THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.71 - JAYDE ADAMS

Episode Date: April 7, 2018

Adam talks with British comedian, actor and writer Jayde Adams. JAYDEFAXAs you’ll hear Jayde began her performing career on a sad note following the death of her older sister Jenna in 2011. That encouraged Jayde to leave her native Bristol and start doing comedy, often in London drag clubs like Sink The Pink, Jonny Woo’s Unroyal Variety, The Glory and The Vauxhall Tavern.Just three years later she won the 2014 Funny Women Award and in 2016 was a nominee at the Edinburgh Comedy Awards. She’s in Edinburgh again this year with her third show, an homage to Bette Midler entitled 'The Divine Ms Jayde’ (Pleasance Courtyard, 9.30pm, August).Adam & Jayde recorded their conversation in February 2018. WARNING! Includes frank discussions of a sexual nature and there’s also some dead rat chat.Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for production support.Music & jingles by Adam Buxton Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening I took my microphone and found some human folk Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan. Hey! It's exciting. How are you doing listeners? Adam Buxton here.

Very nice to be with you again on this relatively nice evening out here in the east of England in a random field. I'm looking out over some flooded marshland right now. Actually the floods are subsiding but it's been very damp the last few days. Probably has been in your parts too. Don't mean to presume about the condition of your parts, but I know it's been inclement all over the area. I'm not going to talk about the weather too much longer, but I do think about it a lot out here. And my life's fairly simple. It's mainly what's the weather like and where's Rosie? Rosie's my dog friend. Currently she's up ahead. I can actually see her sashaying, sniffing around, and having a great, great time. But if you're a regular listener to this podcast, you'll know that occasionally she goes chasing

after all sorts of animal types, and I sometimes worry that she's just not going to come back. So this week, she is wearing a new attractive black cylindrical GPS tracking device. I've got an app downloaded to my phone. I've paid a subscription for a year's worth of GPS tracking. So far it seems to work quite well. It's not instant, but it does give me a bit of added confidence when she disappears yipping off. Rosie can hear some barking in the distance. Boy, she is bouncing around now. There you go. Okay, so this will be a good test of the GPS tracker. Rosie! Oh, she's off.

This is like a very boring Bourne film, isn't it? The Bourne pet. Matthew Bourne. Is he called Matthew Bourne? Kevin Bourne's pet dog goes missing. Its memory is being wiped. And so has Kevin Bourne's memory. The only thing that can reunite them is a small GPS tracking device. But Bourne has not paid the yearly subscription. All right, here we go. Refresh. Refreshing Rosie. Taking a while, taking a while.

Rosie. Taking a while, taking a while. I have no idea where Rosie is right now. Oh, she's right there. Okay. Good dog for not going miles away. But just so you know, I'm following you via satellite. All right, let me tell you about podcast number 71 which features a conversation with british comedian actor and writer jade adams i first became aware of jade adams when i heard her on cariad lloyd's grief cast and she was talking there with cariad about losing her sister Jenna, her older sister, in 2011. And we speak a little bit about that in this podcast. But really, that was a pivotal moment in all sorts of ways in Jade's life. And amongst other things, it turned out to be the spur for her performing career. Jade left her native Bristol in 2011 and she started doing comedy in London, often in drag clubs like Sink the Pink, Johnny Woo's Unroyal Variety, The Glory and the Vauxhall

Tavern. Just three years later in 2014 she won the Funny Women Award and 2016, she was a nominee at the Edinburgh Comedy Awards. She's in Edinburgh again this year, in fact, with her third show, an homage to Bette Midler, entitled The Divine Miss Jade. So if you're up in Edinburgh this year, do check that out. She's at the Pleasance with that. My conversation with Jade was recorded in February of this of this year 2018 and you should be warned that it is a spicy one especially the first 15 minutes or so which contains some frank some would say much too frank references to sexual matters and some fairly unsavory dead rat chat. Jade was running a little bit late to our session

which took place at my friend's house in London so that's why she's a little bit out of breath when you hear her talking at the beginning about an idea for a podcast featuring herself and her older boyfriend teaching each other about their respective generations. I'll be back for another helping of waffles at the end of the podcast. But right now, here we go with Jade. Let's chew the fat and have a ramble chat Put on your conversation coat and find your talking hat Yes, yes, yes La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la, la Go, go, go, go, go The only podcast I ever thought about doing is he and I, I'm teaching him things about being a millennial. Okay. And he's 46 and him teaching me things about being older. Yeah. Including music because my music tastes start and finish at musical theater and opera right okay well i say opera i like you know the basics of opera and what a working class

person would describe as opera probably yeah and if i speak to any actual opera singers they're like they start trying to school me on it and i'm unless it's got some sort of film reference in it i'm not your girl how did you get into all that stuff? Well, I sing. In my act, I sing opera. And I went to a posh school. I wasn't meant to. I went to a school that my mum sent me to

because she didn't want me to get bullied in the other school. So me and my sister got into the local church school. And I was the only person in school that had this accent yeah so i was like you know the class clown and jade say butter again this is in bristol right in bristol yeah and what was posh about it it was called saint mary redcliffe and temple school yeah it was the number one how long the name of the school is but also it's got great ofsted reports and it's it was like a top 50 comprehensive schools in Bristol it's still a it's not a private school yeah it's not fee paying but then we went

to the school and we had to like sort of go in and then they decided whether or not we had a good enough CV at the age of 10 to get into their school and my sister was already there so it's sort of obvious that I went and I met the roughest girls at the school immediately like I sort of started hanging out with them and I got into trouble with them. One of them lit the school toilets on fire. Whoa. How'd they do that? It's not, it wasn't real like fire.

It was like they put toilet roll inside of the basin of the toilet and lit it with some matches. And I was just stood there and there was three other girls doing it and they were all laughing and, and I flushed the toilet and we just carried on our business and then was in the playground. And Mr. McGregor, our headmaster, came over to us furious and took us up to the office. Someone must have told him because there was no smoke anywhere. Apparently there was smoke coming out the window, but it wasn't enough to anyway. I've never understood what the real story was. But we get to

the office i tell becky mooney i can't i've got to stop saying real names um i told becky cauliflower that her um that i had matt because i was smoking fags at that age as well like i was like 13 14 i just sort of smoking fags lamberts and butlers down the alleyway i was so rough um and i had matches in my socks and i was i told her about it i was all you know it was had nothing to do with me lighting but then when we went into the headmaster's office all of them had spoken beforehand about turning me into the person that did it yeah um and she said and jade's got matches in her sock so i got into massive trouble they could see that they'd all ganged up on me but that made them fall out and

i was on my own i had no friends i was sort of sat and i was sat in the playground sort of my lunch on my legs and all because of the toilet arson incident yeah all because of that i was just sat on my own and quite sad and then these two girls came over to me and said oh do you want to come and hang out with us in the music room i was like all right then and then that was that they were my best friends at school for the rest of school and music pals yeah my music and they were they were posh girls and they were like uh joe played the violin and hannah did musical theater and then there was other music pals that we met there was ruby and she sort of played piano and sang a bit and then we'd hung out

with our our music teacher ed davis who like wrote musicals and put us in them and if it hadn't been for that moment i probably wouldn't be sat here with you on this sofa yeah it's so mysterious isn't it the alchemy of friendships at that age you can't buy it you can't send your children to the right school where that thing is guaranteed to happen it's total chance wherever they are like people trying to decide their kids future by sending them to i do quotation marks with my fingers good schools it's ridiculous it's just you can't you can't determine someone's future by the school they go to no i guess our parents think well i'm hedging my bets i'm giving them the best chance but really what it comes down to is exactly what you've just described those chance meetings with

friends that that you click with and sometimes they don't happen i went to university where did you go so well first of all I went to Warwick University to study English and I lasted all of one term then I went to art school and I did my foundation in London and then went out to Cheltenham to study sculpture we nearly moved to Cheltenham when I was about 10 oh yeah yeah dad got a pay a promotion at work and we went and I remember us when I was quite young going to look at houses in Cheltenham and I remember being really sad that we were moving from Bristol Bristol's nicer than Cheltenham no disrespect to the Cheltenham massive but um there were some

nice people there but I never sort of bonded with people the way that I did when I was at school and I was younger. You know, all my closest friends are friends that I made when I was 12 and 13. Still, you know. It's interesting that maybe had you have stayed with all the friends that you'd made previous to being, of going there, maybe you wouldn't have done what you've done because you wouldn't have had that feeling of being an outsider yeah maybe who knows I would have been yeah if I hadn't made such good pals when I was younger I might have made better pals when I was at university and fulfilled my potential as a doctor like a sex therapist counselor I always wanted to be a sex therapist, counsellor. I always wanted to be a sex therapist. Like, what was her name? Tracy Cox that used to do, she was an Australian woman that used to do TV shows, All About Sex.

I don't remember Tracy Cox. Tracy Cox is just discussing what it's like to be a woman in this day and age where women are allowed to also orgasm just like the men. That's a good name for a sex therapist as well. I know. to also orgasm just like the men that's a good name for a sex therapist as well i know i used to listen there was a program on lbc like a london radio station which still exists i think and it was called sexual and marital problems i think it was and people would ring in with really quite explicit descriptions of what was going wrong in their sex lives and I would listen at night in bed and get quite turned on by it and it was but it was also quite funny so it was a good

mix of just mad and sort of sexy stuff I used to sneak up to my mum and dad's room because I wasn't allowed to watch it and they had a telly in their room so I'd sneak up to their room and I would be like I'm gonna go off to play with my barbies or whatever it was i was i play with barbies to a quite an old age yeah and i used to go to their room and like turn on euro trash and watch that i used to get well turned on by euro trash it was um there would be quite a few willies in euro trash lots of willies yeah yeah there'd be and there'd be actual shagging in it as well there'd be like if there was an erect penis there'd be like a star on it yeah and then some sort of like awful german dub and it was just i just loved it and the guy that um antoine de con yeah yeah he was brilliant he's amazing they would they were going to bring that

back but i just don't know who they would get to replace him well antoine de con was the original host and who is the the designer what's his name? You know, the French, the other French guy with the white hair, the bleached hair. Oh, was he the other guy? I didn't know that. Hello, fact-checking Santa here. It was Jean-Paul Gaultier,

of course. Merry Christmas. Antoine Ducon was the original host and he was a bit more kind of a smoothie man with a suit and dark hair. He's apparently a lovely man.

And also I'm reliably informed that he smells delicious. Oh, really? Yeah, he was in Edinburgh one time when I was up there doing a show and someone said, oh, I just bumped into Antoine de Cohn on the bus. He smells amazing. I just got an email from Antoine de Cohn. He says, stop talking about me. I never, don't do that accent.

They're important, those kinds of shows, though, as, you know, I think the people that make those kinds of shows, whether it's a radio phone-in about sex or a TV show, you have a certain degree of responsibility because there are always going to be kids tuning into that stuff and they will create they must know the formative impressions that children have about sex i guess that's the depressing thing about the internet now well there's no because there's no regulation like when you when you used to watch euro trash there'd be some form of regulation on what you were watching because it was made for television

but porn on the internet has got absolutely no regulation whatsoever and anyone of any age can go and look at anything it means like i watch euro trash and they would make sex funny and then that meant that when i was older i now have a good relationship with sex because i find it funny or like you know i'll enjoy it more because it's not this like oppressive thing that's going to happen to me but you watch porn you know if you're a young girl and you accidentally stumble across you don't accidentally stumble across anything do you um but you i never do you kind of can these days you just accidentally stumble across a site where some woman is being like unless you're watching um uh lesbo porn which is where women have lovely a lovely time um but women don't often

come off well in right in as it were in porn um the finish is always not fun is it no i had to do one of my first jobs i ever got when i got an agent was um i had to spend a week uh it never made telly or the internet but somewhere out there is this show is a sex show where i um host and i experience different sex things once a day for a week it was like someone shoved mr bean into some sort of sex school and watched them and i had to co-host it with a girl that seemingly she was covered in tattoos and she was seemingly like the more experienced of the two of us about the sex stuff but there were things that shocked her as well even though she tried to cover it up with like oh this is this has so happened to me before and it hasn't

whatsoever what kind of sex things so we were doing like so the first week we had to stand in piccadilly circus and ask people questions about sex that were like quite abrupt. And I had this fantastic, I'm still friends with her now, this fantastic producer who just really encouraged me to just go and do it. And like she works on things like Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, sort of quite in your face shows like that. So she had no, I really, I love this woman, but she had absolutely no qualms whatsoever, just like pushing me to do things. And I sort of need that sometimes because I'll get too like, oh, well, I couldn't possibly. But so I was asking quite intense sexual questions to people in the street. And then she got off of the Internet a vial.

It was like essential oil. But the smell of it was a sort of manufactured smell of a woman's vagina. So we had to we put a little bit. It was manufactured, so it wasn't real. We put it on a little bit of tissue and then we had another thing and they had to guess what the smell was. And people were like coming back with like gravy and all sorts of things, but it definitely wasn't. So that was like the first day. The second day we hung out with a man who was a gay guy who was a blowjob specialist.

And so there was about six of us and we all had a lesson on how to give the best blow jobs and i sort of pretended i didn't know what i was doing at all but i'm fine in that you're practicing on like bananas or something never needed a banana i was uh when it got to the age that you're meant to be doing that sort of stuff you know it's not like boys don't want you to do that so if you want to do that sort of thing it's fine they love it so we we had these lessons and there was one girl in the group and she so desperately wanted everyone to know that she was like i've done this before and i'm like really clever and like i know how to give blowjobs she wanted to be the most experienced girl she was really irritating i'll be honest um and then so that

was one day and then the next day after that we had what was called a pussy catwalk which is where they'd hired a load of porn stars to wear tops but no trousers and uh there were loads of women there it was just all women in the room but us to look at other women's vaginas so they would just walk up and down this catwalk and pose and we just get to look at their minges which is really and i just was like what was the point i mean what were you supposed to do you don't get to see women's vaginas oh right non-sexual which was absolutely right like a lot of women have only ever seen porn star vaginas and haven't actually okay seen vaginas however they could only get porn stars

yeah do the catwalk so that's the thing isn't it was but they've got like more sort of quite normal looking porn stars i swear although there's one girl she had't it? It was. But they've got like more sort of quite normal looking porn stars. I swear. Oh, there's one girl. She had a tiny vagina. Like it was just so tiny. It was so small. I wanted to make noises at it, but I didn't. So what was this? I mean, was the show ever broadcast?

No, I don't know where it is. I feel like they're waiting for me to be mega famous and then they're going to embarrass me with this sex show. But the worst thing that happens on the final day we there was a woman that got flown in from the netherlands that came to teach us and three porn stars so us the host and three porn stars how to ejaculate as women so she like took us through it and told us basically every woman can ejaculate and it's not a myth and i was like you know oh it's i had to be the cynic and the other one was like, no, I've ejaculated even though she hadn't. Yeah.

And we got taught by this woman how to do it and then these three porn stars basically frigged themselves off and one of them came on my shoe. Oh. I had suede shoes on, blue ones. And I went, after she did it, I went, you just come on my blue suede shoe.

The other two. I believe that was the inspiration for the song originally. Yeah. The two other porn stars had nails that were like three inches long. And I was like, there's no way that they're going to be able to do anything with that. I mean, this is probably going to get cut. But isn't it basically she just weed on your shoes, right? Because isn't it kind of a myth?

It's not wee. It wasn't wee. I had to check because I'd never seen it before. And it came, it didn't come out like wee either. She didn't just, it sort of shot out. It just shot out and like went on my shoe. And it was clear as well. It wasn't like, because there are glands that produce, there are glands in a woman.

That are separate to the. Yeah. And they're behind the, she showed us on the model where it comes from. Yeah. Basically the woman's clitoris goes all the way back to the end of the vagina wall. Yeah. Which I didn't know. I thought it was just the opening bit, but it goes all the way back.

So, and at the back of there, there's a gland. And if you, like a man has with his prostate. If you ring the bell. If you ring the bell if you ring the bell the juice flows and she came on my shoe i've never worn the shoes since i touched it as well because i washed my hands and all that after but i touched i wanted to because i'd never and then i went home to my boyfriend after and i was like right i've learned some stuff let's get cracking no you didn't have them we just ended up laughing and then that was the end of that that lesson I imagine it's like um antibacterial gel it's exactly like that the consistency is the same and it doesn't have a smell or anything like that it was like just clear just gooey water that came out it was fascinating

and I and it was the first job i ever got now before we started chatting you told me that you had a rat problem in your house i did i did have you moved out of that place yet though yeah i've moved to essex with the with the boyf uh it's our first time living together oh okay we've moved to leon sea it's really beautiful nice um cobbled streets we've got a cardboard streets a cardboard street yeah uh they they've decided that's the new way down in leon sea cobbled streets right um and the sea it's got a sea view it's really lovely wow we see boats all the time because it's the estuary it's not really the sea i mean south end has got some work to be done on it i'll be honest that needs some uh you know

like when hull got all that money from that uh the create the creative capital of of the uk please send it to south end south end will be at some point cultural capital of the uk i'm sure like where's canvey island is that down not far it's across the river from us it's not far from it's not it's not far at all you can get a ferry to it right okay so that's um dr feel good and people like that yeah yeah that's from around there yeah that's basically the area essex it's uh yeah up the road is Brentwood which is where

the only way is Essex is filmed okay but this is sort of like you can buy Neil's Yard where I live

that was the first thing I was like it's gentrified I've been able to get my moisturiser from around here and they've got

good coffee and things like that so it's posher than the area I was in which was Clapton which is in East London

where I was living on Chippendale Street I can say it now I've never been able to tell anyone that my the street i lived on was called chippendale it was quite cool because of the 90s strip sure the chippendales anyway we had rats because uh an outside pipe had collapsed due to all the building works in the area with everyone extending their houses and this pipe burst and then uh all the rats came out of it but because all of the houses had builders in them they came to the only house in the area that wasn't getting any work done and

that was our house so we were living i was living with rats for about three months and did you see them yeah yeah totally they were big big one of them i came home once went in the kitchen he was walking across the floor he stopped looked at me for a while and i went hello mate and he carried on walking slowly didn't even run yeah like there was the confidence of him i know the arrogance we had a rat problem at one point and one day i cornered i think he must have been the the godfather was he massive he was he was like a cat i mean it was it was giant this thing big fat guy and uh he was in the corner of the barn and and i cornered him and he wasn't quick enough to get away immediately and he reared up and looked at me and he was just like

he was probably freaked out i guess but it was very unsettling and i really wanted to dispatch the rat i wanted to kill the rat oh you get the anger it was to begin with because i used to have a pet rat yeah called lily who was one of the best pets i ever had she loved me like i had real genuine affection from her like she'd only sleep on me she would hate being on anyone else but she would like fall asleep on my shoulder quite a lot and uh she was a delightful pet and she died of natural cause it or i say natural cause she died of tumors which all rats do because of animal testing that's just a thing the vet told us that when i was 14 years old and took a rat to go and get a tumor removed for 40 quid and my parents just looked at each other what so you had a rat that had been used

for animal testing no but all rats and mice everywhere are prone to tumors now because of how much animal testing's been done on um rats and mice over the years that it has been because that's been going on for decades so a lot of rats uh especially pet rats that you get um will 99% at the time develop tumors right but we i was. But my mum and dad were so sad. So mum and dad got one tumour removed, which cost them 40 quid, and then she died about four weeks later. Oh, mate. And the only thing my mother said was,

what a waste of money that was then. So blasé about it. So you loved your rat. You didn't have homicidal feelings or raticidal feelings towards the invaders? Not immediately. I sort of was fine with them being there. My best friend's massively scared, so I knew I had to get rid of them at some point if she was going to come over. Yeah.

But what happened was they started nesting into the smell. Yeah, man. So my house smelled like urine. I can tell when there's rats anywhere now. So I walk down an alleyway and I know the specific pee smell because I've had to live with it. So like I walked down an alleyway and I can, I know the specific pea smell because I've had to live with it. So what happened was my landlady just left the house that I was living in for eight years to the girl that lived there. And then she never did any work on it at all. And then I tried to get so many people to fix the rat problem and no one would.

So I ended up calling Hackney Council and a man called Dennis, who was a rap enthusiast i'd call him yeah he studied some sort of biochemistry at university he was talking about a friend of his who was also it was like the two of us used to do biochemistry together at university and i've gone on to work at hackney council and he's a has a multi-million pound corporation and i said to him have you watched breaking bad um yeah that's what happens to uh to water white to water white yeah his mate goes off they that they were it was both of them that came up with the research that made the company millions that's right um and the company was called gray matter uh because walter white and he was called something black oh yeah and then they came together and obviously made gray matter so it was some sort of like and when i said this to dennis he was like oh you're making a joke

but he knew everything about them and cared about them as well and cared about their personalities yeah um he said rats are so clever that if you put food down for them they'll take it and they'll never come back to that spot again oh that's why they're great survivors because they adapt to situations really really quickly like humans do. So he had to put this special stuff down that they're attracted to like cats are to catnip. He put it down and then eight minutes later we looked again and it was gone. It was a big blue block as well. It was just gone.

Was that a poison thing? Yeah. Right. He said it'll take two weeks to kill them and it'll kill the entire family. So I just felt terrible for two weeks. My house smelled like piss. And then they start dying and then it gets really bad because i didn't kill the i didn't kill the godfather he shot off you could hear them scurrying around in the roof that was the thing and i went up there one time into the loft and the insulation in the loft was just covered in all these rat shit

and then after they got poisoned because we had to get the guy in because it was totally out of control the whole situation they obviously started dying there but you couldn't tell where they had died and i ended up having to go up there and look through all the insulation and they tunneled into it and made a nest and then when they died like the big guy died you couldn't go in the room for about six or seven months it wasn't flies it was just the smell we avoided the flies actually and even after i went up there and removed the corpse which which I finally found, the smell just didn't go away. Oh, it was like being in a horror film. I had flies real bad.

You had flies? It was so bad. And the noise that they made when they died as well. And because they were drunk on this, like, corpse that was in my basement. This is a nice podcast so far, isn't it? This is a nice podcast so far, isn't it? The flies came and I was hoovering flies. There's a Henry Hoover on 15 Chippendale Street in Clapton,

which just has thousands of flies in it because I just hoovered them up. For a weird reason, our downstairs toilet, which was a little cubicle on its own, was the place where they went to the most because you'd open that door and then there would be like 50 of them are dead on the floor the rats or the flies the flies the rats were dead by this oh yeah okay and then the maggots came and then the flies came afterwards i know that that that's the maggots were nice but the flies not so nice the maggots I can deal with because they don't come near you. Hoovering flies is quite fun. I mean, it's sort of mass murder, I suppose, isn't it? But I can't get that upset about flies.

My next door neighbour told me that she's a vegan. However, she has to kill slugs. Okay. Because she's a gardener. There's no other way of getting rid of slugs other than killing them. And I think it's quite a moral, it's a conundrum. It's a quandary and a conundrum for her to deal with how she deals with garden slugs. I'm so glad I don't put restrictions on myself like that.

I'll kill anything. laughing now jade i got you some gifts. Oh, have you? Yeah. I'm excited about this. Don't get too excited. I got you this gift, but it turned out to be a bit disappointing. I thought it was going to be more fun. Oh.

That's always the best way to give someone a gift. Yeah. Art oracles, creative and life inspiration from the great artists. Oh, that sounds cool. It does sound cool, doesn't it? Um, you have, I'd love to be able to name all these people. The only one I can is Vincent Picasso, but then you've got that. Is that Pablo?

Yeah. Pablo. I got Vincent Van Gogh and Pablo Picasso the wrong way around, didn't I? Vincent Picasso would be a good name for a band. Yeah. Yeah. Um, anyone, if you are going to use that, just let me know. Or a lead singer.

Lead singer, Vincent Picasso. That's good. That. See? that see perfect told you making up words then there's that japanese lady that's into spots uh well there's a little booklet in the box that tells you who all the featured artists are um yayo kusama i don't know her um she loves spots and she used to have she had what I know about her she had a mental health issue and then she fixed it with art that was one of the

Buzzfeed things I read oh cool I like this but then the the cards themselves these are tarot cards are they yeah

this is wicked this is a really cool present do you want me to do your tarot yes please well I'll do it like my best friend Babs does. She's got these animal cards and we do them every Christmas.

You choose three cards and then it's a past, present and future. And then you basically just have to interpret what the thing is that comes out. So I'll just shuffle them. Okay. Okay. This is Jade Adams and Adam Buxton reading tar tarot they don't advertise themselves as tarot cards that's something that you've well they're oracle cards because tarot cards are a specific thing okay i basically got a story for everything i'll be honest someone um i got in touch with me once

and said do you know any palm readers and i said how much is it and they said it was 200 quid and it was leads and i said well is it next week were like, no, it's in three weeks. And I went, I'll learn how to do palm reading in order to do the gig. So I basically learned how to palm read in three weeks off of YouTube. And sort of, it's all a load of old rubbish. You just got to convince people the stuff you're saying,

which is essentially what standup is. And make them laugh at the same time. That's a form of cold reading, is it? Yeah, yes. What magicians do when they say, hang on, your name is... And they just guess loads of stuff. I can see there's a kettle that needs mending in your house. And people are like, yes, that's right.

That's me. Well, it's not a kettle, it's a hoover. But yes. Here you are. Pick three cards. All right. And this is but yes. Here you are. Pick three cards. All right. And this is your past. Okay.

Present and your future. So the artist on my past card is Ai Weiwei. Ai Weiwei. And what does it say underneath? And it says, so on each card, there are three symbols. What do the symbols refer to? Life, work and inspiration. And the life for Ai Weiwei says,

when authority says to be quiet, get a loudspeaker. Yeah. And under work, it says art must fight for freedom or the whole world is a prison. Yeah, that's exactly what I used to do in the past. And then inspiration is the I. Inspiration. Some things are whole only when they shatter.

I don't know how that really refers to my past. Yeah. These are not quotes from the artists or anything. They're just things that the... The writer has written. Yeah, that the writer has ascribed to these artists. And I don't find them particularly practical. Well, what they'll be really good

for is that do i get to keep these things as well what would be really useful is that um when i have dinner parties i'll be able to impress loads of middle-class friends of mine with these things and they'll all sit there and nod their heads like they do when i tell fake horoscopes to people yeah my favorite thing to do is to ask someone what their horoscope is and then read them someone else's do you not believe in any of that stuff i always think because i've got my sister died um and i always think that if there was an afterlife she'd definitely be trying to get in touch with me like by hook or by crook she'd be in touch with my mum or i and there was lots of unfinished business with her as well she was 27 when she died and didn't really achieve very much and i've spoken about this in in various other i heard you talking about it with carrie ed

lloyd on grief what a lovely podcast that is yeah um it's really really nice it was lovely to talk about her but she i i just think that if there was an afterlife she'd be knocking on the door or at least coming through the walls and she's not um and uh we once had a girl my mom had a friend of hers who um who told her that she a psychic she'd come to her as a psychic medium but i just don't i just don't believe it um i'm agnostic i'm open to the concept of of spirituality if it cut if it can and i know the idea of faith is to just believe but i'm a facts girl i I'm going to invest any time and attention into something, I need it proven first. And also, I'm not scared of death either. I've seen it.

I've seen someone die. It's fine. Are you really not? Like your sister died of a brain tumour? Yeah. Or complications from? Yeah, yeah, from a rapid accident. She had a seizure.

Yeah, and then there was only two options, which was turning the machines off or leaving her on a machine for the rest of her, in quotation marks, life. So did you and your family have that figured out already? There wasn't a disagreement or a discussion about whether you wanted just to... I don't know if anyone made any choices because I wasn't party to that. OK. But I wouldn't... They know what my views would have been on that. But I don't think my mum and dad would have kept her.

How long ago was this? Seven years. Okay. In 2011, April 24th, 2011, it happened. And I guess what I was going to say was, do you think that it really made you fearless? I think rather than I'm fearless, I feel like I'm just a little bit more able to rationalize tough situations and you're not terrified of the prospect of mortality in that way i mean yeah it does change when you've seen someone die but did you were you freaking out at the time though when she was ill and when

she was dying i was i was in a room full of all my family and i knew i had to keep my shit together when we were there so i didn't have the time to freak out I always freak out later so I'll have a difficult situation happen and then later on after I've turned it over in my head that's when I'll react to something and it always happens later but I feel like the worst thing that could ever happen to me has already happened so what am I moaning about I've been given this uh sort of opportunity to do what it is I want to do and I've been given this because I think if she hadn't have died I don't think I'd probably be where I am did you already want to be a comedian or a performer before she died yeah but I wasn't I didn't know

how I didn't you weren't as focused yeah no I was sort of I was always in her shadow I was she was always much better at everything than I was so I sort of when she died I sort of the excuse I used to have which is oh Jenna was going to do that um the excuse I had got went um while she got sicker and sicker I felt it was all too much pressure to do things because she couldn't she used to say to me things like you know you've got to do it for both of us and I used to hate that because I'd be like just do it for yourself I didn't like the romanticism that she used to hate that because I'd be like, just do it for yourself. I didn't like the romanticism that she used to try and put on her illness because it made it too real for me then. I was like, just do stuff yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got cancer. You're not dead yet. I know I've met a girl who runs a charity called Copperfield. She's called Chris Hallinger. She was diagnosed about nine years ago with stage four breast cancer. And the stuff she's accomplished in the last nine years it's been incredible she's amazing she hates that anyway she hates being told that she's amazing yeah i tell her she's an asshole but um she uh you know

she's accomplished so much in that time and i used to just want janna to do that like just go and do something stop being useless but she couldn't she was she's never really like that anyway i just you know someone gets sick with cancer and they're young you just kind of want them to shave their head and start doing memes and stuff like that but i didn't know she didn't do that right it's part of me that was like let's start a charity and it was not it's not that's not how it is it's you know sometimes people just die and it's quite normal yeah yeah exactly well i was talking to someone the other day talking to darren brown he wrote a book um called happy and there was a big section in there about death and our attitudes

to it and everything and he was talking about that the language that surrounds illness and the whole being brave and fighting and bollocks all that sort of stuff often just puts more pressure on the people who are ill. Yeah. It's just one more thing that they can't do sometimes. Yeah, I have this as well. You know, if you want to try and fix people feeling sad and, you know, you just give them loads of advice that, you know, you can't be someone who's dying. You can't fix it. It's just it is what it is.

And you just have to listen and distract as well yeah i you know just distract people if you meet someone who's dying or ill just talk about something else they don't want to talk about their illness or unless they do yeah and they're worried about something and then just listen but other than that just try and distract them like patch adams just gotta be it's gonna be funny I used to do it in the hospital. I was just like, stop moaning around and talking about cancer all the time. It's really boring. Yeah.

I hope you didn't do it like Patch Adams. Just an impression of Patch Adams. Fucking Patch Adams. I haven't seen that for a while. I really love all Robin Williams films. Do you? I love them all, yeah. And there's not a single one I don't like.

Oh, my God. He has that with me. What, Patch? Even you're including Patch Adams. I love Patch Adams. In the canon of great Robin Williams films. I loved Patch Adams. Also because he was called Adams as well.

Yeah. That and Adams Family, favourite film. No. While I was on a bit of a surfing mission with your name in the search bar, I came across you doing a bit about Adele. Yeah, I used to impersonate her. You've got a good voice. Thanks.

Do you love Adele then? I do. I've had some opportunities where I could meet her and I left. Liam Gallagher can't meet Ringo Starr. He doesn't want to be in the same room as him. He can't handle it. And I think I've got the same thing with her. I just don't want to meet her. Yeah, okay. Because it'll be disappointing because she might not like me and then I'll be really sad that she doesn't like me and I'm older than her as well so it'll be a bit weird that I've as a 33 year old woman trying to coerce a 29 year old into being my friend but I do love her I love

her because she's changed all these things on the internet of body positivity and all these fat people getting themselves in their underwear and showing their bits off. I ate it. I don't want to look at that on my phone on a Monday morning when I'm trying to have a coffee. But one of the people that have really changed the face of being big is her. And she's done it in such a classy way. And I think she's incredible for it. She's kind of made women like her a thing that people want to be part of.

Yeah. in like her a thing that people want to be part of yeah and i can't deny that things have gone much better for me since adele has made it really popular to be a strong bolshie working class fat girl um who's who's good at stuff uh she's made that a thing and i sort of you know i thank her for that she's put that in the mainstream less people will call people fat because of adele and that's a that's a great thing yeah i think people are gradually getting their head around the idea that actually the way people look is the least important thing. Or it's the thing we should. It's a weird schism because on the one hand, you've got all the Jenners and the Kardashians of the world who seem to be all about the way they look. But then on the other hand.

Except for when she's having a baby and she wants to conceal that child from everyone yeah and it's not just women of course there's there's um a lot of vanity in the male world as well but it's not viewed that way traditionally you know because in so many ways you don't judge people by the way they look in the way that you used to in the olden days like when my dad was a kid it it was all about. Well, for them, it was all about your shoes shiny and is your hair neat and is it the right length and all those kinds of things. So as long as you conformed to those things, it didn't really matter what you did otherwise. You know what I mean? As long as your hair was the right length and your suit was pressed properly cut and your shoes were shiny and all that stuff my dad used to bollock on about and i just never gave a shit about it and never understood why he cared so much about it but i suppose it's just a yearning

for order isn't it but um going back to adele oh yeah yeah did you see her at glastonbury i'd never seen her oh my god it looked like she'd won the opportunity to perform at Glastonbury. Her inter-song banter really made me laugh because, you know, she belts out these amazing emotional songs. It's just her on the stage.

It's just her, yeah. Amazing. She has no, I saw her show, she has no warm-up or anything. Right. Just her.

So she belts out these songs and then she does this banter that's... Oh my God! Yeah. I'm at Glaston glass break last time i was in that crowd i was in that crowd just a few years ago and i remember i was desperate for a pee i had to pee in a cup that was one of them i love her i had to pee in a cup and then it's like after the

next amazing song she's like i'm starving who is starving? I could murder some chips. I'd love a dirty burger. My favourite thing is knowing that somewhere there is someone watching her do that with their mouth open, seeing how their beloved pyramid stage at Glastonbury is what it's been turned into. The people that have performed on the pyramid stage at Glastonbury, they've gone on there and they've been themselves and they've done their thing and Adele did her thing as well she went on there, she didn't care about all that stuff she just went on there, was Adele, did her song

did her stuff and then left whilst, oh my god she did selfies on stage she put a fez on she put a fez on oh you've got to look at that, I'll put that on isn't it funny I'd love a shit right now who'd like a shit She put a fez on. Oh, you've got to look at that. I'll put that on. Oh, look. Isn't it funny?

I'd love a shit right now. Who'd like a shit? If I had a big bucket, I'd shit right here on the stage. Is that real melody? Have you seen my phone charger? I left it right there. Did you see it? Have you got it? Where's my charger gone?

Where's my phone charger? The battery's about to die. It was on the table. Round and round in their heads go the chord progressions, the empty lyrics, and the impoverished fragments of tune. And boom goes the brain box. At the start of every bar. At the start of every bar.

At the start of every bar. Boom goes the brain box. I've got another gift for you okay all right I saw a card today in a shop that said to make it clear that I don't really care about you I've got you a scented candle and I saw the card after i had bought you this oh you've got me a scented candle from true grace and the smell is chesil beach yeah is it expensive yes mate was it scented candles cost loads that well you'd say you you say that like sarcastically but no they do joe malone candles yeah they're like 70 quid yeah yeah they're hugely expensive this wasn't 70 quid but it was a lot chesil beach read out what it says the description of the smell on the beach watching the change in skies sun bleach pebbles and driftwood a tang of

salt and fresh seaweed for a moment you are alone you wouldn't think that the smell of a beach would be something that you'd want in your own home would you i don't know i'm um i'm sniffing yeah it doesn't smell like any beach i've been to no can i have a sniff yeah there's no salt or seaweed who wants to smell seaweed i like eating it but this smells a little bit like a brown substance that my mum used to apply to her legs and then to remove the hairs oh is that like um the old there was like an old-fashioned leg hair removal yeah brown she'd heat it up in the pot i remember and then she'd get a wooden spatula and spatula it onto her legs and then she'd sit there and wait for it to harden and then peel it off and then uh then she'd heat it all back up again so it was just this this kind of crazy infernal

hairy waxy weird resin oh that she would just heat up and keep anyway did it work yeah it worked fine but it smelled quite nice it smelled like this chesil beach yeah she have dark black hair yeah yeah that's a that's a i don't really grow hair on my body very well um except for my chin it's discovered since i've turned in 30 okay it was it was um i've read a little um a little rhyme about this when it started happening. I was like, my name is Jade Adams and I'm 31. I was born on a Wednesday to my dad and my mum. It was 1984. There was nothing yet I feared because no one told me I was going to grow a beard. Is it a proper little tufty beard?

No, it's just one or two hairs. It's just the one. Straight hairs. Yeah, but they just keep, I'm always, I'm at it a lot. And then i get really obsessed and i'm constantly stroking my chin and looking like i'm up to something that's what i do if i could just grow a good old like salt and pepper beard that'd be great but it's just a couple of tufty airs that you can see through the sunbeams in the window of the car okay and then my

boyfriend looks over and goes babe you gotta get that and to get that. And I'm like, you've got to get it. And he's like, which one? And then that freaks me out because I just don't want to. But I've got wax strips to get rid of it because sometimes it comes and you're like, I'm obsessed with touching it. I've got one that grows out. I've got a rogue one that grows out just on my cheek to the left of my nose. And it will just overnight, it'll grow out like an inch or something and then it's i got a white one that i get that with and then i try and pluck it out with my fingernails but i can't get purchase on it and it drives me crazy i can spend up to five

minutes doing it before i just go and hunt for a pair of tweezers. I've got weirdly hairless forearms, but the rest of me is very hairy. So you have hair everywhere but your forearms? Yeah, everywhere except where a manly man would want hair. On your forearm? On your forearm, so you can be like Popeye. I don't know if Popeye had hairy arms. He didn't. He just had tattoos, didn't he?

Yeah, I don't grow hair very well. I grow it, but it's straight and it's wispy and set my chin. Yeah. I don't mind hairy people. Do you remember when Julia Roberts didn't shave her armpits and everyone was complaining about it? I just thought she looks great. Well, I've recently done that.

Yeah. So I, I've not done it for a sort of any sort of political movement, but I've just not shaved my armpits for a while. And I've inadvertently got some Julia. i've got some julia roberts going on my chap wants me to shave it because he's like i've never been with a woman who doesn't shave her armpits and i'm like well it's winter why would i put a razor to my body yeah during the winter just to appease your um ideals about and then i'll sort of throw the feminism card in there yeah yeah yeah but it's

just laziness really i guess it's what you're used to isn't it the first person that i really went out with properly had hairy armpits and i just thought yeah why wouldn't you kind of thing my best mate's got them she's and she's ginger as well there's an orange she's proud there's a proud orange haired lady there with with everything about her is orange as well i've seen her naked quite a few times and she's got a fabulous bush so bright it's like my hair like because mine's not natural um i'm not a natural ginger even though i dye it that way but um it's this color it's like bright orange yeah um so chesil beach are you going to use that candle i probably will yeah but you're not like oh i love scented candles my sister really likes scented candles i love gifts i don't care what they are okay i'm

never the type of person that ever tells anyone to take a gift back if it doesn't fit i'll just have it and be really grateful that someone bought me something i like that you haven't read on chesil beach by ian mckeown have you i haven't read a book for probably 10 years until recently because i was on radio 4 as a good read okay and they got me to read three books whoa and uh did you actually read them i i i realized i read a book i did loads of audio yeah yeah sped up as well because i was getting close to the the day i had to go and film it and then i record it sorry yeah um and then when we were there i realized i actually didn't really need to read them i i had to read the one i was in well i already knew a lot about public i did john ronson's so you've been publicly shamed oh how did you like that it was great i mean it was

all the stuff i'd already because since that book came out all of that stuff sort of dispersed itself across the internet anyway so i was i'd already sort of read you were familiar with a lot of it yeah loads of stuff in there and i thought i'm really interested in the idea of public shaming and yeah because it's all the people are losing their jobs because of it you've got that logan paul guy um who did that japanese oh the suicide forest thing yeah i mean he's horrible what an awful human being that guy is like oh i hate that guy however i don't think people should have the power to remove totally just yeah destroy someone's life like that girl got on that plane and you know she came off she came off of the

place she wrote that stupid tweet that was in in the book she wrote a stupid tweet about africa and then she came off and you know she had death threats and stuff like people are insane yeah like don't be ruining lives because you don't like something someone said. So you don't like judging people? I like being compassionate. And also, if you meet someone who's weird, who's different, then you can get things out of them, can't you? Yeah, I agree with you. Yeah. I don't, I'm not scared of people.

I don't like being judged myself, and I certainly wouldn't judge someone else. I don't think. I don't like being judged. I don't like, I i don't like i heard i had recently someone called me mad like someone someone said i was crazy and i was like i don't think i am i think i'm i think i'm really sane but were they saying it in an affectionate way though it was affection it was like oh she's mad and it sort of annoyed me i was like i don't that's not that's because you don't get me that you're saying that oh okay that's what i thought i got from it i was like

you're doing that because you don't understand me yeah there's something that's jarring for you and you're not giving me time right and then rather than grapple with it they're just sort of writing you off as like oh she's mad it's interesting because i preach this stuff and then i have to often put it into practice when i i find someone's company difficult the only reason i ever find anyone difficult is that they've decided they don't like me. If someone likes me, I'm like a dog. I'm just brilliant. Great.

Wicked. What's next? Yeah. But if someone doesn't like me, then I'm like, but why? I'm not. But why? Why? I'm nice.

So what was the book that you read? Which is the book that you enjoyed most for your radio? I'll say this now. One of the books I read, I absolutely hated. It was like a mum on the beach book it was ann cleaves the seagull and i lied on the podcast and they were like please don't lie and i was like i'm not it's just the three of us in this room i'm not going to tell this lovely woman that i don't like the book that she's chosen okay it was a murder mystery and i didn't care what the outcome was right but the third book was uh brilliant it was carrie fisher's postcards from the edge oh that's

great yeah which is great i really enjoyed that yeah she's a brilliant writer she was she turned a great phrase i recommend chesil beach on chesil beach it'll take you a couple of hours to read is it real thin yeah it's really thin i love thin books like lots of pictures yeah like um sun zoo the art of war which people are always shitting on about right there was a touchstone for people in business and all sorts of it's supposed to be a great insight into male psychology and tactics of war and all this sort of crap um i mean it's like a pamphlet you sort of imagine this huge great tome sun tzu the art of war from the 11th century or whatever it is you know it's

like the chilcot report yeah i think it's gonna turn up it's gonna take you a year to read it no it's about 16 pages or something on chesil beach is known as a novella because it's so short it's really good it's about this young couple who are on their honeymoon set in the 60s and they haven't yet consummated their relationship. And they're staying at this hotel on Chesil Beach in Dorset. So it's all about the build up to the moment of consummation or their efforts to consummate the marriage and the aftermath. He's brilliant at minute detail, Ian McEwan. Like he's got a stand-up comedian's eye for the minutiae oh i like that and he's so good at describing things his his uh vocab is amazing

but he really gets into the details of how people think and it's great i really recommend it's not for everyone you know i know some people who read it who found it really left them really cold they made a film out of it with sir sharonan a couple of years ago i haven't seen it oh did they yeah i can't imagine how it would glad you said that name i've been seeing her name around recently because she's in ladybird yeah that's right and i've been calling her sworshay yes who was it that got in trouble for mispronouncing her name recently at some awards show? And everyone was like, how dare you mispronounce her name? It's offensive. Why didn't you look it up?

It's like, fuck's sake. Come on. It's an Irish name. They don't spell the way. You haven't seen the name before. They don't, you know, they don't spell the way they, they don't spell the way they sound. Yeah. Like, you know, it's not, it's ridiculous.

Anyone that gets offended by that, it's an absolute knob. Like, what an absolute, people that get offended by mispronouncing, you know, it's ridiculous. Anyone that gets offended by that is an absolute knob. Like, what an absolute... People that get offended by mispronouncing, you know, people... Also, forgetting people's names. Yeah. Like, you probably get it a lot. When you're in an industry where you're meeting a ten tonne of people, I don't remember every single associate producer I work with.

Yeah, man. And they're like, oh, you don't remember my name. And then they make me feel bad about it. And I'm like, just be cool. It doesn't matter if people don't remember your name. Make sure the next time you meet them, they remember my name. And then they make me feel bad about it. And I'm like, just be cool. It doesn't matter if people don't remember your name. Make sure the next time you meet them, they remember your name. And not through negative ways. Don't pick on someone because they've...

I call people babe, darling, and love a lot. Yeah. Because that covers it up. And also I get away with it. Yeah, that's right. All right, love. How's it going? So nice to see you again.

Yeah. It feels real. Hey, man. I know that's my technique. It's just all right man but i'm exactly the same i do not get offended if someone can't remember my name and people often call me joe which is my comedy wife and uh i'm not fussed you know it's so what to be able to recognize someone you don't have to necessarily know their name but to recognize

someone is so charming and sexy. Like just to be remembered by someone. We're all just like, thank God someone remembers who I am. I do remember people, but yes, it's almost, it feels worthless without the name to go with it. You know what I mean? But it's like, yeah, of course, you know, you have an emotional memory of what that person is. Like, yeah, you're nice. I remember you, you know, you're cool.

But I just don't remember your name. i slept with once i forgot i was in bristol i just totally forgot them i had had a one-night stand with them but i knew them beforehand and they said i saw them in the street and they they said uh hey and i was like oh hi i was like oh I'm really sorry. How do we know each other? And he went, we had sex. Oh, I'm so sorry. Was I pissed? And he went, nope. Is that because you slept with a lot of people or just because it wasn't a very memorable encounter?

It wasn't a memorable encounter. I wouldn't say I've slept with a lot of people. I'd say that I've had an interesting life. I've had a lot of Being insecure and just You know I wouldn't have enjoyed all of those Times that I've had sex I was insecure Just trying to find someone to love me And so you know I probably loved

In some part everyone I've ever had sex with Because I was just trying to find Someone to want to do it with me More than once But was it a big deal when you lost your virginity no it was awful it was in my first show yeah I reenacted how I imagined I'd like to lose my virginity at the age of 15 and how it actually happened I did two scenes and I said the guy's name we used to be friends on Facebook and then after my Edinburgh run in

2016 he blocked me oh you used his real name yeah just over and over again I couldn't stop terrible there's a there's a improv group called the noise next door and they've got this great game it's such oh we'll play it now it's a really great game okay um it's uh it's names of people at school so you have to say three names yeah one of the names is one you made up and then two of the names are real names from people at school. Okay. So I'll do one now. So we've got Ashley Dowling, Melissa Douglas and Lydia McKetsey. And I'm supposed to say which one's fake? Yeah. Ashley Douglas.

Well, it was Ashley Dowling. Ashley Dowling. Correct. Ashley Dowling was fake. But you're meant to make them more like... So I had names like... We had people like Maxine Eddles and Missy Harding. And names like... Names are mental. You Eddles and Missy Harding. And names like, names are mental.

Like you always say, someone that you went to school with, you say the first name and their last name. Yeah, yeah. Who did you have at school? Kathy Sprague. I love Kathy Sprague. She's great. She was really cool. She was a mod.

Was she? Yeah. Was she a mod? My boyfriend used to be a mod. Did she have the shaved head and the bits? She didn't have the shaved head because she wouldn't have got away with it at the school we were at. But she had the gear and the sort of patterned skirts. Nice. Boots?

Yeah, little boots. And she loved Paul Weller and she had all the badges and everything. And yeah, she was great. Pippa Grimes? Pippa Grimes. That's goodimes that's good that's a good name she was cool too she was into bowie and she would talk in an american accent even though she wasn't american yeah i was talking to someone else about this recently it was a thing it was a cool thing to go around and do american accents hey guys what's going on? They all really liked Grease, the film Grease, I guess.

What year was this? We must have been about 11. Okay, so 1902. And this was 1982. Okay, yeah. Yeah. I was not even a speckle in my mother's eye. No, exactly.

No. It was a different time. We had Emma Skews. Emma Skews. She was the most popular girl at school. Everyone liked her because she had big lips. And they were real. She was a white girl with really big lips.

Beast tongue lips. You know, all the boys want to be somewhere near a girl with big lips. Sure. At some point. We had... you know all the boys want to be somewhere near a girl with big lips sure at some point we had um uh there was a girl i went to sixth form with called esther wood robinson walker james whoa she had two double barrel names that's amazing say it again esther wood robinson walker james and henry barnacle oh was a good one he's a model now he's like you can google him henry barnacle he's still called henry barnacle henry barnacle yeah he's a model now. He's like, you can Google him. Henry Barnacle. Is he still called Henry Barnacle?

He's called Henry Barnacle. Yeah, he's a male model. We had a Michael Hunt. What? Yeah. Did you? We did. Oh, was he popular?

He wasn't unpopular. He was pretty good looking. But he was called my cunt. That's mental. How do his parents not know about that I know maybe they just didn't swear very much or something Mike Hunt Michael Hunt

his name was Mike Hunt yeah man I cannot believe someone did that to their child my nephew's called Paris Pang Paris Pang yeah that's like a drag queen name

I know I hope he is I hope he's a drag queen my brother's half Chinese uh huh so um my mum was married to a Chinese bloke

before she met my dad now my brother my dad raised him so they've got all these like all the kids are like Laurie Pang Georgia Pang

Paris Pang it's like real my brother's called Kane Pang he is the most he's so unfazed by my career he doesn't give a shit

at all I'm like why because he's only ever seen me once and I'm like why don't you come to gigs and he's so unfazed by my career, he doesn't give a shit at all. I'm like, why? Because he's only ever seen me once. And I'm like, why don't you come to gigs? And he's like, well, you don't come and watch me do electrics, do you? So... Wait, this is an advert for Squarespace. Every time I visit your website, I see success.

Yes, success. The way that you look at the world makes the world want to say yes. It looks very professional. I love browsing your videos and pics, and I don't want to stop. And I'd like to access your members area and spend in your shop these are the kinds of comments people will say about your website if you build it with

Squarespace just visit Squarespace.com slash Buxton for a free trial and And when you're ready to launch, because you will want to launch, use the offer code Buxton to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So put the smile of success on your face with Squarespace. Yes. Continue. Dirty and nasty television. Hey, welcome back, podcats. Jade Adams there. Really enjoyed meeting Jade. And I do encourage you to go and see her live if you get the opportunity. Check out those crunchy woods.

That would be a good name for James Woods' right-wing chocolate bar. Crunchy fucking Woods, not for libtards. That's not what James Woods sounds like. It's nice to be able to go for a walk without trudging through torrential rain. Yesterday was amazing out here. I lay in the sunshine for a while, just enjoying a facial vitamin D bath. And then in the evening yesterday, I cycled into Norwich with my son

to go and see some live music at the Norwich Arts Centre. A friend of mine, Dowdy Matsiko, was playing there, supporting Portico Quartet. It was such fun seeing him perform close-up in a small venue. Those are the best gigs, always, aren't they? Don't you think? Like, close-up, you're just standing there, and it's a real, thrillingly direct connection

that you get from standing in front of another human being playing music. Unless it's really, really shit music. But this wasn't. It was good. And one of Dowdy's songs, Dowdy spelt D-A-U-D-I, by the way. One of Dowdy's songs was inspired, he said in his preamble, by some bits of dialogue from Annihilation. I thought that was a weird coincidence. I'd been talking about Annihilation, Alex Garland's film, a couple of weeks back on the podcast. And there he was playing a song, a new song that was inspired by it. It was good too, the song, that is, and the film.

What else? Oh, hey, this podcast has been nominated for a Webby Award. Whoa, okay. They are like the Oscars of the internet world, and they have seen fit, after accepting my entry fee, to nominate me in the interview slash talk show category alongside Oprah Winfrey's Super Soul Conversations podcast. And Here's the Thing, hosted by Alec Baldwin. There's also another couple of podcasts nominated that I haven't heard of.

But look, this is big, podcats. If I win this, imagine, imagine the kind of stars that I'll't heard of. But look, this is big, podcats. If I win this, imagine, imagine the kind of stars that I'll have access to. They're all going to be thinking, I'm not going to go on Marc Maron's show. I'm going to get on a plane and go to East Angular in United Britain and go for a walk with Dr. Buckles and Rosie the dog, because they won a Webby award. And I don't do anything unless someone has a Webby award. That's what it's going to be like, me and Meryl Streep wandering through these fields and going back for tea with Chris Rock while Jennifer Lawrence takes selfies with Rosie. Oh, it's going to be amazing. I'll tell you what, though. You can vote if you want.

There's a People's Voice Award that they give in each category for the nominee who gets the most online votes from members of the public. So if you wanted to, you could go to webbyawards.com and click on the Categories tab on the front page and navigate to podcast and digital audio and then click on the tab that says general and then go to interview slash talk show and then sign in and create a profile and vote.

I mean, it's a nightmare, isn't it? What kind of person would do that? I'll tell you who. A podcat. That's who. No, look, if you can't be bothered, I totally understand. But I'm just telling you, it's an option if you're incredibly bored. But I'm very pleased and excited to be nominated. I think they announce the winners in a couple of weeks time, or thereabouts. So I will let you know know i'll certainly let you know if i win

i might not say anything if i don't all right that's enough foofling for one week rosie come on let's head back thank you very much indeed once again to jade adams for giving up her time and coming on the podcast uh thank you to seamus murphyamus Murphy Mitchell as ever for his invaluable production support. And thanks to ACAST who continue to host this and many other great, great podcasts. Back again next week.

Until then, go carefully. I love you. Bye! Bye. Give me like a smile and a thumbs up Nice like a plant with a button Subscribe Like and subscribe Subscribe Like and subscribe Give me like a smile and a thumbs up

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