The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Gavin Matts - Episode 72

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

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That was her like big break yeah, yes is cuz she got fat as shit for the movie really she gained like yeah like she's I only know her as a lady a hundred kilos No way, I don't Know if that's even fat. I think I'm like, what do you like 60 kilos 80 kilos? Mmm, I think I'm 73 kilos. Yeah, what does that in you don't to say your weight? I got hundreds you have to see your weight, you know, you're saying it. Yeah, I'm like I could never know right I'm like I only know the pounds and I actually should only know metric Well, Canada doesn't they use kilograms

No, I mean, I mean if you go to the doctor, yeah, we're starting Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland show. Adam is out of town in England. Oh good for him. We're Ireland. He's doing shows this weekend somewhere, some theater. The Soho Playhouse? I think so, yeah. Soho Theater Playhouse?

Little Boys Play Pen. I wish we were there. Yeah. But that's going on this weekend. I'm sure he would like you guys to know that because yeah He's a master of the craft. It was funny He almost did the podcast last there was like a scheduling thing and I couldn't be here for the podcast last week Then we ended up doing it anyways

He was like gonna do it and I was like well I gotta I should do it last week cuz I got tickets so I'm in Irvine this weekend Oh cool, and I've sold like yes massive room.. I sold maybe a hundred tickets. I've been there before It's like, you know, I've like barely sold tickets for the thing and so I'm like man I gotta be on the show to promote and then he's like well Like if we delay then I won't and I won't be able to promote my show Yeah, it's like you got to promote you sold out five shows already Irvine is so big there You know a place that has a Buffalo Wild Wings is

huge. Do they have a Buffalo Wild Wings? I think so. Well, I just went there and opened for a comic and they they're like, we got to go early because I want to beat traffic. And then they had like nine beers at Buffalo Wild Wings. That's rough. It was rough. It was like my first paid gig in the U.S. This dude just hammering back beers and also drove me there, drank during the show and then drove home. Totally fine, which is actually scary. Did he live in Orange County or something? No, he lived in Los Angeles, but we drove there for the show. Oh, so he was driving there every night? At drunk, but completely fine. Yeah.

And that's actually scarier than if somebody was swerving. That's like a long shitty drive too. Yeah. Like with traffic before. I was completely terrified. Cause I remember last time I did it, the feature was, they were telling me it's like, yeah, it's like a two and a half hour drive if you hit rush hour. And it's like.

It's too far. Yeah. I wouldn't do. You think it's in LA, but it's not. Yeah. Even when I lived in Austin, when I would like feature in San Antonio, I would just oh

Man sleep on the floor of the I hate San Antonio. Tell you like San Antonio No, it's the worst city in Texas so bad actually Austin might be worse than San Antonio now Yeah, maybe now but San Antonio when it rains it like floods the ranking is like El Paso's the lowest That's that's not even never been it's it like floods. The ranking is like El Paso is the lowest. That's not even. Never been. It's a dumb place. And then either San Antonio or Austin.

You pick one. Okay. Then Dallas, then Houston. Yeah, Houston's cool. Houston's the best one. Houston's cool, I shot guns there. Oh yeah? Yeah, it was the only time I ever shot a gun.

Indoor or outdoor range? Indoor. And this big Chinese guy taught me how to, Oh, yeah. Yeah, the only time I ever shot gun indoor outdoor range indoor and This big Chinese guy taught me how to He like came over to us and he was like, I'm worried about you kids and Todd I gave us like a shooting lesson fat Chinese Texan fat Chinese Texan and he taught us how to shoot. Mm-hmm And then as we were leaving he was like punching the vending machine And then as we were leaving he was like punching the vending machine Like it's like practice or something no he had like a like some Snacks stuck in there, and he couldn't get it out which I thought was funny

He like got mad at me because I didn't know how to reload a gun properly But then he couldn't get the the chips out of the the vending machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, wait he got mad at you for not, isn't he the instructor? No, I didn't hire him or anything. He came over to us like, we didn't like ask, he just kind of pulled up on us. Uh-huh. He was like,

He's like, listen partner, I'm the fat Chinese fella. Yeah, he sounded like that. Sounds like you don't really know what you're doing over here. It sounded like he was masking his normal voice with like a Texan voice Well, I'll help you out folks, but I got an appointment with some famous amos fellers over You know I get upset when I don't have my cookies. Yeah, so Yeah, you know me. I'm the fat Chinese guy the fat Chinese guy you close your eyes You know what you see right now is a fat Chinese guy partner. You know what I love

Go ahead dumplings Okay enough of them. I'll show them about them. How the hell do they get the pork inside the noodle? Goddamn if I know well salute to the troops general so's And a god bless to everyone out there doing karate today We'll make sure our karate boys are kept safe in the dojo, you know, like they're in the dojo protecting our rights They're trying to take our rides from us So we gotta go to the dojo, sit cross-legged Roundhouse, kicking the Taliban

We're gonna think about things Taliban Musad We can stay on Fat Chinese Guy for probably the rest of the show Yeah, that's pretty good, honestly I feel like we're both feeling Fat Chinese Texan

Yeah, yeah You know like Matthew McConaughey and Dazed and Confused but it's modern day so he's like you know you know like oh that's what I love about high school girls you know I get older wait what the hell is happening? I get older? What the they say the same age or in other words? Me wreck you wrong time Hey, I'm the fat Chinese guy. All right. All right. All right. All right. Are we wrong time? Yes, I will be an Irvine this weekend, please come out, you know, I kind of I Have fun though. Yeah fun

I always have fun when nobody comes when the show when their showrooms like mostly empty and you go out those are real people well it's not that the truth and it's like whatever I already fucked up yeah see when I see that already blew it that oh now I can just have fun mine's the opposite if I go and there's nobody I'm like fuck I suck just cuz you know when you when it hasn't been like full ever you're like and sometimes you'll hit a city and I'm like man. I sell good in that city. I noticed that But like I'm in Boston on Saturday, and I'm like almost sold out, but I'm like you know I was in You're in Laugh Boston. No. I'm doing this little like it's Rockwell theater. It's like a 200 seat. Oh, it's in Somerville I'm in I'm at the Wilbur next weekend. Oh sick

Yeah, I think there's still tickets available for that. Yeah, go to that cool Do you know Marlon Brando used to live there apparently? Really? Yes, then when they did I like him cuz he he sucked There's a picture of it. He said yeah, have you seen that? Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, I Think every guy should see that and it's funny because it's like an old-timey picture So they had that you know There was like a whole the set up with the curtain and then they had to hold that pose Well, if you show somebody that now they just think that was AI

Yeah, what not me? No, cuz I saw when it was supposed to you're like it seems like it would be made up You're like you telling me Marlon Brando. It's GAI pal is what it is GAI Damn, I'm gay artificial intelligence Probably you wait until artificial intelligence is like a little older and it's gonna be all gay Artificial intelligence. Yeah, just like how the human Race has become more gay. Yeah, eventually AI also think it's become more gay

I think they kind of they decided gay was bad. It's Yeah, you know who made that up well I mean probably what happened is there was some sort of gay disease you could get Yeah, the monkey thing which is like well... Well, before, like there was something, probably something like AIDS, like fucking... Oh, like monkey pox or something? Something like 500 years ago or something. And they didn't have a theory of like disease.

Yeah. So they were like, well, it has to be behavioral then, so this is probably... It's so weird, cause there's also, you get diseases from women, but we were never like, that's gross. It could also be the Bible or something maybe. Yeah, the Bible definitely.

Because the Greeks, you know, I mean there was all kinds of gay shit happening all the time. I mean the thing that's like, is the most detrimental to the like kind of gay community or agenda is that women can procreate. So you'd say- You need them for life. Kill them or what? No, you don't kill them But you can just be like if you're somebody that even if you're like you weren't really a free-thinking person you'd be like Okay, well women if I have sex with them it makes another thing. Yeah, but if I have sex with a guy

It's just fun You just gotta Wear your stupidity like a snowplow.ow and just drive straight through the daycare center. You know, it's like detrimental to the end of the day agenda. I guess. Yeah, thank you. I feel like we're at the point where, I mean I don't know, because I'm checked out, where, and that's the best part. I'm like offline completely

You don't know what's going on. I'm actually just I'm more than that. It's like I'm not off the grid necessarily It's just my inputs are I play? God of War Ragnarok yes, that's Again, you beat it and you go again. No, not yeah, I just did I just beat it Oh, okay, I only started playing it like a month ago Congratulations, and then all like I read these Lyndon Johnson books. I'm almost done with so I have to find a new book to read The the Robert Carroll ones. Yeah. Yeah, and then I have no idea what's going on outside of that

I don't get like any kind of and so in my mind. It's like I forget maybe it's just that's what podcasting is or whatever but like Talking about the gay agenda or what's happening to gay people or yes? I'm like does anyone give a fuck about any of that are people still doing that talking about it talking about all these things No, I was just thinking of the election. I don't care is anyone voting not me. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know it is the same thing over and over again Yeah, I know it's it is and it's been the same. It's been looped. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, you know we're saying before it's just the same over and over. Mm-hmm But not if you not if video games well, you mean like you can always find a new game there's a new game I

Would I'm playing Red Dead 2? Oh, yeah, I never even older than God of War Ragnarok I know I actually cuz I only just got a PS 5 and then I played God of War. Mm-hmm beat that and Now I'm on to Red Dead. Did you play the first God of War? Which one? Just like the one that came out in 2018. Yeah. Yeah okay. Yeah. I played that one when it came out and then I bought a PS5 a year ago that came with Ragnarok and I never played it. Cool. I was like should I go back and play the first one and max out all the stats even though it doesn't carry over. It's pretty fun. It's so nice.

It's so relaxing. It's so relaxing It is I like that. There's always another conversation that the head is having. I'm not like good at games either But this one I was like I'm putting on the hardest difficulty. I'm gonna see what's gonna happen. I did not do that I'm 35 years old. I'm 35. I should be able to beat the hardest difficulty. I grinded it out, dude.. Every single, it would be like there would be like a bug that would, one, you would go around a corner and it's like oh look out there's a little bug. Oh the bugs. Three and a half hours restarting at the checkpoint. And they're like in the air shooting at you. And I'm like ah you gotta step on it. That's

the trick. I thought you'd let it bite you You're like you feel like you should even be more invincible than you are in the game Yeah I mean it kind of even in the game world it kind of breaks their own because you see you have to be able to Die the game has to be hard. I know it's in the premise like they they kind of fuck themselves with game That's I read that's good because you're just a guy and you're just cowboy just a cowboy trying to avoid the police But then they make all these games. You're like, yes because you're just a guy and you're just a cowboy just a cowboy trying to avoid the police But then they make all these games or like yes, you're like a superhuman Transdimensional God that can be killed by a rock basically a rock that falls on his head Yeah, red dead is confusing though because like you know, you'll just be in the wild and something will happen

It'll be like you'll watch a guy pan for gold and then you rob him and kill him. And then there's a witness and they go to report the crime and then if they report the crime, like six dudes on a horse will show up. And you're like, how did you get here so fast? Well, they were just on the other side of the mountain. They're rangers, they're patrolling, making sure nothing. It's a very tiny world, too

It feels big. It feels big. But then you think about it. You're like if this was real life. This is like The size of it's almost to me too. I'm basically yeah, it's too immersive. It is very immersive I would have I played Red Dead Redemption 2 Yeah, it's too immersive. It is it is very immersive. I would have I played Red Dead Redemption 2 When we we toured Australia and I would say that felt very much like sort of the pinnacle of Because it was still or not really my wife. I don't know well No, but um Of the podcast certainly and it was still when like things were like it was like holy this is crazy that we can tour the world with a dumb

Right like podcast totally and now I'm like what do you mean? I can't tour the world you know What do you mean? I can't afford The deluxe edition of God of War Ragnarok yeah It's tough with nobody it's gonna get tough because games are gonna get more expensive I'm gonna get more expensive, but the No, I got back and then I was like left with you know You do something big and then you're kind of depressed cuz you're like, I'm still a piece of shit Yeah, and you're like, oh it'll never happen ever again. It's not that it'll never happen ever again

It's just that it's like but you know, it's what you know that sort of maybe something like I have that sometimes I mean it's probably just jet lag that like started triggered like I was like just depressed for a couple of days and then I sunk really low into it and got very much in the Red Dead Redemption 2 and I spent like two and a half months I played as far enough into the story I looked it up online I'm like how far into the story do you have to get before you can grow the beard out to level 10 it's like the first two chapters you have to get past whoa did you know that are you that far anyone I actually shaved like I know I've shaved dude I like to shave it I'm

like you'll never have the beard if you shave once is there's not enough time to grow the fucking beard out you got to be on the hair tonics and Fucking like you got to just be I like him to look crisp like I change his Loaded a save I saw a comment on reddit that was like yeah If you if you shave it's not gonna grow out by the time you get to the end of the story That's done fucking I went back reloaded an old save. I wasted like probably Some like 35 hours of gameplay. I went back to an old one and I was like I'm getting that beard and I've I Did it touch the ground? What's that? How big does it gets insane?

The mustache alone is like I was taking a look at like you sir Arthur And I was like Clean up right and I love a mustache and beard Arthur is like very much a contemporary of the mystical Chinese guy at the shooting range That's the other thing about that game now that I think about it there's not there's no black people in it really There's like just Javier and then he's kind of like a twofer and and there's Charlie is First Nation Isn't it that's Charlie? Yeah, which one is the one that's Native American and black? Oh I Forget his name and that Javier no Javier escuela that he's a Mexican guy a Mexican guy Yeah, then Charlie is the one that's the Native American is half black

Yeah Maybe there might be two different there might be another black guy That's how you can tell how good the game was is that they were like they made it They were extremely racist about it any other game. They'd be like this game kind of sucks I think one of the Cowboys should be game they'd be like this game kind of sucks I think one of the Cowboys should be like a gender fluid you know 12 right I mean this is kind of almost feels like before all that no no that game came out six months ago time mmm yeah but no I loved it I tried to play it again cuz I tried tried to go back. You couldn't go back? Well, it doesn't transfer your save file over from.

Oh, from PS4 to PS5. So I loaded it up on PS5, and then it's like snowing, and it's like, I forgot how boring the beginning of the game is. Oh, the beginning is so boring. Before you get to that first camp, when it's like press triangle to move

the box of cigarettes to the side to see what Sadie's note said you know it's teaching you things like this is so stupid I've been actually doing so it's another thing they gave up on in games is like trying to do immersion by having you it's like use the control stick to move your eyes across the page you know or it's like you know like that kind of stuff they did a bit of that in God of War. There's like a dream sequence where you have to like take paint out of somebody's hand. And it's like, this is not, I don't feel like I'm there taking the paint.

Yeah, like I'm supposed to be like triangle. Oh my gosh. Yeah, right. It was my hand. Yeah, right. Yeah. So that was, but yeah, maybe, maybe now I'll, maybe after I get this little run of shows done, after Irvine and the last theater shows,

and then it's smooth sailing from there on out, because I'm back in the clubs. Back in the clubs. Yeah, where it really doesn't matter. Is that where you're going back down? Yeah, I'm going back down. I saw, you know in The Matrix, when they go over and they see the light?

Yeah. Like last year it was like, because you know, my agents are telling me, yeah you do this, you do that. You know, you can like make, and so it was like, okay we'll pull up, and I see the sky. And I did maybe one or two theater shows, and I'm like, oh my god, it's beautiful. And then right back down, I'm just being stabbed by electronics, like the scene in The Matrix. I know, but the key is to never see that. Yeah. You've seen that.

I have. It really doesn't, it's no different. It doesn't make a difference. Yeah. Yeah, no, clubs are more fun. Clubs are more fun. Clubs are more fun. I choose, you know, sometimes I choose to.

I love a club, I love like a small black box, maybe like 60 seats, like, just so I can kind of like be in the business more fun than performing for five Yeah, five ten five people free tickets to that's oh It's oh, yeah post post and post that it's 50% off when I have to bark before a show Yeah, hey, do you want to come in here? It's like I know this guy dude Yeah I spent an hour dragging him out of his own pile of vomit in front of the sushi I want to come in here. It's like, I know this guy, dude. Yeah. I spent an hour dragging him out of his own pile of vomit in front of the sushi restaurant.

Of course. And then I'm on stage and I've almost created the fourth wall that didn't exist between us when I was barking for him to come in. And now I pretend we haven't met. Yeah. You know, I hope I end up as one of those comics that... Did you have it in Vancouver where, there'd be like a comic that was famous in the 80s?

As famous as a comedian could be. Oh my gosh. And then they start coming around in the scene again. They don't have any respect for themselves. They don't have respect for anybody or the thing. Yeah, and they're kind of just checking to see if like well, well, maybe You'll respect me. No, okay. Great. Well, I mean when I was starting there is a I'm gonna do a big I'm gonna do a big name job here. So, you know watch your feet, you know, but there's a comic Ron Vaudry

Yeah Legend he would wear like a Peaky Blinders cap and he was kind of like, he was maybe like 65 and he used Arsenio Hall show as his credit. But he actually was never on the Arsenio show, he was on like the test episode. And so me as like a 20 year old, I used to bully this old Yeah, whose entire life hadn't turned out the woman that co-created the Daily Show. That's her like credit She says that all the time. I forget her name It's I want to say Elizabeth smart, but I think that was that little girl that got kidnapped Or it was like a woman CEO or something. Yeah, that sounds like somebody get her name. It's a woman that the Craig Kilbourne

She was like one of the co-creator not the main lady, but there was another lady or something. Yeah, that sounds like somebody different. I forget her name. It's a woman, the Craig Kilborn, she was like one of the co- not the main lady, but there was another lady. But she showed up in Austin at one point and she was like one of those famous older comics. But the bigger one was Barry Sobel, who was on Rodney Dangerfield's Young Comedians special, which is like Robert Schimel Andrew Dice Clay Bill Hicks

You know, it's like all these like legends and Barry Sobel who did he was like he was just he just did like Beastie Boys Yeah, basically he was like the Beastie Boys Like in terms of bit and like his style his style he was like a like bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Yeah, he was like a kid. He was a Proto wigger from New York cool. I like him. Yeah. Yeah, I like that And that sounds good to me. Oh, Barry so Bell. Yeah, we're oh you should say so you were a beanie and stuff and But then I don't know what he did really in the 90s I'm sure he's around but he ended up in Austin He rapping with down there and then he was actually pretty chill

He wasn't like oh, that's nice. Yeah, but he got he got bullied because he well I don't it's his own personal business, but let's just say there was still plenty of homophobia in in 2009 Maybe that's why his career didn't work out. My roommate would go around and be like, that guy's gay. Yeah. Well, see, this is what's detrimental to the, because you can't procreate.

Yeah, yeah. There's no use for them. That's what I was trying to say. But we know a lot of gay people, and it's like, yeah, but they're honest about it. Oh, he's, oh, you see, the problem that's so, that's funny, that's kind of oh he's like don't if you're gonna be gay don't be a down low gay guy. Let me know. That's kind of what happened and then the last I ever saw from him is like he posted on Facebook he's like this is fucking

ridiculous like I thought this was a progressive city and I'm like damn now I made it weird just cuz I don't want to say that I'm gay Boston weird, but yeah, then the only thing I remember about him is he had like the thing that was weird about him is he had this like cartoon that he was like The cartoon had a name and he would post it on the internet And it was like the alien boy, and it's like this weird shitty drawing that kind of looked like Like the Ranger from have you ever seen Wizards? the Ralph Bakshi movie no he said that was it the night or the Ranger just The red guy yeah, and so you post that cartoon

It would rebranded everything with this cartoon And I didn't know if the cartoon was supposed to be him or like what it was like his thing He was I don't know it never made any sense to me and it was like so bizarre I never bothered asking he's just early on in content creation I guess yeah yes may yeah that's probably what it was I mean he's just trying to get his like it's it's oh it was weird in a way where I didn't understand it in the way that now that I'm old and I see things that young people do and I'm like I don't understand this but I know that it's ahead of his time well that it's something that's just it's my problem

You know look I'm sure this makes sense to a lot of people And with that being said today's episode is brought to you by my bookie dot AG What's the AG stand for it stands for a bet anywhere? They don't anything anywhere anytime great Great, that's great stuff Stand for it stands for bet anywhere, bet on anything, anywhere, anytime. Great. Great, that's the G. That's good stuff, AG. Anywhere, anytime. Anywhere, anytime.

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that's the fun thing about football season is you can just bet you can just bet don't even watch the game Yeah, no with the net they changed all the names of the literally just bet all this woke culture gone I'm up. They changed all the names of the teams the Cleveland No, it's the the yeah, right exactly. Yeah, the Cleveland fucking what? Fucking what the hell is that? Yeah, who's I probably can't even say that anymore. You can't say that, that's who they got rid of. You probably can't even say that anymore. You can't even say Yahu or what? You can't say the N word, you can't say Yahu.

You can't say that for sure, do not say that. And nothing in between either. Yeah, the sad thing is you wanna say it. You wish that was a team name. Houston Texans, probably the only safe name which is which is odd how long before that big Chinese guy says wait a minute the hell kind of Texan are you talking about yeah what kind of Texan what yeah it's hard when you have to do a mix I know you I know I I I almost didn't go enough Texan. Yeah, cuz they do exist

I've said it before on the show but and people outside in New York aren't exposed to it But Chinatown is his own type of New York Chinese guy accent. Mm-hmm. It's awesome. It's like the best accent Like yeah What do you think about doing for lunch later? Yeah, you won't come hang out down my place What do you think about doing for lunch later? Yeah, you won't come hang out down my place. That's so good It's cool. That's so good. It's the coolest voice you'd ever hear now you go to my bookie dot AG You can bet on any fucking game you want Yeah, he's slightly like Italian. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a Chinese New York guy Hey listen asshole. Yeah, let me tell you you'll come in here

Hey, you know I say like man Adam. He's doing trying his best. Mm-hmm. Is that good? He's fucking up, isn't he? Yeah, so what's going on the NYPDs under federal investigation and now they've murdered somebody in the subway Yeah, yeah, the FBI is looking at some offices. Yeah, but then they all yes that was two days ago that somebody would did like a a fare evasion and then three people got shot. He pulled a knife. Three people got shot. Yeah. By the cops and also one officer got shot by a police officer. But it was like it was like it was like announced as like subway shooting. So you'd be like, oh my God. There was a shooting on the subway.

But then you're like, and then it's like, but then it's police were doing the shooting. It's funny, cause there was like a couple of years there were homeless people were killing people on the train and people were like, oh, maybe, maybe like the problem is homeless people and not cops, you know, like maybe somebody that's in the middle on the issue.

And then in one day, the police just catch up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They just erase four years of homeless progress. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In terms of them being the problem. They could have easily just pinned it on the homeless. Right. And kept it moving.

Yeah, I say they should just dress the cops like homeless people, like they're agents in the Matrix. Oh, good. And then at any moment, a homeless person could, I guess we got rid of the plain clothes department. Here's what I would do, because I'm a shrewd legislator Yes, I'm a shrewd. You're known as a shrewd legislator shrewd bureaucrat. I would say well hold on now They blame they banned plain clothes

What about shit it up close? What about sweatpants covered in feces in a neighbor's jacket? Yeah, yeah, and all over. All over, and so, and then you have the poop cops. And then you kind of know who the cop is. Yeah. You know how they'll be like, it'll be like a cop in like a new air is fitted and like in like the boots and you're like, dude, it's a fucking cop of the protest.

They all dress like fucking, what, a hirk from the wire. Yeah, and now they're covered in shit. You're like, dude, I think that's a cop. Yeah. How do you how would you know that? Well, he's covered in smells like shit. But they got rid of that. They don't do plain clothes anymore. No, they don't do plain clothes. Yeah. And that's why you got to go to my bookie.com. Yeah. Oh, right. My bookie.com and have fun with it. So the read is genuine and natural. Talk about your own personal experiences with gambling and related to the brand Oh my I gambled on the US Open and and then and I and the I lost money and I just got mad

So I was like I can't really I Have to do more of this. I lost fucking a thousand dollars on the movie challengers Oh cuz they didn't show it going in when I came in my pants about 30 minutes in oh, okay, I Thought the bet was whether or not you were gonna see them have sex in the movie No, but it was just like you're a bet with the guy at the ticket booth I say I bet I'm not gonna come tell you what Eduardo not this time and he says Mr.. He said mr. Mullen I will happily take your money. That's why I don't go to the movies anymore It's cost me a thousand dollars a thousand dollars every movie. Yeah, would you that's why you didn't see Beetlejuice Beetlejuice yet? Oh, no

Yeah, but you saw Alien Romulus? I would've lost two thousand dollars. The second time I hear Beetlejuice, I'm coming again It's it's more the words that do it to me than anything. Yeah It's the overwhelming, you know, Dalby Atmos experience. It's more the words that do it to me than anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the overwhelming, you know, Dolby Atmos experience. It's so loud. Yeah, it makes me, when I go see a movie in 4DX, my prostate explodes and leaks out of my anus all over the seat. Yeah, when it shakes around,

does it ever spray you with air? I think they have that now. There's like, they have like fog and stuff they do in the city. I remember I did like some 4D movie as a you know it's not new technology like ideas from the 50 Yeah, I did I saw like honey. I shrunk the kids 4d I don't know where this was or something and there was a part with a bunch of mice and it sprays the air Like there's mice on the ground uh-huh, and it did really feel like mice Yeah, and I remember that freaked me out. You know you don't want mice on your feet. And it did really feel like mice. Yeah. And I remember that freaked me out.

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Yeah. You would know. I saw Rush once. Like on the street? No, I went to a concert. Oh, okay. They only played their new music. Well, you know where else you can go to a concert?

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thousand dollars oh and they're here first your first oh then you get like 10 casino coins or something also. That's great. But it is it does feel like it's time to gamble again. Yeah. Because it prepares you for being a big time player in the stock market. You got to start on the ground floor which is scratch off. It goes gambling and then stock market and then options straight an option yeah that's that's what I actually say I'm offline but I do check a bunch of reddits and the whole culture of like reddit investing I guess centered around like Wall Street bets and stuff mm-hmm is there's people that like the cold they like the aesthetic of it right so they get involved

But then it's like they lose all their money Yeah, and it's so funny cuz they get into it because they're like people in Wall Street I just want to say the words yeah that those guys they're like they're like loss porn check this out I'm getting divorced you know it's like they just want they just want a community so like even getting a like opening a fucking e-trade or a Robin Hood account and not knowing what the fuck you're doing and blowing like your life savings yeah and then they're like oh the boys are gonna want to hear about this one dude what the fuck I fucked it again honey? I finally have friends There aren't just your whore friends boyfriends, and those guys suck. I hate them

Unless they're on Wall Street bats wouldn't that be nice to find out that we're all raw secretly Fine like a little guy with the sunglasses and the winds blowing That's me. I'm part of a community now. The mic like that. Yeah. Now listen, we're gonna have to sell your clothes. Well, I can't be naked. I'm an investor. I have done that multiple times in my life. Sold all your clothes? Sold all my... No, like gone on a Reddit that's like crypto and been like, what do I need to do? I need to get ahead now. Yeah, it's tragic that that's how life is. I'm like there must be something on here.

In like 1500 years, they're gonna look back on this shit. People look at, I don't know, what is the Inquisition? Or they're like, yeah, everyone was illiterate and they had to eat their own shit. And you're like, why did people do that? And then. Why did everyone invest so much money in? Cryptocurrency the whole fucking thing the whole thing where it's like yeah, you know you lived in a house But and there's plenty of them

There's plenty of houses a lot of them But but and it doesn't matter mm-hmm if you don't like pay a guy every month You're not there there you're gonna be homeless yes you know and people are gonna say it will be like why did why did they do that yeah why didn't everybody just have a home right yeah why do we make everyone do that they're already working and paying and it's everything fight like that's a my ox I'm not a smart guy but my wake-up call was when I watched Wally and at the end they show you that spaceship with all the fat people plugged into

iPads you know and they had to learn how to feel from the robot of course And I looked at that fat spaceship filled with people staring at iPads, and I said is this supposed to be worse Yeah, is this supposed to be worse than what we already have? Because it was I good take fat iPad guy over over no health insurance Yeah, I'm just chilling on the ship floating through space. Yeah, the worst you could say about that guy is he's bored That's funny. That's what you thought in Wally. That's the only thing I remember from Wally I just remember being like are these robots gonna fuck? The girl robot yeah,, and Wally.

No, cause she's new, dude. Wally could never get a new bitch. He's old, he's made out of garbage. She gave him a flower though. Yeah, she did. But he's like, I can't fuck you. You're like fucking 12 years old. Yeah, he's like, we're from different worlds.

He's like, I'm a 45 year old man. I can't. Not, the first of all. He's like, yeah and I want to, but I have these morals. No, she's like, I understand a 45 year old man. I can't. Not, the first of all. You're like, yeah and I want to, but I have these morals. No, she's like, I understand, there's the power. He's like, not even the power dynamic. I don't even buy into any of that bullshit.

He's like, I just remember when you were born and what I was doing. I was still here. And the worst part is. Working in the fucking junkyard. Nothing's fucking changed, I'm just rusty now. And so no, I can't fuck you nobody even checks on me Yeah, and then you come here wanted a job in the junkyard

Trash I collected the I I found the plant for just trash I'm trash and I'm not being down on myself. That is my designation and status in life Ignition and status in life At my look how everyone was like oh man Wally man, we got to save the planet Sudan is like flooding. You know what I mean? Didn't help. Yeah Sudan cannot catch a break. No, they get the mines and now those are gonna flood Mm-hmm, and I'm not even really sure what Sudan is really. I know that it's in...

It's like, and this is gonna sound... The country. This is gonna sound incredibly poorly informed. Sure. So it's just what? It's just like a shittier version of Egypt? It's just like... It's like Egypt is shitty as Egypt is. It's like... It's like Egypt has shitty as Egypt is it's like it's like

Egypt or is even shittier. Yeah, you like imagine there weren't the tourists the tourism of Egypt, right? What is what do you who what are you going to Sudan before? I? Don't know you guess you just passed through it's like what it's like a Midwestern state where they're like, oh we have the biggest Would you want to see a giant frying pan they have something to see this huge corn yeah I guess what sedan needs is a world's fair yeah that'll like I feel like they would really benefit from that if they had a ferris wheel or something yeah for the next 50 years thing there's just some old smile He's like I was there when they open the first wheel

I was the first in line and the operator he took me in the back and he rapes me But the day was magical I'll never forget it was a great day besides the rape. Yeah Yes, Dan can't catch a break. Yes, Sudan's tough. Lebanon, they just got a bunch of pager thing. The pagers exploded. Yeah. I look like a look.

I know. I know how you feel about everything, but I don't. Not everything. No, you're correct. I kind of I kind of like this. It was kind of Munich to me You like it the the massage did that because they got rid of their they're like oh, they're tracking us on our iPhone So they got rid of their iPhones, and then they got pagers. They're like damn nothing could go wrong Yes, you do know I mean just that That reaction is the web because I hate it with like not even even outside of this incident the way like

Like journalists are always looking for an excuse To like just like suck off war. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? And then people are like this is like out of a James Bond movie dude. This is like a bomb This is like super electronics. They killed like two children Yeah, and it's like well, it's it's not like out of a James Bond movie because those are movies, right? You know what I mean? Like if I were to kiss in James Bond, I were to rape and murder a woman. That's not People wouldn't be like this is like out of Something out of your right is scream. Yeah, you know No, I don't they killed seven people in a row.

I don't think it's good. I don't think it's good to put bombs in. No, it's crazy. In a device that you could buy at a kiosk in the mall. And then press a button and blow up 3,000 of them. Well, I don't even understand how they did it. I mean, I would imagine they had to like either, I mean, at some points. Was it that they had the pagers and gave them the pagers?

Or was it? It had to be that. Or is it some kind of like frequency shit? Nah, there's no way you can make a, if you watch those videos, there's no way you can make a pager blow up like that. Yeah, I mean that. I have a bunch of lithium ion batteries and I get paranoid sometimes about them.

Well remember because it's just like the Android phones exploding. Yeah, yeah, I think it's called thermal runaway is the official name for a fucking- because the lithium ion batteries, they can get damaged. There's no indication that they're damaged and then they just blow the fuck up sometimes. They don't have to be charging, they don't have to be doing anything to be sitting there. They just fucking blow up but If you look at because that's what happens in the city with all these Chinese ebikes is like there's these ebike shops Yes, they're all like exploding for a little bit, but now they're still there and it's fine

It's like anything else. There's all this stuff in it. New York City doesn't really have laws. Well, you'll just see somebody walking around and they pull it out, and then they're walking around with a full on battery, which I'm always kind of like. The thing is, the e-bikes, now we have this whole industry of seamless and food delivery and all this.

And it's a big part of New York's economy. And it's a huge portion of the working class in the city. And you can't like just say, oh, no more of the one tool you have to do your job. Yeah, and you also can't, I mean, I would love to get rid of those things, but they are people's jobs now. Yeah, but those batteries are really not safe.

So I worry about it. I've watched a bunch of videos the batteries exploding And that's not that they don't blow up like that They kind of they like you know, they overheat and then it's like they bad bad bad bad. It's like fire coming out Okay. Yeah, well, that's why all the places burned down then instead of exploded, right? Yeah, no, they burn it like fucking 3,000 degrees one like two blocks from me and every time I walk by it always feels Crazy. Yeah, so many bikes in there yeah you know what you know what you don't have to worry about is if you don't have a pager you know maybe if

you have a pager it's time to get rid of that pager because it might have a bomb in it and instead switch to a cell phone from Mint Mobile. Oh, great. Yeah. Wow, Ryan Reynolds, Mint Mobile. Love this stuff. I don't, you know what, it's funny, no, that's funny, when they sent us, Pete, did we talk about that?

I think when they sent us like the Mint Mobile stuff, we have, this episode is also brought to you by Mint Mobile. And I think when they sent us this stuff, it was like initially it was like, talk about the Ryan Reynolds stuff. I'm like, wait, so you're buying like ad space so that we can promote a different ad of yours? They were like, yeah, they were like,

talk about a better sponsor than you. Yeah, that's the only thing I know about them is he's in their thing Yeah, and I guess I don't know if he owns it. I don't understand the affiliation. He owns it. Oh Am I having am I like making something? This is a dream I had or did that I can't actors just be actors Why do they also have to own all of this stuff because like everybody else? Everybody wants to not do anything and the Easiest way to not do anything is to be a business owner

Then you just fucking collect checks and then people buy shit other people make the stuff that they buy And they're like I like I hate it He's in the movie yet because you took the capital risk or you're famous or whatever Mm-hmm, then you get, that's why the drink. You have some percentage of the company automatically just being off the face of themselves. No one is happier than somebody that owns

four or five Wingstop locations. You know what I mean? That's all it takes, really. Just you own, it's like, then what's the worst that happens? The wings suck. That was an understanding going into business. You know what I mean? Yeah, if someone gives at least a bad review of the wing stop,

you're like, I have four. There's not a single wing stop owner in the country that's like, oh man, are these wings actually good? Am I actually making something that's good? Now, I don't mean for society. Did somebody come and have a good meal today? Within the limited Criteria of shitty wings is it good and the answer is no and I know that it doesn't matter It doesn't matter. I'm losing nothing because I paid the two million dollars up front and I get

$75,000 a year for the rest of my life You know, yeah, anyways mint mobile is like that. Mint Mobile is a cell phone provider for wheelers and dealers. I would say, and I love great deals as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to crawl through a bed of hot coals. Feel free to insert humorous analogy just to save a few bucks. It to be easy no hoops no BS so when mint mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with the purchase of a three-month plan I called them on it turns out it really is that easy to get wireless for $15 a month I'm a long part I don't really these things

are actually a good deal I feel like people just think they have to get one of like the big four cell phone providers, but a prepaid phone is actually pretty smart. Especially if you're- I mean, you buy your phone and then you just get a prepaid plan somewhere and it's going to be cheaper no matter what. It's going to be cheaper, but then also it's not like- I think-

I understand some people can't buy a phone outright. I don't know if this is technically correct still, but the way it used to be is companies like this were called MVNOs, they're mobile virtual network operators. And all of the cell phone towers are actually just owned by Verizon, Sprint, AT&T. Yeah, and they rent them out. I think legally they have to rent them out because otherwise they have like a...

Well in Canada, you know, there's a monopoly over it where there's only like the two, there's Rogers and Bell, there's no other competitors allowed. They have to, because of anti-trust laws, they have to rent them out. Which Canada doesn't have, because it's actually less free. Yeah, with these companies, I don't know who they rent their towers from,

or maybe it's all of them now or what, but you're getting the same quality of service so it's like I think people's misconception with like smaller network providers like oh well they're small what if they don't have a tower anywhere you get the same kind of coverage it's like you know you have nothing to worry about and all plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text to limit is on the nation's largest 5g network right nobody shames you for if for, if you go with Mint Mobile, nobody's gonna shame you being like,

are you not Verizon or AT&T? I know a lot of people that use Mint Mobile, they like it a lot. The irony of it is that they like Mint Mobile because they like their privacy and they don't like being like, stuck, I guess. It's like there's something a little bit more non-committal about it.

So to give any details on who they are, Stuck I guess it's like there's something a little bit non-committal about it so to give any details on who they are why they use it would be a violation of their trust I would imagine but no it's a Yeah, it's kind of perfect. It makes me that's the I'm thinking why the hell don't I use you know? What the hell are you and you tell you what same reason? I don't brush my teeth because it's another thing to do in another day that I'd no longer want to be on this earth and so but I would I tell you I would you would I would be very excited to use mint mobile so get this new customer offer in your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month go to mint mobilemobile.com slash tafs. That's mintmobile.com slash tafs.

Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month. And I'll tell you this, guess how much I pay a month in cell phone? $90, $100, $150, dude. No. I pay 60. I pay 240 some dollars a month. What?

Yeah. You gotta switch to Mint. No, I can't you well why is it? Why is it 250 because I first of all I can't remember the logins pretty much shit. Oh, yeah It's like fucking way too complicated. I Don't like going to that fucking store When I do have the upgrade I go and they're like well actually you don't I'm like you know what I? Hope I hope there's fucking bombs back there this I't I'm like you know what I hope I hope there's fucking bombs back there this I know I'm gonna tell Israel about

this place yeah I think I saw a couple of Muslims working at the cell phone store here anyways mint mobile comm slash tafs cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month disclaimer must be read verbatim 45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month for three months new customers on the first three months plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on the unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply and that's it yes you meant mobile for details check Check it out. And it's a nice, it's clean, it's green.

I love the color green. I love the green party. I vote for the green party just for the color. You know, I'm famously, I'm one of these guys that say I don't see color, but that only means race. When it comes to actual colors, I see nothing but colors. What if you were like, I don't see color, and by that I mean that the homosexuals are completely

invisible to me. Oh, because the rainbow. Yeah, the rainbow. Those are the colors I don't see, pal. The gay ones. I only see black and white. I only see black. I only see them black and white.

Are black and white colors? Just like that photo of Marlon Brando. Yeah. That's a great picture. It's awesome. Yeah. That's like the kind of thing you'd find like at an antique shop on one of those car Brando. Yeah. That's a great picture. It's awesome. Yeah. That's like the kind of thing you'd find like at an antique shop on one of those carousels.

You'd be like, wait, what is this? I bring it on to Antique Roadshow? They're like, yeah, maybe I will. I'll send like a... I'm on Antique Roadshow and then they're breaking it down. They're like, yeah, this is an awesome... Oh, this is actually,

well, this is a guy sucking another guy's cock. And... Oh, wait, and do you know who this is yeah it's famed renowned Oscar winning this is Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart getting sucking a guy off yeah I think you could probably at auction do like this would be like 800 yeah you go for a great mad TV they would do the antiques road shows a sketch did they yeah and there's one where a guy brings in like a shanda like a candelabra or something It's like this is my grandma's candelabra, and they're like yeah, actually what this is it was a whore scandal

Prostitutes would put it in their window and light it to let people know the old west know that they were servicing Chinese rail workers Like no no no It's my grandma's Candelabra. She was very nice lady the only Mad TV I remember is Ike Barron holds his Dane Cook impression That's late mad TV. Yeah, it's late. I missed it He was one of those guys that followed me on Twitter for like 10 minutes. Oh

He like looks through it No, I would I would like tweet something when I was like in my mid 20 I would tweet something that people thought was funny And then I would like pick up followers off of it and then five minutes later I tweet something that people thought was abhorrent and then they would block me and I tweet something that people thought was abhorrent and then they would block me and Like I think the record was Ronan Farrow followed me for I think like 45 seconds. Yeah as soon as you got that first

It was probably an accident truth be told but I like to imagine that he was like, oh, this is pretty funny Oh, never mind Ronan Farrow. Yeah Wrote a book. Yeah, he was one of the Munich guys yeah he's in Munich that reference from earlier yeah really when I was a kid I never whole like I quite regret it Munich bothered me the town or maybe it was Zurich because I thought these are too similar I Was like you just like it's like a Mario and Luigi thing. I'm like something Munich Zunik. Yeah I'm like, why the fuck are you doing? Rick? Yeah, that just pissed me off Yeah, I don't even think I knew what it was until you know, I saw that movie. So I'm that I mentioned earlier good movie It's like a hotel movie people like it because I

Mean for reasons I'm not gonna say we say I do why do you care? Why do you care what anybody thinks because you're only 30? Yeah, thing is this is what people don't tell you once you turn 30 You don't turn 31 and 32 and 33 you just turn 30 over and over and over again It's everything you start the way you said everything you think about like, you know, you people are like, oh my god I mean every time everything everyone thinks about 30. Yeah, that's what I think about 30 When you turn when you're in your 20s and you the people like I'm gonna be 30 and you think it's like some kind of like It's nothing. It's nothing. It means nothing. But then all those things you did think every year you're like, I'm gonna be 30. And you think it's like some kind of like, miles or nothing. It's nothing.

It means nothing. But then all those things you did think every year, you're like, oh fuck. Yeah. Someone got mad at me the other night because they asked how old I was and I said 30. And then they were gonna tell me how old they were. And I said, I genuinely, I actually genuinely don't care.

Which I actually was just kind of being like a nice thing. But that's kind of an autistic response. Yeah, you know, and it can be taken that way sometimes, I guess, and I do feel bad about that. Well, I genuinely don't care, you know, it's like, why would you say that? Well, I just meant it like I don't care how old you are. I meant it in a kind way.

You know who I miss seeing around is Josh Gondelman Because sometimes I tell him thing because I'll just run my mouth. I'll just say shit. Uh-huh And he's like the nicest guy in the world. He's like a pure human He I ran into him on the train one time and I had I was having like some kind of fit and I took the Train I was living in Chinatown and I went to like four or five different Dunkin' Donuts to find like a specific Dunkin' Donut branded thermos that I was like, I gotta have this thermos. Something insane. It was insane.

It was insane when you were doing it. And I went all the way to Queens, and it was like I made a day of. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for doing this. Yeah. After you were just like, that's an autistic thing to say.

No, yeah, I've got it. Then to be like, I went to Queens to go get a Like fixations and stuff and I like I had to have this fucking Dunkin Donuts thermos And so I went I found it in like Long Island City. I think see I was long I was long on city maybe I went to a bunch of them and I wound up in Queens I was like there it is and I bought it. I was on the train back. I had my thermos with me and I ran into Josh Gondelman and then He's like I'm like hey, what are you up to? And then I'm like dude I've been looking for this fucking thermo and I'm like told him about it

I'm telling about all the Dunkin Donuts I went to and it didn't even I was so Deep into whatever the fuck was going on in my head that day that I had to have this thermos That I'm relating it to him like it's normal. And he's like, oh, and you found it. Oh, that's amazing. That's awesome. And he's like. But he's like, loves Dunkin' Donuts.

I mean, yeah, but that's not what's going on. I mean, he's just a nice guy. I think I distinctly remember him having the Dunkin' Donuts shoes. Well, don't ruin this. I don't. I'm just trying Donuts shoes. Well, don't ruin this. I don't. I'm just trying to be good. Oh, okay.

Did he actually have Dunkin Donuts shoes? Yeah, he has the Dunkin Donuts shoes. Okay, well maybe that's all it was then. Cause I would like to see if I could find his limit to tell that man such a dog. Something that could make him snap. Just a dog shit story and just waste his time. Yeah, but he was genuinely like, you found it.

The whole time, just fucking being like, and it wasn't there? And you went to another one, you know, just fully on board. Hanging on to every word as if it's the best thing he's ever heard. Right, just, you would rather be talking to a homeless person on the train. Yeah, have you after you're just sweating and like, just fucking having a shower and day. Yeah, I love that, I still have it. Amazing.

I have a wah-wah thermos that takes up all this space and it's not like I collect thermoses, it's just those two. Yeah, and those are two fixations. I don't know, sometimes I'm like, yeah, I just need. Something. Yeah, I'm like a hermit crab. Yeah. you know Thermos was your shell in that that fucking thing. Yeah, you know get that yeah

Yeah, but the Yeti thing that's like that's that's more broad and first of all I was not a king crab orange guy I was making fun of the king crab orange guys. they opened a Yeti store next to the studio and the only that's one of the only colors they have they do the seasonal colors and there was king crab orange and the fucking like Hawaii blue of the water one that you have yeah it's like behind oh my god was it stolen there it is yeah so I got this one but I have I have multiple colors of I got into yeti guys also Yeah, cuz I got women and it started a link up. I have a big Stanley cup that I use at home Well, that's more of a zoom or thing. I think that's because I think personally I don't mean to be rude

But the Stanley guys are kind of faggot son of thing No, I get it. I don't bring it anywhere. I leave it at home. Yeah, I would never leave the house It's like it's like a girl thing to have but this people are like oh my god is that fucking? Well, I don't like I don't want to be at home Taking off a top all the time I Would like this in the wild but at home. It's a straw. They have a straw one. Okay. Sorry I don't know I don't know because I put like vitamins or BCAAs or sometimes liquid IV you guys owe me for saying that In this thing and then if you if I use the straw one like that the flavored water

If you put anything other than water in these the rubber parts start to stink You know because they get like mildew and shit even with the water you gotta and so this one's easy to clean But the one with the straw I worry that if I got like shit in the inner workings it would just Yeah, it's like those Nalgene bottles get disgusting But no I would not say the Yeti thing Like counts because it's also other people like Yeti. It's a name brand and stuff. This is just me being a consumer It's fine. It's not like a Dunkin Donuts fucking thermos. Yeah, it's not it's not a good sir A lot of people have those a lot of people have these the orange is nice

eBay a fucking commemorative 1990 fucking to Olympic stopwatch Because I found one when I was a kid and I was like like oh I need it Yeah, when I would like fucking play with it And then I was like man I want that wish I still had that stopwatch and then I bought it on eBay I feel like 20 bucks. I have nothing nostalgic. It's not even nostalgia. It's like a totem or something. I have this weird thing with my head where sometimes I feel like I don't like Nothing nostalgic. It's not even nostalgia, it's like a totem or something. I have this weird thing with my head

where sometimes I feel like I don't experience time normally. Like sometimes I feel like I've already, I can feel like I have a whole entire life I'm living in one instant, like the whole thing. And then I've kind of always felt that way. And then I can have, I guess you would just call it nostalgia But sometimes maybe it's like small tactile things or something that just bring you back to well something that already have we's

Like right here like it's like yeah, it's like it any like you have a very good memory. No, I don't have a very good memory It's more it's just like it's an experience. It's like I can can't really put it in words, but it's like everything's just sort of happening concurrently. My whole life is happening concurrently. At the same time? Yeah, it's like I don't feel. Oh, like you've already done and accessed everything you ever will.

Sort of, but not. And you're like stuck. Not that, but there's no sense of it being in the past. It's like the whole thing is like. Is here, but you're. In the same way that you can experience a day and that day is like a one unit, you know, and you remember the day and like, you know, the difference between the morning and the nighttime,

you understand in a linear sense. But the experience of the day itself is sort of as a whole or a vacation you went on. You know what I mean? You remember a vacation, but you remember it in its totality correct You know and it's like that, but it's for everything and even things that haven't happened yet Yeah, but so then even though when you're saying when you wake up. You're like you're

You're saying that when you wake up you're experiencing everything again Not a no not that I'm experiencing not that you're like But I don't know where you're at on your time. I don't even know if there's words for it. It's like, yeah. Yeah, it's hard to process. It's just a weird feeling where everything just kind of feels like timeless. Yeah, it makes it sound like a stuck feeling to me.

Like you don't feel stuck. Well, it doesn't feel bad or good. It just feels like there. It's like an optical illusion or something. You know, where it's like sometimes you see the old lady and sometimes it's the young one and It's just this thing, you know, I don't know if it makes sense But whatever and I don't know really how that plays into like having to have a stopwatch but like sometimes yeah They're like if I touch this I'm touching it in the same way that

Yeah, like that is almost grounding you and that is like an object that you need and that's why you need the object because it's like keeping you present almost. Like similar to like having to go get the like Dunkin' Donuts thing. You're like, if I have that, then I'm like here almost. I'm sure there's a reason for it in a textbook about retards,

but I don't like. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I don't care. It's something I do and it's weird. Where are you in Red Dead? Man, whatever. I'm early on.

I like that you can play it on your laptop. I'm sorry for saying that you fucked up by cutting the beard. That's the style you like. No,... No, that's... I fucked me. No, it didn't. I can't get the long beard now and then maybe that's what it was. Because you can always shave. You're like, wow, look at our differences.

Look, I'm not trying to be an asshole. You're like, oh, this guy likes Adam. He shaved the beard. You can always shave the beard. I like Adam. You can grow the beard out all the way and then you can shave it. I like Adam. Now you can never shave it beard. I like at you can grow the beard out all the way and then you can shave it I like and you can never okay. Go ahead. You know you know what I did. I went to the general store I bought myself my own outfit in there. Yeah Which outfit are you wearing? It's custom. It's custom. I would wear the one I'd killed all the animals

Uh-huh, I killed every animal in the game I killed every animal in the game Of course The bear one If there's one thing I think you would have done in that game is kill every animal and wear it Yeah, right, yeah I'm like there's probably a character in any game you've played you're like I did not know that he could do that As soon as there was an opportunity to make all the clothes and collect all the flowers

I was doing that and then you play the story and he's like talking to that woman that he could have married and he's like, listen, I love you. And he's got like a bear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks so stupid. I know. But maybe we could be together.

I'll just settle a couple of things up first. You're wearing antlers right now. Yeah, yeah. You're severely mentally ill, Arthur Morgan. Dutch, listen to yourself. You sound crazy He's a fucking a pelican. He's got he's wearing a bison John this doesn't make much sense to me He's at the bar a jack-and-dive that's a pretty good Adam Jack and die

You guys have a the jaw is good. You guys got a diet coke Let me get a die The jaw is good my go to the bar Can I get a die? Can I get a die with Jack? His ability to abbreviate anything. It's infuriating when we first moved in here And he's like he's like day one I'll meet you at the stew it's like you haven't said studio once you

haven't said it one time you understand one time and you're already abbreviating it it's a brand new thing in our lives it is fun it's not fun it's fun it's not it's fun some people have too much fun. Yeah. Yeah. Other people are serious, you know? I know. Yeah, that is the nice thing about him.

He's fun. He is fun. He's a good guy to have around. Yeah, you'll never meet another Adam. It's all water off a duck's back. I wish I was fun. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really not fun. I am such a chore to be around.

No, no, like, you know Right like earlier. Yeah, like this whole time. I don't know I'm like but oh so that's like this and and you're like no It's not really in my mind. We're having an adult level of Connection. Yeah, where it's like this is a thing mind, we're having an adult level of connection. Yeah. Where it's like, this is a thing that. We should have, this should have been a dinner. Yeah, right, yeah. Well, it's uncomfortable, you know cameras,

they're blinking red. They are. They blink red every time you say something wrong. Did you know that? That's what that light is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I keep getting, fuck, fuck, fuck. They're actually not, it's not the camera that's live.

It's anytime there's a mean comment. Yeah. Where people are like, wow, it's actually, when it reads,. It's it's anytime. There's a mean comment. Yeah, where people are like wow It's actually when it reads wow this guy's a fag that the light Was pulling you know God no That's what the light means god, I guess I'm a gay guy mm-hmm Yeah, it is very funny And now it's like this is something you used to

deal with if you were like famous and now and now we just subject ourselves to it. Yeah like I'm gonna do this on purpose. Uh-huh. Self-surveillance. Yeah. I don't even know I'm getting older. Because I didn't learn how to read. Yeah. Gosh you look at yourself every day? No. That's good. No, no, no. That's good.

No, not at all. Yeah, I think that's probably half the reason I don't shower or take care of myself. So you don't have to go in the bathroom? Well, yeah, mirrors in the bathroom, yeah. That's the thing I'm actually... When you go in there to go to the bathroom, you pull the bucket head down below your eyes,

just in case. I shower with it on, dude. Yeah. I put it on a hood. actually going there to go to the bathroom. You pull the bucket hat down below your eyes Just in case shower with it on dude. Yeah It's like Abu grave in there Dick and laughing in a picture Have you seen my car battery I Gotta take a shower. Oh Boy that was funny what you said that of course, I'm pro Palestine That's funny that that's like a cultural given now that like we just have to have and yeah, that's not the way it was forever For the longest time nobody cared about Palestine

No, no, it's like now. It's thing you like but now it gets spun is where it says if it's like, oh Yeah, it's so mainstream, but I'm like that happened to that's been happening, but I'm like no, it's not we're just shocked at like the like How engaged people are now and I guess that's a function of social media or something well I mean I think the people seeing it constantly consistently yeah has worn people down mm-hmm to say things like of course I'm pro-palestine don't be self-conscious I'm making a general yeah observation about well I'm not self-conscious of it I'm just aware I'm not trying to be a dick, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's like, and when you make me look like a dick, I'm responding... I don't mean to throw it... I'm not throwing it back in your face. I'm more just like throwing it back at me. Where'd you get that? At like a Cabela's or something? Buffalo Exchange. Oh, okay.

Yep. 20 bucks. The name of that store has always been so funny to me I think it's wrong the Buffalo exchange. Yeah, I think that's a wrong I don't think they should call it that the name sounds like just too I'm like I gotta get rid of chief wahoo and and they The Buffalo exchange. Oh, I didn't mean wrong in a like it's offensive to it Just seems like an old

type of just Particularly unsafe sex. I mean, I think I mean I think First Nations Aboriginal immediately Buffalo exchange Okay, well it's exchange the Buffalo. Yeah, maybe Respectfully, I mean that they're doing well the Native Americans. Oh the better than ever. Yeah. In terms of representation. Well, they got casinos and stuff. Yeah. They had reservation dogs for a minute. They got nice ties.

Bolo's. Yeah, they got cool bolo ties. Yeah. You ever worn a Western suit? No. OK. Have you? No.

Yeah. I mean, it interests me a lot Anytime I'll be in the south or like south when you see it in person It doesn't look right well because if they're not tailored Yeah, you see him in like a vintage store, and you're like oh man It'll be cool to get a western suit, but unless you get it like you get one that fits you It's just you're like playing dress up basically yeah You know what I mean? Yeah, it'd be nice to just be fitted up for one and do some.

What I don't ever want to be in photos. Why not? Because you don't want to see yourself. It's uncomfortable. To be in photos. You have a photo taken of you. I agree with that. I don't like having my photo.

When someone like they're like, yeah, you know, let me take a photo of you. You're like, I do it. I don't want to. People that are heavy on the camera, which in particular too, now it's like, people take pictures all the time and you're never looking at them, you know? I'm never going, I go through old photos to find like,

you know, did I misplace this, that I do, you know what I mean? Like you're looking for clues? It's never memories, yeah. It's always like, do I have a picture of that receipt? You're on some weird like, timeline detective hunt that you don't even realize is happening yet.

Yeah, maybe. Like Memento. Similar to the movie. Mm-hmm, Memento. It'd be funny if some guy confused Memento in Munich. And they were like, I don't know man, this has both things. It's kind of like got Memento. It'd be funny if some guy confused memento in Munich. Yeah. And they were like, I don't know man, this has both things. It's kind of like got memento vibes, too. Yeah, it's kind of got memento vibes.

It's like Joey Pants was over there handing out pagers. What's next for the Middle East? What's next for the Middle East? What's happening?? We just get this fucking war with Iran over with it's gonna happen Can they just do it? I mean they're going to anyway supposed to do it like Ten years ago or George Bush fucking 30 years ago. Yeah, I mean, but you got it confused with Iraq or something I don't think I don't think that Possible Confused Iraq and he has one quote where he goes I ran he's misspoke and said I ran and then he goes

Ran rack. What's the difference? Yeah, what? Yeah So weren't we supposed to have the war there? Yeah But I mean at this point it's like just do the war, you know? Yeah. We're gonna do it anyways. Just fucking get it, let the chips fall where they may. Are we even ready? No.

Is there even anyone in the army? We have not won. Do you know anyone that's in the army? We have not won a war in 60 years. Since the 1950s. What, Korea? Yeah. I guess you could say we didn't really win Yeah, Grenada, I guess you could say we won Grenada, but that's not really that's a conflict

No conflict doesn't count. Yeah, okay, then no we didn't even really win World War two Because who like what was the goal of World War Two? To stop. Stop what? Them. Germany? Germany from growing. From growing? Germany's bigger than ever. Have you looked at a map? It's like fucking half of Europe now. They've secretly gotten much bigger and the way they did it is you don't annex other countries you keep the same shape and you just add 15 feet every year on every side yes no it's been 60 years and then people look at it they're like the Germany annex and it's like well it's the same shape I don't yeah what would they have Anna I mean

it's the exact same maybe we just forgot how not like Alaska not the same thing as like Russia think about how big how much bigger? Alaska has gotten since you were a kid. I don't ever think about that. Yeah. Well, I remember on the map It was like down here. It was like this size. Yeah, now when you see the main thing It's like fucking the size of the whole country It's like half the country now. Well, you see what map the world map you checking it every year occasionally I say is Niger still on there. They be so yeah, but but how can you ever know the map is? Niger Nigeria Let me just check I don't

They're like we have to make the country bigger like Germany. I propose we start by making the name bigger, perhaps by adding another letter, maybe somewhere in the middle. And it doesn't have to be a new letter. It can be one of the letters we already have. Let's not go crazy. I can't even look at it. Maybe we just have one more of the letter that we already have in the middle and no one will know.

I want to do it so bad Like I can't we have to make the country bigger No, I'm still 30 Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do the accent it would be funny if that happened All right, you got any dates you wanna plug? It doesn't matter. I'm in Boston on Saturday and then LA the next week. Hell yeah, dude. What are you doing in LA?

The Legion Theater. Yeah, you gotta check out Malibu. Oh, up there? Mm-hmm. Malibu-m-boom. Dude, what I would do if I was going to LA, I'd rent a convertible. And I would drive up there withibu boom boom what I would do if I was going LA I ran a convertible And now drive up there fucking top down our top down top down right through that tunnel go to Malibu

the Sun Sun fucking the Sun Going cross-eyed. Yeah Dude fucking going to Southern, California The girls? The girls? The honey's out there? Oh fuck. I hate Southern California.

Of all the, cause there's not much of the country that, you can find something to like in all of them. Southern California, nothing. There's this guy who's like watching all of his like TikToks and Instagram. It's this guy from like San Diego. He's like a pickup artist. But I think he has like a hidden camera on his like shoulder because you'll have his phone out in front of him.

So I'm like, I don't think he's filming on his phone, but he just like walks up to girls and like compliments them and then tries to get their number but he is kind of like nice about it but he's an absolute fucking freak and he has that voice and that's got to be one of the worst voices. What voice? The like so Cal like hey what's up girls like you're looking good today. Yeah yeah. You know it's like I mean that's not it, but uh there's something just like evil about San Diego

Yeah, it's back in Southern California, but then it's also conservative. It's like you a bunch of like army bases Yeah, yeah, you got military never see the military guys, so it's like people that are like I don't know I have family there I went there, and I would do the comedy club. I did in the comedy club there Yeah, but they have burritos, and then also it's just weird to like I don't know that was one time one time I was there it was from my like cousins wedding and Then you know, it's like cuz I lived in Texas for a while and there's a the whole like Texas Mexican food versus Southern California and I lived in LA too and LA one thing I will say about LA It's got cool architecture and the food there is like really good and it's accessible

And there's like a lot of places you can go where you can just walk in and have like amazing fucking food Mm-hmm, you know, but I was in San Diego, which is even closer to Mexico and Yeah, we went to get like Mexican food that I was told was like, oh, this is the fucking spot and it was like Cafeteria dog shit fucking you you know it's like not good at all yeah you know so yeah I count San Diego bad I would say yeah San Diego I want to be home all the time dude you're fucking going to like going to the store at the corner to get a breakfast sandwich I'm like I'm home why am I not home or at least in my neighborhood I breakfast sandwich. I'm like, I'm homesick. Why am I not home?

Or at least in my neighborhood I can enjoy, I guess. What neighborhood are you in? I'm in Park Slope. Oh, okay, that's nice. Yeah, it's really relaxed. You ever run into that Chinese Texan guy there? I see him over there. Yep, just visiting New York City.

Can't say I'm too keen on these city folks. These are some big buildings. Yeah, you got a funny type of Chinese filler here. He realizes he notices the differences. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know the Chinese folk around here, they actually sound a lot like this. There's a rush quality to their speaking. Mm-hmm Kentucky Park Slope Yeah, I like it over there. I Like sometimes I'll walk to the botanical garden and I'll do I'll do the botanical garden in the prospect park to do That's nice. I try to go to the prospect park like every day in the morning with my dog

Yeah, it's you know, I'm, like I think this year I finally know the park now. Yeah. Because I know I would never go there because it's I'm in bed style so it's a little bit far for me. Yeah that is too far almost. Yeah and it's it's a confusing park. Like Central Park is bigger. There's a lot of good like off the beaten path like you can. But I worry about that because some of that off the beaten path is quite literally and you'll wander into like a guy that's just living in the park yeah you know there's a couple of these please Venice Wayland guys that are here to blow up everybody's pager oh god you

didn't think that thank the thank the damn CIA for that I love about Prospect Park they got turtles there they got a lot of turtles. Yeah swans too Yeah, there's a big swans don't make any sense to me as a thing. Yeah, it's just a big thing I would have been up extinct by now, right? And then people are like, oh, that's the love bird and it's like it's ugly and loud It sounds like a dinosaur. I think it's just cuz it's like and they're dirty. They're always dirty shit Oh people think like older generations think the Swan is the love bird because it's just cuz it's like and they're dirty. They're always dirty shit old people think like older generations Think the swan is the lovebird because it's like they think

Sexy and love is like an ass, you know what I mean? And it's like the neck is like an ass so they're like, oh ass is like sexual. You know what I mean? That's true old people spell that word different Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wish I spent more time in prospect.

I guess I could, but no, I just go to the zoo. And it's nice. I love it. Cause the botanical garden is They that's the thing. What I like is when you walk through the park in the morning and then you can hear the zoo animals Yeah, and you're like, oh it's a little And they really they have kind of a they have like a dog shit selection of animals at the prospect park zoo Yeah, my favorite is they got palace cats there, which are just cats

like there's maybe some kind of scientific distinction between those and like regular house cat fucking cat at my apartment mm-hmm but not enough that it belongs in a zoo yeah it would be like if you had pugs at a zoo you'd be like isn't this weird yeah if you saw a pug in a zoo and you've never seen a pug before you'd be like what the hell yeah no it's like a dog I guess I guarantee you I've seen a pug in a zoo and you've never seen a pug before you'd be like what the hell is that? Yeah, no, it's like a dog I guess What the fuck? I guarantee you I've seen a pug and you're like it should be in a zoo You could make a palace cat fuck a house cat and you would probably get a right you just get a cat It is such a small zoo that it is like they do have sad animals in there that I feel like shouldn't be in a zoo like a porcupine

Yeah, they do have spiky things like that shouldn't be in a zoo. They have a couple of those weird monkeys that look scared. Yeah. Those like Japanese deer. Yeah. Where you're like, those should just be. They got a couple of pretty birds. Yeah. Yeah. They had like, what do they got, sea lions?

They do, in the middle. That one's always so sad. Went to like Coney Island, the aquarium there, and they do the shows with them. Yeah. There's nothing sadder than seeing one of those guys. I thought they only had one big sea lion in the Coney Island one.

The rest are like seals, and then they have a big sea lion that has numbers printed on it. Yeah. They get him to flop around out on the pool deck. I love that guy, because when you go underground, you you can see all the other like the seals are like dart through the water you're like doing and then the sea lion is just fat as shit and he kind of just like Just sort of floats around and you can tell he thinks he's being as graceful as the seals He's just this bloated fat piece of shit shit. And the first time I saw him,

I laughed hysterically. I'm like, look at the one of them is fat. He thinks he's the same size as the other ones. And he's got numbers branded on him. There's a placard there where it says, because everything in the zoo is framed as if a child is asking the question.

So it says, why is a sea lion having some numbers on him numbers on it tells you that because in the wild they'll track sea lions that go up Rivers and eat endangered salmon, and if they can't stop them from eating salmon They'll kill them and so he has the numbers on him. He was tracked and it's like luckily We were able to save this one, but he's literally in jail for eating too much. Yeah. He's like, he got arrested for overeating. And now he's like the one fat fucking sea lion.

And they're like, you gotta stop coming here. He's like, I gotta do it, I gotta eat this shit. Yeah, and it has no idea, that's the best part. That's what I love about animals is how stupid they are. He's like, why the fuck am what I love about animals is how stupid oblivious they are. He's like, why the fuck am I in here? They just don't know anything. They just have no-

He's like, because they're still feeding me. Yeah, right. Yeah. He's like, no, I just have to kind of walk around for them. Uh-huh. Yeah, and then the sharks are sad at the aquarium because a lot of the animals that- Well, in Vancouver, they used to have orcas at the aquarium,

which they're not allowed to do anymore. Because of blackfish? No, even before then, I'd like to believe that they actually got rid of the orcas and like the David Suzuki foundation got them out of a big Salish Sea orca guy. But that was always crazy. That whales would be in the literal, I mean... The New York aquarium got fucked up by Hurricane Sandy. I think a lot of the animals died and I think their shark exhibit got fucked up. Oh

It like overflowed and then like broke and yeah, I think it just yeah Filtration system must have happened. I don't you know, I was yeah And you know you didn't even seem it was it that bad. It was bad, dude Yeah, I mean the city was flooding and shit. Long Island got fucked up, but yeah. I was coming back from New Orleans and I had my Uber car, Uber from the airport he was talking about. He's like, picked me up from LaGuardia and he was like, during Sandy, I had to drive

up there and it was fucked. And I was like, damn, you like damn that was yours New York still driving You're still floods pretty regularly In Brooklyn yeah, they'll be flooding and you'll see it on the internet And you're like this is five blocks from where I am and it looks like it looks fine where I am. Yeah, it's crazy Yeah, that's why I like being on the slope. You know cuz it's a slope. Yeah. So the water just goes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't got to worry about flooding or anything interesting like that. What if they're still watching at this point? That's on them, dude. If you're fucking if

you're like an hour and 45 minutes into a podcast and you're like, what the fuck are they talking? This is so boring. You fucked up in your life literally yeah, it doesn't matter to me. Yeah, I Wish I could see the numbers for when people were starting to go off they do that no I know But I wish it right now mm-hmm It's so I wouldn't I want to keep going until it's zero. It's a flat line all the way across great. Yeah Fuck yeah, it's one big flat line the whole way through. Maybe I should have some chocolate tonight. I had a Snickers bar already.

I was thinking about it. I was going here because I fly out tomorrow. I was like, should I go to Dwayne Reed and get a bag of fun-sized Snickers? I thought maybe that'd be fun for me to have on the road if I had a bag of Snickers with me in the green room my friend Bought me a bag of like Halloween candy, but it was all like Swedish fish and Sour Patch Kids And I was like sounds like more than a friend to me But I was like what the fuck but it had the individual bags yeah, so I like Opened them all and put it into like a big jar that I have and it basically filled this huge thick mason jar. You sit there guessing.

No, I sat there guessing and numbers were going through my head. No, but I ate I I picked it for like two days and then I was like actually the amount that I've had is sick and I'm twisted. But because I can see it in the jar. I do that with the the utz braided pretzel sticks the honey wheat salted braided. You like that? Yeah but it comes in a barrel a translucent barrel. It comes in a barrel. And I can say I've had it for two days and I'm like I've eaten a Donkey Kong amount of the the pretzel bear and I don't understand it I don't it to me in my head. It's five handfuls. It's the barrels Donkey Kong. He has barrels. I don't know Yeah, he's throwing them. I'm sorry the references are gonna get that's okay less and less imagine

I don't think I even had one reference it was a game barrel of monkeys It's not even a game. It is a game because I mean at least I feel like it's a game But I think it up to pull them out and it's how many you have. You have to pull them out as and they have to all be attached That's stupid. Yeah, well they didn't. Bananagrams dumb too. Those are games where they like focused on the packaging you know the game where you have the It's like a stick with a ball on top and it has like a hoop and you have to catch it in that It's like a stick with a ball on top and it has like a hoop and you have to catch it in that

Lewis got into that like two years ago and Gomez. Yes, Lewis was like I'm getting really good at it, dude What is the point of that? I don't know but where does that lead? And it was like it was so much of like a Lewis thing that I couldn't even make fun of him for it It was just like Great, dude. It's not even yo-yo. At least with yo-yo it's like good look at this crazy trick. Yeah well yo-yo is probably hard but it's like depression era. Ever watch like a yo-yo video that's like someone's filming themselves doing like yo-yo tricks in the wild with like a crazy beat over it? No. Oh you're missing out. No jump rope videos though Like crazy like I got a jump rope Instagram. Yeah

Yeah, a couple years ago and how'd it go? It's pretty cool. I mean it is like dancing Yeah, it is just dancing it is basically I like jump rope at the gym But I can't really do the thing where they do crazy like I would never do that publicly, you know Why not? It's a little pause for me why wouldn't you do that because you can't yeah yeah yeah I never I mean I can't do it see people like dunking and stuff and I would never do that publicly no I would never be good because you have to try to do it yeah in order to mm-hmm Be able to do it crossing though because I was I was in the jump open for a while You just try it and it'll just work and then you're like, holy shit. Mm-hmm, and it feels really cool

It feels awesome. I'm gonna try. Okay. I'm gonna try. Okay. I'm gonna do it Once you get like a rhythm just fucking just throw your hands across when it's coming out Oh like this way low like this. Yeah, you do the cross. Yeah, I've Done across. I mean like the like where they put it into one hand while they're doing it And then they're going like this really that's stupid. Yeah that oh I mean like that. No, that's not jumping rope anymore. That's playing with like a toy whip. Yeah, wouldn't they have? Yeah, but they still jump with the whip yeah but they like to jump her up down and and jump else yeah just jump without the rope jump without the at that point the rope

is not me yeah I'm doing the no rope trick I'm doing the break I'm doing jump rope but I don't go over the rope mm-hmm Mm-hmm And that's our time folks we did it an hour and five minutes Really? Yeah, I think we did an extra five minutes and I will again be in Irvine, California I was not I mean I was looking forward to the shows but not Orange County in particular But now that I know that there is a Buffalo Wild Wings in the Comedy Club orange county in particular but i know that there is a buffalo wild wings in the comedy club to be awesome i think is just actually not it's like right there it's not

nevermind thank you all for having us good night