The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Johnny Pemberton - Episode 64

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Johnny Pemberton - Episode 64 Check out Johnny on the road and on screen: https://www.johnnypemberton.dog Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #johnnypemberton

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those like purple American Apparel front zip hoodie styles Do you remember that style of comedy? I guess so. I don't know if that isn't exactly the same style It's ten years ago. Maybe more maybe 15. Wait, who's the on the the zip up though? Cuz I feel like it was like the Pete Holmes era okay yeah yeah yeah the light that Nick and I talk about this a lot the like you do that okay so I had four pizzas like you do the kind of sing songy I sort of accidentally forgot Maloub they say that I left Maloub at this guy's house really yeah, that's a Pete Holmes bit No, it's not actually some comedian. I can't remember Pete Holmes. It's definitely not it's from crashing

It's in that when he leaves Maloub at the Maloub so I guess I kind of made a little mistake and kind of a Took a poop in the ground made a little mistake and kind of took a poop in the ground. Really? You know what I mean? It's that, right? The whole sing songy. Hardwick style.

Talking, talking. This is older than 10 years ago. Your dad's calling. You going to put on speaker? Put on speaker. I'm doing the show. Can I put on speaker? What's up with you? You all right?

Kamala? What's going on? Yeah. This is great. They should be expecting a honeymoon for Carmela and that she would go ahead and all the polls not to worry about this because Trump was looking forward to fighting as an underdog. Oh. That's it? So Trump's guys said he's going to be losing, and then he'll win?

Well, obviously they say that. They're Trump's guys. He's paying them. They're not's guys. He's paying them. They're not the experts. They're like the guys that work for Trump. Dad, it's brat summer. We're fine. Kamala's gonna win. It's brat summer. Are you being a brat right now? Oh, that's cool. Bye, dad. Are you being a brat right now?

Bye dad Oh my god, they're so happy the parents what did he say? He said their developments and I said well, he said Trump's people say that Comma is about to go up but that he's gonna come and win. Wait. I don't know if that's a development. Trump's people say that Kamala's gonna go up where? In the polls. Okay, go up in the polls, but Trump's still gonna win. But your dad, is he a Trumper? At the comedy mothership, she's gonna go up. Yeah, yeah. No, my dad's uh MSNBC Right, he's like an old school. You're your parents are like that or no. No, I never they're not Trumpy at all

Not even a little bit. They're MSNBC. They're not even like I don't think they watch MSNBC They're probably I don't even know actually they have TV. They do I think price CNN. Yeah, CNN They're happy right now the parents. They're have're happy. I think so probably my dad's happy I don't my mom my dad said about Kamala. He said first time he's felt joy in six months. Yeah He said it's brat summer. Does he actually say it's does you know what brat summer is? I don't know apparently my sister my sister said he Explained it to my grandma on the phone. It's not real He explained it to my grandma on the phone. It's not real.

It's like a marketing thing, right? Just like a thing where... Yeah, it is a marketing thing. I've been saying that. I looked it up online, actually, and all I could find out was something about, you wear a sunblock and you go sit at these green tables. Brat summer?

Yeah, it's part of Brat summer. You smoke those skinny cigarettes. That's part of Brat summer. You know what it is? It's just being mean to your boyfriend. And then they're like, oh, it's Brad Summer. Oh, I thought guys can be brats though, right? No.

I think they can. No, girls, can you, no. No, I'm telling you, I think they can. No. I mean, you don't know, I don't know, but I think that I know that guys can be a brat. No, they're like, oh, my mother says you're a disappointment. It's Brat Summer.

They say stuff like that. It's like being crazy, maybe sleeping in. When are you going to make more money? It's Brat Summer. Oh, right. I'm sleeping in. Yeah, yeah. I cheated on you.

It's Brat Summer. I'm going to stand on my shirt. It's Brat Summer. Yeah, yeah. Girls do be doing that. I'm not going to flush. It's Brat Summer. Yeah, girls take massive ones these days. I'm not gonna flush. It's brat summer. Yeah girls take massive ones

Yeah, these days and then they just brat it in text you a picture of my shit. It's brat summer Do girls do that for you? Not for me. No, I'm married fans do that Yeah, that's what I asked for the fans Send me pics of your large if you're a chick out there and you take a mat a big ol stinky send it to Johnny Oh, by the way, welcome to the show. It's Johnny Pemberton, everyone. Thank you for having me, audience. He's promoting his date with a guy named Sacramento.

Sacramento and San Francisco, yeah. Wow. Yep. They're very cool. What are they like? You know, they've had a lot of changes over the years, but San Francisco is... What do you mean? Homeless problem?

San Francisco has had San Francisco's had that's historically a big issue there I guess what else they have going on they got a lot of weather issues right like it's when it's hot here it's cold there yeah yeah what is that it's just the way in America zigs they zag yeah yeah I've been there in a long time though too many hills uh-huh yeah I've been there in a long time though. Too many hills. Uh huh. I don't, yeah. I haven't been there forever actually. And poo poo on the street. I have Sept-Over poop there.

Yeah. Um, drug paraphernalia. There shouldn't be poo poo on the street. Unless it's dog poop. I don't know. It's the richest country ever. They can't just be like, oh it's his identity to poo poo. Is it the richest country anymore? I don't just be like oh, it's his identity Who's richer like what's it called um Kenya Qatar Qatar Qatar not Qatar

Could could are cutter like Carter cutter cutter cutter. It's really in Cotters fucking bigger man cutter. Yeah, are they like a sad girl? What do you mean cutters? Oh, yeah, they're like I gotta get out of this town. You can't cut there though That's not everything's illegal there really yeah, no, that's legal there. I mean not not in public You would never do that of course because you can't be messy like that in public and cut her super clean Then don't name your country after depressed girls Cut her cut her cut her what about? UAE right there more rich aren't that was that United States of America? Okay

UAE isn't that where Dubai is right? Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I love Dubai. I'm a huge Dubai guy. Why is it there? I Don't know why it's there. They're gonna. They're like oh, we're gonna in there. No, I don't want to go. I've been there It's like 150 every day. Oh, yeah, and there's all the roads are straight There's like no City planning at all. It's really weird like all the roads are straight And there's you can't see anything because the billboards are probably planned it to be straight well, I think they didn't plan it because the The shake gets to decide you went there to do stand-up. I did like years ago for who

Some weird like tour that was it was all at these expat clubs It was the first time they ever did this tour was me an Irish comedian and a Scottish comedian and It was it was not very good because they forgot to the thread forgot to promote a bunch of the shows No one came for the first show there was literally no one there because they didn't promote it at all So you were at the Burj Khalifa? Top floor yeah top floor zero audience dangling on like a little special extended stage Why do they do it there? It's too big because they're like we're gonna have the biggest building of all time And it's 150 every day and it also doesn't have like plumbing or something like that

The plumbing is super fucked up. They forgot they forgot It's rat style that is brats very brats That is very brats watch a video about it about how they have to like have trucks take all the shit away from the place Every day because the plumbing doesn't work, but that might just be What it might be like that's not real I? Watch one of those like David I'll Google that later Google it. What do I Google poo poo in Dubai Google Burj Khalifa ship problems brat summer brass summer? I bet you a girl designed it. Oh man. Yeah. Yeah girls never think about plumbing

I don't think that would be the case there though right? Why I don't think you're allowed to design in a it's true It's really it's true girls aren't allowed to design Not there ladies start your engines you remember that Hillary No, is that a thing when Saudi Arabia like permitted women to drive for the first time she tweeted that ladies start your I miss her we gotta bring her back I mean where is she where is she the right now right now yeah you have any idea I don't mean tabs on on hill no probably like kang-koon or something I think so

senior frogs she's brating she's doing like a like body shots oh my she's being a brat she's being a brat like bills letting her out out the what is brat summer like being a slut I Don't know are we about to have a slut president. It'd be so sick actually. I think Kamala is too buttoned up I know I wish she was slutty because she was like that Was that video for coming off the airplane like a couple years ago? You know she had like her it's like slow motion She had some sort of like she like dunks on or something like that, or she had like Timberlands, I don't remember what it was, it was years ago, it was like a, oh check her out,

she looks so fucking, she looks so cool, she's got cool shoes on. Come on dude. She's dialed in. This isn't like an Austin style, no-holds-barred, free speech. What are you like, oh she wears wears Timbs she can't be the president? That's not what I said. I would love it if the president wore Timbs. I would

love it too. Yeah. People are making a big deal of it. People are making like a big they're making a big deal that she was so stylish. Really? Yeah. So that means she's not a slut? I think so yeah. All right. I'm thinking that Bratz are not You know no brassers. I don't know anything what mooging is and like moving rizzing or whatever I don't fucking know you know people speak in gibberish now What you know if I don't have any idea what that word even never even heard that word before it's what babies talk about Mooging yeah, they inherited like a world that's dying so then they have to be like Mooging I don't know Mooging and rizzing I've heard Riz is short for charisma

Okay, fine. That's what I know all right. I think it's when you fuck your computer Mooging yeah, it's the new type of gay They're like we fuck computers Yeah, yeah, and then all their dads are like. They're like, we fuck computers. Yeah, yeah. And then all their dads are like, just be gay like your dad. Just be regular gay. Now you fuck computers? This generation.

I can't stand you. I don't know. I think that's what's happening. Yeah, you have Gen Z. I have it? Yeah, you're kids, right? I don't have any kids, no. I thought you have a 19-year-old.

Oh, no. No? You said that to me before. I definitely't have any kids. I thought you have a 19 year old. Oh No, no You said that to me before I definitely didn't say that. Yeah, you said I went to the MOOC convention with my 19 year old Oh like them like that can he riz me words? Oh Moog yeah, I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. Why because I just don't know any slang anymore What are we gonna do I don't care. Is that gonna be we're gonna hear that? No, I couldn't quite hear that say it again We're gonna hear that no, I couldn't quite hear that say it again

Be hotter, okay, I'm moving what about the rest of the the words Uh-huh what else See What else? See? Look at your texts. What did you... Pete, no you didn't. What do you see? Let me see. He didn't send me anything. Maybe you're on airplane? Might might be on an airplane. Moog- who? Mooging. Alright, I don't even know.

I definitely do not know. I'm trying to be- not know anything now. That's my new- I love not knowing anything. I want to go straight word of mouth. Yeah. Like only know stuff. Gossip. Just pure gossip. Just be a gossip. Pure like only find out about stuff if someone tells me. Yeah. And otherwise I don't know. Yeah. That's really hard to do that now. Well you gotta be like a bar in the middle of the day. Like a cheers style situation. Where everyone like yeah. You just start a bar. It would be cool. It would be cool. You turn the podcast into a bar and it's always rolling

They just cut down the best of the conversations from the day and it could be like a little bit informative You know, you'd have like some some news bites a slice of life slice a slice of life. Yeah, you meet interesting characters Yeah, you said we yeah. Yeah, I would be into that I'd watch that Yeah, you do we yeah? Yeah, I would be into that I'd watch that Yeah, go cooking segment At the bar yeah, cuz you gotta have a kitchen at the bar right so you have small plates Small place like a gastro pub. I think Brad summer's about small plates. Okay small place us not flushing But it's not called tapas. That's you don't cut this called small plates small place because tapas is communist. That's Gay. Yeah, it's something like that. Yeah, right. It's all that. Yeah, small plates not flushing

That's all I got it'd be funny if her name was Charlie IDF Charlie IDF, what is IDF stand for mmm United States of America, I don't know IDF Independent dance no intelligent dance Fucking until you remember IDM. Oh man. I love IDM. I still I heard some IDM on the store the other day I was like ah man. You felt smart? I just felt good, I felt relaxed. Boards of Canada, you were like... Boards of Canada, EVAX? Remember EVAX?

No. What about... DJ Shadow? DJ Shadow, that was pre-ideal. Trip Hop, that was Trip Hop. Trip Hop. That might have been... Apex Swim.

Acid Jazz. Oh my God. Acid Jazz. Let's talk about this. What do you wanna know about Acid Jazz? Music. I can go. Do you want me to freestyle?

No. How about scat? Have you ever scatted before? That's like where you talk... It's like gibberish. It's like speaking in tongues but with jazz. It's tough. I saw this guy on the corner covered in shit, but with jazz. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough I saw this guy on the corner

Covered in shit scatting the other day I'm like oh he he he's probably out here covered in poop with all these backpacks Because he's a scatter Yeah, yeah, he's a scat man. You say he was a little scattered. Yeah, he's a bit scattered Crushing you're crushing with the Pete demographic. Do you want to do an ad? Yeah. How much of this should I read? I don't know. Yeah you do. I don't know. I don't know how to read. I told you personal endorsement. You have to do this do it. Okay? I'll do it Okay, okay, I can I can pipe in you know I mean yeah, why don't you pipe down?

Okay, or pipe pipe in talk about your experience with hairy shaving products. I've been shaving with hairy practically My whole life really you can't grow full beard as a man not a full beard I can't either I can get like, you know this past year I had to grow out for something and I it was the longest I've ever had it had like a big old goatee for what? Ben Laden movie for a movie you got cast as Ben Laden passes young Ben Laden young Ben Laden ABC Reboot of really? Yeah The ABC reboot of... Really?

Yeah. What was he up to? Dan Rather is flying to meet Ben Laden, young Ben Laden. It's like Young Sheldon but Ben Laden and I play young Ben Laden. It's funny or no? Oh, it's very funny. And how did you get into the character? With the Harrys?

Harrys, I would just look at the razors and stuff and be like, I can't do that. That's Haram. Yes. Her arm. Okay. Uh, describe the look of the packaging and the razor. Fucking sick. Sick. Okay. How does it look in your bathroom? Looks fucking ill. Okay. Uh, it looks like brat in there. How do you like to keep your facial hair in the quality of the shave? I like to have my shit tight and tune. I like to keep your facial hair in the quality of the shave? I like to have my shit tight and tune I like to keep my shit tight to really tight. Yeah perfectly faded to zero

I'll get it. I'll get a tune-up from time to time with my guy But who's your guy if my guy? Caliendo Caliendo. Yeah, yeah kind of unavailable I'll do a personal I'll tighten it up with with a hair is I know but yeah if I can't see Caliendo I'm going hairy okay it's fucking sick honestly uh and how does Harry fit into your shaving routine what makes for a great shaving experience for me I have a huge fish tank right he saw water tanks And I have that in the bathroom. And the mirror's behind that.

So I'm looking through fish when I'm shaving. And with the Harrys, it just is like, it fits in with the vibe of what I've got. It's like a chill vibe. The fish eat your... No, the tank's in front of the mirror. It's a very thin tank, so the fish can swim. They've got a lot of space.

You can look in the mirror shaving through the fish. Yeah, but it's set up. You ever seen Tank Masters? Yeah. It was on that. So it's like the web episode. It's a web episode of Tank Masters where they have, they do like a smaller, it's just a five minute web episode

of Tank Masters where they set up my bathroom tank and the fish have a tube they can swim into to go into the main living room tank. When I feed them, they come into the tube in the bathroom and it's a very thin tank so the flat fish, the angelfish can pass into there. And they'll be. Yeah, yeah, angelfish?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I bet you they're girls, right? All the angelfish? No, actually they're hermaphrodites, I think. Angel fish? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I bet you they're girls, right? All the angel fish? They're hermaphrodites, I think. Oh, really? Yeah.

They got them both. They don't pick a sex until like six or seven years, I think. Really? Because they're woke? They don't have no concept of that, actually. They're woke, I think. Yeah. What's it called?

Stop getting ripped off with Harry's. You get a shave That's a cut above the rest get started with a thirteen dollar trial set for just three dollars That's very specific numbers nothing It's basically no honestly. What can you get for three dollars these days? What you can't get is a cup of coffee Yeah, that's true not from these wokes Anybody because they woke it so now it's over three dollars. Yeah, because they went woke so they're broke so they gotta raise the prices. If you ain't broke, you woke. Yep. I hate broke people and I love woke. You know how woke people are always shitting on broke people? What's that slang? What's

the rhyme? If you go broke then you're probably woke no, it's the other way if you're woke then you're It's a joke to be broke Just be woke. It's a joke to be broke. So just be woke Yeah Let's try that again from the top. Okay, you want me to just read it? Okay, let's read this again guys Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at Harry's comm Tafs that's Harry's comm Slash tafs for a $3 trial set. That's nice

That is a great deal. Honestly, I agree. Yeah So how long you been seeing Caliendo Just a couple years Yeah, you know Paul riser So how long you been seeing Caliendo? Just a couple years. Really? Yeah. You know Paul Reiser? I'm mad about you.

Yeah I don't know him personally. You worked with him? No I haven't but he hooked me up with Caliendo. He did? Yeah. Where is he at these days? Paul Reiser? I don't know.

We don't talk. We're not buds. Really? Yeah. Because Ray Romano came back for the Irishman Oh, that's right in my mind. Yeah, you had Ray you had riser if you had the double oof Who's the other guy in that era that was like kind of the same guy Jason Alexander? Yes, you had George Yeah, you had Ray riser George. Yes. There's a third guy though. Who's the third guy Kevin James?

No, cuz he doesn't fit. He's's not New York he's king of he's Queens yeah but that's not new where do you think Queens is brother you're right it is but you know I'm saying it's like he doesn't have the same he's got lighter hair he doesn't fit in he's like a big guy he's a working-class have you ever seen here comes the boom here comes the what the boom've never even heard of that. It's the Kevin James MMA movie. Are you serious? It's very good. What do you mean it's very good? It's great. Who else is in it? Joe Rogan is in it. He does like the announcing for the MMA. Right. Who else is in it? It can't just be those two other actors. I don't know I forget it, you know Probably I don't know one of the best directors like Marty Marty who?

Funkhouser Marty Marty s. Oh my god, we're so much free association Irish man, you know, yeah No, I watched it recently comes the boom. How old is it? I don't know 15 years. No look it up Pete that old Who made it Caliendo I've got a blind spot. I'll admit for what movies a lot of movies. Yeah. Yeah, but I also have Not I don't know. I have a weird there's a lot of movies I haven't seen but there's a lot of ones I have seen that people haven't seen oh Okay, that's cool. So I've got like seen, but there's a lot of ones I have seen that people haven't seen. Oh, okay.

That's cool. So I've got the blind spot versus the spot that is too much stuff. Yeah. Because you're always watching weird stuff. Nah, not really. Because like Rat Race. Rat Race? What is that?

You've never seen it? No. Oh, it's one of the best movies ever. How old is it? I don't know. 15 years? Here comes the boom list for 2012. Great year. And I'm going to go of the best movies ever. How old is it? I don't know. 15 years? Here Comes the Boom was from 2012.

Great year. And was directed by Frank Porter, Maraci. Caliendo. And directed Click and the Waterboy. Okay, so pretty much the best movies ever. So he's made. Yeah. This guy's fucking made. So the guy that made Click, Waterboy made this movie, Here Comes the Boom. Who else is in it? Wedding Singer? Oh, this guy's in

Sandler. It's a Sandler guy. It's a Happy Madison guy. Oh, then I gotta see this because I like... Henry Winkler. I love Henry Winkler. That's right. He's the music teacher. I'm a Henry Winkler fan. Me too. He's great. Yeah, he was great in In Barry he was the best part of that that shows really good It's really good. I hear he's got a huge cock your undecided voter Yeah, I don't know who to choose I'm just I'm waiting for someone to you know what I do wait till the last minute I'm a wait and see guy last I'm a wait and see a guy. I'm gonna wait and see a guy.

And I'm gonna talk to people online and get in trouble. Talking in line, cause you're like, you're not supposed to talk in line about it, right? Yeah. Cause it's campaigning at the ballot box. Yeah, you can go to jail for that. It's true. Yeah, I'm gonna get in trouble and whoever at the... I'm actually going to jail for talking...

I'm like, why are you in... I'm gonna go to prison. I'm in prison for... What'd you do? I'm campaigning for Trump at the ballot box. Yep, it's true. I'm like, why go to go to prison? I'm in prison for campaigning for Trump at the ballot box. Yep. It's true. I'm in prison. The woke's they're putting you in jail for liking him. Fucking jail. Yeah. Yeah. Your grandma's going to jail. Oh, let her throw away the key. She asked me why she's cause she wore it. She wore a Trump hat at the ballot box. You know

what I do? Let her, you know what I do? What you do. I wait for the someone to win and I was like I fucking knew it. That's what I do. I fucking I knew it. I knew it. I told you you got all you like to lean over to Caprio meme. How about this. Ready. What is it. Oh where's watching TV? That's funny. I knew it was going to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a that's Riz. You know, you're gonna connect with the Leo D. What does he do? He's pointing to TV. Yeah. Cause it's like he's looking at, is he looking at someone's looking at himself? He's like, he's seen so many great film. in the movie, Multiply, by Collin Wood. Mm-hmm. Dude, he's seen so many movies.

Great film. Yeah, yeah, great film. Wonderful. Great film. Film maker. Great film. Tarantino. Tarantino.

I love him. You ever work with him? I haven't. Who made the movies you've been in? You want me to list all of them? The directors. Well, I mean, there's a bunch different directors. Okay, let's listen I

Think it would not be good just to say their names No, no brag. No What cuz it's not a brag. It's brat summer. No, if you don't brag that's bragging Is it? Yeah, I don't want to say if you're like, I don't want to say it's James Cameron No, cuz honestly, I don't even know you never learned the directors I know all their names, but what I do like just be like, it's this guy and this guy and this guy So what's the name? You have their number. I may have some of their numbers. Yeah, which one I

Don't know exactly. I'm I got probably a couple good ones., I got a couple good ones in there. Who's the best one? That's Objective that's do IMDB Johnny You can't do this. Why because be proud of it Be proud of I'm proud of it, but that's so you were in the weeds there in the weeds there. Brett Ratner. I have never worked with Brett. No, no. He's in jail. Director's jail now. Right. Isn't he? What is director's jail? Director's jail when they want hire you. No, it's like an actual term. I hear is worse than real jail. I hear is worse. Yeah, yeah. Real jail. Don't drop the soap the soap in directors oh god you don't even get soap in directors jail because you can't afford it because they won't hire you

really I think he was in directors jail maybe I don't know who puts you in directors jail Net and Yahoo no it's like the Guild of Producers sort of it's like a it's you know it is it's a it's a unspoken thing it's like a secret all right go your anti semitic rant continue unspoken secret unspoken secret cabal of people who are what's a cabal I don't know cabal of Harris yeah I would say that she's probably part it's like you know the Bohemian Grove? Hmm. Come on. Is this the real life? No. You put it in the Bohemian Grove, right?

Me? Yeah. No? You know what it is, right? What is it? Come on now. What is it? The Bohemian Grove.

You know about the Freemasons? No. You don't know about them? Free? It's not free. You had me at free. Yeah. I love free.

That is actually the best joke about Freemasons I've ever heard. You had me at free. You had me in free You had me at free yeah, yeah, what's it? What are they doing Macy's locked up? They're out there doing the mason's like a rapper It's that's where he came from yeah, yeah, he's the first Person to break free of the Masons who's it like a white kid? It's a bunch of white white I'm sick of the fucking mayo. The mayo? Apparently white people, right, they love mayonnaise. Do they? I like a dry sandwich because I because I'm not white. When's the last time you had a dry sandwich? Oh I would never be caught having a mayonnaise sandwich. How dry are we talking about here? Oh my God, toast with a piece of toast in the middle. A bread sandwich.

Just plain bread on bread? No mayo. What about some turkey, sliced turkey? Some lettuce, tomato, pickles. That's all pretty dry. If you're not putting mustard on, not putting mayo, tomato, pickles. That's all pretty dry. If you're not putting mustard on, I'm not putting mayo, it's dry. No.

Too spicy. Why? You just want the, just the pure mayo. Why do they say that white people love mayo? Mayo's delicious. Yeah, it's great and everyone likes mayo. And they say salt is too spicy for white people? Who is they?

They say why people say salt is too spicy. Are you white? I don't even know anymore. I've never known honestly. Really? I got 23 and B? Did you really? Yeah, you know what I got? 100% that bitch. Come on, did you really get it? Yeah

What it really say? No, I would never get it because the government knows about your DNA. Yeah, I might kill someone one day I don't want my DNA. Yeah. Yeah. Have your parents done it though? Killed people? Yes. Have their parents done it? A lot of people. 21 and me no we're we know what we're gonna get what are you gonna get 100% Ashkenazi disgusting that break down a little bit is it is that really just one thing oh yeah allergies wise yeah maybe what about grass milk you haven't of your family members with colitis? What? Ulcerative colitis? Probably.

Oh, but you don't know anyone for sure? Tay Sachs. Tay Sachs is a... It's a Jewish thing. Is it really? Yeah. We have our own thing. Ulcerative colitis is too.

I think it's like... What is that? It's a bowel disease of the large intestine. And everyone wants to be mean to us when we're dealing with this. They want to say, oh you run the government. If your stomach was bad, wouldn't you? Or more like if you ran the government, wouldn't your stomach be bad? Exactly. All that stress? It's kind of a chicken and an egg situation. Yeah, and I can't have those together. Uh-huh. Because if I do, whoosh. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Who's your favorite Jewish person in the world? You. Really? Yeah. I'm not the best one by far at all. My favorite Jewish. There's way better.

Well, god. So you probably don't like him. I love him. No, like, just be honest. You could say it now. I can say it now? Yeah, you saw this Columbia protest we could all say what Columbia protest I don't know the one that the kids that was like the news before the election came back

Yeah, they were like having the everyone was like the kids are protesting at a college a war This has never happened before they were really up in arms and then we remember that the election was happening We had to have a nerd shoot Trump The nerd do you think there's anything weird with that assassination attempt was a nerd? Of course, right? It was kind of a grossing style. He's a nerd, isn't it? Is it always a nerd Oswald was kind of a nerd right if he was a bit of a nerd was a dork He was a rifle dork. Yeah, He was like a sharpshooter. All those sharpshooters are freaking dorks.

Really? Even Chris Kyle. No, I don't know. Yes, he was. Was Chris Kyle a dork, maybe? He's one of the biggest pussies ever. Yeah, it's true. That's not the same as a dork.

I didn't say that. Yeah, he was a dork. Did you see that movie? Of course I did. You seen the theater? Of course I did. Yeah, me too. Really? Yeah, I really did. I went and saw it Of course I did. Yeah, me too. Really?

Yeah, I really did. I went and saw it with a friend and it was, that was a Clint Eastwood joint, right? Mm-hmm. That was a Clint Eastwood joint. Yeah, yeah. Was it a Clint Eastwood movie? Yeah. God.

It said a lot. One of his best. Yeah. You worked with Clint? No. Have you? You have. No, I have not.

You have? Have not. I think it's too late. Really? I think I would have if I... No he's still making movies. I know but you know what I mean? I think it's... They let him. He's like 70 million years old. Yeah. He might be 90? Is he 90? He is old. He talked to a chair at the Republican... That was eight years ago. Longer. Yeah. Maybe it was like 27 years ago. At least... He was so old that he talked to a chair and he's still making them damn movies.

It was a good bit though, the chair bit. So funny. I would have done that. So funny. I would have done that with a stand up at Nerdmeld actually, that bit. Really? Yeah. And what did they say?

They fucking laughed. They didn't say anything. Like you do Maybe down it's almost borat. It's like it's like it's like borat light. We you know what I mean? It's kind of My life. Yeah, they were copying borat. That's what I said about the nerdest crew. It was the borat This is borat Borat well looks like I gotta get out of here cuz uh God I don't know I can't even think what to me to accusation that was like a heavy like a

Lot of boys in in the nerd comedy space was there were catching cases. Yeah Trying to think back. I forget. Think about how predatory like you do is. Can you give me some pussy like you do? You know? Oh, yeah. I guess that's true, because it's that. What girl could resist that?

Because who is this guy who's just so pathetic that he has to? I don't know if you know, but I kind of got like, my dick is winky-geey-ew. Do you want to have sex? I don't know, but I kinda got like, kinda got a, my dick is, we can get you. Do you wanna have sex? Said no one ever. Looks like you're pretty hot and oops, my dick's hard. Oopsie daisy. Looks like I got a boner. Yep, and then the girl's like, you're doing Borat. That's Borat. Ding dong, ding dong, my boner. My boner. My bone and then the girls like you're doing Borat That's Borat

My boner my bone. I can't even do how many guys wedding vows did my wife during the wedding vows There have to be like got me videos like on early viral videos on the planet earth Mm-hmm. I'm gonna say 500 men have done a My Wife during the wedding. And then they dance out, and guess what? They're all wearing Converse. Yes. That would be fucking sick. No, Tom's shoes. Tom's!

Tom's. Oh, Tom's. They're wearing Tom's. The whole Brooms party is wearing Tom's. That would be so cool. Doing My Wife. I'm gonna look it up right now. And they dance in, well, they could dance into a song or be like a funny song wedding

Vows I got a feeling Okay, and you sing it your wife husband quotes Borat in vows here we go The priest does it. It's such an honor to be able to call you mama. Do you take? Do you lawfully take? You may now kiss your wife. When the groom said this earlier in the wedding day,

anything you want to say to your future bride? I hope we have a lot of sex. Oh You said not Not Dude why not you want to have He just said I hope we have a lot of sex not He just said, I hope we have a lot of sex, not. Math. Isn't that a Bart Simpson joke?

No, it's when he's learning jokes. He learns a not joke. I'm pretty sure that's Bart Simpson, right? The whole like saying not at the end. That's old as hell, right? You don't know, do you? I don't really know movies. Just before your time?

Yeah, I don't really know movies. Yeah I don't really know movies. Yeah I don't know movies too good. Wait second. Thank you. Johnny you take a crack at this. Where do you get a pants like that? It's nice. Searsucker. This isn't Searsucker. This is Searsucker. This is not Searsucker. It's kind of an I've Been Working on the Railroad style. Se. It's kind of an I've been working on the railroad style. Seersucker is a waffle. Kind of an Oshkosh-Bogosh style. Kind of Oshkosh-Bogosh.

Kind of fun. But I would just say that if you're into nicotine at all. I love it. You would probably love 100% pure nicotine that's always tobacco free. I hate when it's spiked. Yeah. I hate when they cut it. No, I want tobacco free.

With fentanyl. You're going to love Lucy because Lucy Lucy it's not like I love Lucy pouch that's owned by big tobacco there like a mom and pop really yeah you know it could trade this it's like a if you're not a pouch guy or gal Lucy gum is available in two four six and set yourself up milligrams and set yourself up with a subscription, and have Lucy deliver it straight to your door. So basically they have gums and pouches, guys.

What's your favorite flavor? I like No. Known? None. None. None. It's not good for that. You have none?

No, they have great flavors. How about Un? They have great flavors. You use the highest strength. Of course. Was it 12? Yeah. Or 16?

That's what Chris Kyle actually used to use on the range. He was loosed up. When you throw in your Lucy. Ooh. When I throw in my Lucy, it's about to get juicy because these flavors are off the chain such as super strawberry, big old grape, chewy morning coffee midday slump at the golf course it's about to get Lucy I hate the midday slump I hate at the office I hate him I'm not getting my numbers my boss is mad that I'm not hitting my numbers reading down my neck right no it's even worse than he oh

She oh my god Kamala style. I need a I need a loose girlfriend You're married one What yeah flavored one Lucy? Yeah. Of course. High strength is. I love the flavors and I like it when it's 12 milligrams. Oh my god, yes. In a pouch. Apple ice, winter green, mango, espresso. Espresso. Why is this a nicotine routine that you can feel good about? I don't know. Why would you tell me why it's a nicotine routine I can feel good about because it's mom and pop I got it from an old couple It's mom mom and pop there. It's like a bed-and-breakfast style

These they have to they're forced to work stay there. I have to talk to a boring old lady My son looks a lot like my son died in the war in Iraq, and I'm like Your son was a baby killer okay okay I'm glad dead okay after Bush take original Bush yeah take that Bush let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy go to Lucy dot co slash ta FS and use promo code TA FS to get 20% off your first order. Lucy offers free shipping. How's Lucy spelled? L-U-C-Y. Right. It's like a person's name, not like a Lucy. Yeah, like it's loose. Yeah. No, L-U-C-Y like a woman's name. They know

what they're doing. They, the mom and pop know what they're doing. They the mom and pop know what they're doing Lucy offers free shipping and has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind that's lucy.co Use promo code taffs and get 20% off and always free shipping I hate. Is that lucy.com? Is that lucy.co? And here comes the fine print Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. That's kind of cool that I got to do that. Like a disclaimer on ads. Is that your first one? No, we've done it before. Yeah. Have you tried them? Lucy? Yeah. Yeah. How's your personal experience? Pretty cool. It's good, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I got a lot of respect. A lot of respect. Were you going like espresso? I popped in an espresso and then just the

respect started pouring in. From others or you got respect from the loose? Just around my neighborhood that I gentrified my neighborhood. I walk around my pit bull. Oh, that's right. You know, I say this is my neighborhood now. do you upper deck or lower deck for one two three four? Oh, yeah I saw it on the Nelk boys podcast God, did you do 12s in each or you do like different different strata different strata, and then I do mental math to add it up Yeah, yeah, it's all a little fun at math activity. Is it all four divisible by four? I don't fucking know math, brother What do you do? LA comics with your nerd style math comedy? I'm sick of this talking about numbers. No, I'm a free speech style. You're LA. I'm free Marvel Cinematic Universe

I'm free speech. I'm free speed. No, you're like Superman was what if we're talking real shit No, you're like, oh, when Superman was a- I'm bagged the phones. We're talking real shit. Really? And you're like, don't bag the phones. Just don't tell me what to say. I'm not telling you what to say.

I'm telling you who you are. Okay, who am I? You're the guy who's different than me. I don't wanna know. Really? I'm free speech. I'm free speech more. Yes, I am.

You're more free speech? Yeah, I think you should be able to say anything Okay, green green greenwald Are you good again greenwald? I? Don't know movies. I don't know movies Glenn greenwald Glen Ross Glenn Glenn Greenwald Glenn Ross and The he loves dogs Glenn Phoebe Glenn Ross

And the he loves dogs when Phoebe Glen Ross There we making Glen Glen Chandler Glen Ross Are we doing they're redoing Glen Gary Glen Ross with not with Matthew Perry passed away Nope, they're doing it with I think about him a lot Matt Perry yeah Why cuz society we it was our fault. Yeah, we failed him. We did. We cannibalized our geniuses. We love them so much that we squeeze them until they have to do Ketamine in a hot tub. Yeah.

I feel bad. For Matt. We killed Chandler. Yeah. Did you watch that show? Friends? Yeah. No.

Seinfeld. Seinfeld. You can watch both. Nah. Friends, no Signed it Seinfeld you can watch both no friends. No, oh Seinfeld. I didn't like friends a bunch of rubbish You know what it's trash trash. What's a trash sign felt better friends I wasn't allowed to watch the Simpsons as a kid really yeah, I also wasn't allowed to watch What channel was it God definitely not the Simpsons port? Yeah, the porn wasn't allowed to watch What channel was it? God definitely not the Simpsons. Porn. Yeah, the porn channel was not allowed We didn't have the porn channel Yeah, did you have the porn channel? You did? Yeah. You know about the magnet on the TV

You don't know that do you about putting a magnet on the TV? This is an old this is old old thing what happened you put a magnet on the TV to de-scramble the punch No, it used to be scramble. No no no thing that people used to I could have done that I don't know if it's for years I was just watching that that scribble scrabble right trying to see if maybe one second I get a tit But you get the audio I think the audio is pretty was the magnet thing can't be real. It's actually upsetting me right now It's very real. I've wasted years I Think you have to have a special magnet though. It's not just like no magnet. Oh, why it's I'm not lying. I'm not lying

I'm very real It might be urban lore, but it's something that I was told as a very young boy But it's something that I was told as a very young boy Growing up in Minnesota didn't try it. I think my friend tried it, but we maybe had the guy This is so long. I can really remember yeah This is a very long time ago, but I think it was one of those like beating off sleepovers Yeah, yeah, you know the crackers you know how crackers You play crackers what's that too spicy you've heard of the cracker crackers too spicy What is crackers? You never heard of crackers? You're like Midwest you do crackers

It's like the oh, yeah, where you come on a everyone comes on the crackers and the last time has to eat the crackers That was something that was told to me that people do I think people don't actually do that. I think they've never actually done that. Mm-hmm Could you imagine actually doing that game with your other athlete friends? You know you're in the locker room. Yeah, because you're an app and towel playing crackers napping the towel You hear about the towel snap that that pops some guys Testicle bag open no, they told us this when I was a young lad that You shouldn't do snapping towels because some person one time got snapped So it sounds right it sounds true sounds right this doesn't sound like a lie

I mean, that's one that as a 37 year old man. I'm like it's probably true Yeah, the testicle got snapped because that thing is like it's like a you know that's a big that sound happens that's because this crack sound barrier it's like a whip yeah so if someone got hit in the testicles with that whip and it was so sharp that it fucking opened up their goddamn testicles and their testicles fell out and so we're told not to do that. Can they put it back? I don't know. It's like Pandora's box.

You can't put it back. Yeah, yeah. I bet you can't. I bet you can put it back. You got good doctors that can get it back in there. You put that shit on ice quickly. You have to roll it back up because that's when they said it unrolls. It's so gross. You know that sounds like the Darwin Awards remember that yeah, that's when someone dies of the funny way

Yeah, yeah, no no death is funny. I don't think so either I think no death is everyone's like makes jokes especially in the in my scene the kind of free speech speech all Yeah, everyone's like ah ha ha like Park Slope free speech stuff. Free speech alt? Yeah, everyone's like, ah, ha ha ha. Like Park Slope free speech alt? Yeah. Yeah. What about a Bay? Is it like a Bay Ridge kind of thing? Or is it more of a?

No, no, no. I would never. OK. Yeah. It's not like a green point. No, Park Slope. I go to the food co-op. I'm just naming places that I've heard.

Yeah. Midtown East. Oh, Midtown East,town East yeah Midtown West Upper sort of an Upper West Side free speech. They don't have free speech there. Don't do that the Jews don't allow it It's too expensive. It's too expensive. It's not free because it's free if you can afford it Yeah, if you it's true. Yeah, they lie. That's my say lie. It's free. It's actually expensive speech That's what I call it because I lost my career because of it you did yeah, what happened? So I wouldn't call it free speech. I call it fucking expensive. How did you lose it? I?

just Told it like it is was this uh Like on a stage or was it at the mothership? Oh, yeah, yeah, so I was like comedy mothership take me to your dealer That's what um I have a hat that says that Yeah, it's like a rasta hat says take me to your dealer. We used to live in a good country Yeah, that used to be like great stuff be prime joke. Yeah, take me to your dealer now. It's fentanyl and yeah So aliens are politicized Yeah, it's true. It's Riz and... Also aliens are politicized.

Yeah it's true. It's true. Aliens used to be cool and now it's like now it's Mexican guys? Not even that. I'm not even talking about that. Yeah. Don't get me started. Oh I thought that's what you meant. No I'm talking about like extra thresholds. So you're saying they're flooding over the border?

You were talking about that before the show started? Oh I was listening to that rant you were doing. You said that we got to stop the flooding over the border? You were talking about that before the show started? Oh I was I was listening to that rant you were doing. You said that we got to stop the the flooding over the border? Well you were we were in the bathroom. No I don't want to talk about what happened in the bathroom. I was just showing you the towel thing. Uh-huh. And you know. And I was taking poop. Right. And it was one of those like where it gets like the atmosphere gets wet Yeah, one of those the one of those seem that style and I'm like, I wish a girl was here Right so I could send this to her as payback for all the turds that these broads are sending me rats rats They haven't been broads in a long time. Uh-huh. Who's your favorite woman?

probably Jackie Onassis really what what about what about it style? Probably Jackie Onassis. Really? What about it? Style. Does she like do anything though? You know, she's got style, she's got grace. Just the way that she goes out, she helps her man out kind of thing. Something like that.

I don't know. I don't need a lot. You know, need a lot. I'm a vibe guy. I'm a vibe guy. And Jackie L. and me, we talk about vibes. Yeah. I guess if Kamala became the president, she'd like... Dougie. Dougie's the next Jackie L. That's why I'm into it. Because Dougie's got style. He's chill. Can you imagine just all day you have nothing to do. You're at the White House. You want

to talk about a big dick. Really. Dougie. That's like not a thing Jews do honestly because normally we manipulate. Yeah. We like pull the strings but we don't fuck our way to the top. Doug might be the coolest ever. He's doubling down He's got that big old cable box remote size dick Bill Moore style. Yeah, no more style even though he's not on cable He hasn't got 1.5 more. He's got like a charter communication style huge Massive remote that's got that you know bit thing on this it bows out a bit It's got that you know thing on this bows out a bit It's just a big old clanger. Yeah, donkey dick as we say that's what the movie click is about right? I've actually seen click, but maybe I hear it's good. I hear it's gotta be great. He's got a remote size

Just a huge day, but it clicks when it gets hard. You worked with him? I haven't, no. No? Click? Sandler? I haven't worked with Sandler. Sandman? The Sandman?

No. It must be annoying, like, young comics like us coming up in the game. We meet him, and probably all of us. You're a young comic? Yeah. 37? That's not young comic.

I think so. Young comics like 20s, right? In comedy years. Come on. They're not funny. They're fucking computers and stuff. Yeah. They're like what? They're like killing themselves and mental illness. I don't even know. I'm so out of touch with all those, the younger scene. I truly have no idea. What are they doing? They're all racist now, I think. Seriously. Are they? Yeah, apparently it's OK to be a racist these days.

But it's like a certain type of racist. It's wrong, if you ask me. Oh, it's always wrong. It's one of the worst things, I think. I condemn it. Yeah. What's worse than racism? Our word? our work

Jibberish we're just too like fucking hobos out of fuck the two of us are talking like we're like around a barrel Fire in it. I would love to be around a barrel What is it with the body made that illegal they put barrels with suspenders. Yeah, but these are Regular clothes. Yeah, we're like we sound like two vagrants I would like to be a have a sandwich board and what's worse than racism our word Mint mobile. I love a great deal Wait, this is this is mint mobile. This is um, this is Ryan Reynolds my guy Deadpool you worked with them He's got Riz oh, he's got grace he's like the Riz master he's funny

He was in that picture of him with what's-her-name sitting on his lap, and he's like get me out of here remember that Couple years ago. He was at a party with his girlfriend Blake Lively. Griffin? Blake Lively. Okay. And they're at a party with Taylor Swift and Taylor Swift's got a boyfriend there. Oh my god. What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall. Well you can be fly because People Magazine was there and there's a picture. They're all like lining up this picture and Ryan Reynolds, this is what he does. He goes like. Because he's like you know. He's so bored with pussy. He's gotten so much. He's like, get me out of here. He's like, get fucking too much pussy for me. He's like, check please. Check please. Mint Mobile.

Okay, I love a great deal as much as the next guy. They wrote this for me. It's anti-semitic a little bit, but I'm not gonna crawl through a fed- Are deals anti-semitic? Ryan Reynolds- Okay, first of all, I think Ryan Reynolds wrote this I love a great deal as much as the next guy, but I'm not gonna crawl through a bed of hot coals Oh feel free to insert humorous analogy. I Think that saying feel free to insert humorous analogy that is right the funny thing Ryan I think that's what you're supposed to say. That's the joke. It's that's the joke It's like when Deadpool kills somebody Something funny here writers and he jumps on the the the lampoon guys really snapped when they wrote this

Just to save a few bucks It has to be easy. No hoops. No BS Deadpool does say that kind of stuff BS. Yes. Yeah, so when Mint Mobile said it was easy, I fucking hate. Have you ever eaten crap? Shit? Like eating shit? I have and I hate it. That's why I don't tolerate BS.

I do not tolerate BS. Crap. Whenever I'm shopping at Whole Foods, I look at the labels and if it says no BS on the label, I'm buying the food. It's true because they slip it into the food. They'll slip in some bullshit. So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with the purchase of a three month plan, I called them on it.

I called them on it. On my Mint Mobile phone I called them, actually. But how do you have the Mint before you... can't have the mip for you got it? I don't know payphone, but they don't have those anymore got something on your arm. Just so you know it's been there a while I think it's a piece of detritus Do you have more gallons? Shut the fuck up

Let me read this Ryan Reynolds crap. Turns out that it's really easy to get wireless for $15 a month. The longest part of the process was the time I spent on hold waiting to break up with my old provider. That's Reynolds style. They should have Reynolds AI call in for you. Deadpool will go ahead and break up this is that's funny if we do that I don't even what is you know Deadpool that's Ryan Reynolds I don't know movies and also I'm not allowed to watch rated R I think it's PG 13 to get started go to mint mobile comm slash ta FS there you'll see that right now all three month plans are only $15 a month. That's so cheap for phones That is actually really cheap paying so much. What's the catch? I?

Don't know be something right all plans come with high-speed data unlimited talk. How's it $15 talk and text? and How's it $15 talk and text? And text shut up. Yeah, let me see that on America's largest 5g net. Why is it so cheap? How did Reynolds do it? God, he's good movie waiting. Yes. Good movie. Great. Okay You could use your own phone with any mint mobile plan and bring your phone number along with existing contacts You can keep existing contacts. You can keep your contacts. They have to.

I bet you you want to keep a lot of those directors. I definitely do. Like who? Like Jason. Stop lying dude. Just say one. Find out how easy it is to switch to Mint Mobile and get three months of premium wireless service for 15 bucks a month.

Oh it's only three months That's the deal. But what does it shoot up to after that? $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speeds slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes and fees and restrictions apply See Mint Mobile for details. I don't even know what that means it sounds like a good deal it's a good deal you know nothing's nothing's free mint mobile comm slash ta FS guys met mobile you heard it here first You ever got your heart broken? Yeah, I think so. Doesn't everybody?

Some people probably not. Yeah. Marr. Marr. He's breaking the heart. Marr's breaking the heart. So he's got that huge cock. He's breaking them literally.

He wouldn't be so smug if he got his heart broken at least one time. I heard that said about some singer, Leanne Rimes. Remember her? Remember Leanne Rimes remember her Really on rhymes. Yeah, I remember like 25 years ago. Let's hear this hearing Reba say She's gonna sing so much better once she gets your heart broken What a bitch which is kind of she was so young she was a very young girl when she started Leanne We are on she was like 14 right yeah, and so she hadn't yet She was like oh Reba's like I hope this 14 year old gets cheated on. Basically. Kind

of gross dude. It's going to help her art. Yeah it's true. Did it help your art? I think it helps all of our art. A lot of people say like art like good art comes from a really dark place. I think they're right. You know because the first person to say that was who Adolf Hitler. He didn't just fall out of a coconut tree. You made that up. That's a meme. Who said that. Pamela Pamela. Kamala. What if it was Pamela Anderson? Oh, you said a camel Harris Yeah, but she's got she did fall out of a coconut tree. You know what does that mean? She's Do you remember the joke about jacking off where you're like, it's just me and Pamela Henderson actually I never heard that one That's a new one for me. I wrote it. You were that just now or was it great? You've been sitting on that fourth. That's a new one for me. I wrote it. You wrote it just now? Fourth grade.

You've been sitting on that one for a while. A while. A while. I took out Malube. So what's the best part of being married? Everything really, honestly. Yeah? It's great because I like who I'm married to and I don't know. Just, you don't have to worry.

About what? Anything. Really? Yeah. But what if you lose all the money? Then you got someone to be poor with you. My friend, they had a kid three years ago, he's three, and he's a pretty smart kid,

and he's realized that he wants to stay up at night So he like realized if he asked like a good enough question that they'll be like proud of him for being so like Precocious right that they'll have to answer. He's like very like it's an intelligent thing to figure out Yeah and the other day they were like putting him to bed and my friend like didn't come downstairs for like an hour And he was like He just asked him what happens if you lose all your money He said that

You lose your house and then you have to move in with your friend and then you save enough money and then you get a House your own house again I think I may have asked questions like that when I was a kid for this but not for the staying up late reason It's so it's it that is impressive though. Yeah, I guess you know when you just say like What happens if you lose all your understand go to bed? I'll tell you later. No, that's bad parenting is it it? No, you have to say like, we'll go up on your fucking iPad. Really? Does a kid have an iPad?

Do your parents cuss at you? Not at all. No. Really? Not at all. No. I learned to curse on my own. I did.

You were self taught? I was. No, I think I wasn't self taught. I think I learned from like musicians, you know what I mean? Because musicians are so- Cobain. They're so fucking- Cobain. Cursey.i. Yeah, they're like pirates

Musicians curse a lot all the musicians I knew Would curse a lot. No, okay rewind you said Musicians are like pirates. Yeah, this is a closer. This is a closer for your act But I think this is a chunk. I don't think a chunk I think a big closer for your hour. A big a bit. Okay. All right. Let's work it out. Let's work it out. You mean workshop it? Yeah. Musicians are like pirates. Musicians are like pirates because um, pirates are filthy. They are musicians. Musicians are too because oops, soap's expensive. They love booty.

They love booty. They do? Oh you like money? Booty's money. I thought it was like from Trader Joe's. Pirates booty? Yeah. That's what the product is but it's just like gold.

It's like gold. It's cheddar so it's kind of like gold. I don't know what the f- I don't watch movies. You don't- Alright let's work on it again. Musicians are like pirates. I think you should do this bit. No you just said it. I'm not should do this bit. No, you just said I'm gonna give it to you. No, no, don't give it to me I'm giving it to you. No, no, come on. I write all my own stuff. Can't return a bit

I wrote no I write all my own writing it. You're just taking the premise. It's a premise gift, you know Hey y'all, okay. Y'all motherfuckers ever this is good. Okay Okay ready, um,'all ha ha ha ha and that's the last time I'll ever Watch my parents fuck that's the end of a bit. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Let's do it again And Then she was all like okay. No, this is the end of the bit before the pirate thing, okay? Okay, so you got to give me a laugh after the punch line. Here's the putt you're the audience. We're workshopping, okay Okay, you don't have to laugh

I'm gonna laugh if it's funny. We just want to get the pacing okay got it, and she was like you call that a dick Anyway, that's remote control anyway, I be good okay let's let's run that again and then she was all like that I think you got the wrong hole yeah but anyway guys you ever notice how musicians are a lot like pirates. Yeah. Yeah. Listening sound. Wait. Hold up. I was about to do my big closer but I just saw this fucking pathetic loser in the audience. Oh. What do you do for a living. I'm actually. Have you ever been with a squirter. You fucking pussy. I know what's your job. That's I'm a I'm a I'm a body count inspect body count. This is I'm just kidding a body count Yeah, it's a pretty good job for a fucking

pedophile But seriously, yeah. Yeah, okay That was good, right? Okay. No, but you fucked me up cuz I had to go to my Crowdwork, okay. I'll be ready. Ask me again what I do for living. Hey, what do you do for a living? Why do you fuck you? Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Hey, why don't you come up here and do my job for me? I will okay if you're so funny why I don't go to your local 26 and knock the cock out of your ass That's not how you do it, buddy

That's how you fucking do that joke what That's not how you do that joke. Hey, I don't go. I don't go to local 26 and knock And knock your giant cock out of my ass And wrap it up, buddy. How big is it? How big is it? Wrap it up my way listen fucking Zionist. What is happening there right now is a fucking genocide And that's how I get the power back. All I read is the post That's the guy right I'll raise the post

That's the guy right? Aubrey is the post? Okay let me be the guy, you do the crowd work on me. I'm gonna be the local 26 guy. Hey what do you do for a living buddy? I don't know but there's too many blacks on the jets. What do I do? I call in to Mike and the Mad Dog and I'm like, Mike, it's not fair. There's too many blacks on the Jets. We're taping my special now. Why do they let all the blacks? Whoa, whoa. This guy hasn't been vetted. I thought everyone was... Jeremy, they had one in the front row and he was vetted. Welcome to Mike and the Mad Dog with WFAN.

Okay. What do you think about this Giambi? All right. What a show. Thank you, Johnny. Giambi. I love baseball.