THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.10 - LOUIS THEROUX

Episode Date: November 27, 2015

CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE!!! Adam enjoys another ramble chat with film-maker/journalist and long time friend Louis Theroux about putting on make up in public, cinema etiquette, heckling and the fun/annoying things that kids say. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Adam Buxton here. Honestly, I can't remember if there's swearing in this podcast or not. If there is, there's really not much of it. What there is much of is inconsequential chat. Here we go. I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin. Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening. I took my microphone and found some human folk. Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke. My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man. I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan. Hey, how are you doing? It's Podjob here, recklessly tossing out his razor-edged chat hat into the public sphere. That's not a nice image, is it? That

could cause a lot of damage, not to mention decapitation. And that's not the point of the podcast. What is the point? The point, I suppose, is to communicate some kind of vaguely thoughtful levity. That's what it says on my contract with myself. In which case, a better thing to line the edge of the chat hat with would be like strawberry flavored sugar a bit like the rim of a strawberry margarita oh mate come on it's friday morning though isn't it it's too early for the strawberry margaritas um yeah that would be better i I think, for PodJob's chat hat. But listen, that's probably all a bit mystifying for anyone who has never seen Goldfinger. Or anyone who has.

How are you doing, Podfellows? Nice to be back with you for this, the last in the current season of the Adam Buxton podcast thank you very much indeed for all your continued friendly and supportive messages on SoundCloud and on Twitter and on my blog I've got a blog, I've got a blog rooty rooty, spooty rooty

blog, blog, blog I've got a blog here's the address, Here's the address. Here's the address. It's adam-bugston.co.uk So check it out. And on the blog you will find posts for I think every episode of the podcast thus far. Actually except for the Rob Delaney one.

I just got swamped that week and didn't have time to do a corresponding blog post. But there's one for the conversation I had with Catlin Moran last week, just because I wanted to link to some of the things that we were talking about, particularly the books that I mentioned. What's it called? Delusions of Gender and the Female brain. And in fact, I include a message from someone called John. He sent me a message via my blog. He says, I'll quote the beginning of it, with reference to your comments about brain gender at the beginning of the Catlin Moran podcast, the consensus within mainstream neuroscience and psychology,

the consensus within mainstream neuroscience and psychology, which immediately makes me think, wow, John is in mainstream neuroscience and psychology, although I have no idea whether he is or not. You could get in touch and tell me, John. Is that brain gender is influenced by both nature and nurture. Melissa Hines, director of Cambridge University's Hormones and Behaviour Research Lab, arguably the UK's leading expert in this field, uses the books you mentioned at the beginning of a panel debate to illustrate how evidence is often distorted to support polemical arguments.

And I include a link to the YouTube video of that interesting panel debate there. But I'm exactly the kind of person, of course, that is being buffeted by these pop science books and polemical debates because I'm very easily swayed when it comes to this kind of thing I'm like the plastic bag in American Beauty being blown around by the prevailing winds

waiting to be filled with other people's heavy shopping anyway so that's the blog this week Louis Theroux my old friend Louis With other people's heavy shopping. Anyway, so that's the blog. This week, Louis Theroux. My old friend Louis. The journalist, documentarian and filmmaker.

And this is another couple of conversations from the couple of days we spent in Los Angeles last year. In Louis' garage. Chatting about various things. So shut up, buckles. Play a jingle and roll the convo. OK, here we go. Ramble chat, let's have a ramble chat. We'll focus first on this, then concentrate on that. Come on, let's chew the fat and have a ramble chat.

Put on your conversation coat and find your talking hat. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, makeup in public, on public transport, etc.? I can't say that I've... It's not something you think about? ...really ever given it a second thought. Here's what I always think. think about really ever giving it a second thought here's what i always think like why it seems weird to me that the whole business of putting on makeup for a lady or a man or whoever chooses to wear makeup right is a um what they're trying to do is is is make themselves look special

and nice and exciting right and that's a bit of theater i mean i would associate makeup with theater and you know even if a person is in in real life it's still a bit of theater i mean i would associate makeup with theater and you know even if a person is in in real life it's still a sort of theatrical gesture right to put on makeup and uh that is something that you would want to do in private like taking the theater analogy you would do that in your dressing room and then you would come out on stage, as it were, at the party or wherever you're going to be. And ta-da, look, oh, you look great, kind of thing. But what's the point of, you wouldn't like get ready for a show at the theatre in front of the audience. No, you wouldn't.

So I don't understand why women think it's acceptable to do all their makeup routine in front of you on the train for example like i was sat opposite a lady who must have been i don't know in her mid-30s taking a long time to i mean she was at it for about an hour i would say from start to finish putting her whole face on and she did a great job but i just thought why are you doing it in front of everybody else who's this for is this just for one not for you no it's not for me not for you and this for? Is this just for one? Not for you. No, it's not for me. Not for you. And I think that's the important point, isn't it? Because she's in private.

Yeah. In her world, she's in private. You're a member of the technical team. You know, you're not a real person. I'm crew. You're crew. You're not paying public. Yeah.

So she's mixing with the unwashed such as yourself and then when she and when she gets to her work with the high-end personnel that she meets in her work then that's showtime the show hasn't started yet when she's mixing with buckles so we should be slapping her on the back and saying have a great one yeah break a leg yeah well although it might be one of those sets where the crew's not allowed to address the the stars you know like when ricky gervais apparently that's terrible gossip isn't it some of these stars that is in their contracts that you're not allowed to talk to them unless spoken to or even look at them. Right.

Have you not heard of that? Yes, I have. But it seems like... Who have you heard that in connection with? Well... Did you hear it with Ricky Gervais? No, I didn't. I would be surprised. I would think that...

I know. That doesn't sound right. It doesn't sound right. I mean, people have said it about people like Mariah Carey, you know. But even she denies strenuously her diva-ish behavior the only thing is um she can only be photographed from one side right and she she kicks up a fuss if people try and photograph her bad side she makes a big stink which i thought was ludicrous until i saw um a picture of her from the wrong side. She looks like a different person.

It's actually quite weird. And I have a good side and a bad side. Everyone does. I realized since then. So I kind of, now I get that. I try not to make a stink about it. It's one of those things that seems ridiculous when you hear about people requesting that when you're younger. You just think, how vain and silly.

But yeah, if you have to get your photograph taken a few people used to say it was almost like one of those comedy um sort of off the peg comedy phrases are you getting my good side that's right that's not my good side yeah but um yeah there's something in that uh so but i so i think really for you to feel odd, it's women saving half an hour of the day as well, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Listen, I'm not putting them. On the tube. No one wants... On the tube, I mean, it's like being...

I mean, it's a very odd space, especially those London deep line tubes, not the Metropolitan line, but one of those really deep line tubes, not the metropolitan line, but one of those really deep line tubes, like Piccadilly Line, where it's barely high enough to stand upright, and everyone's in each other's faces but pretending that they're not. I think you can get away with almost anything on there.

I mean, I think you could practically go to the toilet without people making a fuss. Sometimes people do. What about you could like wash your nuts? You could put deodorant on. Do you reckon you could put deodorant on? I don't think you could put deodorant on. I reckon you could.

I think that would be awful. There was some guy, I went for a walk yesterday. Would you eat on the tube if it was crowded? No. You try not to but but i mean then you know i've done things that i know are not very good like i i once had a sandwich and i talked about this on the radio once i think but i i went to see the film sunshine with edgar wright the uh talented film director and i had a sandwich while we were watching the film. It was a turkey stuffing sandwich

that I'd got from Tesco Metro on the way because I hadn't had lunch, and Edgar did not appreciate it at all because he's a cinephile, you know, and he wants the experience of cinema going. Well, you ate it during the movie. During the movie. Oh.

And I did think, I was embarrassed as soon as I opened this sandwich. Was it sort of making crinkling, crackling noises? No, no, no, because I really hate that. I mean, I hate noise. But then I was embarrassed because I opened it and it did, there was a, like some food is odorless, right? So it's not going to be an issue. But this one, the turkey stuffing had quite an aroma. And so I thought, hey, this is not ideal.

But I've opened it now and I am hungry. So I'm just going to have it. But I did notice Edgar like shifting around. Really? Not saying anything, but clearly thinking, mate, you don't eat during a film. And you definitely don't. I mean, you can eat popcorn and all that stuff, I suppose. But even that's not ideal.

But you definitely don't eat a turkey stuffing sandwich. It was that stuff i suppose but even that's not ideal but you definitely don't eat a turkey it was the noise it was the smell not the noise i would say yeah yeah because i was making no noise i mean it was really a joyless uh experience eating this sandwich because i was being so careful not to make any noise and i was so aware of you have to do that thing of like not eating during the quiet bits. And then when there's an explosion, you just eat. When all the bass kicks in and stuff. As soon as Pinback emerged from the shadows and started terrorizing the crew, then I would. But then, as if Edgar was controlling the whole universe, when I got on my way home from the film, I started feeling a little queasy. And by the time I got home,

I was shivering uncontrollably and I had got food poisoning from this sandwich. Wow. I was in bed for a day and a half. Karma. Yeah, it's absolute karma. I learned my lesson. What do you think about sitting in front of people when you get to the cinema?

Like, do you think, oh, I better not sit in front of those people because then I'll be in front of people when you get to the cinema. Like, do you think, oh, I better not sit in front of those people because then I'll be in front of them and they'll struggle to see. I mean, you're taller than I am, so that's more of an issue for you. But not sitting down. Really? No, because your head's still going to be poking. Tall people are still taller in a seat. Well, I think most of it's in my legs.

Right. What does that mean? That's nonsense. Your torso and your body that's tall i think it's probably about the same as yours i'm a little know me no i think probably from waist up we're about the same height anyway to answer your question no i wouldn't sit i would try and find somewhere where i wasn't sitting in front of someone and even then if it's a crowded cinema i'm gonna slump down as well you know what i mean and i certainly there's no hats or anything like that going on because that drives me there's a cinema art an art house in my car i mean which

one it's in sort of it's just between haymarket and and leicester square and it's got a very bad rake like it's almost flat i don't want to bad mouth it but anyway you don't get a good view right we sat down but without really realizing it i guess we were in front of someone and they flipping got up walked around and sat in front of us to teach you a lesson yeah so childish wow why couldn't they just have moved somewhere else yeah that is weird no generally i would go to because because the whole scenario makes me anxious all that stuff makes me anxious so i would would go to, because the whole scenario makes me anxious, all that stuff makes me anxious, so I would usually go to the movies in the afternoon, like try and pick a quiet showing.

Joe and I used to go whenever we would do our movie going, optimum time would be first showing Monday afternoon when often we were the only people there. Don't you like the vibe of a packed, it's like I saw Edge of Tomorrow a few nights back. And it was completely full. And it's hard to beat that feeling of an opening weekend where everyone in the cinema is really engaged. It's completely full.

It's an amazing vibe. Yes, that's a different experience, isn't it? But if you're going for just the comfort of watching the the thing and engaging with it one-on-one then i want a quiet showing but yeah i agree with you i remember did we go and see die hard in new york back in the day do you remember that i don't think i was at that because i think joe came and stayed with me afterwards and he was talking about it and i went and saw it again oh yeah in cape cod well that was fun but Americans, I would say, are a bit too chatty in general in the cinema, don't you think? Just like unfiltered.

It's as if they're like children and they're commenting on everything. And I've been to a few showings. So this is across all demographics, right? Well, the cliche is that if you go to like a sort of sort of inner city screening like with basically with a predominantly black audience yeah african-american i don't know if it applies in britain but that there's a lot of interaction with the screen yeah but i'm saying that that's the case uh across the board across the board yeah because i went to a showing of a film the other day and uh there weren't that many people in the screening and there were mainly white faces

there and they were all just, and it was the film Chef Jon Favreau, so you know, not like a big kind of kicking and punching action adventure thing that you would think most people would be like, yeah come on, woo! It was fairly you know, tame

and not the kind of thing that you would expect to be shouting out about but people were still sort of saying oh yeah you told him yeah that's right oh no no I don't believe it all this kind of stuff

it's like oh that's gotta hurt all this crap that surprises me a little bit actually that was at the art client that's a fancy cinema. Yeah, yeah, that does surprise me. I mean, I like a bit of that. I don't like a bit of that.

Do you not? No. I want silence. Absolute silence. In Norwich, where I live in East Anglia, that's one of the things that I thought, I'm going to really like it here. Because you go to the Odeon,

I guess it varies depending on what you're seeing, maybe. But my experience has been predominantly you can go to a pretty full showing and people shut up and they just watch the movie you know there's no phones ringing there's no commentary there's none of that it's great um i still chuckle and when i remember you went to see the unbearable lightness of being and then halfway through someone shouted out unbearable and walked out and walked out i was doing a show the other day in london um doing this show bug that i do occasionally and we were doing a special on xl recordings home of the prodigy white White Stripes, Radiohead, Peaches, other world-beating acts.

And the climax of the show was me asking the audience to choose between two classic, so-called classic Prodigy videos. One of them was, and this was a playlist that had been put together by the organizers of Bug. I hadn't chosen the videos, but they had said to me, okay. And at the end, asked the audience, because we don't have time to show all of them, but asked the audience to choose between the video for Breathe by The Prodigy and Smack My Bitch Up. Right? You remember that? And I don't personally like that video for Smack My Bitch Up.

I remember when it came out. And it wasn't so much the sexism, although that was quite a big factor. I just thought it was a crap, stupid video, right? With a twisty ending. Yeah, it's all shot POV, right? A horrible night out in Soho of someone who you assume is a man going up, getting absolutely hammered like beer after beer shot after shot getting into a fight on a dance floor uh grabbing a woman and

she slaps him and he kind of shoves her away all the time you're assuming this is a he yeah it's very like debauched man out on the town and then like you know and vomiting into the sink and hoovering up drugs and all this stuff it's really grimy and uh and then right at the end goes to a hotel room starts having uh sexual relations with uh another lady and uh and then the lady sort of gets up i think and flounces out at a certain point and then you get a a view of the person in a mirror in a mirror and it's a woman it's an attractive woman back in your face right back in your face with your preconceptions because women can do that too i just thought so what if women can do that too that doesn't excuse any of that that was just a horrible litany of revolting

behavior from a man or a woman i don't care anyway uh i'm sort of and it's a man using it's directed by a man yeah it's directed by a bloke using a woman as a proxy to sort of get away with get away license him to do all those things yeah i thought it was a pretty lame video anyway you know it's got a certain notorious cachet doesn't it yeah i guess it reminds people of the the edgy 90s um what if he'd been a dead woman like a ghost like a sixth sense kind of thing how how would you reveal that why would that make it be bruce willis bruce if it was bruce willis dressed as a woman. I like twisty endings.

If it was Bruce Willis dressed as a woman. Dressed as a woman, and they were all ghosts, or just, would they all be? He interacts with. No, he interacts with real people. But in the sixth sense, he only interacts with ghosts, doesn't he? I think if it was. Or is he dead? Yeah, he is dead. Listen, don't worry about him being dead.

I think that it was... Or is he dead? Yeah, he is dead. Listen, don't worry about him being dead. I think that complicates him. It's Bruce Willis dressed as a woman with prosthetic breasts, which are out on display. Would that be less sexist? Yes. Yeah, it would be, because it would be more weird. Yeah, that's how I would have done it. Anyway, so I'm saying to the audience, OK, now you can choose. And I said I didn't want to prejudice the whole thing too much, but I did sort of indicate that I was kind of down on smack my bitch up a little bit.

So I said, you know, you could choose between the non sexist video for Breathe, which I consider to be a superior track for what it's worth. Or you can go for the other video for smack my bitch up uh by the prodigy and uh vote now and overwhelmingly the audience voted for the smack my bitch up video at which point a lady in the front row got up and said and i think she was american and she spun around to look at the whole of the audience packed audience audience at the BFI, and she put up her middle finger and said, and that's why you all can fuck off. And she said it really loudly and flounced out of the cinema. I thought it was a very good gesture.

Quite ballsy. Yeah, it was brilliant. Yeah, I think that is kind of cool. People assumed that she was a plant. But she wasn't. No, no, no. It's great. I think people who can do that, I have a lot of respect for that. It's not really, it's not my style.

No. I think it was, I don't know. You've got to be confident to pull that off. I mean, she really did, though. It was great. I thought, good. I mean, I was a little embarrassed, obviously. Really?

And what did you say after that? Because I felt complicit. I felt like one of the sexist people, you know, because I was a little embarrassed obviously Really and what did you say after that Because I felt complicit I felt like one of the sexist people Because I was just about to play this video But I said I called after her and I said You know it's okay It turns out to be a woman

I don't know if you've seen it That was like a joke But I must say I did admire her I thought that was a good move Have you ever Heckled But I must say, I did admire her. I thought that was a good move. Have you ever heckled? No. Because in a way, that's a different kind of heckling.

Because she's sort of heckling the audience. I mean, I felt like she was heckling all of us. She was heckling me for even suggesting that I would play. But she wasn't talking to you. She said she turned round. Yeah, she directed it at the audience that had just voted for the video. Yeah. I thought it was good. It's an interesting power dynamic because...

Have you ever heckled someone that you strongly disapproved of on stage? I'm trying to think if I have. I don't think I have. Occasionally it's crossed my mind. Yeah. What struck me from because i thought about doing a documentary on comedians for a while and clearly in the comedian's universe hecklers loom quite large and what you get is the feeling of comedians feeling very embattled as

though um that uh hecklers are out of order that hecklers shouldn't exist that you know they're on stage and the contract is that we talk and you shut up and listen and um and i i was struck by that because i sort of thought actually no it isn't quite that clear cut because really um if what you're saying is absurdly unfunny or offensive, A, people are within their rights to call you out on that, and B, that a lot of the most interesting comedy seems to, for my purposes, come out of that encounter of dealing with hecklers. And heckler can be a boon, but evidently they're virtually never seen that way.

Hecklers are seen as the as the lowest of the like an you know unmitigated kind of um enemy and um yeah rude and i mean i think the thing is you have no right to heckle yeah i know what you're saying and and i think i i've thought that myself and i think that the deal is like if the comedian wanted to just get his point across or his jokes across uninterrupted, then he needs to reposition the show a little bit. It needs to be more of a theatrical piece. And that way the audience can understand that it's not appropriate to engage with it the same way that if you went to see a Shakespeare play, you wouldn't start calling calling out that's a shit line i could have done that better or you know what i mean i don't understand that right yeah you know you wouldn't do that you would you would anyone who did that would be mental right although can i add a caveat which is that at the globe they don't invite hecklers but they

invite audience participation and in in and they they put they set it up as kind of in the spirit of Shakespeare himself, that the people in the audience should shout things like, give him a kiss or... Okay, like a panto situation. Kind of panto-esque, yeah. That's what they used to do back in the day, is it? Yeah, and actually that's part of the vibe at the Globe. And I think it's kind of one of the things that makes the Globe

kind of a cool experience yeah i can see that todd barry for example he's pretty hard line he doesn't really appreciate any heckles heckles but what he has done is sort of cleverly i mean he does crowd work he's done a whole special where he just he doesn't have any written material just goes on and interacts with the crowd so obviously that's a big part of what a lot of comedians do, is so-called crowd work and stuff. But once you're in the flow of your bit, especially if it's quite a finely wrought piece,

like Stuart Lee is someone who crafts his bits so that they need to be delivered in their entirety and there's a certain rhythm to them and you need to get from point a to b without it being interrupted otherwise he really will be well i saw a stewart lee show about three or four months ago and it wasn't a heckle but someone in a slightly brusque and out of context way called on him to perform a certain bit and it threw him a tiny bit and he came back to it and he started slightly picking on uh the guy not in a in a nasty way but he he kept worrying away and coming back to that guy and said oh you want to see that bit and and blah blah but it became

kind of um one of the best riffs in the whole show. And he said, I'm not doing that bit. You know, that bit's shit and I don't do it anymore. And then I can't remember how he kind of went on a thing with it. And then, of course, paid it off in the end by doing it. And it was, like I say, like it really, it was a pretty good show overall anyway. But that felt like maybe the best thing in it. You know, the fact that you're suddenly aware that here's it's like you know this isn't planned and this is something yeah that real stuff always kind of well it was really kind of cool yeah yeah we're

halfway through the podcast i think it's going really great the conversation's flowing like it would between a geezer and his mate Alright mate, hello geezer I'm pleased to see you There's so much chemistry It's like a science lab of talking I'm interested in what you said

Thank you There's fun chat and there's deep chat It's like Chris Evans is meeting Stephen Hawking. You've got children, right? Yes, I do. Do they say a lot of funny stuff? Like, I mean, most parents enjoy the crazy things their children say. Yeah, they do, I would say.

Especially, they're six and eight. And as you know, they get older and they don't say, they come out with fewer weird expressions, but the six-year-old still occasionally can mangle English in an amusing way. And he's held on to a couple of things he used to say as a small boy, like, I don't know, because he thinks it makes it cute, or I'm not sure why, but he has got a few little, nothing that funny, though. They're like little egg corn factories. You hadn't heard of egg corns. No.

I mean, you know obviously what they are, but you'd never heard that term. No. I mean, they're a bit like malapropisms, aren't they? I suppose so, yeah. But I think, as I was saying to you yesterday, the nice thing about the egg corn is that the mangled version has a logic of its own. That's right. You know what I mean?

Yes, I do. thing about the egg corn is that the mangled version has a logic of its own that's right you know what i mean yes i do and uh so hope my daughter is quite good for them because she's five and a half that's maximum egg corn time is it i think so yeah because they're just they half know what they're talking about but not really yeah and they're making their own sense of a world they don't fully understand so for example uh we went to a fair the other day, and she referred to the Ferris wheel as the fairest wheel. That's quite good. That's good. Because it's like fairest in the sense of most beautiful.

Yeah, that's good. That's the fairest wheel. Let's go on that. I mean, not that there were other wheels there that were less fair. That's good. I've got one. When I say to my kids, I want to do an interview. I want to do an interview with you guys because, you know, while you're this age.

This was a couple of years ago, and I sat them down. And they were excited about doing an interview, right? Yeah. Although they didn't really know what an interview was. So I sat them down, and I started filming. And I said, like, sit straight. And then they immediately, like, after about 30 seconds, said, said well this is so boring uh when's it gonna start i got this is it and pretty good but i thought you were gonna do an int of me

which i thought was quite good where's the end yeah aren't you doing an int of me they kind of they're good because they reveal something about English and the way it's constructed What could that mean to him then? What is the int of him? I don't know But he just knew that Sorry

It's fine We'll pay attention to you later Electric piano That's nice that it says It's saying goodnight It's saying isn't it? That's what it was saying oh right yeah i think i'm going away i'm going away now um uh yes i think he didn't know what an int was

but he wanted one done of him and he didn't feel like he was getting one done of him no this is not the end of me that i was after hope the other day as well, said, she asked for an apple, and you know, a lot of the times they go for an apple, and she said, no, don't slice it, I'm just going to eat it like a grown-up. So I said, all right, go on then. I said, you make sure you eat it though, because don't just take one bite,

and then you leave the apple there, and it goes brown, and it's no good, that goes in the bin, that's a waste. So a few minutes later, she came back. And she'd done a pretty good job. It was just the core left. And she said, look, Dad, I ate it right down to the nuts. Nice.

Yeah, I thought that was pretty good. But what was she trying to say? Down to the? Hips. Oh. So would that be an egg corn? I don't know if that's. I mean, that's certainly in the egg corn universe. Yeah. No, I mean, I guess not because it's not a proper phrase. Technically, that's not an egg corn? I don't know if that's... I mean, that's certainly in the egg corn universe.

Yeah. No, I mean, I guess not because it's not a proper phrase. Technically, that's not an egg corn. No, it's not an actual phrase that she's mangling there. It's a concept. She is... It's an enjoyable confusion of pips and nuts that then takes on an altogether less appropriate...

Yeah, yeah. ...thing. How about this? that then takes on an altogether less appropriate thing. How about this? Are your children at an age yet where they are beginning to use phrases that you find annoying and you think maybe you should curb? I'll give you an example. Frank and Nat, who are a bit older than your chaps, I think. They are 9 and 11. chaps i think um they are uh nine and uh eleven um natty especially who watches a lot of viral videos online and likes all that world yeah he has started to say lol if he thinks something is

funny so the other day at supper he he sort of said uh yeah someone said something amusing and he just went lol really like he said it he actually used it in the way that you would think that it is supposed to be used like he was online yeah he just said lol and my heart

sank a little bit because obviously you know if you're going to pull out lol you would want to have lol covered in quite a lot of irony sauce. Yeah, that's funny. And so did you say anything? Well, I thought about it. I thought like, wow, I really don't want my son to just say lol unironically. For Christ's sake, I thought you were saying goodnight.

He's not settling. I've got to turn it off. That's the secret. There we go. thought you were saying goodnight. He's not settling. I've got to turn it off. That's the secret. There we go. He wasn't saying goodnight. He was saying, like, I'm still here. If you want me to stop. Yeah, exactly.

Just a reminder. Just a little reminder that I am still switched on. Yeah, I thought, well, maybe this is just my problem. You know what I mean? He's just having fun. He's not even 10. He can say what he wants. But then I just thought I should make it.

Should I say anything just to give him a little heads up that an unironic lol is punishable by death? Well, what did you do? I think I just said, don't say lol. Did you? Yeah. And then Frank was wielding the Seinfeld derived really?

Is that from Seinfeld? Yeah, he came up with it. It's such a really epidemic. Really? Really? Really? Really? That gets Does he? Yeah, that gun kind of puts my back up when anyone uses it. Mate. It's so rampant at the moment. It really is because it seems to be just a all-in-one personality package, doesn't it?

If you use that, then it's like shorthand for I've got a quirky sense of ironic detachment or it's it's like a comment on what's even john stewart's used it a couple of times it's also kind of a well i i'm not going to make a joke i'm just going to signal that a joke is being made without making one really and um it seems but you see that that really that you just did was too animated there. It's supposed to be wearier. Really? Really? This is happening?

You know? Can't it be, really? No, because that's something different. What's that then? That's more engaged and interested. I don't like either one. No, I don't. Really?

I don't like it. Yeah, so would you say anything if one of your fellows... If the kids... I'm trying to think. Occasionally they pick up a phrase like, this isn't a weird phrase. They just got into saying, but that's not fair on me. And it became like a little... Catchphrase.

Catchphrase that they'd learned relatively young. And it was just I just put my back up a bit I didn't say anything about it. You didn't? No. Well this is the thing. You see I did mention it. I said to Frank like you know Frank really that's pretty

it gets used a lot you may want to search for something a little less less like hacky like you were actually critiquing him from a comedian's perspective. Get some new material. I didn't feel like it was from a comedian's perspective. Either way, it's not really good behaviour from a dad, though, is it? To start making your child feel self-conscious about the way they speak.

Especially if they're just having fun flexing their muscles in a world of i find myself i find myself sparring with my kids sometimes uh because i find it funny and then i think am i sort of training them to be facetious at school which i don't really want to be doing yeah like you know just silly things like um you know like oh that's great you know call me when your brain grows back or you know, just silly things like, you know, like, oh, that's great. You know, call me when your brain grows back. Or, you know, just like insulting. Playground put downs. Playground put downs.

Yeah. And because I find it amusing, you know. And then I think maybe that's not good parenting. Call me when your brain grows back is good, though. I mean, obviously the teacher wouldn't really want to hear that. I don't know what the right thing is. I just enjoy that. I don't know.

But I've always found those playground put-downs quite funny. Yes. And so do you remember the one you'd go up to someone and you'd say are you a bummer tied to a tree and they go no and then you go bummer on the loose and run around and and and I always thought that was quite funny and then there's a few like that. Or you go up with an apple in your hand. You say, do you want a fruit punch?

Remember that one? I do remember that one. And they go, yeah, okay. And then here's the fruit. Here's your punch. And you punch them. So I find that amusing. And then I began thinking that would be quite a funny bit if the Adam and joe show was still on as a grown-up to film you doing that to grow to other grown-ups you know as a remote piece like out on the street

and what kind of reaction like can you still use those put downs i think you'd be in trouble with bummer on the loose wouldn't you that's not uh is it what on p sort of like the lgbt community LGBT community may have a problem with that. But it's not LGBT that just bum, isn't it? Yeah, of course. I mean, that's true. A lot of people bum. But in the place where... And actually, is that about bumming?

What is bumming? Well, sodomy, isn't it? Are we talking about sodomy? I guess. But I mean, if we want to be bold about it. I think that's gender neutral. I think you could make a pretty good case. Sure, everyone loves bumming,

but I think in the playground, though, they were mainly being homophobic, weren't they? Maybe. Gosh. I think you could get away with it, but maybe I'm kidding myself. I didn't like the violent ones, I have to be honest with you.

Like what? Did you ever deliver the fruit punch then? No. No, because some people I remember... No, no, I would just play act it. you. Did you ever deliver the fruit punch then? No. No, because some people... No, no, I would just play at it. Okay. Well, that's the nice way, but some people used to go for a real punch.

I got hit in the face once when someone came over and invited me to smell the cheese. Did you ever get that? Oh, yeah. They would open up their palm, and then they would lay... That's, like, sociopathic. Then they would lay their fist on their other palm.

So you open up your left hand and then you lay your right hand as a fist on that palm. And then you say, smell the cheese. And you think, oh, I don't know what's going to happen here. I'll give it a go. So you lean in and take a smell and then they biff you on the nose. No, I didn't. That's not cool. I hate that.

I like the more random ones. Like, you hold your fingers crossed and you say you on the nose. No, I didn't. That's not cool. I hate that. I like the more random ones, like you hold your fingers crossed and you say, break the cross. Oh, yeah. Break the cross. I'm going to break it right now. You killed Jesus. Oh.

I remember that one. That is just bizarre. Yeah. You killed Jesus. I think there was variations on that as well, wasn't there? I don't know any others. You killed a fairy, I think. Really?

But it's worse to kill Jesus than a fairy, I think. Why would there be a fairy on a cross? That makes even less sense. I didn't think it was possible to make less sense, but that makes even less sense. Yeah, of course it's about the cross. I thought it was just about, like, this is a special thing that's made thing i love that you were doing that and you didn't even know what it meant no clue this is i'm drifting through my whole life like this and then what will your policy be on swearing do you swear in front of your children um no i it i i basically don't. Sometimes my wife does. I don't...

What kind of bombs is she dropping? Well, everything but the C word, I would say. Really? Not deliberately. It's not a policy, but... Sure, it happens. It slips out every now and then. She's very emotionally available.

And so I don't, though. Maybe you'd need to get someone else. I mean, I feel like I don't though I don't maybe you'd need to get someone else I mean I feel like I don't but um I mean a you no one really wants to no no one thinks oh that's fine uh in in very like when when they got past a certain age when they were old enough to understand that I was angry about something and what it was, and I wanted to kind of really hit my point home, I might wheel out a, you know, I might say, listen, that is just bullshit. Whoa. Bullshit. And then they would know like, whoa, dad's talking to me like an actual grown up.

He's serious about this. What would it, what kind of thing was it? It would be like, oh, Dad, I didn't realise. I was like, I asked you to switch that off ten minutes ago. What's going on?

I didn't realise. Do you think shit? That is bullshit. Whoa. Did you give them that look that you just gave me? Sure I did. Absolutely.

Do you not find that there's a degree of acting that you need to do every now and again that really stretches you? What about BS? Why don't you just go FFS? That is BS.

Really? Maybe you need to speak to them using more internet acronyms. Really? I probably should have done, yeah. Dad, I didn't realize I had to switch it up. Really? Did he say? Has he ever, has Nat ever said ROCFUL?

ROCFUL? Has Nat ever said Rotful? Rotful? Well, I think Rotful's okay as well. On the internet, you don't put the T in there. I've seen Rotful. Rotful sounds quite good as well. Rotful. Rotful is something else. Rotful just conjures up images of rotting.

Rotful. Rolling on the floor laughing. Whereas Rotful puts you in mind of Rotting. Rotful. Rolling on the floor laughing. Whereas Ruffle puts you in mind of fun things. Like Rolf Harris. Rolf Harris. That's the thing. I, no I don't. Did your parents swear

in front of you? Yes. They used to say Christ. Jesus? Yes They used to say Christ Jesus Christ They used to say a lot Wow you're counting that as swearing Wouldn't you? Taking the Lord's name in vain I mean

Anything you wouldn't want to hear your kids say Is pretty much a swear word isn't it? I suppose Like I don't like hearing them say Oh my God I Yes I didn't like hearing that

I know it's true isn't it? It's funny say gosh and which i know sounds really lame doesn't know i do the same because i and it's not like i'm very religious uh but i just don't think it's attractive to hear like a little child saying oh my god it just sounds too disrespectful it's too strong too strong why is it too strong. Why is it too strong? Like, if it doesn't mean anything to them and it doesn't... It's too strong because there's a sizable minority of people who'd be offended by it, I think. It does have some cultural overtones. Yeah, of course.

And God might hear. And then he would totally fuck up your shit he would be fucking he'd go schizo he'd give you leprosy really really there's some other ones that i can't actually think of any any of those things that becomes like a um a kind of like a cultural. Like a meme. Like a meme. Do you remember the time in the 90s when everything was somethingly challenged?

Like vertically challenged, folliculally challenged or follicly challenged? Yes. When it was sort of gently lampooning the world of PC. PC, yeah. And then it felt like it was three or four years before that passed through the system. And then for a while it was, don't go there. Right. Don't go there.

Don't even go there. Don't even go there. Talk to the hand, there was. I once heard a story that Norm, this is kind of private gossip, but that Norm Macdonald went out with Elle Macpherson and that the reason he split up with her was because she kept saying dang go there dang go there and it was driving him nuts like that is total gossip there's probably got no substance to it but don't even go there and like it was just winding him up and then like what other ones there was like

for a while it wasn't as widespread but people's like, don't be that guy. Oh, that's still happening. Really? Yeah. A new one is, although it's not comic, but it's there was an ad I saw and it said, she's got this. And then my older boy, eight years old, sometimes says, I got this. And it's the idea like, I've got this. It's like a quintessential, it's a very of the moment

catchphrase i mean you know i'm i'm enjoying this conversation as if i'm totally above using all these phrases myself which is not the case i do you know i find myself slipping into using the odd uh sort of media cliche or meme or whatever whatever you want to call it like the ones i resent are the ones that are slightly you there's a danger that you would be using them for real. So like, and all the more pretentious ones, like in Starbucks, I don't use the, I don't ask for a venti or a, maybe I do sometimes.

I think I've started doing that. What's that? For a while I had a policy of, they don't have small, medium and large. They have tall, grande and venti. But they'll understand if you say medium. Yeah, yeah. Right.

But technically you're supposed to be saying tall, grande or venti. For crying out loud. And for a while I was like, that is so stupid and pretentious that I refuse to do that. And then you just get worn down, don't you? And one day you're going like i'll have a grande grande is not as bad as venti ventis uh it comes from i tweeted that i don't i refuse to say that and i only then realized from the replies it means 20 like i guess it's a 20 an italian 20 what the ounce of something? In Italian, yeah.

Twat points. 20 twat points. Yeah. Is what that is. Shit. No, that's no good. Are there other ones that get on your nerves? Well, you see, I'm doing it right there.

That's no good. You know, that's... That's just English. Yeah, but it's something that I've picked up from somewhere, like a little dirty disease. I do, when people you know, I get criticized sometimes for when someone says, how are you doing? I say, I'm good.

Go with the American. And they say, or rather I've heard other people say. I wasn't asking for your moral status. I've heard some people saying, you know what drives me mental is when people say, I'm good. You know, I'm well is what you want to say.

I'm very well. Thank you. I'm well. I'm good. No, it's all right. I got it. I'm good. Because maybe it's because I quite like, you know, I like.

That's the thing for a lot of Brits and for my sons. I can see that they like the sound of American patter. Yeah. And the conversational rhythms. It's very attractive, you know. What about dude? Are you all right with saying dude? You know, I don't say dude, but I don't mind if other people say it.

As policy or you're just afraid? Maybe I'd say it sometimes. But you say it quite a bit. Too much. Do you ever think about when you're saying it? Yes. too much do you ever think that do you ever think about when you're saying it yes and sometimes i think is this authentically me or am i just am i just adopting something that's in the culture but you know you were probably the reason that i started saying man but it was you and a group

of sort of hippie guys at school that used to say probably was it and were you i mean the hardcore hippie guys were just they were they were sort of proper hippie man on the end of things like oh i don't do that man or man as a kind of vocative man man what are you doing no yeah not like oh man that's not so bad but hey how you doing man how you doing man i don't think i do that anymore do you not but then we had teachers who'd say like um that was different yourself up man that's different that's army that's an army is it come on man for goodness sake goodness sake man buxton man what are you doing because they wanted to say boy but maybe they thought it was too yeah yeah so i try i i don't know it's it's funny it's like writing prose like would you use a

sort of english voice on or an american voice and is dude okay or i don't know where the chips are gonna fall but i try not to be too fussy yeah i. I mean, I guess people are trying to hang on to something that they consider authentically theirs as a Brit. You know, they sort of say, well, let's not just talk exactly the same way that Americans talk. Let's hang on to some sense of identity, which is, I would say, a fair beef, wouldn't you? Yeah. Yeah. Do you like how do you do? Yeah.

What's the answer to that? I do very well, thank you. For real? Yeah. I do very well? I do very well. That doesn't sound right. It's not I'm fine.

Yeah, if you want to be colloquial. I do very well. I've never heard anyone I think it's just Thank you, I do very well I don't think that's right That sounds like it's an innuendo I do very well

It is if you say it If you raise your eyebrows While you say it Then it's innuendo, yeah. Well, I do very well, thank you. If you give me a chance, you might find out. No, that's different. I mean, I should say at this point, I don't generally say I do very well, thank you.

But I may start now. Oh, that's funny sometimes i've thought about saying um to an audience when i go on would this be funny like to say hello good evening how do you do it what's that that's nothing was that what you is that it did you say that right i mean how do you do this is the first time that that I have articulated it in words. It's been like a vague thought that's been spinning around my head at bedtime. It was funny just then. Yeah. There's a funny opening bit Steve Martin used to do.

He'd come on and say, Very nice to be here. And he'd be playing his banjo. And then he'd move like a few inches to the side and go, Very nice to be here. And it would go on for a little bit. Which always was... That's a good joke, that's a good joke yeah it's a peach um where do you stand because i've noticed you don't sign your emails kiss and i don't want to say my feelings are hurt but i noticed i've noticed that about you that you

don't generally do i not give you any love you don't as a habit you don't i must say i thought you were on my love list so sometimes i write l-o-v-e maybe you've done that and i don't want to throw wild accusations i mean something i've noticed in being in america is that american men at least do do not sign kisses to each other, even quite close friends. Do they not? No. What are they doing, then?

They're just saying, best, yours. Best, yeah. And in Britain, that's considered quite normal, I think. Doing the kisses? Yeah. Yeah, cornballs does kisses.

Yeah, I think that's pretty normal. But I've been getting a kind of not anxiety but sort of a sense of i need some consistency so about a year ago i just i've more or less eliminated exes from my any kind of course i must say i've never been a kiss guy i'll give uh if i'm emailing my wife she'll get a kiss an ex yeah um but and if it's a close friend they'll get love um or if it's you know if it's someone i really like and and i think that they're not going to be weird about me writing lov then then they'll get love uh everyone else gets best now yeah which i actually got off cornballs that's something he picked up a lot of these things are things that you pick up from other people don't you find like emailing techniques one one great technique that i picked up that that i really like although i get embarrassed

whenever i email this person because i feel like they can see the point at which i nicked it off them is double spacing the email Right So every line gets double spaced Because it just makes it look It's much easier to read Every single line So you hit return Twice Twice

Not just between paragraphs Yeah between paragraphs Between paragraphs But you know like for an email A lot of them are just one line paragraphs Exactly It's just one line I like that too I sometimes do that Yeah But, you know, like for an email... A lot of them are just one-line paragraphs. Exactly. It's just one line.

I like that, too. I sometimes do that. Yeah. But I do it religiously now. And as I say, I sometimes feel self-conscious when I email this bloke that maybe he's thinking, you got that off me, you dick. It's not that original. Is it not? I don't think.

Like, there's one guy who's, like, pleased with himself that he invented yeah breaking up his paragraphs no exactly get if he's hanging on to that he's got other things going on i had a guy come in once he says like i've got a friend and he wants to copyright this was about 15 years ago like there was something like how do you copyright like a word like a phrase and i was like what do? I was like, it's something to do with the internet and emails, okay? And he just wants to copyright a phrase to do with internets and emails and addresses, okay? But how would you do it? Like, he was ostentatiously not telling me in case I ran off with the idea, right? And I said, what, e-dress?

And he's like, yeah. I was like, why would you even copyright that? That's stupid. But he thought that was worth money, I think. E-dress, it's so brilliant. It's so simple. It's going to catch on. I want to capitalize on it.

Do you have to go? I do have to go. That's our guest. All right. Hey, thanks for talking to me, man. Was that the end? Well, we're going to have to conclude. I'll think about the thing I invented.

Really? Really. Thanks, man. This is an advert for Squarespace. Every time I visit your website, I see success. Yes, success. website I see success yes success the way that you look at the world makes the world want to say yes it looks very professional I love browsing your videos and pics and I don't want to stop and I'd like to access your members area and spend in your shop. These are the kinds of comments people will say about your website if you build it with Squarespace.

Just visit squarespace.com slash Buxton for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, because you will want to launch, And when you're ready to launch, because you will want to launch, use the offer code BUXTON to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So put the smile of success on your face with Squarespace. Yes. A little bit of an abrupt ending there to the ramble chat with Louis Theroux. Yes. bit weird about in that conversation i always feel weird about one thing in a conversation and think i feel as if i need to explain myself was the bit about casting aspersions on my son's choice of phrases phraseology you know with him saying lol and ruffle and i just i mean i was

admitting as much to louis i i admitted that I felt kind of bad about having mentioned it, because that's no good, is it? You should be able to say what you want when you're little. And coming from me as well, I'll, Spongy Buxton, I'll pick up any rubbish phrase and it'll just become part of my lexicon. I noticed that I've been saying right a lot. I don't think it's like a rubbish phrase exactly, but it's a conversational tick that I've been saying right a lot I don't think it's like a rubbish phrase exactly But it's a conversational tick that I've picked up, right? And now I'm saying right at the end of sentences, right? And I think, I was thinking about it

I think I got it off Ridley Scott I don't hang out with Ridley Scott But I watch a lot of interviews that he gives Like all the alien interviews and stuff on the DVDs there. I've watched all of them a number of times. And he says, right, at the end of sentences, right? And I think maybe it rubbed off on me. That's okay. I mean, it's riddles. You know, if riddles wants to rub anything off on me, that's absolutely fine. Anyway, so i feel like a bit of a hypocrite for giving my son a hard time for just trying out a bit of groovy internet speak he doesn't say lol anymore

i'm glad to say or raffle the thing that he came out with recently was as a kind of triumphant flourish at the end of a sentence when he felt that he'd sussed me or his mom out he said babushka that's the thing now i don't know if he made it up or if he's seen it on a show or babushka while pointing at me with a triumphant grin and i thought well that, I'm happy with Babushka. It puts me in mind of Kate Bush, so what's wrong with that? The next Adam Buxton podcast will feature Joe Cornish. I've already recorded a conversation with Joe. It took us a little while to acclimatize to the new dynamic in the podcast. With me as the host, him as my guest,

I was kind of asking him questions about what he'd been up to recently. And, you know, we never really talked about that kind of thing on The Six Music Show. And indeed, on The Six Music Show, there was a very different kind of atmosphere because it was live. It was the big British castle. It was the morning. It was not appropriate to swear. It was not really appropriate to talk about anything particularly serious. You know, there was no rule against it, but we felt like we were happier just being silly, you know, exclusively. And on this podcast, it's nice to be able to drift into quite serious areas occasionally and have an actual real conversation rather than just keeping

it 100% goofy you know i think maybe what i'll do is put out the conversation that we had and then put out another one some sometime around christmas because i think joe's going to come back maybe pay a visit to the nutty room and we're going to do the whole exchanging of presents thing that we used to do on six music at christmas time because that's not what we did last time we ended up just having a big long discussion about movies and tv shows that we've enjoyed this year joe gave me a lot of good recommendations and but maybe it'll be a bit frustrating for people who wanted something a bit more festive and and silly so being desperate to please uh i'll try and sort out both but no guarantees you know i'll just

have to see how it goes but anyway you should expect a special christmasy podcast gift plopping through your um internet box sometime around uh christmas day that's the deal all right all right um what else oh yeah i wanted to say thanks very much to all the people who gave me technical advice when I asked Heartbeats, which features a live chamber orchestra. The contestants are hooked up to a heart monitor. They have to answer questions, as many questions as they can, within 100 beats of their heart. I think that's how it works. And there's a little live chamber orchestra there that play live at the tempo of the contestants' heartbeats. And this was the brain baby of Paul Farah.

Anyway, thanks so much, Paul, for your help. Geostats for the podcast. I'll just give you the bottom figures. Just the one listen for the Adam Buxton podcast in the following territories. Botswana, Mongolia, Papua New Guinea, Paraguay and Turkmenistan. Not interested. If you're in any of those countries or, as I've said before, in any other far-flung and exotic location,

do get in touch. Let me know what your life is like. Paint me a detailed picture with words, as long as they are interesting words and not boring turd words. That sounded a bit rude, didn't it? But you know what I'm saying. Get in touch. I'd love to hear from you and find out about your life. But right now, I'm going to wrap things up. And I'm going to do so, just fade down the Wario's Woods music there. My remix of the Wario's Woods music, which I don't know. I don't know where you find it. It's something I taped off a video game that was playing on a Virgin Atlantic flight 15 years ago. And I stuck my mini disc into the armrest of my seat.

Because I'd become so obsessed with this piece of music, I just taped 30 second chunk then looped it and put some hand claps on and there you have your outro music bed composed by Shinobu and Soya Oka 1994 that's all I could find out about it um yeah so I'm going to fade that down and by way of tribute to a podcast that's been mentioned a few times on this one, I'm going to play a little guitar. Right. Haven't played this in a while. I think the last time I played this, the Les Paul Epiphone copy, was when we were doing a show called The Last Chances for Channel 4 years ago, 2003.

And amazingly, despite my prodigious guitar talent, I just never play anymore. I don't know why. It's nearly in tune still, even though I literally haven't touched it for about 10 years. I bet you I still got it though.... Rosie regularly wheeze on the wooden floor in the kitchen. That's why there's weird stains there. I love you, bye!