The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 278 – me play joke
Episode Date: September 22, 2021my fucking back hurts...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This isn't coming through on the speakers, so oh, I'll wait. Oh, yeah. No, I don't know. I just want
I don't know. I'm think we just
Radio DJ the whole episode. They'll be they'll be playing a ton for music. You're listening to you
Peanuts down
Yeah, you are you little motherfucker
Uh-huh
Yeah, we were listening to a song that makes me want to kiss my boyfriend
Yeah, and then Adam said I'm right here. Then I said you wish. Yeah, I don't wish you do wish
Oh, we're in a loveless relationship. No, it's one way. What do you mean? It's one way. I don't requited love
It's the way from my dick and into your no
No chance. Yes, it is
You dream of sucking my dick. I'm really happy that I manipulated you as a show call that dream of
Peony
Peony oh peony. Oh peony get in my ass
Get in my ass peony. So pretty peony. You made such a mess the weekend episode
That happened already. I said that's a little preview for the weekend episode
Which one talking about genies? Oh, I thought you meant. Oh, yes, of course
I thought you meant the only good episode we've ever done which was last week's last week's premium this week's premium
Which you can find on patreon.com. That's right. And if you're in San Antonio, Texas today the day this drops
I'm in your fucking town at lol comedy club
Wednesday and Thursday doing shows so come out to see that and if you're in Nashville
October 1st and 2nd. I'm with Mike Racine at
Some comedy club third coast
Sounds legit. I'm in Cleveland the 7th through the 9th
Phoenix the 14th through the 16th in Madison the 21st through the 23rd with a dick on hard
With a dick on triple double hardio
So definitely come they call my dick Rufio
Do they?
Why because it's Asian. It's got a mohawk. It's got a little mohawk and it's Chinese size
It's got a little red streak in the mohawk
Motherfucking Rufio. I had attitude. I was gonna it does have a bad attitude. It doesn't come out to play every time
I really I was gonna make a joke, but
So in Greek the word of Rufix. Oh means to suck
Yeah, so there's some word playing with Rufio. Yeah
Yeah, well, I put some Rufio's in your drink before you became my boyfriend
You could never rape me even if I was passed out. You sounded like Casey there for a second
Those as close as you've ever gotten to doing an impression Casey who? Affleck. Oh, thank you
You did it by accident. That's a guy that I would love to say you like the way he behaves you could potential rooms
I'll work on Casey. You could be yeah, but okay, whatever he asked for pussy and she said no
Yeah, that was it. No, I think his whole thing was he was like, can I have some pussy and can I get it?
The floor for a second. Yeah, the floor the floor recognizes the gentleman with the little ass dick gentleman from
I said, can I get the floor?
The floor recognize the gentleman with the little ass dick. No, that's the chair
Recognize the chair. First of all, you don't tell me who the fuck I recognize the floor
Suck my dick I didn't go to fucking model you in like a little gay bitch. Yeah, I'm
Which did you do that? No. Yeah, right. I did mock trial
Fucking loser. Anyway, the floor recognizes the cool
They had rock trial instead of mock trial. Oh, I thought it was like rock and roll and it's Jack Black
Okay, school of rock trial. Yeah rock and they got that little gay kid
And then they got the bitch from I Carly about school of Iraq and Jack Black is like he's a loser
And he's like I got like a substitute teaching job in Iraq
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like you know, they're like music is illegal in Islam
He's like, but we're gonna make fucking rock music. You ever hear a Dio? Wow
And then they get they put on like a rock show and the children are all executed
The towel man coming in their duckboats my like
freaking bad man
This goes back to America
School of Iraq school of Iraq
Yeah, yeah, that's a good movie and that that's where the band is called metallaban metallaban
Yeah, yeah ride the lightning unless you're unless you're a woman in which case you're no lightning riding a loud
Yeah, you can ride in the backseat. You ride the backseat of the lightning
You surely can't drive the lightning bitch when I worked at that car dealership in my teen years
That there was a Pakistani guy that worked there and his wife would drive to pick him up from work at the end of the day
It's awesome. And then she'd get out of the car and have to sit in the backseat. No drove the car home
See when he was in the same she wouldn't just like sit even in no passenger drove the car there
And then she got in the fucking backseat and he drove home. Oh, yeah, dude
Uh, yeah, I'll never fellas up front. Just like just like the Irish when they went on the when they went on a road trip
Boys up front wives in the back. Hell. Yeah. That's how the fuck it should be
What's all these those wives are so annoying. Did we say driving miss lazy? Did we do that? No, I think so
She's a sounds familiar. She's like I'm reaching. I have to be dreaming someone dude
I thought so much of that character will be dreaming somewhere
I watched cry macho and it's just it's a 91-year-old man and the rape daily
Do cry fatso and Clint Eastwood's like they don't respect fat people
We're people too. Oh, he's fat. Yeah
Yeah, I deserve the only pay for one ticket on the airplane
And if you got a problem with that, you can suck my dick pussy
Yeah, the worst part of seeing that movie was the the boy in the movie. What do you mean?
I'm at higher risk for COVID
If I get sick, it's because you didn't get vaccinated
The cry fat so cry fat so be good
What's the premise of cry macho here instead of you saying something that's not funny about the movie?
Why don't you feed me details?
Sounds good to me
Sounds good to me go ahead
Premises is that he's an old
Cowpoke right breaks wild horses and stuff on Dwight Yocum's farm and Dwight Yocum fires him for being past his prime
And then it flashes forward to a year later and he says I need you to get my Mexican son out of Mexico
And so he asked a favor. He has a favor of a of a
91 year old man
He certainly doesn't look spry. No, there's a very funny scene
Well, there's a lot of very funny scenes
but there's a very fun the the heavy that they get sent to
To like take the boy back the bad guy the scary bad guy
He just he continuously just gets beaten up so easily the entire bike Clint Eastwood. Yeah, Clint like
There's a scene where they're at a cock fight and Clint
the federal a storm it and then Clint just like waddles over to a just a
Like a stack of boxes. Are you here to watch a cock fight? I'm here to eat the chicken
Wendy a friend you Wendy Frye you thought they would have chicken nuggets here
He waddles over to fucking fat
He waddles over to a stack of boxes. I'm a fucking fat guy
I deserve when the one loses. Do you fucking roast it? Why won't he eat the chickens want to eat them?
Yeah, he waddles over to a like stack of boxes and hides behind it and the federal is they're like, okay
No more senior we can see you you're fat
We can see you behind the boxes. Okay, that's all the people here. Let's go. I'm back here having sandwiches
Well, that's the that's what I was gonna say before before you said don't try a bit but I the boy says
Which thanks for not doing by the way. I appreciate but the boys the boys tries
It's fair to say that in terms of you being funny on this show you blew it. Okay. I know I know I know
It's it's it's incredibly you set them up easy knock them down. It's incredibly don't forget to destroy ever forget
I won't forget it. That's why we got you the sign to wear on your neck. It says don't ever forget you're only here to set up
So the boy the boy it looks nice on you by the way
Boy goes, thank you. Your little sign looks nice. Yeah. I'm in I'm wearing the AOC tax the
tax the rich dress
To the cock fight so the boy travels around with his rooster his cock
Fighting rooster named macho just because he was when he's went on he's on social media and he's like eat the rich
Yeah, I mean it
Characters on so on Twitter
He's like a fat body
I was my entry point into socialism
I hate the rich what rich chocolate frosting double rich chocolate
How you mean literal rich people
Yeah, but I guess fine by me. I guess if there's a sauce involved if you dip him in sauce, I'll eat fucking anything
So he's with macho. Yeah, he takes his chicken around and then the boy. What's your name? Nacho?
All right, I guess you put down a fork in life
Yeah, like in a cartoon when somebody starts looking like a turkey you almost ate me see
I've eaten so many people in my life. It's all a blur
So macho what happens to macho Adam well, I I mean what I was gonna say which has kind of been already done
Yeah, which was that the boy says stuff that just I was you expect the girl would go to the kitchen and get me a piece of bread
I just in my mind expected the Grand Torino guy. Don't bring me a slice of bread. Yeah
God damn it. You fucking wet back. I need a slice of bread
The other great thing that he writes into the movie much like the mule is that women just need to fuck
They want to fuck him is 91 year old ass and he so he turns down pussy
One time and then the second time he meets a chick turns down the pussy, but at the end he goes back for the pussy
Oh, so he turns out pussy twice, but he gets it the third time
He well, he gets he goes back for the second the second piece of pussy pie. Do we see it?
Is he ever sex scene?
No, unlike the mule he does not
Resum and the second I think maybe two threesomes if I
Now he's 91. He's a little bit too old for that damn
But he's just I mean it is it's like seagull not being able to move anymore. It's just so funny to see
And but it's like, you know kind of in some way would be great for cry fat, so
Just him in a motorized wheelchair going through a building just like
Yeah, everyone doing like everyone jumping like eight feet in the air
Yeah, I mean that literally happens in this movie where he just does an old man punch and the guy flies back
Can we stop at your boy?
You crazy bitch
Get back in the kitchen
And don't come out until you have a piece of bread
Dessert I need a piece of bread
I've gotten into having pieces of bread as a snack
It's healthy. It's only bread. It's not that perfect. That's really sweet with fruit juices. I
Soak a piece of bread and applesauce and then I try it out
And it's healthy
I'm not over eating a healthy snack you fucking bitch. It's whole grains
Does he get the boy back to his dad which is like also questionable because the dad is not a good guy and he makes it very clear
He's not a good guy, but I guess the morality of the movies
It's better to be better to be with a deadbeat dad than live in Mexico or of course, but also with a deadbeat mom
So it's kind of his movies are so fun like the next one's just gonna be about a guy that
lives in Queens. He's a million years old collects Nazi memorabilia and pushes people on the train tracks
And then his neighbor is like their son is being molested and it's his job to push the pedophile
And then in the end they turn out to be a good guy
I like a lot of his movies a lot of his movies. Oh, do you yeah, do you like what I watched?
No, no homo. I watched the Bridges of Madison County not too long ago, and it was a real tear jerker
We're about a million dollar, baby. That is also a real tear jerker
Very good movie. I listen Richard Jule was awesome become the king of bitch boxing just to have some
Breaker fucking neck on a stool. Yeah, well, there's a stupid ending. You got to become really sad
He has to kill fucking stupid ending. She's what her her fucking white trash family takes advantage of
One of the best moments in my life me has to go back and kill as I met it
She has to die. Why is her life is fucking hell? She's living a first?
Well, who breaks her fucking neck on a boxing?
One of the best moments in my accent stupid best
There was an Australian man and he sucked your car and he sucked my car
They said run and said not even that small
Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about and he was of course. He was lying
So what's the best moment about cry fat so cuz it's about you
We're sweating like I hope nobody notices I'm fat
I brought my own experiences into the role into the bit by saying he wants a Chipotle burrito
And I said I'm gonna use this for the character of cry fat so okay chipotle's chips. It's already food now. It's even more. That'd be nice. The burrito flavor lays
Like that best moments of my life
I told an Australian got somehow the topic of karate kid came up karate kid for and he's like which one's it and I was like
It's one with Hilary Swank. He's like, I don't know if I know that one
I was like they released his million dollar baby in Australia. I was like, oh, okay
Why are you humming the James Bond theme in your head?
Fucking dumbass Australian piece of shit. Yeah, like all you motherfuckers, by the way, Australia is so funny right now
They're like, we've got one case. Yeah, everyone's going back to jail. Yeah, we've got snipers
outside your home
One lady got sick. Yeah, don't even think about going to the supermarket. The hubris of Australia, New Zealand
Islands isolated from the rest of the world. Well, not even has that bitch
Let's not maybe she'll suck. Not not not not. Let's not talk about that girl friend
And now look now look bitch. Yeah, now look how about that you fucking barely got you can't even forward French submarines
Mm-hmm. Is that true? Yeah, they had to buy them from us and now France is mad at us
Yeah, the France is having. Oh, we undercut France. We undercut France. Why do they need submarines for to go to Thailand for?
Uh, what Australia? Yeah
Yeah, I guess some boys get some boy pussy in Thailand to go to go see the Great Barrier Reef. I guess right in Australia
There's that in Florida. It's
Australia you're thinking Outer Banks
No, there's some there's a big-ass reefer ever blades. No, there's a big re the coral reef or something
The fuck you laughing before I've got laugh today. Yeah, cuz he thinks he's smart. You're not that's the thing
You're not smart. I'm one of them. I just admit how dumb I am and I and that way we can find
Listen, we can find knowledge through an honest fucking an honest search of what we do and we don't know
Chicken little do you think that's named after it's about a chicken this named after Adam's being
I do think that's so funny that you bring that up. I was just thinking about how that movie is
About a chicken
I was literally just thinking that the other day. Yeah, it's a crazy coincidence that you bring that up right now
Is that movie we already said what it is
We've already covered it Adam
Well, I was and now back what to the ever-glade
That movie the big stories, you know, we've done that one eight times the baby the baby that you guys
So that's a real reach at him by the way for you to go all that way
When all you had to do was
All you had to do was just call our dick smaller calls gay
I called you guys gay try to have a kid and again you outsmart yourself and the first gay couple ever
You try for some that's way above your fucking weight class to combine an insult for both of us to conceive a child
You can barely land one on either one of us. Yeah, that was a double and you try and do a double. That was a flying double punch and you fail spectacular. Adam's climbing up the turnbuckle and he gets to the second open shits himself
Okay, we're gonna bring that up again. No, I thought we were that was just a metaphor. Yeah, it was. Oh, I forgot
Yeah, that's right. Shouldn't you be standing up?
I'm shocked you let him on your nice chair, dude
It's really it's real. I didn't want to make this clear because I want to create the the illusion for the audience
But Nick replaced my old chair with the the most comfortable chair ever
That is a great chair I might have to get you you might have to lose chair privileges
Honestly, I'm happy to share the chair
Well, there wouldn't be any sharing I would take it. Okay. I feel like it does kind of fuck up
The ambiance part of the part of this. I feel like I feel like it's him being interrogated
The box era was funny. This chair is too nice for me. It's a great chair
Yeah
But you do nice nice amount of reading on there smoke a pipe on there. That's exactly what this is a gentleman's chair
This is a real learned gentlemen. That's a chair. That's that really in the fall in the winter. Oh, that's a chair for the fall winter
I smoke my tobacco there. I got my clothes chair. I got my telephone so I can talk to my grandma who has dementia
That's awesome. Yeah, who's this? I don't worry about it. It's it's Clarence. Yeah, hello
Hello, Edna. Oh, this is Clarence dickhead. This is Clarence dickhead. You said you were gonna give me a hundred dollars
I'm supposed to get pussy from you
You have phone sex with your grandma with dementia. Yeah, what does she care?
What are you wearing? She's still got a lady's voice. Yeah, she's still a chick fucking homo. Yeah
You wouldn't do that I wouldn't honestly, I guess you're really not horny old stuffy baby like I lie
That's all I'm such a character. Well, I'll tell you what if you like lying you're gonna love cushydreams.com
You I love the seat and I also love fake marijuana
I love the deceit of a woman's pants, which covers the pussy area pussy in a little bit of the
I love to this this take deceit to see a woman's titties. I like
I like this a woman. I would love to see
I love to see
You suck suck my day
Adam why don't you go ahead and why don't you let me give me the copy? Oh
Here you go. Thank you. Why don't you read that for a second? Well, I think why look at the crime macho trailer
It's pretty good. The trailer is pretty good. Excuse me. Okay
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And I see a fucking somebody over 18. They can't stop talking about it's true
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This is a young show dude. This is like a zoomer show. It is true. That's true. I'm because we're young guys
We're yeah, we pretend to be old 18 the fucking whatever years old
Yeah, we're about right
I feel like this show really has been on that long five years, but it started it like that
Very land of our youth very last year. You can be considered young absolutely
Yeah, and now and now now we're at the very beginning of Adam's 40 years old Adam is 40 years old
Yeah, two of his wives have died. Yes, we started doing the show
But not by my own hands from the from HIV
Somehow mysteriously caught HIV
And they the doctor said that Adam has what's called tunnel landing bodies
Where it's easy suffers from tunnel syndrome where he's been fucked in his ass so many times
Yeah, that there's just a direct tube from his asshole through his dickhole. Yeah
The AIDS come yeah, it's just yeah, it's like one of those things that the bank imagine using a paper tower roll
Like it did yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's yeah
That's actually his age-ridden cock is very similar to
Cocks or that you might smoke CBD out. Yeah, and they and a joint that ships legally to all 50 states
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It feels like high-quality marijuana and it tastes like high-quality marijuana. You can eat it and it'll taste
It'll taste well the smoke does don't be you know respect the copy Adam. Okay, smoke tastes like I would never make fun of
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You're like a fucking lizard. Yeah
Yeah, so shit like that. Yes stuff like that. Yes, it's tripping. See stuff like that
A number I don't think so. Yeah, but you go to cushy dreams.com. It's kushy dreams
Let's see if they have a number and then we'll say you call mom you tell them 98 rocks and tell them Justin Schlegel Justin Schlegel send you
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Call them and then also call
And we're going to try and put these two love birds
Yeah, maybe put them on a three-way do it like like
Yeah, what was in motion?
Posting a motion penis motion long cocked motion penis long mom motion. Yeah, so call 98 rock
Tell them you're from cushy dreams
Call cushy dreams. Tell them you're Justin Schlegel 98 rock
Yeah, that will really be a good prank and then record it in a state where you can record phone calls. Check on that
New York state's fine from what we understand. Mm-hmm
They have six choices of strain relax peace create hustle energy dream. Yeah strain. That's a bad name for it. They should call it fucking
Feels, you know, it's not stress regular regular chill because it's not a strain. It's not a strain at all. We it's an awesome thing
It's a it's a fucking feels good to do it
Like jacking off if you didn't even have to move your hands. Can you imagine a world?
Just calming your cock coming your pants with your penis. Yeah, like the way you can kind of like look
I'm flexing my calf right now. Yeah. Yeah, it looks strong. Thanks, man. Imagine if you could do that with your cock
I remember being in like in like a math class
Chance a math class and like some guy I was like, I guess friendly with but not like super good friends
He was just like telling me like dude
I beat off the other day and I was like coming so hard that I was like flexing my legs
And I feel like my legs got stronger from from from like how much I was like jacking off
It's a sick breath. Yeah, well, it's just like we're in the middle class. I still think about that all the time. This is like
It's not even really like an embarrassing thing to say. It was such a bizarre
Timing and yeah, and I also don't recall. I was just like I remember my reaction being like, oh, interesting. Nice. Yeah
I didn't know you could do that. Yeah, just explaining how he got like his legs were sore for Master Bay
Because he was flexing them. Yeah, because he was flexing from from jacking off
I've never flexed while jacking and this wasn't quiet. He wasn't like, you know, he was just like we were like five chairs away from each other
Yeah, he's like, oh dude, I forgot to tell you. Yeah, that's awesome. Do you guys hang out at ever?
No, no, he was like literally only somebody that I'd like, you know talk to in school
We weren't like good friends
He was just trying to make more friends, probably. Yeah, that's true. That was just go-to friendship anecdotes
Yeah, you should he's like, oh, I thought I would get more. I would thought I would win mullin over with that one
Yeah, I thought mullin was gonna really like that. It was why I mean, it's an interesting story
Now I do that kind of thing for a living right, you know
People know you for a rack on tour a professional tell people about how I beat off
The secret is is that I do not actually in real life. I mostly do karate in here
It is very age heavily Asian influenced. I mostly think about
You know different karate moves. Yeah, Nick walks around on those block flip-flop things. Those are wearing a gi right now
There's a very funny shoes. They're the funniest. Anyways, go back to do your job
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I think you're next order. Well, you can try that, but
You can smoke your CBD because you can't you can tell them that it's your first smoke your penis because your penis
smoke your cockballs
Cockballs dick. I'm just thinking how fun it was to just change the words of those movies and put penis
I know dude. It's okay. That was a good day. If we were we should have just quit after that. I know
That was a really nice day
Fuck I don't want chicken McNuggets. I just go by laptop this fucking game
You just buy laptop. Oh, yeah, I forgot that I complained about this on yeah
Get ready for the premium episode where Nick talks about his laptop. Oh, I'm sorry
Did I ruin the premium episode saying that's not Lee? Oh, is that I that wasn't sarcastic, right?
I probably wasn't saying that something boring
There was no hint of
Sarcasm, I have a sarcastic affect and it gets me in trouble a lot. Oh, okay, okay, so I'm gay
Hey, so I'm gay now. So now I'm gay
Let me get this because just because I have an interest in men
So I'm take I take I'm a photographer
And I'm gay now one of my favorite
So because I like pictures I take pictures I like
Photography and the picture happened to be of a guy's ass getting cream
It's a man bent over and you can see his balls in the tip of his penis and you can see that and
Probably come coming in and it's draped into a bowl of fruit. I'm sorry, but I'm gay
Cezanne called that still life for that. I'm gay. I guess I think that's how you pronounce his name
Mm-hmm her name, baby. No, it's a guy. Is it they don't let bitches do art till like the 60s
They did dude back then
No, there was like a bitch to pull the scroll out of her pussy and then they be everyone's allowed to do art
I'm sure women invented art and that's not a woke take. It's the truth
Men had to encroach when they ran a virtue signal when they ran out of John virtue signal mullin
No, it's truth. It cuz they here's what happened
Men used to do labor and then they invented capitalism and there was now an abundance of like you had to do something
so the guys that would have just been fed the dogs or
You know, it's like molested by the church or so on and half for being
a gypsy's room. Yeah for being
You know, what's what's the word?
Heretics, yeah, heretics or whatever the heretics is it heretics heretical
But a guy is a heretic. Yeah, and a girl's a hair a bitch. That's right. So anyways, they invented what have you finished?
You had read yet. It's done, baby. We can get back to our good show. Hi
I don't I'm bird Reynolds
Oh
My my dick fell off
So I'm dying. Hey, I'm dickless Bert Reynolds dickless Bert Reynolds folks. Yeah, this is
Yeah, I need a job so they fucking would just be women stay at home
They'd paint pictures and fucking wrote books right gay shit like that
Oh, but now that my dick turned into a fucking job. So that's why guys started doing that. Interesting. Yeah
I thought pictures are pretty gay, but I have to say I saw a painting that changed my mind
Oh, yeah
When I was in France, I saw this painting called
Origin du Monde Gustave Corbet
The and it's just a pussy. It's it's really famous boost inside my peanuts
Yeah, be this out the month. Oh, so look up the painting soft. It's say it again
It's the or I think it's origin of the world origin do you mind?
Origin do you stop Corbet? Pretty cool, dude. Turn turn me around on this whole paintings thing
Okay
Let's see here. Oh, oh, yeah, it's right. Just like a nice close-up on a pussy. Yeah, it's pretty good
That's a good pain. It's good that a guy had that idea
Put it into practice and I like how you can see one of the tits you can see one tit
I know I was I said that when I saw that is a favorite view of mine looking up
Just like a free tit, you know, the main attraction is the pussy, but you get a little bit of tit. Yeah
You know, you know, I don't want to that's a pussy eaters. I view
I feel like
Yeah, I went to the Apple store on Friday
Can you still just because I feel like they don't let you just go to the Apple store yet to make an appointment for everything
No, you can just go came. No, I don't think so. I think I tried to go. Yes. It's a pandemic
I was like, no, you can't do you can't you can't even buy a fucking you can't buy like a
Like a like a cable. Yeah, what the fuck dude? I smashed my phone so bad that they
That they made me buy a new phone even though I have Apple care plus
Wow, they're bastards. You got cucked major way in a major way. Yeah, I know and
And I was told to put on a mask and I said, I'm a fucking sovereign citizen
Shit, I do not play by your rules. And yes, I will be putting on a mask. Sir
Yeah, I'm not going to the Apple store dude fuck that
Yeah, I went to the Apple store
So to meet his boyfriend. No
Oh
No, so it was the back
We went to so homo and the Apple store you mean is the back of a mr
Mango where you just like the guy's cock. It's a hack
I was laughing the other day just I was in China town and it's like
You know thinking about how that all the Chinese people in Chinatown don't know it's called Chinatown
Like in their mind. But there are people are like, where do you live? And they're like, yeah in the financial district
Yeah, just regular New York. Yeah, I'm downtown. I'm down. I live down just downtown New York.
Like Soho. Try Becca ish. Yeah. I guess little Italy. Yeah, a little I live in little little
hell. Do you mean China? The play is at home who don't happen to be in the right is role
neighbor Jason that used to be their own places but are now part of China. Have you been a
San Gennaro yet this year? No, I used to go for my cousin's birthday. But yeah, which
I guess is how long is it? Birthday is probably this week. I don't know a week or something.
Didn't already happen. No, it goes on. It goes on for a minute. It's tomorrow is tomorrow
is the solstice. So it's usually around. It's how you're fucking astrology. Oh, yeah,
they're very, they're very spiritual people. Why'd you say the solstice because that's
just when San Gennaro is. Wow. It's kind of like Christmas. Yeah, gay sex. Yeah, we worship
like the fucking Saturnalia, dude. They were out there sucking guys off. Tony Danza's down
there. Cuomo's probably down there in a dress. Yeah. I'm trans now. Fuck me now. I'm sorry.
I am a woman. My pronouns are she, her. You can't say I molested myself. The perfect
defense, the art school guy defense. And then we got this. Now we got what? Kathy, Kathy
Hochle. Yeah, Hochle. I was saying, what was Kathy? No chill. Yeah. And she's like, I have
to say it, but this virus is being like, come on, Kathy, you gotta chill. Relax. You're
the governor. And the governor ain't got no chill. She out there saying the end. If there's
any time to call something a it's this fucking virus is when you. You can say that as lieutenant
governor. I'm not talking about black people. She even sound like that. I just imagine every
woman in politics is just like horrifically mid, like terminally Midwest. She has an
upstate style name. Kathy Hochle. Gosh, I feel like I got that. You know what? That's
a rock. Maybe Rogers could play her in some. Oh, yeah. Remember when they called it cock
chester? Really? My family moved here to have sex with Chinese rail workers. From where?
From fucking Albany. We moved to Rochester to get fucked. Get our pussies fucked by
the Chinese. Wow, they give them pussies. They made a big fucking move. That's where
Albany to Rochester. That's where Siers C.O.V.1 came from. Getting Chinese rail put. Getting
railed by the rail workers. That's what they called it. Oh, wow. That's why they called
it that. Yeah. So that's, it sounds like you come from real matriarchal family. There was
only women in my family. And they all love Chinese coffee. We would get fucked by the
Chinese and be reproduced. We're not actually genetically related. It's just other white
ladies who love saying. We got no chill. No chill. No chill. And I love saying the end.
I'm no chill Hochle and you better fucking believe I'm saying every one of these press
challenges. Y'all better buckle up. Shit. Y'all thought shit was sweet with Cuomo.
You thought he had a job because he touched a couple of pussies. I'm dropping hard every
single fucking day in his name. PowerPoint. How about we call him point?
Slide. Number one. Bullet point. Number one. Bullet point. Number two. Oh, what's that?
We got a third bullet point. You better believe it's the governor of New York has solved the
Corona virus by calling it the end by calling it the end word. Yeah. That's awesome. What's
Kathy look like? She looks like she got a good pussy. I mean, she probably looks like
Kathy from the comics. Blacks. Blacks. Blacks. Blacks. I think she just looks like a regular
ass bitch. Yeah. She just looks like a politician type bitch. Let me take a look at this. Honestly,
literally literally mean the Rogers could play her. She could get it, bro. Hochle. Yeah,
whatever. Let's look up. I'm Bert Reynolds. I'm from fact Bert Reynolds. What are you
up to, Bert? What are you doing? I'm fag. Are you in a movie called Smokey and I'm fucking
suck. I'm smoking cocky in the band's penis. That's the kind of shit I do. My bookie dot
com. Wow. Bet on that. No, dude. Adam. Kathy Hochle cannot get the prick. I'm just saying
no Adam would sound cool. I would. I mean, I'd take her over a Marjorie Taylor green
and you know, no, no, no, no. You would rather fuck Marjorie Taylor green. No, nobody wants
to fuck Marjorie Taylor, but over out of your fucking over Kathy. Literally. It looks like
a normal. I literally have gay sex before I had before. Did you see her new commercial
where she blows up a car? She does. Yeah. No, she's like she doesn't even have human
genes. Yeah, dude, she's unfuckable. Yeah, I would rather fuck her than I'm taking the
opposite stance. I would rather fuck you're gonna have to die on that hill buddy. Listen,
she's just weird. Yeah, I can't even conceive of her skeleton. You're not you don't have
a good enough to do. She looks like shit. What are you talking about? I'm one of the
most fantastical imaginative. Well, use it. Use some of that whimsy to think about what
this bitch is going to bring. You can bet on who would you rather fuck at my bookie.com.
You could bet on that. Yeah. What's going on in sports these days? You got you got Antonio
Brown on the Raiders. What else? Do we have coffee? Didn't Marjorie Taylor Greene fuck
some guy out of wedlock? Is that what we found? Is that her scandal? That's all she's done
is she's had sex outside of marriage. No, no, no, like cheated on her husband is what
I meant to say. I had a wedlock. I thought she thought she fucked like her crossfit instructor.
Marjorie Taylor Greene openly cheated on husband with men at her gym. Men according to Daily
Man. Come on, bro. You'd rather smash with this chick. Oh, she's a fucking freak. I'm
saying I'm just looking at a picture of her. I'm not saying she's hot. If I had to pick
one, I would pick her because she's a fucking weird freak. Honestly, I could totally imagine
what she would be like to have sex. She'd be so pissed. It's also she'd be so pissed
at socialism. I don't know where she came from. Like I don't remember. She's probably
just had a meltdown on Facebook live. Yeah, dude, look, it would just be something strange
about her that I would rather fuck than Kathy Hochel. It's also mostly an age thing. Well,
you think she's a anyway, do we have copy for my book? No, just fucking use your goddamn
imagination.
The way I have my bookie.com. I'm going to imagine a website and this is called my bookie.age.
Green has promoted numerous far right white supremacist and anti-submitted conspiracy
theories, including the white genocide conspiracy theory, QAnon and pizza gate, which is pizza
gets real as well as other disproving conspiracy theories such as false flag mass shootings,
the Clinton body count and those related to 9 11. That is such a broad stroke. I know
sneaking the guy out of that. And those there's nothing, nothing to be investigated about 9
11. No, the every there everything is a conspiracy. I don't know. It's just the same as white
genocide. Yeah. Well, the NFL season is back and you can bet on anything anywhere anytime
at my bookie.age. That's all it's true. You could double your first NFL. I wonder if
they're changing the name to the National Feelings League folks. NFL has gone woke
and it's going broke. It's true. They have a fucking true if you want to let me ask you
if you want to kneel at a game and disrespect the country that brought you the freedoms
that make it possible for you as a black man to earn millions of dollars. That's right.
Being a game that's a child. The game that's a pampered black man. That's supposed to be
about respect and dignity and pulling up your pants. Then there's one place you can go and
starts with AF and ends with Rika. And it's called my. And the word is my bookie.
You get a 100% sports welcome bonus. 150% casino bonus up to 750. People say people
say they're like right wing radios like a grift or whatever, which is which is true.
But it's like it's an admirable if I can keep it up. Like if I could just it's a great
bit if I can check in every day on not only like every day at four a.m. but for five hours
five hours fucked up on oxy just fucking out of your mind on saying nothing saying nothing
and just be like spending pretending to be shocked about like McDonald's has gotten rid
of honey mustard. And you thought when I said the Jews were you know yeah and people called
me crazy. Yeah. And just like that's summoning those emotions every single day. You can tell
who's doing a bit and who's not. Because like some of those guys are not like all the fucks
you guys are getting vaccinated. But they're like the local guys. Those motherfuckers keep
dying because they keep getting COVID. Oh yeah. The small time you actually like believe
all this shit. How many of them are there because it seems like it seems like a lot
of the dozens at this point thinking that when I was younger and I would have to you
know drive around and through the south or whatever with comedy and stuff. You would
just go from market to market and it's like you're listening to fucking shit on 92 you
know something. Yeah. The knife. Yeah. Like oh fuck no there's a communist socialist Obama
president wants to introduce black history month schools. So we bring blacks our history
month to the fucking gun show. They're just saying this on the radio. Yeah. It's truly
jarring if you're not like you know down there or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. And the FCC can't
do anything about it. I don't think the FCC actually exists. I think you're probably
going to bring a titty out. Let's see. Bring one honest to the like the FCC enforcing any
kind of like standards and practice there. You know like whatever like you know broadcast
standards. Yeah. In this day and age is fucking absurd. Oh yeah. I think we've you know I
mean it's just another way for the government to rake in money but yeah they're still finding
like terrestrial radio people like two hundred thousand dollars. If you say like bitch fucking
three P you know it's fucking weird people are starting to censor like now the Internet
is getting censored. Is it. Like well not not just because of monetization where it's
like like tiktok and shit everyone censors curse words like you can't sell ads on it.
Two people are fucking Christian content. Like did you say aren't people sent like stealing
our shit and censoring the curse words. Yeah. That shit's so fucking weird. Now the Internet
is just like that's where you should used to be able to say whatever the fuck you wanted
bro. I had the I had the Jews that run it do that for us. I don't know. It's weird because
I've been on the Internet a long time. Sure. You know more about it than me. That's true.
And I like I don't you know I guess I've never been particularly like a cancel culture guy.
I don't think like economic punishment should be doled out to anybody. Right. I think that's
like right. But that's like a separate problem. But the like the Internet is I've been banned.
I got banned from everything before anybody else. I'm banned from everything. Yeah. Like
that's part of it. You do things to make them mad so they ban you. Right. Right. Right.
You always find a way. Yeah. That's it's funny to do that. It is funny to do that.
So you can with 100 percent sports welcome bonus and 150 percent casino bonus up to 750
you can bet with Bitcoin. You could bet on a boy. You could have live odds in game wagering
and CAAF football. Nick's flipping me off right now. You know I do that every show.
Yeah. You just never noticed why we did. We did a whole show one time where I had you
like this. That's not true. I would have noticed. No. Just clock the whole time. How long.
The entire show. That's not possible. It is possible. I'm one of the. No. You're really
one of the. That's what people like. They like my sharp. You've never been in your fucking
life. Notice is because it's up here by my midsection instead of down by my penis. If
I put it down in my crotch are you like I your foot is before my. Yeah. I don't look
at your crotch. The second the fingers started to extrude. I'm telling. I'm telling. I've
never looked at your crotch except for that one time we're peeing next to each other and
it was if you want to hide something I started laughing and you said what are you laughing
at and I said I thought I thought of I lied to you because I had my dick painted like
a clown because I had to go to work because I had a job to do that afternoon. If you want
to keep a secret from Adam you just put you just write on a post and put it near girls
pussy. Right. Yeah. That's how you keep things. She had read you fucking cocks. They have
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trying I'm trying to fulfill our fiduciary responsibility or whatever that were. Let
me just say by the way it's not that I want to fuck Marjorie Taylor Green and stop once
the fuck Marjorie said I would rather fuck on that. I feel like it looks like a pussy
is made out of bones. Probably her jaw is too wide. She looks like a monkey. She looks
like a gibbon face. Yeah. Well she has like a sort of like a like a like a close like
a recent ancestor kind of Neanderthal genetic fork. Yeah. That's true. Not Neanderthal necessarily
because she doesn't have like the predominant brow. But it's it's the she's all she's got
a predominant jaw. Yeah. And you can follow my book on social networks put in promo code
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my bookie dot A.G. Let's start the show. My bookie dot A.G. Let's start the show.
Welcome to the fucking party. You fucking motherfucker. I got a little tickle in my throat.
It's not covid. I got tested this morning. Yeah. Everybody welcome to the fucking party.
Everybody was tickling dick a pussy was tickling a pussy was nice try in your throat. It's
a long clip. You mean a penis. Do you mean a penis that you were sucking that you were
throwing. I was throwing a pussy. Why do you have a neck tattoo that says the throat
go throat go dude. Call me fucking super head Stevens. Why do you have a full neck tattoo
that says the throat go because yeah. So I like to get my dick green. Green is like
her background is she worked at CrossFit. And then in 2017 she wrote articles for a website
called American Truthseekers. And then now she's in Congress. That's awesome dude. You
know and it's like it's that's so fucking sick. You know like conservatives like oh
she was a bartender. Yeah. Or she's not actually from the Bronx. Okay. Well I mean in your
stupid world that probably qualifies her more to be fucking Congress. Then she should be
the president. But this lady is like yeah. She's like I mean it's like it's literally
if I was a journalist I was in Congress. No I know just some dumb or qualify. Yeah. Yeah
from thought catalog. From thought catalog. Yeah. Yeah. She wrote 27 articles for law
enforcement today. 27. That's like I guarantee you there's maybe there's zero police officers
that read law. Right. Right. Right. It's Paul Blart and fucking Richard Jewel. That's
who reads law enforcement today. Pretty good movie. Yeah. Well the movie's good. But the
actual guy if you remember the movie. He's dead. It turns out he was a pedophile. He
was. No. Whoa. Yeah. Actually that movie should be called cry fat. So it is. Is it. Yes.
Did you finish your ad read. I finished. I think you call me a pig when stop. What the
fuck. Why the fuck would you turn on me you motherfucker because I was deflecting stuff.
I'm a I'm I'm any I'm I'm a pig really. I'm a survivor. At least this week he's deflecting
instead of defecting. Defecating defecating. Thank you. No problem. You're welcome. I appreciate
the thank you anyway folks. I would like to see some of her articles. I wonder what some
of the titles were. Yeah. One of her qualifications is she was a moderator of a Facebook group.
That's what I said. Fucking shit. Our democracy is stronger than ever. It's pretty sick. Damn
I'm fucking sleepy. I couldn't sleep. I had a cough that woke me up. Yeah. I never sleep
before. I have to drink Nyquil to go to sleep from now on. I'm just prepared. I'm like I
had sort of half awake constantly in a fugue state in a malaise man man a man a man a man
a man. I had some bad manners recently that pissed me off. What kind. I don't remember.
I just came in a little pack. What kind of man is what kind of man is what kind of man
is bad. It was out. Did you finish every finish. You just do it again for 10 more minutes.
So there's a website called my bookie dot A. G. just got a brand website that's got a
brand game. We got NFL season is back. The Baltimore Ravens just had a thrilling victory
over the Kansas City Chiefs. Phenomenal phenomenal. The fucking Kansas City queeps more like it.
You think they're requiring vaccines at Monster Jam. I hope not. That shit is fucking boring
dude. What's Monster Jam. The monster truck shit. You know they're definitely not requiring
it's all it's it's it's it sucks how boring monster truck shit is because you think it
would be awesome. But actually being there is fucking it's fucking gay dude. Have you
been. I've never been. I've been the smaller events like not like the like the I mean actually
I did go to Monster Jam at U.S. Arena in like 1993. But yeah with my grandma which is very
funny grandma thing to do. Did you show you that's why he has phone sex with her now.
Now my grandma is cool dude. That is a cool thing. I miss it's crazy because I miss my
grandma a lot but she's not dead yet. She's just fucking gone. No idea. You're like you're
dead to me whore. Yeah. I've stopped speaking. You're like you can you do you do nothing
for me. So rot boring rot in your little fucking cell. They got a lot of new monster trucks
now. Do they. How's the technology. Folks. I'm sorry. Is that the audience saying just
read all of it. Yeah. Yeah. Just kill time. Kill time. Kill time. Kill time. Kill time.
It's my favorite show. We got Alien Invasion. You know what would be the really the next
step for real. This is just start doing like 42 minute episodes. That's really when we
start crossing the Rubicon. Five really taking the show. I've had reads 42 minutes. Under
an hour. Yeah. Avenger Avenger. Oh like Marvel acts bad company. Okay. Here's this one's
cool. Bad news travels fast. You got like racehorse names. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's
showing pussy. The Bakugan dragonoid. That's awesome. I guess you're letting fucking you
know those people. You're letting whoever in here. Black Pearl. So that's just stolen
from the Pirates of the Caribbean. That's cool. Black Stallion. Blue Thunder. Brodozer.
Okay. Brutus. That one shaped like a dog. Devastator dragon. That was pretty cool. There's
already a dragon. Earthshaker. El Toro Loco. That one's cool too. Crazy bull. Yeah. El Toro
Loco Ice Fast Metal. Oh shit. El Toro Loco's evil fucking twin dude. We got Gas Monkey Garage.
I kind of like that. Gravedigger. Classic. The Great Clips Mohawk Warriors. I guess great
Clips. Oh they have sponsors though. Great Clips has its own monster drug now hooked.
I got fucked up at a great Clips. Oh damn ice cream man. I love this. Oh that's awesome.
That's almost better than Gravedigger. I like ice cream man. That would be my favorite.
Iron Outlaw. Gay. Iron Warrior. Gay. Jailbird. Slightly less gay. Jester. I kind of like
it. It could be cool. It's gay. Is it like a Southern California Hispanic Jester? Craker
and Megalodon. Megalodon's a good name. Monster Energy. Didn't even try it. It's not the Monster
Energy something. It's just Monster Energy. It's a lot of these cars. So here's a dog
with Monster Mutt and then they've got Monster Mutt Dalmatian. Nice dude. This is a Dalmatian
monster Mutt Rodweiler. He got a lot of Monster Mutt. He got a lot of dog Brent. Nitro Menace.
That's actually a good name. Northern Nightmare. I guess what? This is the Unionists coming
in to violate states rights. I like that. This is painted like General Sherman. They're
like boo. Fuck that truck. Fuck that. Forgive us our slaves back. I was thinking the other
day you know it's like does anyone make the case that like who really should be getting
reparations is the family of slave owners. I think they lost their property. They did
get reparations. Yeah. But they got shit. They they lost something. I mean they should
be really did they north even try just being like look we'll just buy the slaves off you.
I think they literally did pay those motherfuckers. Did they did they. I think so. That's how
that work. That's how that would solve that now. If we still had slavery because the slaves
would all be owned by like you know Jeff corporation. Yeah. Right. Like the taxpayers would have
to give. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Billions of dollars to slave owners to buy the slaves off 100 percent
and then they would just bust the slaves into. Yeah. Like they would just work lower middle
class white neighborhoods that cause like racial strife. That's crazy when you think
about it. And then you up and you introduce cracking to those neighborhoods. I don't know
if you introduced crack. What's the new thing now. There hasn't been a new I guess. Yeah
but I don't think the obsessed. Yeah. Let's get back to it. It's like a it's a over conceptual
over board and it's over B. O. R. E. D. I guess it's a normal tribute. So sad. Are you real
sad about that. No. It's personal to you. You're a good friend. He was. Yeah. You're
ignoring everybody in the group chat until Norm MacDonald died. Then you have to prostrate
yourself and I just said I was sad. Yeah. And you couldn't. Oh do you want to get lunch.
No text back. Norm MacDonald. I'm the most sad about it. I didn't say I was the most
sad. I was just. Oh. Pirate's Curse. Rage. Raminator. That's cool. Raising Kane Rockwell
Red. Here we go. The Saigon shaker. That's pretty cool. But it's a Vietnam war themed
pickup truck. Scooby Doo. That's this feels like a lot of these. Why did they make the
mystery machine. A lot of these are copyright for this. Here we go. This is awesome. Soldier
Fortune Black Ops. It's a valor stealing from the fucking it's got a gun. It's got a gun
on the top. That's so it's got a turret turret. That's pretty badass. They just drive around
and they don't fucking destroy anything. That's what I mean. It's fucking gay. Yeah. It should
be a demolition derby with monster trucks. They're too expensive. Dude, you can't. You
can't destroy those beautiful machines. I would pay a thousand dollars to wash that.
Wait. So they don't do jumps over here. Really. This is pretty fucking gay honestly. It's
pretty boring. It's just like going over a bunch of little hills. By the way, the crowd
is not fielding. He's bombing. Yeah. There's there's a hundred thousand people in this
stadium. And they're but yeah, they're just like Soldier Fortune Black Ops is bombing doing
terribly. That's like a Tom Clancy got son of a digger. And it's okay. It's the sun.
They have the trucks. The trucks have sex. Wolf's head. It's a wolf that sucks dick.
That's awesome. Wonder Woman. It's like a Israeli truck. Yeah. Wrecking machine. Exterminator.
That's an exterminator. An exterminator. That's awesome. Alligator that also exterminates.
That's fucking sick as shit. Yeah. 2020 drivers, Buddy Tompkins, Roy Pridgen, Jr. Oh, no, sorry.
Roy Pridgen and J. R. McNeil. That's who drives the. Look at this guy. I could have told you
what this person is. I'm tired. Are you tired? Well, don't worry, buddy. We got more things
to read. I love exterminator. I have to say that one really captured my imagination.
Cool. Our first competitor is one of the Monster Jam World Finals rookies, Sean Newhawn, driving
a truck that the fans selected. There was a big contest at Monster Jam.com. What Monster
Jam truck should we create? Is this guy doing real feral doing Harry Carey? And how is Sean
Newhawn been being kind of just a perfect fit for this at the pit party? He'll put the
makeup on. He takes pictures with the kids in his zombie role. When it gets down to this
time, he really has delivered in this truck. Yeah. He's solid. He's consistent. He's a
fast racer. He's got a lot of experience, but he doesn't have a lot of experience on
a fast track like this, as well as a big track with obstacles, the size that they are here
at the advanced auto parts of World Finals. You know, it's a great learning experience
for an up and comer like Sean Newhawn and zombie. And certainly no matter what he does
here, he's off to a good start. This is just a launching pad for him in his career. And
he, again, having this opportunity, he really relishes having a full time ride in zombie.
Oh, we've seen this before. We always have the balloons in somewhere. Oh, look at this.
First truck out of the box. That is sick. Great job. You come to the Monster Jam World Finals.
Yeah. You got to do a lot of things. How do you win a big air in there somewhere and
you have to do your cocksuck the most. And we've got a huge problem. Adam Friedland
is running out on the field trying to suck the truck's dick. That is one of the gayest
men I've ever seen. He's got bad news here. Adams. Now his pants have fallen off and he's
had diarrhea all over his own penis, which looks like a vagina. And he's bending over.
What's he doing? He's bending over. The whole truck went into his ass. Oh, my God. I've
never seen anything like that before. It's completely inside his ass. And driver Sean
Dewan Rookie is running out of oxygen. He's suffocating, bro. He's calling his wife from
inside out of the ass and saying goodbye. The emergency clown crew is extending a two
minute Adam's ass. So Sean can breathe through it because he's drowning and coming in. There
is AIDS molecules the size of a capybara in there, folks.
Oh, man. Years ago, we would have said, you know, we should do is we should do a live
show from Monster Jam. And now I'm thinking we should start figuring to go with the stop
the Stavros operandum, which is reducing the show to 42.
Stavros operandum is right. I'm saying, dude, one day one day every six months, we come in
here and we talk for 24 hours in a row. And at 45 minutes each time we stop the clock.
And I'll tell you what, it'll still be better than 90% of podcasts.
Exactly, dude. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's our guarantee. Maybe we should be putting
the same level of effort that Monster Jam does. Well, I think that it's probably hard
to build those big trucks. What do you mean? I could do it. You get a regular truck and
you put big wheels on it. How hard could that be? You need a cool name, too. You got to
come up for the name. You got to rent a place to do it. You got to build the hills for the
track. Yeah, we'd come out. We do pussy smasher would be my truck. We do 10 minutes and it's
just the best bits we got. Yeah, and it's just that, you know, a fucking man. Who's
that cat coming down? Okay, it's Steven Seagal. Okay, but it's even Steven Seagal. Okay. And
fucking, all right, scratch that. Steven, Steven, Steven Seagal. No, okay, maybe it is even
Steven Seagal. Okay, but the even part is odd and even, because they like math. It's
Chinese. And it's Chinese. Swish. Okay, next. Michael Douglas. Okay. And it's Michael
Douglas. He doesn't have AIDS. But he wants it bad. But it's nothing I want more than
AIDS. Put AIDS in my eyes. Put AIDS right in my eyes. I want to be Michael paused, paused
up. I want to be Michael bugged. Michael bugged, bugged, bugged. Michael bugged, bugged. Tina
gay from 30 cocks, 30, 30 cocks, 30 cocks. What about who's some new? What do we got?
Billy Eilish. Billy, I wish her titties would fall out of her shirt. That's good during
a show. That's awesome. You got a Robert Pattinson. Yeah, Robert Pattinson dicks over the
pants and he's broken. Let's go Chinese. Do a little bit more with the name. Let's give
these folks a show. Let's give these folks a fucking show. Okay. So we need a Chinese
person? Yeah. Or we're returning someone. And Green Knight just came out. Green Knight
the movie. Is it a KNIG or a KNIGHT? It's KNIGG. No, no, no. That wouldn't really make
sense. It wouldn't make sense. That was the alternate title of Black Knight. Yeah, that's
true. Green Knight. Who's the guy in that dev something? Dev Patel. You're right. What's
this guy named after? Software development? Yeah. Because he's Indian. He's an Indian
guy. Yeah. British Indian guys. Yeah. So what the hell was Gandhi up to? Yeah, what the
hell? That's right. And that's the show.