The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brendan Sagalow - Episode 70

Episode Date: September 6, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brendan Sagalow - Episode 70 Check out Brendan's new special: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpA3u7ZctsY Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to   @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #brendansagalow

Welcome to the Adam Friedland show podcast special guest Brendan Sagalow say hello to everyone. What's up? What's up? How you doing today? Good. Thanks for having me boys. I'm gonna go get a new shirt What kind of shirt we think I don't know, you know when you gain enough weight where you're like, oh, yeah You know, you're like, oh, that's we're going we're just getting bigger shirts. Yeah, that's exactly There's also there's also another move to the people don't realize is so you get fat from one size to the next Yeah, but in between those there's also there's the I want not fat enough for the next size But I'm fat enough for a heavier material shirt. Yes, that's it You know I mean I always get into that thing where I I'm I get fat enough for the next size

But I don't go to the next size yet And I'm in that like embarrassing stage where you're wearing shirts that are too like long well just like too thin and and you know like yeah they ever have a friend go like I think you got to go a size up no no one's ever said that to me but I well yeah but but but the thin material the way a shirt kind of disrespects you when you've gained a little bit of weight, where it's like, ooh, you know, like, what's this? Yeah.

You know, it's like touching you, it's like, nice nipples, fatty. Dude. Like fucking, there's a way. There's not one shirt in the world that doesn't do that to me. This shirt right now, and this is- Go to Dave's and buy like a thick Carhartt fucking- No way. I can't, I can't.

Those shirts are designed for fat guys, they're are like yeah, I'm in his fucking shape I'm a garbage man. I know I live garbage all day. I look like Dude and the whole car Nothing nothing wrong with them, but they're always shitting especially me specifically just a silly goose So people if I'm wearing like a carhartt hat I've I'll get comments or whatever of people being like Wearing the carhartt doesn't have the Carhartt personality there's people are losers and here's why here's here's why they are hard hipster they have they have a flagship store in Manhattan I'm sorry that's not working

anymore yeah yeah that's you're no longer hi welcome to Carhartt you lost it maybe that there was a case there 25 years ago where some guy on a fix He discovered Carhartt. Yeah, but now it's for everybody. Yeah, shut up anyway. I don't know it late Carhartt looks too Like are those Carhartt pants? No, these are these I got a target to me Carhartt seems like very like like Very hard. It seems like it's got a lot of edges on it. Yeah, it does. It's like starchy I'm more of a dogs guy. I love the big dog. Yeah, okay. Oh, yeah They still is that a big dog shirt. I can't see no go what's on the back if there was nothing

The bag is pretty cool. What's the back Brendan? I'll show you first take it okay? What about you, but it's not even a poem American classic No, it's not it's they but I did get the South Park one. Did you get the tattoo when you got the shirt of the, what is that, a 57 Chevy? Big dogs make you get it. What is that? I'll tell you what, and you're gonna laugh? I have no fucking idea.

You just love diners? I get... You were like, we're getting high off pancakes at 3am and you're like, I gotta get a tattoo in this place. This is gonna be a whole sleeve of pancakes. They're like do you classic cars? You're like nah I got an eating problem. I went nuts at a Broadway diner. Yeah but why?

Dude I get tat- I used to get tattoo. I don't get tattoos anymore. I love this one too in the front. It's like a puzzle. It's like a Walmart puzzle. I get tattoos in the way that people cut themselves you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's the same thing. It's the same thing. Like a girl? Yeah, a girl or a boy can cut themselves.

Boys don't cut themselves. You want to keep looking? Why'd you get that? What is that supposed to mean? Oh, what are you, my fucking dad? What do you mean? Why'd you get that? I don't like, I don't respect a single tattoo on your body. You don't like the flamingo. No, why?

Man, is it just one arm brings like you've got it's one arm. I have this okay I got these guys right here. It's a dog Octopus okay, are you right-handed? Yeah, you could say if you had none on the right hand that this is for buckets only That's what a lot of basketball players really if they have the other arm they say the right is only for buckets yeah this is only for buckets and fingering and Jackie my tip yeah I want to get like 15 swastikas down my forum when people are like why fuck and then I'm like that's how many Nazis I punched dude every time I punch one I get everybody's like like all right you ever see a plane during World War two enough swastikas on yeah, it wouldn't look like swastikas it would start looking like

amount of Nazis that you punch And I'm like yeah, there's it's Donald duck saying I had I had that a picture of Donald duck wearing a swastika is my background of my phone for in high school for like And why I thought it was funny. It is funny. It's not funny cuz you're from New York City Yeah, baby, Long Island. Oh, that's not a capital of the world. That's not New York City though. No, it's yeah I was answering you before you said city you when you're from New York yet city Yeah, you had a lot of Jews in your high school. Oh, yeah, baby. I'm half Jewish really oh yeah, which half Dad so that's not the real one right down

The mom has to be Jewish for it to be yeah, you have to come out of Holika Adam Yeah, you have to come out of a holoca, Adam The laws it's like Sharia for Jews so that makes me a goy am I goy Yeah, I think it was that they say it was because Jewish women in the shuttles were raped so much Jesus Christ that they wanted to if it was matrilineal then they they could like they made the rule that there any like Jewish stories That are like nice Yeah, Aladdin Is Aladdin Jewish I used to think he was when I was a kid because he had the keeper. Oh

Yeah, did he I thought he had a turban. I thought it was a keeper when I was a kid It's not a turban I thought the monkey had a there's a monkey. They kind of matching hats. Yeah, the dad has the jewel. Yeah There was the hidden camera the hidden camera Yeah, but big dog is I like going to their website cuz some of them they're definitely like uncle shirts Like there's some cool like parody shirts and all that stuff I was I was it then some of them are like some of them are like I'm awake not woke and then it's the dog Being like good. I like that. They're getting it's gotten don't tread on me

I was getting to see I want to see alien Romulus a couple nights ago. Yeah, and then I went to You know, it's the fucking city point so you get the target right? You know you do maybe I'm gonna targets Yeah, I bought a bath mat But I went to target after seeing alien Romulus and there was like this dumpy guy probably mid 40s walking past the t-shirts and he'd like stops and then comes back to Attach the Target shirt that just hasn't make the McLovin ID It's like that's how like that's how because if I didn't see that man, right? If that man did not do that, I would walk past that and I'm like, what the target must be going out of business.

Oh my God. What the fuck are they doing making a McLovin shirt now in fucking 2024? Like who do people even remember that reference? Yeah, like this that actor is in prison Is he really right? Of course he is you know that no I would I would assume okay And you know his idea the whole Epstein thing, but I mean Right. It's like I just feel like an idiot There's a machine at Target. That's, we must make McLovin shirts. And they're like, well we don't think anyone's

going to buy it. And it's like, I'm the smartest computer. The robots? They'll buy it. What kind of guy was it? They're going to buy it. I mean, I really don't, I know it's a cop out, joke wise, just say, imagine the kind of guy that would be buying a McLovin shirt. This is what I'm imagining. This is what, can we play a game of...

Yeah, let's guess. Are you going to play? I love games. Okay. We play a game of yeah, let's guess you are you gonna play I love games, okay? It's a guy that probably listens to weed podcasts weed podcast Yeah, where they just just described like okay this one's a really potent strain Look at the crystals yeah heavy guy, but not heavy like woman hips body like Pete Holmes his body Kind of guy I would say you ever see a guy that's like, a guy that's like New Year's resolution, I'm going to the gym. And then the first stop is buying a lime green

under armor shirt that makes it look like somebody put Shrek in a microwave. You know, like one of those guys. Bloody the amount of sports shirts and workout clothes I have stuffed in a corner in my room stay if you're in disgust I'm sure here. No don't get the gear Go to the gym if you're new to exercising go to the gym wearing jeans Yeah, you know you did like just Mexico style, right? Yeah

Like a Guatemalan guy spider-man backpack You know like just fully decked out so people are like nobody can say why is this guy in here They're like good for him. He's making a change in his life, dude I just starting if you if you start by buying the shit. Yeah, it's first of all it's gonna look fucking terrible on you Yeah, there's no shirt that's gonna fix what your situation is well I don't know if like you guys have this because do you work out? You guys work out? I used to, but no.

Do you have that when you go to the gym that you're like, oh man, I'm a, well, I'm like, I'm a fat guy at the gym. Everybody's kind of like rooting for me in this weird way. That's why I like going to the gym. When I was younger, I'm a lady at the gym.

Like I'm not athletic. I'm not like good at stuff. And then also I'm like, you know, I can be like self-conscious in public. Sure. And then, you know, I'm sure a at the gym. I'm not athletic, I'm not good at stuff. And then also I'm like, I can be self-conscious in public. And then I'm sort of a lot of fat guys, you go to the gym and you think that. But then everybody is at the gym to do their own thing. And it's really good practice for like,

okay, I'm gonna go here, I'm gonna lift an embarrassing amount of weight, and not do it even particularly well. And the most interaction you're gonna have is from somebody that's like, Hey, well, you know, and like not do it even like particularly well. And the most interaction you're going to have is from somebody that's like, hey, well, yeah, either that or like, hey, you know, I can help you. Or like, do you need a spot? People get away from me with that. There was a guy, my gym membership is burning a hole in my wallet because the last time I went was like four months ago. And this nice black guy just went over, he came over to me he was like hey man you want to like a free training thing and I know that it's gonna that training is gonna

end with him being like let's let's you gotta pay me next time but yeah he's a trainer he's just soliciting your business I don't want to do that I never went back but that's not a bad guy that's a guy no it's his job no no I'm the bad guy I'm the bad guy I'm like I'm like what's that dude? That doesn't contradict no no I'm the bad guy I'm like contradict what I said at all some guy offered to help me but then he was trying to pay his rent also yes fucking black cocksucker so this black guy comes up to you in the gym yeah this piece of shit to help you and then he wants money yeah what's wrong with that I don't have any money on me, sir. Yeah, I go

No, but that's the lie you tell yourself and you get in the gym It's like, you know, oh, yeah, everybody's doing their own thing Then of course you find out later people are creepshotting you and making fun of you Yes, but but but at that point you don't care anymore because you realize the challenges against yourself. I Just don't want any guy While I'm not doing the form right to be like come on come on man you got this I don't want anybody's doing that next to me it's money too. I used to go to this gym on the Lower East Side and there was like a

trainer there they had a couple of trainers that were like bodybuilders but they were mostly quiet and then there was one guy that was like a guido, like a younger guido, he was probably like 27. And his clients would be like probably finance guys or something, you know, like just not, they're like, their approach to fitness is, I'm gonna pay somebody to make me look the way I'm supposed to, you know. Which is probably the right move anyways, you know.

100%. And this guy would go through the circuit with these guys, he's like, all right, yeah, we're gonna lap pulldowns, you know, and this guy was huge He's like you look like we're that gorilla guy from Jersey Shore or whatever Ronnie Ronnie Yeah, and so, you know, he'd like go through one time I overheard him, you know, the guys like because I was going around doing my own thing Yeah, I heard him and he's talking to like just a guy that looks like, you know me or Adam just kind of a regular Looking guy and then he's like we're doing this and the next time I heard him. He's like yeah, you know I mean really it's like

Using anything is like that'll really benefit you once you've already reached your kind of genetic limits You know over to so he's like telling about steroids the guy asked about steroids right and then the next time I see him Like I come around the circuit later He's like yeah, so what we could set you up with is a six-week cycle, and he's like selling the guy fucking steroids So you know like within that one training period yeah, but the guy was always kind of like an unenthusiastic until one time he had a client that was like He was a kid this kid was like I don't know how old he was but he was probably like 15 Maybe but just massive just like this like, you know, he's like six six and like, you know kind of heavy set

But you know, like just like a boy fat and muscle and he was having this kid do like like 405 power cleans is like first time in the gym and that Guido could not have I mean it was like it was like he was like like seeing Frank Sinatra walk his mother you know like you know like in the prom with him I mean mean he was like over the moon. He was like yeah, boy Just going nuts I'm not be more excited to train loudest. I've ever heard you be yeah while I was doing a character You know yeah, well obvious, and you remember yeah boy. That's the next target shirt. Yeah, boy Guys going how many yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm at a point with my body

Where and I don't know if this is good or bad, it's probably bad, but like I don't have that self-hatred anymore. Yeah. I mean, I have the self-hatred as just in general of like, why do I exist? It turns into, cause it goes from like, oh, people don't like me cause I'm this or this or these things are out of your control. Yeah. And you get into your thirties and you're like, oh, I'm a horrible person.

I've been bad to people exactly now. Yeah, I'm like I care more about what's going on Yeah, I'd then if I look in the mirror I go I don't think this guy will ever be skinny There's nothing you can do. Yeah, I don't care. Yeah, right I'm not like cuz you need that motivation to be like well, let's yeah You know you hear about people that are like looking in the mirror being like look at you you fat sack of shit And you're supposed to decay. Do you feel like you deserve to look fat? Like I did something wrong?

That was always my big problem with John Kasich. Is that John Kasich has the hairline of an eight-year-old boy. He has this, you know, he's like an extra from fucking, to kill a mockingbird, just like a little like southern boy haircut right ago and he's like 65 years old yeah and he has like no recession at all and his hair is too thick and he has to get a little boy's haircut it just fucking

looks weird it's like if you're a 65 year old man you should have like three hey you should look like Homer Simpson right right it should look like a like your hair is kind of all over the yeah you just fucked up yeah but I don't I don't know I've just I also don't want to this is me talking myself out of losing weight, but I don't want to have that fucking Extra skin and I'm past it. I'm 33. I don't yeah, but I don't think you would have extra skin I think that happens to people that are like bedridden you promise I don't yeah Really this is more of an indictment of America rather than a compliment to you, but you're not that fat Best I've ever heard anytime someone's like you're not that fat. I'm like stop

Yeah, you know especially if you say podcast because that's just fodder for people to be like uh so Nick said you're not that fat I disagree very much so. Yeah. But yeah, I, you think I could, I don't know. I don't. Yeah. Maybe just take your shirt off and we'd get a Sharpie and just circle the problem areas. No, the reality. A lot of sororities do that during rush week. Apparently they're like, maybe you can lose around here. Did you guys go to college? Yeah? Where'd you go? George Washington University really did George Washington found that school or is it? No, I think they they just were like it sounds nice with yeah, did he cuz he didn't go to college

You just did army yeah stuff. I just did horse college kind of like a new thing No, no yeah, cuz Oxford's been around since like the 1300s Yeah, I think it was like beautiful went originally whoa Did you you weren't in a frat or nothing like that? Oh, no, I wasn't in a frat. No, did you want it? Wasn't a big Greek University Yeah, yeah, I went yeah, there was no frats in the colleges that I went to. Where'd you go? I went to three colleges. I went to school visual arts for a semester. That's cool. Yeah and then I got scared and I left. I was like

a spider or something. Of a guy asking you for money? Yeah there was a fly in my dorm room. I went I'm out. I would do that if I went if I paid what does it cost to go to NYU like 800 million dollars Thousand and I go in that dorm and there's a spider I go um you think Columbia is having problems the protests that you'd see for me Well, no I got scared because I was like what am I doing cuz I don't want to do this there are girls here The girls at school, visual arts were not great though. What do they do? They just take naked selfies there? Yeah, a lot of them called their boyfriends,

their lovers and they had like armpit hair, which is fine if you're into that stuff. And then I went to Nassau Community College. It's funny when you see a woman with armpit hair, because it always reminds me, I'm like, oh yeah, I have armpit hair. I like forget. Think about yours? Yeah I'm like I forget that there's hair that I don't even think about.

My hair is I mean it's my armpit hair you can barely see it. Well I have hair everywhere else so I don't like even consider that but it's like oh yeah that is a thing that people have. Yeah do you have gray pubes? Do you guys have gray pubes? No I don't have any gray hair. No? Do you? Really? Yeah No, why? My pubes are like it's like Pauly from the Sopranos like gray gray. I remember that scene I remember that scene in the Sopranos

When he's like hey Tom back in the service check out what I check out my pubes That's a famous scene Pauly's pubes I don't want to look at your pubes. Very good. I don't want to look at your pubes, Paulie. Come on. Who did we see before the show today? Steve Van Zandt. Yeah, we did.

Which I didn't even know if it was really him. I saw his body type. You saw his pubes. I didn't see his face. You were in the men's bathroom and you were like, oh my god, Steve Van Zandt. His dick was wearing a little do-rag. His dick hole, his dick hole. I don't know T.

He's like pissing in a semi-circle. The frowny. Yeah, he was right outside in a fucking sick ass Jaguar. I did go downstairs and say hello and he was non-rust. If I met him I'd first I'm like I gotta ask What the hell does e Street stand for yeah? He goes such just a street to let a II I go of course Thank you, thank you be mad if I started a band called the G streets. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I don't care mm-hmm

I wouldn't care you think he's still downstairs. We should maybe try that one get him up care mm-hmm I wouldn't care if he's still downstairs we should maybe try that one get him up he ran down all I had to say was he could have not even been down there and all I said I came up and I went I think Steve Van Zand is down I thought I saw Jeremy I thought I saw Jeremy Piven and then I quickly realized it was just a man dressed badly we had like Elvis sunglasses on and like there was this weird kind of 70s thing. You know what kind of like fashion I really hate that seems a little germy-pivony? Is the like the boat shoes with no socks and like the khakis that show your ankles.

That was like a, that was a finance guy thing, right? It was, yeah. It was very Georgetown DC look. Yeah. And that's like guy thing right there. Yeah, it's very Georgetown DC look Yeah, and that's salmon pants. Yeah real estate guys dressed like that. Maybe not fine. I'll tell you what though I've been rewatching on to rush Not bad greatest show of all time you like it. I've seen every episode I don't know if it's the greatest show of all time, but I have seen every episode maybe multiple times I don't like that. They're saying their names all the time. I really want to get into one of those shows.

What do you mean saying? They're just saying their names all the time. Every episode. E, Vince, Turtle, Drama. But yeah, but that's, how do you know which character it is? Oh, I know. I know what you're saying. And I watch it and I go.

You don't like that they say it. I know exactly what the writers are doing. They're trying to get me to remember these guys' names. Lloyd. Lloyd. Yeah. A Asian. That was a, that was a lot of homophobia. There these guys names Lloyd Lloyd. Yeah a Asian That was a there was a lot of homophobia. There was so much homophobic I mean you watch it now and they're like it's the mid 2000s homophobia where they're like we're cool with gays But if one of our friends do that not good, right? Yeah, everybody says a crisis cuz somebody thinks someone's gay

Yeah, yeah, if you go dude, if you kiss kiss a guy you're a gay you're gay and retarded Yeah, yeah, they say retarded all the time in that in that show Great show, you know when Obama was president they asked him what his favorite TV show was and he said entourage Let's hear it What a step down from Tony Soprano I just got lucky because all my impressions sound like Tony's friend. I fat fuck is in the squad Yeah, I'm just trying not to be a fucking fat, so you know whatever People like wow this guy's really AJ. This guy's really good at the gym. Yeah, they go. I actually really like this. Mm-hmm. He's doing You should have done it for Stevie downstairs your Tony

I know he would have been like screaming and crying and be like he's back. He'd be like get in the car right now You're back from here. He's hugging me. I'm like we're bringing the show back. I found it. I found it I think I know the sound you're looking how mad and he points the phone how bad would people be if they're like we're doing season 7 and you're playing they don't even bother covering the tattoos yeah or the eczema or anything like let's just try the pilot eggs Your hot wheels tattoos Boy, I love being in the mob. Oh, yeah. I really like being a gangster They don't even give you the script

No contact Go I have a wife and I have a kid your credit as James Gandolfini's James Gandolfini, whatever Swap thing which by the way, they did that in alien Romulus to recreate what was his name Ian Holm Did you like that movie alien Romulus? Yeah. Yes very much so. Oh, okay now Soder was saying it was crap. Well you like I mean You can't there's plenty to complain about but like I love the movies, I don't care, it could have been awful. To get more of the alien story, I love those movies, I'm thinking about the other movies, I love seeing Alien, I'm happy to be there. Truth be told, I couldn't understand the first half of the movie.

There's too many British people in it, and they're all, literally. There's a freaking alien coming in. No, but it's like Cockney, it might as well have been a fucking Portuguese they're like are you gonna die in the shit yeah so it's time to tell you don't it's a fucking the target legitimately scared me no I just don't I'd like I couldn't I couldn't follow the plot at all and the plots the same and every one of the movies is like, we found an abandoned ship and all the crew is dead. Maybe there's something interesting on board Could be on the ship. Oh, it's the aliens in it. It's the alien. It's laid eggs and one of the face augers is coming to

Get you see I'm not a Romulus The name of the space station and it's it right, like when does this movie take place? From what I could surmise, it seemed like in between the first and second movie. Fuck all that. I saw it inside out too. Pretty good. So you don't like Alien? No, I didn't get into it, I couldn't get into it. We gotta get, so let's have an emergency session with Dan Soder and get him in here

To our doesn't he said the movies he said he liked the movie and then he talked to De Rosa and oh Don't let that fucking drama dad piece of shit. Yeah, see that's all I needed to hear That's all I needed to hear is a guy and just ruined it. Now you've done it. What have I done? He's giving me a bad mood for the rest of the show. Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to do that to you. Yeah. Nick got upset when I said that another friend of ours said that the second Avatar was good. The second Avatar? No, it's mostly a problem that Dan liked the movie. And then Joe DeRosa had to poison his mind. Exactly. What kind of instinct is that? Joe DeRosa who lives this fantasy life of making sandwiches.

That's basically 72 virgins for an Italian. He's just in this sandwich heaven. And Dan Soder comes in, the nicest guy in the world. I saw Elian Ramius, I really liked it. And he goes, okay, here's how I'm going to ruin your afternoon. Here's how I'm going to take that away from you. Not only has he ruined that for Dan, he's ruined I'm gonna ruin your afternoon. Here's how I'm gonna take that away from you. Yeah. Not only has he ruined that for Dan, he's ruined it for me now too.

It's like a cancer. He didn't ruin it for me. His tricks don't work on me. Yeah, it's true. He probably put something in the sandwich. His oily tricks. Dan was like, I don't know, I still like the movie. And he's like, why don't you try this?

Try this, it's a fat boy. It's a new sandwich. It's more like Muffelin. Dan's like convulsing, and he's like, say it was bad. Say it was bad. Give me your letterbox account. Is it time? Yeah, it's time. Nick, throw me the thing.

Huh? Can I say- I think it's time for the reeds. Throw me the thing, please? Oh, you have the reeds. I need- no, but- You guys share a bit? Yeah.

Yeah. We share everything. Women? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, Nick just likes to listen. Women. Dice. We share. We have a pair of dice and they're matching. It would be funny if we had a wife. And whenever we meet up, we touch them. You go, snake eyes.

It's our secret thing. We go, the dice brothers. I've heard about this. You guys are the dice brothers? Yeah. Jesus. We share it. OK. Yeah. Yeah Jesus we share Okay What okay our next sponsor needs no introduction you've seen the ads you've heard us talk about it a million times And I bet that that there's a big part of you pun intended Not me that wants to try it what am I talking about blue chew Blue chew. Dick pills. Have you tried it before?

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They will stop at nothing until every man is bricked up like a brick house. Nick, did you hear that? Yes. They will stop at nothing until every man is bricked up like a brick house. She's mighty mighty letting it all hang out. I would love to see an Indian fella doing that at karaoke. That would be good. Yeah. That would be good. Yeah. Rick My life is going to a karaoke bar and he's just fucking

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Oh. Okay, so you had sex twice today. Yeah, I think I gave you the wrong hand So whatever you smelt on this hand was not pussy. Okay, can I smell the other hand now? Cuz it's my you know my girlfriend. I feel like that would be oh it actually does smell like that You don't wash your hands or no. I did wash my hands. Okay, so it doesn't actually smell like pussy I did it as a bit because I was like, oh I got tricked once again into smelling sex on Brandon's hand.

Brandon you you jester. Two different pussies. Anyway, you guys use blue. I've never used it before. Your mom's pussy. Oh, Brandon. Come on. Not everything is a joke.

Come on. Come on. Disgusting. You're sorry. I kind of zoned out for a little bit. Oh, that's alright, dude. I'm back to thinking about Lyndon Johnson. I don't How's it? How's the book going? I'm on four. I'm on four now. Yeah, they're great I'm gonna be sad when I'm done with them books don't like hurt your eyes. My eyes are fucked up, dude but

but in general stupid question. I like audiobooks. Don't they hurt your ears? What the fuck? Don't audiobooks hurt your ears? Shut up. Dude, don't make fun of audiobooks. No, audiobooks are great. I can't pay attention to an audiobook.

I was listening to, I just finished 50 cents book Like I read like a fucking idiot like empty shades of scent. Is that what it's called? Yeah Hustle harder or something and he like totally throws all of his friends under the bus. It's fucking awesome He's always like he's like Tony Ayo couldn't stop selling coke still can't but his name is Tony Ayo his name is cocaine cocaine right there in the name yeah why should he stop selling Tony Homo couldn't stop having sex with a guy someone needs we all need coke 50 cent can't stop making money a little bit What about Lloyd Banks? You can't stop going to the banks of the Ganges River

Holy River so this is a smart podcast. Yeah You read books he says things this guy's got like placemat knowledge, he's one of those guys Fun fact he's like Brian from Family Guy Did you know that Barack Obama when he was president said that entourage was his favorite show? Barack Obama. Oh, yeah, and how would that go Brendan? Let me be clear. No, that's good. I like no, I'll try it. Let's try really Let me be clear no, is that good no You guys do impressions? Yeah, what do you do Obama? I don't hear Obama. What do you do?

I don't really do I mean I can apply get This no, I'm not you good. He's in no no I do I have the standard comedian set He's like I can do I can do an impression that would work on an audience Yeah, but like other impressions are like come on It's just not there right right right you know because you gotta hear his must do but he doesn't musk you do I don't do musk yeah The good impressions I do are people who aren't famous I could do his he had so upset when he found out his lifelong friends I could do better than him

Once or twice and I just nailed what do you mean once or that's plenty of dozens let's hear Jonah Yeah, so It's funny recently pretty good. I'm a sucker for that shit. I don't even know who Jonah is and I yeah He's one of Adam's friends. He's like the DJ. I'm Jonah. I'm a fucking idiot Sorry, yeah Adam's friend I'm a fucking idiot No, but he's friends with him he's better friends than me bring Jonah in I'll be I'm going to hang out I play the music and funny mom's Over to Adam's house and. Yeah, let's hear.

I don't want to do anymore. After after my William hung American Idol. Oh dude, I tried to get him to cameo and I'm and his cameos are expensive. Really? Like 200 bucks. What's he spending that on? Hawaiian shirt. One of those cats.

It's a painting that lights up. It's a painting that lights up. It's he spending that on? One of those cats. It's a painting that lights up. So it looks like it's raining. He was he was awesome. Yeah. I should get him on the show. I actually don't remember who that is. He did. Did the. Ricky Martin. She bangs. I know. Yeah. But I wasn't.

That was one of those things culturally where it started with like With this overlap with pop culture and meme stuff where I'm like I have no interest in this Like yeah, the first sign of that was the quiz knows we like the moon Yeah hamsters people are like, oh, it's their hamsters and I like the moon or you know Like we like the toast or something like that Yeah They had a slogan that was like weird and hung gives like that vibe of like you know when? Pedophile like vigilante pedophile hunters find a guy in a target like William hung kind of gives like why the guys that they would

Because they've a breaking gave a British version of like it's not a show It's just the thing they do that's like to catch a predator, but to catch a predator It's like a newsman wearing a suit like if you're a pedophile you're like, oh my god It's just meet the press right like for a second and but the British one It's like it's always like behind the fence in one of those like the council home suburbs, right? And then you try to fight you try to fucking snog a fool you row British goons and then the guy is always like a mentally disabled Muslim guy well there's that video because like I'm gonna lose me job yeah video no but I can imagine they're all

pretty much the same it's a very famous video of a guy being stopped for being a pedophile and he's like I'm so worried now you're worried mate he's like you kind of feel bad for him. Yeah Yeah, it's funny too because they call him nonsense over there, which is such a casual word that it sort of implies Well, it implies that like okay. You guys are only now mad about this, you know Right guys a dummy right? Well, you call him a nonsense. It's like it was like this was no bit This was yeah, this was the thing that you really didn't like you know you have a maybe a fun nickname for it But it's not a crime here. They've always just been pedophiles

Yeah, that guy's the town nonce yeah, yeah, even if we were like ever like yeah, you know that guy is apparently is a goofball We mean by that he rapes children Well, they even call it pedophiles over there, but that's a weird thing cuz they got extra letters So that's the same word. They just have they have that a that's also an e that sucks Oh the AE that are that's together like that. Yeah, you can see that's a lot of like book stuff Is it yeah? He's pretty much one of the smartest guys here too smart. Yeah, they call me the genius of Mr.. Too damn smart over here. It's all them fucking books. What's the third college you went to oh?

pace University Really yep pace Oh Pace University Really? Yeah Pace That's like that is that the one in like financial districts? Yeah, yeah by the Brooklyn Bridge. Mm-hmm. Was it fun? It was fun. I didn't really make any friends or anything. I never got laid So a lot of Chinese people there tons of Chinese people a lot of Asians That's really the only thing that's cool about any school. Yeah about any of them

They're always smoking cigs outside the library. Yeah, and they're always like smoking cigs while crunched down. Remember that girl with the UCLA video where she's like, there's too many Asians in the library. Which is so fun. That's like such a funny place to complain about diversity because it's impossible to disrupt anybody. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, it's like that's so much more racist than like black people in the movie theater because it's like the presumption is nobody ever complained about black people just being in the movie theater.

It's that they were talking. It's that they're loud. You know, it's like, oh, the black people were talking. What were the Asians doing in the library? Sitting there quietly studying. They're like, oh, God! There's too many of them here. Right. They're cooking. What were the Asians doing in the library sitting there quietly studying? Many of them here right they're cooking Yeah, no they there were like a bunch of international students in my college that like would just be smoking

Chainsmoking Stokes, and then they had like super cars. They had like a song and stuff Yeah, I think they think they were just telling their parents they were going to America. Is George Washington University a very expensive school? This can't be the best country if that's an option. You know what I mean? Right. Because people say that. It's like, oh yeah, it's the children of Chinese billionaires. They come here and they just buy degrees

from prestigious universities. And it's like, well, are we doing that? Like, are rich people here just going to India and getting a fucking PhD like that doesn't make any sense Why are they able to do that you start going does America really have anything that we're like we should be proud of Star Wars Star Wars Movies think about how many like think about how many how many Star Wars properties we have now

There's way more than that yeah, the people like and or man Mandalorian was like the the alcolyte people were still excited about it They were like oh my god a Star Wars show. Yeah, they're coming out with a new Star Wars show every six months now sucks Yeah, and it's like wow, it's fucking Han Solo's cousin's secretary They just came out with a Star Wars game that you're like not a Jedi you're not anything You're just this fucking girl walking around with a gun. Yeah, like I was like, what's the fucking point? That was that was the kind of thing that bothered me about like alien Romulus where we've gotten far enough into like oh we should have more representation in movies now where

They've gotten kind of lazy with actually like all of the characters are very like nascent stereotypes, right? You know what I mean? So you have the diversity, but then I'm seeing exactly the type of shaved head Asian girl That's the pilot, you know the type of shaved head Asian girl that's the pilot you know and the female protagonist who's like has this profound sense of loss that like we're barely gonna you know so she's sort of quiet and always on the verge of tears. Yeah the British black guy it's like there's not like this could just be a Disney plus Star Wars show it's like you know you're kind of putting you're putting them back you've just created new boxes basically

Yeah, fuck that yeah, I want just White guys yeah, I yeah exactly But I say that and then half the reason I loved alien Romulus is because the robot this time is basically radio oh Right he's like he's a man like disabled only thing I've heard about yeah, no he's like he's a man like that's the only thing I've heard about it. No, he's like he's like Mmm, I just want to help us as much as I can They're like oh yes programming's messed up he's a rope Tardy he's got like he's got like a limp And he's like I just I just want I just want to save you and then I'm sitting in the movie theater like fucking crying And then I'm sitting in the movie theater like fucking crying

Did someone build the robot yeah, so someone just built like kind of yeah I guess he was like an old unit that her dad fixed up or something This sucks. Yeah, I'm not into it. No, I want you to enjoy just let yourself. Let yourself be like yeah And then it ends he does die, but she's get him a guy to get some robot dies Yeah, but she gets him in a cryo pod so that she can take him to the the free planet and try and save him I'm not into this at all. It's good, dude. I cry it's good, but go in expecting to see absolutely fucking nothing new at all Yeah, I'm gonna wear a shirt I'm just here for the Robetard. Yeah, just here for the robot and I guess you could say that is new That's new to me. I like that. Yeah, I mean most robots and things are like smart right or gay

Like see 3PO. Yeah But you never see like a insecure Kind of like that was my biggest complaint. I've said it on the show probably a billion times about Star Wars is there's two droids famously from the beginning Yeah, one of them is a he's got these like a Swiss Army knife. He's got tools Yeah, right. He's like a video recorder and it can open doors and he's got wheels for some reason the other walks But this one has wheels The other one see 3po what he is is he the other one, C-3PO, what he is is he's a translator. That's his job. That's his job. His job is to translate

stuff so they can invent a robot that can translate any language and they have another robot where everyone has to learn his beep boop language. So the only language we see them speaking is this language of beeping and booping that they had to learn to speak to another robot Fully capable of creating robots that can talk right but that one doesn't talk Also, a lot of the characters in Star Wars can understand different things like people can understand chewy people can understand Java yeah job of the Hut and job of the's the one, the language they don't really speak. And that one seems the easiest.

And then, yeah, Chewie's just like, bruh! And they're like, of course we're going to the wedding. I mean, what? He just screams. Yeah, right. All right, Chewie. You can't even tell the difference between the screams.

But honestly, that's kind of better. Because the flip side of that is Avatar, where James Cameron's Like yeah I got a bunch of Indian people to turn their language into a fake blue language And it's real and you're like that pulls out of the movie more. No, I can't I can't I didn't see that movie Avatar no, why not? Didn't I didn't I didn't care about that at all

See, I think I didn't care about either and that's the. Again, coming from someone that cried at the retarded robot. Yeah. You know, it's like, if that doesn't work on me. Do you cry a lot in movies? No, not really. It has to be really dumb shit like that. Do you cry a lot in movies? Yeah.

Constantly. I'm a big crier. Yeah, yeah, constantly. Any, that's why I like you. I know. I watch Life is Beautiful, and I'm like, you're right. It is. Is that the Amy Schumer vehicle? any that's why I know I watch life is beautiful and I'm like you're right it is no feeling whatsoever but yeah something where I watched that movie Coco the Pixar movie yeah plane once and I scream cried it was so nice they

teach kids what dying is in like the nicest, sweetest way. They're like if someone dies you have to remember them and that's how they can keep living. I'll tell you what, and I mentioned it before, we kind of just went right over it, but inside out, both of them. Okay, let's move right along. Yeah, you tried to bring this up a couple of times. And we know you're going to be like like the little girl was so hot I'm a bit of a good Motion in the inside out horny rage is it like it's anxiety anxiety. Oh

Don't start it with your politics like shame or something like that Inside out to go mustang I know I want to see inside out three where it gets real fucking horny. Yeah. It gets real like teenager shit. Everyone's fighting. Yeah. All the emotions. Busting.

Like we... We killed the blue one. Busting has thrown this world into chaos. Busting. Ha ha ha. I have a new emotion. Busting. Busting.

You go, oh god. Everything's emotion busting and busting. Oh god everything so sticky now That is really that you know, that is the primary emotion for about three years of your life busting I'm still feeling that really. Yeah. Yeah, you had to Human the wrong hand again. Oh, yeah. No, but it's your girlfriend. Oh, yeah, I don't want to do that That's actually a respecter. No no you said you weren't going to and then you did it for the bit just now it is a little bit disrespectful yeah you're right does it actually smell like your girlfriend no I wash my hands so you guys are just on the fingering stage of hooking up yeah she doesn't really touch

me I just kind of like finger around. Through a hole? No, we're banging. You're banging? Yeah. Busting? I'm busting. You're busting?

Inside out, inside out three things more inside. More inside than ever. You turned her inside out? Is your girlfriend a celebrity? It is. Have you heard of Candace Owens? Yes. No, that's not who you said it was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. you said Tila tequila Dude I want to date Candace and get that like white boy dating a black girl glow up, you know I'm saying And what would that mean? You never just like sitting in a chair White boy dating a black girl. Yeah, dude. Look this up man There's like there's a whole fucking thing happening where white dudes that date black girls get this glow up That's like was like Jersey like Mitchell and S Yeah, just like one of these fucking real cut up haircuts and shit I don't think she dates a wave check white boy. No no. I'd

be whiter for dating her I think. Candice. I don't really know anything about her. I think she's all great. What does she do. I don't know. Yeah me neither. She's like a podcaster. I think she's raw. You know you what do you do you know. She's like how she used to work at Daily Wire and then she got fired by Ben Shapiro for criticizing Israel Oh, I thought she's Howard's Co-host on the Howard Stern show was she one of the Destiny's children. Yeah, I don't know. I think that was her I don't know anything anymore. I think she's running for president as in the Democratic Party It'll be funny if she replaced Trump

It was Kamala and Candace, I would be fucking sick. Yeah, and no black women vote Neither of the everyone else is like I'm doing this for black women. Are you guys voting? Yeah, I Haven't saw I'm probably will and I said this before it's just because it's so easy. I haven't decided, I probably will. And I said this before, it's just because it's so easy. I live right next to a polling place. Oh really? Yeah, so I voted before just because I'm like, oh there's voting today, I'll go vote. Is it like a polling place year round or something?

No, it's a school. Oh. Yeah. I don't know. I'm like that retarded robot from that movie. Yeah Would you be able to vote there all year? That is a sick impression, I don't even know that robot and that's a really good impression. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, you could change your whole face.

You got to start doing some impressions, dude. I have impressions. Hit me. Obama. But I love Daly and Romulus. I'll see it. Do you like the other movies? I've never seen one of them. Oh really?

I haven't seen any of the other movies. Yeah, well then yeah, then it's not your thing, dude. No. Unless it's animated inside of a teenage girl's head. I fucking loved Prometheus. I loved Covenant. You know, I thought both of them were awesome. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like both of them, like especially Prometheus, it leaves all these unanswered questions. And Then Covenant comes out and it just adds more, doesn't resolve like hardly anything. And there's all of these things that are just glaring, it doesn't make any sense, but I don't care. The premise they establish is there's this like race

of super humanoid gods that drank the poisonous black goo to disintegrate themselves and seed the earth with humanity. And then they were gods and then they disappeared and then they use a star map. This guy, Guy Pearce plays like a fucking old man that wants to find them so that he can figure out how to live longer, you know? So, and then they have a crew,

they go find this home planet and they find that the one living engineer On this planet with all of this stuff that's starting to make people sick and he's like how do I live longer and then the alien just kills him immediately and then they find out this is a Military base where they were planning the invasion of earth they were gonna kill everybody on earth So somehow the gods that created people have now decided they're gonna kill all of them, but why it's like I Don't know maybe because we stopped believing in them or something. It's like it's just not well. That's cool actually But even then it's like I don't really care just the fact that they're adding stuff to the alien story

Yeah, it's like I like this. I like it. Yeah, I want to know more. I don't care that doesn't make sense It's like comfort for you. Yeah, yeah, there's certain franchises that are Comfort franchises like Planet of the Apes is like a comfort franchise for me I don't see any of those movies I don't like that because it's like if I went to fucking space dude if you imagine how much bullshit It would be if you went to you'd almost died in a vacuum with your blood boiling Okay, you're going on a getting on an experimental ship your odds of survival like one in ten million Yeah, and you get to some distant planet, and it's just fucking talking monkeys. Yeah, this is

But actually this is fucking I could have gone to Denmark. I don't know like what the fuck is this This is what space has is chimpanzees like talk And have a society that's just ours basically. There's no difference. And they kind of look like us. They don't even have a new type of politics. Right. They've just invented.

They're like democracies. Yeah, right, yeah, no. We're still into democracy. Oh, and oh. Believe it or not. One of them's the chief scientist, great. Let's, yeah. You have nothing different.

Your jails are all the same. Oh yeah. Is the new franchise also an astronaut? No. Because I thought it's that there's a war. It's all it's all like prequel Yeah, I like I love the new franchise. I don't even think the original one is where he goes to a different planet It's like he travels time And then he does damn you all to hell

Even as a kid, I kind of thought charled and Heston sucked. I never really liked him Because you're anti-gun. I did know him as a kid. I knew him as an R. Yeah, he's an RA guy, but then Moses Yeah, he's just an unlikable guy. I think he's kind of cool. I like that his voice sounds like that. No, he's something there's something like He's got a femininity to him, where he's like a woman that had an overbearing, or not overbearing, an overprotective libertarian father. I don't know what you mean at all. He's like a Fox News lady. That's what Charlton Heston is like.

Rebelling against? Yeah, actually racism is good. One one of those women and it's like, somebody should just beat the fuck out of you. You know what I mean? Cause you say all these things assertively, the things that like, if you were a man, somebody would kick your ass. And you're not threatened by that at all.

Cold dead hands is very melodramatic. But also that wouldn't happen. You know what I mean? His big public disputes are with what? Gore Vidal. Okay, tough guy Yeah Guys I gotta tell you something summer is here and summer is hot

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At paratheavs.com and we're back to the show Nick. Oh, how's the book? Well, I mean those reads should go on longer so I have more time to How far down did you get we got short right there you three sentences? Brandon why don't you talk about what it says on there life is shorts Life is shorts very barred. Yeah, yeah, they're officially sponsored by the Simpsons by the Simpsons eat Although I feel dread now. You feel dread? Yeah.

I don't know. What's your biggest fear? Yeah, it's just sort of a pun where they use the words. Yeah. Yeah. But it's also kind of sad. Join the shortstaffle. Hey, life is shorts.

Why would you want to do that? I understand it's a shorts pun, but then. OK, life is shorts. We built these lounge shorts to do it all or nothing at all with the perfect blend of cotton I don't know what that word is Elastic This Viscosi? Visconti, the director? Oh, Viscose, yeah, this is a tough one.

Yeah, it's a hard word. Viscose. I don't know what the fuck that is. And spandex. Let's just skip that. You should have just skipped it. I should have just skipped it. Yeah, cotton and spandex. I don't know, I felt like there was a rule that I can't... No you don't, there are no rules. I haven't read anything out loud since... It's every man for himself. There are no rules. Hey, when it comes to reading, it's every man for himself. I remember, like... I like this guy on here who's like, man, I love playing the game.

Yeah. Okay, soft for lazy days, built for frantic errand errand running and styled for honoring leg day This is pretty cool. You can keep those I'm gonna rent the boat and have a park this fall a duck boat. You know one of the little boats at the boathouse Let's do it today. Actually. It's not really fall yet, and you know What I can't wait for fall? It's the best. What do you mean? No like that? I mean and no you're gonna do it yourself by myself. You weren't just alone by myself Yeah, and what are you gonna do while you're out there?

Read your book Here's the best thing about renting a boat at Central Park Boathouse. they have no way of getting you to come back from the middle of that Have no Coast Guard they have nothing you rent that boat it's yours as long as you brought enough food Yeah, bring a fishing waters you had a fishing rod in your clothes So the hook is just yeah Yeah, I'd like one boat please like a police standoff there's like a sniper now of course there's no there's no fish in the lake obviously but you can hook somebody's you know like you

can see somebody walking by there's gonna snickers or something yeah you can you can you can get them I'm so down for I'm just pulling a Chinese family into the lake You get the dad trying to save Dragging the room say I couldn't do the release him back. Mm-hmm I'll do this with you. I don't know you if you want to know he said alone All right, can he do it with you? And then what would the New York Post headline be we got to figure that out a guy Jay and silent Bob

You'd be the gay no gay. Yeah gay a gay guy in a boat Yeah, you yeah in Central Park and he's dragged an Asian family to drown in the water Gong fishing Gong fishing is good, but where's the gay part of it? Something with wheat we're gonna need a bigger boat We're gonna need a bigger Gate gay guy catching I think gong fishing is the best There's a better one. Personally, I don't know what to do.

How about H-O-M-O-S, Chaitanic. Ha ha ha ha ha, yeah. That's sick. Yeah, so I think that just seems schizophrenic though. New York Post is a little better than that. Da da da da da da da, gay guy on a boat catching Chinese people.

That's a song, that's not a headline. You can't really put that in a headline. Yeah. Unless you put one of those little things No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, one of those cards in the mail, addressed to my girlfriend, and you opened it up, and it was Mayor Adams trying to recruit prison workers. It was like, join up, like work at Rikers Island. And there was like a hip hop song, it was like, like sign up for the prison card. For the rules. To address my girlfriend. Oh.

It was bizarre. I would feel... And now she's over in Rikers Island with those rough customers. They haven't been with a lady in years. Licking their lips. My shrink told me he used to work in the in the court system And he's like you wouldn't believe how many people they just lose in like the NYC like like Prison system and he's like he had so many clients that were just sitting on a bench for like three weeks They were like we don't know where this guy is

What do you mean like in the you work with like schizophrenic people that were like going to trial and and they'd find people like after weeks And he was just like a guy that was just sitting on a bench at Rikers Like don't make completely lost in the mess. Yeah, Jesus. It's insane. You're been arrested No, never hopefully never I'm still thinking about that You're still thinking about the news. Yeah something the boating and then I'm still thinking about that. You're still thinking about the news? Yeah, something gai-jing and then... Gai-jing?

That gets you Chinese and gay. See, if we were... And fishing. If we had a newspaper together, I would be like, I like every single thing you could say. Whoever does that at the New York Post, they gotta be a god around that office. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Like, that's Robert Redford's character in the New York Post movie. Yeah. Yeah. And he comes in. Just goes, hmm Hmm. What what is it about again? Yeah gay guy on a boat hmm hmm He's still in I'm an answer. I can't do it. I can't do it. That's not how my brain works real rod I'm trying to think of other fishing stuff. I don't have Trolling that bass Yeah I don't have trolling real raps. Yeah.

Look, I'll just type it up. I'll be your spelling guy. Make sure everything's spelled correctly. I'll be the editor. Big, gay mouth, Billy, bat, fuck. You... B-uh, fuck. You're so fucking close, dude. You're so close. That really scratched a part of my brain.

The big mouth Billy Bass. But that's not a fishing thing. That was a novelty gift. Ugh, god damn it. Uh, oct-nopus. Oct-nopus. Yeah, but how's the Chinese? Octopus No puss you but how's the Chinese

Chinese people love to eat octopus. Yeah, okay, all right tentacle porn. I feel like that's a reach come on, dude We're so close. I can taste it I was a Chinese. You just focus on your stuff. Okay. You could be better used to us saying something about fucking something that slaps. While we're thinking about it, I want you on this. I want you on this. What did you say?

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Guys, that's my bookie Use promo code Adam 100 and we're back. Let's see what we are like I don't know I'm saying like LGBTQ, but the L is an R You know yeah, but that only gets you gay and Chinese That only is Chinese is very easy to do you gotta get the fishing in there too gay Chinese boat If there was a Chinese boat I mean here's what I'm thinking I had something like maybe tackle boxer Rebel Wilson that's pretty good Wilson gay boxer rebellion Chinese tackle box I thought about rebel Wilson's

girl necklace she has to be yeah, I was harbor Pearl necklace, but it's pearl necklace. That's just come yeah. Yeah, it's more with a girl with breasts See I'm bad at like name and stuff. No You're good. You're good. No. Thanks. You're good. You're good at this. Thank you This is fucking hard, yeah But boats and oh, how about this Fish and Boop see a child's

Governor question right and then it's more like a New York Post. And then it's not gay, but it's British. So it's pretty close. Oh, we're adding the whole thing to it now. British. British is close enough. British is close enough. And it does feel like a New York Post headline. Fishin', boop, Govna.

Yeah, yes. I'm down with that. Should we print that? I'm down with that. Should we print that? Gay to have me my boats and. Chose. That's pretty good. Boats and chose. But what is the Chinese guy named Show?

The show is the show family. You've attacked with your rod. You're gay, so it's got to have me. My boats and hoes gate gate gate to have me my boats and hoes. Gay to have me my boats and shows. Yeah, because he's gay. I think that's great. I don't even think we need to explain it. No, no, no, there's a there's better one. Dude, I Brendan help us. I'm trying through the best in the business

help us. Good. I'm trying. You're the best in the business. Hope us. God. Surf and turf. No, well, the turf is cock because it's mean. Surf is fish. Damn, dude. How about catch aids and release?

That's pretty good. And Chinese you need Chinese in that. And re-rease. Catch aids and re-rease. I know but that's too you gotta go you gotta get someone else in there. Yeah gay like big blue sea, but you say gay Other movies about fishing big blue ball see their movies are they're shows yeah, but that's about a shark. That's not a shark

Yeah, it's a completely different kind of movie. Yeah, I've said to Joss I only know about one movie and it's about jaws Yeah, but jaws could also be like jaws For cock okay Like unleash your jaw for penis Dead dead deadliest cratch Dead as cat is a good start because deadliest. That is good. Deadliest catch.

We said we're not doing that. We're not doing the access thing. We're not just swapping L's and R's. The L and R is too simple. I agree. The fans, they expect better. I don't know any other movies about fishing. Moby Dick. So the dick is gay. How are there not any movies about fishing? Grumpy Old Man isn't that about fishing?

It's about grumpy old man isn't that about fishing it's about grumpy old man dude I think we need to focus more on what would the New York Post headline be yeah and not so much just gramming all of these things in okay right um I mean okay let me my I got I got I got it one fish two fish gay fish Chinese fish you know you this is gonna be one of those situations we're like Nick let us go home man no we can't go home until this yeah I'll be fucking I'll hear I'll be here all night. Yeah, I'll give a shit I got nothing. I got nothing in nobody All right, we'll move on both table that I don't think we can move on I'm gonna go back to reading

Yeah, what the hell with the New York Post headline be if a gay guy Yeah, what the hell would the New York Post headline be if a gay guy accidentally drowned an Asian family in Central Park? Because that's there that story is right up there right? Okay. You can't get any better than that. I Think you know what it would be honestly. Oh, it would just be fuck the migrants, okay Something Queen Mary the Queen is a gay about something about the Queen Mary It's a boat so yeah, not a fishing boats cruise The not fishing at all Go it's a boat, but they're not fishing, but it's not fishing Mary is also like it's an old-school term for a homosexual uh-huh

What if it said har har dash poon? Question mark. No thank you. I'm Chinese. Yeah. Like poon? No thanks. I'm gay and Chinese.

The real headline would be something like oh no no your boat. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't even try over there. Yeah. How about home oh no your row home oh your boat? Row row. Oh no.

Home. Oh no. Home. Oh no. No, you're row homo your boat row row Homo row homo. No it has to start with row Row is that is that what makes it a how about roe because they eat fish eggs roe homo your boat row Home, oh your boat. Oh, how's that what makes it Asian the row as close as you're gonna get Chinese low Is that what makes it Asian? The row as close as you're gonna get. No, it's not Chinese. Low, homo, your boat. You guys hear about- I would say row, row, homo, your boat,

or homo, row, your boat. Well then you would need, one of the rows has to be replaced with something Chinese. Which is very easy. Yeah. Hey, row, homo, your boat. Although that's a little simple, and I know that we're not.

I'm losing my mind. Going that way. We could change the subject. No. That helps. No. You know, maybe get away from it. Step away from it.

And then maybe you'll think about it while we're talking about something else. When I would do this at the Pentagon, we would have to do that often. When we came up with the New York Post headlines at the Pentagon. That's probably where it is, it's not even a guy at the New York Post. You just get an email from the CIA. Half their black budget just goes to coming up with the New York Post headlines.

Speaking of migrants, you hear about those... No. But go on. There's Vietnamese migrants that are taking over apartment buildings in Aurora, Colorado and the Hells Angels are heading over there to start a war with them. That's what I so funny is like I heard like that the MAGA people or whoever they'll be like oh he's fucking migrants and I hate crime and all this and then they hear a story about a white gang going to enact gang violence on people and they're like yeah. It's like all right well like that's exactly what I'm talking about that's what gangsters do yeah and they're like all all these videos they

see of like the Hells Angels driving there they're just old like old guys they are war with like young Vietnamese migrants yeah well the bikers are like that they're all like you're old Yeah. Scary. They are scary. Are they? I don't know. A bunch of Hells Angels walked in here and they... I know a lot about it because I was a big fan of that show Sons of Anarchy. I used to watch a lot of Sons of Anarchy.

Which the guy Opie from that is in God of War Ragnarok. That fucking game rules. It's an awesome game. You play video games? Sports ones. he says that every time but then he doesn't even play those Yeah, I do know it last week. No you didn't yeah, yeah, no He doesn't believe you they call it they call this guy Queen Lafee, huh They call this guy Queen Lafeefa

Nickname around the hell yeah, yeah No, I don't play any sports games. I downloaded NBA 2k and that I couldn't even get past the tutorial I have no idea what's going on. I don't know how to do do this fish fish Chang Chang Hey, sorry sorry yeah apology accepted Fish bitch I Thought about fish bitch tail. You said that I went Chang fish bitch and the chain family's but God damn it Let's just get it and then we call it a day Let's just get it and then we call it a day

Maybe maybe Pete's got some ideas. I mean you'd have to go a lot has to very slur heavy But you start off with hook line and sinker That is it I mean the headline would just be a bunch of asterisks. Yeah. Yeah hook line and Stinker you gotta make some of my stinker. No, the first word is the slur hook Oh But there's also every nom her Yeah, but they're they're not part of this It's a gay guy fishing for Chinese people in Central Park

But you see what I'm saying while he's trying to just sit out on the boat and not return it CHINK ER That's not hook line. No, you got to use sinker for something with stinker I'm sorry that I twinker. I'm sorry twinker twinker. It's what it is. Okay, so let's get from the top Twinker twinker what it is. Okay, so let's get from the top G G boop G boop and and and twinklin twinker. All right. Thanks a lot everyone. This is big Brandon where you where can people see you at Brendan sagalow? I have a special out called thin lips guys I will be there's some tickets a couple tickets left to the fourth show in London on the 21st I I believe.

I will be at Irvine Improv, the Irvine Improv September 19th through the 21st and in Boston at the Wilbur Theater on I think the 27th. Nice. Alright. Alright.