The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - 7

Hey everybody, welcome to Come Town, episode six. Just two of us today. Sorry, seven. Episode seven. Episode seven. Which is just two of us. We're a little, our leader, Nicholas Mullen, is not here. He's actually at a rape joke convention.

Yeah, there's a keynote. Daniel Tosh, keynote. Tosh will be in there. Brock Turner, I think, is Skyping in. Nick is going also to an N-word convention, headlined by Kramer next week. So it's, so Nick isn't here. So, but listen, you're going to want to stick with us.

Hold up, hold up, hold up. What's up? Weed and boys. That's right. Weed and boys. Did we say I'm Star Wars Hockey? Adam Freedland, Puerto Rican Riles Snake, Puerto Rican. And, but seriously, you are going to want to stick,

stick around because we have an incredible, this is our biggest get for sure. We've had some great comics on, but this guy, seriously. I'm pretty stoked about having this guy on the show. He's been in movies. Normally when you guys get famous people, I'm not on the show. But this is the most famous person we've ever had.

Exactly. And that's what that means. I'm pretty stoked. So without further ado, Dr. Evil is here. Thank you, Stavros. Thank you, Adam. It's a pleasure to be here at Come Town. We're so happy to have you, Dr. Evil.

I mean, I've been a fan for years, really. For years? Yeah, you're too kind. I didn't know you were a real person. I thought you were just from movies. Yeah, a lot of people make that mistake, Adam. They think I'm a silly character, but no, I'm real. You're a real person.

With a faint Canadian accent. A very faint Canadian accent, yes. A faint Dr. Evil accent, some people would say. It's almost like I've forgotten my own personality since 2003. What have you been up to? You've been trying to take over the world and stuff? Still trying to take over the world.

Really, you haven't made a lot of noise. I've gone into startups, mostly. Evil apps. Perhaps you've heard of Grindr. It's like Tinder, except it's for spreading AIDS. Wow, you're behind Grindr. We make a noise. We dumb boys, dude.

Wow, incredible. Wow, we're so happy to have you here, Dr. Evil. I'm happy to be here. Do you know? Do you know how we booked Dr. Evil? How we booked him, Nick Knows him. Nick Knows him? I think he actually saw Nick was using a lot of.

I'll tell you how it happened. Oh, yeah, please tell us. I had an email from somebody that Knows that I'm friends with him, and they said, this guy's harassing women online, Joe. Nick? Nick is. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.

Oh, yeah. Does he? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And they asked me if I could help getting him fired. Oh, yeah. We got those emails, too, actually. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That woman. Sadie Doyle. Sadie Doyle. Don't you know I'm actually enemies with Sadie Doyle? You are, too. Oh. Why is that? So you and Nick have a common enemy?

Well, I'm what you call a brochilist. Oh. Maybe you've heard of it. The term? Well, for the listeners at home, who's Sadie Doyle again? She's a journalist. She's my arch nemesis. She's a journalist.

A blogist. A blogist. A blogist, yeah. She's a lady who uses computers to spew hatred. Oh. Who does she hate? Every white male comedian, all of them. She has a vendetta, as they would say.

Oh, yeah. That's true. Why do you beef with her? What's your problem? You said you're a brochilist. That's correct. Basically we all live in, you know, Skull Mountain castles out in the water. That's very strange, because like I would have assumed if like you were supporting someone

in the U.S. election that you wouldn't be supporting, you know, Bernie Sanders. So you must love Bernie. Yeah. Donald Trump. No, I'm actually a Bernie bro, okay. Might think that I'm not, but I am. I love Bernie. I can't get enough of him.

Donald, I just don't like his attitude. You don't. Okay. It's too much upfront evil. Yeah, that's true. Not enough subtlety. Yeah. Well, let me see Donald Trump end a sentence with, you know, a long laughing gimmick like

we do. Right. Yeah, that's true. Which is your thing. I think that I think that was in the second movie. The one with Beyonce. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

In the gold. In the gold outfit. That's the third one. Yeah. Mainly that's why I hate the identity politics people is because Beyonce dared to oppose me. Oh, yeah. That's their queen, right?

That's their hero. I just now put it together. Yeah. Wow. That's a good, that's a good bit. Wow. So, okay. So you're, so you're bummed.

Bernie's probably gonna pull out soon, right, dude? Well, I'll tell you what, Adam, we're going to find a way to create a new robot Bernie with fricking laser beams in his eyes, in your socialist utopia that you want to sell. In my socialist utopia where we can harass women from the safety of international waters or space. They have a base on the moon where Glenn Greenwald sends me updates on the coordinated harassment campaign to bully women off the internet. That's actually what happened.

Glenn sent me an email. He said, hey, Dr. Evil, how you been? Would you mind threatening to rape Sadie online? I'm too busy raping women in Brazil. Wow, really? Yeah. He lives in Brazil with his husband, right? Yeah, sure.

They rape women together. This is really great. Wow. Dr. Evil, thank you so much for coming on the podcast, because I know Nick had a bunch of beef last week with Sadie Doyle. She was going in on it. Right. Yeah.

I heard about that. Did you see that? He used your image a lot, actually. I actually endorse that. Oh. Do you make all Dr. Evil memes? I was on board. I make every Dr. Evil meme myself.

That's really interesting. Wow. That's pretty chill. Well, I tell you what. We're winning the fight against them, but there's one of these people, a newer online account, who I'm mostly worried about. It's this guy, Woke Bastard. Oh, wow.

Woke Bastard. You know what? I would love to hear about Woke Bastard, but I really have to go to the bathroom. Oh, stop. We're in the middle of an interview. I know. It's very unprofessional. Stop.

You can't leave us. I have to go. I'm so sorry, you guys. I'm going to go. I should be back really soon. All right, DR. I'm sorry. You know, DR, I was wondering, your voice sounds a lot like Caitlyn Jenner.

I was just thinking. We had the same kind of surgery on your voice. I take the hormones because I like the flavor. Oh, no. No. This guy. Wow. Oh, no.

It's the Woke Bastard. It's Woke Bastard? I'm dead sexy. No, you're not. I'm Woke Bastard. No, you're not Woke Bastard. Yes. There's nothing sexy about you.

There's no place for that body negativity here, Dr. Evil. You're too fat to be lovable. Okay. That's not true. Being hot is everybody type. Don't listen to what the patriarch tells you. Wow. That's true.

That is. Yeah. That's a good point. I'm hot. I'm dead sexy. And is the difference between Fat Bastard and Woke Bastard? I'm pretty sure they're the same person. I think Fat Bastard is more like less accepting of his body.

Exactly. Let me explain. You might not know because you're not. Even though they weren't, you weren't in the scene. There's a very emotional scene where Fat Bastard's sad about being fat. No more. Now I love my body. I love my curves.

I know that just because society says I'm disgusting doesn't mean I'm not. I'm lovable. Yes, it does, actually. Take and talk. What you should do is get a tiny clone of yourself that might weigh a fuckable weight. Oh, are you talking about a baby? Yes. So everyone is going to get a clone in your socialist utopia?

In my socialist utopia, yes. Everyone gets their own. No, they're going to be baby sized. I'll tell you something, guys. If I had a clone, I just would not stop 69. That's why you get a tiny clone. Because you can't reach. It has to suck your dick, but you don't have to suck it.

Like the size of a baby. Oh, like a shrunken clone. I love eating babies. So is Austin Powers still at large? Did you win or did he win? Austin Powers has actually been replaced. Really? I have a new foe by the name of Autism Powers.

Autism Powers? Yes. Wow. He sounds pretty cool. Adam, don't you have to go to the bathroom? Not really. I don't have to go to the bathroom. I mean, I can go to the bathroom.

I have a phone, actually. I'm getting a call. Oh, wow. Adam's really good at improv. I'm getting a call. I got to go and then I'll be right back in one second. I just don't want to be the only host here. Well, just go.

We'll hold down the phone. Yeah, baby. Oh, no. It's Autism Powers. Do trains make you horny, baby? Yeah. He's a lot like Austin Powers, except he's mentally retarded. And I have absolutely no sexual desire for women, baby.

That's essentially what the character is. You're lovable just because you're retarded doesn't mean you can't have love. Well, hold on a second, work bastard. You're not allowed to say the R word. I'm doing it ironically. Oh, okay. That's fine. Because I'm woke.

It's okay. Yeah, baby. That's not very woke of you, baby. I mean, you might want to stop that, baby. You don't know what the woke is. You better know how to tie your shoes. Anyway, baby, I was at home memorizing every line to every episode of Gilmour Girls. When I heard my arch nemesis, Dr. Evil, was on the come-down P-cast.

And I'm here to rest you, Evil. Uh-oh. Yeah, arrest him for his crimes against the blogosphere. Now, frankly, I've done nothing against the autistic community. I don't understand the hatred autism powers. Listen, all of... All of you! What's the wrong with autism powers?

Having trouble with your voice over there? I think maybe autism powers ate too many edibles before the podcast. No, baby. I've never smoked weed in my life, baby. I'll tell you what I have eaten, though. Is it pussy? No, baby. That's repulsive, baby.

A human pussy. No, baby. I didn't know this stereotype about the autistic that they hated sex. I eat trained pussies, baby. Trains don't have pussies, autism. Well, that's just a matter of perception, baby. Wow. I get in the caboose and I eat that trained pussy.

Oh, not long, baby. Well, I'll tell you what. I've got to go. I've got evil plans I have to attend to. Dr. Rievel, get ridden, as far as I'm concerned. No! Thank you for having me. I say goodbye.

I can't let you go, baby, without arresting you, baby. Say goodbye to... I gotta put you in jail, baby. Starburst. Autism jail, baby. An adam and a... We'll tell him. Okay, thank you.

Who's a starburst? Well, there goes Dr. Rievel. It's just me and you. Well, it's just us, baby. You let him off the hook. You let him off the hook? Here I am, bitch. Oh, my God, baby.

It's Caitlyn Jenner, baby. Surprise, girls. Here I am. It's an easier impression to do. It sounds a lot like Dr. Rievel, baby. I can maybe be very similar, but I'm... Yeah, it's basically the same thing. Caitlyn, you're a hero.

Thank you. Can I just say you're beautiful? I agree with that. You're a beauty. I've had a lot of surgeries to make this happen. Thank you. I'm attracted to you sexually. Okay, well, I have to go now, too.

Sorry. Oh, no. I thought I was getting somewhere. Yeah, baby. Well, I have to go... I have to go fuck a train, baby. So... Wow.

So I'm gonna go, but... Woke Bastard... It's me, Woke Bastard. Yeah, keep it 100. I will do that. Oh, hey, guys. I'm back from the rape convention. Oh, it's Nick Mullen.

And Woke Bastard is also leaving. I've got to go now, even though... Because I'll hate... Because I'll hate Nick Mullen. Fuck, I lost the accent. And a scene. Guys, that was actually from the play Hamilton. That was a play?

You haven't seen the play Hamilton yet? There were no actors here. It was just us. It was a deleted scene from Hamilton. That was all black people doing that. It's gonna rhyme. That's a rough draft. Hamilton rough draft.

You know, give it a couple more weeks, and, you know, that... Lynn, what's his face? It's really gonna happen. May you all, baby. Lynn Manuel Samantha. Let's go. It's gonna hammer out the kinks and that.

Have any of you seen Hamilton? No. No. I saw the performance. I guess I should also just say, it's good to be back, guys. Yeah, how was the rape joke convention? It was pretty good.

They tried to get me fired. Somebody sent an email to the rape joke convention. Was it old Sadie? Yeah, it was Sadie and then a bunch of other, you know, just like angry people online. They said that they sent him an email and said, like, this guy does rape jokes. He thinks it's like funny to choke women.

Wow. That's actually a direct quote for me. I said that. I don't remember saying it, but apparently I said that. You said that it's funny to choke women. You know, I didn't think I did, but a journalist tweeted that I said that, so I guess it must be true.

That's probably true. Top three, banana peel on the ground, choking a woman, and hitting the balls, obviously. And then the trifecta, where a woman slips on a banana peel and her vagina falls into a guy's crotch. And so he has the pain of being hit in the balls,

but he's also raping a woman. That is the funniest thing. They did a study that's historically the funniest joke that translates across all countries. Actually, that joke was written by the Japanese in World War II. They killed a ton of GIs from laughter. Well, that move is actually how the Russians won

the 1980 Olympics, the gold Olympics. They coordinated it. Ms. Svetlana Sharanka, she put out the banana peel and everyone's like, what is she doing? This is going to be fucking ridiculous. And then, yeah, she pulled it off with her partner, Igor Sakizov.

Igor Sakizov. Igor Sakizov with a V at the end. With a V. It's pronounced off, but it's a... So cute. That's what I said. My name is Igor Sakizov. Igor is here.

I'm here now. They skyped me into the... The audio fidelity in my headphones is just perfect. Oh, no, Igor's got to go. Oh, goodbye, everyone. Pretty soon the characters are just going to be one second, like just the name and then... Oh, good-bye, everybody.

I'm going to talk to you. See you later. Who was that guy? That was the Australian re-talk. Hold on, I've got to go. I've got the trans-hatter. Hello, I'm the trans-hatter. You're not allowed to call me ugly anymore. Legally, you have to say I'm beautiful.

Man, you're only allowed to do impressions of Caitlyn. What's that? It's mean because she's rich. That's the only trans-hatter. It's Caitlyn, bitch. Here I am, bitch. Here I am, bitch. Here we are, the real transwives of Target bathrooms.

That's the reality show. We're all here in the bathroom for a big birthday bitch celebration. We're cutting Miranda's balls off. There's like a family coming in. They're like, get out of here. We're having mimosas. Target has to sponsor it. Oh, boy.

Yeah, the rape joke convention was great. They sent all those emails trying to get me fired, and I was just going to go attend, and then they let me be the keynote speaker. Oh, that's awesome. So I gave a shout out to ComeTown, and I've noticed there were an additional 80 million downloads last week. Yeah, we're making a lot of money off of ComeTown. Yeah, we've got the Patreon.

I used to call it Petrayon. Like General Petrayon. That's how I thought you pronounced it, and then somebody laughed at me, and I was like, yeah, you know, that's not a word. They made up that fucking word for this. Petrayon. Yeah, Patreon, Patreon. Like a patron.

Like a patron, right, but they couldn't call it patron because somebody already owned that. So has anyone sent us money for whatever this podcast is? Yeah, every episode we're making about $7,000, $7 million. That's not bad. Can we grow from there? We should tell the listener at home what we're going to do with the money. Well, it goes to my crippling Ferrari addiction. And Adidas addiction, too.

Addicted to Ferraris. Yeah. And melt them down. For real, though? We will buy Custom ComeTown. Attracts you. Attracts you. Man, 100%.

Oh, my God. If you give us money, we will. Yeah, Adidas wouldn't make them because they have refused to acknowledge my presence on the internet. Damn. So I tweeted them or send threatening emails to their customer service department. We could get that shit and just sew on like a ComeTown patch on the back or something. That's what we should do.

And then we should sew those at 800 or 9,000% markup or whatever. Of course. I'm down. Why don't we get fake bootleg shit and make that. Now we're talking. Yeah. Why don't we get Koogee tracksuits. Okay.

And then put the ComeTown logo on them. I'm done. We'll talk about this more. No. What's that? Koogee is like a majority shareholder, Koogee, and private prison industry. That makes sense. No, I just made it up.

What if he ends up in his own prison and then he's the hero of the prison? Do you think anyway, people are like, I hope Cosby goes to jail. It's like he would be the king there. There's no way that they would have everyone in prison would love Bill Cosby. That would be the greatest time of his life would end beautifully. People would be bringing them cigarettes and Doritos from commissary or whatever. That would be great. Hey Bill, how's it going?

You're the reason I almost didn't end up in here. Well, if you just stop with the cuss words. Oh my God, Bill Cosby's here, everybody. I was at a restaurant with my wife. Restaurant? And she said, if you just stop with the cuss words and the rapids and the women and the loam. I had to go.

Yeah. I mean Cosby. Okay. It's me, everybody. The other Bill Cosby. That's better. Yeah. I'm more at the Cosby than you remember.

Growing up is good. Why are you doing it impression of me? Right now. I'm not doing it. All right. Professor Dr. Emeritus. I'm not fucking you. That's me, Bill Cosby.

Oh, it's me. I'm retarded. I'm trimmed. We should just bring the French guy. Guys, guess how long this episode's been so far? Six minutes. 20 minutes. That's not bad.

Oh boy. Oh boy. Can I talk to you guys about something that's been fucking me up? Sure. Okay. So I looked at the Forbes richest people in the world list, right? Number one. Easy.

Bill Gates, right? He's number one. Bill Gates. No, it's Carlos Slim. No, Carlos Slim. Number four. He dropped down? According to the current Forbes list.

Slim Carlos is the guy from the wire. Carlos Slim is the guy that invented Slim Jim. Slim Charles. Slim Charles. That's what you're not. You don't even know. Charles and Carlos are the same name. I happen to watch the wire on Univision translated.

You watch it in Yiddish? Slim Carlos. I'm sorry that I watch it in Spanish so it could be, it seemed more real to me. I decided to change their ethnicity. Guys, this is a working theory of mine, but the star of the wire, do you know who that was? All the white characters. The city of Baltimore.

The city of Baltimore. All the white characters. Funny here though. All the guys that season two of the wire, a.k.a. season one of the wire. Frank Sabatka season two was like, uh, like 31 years old. Yeah. But he played like a 55 year old. That's what happens, man.

If you go bald. If you go bald, you're fucking 38 years old until you die. Except me. Like I'm no exception. But yeah, you guys are right. Wait, Forbes is dressed like an idiot. Forbes list. Yeah.

I just cool you right there. You could play old man. Forbes list. Number one. Bill Gates. Number four. Carlos Slim. Number two.

I thought Warren Buffett. Here's the trick, right? There's no number three. There is. So everyone's looking for number three and they can't find it. There's only four millionaires running around the school. All right. School.

Well, that's where you do that prank. I don't know. The pigs. Warren Buffett three. Who's the number two richest guy in the world? According to Forbes right now. Uh, P. Diddy. You told the master P.

I'm not going to answer. It's the guy who owns Zara. The store. What? The guy who owns Zara. What is that? He's like, I looked up his bio and basically the only thing he's ever done is owned Zara. Zara is like a shoe.

He has 21. He has almost as much money as Bill Gates. He has more money than Warren Buffett. That's insane. What is that story? Just like old ladies. It's like a shit. It's like H&M.

Oh, really? It's like, but it's owned by this guy. It makes absolutely no sense how like shitty pants. Yeah. He has almost as much money as Bill Gates. Like Bill Gates brought the personal computer to people's homes. The most like important invention. That was Al Gore, dude.

Okay. Al Gore invented computers in the internet. That's right. And getting sucked off outside. He was the first guy to ever get sucked off outside was Al Gore. I invented. I can't even get anywhere closer. I'll invent it.

I can't stop. I can't stop thinking about how the fuck this is possible. How much money that makes. The Zara guy being the second richest. Well, did he have money? Maybe he had money from something else. It was probably real estate or something. He owns Hapsburg.

He owns the textile. Have you seen that? That there's like a conspiracy theory. There's a meme that goes around. It's like one Jewish bank owns every bank. One Jewish family owns every bank. It's like a Rothschild. Oh, yeah.

That's the protocols of the Elders of Zion. No, it's like five families. No. There's a thing going around saying that the Rothschild family owns every national bank. Every national bank in the entire world. Which they do. Which, you know, it's true. But like, why would you, you know, remind people of that?

Do you know what my reggae band is called? No, this is going to get it. The protocols of the Elders of Zion. These guys sound cool. It's all Jewish. They smoke weed. It's all Jewish banking people in my reggae band. Zion the lion.

Zion. Anyway, yeah. But like, the reason I was looking at the Forbes list is because I wanted to know if Donald Trump was even the richest guy named Donald in the world. No shot. There's three other Donalds richer than him. I don't know. But they're fucking, they got so much money.

Well, you would have to. If your name's Donald, you have to be a millionaire. There isn't an Adam in the top 1,000 richest people in the world. Good fuck that shit. Yeah. But they're like 20 Donalds. Well, maybe if your fucking name was Donald or Carlos Slim or some... Carlos Slim's a tight name.

There's a Russian oligarch that I saw on the list. There's a Russian guy who is an insane amount of money. Egor Sakhinsov. Egor Sakhinsov. No, his first name... He capitalized off that gold medal fame. His first name is literally God. Really?

Yeah, yeah. It's like God Sarnayev or something. Sarnayev. Yo, can we talk about how that Sarnayev guy, not guilty, y'all got to fill me though? What happened? The joker Sarnayev. He got not guilty? No, I just don't think he's guilty.

Oh, I thought you meant they had a trial and he was... Somehow I missed that. Yeah. But he is not guilty. It's too beautiful. No. First of all, you can't be a stoner and be a terrorist. It's not possible.

I'm going into a Tom Myers right now. Are you working out bids? What the fuck are you talking about? Let me ask you this. Did Jihar have a bong hit transplant? I mean, you'll be... Listen, you're telling me he's going to hit the bong and then get up and do plans? I don't think so.

Can you tell me my man's going to take a toke? Yeah, on his way to the blueprints, he's going to see a bag of Cheetos and that's it, my friends. The most good. Yeah, Tom Myers. I think someone that's never smoked weed talking with authority about weed is the funniest thing in the entire world. So like bragging about it. The funniest thing Tom Myers ever did.

Back to Tommy. Yeah. Fuck, I was going to do some research about chokes. That's going to be next... Oh yeah, we'll do that later. But the funniest thing Tom Myers ever did is when he did that CD taping. Yes, I love it. He was doing a bit and I forget what the bit was, but he sort of just casually mentioned

it while he was on stage that his parents already have a grave for him. Next to them too. Next to them. They've already decided this motherfucker is going to have a family. Do you know I bought that CD online just so I could hear Stoff laughing? You're exaggerating laughing. I think it's only a computer camera. I'm surprised he's listening to it soon.

Fucked up because Mike Turpin the whole time was like stomping his foot down on the guy. He's like, haha, look, doing this exaggerated laughing and Mike Turpin. Mike Turpin's a giant. He's like, he's like a power lifter. Power lifter MMA guy. Well, the guy squats like a thousand pounds, so he's like just smashing his massive foot against the ground, like fucking up the recording equipment. Tom had to ask his parents to bring him back to him.

I'm like, listen guys, when Bernie drops out, we will be one step closer to Tom Myers eating that pussy. That's the only reason I'm writing that in on the ballot. Tom Myers has to eat the pussy. I'm voting Hillary only if Tom Myers eats the pussy. We should definitely make people aware of that. We should get a clip and throw that in the shit. Yeah.

Oh, definitely. That'll be the break. It's going to be the Tom Myers that trailer clip. Since Tom Myers stuff. Fuck. What was I going to say? I had another Tom Myers story. You were talking about the graves.

He's also an announcer at a children's baseball field. But what was the best part about that CD taping is Tom actually has fans. And I heard these like two weird guys from Newcastle, Delaware. What? Yeah, these two weird guys. Are you fucking kidding? Yes, I'm serious. These two like this guy whose proportions were all fucked up.

He was like, you know, just fat and wide a Reddit guy with a weird like witch hat. I remember that guy. Yeah. And the long hair. And he came all the way from Newcastle. I guess that's not that far away from Delaware. Still. Yeah.

I mean anything longer than one block. The fact that Tom Myers has a fan. Yeah, but it's like that makes sense that that's who would be. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like just the most off brand Reddit guys. Like not even cool in the Reddit world. Yeah.

Would he? Like he's intimidated by guys that wear Bazinga shirts. He's like, oh, they're looking at me. I hope they asked me to sit with them. Holy shit. Imagine being on the low end of that totem pole, dude. Oh my God. Oh, remember that Mexican Reddit guy we saw at the pool hall?

Yeah. He was wearing a fedora and a Bazinga shirt. We were shooting pool like a year ago and there was this fucking guy. It was like a Mexican guy with another Mexican guy and he's wearing a Bazinga shirt and he's got a fedora on. They're speaking Spanish to each other. And I think he was vaping. There was another element.

Yeah. There was a third element. Spenders or vaping or something. Yeah. There was a third Reddit and stuff. It's like, this is just like a Mexican Reddit guy and he's just speaking Spanish. There's a whole thing. He's awesome, dude.

This is like cancer. And the guy with him was just like in a, like just Mexico soccer t-shirt. Like it was just, he was clearly just, I don't know. It was incredible. Yeah. He got bullied out of Mexico. That's why he came here. He made fun of so hard in Mexico.

He had to come across the border. I was just remembering the other day. I saw, I miss, I miss watching black teens harass people. The best. I was on a bus when I was like 17 and there was these three black teenagers harassing this middle-aged black woman who was like kind of overweight. And they were just making fun of her feet. And so they're like, ah, bitch, your feet look like Trek 3.

Just a woman that wasn't talking to her. It wasn't talking to her. Like bitch, your feet look like Trek 3. Your toes look like fucking rotten grapes. And she's sitting there and just like, you know, stoically looking ahead trying to ignore them and there's like tears streaming down her face. Like Denzel and Lori. Oh my God.

And that was like a classic moment of bullying. That is some fucking very good shit. I saw, I heard this, this one lady bullying another lady on the streets yesterday. She's like, where'd you get that dress? Century 22? It doesn't even make any sense. Well, it's not century 21. It's a knockoff.

It's, well, 22 is better. It's from the future. That's true. Why like that century 21 is like the place it's not forever 21. It's close to forever, but it's a shorter amount of time. Century sounds like a long time, but it's certainly not forever. And that's the bit, folks. That's pretty good.

Why don't you bring that one to me? That's a process. You know what? I think terrorists could never be potted. I think so too. Should we do a break? I think so too. Let's do a break.

No, we hit, we hit 30 minutes. So first half is a success. And then yeah, I got to get more coffee. We'll be back in a minute, folks. Enjoy the Tom Myers bit. I'm Don Shipley, that Thony Navy seal the week I am. Geez, have I been getting beaten up with emails about some pictures, some chief posed with Hillary Clinton at one of her rallies or some stuff.

Out of all the phony seals that I've ever busted, I have never been wrong because I check, double check and triple check, double check, double check and triple check and triple check. And I make it my business to know awards, uniforms, buds, databases, classified shit, claims, seal, buds, databases, classified shit, seal, claims, uniforms, all of it. And some of you guys went nuts when I started getting off of YouTube and starting my own video website.

And the reason I did it, putting Stolen Valor on the map, new laws enacted that guys can't get away with this stuff, posed with Hillary Clinton at one of her rallies or some stuff. So it's an election year. It's an election year. You guys all excited about this election coming up? Yes! Actually, yes! Me, me, I'm an Obama person, but me, I kind of,

part of me kind of wants Hillary Clinton to take the Oval Office. No, no, no, okay, okay, hear me out, hear me out. What's the first thing Hillary Clinton's going to do when she gets in office? Get back, get back, no! Get back at Bill for all the shit he pulled. That's why I'm going to apply to be an intern. I quit smoking though, so I don't know if that'll affect my shot, but... Good morning, Vietnam!

Oh, I killed myself, because I have Parkinson's! Welcome back, everybody. Wow, Robin Williams was in studio for a second. The ghost. The characters, the characters app continues. The characters will not stop coming today, guys. Nobody stops coming, baby, this is Comtown. Sploosh, sploosh, sploosh.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'd smoke so much weed.com.thc, and I'll smoke more cum. I'm so stoned, man. Alright, guys, we got to talk about something for a second. What's wrong, Nicky Boy? So, I mean, I don't want to confront you guys or make it seem like it's your responsibility or anything. What? Okay, well, a couple of times I've stepped out of the room, and while I've been gone,

you've led other people on the show, which I'm fine with. What are we supposed to do, man? It's supposed to be an open room, I get that. There's always an open door, everyone knows that. Well, there's one guy in particular. Apparently, there's this Seth Dickfield guy that comes on the show, which I have no problem with, but I found out that, apparently, that's supposed to be like a cruel impression of this guy that blocked me on Facebook a while back.

He blocked me this week on Twitter? A friend of yours? Well, no. I mean, he'll talk to me as if we're friends whenever he has a complaint or something that he wants from me, but for the most part, no, we're not friends, and I'm a slimebag, according to him. It's kind of like an issue, so we shouldn't really be addressing him on the show. Now, I don't buy it. I think he's blowing this out of proportion.

I really don't see the similarities. They're both named Seth, sure. They kind of have the same opinions, but this Seth has round glasses and Seth Dickfield, from what I know, has square glasses. Square glasses. That's a big, that's a key thing about the Seth Dickfield. Yeah, you wouldn't fuck that up. If you're going to do an impression of somebody, you'd at least get the glasses right.

Right, right, right. Especially on a podcast. Yeah, so I mean, guys, at most, maybe like six or seven more times, you can let him come on. Okay, okay. But any more than that, you know, I mean, I really don't want to teach you. Okay, it's really upsetting this guy that is also named Seth. Yeah, he's also named Seth, I guess. That's really, if anyone named Adam is like a fucking mean character,

like I'm going to get offended by that, that's like bullshitting. So what do you say? We don't need to give in to that. What you need to understand is that this other guy, Seth, did something happen? Well, he has PTSD. Oh, no. Which, you know, I mean, he wasn't like a veteran or anything, but apparently like growing up, people would make fun of him sometimes,

which, you know, nobody experiences that. That's not a thing that anyone else has to deal with. It's really just him. So it gave him PTSD. He's basically a... Post-traumatic... Wait, this guy coming on? Post being teased by Seth Dakefield.

Post-traumatic Seth Dakefield. PTSD. It stands for podcast triggering Seth Dakefield. It's a different type of PTSD. Geez. We're upsetting a lot of people, I think. Well, maybe... The thing about this podcast is that, like, I don't know if people like this or not,

but it's kind of been a platform for us to just make fun of people we know. Yeah. Not like necessarily even famous people or, you know, well-known people. Well, it's... Maybe though he... Punching laterally, guys. I don't believe in punching up or down. He punched him left.

He punched to the front. And to the right. That's what Ali did, and that's, you know... Ali, who was the greatest. Yeah, was the greatest. Seth actually, you know, said last week, if you're not hip to Muhammad Ali, it's not too late. Wait, on Facebook?

Yeah, yeah. Did you see that? If you're not hip to... Whoa, is he in the room? Well, maybe... How about this for a solution? We just have him on, and we'll hash it out. Well, I asked him.

You know, he was blowing up my phone the other day, and he was like, What did you say about me? And I was like, I didn't say anything, dude. You've never come up once. Which is a... That voice sounded very different to the Seth Dickfield voice. Yeah, he's like a... You know, I mean, I don't really know Seth Dickfield,

but he's like, Hey, everybody, how are you doing? Which is not... And the other Seth is like, Here I am. It's me, Seth. And basically... Those are two different... Night and day. Night and day, yeah.

That's true. You know, similar accents, because they're from the same exact place, and they're the same age. So, you know, they would have had a similar, if not identical... Louisiana. They didn't know each other. You know, weirdly enough, I don't think they could... It'd be really interesting to get the two of them together.

Round glasses and square glasses. They can't sit in a room together to talk sometime in the future. We should maybe see if we can't broke through that. I asked him, you know, because he was like, He was like, What did you say about me? And I said, I didn't say anything. And I mean, I don't know this Seth Dickfield guy. So, you know, I can't answer for what another man says.

You know, I have integrity. Absolutely. And I'm not going to put words in somebody else's mouth. You know, that's messed up to be. That's totally fucked up. You know, to go around just like, almost doing an impression. Not caring at all. I wouldn't do something like that.

We know that. And that's why we started our podcast together. Yeah, because we're friends. Because I care about my friends, and I appreciate my friends, and the diversity of opinions that my friends may or may not have. Regardless of whether they block me on Facebook, because I made fun of one female Ghostbusters person. Eight months ago.

What was the best? He was writing, he was like, Oh, get a load of this. I'm in a coffee shop the other day. Of course he is. He just sits in coffee shops, working on projects that will never fucking go anywhere. It's a two hour movie.

It's all puns. I guarantee you that's what he was writing. I'm in a coffee shop the other day, and I hear this guy, he's talking about, he's on the phone with his pal, and he like transcribes this guy's like, you know, for a minute conversation. For his Facebook.

For his Facebook. About how, oh, this is back before he was a Bernie guy. You know, oh, this guy's complaining, because he's saying, oh, it's sexist if you complain about Hillary Clinton. News for your pal, it probably is, and you know, that kind of shit, and he's like, and then he doesn't even stop there.

He's going on to say, it's like they have, they have to have a female Ghostbusters now. It's like, why do girls have to have everything? And then it closes the quotation, and his line at the end is, Look out ladies, there's a new MRA sheriff in town. Oh, God. And when you say MRA sheriff,

the image that pops in my head, partially due to autism probably, is I remember in Mario Party 2, where you can get like, there's like Cowboy level, but it's the Cowboy Wario. That's what I think. MRA Sheriff is Cowboy Wario. That's got to be on the internet somewhere.

What, picture Cowboy Wario? Yeah, unfortunately, I'm one of these podcasts. Half of your followers. Half of your followers, AVIs or whatever. So I guess, yeah, I guess I want to, you know, just bring that up and, you know, let you guys know that, you know, maybe prevent that from talking too much shit.

Well, open invitation to this other set. Anytime you want to come on, hash it out, you don't really, you don't even have to unblock me on Facebook. I was following you because you followed me, really. Oh, he blocked you on Facebook? Or on Twitter. I haven't been blocked yet,

but I'm sure after this podcast, probably. Yeah, well, if you want to sneak into his mentions, just replying to anything Tolly Qualey tweets, because Seth will defend his opinions against anyone that dare trolls Tolly. How dare you say that to Tolly? Tolly Qualey. Really hip hop.

I love you, Tolly. Just, you know, I love it. You know what it's fucked up is he doesn't understand how funny he is. He's amazing. He's one of the funniest people in the fucking world, and he just doesn't get why he's funny. But it's just not on purpose.

Yeah, no, it's ridiculous. He's funny, though. It's stand up, right? I wouldn't say that. Okay, well, I don't know. I saw him at an open mic once. He was very funny. That's all I can say.

Yeah, you know, I mean, for some reason, he's been in comedy 16 years. Funny. Nick, you're not helping. He's very funny, and we'd love to talk with him because he's so funny and we want him to defend himself. You're pandering too much, dude. Okay, sorry.

It's a delicate line. Oh, you almost have to neg him into it. You know, you got to treat him like a woman. But you're trying to fucking treat women. Yeah. Neg them. I think we're all in agreement there. Absolutely.

So, and I guess from the Brandon Ward El Corner, who isn't a character, that's just Brandon's... Our friend who's been the most remarkably successful out of his life. And that's, you know why? It's because Brandon's a fucking retard and no offense to real retards. You know, I know there's like issues with the word,

but, you know, Brandon's a fucking idiot, but he acknowledges that. Like any fucking comedian. Like, I know I'm an idiot and I'd say, dude, dumb shit all the time. And you have to have a sense of humor about it. Otherwise, like, why are you even doing this? Right.

And that's why Brandon's successful. To score chicks. It's because all of his content is fucking dog shit. His whole like Snapchat, he's going to be a Snapchat fucking guy, that's his thing. No, don't say that. I mean, he's funny.

He's funny. He's funny, but he's also like self-aware to an extent. Like I'll see people. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's doing like a crackhead teenager character. Yeah. But he did, he did try to troll me on Instagram. He cyber bullied you.

Because I think, well, he told me that he thought it was funny when I did the, hey guys, Drake had a Pokemon and Big Sean, Big Sean come in and he don't have sex. I like that you make him Asian. I make him an Asian baby. Well, that's kind of what he is. Well, yeah, he is.

He's half Asian. He's half Asian, half Air Force. He wrote on my, he wrote on my Instagram, my last Instagram post, your light count is embarrassing. It's wild. Which isn't even... He's getting cyber bullied by Brando Wardell.

I really wanted to respond. I stole this picture from Black Twitter. Speaking of stealing shit from Black Twitter, did you see the Good Morning America thing? No. Oh, it was awesome. Oh, God. So yeah, Good Morning America, they,

I mean, I feel so dumb doing topical stuff. Why? Just do it. Well, because it's, you know what this is going to be? I'm going to describe it and then I'm going to go, isn't that fucking stupid? And then we're going to go, yeah, that was stupid. Well, we're here, baby.

Yeah. Good Morning America tweeted something like, which meme is the most meme fucking something? Right, right, right. And then they included... That boy? And it was like, is crying LeBron the next big meme? Yeah, that was it.

Is crying LeBron the next big meme? Watch. But listen. Well, then is that the next crying Jordan? Lizard T. Hashtag Lizard T. T Lizard. T Lizard is the Kermit the Frog thing.

Yeah, yeah. And then smockin' that mask thing, which I don't even know what that is. I haven't seen that one before. And then some other fucking thing. I don't know. And then somebody wrote... Somebody wrote...

Ah, fuck was it. Good Morning America races or something about stealing the comedic excellence of Black Twitter by not acknowledging the Black Twitter roots of a picture of Kermit the Frog. I mean, come on. Like that's... Well, they invented rock and roll

and they invented Kermit sipping Lipton's tea. That's none of my business though, you guys. If that's what cultural appropriation is at this point, then... I think it is. Just stealing a picture. Good Morning America tweeting a meme that Black Twitter invented.

Also, the Good Morning America wreck... They got the memes wrong, right? No, they got them right. Tea lizard. It's actually more... It's cool that they said tea lizard. Tea lizard is Sobee. Do you remember that brand?

It was like a lizard themed tea. I used to drink their energy drink all the time. Hell yeah, dude. I used to get crates. Not crates, but from Safeway. They had... Or like Shoppers Food Warehouse. They had the wholesale size of the Sobee adrenaline.

Sobee adrenaline? That was like a loser? Yeah. That was good. That was a lizard, man. Yeah. I love soda. I want to go back to being a soda guy.

I've been like really into... Did I mention it last time? The Kmart graphics tees? I don't know. Yeah. You are wearing a Bob Marley... I am. I'm wearing a Bob Marley shirt.

Yeah, you said I dressed like an idiot earlier. You've been dressing solely in Kmart graphics tees for the last three weeks. That's the fucking move, dude. I want to find one of these like Schwick Norm Core parties. Or it's like, actually we just dressed normal. That's like the cool thing.

And then you show up wearing like a... Like a... Like a Suicide Squad Joker Fitted Tee. Or Fitted Hat. It's like the newest... The Jokermovilia there is. The Jared Leto. Just a picture of Jared Leto.

Yeah, Joker Fitted Hat. And see if you can get them to kick you out of the party for wearing Kmart clothes. Like, you're not cool in the right way. Who has Norm Core parties, though? I don't know. I might have just made it up. I don't think that's the thing.

No, Adam, you have definitely gone to a party where everyone dresses that way. No way. 100%. Probably the one you were at yesterday. What were you telling me about? Oh, yeah. I went to this party and this girl was there

and I didn't know who she was in it. Ended up being Lenny Kravitz's daughter. Jenny Kravitz? Jenny Kravitz, yeah. No, Zoe Kravitz. You're telling me you haven't gone to a party where everyone's wearing just, like, white tees and, like, ugly jeans?

No, that's Baltimore, dude. No, dude. But I mean, like, the fit of shit. Baltimore, everyone... Okay, I don't want to piss people off. Let's do it. Everyone smells like trash in Baltimore. Oh, dude, I feel...

And dresses like poor people from the 90s. Dude, how fucking did you... That's the Norm Core aesthetic. That is true. That is bizarre how that's a thing. Where they were like, 1998, this is perfect. But you're talking about art school kids in Baltimore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like Micah kids.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. I mean, all those people are mad cool, too. But that's the aesthetic. Dude, not that cool. Guys, here's what I want to talk about. Not really. What are you backpailing for?

Yeah, go ahead, Nick. Who's excited for the new Independence Day? Oh, I am. Did they get Will Smith? They didn't. Is that the dude Will Smith's son? Yeah, he's playing Will Smith's son. It's not Jaden, but it's a guy playing Will Smith's son.

Will Smith actually picked Suicide Squad over Independence Day 2. What a fucking idiot. What an idiot. Are you offended? Yeah, I mean, I don't think Suicide Squad's gonna be good. I'm excited for Independence Day 2. You're excited for it? I'll see it, but I'm not excited for it.

Well, the first one was so good. That's like the first time I've been earnestly, like, excited about a sequel or remake in a while. You think it'll be good? Yeah, of course it will. I think it'll be fun, it'll be fucking shit exploding and shit like that. Yeah, that's what I mean. The guy that plays Will Smith's son, though, sucks so hard. He's on the commercial.

It's just like, today, Earth, he just gives, he's just like trying to be like fucking, he's trying to give a big speech and it sucks. Like the Bill Pullman one, for God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Today is our Independence Day. And then the president, just like they let him fly a... Well, that's the thing, is that he's sick at flying. Yeah.

He's a former pilot. What if that's what his campaign was? It's like, I don't know shit about anything, but I'm the best at fucking flying. And then people voted for him. I mean, Dwight Eisenhower didn't know he was a fucking general. He was a four star general, dude. Dude, that shit's easy. It was a hero.

That shit's easy. I could do that shit. I think you couldn't. Easy, dude. Okay, well, that went nowhere. What's up? What else is... I think it looks gay.

You think it looks gay? Yeah, I mean, yeah. It's a scale of one to ten gays. We should have a movie review segment. We're like, that's... Oh, the gay-o-meter. I mean, that's essentially what Rotten Tomatoes is. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Well, no, it's because... Create a widget. Fresh. Which changes fresh to gay. Yeah, no, Hank, the guy that... Hank Tomato, the guy that opened Rotten Tomatoes.

Hank Tomatoes. Well, yeah, he was like a guy that fucks tomatoes. Oh. So it was like how he ranked movies. The better he liked a movie, the more tomatoes he fucked after watching it. It was 100. If he fucked 100 tomatoes, it was a really good movie. Yeah, no, that makes sense.

We should have... I was actually looking at a review of The Sandlot, a Roger Ebert review of The Sandlot. You said he trashed it? No, I mean, it doesn't have like particularly good ratings. But Roger Ebert said he's like, you're just so like enveloped in the movie that at one point a line drives hit over, I don't know, the first basement and I found myself ducking in the theater and reaching up with my mitt. But I didn't have a mitt on.

It's like, no, you didn't. Yeah. Absolutely did not happen. That's a lot. You're like completely lying. And if you did, then you need an MRI. You need like a fucking... You need to get your brain...

Oh, yeah. It was like a 3D ride at Disneyland. Whoa! Yeah. Movie reviewer. Yeah. He watches movies professionally. All day long.

If anyone is numb to that kind of shit, it's him. Who the fuck is he kidding? I thought the baseball was coming out in a movie screen. I'm glad he's dead. Yeah, me too, honestly. Did you see that first interview he did when like they got the... they did remove the second half of his face? The job.

The bottom of his face. Oh, geez. Yeah, yeah. It was just using the... The Stephen Hawking machine. Well, he was using like the MacTalk app. Yeah, yeah. Like, hello, it's me.

Roger Ebert. It was so great or whatever. And that video was great because you could just make him say whatever you wanted. Oh, yes. Mac and talk. Oh, wow. Fuck. Yeah.

Have you done that? I did. I made a couple of them. When I was like 20. Let's make some more. Yeah, we should do that. Let's make some Come Town Originals. Come Town Originals of Roger Ebert.

Well, how did he die? Did his cancer come back? The cancer, yeah. Didn't he get like a jaw transplant for him? That documentary was really beautiful. A hot sec. Yeah, and then it rejected. That sucked.

Yeah, his body rejected it or something. He had a jaw again. There was like a day where he thought he was going to be okay. His wife's name is Chaz. That's pretty cool. Is it Chaz Bono? Yeah. It is.

It's a sassy black lady named Chaz. She's sassy. Do you know who has a black wife? I love the pictures on like vacation of Chaz's kids and like just this fat white guy. They're such a happy family. It's like all these black people. It's just like portly white, like smiling. A lot of family reunion to Six Flags.

Make custom t-shirts made. The Koopa E-Boot family reunion. They all have the shirts. Two thumbs up. I think he was a drunk. You know who has a black wife? Is George Lucas. Yep.

Which is hilarious. You know his wife played George R.P. Well, that's what I'm saying. I was like, wasn't there a conversation at household at some point where she's like, George, what the fuck is this? No, it's chill because she's like, I told you not to read my scripts. She sectioned it. George is crazy.

This is Jamaican hysteria type of alien. He was a platypus Jamaican. Yeah. Well, I mean, if you think about it, that's the only like racist against blacks character in Star Wars because pretty much every other, the majority of them are Asian people. Yeah. He found a way to like every single one. The glasses lady in the last one was amazing.

That's a tribute to George Lucas. That's the only hat tip to George Lucas. The glasses lady was like, one day your destiny gon' be real big. You gon' have real good time destiny. You are, you like Rook Skywalker. It's like, there's like a shooting star in the background. It's like, this is for you, George. J. James like points outside the stadium.

Yeah, real big. You get your own lightsaber. You go down basement, find lightsaber. You be real hero, just like Rook Skywalker. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. Now the best one though, the most racist of all the Star Wars like, you know, background characters has to be Han Solo's co-pilot in Return of the Jedi.

Han Solo or? Oh, yeah, Lando. Lando. Yeah. He just looks like a fat Korean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, then all he says is like, oh, okay, okay. George Lucas hates Asian people.

I think we might be haunted by something here. Yeah, well, more so, because that's how, really, you can't just say somebody's racist, right? Because nobody has time to, you know, just say like, oh, this guy, then he has that defensive like, oh, I hate everybody equally, right? You know, he can just say, what's the word? Misanthrope, but he clearly hates Asians the most. So that's the one you should focus on. Yeah, beefing with an Asian actress.

Who's that sexy Chinese lady who was in? Lucy Lu. No. Sandra Oh. That's to both of them. It was Bai Lin or something like that. Oh, yeah, yeah, from Crushing Tiger. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was feuding with her. Like with the wires. She got cut out of the movie or something like that. Oh, really? She was in it, she was like hunting fucking, I don't fucking know, Boba or something. I don't know, dude. I was beating off to her once and that came up in a search. Yeah.

Do you see it made that ghost in the shell movie and like Scarlett Johansson, they cast Scarlett Johansson, all these idiots on Twitter are like, um, here's who you could have cast instead that's actually Asian. Bobby Lau. Lin Zhao. And it's like, who the fuck any of these people are? I know who Scarlett Johansson is. Maybe I'll go see this stupid fucking anime movie if she's in it.

I don't know who. Oh, Ching Ching Sally. Ching Ching Sally. Yeah, she was on a TV show in Korea in 1992. So she should be the star of this blockbuster movie. Yeah, that one's going to get me in trouble. Yeah, we should just send that directly to your girl, Sadie. Yeah, Sadie should find out about that.

You need to apologize to Sadie about being racist to Asian people. Well, you know, I feel like Sadie could come around, you know, she's with Doyle's Irish. She's got the evil inner, you know, she has the potential to be as racist as the rest of us. Listen, they came over on those boats and they saw those signs that said they need not apply. Yeah. And they thought they thought that meant to life. And so they just all became scumbag pieces of shit. But actually, there's another woman, Feminista Jones.

That was fucking hilarious. Somebody started searching her old tweets. And like 2012, she's like, fuck Chinese people. Yeah, Asians can't drive. She's just straight up said Chinese people can't drive. Asians can't drive, which is like not even a joke. Is she like a Hillary person? Yeah, well, I don't actually know.

Yeah, she's like a woke account though. This is such a weird group of people that Twitter has uncovered. Well, so yeah, so she had all the middle, the militant middle people. Well, hold on. So she goes, she had a tweet on there that was like, I love when you come out of a bathroom and you could tell the bitch that was in there before her pussy stank like a Holocaust shower, which is like, that's like my level. Yeah, that's the kind of shit that I tweet and I'm like, I don't know about this one.

That's extremely online. Yeah. And so I kind of had this moment with her where it's like, I don't want to shame her for these old tweets. I just want her to be like, come back. Yeah. Let this be your like, come to Jesus moment. Just give up all this shit. Just be a monster online.

Just fucking do it. You like it. It makes you probably makes you happy. You don't need to be a fucking good person. You need to enjoy your life and take care of your children. Let's reach out to her. Let's get her on. I tried to.

She blocked me. I added her to one of my irony DMs. Isn't this like digging up? Isn't one of these like digging? Like this whole thing about digging up old tweets from accounts is like the same thing that we criticize. This happens to like SNL people, right? Yeah.

You just do it to woke people online. SNL people aren't fucking sanctimonious pieces of shit. That's true. I support doing it to the woke. Yeah. If you're online constantly talking about like, you know, fucking going through and criticizing like word choices that people you presumably agree with, like her tweets on that day were all about some Asian guy that wasn't a good enough ally.

I said something about how like Asian men's like, uh, allyship should be, you know, you should side-eye, clap back, fucking kermit the frog at it or whatever because, uh, because you know, uh, it erases her and then, you know, then immediately people were finding those Asian tweets and she's like, whoops, whoopsie daisy. She's like, I'm glad I've grown a lot. Yeah. But those are the people retweeting the stories about when a comedian gets fucking hired and you know, which is fucking ridiculous.

We'll stay out of that shit. Yeah. No, they did it to Red Nitsky or whatever, who bumped me at the stand last night and crushed. Really? Yeah. How's his stand-up? Is he good?

He's good. I want to hate him. I want him to like not. Did he dance? Yeah. He's like 23 or some shit. That dance thing he did on SNL was amazing. I didn't see the dancing.

Yeah. That's really good. It's clearly what he auditioned with. Yeah. It was pretty incredible. Is it just dancing? No. Is it Hamilton?

Yeah. Yeah. He was in a dance. And he's just... Well, how hard is that? It's a dancing movie. He's an electric performer. Yeah.

Yeah. He's not a bad stand-up. You thought it was bad? It was fine. I don't know. I thought it was like... She's a bit... Yeah.

I prefer jokes. That's the thing is like they always bring new guys on who aren't getting enough time to just do their stand-up during weekend update. Right, right, right. Yeah. So like that's... They did one of those things with him. Yeah, yeah.

You know what, guys? We should make our own SNL with all our crazy characters that we've been coming up with. Yeah. Yeah. I mean... Like Dr. Evil and... Dr. Evil and woke bastard. And Seth Dickfield and...

That'd be good. That'd be good. I think we'll see if we could do like a web series. That might work. That would be funny. You know, it makes me horny, baby. I'll see that lowest from Family Guy, baby. That would be good to see.

You know what? What's funny to me is because like, I mean, I'm not like a free speech guy per se, but I do like copyright infringement a lot. Oh, it's the best. I think you should be able to just fucking steal shit from comics. We should do that. For sure. You can't own ideas, people.

My angle is it's not funny unless you get sued. Nice, dude. I know that Once Come Town gets to a certain point, we're going to be getting like a briefcase offer, and they're going to be like the only thing... He's going to try and buy it. The only thing that needs to happen is you need to change your name. And Nick is going to be like, guys, let's walk away. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. We're not changing the name. First of all, no one is going to fucking give us like $100,000 to be come down. It's going to be in a briefcase. Yeah. I'll do it. We want to make this. We want to make this a year.

I'll get it. I'll get $100,000 for this podcast. NBC. I guarantee you, dude. No, you won't, bitch. Yeah, I will. MTV. C-M Town.

I don't know if it's smart to shit on like a fucking MTV show. Don't do it. All right. Well, never mind. Do you want to work for them? No, not really. It's not going to happen, but... They're garbage.

I was talking with somebody the other night, and... They're great. We were making fun of, like, you know, we've made fun of... We've made fun of, like, MTV shows in the past. Sure. And somebody told me they were auditioning. I'm not going to... I'm not going to fucking say it.

I'm not going to say it. What? I'll tell you afterwards. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even told you. Well, great for the podcast. I did. What was the story?

You want to just cut that out? No, I'm leaving it in. He doesn't... Do you refuse to ever edit any of these ever? No, I don't. I just learned what compression is the other day. You can edit fairly easily, I feel. I could, but whatever.

Why don't you just drop it? We can move on to something else. That's a good point. I like that. I wanted to mention this. Here's a good... You throw this in the bit tank for the open mic. Let's do it.

So, the money in the briefcase thing... Nobody has briefcases anymore. No. But they still do the briefcase thing in movies. Yeah. They still do buying drugs. If I saw somebody with a briefcase today... That's for drugs.

I would pull them over. Did you see that truck that got pulled over in the Holland Tunnel today? No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. With all the guns? With the guns? But then they showed the truck, and it's like this fucking, like, Ramvan with wrap-around decals and a fucking, like, surge-green cooler in the front on, like, a bracket.

They were, like, strapped up, and they were like, we had to rescue our friend who's addicted to heroin. That's what they said. And they had just, like, an arsenal of weapons. Trying to get into New York City. Yeah, the truck looks like a, like, a mid-90s Mountain Dew promotion. That's awesome. It's got all this, like, you know, like, urban tactical gear or whatever, decals on the side,

like a Tonka decal. Oh, hell yeah. And yeah, there's, like, a fucking beer cooler attached to the front of, like, a neon green beer cooler attached to the front of the truck. It's basically a monster truck. Damn, I wonder what they were, for real, about to get into. Hopefully, about to, like, kill somebody over Mountain Dew. That would be the raid, the surge factor.

I love that. You know what I love with each new mass shooting? It's always, like, a new, like, kind of, it's always a new, different type of guy now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're like, oh, yeah. Of course, it was a gay muslin. Yeah, closet and gay muslin. God, fuck.

I don't even know who to be mad at with this one. It used to be easy. Just crazy white guy. Well, until, what's his name? The DC Cyber. No, I was, I almost said Jeremy Lin. That was the fucking Arthur, not Arthur. Virginia Tech.

Virginia Tech. What's his name? Cho. Son Moon Cho. I don't know. I don't know. Whoever he is, he should star in the new Ghost in the Shell. That should be the fucking new.

And we did it. And there it is. That's the callback. Folks, should that be the podcast? I think so. Whatever, we did it. That's an hour. You guys were fun.

Yeah. You guys got anything you want to plug? No? Great. See you later. Nothing. Bye. Bye.

Well, what do you think? How did you like that? You