THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.50 - MAE MARTIN

Episode Date: September 29, 2017

Adam talks to Canadian stand up comic and actor Mae Martin about Sexuality, Druguality and Rock’n’Rollism and Mae details her surprisingly wayward youth. Thanks to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for production support and Matt Lamont for additional editing. Music & jingles by Adam Buxton Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening I took my microphone and found some human folk Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan. Hey, how you doing, podcats? Adam Buxton here. Enjoying a morning walk in the countryside.

And it's not a very nice day today, weather-wise. It's just stopped raining, and it's like the kind of weather that I imagine pervades in Cormac McCarthy's book The Road. A kind of impenetrable grey dreariness. The sun banished, like a grieving mother with a lamp. Anyway, I don't care because it's Friday. That's party time! In the Buckles house, me and my wife are going to be curled up on the sofa with Rosie

and we're going to be watching the living heck out of something very good on TV. I don't know what. Oh, yeah, I bumped into someone the other day. We were talking about Greta Gerwig, the actor. And they said, have you seen Miss America? Is it called Miss America? Anyway, it's one of her films.

And they said, oh, you should really see that. It's hilarious. So we're going to watch that maybe. That's by the by. More of this kind of interesting chat at the end of the podcast for the elite listening brigade that sticks through to the bitter end but for now let me tell you about today's podcast number 50 which features a conversation recorded in may of this year, 2017, with May Martin. Hey! And then in June, I talked to June Sarpong. And in July, I talked to Miranda July. And in September, I talked to Donny September.

And in August, I talked to Augustus Gloop. Okay. May Martin. She's an award-winning stand-up comedian from Canada. And she's also an actor. As you will hear, she has just turned 30. So she's young. She's a young person. Well, that's the way it seems to me. One of the reasons I like May, who is a very talented and funny stand-up, is that she is not typical of many

blustery and super-confident stand-up comedians. And offstage, she seems really quite diffident, but she's very charming and easygoing. She's good company. And yet, as you will hear, at one stage in her life, she was so wayward, she assumed she'd never even see her 30th birthday. Other topics covered in the chat include the Beatles. May's a massive Beatles fan, as well as being a huge Bette Midler fan, but we talk less about that. We talk about tattoos, polysexuality. Hey, Polly.

Hello. Polysexuality over there. Bear threats. Yeah yeah that's right threats by actual bears astral projection it's all in here plus there's a few good recommendations for podcasts and parlour games

at the very end of our conversation that's all to come so why delay any further here we go! I haven't spoken out loud today. You're the first. It's the first time I've heard my own voice. You happy with it? Yeah.

Yeah, really happy. It's going really well. I think I sound great, actually. So, May, we were talking about the fact that you haven't done too many podcasts. No. Is that a policy decision? I would love to do every podcast. I think it's so nice to not have the pressure to be so hilarious. Is that? Wait, is that a policy decision i would love to do every podcast i think it's so nice to not have

the pressure to be so hilarious is that wait is that oh oh oh sorry okay um i'll go no exactly just have a nice normal conversation yeah and i listen to them all the time i mean i will be feeding you lines from your live shows to enable you to launch into bits of material at various points i was just on eggheads on um celebrity eggheads i mean a broad definition of the word celebrity eggheads is a quiz afternoon quiz type thing is it yeah it's an afternoon quiz where you go up against the country's best quizzers and so jeremy vine fed me a line for my stand-up and i guess the material was embellished. So when he fed it to me, I didn't get it,

and yeah, it didn't work very well. I mean, I dropped out of high school and just stopped absorbing any information so long ago. But I really embarrassed myself on this Eggheads quiz show because I couldn't think of the Sistine Chapel. I knew the Vatican, but I couldn't think of the Sistine Chapel. I knew the Vatican, but I couldn't think of the word Sistine. Okay.

Well, it's difficult when you're on the spot. I mean, it's really hard. It'll haunt me though. I mean, I've been there. It's just insane to not know that. But yeah, it is hard. I was on Celebrity Mastermind, which is pretty easy.

Oh, what was your topic? It was David Bowie in the 70s. Oh, great. So I thought I was pretty good and I was confident. Then I got a couple of easy ones. Oh, really? And that was bad. And then things like on the general knowledge, where is Henman's Mound?

A sports question. In which sporting arena would you find Henman's Mound? What would you say to that um it's tim henman isn't it tennis so so wembley no wait what's wimbledon wimbledon there you go i mean oh no wimbledon wimbledon well you did better than i did what did you say i just i had nothing i had nothing you couldn't think of i didn't associate henman with tim henman right and i just ended up saying uh the sport palace or something like that it was awful i don't know what my topic would be on maybe yeah maybe it

would be me it would be like the beatles solo material i think really yeah that might be my topic yeah beatles but like you're better at the solo stuff than you are at them together I just think that so many people are Beatles experts that the trivia gets really right you got to localize it a bit yeah sure and and because they'd want to challenge you because so many people know about the Beatles but I think I spent some time studying up on the solo material but are you a massive Beatles head anyway I'm a Beatles head yeah good one big time what's your best what's your go-to solo record then uh out of all of them I mean that's a tough question yeah it depends

what's going on in my life I'm into McCartney right now um yeah really into what's that got on it it's got maybe I'm amazed and lovely Lovely Linda, Mama Miss America and Junk and, yeah, great stuff. So you're not going for any of Ringo's solo albums then? I mean, I go on his website a lot. Do you? Yeah, have you been on his website? No. Why would I go?

You've got to go. It's just videos of him saying peace and love and he's walking through his garden. Peace and love, not signing any more autographs. Yeah, and he's got this his garden and peace and love not signing any more autographs yeah he's and he's got this weird garden it's like an acid trip he's got like hedge mazes and weird sculptures and peace and love ringo and then lennon you like the lennon solo stuff presumably yeah in my teens and early 20s that was all i listened to now i've moved on i feel a bit disillusioned about Lennon in general.

Why? I was talking to someone else about it. I was talking to Zadie Smith about it. Oh, really? Yeah, she turns out to be a big Lennon fan. Oh, Lennon fan. Yeah, and found him very inspirational. And I was sort of quizzing her about that because I'm such a, you know,

I get so easily confused. Same. By things. What, emotionally? In all sorts of ways. Okay, yeah, yeah. You know, if a person is complex yeah if it's a complex character if you like their work but then some of the details about their

private life you don't appreciate so much you think oh i don't know if does that change the way should it change the way i feel about their work i'm always thinking about it you know that's exactly what i'm going through yeah and what were the things that put you off about lennon or made you conflicted i don't know i don't think i don't think he's a very good father and i don't he was you could say that about anyone probably but i think just because i'm getting more into mccartney i'm thinking what a great songwriter mccartney is and how he was the one saying let's make another album with the beatles and i think he gets a bad rap. So maybe I'm just feeling defensive about McCartney. And I'm feeling like Lennon. Hey, you don't have to take sides.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you're right. They're both cool in different ways. They've both got their problems. Yeah. I don't know what accent I'm doing. That was good. Thanks.

I'm doing a Peter Serafinowicz. Hey, man, how's it going? That's offensive. I have a Beatles tattoo that is so bad and so embarrassing i have so many all in my teens i had a period of like two years where i got maybe 18 tattoos small words and things no way such bad choices what was your first one oh the first one's the worst um i got the word oatmeal tattooed on my wrist there there it is yeah my dad cried uh it was so i thought it was so funny at the time why'd you get oatmeal i just

thought it was funny because everyone around me was getting really meaningful things and i thought i'll just get it'll be so random and then uh i mean that is pretty random it's been a little bit less funny every day since though and now i literally no other reason just you just plucked it out of the air well if i'm being honest this person i had a crush on kind of drew it on me as a joke and then i thought it would be hilarious if i got it tattooed and then i showed the person and they were like horrified i mean what a creepy stalker move but that is quite psycho but i got this tattoo of um i went through a phase where and i was smoking a lot of weed and i was you know yeah in my teens and i got i dig a pony uh right that because i in my mind i was like this is the song that sums up

their whole message got it tattooed and then i and then i googled it and the first thing that came up was a quote from john lennon saying that's my least favorite song that i ever wrote it means nothing i want to throw in the garbage it's erase it from my disco like he hates that song is that everybody had a cool time no everybody no that's i got a feeling isn't it i got a feeling yes yes i dig a pony is just nonsense it's from let it be it's i dig a pony oh god that was yeah that one oh yeah what a lunatic so you went out you got it you went for an obscure track from their least loved album i think yeah that day i was just really moved by it and then the worst part is that it sort of looks like, because it's a badly done tattoo, it's like $40,

and it looks like I dig pussy. That's what it looks like. So people come up to me on the beach, they're like, that is so brave. I dig a pony. Well, you can celebrate anything you want. Oh, yeah, I remember this one, yeah. I do a road hog. Well, you can celebrate anything you want. Oh, yeah. I remember this one, yeah. I do a road hog. Well, you can penetrate any place you go.

Yes, you can penetrate any place you go. I told you so. All I want is you. Everything has got to be just like you want it to. So good. It is good, actually, isn't it? I mean, they were a good band. Yeah.

I pick a moon dog. Well, you can radiate. Right, so that's definitely Lennon, isn't it i mean they were a good band yeah i pick a moon dog well you can radiate right so that's definitely lennon isn't it very lennon yeah yeah you can syndicate any boat you wrote what does that mean but in this in the moment i was like i that speaks to me that's good i'm happy with both those tattoos yeah they all you know what about the other ones what about the other 16 oh god, God, they're all bad. They're all small black text ones. So I don't have any big sleeves or anything. And they kind of, when you look at me, I don't look like a tattooed person.

No, you don't. Yeah, your mind doesn't really, you don't take them in. But they're all over, yeah, all kinds of things. Is there a cluster of them in an area? Down my sides and on my back i have a couple and on my ankles all over my ankle oh isn't that painful it was fine you know it was just you get addicted you once you break the seal and you get your first one and how when was the last time you got one yeah i like that i'm talking about it as if it was this

mad phase but i got one at Christmas. I got it number one at Christmas. Don't know why. Because you love the charts. Love the charts. Yeah, yeah. I'm really into that new Calvin Harris song that just got to number one. And where's the number one?

How big is that? Tiny, and it's maybe my worst one. It's kind of falling out. It's just there. Okay. May's indicating just above her right hip yeah yeah i mean that's good you love tattoos but it's gonna be people without tattoos are gonna be in the minority and it'll be the cool thing i really but i've started now so i can't if i i wish i hadn't started but now i'm into it yeah it's amazing, isn't it, how much it's become a part of the culture.

You know, Todd Barry, the comedian? Yeah. He's got a good line when he sees someone with a sort of face tattoo or something very elaborate and covering a lot of skin. He says, I always think I want to go up to that guy and say, hey, you forgot not to do that. That's good. Because you do think like that. You do forget in the moment not to do that. Yeah.

And then there is definitely, I mean, not all of mine, but there are some that I think that almost immediately after I got them, I thought, oh, I just remembered not to get that tattoo. Yeah, I like that line a lot. Wow. Tattoos. Yeah, I'm not sure if i would it's a bit late now anyway yeah i was thinking plus i'm too hairy yeah you'd have to shave they

shave you first they even shave me first if they're doing a patch they shave it you'd have a real you'd be there for hours i was watching the 40 year old virgin again the other day or at least a bit of it is quite good it's quite good when like old comedy movies pop up on TV. I find myself with my wife, my wife, watching them right the way through a lot of the time. And we had a little bumper classic early noughties, I suppose, comedy viewing fest the other night. So good. It was 40 year old Virgin and that scene where he gets his chest waxed. That's real, right?

I think it's real. Yeah, I remember reading that. Doesn't that seem like yesterday that that movie came out? It really does. And the other one was Bridesmaids that we watched. And Bridesmaids looks like something from the 40s now. Really? I think it was shot on film.

It looks that way. And just the cars even look different and the phones. It's so weird. Yeah, it's so weird. God, it's funny, that film. I mean, I liked it when it came out bridesmaids i'm talking about oh yeah so good but she kristen wick is sort of surreally so inspired in almost every scene in that yeah she's amazing that bit on the plane

i love it she gets arsehole and she's got nerves so her friend gives her a couple of pills and then she washes it down scotch so good oh my god and she's getting into a uh confrontation with the flight attendant it's so funny so i think it's maybe the one of the funniest scenes ever yeah my mom loves that movie and my dad weirdly hates it but he's we have pretty similar taste my dad and i mean he couldn't deal with the uh the diarrhea scene he suddenly my dad's british and he suddenly became very like i don't know about that yeah but it's pretty full-on it's a lot to ask but i love it i love it i love a well-timed fart like you can't sure you can't make a hard and fast rule of no farts and no poo but your dad's not into the scatology and the can't do it toilet humor he turns off right away and i want to be

like just give it a chance yeah what about what's so does he like comedy though yeah loves and what sort of stuff does he like uh he i mean i grew up we had all these old um tapes of black adder and the goon show and yeah he loves the Bonzo Dog Band. Do you know them? Sure, of course. Yeah, yeah. Loves all that. But he also loves, he's obsessed with Noel Fielding in a way, like he really idolizes

Noel Fielding. No way. Yeah, I think my dad used to wear platform shoes and eyeliner and stuff. And he was in a David Bowie cover band. And he's like, so he sees Noel Fielding. It's like this old school kind of. I want to hang out with your dad. He's a cool guy.

He's a really cool guy. How old is he then? How old are your folks? They both still around? Yeah, maybe they're 60 and 58. My mom's 58. Good one. I think.

And you're just 30, right? Just turned 30. I actually feel different. Do you? I actually feel different. Do you? I actually feel really empowered. Yeah, I've been, I really, I wasn't expecting to. And I feel like. God, I can't remember what that feels like.

Yeah, it's great. What's 40 like? It's fine. It slips by. But somewhere between 40 and 50, something goes very odd. Oh, really? Yeah. Right. Almost imperceptibly.

But then you, well, it did for me anyway. You just think, oh, shit. Yeah. This feels really different now. I think it's, I think I'm going to be comfortable with it. I don't know. I feel like. I mean, you look five.

Thanks. So. Thanks, yeah. No, I'm into it. You, I mean, you're very fresh faced thanks and you used to i don't know if you still do sometimes come on stage and say hey i'm justin bieber yeah yeah i say that because i have short hair and sometimes i feel like i come out and there's this tension in the room like if i don't say oh by the way i know i look like justin bieber

then people are like does she know that she looks like a boy like they so i need to say it and then they're like oh thank god okay she realizes that she has this haircut tell me about why you feel empowered though oh my god well i just feel maybe it's because i look young i'm so glad i can now say actually i'm 30 and i can i can command a space more I can be more I don't know with hecklers and stuff as well I don't know I just feel maybe I just got back from Australia and I was watching a lot of American stand-ups who were they just have a confidence and they walk on like their vibe is almost like they're sitting down they're so relaxed it's weird and because I guess here because we do edinburgh shows or people seem

to do a new hour every year and that's so different to the states where they're polishing like a 20 minute club set polishing a 20 minute turd yeah polishing a 20 minute turd gleaming it up real nice um and then wheeling it out to jimmy fallon presenting and every other talk show host yeah there were some guys in my show the other night who just wouldn't shut up. And, yeah, I kicked them out. I would never have done that. But I was like, you need to leave. It felt so good.

And how did it feel afterwards, though? Were you really rattled? Was your voice wavering all over the place? My voice was, I may have got a small quiver. I'm hoping by 40 the quiver will leave but i uh it never really goes i felt good it was weird it was a weird atmosphere after that but people were so relieved that they'd left yeah and all the what were they just talking and stuff oh my god they were shouting out they were there was like an empty seat next to my friend and so one of the

group had to go and sit next to her. And then he sort of shouted at her, oh, you're going to be pregnant by 10 p.m. He's sitting next to her. And I just lost it on him. Bit of bants there. Bit of bants, yeah. Enjoying some bants. Oh, it was so annoying.

But luckily everyone was against these men. So everyone was on my side and I really lost it on these guys. I think it was funny. I think I managed to be funny. But yeah, it was exciting. I was like, oh, oh maybe this is the new me maybe I can just kick people out that is one of the nicer things about getting older certainly is that you do feel like you have to ingratiate yourself less I think and you do just sort of think well if you don't like me never mind yeah exactly okay yeah and phasing out sort of extraneous people from your life like i just feel

like i know who i am and i haven't thought about it until this moment saying it out loud but yeah yeah i feel good about it and i didn't think i would i've been i've been very nervous about being in my 30s why what did you think was going to happen i don't know i think i really um in my teens i sort of deified like all these rock star kind of people. And it just didn't fit into my vision of my future being older than about 28. Really? You thought you were going to be a sort of burnout young kind of lunatic? It wasn't that I thought I would like die young, but I just didn't imagine past that age.

I just couldn't. Yeah. I I just couldn't yeah I hope you don't take this the wrong way but that seems entirely at odds with the way you come across oh yeah yeah maybe does it yeah I guess so you seem to me I mean I know you a little bit we've sort of been to a few gigs and done shows together but superficially you seem like you look so sort of healthy I am super healthy yeah yeah i mean i've now i'm like a vegetarian and i don't smoke and but yeah i had in my teens i was a very badly behaved were you naughty oh yeah i was in rehab and dropped out of school yeah you said you dropped out of college i was thinking you dropped out of school even yeah yeah high school yeah so when did that start

when did you when did things start getting wayward for you because your your parents are sort of unconventional when you were growing up, right? They were kind of hippie folks. Oh, they were the best. But they also gave me a really long leash. Slightly too long. Yeah, maybe. I ran amok a bit. I mean, they were amazing about things like sexuality, very progressive.

But then I kind of, I started doing comedy when I was 13. And then I got really obsessed with comedy. And then all my friends were in their 30s. And so I was hanging and then I got really obsessed with comedy and then all my friends were in their 30s and so I was hanging out in dark comedy clubs your friends were in their 30s because you were hanging out with other comedians and stuff yeah and dropped out of school and just behaved so badly but I was it wasn't like I was a kind of dark and I was always very chipper and happy but I was just doing so many drugs. What were you doing? All kinds of stuff, everything, yeah. What did you start off on?

So I started smoking pot. Yeah, and I should say like this is so long, seems so long ago now. It's been, you know, a decade. Are you totally straight edge now then? Yeah, let's say mostly. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much, yeah.

I'm very aware of my mortality now. I've like holds the railing on the escalator. And I always think I'm going to choke on my food. Like I just feel like a totally different person, but I felt just invincible and really into the Beatles and just stoned all the time. And then I was dating older people and got into Coke and I was selling, I was selling MDMA. And then I didn't realize, but so my parents found it in my room and they tested it with a drug testing kit. And it turns out that it was heroin. Oh, I didn't know. You're a heroin pusher.

So then my parents were like, Oh my God, you're a heroin dealer. And I was like, I swear I had no idea. I thought I had no, I mean, it had been selling like hotcakes, but I didn't, I really didn't know. And they did not believe me. So that was crazy. Did you ever try any of it then? Oh, yeah, so much. I mean, for, yeah, for months.

Yeah. I didn't know it came in pill form. No, it was, yeah, it was in, it was in sort of powder. Oh, it's, right, bags. Yeah, bags. And it's brown though, right? Yeah, it was brown. I mean, looking back, of course.

It was mixed with sort of household cleaning products, probably. And what stopped you becoming a hopeless junkie then? My parents kicked me out. I moved in with this comedian who was sober and didn't do drugs. And we sort of fell in love. And he said I should go to rehab and so I did and and yeah I had an okay time I don't know how old were you at that point when you went to rehab when I was about 19 yeah I don't know what I was rebelling against looking back like I had

they were so permissive my parents and and supportive if you ever had children would you do things differently then what would you do things differently then? What would you do differently to your parents? I mean, you never, I have no idea how I'd react. You must just have this sort of emotional response, right? When you're, if you found out that your kid was doing dangerous things, they were really angry when they found out and their response was to kick me out.

I would think that I might not do that. No, I would be worried. I would want to keep them close. Keep them close and talk openly about it. And I probably, yeah, I mean, that's a delicate thing. I was so headstrong. I don't think there's anything they could have done differently, really. Right.

So actually kicking you out was okay for you um it was tough yeah we didn't speak for a couple of years but then now we're so close were you sort of amazed that they had actually called your bluff and kicked you out then yeah they kind of did well they said you can stay if you go to Costa Rica and um work with turtles for uh it was really specific they said you need to go work with turtles for uh it was really specific he said you need to go work with turtles for uh six months or something on this program and i was doing comedy full-time and i just felt like i had a life and i had a boyfriend and i was like do they love turtles or they just thought well working with turtles that'll sort anyone out yeah i think they were like the majesty of the turtle

is gonna just that's probably pretty good advice i would think yeah turtles dolphins pretty much any animal yeah totally but i was like wow isn't there something i could do here and it was a yeah wow do you feel uncomfortable talking about it you know i'm getting i've never talked about it really for years because i've still sort of processing it and then and then this year my edinburgh shows about it it's been so like palpably cathartic in the room i think big people can really tell i i feel like confident enough as a comic to talk about it too and to take people to a kind of darker place and then and then feel like i can bring them back out of your show is called dope yeah so it's all about addiction in various forms yeah it's but have you known people though who haven't been as successful as you as far as managing their addictions or their experimentation

yeah definitely i think what's been useful for me is i've been learning about um dopamine and making connections between not just drug addiction but all kinds of obsessive behavior and things. And it's all kind of in the same boat. I was such a huge Bette Midler fan when I was about 10, but like in a crazy way. I mean, my grades started to slip. I just loved Bette Midler. What were you doing?

I was just thinking about her all the time. My whole room was plastered. What's she doing you just like just thinking about her all the time just i had her just my whole room was plastered what's she doing now is she thinking about me and what got you into bett midler the movie hocus pocus uh it's a 90s movie yeah i remember it i don't know if i've seen it oh you need to top of my bett midler you need to revisit it holds up really well um so i was obsessed with that and then and then i kind of i think replaced drugs with love and being in love and and that because your brain does very similar things when it when you fall in love uh and so then making those connections has been easier to understand those patterns instead of just thinking oh i just got addicted to drugs and then i got

sober it's like oh no it's actually interesting the brain chemistry a bit but yeah and what's instead of just thinking, oh, I just got addicted to drugs and then I got sober. It's like, oh, no, it's actually interesting, the brain chemistry of it. But yeah. And what's the dopamine connection? That's the thing that's released, is it, that makes you want more? I don't know. I've seen two TED Talks. Like, I really am not an expert, but I think it's a pleasure chemical and it's what's released when you desire something.

So that could be food or sex or anything and you get dopamine released in your brain and then if you have a dopamine deficiency already in your brain, then when that sort of splurge of dopamine wears off, then the craving is very intense. So I think that's what it's about. What is dopamine? Dopamine is a neurotransmitter

that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move towards them. Dopamine deficiency results in Parkinson's disease, and people with low dopamine activity may be prone to addiction. The presence of a certain kind of dopamine receptor is also associated with sensation-seeking people, more commonly known as risk-takers. Can you email that to me? I mean, this is basic research I should have done for my show.

Have you ever used Google? Yeah. It's an amazing resource. We're halfway through the podcast. I think it's going really great. The conversation's flowing like it would between a geezer and his mate. All right, mate. Hello, geezer.

I'm pleased to see you. There's so much chemistry. It's like a science lab of talking. I'm interested to see you. Ooh, there's so much chemistry. It's like a science lab of talking. I'm interested in what you said. Thank you. There's fun chat and there's deep chat. It's like Chris Evans is meeting Stephen Hawking. And so your parents got you back, though.

Did you reach back out to them or did they... They called me up one day after it had been about two years of very little contact. And then my mum called me up one day and sort of said, I'm going to the store. Do you need anything? And we kind of haven't really discussed in detail. No way. You've never sat down? No.

Talked about the last years? No. We kind of have totally moved on which i mean maybe i think maybe very british yeah totally british i think maybe this show will spark some conversation but because your dad's a brit my dad's a brit your mom's canadian yeah yeah yeah you grew up in canada right yeah i grew up in canada and what's the canadian temperament is it much more like that sort of britishness than something american we have a really um vague cultural identity we don't really know we're all anglophiles everybody's so proud of the british connection yeah i think

we've got like this self-deprecating british thing that sort of mild self-loathing but then also the new agey openness of of america uh-huh maybe i don't know it's a nice combo it was such a great place to grow up i think i got chased by a bear no yeah so and what was that tell us the bear story no big deal i was in the forest um and i was at summer camp and there were bears. There'd sort of been a bear warning, like they're around the camp. Why didn't they shut down the camp? They were just roaming at night and getting into the garbage. And I went to pee and then there was a bear, like maybe 25 meters from me.

And a big bear. And it looked at me and they, yeah, and they tell you. What color was it? I think brown. It was a big bear and um and it looked at me and they yeah and they tell you was it i think brown he's a brown bear and they said uh just don't turn your back on it don't run from it but that is all you can do you're so scared so i just bolted and uh i don't know if it was chasing me but i went into a nearby cabin luckily and i closed the door and then i could hear it pacing around you can hear that have you seen the revenant yeah yeah you can hear like that yeah exactly yeah exactly that i'm gonna get you leonardo yeah it was saying that i was like why is he calling me that and then i had to wait until uh i wait i think i waited till the sun came up like for hours just sort of petrified

yeah whoa it was cool there was a log cabin right there that's useful yeah summer camp there are all these little cabins everywhere oh i see okay um it's like center parks yeah there's no real bear problems at center parks what do they have deer mainly ducks ducks it's pretty low-key and you rent a bike and you do fun things. Yeah. Maybe this is the new me at 30, but I feel like I need organized fun. And like I'm doing a lot of laser quest, a lot of escape rooms. Oh, yeah. Like group activities. And that's how I get my adrenaline, my dopamine rush.

Yeah. Maybe I'll get into extreme nature stuff. I could do. I could handle that. I mean, I don't know if i can handle it you get killed but i i you know i i wish i was out in nature i know yeah i it was nice being in australia there i went to the beach a lot yeah because you were at the melbourne comedy festival right yeah i swam with crocodiles um i paid like a hundred dollars and they lower you into a tank and you're in a

kind of fiberglass tube. And then they're teasing these crocodiles with raw chicken, getting them really pissed off. And they're chomping at you like they want to get you. It was crazy. I wouldn't call that swimming with crocodiles. Yeah, no. I would call that a cowardly crocodile teasing session. Oh, totally.

So inhumane. Yeah, these poor and also she kept saying uh in human years that croc's 82 years old i was like we're just teasing this old man like he's starving and we're it's probably a ukip croc i wouldn't worry about yeah totally it was looking at me though and they really don't have souls i don't think i really don't have souls, I don't think. I really don't. It was looking at me with this slit eye, you know, in Silence of the Lambs when she is speaking to him through this fiberglass thing. And so they're just, it's this game they're playing. And she knows that if the glass wasn't there, he'd eat her. That was the vibe.

That's right. Yeah. It was cool. Wow. And how, I mean, you've been to that festival before, right? Yeah, this was my second trip. When am I going to get invited? You've got to go.

I'd love to go. All I ever hear is how great it is out there. I don't think I'm going to get asked back if that's any consolation. Why not? Did you cause a racist furore or something? Yeah, I sparked a civil war. No, I just, I was doing a new show i was doing this new show dope and it needed some work when i arrived i debuted it there and it was i don't think it was

ready and i feel like i didn't smash it out of the park but i had the i mean socially i was a i was a real hit i had a great time i was out a lot it was really fun but um that's very canadian slash british of you to admit that. Because, of course, if you were an American comedian, you would be saying, I crushed it. Oh, yeah, I crushed it. Destroyed it. Yeah, it was pretty awesome. And I crushed it.

It was electric. People were losing their minds. Yeah. I can't do that. I can't do that. No. So your parents, you talk about your parents on stage quite a bit. Yeah. Have they ever seen you? And do they think it's weird they don't come I'm lucky they live in Canada right

um but they see stuff on YouTube I think and they've they get so nervous for me and they think that I'm gonna cry or something on stage like have you ever cried on stage good question no no have you ever run off and started crying uh i've cried after sets yeah after that's sets not sex yeah i've cried after sex too um yeah i've run off after like tv sets that i felt haven't gone well well you know when you really want it to go well and then yeah yeah it's just but then they always look good after they edit it and crank the laughter up yeah but never cried on stage no but i think that's my parents fear of course yeah they're protective yeah i wonder if they'll see this show your dope show yeah because in the in the last show that i did they were definitely the heroes of the show because it was all about how liberal they were

about sexuality and stuff how do you you identify now, sexuality speaking? I guess bisexual, but I sort of try not to identify. I think that's the future, is not feeling the need to label it. Yes, exactly. It's always a bit odd, isn't it? Yeah, but I guess I've always said bisexual. But then if you're in a... I've been in long-term relationships with women where I would have said I'm gay because I've just been with this woman for five years, you know, so it can change.

And I only ask because it does come up in your stand-up. Oh, I talk about it incessantly. You've got a funny line. Most people think bisexuality is like a payment plan, like buy now, gay later. Yeah, I think people really don't think it is a real thing. gay later yeah i think people really don't think it is a real thing still it's even in the gay community people think that bisexual especially with men i think people are like they just aren't comfortable enough to be gay so they're right you haven't you're you're still just exploring yeah and at a certain point you will settle down totally but i'm just lucky that i think my mom

when i was really really little even when i was like 5 just when she had that initial conversation about sex with me she just told me this is how a man and a woman have sex and a man and a man and a woman and a woman and would always say do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend she did it with my brother as well and he's straight ostensibly

I mean he's married but yeah so I was just lucky i think so i always thought it was an option and then yeah uh and my dad kind of was the same pretty much but my mom definitely the driver a real hippie yeah they were great and were there other people around you who were thinking in a similar way so that you were able to hook up with people fairly easily? Or did you did you feel like you had to convince certain people who thought it was strange? I think Canada is about 10 years ahead, maybe in terms of that kind of thing. Like gay marriage has been legal for since I was a teenager.

And it felt always very maybe I went to art schools and stuff as well. But also then, because around puberty, I fell in with the comedy community where it was just the opposite of high school, where in high school, you're kind of so desperate to be the same as everyone. And then suddenly it was this group of people who were not only saying what was different about them,

but then being applauded and rewarded for that so you were happy about it you never you never sort of worried about it no yeah i always i always dated girls and boys and i'm yeah i just had a really charmed experience of it i mean everyone has internalized homophobia everyone it's well not just homophobia it's prejudice of all kinds isn't it it's it's just anything that's different from yourself is is takes a bit of getting used to for people yeah even within the gay community and stuff there's a lot of everybody's got some kernel of kind of worry about it for sure yeah like in canada i would do stand-up and it was such a non-issue

that when i came here, and then suddenly I would talk about dating a woman or something, and then after the set, people would come over. And so then I was like, oh, God, I've got to talk about it more in a kind of cynical way. Like, this is really working for me. But would you still date a man now, though? Yeah, I'm dating men at the moment. Are you? Right, okay.

But I look gay. I know I look gay. So I have a hard time sometimes convincing boys that I'm like... I wouldn't say you look gay. I'd say you just look elfin. Oh, thanks. Yeah. You're like someone from Lord of the Rings. Yeah, I get elfin or... I mean, sometimes I look in the mirror, I'm like, you're gay. But then I went on a date with a boy and then we started kissing and he goes all of a sudden

he stopped and was like oh this is so crazy for me and i was like oh why and he's like i'm not even gay and i was like no i'm a girl and you're a boy this is the definition of straightness and he was like oh you know what i mean i've just never been on a date with a lesbian like that's how because my hair is short like people yeah it's so deeply ingrained in people I think yeah it is weird isn't it I mean it's certainly one of those things that you know is going to be radically different in the future 20 years from now people's attitudes will be so completely they'll be almost unrecognizable from the way they are now I think so um in a good way i hope yeah that's actually one way that human beings can easily improve you know there's a lot of ways that

people are getting worse in all kinds of horrible ways but that's something pretty easy that's not going to hurt anyone and it's actually going to do a lot of good and everyone's going to be a lot happier i know and i didn't realize that in ancient history, there's so many times where it's been way more fluid and those labels of sexuality are pretty recent. That's only a couple hundred years old. And there's these ancient cultures where there are multiple genders

and like the gods are all bisexual. And so we could go in swings and roundabouts. But yeah, even when I do shows now for like Freshers Week and stuff, and they're all 17 years old or 18, they're so forward thinking. They're so tuned in to like all the terminology. And I feel out of my depth. Like they've got gender neutral toilets and they're like totally with it. Thank you. we're all in it together are you quite a sort of upbeat person or are you quite angsty and i mean i would say a bit

of mickey mouse psychology would suggest that your drug intake in your teenage years was your attempt to deal with something or other going on there. Do you think that that's been dealt with or are you still quite? I think I was such an angsty teen. And then, no, I think I've really stopped fetishizing those highs and lows. I'm really happy just going to the gym and having my pals, playing games and hanging out. Drugs and alcohol, things like that, certainly do create peaks and troughs. Definitely, yeah. And it can be a lot of fun and also so bad yeah yeah yeah things just uh get a lot more manageable when you're not

yeah totally i think yeah i don't i don't i wish i'm hoping that i come to some kind of um conclusion or realization from from doing this show about my teens and talking about it but i don't know if i'm there yet i'm not really sure why yeah i i just felt it just as soon as i got high for the first time it felt so familiar and it felt like it was these brain processes that i've been skirting around my whole life anyway with fandom and obsession and um and what would you be feeling when you were when you were high then would you be sort of excited or feeling glamorous or uh were you more interested in what was around you or yeah maybe more interested yeah

depends more confident more interested that's what it usually is isn't it it's just it's usually confidence isn't it yeah right i also just um i was hanging around people i really idolized as well who were high all the time so that was part of it yeah yeah yeah i was hanging out with billy idol actually my friend was in rehab with billy idol's daughter no way yeah and they were on this kind of wilderness rehab where you hike and that's all do, and you eat beans and you hike. And so she was there with all the children of singers. And Billy Idol's daughter on Easter got a card in the mail from Billy Idol, and it was his headshot autographed.

And it said, Happy Easter, love, Billy Idol. To his own daughter. Imagine that. Wow. Normally he doesn't sign them yeah good lord I mean that's the thing isn't it is that generally that lifestyle is not conducive to yeah easy parenting but do you think that that's kind of gone that that old that rock and roll kind of thing I can't think of any big pop musicians nowadays who kind of party like that. Yeah.

You never hear about a trashed hotel room. I'm sure there are. I'm sure it's happening still, though. Yeah, it must be. Like, I listened to the audiobook of Carl Barrett's memoirs. Carl Barrett from The Libertines and Dirty Pretty Things. It's pretty honest. Really? Yeah, it's very candid. Does he it he does yeah yeah oh cool and boy he took a load of drugs i thought it was all pete

doherty right do you do audiobooks more than you read now probably yeah yeah because it's easier when you're traveling and stuff yeah you don't have to carry things around. Yeah. I like doing it when I'm doing manual labor. Yeah. You know, if I'm doing housework or whatever. Yeah. Painting or anything like that. Well, have you listened to any good ones recently?

I just listened to the Northern Lights. Oh, mate. Yeah. I've never read. It was amazing. Well read? Yeah. By Philip Pullman, I think. Really?

I think. Yeah. And it was amazing. But some actors as well doing the voicesman really i think yeah and it was amazing and then but some actors as well doing the voices right yeah loved it good i'm reading them to my daughter at the moment oh amazing amazing i love them so much yeah he's yeah i mean that's about as good as it gets and with children's literature i think maybe i don't know i mean obviously but it's certainly up there with all the classics you you know. Definitely. Underrated. So well written and such interesting characters and compelling stories. Have you read The NeverEnding Story?

No, I haven't. Really good. The book is amazing. Is it? Yeah, it's written by this German philosopher, Michael End. And he only wrote, he wrote two children's books and other than that, just philosophy books. But it's really good. Yeah, yeah.

Very cool. I remember you recommended Slaughterhouse-Five to me the last time we did a gig together. Did I? Kurt Vonnegut. Slaughterhouse-Five. That's really funny. I can't remember that. Where would you start with Kurt Vonnegut then?

Breakfast of Champions, maybe? My dad is a huge fan of his. I have a finger puppet of Kurt Vonneg-huh my dad is a huge fan of his i have a finger puppet of kurt vonnegut that my dad got me i don't know what he thinks i'm gonna do with it oh i think i've got some of those finger puppies i've got one of matisse and uh yeah einstein and right yeah yeah my dad's big into puppets is he oh yeah he used to sit he's a writer and so he would sit uh his office like he always worked from home and he would sit with a light shining on him and then the blinds closed so i could see

his silhouette when i came home from school so i'd come home and i'd see these puppets in the window and these shadows and he'd be doing these weird shows so i'd come home and he looked like a madman and everyone on the street would thought he was insane. Yeah, he'd wear Mickey Mouse ears. So I'd see this. Was that for your benefit or he was just doing it? Right. Definitely for my benefit. Oh, that's really nice.

So nice. Yeah. And what does he write then, your part? He writes. So for years he was a restaurant critic, but he before that wrote weird. He wrote a weird novel about astral projection, like a fiction novel that is bizarre and very strange is it any good i think it's great i transcribed it for him i was short on cash once and he just had it like a typewriter a copy of it and he said he paid me to type it out and was it a sort of

non-fiction exploration of it or is it a story that features a weird fiction novel about a guy who has these out-of-body experiences and it's set in london and it's really trippy and then i asked him about it what's it called it was called the neighbors of zero and it's about um that's a good title yeah about roulette right the the neighbors of zero you can bet on yeah and um i asked him about astral projection he said oh yeah i definitely believe in it i had no idea he's quite a asked him about astral projection. He said, oh yeah, I definitely believe in it. I had no idea. He's quite a practical guy. Explain astral projection for people who've never heard of it.

So it's about in the state between being awake and being asleep, you can project yourself out of the top of your head and then kind of travel around. And you can go out into space and you can learn to control it it's like lucid dreaming i guess but um he swears that he saw my brother when my brother was a baby floating across the room and he swears he was awake he said i woke up i saw your brother floating across the room and his body was in his crib and his astral body was connected by this cord and he swears and he's my dad is not a mystical guy and he says he saw it happen twice and my mom just like rolls her eyes but um does

he believe in ghosts and things like that as well no nothing like that he just says i saw this thing and then after i saw your brother fly uh i got really into it wow i have no reason to doubt it i mean there's that thing like would you kill hitler if you went like would you like if i froze time and trump was just standing on the edge of a cliff would i give him a little nudge well then you're fooling around with the fabric of time space aren't you yeah and it may that usually has bad repercussions you're're right. If Ashton Kutcher's film output is to be believed. Yeah. Good reference.

Good noughties. The butterfly effect? Yeah. Yeah, very good. What do you watch? Do you watch a lot of TV nowadays? Yeah, I watch weird stuff. I got really into this Japanese reality show called Terrace House,

where it's just japanese people in their early 20s living in a house and so it's like geordie shore except no sex happens they're all incredibly that's just so interesting culturally they're so polite and and they're all just living their lives and doing their jobs and they kind of date each other but it's like they'll hold hands or something and And that'll be a six episode build up to them holding hands. So a lot of tension. It sounds incredibly boring. It's incredibly, nothing happens.

But it's so comforting to me. And there's this. So what's the attraction then? It's nice to just see people being nice to each other, is it? Yeah. And they're so, yeah, they're so ambitious. And just culturally, it's interesting. Like, it's such a different thing to be in your early 20s in Japan and all this pressure that they feel.

What channel do you watch that on? On Netflix. Oh, okay. Terrace House. Terrace House, yeah. It's really good. And I watch all crime dramas and mysteries and things. Yeah.

Yeah. And what about docs, like making a murderer and all that all that any murder give me a murder any day you love murder i love a whodunit i love i love a close like i loved serial i love knowing the suspects and i got too into serial though you know the podcast adnan syed adnan syed who is now up for retrial is that right yeah i'm still engaged with it like i haven't let go of that case and i um i found i went too far with it i found that guy jay one of the kind of suspects found him under his pseudonym on facebook and sent him a message you did i did it was early in the series and i sent him a message saying uh hey jay did you kill hey uh get to the point yeah and then i could see that he'd seen it

and then i i thought what am i doing yeah are you i don't know what did you expect what did i expect yeah yes i did thank you very much for being interested i know i thought i'd crack the case i just yeah bizarre but i love that what are the podcasts do you listen to um i listen to yeah a lot of crime ones. I listen to My Favourite Murder, which is these two women talking about their favourite murders. But it's really funny. That they've done.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I killed two men in Brighton 20 years ago. They were never found. Not my favourite. No. I mean, there was another fellow I killed in the Lake District. I suppose that was one of my favorites. Murdered the absolute hell out of him with one of my shoes.

It took ages. I would love that podcast. What else do you listen to? I've been listening to the RuPaul podcast. Oh, I didn't even know that one. What does he do there? It's just so warm and he just chats and he's so likable. Interview show, is it?

Yeah, he interviews people and he has a co-host and Love and Radio. Have you heard that? No, I haven't. I've heard people recommend that. That's a good one, isn't it? Really good. And I really like parlor games and I kind of wish there was a podcast that was just people playing games.

Good idea. What's your favorite parlor game? There's one where you take a book off a shelf and then everybody writes a fake first sentence for the book. I love that game. I love that game. The book game. The book game.

Yeah, I love the book game. It's great. We play it on holiday. And the other, last year, we played it with the children as well. Oh, no way. And we thought that that would throw it off. So listeners, in case we haven't explained this this properly you get a random book off the shelf and then you write down the real first line and

everyone else has to write down what they imagine the first line might be you read the title i've often thought it would make a good radio show as well really i mean let's do it let's do it yeah um so everyone writes down what they imagine the first line of this book might be and then the invigilator reads out all the first lines including the real one yeah and then you go around and everyone has to vote for which one they think is real yeah it's hard to explain that well yeah totally hard to be the invigilator because you can't laugh when you're reading you know what the real one is yeah and you're reading the fake ones but you played it with your kids yeah and so what they do is obviously they just write total bullshit although although some of them do really good ones because they're they've just got a different take on it and you know that's all any writer is trying to do with their first line is trying to make an impression yeah trying to

stand out and so so a child sometimes has a intuitive grasp of that process and they can come out with something that's brilliantly memorable and striking how old are your kids 8 13 and 15 oh good ages to play yeah so great age and we had other children there who were hovering around the 9 or 10 mark and these two boys that were there they would uh every single one that i wish i could remember the exact ones but it was all stuff like um geraldine's car crashed and she fell out and broke donald's penis and it was all stuff like that you know everything was like um martin fell into a giant poo and that's meant to be the first line of Anna Karenina or something. It was really funny.

So the rest of the game still functioned properly. But then it was just punctuated by these little blasts of stupidity. It's such a good game. So fun. Yeah. That would be a great radio show. Yeah, I think that's my favorite. What else?

What other ones? I mean, this wouldn't work on a podcast but i just like hide and seek in the dark anytime i'm at a dinner party or something i just want people to turn off all the lights when was the last time you played hide and seek in the dark oh so recently at a friend's birthday he rented a cottage and we turned off the lights it was so scary and we played enya really loudly in the house, that sort of ambient Enya music. Yeah. So when you get caught, the person hides with you.

And just, yeah, it was so good. Sail away, sail away, sail away. Yeah, all that. And did you all end up just snogging? There was a bit of that. Yeah, for sure there was a bit of that. I bet there was. I did, I'm about to go, I'm having about five birthday parties.

And the final one is I've got a cottage and I'm doing freshers week because I never went to uni. I didn't I don't have that experience. So my friends are doing freshers week and we're going to play games and do weird shots. You're going to dress up and go through town in a wheelbarrow. Exactly that, I think. So I think that'll be fun. That'll be fun. Yeah.

This is an advert for Squarespace. Every time I visit your website, I see success. Yes, success. The way that you look at the world makes the world want to say yes. It looks very professional I love browsing your videos and pics and I don't want to stop and I'd like to access your members area and spend in your shop these are the kinds of comments people will say about your website if you build it with Squarespace. Just visit squarespace.com slash buxton for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, because you will want to launch,

use the offer code BUXTON to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So put the smile of success on your face with Squarespace. Yes. Continue. Thank you. hey welcome back podcats so that was may martin hope you enjoyed my conversation with may i really liked talking to her i think she's such a nice person and i do recommend you see her live if you get the opportunity she's very good and a refreshing and unusual presence in the comedy world I think so thanks very much to May I am now stood beneath the branches of a wise old oak tree I was sheltering from the rain, which is now abated.

And actually the sky is brightening somewhat. But I'm looking at this wise old tree standing by its gnarled roots, and I'm just wondering now about all the things the wise old oak has seen over the years. What sort of stuff have you seen, wise oak? Oh, I've seen so much stuff stuff you wouldn't believe it i've seen loads what kind of thing what was the last amazing thing you saw saw you going up and down the path bollocking on into your recorder about yourself yeah apart from that though other stuff i saw Other stuff? I saw there's a hawk that lives in my branches. I saw the hawk come down and, like, get a squirrel.

He carried him off by his shoulders and to go off and probably ripped his guts out and feasted on them. I've seen that sort of thing quite a lot round here, actually. Right, that's very dark. And what about all the changes you must have seen over the years? The world has changed so much. Well, some of the farm machinery, excuse me, that goes up and down the tracks got a little bit more complicated.

Weather seems to be up the spout a little bit. Apart from that, not much, really. It's an interesting accent you've got there as well it's um not quite a norfolk accent is it no where are you from originally i don't know i've got fucking no idea my mum and dad grew up in cossey and and their seed was spread far and wide by birds and some wind that's a very beautiful story yeah yes, yes. All right, thank you, Wise Old Tree. It's been wonderful talking to you. See you again soon.

Thanks for listening. Thanks very much to May Martin once again. Thanks to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for production support. Thanks to Matt Lamont for Edit Whizbottery. Thanks to ACAST for hosting this podcast

on their magnificent platform, and thanks to you so much for downloading. Hope you enjoyed it, and I'll be back in your ears again, I hope, before very long. Cheerio.

Take care. I love you. Bye! Bye. Subscribe, like and subscribe. Subscribe, like and subscribe. Subscribe, like and subscribe. Subscribe, like and subscribe. Subscribe, like and subscribe. Subscribe, like and subscribe. Subscribe, like and subscribe. Subscribe, like and subscribe.

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