The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Ari Shaffir - Episode 65

Episode Date: August 2, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Ari Shaffir - Episode 65 Check out Ari's new Podcast - You Be Trippin - https://www.youtube.com/ @youbetrippinpod Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #arishaffir 

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Yeah. No, it's just, if I don't get here like 30 minutes prior and get those ACs running, you can feel it in here. This is relatively hot. It's not only hot, but it's like a dusty, it's like a dust sauna.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And so the heat is, but it's like a dusty, it's like a dust sauna. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so the heat is like, it's... If you were to go over ideal ways to record a podcast with a buddy. This is, the climate in here is... Climate. It's like when you're,

it's like cleaning out a dead relative's attic. Yeah. It's like that kind of heat, where it's like, it's just disgusting, and it's not, it's not like you're gonna get it clean and feel better Yeah, it's not like one of those heroin 28 year old cleaning out. No, it's like things are still pretty good I didn't all your you're finding all your grandpa's Nazi memorabilia Yeah, you went to Trinity which he bragged about he bragged about and it's now it's disappointing

High-level no, it's it's Donald Duck with's not much of a collection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not even like high level. No, it's Donald Duck with a Swastika arm band. It's not. It's most of it's counterfeit. A lot of it is his own drawings. And he's not even good at drawing. There's just nothing. You're like, you did it wrong, you did it the Hindu way.

You're not even. You're an idiot. Yeah, you're just. This is just good luck. There's just nothing. Your entire life sucked. You were a mailman. You spent 70 years as a mailman.

Do you think after the Holocaust Jews started painting the Hindu swastika because they're like, now it is good luck again? No, I don't think that happened. Oh, okay. Yeah, I think. Well, to answer your question. Wait, why would I?

Why would I think that? That's what I mean, that's how hot it is in here, that your brain is just not functioning. What think that? That's what I mean. That's how hot it is in here. Your brain is just not functioning. What was that? Did you think after the Holocaust Jews were painting the Indian swastika being like, well now it is good luck? You know it goes the other way.

I know it goes the other way, but I don't follow the logic of that premise at any step of it. Okay, so- Just for stars. Okay. After the Holocaust, they weren't painting the swastika. That wasn't a big thing that was happening. So even like the joke premise of like maybe they were like, maybe they were painting it for this reason. Yeah,

because they weren't. So it's like, okay, well, let's okay. So now let's imagine that the Jews are painting the swastika. Yeah. Why are they painting the swastika? Because it's not the Nazi one, it's the Indian one. And guess what? It actually is good luck. And it's like, well, why would it be good luck? I don't understand. So before the Holocaust, it was just a good luck sign.

And then in the early days of the Holocaust, people were like, well, that's not a good luck sign. And then the Germans were like, no, actually it's far from good luck. It would be like, after 9-11, do you think United Airlines was like flying planes into buildings being like Oh actually It's good. It's not an inside job. This is our Even I don't understand. I don't okay. I don't understand picture picture You know like the days right after this slavery was abolished, but they were still like slaves

They hadn't got the message yet. You could have just said numbers at me It could have just been like how about this five eight two a b six and I would be no not even those kind of numbers Okay, I mean just like weird just Like hey, yeah, do smile steam. Yes you it's time You got to paint swastikas all day, but but he was like wait I heard the fucking Holocaust these guys don't have any control anymore. You know what I'm gonna do I can't outright say no. They'll just put a bullet in my head.

But they weren't making Jews paint swastikas. You don't think any? I don't think so. Painting need done. Yeah, I don't think, I mean, were they painted? It looks like it was mostly flags. They had their own like, Betzi. You think it was a stencil?

You think it was an early obey? Is Nazi Betzi Ross. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No, not, Nazi Ross? Yeah, who was Nazi Betsy Ross? Yeah, who was Nazi Betsy Ross Yeah in between shitting on Hitler's chest for boners who was who was like crocheting a flag I'm having one of those days where people keep calling me. Why who does that? Well the stock market is crashing Is that real? Yes, all all of my clients, look, on the side, I've been lying to people and telling them

I'm a financial advisor. And I am in a lot of hot water now because I have lost millions of dollars. What, did you just yell diversify at them? Yeah, yeah, I'm like, look, Intel, here's why they're losing jobs. They don't have enough black ladies You got a game stop

Everything's going down because they we're gonna have a black lady president So they're like get out of the stock market. Well, once you have a black lady president You don't need a black lady anything else. So it's gonna kill all the other jobs Imagine imagine a black woman going into Apple being like, I wanna work with computers. And they're like, well, you're sorry, you're already president. Right, before this they're like, yeah, I guess, yeah, I mean, we all saw hidden figures.

Do they have a genius bar with a J? Yeah. That they all work at. J-E-A-N. J-E-N, W-U-S. Yeah. Like, I wouldn't go to that side. Yeah. But now, right, no jobs available. Mm-hmm

She gonna win. What do people say? I don't really follow it. I think she's gonna win I mean, I thought I thought Biden could have won to Yeah, last two you got a chance me. Yeah, I don't I don't think it was like because I don't understand what like All of the all of the drama and the pageantry of the election aside yeah I don't understand what Trump's platform is because none of them there well I mean but Trump in particular it's like it's like they they they keep criticizing saying oh he wants to do project 2025 and then he goes no I don't and it's like okay well what do you want what do you want and there's no answer

there so it's like I don't like the only reason to vote for Donald Trump is because it's you're participating in his like Grievance war against the deep state which you can't win. You can't beat them the deep state You can't you can just join them. Yeah, I mean if there was a chance to beat them it would have happened during his first term, but instead what we got is like him just immediately giving all of those guys jobs again and everybody was like I want to clean out the swamp he's like afterwards come on guy that's like that's metaphor yeah we're not actually what's metaphor sure yeah we're not gonna clean out the swamp at all yeah it'll never happen can't believe you spent this much money in a studio and got these fucking off the

sidewalk chairs these are not off the sidewalk Are you saying that just to trigger me? Yeah, there's no these are like designer chairs Really? These are yeah, these are Ames time-life lobby chairs. These are very hard to find in this color, too Oh, wow. Yeah, this is a cool like 70s color 60. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah No, these are chai could turn around and sell these for I mean we bought them for I paid 3850 each But 3850 yeah, how much you sell them for probably around that for brand yeah, I mean do it Well when the show fails yeah, we have to liquidate everything yeah, yeah, that'll be a fun fire sale Yeah, so you're editing your new special are you talking about that you excited about it?

I am when you say editing are you sitting there with an editor? You're doing I did for four days, and then we finished it And then there were some jokes in there right on that just don't don't work. They don't work It's crazy how quickly that fucking happens dude. I didn't go on the road for like I Just had six weeks off. I just wasn't on the road Well, I'm not selling tickets anymore, so CAA is not really booking me, but that's my own fault Which I'll say this If you're in Irvine, California I will be at the Irvine improv which is probably the biggest room in the country. It's enormous

And uh, we got to move those tickets if you came last time those fucking tickets We please come out again. Basically everybody that came to Irvine two years ago I'm coming back I canceled the show last time because they had me going back there doing the same hour of material that I had already done. And then they had me in Braya six months afterwards too. So it's- It's like they understand this is what killed

all the old comedians is touring for the same hour every year and they're like, all right, go out, go out. It's been eight months and you're like, why don't I have a new hour? Like, come on, you're prolific. It'll be a different hour and I will never tour again. So this is your last chance to see me do stand up on the world stage. That's what I'm doing in January.

I'm doing my final tour January, February, March. Well, you're 75 years old. That is true. I mean, you shouldn't be working anymore. Yeah, they don't have ramp act. Is your dad still alive? Yeah. That's crazy, that is crazy.

Just climbed Mount Kilimanjaro a few years ago. Over the years occasionally, I'd be like, oh yeah, I was talking to my dad, or you mentioned your dad. I'm like, he must've been born in like 1870. He was, it's pretty old. I mean, it's- He's pretty old.

I don't understand. I mean, well, good for him, but yeah. Yeah, I think he made a deal to get out of that. What is he, I imagine him as like a guy that calls into Washington Journal on C-SPAN. He wears a suit on the reg, on the normal stuff. Anything except gardening, he's wearing a suit. Those Washington Journal callers are the best.

They're always like, they're like, my name is Ethel Groceries and I am 114 years old and the way that they're talking about Joe Biden, who is the best president I've ever seen in my life is horrifying to say that he's a young man. That's a young man. To say he's too old. I don't think he's a young man. That's a young man. To say he's too old. To say he's too old.

All they did, I don't understand. How did they even get the phone? They pre-taped that show too. They're like, oh wow, I gotta call it into Washington Journal. Oh wow. It's two sides of the coin of the big fan who calls in about the giants.

You know, let me tell you with this whole like. Yeah, that's a good movie. It was a pretty good movie. Yeah. Patton kinda killed it in that one. What's that? Patton killed it in that one kinda. Yeah.

Underrated performance. Yeah, he's a good actor. I mean, he's been good in a lot of stuff. I did, I thought he was a rat in Ratatouille. I liked him most in Dollhouse when he played this guy who had his fucking wife died or something. And so then he had some fucking hot chick dress up as his wife and he got to like pretty much fuck this sex slave for a while to like make the grieving process

happened. That's cool. I'm trying to remember other movies. It's an episode of a show. Oh, it's a show. Yeah. Dollhouse is who was in it. That hot chick. Carmen Electra. It wasn't Carmen Electra. Well I'm out of ideas. I got nothing. I think she might have dated Louie afterwards. I always like to imagine like the way Italian guys get horny for Carmen Electra still. Dude I saw her at the CVS, a ride aid on a Sunset and Fairfax. I'm trying to find a bitch who looks like Carmen Electra. Liza Dutcher.

Liza Dutcher. Oh, okay. Didn't something weird happen with her? I feel like that whole era of- Yeah, she hit 30 and failed. Yeah, no, I think there's like a whole era of those kinds of WB stars that were all just

sex robots created by the Pentagon. They've all got weird baggage and stuff. Something bad. Before the term industry plant happened. Something bad happened to all of them. You know what I mean? They all came from the same room as Zac Efron. In Alien 3, the clone room.

Yeah. The rest of them are in there and it's like Zac Efron goes through that room and he's like, oh my God. Is this where I came from? And Elijah Dushku is like, Zac, please kill me. Remember when Zac Efron got beat up in Echo Park? No. He got punched at Echo Park.

It might have been someone else, but just run it with this anyway. And it was like, what's he doing at Echo Park later night? And then it was like, oh, buying heroin. That's the only reason you would go there. And someone was like, are you that werewolf? And then just beat the shit out of him. Some other man was like, get the fuck away from me.

That's crazy that you get into selling drugs because it's easy money and then you still gotta work like a night shift in Echo Park. You might as well just be a stockroom clerk at CVS. Do 12 to three. Yeah. Anyways, Echo Park, how's that neighborhood doing? I think it's the same, I think it's the only place

in LA that has not failed in this new system. What do you mean? It's been homeless for years. You're still like an LA guy, even though you've been here like a decade now. I'm an LA comic, for sure. Born and bred. But you moved here because the LA scene was bad, and you wanted to get good at stand-up and...

It wasn't bad, it was just like I wanted new shit. But it was. Once I got here, I realized... Let's be honest, you moved here because it was a bad scene, and you can't really get better in LA. Clips. And so you had to come to New York, because there's more stage time and the comics are better. There was more stage time.

I actually did come for a multitude of reasons. One was more stage time. Two was I want to finally fuck a black chick. And then I want new restaurants and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, but that's just off the table in LA? I don't understand.

It's very segregated. The white parts are white. But you can go to those neighborhoods. You can go, Nick. Yeah. Let me know how it is. Oh, OK. What do you think would happen?

Have you just never been to a black neighborhood? They're not, from what I understand, from Michael Myers, like Michael, not Michael Myers. Michael Moore? Michael Myers? No, who's the documentary? Mike Myers. Mike Myers?

The comedian. No, the documentary. You're talking about his movie, The Black Guy, where he plays, yeah. Like my comedian no the doctor talking about his movie the black guy replace Yeah, I'm African American by The smog is too much the black people live is what I was gonna say The constant street is very smoke is very segregated. Yeah, it's weird. It's this bird melting pop it is kind of like the like perfect example of just like kind of just liberal hypocrisy Where it's like yeah rainbow flag, but you know like literally we have a class structure

That's reinforced by hills so the more money you have the higher up you are they really do look down on them literally They have their coffee. I mean it's like feudalism. It's the richest people live above the poison air. Yeah. You know, staring down at the rich people. We used to go up to the roof of the economy store and you'd see this ring around. The fact that in 2024 there's still a neighborhood that people kind of openly refer to as Black Beverly Hills.

You know what I mean? Like that's just, that's okay. You can just be like, oh yeah, well that's black Beverly Hills. But also like how much. Because black people aren't allowed to live in Beverly Hills. It's all Persian now anyway.

They have their own version of it. Yeah, you ask like what's the average. Imagine if in New York you're like, what's this? You're like, oh that's the black financial district. It's like the financial district, just not as nice because it's for blacks. It's black tribecas basically. I remember when they showed me that,

black Beverly Hills, and it's like, oh, it's like those are the rich black people. Like what's the average income? Like 48 grand. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like.

It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like.

It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. it's like, it's a heartless place, I'd say that. So I was talking to Duncan about it recently, how like it's a specific kind of sad, and it's worth writing about.

Yeah, I mean, you can't really be, there's no room to not be successful in LA. You're either failing at it, or you're just not, you're not really successful in LA, no room to not be successful in LA. You're either failing or you're like, not even, yeah, I mean, the people who do really well there aren't like. Good.

Well, they're people that work in the industry. It's like, that's who LA is for. It's for the people that work in the industry. It's not for's who la is for it's for the people that work in the industry It's not for people that go there to do creative stuff. No, they just put people to abuse those people Yeah, it's all these producers are like whenever they take like I want 80% of your projects Yeah, like why like cuz that's the way it's done It's kind of like going to LA thinking that you're gonna be happy as entertainers like going to Vegas as a prostitute and being like Yeah, but that's the home of prostitution

You know it's like you're still gonna be, like, it's great if you like to fuck prostitutes. It's great for that or for a pimp. But if you're like, that's not the place to go. A steady stream of lost people coming in to take your bad joke. Yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, if you're a prostitute

and you move to New York, maybe you'll end up liking your barista job and you'll make friends and then you'll get involved in socialist politics. And who knows, four years years later you're bombing you know libraries and you're you know you're you found some meaning in your life I got taken advantage of when I got there I was it was like a free commercial acting seminar let me do that and then they're like all right it's sure does everything it's like by the way probably guys all need headshots like that's one of the

things you gotta get two doors down in this in this building there is a head shot guy I recommend you go there. And then, realize it was just a joint scam. No, yeah. Yeah, you're just out $400. It's crazy people still get scammed by the bottle scam. What's the bottle scam? Where somebody bumps into you and pretend,

they have a bag of shitty broken bottles that they drop and they're like, man, you broke my fucking bottles. That's why I don't go to the black neighborhood. broken bottles that they like drop and they're like man you broke my fucking bottles They're like those $400 worth of bottles, yeah, it's just a bunch of orange Ena Give me a million dollars and then people do it people like do with glasses to a guy holding reading glasses And be like, all right. I'll see you later Man, you just broke mine this these are these are five million dollar glasses And then I'll get people to yeah, give them money. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah They do that in Thailand with like I'm pregnant

Scams, but then it's like I need to pay for this baby. You got to pay for it I'm like it's gonna be five hundred dollars every decade. I'm pregnant Well, it's chicks you fucked as soon as you leave they write you and they go it's like your tour guide Prostitute for the week. Yeah Those bar girls Thai bar girls, isn't that the name for it? Maybe but they got like four or five like rich London guys on the hook. So every couple years. Yeah, I was watching like either it was a video series or a blog of like some guy was like, you know, I decided to give everything up and go to Thailand and trying to frame it as

anything other than like I just wanted to fuck Asian prostitutes. God, it's so fun and easy. Yeah, but it's like, it's like, cause they had, there has to be some, it's never gonna be palatable to any kind of, any English speaking audience to say I went to Thailand solely to fuck prostitutes. Dude, I was in Cambodia and it was that sex prostitution and sex tourism and penance.

All these like 50s and 60 year old men alone they all know each other yeah they're all smiling they're all just happy to be away from fucking dumb bitches yeah god they love and the women are they're so hot there's like they work so much harder than like other prostitutes yeah cuz they're like this is nice yeah I'm getting fucking paid today yeah I don't know it miserable to me. I mean the weather seems nice, but yeah to have your whole life just be fucking Yeah, but like Thai Prostitutes, I don't you know, it's a fuck these white dudes with these massive six inch cucks

but I mean it's like I don't You know, it's like I mean it's not first option if they could dream like I like I love eating peanut M&Ms, right? That means me like I would never move to another country If I if I had moved to another country where I don't speak the language, it doesn't matter how much money I have it's a poor country and as like and and to what but what if you just have oh but now I can do this all the time Because it's like yeah, you know you can do that here, but what do we have like 500 bucks a pack here? What's that what a peanut I was like 500 bucks a pack here, and I weren't doing that well, then I'd have them occasionally

You know right figure out how to make my own peanut eminence. It's not that complicated Can I tell you I'm glad you're touring again. We missed you. Me? I'm barely touring. When you weren't doing stand up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are the best.

You should be doing more stand up. I'm barely touring. Yeah. Yeah, I was in Hyenas though over the weekend. That's a great club. Cincinnati? No. No, Fort Worth.

Oh yeah, that is good. And there seems to be a bit of confusion here because I wanted to go see You know, there was the Trump assassination attempt. You're trying to get in on that. Well, I was going to Dallas I was like, I want to go to Dealey Plaza. Wait, was it in Dallas? No, it was Butler Park, Pennsylvania, which is That's what I'm saying. It's so fun. That's how little respect they have for yeah, just do it with Yeah, just but just butt cheeks PA. That's where we're taking them out behind I wasn't good enough for the fucking 9-eleven wreckage. No. Yeah, exactly Yeah

Honestly, the way they did Kennedy is like that's like a Viking epic cool lots of come on You know, I'm a zine moving target. Yeah, right but I wanted to go to Dealey Plaza and see the X and they took it off the street and Right after that? Well, I went, I wanted to go see it and I Googled it and I'm like, let me go see the X and it's off. I found an article from 2013 saying the X was gone. Because of Elon Musk?

I don't know, but I mentioned it on stage and then people were like, what? No it's not. And then people at like, what? No, it's not. And then people at the show afterwards were like, they had no idea the X had been removed from Dealey Plaza. So now I don't know. It could be gone, it could be back, they could have taken it away, but that does not seem to be a thing

people in Dallas are aware of. I love when people try to correct you on something, and you're like, well, I was there, and you guys are wrong. Yeah. I don't know what to tell you. Big Ben is 17 feet tall. I've been I've seen it myself. I know it's not that big. I was confused. I was referring to the Lego I

Didn't realize there was an actual let's pick it the logo. Yeah, that is a stoop There's so much they should have been socks someone should 9-eleven big Ben They it's overdue some just fucking gay clock and we're supposed to like respect it It's really it would do everyone a service. Yeah, it creates traffic. It's not cool. It's just a clock tower It's a stupid clock. Just get rid of it. Make a park, right? The bet it peaked kind of during the what was that the great mouse detective? Which is a frequent reference on this show if you you have not seen The Great Mouse to tell you. All you British incels that follow Nick Mullin.

Uh-huh. Let's go bomb that Big Ben clock. Adam's doing shows in London coming up, and from what I hear, it's selling pretty well. Yeah, they don't get... I was disappointed, because he doesn't sell well in the United States. He does not sell good tickets here. They respect retards more over there. Well, was bored because he was like i think i'm gonna go to the u.k. and i was hoping because in his mind it's like one to

i'm an intellectual and that's why this american audience can't appreciate me i'm gonna go to the u.k. i was hoping he would sell zero tickets and then there was no there is no there was no market for Adam at all in the UK but that's not the case it happens to be selling a lot which is you I to my British friends you have no idea the damage that's going to cause stateside when this guy comes back wearing a top hat thinking he's some sort of erudite intellectual comedian he's's like, oh, I'm like Bill Hicks. As if they don't have fucking Hicks in London.

They don't have trash over there. All of Camden Lock is not garbage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never been. I have no idea. It rules. You would do well there. What?

It was great in London. You would sell tickets for sure. I don't know. I feel like I need to travel more before I don't know I got it. It's like I need to travel more before before I would say World War three or this country just sort of Dissolves into a mess. I try to get Nick Mullen on on my podcast my travel podcast you'd be trippin and but I don't travel You're like I don't really do it. I don't I should get into it. I feel like yes It's it's there's not gonna be an opportunity for it much longer. I got some brothels in Thailand You can hit up every time there is like a big thing start popping off in the Middle East

I'm like I should have seen those buildings before they blow them blow them up. You know what I mean? Yeah, John and just hey, it's like even like where you remove all the politics from it I don't care if it was a Satanist if it was it if it was a Satanist pedophile temple From the year 3000 BC. I want to see it. You know what I mean? It's cool. It's cool.

It's a piece of history, you know? Do you know about how Angkor Wat was discovered? Do you know what Angkor Wat is? Yes. It's like a monkey palace in the middle of the jungle. It's where King Louis lives in the jungle book. Oh, really? I'm pretty sure.

It's similar to that. But I've always imagined buying Anchor Watt and I live there and I have monkey assistance and I'm just drunk off Pina Coladas all day long. Oh, love that dream. Yeah. And imagine like conveyor belts with like rope made out of, you know, all the pulleys. It's out of vines. Yeah, vine ropes and stuff. And it's all the kind of it's like twine where it hurts you when you touch it. You know, but it's like it's bringing up my ice cubes for my pina colada I'm taking meetings with the local tribes people and they're like Tinko poko unka poko kaka toka and I'm like I have no idea what you're saying

I've made no effort to learn your language I don't know what you're saying I can't help you and then chimps just tear him to pieces while we all laugh. And then, and then, and then we also, we have the Simpsons on DVD. So then me and the chimpanzees will just watch the Simpsons afterwards. It was discovered by a British, uh, just like guy on a long hike and he found it and he thought it was an abomination and put the brushes back and said, I'm not telling anybody about this. He told his wife. And then like 60 years later, explorer found it yeah it was like no one's discovered that goes I discovered it leave it alone it sucks you know what

I would never do is go into one of the great pyramids I've done that why not it just like this thing's 3,000 years old it feels a bridge in Minneapolis it could it could collapse at any moment and then you're just trapped who did better work the fucking people building buildings in Miami or the pyramids did something collapse in Miami to a bunch of Jews went down as a Holocaust Holocaust Yeah, that's pretty cool like a neon swastika. Yeah, like lasers and stuff. Yeah. Yeah I'm glad that there was this weird thing happening on the internet where people what is it? Is the aesthetic called like is it called vapor wave?

Yeah, I don't know. It was just weird like it was like an aesthetic that people got into if they had no Like they just didn't understand design or what was cool It was like this gay VHS kind of laser pink thing That people got into and there was music that went along with it And it was just it was just garbage it was cultural garbage neon 80s or something Yeah neon kind of 80s stuff from like Triangles yeah, I'll put it up on the screen real quick. Okay. Yeah, there. Wow Yeah, it was after Drive came out and the soundtrack got popular,

and then people were like, you know what I'm really into? It's like kind of lo-fi 80s, like, you know, everything is like... I love the different levels of I discovered this myself. It was like Spotify suggested it to me alone, and then it's like I was into this before everybody. That was like the birth of the modern iteration of just narcissism in general was yeah like 2009 when nerd culture became a thing of yet personal discovery

Rather than like you know it used to be people would be like aspire to be a part of something there was some kind of like collectivist element to your like Asserting your independence and then and then it shifted it's like now all marketing is like the ice cream that speaks to you because you were you and you can only be you and define you and so you can have this ice cream because that's what you would do you know this is what happens when you walk by a coffee shop with a chick and it's like one of those all-white decors with a couple a little pink neon and they go oh and you're like one of those all white decors with a little pink neon, and they go, ooh.

And you're like, why do you think this would be good coffee? What makes you specifically dumb chick think this would be good coffee? And it's funny because all of those businesses, eventually, if they last, they grow to the extent that they're everywhere, and then they lose kind of, all they can maintain is consistency in terms of their branding, but then it all decays.

It all goes, it falls by the wayside, and especially in the city, you see it all of these chains that were once like, like you know the place, was it Hale and Hardy? Oh yeah. Like the suit place? There was still a couple of them. They'd be around and it's like,

this is just like the food is just napkins and rotten bread. It's like, and like nothing was updated in like the style of it or anything and and before you know it ten years go by and all this stuff that was fun and new and exciting is now just it's like it's metastasized and it's cancerous and it's just a reflection that you know not only is it not cool anymore does it'll never be subject to nostalgia because it sucked to begin with it's like

Bubba gumps, huh? Bubba gumps the shrimp company. Yeah, and then the restaurants at first it was like oh from the I was never excited about I was never like finally dude the forest restaurant Yeah, it's work. That's got a great bit about at the time But now it should still exist, but it's in no relation to forest gone, but most of their patrons have never seen Mm-hmm, cuz it's 30 years ago new Balance, I didn't know any white people have New Balance. I wear nothing but New Balance. And Sambas I guess sometimes. That was Ms. Pat's best joke about after Black Lives Matter. What happened to Ms. Pat?

She's crushing it on all black shows. Oh really? Yeah. She's got like three shows going on but she goes when people were like, all lives matter that whole fight. She goes shut up white people. Nobody trying to take your New Balance. I still frame things like that.

I'm the one that's checked out and I have no contact with anybody. And I'm like what the hell happened to Shane Gillis? You never hear about that. You ever see a friend who you do not know has become huge and then you're just walking along and it's like oh that's so cool that guy recognized you. And they're like pissed about it and it happens 40 more times You're like oh, you're not successful. No, no, no, what do we get game with the Stefano? Oh, no hit me Oh, yeah, you didn't realize what level he's at. Yeah, like you've leveled up since guy code. Yeah, it's weird I've been with Tim to any of them are with Tim Tim gets recognized more than anybody

Well, he's very visible and then it feels like it's always a guy with his like mom and dad It's always like an adult man that has his parents with him. Yeah, you know, and they're he's like, dude I'm a huge fan and it's like parents are waiting there and it's like the guys like 38 years old I don't know if it's like Tim just goes to parent places or why that is but his his fit You're saying his fan base is good sons Yeah, cuz it's not like you get the sense that they live with their parents It's just that they they are constantly going out to lunch with their parents. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy It's a lunch restaurant

No, I mean the biggest one is what David Caruso and he wasn't like he had some he had its cred NYPD blue was cred. Yeah, but that's a lateral move to CSI Nobody was to CSI. No, I'm pretty booze cool. Yes. I was yeah, I Think it's guys that are just slowing down and then they're fucking that or hosting a talk a game show Do you think the guy that edited the intro to CSI Miami knew what he was doing? He's doing that guy. Yeah Especially because I was probably around the time of the Howard Dean thing. That guy was like, you know what?

Fuck David Caruso. I'm gonna fucking doom him right now. For the rest of his life, that guy's not gonna be able to have a moment of peace. It's gonna be people putting on sunglasses and saying yeah to his face. Yeah! It's fun. Yeah, cool. And so his character is blind on that shows. No, he's not. I thought he's he's a he's a like he can talk to dead people. Oh, Kenny. Yes. I'm

Miami. What's that? What's that job called? The Mentalist. No, no, no, no. But there's a job. That's such a funny name for a show the mentalist. It's just saying retard It's really just saying what does that mean the brain Alizer? the thinkest Imagine writing a great show in the back. All right, we gotta come with a title. It's as important as the plot. Yeah The mentalist the mentor got it nailed it yeah go Why we thought that was like the the the I've said, it's a joke I've made on the show before, but the laziest named movie is The Bone Collector.

Why, what was the, he just killed people? He just killed people, there wasn't any bones really being collected. It was a misdirect, common Hollywood term, misdirect. I guess, it's like they were just like, what's a cool name for a cab at the bone collector It is cool. Yeah, it's almost like this is cool. Let's save this for another. Yeah for another one. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, there was some just I'm trying to jog my memory. There's something else

Recently that I was like really that's that's the title you went with Yeah, did you see long legs I did and I loved it you loved Now it was that anytime you go with I'll go back in time and erase the past or multiverse where it's like Oh, I could just jump universes or oh it was Satan. Yeah, it's just like it's a cop-out. It's a cop-out Yeah, people are saying that it's a... It was eerie. Well, people are like, it's the new Silence of the Lambs.

Fuck off, no way. Well, it's not even close to that, but on top of that, it's also like, it very clearly borrows elements from Silence of the Lambs to be evocative of Silence of the Lambs. And if, like, I don't understand how you can do that and then have people be like You know what? This reminds me of and not be embarrassed. Oh, you know what I mean? Yeah, it would be like if you were like like literally Joker you're like, it's the new taxi driver

It's like well, no, it's not well, it's it's it's Referencing they even hired the guy. Yeah Yeah, it's not you're not pointing it you're not there's no insight here. They asked Adam whatever and Other live guys from Beastie Boys Eminem's new album because it's just the back of a plane with it with a thing and this guy was like so he copied your Album cover. What do you think they're like? Um, it's an homage guys. He's he wasn't stealing it. Like yeah, it's obviously ours. Yeah, right That's guys. He's not trying to like profit off us. Yeah, he's saying something Yeah, I think trying to be another thing explicitly can never be the new this, you know what I mean?

Yeah, it could you could say long legs is the new Star Wars I'm not the new Jack the Ripper just because I've killed a lot of prostitutes at night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be insane to say that. But it would still make more sense to me than saying it's the new movie that you just clearly are referencing for the first quarter of it. The whole time you're trying to figure out like, well, why did she, and it's did she insect oh Satan just didn't let her see the some stuff. I thought it was honestly kind of racist that they put uh no black people in it. Well no that they put

Nicolas Cage and sort of they gave him like sort of an Irish American phenotype. White face. White face but also yeah just kind of the weird nose and stuff I mean he looks like he looks like a distant Kennedy, maybe. Yeah. It's like, what are you saying? Are you saying the Kennedy? Are you saying the Catholics are raping children? Is that what you're trying to say here?

They're lucky I didn't bring my gun to the movie theater like I normally would. Just in case the movie doesn't scratch my itch politically. Let's you and I shoot up a new Joker and then just to get people to go, I told you. Yeah, it was so funny when that movie was coming out and people are like if this movie comes out there will be a mass shooting at the movie theater and it's like That was probably the most insane

Of all the dumb fucking things people said About they should have a Judd Apatow movie on violence That was the dumbest is that the new Joe if we let the Joker movie come out yeah like people can be so enraged like well thank god I have my concealed carry here yeah right it's like are you are you two years old do you have a two-year-old's brain I get the sense that's what that 2025 thing is project where it's like seven people are talking about it and then both sides are using it It's like bait so it becomes way way bigger. I have no idea what it is. I don't care Trump's not gonna win. I

think it's we're just gonna be dragged into a Never ending another never-ending war in the Middle East and yeah, we're headed. We're not really out of that yet. Are we? Well, I mean that's like the thing Biden did get really out of that yet, are we? Well, I mean, that's like the thing. Biden did get us out of Afghanistan. That's what getting out of Afghanistan looks like. It looks like a bunch of people hanging off a fucking plane and dropping to their death, and the Taliban getting a bunch of military equipment. But we're out of Afghanistan.

It's like you would just continue kicking the can down the road forever, where it's like, oh, well, we're keeping a... There's like a consultation group there, and we'll keep like a security forces there all there's an insurgency okay Well, we'll send more troops over to deal with that. It would just be fucking indefinite. It would go forever Yeah, but yeah, I mean I don't know are we going to war with Iran it seems like very clear there that Whoever has the money wants there to be a big fucking

conflagration. Yeah it does seem like that. I remember when Obama was trying to get into Syria. The smartest thing Iran could do is nothing. If they just did nothing in response they were like ah this sucks. It would kind of the United States would have to be like well we're invading Iran anyways, we're doing it anyways. We're just gonna do it anyways Which will probably happen which will probably for a while I mean it's insane It's like and then it gets more desperate as like I don't do you think there was somebody was trying to kill Trump other Than this fucking crooks guy. I don't know what I don't I can't even begin to get into that

But like as soon as it happens you get fucking John Bolton and and blink and going to news being like well Well, you know I mean Iran has been trying to kill him ran and not that they're saying that they did it but It could have been Iran They're just like using that to try and manufacture consent for this fucking I have been saying for a while if China or Russia I but I guess Iran would go to like any enemy of America really wanted to defeat us they would Make an assassination chip on Trump and make it look like a Democrat Yeah, and then just watch us all like deal with each other. What like a civil war and I don't think that I don't think like all The the will for any kind of Civil War revolution doesn't exist in America and it never will.

It just won't happen. Pretty lazy. Yeah, well it just won't happen. I mean, it's like January 6th and the BLM rights as close as you get. And they didn't really. They did not even get remotely. There wasn't a risk of really toppling the government.

It was never gonna fuck up. They're like, let's go out the back door, these idiots are out front. Yeah, even if they. We'll be back this afternoon. Even if they had killed Nancy Pelosi. Yeah, it still wouldn't have amounted to anything We were like that's nuts. It is crazy that though the guy who like listen if I'm trying to stab you Yeah, or a president I'm trying to say and I get so I need a knife

I need to get close and I try to lunge at him and somebody stopped me They'd be like, oh shit where you got closed, but somebody stopped you Yeah, but if I like missed with a knife, it'd be like, oh shit, well you got closed, but somebody stopped you. But if I missed with a knife, it'd be like, it's kind of weird. Like he went with Sniper and got a clear shot and then just didn't hit? Was he just kind of good at sniping? The roof was very hot, I imagine it was probably.

So it was uncomfortable. Yeah, I was imagining it was very uncomfortable. Maybe it was like that, you see that Olympian? Pulls the arrow back and then a beast stings her finger Right shoots it right to the ground. I did see I'm not watching the Olympics because it's because you're a communist What's that because you're a communist because you were on it's not in this year, and that's all you root for is Iranian No, no, no, no just because the Olympics is gay It's never been cool. Isn't that fun when the gay with the gayest part of the gayest sport?

That's what I think. And then they had the gayest part, which is the opening ceremony. And it got to gay. You're telling me that you have the opening ceremony. It's all about costuming at the Olympics in France. In France was gay. Oh, my God. They've ruined the opening ceremony of the France Olympics. Yeah. Let me ask you this.

What are gay people allowed to have? What are they allowed to have? What are they allowed? What are they allowed to have? You mean to tell me you were there like, yo, yo, ready to watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics in France? Dude, everybody I know who was mad did not watch it. Yeah.

And I was like, you've been instructed on how to be mad and why yeah, right? And then it's like oh there it's an ins they're insulting the Last Supper Okay, tell me which which what what part of the last side which one of these characters are they supposed to represent? Yeah, which what which one since you're so familiar with the Last Supper It was so funny watching people's reasoning crumble like we can't do a mockery of that And you're like you can't do a new interpretation that that. And you're like, you can't do a new interpretation of that. Here's the sopranos doing it. Yeah. And they go, well, that's different. That's actors. Like, well, it's murderers. Do you remember?

Simpson's doing it. What was it? It was like the opening ceremony at the Beijing Olympics or maybe it was the one in, in, in what was it? Sochi. Sochi was the one it was like the two Russian bodybuilders like yeah it's like just doing like Tom of Finland style gay sag it was two of them which is arguably it's arguably gay or yeah just two is like really like if it was you could have a million trans people dancing around on stage if it was just two guys fucking each other yeah it is far gay the only thing on maybe there's a Harley Davidson in the background somewhere. Looking at each other nose to nose.

Right, yeah. You know, yeah. That would be worse. And that's kind of what that one was. But the crazy, the story that's going around today is that people keep sharing this fucking, and I'm not a communist by the way. I want to make that clear. I don't want to...

It took you a long time to come up with the answer for why I was so insulted That's not the answer as to why I'm not I'm just but I'm not a communist I'm gonna make run it back run that tape back. Yeah, I'm not I'm not I am not a communist Marxist What would you call yourself you're like a new and neon? If you really had to put me in a box, I'm nothing more than just a run-of-the-mill social Democrat I just have I like giggling Letter often racist that's it. Yeah, you know, but other than that, I don't know There's new thing now with the like there's this weird thing happening online. It's just like iterative

Like thing that you just keep seeing over the last four days where there's a story about some Algerian boxer Female boxer who beat the shit out of some another female boxer, right? But she looks like a man Yeah, she's a boxer. She's a boxer. Yeah, they're not they're not they're not the debutants So people post the story people post the story be like, look what they allowed to happen. And then people respond like this is fucking disgusting and wrong. And like you can't have you can't have these people competing. And then they post that and then they read it and they find out, oh, this isn't a trans person. Right. It's not a trans person.

It's the same outrage. It's the same level of like, I can't believe it. Well, they're mad. There's no evidence that it's trans person. The best the same level of like, I can't believe this. It's the same. Well, they're mad. There's no evidence that it's trans person. The best they can say is like, well, she has elevated testosterone levels. But because they've already posted and they're already mad, they double down. And so they have to like find some kind of thing where it's like, yeah, but the whole thing just like, because it blows up the entire argument where, because now here you do have a woman by your transphobic definition of what a woman is competing in a woman's sport and you don't you just don't like it for that

reason well then it invalidates all the other stuff about it. Because no one's like oh shit I guess I was right. And every time you see a post and it gets everybody going you look over their feet and you're like all they do is rile people up. It tricks other people so then other people fall for it and then they read and they're like well then they're doubling down. This is the online version of outside in LA outside of movie. Yeah. They'll hire 15 people just show up waiting for Tom Cruise. Yeah. And other people like what are you waiting for like Tom Cruise. I'm like okay and they all

should. There's 200 people and then the 15 hired people they could just leave because yeah. Well it's funny the that they're doing that too with seeing people getting that's the other thing is it's so funny, all of the conservatives and Trump people have spent, they were just fully expecting the Democrats to keep Joe Biden until the bitter end. So they had no plan other than calling him an old retard. And then they were like, okay, how about a black lady that's half his age?

And they have nothing. They have fucking nothing. And now what they're going on. Because their guy was a couple They're like record is terrible. It's like well. You said she doesn't have any record at all Yeah, I don't know. I got it. Yeah, you just say she hasn't really done anything They've kind of like just kept her in the background for four years So there's nothing to even really criticize now they can just look at the accomplishments of the Biden administration and say oh well

That was her they're lying, but they can do it. On top of that, like what I'm seeing now is they go, oh, well, she's not even black. And it's like, come on, come on. But also like, don't you want her not be black? Yeah, I don't understand. Like, who's the target for that? That was Obama. Like black people are going to be like, wait a minute. She's not black. And now I've seen this. I've seen people go online. They go, well, her mom was Indian and her dad was Jamaican. You know, and Jamaicans, I literally saw a guy on Twitter try to make the argument that Jamaicans are not black. And it's like, you've

completely lost your mind lost your mind. You're out. It's just trying too hard. Yeah. Yeah. When they showed that that whatever, it was like that guy's dick is out. And then they're like, no, it's just a tear in his stock. He's like, well, still like what do you mean? His dick wasn't out. Oh, at the Olympic. All my friends who got mad, they're like, he exposed his dick to a bunch of people. Like, you know, you've seen me do that to thousands of people over the years and we're not upset Well, that's I mean yeah people get really it's funny. I remember that like I

Don't even know if I want to like go into it, but nobody pays attention anymore Somebody's subscribing to his his his his sub stack so I get all of his newsletters that Seth Simons guy Oh, so he's and he's still going at it still trying his headlines are made. He's honestly very funny I use one of his quotes as a quote on my bio. I get a newsletter from him every two weeks. Somebody signed me up for it. It'd be like, well, that's it. Shane Gillis just officially said

we need to put all black people in concentration camps and gas them to death. It's like a reverse puzzle where you're like, let me see how he got there. I know, and then you go and then you watch the clip and he's like, yeah, he's like, what happened to bl blimpy sandwiches And then he's like

Obviously blimpy went out of business after a racial discrimination lawsuit that happened 45 years ago And then if you look that damaged their business, so he's saying that the dog was to signal that Oh, it was the blacks that ruined the restaurant so maybe we should kill all of them is that what you're saying I think it is please subscribe six dollars a month and it's but no I mean every he's his leaps are great but that was the thing he was like complaining about the first skanks fest he's like Tony trying to make the argument that skanks fest is a reactionary kind of fascist sort of event fascist yeah a reactionary kind of fascist sort of event.

Fascist? Yeah, it's a conservative, racist, fascist event. Yeah, I can see communists. The Pretty Mushrooms, maybe. The first thing he opens with is like, Ari Shafir had his penis out on stage. And it's like, okay, so what are you, like a prude? It's like, I don't understand.

Are you, like, what argument are you trying to make? The prudishness is always a fun thing for the right or the left. Yeah, there go to like There's no consistency. Let's just say Donald Trump has a small dick. Yeah Oh, they were they were like engaging in facsimile gay sex Which you find what to be degenerate or disgusting or you know how we got Louie down there for the Brooklyn one? What's that? They were trying to get him down

But he was just recently like kind of like had just come back to stand up because I'm not going to Brooklyn They're like dude. It's not Brooklyn. It's Skankfest. This isn't like a local audience. And what's his deal? What do you mean he won't go to Brooklyn? It was 20, it was right when he came back. That's like a Sex and the City joke. He was like, these are the most woke people, I know you live probably there.

Yeah, I live in Bed-Stuy. But you know how it is, the shows there are kinda like. I just, see, I don't actually do the shows. We do our show, we do our show at Phoney Moms and I go there sometimes, and even though that seems to be I Mean I kind of just project how I feel which is like I don't if I saw If I saw Nick DePaulo trying to do 20 minutes at like cut your penis off bar Yeah, I mean I would I would imagine it wouldn't go well

And I'd laugh about how bad it was but I don't think like it's not like they would try to send him to jail over it. You know what I mean? I don't I think it's kind of overblown. Well this is how they got him to go down. It is overblown but also it's like I've done in Brooklyn where I'm like starting I'm like you know how like sometimes the crowd's just against you and then I remember having people like oh I meant to tell you that they're gonna hate you for it. The only bad experience I ever had performing in Brooklyn is I went to Over the 8 to do

the open mic after like two years of not doing open mics. It's gonna be tough no matter what. And they like the whole crew had cycled and there was like I didn't know any of the comics there and and I said something to the effect of like ah yeah, it's like it's fun to be back doing a dog shit open mic, you know after you know to be back doing a dog shit open mic, you know, after, you know. And just thinking that there would be some kind of solidarity over the sense that we're going up reciting jokes at other aspiring comedians, which could not be more pathetic of an event.

And then the host gets on a different mic and she goes, You're shitty! And then the rest of them cheer. And I'm like, no, I'm not criticizing you guys. I'm criticizing this event of having to do recite jokes at each other. I mean, like that is kind of pathetic on all of our behalf. Maybe we could laugh about our circumstance. And they're like, boo, you know, they believe you guys don't even do negativity at all. And I was like, I was like,, okay, well I guess that's my time

and I just left. You know, because it's like, I mean there should at least be an acknowledgement that none of you are gonna go anywhere. It's like you're gonna. It can be like, this sucks, we're gonna go to a coffee shop. That was the standard when I started. You're gonna take turns dating each other

and then eventually go to each other's weddings hosted. And early funerals right yeah exactly hosted at the which and and just laughably pathetic few minutes oh we're doing a we're doing a memorial show for Mike who was bitten to death by the Cocker Spaniels that he was walking for a living you know he overtook him and you know. But yeah, it's like that's not a good way to end up. And who I think about more than anything is the guys that really gave something up to do it. Like the doctors who turned to,

I love that because then their wives are like, what are you doing? Go back to doctoring, you're not making any money. Well often they don't have wives. I mean that's- I've seen a few lives leave in the middle, hey, this is your dream. This was never mind There was that guy that was like a big-time corporate lawyer who got into it and I'm not gonna say his name Geraldo no, no, no, no, not Geraldo. He was a lawyer wasn't he? He was but he started comedy when he was like 27

couple comedians dr. Ken was a Ken Jeong was a doctor Matt. Eisen was a doctor Ken Jeong you call him. Dr Ken that's when he started. No, that's what he started. Dr. Jill Matt Eisen was a doctor. Ken Jeong. You call him Dr. Ken. That's when he started. No, that's what he started. Dr. Jill. He went by Dr. Ken. That's how I met him. He was Dr. Ken. Dr. Ken, of course. Yeah, dude. He would give us actual medical advice. We were like, Hey, what's his growth? And he'd be like, uh, it's nothing. Or like, no, you got to go in for that. Yeah. We would be like, Dr. Can I talk to you? I saw somebody. It was great. He was seeing rules. I was just laughing with somebody there was like so who is oh, it was the last guy was it Andre that was on and

They had him was it him and dr. Ken When they had him and Ken Jeong do something that was like the past and future of Asian comedy and it's like This is so arbitrary future of Asian comedy. And it's like, this is so arbitrary. I mean, it's also, it's like. Bobby Lee's just seething in the corner. Well, I mean, it's like, what? It's like, just pick two.

I go on stage! Yeah, right. The past and future of. Asian comedy. Of Asian comedy, yeah. By the way, that's an easy, like, there's nine of them, so let's figure out which one's on which side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so here's what I was gonna say with Louis. So we're trying to get Louis to come down, he's like, I don't know, I was like, bro, there's nine of them, so let's figure out which one's on which side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's what I'm saying with Louis.

So we're trying to get Louis to come down, he's like, I don't know, I was like, bro, they would all love you, he goes, I don't know, and he goes, what's happening right now? He goes, okay, and then you go, Ari is literally chasing Corinne Fisher with his dick out on stage. She's screaming and running away.

Yeah. And he goes, I'll be down in a few. Oh, okay. Yeah. He goes, what's the crowd doing? Like, they're cheering for it. Everyone's having a good time Seth's gonna get word of that and that's gonna be clipped

Lucy k enticed to perform at skanks fest by promises of rape guaranteed rape for him Yeah Do this hair gives you power, huh? No, I gotta get a fucking cut, man. I've just been, it's the same reason I grew my beard out for like three years, I just. This is your look, buddy.

I don't know. Try pigtails. I do that. Before you cut it out, do full pigtails. Sometimes, yeah. I've just, I spent the entire day with the cat at the vet yesterday, so I got the cat taken care of, now I gotta do my own.

What do you mean taken care of? That sounds mafioso. Are you that casual about putting your cat down? No, I didn't put the cat down. The cat had dental issues. It had to be attended to. And then I called one of those in-home vets a couple weeks ago, because the cat wasn't eating.

She had a bunch of pain. And so she fixed her up. At the time, she gave her up at the time. She gave her like medicine and antibiotics, but she was like, yeah, these teeth need to be pulled because they're just going to keep getting infected. So, but the only place, because she's like a mobile vet, the only place she could do it was like all the way down

in fucking Graves End. So I had to drive all the way down there, and then I spent the entire day in Graves End just killing time. Graves End? Graves End, yeah. Damn, I don't know Brooklyn at all. Yeah, that's what you don't drive I do drive but not to Brooklyn. Do you have a car? Yeah, I got a pandemic when I really we drive like a like a gray Toyota Camry license plate All right, yeah keep an eye out

Keep an eye out for that camera Just a little Corolla. Yeah, but I got the cat we got a couple of her teeth removed and she's She's hopefully doing better now because she's old. She's very old sucks very old teeth removed Yeah, how do they bring you dead birds anymore? You have to give her an already dead. She was never a dead bird cat I found her outside. So she's happy to be inside. Cats do that. It's one of my favorite things of just misinterpretation is the dead cat in the pillow.

A blogger would be like, how dare you do this? It's offensive. Yeah, it'd be cool if you had a pet snake that brought you pigs. Wrapped up in like stricken pigs. Just covered in saliva. They just like threw up an entire dead pig. They would just bring you John Voight and leave it, yeah.

Yeah. What a dumb animal. Snakes? Yeah, and it's funny because it's like even like 6,000 years ago they knew it was stupid. So when they invented religion they were like, well there's gotta be a reason. To have these.

To have, the God probably was like, I'm taking be a reason. To have these. To have, God probably was like, I'm taking your legs away. Cause you showed no emotion. You tricked women into hiding their pussies. No, that's what it was. They lost their leg and ability to talk. Yeah, right. Cause of what he tricked Eve.

That is the story of Genesis, basically, is the fall is, you know, it was like guys 6,000 years ago being like, you know, we used to be able to just get pussy, whatever. whatever there was nothing special about it you walked around naked all the time you want a pussy right there and then a snake tricked a woman into into tricking a man and they're tricking man right yeah so now we can't get pussy anymore this smart do you know that Robert Mitchum I feelpso album? I feel like I should go to Jerusalem now and see all the buildings.

Before they're gone. Before it's too late. Istanbul too, probably. Do you know Istanbul was Constantinople, but now it's Istanbul? Yeah. It's gone back and forth like a couple of times. Yeah, been a long time gone. Yeah. I feel like, yeah, I want to see turkey before turkey implodes Are they the regional superpower I think I'm going there and fix this Okay, all right I

Went for one day. It was pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've never been to Rome. I haven't seen anything The only got out there man with the oldest place. I've been I think is Walt Disney World Not even a Rhode Island. Yeah, I think that's yeah, this is from what the 30s or something Yeah, that's I say this like I want to be cultured, but I would be satisfied with just going to like a bush gardens They do have they have your ashes a culture they have Europe in bush gardens They have it's like a European theme Busch Gardens. Have you been to Busch Gardens? It's big jay-core Is it it's it's his whole aesthetic what Europe jay-core? No, it's Busch Gardens and just like the theme parks in general It's amazing. They got dragons. There's yeah. Yeah, they have like a fake Germany. It's really cool And you could eat oh, yeah. I learned a lot about Germany actually.

They got like five different types of hot dogs. I do like Big J's costuming whatever because at least he does have a sense of style. He should have been the opening ceremony at the Olympics. He should have been because then then both wings right and left would be this is gay. Can you imagine if it was just a bunch of guys doing the fucking life full Monty the break some break break stuff music video Yeah If that was the opening ceremony, yeah, Fred Durst big Jay Okerson Guy Fieri the smashmouth guy, that female Secret Service agent

that couldn't put her gun away, the whole crew, the whole family is back together. She took some heat on that one. Yeah, I wanna see an interview with her. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I guarantee you she would be like, brother, it's all about doing the best you can in the moments that you can do them.

You know what I'm saying? I try to maintain a positive attitude. I'm in my spare time, I'm a Christian youth minister to other Santa Fe stuff. She's that right wing lesbian that nobody shows in the ratings. To other Santa Cruz style lesbians, I teach them about that. She's the PE teacher lesbian. Yeah, she is. You can look at that lady and you know what her deal is. Butch. Hey, prediction for lesbians and trans and stuff?

She had a big weekend planned of making ribs and inviting like you know she's gonna be online yeah to two other ladies like that over and they were gonna have a brown sugar on them they were gonna have a couple of beers and sit around they play uno beat up a fag yeah right here's my prediction for trans stuff yeah you know Brittany Greiner you've heard of her yeah she Russia Yeah, she's gonna as soon as she retires from the WNBA. She's gonna transition to male She can't do it now because then they would all be like you can't play here anymore So as soon as she retires, she's male side Then she'll go the other way. What do you mean?

She's gonna be a currently a female. She's currently female She's gonna be a man and they won't let her play in... The NBA. The NBA? Because she's not good enough or because she's... She's not good enough. Oh, okay. Or because like, no, it's only a men's only sport.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The NBA though, male sports would allow in a woman. Yeah. Like they do actually in college football, has women. It's weird because I feel like we're gonna get to... because I feel like trans culture hasn't materialized in any kind of way that has broader appeal they need to embrace the trans am as their company car Well, here's the point that I'm making is is I'm familiar enough with trans people stuff to know that the shit that they like Is just is like it's not unique enough to their identity, right?

You know, it's like fucking the hat from Bob's Burgers. You know what I mean? It's like some internet stuff, but it's not like, you know, it's like Funko Pops. There's nothing about like in the same way that like just regular gay culture has all of this kind of like stuff, you know what I mean? Because trans is actually trying to not be

what they were assigned. A lot of the stuff that could have been trans stuff just got absorbed into gay culture through like drag right like drag almost belongs more to the gay world than the trans world that was the other thing that the right wing got mad about like look at these trends like that's drag like that's trans like no no it's drag saying they're women and so I feel like because of that we're gonna end up in a situation where in like probably 40 years, being trans is like just sort of normal.

There's no more conversation. Like the idea of gender dysphoria, that'll be like a normal thing, but then there will still be gay culture that will be up for debate, where it's like they're like, if you wanna fuck boys boys just become a woman You know it's like they're it's gonna turn into that

I legitimately no joke think that trans just needs to be broadened to where like the bull dykes are just like oh We're men ish like but if you if you go like there's no gender gender is a construct Then there is no male or female that's but that there still needs to be kind of I mean you should just let people do Whatever you oh, yeah, yeah sure of course That's, but that still needs to be kind of, I mean you should just let people do whatever you want. Oh yeah, yeah, sure, of course. Figure it out, but yeah. I just think it'll go the way of the transvestite.

To what, from my understanding, to what extent any of like the detransition stuff is- Detransition? Yeah, yeah. That's when you roll over? No way, it'll go back. It seems to be mostly like women that transitioned to men and then realized after the fact that like, oh, I was just a lesbian and I felt pressured into, you know.

And so now then they get like a fucking. Yeah, it's not so much the like a F. Nah, this shit's too confusing. This is why it has to become normalized because I can't, people aren't gonna be able to do the... I just wish we could tell them all the really right-wing angry people. They're like, guys, just get over it so we can stop talking about it. I don't know. Well, this...

You're making us talk about it more and nothing matters. The thing with the... The cowboys matter. The thing with the boxer should make it... So fucking mad! That's what like a cat does. To show that they're pissed. You're like a...

Adam Friedlin show? How about Adam Fried not? You're like a big Him. To show that they're pissed? You're like a, you're like. Adam Friedlin Show, how about Adam Fried not? You're like a big Himalayan over here. No. Oh, those are mine, fuck. No. No. I can't throw the penny, I will not. I like that that means nothing to a cat too.

What? No, saying no. They're just like. Yeah. My cat, I got, I had to. Why'd cat I got a penny I had one like it I had to get the new iPhone comes with like a braided cord really yeah that's very funny Wow a penny a 99 just worthless currency Wow yeah it's real it's 99 yeah why do people do that I remember that in cartoons really like you get if it wasn't gold like it would just break

understand if you thought it was like I'm just gonna aluminum poisoning exactly they don't make fake gold out of chocolate I don't it's like nobody's like he's gonna think this cracker is actually going to be some type of metal right a steel or hard copper. It never made sense. I remember seeing that in Dumbo as a kid, and I was like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, get back to the racist crows.

Right, and I was a kid, I was like, am I supposed to do this? Should I be biting coins? Yeah. Not much Adam Friedland in this, but let's keep watching. It's my favorite podcast. Luckily, they don't talk about Why would he say that I've never been more look how sad I am

Do you think Biden thinks he looks like Gary Sinise? Biden's like internal self-image. He's like, I'm like Gary Sinise. Remember when Joe Biden fell off a bike and everyone started laughing at an 80 year old who fell off a bike? It was a wild time. Anybody falling off a bike is funny. It is pretty funny. They need Kamala Harris to get hit hitting the dick with us Frisbee It is very funny seeing the support for Kamala over the last like three weeks

And it's not really based on anything Kamala herself has done There's just it's like not it's like and there are people around all so fake and phony you step back You just see through at both sides. It's fucking doing really, I don't believe it's like truly fake. It's just that like we had such shitty options going into this. Yeah. That now come on. Now people are just because we aren't hearing from Kamala really either outside. I mean, she's done a couple of campaign events, but like it's people are just

inventing their own idea of what she is, right? Which is honestly, that's what you should do is you kick the can down the road as far as you can until November Keep it in like this fucking this phase where people could just be excited about whatever version of Kamala they imagine But it's like yeah, it's like it's like 2008 fucking Obama energy now off of like nothing, you know like Just done or said anything or told us anything really. I mean. Yeah.

Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think. Yeah, what I don't hear is any of them talking about the fucking opioid and fucking homeless problem. Yeah, there's nothing you can do about that. Great, I would love to hear a president say that. By the way, guys, just so you know,

obviously I'm aware of the homeless. There's nothing you can do about that, so let's get on to fucking shitting into this side. We could talk about the opioid crisis when it was our government making and selling the heroin. Yeah. Now that it's China, it's like, all right, well, there's nothing, what do you want us to do?

Go to war with China? I'm sorry. We got everyone addicted to heroin, and now the Chinese have undercut us and we have no control over it. That'd be a good answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be funny if there was somebody

that tried to just run on. I had an agent. Like just being very deeply cynical. Like it's like, look, you're all just gonna fucking die, dude, I mean. Oh, a nihilist, oh, that'd be great. Yeah, just a guy being like, look, President is not a real job. I have very limited power. I understand there's a genocide going on. If I got into

the office and I tried to reduce arm sales, they would kill me. Hey, nihilist president, what can we do? What can we do about the economy right now? Nothing. What you need to have, we need a recession. Unfortunately, you're going to have to see a lot of people with their lives fucking ruined so that the people that make all the money can extract the capital out of this round and then we can restart the process after you've lost your home. Yeah, yeah. The border, what are we thinking about it?

We're just going to ignore it. We're just going to ignore the border entirely. Not unless President, they're redoing all the districts. Here's the good news. If there is a terrorist attack, because that's the big concern, it seems to be that there's a lot of terrorists now crossing the border, Hezbollah's going to Venezuela, and then because of their communists, now there's communists that stole, violently stole the election, so now we need to go in and change the results

to somebody that just coincidentally is somebody we like. Just coincidentally, it happens to be somebody that we like, and that's, you know, but now the election being, is we're not even gonna investigate whether it was rigged or not. Let's just install somebody else. I'd love to see now, let's go, guys, Bob Dylan

was writing about this. It's not going to change. I promise you this. If there is a terrorist attack, it was us that did it. So you don't have to worry about anything. We'll be very sure that we pick a target that is not. You know what? Honestly, we'll just tell you the plan right now.

It's going to be against synagogues, because that makes the most sense. We need to drive home the idea of rising anti-Semitism and blame Iran. So if you're a regular American, you have nothing to worry about. We're going to be bombing synagogues and blaming it on some new version of ISIS. I've seen anti-Semitism right here. Do you have a cigarette? No, I don't. That's what I'm talking about, is anti-Semitism. I've done other podcasts with an anti-Semitic

that do have a cigarette. Well, I just don't, I don't smoke. No. No, I am like, that triggered me. I'm like two days, no vaping. Oh, really? You walked in here right now, it's like fucking Friedland, take the goddamn vaping.

I know, I know, I know. I'd like to have a house. I had already convinced myself that it was, that like, you know, cause I went two days and I was like, you know, oh my God, I'm gonna like, you know, I'm gonna make it out and then I that it was that like, you know, cuz I went two days and I was like, you know Oh my god, I'm gonna like, you know, I'm gonna make it out and then I knew it was here I'm like, okay I'll cheat and I'll have the office vape and I got in here and he took it he brought it home with him to Vegas

Well, if you want to suck on a penny, I got a penny I can loan you that does not do it for me I'm sorry that doesn't do it. But I think I think we're good. I think we covered all the topics you know, you guys got your your weekly dose of of World Affairs and So far yeah I don't know, but it ain't gonna be good Yeah, we need the car guys back with political commentary did would they say anything They never really you would expect them to shit on non-American cars. They'd be like, yeah, my Volvo makes a clicking noise every time I take a right turn.

They're like, well, I'll tell you what the problem is, is that you really have to understand that Hezbollah at one point was a resistance, you know, organization. But now, you know, they've moved, it's more of a militia. And that's, okay, what does that have to do with my Volvo? You're going to let me answer the the question you fucking faggot? I like when the Volkswagen was made with human hair in the seats. What is your fucking, why don't you let me answer the fucking question?

Can I finish, can I finish? That was an early Comtown joke, is Car Talk on Sirius XM. Really? Yeah, they leave NPR and they're on Sirius XM. Oh that's great. You know, and they're on serious exam. Oh, that's great, you know Like yeah, I can't I'm every time I put my I got a Ford Fiesta every time I put it in reverse There's a grinding noise

Yeah, well, why don't you put your ass in reverse right on my fucking cock? No, I'm just kidding. Anyways. Yeah, so what that is My favorite come down was was gay Mickey Mouse is my favorite come down was was gay Mickey Mouse game oh no that was like sort of like that was like a fractal thing where we got that it was Jay Leno who's Mickey Mouse and also he's gay but it was the best oh thank you yeah yep that'll be it's nice to know that I at least did one thing in my life I think it'll go down as the anal of history and the anal of history There's so many Annals what who would say so many fucking dumb words that just stick around because people are like oh that sounds cool

Uh-huh, it's like no it sounds like anal's Sure sounds like anal sounds like the anus of history and if we should stop using that word Do you know what I mean? I'm out sounds sounds like? The record, you know, how about the record? It'll go down in the historical record. No, I'm saying angels. I've got my last chance. I've got my own agenda. I'm saying angels here. Yeah, that's how they get you. Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you very much, guys. I will be in Irvine again at the Irvine Improv. To this third week of September, you can go to my website, check it out.

Please look it up, please come out. Gotta sell these tickets, I will never be back in Southern California again. Today's episode was brought to you by the movie Long Legs written and directed by Gary Sinise. Everybody go out and check it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got anything to plug?

I guess your upcoming special. Upcoming special, that'll be like September, October or something, but like. are you putting it out on? Something I don't know I'm talking to YouTube right now to see if they can like not censor it and then like the other places to in case YouTube Does say yeah, we're gonna censor that well. What are the other places like rumble or something? No like Netflix and HP Okay But they do censoring to, also, don't they?

They wouldn't be after the fact. They'd be like, we can air this where we can. They wouldn't like a month in go, hey, we're not gonna show this to anybody anymore. Right on, okay. But I got a podcast you'd be tripping that you'll never be on, I guess, until you go fucking.

I will, I'll go, I'll go. I'm gonna go, I'm doing my big. You can interview me about a place. I'm doing my big China trip soon. Dude, I've been there and it's fucking sick. I would imagine it is. It's so fun. I just wanna go see the old buildings

before they blow them up. I either wanna see, I would actually like to time it perfectly so I'm at Al Oksa right when they blow up the dome. And then I would like to be there maybe also too to just, they should live stream the building of the third temple. Going down like one of those implosions. Well, blowing it up.

Of building the temple. Of building the new one. Yeah. I would be pretty mad if in my lifetime that doesn't happen. The Sagara de Mishpacha. Cause I just, I would like to see, it would be nice to know, you know.

Are they right or not? They're like, ah, they were right. Are all of these religious people right or not? The cool thing about Jews is, once like the Messiah, cause you can be like, not too late you can join it. It would be very funny just to see what happens to smug atheists. That's at Southbrook, it was the Mormons, like, ah the Mormons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, fuck.

Yeah, yeah, if they built the third temple. Yeah, the smug atheist going, damn it. Well... If they built the third temple. Yeah, the smug atheist going, damn it. Well. It is, if you have to go like, you'll be proven wrong in the steps of like the doorstep of like, in the pearly gates. The religious people, if they're proven wrong, they'll never know. It's just blankness.

Yeah, yeah. It's just nothing. And then the non-religious people, they'll never know they're right, they'll only know that they're wrong. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah I'm trying to think of other places. I might want to see yeah, what else what do you got?

Eiffel Tower could could eat a dick yourself off that it could blow up and I would not I'll be like yeah I didn't miss anything basically nothing in France You can just remake the Eiffel Tower. Yeah Really? That's it. I come over remember a couple years ago when Notre Dame burned down and people were like, oh my God. And collectively the world was like, yeah, I guess that sucks.

Like, oh, I'll never went there again. Yeah, I don't really, I'm sorry, but this is. They played the church bells of Notre Dame for the first time since the fire. Yeah. And all the right-wing people, the Christians, were just figuring out what they were offended by and not how fucking awesome it was that one of their most massive churches fucking got like put back into service again

Yeah, what were they mad about with the bells? No, they weren't Other shit and not focus on any positive. Oh, this just happened. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah during that same opening ceremonies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But yeah, the Notre Dame Cathedral was I went to the outside. It was like 10 hours to go in. I was like, nah. Yeah. I'd like to go to Antarctica, but only if like the thing is real. You know, I would be down there.

I'd be like, let me see where the thing happened. Yeah. You'd have to explain to me that it's just... It was a soundstage in LA. I'm like, okay, fine. Then where did all of the Chilean guys eat each other? That was like, that was chili. Oh, okay.

No, hold on. Well then, did anything happen in Antarctica? Why are you down? What are they fucking researching? I think the black oil from X-Files. Yeah? I think that's gotta be. They're trying to find that.

Yeah. Yeah, it's just the icy thing. I don't understand, like people, like there's all these types of like research that happens. Yeah. Where it's like, oh I study dirt in the desert and it's like no you don't There's not you're not gonna there's not gonna be any new information in the dirt. You know what I mean? they had this research facility on a remote island and a way off Iceland and Tomatoes are grown and they're like how could this be was a bird migration carrying tomato seeds and then it

Were like I was a researcher went out and shot and had a seed in his butt. Yeah, so you guys are just making your own research That's cool. I remember every once in a while. They'll find like they're like scientists will be in like science journals or whatever They'll be like wow scientists discover 40 new types of spiders be like, wow, scientists discover 40 new types of spiders. It's like, we don't want that. Use the Facebook, release one every two months. In your dumb scientist mind, you think people are sitting at home in New York, in fucking LA, in the middle of the country, in Omaha, Nebraska,

and they're reading the newspaper and they put it down and they're like, I just wish we had more spiders. Yeah, invent something new. Why can't this, why can't, that can't be it. It can't just be fucking Tarantula, Daddy Long Legs, Black Widow. And the little ones.

There's gotta be, yeah, there's gotta be more spiders out there. God, scientists make me so fucking angry. Where are they getting the money for this? Who's donating, who's going, breast cancer's probably pretty good now, let's go to spider research. Yeah, that's the other thing too about the deep state

is people are like, oh there's a secret cabal controlling everything. If you saw the amount of money that the government spent on just the dumbest shit in the entire world, like you can go, anyone can go to the government and say, I want $40 million to go to the jungle and find out if monkeys can learn how to play laser tag. They're like, all right, we'll have his committee.

Okay, yep, sounds good. You know all the malaria researchers, Bill Gates, he's like 90 to 8% of the fucking malaria. Without him, they'd be like, just run rampant. His wife, I guess, I don't know, she was sexually aroused by malaria. That's cool. Yeah, so she was like this researcher.

No mosquitoes anymore, Have you noticed that? I'm just like, the last two summers, it's like. They went to LA. LA had no mosquitoes, now they have them, I heard. Oh, good. Yeah, good, fuck them. Good, yeah. Fuck them.

Yeah. God, that town, I miss it sometimes, and then other times I think about it, and I'm like, God, everybody there fucking sucks. It sucks. I mean, if any of that biblical shit is real, LA is definitely. It's starting there. It's starting at the Sad ranch. Yeah, go LA LA is one of those towns in the Bible where they're like dude fuck God

We're doing whatever we want and nothing bad will ever happen do a Rogan moved in 2020 goes LA sucks I'm like wait, you just realized that in 2020 was it made you realize LA sucked Yeah, they're for 20 years. Well, that's I mean also this Austin Exodus too is like people are like, oh Rogan ruined Austin It's like no, but what's that? You're an Austin boy Yeah, I lived there for a while and it's like no like all of these people moved there after Austin was already ruined It's like they moved It's very funny because the keep Austin weird church was already a throwback already before they got LA people already ruined. It's like they moved. It's very funny because the keep Austin Weird shirts was already a throwback already before they got LA people already ruined Austin and then all the LA people were like I'm done with LA I'm going

somewhere else where there's a bunch of LA people. It's like yeah dude the other LA that you created yeah yeah there's a bunch of LA's around the country and they all suck because it's just that vibe. New Orleans they all move to New Orleans. Asked to Sean Patton so they'll do a parade down the street and the LA people just watch them and take pictures Well, they're like join us the irony of it is like Houston kind of used to be like the LA of Texas But now Houston's like Houston's honestly the best city in Texas. It's a cool scene. There's no there's no other city in Texas I would enjoy spending time in all those what's that? But Dallas Dallas is like I don't it's hip well it no it's

not I don't my experience with Dallas which I haven't been in Dallas proper in probably ten years now at this point so maybe Dallas is different but Dallas just feels like it's it's too kind of like professional and it's it's uh I remember it's kind of it's boring ten years ago I was doing a festival in Houston yeah it was a music slash comedy festival and I was doing a festival in Houston. It was a music slash comedy festival and I was there with Norman and we talked to some locals and she was like, this is 10 years ago,

she goes Austin is not the best scene in Texas, it's Houston because in Austin you're preaching to the choir, everyone there is converted, everyone there is liberal. So you can't really go at anybody. And in Houston you have a lot of drunk rednecks who are gonna go back at you if you don't like cross your t's and dot your i's with your jokes. So it was like it's a way funner, more like combative place.

Yeah, when I lived in Austin even, Austin, second only to San Antonio, did have the worst comedians. They were good for Austin. For Austin. But I remember I moved there and there was this like sense of entitlement and these like the Austin comics thought they were like

The best in the world and then I went to Dallas you would like meet comics from Dallas and Houston It's like oh, they actually write jokes, yeah, it's not just a guy on stage like Fucking rambling and trying to get off on vibes Yeah, they some of them got really mad and Rogan those people move there and it's like well Sorry, you fucking no one challenged your mediocrity Yeah, like the other some fucking a-level headliners here No, it's like it's it was an it's an extension the same thing you see in New York where it's like the quote-unquote Alternative comics are like yeah, we're kind of like building our own scene here

It's like all of your shows are attended by agents assistants Yeah, I like people from fucking peacock. You guys are constantly getting opportunities. There's nothing particularly alternative about it. Especially even if that wasn't happening, your goal is still to operate within the world of the normal entertainment industry. You guys are all seeking the same exact things. It's maybe an alternative route, but there's nothing alternative. You're going for the same thing. You're going for the same exact thing. You guys all get jobs on SNL. It's like it's... Yeah, on a defunct, boring, old-time... Yeah, yeah. And awesome is the same thing. You're going for the same exact thing. You guys all get jobs on SNL. It's like it's, you know. On a defunct, boring, old church.

Yeah, yeah, and awesome is the same thing. It's like, oh, we're doing something different. It's like, you think that because Comedy Central and Montreal come here because it's a fun town to hang out in, you know, and then you guys get those spots. There's the same thing with the alt scene in LA where like a couple of them, like a lot of the main, main big alt comics would never go to the Comedy Store. Back when the was a failure place. Yeah, but the good alt comics like Louie. Yeah, he'd be like, yeah

I'm an alt King, but I'll go to the comic store. I'll do well there, too Yeah, you wouldn't fear not a non alt audience. Yeah, even my time in Austin It's like you compare any Austin comic to like fucking you know, like Paul Varghese Yeah, it's amazing comedian like Austin had like nobody at that level You know what I mean? Like Paul Varghese. Yeah. He's an amazing comedian. Like Austin Edd, like nobody at that level. You know what I mean? Right. Like those other towns could produce comics

that could stay there and be national headliners. That's how San Diego was too. Yeah. And they'd come up to LA to do spots at the store and they were like, it's gonna be a long road back. That's a two and a half hour silent ride. Yeah. When you come up here to a bomb.

Oh, they were bomb. When you normally fucking crush. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause San Diego, everybody's fun and happy. San Diego, that's what Dallas feels like to me interesting. You know where it's like this should be fun, but it's not It's not the it's missing something. Yeah That's not a bad comparison. Yeah now we're doing your travel podcast Yeah

But how many podcasts you have at this point? Just one. Oh, really? Yeah, I ended the other one. I got bored of it. You got rid of Skeptic Tank? Yeah. I wanted to get you back on there for almost a decade.

Because the only one you've done was when you were living in a tenement apartment. Yeah, in Chinatown. We went to that candy shop. Yeah, that foreign candy shop. Yeah, yeah. Chi Eurasia, that's what it was called. Yeah.

Yeah, they had like Yeah, I got scared you said a decade and I'm like, has it really been? Yes. It has been a deck Yeah, and I was like, can we get your back out? You were like, I'm done with comedy, bro I'm living in a fucking tenement. I'm obviously not making it. Yeah, and it was like fuck I might give it another week or so, but you're not wrong. Yeah. Yeah, and I was like, can we get you back a nice successful? I feel like you should just be you should just be realistic about things. I'm not successful. All I was like, can we get you back at 90 Successful? That's the thing, I feel like you should just be, you should just be realistic about things. I'm not successful, all my money is in the stock market, it's crashing, I will be broke tomorrow.

I'll be going right back to the bottom, and all I have now is these $4,000 shares, yeah. Long hair, and I'm missing my office, babe. It's been taken away from me by Adam, who is now Britain's most famous comedian. Intellectual British comedian of all time. You know the ad I wanted to do when you were on that podcast is Casper came to me. One of them. Oh yeah and give me a bet. It wouldn't have fit in that fucking. I said give me a twin and I already have one from your competitor who you all

do the exact same shit. It's a fucking new mattress. A twin bed would not have fit in that room. said give me a twin and I already have one was your competitor who draw do the exact same shit it's a fucking mattress have fit in not a queen a twitch just a little small one I'm telling you a twin would you have in there it was like a better leaves no like a Chinese like like the kind of mattress you would put in like a camper it was like fucking it was like five feet by it was like a couch cushion and then eventually nothing I would just sleep on because they would get bed bugs in it and I was like a couch cushion, basically. And then eventually nothing. I would just sleep on it, because it would get bed bugs in it, and I was like, I'm just not dealing with this.

So I just slept on plywood. Yeah, heard me once. Yeah, I taught myself how to, and it was very funny too, because even in my current apartment, I went back to just sleeping on the floor, because I got used to it. He just wakes up like the crib keeper.

Yeah, and then last, like a year and a half ago, I got a real mattress. Yeah. And like it fucked my back up. Really? Yeah, it was like a three month, I bought like a nice mattress. I got like a, not like a,

I know mattresses can get really expensive. I spent six grand on getting one of those like Sealy black mattresses. Yeah. And then for yeah, six weeks. I heard they used to be seely black mattresses. Yeah. And then for, yeah, six weeks. I heard they used to be seely Indian mattresses and just recently have they converted over to seely black mattresses.

Seely Indian mattresses? What does that mean? It's a Kamala Harris, Donald Trump joke. I don't, oh, oh yeah, black Indian, okay, yeah, yeah. I was, you know, I'm just, I'm thinking, I'm like, is the mattress stinky does it Is a match is it a diarrhea man? I don't understand what? What you're saying yeah, you're right. They just they just converted. I mean that's the that is the most insane

Angle of attack it's funny because somebody I know I'm friends with mostly liberals and and they were like why would he go on there? He's not gonna win them over. I'm like, he's not trying to win them over. He's trying to make them make clips for his own fan base. That's all they're doing, is making clips for him, for the people who are like, I might not go out in both this year. They're like, I will, this guy rules. What's really gonna be disappointing for them

is like when Donald Trump loses, and then there's not even another January 6th. Like that's not going to happen. You know, there's going to be nothing. There's not even going January 6 like that's like that's not going to happen. Yeah, you know, there's going to be nothing There's not even going to be like a big push from right-wing media to dispute the results of the election They're just gonna go right into calling Kamala a shitty president But like it's gonna be the end of this whole like MAGA strain because there's no heirs to the throne There's no Trump can't even do it anymore, Right. He'll be too old in four more years. He's already kind of too old.

Yeah, but he can't even do it now. I mean, that guy used to fucking take shots. It's kind of like Danny DeVito still being the weirdo. And it's like, nah, you're just fat. People are like, oh, he's already... There's a clip where he goes, laughing Kamala, I call her laughing Kamala. Because she's always laughing. She's crazy.

And it's like, that to like the shit He was saying in 2016. Yeah, it was nuts. You know, it was like it was like early Milo. Yeah I never liked that guy. I was sorry was a dork. I know your friends with him. I loved him He was he was making people so mad. I loved it. Oh, he wasn't though. Yes. He was People cried over his fuckers. I don't care attitude. Stuff would happen online and then he would come in and be like, look what I'm doing. You know, and it's like, no, this is just happening right now. I remember you telling me he's like, I came up with it.

No, he didn't. He didn't come up with it. No, I didn't say he came up with it. He's fucking pretending like he came up with it. And he's just pouncing up behind the president. Let's get it moving. He helped it along. This was a guy trying to take credit. The internet did things on its own and this motherfucker. When he was told to shut up on some panel show behind the president, let's get it moving. He helped it along. This was a guy trying to take credit.

The internet did things on its own, and this motherfucker comes in. When he was told to shut up on some panel show, because we're talking about women's issues right now, you need to shut up because you're a man. He goes, and he just waited. You know what he is? And then he was like, men are also all filled this place

right now, and some lady was like, I don't think it goes, excuse me, we're talking about men now, so you need to shut up. Yeah. And they were like. He's Brandon Wardell, dude. He's Brandon Wardell. He's the same as Brandon Wardell.

He's the guy that sees internet stuff, and he's like, that's me. And it's like, well, no. It's everybody, it belongs to everybody. It belongs to everybody, you can't take that for yourself. I don't know him enough to know. Yeah, yeah. I'm basically just going off the thing.

Cause you told me that, and I'm like, he didn't come up with that. He found himself, he didn't come up, 4chan came up with it. But you were saying, he told you that he came up with it No, I remember yeah, I was just thanks when he did it you came up to me and you're like he came up with it I'm like no no no no no no no he's a fucking but he was like, okay, let's all try to push this And he goes shit. I'm right behind the president right now the fucking Republican president

I'll just do it and I'll let the internet run with it. Yeah. Yeah, he helped it. He buddy You don't know how backtrack-y I am. You can't pin a man on a backtracker. I'm not trying to pin anything on him. Good luck, because you won't. Yeah, I'm not trying to pin anything on him. Sounds like you were trying to pin a man on me. I think I've made my point about Mr. Steely's,

Mr. Steely meme-y. Mr., I'm gonna fucking point at memes and say, look what I'm doing. Get your hair hippie. I have look what I'm doing. Catch your hair, hippie. I have to, I got to. Yeah, I don't like this situation. It's bothering me. But luckily, yeah, it seems like things

are getting bad across the board. I think we really need to start bombing these fucking ice cream shops and bring back these Froyo places that are now almost nowhere. Used to be everywhere, and now it's nowhere because because these fucking Baskin Robbins. Bomb it! I was thinking about this. This was a solution I had in my mind, which is sort of a solution to the Middle East crisis. This will be the final? No, I feel like if they had done this,

I feel if the British had just installed, if there was no state of Israel, there was just a kingdom of Israel, and then you just pick some like Mizrahi king then there would be no problems in the Middle East that the mistake was trying to create like a fucking white democracy right exactly if you just the same thing they did in fucking like Jordan in Iraq if you just had like some you many guy right that was the king of Israel and then the only thing they could do was like, let's try to get him to marry my daughter so we'll combine kingdoms. Yeah, I mean, basically, yeah, if they had done that, then it wouldn't have been.

And it's like, maybe it's like, is it too late for that now? No, I don't think you would have to kill all the white people in Israel. But like 80 years. Yeah, it's really early on. I think you could do it if they found you wouldn't have to kill all the white people. You should be like their second class citizens here. I think you would have to kill them I think you have to kill all the white people you kill a couple you could prop up a couple already dead ones and say We did yeah, and then you just you get yeah, just some like retarded Arab Jewish guy, and you're like you're the king now Yeah, I'm the most inbred so yeah, I can be king

Yeah, right, and then you just give him a bunch of rubies and nice clothes and then you go free. You're like how do you feel about Palestine? You're like I can't even spell it. Right he's like I don't know what is that. What is what? Yeah can I have a Lamborghini? Can I fuck my aides out of it? Can I have a golden Lamborghini please? That's my favorite name. What's your what's your stake to the throne? I have the one Wu Tang album. Like Arabs just don't know how to spend money Just fucking I mean, it's just the dumbest. Let's put carpets on our Yeah, that's Saudi Prince that fucking has to bring all of his golden cars to London every time he goes like the way like A four-year-old goes on vacation. It's like I have to have all my stuffed animals with me

I'm bringing my entire fleet of golden cars stuffed animals with me. I'm bringing my entire fleet of golden cars to London. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what's there. Is there is there any way that things don't just get dramatically worse over the next six months? It's going to get so much worse in terms of for the non apolitical like me for the apathetic. It's just going to be like, I'm'm gonna have to hear about this shit so much. That's gonna be so annoying. It will affect you in one way or the other. But my jiving into it won't affect me.

Yeah. Me getting involved in it won't affect me. I mean the rain affects me, but I'm not gonna bitch about the weather report. You don't have any control over anything. That's the other. Yeah, I do have control over the weather, actually it's a bad comparison.

They're doing that now, right? Aren't they, they're controlling the weather is like there was some fucking because Bill Gates had a plan To what's that? Cloud seating yeah, yeah, it's different the cloud sourcing and then but what what? What's the point of that to make deserts into fucking? It's all gonna become another like Denver Airport. Yeah, so wait people can hide after what's going on with the Denver Airport. They put it on hold They're moving it to Albuquerque Airport Yeah, you know the whole you know the Denver Airport I know that there's some kind of thing with like this holding tanks and shit like that owned by the black Israelites

I think is what black Israelites are Yeah, the Denver Airport so funny the black Israelites like we're the original Jews like well Where was this when the Holocaust is happening? Yeah, are you sure who are silent during the whole time? I don't look for Jews to kill Oh because well there they're of the opinion that the Jews that died in the Holocaust are like Kazari and Converts that aren't actually Jewish and that it was like a white on white crime kind of false flag thing But they're on the record with all of that because their response is always like the real Holocaust is 400 years of slavery Four years of slate was the real Holocaust. Yeah. Yeah, that's their opinion, but it was funny

I did see them out in front of barclays like when things started popping off back in the fall Yeah, and I was like I wonder what their take is because I bet people I bet people are gonna assume that they're pro-Palestine But you really I you don't know. No, you don't know it down because it could be like no no we want to take over that Yeah, the Palestinians they kind of just hate it. I mean I I hate a lot genuinely There's very few groups of people I have genuine love for and they're up there black Israelites because it's they got an answer for everything They do they like the QA matter their world No matter what it you can say anything and a black Israelite will hit me with like now Let me tell you something no matter what it is

It's fucking every bit the moon landing. Yeah, the moon is a black man. You know it's just Anything you pick anything they have a fucking answer you know and They're not a lot of like let me look into that for you No idea we don't first I'm hearing about it. Let me research or come back here tomorrow Well, I think that's we probably should wrap it up yeah, I got it I got it oh, yeah, it's already 1230 You got a you got a guys. Thanks for joining us. That was fun. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, yeah. I wish I, I wish I, I will do some traveling. I'll use.

Did you say I didn't invite you onto my bus and, and um, You did not. What do you mean? I'm hanging out, setting it up. And it's like, yeah, come on. It's not that you didn't invite me on the bus. You have a moving, you have a vehicle that moves all around the city. I get to Dallas dude you're not even driving it there's a guy that's paid to drive the bus I'm like

we're going to pick it up and I'm like hey I'm here yeah here's where I at and then you're like okay we're gonna get we're gonna drive it to here and park it and I'm like okay well I'm at the airport well pick you up at the airport yes you have a bus with a driver no he's got to take his nap it's not even like oh I don't want to sit in the car. Your bedroom is moving. That makes sense. I thought you just didn't want me to let you on.

No, no, no, no, no. I just needed to take your shoes off. I was at some point, I was expecting you to offer me a ride. It's not a car. It's a guy we got to fucking move around. Then he's got to leave earlier. We can't get to the next city.

That's not even close to it. You guys were sitting there parking a lot all afternoon. He was let off He was in his hotel If I had a tour bus, I'd say we're picking up all my friends We're putting as much mileage on this thing as possible. We're fucking Ares. Ares what? He's nine states away. Let's get him Let's go get our if I had two drivers. We're picking him up. We're

Over here. Yeah, you're gonna earn you. I don't care what union you're in you're earning every fucking dollar of your hourly wage You're not gonna sit here reading Archie comics or whatever the fuck I had a time machine I would go back and I would find where your hotel is I would go there and I would roll the window down and go not Keep going over to the fucking that's what I mean Yeah, and that's the thing to even try and frame it is oh you're saying I didn't invite you on the bus You know goddamn all I saw was people going. Why did you invite mulling under your bus? I'm like what you know guys you up. I said this go meet us over here. I don't know

We're getting picked up. We gotta go to Walmart to fill up the fucking bus No trying to gaslight me you thought it'd been enough time that I'd forgotten about it I brought it up brought this up now. Yeah thinking like oh, yeah, you forget right before we end and what's this I hear about You saying we didn't invite you and I'm like, oh you you have to go. Oh, well, I'm out of time liar No, no, no, no, no, that's not gonna work on me Not a not on not on my own show, the Adam Friedland Show podcast. Not on my show, the Adam Friedland Show podcast. Is that gonna happen, pal?

Yeah, no, I just wanna be picked up on the tour bus. That's it. I wanna see all my, I wanna be at the airport and have all of these stupid Arabs looking at me, thinking, like like waiting for their rental Lamborghini and they're like oh he's probably getting at most the Dodge Challenger upgrade. I'm like oh sorry there's a John Madden bus here for me. Hey I get in around 1130 I'm like oh sick so.

Enjoy your enterprise Porsche. We're going to fucking wait at the airport to come get you and see when your bags are there. You don't have to wait. I would have waited for I don't have bags. I carry a bright light. What town was that even? Charlotte. It was Charlotte. Yeah. Yeah. We had just picked up the bus there. So he had to come get us in the suburbs and drive us to a Walmart to fill up and then get his mandatory time off. Must have been Raleigh. Raleigh. Raleigh. Raleigh. Raleigh. Then I fucking I stayed at like the a loft right next to the hotel. Yeah. It was miserable. Must have been Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh But nothing about the tour bus Nothing about riding on it that way I'd see here's even thought now you you you belie your underlying intentions here now

We have a snapshot of seven months ago. You're like, ah fuck Mullins gonna be in town He's gonna want to he's gonna want to ride on tour bus. Oh I know I'll invite him a day early. He can stay at the shitty Airbnb and that friendship obligation done now It's like well, you can't come on you stayed at the Airbnb last night. that friendship obligation done. Now it's like, well, you can't, come on. You stayed at the Airbnb last night. You can't come on the tour bus. That you're just, it's transparent. The brokering you were doing in your own head

where you say, oh, well, yeah, if I let him stay at the Airbnb, he's not even gonna know about the tour bus until tomorrow. We just won't tell him. He's like, all right, nice to meet you, man. You gotta get out of there soon. He's like, you gotta get out. We got the tour bus.

I'm like, well, can I get a ride? No. It's a four seater. You should have got it. I. Who's Artie? Who's Artie? You gotta get out here. We got the tour bus. I'm like, well, can I get a ride? No. It's a four seater. You shoulda got it. I told you we were only gonna stay here one day. You thought we were gonna be out of town. You didn't plan.

Figured you got your show. No, no, no. I'm playing, forget 4D chess. I'm playing 5D tour bus games. Fast and the Furious style. All right, thank you so much. This was a lot of fun. I had fun podcasting.

We've been changing up. Me and Adam never podcast with each other anymore, so it's like doing a new show every time. Really? Yeah, yeah. Why don't you? Because we have nothing to talk about anymore. Oh, right.

Like nothing podcast-wise. Don't you both interview somebody else? No, that doesn't really, yeah. That doesn't really work. He's in Vegas right now. Getting hookers. No, well he's from there, his family's there. He's in Vegas right now. Getting hookers. No, well he's from there, his family's there. Is he still a virgin?

Adam Friedland, yeah, still a virgin. 38 years old. I don't think I've ever met that guy. You've never met Adam? I don't believe I have. Really? Yeah. That's crazy.

Possibly like one like passing handshake at a club. Yeah, I guess he's not, he doesn't really go to the clubs or do anything. Unique style comic that way he's just a lazy guy like I sometimes I forget how lazy I am because he's Like the person is closest. Yeah in closest proximity to me. There's like Kevin Ryan going I'm not fat. Yeah Fit in this one chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh man.

All right. All right, yeah, thanks for coming. I'll see you guys in Irvine, California. Good night.