The Adam and Dr. Drew Show - #1726 What To Do When She's Annoyed

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

Adam gets into his thoughts that women call people "annoying" as a catch all phrase for them to be correct and end the conversation. He then gives advice on how to avoid a fight with your spouse by going to another room to do something productive.

Recorded live at Corolla One Studios with Adam Corolla and board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist, Dr. Drew Pinsky. You're listening to The Adam and Dr. Drew Show. Yeah, get it on, got to get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get

it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get All right, my friend, it is time. It is time for us to share with our audience our deep dive into the word annoying. It is time. Yeah.

This is, we spent, how much time do you imagine we spent talking about the word annoying? What would you guess? Six hours total. He's getting in there. He's in the right zone. He's got us.

Yeah. So we have some ideas. We have some thoughts. Well, women are annoyed. Yeah. They use the word annoying. I noticed that women use the word annoying and men never use the word annoying. And women use it all the time.

Yeah. them use it all the time yeah i mean i don't know somebody text uh tweeted me and said i said something that i someone asked about annoying i said i was pre-annoyed something yeah i do remember you said something like that i was making a joke but um i don't use the word annoying and apply it to people. My thing with people, like there are people who I have great disdain or lack of respect for. And I had a lack of respect for my mom. I have a lack of respect for Joe Biden.

I have a lack of respect for like Adam Schiff and Kamala Harris, but I would never say I'm annoyed by them. No. I'm just – there's character. Many people I think have deep character issues, but I do not – I wish they were annoying versus deeply – deep issues with character. You know what I'm saying? Yes, I know what you're saying.

And I've never – That's concerning, not annoying. I've never, and I guess as close as guys get to calling people annoying is maybe obnoxious, but that's a woman thing too. They feel

obnoxious and annoying. Obnoxious for a male means there's usually aggression in there too. Yeah, to women obnoxious for a male means there's usually aggression in there too. Yeah. To women, obnoxious is an annoying person who's drunk. That's basically how you move from annoying to obnoxious. Yes. And it all is a relative of disgust. Yes.

And we know there's just a biological thing where women are much more tuned into disgusting things, disgusting smells, disgusting images. It harkens back to protecting infants from infectious material or dangerous material. They have a very powerful reactant to disgust. And so annoying becomes something they pull away from. Again, disgust is a highly motivating feeling. It moves you away from something. And annoying starts to drift into – I'm moving away. Disgusting.

Yeah. And it's interesting. And I think a lot of it is sort of tribal in the sense that I'll meet a lot of women or talk to a lot of women they'll be like oh i love michelle obama i love oprah and it's like what do you love about them you know what do you mean and it's sort of like they're one of us or something or they care or whatever that thing is like but it's nothing like if you asked me what I like about Mark Garagas or Ben Shapiro, it wouldn't be like, hey, he's one of us. You know what I mean?

It would be like these guys are deep thinkers, and they have lots of interesting insights. And ideas. And ideas. Not like he looks like me. You know what I mean? He likes stuff too. It's like neither of them are into the mechanics he talks about the children of the world and how someone needs to do something for the children of the world you adam need a place at the table yeah and it's like yeah that's

nothing talk why why do you like that well they're talking about it. You know what I mean? But what are they doing? And there's something exciting about it. But as I was saying to Drew, so women are annoyed and they find people annoying. And also, let me posit this, Drew. this drew when women use the word them being annoyed by somebody i think there's a method to their semi-retarded madness women do not like to be assailed on stuff or confronted on stuff like every argument i've ever had with a woman that involved some date or some time or something, at some point you start reaching for your phone and go, let me just show you the email you sent me three days ago. And they go, oh, fuck you, and they storm out of the room. You're so annoying.

You're so annoying. They don't – they're not fact-based. They're not interested in the nuts and the bolts. Well, it's being impinged upon is annoying. But let me just say this. it's being impinged upon is annoying. But let me just say this. If you said to me,

you know, this person, if you said this person or that person is X, Y, or Z, then I would say, well, you know,

give me some examples. Oh, they're wrong about X, Y, or Z. Well, what did they say about it? And be specific. And let's see if we can clear this up. Or you express to me what it is. If you say you're annoyed by somebody, there is no argument. There's no counterbalance. There no there's no well now it's time for me to prevent

present the facts and in my case you're just annoyed this is when you're annoyed by somebody you're just like an indian having a bad feeling you know what i mean as you like walk into the valley yes or or a dog who knows that uh the the new boyfriend is bad is a bad dude you know it's like how do you argue against annoyed no you can't argue against annoyed and that's why i think women use it a lot because they'll say you know your friend he he annoys me it's very you know what i mean and you go art's a great dude and he said he's a good dad and and he you know he's smart and he tells a funny story he's annoying now what what do you do with annoying well you can't argue against it which is what they like because they don't want to deal in sort of facts and data it put it pulls them

away from that person and it's close-ended right it just ends the relationship and so if you're on a date and the girl goes why why did you end the date? He was annoying. Right. Nothing specific ever. Like I didn't like how he parted his hair or anything. Just annoying. Well, you could say, right, because if they said his breath was bad, then the guy could say, I brushed my teeth in floss before I walked out of the apartment.

Thank you. Thank you for telling me. I can correct that. Or we ordered the garlic based whatever. Maybe that the apartment. Thank you. Thank you for telling me. I can correct that. We ordered the garlic-based whatever. Maybe that was something. Annoying just covers all. But think about this. You had pointed out

years ago how women, when they are not annoyed by someone and are attracted to them, they'll find reasons to orbit in their proximity, including touching, like the hand drag. Remember that whole thing? Sure.

And back when we were that age when that meant something. But that women will actually touch even, while if they're annoyed, they go the other direction. Right. And so I think that annoying, that there's a, I don't know a better word than value put on being at ease. They like funny because it makes me at ease. Yes.

So annoying is I'm not at ease around this person, so he's annoying. Women – if you really think about giving away 50 pounds of muscle to the creatures that want to have sex with you you would need to be relaxed yeah you know what i mean like the number your number one state would want to be being relaxed well and it turns out that estrogen is very much tied into that function and something that's called receptivity. The muscles literally have to relax. As a guy who's walking around at 200 pounds, if you're on the airport shuttle and some guy sits next to you and he's 250 pounds, there's a part of you that's like, who is this guy? backgrounds, there's a part of you that's like, who is this guy?

Like, does he? And, you know, if you look at his phone and he's listening to the best of ABBA or something like that, you go, OK, I'll relax. You know what I mean? But if you're wearing like a Raiders jersey or something, you're like, I better kind of keep it. There's a physical component. So there's a phenomenon there that nobody talks about because it all goes under the heading of toxic masculinity. But that women don't appreciate is that men are always on alert for violence.

Right. We're always assessing other men. Always. Right. And when we were young, it typically turned to violence. Right. What do you think Chris and Ray were doing to you? Violence of the highest order.

What do you think Chris and Ray were doing to you? Violence of the highest order. But I was walking with a woman, and we walked across a bridge, and we saw a shallow but large and broad pond filled with koi fish, large koi fish. I don't even know the difference between carp and koi fish. Oh, I don't either. Never thought about that. And they may be the same thing. Okay, look it up.

Maybe a carp is a bigger koi. Let's see. These are large koi fish. It could have been carp. Okay. Carp versus koi. I'm just going to look it up. And then they were swimming, and it was very serene, and it was lovely, and it was tranquil. And we stood on the bridge and looked down on the koi slash carp swimming around and then noticed ducks.

The ducks were not in the water. The ducks were standing on the embankment on the edge as sort of a formed cement hard edge up about a foot from the water line. And they stood there. Koi are types of carp. Yes, exactly. And the ducks were standing out of the water on the edge. So the ducks are not in the water. There's koi flying around.

And they're just standing over there on the ledge. Well, the kois aren't flying around. They're swimming as they would do. Yeah, they're just sort of milling about. And then she said, I bet the ducks aren't in the water because they're annoyed by the fish. And I said, you think the fish? But there's that pulling away thing again. Did the fish annoy them?

She saw the pull away, and she assumed annoyance, disgust, pull away. Yeah, now, I don't know a ton about ducks, but they appear to be sunning themselves or drying themselves off, or I don't know what they were doing. But I don't think they were out of the water because the fish were annoying them. Now, the fish could have been doing something to them, but annoying. The thing that's comical is no. Do ducks get annoyed?

No animal gets annoyed. It's not something that applies to the animal kingdom. Does she know we're talking about this? I don't know. King snakes don't get annoyed you know what i mean gators no reptiles get annoyed yes foul doesn't get annoyed they get scared they get scared or they get aggressive aggressive yeah but they don't they'll get annoyed yeah and i thought that was so interesting you said you almost called me right then. I wanted to call you so badly.

But it's about people that i think are substantial you know what i mean like half the women I know could go out to dinner with Jordan Peterson and announce he was annoying on the waiting for the valet. You know what I'm saying? Yes. And my thing is like annoying is neither here nor there if you have something to say. But they normally don't – I don't think. Maybe you can correct me on this. Think of other women as annoying particularly.

They got a whole lot of other thoughts about other women but not annoying so much. Not so much. Yeah. Can't trust her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of sort of backstabby stuff.

You know, she's a liar or whatever. No. Men, they kind of announce her knowing. And women, they graft on a lot of ulterior motives. She's only doing this because. You know what I mean? And then there's also a lot of, I bet someone put her up to it. And it's always, I'm a woman, I know.

I'm a woman. Well, I'm a woman, I know. I'm a woman. Well, I'm a woman, I know is up there with I'm annoyed, which is how does one approach that to try to defeat it? The problem with I'm a woman, when I hear a woman say that, my brain goes, oh, so you engage in that bullshit? You're just saying that's what you do? You would do that stuff? I'm a little disappointed. Right. And now you're accusing someone else of doing something that you do? You would do that stuff? I'm a little disappointed. Right. And now you're accusing someone else of doing something that you would do because you're a woman? Not a great look.

I know I talked to you about that mayor of Los Angeles, Karen Bass thing and her homeless situation. Yeah, wait before you finish, I want to do one more thing on annoying, which is that there is a chronic state of annoyed, too, that women can maintain. And your mom is living, breathing, was a living, breathing example of that. Well, my mom was chronically annoyed because when somebody is annoyed, the number one state to be avoided with somebody else awarded that in a not too graceful manner but what i'm saying is is if if there if there are five people on a sofa right yeah and you need to ask one of them for like a ride to the airport, right? And you have a tired person and you have a busy person and you have a person who has a physical ailment like, you know, kind of their hip is sore or something like that, and then you have an annoyed person, you will go to the annoyed person last.

You will go to the cheap person, the angry person, the tired person. You will go to all those people before you ask the annoyed person for something. That's interesting. I'm not quite sure what that is they put out because what annoyed people do is they kind of train everyone around them to back off yeah and to kind of give them space and they're already annoyed and they will get even more annoyed with your whatever. Well, you know what's interesting? So like when women – like I'll give you an example of what women do all the time. You know, women will go – women who can be annoyed, you know what I mean?

They'll go – you've had a million conversations with your wife this way. Well, they'll go to the store and pick up some lemons or limes and come back. And then you go, what does the recipe call for? And they go, like, lemons or limes? And you go, wait a minute. Is it lemons or is it limes? Because I just go to the stores. You know what I mean?

This morning. Every discussion. Every discussion with a woman who's pre-annoyed is like you're trying to drill down and figure things out. Oh, no. It was more dramatic with me this morning. I was going through some difficult reception area. And so I'm like – and this phone would go silent. It's like three times go silence

and i go are you there are you there are you there if you know one time ignored me saying it then it goes silent again are you there yeah i'm working hard don't you see what i'm having stressed out this morning don't you understand i'm working on something i mean no i don't right i'm going through difficult they can't in annoyed state, you can't take another person's point of view, which is interesting. An angry person is usually angry at something, not necessarily you. And they can usually take your point of view. Yeah. What it is is I'll sit on my sofa and maybe I'll be angry at somebody or some event or

something. And then my daughter will come in and ask for a ride somewhere. And I won't be angry at her. I'm angry at something. Yes. And she may pick up on that. But you're not going to direct all that to her. Right.

But if I'm sitting there annoyed. It's so retarded. So annoyed gets you left alone. It's so ridiculous. Annoyed people get left alone. left alone. It's so ridiculous. By the way,

how many times I'm looking at Ben and Amy, although I don't know where Ben went, but how many times with a woman who's not an annoyed woman, per se, but she got annoyed. She gets annoyed.

Your wife gets annoyed. A woman gets annoyed, right? She may not be a person who is easily annoyed. She may not have a predisposition for being annoyed. She may not be what we're talking about, but she got annoyed. What is your move? Go in the next room, shut the door. That's all you do is you walk right away.

This morning, hung up. I was like, okay, got it. See ya. You wouldn't even, when a woman is annoyed and in the kitchen, you wouldn't even walk into the kitchen to heat up your coffee mug in the microwave and turn around and leave without saying. You wouldn't even want to, because they'll turn around and bump into you and go, what is it?

You know what I mean? Like, why do you have to be here? Why are you so annoyed? Right. All right. Woman gets annoyed. bump into you and go, what is it? You know what I mean? Like, why do you have to be here? Why are you so annoying? Right. All right. Woman gets annoyed. You get away from her.

Yeah. You get away. You don't even hover around and talk about things that might annoy her less. Or try to help. No, you don't try to help. You have to get away. Right? Yep. Or try to help.

No, you don't try to help. You have to get away. Yeah. Right? Yep. So that's our relationships when they get into the annoyed state. Yep. Right? 100%.

Well, my mom was in the annoyed state 24-7. Yeah. So what did people do? You go to the other side of the house and you shut the door. Yeah. to the other side of the house and you shut the door, which is what she wanted because she didn't want to give you money or ride

or cook. Except when you do it, they feel abandoned. The perpetually annoyed or the marginally annoyed? I'm not saying they have to feel abandoned, but

there's another side to this, which is I have some reaction to you pulling away also. And it's sort of a traumatic reenactment. Look, I think when the woman is annoyed, you step out of that space. Now, here's the caveat. You cannot have her witness you doing nothing or something that may annoy her. You have to go to a different spot and close the door. You can't sit around and watch a TV show that she doesn't like because she will then drift into your space and be more annoyed. Right.

Isn't that interesting? The best way to deal with annoyance in that way is to leave and two-thirds of it is leaving the area and closing the door. closing the door. If you would like to really see if you could put some sob on it, go leave and go clean the garage. Leave and go clean the gutters. Leave and go hose down the driveway. Leave and go mow the lawn.

Leave and go do something. It's something that they would approve of. Yeah. And it's not that you'll get points for it. No. You won't get points deducted for it. Take the dog outside and do something with the dog. My point is, is at some

point they're going to come out and they're going to have a beef. And if you're just sitting around watching TV, their beef will get stronger. If you are actually doing something semi-productive that might benefit both of them, it'll mitigate it. And the beef is more likely to include something directed at you if you haven't done something.

Yeah. So for the time that you're leaving them when they're annoyed, pick know, pick up a rake or broom or something and go do something. Now, they will... Now, let me... But let me get more specific. Do not attempt to do something that benefits them

that's too specific to them. So you don't want to look like you're being patronizing? No. That's not it right no no oh that's not what i'm saying okay what i'm saying is is there are certain you can go too far with your feats where you go well you know what i'm going to do then i'm going to go out and organize the master bathroom you know i'm going to take everything out of the medicine cabinet and throw away the expired stuff and keep the good stuff and put the label. That's too specific.

Yeah. And she'll be bothered. Yeah. She'll come in and go, where's my Noxema? Yes. Or I'm going to go clean her car or something like that. You can't,

that that's never going to work. Right. It needs to be a kind of a general notion of I'm going to brush the dog. I'm going to pull some weeds out in the yard. You know what I mean? Kind of a general thing. It can't be vacuum because that's sonic and that's too close to them. And it's annoying.

They won't have that. You must go out and get them food. If you go out and get them sushi, that'll help. So then who are the annoyed people? Well, my mom was annoyed. My grandmother was kind of annoyed too. And annoyed people get left alone more than any other group. Left alone more than angry alcoholic dads left alone more than you know rageful people or people the hair hair trigger on their fuse on their rage or sad people morose people depressed people often are sort of a bummer in some respect the annoyed or often often... Annoyed are depressed as well. But the number one outcome of annoyed is left alone. Yeah.

Well, that's the disgust part. And so the annoying slash disgust is about pulling away. And so they are actively pushing away, pulling away. That's what that is. And then as you said, the annoying thing is closed-ended. It just begs any conversation. It's just over. Now, the thing about annoyed, I mean, the good news about annoyed is your wife or your girlfriend is not annoyed if she catches you cheating.

It's not annoying. It's not annoyed if she catches you cheating. It's not annoyed. And because annoyed is usually based on almost nothing, it cycles fast. It'll wear out fast. You know what I mean? Interesting. You can leave a very annoyed woman going to the next room for 20 minutes and come back and they will be not annoyed.

It's a fast cycle. And often not really aware how they've reacted, what they've done. Like I think about my wife with this phone call this morning. Oh, no, they don't. There was like nothing. It didn't happen. No, for them, it's like, you know, they're sleeping and you're snoring and they push you. You know what I mean?

And it's like, do they know they push you? Not really. they're just sort of reacting right kind of in their sleep yes yes yeah so there's no you know you you never get apologized to oh when they're annoyed no no no no but why should you were annoying you caused that you were the annoying one right because you kept although what's interesting about that i don't think they want an apology from you either. No. The thing that annoys women the most is when you're looking for something and you don't see it or something.

You open the fridge and you go, where's the mustard? It's in the side shelf. And you go, I don't think there's any mustard in the side. It's in the side shelf. And then at some point you go, it's... I don't, and they go, oh, here. You know, and then they go over and they go to the fridge and it's on an upper shelf sideways in the back.

And then they go, here's your mustard, okay? And then you go, you said it was in the side. Okay, do I have to get the mustard for you? It's like, that's chick. That's annoyed. Every day. Right, every day. But it wears fast. Yeah, yeah.

It's gone. It's a little flame. Yeah, it's a little bottle rocket of annoyance into the night sky. It's so weird how different it is, though, because there is no equivalent. The only thing that comes near in men is aggression. Some sort of outburst of aggression. But we reserve that for important occasions

because it's serious. The thing about annoyance in men is there has to be some evidence or rhyme or reason or something, meaning this.

You've been in this position a million times so far. You're doing some interview, some radio or something like that, and the interview starts at 10 a.m. And at 10.05, the phone's ringing. And it's like, it's Mike August. He's calling. And your first impulse of when you're doing a radio interview and someone starts calling your phone on the other line and you're talking to the radio station on the other line,

your first impulse is annoyed. i don't get annoyed but my first impulse is like what's this person calling for you know is some sort of attack on the person who's calling yeah then the second impulse is like they don't know i'm talking to a radio station so they're just calling is that really annoyed not annoyed it's it's it's a it's a kind of it's a kind of what the fuck yes why is this person yes to a radio station. So they're just calling. Is that really annoyed? Not annoyed. It's a kind of what the fuck. Why is this person doing this? It's sort of the first impulse. Yeah, mine is always like,

it's 8.30 at night. What really are you going to do? Come on. Yeah, there's that. But so for me, my checkdowns are sort of like, check downs are sort of like, I will be doing a, a phone call with a radio station at 10 a.m. The phone will ring.

Sometimes it'll be you. And then I'll ignore it obviously, but it'll be you. And I'll have no feelings about it because you just called me at 1010 when you might have called me anyway. But when Mike August does it, he's the guy who set up the interview. And I have different feelings. You know what I'm saying?

And they're still not really bad because his motives aren't bad. He wants to call me and talk to me about something, and he forgot that there was this interview to do. But that's the point. The annoyance prevents you from taking the other person's point of view. You're always thinking about, oh, okay, all right, well. Right, right.

So you are let off 100% for calling in the middle of my radio interview. And Mike is initially on the hook. And then there's some forgiveness given to him, some grace given to him because he's not calling to annoy me. He has some piece of business and he forgot. And usually he's very reliable. Yeah. Like even a reliable's very reliable. Yeah. Even a reliable person forgets. Yeah, on occasion. Alright, go to amcroll.com live shows. Solana Beach coming up.

Got a pay-per-view. That'll be Sunday. And go to liveone.com I think it's pretty cheap. A couple bucks. Me and Brad Williams are going to be performing over there. You go to live1.com slash Corolla Live, and then it's Nashville, and then it's Huntsville,

and then it's Vegas, and it's San Antonio, it's Monterey. Just go to amcorolla.com for all the live stuff. What do you got, Drew? Dr. Drew.tv for our streaming programs, and drdrew.com for After Dark and podcasts. So, until next time, I'm Dr. Drew SamTV for our streaming programs and DrDrew.com for After Dark and podcasts. So, until next time, I'm Dr. Sam. Mahalo.