THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.7 - SCROOBIUS PIP

Episode Date: October 29, 2015

Adam Buxton talks with British rapper and host of the 'Distraction Pieces' podcast, Scroobius Pip. Distraction Pieces website with picture of Scroobius 'blowing his brains out'... http://www.scroobiuspip.co.uk/distraction-pieces-podcast/ Features a couple of clips from 'Thou Shalt Always Kill' by dan le sac VS scroobius pip Podcast music/jingles by Adam Buxton except outro music bed from 'Wario’s Woods' game (Dr Buckles remix. Music composed by Shinobu Amayake, Soyo Oka, 1994) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, today's podcast contains swearing. Several of the worst kinds. Not the very worst, but the second worst kind. Fuck. I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin. Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening. I took my microphone and found some human folk. Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke. My name is Adam Buxton. I'm a man. I want you to enjoy this. That's the plan. Hey, how are you doing? Adam Buxton here. Thank you so much for joining me for another podcast.

I'm just out walking Rosie, the dog, out here in East Anglia, and the sun is going down. Very beautifully, I might add. Beautifully, I might add. It's crazy, it's so colourful. And the clouds are all scattered around like someone's thrown a box of cotton wool into the sky. And it's stuck there. Today, the podcast features a conversation with Scroobius Pip. A UK rapping man, a rapist. You've got to use the double P there, otherwise you can

get into unpleasant confusion areas. And he is someone, he took his name from an Edward Lear poem and has so far failed to give it back. And as well as being a rapping guy he is also a much loved podcast host not only that but his podcast Distraction Pieces is on the same platform as this one Acast it just worked out that way it wasn't planned by corporate nabobs

alright just to take the edge off the whole appearance of incestuous back-slappery and insider chicanery. All right, calm down. If you haven't listened to Scroobius's podcast before, I do recommend it. He's had insightful and enlightening chats with the likes of Simon Pegg Nick Frost and Russell Brand Gail Porter that's a good one, she tells a

very candid story about her travails in the entertainment world and in her personal life Sarah Pascoe is on there, Dylan Moran Mike Skinner of the Streets Roots Maneuver Stuart Lee

Tom Robinson he's got loads on there I tell you so check them out and actually next week I'm going to be on there so that does nothing to dispel the notion of incestuous

insider back slappery does it but there you go I first became aware of Scroobius in 2007 when I saw the video for his track Thou Shalt Always Kill which he created with Dan Lesac his musical partner sometime musical partner I guess I should say. Thou shalt not steal if there is a direct victim. Thou shalt not worship pop idols or follow lost prophets. Thou shalt not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Decker, Jim Morris and Jimi Hendrix or Sid Barrett in vain. Thou shalt

not think any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a paedophile. Some people are just nice. Thou shalt always kill? What are you talking about? That's the opposite of the guidelines I was given. And it's a polemic, I suppose you could say, in rap form that throws up all kinds of apparent contradictions and outrageous statements. And I chat to him about that later on, as well as covering quite a few of my favourite subjects, like forgetting people's names, stuttering in relation to Scroobius's own

stutter, rudeness, online rudeness and rudeness elsewhere. And one of my favourite topics, of course, podcasting. And we also mention, inevitably, Mark Maron and WTF. He's got quite a few mentions in just a short run, hasn't he? And during the podcast, I struggled to remember the name of Mark Maron's invaluable producer. It is, of course, Brendan MacDonald. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chat, and I'll be back to say goodbye later on. Here we go. three four five six there we go is that all working perfectly

that's all good lovely perfect do you like to do the do you like to do the podcast thing of having the audio running for a while as people are getting ready? Yeah, I often have that. And then you bleed into the beginning of the thing.

I realised, I felt it was kind of quite natural. And then I realised that pretty much everyone starts with me going, So, that's the beginning. We've not really got to start. Have we started? And that's literally everyone. In my mind on the day, it's always been spontaneous and natural natural and then it turns out they all start exactly the same funny how fast uh cliches and tropes develop within a new medium yeah and it's weird because i i i listen to loads and loads of podcasts i'm really a massive fan of the genre that i then end up

emulating the exact things that are, you know, it doesn't help that it bleeds through that now I'm copying this podcast's weaknesses. Not weaknesses, but yeah, tropes. Which ones get in your head? Have you had phases where a podcaster has got right into your mind and it becomes almost like being haunted? Yeah, yeah.

The Joe Rogan experience is one that I listen to. You've been on that, right? I've been on it now um and i was excited when john ronson was on it so that's a three-way crossover now as he's been on yours and mine and on joe rogan i know everyone's on everyone else's but it was really pleasing because it was a little while after i'd had him on mine and it turned into a two-parter um on my one and joe rogan's always three hours long and i was like right this is going to be pretty much the same stories as i've just listened

to and it wasn't john's just amazing he's just got so many stories he's just such an interesting guy so yeah the joe rogan one because again it's that thing it's it's three hours long and he does a couple a week and i don't listen to them all now but there was a point where i was listening to them all so i was giving over six hours a week of my mind to to mr joe rogan and and he's going off on some crazy rants about all sorts of uh edge of edge of uh reality stuff that's what i really i liked about it not edge of reality but edge of well i mean he's into his conspiracies and stuff there's some conspiracy theory stuff he's also really really into debunking conspiracy theories so it's quite good on that that he'll be like that's nonsense you're an idiot he has a friend on who's a guy i know as well um eddie bravo who's real conspiracy theorist and it's so fun to listen to eddie spend 10 minutes explaining

something and then joe destroy it in in a second or two but that's what i like about the podcast is they'll go to the furthest outer reaches of discussion of discussing space with brian cox and all sorts they'll go completely internal and on a molecular level and a psychological level but then they'll also have an episode where they're just making a lot of dick jokes and fart jokes and being ridiculous so i kind of i love that that weird mix of in one episode you could get all those things it's kind of i like there's not the pretentiousness but it's also not just kind of a lads club type thing and what's he like is he quite an intense guy i would imagine yeah he is quite intense um it's weird because again it's always slightly odd when you're a big fan of the podcast that you're going on I've listened to all the Adam and Joe ones for years

so equally unusual but on that he'd just recorded a three hour one with someone else and was going straight into our one so he was doing six hours off the bat so he'd been drinking a lot of coffee was smoking a lot of weed and it was one of them

and I don't smoke weed or drink coffee. So it was instantly, he was like, here, do you want a beer? It's like, no, thank you. And instantly I thought, oh, my God, I feel like I'm killing the rhythm of what's happening. I think that weed was the best for sharpening your mind for a six-hour chat-a-thon. But, again, the kind of,

for making a 10 minute conversation last an hour, maybe you would say weed is the perfect tool for that. But would anyone else want to listen to that conversation? Well they seem to, he seems to be well practiced in managing that intake of drugs.

And how about Marin? I've spoken about Marin to John Ronson before He's amazing I can only listen to And how about Marin? I've spoken about Marin to John Ronson before. He's amazing. He's amazing. I can only listen to a couple a month with Marin because I find them so intense and often so dark that I love it, but it affects me. It genuinely, I remember,

it reminds me of the first time I played a Call of Duty and I was on my own and I played it for like a couple of hours and I came out feeling like I had... Killed some guys. Yeah, like I had PTSD. I was genuinely like, I feel quite shaken up because it was so intense and so everything happening at once. Yeah.

That's not the kind of game I want to play, I don't think, because not that I'm against the violence or anything else, but it genuinely had my nerves on such a level. I love violence. that's not the kind of game I want to play, I don't think. Because not that I'm against the violence or anything else, but it genuinely had my nerves on such a level. I love violence. It's great. But yeah, I feel that with Mark. I think it's one of the best. Obviously, it's a trailblazer.

He had Obama on. He had the President of America in his garage on his podcast. He hasn't shut up about it since. Yeah, true. Exactly. It's hard to not know about that. But yeah, I think it's great. But I can't handle irregular doses because he's such an intense dude.

You can get over-marinated. Yes, you can. You can get so over-marinated quite quickly. It's quite a poignant and strong flavour. I think it's, in a way, it's sort of brave. I don't know how you found it being in the podcast world and having a little group of people that are into your stuff because it is a medium by its nature that really gets under your skin

and it gets into your head and you can become over-marinated quite easily regardless of the host. And then I think people really start – well, I certainly, when i'm listening to other people's shows yeah i'm really thinking about i'm trying to get into their mind yeah i'm thinking ah he's well he's being a little bit uh he's sort of bragging a little bit there he should pull back on that or oh no no you know he should be more confident or oh no uh he's you know he's flirting with this woman a little bit too much or all that kind of stuff.

Yeah, I couldn't agree more. I've just had that recently where in all the early podcasts, the compliment I got a lot was how much or how little I talked in many ways. I'd sit back and just let the guest talk. And again, Mark gets the opposite of that sometimes and Joe Rogan, all of these get told off for talking too much. And then in the last few, I've had a few tweets from people saying, you kept interrupting and wouldn't let him talk.

And I'm sure I don't because it's such a natural conversation. It's often with people I know, but then that plays on your mind constantly. And in all the ones after that, I'm just like struggling to concentrate on the conversation because I'm thinking, is that important enough to say? No, no no no i won't say that i'll stay quiet because i don't want to because again you've just instantly been you've got that over analysis of of how you're performing yeah well it's been established on my podcast that i'm too eager to please yeah yeah uh and so i'm trying to it was a wonderful wonderful email i thoroughly enjoyed that. It was good, wasn't it? I'm going to meet the guy. Oh, are you? Yeah.

Oh, fantastic. He's going to come to one of my shows, and then I will be able to kill him. Yeah, that's perfect. I'm doing... With my bare hands. By the time this goes out, it will have happened, but tomorrow I'm doing my first live one of these.

Oh, yeah. And I thought I'd have a guest. I'm going to have a lot of audience questions, and i thought i'd have a guest i'm gonna have a lot of audience questions but i thought i'd have a guest and the guest is a fan of mine who's been to over 70 of my shows oh have you met him before i have met him before and i'm sure it'll come out in the conversation but i started noticing him at shows and we were genuinely a little bit worried because this guy was turning up a lot gradually his beard was getting bigger he started to buy the same brand of trucker cap as me oh wow and we were a little bit like this is weird and then the weird thing was i went to see public enemy um at brixton academy and i

hadn't tweeted about it or anything and i noticed him in the crowd and that relaxed me because it made me go actually he's just he's into other stuff he's just into music it's not that he's always he just likes a music so that relaxed me and then yeah i've got to i've chatted to him a bit because again if you're turning up at 70 odd shows it's hard not to build a bit of a relationship yes well it was interesting when you were talking to tom robinson i listened to your podcast with him very much enjoyed it and i was interested to hear him talking about how much time he spent responding to tom robinson band fans yeah uh and he was implying that it was perhaps to the detriment of his songwriting yeah completely eager to please yeah was the thing that came across because there's nothing wrong with being eager to please like i i stand by my eagerness to please

the question is when does it go too far when are you too eager to yeah. I stand by my eagerness to please. The question is, when does it go too far? When are you too eager to please? Yeah, yeah. You know, because... You should be eager to please. Well, it says in my jingle, you know, I want you to enjoy this. And I do want people to enjoy. I want to make an entertaining show.

It's not... My mission is not to antagonize and to infuriate. Exactly. It's to entertain. So that's my personal thing. But sometimes you can spend too long looking at the tweets and looking at the messages on SoundCloud and thinking about them and worrying about them and then looking at the stats on ACAST. Now you and I are both on the ACAST platform and you get to look at the breakdown. Such good breakdowns of which day this happened.

Who's listening, where in the world and what you can see absolutely everything. And you can go too far on it. Yeah. And it can just make you too self-conscious. Don't you think? Yeah, completely.

Because I bet you that the genius thing about Marin, for example, to return to him is that he is part of a super successful partnership doing that podcast. His producer, whose name I forget. Yeah, I can't remember. No disrespect to him. But actually talking about the Obama one, the follow up episode of that was him and his producer talking about the whole process of putting that episode together. And you find a lot more out about their relationship

and how the podcast is made in the course of listening to that. But he is a very valuable and important bit of the what the fuck puzzle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because not only does he edit all those. Particularly in that episode,

just hearing how much he was, how Marin at one point wasn't keen to do it and just so much how he's been such a key part of it yet he's so behind the camera. It's like a manager. He's doing the same job as a talent manager or something in many ways, as well as overseeing the content of the show.

You know, he's helping to book guests and he's keeping Mark's mind on the straight and narrow and encouraging him and enabling Mark Maron to concentrate just on the interviews and not have to worry about all the peripherals. Do you think we could get him to leave Mark and take on both of us in place of Mark? Because that sounds like what we need. Someone, a middleman, someone in between. Honestly, listening to the post Obama episode, it seems unlikely. He almost started crying, the producer guy.

Yeah. Because he was so, it was like, I mean, I get the feeling from Marc Maron that he's maybe thinking about coming towards the end or having a hiatus, you know. Yeah, yeah. And interviewing the president provided kind of a watershed, a full stop. Yeah. For at least one part of that trajectory completely why do you do it why are you into podcasting um part of it was again it's that pretty much everything i've done

in my career it's been things that i've been been really into and then i've had a moment of going that looks that looks doable like the doing music came from going to loads of gigs and one i think in one month i saw the beastie boys and the and the and the the bloodhound gang which quite different acts but still it was standing at both of them and being amazed but then also going i could probably do something similar to that that's that that that feels achievable and it was the same with podcasts it was listening and listening then going hang on i've i've met some quite interesting people in my eight years of doing music i've got some contacts i could probably could probably do a podcast the interesting part is i always get praised for taking on these things

like my xfm show and podcast for taking them on despite having a stutter but the fact is i just forget i've got a stutter so i'd started doing the podcast and arranged it all and i was like it wasn't until the first review was and it's very bold to take on a purely spoken media when you've got a speech and i was like oh yeah that that's a that's the thing isn't it i've got that so how long have you had your stutter um since you might be asking no no i'm always happy to talk about it i find them absolutely fascinating because we don't understand them at all it's such a weird thing that it's just in your head something is restricting me saying certain sounds or words that's that's mental well because i don't know anything about uh what causes they generally come from a traumatic experience so it's so it's

a it's a psychological it is a psychological thing it would seem um so when i was four um i almost drowned in on holiday in france and i started to get my stutter and i didn't find out that that was the reason until i had hypnosis at about i think i was about 14 or 15 and you were hypnotized specifically to uh investigate specifically to investigate the stutter and try and try and help with that um and yeah i kind of got regressed to that kind of moment of almost drowning which was bizarre because i kind of my parents at the time had done a brilliant job of playing it down so in my mind it wasn't that big a deal i always remember i'm my dad saying just going through my trainers because he came out and saved me and i just

remember him going on about his trainers are ruined now but that was just to calm me and make me not not over overreact to it um and you were how old again it's about four i think i was four and it was in france and you just swam out too far and the current got you did we were walking along the beach and i'd kind of drifted back i think yeah because you wouldn't be swimming at four yeah no i drifted back and just a big big big wave just came up out of nowhere just wow took me straight out oh that's terrifying and it was interesting because through the hypnosis i learned because for years as a kid I had a recurring dream about a witch in my living room. And I'm in bed upstairs and this witch is coming up the stairs. And I know it's coming.

I'm trying to scream and I can't. And then it's coming closer. And it's the most petrifying thing, just not being able to scream. And she kind of said how that tied into my stutter and tied into the nearly drowning. Because through the regression, she was saying, what's happening there is when I was pulled out to sea, I'm trying to scream to my parents and waves are going in my mouth. So I can't scream. So it took me a moment to get anyone's attention.

And that's what caused that. That's what that recurring dream about a weird witch was, apparently. But yeah yeah it's fascinating um i did a thing on youtube um about a technique i got shown because there's a comedian who i've had on the podcast now whose name i always stutter when i try and say it and it's dylan moran oh yeah um and i just for some reason it's been one that i can't say but that's you don't stutter at all d words not all d words d's and w's are my they're tricky the toughest ones but again it's not all um and this guy taught me a technique of tapping out syllables on your leg so just

a finger for each syllable and tapping it out and doing that i can say dylan moran dylan moran dylan moran quite comfortably but without that i get stuck with it and again stuff like that it's like that's mental that we have no we can't really explain why that that helps it and that's often what it comes down to though isn't it is is learning techniques to deal with little hang-ups you have yeah completely whether they are manifesting themselves obviously in the form of a stutter or some other kind of speech impediment or just in the form of some kind of hang-up

that stops you doing the things that would otherwise improve your life. Completely. And you can just learn little tricks. That's one of the fascinating things about Darren Brown is that he seems to be someone in command of this colossal armory of tricks that will help you with all kinds of things.

All the triggers and tricks and techniques. The one for me, I downloaded a thing he did about remembering people's names. Right. And that's something that I have a real problem with. Same, yeah. And my wife gets infuriated because she thinks that it's laziness

and she thinks that I just don't remember her friends' names because I'm not sufficiently friendly. Don't care enough of it. Yeah, you know, or I think they're boring, I just don't remember her friends' names because I'm not sufficiently friendly. Don't care enough of it. Yeah, you know, or I think they're boring, which I don't. But I do just find it hard to remember people's names and it gets worse the older you get, you know. Have you got any tricks for... Not for remembering names.

I'm terrible at it. I've just done my first TV series. And in that situation, because I'm not in every episode and I'm on and off I'm here every now and then what show is that? I'm meeting so many it's called

The Bastard Executioner and it's written by Kurt Sutter who did Sons of Anarchy and it's this big thing it's currently on FX in America oh this is a narrative thing

yeah so I'm just acting in it and it's my first role and it's all very exciting but on that was exactly that because there's three or four people

in the costume team that you're regularly interacting with three or fearful people in makeup and because everyone else was maybe there from the start there's not as much urgency or thought to introduce so much so there's a lot of people i've met that i might have caught their name a bit and then not and then you've spent a few days with them so you feel awkward being so who's that who's who's that again and again yeah i've been been terrible for that it was the rap it wrapped on friday and there were numerous people that i was like so what's your technique not quite sure i haven't got one that's it i'm failing miserably what's darren brown's technique well what's uh darren

brown has a whole complicated thing about, I think, constructing what's called a, this is the other problem, of course, is that you've got to remember the technique. He does a thing called, I think it's a memory cathedral or a memory palace or something like that.

And so you, well, this is a technique for remembering things you have to do, like a shopping list, for example. You could take all the items on the shopping list and assign them to different rooms in a fictional house in your mind. Right. So I've got to get full fat cream, put that in the kitchen. I've got to get a tooth, a new toothbrush, put that in the living room or something.

And you picture where those objects are so that when you are going to the supermarket or whatever you can walk through this palace this space you've constructed in your mind and the act of having assigned all these objects to different spaces will replay itself right yeah and allow you to to see those things again and recall them yeah because all you're trying to do is trigger your mind's efforts to recall these things. So similarly, when you are introduced to someone and you want to remember their name,

you have to take a moment to create a little mnemonic, a visual mnemonic in your mind. So for example, if I'd never met you before, I mean, Scroobius Pip is kind of an easy name to remember. Which one that sticks? What's your real name? David. What's your surname? David Meads.

So, David Meads. So, I would picture my brother David and then Meads. I would imagine him holding a tankard of mead. Perfect. Maybe two tankards of mead, so that it's meads. Yep, so you get that S, that all-important S. Yeah, so then the next time I see you, that image pops into my mind. I know he's David, and I know, what's he doing with those two tankards? Ah, yes, it's mead.

David Beers. Yeah. Brother Beers. Hey, Brother Beers beers good to see you um so that but then of course you have to have the presence of mind to do that in the moment that and there's often you're you're introduced to a few people you're kind of jangly anyway you forget to do that and you're like oh it's got away from me now and i'm gonna have to spend the rest of the evening going hey man it makes you great at remembering names but terrible at engaging and socializing is that

someone introduces you and you just stare at them. That's right. You're looking very distracted. Shut up, yeah. I'm constructing a memory palace. Got this one. On to the next one. Bye-bye.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, Bert. Yeah, it's awful. And have you ever been, because for me, the nightmare scenario, I guess, is to be called on it. And for it to be implied that you care so little about someone that you haven't remembered their name i've never had someone um unsympathetic enough to highlight that they've realized that i've not remembered their name yeah if you know i mean i'm sure there's been ones where they've known i've gone hey man oh hey guy hey yeah hey you um so

yeah i've never been called out on it as such but i'm sure people have noticed at points and you always want i always feel i want to communicate to them you know i've got such a strong positive memory of you i know who you are i know what you mean to me i know where we met and i know you yeah i don't know the label they put on you i know you that's right and you want to say that to them but there's no way of saying that without it sounding because they've started to walk away and you can't call their name yeah to get to get them back you mean a lot to me i remember a lot about you just not your name it's it's what i love about uh south by southwest um because at that festival everyone gets a name tag yeah and it's just perfect because it's so good

and everyone's aware of it that you meet someone like, hi, John, good to see you. Yeah. John from XFL, you know, or whatever else it is. It's like, it'd be so much easier if life was like that. Or like on computer games when they have the name and age and everything just floating above their head. That'd be ideal.

I'd love it. Just brand it onto your forehead. Yeah, yeah. Because then with the tags, if it's a woman, you don't want to look as if you're staring down at her breast or region. True, true.

That's not cool. Or it gives you a good excuse to stare down at her breast or region. I suppose. Halfway through the podcast, I think it's going really great. The conversation's flowing like it would between a geezer and his mate. All right, mate. Hello, geezer. I'm pleased to see you.

There's so much chemistry. It's like a science lab of talking. I'm interested in what you said. Thank you. There's fun chat and there's deep chat. It's like Chris Evans is meeting Stephen Hawking. Thank you. Just a band. The Pixies. Just a band. Oasis. Just a band. Radio Headless. Just a band. Block Party. Just a band.

The Arctic Monkeys. Just a band. The Next Big Thing. Just a band. Now shall give equal worth to tragedies that occur in non-English speaking countries as to those that occur in English speaking countries. Me and Dan Lesac, it was the first thing that we did together and it was crazy because we made the video for a couple of hundred

pounds i recorded the vocal originally in my bedroom at my mum's house and it was our first single and it it felt there was a bit of guilt attached because everyone always talks about how you have to graft for years and years in the music industry and all this and we wrote a one song and it got in the top 40 and that's the net age for you we have then grafted and gigged constantly and all that kind of but it did feel at that point it's like this is easy this music industry likes easy isn't you write a song that goes down well you write some more that goes down well i don't know what everyone's complaining about so were you actually able to make a little bit of money off that and everything yeah yeah we did our first album and the first

album we were just in time for when you could make money off records which has died pretty much now because no one likes to pay for stuff um or make money in a traditional way off records rather than sinking or anything else or in films and all the different ways there are to make money now so again we made a bit of money but then we toured constantly as well and it was always that thing for us of a lot of people at that point particularly in the myspace wave which which we were part of that initial bubble a lot of people have kind of an internet hit and then go i've made it cool but we were adamant no we're now going to be doing at least 100 shows a year every year in the uk and europe and america and everywhere we can just to

make sure we're building that real fan base because the memory of going to a gig and seeing something exciting and engaging is far more than something that's on your phone that there'll be something new in its place next week and you're showing it can become that bit more disposable whereas having that real engagement with your fan base and building that is why we've always had great live turnouts and great engagement in that manner. And I presume you spend a long time going back to the video on YouTube and checking the comments. Constantly.

Sure. Again, my general rule became quite quick to avoid the comments on YouTube constantly, part because they're often horrible and part I didn't want any spoilers if I was attending a bug. I wanted it to be a surprise. I didn't want to know what was coming. Have you come to bug before? Yes, I've come a couple of times now.

Yeah, I love it. So for those who haven't been, that's a reference to the fact that in bug, as well as in other media now, I often read out comments that people have left on YouTube. And I was looking at the comments for Thou Shalt Always Kill. I'm not going to read out a whole bunch of them, but a couple caught my eye. Actually, a couple of quite good ones, because that's the thing is that sometimes people leave quite funny comments there as well. You have to search harder for those. there as well you have to search harder for those but there's a lot of comments under that one and and a song like thou shalt always kill which is open to all kinds of interpretation yeah provokes

a huge amount of discussion on there some people speculating as to you know what you're talking about or some people who think they know what you're talking about and are angry about it yeah what does he mean thou shalt always kill? Here's a comment from Renegade89, who goes on a riff and picks up the baton, and this is his own version of the thing, so it's not really commenting on what you've said so much. Thou shalt not YOLO.

Thou shalt not totes. Thou shalt not Harlem shake. Thou shalt not duck face what's duck face no idea i've heard of those other ones thou shalt not selfie thou shalt not spam my facebook notifications with every mundane detail of your quote amazing life that thou shalt know ab everything abbreviate everything brilliant thou shalt learn to spell in caps. Thou shalt not perpetuate stupid memes derived from simple minded themes. I don't care how funny you think it seems.

No one cares. That rhymed quite nicely, didn't it? Had a nice flow. Thou shalt not post videos of cats. The whole internet would crumble, you moron. Thou shalt not wear stupid animal hats.

What's that one? Is everyone wearing stupid animal hats? Not that I've noticed. I haven't noticed that. Thou shalt not bitstrip. What's bitstrip? I have no idea what bit... No, that's the cartoons. You make the little cartoons of yourself. I do know bitstrip. Right. He says in brackets, your lives are no more entertaining in animated form.

You're spelt Y-O-U apostrophe R-E, of course. Yeah, after the thou shalt not make spelling mistakes. Yeah. And thou shalt always message back, even if you don't like me, at least say so. So that was quite an articulate and entertaining message from Renegade89 there.

It should have been a letter he wrote to someone in particular, like a specific rant. There seems to be some very specific anger and argument there. How did the lyrics for Thou Shalt Not Kill come together for you? Was it an aggregation of ideas that you had knocking around anyway, things that wound you up? Kind of. It was just using a familiar construct. So it was when I was doing a lot more open mics and spoken word gigs, because I thought, right, I can have the bones of a poem here or a piece or whatever you want to call it but then I can also

react to what other people have said that night or what's been in the news that day because it's quite easy to just add because it doesn't have to rhyme and it doesn't all this you can just add to that so one of them that went into the end piece was um that i should not go to an open mic and leave after you've done your shit little poem or song you self-righteous prick because there was and that was an actual one where a guy got up and was really annoyed that he was having to be in the second half um and then he got up to do his piece and it wasn't he'd translated a poem from latin or something and was reading his translation of it which just annoyed me because it's like well you're very clever congratulations but yeah and then he left immediately so instantly

straight after that i started doing thou shall and added in that and that got a big cheer because everyone had been annoyed at him kind of mumbling throughout everyone else's pieces so yeah it was that kind of construct that was easy to adapt easy to again there's a laziness in it it's that kind of you can put jokes in and get that crowd reaction without it having to be that deep and meaningful i guess and then when we were recording it i was like right here's dan sent me a beat and in the time it took him to watch a 40-year-old virgin, I'd recorded the vocal and sent it back. So however the running time of 40-year-old virgin

is the session time of that track. And I added the big adjust a band bit in the middle because it seemed to work in that break. And yeah, that's kind of how it came together. That's one of the most popular sections for commentators on YouTube. Yes. Because, of course, it's like instant button pushing. Yeah. that's kind of that's one of the most um popular sections for commentators on youtube yes because of course it's like instant button pushing yeah instant it's it's almost like you're trolling them

yeah and it's it's so funny because it genuinely never at the time never crossed my mind that people would see it as insulting any of these bands it's simply stating that and it came about from um one christmas it's gonna sound a really odd, but one Christmas I started thinking about Tom York. And I thought... That happens every Christmas for me. Tom York is Tom York. He's a festive figure. Yeah, exactly.

But he's such a unique, iconic figure. Yeah. And I was just thinking of Tom York's brother asking him to pass the potatoes and him getting annoyed because he'd already had enough. And just realising that, wow, this time of year they're all going home to their parents, or a lot of people are going home to their parents, and they're just regular people. They're not this amazing person that you have in your mind. And that's what that section was about and i purposely chose bands that have really um almost over the top of obsessive followers because that's that seemed to fit with what is saying cunning saying so the smiths they're just if i if it didn't have to be catchy and punchy they're just like four guys

who make some really good songs and then they don't. And then they, they, they watch a bit of TV and then they have their lunch and yeah, just trying to get that across. But a lot of people see it as I'm hating on these bands and get very defensive. And yes, it's, it's such a genius thing for an online audience because it seems like you've stocked it full of all kinds of things that could be easily misinterpreted

contradictions within the songs. It's like, you know, um, all kinds of things that could be easily misinterpreted. Contradictions within the songs. It's like, you know, don't use the name of these legendary artists in vain, but don't put artists on a pedestal. On pedestals, yeah. And they're like, wait, wait, wait, he's got, what is he? And then again, the beautiful irony that some people get and some look over is it's a three-minute song telling you what to do and the last one is thou shalt think for yourselves.

And that wasn't an accident. That's kind of the ultimate overlying irony of the whole thing of saying here's what you should do, but ignore all that. Just make your own mind up. But again, the other thing with that track is as weird as it sounds, when I wrote it and when we recorded it, I didn't really think anyone was ever going to hear it so again that's the beautiful thing that comes then with this big when it's then out in the public and so broken down and analyzed you're like yeah i didn't

didn't expect to come under their scrutiny i expected to send it to my mate and him go that's cool and play it to a few other friends yeah Yeah. And then, yeah, that's the beauty of these things spiralling like that. Yeah, I mean, that's the best spirit to create something in any way, isn't it? Just to amuse yourself and to amuse people you like. Yeah, completely. Other people, Anna Reid saying here on YouTube, I must I misspell Phoenix? To which Hugh Rain replies,

Yeah, I know, it's easy to pick out something in this song that one disagrees with but I'm with you on this one what's wrong with spelling something correctly that's genuinely one of the ones that's had the most anger because it is probably the least logical of all of them because in the song what's the line in the song

that shall spell the word phoenix p-h-e-o-n-i-x not p-h-E-O-N-I-X not P-H-O-E-N-I-X regardless of what the English dictionary tells you and again there's so many there's some serious ones there's some throwaway ones

and that one was one just it annoys me when words kind of if the E was first that would look more like it sounds yeah I know it Pheonic but Phoenix rather than Phoenix. So it was simply that.

Just you railing against the English language. Yeah, just me taking it to the English language. And again, that one was one that really... I like them ones because people will get angry and they won't really have any explanation or resolution. It's not like he has a different opinion to me. It's like, what? Why are you?

Why have you said this? It's spelt. That's how it's spelt. What are you? What the fuck are you doing to the fabric of the fucking universe, you shitbag? You've got enough problems without you coming and trying to get us to spell words that everyone's agreed on,

the spelling of which, correctly, i can't speak properly now i never agreed to that spelling and that's my problem these spellings were agreed upon by someone other than me and i'm i'm not willing to sit down for that no no no no no no no no no no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you where are you at politeness is genuinely a massive massive thing to me um if they were to ask that question of how would you like to be remembered it's like just not remembered for doing anything rude or offensive to people i really obviously with friends and in certain situations there's there's rudeness and of offensiveness is hilarious and hilarity but yeah no in general i'm a massive fan of politeness. I've worked with some people over the years who've had, again, not that they're bad people in any way, but haven't had or have had blinkers up to sometimes that certain things are really rude and really, really impolite.

I suppose the environment that most people brush up against rudeness is when they're travelling, particularly on trains. Rudeness is when they're travelling, particularly on trains. That seems to be a place where people, well, they get stressed out and they rub up against each other and then the rudeness comes out. I struggle on which side is rude when there's someone playing music or being noisy on the train. And I struggle with, am I being rude by attacking them for it? Or are they being, they i being rude by attacking them for it or are they being they're being rude for doing it but am i being ruder in the way i attack or approach them are you being

an uptight dick so it's it's a fine a balance so what's your policy then are you going to challenge people i have done i have done if it's i'll be really polite with them back to to what you mean. Yeah, so I'm doing it here. Like, let's pretend that I'm... I got my headphones on. Sorry, mate. On the window, this is the quiet zone. So all the other carriages... Well, I've got headphones.

Yeah, it's just... It says headphones as well. Headphones and phones. So all the other carriages, though, are all good, but it's just in this carriage alone. Come on, man. I've got my headphones on.

Fuck off. Whoa, that escalated quickly. No, I really... Yeah, yeah. When I worked in HMV, again, we're talking about engaging with people earlier. When I worked in HMV, all the staff knew to come to me if there was a rude customer because I'm a massive fan. I'm really good at staying calm,

and I get off a little bit on killing them with kindness. I really enjoy that. So the customer services people, the HR department, knew my name well because I'd explain, I'm really sorry, I can't do you a refund. You've not got a receipt. There's nothing I can do. But without a refund, I wish I could, I can't do you a refund. You've not got a receipt. There's nothing I can do. But without a refund, I wish I could.

I'm not high enough up to be able to authorise that. So here's the phone number, though, for customer service, blah, blah. And they'd often go off, but then sometimes they'd get it cleared. I'd get a phone call from HR going, okay, in this case, we'll just do the refund. And they'll come back in all smug. Like, there you go. And I'd be like, I'm so glad you got to sort that out that's so good it's so good because it wasn't anything i could do i'm so happy for and you'd see them getting so annoyed that they wanted to

come back in and throw it in your face you're like mate i'm so happy for you oh it really means the world hey let's hug it out this is great news and they're just but yeah i'm a fan of of when confronted with rudeness in a work situation to try and charm tsunami kindness yeah definitely incidents when you come up against people who are just rude really stay with you because you get that you know that thing that happens when you think of the right thing to say afterwards yeah which i think is known as esprit de scalia i.e the spirit of the stairs yeah when you're going down the stairs remark isn't yeah i know what to say now to that dick i was on the train the other day with my family we were going uh we were all going to king's cross to get the

euro star we were going to france it was exciting and the train that we got we're supposed to be going to king's Cross on was cancelled. We had to get the next one half an hour later. So already we're like, oh, this is pushing us very close to the deadline and traveling with my family. This is stressful. So there's twice as many passengers as there should be on this one train. So we get on there. Our seats are long gone.

The reservations are all out the window. And the train is filling up. There's five of us me and my wife and our three children we go over and there's a table of four um that is empty except for one guy sat there uh late 40s early 50s yeah he looks a little bit of a hard nut right i go over there and um i'm carrying my daughter and the children are all kind of stressed out because we're stressed out and i say excuse me um is there any way that that uh we could take this table there's a seat just over there um if if you'd like it and the guy's like no why have i got to move i said oh um well just just because it'd be great for us if we could sit together. And he's like, oh, I'm sat here.

Why should I move? Oh, yeah, just, well, I mean, there's a seat just over there. I don't want to sit there. The whole train is full anyway. So it's, you know. You're going to be next to someone. Someone's going to come and sit here anyway. You'd be doing us a favor if it was us.

But then he goes, no, I don't think so. That's infuriating. And so I just thought, what's the point? And he was looking at me like, you know, you dicks with your families and your children ruining the world. And I can slightly relate to that. I remember before I had children, you get slightly annoyed by parents who seem entitled to special treatment. Oh, I've got children. I've reproduced.

And so I should get special treatment. I can appreciate why that's irritating for a lot of people. But then on the other hand, it's sort of fun to help people out, isn't it? Yeah, it really is. I always get a little tingle when I see people coming along and it's a couple and they're going to be split up unless I move my seat. And then I'm like, oh, there you go. You can sit together. Completely.

Is that buzz? Yeah. You're getting something out of it because you're getting that niceness. They're getting something out of it. I feel good. This guy, it made me so angry. And I didn't want to cause a scene or get in a barney with this guy, apart from the fact that it looked as if he could knife me in the throat in under four seconds.

I didn't want to embarrass my wife and my children, who already looked stressed out. They could see this exchange. And my son, who's like 12, you know, you get into that age where it's all like, oh, please don't embarrass us. He looked really anxious about it. Like, come on, dad, let's just go. Let's go.

Let's go. And so I said to the guy, you know, please, honestly, it would just really help us out if we could all sit together. That's all. And he's like, well, no. I don't see why I should. I was like, wow. You're nice, aren't you? And he said, what?

I said, you're just, you're just a really great guy. God bless you. I don't know why I said that. I think I said it because I knew it would wind him up. I'm not someone who goes around generally saying God bless you and being religious with people. I'm not really a religious person. But I said, God bless you.

And sure enough he just looked like he was about to leap up and punch me right in the face he said what did you say i say um god bless you i just ran away but but he was scary yeah i swear to god the look in this guy's eyes i'm sure he he's probably killed people. Yeah. But that just, I just think, why? You know, okay, you're having a bad day. You don't like little Prats. Again, in that situation, you're not going to be having those four seats to yourself. That's just a fact.

The train is going to be full. So it doesn't really make a difference. I know. It crossed my mind, because I'm so stupid and bloody minded, to actually just sit down. Yeah. For me and my wife and one of my sons to just sit down with this guy and stare at him for the rest of the trip and see how it went.

We're friends now. Yeah. What's your view? Because, again, the thing that gets me on rudeness is on social media, on people replying me when they've got something negative to say, a conversation they're just having with their friends. Yeah. And again, I'm a big believer in it's perfectly fine to not like me.

I'm fine with that. When you're in the public eye in any way, there's people who haven't asked to be exposed to you who are, and they may not enjoy what you're doing, who you are. That's fine. I really haven't got any be exposed to you who are and they may not enjoy what you're doing who you are that's fine i really haven't got any issue with that i don't search my name and look for what people are saying about me but if you tag me then i find that incredibly rude to just be saying to your mate oh yeah i don't i can't stand at scroobius pipio so oh hey why are we why is this happening because it's the it's the most gutless dig that it is possible to make in the modern world it's like we've created a brand new

medium that enables uh gutless twats yeah to go around and sort of have a little poke at someone who is uh in their mind maybe higher up the food chain than they are somehow and it's like i'm gonna show this guy that i think that they're a bit crap but i'm gonna do it with my little fucking made-up pseudonym and uh under the cloak of anonymity a lot of the time not always but um and i'm going to do it in this way that they they can't really reach out yeah they can come back at me and maybe, well, it's like what I earlier on called trolling or trolling, however you want to pronounce that word. But, you know, it's just trying to get a rise out of someone.

Just going up and going, meep, meep, meep, meep. I went in on someone on it in defence of someone else once. I was doing a TV show with OJ Borge and we'd been doing a few episodes and i tweeted saying oh the new one's out tonight and tagged him and tagged everyone and one person replied saying i love the show but can't stand oj um i find him really annoying or something just offensive and i just took oj and everyone out and just said that's really fucking rude man um and the guy came back saying it's my opinion entitled to it and that just was a red rag um so i looked at his profile

um and i saw that i saw that he has um he loves his kids he's a really proud dad he's all about his family and i just put a long rant polite still again a killing with kindness i said if from what i'm looking at if you've got kids i would say a good way to live your life and make your decisions is what would you advise your child to do in that situation or how are you trying to raise your child so when you send your kid off to school his children into it yeah yeah but i did it politely i said when you send your kids off to school do you say to them if there's someone at school that you don't like make sure you let them know you don't like them if they or if they come if they come home and say to you i don't like

mary say well you should probably let her know you should make sure she knows write her a letter what you don't like about her you know i would imagine you don't do that so if that's not the case why would you do that and he came back and really apologized he said you're right you know he really was like that's that's true i feel like an idiot and it was a good one because again i would i made sure because again because i was where i was bringing his family into which but i was like i'm gonna be 100 polite i'm not gonna be aggressive in any way i'm just gonna say look just have a think about that is that what you'd tell your kids to do charm tsunami and he came back with saying you're right you know i don't i've not thought about it you get into social media you forget there's people on the other

end of it you forget that these are humans and all this and he then sent oj about five apologies and it was a nice it was a nice win yeah it was creepy um he's outside his house a lot these days just sending him flowers. I really didn't mean it. I find you delightful. I've re-evaluated. I've learned my lesson. I brought my children here to introduce them to you. I'm teaching them too. That's good, man. That's great. I mean, it's one of my favourite topics, as regular listeners to this podcast will know. as regular listeners to this podcast will know,

the whole business of how we do treat each other online and how we are learning to behave in this new space that we now all occupy. And it is a strange, painful period of flux. It's fascinating. And it's not like I'm some kind of genius who has all the answers because I've got myself into all sorts of scrapes and will continue to do so. No doubt.

Some people are very particular about the etiquette. Someone got in touch with me because they had noticed that I was, what I was doing was sometimes retweeting things that people had sent me, but I was removing my name from the retweet or whatever. If it was a conversation just to save a few characters or whatever i would remove my name and then maybe put something beforehand yeah just saying thanks or indeed oh i agree or whatever yeah and then it would say rt retweet and then the rest yeah but then someone got in touch and said you are stealing retweets because you have modified their tweet it is now

coming up as one of your tweets and you are getting the uh retweet action um so you are stealing retweets you know retweets aren't monetized right there's no but it's all glory or status or i don't know what and they they were like, so I had to really stop myself from saying, what? You have lost your fucking mind. But I said, like trying your charm tsunami. I was like,

oh, I'm so sorry. What is the correct procedure in this situation? And they directed me to a big long blog post that someone had written about all the kind of things you're supposed to not do and you should do. If you do what I was doing in that situation, you're supposed to not do and you should do if you do what i was doing in that situation you're supposed to put mt modified tweet no one knows that yeah if i saw mt i would not know that i would assume that oh yeah i've seen that elsewhere and i never knew what it

meant i would assume that meant my tweet yeah so not only are you stealing the reasons you're stealing the credit or Or mounting. Yeah. Now, if you follow me regularly enough, you will see that I occasionally do an MT. Wow. If I'm modifying a tweet, or more often than not, I will no longer comment on someone's tweet for fear of stealing their retweet. Or they've changed it now, how you can do the retweet

and you have the option of putting a comment, if you know what I mean. So that's the addition now. You can now actually, you're still tweeting their tweet. It shrinks it almost as if it's a picture you've attached and you get to add your comments. So I guess that's probably from people like that ranting at people so much. Because I went back through her timeline

and she had had a private conversation with a friend of hers going, I can't believe that Adam Buxton steals retweets. It's one of the things that most annoys me on Twitter. And he, of all people doing it, has really disappointed me. That's a rabbit hole to fall down, isn't it? Yeah. Looking at people's timelines. I always remember there's a great Hannibal.

Time well spent. A barresque bit where he's saying he's fallen down them kind of routes before where he's like on Facebook. And I've done this myself. He'll look at how many likes he's saying he he's falling down them kind of routes before where he's like on facebook and i've done this myself he'll look at how many likes he's got and then for some reason he'll click on it to see who likes it and he's like oh mark smith likes some shit like that does he i see i see why it's like yeah why why am i looking at who yeah it's like it's had 700 likes who who specifically which 700 okay yep yeah cool okay that's the thing now you can you can dig you can drill down into the data yeah for absolutely everything yeah this guy's made a nice comment but do i care let's just profile him let's check him and assess all the things that he likes

and doesn't like and see if i should actually care whether he likes my stuff or not turns out i do turns out that i respect him very very much he likes my stuff or not. Turns out I do. Turns out that I respect him very, very much. He likes all exactly the same things that I do. So I will take that compliment and I thank you for it. It's ridiculous. Exciting times. Hey man, I should wrap things up.

Let's wrap things up because we're going to be going into my podcast with you. I'm going to get all monosyllabic and depressed now which is exciting i like the idea of this because we were talking about if we should or not yes because it's quite intense but i like the idea of us going a little bit stir crazy and losing it and that's why i offered to go last because this mine could be a lot worse because we're really losing it and the inability to talk anymore all right all right i'm excited about that but i'm gonna um

one of the things that we're gonna discuss is the time that you met my brother, which you have no idea about. So I just thought I'd put a little teaser in there. Wow, you're teasing your podcast at the end of my one. I'm clever. I'm used to this social media and media luck. Thanks, man. Thank you very much. Yeah, really good to meet you.

I think you and I exchanged glances in the backstage area at the BBC in Glastonbury a few years ago. And so that would have been, wow, 2001 years ago. Yeah. Like 10 or you were just starting out, I guess. Nine or 10, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, nice to meet you in person. Yes, and you. May I say I find you very good looking.

Thank you very much. You're a very impressive figure. Wow. Like, also, I like your, that slightly shocking photo of you that you have for your Distraction Pieces podcast of you blowing your brains out with a mic. Yes, I've been asked by iTunes to change that. Oh, really? Because they were doing, again, big love to iTunes.

They've been very supportive. But they wanted to push the podcast in a certain area or for something and they said they needed me to change the image and i said no yeah i'd rather not have the push because it is just a microphone it's not an actual it's a mic so it's i don't know yeah i wasn't up for yeah for for editing that in that moment you're bare chested you've got a big tattoo on one side of your torso there you're looking angry as anything one guy just left a comment oh when i posted that just going why haven't you got a shirt on and i really didn't have an answer i didn't see it as a bad thing because i don't think there's good people can

have no shirt so i'm not going to problem with that but it was just such a blank mate yeah you've left your shirt off why have you got a shirt off? I wore your shirt there, man. I'm very sorry. Come on. And now you're fully nude. Yes, exactly. As I said, I'm perfectly comfortable with the human form. I found it a little distracting to begin with. Now I like it. This is my distraction piece.

Thank you very much. Cheers, Scroobius. Cheers. there we go the charming scroobius pip thank you very much scroobius for allowing me into your life and your fancy east london hotel room he doesn't live there he's a an essex guy like garth jennings but uh he was staying there overnight doing a few shows in town. And I went in and we recorded the conversation for my podcast first. Got on my high horse at the end there about the internet. Love the high horses.

And then another rambly conversation for his podcast, which will be out sometime next week. Or will already be there if you're listening in the future i.e sometime after late october 2015 um scroobius was kind enough to let me use his recording equipment uh although at first i was a little worried the cutoff on his mics was a bit harsh and then i realized that um it was fine it's a good story though isn't't it? Hey, thank you so much for continuing to comment and get in touch with me with your suggestions

and thoughts, etc. Please continue to do so. I appreciate it very much. And obviously continue to subscribe on Acast and iTunes and leave positive comments and iTunes and, you know, leave positive comments and rate and like. You can't leave any negative comments

because that is not going to prop up my ego in the same way that the really nice ones would. And at the end of the day, that's really what it's all about. I'm desperate to please, but it's a two-way street. Okay, you've got to give me stuff back and in lieu of cash money, but it's a two-way street. Okay, you've got to give me stuff back.

And in lieu of cash money, rates, likes and subscriptions are the modern currency. And if you don't, well, I can find you. Because as I was saying to Scroobius, we can break down the stats very easily. Look, I can check out right now which territories are currently on board with the Adam Buxton podcast and which ones are flagging. And I can tell you that at number one in the I've listened to the Adam Buxton podcast chart is the United Kingdom.

Coming in at number two, the United States of America. Have you ever been to the United States? It's brilliant. They've got incredibly wide streets, which in many regions are paved with gold. And Coca-Cola comes out of the taps. Don't know if you knew that. And everyone eats hamburgers and has a gun.

And they love listening to the Adam buxton podcast uh coming in at number three the good people of ireland the bin that never gets full that's not what i genuinely think of island that's a reference to a thing which i hope many of you will know uh and uh at number four australia hello to austral. Thank you very much for listening. That was good, wasn't it? It was a good shout out. Thank you very much for listening. And after that, things drop off in the rest of the world quite dramatically for the Adam Buxton podcast. Although, you know, there's a few people representing in Finland, Vietnam, Poland, South Africa.

It really does cover every single part of the world. No one listening in Iceland, I'm sorry to say. But right down at the bottom, the slackers, the haters. Falkland Islands. Come on, guys. Just two listens in the Falkland Islands. St Kitts and Nevis. Two listens.

Madagascar. Two listens. Chaps. There's more than just the Garth Jennings one and the Louis Theroux one, all right? The John Ronson one is good too. And so's the one about colds. All right? That's better than you might think. But right

down at the bottom, we've got Monaco with one listen. I mean, that doesn't surprise me. They're busy driving around in fancy cars and greasing each other up. I don't know what they do in Monaco. But at the very bottom, below Monaco, Saint-Pierre and Miquelon. That's disappointing because I had planned a big tour of Saint-Pierre and Miquelon for next year and now I see that there's just one person there who doesn't even like the show. They've just listened once and thought, fuck this, eh?

This is boring, eh? I'm trying to do a mixture of French and Canadian there because that's where... I used to think that Saint-Pierre-en-Miquelon was this kind of sunny, tropical paradise, or maybe somewhere out in the Indian Ocean. But that's because I'm ignorant. Actually, it's just off the coast of Canada. And it seems to be an exciting place.

Here's some things to do in Saint-Pierre-et-Miquelon. You can visit L'Arche, the Arch Museum. L'Arche Museum. The well-done exhibits cover the island's history, including prohibition times. The showstopper is the guillotine, the only one to slice in North America. Islanders dropped the Timbers of Justice just once in 1889 on a murderer. The museum also offers bilingual architectural walking tours. The Timbers of Justice, is that a good nickname for a guillotine?

Surely the metal blade part is really more important than the timber. I don't think anyone's too worried about the timbers, are they? It's the blade you have to watch out for more than anything. The blade of badness. Anyway, come on, St. Pierre and Michelin. Stick with it. It gets better. And that goes for you too. Take care, fellows. Human fellows. Thanks for listening. I love you. Bye. This is an advert for Squarespace. Every time I visit your website, I see success. Yes, success.

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They said You can see the marks where we spanked you. Cause they handed me my ass. That's right, they handed me my ass. I thought it was a brand new ass, but it was just my old ass. It was just my ass. It was just my ass. It was just my old ass. It was just my ass. It was just my ass. It was just my ass.

My old ass. It was just my ass. It was just my ass. It was just my same old ass. You gotta do the accent, I think. I don't know. Maybe not. I'll leave that up to the cost to decide.