on a devilish deed. You know yeah at that point you have a mission. I was like that. I was like that guy that went to that island of like what do you call indigenous people? He went there like trying to spread the word of Christ. I was like you're going to get shot with a fucking. I was a decapitated him. Was he? Yeah, there was cut his head off. They cut his head off and then they like showed it to the

helicopter and they hit him on fire and put him out to see or something that rules that's rule that's the that rules of this fat that is that rules of the week you guys need that that you can pick away to die friggin fricking free and get your gosh darned chopped the crap off they heck you to death. This guy paid a filipino man out to get him on a fishing boat to drive him towards this island, and then these people just started shooting fucking blow darts at him. He's like, they'll listen to me,

and they buried him on the beach, as I think I actually did. That's pretty sick, dude. That's the best haunted house ever. That guy went. He was like oh, no, it's pretty good to fucking cut your ass. I'm going to get shot with an arrow anywhere. It's going to be on a deserted island. Not deserted. There's indigenous peoples living there. What a way to go out in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Hats off to that feller.

Don't take a cold, ice-cold sip of your beer after that. I'm going to pour out a Mickey Olt for that man. He probably never had one. He was too busy spreading the word of Christ and all that cheap wine. What are you even going to talk to them about God when you get out there? They don't even know how to speak anything but their language. How do you start?

And you're like, all right, you know how you guys worship big ball fire in the sky? No. There's somebody past that. That's not even that. You don't speak the same language. So normally you'd start out with like couch. This one you have to be like, it all ends. But there's more if you're good

we're gonna cut this guy's fucking head off we're gonna cut his head he definitely was like a youth pastor too he landed and had like a leather bracelet like a cuff on it was just like let's wrap guys what's up all you friggers yeah oh those arrows look sharp ouch i'm dead they treated him like we should treat everybody that does door-to sales, right? I mean, they shot him on site. Did you ever do that in your sales career? I did. I was door to door business. I wasn't door to door residential.

Some fucking. A company or something? Fios business door to door. That was real fun. Were you like scamming old people or what was? No, it was business. I would go to like. Oh, business.

Mechanics and be like. Yeah. Old business owners. It was sad. I go into mechanics and be like, don't you want internet? And they're like, why? And I was yeah, it was sad. I go into mechanics and be like don't you want internet and they're like why and I was like it's inevitable. It's going to take over the world. I don't know man. I get nineteen dollars. If you say yes, like he's just going to take car now owned video stores in two thousand

twelve and he's like listen, we got this new thing called the inner dude. You'd be amazed like I would get deep into south jersey like down like the hamilton area. Oh yeah, and I would go into a mechanic. He's like, I've never even had a phone line. I'm like, what the fuck? Pigeons. It always blows my guy was on a plane with a bunch of those.

Dan was similar. Dan does door to door dash. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. And I do that with no pants on. Oh,

we can, before we wrap up, that's what we can speak in of dash and doors. Ding dong ditch mischief night. Were you guys big? Mischief night guys. Hold on. You said too many things. Rhythmically. That was, that's what we can... Speaking of Dash and Dora's Ding Dong Ditch Mischief Night, were you guys big Mischief Night guys? Hold on, hold on. You said too many things rhythmically there, brother. That was perfect. Doing a Dora Dash, picking a Ding Dong Dish, you guys are Mischief Night.

Sorry, I connect. I made two ends meet, my friend. It was nice. I also didn't know that ends meet was connecting two ends. I thought making ends meet, until recently, months ago, I thought making ends meet was like, you're doing just thought making ends meet was like you're doing just good enough. That's what I've always thought.

You get the end of the meat when you go to the deli. Yeah, I thought that till about this past August. What does it mean? I'm so out of the loop now. It's making two ends meet, so connecting two ends. I think it's how you make a black hole, though. Isn't that what a black hole is? It's not ends meet, it's ends meet.

Two parts of the surface. Mischief night. Were you a big mischief night guy? You're damn right Mischief night. Were you big? Mischief? I got a damn right. Yeah. Yeah, that's a guy who's never done anything. Yeah, I was freaking hecking up on Mischief. No, you know, I got caught on Mischief night.

I was eating eggs using toilet paper, right? You're doing all the things you would do. You're like that was wiping and scrambling eggs all night. If somebody only had a loose understanding and they thought it was just doing the paper and eggs, it's just a feel very mischievous night was wild in my house. My cholesterol spiked. No, I my dad gave me eggs. The egg are next door neighbor's house because they sued us when we were when I was a kid and me and my two buddies went and egg the shit out of a brand new car right next door that I got like

a week prior. The people across the street were friends with them and they saw us do it. So they screamed. So we ran. We ran and me and my buddy went down the block. My other friends ran straight up my fucking driveway. So they saw him run up my driveway. They went over there and they chewed my dad out and called the cops.

And then we just scrammed and went to one of their houses. And then my dad had to go over and clean the car off but he was just like yeah you know kids will be kids meanwhile he was the one that gave us two fucking cartons so that was my first mischief night yeah i have the two cartons was the cigarettes he paid you for getting the job done here you go kid you're gonna make it good in this unit my dad on a mischief night there used to be a guy in our neighborhood that i guess thought it would be a good idea to just walk around in a michael myers costume which was fun but my dad was out yeah i mean it was fun like he would walk up to the kids just making the the like doing the noise the music too hey dave

just doing my thing no he was walking around and the kids liked it it was funny like stay in the street the kids would come up try to get close and run away like it was a funny thing but for whatever reason like me and my dad were in our garage and he walked up to the end of our driveway and then started walking up our driveway like trying to be like freaky and my dad is a really mild-mannered relaxed guy but when he gets upset he's like i'll fucking die right now i don't care at all so he starts to walk and he goes why would you think you walk here and he starts walking towards michael myers and then michael myers starts backtracking down and he goes why would you think you walk here why would you do that and my dad walked up three houses and the guy was like i'm sorry sir i'm sorry

i'm just doing my best you know it's actually really hard to see in this it was fucking it was the coolest thing i've ever seen then he went inside and made us mac and cheese and hot dogs. My first mischief night, I got to finally go out. I was a late bloomer to it, but I went over my buddy's house. So like he was always allowed to do all that stuff. So we went out with like the bad boys of our grade. And I immediately after we threw we threw eggs at a car. We missed like anything.

They don't tell you to toilet paper in a tree. You miss a lot in the beginning. Well, eggs aren't very aerodynamic either though right it was like six baseball players we should have been better at throwing eggs yeah so we missed but then i i as soon as we threw them i turned right back into a pussy and i was like guys he's gonna turn around he's gonna come back and he's gonna be mad and a car came and i dove into what i thought was a pile of leaves it was leaves on top of a pile of rocks and i hit my knee and i was just the whole time going like guys i think i really messed up my knee we should probably just go back to your house and not even partake in the night for the rest it's just because of the injury it's not because i'm a coward guys johnny

cried we got back and i had like a tiny bruise and I was like it's got to be an MC. Did I was a late blue and on should I peed the bed way too late. I was a pussy toe way too long, but look at me now. I'm sad. Yeah, we got in trouble doing that shit, not even on mischief night, though we used to hide in a stretch of woods that was right off of a main road and for a water balloons at people riding bikes by on the street. Somebody will be like cycling getting their workout in and just fucking nail them. This one guy fell off and almost got ran over by a car behind him. I mean, I've never run that fast in my life. I hope he's doing okay. Yeah, God rest his soul. Yeah,

rest his soul. I used to do that. We were just blindly huck rocks onto the highway over the sound walls and you would just listen and you like hit a windshield. There's no repercussions for this. John Wilkes Booth was poured in Bel Air, Maryland. He's the original fresh prince. Yeah, old fresh story all about shot Abraham Lincoln in the fucking head. This is how I got one little theater and my guns got scared. I said, I'm ending the leader of the free world here. He said, you move it to a bond and you're going to go on the run. The cops showed up and they set it on fire and they said, come on.

I said, no, fuck you. September is terranium or whatever I said. Oh my God. That's insane. I still can't get past the fact that you're going to go into Philly dressed as John Wilkes Booth and your no one's going to know who you are. You're going to get out. They're going to be upset. Is that where you're growing the mustache?

No, I just had it because I'm hot, but I think I you know, how are you going to pull this off? Well, actually, it could. This is a story all about how it could go either way. They could be mad at you for being the guy that shot the guy that freed the slaves, or they could be mad at gab for

being a guy who was a member of the Republican Party. I really don't know. It could go either way. Do you think? Do you think John Wilkes table was like he's always got a one on me? Yeah, all right. It's been great having you on dance or anything you want to plug. We're way over now. Now, you know, we got some fun stuff coming up in November. Let's see. We got a just Todd show out in Delco. We got a... What's going on that Thursday?

Oh, Nightcap at Philly, which you guys are doing some of those coming up too, right? Yes, tomorrow night. Oh, you're there tomorrow night. You already missed it. It was history in the making. And I think me, you and Jimbo Slice are going down somewhere November 12th

out in Jersey Shore somewhere. Are we? You were coming with us. I didn't know about it. I completely... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. It's like someone's. I don't know what what it's going to be, but it's going to be a gay old time and you'll see us kissing there and yeah South Jersey bad boys. I'm going to rebrand the old

Facebook marketplace podcast. Have you guys back over for that and we'll name for it was just face. It was called hungry for some leftovers. I tried to have it food related, but I think I'm changing it to bizarre bargains and I'm going to have nothing but like his organs. Yeah, all types of shit featuring little Wayne. Yeah, I again. All right. What do you guys got by the time this comes out? I've already been at the Wayne Brook in and I've been at nightcap. We have the post game comedy show. Oh yeah, helium

November eleventh come out. We want, November 11th. Come out. We want to fill the house. Let's pack it. Let's black it. That's wrong. We want to fill this house. Make it haunted. We're going to fill Helium. We're going to have a great show.

So come out November 11th, post-game comedy. Lineup's pretty awesome. We got Tata Sharice on there, right? Ryan Foster, Peggy, Paul Carson, a lot of alumni from the podcast. Actually, Paul's not been on the podcast yet. Connor King. Brendan, Connor King. So the lineup will probably change and none of those people end up being able to show up, but that's

who's on the flyer, dorks. That's right. But Monte Comedy for everything else for me. That's a Saturday at 4, you said? Saturday, November 11th at 4. 4.30. We got changed to 4.30. 4.30. Fuck, dude. 11.11. Make a wish. Hey.30. 4.30. 11.11. Make a wish. Make a wish.

Jinx, we gotta have sex. That's how it works, right? What do you got, Matthew? Halloween night. Very spooky, scary. A very silly gay guy running a crowd work show. Aboard Jimmy G running a very funny

show at Helium on Halloween night. November 4th a crowd work show aboard Jimmy G running a very funny show at Helium on Halloween night November 4th we're going to be at the Haddon Barbershop literally behind me

a Steve Rinaldi show come out to that little puppy the 12th we'll be with big slippery diesel and young

voluptuous Jimmy and we're just going to be doing it you mentioned we were going to do it, right? It's almost already done. It's already been done. Yeah. Well, we're the best.

Donald Trump. Thanks, buddy. We'll see you next time. Your f***ing time is never better Dance Your f***ing number 8 Your f***ing time is never better Dance Your f***ing number 8 Your f***ing time is never better Dance