The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - James Donald Forbes McCann - Episode 68

Episode Date: August 23, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - James Donald Forbes McCann - Episode 68 Follow James on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jdfmccann/ Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #jamesmccann

Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast. We have JD McCann today. It's great to be here JD JDF. Two middle names. I thought it would be the opposite of like Madonna. You know it's fancy people can go by one name and if I went by four names Uh-huh that would make me seem humble John Jacob. Jacob. Heimer Schmidt. His name is not my name, but very close Um, you have a podcast you want to promote it right James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. I'm trying to buy a boat $500,000 for a long way away. What is the catamaran? It's the one with two ponds with a net, right? It has to can have a net in the middle, but it's two hulls we would say. Yeah. Two hulls? Hull. Hull. Hull. H-U-L-L. You said it right, he's being an asshole. I don't know where the accent falls down, really. I can't say water, I can't say. That sounds like water. We speak the same language.

That's true. Well, I keep saying can we throw that in the bin and people look at me like I'm mental. He's so used to just having other people's words in one ear out the other that there's no context to it. What was that? So we're talking about a boat and I say it's the one with two pontoons and you go it's got two hulls. Now if you're listening to the conversation. Well I also said there was a net. So he's not listening now. Yeah. If you're listening to the conversation you know we're talking about boats and you say we would say hulls and then he goes holes Well, it was a kind of a comedy podcast thing that I I'm on purpose. I knew you said I mean It's the one thing you don't want and I was like, oh is that like a pussy and a butthole?

You know, it was very funny. Yeah Lacka I've received my complaint. realize you were joking it was a yeah of course it was a joke why would a racist towards why would a boat have a hole in it it's the it's the worst thing for a boat to have in person on last week and they were like I can't wait to have dinner and he's like a Dinar Dinar I thought that was a currency that they have you're an Indian person on last week yeah we did Modi the Prime Minister Modi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's keeping India strong. He is yeah I have big conversations with every uber driver. I have about Modi really

Yeah, like he came here and did like a Nazi rally and there was like they didn't do it like Madison Square Garden you remember that like 2015 there was like this big Indian nationalist event. I don't remember that at all. Yeah, they hate Muslims, right? Hindu-Nationalists. They go quiet about their hatred of Christians. But they're a very strong... they don't like us for eating the cow. And they're a big strong anti-Christian, anti-cow-migration propaganda. Did you see RRR?

Triple I? Yeah. No, who was that? There's like a movie out of India. Is that Q-N-A-R-E-S-S-L-O-L-E-X-X- the wrestler Triple-X? Yeah, it's like him, but he's retarded. Yeah Like Triple-H? Yeah, Triple-H. Hold on. I was saying are the movie Triple-X? The joke works either way. It's the movie Triple-X I'm following. It's a guy that's retarded Instead of being into like skateboarding. Well, they had Eugene. That was their last big experiment into retarded wrestlers

Oh, is that a wrestler? I don't know anything about wrestling. Oh, that was the last big experiment into retarded wrestlers. Oh, is that a wrestler? I don't know anything about wrestlers. Who's Eugene? Oh, that was the last great era of wrestling was Eugene. There was a man who would be retarded, who would come out and was really good at wrestling. But he couldn't button his shirt up correctly. Was he strong?

Strong, knew all the moves. Was he playing retarded or was he? I think he was playing. Yeah, cuz that's dangerous, cuz they could accidentally, of mice and men, he doesn't know his own strength. Yeah, because that's dangerous because they could like accidentally like of Meissen man like you know Like you know he doesn't know his own strength. Oh no that was the that was the you know the rock was almost the radio When he was like choosing his persona yeah, cuz the football well the movie had just come out Yeah, yeah, and he was a football player. He was like I gotta decide I got two choices all the catchphrases still work Yeah, I'm a shove it up your can have I

Want some candy doesn't he say that what is the rock smelling what you cooking mama? The rock has come Smell good mama special man would say yeah, right Then they left that they left the everyone in wrestling now just seems like a normal person who wants to wrestle Yeah, I checked back in with wrestling recently. I never really I really good. They don't have they don't have star power anymore I never really got into wrestling and I'll bring this up to people who are into wrestling and to me It's such an interesting thing and they're like, yeah, of course, but there was a guy named mr. Ass When was that where underwear that says hey

pal look at my ass. What era was that? That was a good conceit back in the, I assume that's the attitude era? Yeah, no I think it was early, what is the attitude era? Late 90s? That was WWF yeah. Yes and then there's a beautiful renaissance right up until Chris Benoit murders his family and then there's a little sour tasteissance right up until Chris Benoit murders his family. And then there's a little sour taste. I said, oh, that was on a bus. That was on a bus from Pittsburgh to Cleveland next to a man who was on speed. And he spoke to me about Chris Benoit murdering his family for two and a half hours. And he was saying that every wrestler was his uncle.

He was like Kurt Angle, he's my uncle. Do you remember all the Samoan wrestlers? He was my uncle. You're like, were you taking this bus? And he's like, what bus? It was... Yeah, he showed me his girlfriend who was a Filipino pop star. But he was on speed. Let me know he was on speed at the start of the bus ride. Oh, he disclosed. And it's like that thing of you don't... You know what?

Lying is wrong under all circumstances, but how much do you buy into a man's psychosis when you can't escape? Anyway, it was great. So Chris Benoit noticed family descend into heaven. You have to agree with everything though if you're in that scenario. He was like, there's God but there's the devil and they're both good guys and we should be paying them both respect. Oh, the yin and yang.

Yes, he knows that's, if you read enough of the Tao that's what you turn into is this man. I feel bad talking about him just because he was such a sweet boy he was gonna go to wrestling school no he was described him as a man on speed but now he's a boy was this a young man or I would I mean it was hard to tell because I think he'd done some hard living but he was somewhere between 22 and 47 years okay all right you never know mercy me what the chops and the mustache do you like was he buffed no? No, no, not at all

He didn't have a body for wrestling even he was probably he was gonna get one He was gonna get one. He was sure that he was gonna get one and he told me he was strong And I right gave him my Instagram. I didn't know he wanted my phone So I gave my Instagram handle and then it's great to meet you JD within a couple of days. Yes He calls you JD. He's worked his Instagram. I tried not to tell him my name, but I assume that's our thing I hope he's alright. I would never do that with him. This is special with us. It's our special thing I Last night, I went to like a movie premiere thing at Metrograph and

Afterwards, I was in the same room as Elvis, not to brag. Austin Butler. Oh nice. But the interesting thing was I looked at him, I was like, oh golly, wow, look at him. Look at this beautiful Elvis over there. And every girl I was with was like, he's unattractive. And every guy I was with was like, he looks so good.

But I think that there is a type of handsomeness I just discovered last night that's just for guys. Sure. I didn't realize. I was with was like he looks so good, but I think that there is a type of handsomeness I just discovered last night. That's just for guys sure I didn't realize one other example of a handsome guy Ryan Reynolds in what's his name the fucking Blade Runner guy Barbie movie Ryan Reynolds Ryan Gosling Ryan Gosling yeah Now women love the Ryan's I don't. I think that's AstroTurf. You know the opposite.

I'll tell you the opposite. I think that's mainly it. Is Timothy Shalemite. It's a conceit that men will be like, oh, look how hot that guy is. And it's like, in what sense? And you're like, on paper, right? Like, my understanding of it.

It blew my mind. Every girl was like, no, he's not hot at all. I was like, what the hell? He's beautiful. But I think it's just for us. For the fellas. I was walking on the street behind two male models earlier today. Very funny. Listening to their conversation. All I picked up was one of them goes, how crazy would it be if all the homies showed up in colored contacts? So cool. It's just their living Zoolander. I wish we were them.

They were good. Off to a gasoline fight. It was good stuff. Both of them very handsome and then like just these sort of like way fish bodies to just drape clothes on. It is weird when you see the supermodel. I saw one on the subway, I believe today. They had the same gate as like, you know like old Texas guys.

For whatever reason in like the 50s There was this idea of masculinity where you had just this kind of skeletal like weak body Yes, particularly the lower half where they have like rickets or like some sort of bone disease where they have like spurs Like a Marion where North by Northwest guy Is that Carrie? Albrook Brooks. I wish it was Albrook Brooks. That would be wonderful. It would be a much funnier movie.

There are whole scenes based around him being so handsome that like there's a woman in a hospital bed who cannot believe she's seeing such a handsome man. He looks like an old skinny man. I think he looks good. Who's... It's a wonderful life Jimmy sure Jimmy Stewart is portrayed as a very sexy man. He doesn't look good to me. Yeah Well, they would do that. I mean the best of that is Humphrey Bogart back in the 30s Yes, just this guy that looks like a janitor, but then he started like listen. I love you. We were like, oh stop

Stop mr. Fuck me Yeah, no go away I think the opposite of the Elvis guy is the the bear guy because when his like Calvin Klein underwear So I had a man I was like that commercial looks like shit excited Well, it looks like a rat and his body looks like a penis. It's the right way to be any Carpenters boyfriend. Who is that guy? He's a very red defense man. John Carpenter. They're bringing the band back together. They've got to watch the N.R.X. here this time around. He's doing soundscapes. I would like to imagine John Carpenter, he's like at a family event

and it's like maybe it's a distant cousin or a cousin, right? And it's Thanksgiving, but the guy, you know, he's not doing as well as well John Carpenter so the house is kind of small right so they all have a big meal and John Carpenter she had a little too much salted caramel and he's like you'll have to excuse me I have to go to the bathroom and he goes in the bathroom but he brings it the very tiny synthesizer in there with him and through the closed door you can just hear like boonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoon mind broke as soon as I moved into my apartment and there's been a hole in the ceiling for Seven years they'll get right to that your landlord. I'm sure yeah, so what you have friends and family over and they just hear each other Defocating I don't know

No, I was once in a very bad apartment in Sydney and I was with a woman We'd moved in together. It was one of the first places we'd lived and the toilet it was such a bad apartment There were French doors on the toilet So we'd have on the shower while we forget to open them and you'd shit all over that you can enter a saloon in A very dramatic way That would be great if the toilet itself had yeah Rob West style swinging door I would set well this is a slide open like elevator doors. I would do the end of Independence Day every time I took a shit But flying into the welcome to earth. I would set the doors to close as I'm shitting

And I'd have a cigar in my mouth. I'd be like welcome to earth And then half the time it doesn't work and I end up with shit all smeared all over my ass You could constipate it and do it like the start of Indiana Jones where the doors closing very slowly. Yeah, I get the shit out of her time That's what I'm that's what the idea was. I don't have seen it depends. It's more of an American thing Well, we don't but I've just watched John Adams. I'm halfway through the John and a great show I'm watching it with chain who just gets drunk and tells me that Australia's weak Because we never declared independence, but I don't know what your big kaffafa was with the beautiful crown. The sensitive, they just want to pay taxes.

They were taxing you so little. Yeah, but they were fighting like seven other wars. So we just like fought for a little bit and then they were like, we have to get back to the other wars. They did let you go. The American revolution is awesome. Yeah, it's sick. Well, it's yeah, have some fucking respect.

It's funny how you learn about the Boston T. Are they still teaching the Boston Tea Party in schools? Yeah, as if that was like a good thing. That's like you learned that first grade I know but even like even a huge deal even in like school when you're learning it You're like, what do you mean that? Why did they dress up like Americans? Yeah, and so they just what? Blame it on the fucking We're gonna make the British perfect fucking savages did it say what it was for it could be a sign of respect to the native I doubt it was a sign of respect. I don't know if we respected we need to be as brave as the brave You guys do land acknowledgement

Nonstop non-stop. It's a little awkward at the moment because we just had a big vote on whether or not we should give... Who started that? Canada? Peter Dutton. How do you know Peter Dutton? Are you following that closely there? Even in Australia you still don't know Peter Dutton. Gilad. Gilad's out. We like to change prime ministers every two and a half years. Peter Dutton like was the prime minister when we were there And he looked like a penis right leaders a cop from Queensland. He has full alopecia. I think no eyebrows bald guy Yeah, yeah, he looked like shit. There's a Voldemort like quality. Yeah Yeah, but sadly he's currently the most charismatic. Who's the guy that ate the onion like an apple Tony Tony Yeah, that was a real personality. He was like

75 IQ, right? I think he was smart and he was afraid of saying what he truly believed. He was a very conservative Catholic. Which is what? Well, contraception should be taken off all the shelves and abortion doctors should be treated with that respect. But then he just ate onions instead so the people... Like an apple.

That was funny. That's cool. That's it I think it's awesome. It's a hip thing to do. It's a strong man. Who's the guy now? We got Anthony Albanese Potatom no he's I would love a one exciting strong Australian to just declare you know we've got nuclear weapons now We're taking over the region to Italians in you they Australia doesn't have nukes, do they? No, but we make all the uranium. Yeah. So we could do it. Yeah. What do they make?

How does that... like they mine the uranium or they enrich it also? I think we only mine it. Yeah. I'd like to think we're like the Japanese or the Israelis where you secretly have a nuclear weapon, but they do. I don't think we do. Who? The Japanese? Israel? Is... hmm? Apparently. No? No do I don't think we do who the Japanese room is hmm apparently no no I don't think so well they would want one lickety split South Africa had them and got rid of them do you know this did they say thank you for that secret we had no black people yeah yeah basically that was their new girl just before Nelson Mandela came in they said we've gotten rid of the nuclear weapons we'll have the black guys in charge, but we do not trust them

The clerk got rid of them My went I lived there for like a year when I was a kid in South Africa. We moved back My parents are from Cape Town boy. What is the Jewish South African connection? Yeah, and his family Germany in the 1930s. They went from Brooklyn to Nazi, Germany Yeah, yeah, why they go dig into need one? Yeah, you they're gonna need a couple of them We know we were like help. No, we were like, let's let's see what this is all about. Yeah copy as bad as they say No, we all they all we're that they were there for like two generations and I was born in LA But when I was a kid, Nelson Mandela like spoke

at my grandma's synagogue and he was like, tell the kids to come back and like build the new country. But like all my parents' generation all left, but all the grannies are still there. Yeah. Complaining and refusing to leave. I mean, this is, I think whatever antisemitism there is in

Australia is because we only have South African Jewry. They're awful. I feel so safe here. But it's not like... But it's they all go to Sydney though because it's like... They do all go to Sydney. I live next to the Anne Frank Museum. My cousins all live in Sydney. Yeah. That's nuts. They live in Bondi. During World War II they thought the Japanese were going to come over the beaches and so the real estate went down and all the Jews got to move to the most beautiful beaches. Smart. The North.

They moved, they live in the North of Sydney. Is the North Shore? Yeah. On the beach. Yeah. Oh, you don't want to go west. It's so beautiful. It's a really nice place.

I went to the beach with Sav and Nick didn't come with us. It was too hot. It was like fucking 180 degrees. That's why you go to the beach. Yeah, I don't know. But you survived in Austin for it. This is my biggest Austin complaint is it's unlivable for three months. No, you stay there long enough and then you adjust to it. There was one summer I was there where the temperature like just didn't go below 100 even at nighttime for

like the entire summer. But I was drunk the whole, you just get drunk all the time and you don't think about it. Did you go to the Springs? The, not Bardon Springs. I never went to Bardon Springs once. Where I would go is, uh, Crowsie Springs. I didn't know there was a second Springs. There's a lot of them. They got them all over Texas. But Crowsie Springs is real nice. I did my first flip last week.

Oh really? Yeah. There's a springboard and I did a flip into the water. How'd it feel? It felt incredible. You should try a back flip. It's easier. No. It's easier. I'd refuse to believe that. I was so excited to do my forward flip. Did your wife see you? They know what a bitch. They was at home. They feel more

Natural you because you just you just throw your legs over your head. There was a man I told everyone in the line I was gonna try and do a flip and he said you got a look at your own butt So that's what I went with him. There was no cheering when I came out of the water I used to be able to do flips off diving boards easily and then one time I just fucking like smacked hard on my back knocked the wind out of myself and the fear got into you yeah it created a mental block and then I just couldn't do it anymore ah you were Simone Biles at the backflip yeah so she's back in the

Olympics now or just commenting on it on Instagram? No she she won all the stuff. Oh, she's bad. Yeah, she did good. But they changed the rules to let her win. I remember. Shut up, dude. No, they did. She's doing all these big flips in a slightly sloppy way. And they said, that's what we want now.

Too sloppy for you. It used to be a very skinny girl doing something unimaginative, flawlessly. You like it skinny. I liked when there was a 14-year-old who'd do something that was not remarkable but didn't make any mistakes. That was what gymnastics used to be and now it's all big sturdy ladies doing a million flips and then at the end... She's not big dude, she's like five feet. She's like four or five.

Compared to the past. We're gonna delete this but we're not gonna keep this joke in here. You won't leave that in? He just beep it actually. You want to move tickets and you refuse to put that in the podcast? Yeah. Madness. You don't want that.

You have a solution right in front of you for moving lots of tickets. Very funny. Different lots of tickets very fun different cities, but I Kind of saw it coming. Oh you saw oh, yeah, sorry Adam already thought of that joke. I didn't think of that I was singing that already actually I said actually I actually I told Nick actually I kind of came up with that Actually, I was the first person to say actually actually I thought in the Nick Nick read my mind. I was living just outside of Pittsburgh for my first three months in America And I got to go to the mr. Rogers Museum mm-hmm Pittsburgh. It was so beautiful Yeah, all the other museums are so we stole this land. Yeah, it was a terrible thing. You got to that museum

It's just a man in a cardigan saying I love they should start doing mr. Rogers acknowledgments At the beginning of events where you take your shoes off and you let everybody know it's a beautiful day in the night You have a moment of silence and then a tiny train goes behind you It'd be a step up. Yeah, it's weird when you go to a festival and they're doing the land acknowledgement. They mandate it at every show. In Australia. Yeah, so you'll do like the Melbourne Comedy Festival, and then they'll have a pre-recorded thing that you have to play at the start of the show.

And then like, you know, you're watching the fattest drag act in the history of time. Now, I don't really know too much about this stuff at all, but my perception of things is that the like racial antagonism in New Zealand isn't as uh... No I think they have a better situation. They have a better situation and it seems like the reason for that is because like the Maori won basically. Oh I mean I can go into detail on this. I would love you to. Uh I think they'd be a part of that.

Geographically it's a better situation when New Zealand is small enough that you can basically have your own thing going on and then come in and have a call center job. Australia, that's never gonna happen. But yeah, the Maori got a treaty and fought them to a standstill and then took the guns that they got in the treaty and went and did another genocide, their own genocide, so that they thought they could do it. Of what? On the Chatham Islands to the Moriori. Oh, OK. Who are a peace loving people. As they were being invaded, they held a meeting. And they said, should we fight back?

Should we break our pacifist principles? They decided not to. And they were eaten. Apparently a couple were kept in slavery afterwards. But I think that has helped the Europeans and the Maori come to an understanding. Is that they were also genocide. We're all drenched in blood.

We're all bad people. Yeah. Let's do a haka let's do the dance yeah and the dance hasn't hurt them I mean that's really the fact that white people know the dance the dance eventually did this is this is the thing because I always hated the haka Nick hey I always thought it was no I always hated it I always I always thought it was so stupid and then like mean, it doesn't like of all the things that, that Maori have like defending Zion and the second matrix movie, you know, it's like they've done a lot of good and the Lord of the Rings. Yeah.

But I always thought that dance was so stupid. And then I don't know if you saw this, but during COVID they did the Hawkeye vaccine Hawkeye and that, and then we never had to hear from it again. We never know more Haka, we're taking the Haka away. Because it was crazy. I remember they said they did a Haka for 9-11. Yeah. Oh, now this is a fairly common thing in the antipodes

where you feel a little bit emotional, you'll watch a Haka, have a little cry, watch a Haka montage. Yeah. A schoolboy has died in a car accident The whole community comes together Flapping and the tongues out. It's When I was I can't believe you know, I love it I was in Cape Town last time I went kayaking I got this way. I prefer I didn't watch it. I have no I didn't even look at the controversy

But I prefer the opening didn't watch it, I didn't even look at the controversy, but I prefer the opening to the Paris Olympics to the Haka. The fashion show. Versus, yes, apparently, the trans-Satanist, whatever they're calling it. It was pretty awesome, I think. I don't understand this. It got me ready for sports. It's not even a good dance.

The Haka? Yeah. It got me ready for sports. When I last time was it's not even a good dance the haka. Yeah Well, it's like the worst line dancing I've ever seen in my life. Aki breki heart is better than the haka the haka Open the door. So aki break a cut. Could you guys have a hawker South Africa? No, I think in the 80s people started to have some aboriginal dances that they were too hard They were trying to bring everyone together. No, it's just like pretending to be an emu and not scary. It hasn't taken off Yeah, so they don't really like it when white people do it Yeah, there was some of it in our break dancing when she's doing the kangaroo dance. That was very Evocative of the 1980s. Hmm. People are being too nice that girl the break dance girl

Well, you think they should be nasty to that lady? Yeah, she she's living a dream She's saying she pretended to be good at a sport and got to that lady? Yeah she- She's living the dream. She stinks. She pretended to be good at a sport and got a free trip to the Olympics. She stinks. What are you guys talking about? There's a lady from Australia that was bad at break dancing that went viral. For break dancing at the Olympics.

For stinking. Yeah. Yeah she stinks. Boo. Anyway but um last time I was in- I'll back her in. I went on a kayak tour like in the ocean like in Cape Town. Do they have video games at the Olympics yet?

Have they gotten the stoop to that level? South Korea can finally get a medal. Yeah, they have Madden. They have 2K and Madden tournaments. They have video games. Video games? Yeah, e-sports are in now. LA is 2048.

Wow. I'm so excited for the 2028 Olympics. They've got to bring back city planning and reverse poetry. Yeah, so I went to the Olympics for Sim City. Rollercoaster tycoon. Yeah. Yeah. I went on a kayak tour and the guy was like, he was like, yo, I was on the South African

ice hockey, national ice hockey team. I was like, are people good at that? He's like, no, it's like not that hard to get on it but he's like yeah I played in New Zealand and they tried to do a haka on the ice and he said guys were like falling down before the match you know despite all this I think we could restore the prestige of the Olympics if you just go no more professional athletes it should go back to what it used to be 100% which is just fucking like just idiots they're like yeah fuck it I'll go to the Olympics gentlemen seeing if they can run fast yeah yeah

exactly it should be like let me regrets of the day you let my child to go I want to see like four or five cardiac arrests and everything because it's a guy that's never done any exercise I can run faster than this fucking idiot from Germany when's the last time I died at the Olympics why I'm sure than this fucking idiot from Germany when the last time someone's died at the Olympics Why I'm sure it's happened. I think would happen all the time. It should happen again To get the guys back into it. Why are girls so into Olympics? My girlfriend was taking it way too seriously It's not a girl you don't have to commit to anything, but it's couple or though

It should be for the guys, but it's a thing you can only, you only have to commit to for like four weeks. It's not a real interest. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like being into shark week. You know what I mean? You're like, Oh my God, shark. I love shark week. I'm obsessed. Cause you get, you can't focus on anything but your phone for more than 30 seconds. So here's an event that lasts two weeks. You don't have to worry about being into it long term yeah it's just a very short thing that you can get into yeah you know that's I watched the ping-pong final girls ping-pong final I didn't see that one it was two Chinese ladies that both look like little boys and they were incredible it was so exciting I wish the

French get up I think the French got up in the ping-pong and they made it far it was I think they might have won the gold medal I could be getting France beat Asia was for the bronze medal France beat an Asian country they look like the proclaimers they were pasty white bespectacled French guys and they were so the Japanese team was very disappointed was ping-pong doubles ping-pong doubles yeah it's crazy dad darn you bumping into the other guy they shot beer pong in how does that work the one of than stands on the table

They play doubles for a while, and then they went back to one on one But how does I've never seen ping pong doubles in my life? I don't know maybe I'm misremembering this because it was Arizona, and I was hot when I was watching it no no Haven't seen it, and I need it explained to me because I don't understand It's just they probably just two guys. I thought they redo challengers, right? But it's ping pong, and in the sauna scene, they just got the smallest dicks in the world. These are just guys, they're both.

P, what time is it? I'm supposed to be intimidated, you coming in here, waving your tiny little cock around them? Summer's here and summer's hot. If you're squishing when you're sitting, it's time for dry, quick underwear from Para Thieves. Show them the underwear. Wow. Look at these,'s time for dry quick underwear from Para Thieves. Show them the underwear! Look at these! These are dry quick underwear from Para Thieves.

Adam, respect the product, please. Here. Don't do that. What do you think about this? Shut up, dude. Let's run that again. Man, the guy on the box has a huge penis. Let me see his cock.

Look at this tiny man with the massive penis. Look at his penis! He's stuffing! In my version of challenge. They really did get a big dig Yes the same guy you really see the print too on the back So if you guys are doing karaoke and he's just got He's doing karaoke and he's just got a cowboy Every once with that he's wearing a fucking yeah for rail like a park ranger hat and his cock looks Amazing in this in this dry quick. I don't know this could be his balls

Look at this guy could be one of his balls stacked in front of the other one. I Tell you who's not gonna dry quick is the ladies when they see this man Yeah Yeah, you go Be gushing with basic underwear. You can expect a sweaty soggy situation in the picture for your wife to masturbate Every box escape basic and embrace greatness with pair of thieves dry underwear Quick dry underwear with action flexes engineered to keep you dry fresh and comfortable all day long guys paratheavs escape basic Go to paratheavs.com today get 25% off your first order 25% off your first order at paratheavs.com get 25% it doesn't have Code by assume. It's TAFS This guy's dick is amazing performance products. We got the brief the trunk and the boxer brief. They got long

Long sleeve t-shirts these look amazing They got some green these shorts look awesome my favorite color penis this not you don't see this guy's penis though What's the point? These are lounge pants though So I assume quick dry lounge pants for when you've pissed yourself, and you don't want to come out and have a big stain I do that I've been going on stage with piss on the front of my pants What are you trying to give yourself a handicap to make stand up a little more difficult? I just don't care anymore No, it's funny. It's just I know I'll piss and I'll like I'll put my dick away too early

There's just piss all over my pants, and I'm like everybody That's a good move right yeah Yeah piss all over my pants and I'm like hey everybody. That's a good move. Right yeah. Yeah. Somebody came up to me in Dallas or like we could see your penis the entire show and I said I don't care. I had a flight in Austin and I did that. Yeah. And someone wanted to take a photo with me and I looked at the photo and I had a huge great big piss stain on the trousers. Yeah. So hopefully that's I tried to hold the shirt over it. But I didn't make it. How old are you? 33.

Okay, give it another year or two. You'll stop, Karen. If I get these quick dry underpants I'm gonna be absolutely fine. Yeah, that's what you need for it. Where does it evaporate to if you have a layer of trousers on top of the underpants? Do you just... No, no. Does it soak the trousers? Don't you want the underpants to hold the liquid in? Yeah, I don't know. I don't really know how Liquids work. I never took that class

Yes What's the song? I don't feel like humans should have liquid waste. It seems it's dumb It shall be that you have two different excretion systems ones for solid and's for liquids. Yeah, it should be one system. Yeah, you should poop out of your cock. Well, see, you only have a gas on one of them. Can you imagine how violent society would be if men didn't have an asshole and you just shat out of your dick? There would be no risk to prison.

There would be no risk to prison. There would be none. It would be like they'd come to the FBI, they'd come to my house and say we're sending you to jail for 45 years. I'd say fine, great. Pay for my bed. Make my day. I'll fill it with mango. They don't want to shit down your mouth with their big shit penises.

My misunderstanding? They still are a few days in a need to ejaculate. He's talking about his socialist utopia right now Yeah, yeah when you're in prison Nick's big easy. Yeah, well, that's what a social Is is a prison filled with manga manga? Makes sense to me honestly yeah, I Don't know if you guys have that over there in all straight. They're going poop coming out of the dick Yeah, mangoes mango Yeah

There is a man who has to shoot out of his dick if they have gaming at the Olympics They should literally have a pissing contest That distant now the term pissing contest. Yeah has lost its weight It's totally because of of how we've degraded what we compete in I wonder how you know what I blame the entertainment industry in the 1980s I wonder how you know what I blame the entertainment industry in the 1980s They made all of these movies about how you can be the best and all of these dog shit things true You know that's true. They had to make stuff up. That's true fucking over-the-top

The guy always the best arm wrestler in the world yeah Everyone's on steroids too in those days. Yeah, if you don't have over-the-top you don't have fidget spinners you know what I mean no well you don't have you don't have you glorify things that are stupid that should not be subject to competition ever and then it opens the floodgates and now a guy's like well I'm the best at Rubik's Cube no it's a puzzle for children there's no way you can't be the best at it because it's for babies Russia is starting like slapping across the face as a sport. No, that's in those videos Dana white That's his second competition. He owns the UFC and power and slap. Yeah slapping competition power. So he's getting yes. There's a slap But you see like yeah Russians are really good at it.

I saw someone show me a real... There are a lot of videos with a racial subtext. There's a new fighting tournament of... It's men on women fighting. And it's one man having to fight two legs. Two chicks? Yeah, I think it's a Belarusian leg. Finally.

And it's very confronting. Because the man still does just... I want to start a UFC where you have a ring, right? Okay. And then there's no weight classes. Well, there are weight classes, but the weight classes are like there's big fat guys. Okay. And then men of smaller stature who are maybe like, you know, kind of lithe and they can

move around quickly. Ninja style. Yeah. And so the ring is a big circle. Yeah. And then on the top, there's sort of a walkway. And the fat guy has to jump off and try and land on the smaller guy.

Nice. Right. And the smaller guy, all he has to do is not survive it. And the fat guy will die naturally every time. But they're called enforcers. Well, this is bullfighting. Yeah. But with people.

Right. Yeah. I mean, I think number one. Yeah. And then it's also the small guy is Spanish and he's dressed like a pimp Get a bear put him on a stake have two dogs try and fight the bear. Yeah. Yeah, this is real Entertaining you probably know about English blood sports. You seem to be only that one only there's a Shakespeare We're someone is pursued by a bear because a bear would get out from next door

But that was the big attraction was the two dogs fighting a bear. Two dogs fighting a bear. If that was for you'd go and watch Macbeth. Yeah, there's a... Before the play they have that? Next to it. That was the competitor. There was an excerpt on Wikipedia about one of those where they had a chimpanzee tied to the back of a donkey. Nice. And then they sick dogs on it and then the chimpanzee just started just punching the dog in the head. So the chimpanzee could win the fight? Well I guess it was supposed to be that the the chimps and the donkey were on a team versus but it just sort of turned into everyone against the donkey for their own reasons Yeah, we story of his urged animal

We've purged animal fighting which is said the Japanese have still got dog fighting in I've read a lot about that on Wikipedia I would like to see one of those Japanese spider crabs versus a battle bot. What is that? Yeah, you've never seen him. No, probably eaten them. Are they huge? They're massive. They have big legs. They're like an HG Wells kind of. They're scary. Yeah. They have them at the aquarium. They have one just sitting.

I've never been to that aquarium. They also just have them in Chinatown that you can buy and eat. That's the very funny thing about New York, is that within the same city confines, you can go see an animal that's being preserved. Yes. You know, by like a conservation society society and then you can go to a neighborhood over and you can eat that animal But I tell you if you go to Central Park and you take a duck and you hang it up by its neck

People will be very upset There was a man we have Ibis in Australia, which you can it's uh, we call them bin chickens is the other term. They're like Birds with a large like sort of crane like they are crane like. And in some states you had to kill and eat them on the street and in some states you are not. But there was a Vietnamese man in Sydney who was on the news and he was saying, this is fine where I'm from. You're allowed to just kill these birds. And then they revealed that was Queensland which was 50 kilometers

Just imagining yeah the jungle just Huey helicopters overhead Gotta get gotta get dinner made before the can you poach any game in a city in America? No No, yeah, it's certainly not in New York City. I don't think well America? No. Certainly not in New York City, I don't think. Well, there are a lot of Chinese guys fish off the piers and there are signs that say these fish are radioactive, please do not eat them, but the Chinese guys still do it. Yeah. Strong. Yeah, strong men. Much respect. Strong guys. It's cool. We could get frogs to eat within 20 Yeah, like within 20 minutes after we do this part rats everywhere

Yeah, no, there was a man with subway waiting for money food. They very that's a normal thing here But oh, yeah the way they keep the frogs. Oh, yeah people are in the Chinese grocery store They're all just in a big bucket. Well, you can just go and buy Frogs after this I thought you meant running around 15 minutes. We get a bucket of frogs for you Well, it's not Austin's very kind, but I will Are you are you charmed by that? Are you like wow the big sit the big apple? I mean, we've got I can get from hotels you can buy sometimes in convenience stores. We're in Austin in Australia Oh, no, no, no that here

And then what do you do you cut it up like a catered sandwich? I think aboriginal people will eat them in the park. Oh, okay. Ah, make a big fire. I've only heard about that as a myth. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm trying to think if we have any... frogs in a bucket is upsetting. We do have... I think it's cool.

Seemingly the health and safety rules for the Chinese groceries do not apply. No one is going in there and making it happen. They kind of have their own world in Chinatown. Just a big bucket of tongues. I remember the New York Times did like an expose on the fucking, like the nail salon industry in Chinatown because a lot of the Chinese families that come over, they're basically indentured servants. Sure. They come over, they get like a little tenement apartment, and they can live in it rent-free for like ten years, as long as the dad usually will get on a bus every morning and go to

fucking Pennsylvania and work in a kitchen in a Chinese restaurant for free. Okay. And so they have like the living situation but they get paid nothing. The wife will work at like a nail salon and they get paid like $11 a day. Like nothing. And yeah, they did a big report on it. If I'm remembering correctly, I might not be, but they did a big report on it if I'm remembering correctly I might not be but they did a big report on it and exposed all these places and then it was like, okay

Well, the city came in and shut them down and now they have no income and they like fucked up this like This economy that exists there But yeah, they don't have rules They just do whatever they want. They're like living in like the 1800s It is impressive though because the rest of the city gets gentrified and they hang on. They're immovable, the Chinese in Chinatown. It's kind of cool. Well there are businesses that no one else will. No one else is running an Alcelon. No one else is running a massage parlor. They're always Asian Rub and Tugs.

There's no white, shonky massage parlor around. I got a white blue collar Rub and Tugs. Just a callous hand. Decent made in America. Yeah, yeah. Imagine if they had that in Bed-Stuy. You know, I went through a place and it was like, you know, like a black entrepreneur. So, like, yeah, the guy that has like a master's degree, he has like an MBA.

Yeah. And he's degree is like an MBA. Yeah, he's just Yeah, it's a family-owned business, so what do you do for work Pete is it time? All right, let's do it. Also before this I mentioned I will be in Irvine, California at the Irvine Improv, September, I think, 21st sometime in September. You go to my website and you can buy tickets. We gotta move those tickets, folks, please. If you know somebody in Orange County,

this is probably the last time we'll be doing Orange County, because those are big rooms. And we gotta see if we can fill this one in a decent way. So yeah, mall.dog slash live slash live dash show. rooms and we got to see if we can fill this one decent in a decent way so yeah mall.dog slash live slash live-shows or you just go to my website and click on shows and then it's there you can purchase tickets but please come out third week in September I think third or second week in September you keep talking about this like you're managing decline yeah like this is the last time

I do the big room. Well that room is- You could have big things in the future. Yeah, I don't think I could do that room. It's, that seems like it may be a bit of a- Irvine improv is huge. It's massive. How big is that?

It's like 660 seats. There's like so many screens in the back because you can't like see the stage, like it's too far. It's like a stadium. Just take the, you've got strong level of fame and celebrity. Just flip that with a scandal into the next about eleven people listening right now. Mm-hmm, and they're friends and family Everyone who liked the old show listen to this shot is dead. Is it just me? Yeah, they all die They all OD or yeah, they're all also guys do to

Demand massive demand. There's a fourth show added in London on the 21st of September. Please come out I would love to see you guys there if you haven't gotten a ticket. I'm really excited to go to London Should be fun Sam Campbell is gonna be on those shows on the 21st right? He's a straight comedian from from Australia as well James Donald force McCann catamaran plan Wow And we're gonna take it out of Lake Travis. I thought it would be fun to sail around the world back home to Australia, the opposite direction. Okay. So you're going to kill yourself.

This is a very ostentatious suicide that I'm planning last at sea. I was my friend. I loved that at the end of band of brothers. Have you ever watched it? Joe, not to the end, right? The very end, the last episode, they have them all playing a baseball game. They do like a Sandlot ending, you know, and they're like telling about what happened to everybody. And some of them were like, oh, he went home and he managed a general store for 40 years. And one of them is like, he got on a boat and no one ever saw him again. And it's like, well, he killed himself. Have you seen American Graffiti? No, I haven't. It's just a, it's a nice movie about young men in cars and then out of nowhere

It's like then they died in Vietnam. How do you like that? Yeah, Vietnam was coming along. All right guys We want to talk to you guys about What is it? What the hell is this for? Razor some sort of Harry Harry's Okay, it happened to all of us, but getting ripped off is no joke Especially when razors are involved that sounds scary the people at Harry's were tied Tired of seeing everyday people paying way too much for low quality shaving products

So they found a way to make beautifully designed razors without laughing Actual razors, let me tell you like $19 $19. No, but no, these are actually good ones. Yeah, in the podcast world, there is a lot of sponsors that deal with the business of removing hair from men. And all of these companies, they sell electric razors, right? Then Harry's is the one, they still got, it's blades. You go close shave for the ladies. Which they, ladies all agree, 98% of ladies agree,

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up all right all right let's get a five I was thinking about starting getting in the shaving my face Harry should send us some stuff because I don't they may have I trim but like I don't ever I've never had a daily shaving or I guess I used to but I know like I don't Maybe I'll let Nick shave me on the show. Like shaving every day with an electric razor is like it's just it irritates your skin it fucks your shit up. You have small bits of hair all over the place. Yeah I'm like a once every four days kind of thing Harry's has five blade razors

That's crazy weighted handles foaming shave gels and a travel cover just for three bucks at harry's.com slash Tafs So they have a full line of grooming products you can lather you can shave you can soften your body Soften your body you have sense like redwood wildlands and stone Stone scent stone perfect girls love a stone It's funny because it's the last word in the sentence stone. What does it don't smell like? It smells great. I think I guess you know three colors they have red yellow and blue

But blue is not as you think blue stone is not a sense that you can imagine one. Oh my god It's got the highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry. No risk trial. You don't like your shave. No worries It's on well there is a risk you cut you can cut your penis off. Yeah, it's blade You know I think does have a high satisfaction high satisfaction the shaving industry. You're in the old west There's a beautiful woman there. You're on your porch. You're all leathered up. She's got a straight razor You're talking about how you're gonna have to go off and find that little boy who's lost in the woods Yeah, she wants to make sure you look right before you head out of there on your own. Gee that'd be satisfying Yeah, I guess five

New York when he shaves his face and then cool the razor to his son and he goes no You leave the blood on the blade which you don't do you don't do that. It's for shaving your face It's a cool line though. It's not a weapon you that's your part of how family dies of AIDS a few years That's part of your daily routine. You should clean that off So get started the original script of that movies, but he's brushing his teeth The toothbrush to his son. You leave the paste on. Don't clean it off.

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It's amazing deal guys harrys.com slash ta FS for the $3 trial set. Thanks a lot Harry's and we're back Is it called Harry's or Harry's Harry's like a guy Yeah, Harry. I was thinking Harry's would be a terrible name for a shaving company. You wouldn't trust that guy Yeah, and you so those sound different to you Harry hair Harry Harry Harry. Yeah, they sound the same to me from you It's crazy with different people yeah across the aisles yeah, but we're like kind of the same at the same time I know it's kind of beautiful No, I'm proud to be a part of the American Empire. Yeah, you like you moved here at a bad time

You're you're I feel sorry. You're going with very high. Oh, no, I well Austin Yes, but when I see garbage on the streets, I feel More relaxed Australia is too clean. I feel like I'm not living up to our standards But here I feel like that's more of a New York thing This is the only city that has that problem where we just don't know what to do with trash. Oh, there's Austin has rubble Yeah, I first moved to the Midwest I moved to a little town just outside of Pittsburgh and I was just nice to see you see a car wreck by the side of the road And it's left there for months. It was crazy in the 70s in New York

There would just be burned out cars on the West Side Highway Just left there just a fucking abandoned and I saw that in Dallas I saw just where people had made a bad turn off and the car was left there Just a skeleton of a car. Yeah, but a tow truck's gonna come by in an hour and take that away It's just that there's that many cars. They just didn't have they did not have any of that set up back in the 70s That's when the city was good. You should move here instead of Austin. Chill with me and Nick every day.

I am enjoying New York a lot. I would say that, I mean, New York will outlast the United States, I believe that. Yeah, we live in the United States of New York. We're New Yorkers first and foremost. I'm yet to see anything I don't like, except that all the New Yorkers seem burned out. Go to Chinatown and get the full experience. I've been to Chinatown. I went to Dime Square. You didn't eat a bucket of frogs.

Dime Square was great. I was looking forward to seeing people baptizing each other. That wasn't happening? Dime Square is a carve out. They took that away. You say it can't be gentrified, but they took dime square away from the China Well, that was always kind of the Lower East Side a little bit What was done like by that park was always kind of like division? It wasn't so Chinese vision and was at Essex. It's a mission Chinese. Yeah. Yeah that park whatever It's about that when I lived there. There was no that wasn't like there was no dime square right? It's this is an invented Yeah, but the red scare podcast started like 25. I read an article about it in the New Yorker, but really

articles There are a lot of really good articles about it It's like a block our people hang out and then fucking post on it's three bars basically no That was what I took away, and then and they write Post on Instagram. It's three bars. Basically. No, that was what I took away and then and they write 75,000 articles about three bars capture the nation's imagination really young conservative Catholics who are sexy. It's really it's really Insane it's the dawning of the age of Aquarius over there. It's really it's like hate Ashbury 1968, you know, I just had a bad salad and I moved on but yeah, they got bad salad. They have sluts I like that the choking sign that you have to have in every restaurant here

Oh, yeah, I've done it by hand with the Asian guy How Asian guy and he's getting the Heimlich maneuver, yeah, you know that I assume it's his wife too It's a lady giving it to him and it's in very loving manner. I've always, I've always projected that on to me. It's so funny that that even has a name. Is that there was a guy that, a guy named Heimlich, presumably that was like, Oh, somebody's got food stuck in their throat. Maybe try squeezing them? And they're like, that's genius.

He's just waiting for a man to choke so he can say, time for the maneuver! Right, yeah. And I assume it took him a while to get it right. I'm like Himmler Was why don't we remember the good things? We don't remember the good things Do you go to mass every week? Yes. Oh sweet. Yeah, what type Latin or English? Yeah, do you understand the words though now more or less? It's kind of like synagogue because I don't know what the hell they were ever saying. Yeah, which is nice, because when it's in English you go, this is very silly and I don't believe anymore.

Even if they were speaking English, you'd be like... Yeah, but it's a stupid language. Yeah. It's not even... I wouldn't even have the option, you know? But Latin math strikes me as the same kind of thing, where it's just someone saying gibberish to you and you're like... But there's only like 20 Latin words. And they don't change. me as the same kind of thing where it's just you someone saying gibberish to you And there's only like 20 Latin words and they don't change. They're the same. Yeah. Yeah, yeah the time Yeah, but then they'll say, you know spirit to son son spirit to Sun to Sun kill

Yeah, when they go, you know, like God you are so beautiful and strong and then I'm thinking about shampoo and and this guy advertisements that have done it Yeah, that guy's dick Wow I don't know. Can you have you had a close-up on the man's I mean, he's also singing into a microphone with a cowboy hat Can you see that? I want to fuck He's so skinny. It looks so good I'm trying to lose weight. Are you why been on the well really I'm trying to take care of my fucking Mike my cardiovascular health which I've never really put much of a serious effort into but sure I'm like I'm getting Are you worried that the nicotine is going to give you a heart attack?

my current big concern No, I don't really give a fuck about that, but it's like the It's up to you know you pick your battles I guess but No, I mean I can't like even I would be like getting up off the couch I'd be winded walking to the fucking bathroom just want to feel strong as you go around you I don't want to yeah I don't want to feel like everything is an endeavor Yeah

Getting up because it's at the point where I'm somehow gaining weight and not eating because I can't like, I'm like, I gotta make breakfast and I'm like, I can't, I just can't get up. This sounds like depression, right? Yeah, it sounds like a depression. Well, I feel pretty okay. Okay. Yeah, so I don't think it's that.

I think it's- Is there a wasting? You're saying that getting out of bed and going to make breakfast feels like an exhausting- I think because I've spent most of the last six years, I mean, like the pod, we became podcasters. Yeah. Like, you know, I mean, I've spent most of the last six years. I mean like the pot we became podcasters Yeah, like, you know, I mean I used to work jobs right be on my feet I have to be moving around and then that got removed and then it's like I do

Nothing. I mean I would lift weights, but that's like a different kind of exercise Your podcast goes well enough not have a job and you go my job has been removed from me Well, I mean they've taken my motion motion Yeah My job has been removed from me. Well, I mean, they've taken my motion. I'm talking about the motion. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. You just get a couple. You do treadmills in the studio. Get rid of the chairs like the podcast. Like, I got it. I got it. I got an exercise bike and I got an exercise bike, but I didn't really know how to.

I've never really understood how like cardiovascular. I never had an interest. I've always hated running. Cardio has always been like math to me, where it's like the heartbeat has to be to certain number. Yeah It's well not I mean, I don't mean literally like math I mean in like I remember in school other things I would enjoy I would enjoy learning other things Yeah, having to do math problems was like mentally exhausting. I'm like, I don't want to fucking do that I don't want to think about numbers. It doesn't bring me pleasure. It's like exerting force with my head I don't like doing it. You may have to find a cardiovascular activity that you'd love and forget. Well, that's right

I mean this I mean that I got a rock for a while got into the site the indoor cycling now Yeah, I don't have a problem with the last two weeks. I've been able to do it because I kick I Just did the bare minimum amount of research into how you structure the workout so that you can see progress. Because any time I've done cardio in the past, it's been like you just got to get your heart rate up just to give your heart a workout. But if I can't quantify it in any way, if I don't understand what I'm doing, then it's like this is just, it makes me, I'm just making myself uncomfortable for a brief period of

time. But You figured it out. You know how to cycle to better? Yeah, there's like, like anything else, there's, you know, I mean it's like the same thing if you don't know anything about lifting weights and you get into lifting weights and you just fuck around and do whatever and you never get any stronger, it's like, why am I doing this?

You know, but if you understand programming and how it works and it's, you know, like... Look, I support that. I just don't know, I mean, cycling indoors sounds really boring. Well, you put a movie on, you watch, like. Look, I support that. I just don't know. Cycling indoors sounds really boring. Well, you put a movie on, you watch the movie. Yeah. You don't watch like a gay guy yelling at you about positivity and so on. No, no. I tried doing that for a while. I do the Apple Fitness Workout.

Spin class guys. But then that beautiful lady with the ponytail who's on the. They're they're like unstructured. They don't. It's basically it's just like a hit workout every time. So you're not going to like I wasn't. I thought you told me you hurt your penis from indoor

cycling I have I every time it goes numb and cold and I don't know what happened but I don't you know and you see online they're like oh well you need a different kind of seed and I'm like look I'm not gonna fucking take a seat either this is get the numb dick yeah fine it's fine I don't take the number one of these cycles going for um an hour to two hours okay yeah do you then translate to cycling outdoors I have a bike but it's like it's for going places you know ah I'm scared to bike because I now know two people that have died getting hit. I'm sorry in New York City One was a comic that we loved I heard about him. Yeah, it's scary

But I haven't been on a bike since I heard that I was looking forward to cycling without a helmet in America And then I've heard about that in Miami you can motorcycle without a helmet So sick like terminate guys are on like crotch rockets Just like wasted like with cocaine smeared on their faces country. It's great country Did you see that Israeli diplomat son that fucking like ran over a cop on his motorcycle? No, and the judge was like we'll just we'll let him go back to Israel Just dropped all the charges. He killed a cop though. He might have ran over a cop on his bike. He didn't kill him. But he might have been doing it for like, you know, a cab kind of style. Yeah, definitely. That was it.

He did it for a cab. On his motorcycle? Yeah, he collided with a policeman on a motorcycle and they let him go. They just let him go back to Israel. Have you not seen fucking Lethal Weapon 2? Diplomatic immunity. I never watched Lethal We weapon too, but I do know that line from diplomatic Um, yeah, the bad guys are are corners. Oh, metiki me. I've got diplomat How about a movie called your wreath for a weapon? Yeah His pants when the bad guy gets a little He's like I might go fucking crazy

Himself like this guy's loco his're like, this guy's loco. And his powers disappear and he doesn't know why. This guy's loco, Neo. I want to tell you guys about one more thing. That's what I like is like the brothers Tank and Dozer. Everyone else is either Maori or black. And then the one guy, the computer guy, is Mexican. Yeah.

He's like, you're loco, Neo. The rest of them are like, ooga like who got chocolate guys, you know, whatever Okay, whatever their language Well, how are they brothers and I've always liked to think about that song that they recorded it Fully and beautifully and then left the studio and one guy stayed up late and was like I'm gonna put some ooga chug is in The front. Oh, yeah And they're like the songs on the radio Who gotcha?

Did you do? You fucked up my song What the hell was this? I think it's Tom Jones. No, it's a Swedish group hooked on a feeling. Yeah I'm sure it's a blue Swedish group Blues the blue man. No, can we look it up? You want to learn a new language James? I tried getting duolingo. I couldn't do it. It was to do Yes, duolingo is just a game. I don't do a lingo stinks, but babble is awesome duolingo is like the Like fucking it's like a product of the tech industry being you know all this whole like you need to

Gamify everything and then all winning gems and hearts all you got people to do is become addicted They were trying to learn a language without them actually learning well Then they can be much more annoying because you think I want this to annoy me and give as you go to remove it It says remove Duolingo question mark and then that just opens Duolingo again. They've added a special button. Wow. It's like you're cursed.

Well guys, what's the best way to learn a language is to approve your entire life. That's right. Drop yourself in the middle of a new country and figure it out from there. But if you're not ready for that, you can still learn a language the next best way, which is from Babel. So basically Babel is an immersion program to learn a new language and a lot of people have you do you have that on your bucket? List learning a new language. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the only thing on my bucket list is watching the film the bucket

For before I die. It's the last thing I want to do. When you get into the Swiss euthanasia chamber, that's playing on the screen, and when it's over, the blade punches you through the back of the head. The blade! Before the machine slices you into a million pieces with razor blades. The end credits are coming up.

It fills with water. Yeah, before the Swedish euthanasia pod slowly cooks you to death with acid. It gets hotter during the course of it. Yeah, right. As it rips your penis off. Yeah. It's Jack Nicholson being like, I've never had Italian cheesecake or whatever happens. I imagine.

We don't know. Yeah, I know what happens. Yeah. So guys, guys, we're more than halfway through the year. Let's fast forward to the end. Did you check off your dream goals or are you still daydreaming? That's kind of insane I don't even know what that sentence is. If mastering a new language is on your list, Babel is ready for you So if you're tired of mystery pointing on a menu in a different country

Oh, okay now I get what they're saying if you're tired of mystery pointing on a menu in a different language only Oh, okay, now I get what they're saying. If you're tired of mystery pointing on a menu in a different language only to be served, yep, snails. I tell you, if I was doing the ad for a language learning service, I would want that copyright to be very tight. Yeah, this is a little bit of a wild ride, this one. But why not actually speak the language in order what you want?

Because you don't want to eat bugs or anything like that So that's what but where babble comes in snails are good though. Yeah, I love escargot This car goes fucking great really good snails idea, but just try them All right, you know I mean it's good. Everyone tells me it's great This French restaurants all over the city just go in and get a plate get a little coffee. Try them. They're great guys babbles 10 10 minute lessons are quick, handcrafted by over 200 language experts ready to get you talking your new language in three weeks. Three weeks? That's no time at all, guys, because talking is the key to really knowing any language.

Designed by real people for having real conversations, Babbel gets you talking. Here's the deal guys We have a special limited limited time offer for our listeners right now. You get 60% off That's a huge wow 60% off for your babble subscription, but only for our listeners at Babel.com say in Spanish See siento death best percent is sito that Not that's been you know, that's a decade 60% Cito Anyway, um 60% off your babble subscription, but only for our listeners at babble.com slash tafs That's 60% off at babble.com slash tafs spelled B a B B el.com slash ta fs l dot com slash children

for teacher child language BBL calm rules and in BBL children and sign your children up for language classes Rules and restrictions apply guys all the FBI asked them I am looking for BBL children and when they raise you to get your kid a BBL yeah just we were getting her an ass she's gonna win this year she needs a big fat ass. I'm getting my boy a BBL. Yeah, if it was a trans child that would be fine because that would help them be who they wanted to be. Obviously in your own gender having a BBL would be wrong.

You know what's thing about, you'll be a fun movie is like a- BBL children? No, no, no. It's like Stephen Hawking. It's like Steve, like a Stephen Hawking. It's like a fictionalized account of Stephen Hawking. And then we find out that he actually wasn't really that good at math. And that he figured out if he pretended to be handicapped, he could have a computer with him all the time. And so then when people were talking about math, he would just be looking at the answers.

And the computer would do all the math for him. And they'd be like, what if a million and then people are like he's right it is a million. That would be great if instead of writing PhDs he was just doing school fair shows of adding two numbers together. That's the limit they're like do you want to join the PhD study at MIT? Well I mean how do we know that he's the only famous mathematician that just is constantly attached to a computer. Yeah. I mean, it's like, do we really know? It's also, he had ALS for a hundred years. Yes.

They do usually die quicker than that. Yeah, it's like a five-year thing. Yeah, but he was getting the good medicine. It's also, too, to be fair with all the other people that have ALS we never try attaching them to a computer we kind of just Let them die. You know what I mean? So maybe it's the computer was what saved Stephen Hawking if you have ALS and you become like a vegetable They just put you in a bed

You get maybe gonna be moving around you get a motorized wheelchair Yeah, you don't get the computer the talks and hello I'm not had a better computer at some point for him like we figured out Yeah, text-to-speech and he kept the bad voice on purpose. Yeah. Well, that was his voice. It was part of his identity We should never be afraid to learn new things into yeah ourselves. He's shackled to the past. He's dead. Is he dead? Thank you. Just recently and he was on the island. Yeah was ourselves. He's shackled to the past. He's dead. Is he dead? Thank you. He just recently and he was on the island Yeah, he was yeah, yeah He's doing math for the kids

He's cheating. Well, I mean, they're gonna be involved in the sex trade. They should at least get an education. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's true Yeah That is true. They should get their motherfucking degrees them kids. Yeah Did we find out what happened to the kids? Did any of them go on to get you know? Good lives like adopted by a well. Yeah a lot of them sued Jeffrey Epstein and gilet Maxwell and then the media kind of just basically just ignored those right yeah cases sad Because they're like Bill Clinton raped me and they're like

Yeah, cases. Sad. Because they're like, Bill Clinton raped me and they're like, Donald Trump is a fascist. We can't. We have to stop him. We gotta stop. I mean, it's important, that is bad, but stop it. Did you hear about Al Gore on the island? It seemed like everyone went there.

Al Gore was on the island and one of the girls testified about it and they said, well, what did Al Gore do on the island? She said, he was a sweet man. He just wanted to hang out with his wife and go swimming. Yeah, and then he went home that makes sense But he didn't even know what was going on. Yeah, it's just him chatting with Stephen Hawking. Yeah, he's like, you know, I invented that Stephen Hawking's like I know for a fact that you did not and Then that's how Stephen Hawking died. Are you enjoying watching our election right now as a Foreigner in a strange land. Yeah, I was enjoying it. I

Left just before Trump got shot Looked like that was a good time to go feels like people forgot about that after like two days It was the same issue of Time magazine was Trump got shot and Kamala is a bossy Bossy bossy number one lady. I don't understand Kamala is a bossy, bossy number one lady. I don't understand Kamala. Why? There's nothing funny, there's nothing about it, there's nothing to hold on to.

There's nothing to understand really. She's like, I mean, that's why I think the turn was so effective at least in the first like two weeks. Sure. Is because Kamala is like essentially hollow. There's nothing there. Even the baggage included, you're like, you know, you hear all the stories about her as a prosecutor and fucking hiding evidence and putting people in jail for marijuana.

And it's like, but does she even believe in that? You know what I mean? It's hard to tell. You can't really paint her as a radical because you don't think of her as... Yeah, so you're like, Joe's out, Kamala's in, and then people can think whatever they want about Kamala Harris because we don't really have that much exposure to her. I think that's probably good for America going forward if you're gonna have a bureaucracy running the show just have a nice likable nothing person. No, people are going to be really mean to her.

Yeah, but then in that case it should just be like a mask guy. We should split up the the power at the top of the executive branch and we should have a head of state and then a different, we should have a head of state and then a different whichever prime minister and the president of the the the that head of state it could even be a fictional character right it could be kenny they're also that we also all i'm saying is get that kenny powers a crown

never get rid of them given a big chair give us a special room monarchy but george washington uh wanted to call him your your majesty. Yeah, he was like, mr. President do that shit We're not gonna do that shit. I'm being won over watching the John Adams thing. It's very cool. Mm-hmm the Republican spirit It's cool. That's Giamatti. Also, he's the man. Yeah, I don't think I've seen him in anything else Really? I can remember. I'm trying to think of one other Paul Giamatti picture.

Oh, he's awesome. Sideways, probably most famous. You gotta watch Sideways. That's a For the Fellas movie. Alright. I got it mixed up with Adaptation for some reason. I thought I'd watched it and I hadn't. He seems great. Sideways? Yeah, he's awesome. He's always at the end of his rope. He's in that line of unattractive little men. Like, he's always a he's in that line at the end of an attractive little man Who are like the my dinner with Andre guy who was in?

Princess bride Wally Wally Sean Wally Sean. Yeah. Yeah, Steve Buscemi. You share me great Yeah dinner with Andre is such a good movie. I Love that movie. Yeah, you $20,000 you could make it but that's the other thing is because it's like it's clearly It wouldn't cost a lot to make yeah, it's deceptive how much of a risk that movie is Because it's because it's one scene. It's one conversation if it like to maintain somebody's interest for that long Yes in such a limited space is like such an endeavor. I mean it had worked with plays for a long time Yeah, yeah, there's that Nixon movie where it's just one secret honor limited space is like such an endeavor. I mean it had worked with plays for a long time. Yeah.

There's that Nixon movie where it's just one secret honor. Yeah, it's kind of like making like a three ingredient meal. Yeah. And then you look at it and you're like, well, how hard could it be? It's three ingredients. It's like, get somebody to eat it. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Oh, and there's only one movie like that. OK, My Dinner with Andre, too. You get the rights. Action film. Comes out of nowhere, halfway through. I would like Okay, my dinner with Andre too. You get the rights. Yeah action film comes out of nowhere halfway through I Would like to see my dinner with Andre but written by an extremely stupid person You know what I mean, so it's two guys. This is a good dinner like they get 7-eleven you stave oatmeal and they got rid of it

You know and I'm trying to think why the hell would they I'm buying it every fucking day Yeah, you know you're only tipping 10% Yeah, just to go on that just two hours of that Why don't we just kill you have all the infrastructure news is trying to get me right that there's no more bees They're stinging people You could we should produce that consider it I was gonna push for you. Let's cast it I think that's not a bad turn if you're getting sick of podcasting at any point We got to get like a firefighter from Staten Island. Just like a guy that's like there too many blacks on the Jets There's just a guy with the worst opinions in the world cast yourselves a guy

That's could save my guy that calls into like New York New York sports radio Like one of those guys who gets mad It's that like yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and Mike and the mad dog, which is like a local whatever. It doesn't matter No, you angry sports man. Who does he talk to? I mean the my dinner with Andre He's been out and had a beautiful mystic adventure a cop on leave for police brutality I was thinking 18 year old girl has just been to India and found us. Yeah, that's a good one. And she has to talk to the sports guy.

Yeah. And they sit silently having nothing to discuss. She's looking at her phone the whole movie. Yes. Dude, we oughta hit. I think it should be dumber than that. It should be a guy that just drove two hours by fireworks. And then he's coming back to meet his friend

that like you know works at a batteries plus yeah he had to go to Pennsylvania for fireworks because they got the good one I working the batteries he's like moved by his friends adventure mm-hmm that's pretty good I dream of going out there and getting them far work yeah let me tell you but I guess I'll never see a lighter is fucking I mean I don't even know how to describe it dude they've got slot machines every time in the gas station say something he has to stop is fucking I mean I don't even know how to describe it dude they've got slot machines every time the guy say something he has to stop himself because he can't paint any kind of picture he doesn't know the end of the sentence

can't quantify anything nothing dude I had this I made a spaghetti dinner the other night and it was fucking I mean I could I you know yeah you know, I, yeah. It was good. Let me say that. You stretch that to 95 minutes, you send it to the Cannes Film Festival. Yeah, right. You could do it, so it could, the work of a weekend. We have to make it a little queer though, just so we get to sell it in Hollywood. The gay waiter? Yeah, a little gay.

My dinner with Andre is penis. It's just, it's sort of hanging out of his pants You only see it dude your shit net you dig and it goes wide The way that would be a good part of the movie if we have Nick's penis pooping a segment that knockout 15 minutes of dialogue Yeah Send me to jail Did we get through all the reads we're not we did good I got a piss so bad Well, we still got 15 more minutes Do we?

We've done an hour and 15 yeah, it flew by cuz we're having so much fun Have you had fun? I really appreciate it's been a blast. I know that I've done any that was a terrible slap No, I think it was pretty good actually The way to do it. Thanks a lot James. Thank you for having me. Check out James McCann's catamaran plan. We did do a catamaran plan extravaganza. Oh okay. Yeah. I... Well how about just a veganza? A veganza? Let's not go crazy. Hey I'm Jillian. And I'm Patrick and together we make the podcast true crime obsessed. If you love documentaries the way we love documentaries, you might be interested in our show because we

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