THE ADAM BUXTON PODCAST - EP.74 - BOB MORTIMER

Episode Date: April 28, 2018

Adam talks with British comedian Bob Mortimer.Hi. Adam Buxton here with some notes about Bob and this episode.For nearly 30 years Bob and his comedy partner Jim Moir (aka Vic Reeves) have stuck doggedly to what makes them laugh whether mainstream audiences get it or not, with shows like ‘The Smell Of Reeves & Mortimer’, ‘Bang Bang It’s Reeves & Mortimer’, ‘Catterick’, and ‘House Of Fools’ as well as the occasional reboots of the massively popular panel show ‘Shooting Stars’ and the show that introduced them to the world in 1990, ‘Big Night Out’. Consistently and inexhaustibly joyful, energetic and absurd, their parade of characters, silly voices, home made props and a sensibility that is often close to avant garde performance art, has made them two of the best loved and most influential comedians the UK has ever produced. When not working with Jim, Bob enjoys watching football. He’s an avid supporter of Middlesbrough FC and is currently the co host along with comedy writer Andy Dawson of the vaguely football themed podcast, ‘Athletico Mince’. It’s up with the funniest stuff Bob’s ever done.My conversation with Bob, took place in the London office of his agent and for a while we had to battle with some quite loud talkers in the corridor outside doing agent business (I was too weedy to ask them to be quiet), but that calmed down after a little while and we rambled about getting older, the TV shows that Bob enjoys, his new fishing show with old friend and fellow comedian Paul Whitehouse, music, petty crime and now and then we looked back over a few Vic & Bob moments from the last 30 years. It was a fun conversation that often revealed a softer and more gentle side to Bob than people might expect. It’s a good bet that he would feel quite deeply nauseated by that last sentence and perhaps a few before too.Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for production support and Matt Lamont for additional editing. Music & jingles by Adam BuxtonRELATED LINKSTHE SMELL OF REEVES & MORTIMER (1995) ‘MASTERCHEF’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os82UYqssScSHOOTING STARS (2002) GEORGE DAWES (MATT LUCAS) ‘PEANUTS’https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=59&v=lMPJZ4YZnqICATTERICK (2004) EPISODE 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVrcNXm0z3YSHOOTING STARS (2010) ‘COLDLAND’ (ICELAND ADVERT SPOOF)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2FJITNSlCQVIC & BOB’S BIG NIGHT OUT (2017) ‘FIRST DATES’https://youtu.be/fjGXqeD6W_w?list=PLdqTDdzCk1-bQaH66D9L4n2lYZpp2MSwe&t=438ATHLETICO MINCE (2018) ‘THE FUN BUS’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puBNysxaHXITHE WEEKENDERS (1992)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDAR06SEQf8 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening I took my microphone and found some human folk Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan. Hey, how you doing listeners? Adam Buxton here.

Rose, come and say hello to the podcats. Hello soft dog, how are you? I'm fine thanks, a bit wet. Yeah I know, I thought it was the spring. I said summer, actually, last week, didn't I? I was maybe getting way ahead of myself. But at least the spring, I thought. Wrong!

Plunged back into the cold and wet age this week. Never mind, because there's sunshine coming your way, listeners, in the form of my guest this week on podcast episode number 74, the great Bob Mortimer. So let's get right into it. Here's some Bob facts for you. Robert Renwick Mortimer, currently aged 58, is from Acklam, a small village in the north riding of Yorkshire, England. Bob worked as a solicitor before taking up comedy and is now 5 foot 7, the same height as me. These are good Bob facts. You're welcome. Bob met his comedy partner, Jim Moyer, better known by his stage name Vic Reeves, having moved to London in the late 1980s.

We discussed this in our conversation. Their first TV show, Vic Reeves' Big Night Out, made for Channel 4 by Jonathan Ross's production company, Channel X, in 1990, immediately acquired an army of loyal enthusiasts, delighted by Vic and Bob's joyfully energetic and absurd series of characters, silly voices, homemade props, and other elements that often seem to fuse the everyday with avant-garde performance art. These notes are great, Buckles. Thanks very much. Their massively successful game show Shooting Stars, for example, introduced mainstream audiences to the phrases

and nonsense words that Jim Moyer first encountered in the poems of Dadaist founder Hugo Ball. For over 30 years, Vic and Bob have stuck doggedly to what makes them laugh, whether mainstream audiences get it or not, with shows like The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer, Bang Bang, It's Reeves and Mortimer, Caterick and House of Fools, as well as occasional reboots of previous formats.

When I spoke to Bob in March of this year, 2018, he and Jim had been writing for a new series of Big Night Out, due to air on the BBC later this year. I think they're just about to start filming. But before that goes out, in June, Bob can be seen in Mortimer and Whitehouse Gone Fishing, in which comedian Paul Whitehouse, himself a keen angler, teaches Bob to fish.

I spoke to Bob a little bit about that show. As you'll hear, it came about because Paul, an old friend of Bob's, wanted to cheer him up in the wake of emergency heart surgery that Bob had in late 2015, an event that was in many ways, unsurprisingly I guess, quite a watershed for Bob. When not working with Jim or fishing with Paul, Bob enjoys watching football. He's an avid supporter of Middlesbrough FC and is currently the co-host, along with comedy writer Andy Dawson, of the brilliantly funny, vaguely football-themed podcast Athletico Mints. A typical episode features short chunks of chat, chat chunks, between Andy and Bob, interspersed with various bizarre impressions of football

people I have never heard of, half-improvised sketches and songs designed to offend the people of Sunderland in the northeast of England. It is, fans will agree, some of the funniest stuff that Bob has ever done. My conversation with Bob took place in the London office of his agent, who also happens to be my agent, fun fact, and for a while we had to battle with some quite loud talkers in the corridor outside doing agent business. I was a bit too weedy to poke my head out and ask them to be quiet, but that calmed down after a little while and we rambled enjoyably about getting older, the TV shows that Bob enjoys, music, petty crime, and now and then we look back over a few Vic and Bob moments from the last 30 years. It was a fun conversation that

often revealed a softer and maybe more straightforward side than TV audiences perhaps might expect from Bob. I'll be back with a bit more news and hot waffle at the end of the podcast, but right now, here we go! Ramble Chat, let's have a Ramble Chat We'll focus first on this, then concentrate on that Come on, let's chew the fat And have a ramble chat Put on your conversation coat

And find your talking hat La, la, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la, la Am I the oldest person you've ever interviewed? No. I interviewed Michael Palin. Right. So he's a bit older. What do you think of old people?

What do I think of old people? I like nice ones because they fill me with hope and they make me look forward to getting even older yeah and i worry about really twattish ones do they worry you more than a middle-aged twattish one yes because i because i i want to believe that once you get to a ripe old age, I'm talking 70 plus. Okay. That's ripe. That's ripe.

And I mean, we can all hope that we're going to get that far, right? That's reasonable. I'd take that. Yeah. Yeah. I would hope that if I get to that point, that I would be somewhat enlightened. Yeah. You know, a bit wiser, a bit happier with my lot in some ways.

Are you thinking, it's like you're hinting that you might become wise? Well, when you put it... Because I don't know whether that happens. When you put it like that. I think that the older people say as much bollocks as the middle-aged person, but, you know, societally, we give them a bit more. We might listen because it's more polite to listen don't you think though that you might be just a little bit more balanced about things take things in

your stride be a bit kinder softer able to appreciate things more that's what you'd hope yeah it's a way it's because i do think you have quite a lot of things to say a lot of really important things you here's one for example it's took me so long to realize it and then I have clarity I think I got my clarity when I listened to a podcast of yours recently and you just mentioned you went to art college and I suddenly realized everyone should go to art college it's true isn't it yeah I think so everyone should but you know i've probably if you'd asked me 10 or 15 years ago i'd say well that's a waste of time but why do you think so why do you agree with that point well because i've made that judgment i think slightly empirically really because all the people

that have been important in my life and are important now nearly to a man or woman went to art college jim did jim did wife did matt but all my friends that you know and i suddenly think yeah i really like you people i really like you you're a type yeah you've got something i'm just saying it might be true i I think so. I think, yeah, a little like, instead of national service, you know, you do a year at art school, year waiting tables. Yeah, maybe. You know, things like that. Would you put in, like, gymnasium work?

That would be, I had a big argument with my wife the other day because she felt that I wasn't being sufficiently enthusiastic about my son's sporting enthusiasms right because that whole world was alien to me because I always felt excluded because I was no good at it always picked last for football teams and me and Joe ended up bonding over feeling excluded from that were you at school with Joe yeah right so we gradually grew apart from the sporting world. And in the 90s, when it was all Badil and Skinner and all that, we kind of identified ourselves in opposition to that. We didn't relate to it at all.

So sports played a very important part in defining you then in that kind of negative way. Yeah. But now I'm changing my mind because I see my sons being so good at it and getting so much from it and loving football and being good at football. And I feel bad that I can't do football bants with my son. Do you bark out wrong instructions, like do an attack circle when he's got the ball? I don't bark anything. I'm standing on the side. I'm too shy to all the other

parents are all go on get in there yes smash him in the face punch him down that's right kick it in the goal kick it right in the center of the goal and i'm too shy yeah you know i do wish that i was more part of that world i can see the camaraderie and listening to athletico mince even the bits i know you were saying before we started recording that you couldn't take seriously the idea of having serious football chats and that's why you started going off on these little weird tangents

Yeah, Athletico Mintz would have had to have stopped when I found myself giving an opinion about a footballer I realised that ain't me I don't think either me or Andy are interested in the stats or the form tables or who is the ultimate victor

in this incredible race it's much more about where you get your pie beforehand which character is spitting on you from behind that particular day as he screams and the pocket meats that you take you know what pepper army yeah pocket

meats you know like a black pudding he might take if it's if you're playing a team of certain teams yeah it's just like yeah they're a little snack you know yeah i think we've all known it for a long time i suppose badil and skinner started picking away at that side of football a long time back but yeah i've kind of spent what like 50 years making sure i have no opinions and then i signed up for this i'd like to do a football opinion show so yeah we had to change that quite quickly how do you mean making sure you had no opinions um what's wrong with opinions that's a rhetorical question I don't think they're not for me do you know what I mean?

like when I was young I much more enjoyed the currency of like laughter I suppose I'm a bit guilty of the currency of gossip as well

although I think it's a terrible thing but I have got a weakness for a bit of gossip but never liked opinions I suppose in a real like a bit of gossip. But never liked opinions. I suppose in a real, like, selfish way, they bore me, you know? And now that's the currency of modern discourse. It seems to be, yes.

I don't know whether, I mean, I don't really like the word, but, like, is it part of this kind of virtue signaling thing? That you present your package that way? Yeah. That how do I present myself to the world as a person well I need a set of opinions this is what I stand for accept me I'm part of your club it's one of those things you more you notice because you're older there's nothing wrong with opinions but it wasn't for me but you don't notice till you're older that oh I

haven't been that sort of you know and sometimes you reflect as you get older oh I wish I'd bothered to be that sort of person or explore that I read a little bit about you and it said somewhere that you got into politics at university Sussex and Leicester University at Sussex yeah were you a political firebrand in those days I was a libertarian anarchist yeah is that a thing like there was a there was posters up live the libertarian anarchist society well what's anarchism it's just whatever you want isn't it is it isn't it doing whatever you want it's no government i don't know the rules i'm just making this up yeah i mean i imagine that it's no government and organ you know the people organize themselves and figure it out and the libertarian side of that would be...

They don't even bother to get organised. Yeah, so it was a perfect movement in some way. All I remember from it is that occupying a building that obviously had some administrative function, photocopiers, you know, desks and that sort of thing, and disrupting exams by banging on banging i think i had a dustbin lid actually that's uh but that was done for the fun i suppose and the girls you know yeah anarchist girls well yeah i don't know yes so i think it would be wrong to say that um i was a political firebrand right but but you did start a band

i was in a band when i was 16 yeah with me mates fat harry kags and we were called dog dirt and we did um punk songs and covers and we were all right. What? Very fond memories. You know, that's, you know, that's, for my era. Oh, Dad. It's like you should. That is a good name. You jump over becks and streams until you're 12 or something.

Mm-hmm. And do that sort of palaver, play football and stuff. And then somewhere around that 15, you ghost a band haven't you or something yeah i don't know what the other expressions are but there's another thing kicks in in the way you want to make an indie movie maybe that yeah yes there'll be a lot of it going on on youtube won't they yeah i think that's 14 15 yeah i think a lot more people now do that sort of thing than start bands bowie always used to say that the thing he was interested in was just connecting somehow and

being a kind of a trendy person, he once said. And music just happened to be the way to do it in those days. That was the way everyone got famous. The people he respected. So that's what he did. It's interesting. It's an interesting idea about if there's some people that are so

great that it is just the time they're in that decides It's interesting. It's an interesting idea about if there's some people that are so great that it is just the time they're in that decides what avenue they take. Yeah, yeah. Do you know Damien Hirst, the artist? He's the funniest man. I'll say in Europe. I'm not going to go say the world. I'll say in Europe.

But he did the painting thing, but I'm convinced he could have gone down that line, or movies, or whatever. Some people are just the bee's knees, aren't they? And then there's the likes of you and me, Adam, wondering what our legacy would be. I mean, there's so many things that have made my life better and I'm sure many other people's that you've done.

And there's so many things that were a really formative part of what I thought was like, this is great, this is funny. And thereafter, everything would have to kind of conform to that. Is it as funny as the Stots, when you were... There was a thing you did in Big Night Out, I think, where, I mean, you just started to crack up. You would laugh a lot, right? When we used to do the Stots,

we never used to tell each other what we were going to say. Uh-huh. Because we were just lying to each other. I remember one of them, Jim announced... It's all complete, aren't it? All complete. It's all complete. You sit down. You sit down now, complete. So, dear me...

You must be... Dear me! Dear me, have you got a car? Have you got a car? Yes, I have a great big green racing car. Oh, dear me, that's just a lie. Well, you didn't know I haven't got a car, don't you? You're asking stupid questions.

Well, it's just a drink. Are you done? Have a drink. Oh, smart. Dear me, man. What's the matter? Don't you like nitrogen? I do. I do, but that's too warm! I look back fondly because if you ever bothered to watch, if you ever came across it, you'll see I wet myself and you'll see my yellow trousers.

You actually wet yourself? You'll see it there, going down my leg. Maybe we've got away with it but we're quite proud of it because a lot of it is about attitude you know about the essence of it it doesn't stand up to much rigorous like writing committee examination

do you know what I mean so if we've got anything it's kind of that spirit could call it indulgence it's up to you you know yeah you it's tricky isn't it when comedians laugh at what they're doing it can easily come off looking self-satisfied for sure yeah but it never seemed that way with with you guys at all it always felt like we were being included in a fun time you know yeah it's like i mean what do

you do if that's what you do, that's how we do it. And it was good. I mean, that seemed to be, that dynamic is still very much there. That was there in the special that you did. Was it just the one-off that you did last year? Yeah, it's a series. We're filming it in a few weeks' time, a series of it. But that was just a one-off, you know, to see how it goes.

Yeah, and it was good though, right? I hope so. I series of it. But that was just a one-off, you know, to see how it goes. Yeah. And it was good though, right? I mean. I hope so. I really liked it. I hope so. Plus, it's good the way that you keep the things that everybody likes, some of them. Yeah. But you're always introducing new bits and pieces.

And there was that sketch, the kind of first dates sketch. Yeah. That was amazing. That's one of those like things you do in the system that gets something on telly. If we did a spoof thing, people would know where they are, know what they're watching. Shooting Stars, I think, was our probably most viewed show.

It actually was one of the daftest, most nonsensical things we did, but I think the public were quite comfortable because they could see someone from EastEnders, you know, the people they knew. And it just gave them that, oh, I understand where I am. Like, when you used to watch Parkinson's when I was young, you had no idea what Star X was like. I don't know what they're like. I don't know how they speak.

And so it was fascinating just to see them. But 20, 30 years on you know we've you've seen them you know like you want the little window into what are they really like and you've got little glimpses in shooting stars because we were it was quite tricky it was difficult for the guests they were quite exposed and occasionally it was lovely because you'd see how you'd really see a little insight so he's good fun that you know he's all right or whoa that person's a bit prickly yeah but and the first dates thing was a little bit like that if we do a spoof of a tv show people will rest comfortably with it there was the spoof of master chef as well of course that was uh yeah that's still one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Oh, with Jim with the big head. The head. I mean, that's the thing that you do so well is the kind of combining something that's really like an art film and then just making it quite stupid, introducing comedy elements to it, farts or whatever it might be. Yeah. No, it is an interesting one, that sketch, because it is a or whatever it might be yeah no it is an interesting one that that sketch because it is it's a lovely little tableau isn't it but that's jimmy's art school isn't he yeah yeah he's artists and the good thing about shooting stars was that it it seemed to fuse those two like everybody liked that show you know it was all the sport guys all the

lads that watched fantasy football they were into it but then it was all the sort of art school softies like me and my pals who liked it as well because it seemed to be sort of taking the piss out of that world in some way that laddie panel show 90s thing it had everything it was good fun yeah and that will be part of that legacy yeah but um yeah i don't know i don't know whether it's important there's kind of that debate you know with it and i think you get it comedians worry a lot about this just this kind of thing don't they like is it more important to get 40 million pounds and 10 million viewers or is it more important you know how it's received and i think isn't it definitely more important that it's fun and it doesn't matter if no one watches it i have to believe that because we're

not massively watched and isn't that scenario infinitely preferable to having a huge huge hit and then all the shit that comes along with that and being locked into that yeah i reckon i wouldn't have said that a while back i think that when you first started out you know like you see these famous people and you're in your agent's office sort of like we are now say wow him and him that's what i want to be i want to have that but again going back to this age thing because we've been around so long now and it is getting a long time i've been able to actually really see exactly what that sort of fame does do to people so it eases the pain of never having been there you know what i mean what did you imagine that world would be like fast cars the very freshest cabbages. Do you know, like, all that stuff? Well, there's

still time. No, I've lost all those desires. Have you? Yeah. I mean, that's nice, isn't it, to cast off that? I feel as if I have. Is there still things you want? Not really. I just want to get on with people. Yeah, that's admirable. What kind of TV do you watch? I watch TV for hours every day. Yeah. And depending on the time of the day, in the afternoon, I like to shut the blinds and so on and watch foreign movies Spanish Argentinian at the moment that you will put on or that you'll find on sky so I

find them I'll search for best Argentinian movies of 2015 yeah ever and then as it gets into the evening I like you know I sometimes annoys me I don't wait with with telly like I mean so many people in TV, the bosses of TV. Oh, I don't think like telly. I don't watch much telly. They'll watch the things they're meant to watch, The Handmaiden's Tale or whatever, or The Blue Planet. But I watch things like Teen Mom.

I'm on series 19 of Teen Mom. I think it's a fabulous show. I watch like Sinister Ministers, Deadly Women. Is that a real show? Yeah, and The on the discovery and investigation i really like telly yeah naked and afraid is very good right i've never seen naked and afraid so describe that for people who haven't seen it naked and afraid is just where they drop a woman is it always a woman a woman and a man a woman and a man a woman and a man in the middle of it's like the equidorial rainforest and they have to get from point a to point c to be rescued but they're starkers

but it's quite extraordinary to see the difference that that makes the pain that that causes to their skin yeah heat everything it's like serious survivalist. It's like you can really sense there ain't no crew just behind the bush with a toilet for them. So, yeah, I watch an awful lot of telly. I could reel off more telly shows, Adam, but... Are you, I mean, do you, does your heart sink when people talk about things in the past?

No. The olden days? No, OK. How about this, then? about things in the past the olden days no okay how about this then would you be able to do quick fire memories reactions whatever if nothing occurs you don't need to say anything to a list of some of your credits yeah go on all right so 1990 big night out yeah well that was the start of everything that was tomfoolery that was a solicitor an awfully a bad solicitor

out of his depth having this little thing on Thursday nights where he could be what he wanted to be not that solicitor in his suit in an office that I'll never understand it that something like just 12 weeks later was commissioned to be on the television was it really me and you can never

quite remember we think we've done about 12 shows and you had met Jim you'd been an audience member yeah yeah and he just got you up on stage it's like I came home, I was living in a homeless hostel at the time, nice room triple floor to ceiling windows yeah very capacious and your own sink in the corner

and I came home one night and my girlfriend was in Fraganto uh huh it's something like that one night and my girlfriend was in Fraganto. Uh-huh. And it's something like that. Inflagrante. Isn't it inflagrante?

That's with someone. Well, that's okay. Okay. It was with someone in a special way. Yeah. Is that where she was? Yeah. Oh.

And the only reason it ties in is because, funny how they call, you know, things work out, is that the only person i knew in london was my girlfriend so she left i told her said you get out of this homeless hostel and then the grant out you go yeah yeah madame flagrante and i didn't know anyone unbeknownst to me someone who i didn't really get on with in school had phoned up my mum and said do you have Robert's telephone number I probably wouldn't have I would have said no don't give it to him but she didn't know gave it to him so in this period of sort of like being desperately lonely on my own there there was a knock on the door it was this lad from my school who said hi do you fancy going out to see this thing victory's big night out and i would never have gone out with kingy to see this thing called big night out but because of the mrs flagrante

off i went this was just a room above a pub jim on stage and one table of people of his friends watching seven people that's all the big night out was. And that was over in, where was it? That was in Deptford, New Cross. New Cross. At the Goldsmith's Tavern. Okay. Was Jim at Goldsmith's? I think he was.

Is there an art college in Whitechapel? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I went to an art college in Whitechapel. I think that's where Jim went. John Cass or? I'm not sure. I think it was Whitechapel he went to. Because he looked like, it's funny, we write together every day.

Yeah. And then we finish at, I think it probably says a lot about the two. It was actually quite revealing. We finish every day. I go home and watch Teen Mom, Jim paints. Ah. His paintings are very good. Oh, he's great, isn't he?

Yeah. I mean, he really is talented. You know, I mean, wow. Yeah. He's just, we were just writing at the moment he's just done three full lengths of dr no not dray um can you west uh-huh drake and who would be the other one the one who's married to someone really famous married to rihanna or something oh god uh i't know. I'm a hip-hop ignorance. We can Google it. Do you like Googling things?

Yes, do it too much. Frank Skinner was complaining about it the other day. I went on Room 101 and he was ranting about... No, you shouldn't Google things. You should sit there and wait till you remember. Wait till the information comes to you yeah even if it's not

in there um Rihanna husband uh Jay-Z Jay-Z no that's

Beyonce's husband well that's who it was though Jay-Z okay I don't know who's going out with Rihanna

she used to go out with some unsaved she used to go out with a guy that beat her up. Chris something or other. Anyway. Chris Peacock. Yeah.

That's... Always amused me because the local report when I was young was Chris Peacock. Silly thing. Chris Peacock. All right. So the Weekenders, 1992. Oh, the Weekenders.

We look back at very fondly. We think it right funny. That was a one-off sitcom. Yeah, that was. If we stayed at Channel 4, we could have done the Weekenders as long as we did another Big Night Out. And we didn't want to do another big night out. So we went to the BBC and in doing so lost the opportunity to do The Weekenders.

Ah, okay. And what was The Weekenders then? The Weekenders was just like a... I don't know what it is. Have you ever seen it? No. It's a strange thing. I've read about it. Phil Oakey's in it from the Human League ever seen it? It's a strange thing. I've read about it.

Phil Oakey's in it from the Human League. Yeah, he's at a meat festival selling meat, ground beef or whatever. It's just a little road movie. It's not a sitcom, really. It's just like, and it was going to be like, the idea behind it was, is what these two lads got up to every weekend.

And episode one was the weekend they went to the meat festival well that sort of pointed the way to some of the things you did later on the more narrative things the cataracts and things like that yeah catrick was originally um we keep do you know i think like uh you can't you can't avoid the fact that it would be great to do a movie wouldn't it yeah everyone you just love to do a movie, wouldn't it? Yeah. You'd just love to do a movie. I don't know why it is. Not so many people watch them.

Not so many. Yeah, it's weird that people feel that that's the sort of peak of artistic achievement somehow. I guess it's because it's a self-contained thing. Yeah, it's got something, hasn't it? I mean, maybe fading. Maybe fading, as we speak yeah because you know you and i many other people love the episodic form yeah and the better call souls etc that's a lot of that stuff is way better than your average movie it is very hard to compete with isn't it and and so catrick yeah was then was the first narrative thing we did. But that was actually a movie script that we were going to do with.

I think it was film four. Right. But I don't know whether you've been in the movie, trying to get a movie. Well, Joe much more. Yeah, yeah. It's tricky, you know, but we keep plugging away. We've got one in at the moment that nearly got going that we hope we'll make, which is about michael jackson he um left a

glove one of his training gloves that he's used when he wasn't on stage um and it's a very valuable item now and there's a few people trying to trying to get ownership of it it's just a road movie thing but we're about to start that and then um, you know, Ben Wheatley? Mm-hmm. Ben Wheatley got offered one of the big Marvel films. Oh, right. So it went wrong for us to say, you ain't doing that, Ben. You've got to do it. So then the money fell. Come on, Ben Wheatley.

We don't need more punching and kicking. We need Michael Jackson's Glove Road movie. It's good fun. You know, like, it's got Tom Baker in it. And he's, I can't remember what, he's a falcon, I think. He just hangs around on a bar. So he's got no legs. He's just got his feet.

And he's called the falcon. And, you know, he's very wise about, like Tom Baker is. And we think it'd be a lovely thing to see tom baker giving you comfort and advice what about crowdsourcing it well funding it which i don't know there's just there's there's one is your own get up and go-ness yeah it decreases as you get older and secondly your understanding of these mechanisms is a bit hazy. I know, it's a full-time job. It really is.

It's a very labour-intensive route to go down. I think it's way more fun just to fool around. Well, I really like what you're doing with the podcast. It's an interesting one. I'd be interested to hear what you say in terms of, like Legacy, what you're up to. I'd like to make a movie. I doing this podcast how does that feel you know well it's weird because in a way it's the most satisfying and direct form of communication slash entertainment people really appreciate the connection you make i think I'm talking about your podcast as well.

And you know, so it really lifts people's spirits and becomes a regular part of their life instead of just something you'll go to the movies and see once or whatever. And you might enjoy it, but it's a, it's a different special thing to, to be. It's a very special thing. I'm sure people tell you,

I've not been up your ass as it were. It's a very special thing. I'm sure people tell you, I've not been up your arse, as it were. It's a very interesting thing. I go to... I go drive up to Middlesbrough every other week for the football. It's a long journey. And you're right, there's something... Two new Adams, Buxton's, and it's a real treat.

It's not incidental. I'm not putting it on TalkSport. And you do feel a reconnection. And I wonder if you're really quite important to people. But we live in a world. I'm only telling this because we're in a world where movies do this. Exactly. You can hear some of the successful podcasters

who feel that it's a means to an end and that they should be doing something else more quotes proper yeah yeah whether it's stand up or making a movie or acting or I don't know what you know but I don't I don't really mind I don't really I feel like if I

was supposed to be doing that then I would be and it would happen yeah I mean people would take one of these every day and that, you know, they would. Yeah. Anyway,

hard work. Um, shooting stars. We kind of talked about and house of fools. Oh, so, so Matt Berry, you've done a load of stuff with,

well, I love Matt. Um, there's, there's one thing means you'll be able to do is like, you know, I said that I, when I first time I went to the big night out,

there was just a table of his mates watching it. Well, as the Big Night Out grew, one of those people was doing the sound, one of those people was playing Les, I was up there with him. We were doing it with our friends. Kind of that art school-y thing. That's something we've taken forward,

and House of Fools is mates. Yeah. And a bit like Slade at home. Yes, that's a life we'd have loved to have lived. you know and like the house of fools is his mates yeah and I think about yeah and a bit like Slade at home yes that's a life we'd love to have lived that imagining that Slade living together yeah do you know like with observation comedy and like beautifully observe stuff you know about families and stuff like that I've always been more interested yeah but wife noddy holder was your dad can we could we not do that story so it's always been more interested, yeah, but what if Noddy Holder was your dad? Couldn't we not do that story?

So it's always kind of interesting. I've been doing a fishing show with Paul Whitehouse's teaching me how to fish. And instantly, much more interesting than the fishing, is the characters associated with it that you come across. You know, the stockbrokers out there getting away from their wife where do you go and do the fishing mainly norfolk north norfolk we stayed like do you know it's like if you get out and about a bit if you do something you know which i don't do anymore and i met you know people whilst i was there that i would never talk to is the fishing thing a tv

show it's a tv show yeah i ain't here to plug it no or anything but it's for the bbc paul whitehouse teaching me how to fish that's great unbeknownst to me i had a heart bypass 18 months ago yeah and i live just like in a family life I don't go out and about much so my my old mates were quite worried about me and Paul kind of being Paul not the type of person who's going to phone up say you're a bit sad or a bit depressed Bob or whatever he phoned up said would you like to come fishing you know that's a way of doing it, isn't it? Yeah. Getting you out and about. So that journey started with Paul. You never actually had a heart attack?

I didn't. I was very lucky. I was caught just in time. Yeah, I was... Do you mind talking about this? Not in the slightest, no. I'm a bit evangelical about it, you know, for fellas in their 50s. We're kind of aware of like with your

prostate or various things like get it checked get that checked get that checked you know whereas i think people feel a little bit like if it comes if it happens it happens that you know like heart attacks and the heart health and so on but it's very easy to go and do what they call the treadmill test, find out how your pipes are surrounding your heart, and if they're fine by the time you're 50, then carry on as you were, and if not, do something about it. But I felt very happy after I'd had it. You feel very healthy.

It gives you that big dose of reality, and your mortality does help you arrange what's really important in your mind you know but did you find yourself dragged down by that awareness afterwards yeah no i don't i wouldn't say so no do you mean like that's dragged down by the thought of like just dwelling like oh my god yeah yeah i do think about that i never thought about it before then now i think about it and i think it's just little silly things i like say for example i really liked roxy music's first album it's a superb album but it's just the way of things that like maybe i'll listen to it once a year or whatever and you start having silly thoughts, oh if I get to 70

I'm only going to hear that 11 more times shit and it feels a bit sad it is in the back of your mind and it was completely absent before I had the bypass now it's

I must get this done must be funnier. Must start being funny. Come on, you've had 30 years. Yeah, that kind of thing. You know, it does. It's like, it's almost one of those things you say, if you could get it for free, it would be great if everyone had it.

A big reminder. A little wake-up call. A little wake-up call, yeah. And the fishing thing is like, that's kind of what it's about, because Paul's had problems with heart as well. So, yeah, it's reflecting on that very question, really. What does that change? Because your pa died when you were very young, right?

Yeah, yeah. In a car crash. Car crash, yeah. So how old were you? Six or seven. Whoa, so you would have definitely remembered that. Ooh, I have tiny memories. I have like two or three memories of my dad,

like watching the wrestling on Saturday afternoon and wrestling with him. Sadly, and not done for comic effect, it's weird things. like our toilet was downstairs at the bottom of the stairs and i can remember him coming out of the toilet having deposited and me only being the same height as his arse and being sick because because i got a lung full as it were but what can i say there's these tiny little snippets of me, and that happens to be one of them. Yeah, and I remember this odd atmosphere

of being in the field, looking at my house, and there's police there, and we're just being told to get away. Losing a parent when you're that young, you can feel like it had no effect on you whatsoever. You know, none whatsoever. And then i think for a lot of people there comes a point later in life when they realize it was actually the defining moment of your whole life was that loss so but those tiny memories but like yeah even though i hardly remember him i think there's it's losing someone at that age and not understanding it and you know worrying about things being you know you can lose

that just like that people can go i think it has a big effect you know i don't suppose there's any ideal age for you to lose your parents no if you lose them young, maybe it's easier, but I think it still affects you very much. Everyone should consider the pear, the chestnut and the plum because they do this miraculous thing. The fibers in those three items are not digestible in the normal way, your body borrows bad cholesterol to help it destroy the plum or the chestnut or the pear. Pears are powerful, but they don't shout about it really. I eat pears now and shit like that.

What's the best present you ever got? Best present I ever got? One Christmas, when maybe I was about 14, my present, my main present, was a blackhead steamer. What? Oh, okay. You put your face in it to get rid of blackheads. That's a great present. So I'm on my bed looking at the field opposite me yeah with

the children all riding around on their new chopper bikes whatever and on my bed it's a little steam unit for my blackheads still that toughens you up i remember when i was young and then the present was i never forget this when I think of presents is how lovely I was so young that I believed in Santa I mean that's amazing isn't it

absolutely believed in him what a wonderful thing and I came down in the morning and my pile of presents I don't really remember what was there for me but my brothers the brother the little pair My brother I was in nearest to an age He had a little drum kit

For what? Wow. I want that drum kit so bad and Santa put it there and Santa ain't here now So if I put that drum kit there on my pile, who's to know? How did that go, Dan? Well, I can't quite remember that. I'm sure Mum just said, no, I think Santa meant it. Yeah. I remember it so well because it's like,

maybe it was the first time I'd been really, really naughty. Quite a naughty thing to do that. I suppose so, yeah. But, I mean, most people have done something like that. Yeah, I'm sure. But maybe it was my first big, big naughty. Yeah.

Maybe. I guess if you do something like that and then you get away with it, that can start a pattern. Yeah. Maybe it was, yeah. Of thinking, oh, I can just take things.

Yeah. And then they'll be mine. So it's interesting though that I thought I was doing. So you never went through a thieving phase very much so you did yeah very much thieving very much so yeah we all did yeah I did yep you have thieving stuff what sort of stuff would you steal I was I started with the sweeties I started with a carrot actually it's like a story like that from the good

old days so I stole a carrot from tapsters the shop you know when they have the display outside yeah stole a carrot just before i got home policeman got me took me literally by my ear to my front door and said this lad snicked a carrot so that was the start of it all the tiny one then the sweets and so on then breaking into cigarette machines an incredible technique what was your technique you might not remember out of the to cigarette machines the old when i was young they had wooden drawers yeah yeah so you had to buy that your little gang had to buy one packet yeah yeah and then the's sticking out and you're meant to just push it back in for the next customer uh-huh we had like a little kind of russian acrobatic shape that we could get in let one leg on there and you jump down on the drawer the drawer would smash come out and you

could go you know could pick them out one as they fell down the thing, you know? Right. So you'd have to dislodge the draw. You had to smash the draw. Okay. And so you had to get a bit of height. How were you doing that in the pub or corner of the pub or whatever it was? Well, details are sketchy now.

We used to do, well, I shouldn't say them. God knows. But they come after me now. Yeah, I wonder about that sometimes. I think there's a statute of limitations. I i did a bottle of a barrel of beer once it had been really snowing badly and we went around the back of this place and nicked a barrel of beer and rolled it back to my garage my mom's garage to open like a metal barrel yeah you know metal barrel and of course adam as you've already realized there was what's called a trail to follow in the snow

as we drove the barrel. So we were caught quite quickly on that. And so was there a watershed moment when you thought, hmm, maybe I should stop stealing things? I think you just grow out of it, don't you? You just get out of it. You know, you're almost just waiting to be caught, aren't you? Really, kind of thing.

There's probably other thefts, Adam. But it was never I don't please don't think I were like a pro no part of a little gang no but it's part

it's part of testing the boundaries of society isn't it for a lot of young people yeah and it doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to grow into a hardened criminal

no it doesn't you do you know like you smoke that's one you drink you steal just to get them things

fornicate. Yeah, if you get the chance. Yeah. I sent you a list of things that were different when we were young. I think I have that here. Some of the changes are just, yeah, time passes, phones get different. I don't just want to sound like an old fogey, but the one I used to hear a lot,

and I think back to when I think of bringing my children up, the big difference was kind of summed up by that children should be heard, not seen. Seen and not heard. Seen and not heard. In the old days, it was they should be seen and not heard. That's right, yeah. And, you know, maybe there was a little guide there

into the correct way to build a child. I don't feel that that should be a rule, but they had something, the indulgence that we give to our kids now yeah it doesn't feel quite right they knew something back then yeah yeah yeah not quite sure it's not summed up by seeing and not heard but are your children teenagers yes they're they're following the nest they're 19 and 20 how was the nest flying? I mean, that's at a stage I'm not looking forward to. I feel like it's going to be a wrench.

Or was it, are you just like... No, it's very rewarding. It's very rewarding. Puts a big smile on your face when they're following up and they've done something that means nothing to them, really. Oh, yeah, I did this, I did that. And you put a big grin on your face thinking of your little lad beginning to have his own life you know or hers it's really

satisfying yeah and obvious thing to say but when you see them a bit less it means so much more and you see them changing and it's wonderful. Do they like what you do? Surely it's the same for you, Adam. Your dad's an embarrassment. Yeah. Especially in terms of being funny is the worst thing. So I showed one of my sons the new fishing show and I looked behind me.

He was just covering his face with a cushion. He literally couldn't watch it. Would you ever do a reality show? Would you be in one? I get tempted because I enjoy them so much. Yeah. The Jungle. You must have got the call from The Jungle, surely.

Not that I remember having, no. Did you watch Jim when he was in there? I did, but, God, that was tough. You know, Jim's very shy. Mm-hmm. It's a weird thing about being on the telly. Jimim's very shy so it's quite awkward when you meet him but you're a bloke of telly it's not shyness it's like standoffishness right so i remember jim came into the jungle and he's not one for a hug hi hi he's more one for just you all right all right and oh jim's gonna say hello go and be

but jim's jim you know and uh he was only in for a week and he thoroughly enjoyed it i loved it yeah the jungles because i was a bit disappointed this last stage because i'm tuning in and all i'm seeing is tasks yeah and the big brother was a bit it was getting more that way i used to like kind of more the manipulation making things tricky well the classic series for celebrity big brother was the one with george galloway and yeah preston and chantal and do you remember that one yes wow and it's great telly i think it's great telly i think so i think we learn things from it yeah i would watch that again if they repeated it yeah and the john mccrillick one was very good oh yeah when uh it turned out that he's only 11 years old that's often the case though isn't it with people you just think well george galloway was the same he's such a petty person a lot of the time you think come on who's the best

person you've met adam over your years um you know doing this no just just over the time you think come on who's the best person you've met Adam over your years you know doing this podcast no just over the years you just think oh he was great that bloke

oh that lass well lots of people I'm not good at thinking about okay no I didn't mean to I just who would you say

I would say I don't know why it came to my mind is he is there a very famous actor called Christian Slater yeah Christian Slater?

Yeah. Christian Slater. When did you meet him? I did. Sorry, I'm not doing this by name dropping. I was just thinking. No, no, no, that's okay. Like, because we're talking,

I'm like, I did a tiny, tiny bit in a film called Churchill, The Hollywood Years. Oh, yeah. And he was Churchill in that. Yeah, I'm not saying anything. He was a wonderful fellow. Because big star. Yeah. A wonderful fellow. Churchill in that I'm not saying anything, he was a wonderful fella, because Big Star a wonderful fella, he agreed

to invest £250 with me because I've always, I've said this before but I've always been convinced that the toilet should be reversed you know that you should sit facing the cistern like Christine Keeler yeah, yes

in fact you could call it the Keeler, couldn't you? And like, and make use of the surface that you would be, you know, instead of just looking at the back of a door. Yeah. Your laptop. Your laptop, whatever. And I remember he said, yeah, yeah, I've got, yeah, let's do this. But I just think, you know, I remember him very fondly.

I'm trying to think. I got on really well with an actor called Jason Fleming while we were doing a film called Stardust. We had two weeks working on a green screen stage. And he was really nice. Like, I thought, wow, we're going to be pals. But then it was one of those things at the end of it, you know, you've got no real reason to stay in touch you're doing other things but it was a really lovely a fond memory of

a i look forward to seeing him every day and it was really funny no that's a nice like you get involved in like a project like that there's an interesting area that that like you can like almost like fall in love with a bloke for two weeks yeah for three that's just the most exciting thing and then it's gone yeah it's weird isn't it that's one of the nice things about acting is that you do go and you are surrounded by this group of people suddenly you've got a new little family of friends and it's a really intense relationship but then as you say yeah it just it just sort of evaporates yeah and then you don't work no more because your time's up in that sense and all you had was these things but they've gone

i knew lots of i knew all these people but they're gone you know and that it ended when the thing ended yeah tends to happen well it's like old girlfriends isn't it i always think it's weird that you have a relationship that can be like, it might be seven years or eight years. You're going out with someone you're really in love with them. They're a really important part of your life. And then for whatever reason, it doesn't work out. You move on,

you know? Yeah. But you're not, you're expected to just, maybe they prefer traveling by bus, you by train. Exactly. And it comes to a head.

They like the conference pair. You were very much a Williams person. Off they go. And you're just supposed to, like, it's especially if you have another relationship where you get married or whatever, you can't just phone them up and say, hey, I kind of still love you. Yeah, no, that wouldn't be right. No, that's not cool. But you think about them from time to time. Yeah.

So it lingers in that sense. of time yeah so it lingers in that sense yeah i mean you hope if it was a as long as what you broke up over wasn't too uh cataclysmic or you didn't betray each other yeah you hope you still think fondly of each other but it's weird it's for practical purposes you have to just put it away yeah it's forever strange oh wow that's an amazing point I never considered that point till now you're so deep and you made me think

and now I'm gonna change my life somehow thank you very much for your wonderful deep and amazing point you're deep and amazing point you're deep

and amazing point one of the things on my list of things that were different when I was young yeah that I sent you was John Lydon being terrifying in the olden days. Did you find John Lydon terrifying?

No, I always found them a bit pantomime. Okay. I reckon, trying to be honest. Were you into punk when it was all happening? Yeah, I was quite lucky. I was 16, you know, I was great. Oh, this was dog dirt times. Yeah, so it was great.

I mean the Damned and the Clash and yeah blah blah blah did you go to a lot of gigs I did yeah

saw all of them did you the Clash were the best to see they were great Reckless Eric was fun I don't suppose he was punk but he was good fun to go and see but no

John Lennon I did think a bit panto all the snarling and the gurning yeah it didn't feel quite real for me. Did it not? Not for me, no.

It seemed totally real to me. I was with him once, just chatting. He's a nice, well-mannered chap. And then he said, right, can we go through now? So we went through to a room where there was this cameras clicking thing and just switched on johnny ron it's just it's so quick she fuck oh i can't do the voice yeah but just snarled at him spat did his turn right back lovely mannered nice fella to support your panto theory yeah

and so you saw the pistols as well did did you? I never saw the pistols. I never saw pistols. I didn't like pistols. It's weird how you could get like that. Right. People do that sort of thing, don't they? I really like Morrissey now. But I heard them on my mates or living, was hanging around with,

would hear the Smiths on John Peel. And I just made one of those decisions made in a second someone must have played me real around the fountain or something said i hate him so i hated the smiths but you know what you do and i did that with for some reason the pistols didn't do it for me i've i know you're very very funny means a lot to you but i did that with bowie i decided i'm someone who doesn't like Bowie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not really based on anything.

Yeah. I could never understand that because there were so many different aspects of him. There was something for everyone. That's the way I always thought of it. But of course, for some people, you just think, nah. I think it was maybe the chameleon, the makeup. I just found it a bit contrived. Not very authentic for me.

But it's music. But the music. Yeah, it's great. Exactly. Some of the lyrics, not so much. Come on. What do you want? Well, fashion move to the right.

Fashion move to the left. Beep, beep. Turn to the left. Turn to the right. Beep, beep. Come on, it's brilliant. That's not one of my favourite songs of his. And what do you listen to these days?

Sadly, nothing really. I like prog rock. That's kind of my thing. But I don't listen to music now. There's no music on here. I have no record player. Why not? You've just fallen out of the habit.

Yeah, I think it is as simple as that. There isn't the occasion. I don't make the time for like, and I listen to the radio now or podcasts in my car. Yeah. That's one strike against podcasts, I would say, is that I'm the same. I've kind of got out of the habit of listening to music. If I'm going to listen to something, I'll listen to people talking. out of the habit of listening to music if i'm going to listen to something i'll listen to people talking yeah but on the occasions that i do remind myself maybe i'm just sick of hearing people

talking and i'll just put on some music yeah it's amazing it's like taking medicine or something you suddenly feel energized and medicine it's nothing like taking medicine no that feels a lot like taking a particular sorts of medicine. I suppose you just feel, you feel like your aches and pains falling away and you just suddenly feel like, Holy shit, this is, I feel brilliant.

Why do I feel so happy and light and carefree? And it's because my brain is just being given over to this song and to this music and something that I love or something that i'm interested in and i'm getting into and it's like a real physical change that happens and it's just a gift isn't it you don't have to contribute anything to it i wish i could see more live music yeah i go and see baby bird whenever he occasionally does a concert yeah he did one in st bancras Church the other week. I actually tweeted him afterwards and said,

that is the best gig I've seen since I saw The Clash on Hastings Pier. Many, many years. It would be 78 or something like that. And I meant it. It's superb. And I try to go and see Lloyd Cole when he's knocking around. Never miss a chance to see Squeeze. But I'm just showing my age here

but there's some bands that are so good live that you shouldn't miss it if they're knocking about. Did you watch the Whistle Test 30th anniversary thing the other day? I didn't, I don't know I had to watch it in sessions i.e. whenever my wife went to bed I'd watch another half hour chunk

and they had this guy Albert Lee guy, Albert Lee. I remember Albert Lee. Holy shit. That's the best thing I've seen for years. Yeah, he was quite something. It's this guy, he looks like Father Time now, right? He's all white hair, like a scarecrow guy.

Yeah. And I tuned in while he was playing some, like his big hit or something where he's picking really, really fast. Yeah. Oh, my God. It was amazing. Yeah. And me and my wife, and my wife who is normally, she's got a low tolerance. Does she like music?

She does. But nothing that's a racket. No. Well, she just doesn't want to watch it on TV necessarily. Yeah. But even she was... We were just sat there going, holy shit, look at this fucking guy. Wonderful people knocking about.

Yeah. And I want to see it, but it made me think, oh my God, I've got to see him live. Because it was just the best thing. His band were great too. I'm feeling about my computer here. Something me and Jim, because we're writing at the moment. If we've got a, like, you know, it's not flowing or whatever, we listen to, we just search for bits of music we never heard of,

don't know what this is, let's click on it and see if it gives us the idea for a sketch. Yeah. For some reason, we remembered that there was a band called Kokomo. Am I allowed to play music on your podcast? Sure. So we said, do you remember a band called Kokomo? So we're sitting there and we suddenly realised that this is a great song to mime badly, right?

But cook a very simple dish. but cook a very simple dish like what we actually chose was fish cakes instant mashed potato and tinned peas Jim will mime the female I mime the male as we make a really cheap

affordable tea time dish and that's about it that just came up he said do you remember a band called Cocoa? So we had a look. So we wrote into our script a nice simple meal sketch. Let's say it's interesting.

Two blokes sat together 30 years on. What's the next idea then? You keep thinking there's going to be a come point. No, we've had our very last idea shit ain't nothing and uh when you feel a bit like that put on some music yeah or we look at just something let's look at something really old old you know and it's it's i'm just saying it really helps us to see something quirky in it, look at an old bit of the Bosnian Parliament

for two minutes, see what they're up to and there might be a bloke Jim had a marvellous look for a, are they called parodies? I don't know, we did a sort of like a version of First Dates on our Christmas show and we came across this bloke, an old documentary

with a bloke who, I think he was claiming to have robbed a bank but as you watched it you thought he's never... But he had this superb attitude and hairstyle. So we said, he's worth a sketch. And like I was talking about, so let's make people comfortable, let's put him in first dates. Ah, right right and was that your character or that was jim's character quite spectacular hairstyle and sort of attitude yeah

you know yes i'm just saying when you're getting towards the bottom of the barrel we go to this these computer things yeah look at stuff you know because i suppose when you're younger and you're seeing more people and doing more things, the world gives you little ideas. But when you're just sat in a room in the countryside, you've got to get into that laptop and invite some people into your life that way, you know. What's your favourite clip to show people on YouTube? Do you know what, Adam? It's cats. Me and the wife can sit there for hours watching cats. Cats? Yeah. I can watch cats until I stop watching cats because I have to stop, you know what adam it's cats me and the wife can sit there for hours watching cats cats yeah i can watch cats until i stop watching cats because i have to stop what you know have you

got a cat i have two cats yeah uh good months and mavis yeah i like cats that's the biggest thing in my life at the moment it's my love of cats i was was, like, I went to Cats Protection the other week in some forest somewhere in Sussex, and all their kennels and all these terribly sad tales. I can get my head round that, you know, as a thing. Yeah. If we could get that cat home, that would be really nice. Did one come back with you then? No, I didn't take, my two cats wouldn't have them.

What I do is a name i do cat names and we name them using my names at cat protection so you know they can come and get a cat that's got my silly name attached to it you're gifting names yeah what kind of names have you gifted recently i think i did a doggy the other day and called it woofy goldberg nice for example so that's kind of fun yeah kind of it works either way works if you pronounce it woofy or woofy yeah it does though doesn't it yeah is very good what did i do i did i i just feel like I did, I was trying to do some for some pigs because there's pigs that need re-housing, you know Adam, you're not thinking about them much.

So I just did, I call them a tense Eric, Kenny Carrots, Dirty Henry, whatever, that kind of thing. Smiles McSpotty and all that. It's like twee. But it's fun. Wait. This is an advert for Squarespace. Every time I visit your website, I see success. Yes, success.

The way that you look at the world makes the world want to say yes. It looks very professional. I love browsing your videos and pics and I don't want to stop. And I'd like to access your members area And spend in your shop These are the kinds of comments people will say about your website If you build it with Squarespace Just visit squarespace.com slash buxton for a free trial And when you're ready to launch

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Too infantile Bob Mortimer there. Yay. Thank you so much to Bob for giving up his time, for travelling into London to meet me in the noisy office. Very nice to see him and get to talk to him at length. Hope it won't be the last time. The Webby Internet Award results were announced last Tuesday, as I speak. The awards are based in America. So I was surprised to be nominated, I must say, in the first place in the Best Podcast

Interview category alongside NPR's Meet the Press podcast, Oprah Winfrey's Super Soul Conversations, Oprah Winfrey's Super Soul Conversations, NPR's Sex, Death and Money podcast hosted by Anna Sale, and WNYC's Here's the Thing podcast hosted by Alec Baldwin. Now, there were two awards up for grabs in my category. One voted for by the Webby judging panel, and another voted for online by the public and the voting percentage tally the live tally was visible on the website up until 24 hours before the voting closed and at that point i was in second place with 34 of the public vote to a 36. Now, not wanting to be humiliated by the Baldies, I appealed on this podcast and on Twitter for a last minute voting push. And the podcats responded with a unity of purpose not seen since Christopher Nolan's Dunkirk. It was very moving.

seen since Christopher Nolan's Dunkirk. It was very moving. Well, some of you may know this already, but I didn't win anything. Sex, Death and Money won the judges' vote, which I thought that it would. And the Baldies overwhelmed the podcats to lift Alec to the winner's podium. I'm not sure by how much they overwhelmed the podcats. The final numbers were not made public. I can only assume that it was a fairly close thing, but I have to admit that I was a little bit crushed. I knew I wasn't going to get the judges' vote, but I have to admit that being beaten by the Baldies was difficult. It's a good podcast, if you've never heard it, Here's the Thing with Alec Baldwin.

Great guests. Baldwin has a fine, deep voice and terrific interview skills. But I don't think he needs another award. He's a film star. He's a fucking film star. He's Alec Baldwin. I'm insecure. I need awards to feel good about myself and increase the chances of famous people replying to my emails. Which, at the end of the day, is what it's all about. Especially if you've got a podcast, right?

What do you think, Rose? You're a privileged white male. You've got it easy. That's your award. Congratulations. Don't belittle my award sadness with your dismissive labelling. Congratulations. Don't belittle my award sadness with your dismissive labelling.

Anyway, Alec Baldwin is way more privileged and white and considerably more male than I'll ever be. So why does he get the award? Because he got more votes than you. And because he's done much more with his life. Have you seen 30 Rock or SNL? It's so funny. I'm thinking about it. Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross, have you seen that?

That's a masterful performance. The Edge with Anthony Hopkins. That's so funny. Ha ha ha. I'm thinking about it. Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. Have you seen that? It's a masterful performance. The Edge with Anthony Hopkins. That's one of your favourite films. You made me watch that twice. Yeah, well, I used to really like it. And I can't wait to see Boss Baby. Come and watch it tonight. The baby's like a tough businessman. It's very incongruous to hear a baby talking like a businessman. All right, Rosie, don't rub my face in it.

I don't rub your face in all the stuff you do around the house. Look, I get it, OK? It's Alec Baldwin. He's Alec Baldwin. All I'm saying is that I am never, ever going to enter myself for an award ever again. It's a baby, but he talks like a grown-up man. Boss baby. It's a boss baby.

Like, look who's talking, a family guy. I love that. Babies are talking, and they're clever than the grown-ups. Boss baby. boss baby there's a boss baby like look who's talking a family guy i love that babies are talking and they're clever than the grown-ups boss baby the baby's a boss oh no it's a boss baby stop saying boss baby did you hear what i said the devastating news about me not entering any more awards yeah no one cares if someone wants to give me an award that that's great. I'm just saying I'm not entering any more awards. Rosie? Rosie? Where are you going? Don't look at me like that.

But look, seriously, seriously, podcats, thank you very much indeed for being so generous and loyal with your votes for the Webbies. We got close. We got very close. But hey, winning's for losers. That's my philosophy. Who wants to be a winner?

Not Buckles. It's much better on the sidelines. If I'd won that thing, it would have gone straight to my head. I would have been totally insufferable. And then you got nowhere to go as well, isn't it? I mean, that's not technically true, but still, that's what I'm telling myself. All right, that's pretty much it for this week. It's freezing. It's nearly May and it's freezing.

Rose, come on, let's head back. Thank you very much indeed to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for his production support. As ever, thanks Seamus. Thank you Matt Lamont for additional conversation editing whizbottery. Thanks Matt. Thank you to ACAST for hosting this, another great podcast, and hooking me up with some wonderful sponsors. And thanks most of all to you.

Hey. For your votes, for your loyalty, and for your persistence. You are the best of the best, the select few who listen right to the end of the podcast. You're a special type of person. And I'm proud to know you.

Should we hug? Come on, let's hug. Hey, we're going to be all right. Oh man, it's cold. Okay. Until next time, be careful out there and remember for what it's worth, I love you Bye Bye. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. It's about a lifetime. It's about a lifetime. It's about a lifetime.

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