The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - #1709 Fear of Failure

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

Adam talks to Drew about his father's time in trade school which leads them to a broader discussion about the fear of failure. Next, they take some calls from an anonymous woman struggling with anxiety, a guy with a question about Mark Geragos, and someone wondering if silver fillings release mercury. Please Support Our Sponsors: LectricEBikes.com

Recorded live at Corolla One Studios with Adam Corolla and board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist, Dr. Drew Pinsky. You're listening to The Adam and Dr. Drew Show. Yeah, get it on, got to get on it. Dr. Drew's board physician, six sections medicine. All right, let's see so an update drew you know for many many years i thought that my dad went to trade school to learn to play the trumpet you've always told me that yeah but it's not so. He went to trade school to learn a trade that he never learned.

What? How long was he at trade school? Probably his high school was spent at trade school. And maybe, I don't know, I guess, Ben, maybe we can look this up. He went to Bach Academy, which may have led me to think about music. But I don't know if it was spelled the same way. In Philadelphia? Which may have led me to think about music. But I don't know if it was spelled the same way. In Philadelphia?

Would have been in Philly or South Philly. Would have been Bach Academy or vocational, whatever. They had trade schools back then. There's a Bach Martin school in middle school in Philadelphia. Oh, really? An elementary school in Philadelphia. Oh, really? In elementary school. Huh. So, you know, back when people were horrible students, we'd send them to trade school so they could survive. You know, you're not a student.

You're not going to be a doctor or a lawyer, but you can be a plumber. They used to actually do aptitude tests to decide which track you were going to go on. They just send you down. It sounds a little totalitarian, you know, to our ear today. But they thought they were helping. Like, no, these kids are good at farming. So we sent them and made them farmers out of them. I see.

I disagree. I know it sounds totalitarian if the goal is to shove everyone into college. And if one kid doesn't make it to college, then that's a crime. But it's not if you really think about the fact that college is just more studying and more reading and more math and more of the thing you're not very good at now. and more math and more of the thing you're not very good at now. You know, we would never take a fat kid who was a bad athlete and picked last in his junior high or whatever and force them to play high school sports. You know, like they don't have an aptitude for it.

So that would be cruel. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, but we will take people that are horrible students and try to jam them into college. Yeah. Everyone who I hung out with, most everyone I hung out with in my high school

would have benefited from learning a trade versus, you know, working at McDonald's and cleaning carpets and stuff of that nature. So we should have really done that ourselves. So, you know, it sounds a little totalitarianistic, but it's also very pragmatic. Yeah.

Yeah. And, and so I talked to him about, um, well, I said, what are they, what were most of the kids working on? Because I was picturing my dad attempting to be an electrician or, you know, or a plumber or steam, you know, pipe fitter or something. A mechanic. I was like, I couldn't picture it.

You know, he's so inept. He's so inept at everything. Anything physical, for sure. And he was just like, yeah, I couldn't. I didn't really go. I was too scared. Too scared? Well, he grew up in South Philly. There was kind of a real racial thing going on back then, and black kids would beat him up sort of thing.

It was just sort of had to run serpentine to school. My dad's whole life is sort of being scared, just being a coward, and being sort of diminutive and not really able to protect himself and just sort of all fear-based. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. That's a layer of understanding I did not have about him. Yeah, very, very fearful.

And with really super low self-esteem and sort of fear. And so he was supposed to be going there to learn a trade. I said, well, what was the number one trade? They were teaching back then in the 40s or whenever it was. And he said, being a tailor. Wow. Wow. Makes sense, though, right?

Yeah. That's a job. That's a job. A necessary job. And also, the tailor has a very ethnic sort of quality to it and that was italian right right i wonder if that was part of the settlement there he was in i don't know but he didn't learn anything he instead practiced the trumpet a little wait wait let me understand was Was he going for Taylor training?

He was going for some kind of training, vocational training, but. Oh, you must find out. No, he never showed up. Like, he just didn't. He doesn't even remember. You got to find out what he was supposed to do. I'm sure he'll have great comedic interest. Well, it's going to be mechanic or Taylor or plumber. It's all going to be comical because you're going to picture him doing something with skill.

Yes. So there's that hysterical. And then. Then I kind of pressed him a little, you know, he's talking about playing the trumpet a lot of trumpet talk but i i said um but you know you never really made a living playing the trumpet like isn't that kind of what you wanted to do and he said yeah but it's never i said well why not and he was like well i don't know some people it's kind of they, some people have it and some people don't or something. And I sort of said, but could it be that you didn't work hard enough at it?

How was that, Matt? I mean, sort of introspective about it. It was kind of like, yeah, you know, I said, because I said to him, I know people that are funny, but they don't really put in the work. And so they suffer, you know, career wise. I mean, I've even felt that way about myself sometimes. Like, hey, you know, you got to get a work harder at it, you know. that way about myself sometimes like hey you got you know you gotta get a work harder at it you know and I was sort of saying to him you know just just because you're a naturally funny person if you don't get out and hit the clubs every night you're just never gonna make your way you know

and you know you had enough of a lip and enough ability that you, you know, but but I know my dad has no work ethic. Right. So I'm like, I this must have held him back dramatically, you know, and I talked to him. I thought he'd be more defensive about that because, you know, how did he become a teacher? you know, how did he become a teacher? Uh, that was a slow process, but I, so I said, you know, kind of maybe didn't work at it hard enough, you know? And he said, uh, he sort of went back to saying, well, I was just scared. I was scared my whole life. And I was like, well, I was like, but what's that have to do with practicing the trumpet?

Yeah. You know what I mean? And he just went, I had low self-esteem. I was like, what's that have to do with practicing the trumpet? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. He just went, I had low self-esteem. Basically, what he was saying was, and I used to feel this way too, it's a sort of hopelessness. It's just like everything's shit and nobody loves you and nothing's ever going to work and you're not one of those people. You're not a successful person.

Why try to be that person? You know, it's just kind of a hopelessness. It's sort of a depression meets hopelessness, meets, you know, low self-esteem. You just never try, essentially. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And you don't finish things. You don't complete tasks.

A lot of, a lot of inability to finish. So sometimes the not finishing is fear of failing. You know, if they don't complete it, they don't complete it poorly or they don't complete it. Not to somebody's satisfaction. It is don't complete it.

Yeah. I don't, I don't, I think the fear of failure thing is, is sort of. Sometimes it's fear of success. I mean, fear of success, sorry. Fear of success. I don't think that's a real thing. It is, it's not probably the way you and I would think about it. You know what I mean?

Mm-hmm. it's not probably the way you and I would think about it. You know what I mean? It's, it's, they're just, they're probably the fear of success is not fear of the success itself. There can be fear of responsibilities associated with success or feel being overwhelmed or fear of being sort of feeling not worth the success.

There's all kinds of other stuff. It's not the success itself. You know what I mean? I still don't, I still don't think that's, I, I stuff it's not the success itself you know what i mean i still don't i still don't think that's i i think it's much ado about nothing i think we talk about it a lot i what about fear of failure do you think that exists yeah i do think fear failure exists quite a bit yeah i would agree it's more fear of failure is an explicit thing. Like I fear we use fear of success. Like we use, if only those kids out riding had self-esteem,

you know what I mean? Like if we could give them more, it takes a lot of self-esteem to kick in the side of a car that you've never, where you don't know the occupants of the car and then start beating on them. That that's not a low self-esteem maneuver there. No. Um, but anyway, that you've never, where you don't know the occupants of the car and then start beating on them. That's not a low self-esteem maneuver there.

No. But anyway, then I said this. It was a funny one. I don't know why this one struck me. Tell me if this strikes you. My dad's coming up on 92 years old, right? So he was saying, so what's been going on? What have you been doing i said well it's been traveling a lot doing a lot of shows i did five shows in naples florida and then

off to fresno and turlock and you know did the shows here and the shows there and then i just paused and i said uh have you ever been to Florida? Yeah. And he went, nope. Yeah. And I thought, I don't know why. Why symbolically did that strike me? Yeah. I don't know why, but never been to Florida. Never will go to Florida.

Just not going to Florida. And you would go to Florida for either work or vacation. Right. But if both those things were off the table, if you, your work, you didn't have that kind of career where your work took you places and you never took a vacation.

Well, then I guess you'd never go to Florida, right? Well, and remember I was with you the first time you went to Chicago and Florida places. And they were some of the first time you went to Chicago and Florida places. And they were some of the first times for me, too, by the way. So our perspective is kind of effed up because we moved around a lot.

But I got to tell you something. As I moved around, I sort of felt like Americans have a responsibility to see the country you know what i mean i feel like you have an op you should really this country is very different as you move around and very interesting too yeah no i agree i told them um you know i get to go all over the place places you'd never go on your own uh for work you meet everyone and uh it's a great experience what do you say yeah it's like okay you know good moving on i'm not leaving the house but you go ahead it seems weird to be an american your entire life and you've never been to hawaii or florida i don't know i get hawaii hawaii is get Hawaii. Hawaii is exotic. Hawaii is expensive. I get Hawaii.

But particularly when you grew up on the East Coast, never having been around the East at all. But, you know, again, there was no airplanes. You know, airplanes have been a big part of our life. Did you think an airplane was going to be a part of your life when you were growing up?

Me? No. Me neither. And we grew up very differently, but neither of us had expected airplane travel to be something we did. No. Yeah. Certainly, but not any regularity at all, for sure. No, I know. We have a weird view, I think, of things a little bit.

But I would recommend it. I'd recommend people get around as much as they possibly can. And I think millennials, Gen Zss do move around quite a bit. All right. Let's answer a question. Hey, by the way, before this call comes up, you know the high guy guy? You notice that the MyPillow guy has taken the high guy medicine cabinet thing and uses it in the MyPillow ads?

Would you like me? I'm not even going to dignify that with a response because we've talked about it no do you think i don't know oh no no i do know i figured you had something to say about it i beg your pardon i don't i just uh i i've of course immediately noticed it. The high guy antiperspirant commercial was the major part of my childhood. I'd watch the commercial in the evenings and then I'd show up at school the next day and go, high guy. And that was my source of entertainment and comfort. Yes.

That's how your career in comedy started. That's right. All right. Entertainment and comfort. Yes, that's how your career in comedy started. That's right. All right. Let's talk to an anonymous female on line two. Hello.

Hello. How are you? Good. What's your question? It's quite serious. That's not just your run of the mill. That's not just your run of the mill. How do you handle psychological terrorism defined by coercion, threats, economic abuse, preventing access to money? executed in a court of law, sandwiching me between family law and probate,

leaving me without money to live. And probate was supposed to be a gift. Do you make your own money? I cannot because they chose to disable me so badly that they utilized all the funds that I had in family law. And then they tailgated me on the other side and hit me up from being prevented to get probate funds. Why can't you work?

You can't work because they took your money? Yeah, I'm not sure I heard why you can't work. Okay. I did not work for a very long time. I am highly educated, MBA, technical degree, as well as a marketing degree. Why didn't you work? One more time. Just very simply.

Keep it simple. Why did you not work? Or why aren't you working? I'm currently not working because I've been totally disabled from any kind of funding including a vehicle. You've been disabled

by... Hold on a second. Drew. The reason... Hold on a second. The reason she can't work is because she doesn't have money. Yeah, I know. Wasn't that because she doesn't have money. Yeah, I know. Well, not because she's disabled by not having money.

Right. And no vehicle, I guess. Yeah. But these are all good reasons to work, right? Yes. You would think. All right.

So there was this ability, but disabled by how about that? Disabled by the disability is just put the word right there. What's the noun that describes the disability? Are you talking still to anonymous? Yes. Okay. There is actually no disability.

I cannot in the tax. You said you can't work. There is no disability. We have all kinds of due diligence issues that they've appointed a guardian ad litem, but you haven't proven that I need guardian ad litem. I have a springable, durable power of attorney. You know the problem, Adam. If we can't get the basic stuff answered, it's just impossible to have a conversation.

It's just unfortunate. So the question was, you said you can't get the basic stuff answered, it's just impossible to have a conversation. It's just unfortunate. So the question was, you said you can't work because you were disabled. The diagnosis prior to this was anxiety. Anxiety. Do you understand? Yeah. Anxiety is the disability. Anxiety was induced from legal.

But I am thrown into a legal arena that I cannot not be a monkey in. I want out. That is all that needs to be solved. But when you are disabled and you are kept isolated in your home, your home becomes a jail. You don't have money for Internet. You don't have money for internet. You don't have money for TV. Your harm to your credit, to your mental health that you've worked so hard for, you're kicked down. You were 20 pounds away from goal weight.

You lost nearly 150 pounds. But you can't now find the motivation to get back up again. All right. Hold on for a second, anonymous female. There's obviously something going on here emotionally, psychologically, sort of beyond spiritually. She said anxiety. So she's at minimum psychiatrically disabled.

But the question becomes, then, why not general relief? Why is she not on Social Security? I don't think we're going to get an answer. No, look, but here's what I'm saying. I don't think we're going to get an answer. No, look, but here's what I'm saying. Look, we can talk about all the official particulars and ask all the questions we want. Everyone listening is hearing something in her voice that says she needs some help emotionally, psychologically, spiritually.

She has to get some help figuring out, you know, getting a job application filled out or, you know, getting your basic cable reinstated or something. It's all deck chairs on the Titanic at some point. There's something going on that is of a larger scale and significant emotionally and psychologically. It could work. It's going to require counseling medication. I, God knows what, but that's the place to start.

Anonymous caller. Yes. A psychiatrist to get a proper medical worker, but she must've had in order to get disability, but follow up, keep going back. And by the way, there are lots of mutual aid societies

out there you can go by zoom there's all kinds of things you can get support it's it's really you know about engaging in a process of recovery and i understand you were doing weight loss you're doing this and then the other thing and i understand you feel rolled over by the courts i wouldn't and they're just a mess but just just take care of yourself. Focus on taking care of yourself. And if you are disabled and unable to perform or function in treatment, then get general relief. Get Social Security. All right, here's a question that I find interesting,

which is Stan, 45, from Boston. Hey, guys. Just want to say huge fans. I've been listening since Loveline, and you two changed my life. So I really appreciate you guys. Thanks. How come whenever I love listening to Reasonable Doubt, you know, you guys are great, great chemistry with Mark Garagos,

and he always will start a debate or a conversation with you saying, you know, Adam, we're on the other side of the aisle from each other. My friends are not the same as your friends. And then he goes on to agree with everything and every premise you have. And it makes me feel like he's saying this for a strategy reason other than he's actually on the other side. I have an answer. I have an answer.

Let me offer a little bit because I've known Mark since he was 16. And by the way, he does the same thing to me but a little differently. He goes, I'm coming around to your way of seeing things now. And he ends up in the exact same place i'm at almost without exception because i you didn't have to work very hard to convince him either it's like he he was already there he just says it in the beginning oh but what's what is what's our college name stan yeah yeah it's a really interesting thing and and adam and i were actually talking about this offline which is the notion of political posturing.

People get a political posture. And even when their beliefs and their understanding and their policies, positions change, their posture does not. They think of themselves as coming from a certain place. And Mark thinks of himself as a super liberal. And that whole concept has changed now. But he still thinks of himself as that way. So when he agrees with somebody like Adam, it doesn't change his posture. That's not the best word I can use.

Adam, is there a better word? Yeah. I have an explanation for it, which is this. I do not care or punish anybody who's on the opposite side of the political aisle for me as long as their ideas are sound. Sure. We don't think that way, really, do we? I just want to know what everyone's ideas are. Yeah. And I would vote for a Democrat or a Republican. It wouldn't matter. I just want to hear their ideas. The left does not work that way. You will be punished. So if you announce that you're on the right, you will be punished by the left severely.

And people in Hollywood, they're trying to essentially do business in this realm. You can say is, is I agree with all the things you're talking about, but I will not announce that I'm in your tribe because there's possible ramifications to that. I would not care what anyone's political affiliations were if, in fact, were simpatico on the subjects. Yeah, the left will not have that and that's uh you know it's a business decision you have to make those kinds of listen all look you know there's a there's there's conservative people in hollywood um you know kevin cost you know, even even guys like Jay Leno and, you know, Tim Allen and guys like that. You never hear him talk about it, do you? No. Would they show up at a rally like a Second Amendment rally or show up at a Trump rally or something?

No, it's it's suicide. So who's the tolerant side here? No, the left is not tolerant at all. Look, if you don't take a vaccine, experimental vaccine that doesn't work, they want you fired. They're not tolerant at all. They talk about it constantly, but that's all projection. Right. So if you're here and you have a certain client base

and you're sort of navigating this society, then you're not going to announce that you're on this side of the aisle. You'll just agree with most common sense things. That's the new world order. You know, and it's a weird, part of the reason they do that is it really works, right? I mean, people on the right say dumb stuff, and they go, look, they're Nazis, they're this, and then these labels and these characterizations, these cartoonizations of the other side work. And so they get great traction from that.

Yes. All right. But if you're on the left, it just won't even happen to you. It just won't. You'll be fine. If you just say I'm on the left, nothing will happen to you.

Right. Yeah. I mean, unless, you know, unless you say something about transgenders or something, and then they'll do JK wrongs too. You know,

they will. If you say something that violates some of the canon, and you're on the left, you'll get it worse than anybody. Yeah, they will happily destroy you if you, even if you're on the left, you just have to,

if you don't go along with every retarded, magical, gypsy thing, crazed concept they have, if you push back against any of it even if you're on the left you shall be destroyed that's the way it works all right matt real quick 36 connecticut opinion on silver fillings and teeth releasing mercury droop thoughts no opinion i've had them for years i've had myself i've never seen any it's not as though it look not as though when people come in with medical problems we put

on our list or could this be mercury could this be a factor mercury i was like just no zero doesn't enter our thinking i would file it under couldn't hurt to remove them or replace them or whatever them but not worth thinking about but it has been discussed and i wouldn't argue you know it's like when they were talking about putting fluoride in water you know what fluoride remember there's a lot of fluoride talk yeah what happened to all the fluoride hey how about all the prepuse talk we used to get into? Remember that? What was that? People wanted their foreskin restored. Yeah, a lot of foreskin restoration groups and stuff. We just shift from one batshit crazy discussion to another.

The guys who were circumcised, who started the group trying to regrow their foreskins, claim they were mutilated. I know. I'm looking at Emmy because you're too young to know how fucking batshit crazy everyone has been. The only difference between this time and the pre-pews grow your foreskin back movement is CNN, New York Times, L.A. Times, and every Democratic senator and governor weren't completely down

with you growing new foreskins. That's the difference. Cougs used to just be cougs. Like, go be a coug out on your own fucking kooky island. Now we got to get with you on kooky island hey listen part of by the way the outcome all that foreskin stuff now we have a bunch of 30 year old males with uh phimosis which is what happens if you keep your it's a common thing when you get from your foreskin uh sort of you retain your foreskin as you get tearing and narrowing and the head of the penis won't come

out you have to pull it down and it tears some more and you have to have an adult circumcision, which is a pain in the ass. You're much better off. Well, you already had a circumcision. No, this is if you've been uncircumcised. There's lots of uncircumcised guys. Yeah, but they're not part of the movement. I mean, as big a part of the movement. The movement resulted in a lot of kids not getting circumcised.

I got you now. Good point. All right. Go to AdamKrola.com. The live show's coming up. Vegas, Oklahoma City, New York City, Sony Hall, May 26th, 27th. All dates, all over the place. Huntsville, Alabama, Nashville, Tennessee.

Just go to AdamKrola.com for all the live shows. What do you got, Drew? Tennessee. Just go to AdamCrawl.com for all the live shows. What do you got, Drew? DrDrew.com for the pods and DrDrew.tv for the streaming show Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, 3 o'clock Pacific time. So, until next time, Adam Crawl for Dr. Drew

saying, Mahalo.