THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.67 - AISLING BEA

Episode Date: March 10, 2018

Adam talks with Irish actor, stand-up comedian and writer Aisling Bea about getting soaked in exotic locations, the time things got weird when they both refused to wear free shoes at a comedy gig, the influences that paved the path to Aisling’s career in stand up, weird on-set behaviour, confrontations and the value of difficult conversations. Aisling also talks about the article she wrote last year for The Guardian in which she described losing her father when she was very young and how she dealt with learning the truth about his death years later. Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for production support and Jack Bushell for additional editing. Music & jingles by Adam Buxton Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening I took my microphone and found some human folk Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan. Hey, how you doing listeners? Adam Buxton here. Guess where I am? No, wrong. As if. Come on, I wouldn't go there if you paid me. Well, I might go there if you paid me well i might go there if you paid me but i'm not i'm in norfolk surprise

it's in east angular uk and i'm walking in a field really mixing things up this week out with my um best dog friend truth be told probably my only dog friend, Rosie. She's up ahead investigating possibilities for socialising with undesirables, after which she will probably zip off for about 45 minutes and not respond to my calls, and then turn up later on at the house acting weirdly, running around, rolling on the floor and jumping on the table and jumping off again as if she's been taking crank with the rabbits which may well be what she gets up to or she's just stung her paws on some nettles and is regretting it but that's rosie everything else is uh more or less back to normal here, I guess, relatively speaking, after last week's crazy snow fun. Rather a grey day today. Another one.

number 67. An emotional roller coaster. We go through all the different feelings on this one, I would say, with Irish actor, stand-up comedian and writer Aisling Bea, who I sat down with in early January of this year, 2018. And we swapped foreign location filming stories, compared notes on the comedy gig where we first met, at which there was rather a weird battle of principles with the organiser. You'll hear about that. Aisling also told me about her early comedy influences, growing up in Ireland and her experiences performing at university. We also talked about weird on-set behaviour,

confrontations and the value of difficult conversations. And towards the end of the podcast, I asked Aisling about the article she wrote last year for The Guardian newspaper, in which she described losing her father when she was very young and how she dealt, and has continued to deal, with learning the truth about his death years later. I'll be back at the end of the podcast with a little more inconsequential waffle,

but right now, here we go. Ramble chat, that's a far ramble chat more inconsequential waffle, but right now, here we go. Are we starting now? Yeah. Oh, this is it? This is it. This is a podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Hi, Adam. Hey, how are. Oh, this is it? This is it. This is a podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Hi, Adam.

Hey, how are you doing, Aisling? Not too bad, Adam. Good to see you. Good to see you. Also good. Thanks for coming along. Ah, you know. What have you got there?

I've got an Immunity. Immunity. Yeah, which is great branding, I have to say. Yeah. And it does smell like arse, if I'm honest. Uh-huh. Like, no offence. Thanks for making it for me. Like an arse? Like a clean ar And it does smell like arse, if I'm honest. Like, no offence. Thanks for making it for me.

Like an arse? Like a clean arse or a dirty? No, I'd say festival. A dirty bottom. I'd say day two of latitude or something like that, maybe. But I'm sure it's going to be really good for me. Do you only drink bum tea or do you like actual? I'd be partial to a bum tea.

Do you go for the occasional builders? Is it no caffeine with you? Oh, no, no. I need caffeine. I think that's what most of my personality is based on. I like if something is doing two things at once. You know, like a Hoover that's also a hairdryer. Yeah.

Or something like that. So how do you mean as far as tea goes? Like I'm having a hot drink and there's a bit of caffeine in it. And it also is, you know. Flushing out your. Flushing out, yeah, the front. Flushing out your toilet area. Yeah, my toilet area.

That came out wrong. It must be great to make love to you, Adam. I didn't mean to say that. That's not what I meant. I was actually thinking about your internal, thinking about your internal your guts and i don't know i haven't been out to see her toilet area it was delightful tell him tell me more i've been at home uh since new year i um i i've never had wanderlust so i've never like i love being in my house and so whenever people are like you go

and look at the mountains and or you know machu picchu south america i'm like yeah but like you can see it on google maps now from your house and you don't have to leave because my thing is if i go on holidays you come back you have a real sadness of you know the post-holiday blues yeah but if you never go on holidays you never that's not the right attitude so are you someone who doesn't get into relationships because you don't want them to end yeah exactly yeah it's really nice that's the much nicer just to stay in a constant state of numbness and stagnancy we're engaged in a ongoing exercise which we call life which has a bad ending does it oh no don't tell me don't tell me don't tell spoiler but do you not you genuinely don't like traveling or anything like

that it's not that i don't like traveling i think what it is is i've my our job this is going to sound so wankery our job sort of makes you travel the world in such exciting ways and sometimes not physically like at work sometimes you get to be an alien space commander or someone from a different country or you get to speak with a different voice so you get to be and do all these silly things or you get to go on stage near your house and do comedy to 6 000 people and that sort of is such a heightened experience that not everyone gets to do that sometimes being in your house is sort of nice to chill from that um and so maybe my whole life I've wanted to perform since I was a

kid and so all of my energy has been driven towards that so I always panicked about ever going on holiday or going traveling in case a job came up or an audition came because that was the exciting thing like that was the thing that got me up in the morning and that i did the weird waitressing jobs for and stuff like that so maybe uh only in the last year and a half i was doing a thing called gap year it was tom basden's show the tom basden oh yeah yeah but yeah i went to malaysia with that for a month and it was really nice to have for someone to pay you to do your job to a job with a job you want to do. And you got to travel because I did.

Once I was in Malaysia, I felt I do regret a little bit if I could go back in a time machine and tell my out of work actor self to actually use that the only thousand pounds in your bank account to maybe go and see something. Because you get so scared that if you go on holiday, when you're an out-work actor or spend money that will what then if you don't get a job for a year or so what was malaysia like oh malaysia was nuts it's very like we were in kuala lumpur i'm not genetically supposed to be in malaysia um i was a very sweaty sweaty woman for one month i've never felt like i was walking through water before. I remember one day I got caught in, they have these rainstorms just out of nowhere. And I got caught in it. And I was with this other actor called Tristan Gravel, a Welsh actor. And the two of us were like, oh, it's like one of those rom-coms running through a rainstorm. And then after about five minutes,

we're like, we're drowning. We're physically drowning in the street from standing and i couldn't understand why loads of people were looking at me as i was trying to make it back to my apartment and i realized that i'd been soaked through and not only could you see my bra my you could pretty much see my toilet bits all the stuff and i also had these uh knickers on which are just very comfortable but they do say on the back of them, I love America for some reason. I wear them a lot out of comfort. So I was so through with these knickers that you could see through the rainstorm saying, I love America. Ironicus. Running through the streets of Kuala Lumpur.

Wow. Were you shooting on location? Yeah, really sweaty. I mean, obviously you were shooting on location, otherwise what's the point in being... Well, you say that that but we were so when I flew out I mean this is a bit of backstage gossip

if you're if you watch the show there's a scene with myself and Tristan and our first scene is on the wall of China and so we are

inside a tent and the lead characters kind of come over and hear us fighting in a tent on the wall of China and there was one thing we knew flying out

was like we're going to go and see the wall of China and we arrive and they're like guys we can't get the um just can't get the visas so we're gonna do it um in a car park and we're gonna shoot the other side with people looking into the tent on the wall of china so we actually did our scenes looking at a tesco in kuala lumpur in the distance in malaysia and then they reshot the other side using doubles at the wall of china did you even get to go to the wall no no we couldn't get into china right yeah visas were really difficult to get so it wasn't just for the filming god yeah that's a shame yeah we me and joe years ago um went to to New Zealand to do a washing powder commercial.

Of course. Back in the day. Who would trust you? Like, no offence. No, absolutely. But I wouldn't be like, well, if Adam watches his toilet area stains. Exactly. We're using that one.

Who are the most fragrant, clean clean comedians i've never felt it was dirty that must be because of the laundry i mean i looked a little less dirty in those days i was at least clean shaven but anyway somehow it was one of the many jobs i've done that i would imagine ended in sacking for a lot of the executives involved. And they get you out there. You've got to go. It's amazing. Beautiful, beautiful place. Lovely people.

But it's a long way away. And anyway, they flew us out at great expense. And we were there for two weeks because they wanted to shoot on location in what looked like the British countryside, but on a beautiful sunny day. What? And they wanted to do it in January. So they thought, well, the only place we can guarantee the kind of scenery we need and the kind of weather we need at this time of year is New Zealand. So at huge expense, they flew the whole production out there.

Me and Joe and Keith Harrison Orville were going to star in this ad. And it was an ad for a natural combo of course it was an ad for washing up powder and we did a few of them and the conceit was that joe and i being mischievous pranksters that we are what a pair of sprites really would would sort of torture um celebrities annoying celebrities and get them filthy in order that surf or whatever the washing powder was would get them clean thereafter. And so for this ad, Keith Harris and Orville were going to be dunked into a huge bowl of pea soup, right? Yeah. Out in the middle of the countryside on a sunny day.

Right? Yeah. Out in the middle of the countryside on a sunny day. We were going to catapult Keith Harris and Orville into some pea soup and then pull them out all dripping and filthy. And then Soph was going to clean them really nicely again. And did it work? So it rained every single day for two weeks. Oh, no. day for two weeks oh no and we for the first few days sat inside a caravan out in the middle of the wire wrapper which is this beautiful countryside where they shot a lot of the lord of the rings

stuff yeah you know we go to wellington we stay in a lovely hotel in wellington for a couple of nights then we go out drive out to the wire wrapper to film pouring with rain but they're still like okay well we got to get a break at some point we didn't so it was just me and joe sat in a caravan chatting to keith harris about and orville presumably he didn't ignore him uh orville was generally in his suitcase it was just keith god rest him who was chatting to us and saying asking why people didn't think he was cool oh no and in a caravan yeah that sounds like do you know this is gonna seem like a very high-end reference for me there's a jean-paul sarch play called weak low which means no exit and they he describes what

hell is and his idea of hell is three people in a room where you can't escape yeah and no one can close their eyes and it's just a stiflingly warm room but that you can never have any unity with three people so two people are either going to gang up on each other or in a debate there's never going to be unity and that sounds to me like you and jo and Keith with Orville trapped in a suitcase in a caravan in the rain in New Zealand sounds a little like hell. It wasn't relaxing. Why am I not cool? He was a nice guy, but he was too keen to be, you know,

he was asking us like, don't ask us yeah you get to be cool for goodness sake he was like what should i do to be cool oh there's one thing he said and we're like i don't know he's like i've just been offered uh he said i've just been offered i'm a celebrity get me out of here and did you discourage him from doing it no i said mate definitely do it he's like no it's so tacky isn't it i mean if you go on a show like that everyone thinks your career is over it's just too desperate no no no and then a couple of months after we got back i'm a celebrity had gone out yeah minus keith harris then i see him on another reality show on channel four and i think it was called

the farm do you remember this oh yeah yeah yeah and celebrities had to like to clean out stables yeah oh it was rebecca lose do you remember her yes yes and she got in trouble because she was forced to masturbate a pig or something yeah which listen we've all done hello my friend it's good to see you again i've got to say you're looking great i love what you've done with your nipples and your knees and your shiny bald pate you were talking about the first time we met each other adam yes i do remember it and i also remember again because i'm not into comedy like even when i was telling people i was like oh i'm doing adam's podcast today people love you so much quite right people i don't get it myself but um like to me you're

just a guy in a hoodie yeah and he spent january in his house but um for january did you say for january well i was doing no menvember then i did dickcember and I follow that up with a January yeah just to kind of open up my market I suppose steady on and my toilet area open up my market

oh Adam and we did we did a gig which was sponsored by Converse Shoes yes

in this pub in I think it was Camden or Kilburn or somewhere was it yeah kilburn and again people like people have this awe of you because they they listen to the adam and joe show but again because i was in i i miss out loads of references in the uk in general not growing up here having only two irish channels growing up until i was 18 then being at university in ireland just moving here and not knowing who all these sort of big names,

even Orville and stuff like that, I knew after the fact, after I didn't grow up watching them on TV. But yeah, so there was this like, Adam Buxton's hosting it, cool. Yes, I was emceeing. You were emceeing it, yeah. But the Converse connection was really not trumpeted. The gig was called Get Winterised. Yes, yeah, yeah. And it was sold to me via my agent as just a gig. A gig was called Get Winterized. Yes.

And it was sold to me via my agent as just a gig. A gig, me too. Comedy gig. But actually what it was, the gig was just the chocolatey, yummy shell covering a little bitter kernel of trying to market Converse Trainers.

Yeah. It was myself, yourself, Tim Key. I can't remember who else was on the bill. Tom Crane. Oh, Tom Crane. Lloyd Langford. Lloyd Langford. A band of man.

A band of man. First time I'd seen them. Oh, they were brilliant. Brilliant. Cardinal Burns. Yeah. It was a good bill. It was a good bill.

And we were all only doing small little spots. Yeah. And there was like a young, trendy crowd there. And we all kind of turned up. And it was an outdoor area. an outdoor area area so we're all wearing gloves and it was really cold and they were trying to promote converse that have wool inside them so they're warm so winter converse which is a fine idea and they were all and we were told i was told i'd probably get a free pair of shoes they'd asked for our shoe sizes before

so delighted but then when we turn up to the gig, they try to make us wear the Converse on stage. And we, as if we're like in Band of Brothers or something like that, like, no, we won't be bought. I mean, we're already being bought, but we won't be told what to do.

We won't be bought further. We won't be bought further than the original price. Of course not. Thank you very much. We would still like the free shoes. Of course we would. And we'd be very grateful for them.

But we don't want to do what you want us to do right now. I felt sorry for them, though, because it was really random. If you ever look at comedian's shoes on stage, we're nearly all always wearing Converse. And I felt really sorry for them. That particular night, none of us happened to be wearing Converse because it's the winter, but we're all nearly always wearing them. But that's the thing. They went about it in a really weird way.

Because as you say, I mean, I personally have obviously, you know, I've got no qualms about endorsing things to a certain degree, as long as they're not absolutely heinous. But free stuff. Yeah, great. Fine. absolutely heinous but um free stuff yeah great fine and as you say if they'd flagged it beforehand by the way do you mind wearing a you know yeah but it turned into this big watergate moment and we were all going it's not part of our costume like i can't wear something else sort of came over first it was it was it was two women i remember they were kind of glam women and they had big furry hats on yeah very, very marketing people. Yeah.

In the olden days, they would have been carrying trays of cigarettes. Yeah. You know what I mean? But they came over with a couple of boxes of the shoes and it was all like, hey, thanks for coming. It's really great to have you here. They were very nice. And they said, you know, here are the shoes. And I was like, oh, thanks very much.

And they were like, well, do you want to put them on now? Oh, I won't put them on right now, but thank you. I'll have them later on, you know. Oh, it'd be great if you could put them on now oh i won't put them on right now but thank you yeah i'll i'll have them later on you know i'll be great if you could put them on now oh no that's okay thanks i'm fine they really want you to put them on oh well i really would rather not and it just suddenly started going a bit weird and then they left and then a bloke came back yeah he was like the sort of i'd really like you to fucking put these shoes on me he wasn't like that he was nice too and he was like everyone was really sweet hey i'm such a big fan thanks for doing this he was dead nice he was like please put them on it's really important to us that you put

them on i was like why are we all kind of ganged up together as well it was ridiculous and it turned into this big standoff and i ended up sort of having a row with this guy i really don't and we were really happy because you were the biggest name on the bill and i was like i can't say no because i don't want to on point of principle i don't like being randomly told what to do it's hilarious for marketing but i knew if you said yes then it would put like the lower status people in a bit of an awkward position down the line that we'd all have to say yes but i didn't so when you did it i was like oh adam said no cool the leader has spoken we can all you to say yes if Adam did it. So when you did it, I was like, oh, Adam said no, cool. The leader has spoken. You know, you're like Tom Hanks

in Saving Private Ryan. Yes. I mean, I choose my causes very carefully. I thought, well, this is the big one. This is the one that's worth doing. This is the big important cause and I'm going to stand behind it every step of the way. I'm not putting on those nice converse

shoes. But in the end, the guy was like, I'm going to get fired if you don't put them on. Yeah. And I said, fuck off. Yeah. That's not fair.

I get really, if someone ever victim complexes me, that is the opposite way to get me to do anything. Yeah, exactly. If someone, like, say if I have a friend who's like,

oh, I hear you can't come to my birthday party. Just, I feel like I never see you anymore. I'm like, right, I'm out, never coming to to my birthday party just I feel like I never see you anymore I'm like right I'm out never coming to a single birthday party of yours again I hate

when people use victimising to get me onside in any way that just does not work for me so that's why I think when we all we were like yeah well we hope you get fired mate it was crazy because I was like

listen obviously none of us want you to get fired no but you aren't going to get fired and anyone who would fire you that's not a job worth having anyway. Then we really don't want to be associated with your brand. And it's not like, you know, this is a kind of struggling single parent.

I'm going to go back to my starving kids tonight and they're not going to be able to eat unless you put these shoes on. Yeah, they were cool guys, cool youngsters. It was all hipster central. So it was just ridiculous. So it was just ridiculous. And I felt sorry as well for the guy, for him, because he had been told, he was this young guy who had to come over and deal with like seven strong-willed comedians who were saying, no way.

And also, we just won't do the gig. We're fine for gigs. Yeah. And God love him to have to come over and try and convince us. But it was a principle of the thing of being told to slightly undress our feet in the cold it was silly where do you come from in ireland kare, which is about an hour outside of Dublin. It's a horsey area of Ireland.

Okay. It's where horses are from, Adam. Yeah. You know horses? Yeah, I love them. You'd meet loads of them in Kildare. The horse community. And did you have a horse?

We grew up around, my mother's a retired jockey. Oh, really? Professional flat race jockey. Yeah. And then my father was an equine vet, which is a horse vet. So we were just horses, horses, horses. Horse central. Horse central.

And my grandfather and granny were farmers and had loads of horses and rode horses. So we had a field at the back of our house. And so lots of people would like leave their horses in our field. Yeah. And then we were surrounded by horses and that my mother would go and ride out most mornings when I was growing up. Horses, horses, horses. What's that song? What is that song? Patti Smith. Patti Smith, that is it. Suddenly, Johnny, so round about you. I've gone basically, I've put, I've edited that song together in my head in different orders. And so

when you say that you weren't aware of the sort of comedy scene so much when you were growing up when did you start to get aware of the Irish comedy scene and who were the people that were around no it's odd I was talking to someone about this recently I grew up in a single parent family and so and we grew up in the countryside so in the countryside it was just myself my sister and my mother and almost like when you grow up in a bunker, that's your whole world and that's your whole understanding of the world. And we had two TV stations. So that was our only sort of cultural input.

Whatever my mother liked, that was the only thing we knew. We didn't have a second opinion in the house or we didn't have a second, like I miss out loads of stuff, which is sort of gender stereotyping a little bit, but I've missed out on loads of stuff that people's fathers would have taught them.

So Star Wars, never seen Star Wars. Don't know who Johnny Cash is. To this day? No. Still to this day. Really? Yeah, I know. I'm probably going to get a lot of hate on that from your listeners. But I am.

It was because I didn't have a father. So we had RT1 and RT2, which is the two Irish television stations. And anything that came in through them, that was all I knew. Like Billy Connolly would be on once or twice, but I didn't even know that was stand-up. He was that Scottish man that everyone seemed to like and told stories. I didn't know what stand-up was. And then on TV, when I was about 16 or 17, I remember my mother was a teacher as well. And she brought a tour of like teenagers

to Paris on a school tour to go to Euro Disney and we had to go with her because there's no one to mind us so we kind of tagged along with all these teenagers and when I was uh there we were staying with these sort of French friends of the family and they had channel four and I'd never seen channel four before and it must have been maybe about 12 and my mother and my sister went to bed and I turned on Channel 4 and there was this tidal wave of filth

what I couldn't believe was this story this TV show that was funny with Irish actors in it about priests oh my god right making jokes

and I couldn't like I could not believe because it wasn't shown on Irish TV wasn't it for probably about 6 years could not believe because it wasn't shown on Irish TV wasn't it for probably about six years no Father Ted because it was

at first it was sacrilegious yeah because in England Father Ted's about funny Irish people in Ireland it's about funny priests

and we were yet to get to that stage because we weren't listening to their weird accents or anything like that we were like this is about our religious institutions

and some things were so on the nose. And I was there. I remember going, oh, my God, the jokes. And this hilarious woman, Mrs. Doyle, like bent over and her. And she wasn't like a woman in drag. She was a female actor being so funny as this elderly lady. And the fact that Father Jack was this guy was saying feck

and they were talking about irish things and it was about us like it was our story and our priest and i ran down to my mother and i woke her up and i tried to say oh mommy you have to come upstairs you have to come upstairs and see this thing and she's like i'll go away from me and i was like it's priests and and she must have thought i was like having some kind of seizure. I never saw that program again until like four years later. And it came onto Irish TV and exploded on and all of a sudden it was okay. It wasn't just this cult thing. And that was one of the most influential things on me because I remember thinking we could be on TV. And then around that same time of being a teenager, they started showing the laughter lounge from Dublin on TV.

And that was Tommy Tiernan and Deirdre O'Kane. And Tommy Tiernan, and I still never saw stand-up live. But, and again, it wasn't necessarily stand-up. It was like comedy on TV. And if I looked at what I saw as stand-up growing up, it was 50% female, Deirdre O'Kane, and 50% male, which is Tommy Tiernan. And Tommy spoke like me and did stories in the exact same way I grew up,

listening and telling stories. And when I got to university and I got into this all-male British sketch group, even though we were in Ireland. Where did you go to university? Trinity in Dublin. Okay. And I just auditioned for this thing.

I knew I was funny. I liked making people laugh and they were like, do you want to get into Okay. And I just auditioned for this thing. I knew I was funny. I liked making people laugh and they were like, do you want to get into the... And so I auditioned with this like mostly group of English lads. What year are we talking here? It would have been 2002.

And again, I'd come out of Kildare and in school I wrote all of the plays. I starred in all of the school plays. I gave myself the main parts and all of them. And when I arrived in Trinity, I assumed everyone would have heard of me because I was in a year of over 60 people in Kildare town an all-girls school so I was like they've probably heard of me and they didn't give a shit at all

but it gave me a sort of I think not a confidence that I'd achieved anything but just a lack of awareness that I should be worried about anyone else or what they thought. Yeah. And when I went, like for me, I was in an all girls school. I was the funniest person in my school. Which is so important, isn't it? Yeah. To not have that voice telling you your shit. Yeah, exactly.

And that only came afterwards. Right. But at least in my formative years, I grew up in an all female house. I was the funniest person in my house, which wasn't difficult. But I had seven aunties, 17 cousins, 15 of them were women, came from a matriarchy in a massive way

where the female voice was quite the loudest, powerful one. Everyone wanted me to kind of sing songs and do stuff when I was growing up. I entertained my family. Then when I went to school, I went to an all-female school and was educated by just

women teachers until I was 18 and I wrote all the school plays I played all the male parts all the female parts if we needed a guy I was the man if we needed a woman I was the lady like I just did all the parts and then I got into this all-male sketch group and it only now I look back and work out why I got so upset with things but I I didn't know really what was happening and a lot of the ways that I was sort of pushed to the side because also I came from just a very normal religious state school and a lot of the guys in the sketch group were extremely educated privately educated in Ireland and in the UK and they they had been trained up in oratory and public speaking. So when we'd go to debate whether a sketch could go in or not,

I remember feeling like I didn't have the words. I knew when I was on stage I could be funny. And I'd never had a bad gig in that sketch group. Right. You just didn't give a good account of yourself when you were pitching or whatever. I couldn't debate against someone who was trained in oratory, why I thought this sketch. And I remember sometimes stuttering and I still get like this sometimes. My words don't come out as easily if I'm in an argument or something, because I feel like I don't have the my brain hasn't been trained to be structured into point one, point two.

And in conclusion, this is why your sketch won't work. structure into point one point two and in conclusion this is why your sketch won't work yes and i'm like no no but i can make it funny because then because you know when you come in and and like there'll be like a ha and then and and the sound will be like oh no what are you doing here and it'll just be funny that doesn't argue well yeah and now i look back and i think god i was i didn't have the skill set but in a way i'm glad i didn't know what was happening but from university i went to drama school when i came out of drama school I got kind of back into comedy fell back into comedy because I wasn't getting acting work and um only afterwards I I was even aware of the idea that women like any issue around women I was flabbergasted that it was

even an issue I was like what are you bloody talking about until i was 20 into my 20s i only became aware of like you mean like actually something's people talk about right the whole notion of like are women as funny as men yeah right i couldn't believe i couldn't believe that was something people talked about i'm surprised that it was something people talked about in the noughties. I mean, I remember those conversations happening in the eighties. Are you mad, Adam? I'm even dubious about going into this now.

I still get asked about it in interviews. As a woman who is doing the bloody job and making thousands of pounds. They go, and what do you think? Do you think women are, can be? And you're like, oh, literally in interviews in this current year. And we're only into we're only into January. Yes. And it's so boring because the subtext is, do you think you're biologically less able to be funny?

Because that's what it is. That is what it boils down to. And you're like, how can you not see this is to even push it out there? So I get I realised i was sort of tentatively walking into this chat with you and i'm like oh could i even be bothered to talk about it because it's so boring but like yeah it is it boggled my mind growing up and i'm i'm very the one when i kind of talk about well what's what if you're trying to look for positives about the maybe slightly negative things about the way you grow up. But you must have seen it in the context of just what people are used to culturally.

But for me growing up culturally I had Deirdre O'Kane and Tommy there was no one of the most famous comedians in Ireland was Deirdre O'Kane. Yeah. So one of the other ones was Tommy Tiernan. And as you said. They were both Irish and both look a bit like me. Yeah and as you said you grew up in a you grew up surrounded mainly by women so yes it could have made much sense i suppose um this is the problem with representation on i remember is i'm not sure how to pronounce her um name probably but oscar winner lapita nyungo she said when she saw whoopi goldberg growing up in africa when she saw whoopi goldberg on tv it was a watershed moment because her dolls were white, her Barbies were white. She didn't see anyone being a lead in a movie who looked like her just telling a story about

dating or something like that, that it wasn't a specific story about being a black person. And it's so important to see yourself in some way. And if you don't see yourself, how are you supposed to aim to be that? Because it doesn't say. And sometimes I do think do you know what if people think I'm absolutely useless on panel shows or don't like me at least they're seeing me do it so come and be better than me then come and be better I don't care Thank you. so when you started doing comedy did you come over to england fairly quickly no i uh so i started as i say comedy in university in dublin right sketchy we did two edinburghs and

again i didn't have a clue what we were doing. I didn't even know what a sketch was. I knew just we had to make a story last two and a half minutes, roughly, and have an end to it. But I didn't, I'd never seen sketch comedy or anything like that. I just wanted to do little characters and silly bits and jokes and do the audience laugh. And then I had a breakup at university and I decided I would go to drama school in England

to get away from it all. I would move from that land to England. Swap one drama for another. For another, thank you very much. And I went to drama school for two weird, weird years where we had to do like historical dance for two years. And you're like, lads, are you sure you're not just... What's historical dance?

Historical dance is... Hey, nonny no. It is a bit of hey, nonny no. There's moments where you literally walk up to someone go raise your eyebrow and then walk back you know the sort of dancing in pride and prejudice where they manage to have like really long conversations but never get out of breath oh mr darcy i see you turned up again yes like sort of reels and things like that yes exactly and at the odd time there'll be a hop so no one gets sweaty and then i mean i'm just picturing michael palin slapping john please

it was those but you kind of feel like lads i could get the hang of this in a two-week course i don't need to do it for two years my friend uh my friend marie and i went to drama school together and she's also irish she was in my class and she married one of my best friends column uh who is a teacher but also a farmer from Ireland and when we'd tell him about drama school

or as he calls it clown college because one time we had to I remember paint the walls yellow using only our breath from our diaphragm

these would be and you know we had to be mud for an hour like this sort of thing actually happens and he always had this theory that the teachers

of drama school would come into the staff room during their lunch breaks going lads you'll never believe what i just got them to do for an hour a fiver says i can't get them to do it for another week have you seen the documentary about jim carrey i have yeah yeah yeah yeah so i had um this is the this is called jim and andy the great beyond about when jim Carrey and I've talked about this as well on the podcast before I was mildly obsessed by it for a time. And it's him doing the film Man on the Moon about Andy Kaufman. And he chose to stay in character as Andy Kaufman for better or worse, generally for worse, as far as I can tell, as far as the other actors on the set were concerned because kaufman of course was quite a handful of provocateur yeah and jim carey is throwing himself fully into the whole notion of being an irritant most of the time i

uh for me and this is where as an actor as a performer in some ways i'm glad i didn't get successful very quickly not that i'm saying I'm successful now, but I didn't. When I got out of drama school, I immediately thought I was going straight to Hollywood to be in Hollywood movies. Thank you.

And I didn't. I had bleach blonde hair and Irish accent. I wanted to do English parts of the National and no one was hiring me and I ended up like writing comedy and then getting into stand-up,

et cetera, et cetera. But in a way, it's good to teach you a bit of humility. There are certain moments, you know, when he was really poking the guy before he went and did

the boxing match. And to get into a boxing match where there's a crowd around you and you're working yourself up. Yeah. And I understand, say, in that boxing match scene where he's going around

and he's trying to drive up the energy of the audience and I get that staying in character and I'm like, yes, that would feed the scene and that would make everyone else's job better because the camera guy can swing around and pick up reaction shots of this audience who've been whipped into a frenzy there's all those things that you can do

for a scene it's the backstage bits where it's like someone else maybe didn't get to thrive because you decided you were more important and your process was more important and that's kind of I suppose what happens with a lot of the even even if you look at the Me Too campaign, a lot of that stuff that happens, say with Louis CK and people might've been like, oh, those comedians overreacted. But what if those incidences that maybe some people were like, well, he has his genius and that's just what he needed. But what if what he needed was to the detriment of someone else potentially becoming a genius, or it pushes out other people to the side and they can't do their best work that's for me when someone's got to take a reality check and you can't have everything you want

like for example I was doing this tv show recently and I had to give like a monologue and I could hear a girl whispering in the background and I had to stop it and even though the monologue was funny and I sort of might have ruined the atmosphere slightly I was like oh lads can no one talk this is really difficult to focus they were whispering

in the background that's one moment where you're like yeah that person needs to shut up so I can do my job a bit better and you work out the balance of those things and how you say it

yeah have you ever had a proper meltdown on set? meltdown I mean I don't think that's in your wheelhouse is it it would be um it would be more um certain union-y things if people take the piss so i remember being on a job before and they hadn't cleared like everyone needs a lunch break and they were like okay we're going

to take you off your lunch break early to get some makeup checks done for press and for press for the show. And they hadn't just asked us in advance. And I knew because my sister is a costume designer. So I'm very aware, not that everyone should be, but of what life is like backstage. But we start our jobs at 7 a.m. And people really do need an hour sometimes if they've been told they're getting an hour I knew if I only had a 40 minute lunch break then makeup and hair are going to have a 35 minute lunch break because they have to go into their trailers five minutes before me do all my checks sit around so if I say yes to that no one's getting an hour long lunch break and that means if you need your to send some emails

ring your kids check in on stuff in that hour you don't get it and so I get a little union-y in those moments that I'm like every time you sort of pull a thread of certain things it pulls away till eventually you're sort of you're they're taking yeah yeah just a little and then there are certain moments and it's all about how you deal with things exactly um that normally and this is the thing if you create a lovely atmosphere on any set people will do more for you of the set of Annie of Annie I get this so much about the way I say Annie I like it

I get it so much who's Annie people say I'm from a different country Adam and that's how we say Annie we didn't ask for the language we were perfectly happy

speaking our old Gaelic tongue but then Adam Buxton's grandparents came over the son will come out Annie Moore Annie One Annie Buxton's grandparents came over. The Sonal Con mode. Annie Moore, Annie One, Annie.

That's the one thing in my English accents I get so paranoid about. I like it. Is that like if I'm doing an English accent in something and I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe that Annie One's turned up. And I'm like, no, no, no. Can I do it again? Say Annie. But yeah, I think.

Have you seen the clip of David O. Russell going insane on the set of I Heart Huckabees? No. With Lily Tomlin. No. And who's the other actor? Jason Schwartzman. And I think Dustin Hoffman was on that set as well.

It's pretty special. Yeah. Because it goes on and on and on. he's just going nuts yeah yelling and screaming and then he he disappears out of a door in the at the back of the set and you can hear him carrying on radio screaming it's got fucking bullshit yeah stomping around and then he appears again it through through another door a different door in the set like it's a joke almost and he carries on ranting another thing and i'm not putting up with that bullshit from you it is funny though it gets me i mean i i don't but also when you're angry to come out a different door and for you to know it you've got to see it's on youtube oh i'm obsessed with it yeah and um i mean i tend to i don't like confrontation the awkward conversations

are harder to have than the fights and we do we don't live as much as we could because of a fear of awkwardness and that's one thing i've massively learned in the last few years. Like, go into it and see what happens and be prepared to be critiqued yourself when you do, and then you'll end up, it's part of your life's work. It's like free therapy. It's like free life work. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Because I understand where fear of confrontation comes from.

It's a fear of, like, not wanting to hurt other people, afraid of what you might say well it's also it's also um because you're not sure about your own position yeah and also you you're often told when you worry about things that actually the other person's probably not even thinking about it yeah you know what i mean like, you can easily get yourself into a state. I do this thing a lot. If people don't reply to an email or something as quickly as I expect, I start projecting, like, what have I done? Are they upset about this?

Me too. I do that all the time. Yeah. And then, you know, I've often spoken to people about it. And I'm reminded, you know, mate, spoken to people about it and i'm reminded yeah you know mate they're probably not even thinking about you at all they just but i think it's to have the balance though adam because the fact that you do worry you know that thing in john ronson's a psychopath test if you're ticking off stuff on the on the list but you're worried that

you might be a psychopath you're not a psychopath because the very idea of you worrying that you might be harmful to someone means that you're not a psychopath. And so, of course, if you can get to a point with worrying what people think, where it takes over your life and you're afraid to do anything. But the idea, the core idea of that, I'd like to think means you're a good person. You hope you haven't hurt anyone. But you're also aware of the things that aren't so great about you. You know what I mean? And maybe you don't necessarily want to deal with those.

But the difficulty, those difficult conversations, Adam, that is where real life is. අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි ashling are you okay to talk about your par yeah um in november of last year, 2017, I read a piece that you wrote for The Guardian about your father and about his death, which happened when you were very young. And first of all, what was the reason that you wrote the piece? How come you ended up writing that? There was a few reasons recently, recently, really. writing that um there was a few reasons recently or recently really um i my father took his own life for those that don't know and wrote this article for the guardian um about it part of me uh had never talked about it so it was a very sort of public way to go and talk about it but i also realized that maybe as my profile is slightly raising um it's something that when it's thrown at you it's so I didn't want it to be thrown at me in an interview and

for someone else to describe the words and so I thought at least if I wrote it in my own words that I could you would give it give the story and and his death and him the best send-off rather than someone else taking the story a little bit yeah the second reason was i do a lot of work with mental health charities and a part of me felt a little bit uh two-faced about it that i'm like hoping people will open up more and men talk more why don't you talk more about your feelings and yet here i was not talking about my own story and something i felt almost for a long time I actually felt like there was a box on the top of my neck that wouldn't let any of the any of the words come out about it and my father took his own life when I was three and I didn't know that I didn't know that's how

he died until I was 13 and my mother decided to tell us and I it sort of rocked my whole world because I'd been very even though he was not alive for most of my life I'd felt like a daddy's girl I felt like and it still upsets me sometimes when I see my friends with little three-year-olds and how connected they are because that's how I felt a very deep connection to him and then and you felt that connection through stories and photographs stories photographs physically his presence had been, again, it was just myself, my sister and my mother growing up in the countryside. But for my first three years of my life, it was myself, my dad and my sister. And I know he loved me very much. And did you have actual memories of him?

I do. I've got about five that I'm pretty sure are real. And then there are other ones that you're like do you always take what is real in your memory like in all the five memories he's wearing the same outfit for example I do believe the stories are real but I see them like a like a like a camera person would see them so I remember him throwing me up in the air uh I remember um he he was a vet and i he used to bring me around in the car a lot and i still whenever i'm in a hospital and get these medicinal smells something medicinal i have this whole visceral feeling my body like i i'm that there's something that was just specific to being in that car with my father and that's it's a memory that comes it feel I can feel it in my body it's a really weird thing just with medicinal um smells um I remember him uh I remember me

seeing him I thought I didn't like going to sleep with the light off and I thought if I covered over my hands and turned on the light like he would think that I was in the darkness like i didn't get that when i put my hands over my eyes he didn't see the same thing as me so i remember him coming in going did you turn on the light again and i put on my my hands over my eyes and go no because my hands were in i could now i was now in the dark because i put my hands over my eyes so i thought that was able to trick him uh-huh um so little things like that they're snapshots. And then sometimes as a child, your memory gets changed because you look at pictures so much that you don't know if they become so omnipresent in your life and you search for them so much that you start to make up stories yourself. Yes, exactly. But definitely there's a.

As far as you knew, he just died. Yeah. And I remember. Of an illness or. Yeah, a back accident. He'd hurt his back very severely uh when he was like helping a horse give birth basically okay and so he'd been in quite a lot of pain uh physically um but uh and i remember there were a lot of suicides in my town it's

quite a big i mean it's a big problem in england it's a big problem in ireland we all know the stats it's the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK and Ireland. More than car accidents, more than cancer. It's the biggest killer of men and is men themselves. Men, why are you always killing things? Cut it out, men. But I remember there was a huge, just like, by the time I found out about my father, I had already known about three or four suicides

and um why did your mum choose to tell you when she did I think she thought I was about to start secondary school coming out of primary school my sister was 10 she thought in her head that we would be old enough to deal with it there's now god love her there's still like when my father took his own life it was still a criminal offense in ireland so it only became decriminalized in 1989 but also it was a decriminalized to be gay in 1992 you couldn't get condoms without prescription until 1995 what is the practical implication of it being criminalized i know it sounds silly but there's uh where can you get buried in a graveyard? Right. Do your assets go back to your partner? Oh, right. There's implications of like, if what you, if you committed a criminal offence.

But most of those really just impact the surviving family. There was a time in Irish history, I think up until the 50s, where the punishment for attempted suicide was hanging. That's the country for you. But yeah, I suppose with that comes all the, not only is there the religious sentiment under it all, it's the idea that God gave you life and in some way you've thrown it back in its place. That is actually a new bit of teaching. I understand that. That idea of suicide is actually only in the last 300 years.

There was a time in Roman history where you could very calmly apply to kill yourself and you would go to the centre. And it was like a noble way to die. But as long as you did it properly and got your affairs in order, then you had every right to do it. And then your family would be looked after. Oh, really? suicide that that is the rules on what it's supposed to be are sort of are new in the same way rules on being gay are sort of new ideas in the last couple of hundred years but i think what also happens is and i from the overwhelming responses of people that i got after the article which i really didn't expect i didn't expect it to sort of be read by as many people.

But the overwhelming thing is that A, when someone dies from suicide, the people around you don't know what to say, because what do you say? Oh, I'm so sorry the person who clearly wanted to die, died. That's kind of, what do you say? Then there's also the people grieving who I feel from all the people who got in touch with me fall into two camps one is the feeling of responsibility that I could have done something and that tends to be parents of kids who took their own life or boyfriends or girlfriends or you know partners who feel in some way responsible for the person who passed away. And they have this dirty guilt, like, maybe I missed something. And that is the unspeakable thing. Maybe I missed something or maybe I was a factor. Maybe I was a factor. Maybe I did something. Maybe I said the wrong thing. Jesus, we had a fight. Could I have stepped in? And the answer

is you couldn't have. That's not, it doesn't happen that quickly. In no situation is it actually really that snap a decision and like it's been building up from all of how a person's psyche gets put together the other overwhelming feeling is tends to be from the person who they were responsible for of which i would be an example and so the children of people who took their own lives the sometimes the wife of someone who really needed the support of the husband. And there's this feeling that you love this person, but you hate them right now because how dare you leave me? How dare the idea of selfishness?

And that is the worst thing that you would get out of your mouth about the person. It's a scary thing. We all don't want to feel that that person was selfish. That's the worst possible feeling you can feel about this person who's clearly in pain. And did you feel all these things yourself? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, especially the latter.

I thought you are my father and you should have stayed around. And that was my very simple understanding about it. And I'm angry at you. You don't have to see my mother bring us up on her own or take us on holidays on her own or sit through our school plays on our own and all that stuff. And I was like, you chose that life for her. Sorry, I'm getting a little upset. No, I'm sorry.

No, no, no, it's OK. We don't have to talk about it, you know, if you don't want to. Well, I'll finish up this point. Well, I'll finish up this point. I'll finish up on that note, though. My understanding as an adult, being near to his age and seeing how complicated and messy life and humans are

and watching this amazing documentary, which I would recommend everyone to watch, which is Grayson Perry's documentary, All Man. And it has this bit about this woman, which I talk about in the article, just saying, I don't think he wanted to die forever was just in that moment and that's that had never occurred to me before that was just jesus life is too much in this second i needed to end um but also it's surely not in a lot of cases a rational choice it's it's oh yeah it's no but everyone knows that everyone knows that with their head brain It's surely not, in a lot of cases, a rational choice.

Oh, yeah. But everyone knows that. Everyone knows that with their head brain. I think every person who's left behind, if that's even the right way to say it, knows taking your own life is not a rational decision. Everyone knows someone was very sad and heartbroken and then everyone knows that no one did that to make a point. The old thing is it's the old thing

is it's a terminal solution to a momentary problem it's that you left behind or feeling like you're left behind thinks that but something about me and our love should have stepped in because it was the opposite way around i would have chosen the opposite i would have chosen to live for you and i wouldn't have done that yeah and that's um i think that's what it boils down to and that feeling is from your gut it's from your heart it's in your body it's not in your head and those two things are fighting i think when you're going through grief and it looks like they're still fighting yeah i think why i get obviously emotional about it is because a the subject matter b i hadn't talked about it for so long and uh and the the effect the amount of people

who got in touch with me yeah thousands of messages of people in the exact same situation and and that was very overwhelming uh to get messages. But I also felt incredibly privileged that I was someone people came to talk to about it. But then there's also the effect of like my family hasn't asked to be in the public life. And they were my sister and my mother were very happy for me to write that article. But say for my mother, a lot of people were also happy to read that article and my mother had to sort of maybe redo the grieving in the last two months with people coming up to her in the street and she's not in the in the public world and she's not you know everyone in the town knows who her daughter is sort of thing um and I think that's been a lot for her but also in a way I

never got to go to my dad's funeral and so one thing that happened after the article was all of these family members close family members who have stayed silent and never spoken to me because again confrontation issue they didn't want to upset me started telling me the stories funny stories lovely stories the sort of stories you tell at a parent's funeral as i'm sure you had at your dad's funeral, people come up to you and tell you lovely things. And I suppose I didn't get that. All these people I knew, I didn't know any of these memories. And I was starved of them growing up.

Like all I wanted to know was who was he? What were the funny things he did? Tell me about this person who's half of me. But I didn't. I couldn't get the words out. And there was this silence around the subject that was through no fault of anyone's it's it's cultural it's religious it's how exactly do you turn up at someone's house for Christmas and go I'd like to talk to you about your father who killed himself and I'm happy you don't you know you don't want to upset someone but actually what

I've learned and if there's anyone listening who's going through this it is worth getting upset because when you get upset like what we were talking about earlier with confrontation when you get upset the other side of that is getting better yeah you bust through to something real you bust through to something real and i honestly have felt like a different person since that article came out and since it's opened up chats with my family it's i got to sort of have i feel a little bit like i in weird way buried my father three months ago because i feel a lightness in my shoulders about it and when i i handed that article into the guardian in august and it didn't come out to november and i was a bit nervous constantly each weekend going

is this the weekend that comes out i don't know um like i wasn't sure when it would um and but after i handed it in to the guardian i cried the entire weekend because of this like space that had been left in my head i felt like it was all of a sudden gone or all these years it's like holding on to something like even now when i talk about it the pain is in my throat not my heart or my tummy because that's how it's where it was so hard to sometimes physically get the words out about it and most people who got in touch with me especially with the subject of suicide it feels unspeakable it feels absolutely unspeakable and that's what we have to change

because when I was growing up there were no stories and I didn't know we knew people in the town but I remember one time being on this the school bus with this girl whose brother had taken her own life a couple of months beforehand and we were both on that we didn't necessarily get along but we were both on the bus and I wanted to reach across her to her and say I know what it's like and I couldn't we weren't in a world where we spoke about it and I was like god I'd love to know how feel. And I'd love you to know how I feel. And I would like if I heard the word suicide anywhere, my ears would prick up to think, God, is there is there a story here that I can hear?

Is there something is there something that I can get some answers, some way to finding an answer? And there wasn't. There were no stories. There were no people. And again, I'm quite aware, like even as I'm chatting about this now, it's not like we're making jokes. And sometimes it can be a bit like, oh, the energy around it's so maudlin. What I wanted to do with the article was in some way make it a little bit funny.

So it wasn't the toughest read because you don't want to feel like you're about to go into a cold plunge pool every time you have to think about something. Like it can be funny and it can be a funny subject to feel all that silly messy things that that come with it and and you wrote you wrote him a letter at the end of the article was that something you did in the process of writing that article yeah i'd i'd written over the years sort of as trying to do therapy for myself i felt like i'd written him letters um i was glad i only did that article when i did because some of them were so angry some of the old versions of my laptop were so angry and i almost didn't recognize myself because of all the work i've done on myself i almost didn't recognize myself from those like

five years ago letters because it was such a rage still bubbling like you don't know what you've done to your wife and that you know all this sort of stuff right and i'm sort of glad i wrote that article on the other side of it because i think why why i wrote it as well was like here's my process to where i've gotten to acceptance i hope it helps some other people because it's messy it's um grief is messy and suicide is an even messier type of grief and the more people who i think talk about how messy it is and say how ugly it can be i hoped the the article was about being alive not about being dead and i was really a lovely piece and it was very sad obviously i didn't know that about you but um it was tremendously optimistic and and not uh yeah had a quite a different tone to a lot of stuff that you read

these days you know you read a lot about awful experiences that people have had but that there's sometimes maudlin a lot of the time yeah maudlin and and just perhaps i don't know you don't ever want to judge someone who's been through something terrible. That's the last thing they need. Yeah. Yeah. And I was really, that's why I wanted to write a bit about that. But what did I get from my father's death?

Yeah. And I genuinely have gotten so much. Like I really have. I've gotten the ability to cry easily in dramatic scenes, in acting. But it's given me a different type of spirit and and an appreciation of life and so that's not me trying to be Sesame Street about it that is you have to try and come out of your story if you want to be them if you want to be in some way the dedication to someone who's passed before you and actually i'll i'll finish chatting about it on this but um i have a crystal

healer adam obviously a crystal healer a crystal healer someone that heals crystals uh heals crystals go rounds and talks to bits of quartz goes you know what and put sellotape around them i have go to this healer person who just chills my vibes. And he was saying at the very bottom of this sort of tree is despair and sadness. And what people try to get to from that is get back to happiness. But that is so unachievable. It's not our natural state to stay happy. If it was, we wouldn't work as hard to stay alive.

We need to have the struggle to stay alive. It it was, we wouldn't work as hard to stay alive. We need to have the struggle to stay alive. It's how humans came to survive. And if you can get, rather than from absolute despair, if you can crawl your way up the tree from hopeful despair to anxiety and then up to hope before in any way trying to aim towards happiness, that is a much better place to get to if you can hope that tomorrow won't feel as bad. You've been in the house for a month. Maybe you haven't gotten all your pages of your book done. I hope tomorrow I got a little bit more done.

I get a little bit more done than I did yesterday. I hope it's just something you can achieve and you're not setting yourself up for failure. To decide you're going to have the best gig of your life or you're going to be really happy or you you're gonna love this person forever or whatever it is it's such high expectations and romantic expectations of what life is but if you can hope that tomorrow will be a bit better for anyone in listening who's feeling a bit sad um that really resonated with me that just this fingers crossed attitude to life rather than um rather than a

one of extremes of of sadness or not that that that really that got me because what depression is is a lack of hope it's hopelessness and if you can get back to if you can work if you're in a state of depression at the moment if you can work back to, if you can work, if you're in a state of depression at the moment, if you can work back towards hope a bit, that's how you get better. Fade in inspirational music. Should I play something else on the piano? Do it. Wrap it up with some. Wrap it up. What do I wrap it up with, Adam? Yo, yo, maybe a rap. A rap about hope. I really don't.

I really don't know. What do I... What do I play that's... Oh. Wait a minute. I'll play the only song that's slightly impressive. So as we end our podcast adam what have we learned adam

we've learned you're quite good at the piano i feel like i'm laying this drunk we've also learned that it's good to have difficult conversations. It is good. Yeah, you're right. I know, I keep myself on my own too often. It's not the natural way for humans to be, Adam. You've got to get hopeful. You've got to get happy.

But first, you've got to get hopeful. Wait. Wait, this is an advert for Squarespace. Every time I visit your website, I see success. Yes, success. The way that you look at the world makes the world want to say yes. It looks very professional. I love browsing your videos and pics and I don't want to stop. And I'd like to access your members area and spend in your shop. These are the kinds of comments people will say about your website

if you build it with Squarespace. Just visit squarespace.com slash buxton for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, because you will want to launch, use the offer code BUXTON to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So put the smile of success on your face with Squarespace. Yes. Continue. Hey, welcome back listeners. Aisling B there.

Thank you very much indeed to her for giving up her time and talking to me so candidly. If you'd like to read the article that she wrote about her father's death for The Guardian, it's still available. I guess you just type, you know, Aisling B, father, The Guardian, you'll probably find it. And it's really very well written and moving, so I recommend it. the program I'm doing for Radio 4 You're Doing It Wrong it's called continues to go out on Wednesday mornings

currently at 9.30 on the Big British Castle Radio Number 4 and it is a series of short programmes about various aspects of modern living that could possibly be done differently, or that I certainly feel I often do a bad job at. It's mainly a series of conversations with various people involved with things like thinking about the environment and food, diet. This week's one is about diet, I think.

Last week's was about parenting. The first one was about various ways that we work in the modern world. It's really just motivated by the idea of exploring alternatives. It's also available as a podcast. So if you are unable to listen to it live on Wednesdays at 9.30, you can download a podcast which is slightly longer as well, I think. About nearly 20 minutes as opposed to about 15 on the radio. Once again, thank you to Emily Knight,

15 on the radio. Once again, thank you to Emily Knight, who was the producer, the writer, the researcher, the editor. She has done a lot of work on the program. So thanks to her for getting me involved. What else? The Adam Buxton app is up and running. Come on, guys. Come on, guys. If you haven't got the free Adam Buxton app, what the shit are you doing with yourself? Why do you need it? Well, because it's the one-stop shop for all things Adam Buxton related. You can go on there and you can listen to all the previous episodes of the podcast.

They're all collected there for you conveniently. You can look at lots of videos that I've compiled into playlists that I've done over the years. that I've done over the years. There is bonus content on there, extra podcasts that for the time being are exclusive to the app. It's just fun city. I would describe it as fun city. Imagine a city where everybody's having fun all the time.

Plus it's eco-friendly and very progressive, very diverse, very, I i mean it's like a utopia well that's what the app's like it's exactly like that it points the way forward to an incredibly bright future don't forget there is currently merch a plenty available if you're a podcat and you would like to get yourself a beautifully designed mug t-shirt, poster digital download of some of the jingles etc, etc that's also

available to visit via the app or the blog adam-buxton.co.uk which is just a computer version of the app oh dear, it's boring this stuff, isn't it? I mean, you know, it has to be done a little bit because you have to remind people that these things exist.

But it's boring to say and it's quite boring to listen to. So I apologize. Let's have a hug. Oh, you smell nice. Hey, they fixed the tap in the kitchen. I know. It's been great. It's been amazing.

It's almost worth having something go wrong for the period afterwards when it gets fixed. Don't you think? I mean, we were suffering with the drippy tap, which you can hear, I think it was in the Paul Thomas Anderson episode, at the end of the Paul Thomas Anderson episode, when I made a little mash-up of some of the sounds

that the tap would make constantly, which were really decreasing the quality of life at Buckles Towers. Anyway, that's all been sorted out now, I'm very happy to say. Tackling all the big issues, as usual, what else can I tell you? I think that's probably enough, isn't it, for this week. Thank you very much indeed to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for production support and to Jack Bushell for additional editing. Thanks, Jack. Thanks, Seamus.

Thanks once again to my friends Mark and Zivi, my old pals who kindly let me use their front room in London to record in for this episode. Thanks again, finally, to Aisling B. And thanks to you, very much indeed, for continuing to download, support, like and subscribe. Until next time, take care, please. And remember, I love you. Bye! Please like and subscribe. Give me a like and smile and a thumbs up. Nice like a pat with me thumbs up.

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Give me a like and smile and a thumbs up. Subscribe. ស្រូវានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប� Thank you.