THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.141 - JOE LYCETT

Episode Date: November 20, 2020

Adam talks with British comedian Joe Lycett about the traumatic gig where they first met, Joe's net worth according to the internet, hidden camera shows and pranks, ASMR and swearing. PLEASE NOTE THIS EPISODE CONTAINS FRANK SEX CHAT, STRONG LANGUAGE AND CLOSE RANGE MOUTH NOISES TOWARDS THE ENDRecorded face to face in March 2019Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for production support and to Matt Lamont for additional editing. Podcast artwork by Helen Green https://helengreenillustration.com/RELATED LINKSSUPPORT LIVE COMEDY (NEXT UP & #HECKLETHEVIRUS WEBSITE)COMEDY CLUBS NEED URGENT SUPPORT (GUARDIAN ARTICLE by JOE LYCETT, JULY 2020)LITANY - UH-HUH (MUSIC VIDEO DIRECTED by JOE LYCETT) (2020, YOUTUBE)JOE LYCETT ON TWITTERJOE LYCETT - THE KNOBHEAD SCALE (FROM THAT'S THE WAY, AH-HA, AH-HA, JOE LYCETT, 2016) (YOUTUBE)JOE LYCETT - NET WORTH, RUMORS, FACEBOOK AND INSTAGRAM (ARTICLE FIRM CLICKBAIT WEBSITE)ADAM ON DRUNK WOMEN SOLVING CRIME PODCAST (NOVEMBER, 2020)ADAM ON GRIEFCAST (NOVEMBER, 2020) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Boots. Hello dog, what have you been up to? Busy day? Rosie, it's cold out there today. I think it's glove weather. All you need is gloves. Yeah. I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin. Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening. I took my microphone and found some human folk.

Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke. My name is Adam Buxton. I'm a man. I want you to enjoy this. That's the plan. Hey, how are you doing, podcats? Adam Buxton here. What's this? that is the sound of a buckles wearing big clompy walking boots and stomping on the bristly tops of stubble in a field that was harvested a few weeks, months back. Now it's full of all these little stubs. And if you tread down on them from directly above,

as long as you're wearing the correct footwear, it is emotionally rewarding. No one gets hurt. The stubble don't mind it's a great great winter treat it's not even winter though is it it's just autumn but it feels very wintry today out here in the east anglian countryside in the second half of november 2020 it's colder than it's been for a while. I would guess, because I'm very good at guessing the temperature,

I am also known as Thermos, lord of temperature. And Thermos guesses that today it is... Thermos says... 11 degrees centigrade. Let's check on the weather app. Totally wrong. It's 8. What was Thermos thinking? Of course it's 8. 11. That would be sunbathing weather out here.

Oh, well. Thermos is off his game. Let me tell you a bit about podcast number 141, which features a rambling conversation with British comedian and TV presenter Joe Lysett. Lysett facts. Joe, currently aged 32, was born in Hall Green, Birmingham. He attended the University of Manchester, where he studied English and drama. Joe won Chortle's Student Comedian of the Year award in 2010, and then their Best Newcomer award the following year. Since then, in addition to live shows and stand-up tours, Joe has been a regular presence on radio and TV panel shows, and in the last couple of years, he's been the host of the BBC's Great British Sewing Bee

and Channel 4's prank-based consumer show, Joe Lysett's Got Your Back. At the start of this year, 2020, he started shooting a new series of Travelman, having taken over as the host from Richard Iowati. However, SARS-CoV-2, one of my least favorite sequels, has meant that Travelman filming has been put on hold for the time being. My conversation with Joe, which you're about to hear, was recorded in London back in March of last year, 2019. And I emailed Joe the other day to let him know our conversation was going out, to apologise for the delay, and to ask if he wanted me to say anything particular in this intro.

This was Joe's reply. Hello, sir. How lovely to hear from you. I did wonder if we'd been accidentally appalling on the podcast, so it's good to know it's suitable for public consumption. Nothing to plug, so just say something about how gorgeous I was and how sexually alluring you found me or something. Maybe mention about how, when I smile, my eyes widen in this really adorable and reassuring way, and that for a split second you feel that everything is just so, that there is nothing at all to fear, that you can achieve anything,

climb the highest of mountains and swim the longest of rivers, that the world is bright and full of wonder, and it is all for you. Hope you're keeping well. Pest dishes, Joe. And there's a big kiss. It's a good email response. That's what you want when you email

someone our conversation featured amongst other things talk about joe's net worth according to a site i found on the internet link in the description hidden camera shows and pranks asmr and the rights and wrongs of swearing. I should say that our conversation does involve strong language, some quite frank sex chat, and towards the end I give Joe a gift that involves some close mic mouth noises. That's the ASMR bit. That was a deal breaker for that partridge. Fact checking Santa here, that was actually a

pheasant. However, before we got to all that kind of stuff, we started by talking about the first time we met. I've only met Joe once or twice, actually. Twice, in fact. And we talked about that first time, which was after a particularly traumatic comedy show in Bristol. Back at the end for a little bit more waffle, but right now with Joe Lysard. Here we go. First on this, then concentrate on that. Come on, let's chew the fat and have a ramble chat. Post on your conversation code and find your talking hat. Yes! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la How are you doing, man? I feel as if you're an old friend,

even though, really, we've only met twice, I think. We did a gig together. Yes. And was it in Bristol? Oh, Lordy. In that big tent. I reminded myself of the facts of that evening because it was maybe my worst gig ever. What? Nightmare gig.

Why? Well, I don't know if you remember, but I double booked myself by accident. I was doing a show in London that night. This was the 9th of July, 2015. a show in London that night. This was the 9th of July, 2015. And I guess I didn't put it in the diary. And I agreed to do this show at the Bristol Comedy Garden. That's the one. Queen Square. Really nice gig, which I'd done before and had a good time at. And I said, yeah, okay. And I was supposed to be headlining, I think. But I didn't realize that I had said yes to this other gig in London doing a bug show.

I do the show Bug where I introduce music videos. Yeah. So that was happening. It was supposed to be happening at the same time, basically. Yeah, and London and Bristol are not doubleable normally. No, exactly. And also I'm currently not able to be in two places at the same time. So I got the London show shifted forward by an hour or something.

And the Bristol one shifted back by an hour. And then Will, who does the Bristol show, he got hold of a limo bike. He booked me a limo bike. They're so fun. Have you ever been on one of those? Yeah, I have. So describe a limo bike for people who haven't been on one. It's a sort of slightly longer motorbike.

I think they are. I mean, I'm not an expert on motorbikes or cars or transport in general. Actually, I could tell you the route of the 453 in London pretty well. Yeah, you're good on your roads. I'm good on my roads. Where was the Londonon gig where specifically uh it was in uh it was on the south bank at the bfi so we headed out to reading services on the limo bike right it would have been about 8 p.m oh my god summer's evening sun was going down beautiful evening beautiful evening for a very stressful double up yeah although at that point it felt as if it was all down beautiful evening and evening for a very stressful double up yeah

although at that point it felt as if it was all going to work and the timing was going to work and it felt i felt important joe yeah well you're on the back of a limo bike on the back of a limo which i heard uh the royals use quite a lot because it's an effective way one of getting through london traffic because you zip around all of the traffic but also you're wearing a helmet so you're not recognizable right so I heard that um Will particularly loves a limo bike but you know you hear these things about the royals you know could any of it be true do they even exist I would say that the idea of Will loving a limo bike is one of the more plausible rumours. Yeah, the lizard stuff starts to get a bit... That's why he wears the helmet.

Because he's a lizard. But presumably if you're a lizard, they're very good at getting between little nooks and crannies, so you don't need the limo bike because you are a lizard. So you just sort of scuttle around. Scurry around. But actually the limo bike was great. I imagined having to hold on to someone around the waist.

Yeah, no, you don't. They've got little handlebars on the side, haven't they? Yeah, you're right. You do feel important because it's certainly not my MO to be jutting around London going between events very, very quickly. We looked into the possibility of getting a helicopter. Oh, that's fun. That is fun, but that is prohibitively expensive.

So that wasn't on, but limo bike was good you're also in radio contact with the driver of the bike yeah you have a little mic it's quite a lot of pressure that isn't it for that length of journey he was brilliant because he was obviously used to it and used to the fact that it's really quite alarming because you are weaving around yeah at high speed and then you get onto the motorway and he well i won't say what company he was from but he did exceed the speed limit oh yeah on one or two occasions by how much i would say a load oh it felt like we were going to take off but maybe that's just because i felt so exposed maybe he never exceeded it.

Oh, so you haven't got the actual statistics? No, I don't know how fast we were going, but we were certainly overtaking absolutely everyone. Okay. All right. And it felt as if I was going back in time because we were going so fast. Got you. It's like being on a fairground ride. You're holding on, and I was sort of getting a bit kind of giggly and hysterical.

And also a bit frightened on occasion occasion even though he was a brilliant driver but he was telling me he kept on talking to me to sort of keep me calm and saying you know it's quite normal for people to feel a bit freaked out yeah but i've been doing this for a while he told me he was ex-security for a variety of celebrities, including David Beckham. Oh, well. And I don't know if I'd find that reassuring or more concerning. That would be good, wouldn't it? Yeah, maybe.

I don't know. What does Beckham need security for? People coming at him for his hot bod? Yeah, just sort of rogue tattooists trying to decorate him further anyway it all went smoothly we get to reading services where i was to transfer to a car that would take me the rest of the way to bristol at that point logistics and reality and traffic kicked in and we just sat in traffic for two hours oh my god outside bristol hang on you leave london at eight leave london at eight get to bristol services around nine i'm supposed

to be on stage at 10 that wasn't happening no eventually i get to queen square after loads of phone calls to will the promoter so what's happening with you at the time because there you were emceeing that night weren't you no i wasn't are we not i you were just on the bill and you were nice enough to hang back well i wouldn't say nice enough my cousin lives in bristol and it became a small tradition to do that gig and then get pissed and stay at his right so i was there for the long haul and now you say i remember you being late but i don't remember you being that late but But I mean, how late were you? I think I was at least an hour late.

Right. I went on stage just before midnight in the end. Oh, okay. And the crowd were really leery. I just don't remember it being that late. But maybe I was really trashed. By that point, I probably could have been. Had you had a good show?

Do you remember? I feel like it was fine. I never feel like I come out of those gigs going, wow. Smashed it. Yeah. I never think that was the one. I have this urge and instinct at gigs like that to get off the stage. So, yeah, I think it was fine.

I think I probably underran because that's normally what I do. The underrunner. If somebody says, oh oh you're gonna do half an hour there's a good chance i'll be doing somewhere between 20 and 25 and i feel like i get to the end of that 2025 and i've got nothing else there's not one other thing i could say that's my kind of guy i'm the same i never overrun it's always under i'm exactly the same i'm sort of embarrassed for them i sort of say embarrassed, but like I'm apologetic. I'm so sorry that you've come to see me.

I don't wish to be a burden. So I'll leave before you. Yeah. Everyone can get home sooner. Wow, man. I felt the same way when I got there that night. They were, I think they were pretty drunk. How many people would you say? One and a half a half thousand yeah that's probably about right big enough

big enough to yeah for to feel to feel a kind of unmanageable wave of whoa what's this and it wasn't a friday or saturday was it was sort of i feel like it was a thursday or maybe midweek maybe a lot of people would have been ready for the bed by that point yeah yeah and there was they pumped smoke in there and stuff so it just felt a bit infernal and crazy and so I get on stage and I've got my shows are often um you know supported with AV and I have my computer and it's oh god yes that's another level of complexity, isn't it? So I get, I have to run on stage having not sound checked and plug my stuff in from scratch

while I'm talking to the audience, which I don't really, I haven't got that much. You know, it's not much crowd work. And so I'm plugging in, I'm looking at the screen. There's a problem with the aspect ratio. I'm an aspect ratio queen. I don't want to go on with everything all squashed. No.

And then I have to check for sound and all this sort of stuff. Meanwhile, the audience are kind of shouting things out a little bit. And I'm trying to shout back. And I'm sort of making jokes about, hey, this is a good gig, isn't it? A guy plugging in his laptop. Yeah, yeah. And that only goes so far. And then eventually

hooray okay i'm gonna get started and then i start doing my thing i'm reading out youtube comments i'm interacting with hilarious little slides and i'm thinking okay and i'm going i'm already going too fast because i can feel that the energy is like come on come on come on we've been waiting we've been waiting come on finally here so I'm sort of rattling through it a bit. And then I start getting heckled. I'm sort of ignoring it because they're loud anyway. But then I can hear definitely that someone is saying, boring. I didn't realize you could hear me from, I was right at the back.

I couldn't even see to the back. Boring. And I was thinking, boring. Wow. I was thinking, okay i was thinking okay like i can understand people not liking it but i didn't think it was i don't think it's boring i think it's i mean i like it but anyway so this person wouldn't shut up so eventually i just had to deal with it and also what was happening as well was the crowd was turning on her yeah because she wouldn't shut up she was obviously a bit drunk boring and the crowd

shut up and it was getting ugly yeah it's funny that isn't it when they sort of they feel like they're helping you but actually they're just becoming ugly yeah yeah they're creating a mob environment it was like brexit britain in there and when was it 2015 2015 life was so simple it's the good old days yeah old days everyone loved each other except in that fucking tent and so i say i think okay i'm gonna have to deal with her because she's not gonna shut up so i say what's the problem why why do you think it's boring and she goes it's just a presentation i was trying to think like what does she mean she's right yeah it is in every conceivable sense a presentation yeah but does she mean has she just come from the office where there's been a powerpoint presentation and now she's come out for a night of comedy and it's just another guy sort

of doing a variation on it it's true but doesn't she appreciate the fact that i'm doing a funny presentation yeah and so it was really quite confusing i was like yeah just as well just a presentation this isn't and the thing is it tweaked in insecurity which was that i'm not a real comedian you know i am someone that relies on these props and if if I was left to my own devices just a man and his mic I would have nothing you know yeah so it was all a maelstrom of insecurities so you came away from that gig and then do you go straight back to London no that was not the end of it because I said to her stupidly I was like I thinking okay I've got to deal with this because the crowd are getting stupidly i was like i thinking okay i've got to deal with this because the crowd were getting really noisy and people like shouting mean stuff at her and it

was just getting gnarly so i said look come on let's hug it out let's hug it out which has sometimes worked for me before when i've had random weird guys in the audience and stuff sometimes like a there was a gig i did in brighton and this big frightening looking guy was heckling me and i just said mate i'm gonna have to give you a hug and so i came over and you know i knew he couldn't hurt me because it was in the middle of a show but he really looked as if he wanted to but i gave him a hug and actually it worked out everyone started laughing and he was fine so i thought i'll do that again with this woman i said come on let's have a hug before i'd even finished saying that she was up out of her seat running to the stage jumped on stage ran over to me leapt at me wrapped her arms around my waist and i was like whoa i don't remember this yeah

and the crowd were going nuts they were like get, get off, get off. What are you doing? I was like, wow. I didn't have anything funny to say about it. I'd been assaulted. That's an assault, even albeit fun, in a way. It was very, I was like, whoa, this is, my space has been invaded badly by someone that hates me. And then she wouldn't let go. then event and she was she was pretty hammered eventually she goes back to her seat by that time i'm absolutely rattled also by that time it's no longer boring and no longer just a presentation so she has in some way sort of invalidated her initial heckle. Yeah.

Unfortunately, though, I didn't feel able in the moment to turn it into something more interesting. Do you know what I mean? Well, you're shook, aren't you, from your assault? Yeah, but a good comedian would be able to ride that. Well, I don't know, really. That's totally up for interpretation, isn't it? Because I can't imagine lots of comedians that I love and adore would respond brilliantly to that because that's not what they do.

Like, a good in-the-moment comedian, I suppose, might do something with it. But that doesn't mean that every comedian has to have that skill or ability. Don't put yourself down, darling. Thanks, man. Well, this is exactly... You were fucking late to that show, though. You should put yourself down darling thanks man well this is exactly fucking late to that show though you should put yourself down for that this is the kind of nice response i got from joe listeners when i came off stage because i rattled through the rest of the show i just got off stage

as fast as i could and i felt bad because it was kind of a rip-off really and i got some grief for it on twitter the next day in fact someone tweeted oh it really enjoyed the festival but adam buxton made me ashamed to be human wow but it really rattled the whole thing was so unpleasant anyway i came off stage that night and you were still there and you were so nice to me and it was so wonderful just to be able to talk to you and have a nice normal funny conversation and it was you and your cousin we just had a couple of beers and we decompressed. And you were telling me about your Magaluf weekender job. Oh, yeah.

Which is now Ibiza weekender because they felt that Magaluf had become, I think some girl sucked off about a dozen lads in a bar to get a bottle of vodka, not as part of the program, but in Magaluf. And so Magaluf then had that reputation and they felt that that was slightly too far for their programme. So they moved it to Ibiza. I'm sure worse has happened in Ibiza. I was going to say, that sounds like sort of a normal weekend in Norwich.

For you. Me and my wife. Do you do sort of six lads each or do you do the dozen each? I do six, she does six. Right, got you. And then we get a couple of drinks out of it. Half a bottle of vodka is worth it, isn't it, I suppose? Sure. That would be far more up for that if that was on the table.

They said, well, you can suck up a dozen lads for a full bottle of vodka or half a dozen for the half bottle i'm not going to get beyond the half bottle am i it's going to take me a while to get those six done yeah or you can just do it individually for shots yeah and just see how you feel yeah yeah and you could sort of stagger it throughout the night couldn't you see how you feel do you know what i've had four now i think i'm i think i'm done for the night it must have happened somewhere at some decadent party and you could give it a sort of a um nationalistic angle like you could suck off russian guys they would give you vodka oh yeah suck off mexican guys and they would all be dressed in like inappropriate uh big costumes you know actually that's fine if they're mexican they can wear the costume right yeah yeah so the costume you know the big

hat the big sombrero sombrero yeah they don't have corks on their sombrero that's the australians right yes but they don't wear sombreros why do they put have corks on their sombrero. That's the Australians, right? Yes, but they don't wear sombreros. Why do they put the corks on there? Is that a fly deterrent? Yeah, insects, I think. Right, okay. I'm not an Australian, and I've never asked one about it.

Probably they don't wear them that much. No, well, that's it. And I can't imagine Mexicans wear sombreros that much either. No, I suppose not. But it doesn't really matter either way if you're sucking them off for a shot of tequila because that will be, you know, on their other head. So, you know, you focus on the, I mean, if they had little corks on their bell end, that would be. You have to take the sombrero off the bell off the bell end yeah before you start yeah come on this is a good and then pop it back on when you're finished when you're finished and

enjoy your tequila but anyway that was a very protracted thank you for being a friend to me. And I hadn't met you before that time. No. Okay. Joe Lycett, Net Worth, Rumours, Facebook and Instagram. Oh, yes. Have you been on there? No, somebody linked me to something and it's written sort of hilariously, isn't it? What does it remind me what it says?

It's clickbait, essentially. It's a form. There's so many forms of clickbait nowadays, as I'm sure you're aware. Yes. And this is just one of them. And they sometimes seem as if they're generated by machines because the grammar is always slightly wonkoid. Or maybe it's being written by someone for whom english is not their first language or whatever but i always like and i have a voice

that i read clickbait in which is kind of like this i always imagine that is the person writing the clickbait yeah you know what i don't know it's like i write a bit of clickbait i also you know i've got a few jobs. Yeah. But the clickbait's quite good. It pays quite well. They would be the sort of person with a few jobs, wouldn't it? Yeah.

Personal life and spouse of Joe Lycett. Yeah. Joe Lycett was a comedian who was born and who still lives in Hall Green, Birmingham. Not true. Not true. No. This is from a couple of years back. This was posted in March 2017.

That would have been true. Okay. I take it back. He identifies as pansexual. Joe Lysett does not like to talk much about his personal life. And this is the main reason why we don't have much more information about his dating, girlfriend, marriage and divorce. Have you been divorced?

Not to my knowledge, but I've been divorced some reality a few times, I suppose, but not legally. OK. Joe Lysette is a person who gives his full attending and have studied at a renowned university. He does his work in a very intelligent manner. Oh, well, that's nice. It feels less factual and more an opinion. Some of the opinion creeps in occasionally. They like you a lot.

Yeah, they clearly do. He might have many personal things. It's undoubtedly sure that the success he has got does not come alone and it has surely Joe Lycak rumours associated with it. Yes, it's got to, hasn't it? It's got to be. Skeletons in the closet.

Yes, surely Joe Lysak rumours associated with Joe Lysak. Who have you killed to get the sewing bee job? I attempted to kill Claudia Winkleman, but I instead just maimed her and that was enough for them to give me the job. Joe Lysak rumour comes very rarely, that I instead just maimed her and that was enough for them to give me the job. Joe Lysett rumour comes very rarely, but when it comes, it shakes the entire world.

Wow! The entire world. Yes. I would argue that's not true. I would argue that's definitely factually inaccurate. Oh, it's true now. I'm not sure. 2019. People in Montenegro are going, what?

I mean, the last time I saw you, I said, oh man, you should come on the podcast. But I thought, I'll wait until he's more successful. Oh, yeah. And it's really worked out. You're way more successful now. Yeah, it's sort of been a good couple of years, I would say. People have been very nice and given me some nice jobs. Are you enjoying it or are you going to go crazy?

I am loving it at the minute. I just did my favourite job I've ever done, which is this series I made for Channel 4, which is a consumer series. Oh, yeah. I heard you talking about that with Rich Herring. Yeah. What's that called?

It's called Joe Lice's Got Your Back. And we filmed for about three, four months. And it's like Watchdog or Rogue Traders, those sorts of formats where we take a consumer issue and we try and solve it. But what I really loved about it is it felt i i loved this show spooks when i was a kid did you watch spooks the um when you were a kid oh my christ that was only a few years ago uh i don't know it's about sort of 10 years ago okay um and i loved all of the sense of like a

team working on something you know quietly and and yeah so spooks was a british sort of espionage thing yes and their catchphrase was mi5 not nine to five okay terrible but it was a great show and there's lots of you know people pretending to be people they're not and hidden cameras and all of that stuff just really fun and i've always wanted to be in something like that i sort of wanted to be a spy but i didn't want any of the responsibility or threat to my life and this felt like a funny version of spooks to me because we did everything that they did in spooks i did hidden camera stuff where i had a little pinhole camera in my shirt i pretended to be people i wasn't so i did a job interview under an alias on the phone

um so they didn't recognize me with a fake cv it was so fun don't you get nervous really nervous but then the buzz afterwards when you've done something ridiculous was really worth it my favorite i think was on one of the episodes we deal with a car hire company who could be argued sort of push insurance onto customers right and we've one of our team got a job working there and was secretly filming them for a while and they just admitted all sorts of bad practice while they were being filmed without realizing and so we went and hired a mercedes from a silver mercedes and they pushed the insurance on us so we paid for the fully comp insurance and then the next day i drove back on a truck and on the back of the truck was a crushed up silver car with the same number plates as the

mercedes that we'd hired from them and basically said oh we had a bit of an accident it was icy roads and um we've got fully comp insurance, so this car's fine, right, this is fine. And the guy got quite cross with me. And because he was cross, he didn't clock that. I was saying loads of ridiculous things like, I think the radio still works, and I filled up the fuel tank like you asked me to,

and he was so angry about it. It was just joyous. And knowing that he was kind of, he didn't realise he was so angry about it it was just joyous and knowing that he was kind of he didn't realize he was being filmed and yeah it was just such a glorious experience sometimes when i watch those kinds of hidden camera shows that are trying to expose dodgy practices sometimes i find myself rooting for the people that they're trying to expose because I feel a bit sorry for them. You know what I mean? Because I think a lot of people, well, certainly I feel, you know, that there are aspects of my life that I'm not necessarily proud of or decisions I've made that I wouldn't want made public.

You know what I mean? Yeah, of course. And so when you see those people getting busted for it, you think, oh, mate. Yeah. It is a bit cringe but what we've been careful to do on this show is that all the kind of individuals are blurred out so you that nobody's recognizable the people we're trying to sort of expose and sometimes humiliate are the the people at the top of the company yeah yeah who are controlling the thing and making lots and lots of money out of

bad practice there you go but i also agree with you it's sort of when we did the pilot it felt very strange kind of being annoying and and irking people on a reception desk and all that because it's not their fault and you know they're just doing their job yeah yeah but going through that process in the pilot meant that i knew to then when i was in a reception and the receptionist is having to deal with some ridiculous thing i was doing being really nice to them and saying don't worry we're not going to put you on screen you're not our target and actually saying it to them so reassuring them in that moment because that we did a thing with easy jet and i felt really bad because the woman on the desk was really nice and just doing a job.

And so I was saying to her, don't worry, we'll blur you. Your voice won't be recognizable, all of that stuff. We used to do a little bit of prankery, me and Joe Cornish on our TV show. And it was, I hated it so much. But the thing that made it bearable was, as you say, sort of explaining it to the people in a way. So that you were still able to get some sort of genuine reaction but they weren't being totally freaked out but were your pranks just funny things or were they to get something done or to expose someone well the worst one we ever like the the best one we ever did was the in the very first show i think which was we went into a shop

and we found all the items that said 20 free like a box of cereal that said 20 extra free yeah and so we opened up the box and we just started eating the cereal and when they when the guy came along he's like what are you doing we're like oh we're just taking the free bits and so that was a good one because that's really nice and and you know a few people got quite angry with us yeah and but we cleared it with the guy that owned the shop okay so it was all fine but his shop assistants didn't know and they got quite angry but it was fine it was totally harmless but then we did another one that didn't go out where where i was i had a character who was called ken corder

he was a bit like a sort of amalgam of people like melvin brag and it was a bit like a sort of more media heavy version of alan partridge i suppose and we did this one thing about like edgy indie filmmakers because that's part of this character was that he was a sort of edgy indie filmmaker right and there were a lot of films coming out around that time in the 90s which were quite so post-train spotting edgy lot of swearing quite laddy and so we did this thing where we went in to a pub called the dog star in brixton and ken saying uh we're in gritty brixton if you want to get served in a pub in brixton you have to swear all the time if you want to get served in a pub in brixton you have to swear all the time so we went in and we went up to the bartender and there was a man and there was a woman behind the

bar and i i just say uh i'd like a drink you bitch so quite rightly the man behind the bar just said what the fuck did you say and comes over and very and i was like i just want a fucking drink you stupid bastard and so he hit me okay and knocked the camera out of joe's hand both of which were 100 uh deserved but it was awful and then i had to you know then we kind of bought them drinks and said listen i'm I'm really sorry. That just didn't work out. And I'm really sorry. But, you know, we just didn't think it through. Something in my head, I think partly I just wanted to be one of those people that did those edgy pranks. There were a lot of them around at the time.

But I didn't have it in me. I wouldn't have it in me to do that sort of thing either. I think because the joke's on the wrong person there isn't and it's not strong enough I don't know it made me laugh the idea of it made me laugh but um the whole way that I've managed to get around it on this show is because the joke is on a bad company but yeah it's still it's the word it's not it's it's not a natural thing to go into an environment and do something ridiculous because every every part of your body just says leave run but um that's why it's hopefully funny at the on the other side because yeah

it's a fine balance isn't it because you're screwing around with the conventions of society which are there for a reason just to make life livable for all of us and but then it is funny to see them subverted now and then but you don't want them so completely smashed apart that people suffer or yeah get humiliated. Yeah, yeah. I love your face so Like a painting by Picasso The eyes to the right The nose to the left Other faces make me border But your features are all in a nice

Order Order Order! Order! Joe Lysett, net worth. Oh, yes. We're going back to the net worth rumours Facebook and Instagram post that I found about you. Right. Joe Lysett, net worth is huge. Oh, that's good. Though he has not clearly revealed it yet.

Oh. Joe Lysett net worth will surely increase because of his constant hard work and efforts that he puts into his every work. And Joe Lysett net worth will reach a big height, undoubtedly. Oh, great. Well, that's good news. So you've got all, I mean, it's very positive. It's very positive. There doesn't seem to be any negatives in there at all.

There's no... No, man, they're 100% behind you. Joe Lysa Instagram is followed by a huge mass of people at the national and international level. Wow. Joe Lysa Instagram provides us a flood of information about him with the help of various status and pictures that he makes at the almost regular basis.

He has a huge mass following and is loved, praised, and admired by people all around the world on its entirety. On its... Great. So do you Instagram a lot? Yeah, I do. I love Instagram. Okay. My life is constantly sort of through a filter of what's grammable.

Yeah. Do you Instagram? i don't probably better for your mental health there's a thing that was doing the rounds often just people start doing a trend will start where people start doing the same sort of posts like a meme like a meme but like where people where it's sort of personalizable yeah personalized double yeah that is a word i feel and one of them recently was the throwback challenge basically where you posted a 10-year challenge i think it was we posted a picture of yourself now and a picture of yourself 10 years ago next to each other yes and it was just an opportunity for people to talk about their journey and just such a tedious

exercise and the amount of friends that are posting pictures i just thought i don't care and nobody cares and it's not that impressive that you're looked different 10 years ago because that's the nature of time um and it just it made me cross but it made lots of people cross because lots of people were sort of complaining about it on other social media saying like the thing on instagram about 10-year annoying and yada, yada, yada. But I didn't want to add to that approach because it's not funny. So what I did is I did my tenure challenge, but there's a picture of me that day and then a picture of a cuttlefish. And I did this long post about how I've learned, I've lived, I've loved.

I've had heartbreak. I've achieved I've had heartbreak I've achieved so many things but the main difference is I'm no longer a cuttlefish and that was just a stupid idea but now occasionally I'll just post that I'm a cuttlefish and I it's ridiculous and I don't know where it's going or what it's I don't really know why I find it funny but I find it really funny cuttlefish as well does feel as if you could be descended like human it's so um primordial or yeah it's a great word as well cuttlefish yeah it's very pleasing to say i saw a post you made on twitter as well about litter yes last year it became a news story on the BBC anyway.

That's a weird thing that's started to happen more often is I'll post a tweet or something and it'll become a news story. I mean, the BBC news website more or less relies exclusively on tweets as far as I can tell. It's extraordinary, isn't it? Yeah, I got very cross last year because there's this gorgeous park near me. And it had just been a hot bank holiday weekend and i went for a run the next morning i think it was the monday morning after and it was just a sea of litter just like everywhere and i just sort of couldn't believe it i just thought it seemed like such an obvious thing that i'd been taught which is particularly in a park, like pick up your litter. But anyway, you just don't leave litter around.

And how dangerous that is for the wildlife. It just made me really cross. So, again, I tried to make it not too earnest. So I think the post was something about here's me taking a selfie with all your litter or something. And I sort of did a silly face with it. You said, hate to sound like your mother yeah but if you enjoyed the beauty of cannon hill park yesterday then the least you can do is respect it and the safety of the animals that live in it by putting your rubbish in a bin here's a selfie i took with your mess and so it's you wearing a

pair of shades and headphones and grinning yeah in front of this, yeah, really messy park. Yeah. What was shocking about it is the amount of people that must have been involved in creating that mess. It was all cleared the next morning. But in that 24 hours, I had to run through a park that was full of litter. So that impacted on my quality of life. You're hurting Joe Lysa.

You've hurt you've hurt me but also that's is a danger for animals in that area for those 24 hours god i'm your mother i've turned into everyone's mother i've just remembered i did uh on the next weekend when it was really hot yeah because. Because I anticipated it happening again. I did go a lot sort of further with it. And I did some tweet which was something like, OMG, just found out that if you leave litter in a park today, it means that you want to fuck your dad. It was something stupid like that. So I've sort of escalated it in that way.

There you go. That does the job. Because, yeah, I was going to say that people who say, you shouldn't, you know, why can't you pick it up and throw it in the bin? It's sort of associated with an old school, posh, busy body or something. Yeah, yeah.

Which I am. And I'm happy to have that label. OG busy body. Yeah. That sounds like my wife. Yeah. My wife. Do you know what she fucking loves you oh she you're one of the people like as soon as you come on tv you she's like oh

my god i love him oh that's nice she sits there and literally grins at everything she just delights in your presence oh so do i that's so it's um that sort of thing is quite um quite lovely isn't it i suppose yeah someone i've never met is pleased to see me yeah it's a nice thing to be liked in that way and they'll like you you pretty much could say anything and she would just still like you that's a challenge isn't it yeah it is this weird thing it's something that's um i've been aware of since sewing bee went out that my sort of target market is now uh i mean the sewing bee is watched by 65 plus female oh that's your main demographic not not 65 females yeah plus women who are over the age of 65 is it makes up a massive

really section of that demographic it's loved by kids and all sorts of different people as well but the a big chunk of it is that and i keep getting stopped by older women and i do feel a bit like i'm barry manilow it's quite sort of an odd experience but um for that reason whereas i used to be not particularly crude or whatever but you know there would be times where i definitely remember posting an instagram post where it was sort of me it was a photo of me floating in the air and um i think the caption was something like here's me bouncing on your dad's dick it's something stupid like that i just remembered another one where you're you're in a fancy restaurant somewhere and you've got some chocolate pudding and you just say here i am in the exclusive blah blah blah restaurant in russia

eating some poo yeah yeah yeah made me laugh well But yeah, I'm not sure that, you know, the audience for Sewing Bee will appreciate the idea of me bouncing on a damn stick. Well, one of them does. Yeah. And I'm married to her. That's a fun show, though. It's a lovely show. It's really sweet.

It takes ages to film, but they make a really lovely programme out of it. It's really sweet. It takes ages to film, but they make a really lovely programme out of it. It's a really charming thing. People are gutted when they get booted off. You know, life doesn't always go the way you want, does it? No. I mean,

probably in the future, maybe they will, if things carry on the way they are, they'll probably phase out any kind of competitive or elimination shows because it'll be seen as too cruel for the snowflakes snowflake generation I suppose I'm a millennial so

I must be a snowflake too right and I'm quite liberal and I love speaking to people that I disagree with I find that really edifying I had a really good experience uh just last week actually i was i woke up and i wasn't planning on going and i woke up on the day of the march the people's march and i thought i should go i'll regret not going on this so i got

a cab this was the march for a second referendum for a second referendum i got a cab i was in birmingham so i got a cab from my house to the station and the driver was a muslim driver and he said to me said um where are you off to and i said i'm going to london for this march and he said oh what's the march about and i said oh it's about revoking article 50 and having another vote on brexit and he said brexit's taking up so much at the minute isn't it you know there's loads of other problems in the country and brexit's taking up all this all the time to discuss it he said you know there's problems like they're saying that it's okay to teach children in school that they can be gay you know they've

got to sort that out and i thought ah and i said oh why'd you say that and he said you know i'm not homophobic i've got lots of gay friends but you know my religion teaches me that there are all sorts of different urges that we have you know i'm married and I see women in the street but I don't act on that and my religion teaches me that it's wrong to act on those urges and I said oh well that's a shame because I'm I'm I said I was bisexual because I didn't want to explain pansexuality at that point because I thought this let's let's go in with baby steps and he was saying like he didn't want to offend me but he also really appreciated the fact that he could talk to me about it in a gentle way. And I was saying that, you know, there's lots of interpretations from his religion.

There's lots of things that he's not acting on within the Quran. So you can't take that sort of double standard. How did he feel about that? He was fine with it. He kind of loved it. And he found it really funny as well. Because I said the old classic line of straight people keep having gay kids and he loved that he thought that was so funny he told me that the anus wasn't used for sex wasn't meant for sex and i said okay

have you ever had a blow job and he very proudly said oh yes i've had a blow job and i said well the mouse not really meant for sex is it and he went oh and then i said i'll see you in hell and he really found that funny he thought that was brilliant and then i said i'll have i've actually never had anal sex and he went oh you're a top and then high-fived me which was unexpected but it was neither of us came away feeling like we'd persuaded the other and there was no i didn't want to necessarily persuade him i didn't't want him to, you know, in the space of a 15-minute taxi journey. Sure, but you've exposed him to your perspective. Yeah, and I've been exposed to his in a way that I'd not been either.

I kind of could have guessed it, but he probably could have guessed my thing as well. You know, when I was saying to him, I'm not harming anyone in my sexuality. No one's being hurt. And it makes me sad that you feel that I am immoral in some way, but I don't believe that. But he didn't, you know, he didn't try to stop me being gay or any of that kind of stuff. It was just lovely.

It was just really nice and a really, you know, it will stay with me for the rest of my life, that exchange. Thank you. I got you some presents, Joe. Oh, wow. I didn't bring you anything. You brought Joe Lycett. Okay. That's the best present I might get. The greatest gift.

Yeah, man. I got you some popping candy. Oh, how lovely. Pop rocks. Great. Green apple. It's artificially flavoured. Oh, they didn't actually use a green apple.

No, it's not organic popping candy. It's very nice in the mouth, isn't it, popping candy? Do you ever have it? I think I have it. It sort of sparkles in your mouth, doesn't it? Yeah, man. Pops. 40 calories per sachet.

That's not too bad. That's like a diet. You could have that as part of a calorie-controlled diet. Yes, that's great. Thank you. Here you go. Do you want to try some? You don't have to.

Yes, I'll do it. I won't have the full packet because there's actually quite a lot in there. You have a little bit, I'll have a little bit. I'm going to have just a little... Oh gosh, there's a real odour. Let me just stick it on the old tongue. Place it on the tongue. Instant poppery.

Give it some saliva. Can I have some? Yeah. I'm going to have a bit more than you. You did a good job there. I should have put more in. It's very pleasing, isn't it? They all pop, but then there are some that are a slightly different colour,

and they really explode. Are you familiar with ASMR? Yeah. Tash Dimitri told me about it. Oh, yes. This is the sort of thing that gives some people ASMR. Right. Explain ASMR for people who don't know.

Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It's a very pleasing... People call them braingasms. And it's triggered by... I don't fully know, but some of the common triggers are whispering. I get it when, wow. When you exhaled then, sort of the dust from the pop rocks came out,

looked like you were smoking some sort of apple-based spliff. Crack. Apple crack. Apple crack. Are you getting a braingasm no I'm not it's not a trigger for me it's actually doing the reverse my brain has gone limp yeah I imagine I've lost quite a lot of listeners

I apologise listeners but some people will love that so there you go pop rocks that was what a lovely thoughtful gift thank you and um now i want you to be honest with me about these because i bought these from a shop where i buy a lot of gifts describe what it is well it's a box and on the top of it it says fuck in very big letters in very big letters. Sort of cream letters on a red background. 40 stickers, four different statements it says. Oh, I see.

It's a little box of stickers. Little box of stickers. And they're big old stickers. They're like labels. I'm just going to open the cellophane. Now, this is the sort of thing that ASMR people would really enjoy. So I'm just going to puncture the cellophane. Do it the sort of thing that asmr people would really enjoy so i'm just just going to puncture the cellophane do it right up my thumbnail and then and then yes there's a sticker here that just reads what the fuck and i can affix that to

whatever i want it, what the fuck? What are the other ones? There's four varieties. Four varieties, 40 stickers. I've got them all out now. And it says you can put them on a laptop. Oh, yes, you could, yeah. Or a workbook.

It says, what the fuck, fuck, fuck no, and fuck yeah. Really handy, that. I like them. I like them a lot. Would you seriously use them?, that. I like them. I like them a lot. Would you seriously use them? Yeah, absolutely would use them. Would you put it on your laptop? Not sure I'd put it on my laptop.

Why not? No, I probably would, actually. Yeah, why not? Fuck yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah on my laptop. Or maybe just fuck, actually, on the laptop. Can I put one on your laptop? You've got stickers on there.

Fuck no. Okay. Or is that you want a fuck no sticker no that is fucking no way do i want a big sticker saying fuck on my fucking laptop okay because i just think here's my perspective on it right swearing is fun because it's slightly subversive and if you are just commodifying yeah the whole fun of swearing and selling stickers yeah then you are eating away at the fun of swearing it's the sort of thing basic bitches would enjoy isn't it this what's that basic bitches are um a catch-all term for people that are into basic things. So people who watch EastEnders are basic bitches. You know, sort of standard mainstream, X-Factor, ITV, basic bitches.

Okay, right. Loose women. Yeah. Who I would actually describe as sort of low-key fascists, but also basic bitches. I think things started going wrong when people were wandering around with the, you know, the French Connection UK t-shirts, FC UK. Yeah, yeah. It's like, hee hee hee, he looks a bit like fuck, hee hee hee. There's a glorious thing that happened actually.

A kid at my school got his mum to pick him up a t-shirt, but she got it wrong and it just had fuck off written on it. Which was glorious. He came in all proud and it like just totally wrong i like it i think it's all right i wouldn't use them earnestly right okay well good then maybe you'll like my final gift to you i'm sort of re-gifting this this was kindly given to me this is a book a journal and it's a sort of nicely bound journal. So it looks kind of posh. It's got gold, you know, the sides of the pages are gold. Page ends, yeah.

Oh, mate. That's lovely. And then in very curlicued, serif-heavy writing on the front. Calligraphy. Calligraphy. Yeah. It says in embossed gold, you got this shit.

Oh, that's horrible. It is horrible, isn't it? Yeah, that is horrible. And I was given this by a lovely man called Barry, who allowed me to do some work in progress shows at the brilliant Bill Murray Comedy Club in Islington. Great venue. And they were nice enough to give me this little gift afterwards.

But I hated the gift. And I thought, I'm never going to use a book that says, you got this shit on it. I don't want it. And I thought, maybe Joe will like it. I don't. But I do like the... I mean, it's a really nice journal. The actual quality

of the whole thing. The quality of the journal is really nice. I started writing some suggestions for names for your future tours in the front. Oh, brilliant, because I have run out, genuinely. It's fucking difficult, isn't it? I thought it would be easy. Remind me of some of your previous ones. Some Lysette Hot. If Joe Lysette, then you should have put a ring on it.

That's the way I had Joe Lysett All I got was Well what does it say on the first page there They were rubbish Oh I see Have you written in here Lysett to kill Secrets and Lysett

And you've done three stars To suggest that you were going to write I was going to write another one but then you arrived Oh and then I arrived New Joe Lysett tour names by Adam buxton age 49 that's lovely 50th birthday this year or next yeah this year yeah what are you going to do uh i just continue to exist i hope you look great for 50 are you joking no you look really thanks man you've aged well well that's nice of you you look um distinguished distinguished but your skin looks well um

hydrated yeah i do try and moisturize as much as possible i'm beginning to worry that i'm drinking too much tea too much tea yeah what like uh i think standard builder's brew or yeah yeah yorkshire tea so tell me this do you know this because you're supposed to drink lots of water every day right yeah does tea count as water yeah does it yeah and i couldn't find a definitive answer well i suppose it's a diuretic in some ways it does it because it's got caffeine which is a diuretic so that's dehydrating you that will dehydrate you a little bit i suppose but i think you're still putting more hydration into your body than not by drinking tea. I don't think you can dehydrate from drinking tea.

Right, okay. It might just not be as hydrating as a glass of water. Yeah. How many glasses of water do you drink a day? Oh, gosh. Five. Supposed to be eight. Is it?

I don't know. Yeah, maybe. Depends on the size of the glass so doesn't it does exactly do you ever drink fizzy water yeah sometimes i do yeah you're fucked i see it's a good um substitute to you're gonna die your teeth are gonna fall out good substitute to what like fizzy pop no to um like a glass of fizzy wine i'll have like a glass of fizzy water right okay yeah fizzy wine what you mean like a spritzer or just wine that's gone off champagne right okay yeah fair enough sparkling wine prosecco

yeah yeah yeah carver english sparkling you like that i love wine do you ever have lindauer what's that i think australian sparkling wine no my dad who was a wine expert and absolutely loved champagne and wrote about it and walked in that region and um but yeah I bounced on his dick I remember him. I mean, that should be the out, obviously. But now I'm going to have to explain the rest of why I brought it up. Yeah. He liked Lindauer. Okay.

That's the end of that story. But you bounced on his dick. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Wait. This is an advert for Squarespace. Every time I visit your website, I see success. Yes, success. The way that you look at the world makes the world want to say yes. It looks very professional. I love browsing your videos and pics and I don't want to stop. your members area and spend in your shop these are the kinds of comments people will say about your website if you build it with

squarespace just visit squarespace.com slash buxton for a free trial and when you're ready to launch because you will want to launch use the offer code code BUCKSTONE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So put the smile of success on your face with Squarespace. Yes. Continue. Yep. Hey, welcome back, podcats. That was Joe Lycett, of course, that you heard talking to me back before the break. I'm very grateful indeed to Joe for his time. I look forward to our paths crossing once again in the real world. So how are you doing, podcats? If you're listening to me in the midst of the lockdown, I hope you're doing all right, getting through it I hope you're doing all right, getting through it with minimal trauma.

Oh, look at this. A Christmas tree has fallen off the back of a lorry. Literally, there's Christmas tree fields around this part of the world, and they're cutting them down, slipping them into nets, and loading them onto the back of trucks and transporting them out to the shop. But one of them's fallen off and it's just lying here. Free Christmas tree, Rosie. In the net. It looks a bit like a pod, a big giant pod from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

But a festive version where instead of emotionless clones, Santa comes out, except it's an emotionless Santa and he just gives a hollow laugh before distributing completely empty presents like the ones they have in shop window displays. The saddest of all the presents. Maybe I'll drive back later on and snaffle that guy. Anyway, before I go today, I just wanted to let you know about a podcast appearance that I made recently that is now available.

And I already told you that I was on Griefcast recently for a second time. I was on the very first episode of Griefcast, hosted by Cariad Lloyd, brilliant and versatile comedian and actor and writer. And if you haven't ever heard her podcast, Griefcast, I do recommend it, especially if you've experienced a loss, and you're up for hearing a variety of comedians

talking about their experiences of grief, then give Griefcast a listen. It's always a good mixture of funny moments with some obviously quite emotional moments too and that's what my most recent conversation with cariad was like talking about my mum i got quite emotional a few times anyway i was slightly less emotional, at least in that way, on the Drunk Women Solving Crime podcast recently. That was a bit more up-tempo. In case you haven't heard it, Drunk Women Solving Crime is a true crime podcast with a twist. I'm reading from the blurb.

A twist of lime. I'm reading from the blurb. A twist of lime. Join writer-slash-comedian hosts Hannah George, Katie Wilkins, and Taylor Glenn as they welcome top guests from comedians to crime writers to test out their drunk detective skills. I would say that it's not like drunk history

where everyone gets absolutely hammered. The irresponsible drinking aspect isn't totally central to the whole concept, I don't think, even though I did have a couple of shots of very delicious cognac during my appearance, which loosened me up a little, made me a bit shoutier than normal. I can't quite remember. But it was good fun. And we just, you know, talked about crime in its various forms. I tried to relate some of my experiences of crime.

I think I talked about various times that my bike has been nicked. And then we discussed robbery and art theft. It was good fun. So that's out now. I'll put links to these in the description of the podcast. Okay, it's cold. I'm going to head back. Another podcast out next week. next week probably about how many i don't know four to go until the end of this current run ending on christmas day with the traditional adam and joe christmas day podcast i can tell you that there has been a development it's only a slight development but a significant one related to the Tom Cruise doodle story. Anyway, that's a teaser for Christmas Day. In the meantime, thank you very much indeed to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for his production support.

Thanks to Matt Lamont for additional editing. Thanks to Helen Green for podcast artwork. Thanks to ACAST for their continued help and support. And thanks to you very much indeed for listening and being encouraging about the podcast. Makes it that much more fun to do, I find, when people enjoy it, you know. Interesting stuff, Buckles.

Why don't you go away now? Okay, I will. Until next time we meet, go easy, tread carefully, have fun, not too much fun, more fun than that, though. And for what it's worth,

remember, I love you. Bye! Give me like a smile and a thumbs up. It's nice to have fun when we're bums up. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Please like and subscribe. Give me like a smile and a thumbs up. It's nice to have fun when we're bums up. Give me like a smile and a thumbs up.

It's nice to have fun when we're bums up. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Thank you.