The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - 45

I cut off your story. I'm sorry, but Well, well, I was primed to go into this bed bug story. Oh, yeah, we can do bed bugs We can talk free kind of a bed bug expert after living in Chinatown. I say leave bed bugs We'll leave with that. We'll do intro. This is the first so the fans of the show have been putting up with pre-recorded episodes We did me and Stav and Adam did probably 10 episodes and like a two and a half day span Oh my god, so and I did them out of order, but there was one of them that was just like I don't fuck

I don't know It's too dated, but then also like I mean You know, what kind of conversation are you gonna have? For literally 72 hours The last one is just you know, I think I'm pretty sure I mean there can't I don't remember it But I can't imagine it's anything other than Stav just saying like I just I want to fuck this bitch Can't she won't fuck her titty. I want to she should suck my dick For an hour and a half and it was like all right solid episode

I mean put it online for $12,000 a month I got bangers man Think about doing like a clip show you remember like sitcoms back in the day. Yeah, where they would just like I thought about doing that It would be great when I when we don't want to record, but that's so much work Just go through press prints. I don't even I don't listen. I don't listen to the podcast ever You that's probably for the best too. Yeah, just let them be even if it's great. It's like I don't want to hear my voice or You know think about how this is where I wound up in my life, which is a good place to be I guess you can't fucking bitch

Yeah, I'm happy for you. I'm proud of you. Thanks. I'm excited. I'm happy to be here. Thank you. Yeah Well, oh, yeah, so I guess I'll this is come town West with a different guess We got I got Jamel Johnson. Hey, that's Jamel. That's me and Dana Bell. Hello So it this is also these are also DC Comics funny mom's class of 2013 yeah, 2012 Yeah, yeah, so this is like the come town West crew for this week until Adam Adamist offer coming in next week So I guess we're gonna they couldn't stay away. Yeah, we're gonna do a couple well because I told them we ran out of episodes and They were like shit. So are you gonna like fly back to New York? I was like, no

I guess I'm just gonna do the podcast with other people. They were like we're buying tickets now Yeah, cuz they're worried about getting replaced. Yeah, you got a hold on Yeah, you know, you guys are both contenders to replace them the stocks are volatile. So I'm trying to get in it's a bear market I'm surprised. They didn't fucking do their own podcast while I was gone and try to edge me out Call it's true called to come at But just steal the name Just why the fuck no, I don't know how to hire a lawyer and sue anybody just like the fucking temptations You remember when it was two sets of temptations? No, that was like a thing like temptations to yeah

Yeah, like when they broke up and Eddie first of all, what do you mean? Remember this has 45 years before oh, yeah, I'm talking about the fucking Many series the NBC many remember that shit. No, this was like some like early 90s Was that part of that string where they were like doing Biopics about people that were still alive. Yes, it was kind of weird like when they made that Robin Williams movie And it's like he hasn't even killed himself yet We got another five years There was a Robin Williams movie there was and it was weird because they got a guy that looked exactly like Robin Williams

And it was almost like some agent found that guy and was like, oh God, there's only one thing here's what yeah wrote the bio pick himself. You're gonna be young pope That's how that show happened But yeah, so I like I haven't I haven't done a podcast in weeks. How you feel you you seem a little warmed up You know, yeah, you're ready to go. I'm in my element. You know, yeah, it's been a hectic couple of weeks So life in the fast lane at least there's like new stuff to talk about there is but it's all bad Yeah, I guess a lot of opinions. Yeah, the internet was coming for me pretty hard over the weekend for real Yeah, which is weird because I've been off. I got kicked off Twitter like a month ago. I forgot dog

I don't even check for you anymore ever since Nicole Oh, yeah disappeared. I was like, yeah, I don't know what to do. Yeah. Well, I don't understand Like there's been so many iterations of people like going after me, you know, and they're like explain this And it's just like I like to jack off You know on the bus or whatever. I mean, it's like I don't I have so much disdain for Twitter as a fucking medium The fact that anyone could like at this point still try to you know, take me to task for Just what was the end result how they nothing because I know here's the end result is because I have no ability to respond to it It just goes away after you also like what would they can't keep they can't kick you off Twitter

You've already been right already been kicked off Twitter. So there's nothing even to do. That's right Yeah, it mostly became because there's nothing you get me fired from they were like trying to get people to stop being friends with me Which is like such a like don't let him come to your birthday party You're not we're having my birthday party discovery zone and you're not coming and everyone else is coming and you can't come Right, and if you go to your birthday party, then it's like that's a bad sign. That's such a that's such a fucking You remember that shit when children would do that like you can't come to my birthday party It's like yeah, I'm gonna have to fucking buy you a present Yeah, yeah, right. I remember we used to just go every year was bowling you guys ever do bowling with the um

The kitty rails. Yeah, our issue fear as a joke about that that he calls it the he goes he goes yeah, I was bowling and The down syndrome kids had their own special device He's like I'm not making fun of the down syndrome kids. This is the way he says down syndrome in that joke That's so funny to me. I was jealous of them fools man. Yeah, and you could just push the ball like they had bowling rigged Yeah, I don't understand what the point of that is is to make you better bowling, but you're not good at it You're good at you're good at throwing it. I'm I remember I remember being a kid and thinking I was amazing at bowling But I would play with the bumpers and then like I was like talk to my friends about bowling or whatever at school

You know like you have like daily bowling conversations with your friends and I was like yeah I I'll fuck I'm like good at bowling and I remember going friends and they didn't use the bumpers and I'm like we're We're seven We're not grown-ups. I shouldn't call it a sport level bowling. Yeah, I used to go bowling like like Pretty often in Austin There was a place in Cedar Park that had like five dollar all you can bowl and then sure and it was like four bucks So you pay nine dollars and you could bowl for like six hours fuck my bowl all the time now Do you there's a spot in Koreatown?

Chateau 39. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they prostitutes. Oh, no, I was gonna say a driving range No, they're definitely running hose out of the fucking Chateau 39 man They have like security outside God imagine getting a bowling prostitute That's fucking That's terrible. That's she did they just clean themselves out over that like hand blowing Yeah, the foot I was just imagine they smelled like shoes. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, that sounds great. It's a good old time. Yeah, go they're open till like It's either it's gotta be last call or after last call at minimum. Yeah, so you go fuck it up

About 130 you ever get kicked out of a bowling place because the league bowling guys come in Yes, you guys have gone doing so much more than I've ever gone bowling in my time because it's one of those things were like You it's bowling's tricky because you want to be that's the thing. You're like I could be good at bowling, right? It just seems like it's like seems like a thing that you could be good at if you put enough time and nobody does it Yeah, I feel about pool right exactly cursive. Yeah Something that you had to do in third grade cursive you've you've missed the boat on that if you're not good at cursive by now It's over. Yeah fucking trash, too, son. Yeah, I need to get on it. Is that cursive? I guess yeah

I think signature is different. That's just squiggly. You just have to make cool squiggly lines Yeah, cursive is I started writing in all capital letters when I was in like seventh grade or something because I thought it was bad Ass and I still write that way That makes a lot of sense does it I feel like yeah, I don't know why but I just feel like yeah You're an all-caps guy who does that is is like executives of businesses and then also homeless people on their cardboard signs Those are the two spheres of society that use all capital letters Yeah, I think for both both people it's like if one thing had gone differently they would have swapped lives Oh, man

I saw the fucking funniest shit today and the people are gonna say oh that didn't happen It's not real Adam has a lot of stories like that Ries like I saw this I saw this shit happen You're like that you there's no way you're that lucky that you get to see no you see stuff like that all the time I do but I'm second to Adam and that that the hierarchy of people to get to see hilarious shit Yeah, but today I was in downtown and I was walking behind this homeless lady who is like Super fucking homeless, you know like the like the pigeon bitch from Home Alone 2. Yeah, yeah like that level But that's the character's name. Why don't you go get the VHS?

Wait for the credits to roll pigeon bitch pigeon bitch dot dot dot dot dot as herself It'll come up Yeah, yeah, no I was walking down this it was like you pigeon bitch Yeah, as me well It was it was like this homeless black lady and she's getting like a blanket overhead and a shopping car Just filled with like bags of stuff and like her shoes were all fun like just severely homeless and it was like starting to rain a little bit and I'm like maybe 15 feet behind her and this car pulls up with like these two girls in it

And they like slow down and the girl in the passenger seat like rolls down the window And then she's like going through like groceries or whatever and she pulls out like a loaf of like Ezekiel bread And like yes, just like like, you know gestures out the window to hand it to her Like you think it's gonna be this fucking like up worthy moment And the homeless woman just looks at her and looks back and looks back again. It goes. I don't need no fucking bread, bitch You fucking hoe and starts yelling at her Yeah She just starts trashing the girl in the car and she just has to like

Withdraw the bread That's the friend rolls up the window and they drive away. That's amazing One time I was that did a lot for me. That's how every episode of that show Uh, what would you do should end? Yes, you know that show with that like Nickelodeon show? No, no It's like on NBC prime time or something. Oh shit. There's that's still on is it? I don't know I mean, I I can't remember a time. I actually ever saw it broadcast It's like a thing it was like upwardly before there was an upwardly, you know or a buzzfeed before there is Oh, this is like a show where they're like, uh

We he was set up a restaurant and we sent a retarded guy in and tried to he tried to read the menu But it was called them a retard. I thought that was just a part of dateline. Yeah Yeah, and they're like, let's see what happens. It's like now What if the retard was Muslim and it's like I don't even know a point you're trying to make it It was always someone being really mean to someone in a public setting and just seeing if someone would intervene and it was like Well, you're just like being mean Yeah, it's like a really weird setup where it wasn't like what would you do in this situation?

Well, it's not a real experiment, but it's like an idiot's understanding of what an experiment is It's like really all all them all they're measuring is like what portion of the population is afraid of confrontation Yeah, and that's like the only real metric you could maybe get out of the show But now I just feel like everyone just assumes when they see something like that like in the back of their mind They're like, this is one of those fucking shows. Yeah, like this is gonna be How I respond is gonna be on TV. Well, there should be an NBC show called I don't even know fucking bread bitch And it's just what would you do, but that's the response whenever anyone tries to be nice Yeah, you're on the Jamie Kennedy experiment. That's a camera. That's a camera. That's a camera. You're a bitch

That's a camera. The bread is a camera. I'm the opposite. I don't assume shit is fake I assume everything's real and I'm gonna have to testify in court. Yeah, so it's time for me to go Yeah, yeah, oh, I totally walk away There's like the amount of times I've like intervened in something in my life is I could count on one hand Yeah, the pie chart is it's definitely it ain't even. Yeah, I was in I Actually, I feel like I intervene a lot, but Like but it's always like a really obvious choice to intervene Neighbor where who I thought was like like abusing his girlfriend. Anyway, call the cops for that. Just no calling the cops

It's not intervene. Okay, cool. Well, I have an intervening story, which is I was in an uber That's true Okay, we got to check the handbook, but I think we have to shoot you too Look, I'm just doing my job I'm afraid constantly and I'm doing my job They actually replaced the Academy with a DVD copy of the movie crash And that's how we learn how to be police officers now. So it's an Oscar winner. So, you know, it's good We talked about another episode, but like it's like a whole aspect of that movie that they didn't explore is Terrence Howard's micro penis

Yeah, it's a weird movie America needs to see that to rewatch knowing the Terrence Howard as a micro penis. I don't remember anything about that movie Yeah, but I'm sure it would be better if I knew that he had a micro penis. It's a terrible movie. It's not a good movie You remember you guys here to think about him. He's like you made up his own math. Yes, he wrote a book He's a yeah, Terrence Howard is like a self-proclaimed mathematician Yeah, you got like really mad about like one times one equaling one and he was like oh that like dumb algebra trick Yeah, and he I don't remember this was a while ago, right? Yeah, he wrote a whole book about how it's 11 Basically one times one is 11. Yeah, then what he's just not operating on like base 10 mathematics. Yeah, he's doing his own thing

Yeah, you know where you know where that came from is he measured his dick and he was like, you know, it's 11 I got 11 in 11 inch dick. Fuck everybody Man, I don't have I don't have a small dick. It's 11 inches, man Yeah Lot of people didn't know about the micro penis I got into an argument with it about it at work people just didn't believe me The Terrence Howard had a micro penis. We had to look it up at work. Yeah, how'd you would and put on the argument evidence? Yeah, you pull it up. He for some reason he just went naked in a movie in 50 cents movie

Really? Yeah, so it's a very easy argument to settle get Richard. I try it that one. Yep. Mm-hmm. That's crazy There's how his penis. Yeah, damn. I saw that in the fucking theaters, bro. Wait, and you don't remember Yeah, I should remember that it was I mean, it's very it's a split second. Okay. Oh, but somebody was like Oh, I can pause this and see it and there it is. Yeah, well, they turned it into a jiff enhanced, yeah Enhanced nope. No keep enhancing Keep going. Yeah Do you guys have anything coming up anything you want to plug?

I know it's not over. We've been doing this 15 minutes. Yeah, I just feel like I feel like there wasn't enough of an intro. Oh Yeah, I'm still Jamel you're Dana. Yeah. Yeah, what do I got coming up? I got a show at this weird art space April 7th. Uh-huh. This is called comedy in the cut. Yeah. Well, you have a podcast too, right? Oh, yeah I got a basketball podcast. What's it called air buds air buds earbuds on on Sam cloud Do you do you have any you're worried about legal trouble with the air buds leave? I mean, I figure the plural. I'm trying to get over like vanilla ice. You know I'm saying one slight difference. Yeah Yeah, this is mine. Yeah, we are we're using kind of the same color scheme, but I don't give a shit Yeah, golden is that the color?

all golden golden rod on Honey suckling. Yeah, I mean man. I think golden tree was had a hot run in the 90s dog 15 years of hits Yeah, that that was America's dog, and then it's not somehow been replaced by pit bulls That's what I was what what happened to the culture You know I got fierce man. I guess we were too soft. Is that Trump's America? Yeah, man It's pit bulls. Welcome out. You have you ever see those pictures of speaking to somebody who doesn't have a micro penis of Pit bull dancing on stage with different women. He just gets his dick completely hard in his pants Like dress pants. Yeah dancing with people and you can see him like grinding and he's just got this massive

Hard-on I have a question as a lady though like that I mean, it's not hard to not get a boner when you're is it hard to not get a boner when you're dancing with no You have to make an effort I think pit bull right has to make an effort if he's on stage at like an I heart media production Yeah, he had his dick hard like a fucking, you know, he thought it would be a good look Yeah, I feel like he thought it would be impressive to have a hard dick on which I can understand I actually fuck with pit bull more after I saw those pictures. Yeah hard dick in front of like a whole crowd I feel like his whole vibe and all of his songs, you know, you know more sense

You know who would do that a hard dick the whole time. Yeah, but you knew do that is an actual pit bull People would have its fucking pink dick out. He's living his rhymes. Yeah, yeah exactly Yeah, so I guess this week I saw get out Look, this is a fast-paced podcast We're moving it around. We got it. We got it We got it No, keep you want to jump in with anything jump in jump out change the conversation sure up. Yeah, you know the key To successful podcasting and I've learned this quick moves my six-month rise of the top right before my you know dramatic fall this week at the hands of

Stalinists, I believe it was People that like Joseph Stalin a lot. I love being lectured on comedy by people who's like avatar is a statue Some obscure fucking I was almost bought a Russia soccer jersey So you guys know I got at soccer niggas on Twitter. Yeah, you know, I'm a big fan And is that your Instagram also? No, well, I got it. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely keep I got it on me But yeah broccoli why broccoli house? Where does that come from? Is there a big? Is there a big premiere league thing going on right now? Yeah, it's just like seasons kind of coming around

There's like it's like the last like Month and a half or so, you know, it's just getting to English sports is weird because there's no playoffs. Oh, really? Yeah, you just it's just like you look so many Yeah, I kind of I kind of like that more that makes sense I mean, it kind of makes every game more interesting, but it's also kind of No moment of yeah, yeah, cuz somebody could just win in February Yeah, and then you just have to watch three more months of fucking soccer. Oh, that's yeah. Yeah, that happens sometimes Yeah, this year is kind of good, but I was in the spot and they had a fucking like a bunch of team Russia jerseys on clearance

Oh, and I almost went there. I don't think I'm ready yet. Oh, did my most the most coveted track suit if I could have any tracksuit Russia Well the nineteen like eighty Russian Olympic tracksuit. Oh, yeah, like bright red. Yeah red with the yellow or white I think I've only seen a couple of pictures of it online because I went looking specifically for that one Yeah, yeah, I think it's a red with a white stripe and I think that's like They they couldn't have Adidas because they were like communists. Yeah, so they couldn't have so they had some like Adidas Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the deal How many tracksuit you got? Oh, I really only I'm kind of a poser. I only got two Three pants. I have two full suits three sets of pants. See I'm kind of the other. I've got three jackets

Yeah, two pants. Well at the time I started buying a lot of tracksuits. I didn't really have any money So I was just wasting money on tracksuits true and now that I like have enough money I feel like I've leapfrogged tracksuits and I buy playstations and TVs and shit You just got a room full of laser discs. Yeah, well in my head. I'm like, oh, it's a business expense And I can't wait until I get audited They're like, yeah, no, we're just gonna take the playstation I'm gonna take it down to the government controllers. Yeah camera to spy on Syrian children Whatever they do with playstations

Yeah, I don't know I started playing FIFA cuz Stop and Adam had FIFA and I was like, oh cool. We can play online and now they just come to my apartment and play FIFA there So it's a mistake to buy FIFA Now you've just got grown-ups playing games on your crib. Yeah, cuz I'm gonna play I was I started playing that new Resident Evil. How is that shit? It's cool. I'm with him in that six up Uh, I the only one I ever liked was the remake of the first one What they call that's just zero is like on a zero was the one after zero is the sequel to the remake But the remake was just called Resident Evil. Yeah, when it was it also on Gamecube. Yeah tried to make a cube cool so many times

Yeah, they did God bless gamecube was the last good Nintendo console. I'm not buying that switch shit I mean, I stopped playing video games for like eight years Just because I was wasting so much money on it getting big up in GameStop now I got money to waste know the whole staff's name, right? Yeah. Yeah No, never to that extent. That's that would be fucked up If you're on first name basis with the entire yeah, I I worked as a seasonal employee at GameStop though Oh, nice. Yeah, I tried to get that job didn't work. It's almost they went iron you get a 25% discount on games

It's the only reason I did it. That's what the fucking time and yeah, there were some fucking Autistic people You know a seasonal job. I used to work at a fucking rest stop on a 95 yeah, I thought that was like a regular job though I mean, it was I say it's seasonal because I was only there for one season. Oh, okay. I made it a summer It wasn't like a Christmas Christmas help for the Christmas rush at the fucking bathroom. Yeah, that doesn't It's like a different people are gonna have have Christmas diary

I'm gonna have gingerbread diarrhea and we need extra hands to mop it all up Yeah, also the head of the rest stop is like a FAO Schwartz. Do you? Yeah. Yeah, I have two turtle dubs Yeah, that guy was a pedophile, right? Yeah, you know one too. He was just trying to fuck Kevin Of course, man, everyone in that movie is trying to fuck Kevin thin chinless guy the robbers the pigeon bitch Mm-hmm his parents the pigeon bitch. Nah, man The pigeon bitch was just she just fuck with kids. You know I'm saying yeah, she had it like you know a miscarriage I made her crazy. I like that just like an affluent white family can be that reckless with their child and not lose them

Like not have child protective services be like well. This is the second time Exposed your son to violent criminals through negligence Left your kid in the Bronx Yeah, yeah, yeah You know what I say that's the American dream dog what being able to be rich enough to leave you kids And then they just come back fine. Yeah, you did nothing I mean, that's how rich kids all rich kids have like horribly negligent parents Yeah, you just like let them buy cocaine when they're like 11 and instead of waiting until they're 19

Respectively I mean seriously though don't do it in the house, you know, yeah You're just that's just bad parenting because you're not learning how to be subtle about things You guys ever hang out with any of those kids? I was in night school with these these two black girls that had kids And they were like their kids were already like four or five and they were probably like 17 18 or whatever So they were like moms, you know, they like had the routine down Yeah, they knew how to be fucking moms or whatever I remember one of them we were riding the bus somewhere and she was saying like yeah

My son got this fucking like banged his head and he's got this fucking like welt that won't go down or whatever And I was like, why don't you take him to the hospital and they were both like no, no, no, no, no, no No, like yeah, like like I had made some grave error and suggesting that they take their kid to the hospital I was like, what the fuck why they're like, they're gonna say it's neglect and my kids gonna be taken away from me Oh, and I was like, holy shit valid. I have to report these women And I marched down there I filled out the paperwork, but unfortunately, I forgot how to spell their names There you go. There were too many there were too many vowels. Is it Raleesha? Sir we've actually run out of ink

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah a dollar sign Let's say I wanted to spell I started spelling my name with like the dollar sign bars, but through every single letter You know what I mean? Yeah Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah. Well, I don't know if people would get it or not No, I think they would I think they would probably get it more than you'd like, you know, Sam Yeah, I feel like that could blow up like on some like at the fucking supreme store or some shit Yeah, yeah, that would be cool. Beasts with that should all the goal is just to get into the supreme store now that I'm fucking I'm a Hollywood guy, you know, oh, yeah Malibu Moldog my new

People can't see this but I actually have a goatee right now and sunglasses. It's true I have a pointing into your nostril. Yeah, I got sunglasses a black bandana now instead of my regular yellow one RIP to the competition. Yeah, that's what we go all black Speaking of all black You guys see get out I finally saw I had to see it just to find the source material for all the memes The sunken place. Yeah. Yeah, I went down to the sunken palace. Yeah, and she was you know I feel like, you know being on Twitter kind of ruined the movie. I honestly I played my little brother

For kind of giving away. I was like, okay, and I mean also like I don't think there's anything to give away though I mean you gotta go into it knowing exactly what's gonna happen. And that's what makes it a good movie Yeah, is that it's like, alright, here's what you're gonna get and then it fucking delivers straight through I mean, and it's still the twist was I so I went into it thinking. All right Worst nightmare some white people one of the bottom eyes me obviously and I was imagining like a bunch of like black people getting mutilated, but it was You know spoiler alert. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter No one in this podcast is gonna watch. Well, yeah, just to see just to they're already they already stopped listening to this one

Because I criticized the white family from home alone. Yeah They're just going back to listen to stuff spoil away Well, yeah, just you know watching the black dude You know impale a family From the burbs. It was fun. Yeah, I had a great time. Well, what's cool about it, too Is that like it it I saw some criticisms of people saying it's like, you know It's like sort of like a kill whitey exploitation movie in the same vein as Django or whatever But it's not at all and like that there's maybe

That that scene where he gets out of the chair and like runs away is maybe what three and a half minutes long That's all necessary in a movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's all necessary and then it's like, you know, I mean a pretty easy You know a allegory to pick apart and it's not heavy-handed. It's kind of well done It's well-paced and it's why I enjoyed it was because it's like usually I fucking hate horror movies They're all garbage with the exception of because they try so hard. No because they don't like half of them are made by WWE I saw Oculus because someone recommended Oculus a couple years ago, and it's like fucking WWE Productions, and I was like, there's no way this is good

And it's like what if a mirror was scary, and that's it. That's all Watching you at the top That would be cool. Yeah, that would be a cool harm of you. Sting was just following you around It's like in the rafters everywhere you go. Remember we're gonna do that me you and Adam We're the stings the original stings of comedy stings of comedy We're gonna put a little tiny Bernie Mac. Yeah Sting paint. Yeah, we're all gonna have Wcw sting paint on her faces

Yeah, that would be sweet. Yeah use your new Hollywood connections. Yeah, well, I went to go see you get out and Adam was like Go see it in Compton. You have to go see it in a black theater, and it's like I don't think I have to go to Compton. Yeah, I Feel like that's like a very That's gonna fundamentally change the movie I feel like that's a very like white person in get out thing to say Like they would be like, oh, I saw let me tell you I saw get out in Compton, and it just changed the whole movie Uh-huh, you know like that's what they would tell although I will say I saw Django in theaters twice And I saw it in like, you know a more diverse Theater and then like a predominantly white one and I swear to God. I'm not kidding

You know the the one that was more diverse There was like people clapping at the revenge scenes or whatever People were laughing at the n-word in the white theater when somebody was saying the n-word. They're like, huh Ha Yeah, it might have just been me. I mean, but that means people so I'm included in people You are every I might have just been drowning out everyone else's laughter with my own With my cigar and my Hawaiian shirt in the middle of the theater my feet up brass and Nick Nolte's family

Laughing and a Django. That's a Cape Fear reference for Dana who hasn't seen any movies I haven't gotten most of the references. I tuned out during the whole video game. Juliet Lewis. Yeah You know, I was just saying today that the other sisters kind of a fucked up movie because Juliet Lewis is like hot Yeah, like a thing for Juliet Lewis another sister came out and I was happy that she was Should I stop being off to this? I don't understand what this is doing to me. Yeah, Sam me too Juliet Lewis is an actress who's Hmm American actors. I know who Julia. I know who all the actors are. I've just never seen any of the movies They've ever been. How does that happen? I don't know

A lot of people mags. Well, I get I don't know Yeah, they're just aware of things in movies, but I've never seen any of them The other sister is a movie where Juliet Lewis plays a retarded woman hence the other sister Which I love the title the movie is just like the fucking cruelest you Like straight off top. Yeah. Yeah, it's instead of like she's all that it's oh, she's fucked up Yeah, and then fragrance junior plays the love interest in the in the other sister. Oh Was he's he's returned to do? No, it's I was doing a joke. Oh, no, no. Yeah. Yeah, you don't have to pretend to laugh at it

You know Yeah, I appreciated it. Yeah, I was in that's why it's when people listen the podcast complain about stops incessant laughter And it's like they don't realize that the show is a four and a half minute long podcast Interrupted by stops laugh. Yeah, I'm here to fill a role. Yeah. Oh, you have to replace dog I mean not just a just a laughs LPM. No one could ever replace stop I mean, everybody knows that, you know, I don't mean as my friend anyone could easily replace in this my friend. He's he's not really Valuable on the show Great broadcast got his fingers crossed behind his back. Yeah right behind Verne Lundquist in the Hall of Fame a broadcasting. Yeah

What are you guys talking about Verne Lundquist? Who is Verne Lundquist? He's the guy who does all the final four shit. We still haven't finished explaining the other sister. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, the rest of this podcast is just we explained stuff to me. I have no problem turning it into that Yeah, that's such an easy out and such an easy way to fucking walk through, you know Yeah, I also let me finish this get out anecdote and then we have to talk about bedbugs. I haven't forgotten Okay. Yeah, we all got we got you in the queue spotify queue So in get out is another spoiler, but you know, fuck it. Who cares? Fucking so, you know, remember the scene where like he's finally escaping from the house

Yeah, and the girl is the rifle and then she's six the like granddad groundskeeper black dude on him Yeah, and he chases him down He does the camera thing and the guy's like hippocampus activates or whatever and he turns around and shoots the girl Yeah, you know Everyone in the theater starts like clapping They're like, yeah Because he like shot the white girl and then he turns back around he puts the gun under his chin He blows his brains out and one guy in the theater got started clapping

And it was so fucking fun It was like the perfect bit I almost felt like that guy had to have watched the movie the first time it was like I gotta come back Yeah Yeah, that is pretty good. Yeah, I got yelled at by a guy When I was watching Ant-Man hit man Ant-Man, you know that one Yeah, I also I was in Baltimore in a weird kind of shape in that movie. Yeah, I was on mushrooms Theater in Baltimore and it was do you know, it's Ant-Man

Yeah, so it's like at the climax of the movie where he's got to get like extra tiny Yeah, did you see a Baltimore because Adam was like you got to go Make sure it's a black theater that you see Ant-Man and I went to West Baltimore Shripping it was it was a trap house that a projector set up in it rode in on a motorbike Went to a hotep meeting to go watch Stuart little so I could get the real experience I ran it out of theater with the black Israelites. I'm just laughing about Adam in a theater in Compton Oh, hey, what's up legs cross? No, I'm cool Yeah, yeah with his legs crossed all gay. He's like limp ankles

He's got like he's got like the way like a fey wrist, but in his ankle bones. True. Yeah Like he's holding his foot out for you to yeah, like he's a debutante coming down the stairs Yeah, very precious. I know exactly what you mean Adam in that theater Jesus Christ. Yeah, he sits like Yeah, yeah field trip But I feel trip to Compton make him go to Compton. Yeah, he should be forced to be like a big brother When he comes out here, we'll go out there. We'll get him out there I'll take him out to Compton. I'm gonna pick him up from LAX and then we just won't leave LAX Compton. No, I think it's Compton like like Harlem is now or people like oh Compton

Compton is kind of crazy. Crenshaw is more like that. Yeah. Yeah. Cremshaw is like Harlem Even Inglewood's a little more chill. Yeah, like Compton's like, oh, yeah, you're out there. Yeah, please. Yeah check your t-shirt Yeah, because where's that play which a watts is like Also becoming and well, I don't know if it's like more chill I mean, I feel like what yeah, like they they burned down watts like once and they're like, all right. Yeah We got now. I have Like some fancy It's like a fancy fast food place

I don't know. All right. This is yeah, I've been on there. Yeah, it's like Roy Choi. It's like an LA guy He made it. He's the guy who started the LA taco truck craze Not like the food truck craze in America. Okay, then see all right I know he didn't start the craze in LA. Right. I didn't mean taco trucks. I feel like East LA No, no, no, not taco. He did like he did like Korean taco trucks ice cream trucks started that shit Ice cream truck started trucks and while food trucks. Yeah. Oh, yeah first trucks Which is weird that that's like a business that's still allowed to operate. It's like, yeah I go around and I lure neighborhood children

To vehicle with sweets, but it's for money. So yes, there's a ice cream truck who rolls around my building But like you won't see him till like after eight. Yeah You're trying to get kids to leave their house. Yeah, it's not like oh you're catching them after school even yeah Yeah, I just assumed that those were just like people selling drugs Late at night and it was like, oh They would there was one that was like in my neighborhood DC. There was a truck. There was a truck in Austin It would go around had ice cream truck music and I remember because it fooled Chris Cubis and he was furious And they sell hot corn

It's just like a hot corn truck It's like a Simpsons joke. Yeah Like a boiling hot Texas style ginger ale You remember that? Yeah, I remember the monorail Yeah, which the monorail is like the get out guy. It's like a monorail thing Oh, that's what he was doing with clapping is that monorail bit, you know, we're Homer says So whatever yeah, so Juliet Lewis plays a retarded woman. Okay, and and I'm hooked. Yeah Giovanni

Rebisi love interest is the love interest Well cookies are the love interest they bond over their love of cookies That's great. Yeah, but you know why that movie was successful and I am Sam wasn't and I don't know the numbers on either one of those Yeah, it wasn't I am Sam's successful. I am Sam's fucking Get nominated for something for that Yeah, it'd be great if there was a critic that hated it and they wrote like this movie is literally retarded and then they Misinterpreted that and put it like in those like oak leaves on the cover of the movie You know, it's like this movie is literally retarded

You know Glenn Stevenson SF weekly four stars. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Well, why I am Sam's a piece of shit is because like you know They have Sean Penn and and even if you had the greatest even if I'm fucking Daniel Day Lewis, you know Or you know Brando or whoever you think the fucking best actor in the world is the best Marlon Wayne's Yeah, Marlon Wayne's if you had every single one of the Wayans brothers in that And you had the method acting their fucking heart out to be a retarded guy You can't cast his friends as actual people with mental disabilities and not have it look like a cruel Ridiculous. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean Sean Penn's like, oh

What shoes shall we get and then like the camera pans and it's a guy who actually has down syndrome And it's like this is what the fuck is going on How who thought this was a good idea? It should have been Giovanni Robisi who just looks like he has down syndrome Yeah, which is what they did with the other sister and it's a better movie. Yeah, well The only thing I remember that movie is that the scene where he shows up to pick up Juliet Lewis for the date and the dad is like I'm gonna kick this fucking guys ass because he thinks it's like a regular guy That's just like me. Check this out a slow girl And then he opens the door Giovanni Robisi's in like a dog costume. He's like my name's Daniels

They're like, oh, he's retarded, too And that's supposed to be like a fun comedic moment in the movie. Is it a comedy? You know, it's okay. It's romantic first and like comedy third. Yeah Okay, it's a romantic comedy. Okay Well, I'm probably never gonna watch it But I appreciate the time that you took to tell me about it. The DVD is already in the mail dog Yeah, I also remember the scene where you find out Daniels Daniel the Giovanni Robisi's characters is Like fixation is marching band music. He's really into like John Philip Suza and shit

Do I got a question now? A weird piece of fiction is flowers for Algernon Yeah, I have read that book. Yeah, I don't know that one. No, no Yeah, so it's about a guy that's retarded Mm-hmm, and this they like these scientists do an experimental surgery to make him not retarded But the way it works is he's not like instantly smart. Well, maybe he is instantly smart He has to learn all this shit. No, it's not like No, it's like well because it's written in like a diary form and then he He slowly becomes

Hyper and tell he becomes a genius. Yeah becomes too smart and then he like and it's like an Icarus story Yeah, too close to this. Well, no, but it's not like his fault It's just like the drug wears off and then there's also a love story Going on in it, but then when he becomes too much of a genius He becomes like an asset a dick to this girl. Oh, they do that. They do that in like sitcoms all the time Yeah, not necessarily not like Stefan or Kale, but I've seen that plot. Yeah Yeah, you times right more like a cartoons. I feel like cartoons do there's a Baywatch episode where there's like a guy That's a loser that's trying to impress this girl, but she's really interested in a Hasselhoff

So he's trying to help out the loser. So he like plays up his like, you know Fucking machismo bullshit. He like decides to be an asshole He's like why don't you dump the loser and get with it get rid of the zero and get with a hero He's like why have you know hamburger when you can have steak and she's like, oh, this guy's an asshole I'm gonna fuck the loser instead and then Hasselhoff is the magnanimous hero saves day as usual Yeah, what a fun show to me. I used to watch this Like last year. I just had like regular-ass TV, you know, like a digital antenna. They still show that shit and reruns Season one of Baywatch is like a drama like a serious kind of drama

Yeah, like like they only like like it's like like they save like one life at the end per episode Yeah, yeah, it's just it's like a very serious Lifeguard situation. There were so many TV shows similar to how tech works now We're like snapchat is clearly just for sending pictures of your dick to people. Absolutely. That's it Which I think the CEO is even acknowledged They've got some pretty fun filters on yeah Just like Baywatch is a dramatic TV show. It's a fucking they used to be able to make shows and they're like Well, it's so children can beat off. This is pornography for 13 year olds

Right, there's no internet, you know, you're gonna get fucking huge ratings, you know Like there's some people out there who are watching it like me on snapchat. We're like, I'm in this for the writing Yeah, like I appreciate it and my finer points. Yeah, yeah, they're they're making a Baywatch movie And I saw the trailer at in get out and I was walking I do a piss and so like I was walking back up the stairs and The Baywatch trailer like comes on and there's two like 45 year old guys Like, you know, probably older than that sitting next to each other in the theater sitting Adam style deduce from that what ankles just dangling yeah, yeah, yeah They were like they were holding their their feet were like holding hands with each other

But the Baywatch trailer comes on and one of the guys is like this looks so fucking stupid. It's like Yeah, it's Baywatch There's been so much stuff I've been seeing about the new like Power Rangers reboot Yeah, one of the power is just murdered somebody. Do you see that story? Oh, yeah The original one. No, yeah, it was the Red Ranger from like one of these new reboots, you know, or like Like Ninja Ape Force or Yeah, yeah, sure sure power Rangers Ninja Turtle Force Where they become Ninja Turtles?

No, yeah, yeah, the red the Red Ranger killed his roommate. Yeah with a fucking sword. Yes Yeah, I thought he's oh yeah, and like he was like in the shower or something It was like his roommate was taking a shower. They're having some dispute over a girl It's over. It wasn't even rent, which is so funny because like shit like that is like fuck. Isn't that okay in Sharia law? You're allowed to bring your real because I think I'm right here if you Like try to fuck someone's wife, right and under Sharia law you are allowed to kill them with a sword probably If you're a power ranger, yeah, if you've got the helmet on yeah

Well, let's see then who gets to be the power rangers, you know But it's shit like that that makes me think like well, maybe Sharia law isn't so bad Because we just do it anyway. If you're killing people with I first of all, yeah, we're doing it anyway second of all murdering somebody with a sword you're like it's that's hard to get you it's hard for me to if Experience any kind of feeling of empathy for the victim because it's so cool That's what I mean. Yeah, I A funnier death. Yeah, it's if I was being murdered by a sword I would sort of be like, are you serious? Yeah full Mortal Kombat gratification to look them in the eye

Yeah, I mean, yeah, there was a story about like some of the home invasion I'm like think near like the Johns Hopkins campus and the kid killed the burglar with a sword And what makes it so funny to me is like, you know, you're about to die at the hands of like a nerd Like imagine me like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's like Oh, hey, I'm a feeling running that you like our bridal autism frothing at the fucking mouth some kid chewing on his fucking shirt You know, that's what the accountant was so good You see that movie? I'm sorry Dana. It's another movie about a But you saw it less I saw the I saw the trailer

I saw the working title was The Other Affleck Which doesn't really make sense because he's the main one He's the main I can't even think of the other one Kasey Kasey Yeah, who is I guess a rapist of some sort. Yes, Frank Stallone. Yes. Yes. Yeah Well, he's Kasey's a talented actor. The problem with Kasey is the sex thing. Yeah. Yeah, I don't even know the fucking details of that Yeah, what is it like? I don't know. I'm not aware Affleck for me to give a shit about the story. I will say it was like when I did learn that I was like Oh, good. No, I don't have to see Manchester by the sea. Yeah, I'm actually taking released a moral stand on this

And I'm not watching it. I haven't seen it yet. And all I want is to know the difference between that and la la land Yeah, I don't know Well and has singing and dancing. There you go. Very bad. Don't see it. Did you see moonlight? I did Is moonlight good? That seemed way too heavy for me. No, it's not that's what everyone was saying to me And it is it's like kind of heavy, but it's not like I thought it was gonna be I was gonna be like crying my eyes out And it was just like I felt a lot of things, but it was just a good movie. Oh, really beautiful And it's like I heard a description of it. I'm like that sounds like every Irish movie. I've ever heard of All Irish fiction. It's like, oh, and then you know that he died in the factory at age eight and wait for moonlight

What yeah, oh, no, no, no, it was just depressing and kind of there's I mean it is depressing But it's also it's like more nuanced than just being depressing. Oh, I'm well I do hate new ones scenes. It's just like House Party 2 when they do dance, you know, yeah Yeah, it's like they don't tell you about all the house parties and moonlight and all the there's a lot of dancing and Having a good old time. So it's like longs. It's yeah, moonlight is basically So I'll just go see La La Land. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's good too. It's they're basically the same if I add a La La Land and to get out you've basically seen moonlight. So I'm done for the year. Yeah. Yeah comforted nailed it first quarter Yeah, definitely perfect. I don't know what else came out recently. I don't know

We tried to see a movie the other night and everything looks. Oh, yeah, awful. I don't want to go see Logan Yeah, which I didn't realize was another I call him werewolf by accident Which I already made a Wolverine movie, right? Yeah, you know, they did the origin story This is after the origin story. It's like an apocalyptic thing. I don't know. I don't care about How many of those fucking X-Men movies have they made? Six I remember that was like no more than six way more than six. The first one. Oh wait Yeah, I did have it on VHS. Yeah. So yeah, it was way back They've made so many also I mix them up with the Avengers a lot because they're the same thing

It's all the same. They're all the same people. It's the same fucking movies. Yeah, it's where I'm The only reason to see those movies is to check in to see how many steroids Hugh Jackman has done Yeah in the last 15 years he was crazy You go back and look at Wolverine in the first X-Men movie and like to see what Hugh Jackman has done to his body He was like a fucking 30 year old man when that first movie came out and he's like Svelte and now he looks Yeah, awful. It's weird that he's also been like He either does the superhero movies and he's super jacked or he just does like Broadway plays

Which like I can't imagine seeing him on like a Broadway stage Don't you have to like lift everyone over your head on Broadway? I don't know Yeah, for every show probably you know what I saw on Broadway My I'd like my rich aunt brought me to go see I thought you were naming a play Yeah, you're like She brought me to meet my cousins to the the James Franco of mice and men That's the perfect play for you. Yeah, which is another retarded Why don't think it was for me, but

Yeah, I don't know. I I'm torn on Franco, but he definitely doesn't fucking belong on Broadway I probably would be ambivalent towards him if like he didn't have all those things and the advice let him write Do you remember those? Yeah, there's like James Franco's book reports. He's like a 30 year old man That's like I just read catcher in the rod I feel like I feel like he like saw a dosecky's commercial once. Yeah, all right Yeah, I have to do yeah, yeah, the guy that read a book one time Yeah, no, he should have he should have switched roles with with doubt and he should have played the Lenny

Yeah, that sounds like a hit. Yeah, I told playing at a type I told my grandmother one time that the original That the the book was you know of mice and men was actually written to warn people about the dangers of the mentally handicapped She was like, oh Were you like six when this happens? That's what I was probably like Very precocious troll Because sounds adorable, do you guys got grandma's what's up with you guys? Yeah, my grandma's grandma got said

When did I my one grandma just died, but that was I also found out at the funeral that my entire family had Ratted me out to the FBI. So I really didn't give a shit about Yeah, yeah, which is like the best way to go distracted with anything have the fans It's really sweet of them to do that. Yeah, right. I like look this is gonna hit Nick hard Let's let's try to have him put on a federal watch list. It's gonna destroy his life Yeah, yeah, my grandma died in June Yeah Yeah, well it was her like motorcycle accident or hell yeah, no she had some infection of some sort

Yeah, she was like you get to a certain age and it's just like anything will kill you. Yeah, you're like what happened. You're like You know a paper cut It is crazy, I mean we thought she was gonna you know for like a decade We were like you're sort of waiting for the shoe to drop so it's like I'm surprised that she was so resilient and she did such a good job and she was so strong and then you know, hey Condolences, thank you. Yeah, my grandma is demented now. Oh, yeah, I got a couple of minted great aunts Yeah, which you know, you would think like that would be kind of cool, you know, like she's a joker Oh, yeah, just be twisted and wearing like cool makeup

Like going around just burning money to piss everybody off, which I guess she kind of is doing Vice continuing to stay alive Yeah, shout out my mom any just like yells at attendance Yeah, just think she's at her house. I will say when my my grandma died when we went to the the like Assistant living facility and all the nurses were like being really nice about it, but they're like, oh, you know She had a spark. She was always Given a little attitude and I was like my grandma was a bitch to you. Yeah, I know that that's what you're saying and I'm sorry

Yeah, I liked her and I don't you don't have to I remember going to see my grandmother in her nursing home. It was fucking horrifying It was like Terrifying there. I remember once I was walking to the hallway and I have this like one section where they had some Julie Andrews Movie on and they've like wheeled all the old people in front of the Julie Andrews movie and there's some woman in a wheelchair just like Just screaming at the top of her lungs like looking around and no one's reacting to it Yeah, I guess that you know, she's just trapped in some part. Yeah Yeah, oh, no, that's they make you eat like fucking jello and shit like it's worse than prison

Jello with prison in this they don't paint prison pink. I feel like it would fuck with you more if print, you know, who does that? Arpaio the worst person in the United States. He paints the prison. He makes them wear pink to dehumanize What and it was it's like the same shade of pink that my grandma's nursing home is painted. Oh, yeah He's awful clinical. He's still he's What's going on with him? He's facing federal charge. That's what I thought. Yeah, but I wasn't I was like he was No, I can't that's too good That would be anyway. Yeah, but you know, he's a million years old. He's gonna die comfortably Yeah, he's also probably not gonna get nothing's gonna happen. Yeah, he should get raped in prison, right?

Well, that would be great. Yeah, they should we should let somebody rape Joe Arpaio in holding Yeah, right surprising in the back of the squad car. Yeah, that's where it should happen. Yeah, yeah by the guy You know the guy the process server. That's who Fucking like Marginally related to the criminal justice system. Yeah, the fucking like the guy the valet outside the clerk's office Yeah, it's who should be the guy that fucking gets him. Yeah, it's like he leaves the DMV For how he got pumped That's who should do it

Um, so I guess if you guys you you have anything else you want to plug we could wrap it up on Joe Arpaio should be raped Hopefully I don't suck you guys into the the the outrage directed at me I need some some buzz It feels shitty, but It is like there really is truth to the whole like there's no such thing is bad Yeah, it really does nothing but fucking help you Unless you're Joe Arpaio, right bad publicity for him. Well, but he did you know you get you know You get raped by a mailman fingers crossed. Yeah a mailman and a pith helmet

Shit, I don't got shit to plug Like your podcast Johnston.com earbuds broccoli house on Instagram. I got weed if y'all need it Yeah, he sells weed Adam also sells weed black black. Yeah, I don't know if I should have mentioned that There's no way yeah, exactly my good friend Adam Levine. Yeah Adam Levine's house party what he calls his weed delivery service 24 hours well, hopefully I'm this is kind of a sedate ending Which usually I like to have like some kind of banger. It's not on you guys It's our first pod. Yeah, I mean, yeah

It feels different like talking into a microphone. Oh really? Oh, so you got like broadcast anxiety. Oh, I guess I come alive Well, okay, this is feelin. It's come towns pressure. Oh is it to be a citizen of come town I mean, that's we it's not taken lightly I guess, you know, it's fucked up is like a lot of people worry like oh did I say something that's like problematic or you know Whatever my biggest anxiety. I like fucked up and got JCVD's first movie credit wrong Undated with people correcting me which is like the whole fucking house of cards come sumbling down because I don't know shit about fuck I have no expertise or knowledge in any field, but that you know, yeah Such a basic detail and the guy corrected me. He was because I was like, oh, yeah

He's he's he's the bad guy in no retreat no surrender three which he's not He's the bad guy in no retreat no surrender original. Yeah, I was gonna say too. Yeah Well, the guy the somebody hit me up and he was like it's actually the first movie and I was like Oh, yeah, I knew that and I was like technically actually he his first first role was in breaking too as an extra Dancing in the background. He was like nope. It was the first break in which is true So I fucked it up twice So if any of you know this guy, I'm gonna I'm gonna put I'm gonna post his personal information on the internet Put them out there this guy who called me out

Well, I want you to harass him I want you to get him fired and possibly kill him and his family if you don't mind fantastic Yeah, so we'll leave we'll leave that there. I do. Yeah Is that what is that German? Yeah, there's French a little French little Francois. Yeah, it's a sound of music But that's imagine how fucking annoying it would have been to be at that house party And you're very like I'm getting out of here. They're like wait my children have to do the gay ass song They're like, man, come on. I got a drive home drunk through Nazi Germany You know how fucking hard that is and I have to listen to this fucking song by your shithead kids Kids would ask got some yeah, yeah, yeah

All right. Well, you guys were fun. Thank you so much for being on the podcast We're gonna do this more because I don't think there's gonna be enough time to do it with with Like enough episodes that front. Yeah, you gotta give them and stop Yeah, follow these guys on on Twitter and Instagram and shit. They are good friends of mine So, you know, please do please. It's all real baby. No support support come town west. You guys are great. Thanks