THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.114 - BILLY CONNOLLY

Episode Date: December 14, 2019

Adam talks with Scottish comedian, actor, musician and artist Sir Billy ConnollyThanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for production support and to Anneka Myson for additional editing.RELATED LINKSADAM BUXTON 2020 BOOK TOURBILLY CONNOLLY - TALL TALES AND WEE STORIES (2019 BOOK)BILLY CONNOLLY - CRUCIFIXION ROUTINE (YOUTUBE)BILLY CONNOLLY - SOLO CONCERT (1974, STAND UP ALBUM ON SPOTIFY)BILLY CONNOLLY - STAND UP COMPILATION (YOUTUBE)BILLY CONNOLLY - DEAD WIFE JOKE ON PARKINSON (1975, YOUTUBE)BILLY CONNOLLY - MADE IN SCOTLAND (2018, BBC, IPLAYER)100 WORDS THAT PROVE YOU COME FROM GLASGOW (THE EVENING TIMES)ADAM BUXTON PODCAST MERCH Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening I took my microphone and found some human folk Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan. Hey, how you doing, podcats? Adam Buxton here.

And I'm reporting to you from a muddy track between some fields in the east of England. Norfolk, to be precise. You can probably hear it is a very blustery day. Whoa, doggie! It's beautiful. Crazy big painterly clouds scudding quickly across the sky, the sun bright and low over to the west. We've got around one hour of daylight left before we're plunged into darkness. It's just high velocity sky guff. Right, that's better. I'm now being sheltered by a small wood and it's a little bit less crazy here so I'm going to do my intro. Okay now look I know we all want to carry on thinking about the election results and where things are headed from

now on but let me tell you a bit about podcast number 114 which features a conversation with the Scottish comedian, actor, musician and artist Sir Billy Connolly. Sir Billy Fax, this is just very brief Sir Billy Fax, because Billy has done an awful lot in his life. He was born in November 1942. After spending most of the 60s working as a welder in the shipyards of Glasgow, Billy pursued his love of folk music alongside a young Jerry Rafferty of Baker Street and Stuck in the Middle with You fame, and Billy played in a band with Jerry called the Humble Bums. In the early 70s, Billy and his banjo embraced comedy wholeheartedly, and his first comedy album, Billy Connolly Live, was released in 1972. In 1973, one of Billy's stand-up shows at the Tudor Hotel in Airdrie

was recorded and released the following year. That album included Billy's crucifixion routine, an extended riff that recast The Last Supper as a drunken night out in Glasgow. It caused a great deal of controversy at the time, as you will hear, but it did help bring Billy to the attention of British TV chat show king Michael Parkinson.

And in 1975, back in the days when it was really very rare to hear a regional working class accent on a mainstream TV chat show, Billy's appearance on Parkinson, on which he told the notorious dead wife joke, link in description, turned him into an overnight sensation. In the early 80s, his stand-up tours and appearances in the Secret Policeman's Ball shows in aid of Amnesty International, alongside various pythons, Peter Cook and Rowan Atkinson, helped make Billy an international comedy star. In 1989, Billy was married for the second time to not the Nine O'Clock News star-turned-writer and psychologist Pamela Stevenson.

That wasn't the second time he married Pamela Stevenson. It was the first time he married Pamela. I didn't write that very well. He got to know Pamela Stevenson towards the end of the 70s, and Billy credits his relationship with her for saving his life, because, well, she helped him with all sorts of traumas that he had suffered as a child and then supported him when he stopped his increasingly excessive drinking habit in 1985. The 90s saw Billy continue to perform stand-up

as well as appearing in feature films like Mrs Brown with Dame Judi Dench and Muppets Treasure Island with Kevin Bishop. Hello, Kevin, in case you're listening. I worked with Kevin once. It was the highlight of his career. Over the years, Billy has also made a number of TV specials, often documenting his travels around the world, and towards the end of last year, 2018,

the BBC broadcast a two-part profile of Billy called Made in Scotland that focused on his early life and influences as well as his love of music and art. It also showed him considering how his 2013 diagnosis with Parkinson's disease, the degenerative disorder of the central nervous system, has affected his life and continues to do so. It was the Parkinson's disease that led to Billy's decision to quit live stand-up a few years ago and putting a full stop on that aspect of his career is part of the reason that he has now compiled some of his favourite stories and routines about his life in a book published a couple of months back called Tall Tales and Wee Stories. My conversation with Billy was recorded back in July of this year, 2019,

in a central London restaurant. We did our best to find the quietest part of that restaurant. Hopefully the hubbub in the background won't be too distracting. And though I was nervous to meet a man who, I think it's safe safe to say is one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time, Billy turned out to be a charming and generous interviewee. And when I realized that he was sort of relaxed and happy to talk about the past, we had a very enjoyable meandering conversation, a lot of which was me just firing random questions at him about a few of the things he's done and people that he's met along the way. By the way, rather than having Fact-Checking Santa interrupt our conversation, let me tell you that the band named after the

castle that Mary Queen of Scots stayed in was called called Fathering Gay. It'll make sense. But our conversation began with Billy asking me where I'd travelled from, and I said I'd come from Norwich. And as you will hear, that sparked off a reminiscence about a memorable gig that Billy had played in Norwich in December 1980. I'll be back at the end for a tiny bit more solo waffling, but right now with Sir Billy Connolly. Here we go. Have a ramble chat. Put on your conversation coat and find your talking hat. Yes, yes, yes. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la I played Norwich the night John Lennon was killed.

Really? Yeah. 1980, was it? Yeah. What was that like? It was terrible. For about 20 minutes, and I said... Yeah. God, John Lennon, and the place erupted in applause and then quietened in and it was good. You must have been personally depressed.

Yeah. You were a big fan. Oh, huge. It wasn't about being depressed, it was about the act, about the world's depression. Yeah. How do you deal with that, though, with an audience? All you do is mention it, share it and then leave it.

Right. And get on with it. Did you do is mention it share it and then leave it right and get on with it did you do any shows around 9 11 oh yeah i did one in london and the shakespeare theater on the riverbank yeah the thames bank and i had a good fun with it every time an airplane flew across it's best to be completely political incorrect at a situation like that. Yeah. Halfway doesn't work and the sympathetic stuff comes over as jelly. Right. Just go for a gut reaction. It's a huge tragedy. Treat it with a huge dose of humour.

Only huge works. Yeah. And it worked great. I'm sure. the audience is so lonely I think at that point they want to be led in some way to feeling better I don't look at them as imbeciles

but they they know there's something missing in their life they feel rotten and they would like to be dragged into a better position and that's your duty to do it yeah exactly i mean i remember watching a documentary about sting from the police yeah and he was touring with his band around the time of 9-11 and there was a scene with them all sat

around a table discussing whether they should do the show yeah Yeah. Because it just felt so, so weird and so wrong to be involved with the business of entertainment, somehow a superficial effort, you know, in the face of this tragedy. But of course you should do it. Of course you should do it. Because at that time, show business is the only reality. Making people laugh is a cogent worthwhile thing to do and in the face of something

that is abjectly sinful it's the only step you have as a human being is to show the strength of what you've got in comparison you must do it if you're a worthwhile comedian you must put your tuppence worth in there

but I think most comedians would overthink it. Yeah. And then that's when you start getting in trouble. I mean, the thing about you on stage is that you always looked as if you're just responding. You're not thinking too much. That's right. Is that true? Absolutely true.

Right. Just letting the ideas come in behind one another. And how did you know that you could trust those ideas? you don't know, that's the joy of it that's where the diamonds are in it you just speak your mind and then you'll get a little hint in one of the lines of where you should go next

it's dangerous along this way so you go along that way and let it happen and it's dangerous along this way. So you go along that way and let it happen. And it's always worthwhile. Because there's no rules in comedy. People keep trying to put rules on it. You mustn't talk about this, you mustn't talk about that. Comedy has come a long, long way. And I think it's because of the people who do it.

Comedians used to be drawn from that nightclub circuit. Singers doing that blue mohair suit. My wife's blah, blah, blah. Take my wife, please. And it has changed. Comedy is drawn from a different quarter of society, from people who have listened to great comedians and wanted to be one and have come up with rules and laws they will not go beneath. Comedy is by far the better for it. Yeah, you reckon? It's so much better and it's in a growth,

a constant growth state. Whereas the other one is in a death state. It's got nowhere to go once you've made a fool of somebody. Yeah, it does feel as if it's a real watershed moment for so much in society and comedy included. Absolutely. And there's a whole old guard that's going to be left behind

complaining and stomping and saying, why can't I say what I want? There's always, why can't I say what I want? Take the N word. Uh-huh. I saw a talk on television in America about it and I was so angry I wanted to be on the panel

because this woman was saying, I think it's ridiculous to write a whole word off that we're not allowed to say. And I wanted to say to her, give me a sentence with that word in it that isn't offensive which would make you feel better about the word being around.

Give me a sentence with a word in it that is a normal sentence that doesn't insult or deeply wound somebody. I guarantee they couldn't. It's like racism, generally. I now have no time for people who are racist. I used to say, well, look, don't you understand that this and that and this and the other?

But can't you see that this person is brought here in a certain way and blah, blah, blah, and because? I used to go into all the reasons. Yeah. Now I don't have time. I'm 76. I don't have time to spend on you.

I'm going to die soon. Get the point or get out of my life. Stop wasting my time. You've had a lot of comedian friends over the years. Yes. And when you get together, were you the kind of friends that would analyse comedy and take it apart? No, some of them did. I was never one for that, taking it apart. I don't want to see how it works. I want the magician to baffle me. Oh, see, he moves his left hand when he draws your attention to the wardrobe. Don't tell me. I feel the magician to baffle me. You see, he moves his left hand when he draws your attention to the wardrobe. Don't tell me!

I feel the same about comedy. Yeah. I don't want it to be analysed and broken down into its respectful parts. Yes. I think it was Dylan Moore in The Comedian who said it was like pulling the wings off a fairy. That's right. It's not a good thing to do. Yeah.

You always regret it. Yeah. It's hard for comedy fans to stop themselves sometimes i feel the same way about music i've talked about this before on my podcast as a music fan i'm always keen to know all the stories about my favorite songs and favorite albums and things like that but then i run into musicians who say you know you don't need to know the song is there listen to the song yeah you don't need to know. The song is there. Listen to the song. Yeah. You don't need to know all how it happened and who played on it and all that stuff. It's Dave Mason, the drummer with Pink Floyd.

I was speaking to him at a party. I said, who are you playing for when you're up there? He said, the band. You would think they were playing for the audience. Right. They're playing for the band. Yeah, yeah, for each other. Weren't we great tonight? Did you like being in a band?

Yes. Sometimes I liked it and sometimes I hated it. What were the things you didn't like? When I was with Gerry Rafferty, he was so much better than me. He was a better songwriter, a better guitarist and a better singer. And he kept getting better. And I thought I would get better and I did, but so did he. And he was just always years ahead of me.

And it made me really unhappy. I felt useless. Was he generous with you, though? He was. He couldn't help his talent. It was bursting out of him. And he found it funny I would put a line in a song and he would snigger

it was just ridiculous, banal piece of shit he would come in with a song and it would be woof I remember seeing an interview with Ringo Starr and he would say they were all gathered, the boys to talk about what they'd been doing and Ringo would say, they were all gathered, the boys,

to talk about what they'd been doing. And Ringo would say, I'd like to be under the sea in an octopus's garden in the shade. What have you got, Paul? Yesterday. Oh, that sounds like a mover. I was in that position. But, I mean, we still need Octopus's Garden though

yeah tell it to the guy who's just been fucked over but the thing is that I bet Gerry Rafty would have loved to have had your facility with talking to the audience

yes you know he was a very funny man. Was he? Yeah. In his own way, his own kind of humour. He used to make me roar well after. But he told me many times what I had was a kind of genius

of communication, just talking to strangers and making them laugh. And he loved it. But he was a funny guy. I remember, I probably shouldn't be telling this, it was towards the end of his life and he was in a bad way with the alcohol. Yeah.

And he was living in a boarding house near Cork. And the guy phoned me, the man who owned the boarding house he had got my number from Jerry he said I've got a guy here Jerry Rafferty he says he knows you I said he does he said I wonder if you could help me

I'm trying to get him into a place where they look after alcoholics in Dublin but he won't move and we're going to need an industrial cleaner to clean up the mess in the house a place where they look after alcoholics in Dublin, but he won't move. And we're going to need an industrial cleaner to clean up the mess in the house. And at the moment, he's sitting in a puddle of piss in an easy chair in my living room.

Could you talk to him? I said, sure, put him on. And he said, hello. And I said, another fine mess you've got me into, young Rafferty. And he started to laugh. And the two of us were screaming with laughter on the phone. And I was trying to imagine him sitting in a puddle of piss, laughing. And that's how I remember him best.

Just in hysterics. Uh-huh. In the depths of his worst nightmare. You must have come across a few tortured souls over the years. Yes. Drugs have done it. Right, OK. That's always the common...

Drugs and alcohol. Right. I've met some geniuses who gave it away, and it's sad. The one I always felt sorry for was John Martin. Uh-huh. John always seemed lonely when I met him The cliche is that it's the tortured artist I watched a documentary about Nick Drake and it was called A Skin Too Few

and I thought that was quite a good way of putting it the idea of just being too raw I knew Nick Drake Oh did you really? Yes I did, he was a nice bloke he was a kind of feminine guy. Yeah. When I say that, he had a side to him

that was feminine. But it was a kind of gentle side. He was kind of backing away from loud noises. Mm-hmm. And he was a lovely guy. How did you know him? I knew a lot of those folkies.

I was a folkie myself at the time. Right. And Sandy Denny had got a band together after Fairport Convention. Yeah. It was called after the name of a castle that Mary, Queen of Scots, stayed in. And we did a tour and they were huge.

And all the folkies come out, everybody. Bert Jansch and everybody all come rolling out to see them. So I got to meet everybody. Bert was my pal. Bert Jansch? Yeah. Did you ever sit down and play with him? Yes, I did.

We did it on television. I played my banjo, and he played guitar. We did country blues, which I learned from Clive Palmer. Uh-huh. It was great. It was like playing with Doc Watson. Right. You didn't play with Nick Drake, though, did you?

No, I didn't. Did he play with other people a lot? No. He went away. Right. Disappeared and then come back with new stuff. He was one of those irritating guys, like Robin Williamson of the Incredible String Band. I remember speaking to people in Scotland about him and he said he turned up great.

He's 15 and he showed up with a guitar and he was great. You see, where were you practicing? They're different from us, these guys. Some of them just come out fully formed, don't they? Absolutely. They don't need to try. But I guess I would say that you're like that with comedy, though. And so did you gravitate towards that because you knew that that was the case? Here was a thing that you didn't need to try too hard at, that you were good at? It was more organic than that. Right. I wanted to be Hank Williams.

I wanted to sing lonesome songs. Would you rather have been a musician than a comedian? Yes. Oh. Not now. Yeah. But then, that's what I wanted. The penny soon dropped.

Right. That was where I was bound. I couldn't help it. Because you did a lot of music in the early days, though. Yes. After you'd left the Humble Bums. Yes. And you started doing stand-up.

I still had music. And in Australia one day, I got to the gig and I'd forgotten stand-up. I still had music. And in Australia one day, I got to the gig and I'd forgotten my banjo. Forgot to put it in the boot of the car. And I had to do the show without it. And I liked the feeling. I kept taking the banjo with me and leaving it at the side of the stage.

In Falkirk one night, I decided not to take it with me. And that was the real breakthrough. I'm a comedian. And then I read in the paper I was a comedian. I used to be a funny folk singer, Billy Connolly. And then one day it said, comedian Billy Connolly, and I thought, God, I've done it.

Yeah, because it's scary not to have, with the music, with a prop in a way. Yeah. You know you've got a bit that works. That's right. If all goes wrong, you can just just do that bit when you weren't using the banjo would you go on stage with bits that you'd written yes right okay not bits that i'd written but bits that i knew worked because some nights you don't get anything coming through and it's better to have a bit that you know works than a mysterious bit that is crap.

Just to say you're improvising. I've seen a lot of people doing that. But look at me, I'm improvising, but you're boring. How would you structure a show then? Would you go on and think, OK, well, I'll improvise a bit in the middle, but I'll close with this bit that I know that works, or would you just mix it up?

Just mix it up. Because the feeling you get when you walk on is different from the feeling you had two minutes ago. A change comes over you, a mental change. It's almost like, I would imagine, being possessed is like you've become a different person. Your voice changes slightly. You start to be insisting yeah hello how you doing yeah

you're forceful I know what I'm doing here and you don't and you know you don't and you just force it out and then it begins to take shape and people are laughing at your nerve but yeah I don't care what they're laughing at, as long as they're laughing. Carry on. Is that real melody? Have you seen my phone charger? I left it right there.

Did you see it? Have you seen my phone charger? I left it right there. Did you see it? Have you got it? Where's my charger gone? Where's my phone charger? The battery's about to die. It was on the table. Round and round in their heads go the chord progressions, the empty lyrics and the impoverished fragments of tune.

And boom goes the brain box at the start of every bar. At the start of every bar. Boom goes the brain box When I watch your stuff, it seems to me that a lot of the time, talking about music, the sort of musicality of your voice and the accent. Yes. That Glasgow accent is very fun to listen to. Yeah.

And the words, the kind of poetry of the words. I was going to ask you, you know, I'm a southerner. I don't understand a lot of the words and the phrases a lot of the time, but they just seem funny. I was going to ask you what the words and the phrases a lot of the time, but they just seem funny. I was going to ask you what some of them mean. Is that okay? Yeah. So I just looked these up. I'm not going to try and do the accent. I'm just going to read these out. What does this mean? Go on your sail. Go on your sail means go on yourself. Take it in your own hands. Run with it. People would be singing a song. In the pub on a Friday night.

I love you. And somebody would say, go on your cell, son. Take it in your own hands. Run with it. You're doing well. Go for it. Go for it. Go for it. OK.

That's the southern translation. Hochin. Hochin. What's hochin? It means it was overfilled by people you don't like. Packed. Yeah, it was hochin with police. OK.

So it's got a negative connotation. Yes. Packed with twats that's right right uh giannit laldy giannit laldy is give it plenty strike out yeah go for the big one giannit he was giving it laldy there's a lot of phrases that just mean go for it. Absolutely. Riddie. Blushing. Ah. A big Riddie. Oh, like red. Yes. Okay. He had the biggest Riddie he ever saw.

Big red face. Giein me the boke. Making me sick. Ah. Where does that like, what's the etymology? To boke is to go Right, okay. He was boken in the corner.

So is that just onomatopoeic, that it's come... Yes. Right, OK. Balk! That's it. OK. OK, here's another one. Y-I-R. Year on tea plums.

You're on tea plums. You're on tea plums. You're a certain loser. OK. It comes from the fruit machine, the one-armed bandit. Oh. Plums was a loser. I thought it was to do with testicles.

No, it comes from the one-armed bandit on the seaside. That's a good one. You're on to plums. And finally, dreepy. Do you know that word? Dreepy, yeah. Dreepy. Do you know that word? Dreepy, yeah. Dreepy. I hurt my leg because I hid to dreepy doon

fae the lockies to get my ball. Oh, yeah, that's... To dreep is to drip off a wall. You're hanging on with your fingernails and you have to let go and slide down the wall. That's a dreep. OK. It's a drip.

So it's a sort of dangerous physical manoeuvre. Yes. Like you. Thanks, man. Hope you didn't mind me running those by you. They're good ones. Okay. I got those from an article by Stacey Mullen

from the Glasgow Evening Times. So thank you, Stacey. Not that I asked her personally. Yeah. Lung me her lum. Yeah. So man... Lung me her lum reek. What's that? Lung me your chimney smoke. That's good. Where do these come from? I mean...

From Scots language which is a cross between Gaelic and English. It's great. They have some lovely words like a wood pigeon is a cushy do. I think it's a great word for It's a cushy-doo. I think it's a great word for them, a cushy-doo.

Yeah. A big cushy. And an owl, a hoolet. I think that describes greatly the noise that an owl makes. Yeah. They have a lot of lovely words and expressions. Were you into poetry as a youngster? Yeah. What kind of stuff?

Burns. Right. I liked it at school. But to like it at school is to be kicked in the arse. Yeah, no one likes poetry at school. If you like it slowly, quietly, now the moon walks the night

in her silver shoon. This way and that she peers and sees silver fruit upon silver trees. What's up with you, Connolly? You're mental. I always loved it. And when I worked in a bookshop when I was 15, I had to sweep the floor in the morning.

And I used to go over to the poetry section and have a wee read when nobody was looking. It kept me alive. And today I still believe that if you want to know about politics or life itself, listen to comedians and poets. You're much better served than with politicians. I mean, you recited one there, but do you still remember a lot of poetry?

I remember bits and pieces. Being a Catholic helped. You had to learn all these hymns and bits of the Mass. It kind of came into the same run of things. Were you a good Catholic back in the day? Yes, I tried my best. I used to be one of the children of Mary. I went round people's houses with their Lady of Lourdes in a shoebox, a little statue, and put it on the mantelpiece of people, knock their door and say we're from the children of Mary and see them losing the will to live.

knock their door and say, we're from the children of Mary and see them losing the will to live. You'd kneel in front of the fireplace and say the rosary and you could see them getting fed up with you. Each decade of the rosary, you say the Our Father, the Lord's Prayer,

then 10 Hail Marys and you finish with one Glory Be to the Father. And you do half and they repeat half so that you go, Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou amongst women be to the Father. And you do half and they repeat half. So that you go, Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. And they go, Holy Mary, Mother of

God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the... And on and on until you get it done ten times. And as the hand and the clock get nearer half past seven, you can hear the people

hurrying up the prayers. Holy Mary, Mother of God, blessed is the name of the Lord, the death of man. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, blessed is the name of the Lord, the death of man. And then there's some... from next door. That's what they were waiting for? Yeah, the Coronation Street. You could see them going, shit.

And we would put a lady back in the shoebox and shuffle off. What was the deal then? Would you go round to random houses and just pray with people? They had the registry from the church of who was Catholic. OK. It was to push the rosary. A lady said that she appeared at Fatima to three children and said, the world must say the rosary.

If you're going to save the planet, the rosary is the way to go. We were going to be the pushers of this theory. And how did you get on with God and Jesus? Did you think about them a lot? Yeah, I thought about them a lot. I still think he was a rather decent bloke. But religion, I don't like. I don't know how they get round to pointy hats and gold shepherd's crooks.

I don't know where they got round to pointy hats and gold shepherd's crooks. I don't know where it went astray. To the gold and silver brigade and the embroidered clothes. Frighten the little man, get his money, build huge cathedrals. It went astray. When did you start to get disillusioned with the whole thing? About 15 or 16. And was there a particular incident? No, just a gathering of disbelief. And was that coming just from you or from things that you and

your friends were talking about? Guys I met in the shipyard, trade unionists and worldly well-read men just asking you questions you couldn't answer, realising that you were wrong and getting on with it and being happy with it. Were you conflicted, for example, when you were doing the crucifixion story? No. That got you in trouble? You weren't? I was rejoicing.

Because it is a sort of joyful story. Yeah. It's a bit like the pythons in Life of Brian. Yeah. You have to be really keen to be offended by it, I think. It's really not an attack on what's good about religion. Absolutely. Or the things that religion has brought us,

like the art and the music that religion has given us, is to be admired and loved. But there's a whole lot that it's given us that we could live without. Someone threw 30 pieces of silver at you. Yes, Pastor Jack Glass. He's dead now. Right.

He hit me in the forehead. And in what context? He said, crucify Christ again. And it went... all over the street. Threw a little bag of money at you? Yeah. And that was, you were just out in the street?

I was going to a dinner, a charity dinner, and I got out of the car and he was standing, he knew I was coming to this dinner, and he was waiting for me. Did you ever talk to him or sort of try and reason with him? Yeah, I used to at first I'd say what's the story here and he would just come on with that Christian stuff you have to be born again and blah de blah de blah blah de blah and they'd all start singing a hymn

outside my gig he brought this choir with him they'd all sing hymns. After that, I just relied on serious filth. I would go to the bottom of my vocabulary, my filth vocabulary, and give them a never-ending stream of filth just to watch them shiver and shake. What were they doing turning up just to be scandalised? Yeah, they followed me. They followed me right to Wales from Scotland. Yeah.

Because I had done the crucifixion. And they were quite right. You know, if you're one of them, you should fall out with me and my attitude to it. But we had a good laugh. That routine is in your book, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

So let's talk about your book a little bit. yeah it's called tall tales and wee stories and it's a collection of your best bits or your favorite bits yeah yeah i never wrote them down uh-huh because i didn't write them i i made them up and added bits as well like For instance, the crucifixion the last supper was a joke. There was a guy, Tommy Quinn he played in a folk band called the Laggan and he came up to me one day

at a folk club and he said the disciples were all sitting at the table and they were eating Chinese takeaway and Jesus came in and said said where did you get that and they said Judas bought them he's come into some money that was all the joke was and I thought it was hysterical and I went on the following night to tell it and I added something to it and the following night I added something else and subtracted something and it became huge it

became about 25 minutes long and was by far the best thing I'd ever done and was drawing people in to hear it and the papers were going crazy and certain members of the church were going crazy some of them weren't some of them were great and saying, he's a rebel. We've had rebels before. Let him rebel. And presumably realising that, as I said, you know, before it doesn't really, it's not like saying that it's all totally worthless. It's just being irreverent with the specifics of that story. You mustn't be irreverent. You're talking about people who lock up the swings on a Sunday. Sure, sure. Reverence is a big part of the deal.

The phrase big jaggy bonnet for the crown of thorns. Crown of thorns. Was that something that just popped into your head? Yeah. Big jaggy bonnet. I mean, it's worth it just for that and so your crucifixion bit that is when was that time wise that's after you went on that was in the 60s really yeah it would be about 69. Okay, so that's pre-going on Parkinson and doing the bike joke. I got the Parkinson because of it.

Okay, right. So that put you on the map. Yeah, and the bicycle joke. A guy told it to me in Spain. I was going to a football match in Spain, Scotland and Spain. I was walking along with a crowd and a guy came up and said Billy and pushed me against the wall and told me the joke about the bicycle and the hole in the ground and I just collapsed laughing and he wandered away and left. I don't know who he is. That's cool that people come up to you and tell you jokes. I mean I think most people would be

too intimidated to tell a comedian a joke. That was that Glasgow thing. Yeah. I belong to them and they belong to me. After the last supper. Thank you. Are you painting or drawing a lot these days? Drawing. Yeah. What do you draw with? Felt-tip pens. OK. People use rope when I say that.

I was in Canada, Montreal, and it was freezing. I went for a walk and there was icy rain that turns to ice when it hits anything. I was freezing. I was walking back to the hotel after walking about three blocks and there was two shops opposite the hotel. One was a pet store

and the other one was an arts shop. And I went into the pet store first just for the heat. I looked at the pups and the goldfish and all the stuff and I left And I went into the pet store first, just for the heat. I looked at the pups and the goldfish and all the stuff. And I left, and I went into the art store. And I was shuffling around, looking at the stuff. And I had to buy something to make my presence acceptable. And I bought a sketchbook and a packet of pens. And I went back to my room, and instead of putting the TV on,

I just opened the book and started fiddling around. I could never draw in my life. I was one of the boys in the class who couldn't draw a wee man, couldn't draw a matchstick man properly. And I started to draw islands, just islands in the sea, kind of abstract stripes and checkers and bits and pieces. Doodles. Doodles.

And then I did another one, another one. I really enjoyed it. And I got back home and I said to Pamela, I know they're not very good, but tell me if you think they get better as they go on. And she took it away and she said, they definitely get better. Each one gets better and better

as it goes along. I said, thanks. I kept doing it. Does Pamela sort of psychoanalyse them? Yeah, she just shakes her head. She said, you're a troubled boy. Have you ever seen Vic Reeves's paintings? Yes. He gave me one did he? he gave me a yellow tit painted these birds on brown paper

it was beautiful he's so good he came to my London exhibition he loved it he said when I go to exhibitions I look at them and I say

did they make me laugh or did they make me cry either is acceptable to me and, did they make me laugh or did they make me cry? Either is acceptable to me. And they said, yours make me laugh. And they gave me the painting, which is a treasure. I like that kind of art. John Lennon was a bit of a drawer as well. Yeah, he was lovely.

Did you ever meet John Lennon? No. I had a letter of introduction from Mick McGeer, Paul McCartney's brother. I was going to New York and he said, you've got to meet John. And he gave me and I said, I can't go to the door. Well, this is a letter of introduction. I said, fuck off.

I didn't go. And when I was I was doing Carnegie Hall and I was having a rest in the dressing room, I was really tired. That's when I come up with the saying, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Right. My producer, Phil Coulter, went out for a walk and he saw John and Yoko. I was jealous, but I never saw him or met him.

I'm friendly with all the other Beatles. Yeah. Who's your best Beatle? No, I'm joking. I like George Harrison. Yeah, he was great, wasn't he? Yeah, he's not my favourite. None of them are my favourite. No. They're like your children.

I treasure my friendship with them. Yeah, I bet. George was a lovely man. I spent a lot of time with him. A lot more than the other ones. I remember we went for Chinese food to the east end of London and the waiter came out and served us and then he came back all shuffley-footed and he said, I believe there's somebody here I should know.

One of the guys who was with us pointed to George and said he used to play for Manchester United. He said, Craig, can I have your autograph? George signed it. He said, Craig, can I have your autograph? George signed it. He went away quite happy. And the waiter came back and he asked me something and I said,

that's okay, man. And I turned to George and I said, I love man. You don't have to learn anybody's name. Just call them man. George said,

it's good to be a man and i was saying yeah i suppose it is just very nice he said we were the boys for so long right it was funny to see his side of it yeah i wasn't allowed to be a man did you ask like beatles Yeah. What kind of things would you ask? Just songs. Right, OK. He wrote a lot of good ones. He certainly did. Some of the best ones, maybe. Yeah, and they didn't realise he was a writer.

Yeah, I guess so. And presumably that pissed him off a bit. Yeah. Yesterday. That trumps everything. That stops every argument That was never my favourite though When I was a young Beatles fan

I mean yeah it's fine But it's almost like a hymn You know what I mean It's almost too good I love Come Together Yeah That's so I mean that's a really weird

Ahead of its time song Yeah I can play that In the fretless banjo. Oh, yeah? It's good. Did you ever sit round with your... No, I played the banjo in George's studio. Right. I just found this old banjo line and I played it

and there was a guy joined in on the guitar behind me and it was George. Uh-huh. And I did a movie called Water with Michael Caine. Oh, yeah? And we had a band and Eric Clapton and George were the guitarists. That's right. I don't know if I've ever seen that film.

I remember when it... That was early 80s? Yeah. Yeah. Was that fun? It was great. How long were you out there for? Did you film on location?

Yeah. In St Lucia. Whoa. That must have been a hoot. It was a good laugh. What was your favourite movie shoot? Mrs Brown with Judi Dench.ot. It was a good laugh. What was your favourite movie shoot? Mrs Brown with Judi Dench. Yeah.

It was lovely. I've acted with Judi Dench and some of the greatest English actresses. Maggie Smith. It's been brilliant, my acting life. And did you feel intimidated at all going into that world? Yeah, on the first day of rehearsal i felt intimidated but after that they're such professionals they're such nice people they just relax and relax and by being what they are make you a better actor because judy can't act it with you and say something to

you and you answer by throwing your arms around and saying i don't know and shrugging your shoulders and all those things you see on soaps you have to act in response to what you've been given and it makes you better they just drag you into it right okay so you adjust to their pitch yes yeah but then stand still. Don't fiddle about and fret about. Right, do less. Less is more. And did they tell you that, or you just sort of instinctively picked it up? Sean Connery told me.

Did he? Yeah, he said, do nothing. He said, I loved you and Mrs Brown. You stood there and did nothing. When I was standing with my horse, I wouldn't move. She kept looking out the window and I was still there. That stillness is so powerful it was just brilliant that's a hard thing to do though I mean it's the thing is that it's self-consciousness isn't it that's the enemy of

all artists yeah and when you've got a camera pointing at you I mean it's impossible not to be self-conscious for most people isn't it yes um but you have to put that to the side yeah and as you do more than one take you get more used to it and just get on with it and it's lovely it's the same as when you're having your picture taken a photo session you think god is this guy looking through the lens and saying is this how this prick sees himself but you must get rid of that and just get on with it. Right. Right, let's go again.

What don't you fucking understand? Kick your fucking ass! Let's go again! What the fuck is it with you? I want you off the fucking set, you prick! No! You're a nice guy! The fuck are you doing? No! Don set, you prick! No! You're a nice guy! The fuck are you doing?

No! Don't shut me up! No! No! Ah, da-da-da-da, like this! No! No! Don't shut me up!

Ah, da-da-da-da, like this! Fuck's sake, man, you're amateur. Seriously, man, you and me, we're fucking done professionally. Are you a swearer in real life? Yeah. But do you swear around your kids, for example? Yes. How old are they now? They're all adults. Right. They're all in their 30s and 40s. Are they potty-mouthed? Yes. They swear well. Yeah. That's the thing, isn't it? You want to swear well.

That's right. Because it is fun. Do you ever watch things and think, no, no, no, you're throwing it away? Absolutely. Right. I swear like a man who worked on the Clyde. And there are times when fuck off is absolutely necessary and nothing else will do. And I saw an interview with a Scottish writer and he said, I'll stop swearing when you tell me the equivalent of fucking beautiful. And I agree wholeheartedly.

Yeah. How about deploying the C word? Is that something you do? Yeah. I do it for shop. It's a beauty. And it has to be used sparingly. And you mustn't drive heavy

machinery after you've used it. Don't go for a spin in your dump truck. Would you avoid it in anger? Or does it have to be used in anger? It usually has to be used in anger. But in Glasgow, it's used just

normally right exactly it wasn't him it was some other client see i couldn't get away with that with my accent i don't think it would just that it would stop everything it would just be very jarring you are a very stylish man, and you have been over the years. I have. You care about what you wear. I do. Yeah. I used to much more than I do now.

Were you a self-styled dandy, or did you ever have someone advising you? No, I was a self-styled. OK. That's the only way to be. Who hooked you up with those banana boots? That was a Glasgow group called Arty Factory. I wore them for about six months on various concerts, and then I gave up.

I never referred to them once. Right. I can't think of too many stand-ups who would be able to get away with something like that. Like big, big crazy costume choices. Yeah. Unless that's your thing, is being a clown, physical clown, which you weren't, really.

I mean, you were clownish and physical, certainly, but you were essentially telling stories. Absolutely. And you would think that something like that might distract. Yeah, I never referred to them. I just looked crazy. And that was that. They're in a museum here in Glasgow.

Not here in Glasgow, in Glasgow. Yeah. Which I'm really proud of. I thought you had to be dead to be in a museum. in Glasgow. Not here in Glasgow, in Glasgow. Yeah. Which I'm really proud of. I thought you had to be dead to be in a museum. Yeah, they're amazing. It's like some of Bowie's costumes. Yeah. Were you ever into Bowie?

Yeah, I liked him. I like him as a guy. Yeah. He's a nice man. He really was. He loved comedians. I met him in Australia once and we had a great night of drinking and storytelling and laughing.

Was that in the 80s when he was doing Let's Dance and he had white hair? He was there to do that very song. He was there doing the video. And the China Girl video they did out there as well? Yes. And you were on tour? I was on tour and there's a hotel in Sydney, I forget the name of it now, it's not used anymore, it's Flats now. But there was a hotel that everybody lived in, all the show business people.

And show business people tour Australia in the winter because it's summer down there. And they all go to this hotel, they all went to this hotel. So you'd be on the roof with Cliff Richard and David Bowie. Sure. The Who. It was a lovely place to be with Cliff Richard and David Bowie. Sure. The Who. It was a lovely place to be. Sploshing around, having a laugh.

Sure. He was in a sort of good place at that point, I think, Bowie, wasn't he? Yeah. He was quite happy and what would you chat about? He was nothing like

the David Bowie that you buy. He was Jack the Lad. Right. Geezer-ish. Yeah. And he spoke like a session singer. They'd speak about a singer and they'd say, he's got lovely tubes. Yeah. Like a craftsman.

Yeah. He was a nice guy. How did you get to know Robin Williams? Just doing... I did a television show with him in Canada before he was famous. It was a guy called Peter Gazorski. before he was famous. It was a guy called Peter Gazorski. I used to call him Peter Knife and Forkski. And we were both guests. It was one of those shows where they would videotape one and one was live. They would do two shows. And Robin was the videotape and I was the live.

And I was wearing tights. I was still wearing the banana boots. And I had tights with my face embroidered on my bum. And the hair was long. It would shake around like that. And he loved it. And I said, I've never heard of you. What do you do?

He said, I'm an actor. And we got on great. And then I was managed after that by Harvey Goldsmith in London. And he had to go to Malta to see a client of his. I can't remember their name. There was three girls and they did close harmony singing. And it was Popeye, the movie they were in, in Malta. So he said, come with me.

So I went with him and Robin was in the movie, of course. He said, oh, Canada. I said, yeah, your face on your ass. I said, yeah, how you doing? He said, oh, I thought you were an actor. You'd become a great comedian by then. And we got on a house on fire. And we remained friends until he died.

Yeah. I watched a documentary about him the other day. It was interesting. He didn't, I mean, he got ill at the end, though, right? Yes. So that's what changed his personality enough for him to take his own life yes he wasn't suicidal at all he didn't have a history of it it was really weird

he was on television on a sitcom and i saw it and he was good now i emailed him i said saw you on the show you were great because i'd seen him in a newspaper saying he wasn't sure about it i said you were brilliant tra la la la boom boom-la-la, boom-boom. I was in Los Angeles and I got an email back saying, glad you like the show. I'm in LA too. Can we meet for dinner? And we met for dinner.

He was looking very thin and kind of haggard about the face. I said, are you looking after yourself? He said, yeah, I'm just lost a bit of weight recently. Talking away, chatting away. I'd read that he'd been drinking. Some journalist had said it. I said, I hear you're back on the sauce. He said, ah, it's nothing, I just gave it a bash.

Never mind. Before we left, he said, I love you, you know that, don't you? And I said, of course I know that. He said, are you sure you know it? And I said, of course I know that. He said, are you sure you know it? And I said, yeah. It's good. And that was the last I said to him. Two days later, he was dead.

And I've read things about him where other people have said he was asking them about the love. Do you know I love you? And he was actually, my wife said he was just saying goodbye. It took me by surprise. He's such a strong man. Strong in what way? Strong in himself.

He knew who and what he was. I think he had left the stand up too long and he'd come back to it and was a bit surprised at how much it had changed. When he was out there when he was new, I mean, he was just ripping the world apart. But now people were used to him.

And they were just as enthusiastic, but they didn't show it so much. And he was troubled. You don't get much more troubled than that. He was a nice bloke. Right. You could get stuff from him by telling him you liked it. I love your trousers and he'd give you them. I've got lovely embroidered clothes because of him. Right.

My children loved him. He was the best. He was the standard for everybody. I guess you wouldn't have seen him doing shows in the early days. You didn't know him then. I saw him in Los Angeles. Right. And he was astounding. Was that at the Comedy Store or somewhere like that?

Yeah, it was at the Comedy Store. I'd seen him in the Comedy Store. However, it was up in that area. Yeah. But I was in the limo with my record producer, Phil Coulter from Ireland, and I said, you're going to love this guy. He's amazing. I said, incidentally, I've got an idea.

Keep it in your head. I want to do it on the album. We were making an album at the time. I said, I want to do a man saying something or singing something, and then I'll do a second take and I'll do it in slow motion. Oh! Like a tape running slow. He said, that's a great idea.

And we got to Robin's show and he did it. No way. Yeah. Just looked at each other. It's gone. He was brilliant. Yeah, he was amazing. I remember when he was one of those people a bit like Eddie Murphy

and people like that. I mean, they'd come along every now and again and they're just, yeah, just this sort of elemental force. Yeah, he was brilliant. Like Peter Kay has done in England. Stuart Lee had just come out of the woodwork from nowhere. Well, Stuart Lee's an interesting example, though, because he's someone who...

He clearly thinks an awful lot about everything he does. Yes. He's less one of those Robin Williams elemental force comedians and more someone who's just a very impressive intellect who's sort of applying that, don't you think? Yeah. But you can see him improvising within it. Right.

And it's lovely to watch. I think he's really clever. Yeah, he's brilliant. And what music are you listening to these days? Country. I still love country music. That's your first love, though, right? Yeah.

Hank Williams and all that. Hank Williams. I just played his guitar. His actual guitar? Yeah. Where Williams and all that. Hank Williams. I just played his guitar. His actual guitar? Yeah. Where was that? The Martin factory in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. They have his guitar and they let me play it.

Whoa. Was that for your show that you're doing, The Great American Trail? Yeah. Ah. So what are you doing in that show? Just going around America looking at stuff. Nice.

It's lovely. They let me do things like that. Yeah, that at stuff. Nice. It's lovely. They let me do things like that. Yeah, that's a good gig. It's great. Have you been anywhere that you hadn't been before that you liked? Yeah, I was in Virginia.

The Carter family came from Virginia. The singing family. Yeah. I went to their house and it was brilliant. Poor Valley. Mm.

It was lovely. I visited the cottage and went to a show at night it was a smashing time I have a great time and there's no script on my show I just talk which is right up my alley and I don't do more than one take

unless there's a catastrophe a tree falls on me I'll do two takes but normally I just do the one. Because you did a show which I really enjoy, Made in Scotland. Yes. It's a two-part thing on the BBC. Yeah.

But after it went out, some people were worried that you were basically saying goodbye. Yeah. And then you did a little video saying, no, I'm not... Yeah, because I said a thing on it. I said, I'm wasting away. And what I meant was, when I got the Parkinson's disease, all sorts of things started to fail.

My hearing, my balance, my eyesight, various other bits and pieces. And it was like slowly dying, like a bit of me was being chopped off until there was nothing left. I was trying to get that feeling across and I blew it by saying I was dying. And I had to go on with my banjo and say I'm not dead, but I will be. It's peculiar.

You have to be really careful around that subject because you hurt people's feelings. How do you mean? Because you're sort of tweaking their own fears or because you're worrying them that they are... Yeah, you're worrying them about you. Yeah. Like, I get lovely messages from people I love dearly

saying, oh, how sad about Billy. He's this and he's that and he's this and the other. I've got a funny feeling when I went on and said, I'm not dying, they'd go, oh, shit, I've written all this stuff. So help me, Connolly, when you do die, I'm going to write real crap about you. I say goodbye too soon. Yeah.

We started our conversation, I came in here, I was expecting to get here before you today, and what I was going to do was go into the toilet and change because i'd spoken to someone who told me they worked with you and they said oh by the way billy and by the way they loved you and loved working with you but they said you know billy really doesn't like men in shorts he thinks it's babyish and But they said, you know, Billy really doesn't like men in shorts. That's ridiculous. He thinks it's babyish.

And I'm sort of always in shorts, especially at this time. I mean, it's one day after the hottest day on record in the UK. I don't know where that came from. Really? That's just a random thing. Maybe you were just in a bad mood and you just made up a thing to be annoyed about. But maybe they made it up. OK. I used to make up stuff on talk shows.

I'd say, who have you got next week? And they'd say, oh, so-and-so. And I'd say, God, he's got hairy arms. And they'd say, what? Have you ever seen the hair on his arms? It's down to his knees. You've got to see it. It's vast. Ask him, do you see the hair on his arms?

See, I must remember that. Of course, they would meet the guy. They'd be totally baffled. Just have the hair on his arms? See, I must remember that, isn't it? Of course, they would meet the guy. They'd be totally baffled. Just the ordinary hair on his arms. Or he'd say, he's a fantastic harmonica player. Plays the blues like you never heard before. So Parkey's saying, so apparently you play a marvellous harmonica. We've got a harmonica here for you.

Come on, don't be shy. Wait, this is an advert for Squarespace. Every time I visit your website, I see success. Yes, success. The way that you look at the world makes the world want to say yes. It looks very professional. I love browsing your videos and pics and I don't want to stop. Access your members area and spend in your shop. These are the kinds of comments people will say about your website if you build it with Squarespace. Just visit squarespace.com slash Buxton for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, because you will want to launch, use the offer code BUXTON to save 10% off your first purchase

of a website or domain. So put the smile of success on your face with Squarespace. Yes. Continue. Wild up! Jaggy Bunnet, right in the head! Hey, welcome back, podcats.

Sir Billy Connolly there. Didn't ask me to call him sir. But I thought, you know, give him a bit of knight respect. I think he is the third knight we've had on the podcast. The first, Sir Michael Palin, the second, Sir Philip Pullman. Three knights on the podcast I'm hobnobbing with the knights of the realm. Those are the original lyrics, I think, for that song.

Anyway, look, I'm very grateful to Billy for his time. And I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. Rosie, we should head home. It is absolutely freezing and the sun is almost down. Ooh! It's a shame, though, because it is a beautiful, dramatic, golden evening.

But I haven't got the right gear on, so I'm going to head back. And this will be the last podcast until the Christmas Day Adam and Joe podcast, released on the 25th. I'll try and get it so that it plops into your device on Christmas morning. What can I tell you? Anything? I saw a good film the other day an animated feature a French thing called I lost my body it's a sort of weird slightly off-putting I found it slightly off-putting premise that a disembodied hand is crawling around and trying to find its way back to its owner

and I thought, well, is it just about the hand? No disrespect to disembodied hands but I don't know how excited I can get about just a hand. Anyway, no, it's not just about the hand. Turns out to be a very beautifully made, interesting and sort of sweet and moving film with loads of really good observations in it, tiny details and very nicely evoked moments that I remember from my adolescence and falling in love and trying to impress girls. And it was really good, I thought. Anyway, if you have an opportunity to

see that, Buckles recommends. Don't forget, I will be travelling around various parts of the UK and Ireland next year in May and June on my book tour reading stuff from the book that I am attempting

to finish and you know just chatting with the audience. It's going to be low key, I would say. It's not going to be like cats. But anyway, it would be lovely to see you. Link to current tour dates can be found in the description of this podcast. As I've said before, I'm sure that I will probably add more dates at some point,

maybe end of next year or something so if your nearest theatre has sold out for goodness sake don't despair there's other things to despair about no come on don't despair upwards and onwards thank you very much indeed to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for his production support on this episode. And thank you to Annika Meissen for conversation editing.

Thanks, Fran Healy. Thanks, Nicky Waltham. Much appreciated. Until next time we meet, whether it's in a previous episode or on Christmas morning with Jay Korn corn take good care wrap up warm i love you Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Please like and subscribe. Give me a little smile and a thumbs up. Nice like a plant with a thumbs up.

Give me a little smile and a thumbs up. Nice like a plant with a thumbs up. Please like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Please like and subscribe. Give me a little smile and a thumbs up. Give me a little smile and a thumbs up. Give me a little smile and a thumbs up. Thank you.