The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Kerryn Feehan - Episode 59

Episode Date: June 21, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Kerryn Feehan - Episode 59 Check out all things Kerryn - https://linktr.ee/Kerrynfeehan Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/tafs Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/tafs/ -- LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Jul 26 — Jul 27: Ft. Worth, TX @ Hyena's Comedy Nightclub Sep 12 — Sep 14: San Diego, CA @ American Comedy Co. ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour Jul 26 — Jul 27: Spokane, WA @ Spokane Comedy Club #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland

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Lewis would have found a way to hurt me if I did that to him. Not physically, like emotionally. Thank God. Can you imagine sitting on a plane and you look over and there's Lewis and he's playing like, like, like Pup Rescue crossword puzzle on the back of

the seat and it stops working and then he starts like losing his mind starts screaming he's getting mad at like a like a little like what do you call it like a maze like a kid's maze wouldn't get mad at the game he would he would feel good about himself that he's dominating this child's game right yeah but then it would stop working shut off and then he would have a I can't even good about himself that he's dominating this child's game. Right, yeah. But then it would stop working. It would shut off. Yeah, and he would...

And then he would have a... I can't even picture Louis like in a middle seat. Yeah. Okay, welcome to the Adam Friedman Show podcast, everybody. Guys, it's Friday. Welcome to the Adam Friedman Show podcast. Karen, say hello. Hey, everybody.

Thank you for having me. I have a special to promote What is that? No title no date no platform Karen that you're looking rather crispy right now Thank you. Yeah, that's like really mysterious. Mm-hmm. You know be you know, it's I saw you name a special Nothing special. Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah Nothing special. Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah Norman had the funniest name for a

Comedy album a fake money. He said okay comedian. Yeah That's badass yeah, you're insulting me said I look crispy I'm just saying it's summertime like Nick and I probably look like ghosts compared to you right now. Yeah. Well, I go outside We don't we're in a windowless kind of studio. Yeah, you guys have sun protection on inside right now. But you're Irish? Black Irish. What does that mean? I think that it means that we were the poor Irish people

who like, were like the serfs that worked out in the fields or that- That's not what it means. Black Irish? Black Irish means that you- more that we were invaded by the Moors. Yeah, the span of there was a Spanish shipwreck Yeah, these naked wet Spanish men just showed up in and took our women and and they well people were like I don't know what to do with these guys. I guess we'll suck them off. Yeah We're like I don't know what to do with these guys. I guess we'll suck them off. Yeah, I Guess we'll also I guess we'll fuck these Spanish and now that's yeah, maybe like 25% of the population

Really so that's the tan part. Yeah, Mike because my girlfriend's her complex She's half Irish. She's half Irish, but her complexion is very Irish, and she's terrified of the Sun constantly Yeah, yeah, I should be afraid of the Sun. It's really good for you, vitamin D. Nah, you'll get cancer. No, you're gonna get cancer. We're all gonna get cancer. We eat seed oils and stuff, but I prefer melanoma than any type of gastrointestinal cancer. It's the good one?

Yeah. I prefer, I say fuck cancer, first of all. Oh yeah, vape again, dork. What do you mean? It's good for you. It's good. It has stuff. What?

Stem cells. You think you're vaping a new stem cell? Why do you think I look so young? I think you're just young. Because I'm ripping baby candy for, after you get a bad test, you rip it after school. What's your favorite vape flavor? My favorite?

Just the baby-est one. Yeah, like bubble gum? Like mother's breast. Mother's breast? Mother, yeah, titty. Yeah? Isn't that like an herb? Mother's breast? Mother's milk maybe?

Breast of mother's breast? Breast of mother? Breast of mother if you have cancer and you're not on psych. You just dab a little on your chest. I'm gonna get you some breast of mother. No, you don't need the medicine. I was like, I'm gonna get you some breast of mother. Breast of mother.

Breast of mother. Breast of mother. Breast of mother. Breast of mother. Breast of mother. Breast of mother. Breast of mother. Breast of mother. Breast your chest. I'm gonna get you some breast of mother. No, you don't need the medicine.

I was laughing the other day. Who was I laughing with? Oh, Steven. About the idea of like a homophobic, like kind of new age parent. You know, like their son's gay and they're like trying to fix it with like crystals and like burning incense We're gonna get you some st. John's Can fix this you gotta try this colloidal silver It tastes like semen I feel like I like you aged parents want a gay son. That sounds good.

You guys are doing great. What? Don't be. Were your parents hippies? No. No. What'd they do? My dad was in sales.

My mom's a special ed teacher. They were just like, you know, from Massachusetts. Very hard working. What do you sell? My dad? Yeah. People say that. They go, oh, my dad did sales. It's like that's such a broad would he sell my dad. Yeah people say that they go all my dad did sales Yeah, it's like that's such a broad They don't mean anything. He was a sell a lie

Yeah, he sold the people a lie Wow We can regional politician regional textbooks for colleges Oh, he would travel up and down to England like in a day My dad would like drive to Maine and back in a day and he really loved us He wouldn't have any affairs. He would come home. You could tell he didn't Yeah, you don't know that I don't think he did cuz you have no idea. They cheated on you have no idea I'd like to see the documentation on that. It's also Fucking that guy. He's not a Spanish. Oh, my dad's like six. He was very handsome. He cheated dad

He did either to there's two things that are either happen either your dad's hot and he cheated on you. Okay He's hot or he's ugly and he's one of the he's like I never Yeah, when you're living in a Buick filled with textbooks filled with math books, and I always stayed loyal Yeah to my family. Oh, you know who'm gonna fuck? That guy sleeping in the parking lot of the Redmond fan. I don't think he did. Willie Loman. Yeah, broken man. I used to, like, I wrote a poem called, like, My Sisyphus or like My Willie Loman or whatever about my dad. It should have been called Breast of the Sailor.

Breast of my daddy. When I was in college. Can we hear it? Do you have it? No, it was a long time ago. Were you a poet in college? I took a poetry course. So you were a regular beatnik? Yes, in the 60s when I went to college. And what do your parents think about you were throwing... They told me to shave my armpits. Throwing crap at the GIs coming back from the war. Human feces. So this is sort of the inspiration for your comedy special is your father cheating on your mother. the trauma you bought driving around

Yeah, he had like a big van No, oh a big van. Oh, so he could fuck in the back. He had a bang bus you're saying yeah your dad Actually both my parents had vans You both did a lot of cheating a lot of cheating the folks You can get away with a lot in the Toyota Sienna for real though Where is the special coming out? Um? I don't know yet, but it didn't have a Toyota Sienna Did they yeah, I don't know why how old are you I'm old. Oh How old is the Toyota Sienna hmm is it that that I think that's what it was called no Oh, yeah, Previa is what you're thinking, but I think the sienna was out. No like at least

2000 there was a sienna. It's that long ago. You're telling these stories. We're probably close to the same age I'm imagining the 1950s Yeah, Karen's childhood, I'm sorry, don't you mean a horse and buggy? What do you mean? Toyota, you know, he was cheating as turning butter. You mean a horse and buggy? What do you mean? Churning butter you mean a Studebaker bear Used to go out to the makeout movie verbal nurse yeah, did you ever get pinned by by like a But get a letterman jacket from a guy No But get a letterman jacket from a guy? No? No. By Archie? No.

What was going on? They were all getting finger blasted to like, like finger popping doo-wop basically. They're like, and then he kissed me. That's a great song. Yeah. And then he kissed me. And then he pissed on my breast.

And then they said, we can't, they said, come on. Come on sister, this is Nashville. You gotta clean it up, the church is right down the street. They said, we can't, they said, come on. Come on, sister, this is Nashville. You gotta clean it up, the church is right down the street. Who, the Spanish Moors, we're talking like that. That's exactly a Spanish Moor accent. Yeah, yeah. Well, what do you call this place, island? You might as well suck me off, I ain't got no clothes on.

It blew off when the ship went asunder. Wow. So what's new with you besides, you know, special? What's going on? The fans want to know. I just watched a pretty good documentary. Which one? Tell them you love me. Pass. It's about the astronauts?

No, it's about a woman. I like guessing. What? I don't know and I say let me guess what I'm having very wrong is one of those pedophile things kind of that's half documentaries now or about kids getting less I don't want to it's nasty to me it's a bummer do you want me to not tell you what if it came out that NASA had a big pedophile problem? Well, like the monkey but like a movie like spotlight, but they're like the astronauts Everybody we need to look how many you know how hard it is to find a guy that can do math and jump around underwater Yeah, he's gonna like we're gonna fuck you five guys that are qualified to go to the moon He's gonna fuck kids. There's five guys that are qualified to go to the moon.

You need to find a guy that's very good at water polo and then for some reason also calculus. And spinning. That's a big part of it. That's a big part of being an astronaut is, let's say one of the lights goes on in the spaceship. How you get it to turn it off? Probably understanding what you're getting.

Quantum physics. Probably getting out the pencil and paper Doing some long division. That's the way to solve a problem That I never understood that why the astronauts have to be good at math. Well, that's the whole thing about Angles and stuff. I think we should be sending bodybuilders up there. Armageddon, they sent drillers. I know. Yeah, the oil drill guys. They sent real men up there. Yeah, oil rig guys.

And then people like to point that out, like that's a logical inconsistency. No, it makes more sense. Why didn't they just teach the astronauts how to use the drill? What, you mean nerds? Yeah, nerds. Are you kidding me?

Yeah. Oh, oh boy. I don't know who had a whole, you ever seen one of those get a rough What a picture on the wall? There's no way that they're getting it. They're drilling a hole into a comet Yeah, a guy who they put nukes inside of a comet. That's yeah Yeah, there's a famous clip of Ben Affleck on the DVD commentary being like we need our guys up there not the astronauts. Yeah it's very funny.

They fucked Bruce Willis' daughter right? Yeah. Yeah Nev Campbell. Liv Tyler. Liv Tyler. They're the same. Same bitch. They are not.

Same the same woman. Bruce Willis. Another NASA conspiracy. Yeah yeah. Yeah NASA made all the same type of bitches. What? That was one of their secret projects back in the 50s. Yeah, yeah NASA made all the same type of bitches That was one of their secret projects back in the 50s Yeah, I mean I is that like a thing anymore like who's NASA bitchy It's funny. They sent it one teacher up there and the the teacher sucked so bad that she died

That's how that's how much these teachers suck. I'm sorry you're talking about the Challenger disaster. Yeah That's how much these teachers suck. I'm sorry, you're talking about the Challenger disaster? Yeah. Come on, I'm sorry. It's a little uncouth. I thought we were going hard right now. Too soon. Against these freaking teachers.

What's her name, Sally? Sally Ride. Sally Ride. She's got a ticket to ride. Did she blow up in the? She blew up because she tried to give the other guys homework. Not sure if it's not famous.

No, what's the other one? Because both, this has happened twice. There was the Challenger and the Columbia, right? And it was teachers both times? I think both times. Were they asked about teachers? No, they were just regular. But wasn't there one where they said Big Bird up

and it exploded and then, but it's Big Bird. Anytime they do a gimmick booking. Yeah, right. Anytime someone like, they have like a nepotick booking. Yeah. Yeah anytime someone like they have like a nepotism booking Yeah, that lady Sally ride was you know, they sent a lot of monkeys and dogs and stuff Well, that's clearly they did that first Russia sent a dog and we were like well And then they're like next wrong woman. Yeah monkey. We're going monkey It is funny that they went dog

Monkey white man yeah, then broad you know that was kind of woke of them Yeah, if you think about it. Yeah, we're lower starting at the bottom Yeah, we're way up, and you go dog monkey white man. I think that's if you well that speaks a lot every other That guy's kind of you know now in the 60s was like there's look if we send the monkey in the space and then right after that I mean people are gonna look at outside the streets are burning Get buzz what's his name, Buzz Lightyear. Lightyear.

Neil Hamburger up there. Neil Hamburger. Yeah. Get those guys. Get them in there. We need Buzz Lightyear. With the helmets on there. We know white men are trash.

Let's get them up there with the dogs. Yeah, this is one small step for a white man. One giant leap for white mankind why I told my dad you remember like in high school they were like it's fake the moon landing that had like a moment there was like a Fox like still say it's fake I don't know it's nerd box Fox primetime one of their big primetime specials was the moon landing was fake we found aliens they would do conspiracy stuff yeah and when I was a kid I loved that it was like I would be getting ready for it would be 8 p.m. you know I'm like oh my it was like Fox says it this

is the world premiere they're letting everyone know they found an alien back in the 40s and magic secrets revealed was another one yeah they did yeah those yeah but just snitching shows but But yeah, I remember I told my dad, my dad just tears welled up in his eyes. How about the movie? And he's like, if it didn't happen, I wouldn't want to know. It was such an amazing part.

It is like a big own of the boomers that they didn't even get to watch that. Like if I said that to him, I was like, dad, it's fake, he'd be like, shut the fuck up. No it's not They still got to watch the president get killed. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah, we haven't had shit like that Where were you when JFK got shot? Yeah, they all know. Where was your dad the book depository? Was it suppository? That's actually what they would call call his ass Yeah

Here comes the book deposit a bunch of hot guys would just go to town It's time to return some periodicals My dog got hit by nuns a lot He grew up in South Boston like Dorchester and the nuns were lot. See, grew up in South Boston, like Dorchester. And the nuns were just, they were vicious. They'd walk around the neighborhood, beat everybody up with their rulers. They did, they would hit him on the knuckles.

They locked him in a cage once. Like up on the roof. My dad was a bad guy. People who go to Catholic school always describe it like they were in Matilda. Yeah, they were in Vietnam. Yeah, they were in the ship. Matilda was in a cage?

Well, you know, that mean teacher. Yeah, yeah. You know? I don't remember Mat're in the shit well you know that mean teacher yeah, you know Yeah, no no dinner for you or something and then you get out and you're like Billy Joel's trying to fuck you immediately Billy Joel is trying to convince you to suck his dick Because you don't want to die only the good die young yeah, yeah, so suck this dick I like to imagine that Billy Joel that in that song He's his current age. Yeah, so he's 40. He's 80 million years old He's like come on He's talking to a 12 year old

Yeah Yeah, so that songs right that's what it is, right? He's trying to trick a a young Catholic girl in the fucking into yeah, I'm trying to sodomize and the flower Young Catholic woman. How are you inferring sodomy? That's what I like to okay listen to that song. It's in the lyrics regular hymen breakage. I don't think so I'm seeing unsolved mysteries Is that a real thing the hymen by the time they realized what the lyrics were about Billy Joel and already? 17 more young girls if you have any information on the whereabouts of Billy Joel

That's a good impression. Why they give the highman Unsolved Mysteries theme song It's like it has such a sick like groove reminds me of the X-Files theme song a little I mean, they're both they've both got a similar but you can I challenge you to listen to I'll be able to Differentiate so I don't remember it. I can't I can't place it in my mind and not like kind of like get into it Yeah, get wet. Yeah, it's got this like but but but but but but I can't do it. I don't know anything about I want to hear It's sound it's just it's cool. It gets you going. Yeah, it's got this like, but but but but but but but I can't do it. I don't know anything about it. I want to hear it. It's sound. It's just it's cool. It gets you going. Yeah, excited. I haven't listened to new music in probably 30 years.

Do you ever feel like those shows kind of left you not satisfied, though? Which they were unsolved. No, they solve a lot of them. I think they go like, oh, by the way, remember? Oh, yeah, that's at the end, right? Bitch that was murdered two weeks ago. We found her, yeah, that's at the end right bitch. That was murdered This dumb bitch had just won yes It's very Miami wise. We now do X-Files.

That was like more like a new agey. Yeah that one's kind of like, what do you call it? Like music's like kind of atmospheric or space. There's music terms for that. Pure moods. There's music terms for it. Are we at 12 minutes? Okay.

Adam, what? Are we not supposed to swear and say that? No, we just gotta. Are you gonna do an ad read? No, Adam, stop this, cause we're gonna get a copyright thing right when we have to do this. No, it's X-Files.

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Is that one company invent something and they get like a 25 year or something like running start on? Dominating the market on that and then afterwards everybody's supposed to be able to make it so the technology is too new The crush technology is unbelievable. I don't know shit about any of this stuff. Guys, you can get these breakers, these goddamn breakers in 4 milligrams or 8 milligrams, and they have great flavors like berry citrus, espresso. The pouches go all the way up to 12 milligrams. That's for the badass. That's for fucking psychos. I'm going to try out this place.

A place you can get B12 shots on 6th Avenue. I think I'm gonna... You're gonna enjoy it. Get it right in your ass. I'm worried. I always worry about getting like HIV from those places. Yeah, but if you go to an expensive place you're fine. Just don't go to a van. Anytime I go to the doctor they're like, we should do blood work. I'm like, in what? Fucking give me...who's in the room next door?

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I'm going to the gas station. My weekly gas station trip. I don't care what they say. It's here to go see my friends, yeah. Can't wait to hang out in the gas station aisle too. Watch the game. Watch the game. Watch the big game.

I'm gonna play my numbers. Yeah, yeah I got banned from all the bars in town so I kinda just hang out. Gas station playing Keto. Hell yeah dude next to the beanie babies and the starter food. Catch me there dude, catch me there next to the playboys. You know personally I like to throw in my Lucy during a midday slump maybe at the golf course or post coffee. Get an extra buzz going from that. So guys, here's the deal. Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy.

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I love nicotine. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy. You love nicotine? It's such a funny way to say it. Pussy. Pussy. I remember- Gary Pussy pussy pussy you love nicotine. It's such a funny way to say Pussy I remember that porn pornographic actor Gary pussy

Another scary pussy oh My god 40 hours when you see Gary pussy That's Nick Nolte. Oh, I'm going to kill myself. I thought it was Gary Pussy. I cannot live with myself. I found out my favorite Gary Pussy movie 48 hours. It's a very different guy. My childhood ruined. I'm going to waste my money getting those guys into the most expensive

Therapist in New York City the Home Depot guys just sending day laborers to the most yeah, you're like a Thousand dollars an hour yes, yes, Jessica Jewish Yeah, it's just it's just Barbara Streisand. She's doing talk therapy now. No one knows about this. She has her own talk therapy practice. Just having the talk to Juan Carlos and Miguel. Yeah.

That was so funny. Can we get to the bottom of their shit? Why do you think you like Looney Tunes so much? Mm-hmm. You're a grown man. Head to toe, Looney Tunes. I understand that Tigger is cool, but there's probably something else going on there.

Are you an animaniac? Yeah. What is it about a denim Winnie the Pooh jacket that excites you so much? You can't not buy it. You have to have. Shopping it. You stabbed your friend for a Winnie the Pooh jacket.

Carlos, I think you were molested. Yeah, yeah. Carlos, Carlos, there's a 100% chance that you've been molested multiple times. But the big question is. No more molesting. What is inside the Spider-Man backpack the size of half your body?

What's inside? Avocado. I know, tools. I know, there's tools in there, but tools don't take up that much room. There's got to be something else in that backpack. Yeah, and a backpack is kind of a metaphor for the things we carry from our childhood. Where did you even find a Kmart in New York yeah, kick flip Spider-Man t-shirt. Where did you go to get that?

Because you must have sought it out. There was, you know what Freud would say about that? I carumba. I carumba. You would say something along those lines. Colleante. Hernan, let me stop you right there. I know this is inappropriate,

but I feel like I'm in love with you. And I think we have to stop right here Let me stop you right there. I know this is inappropriate, but I feel like I'm in love with you And I think we have to stop right here because it's time for me to ride your face with my Jewish pussy Jessica Jewish Make Prince of Tides where the romance starts between Barbara Streisand and Nick Nolte Right like in the beginning of the therapy session, so he's already dating her and like, you know, being a father figure to her son, he's like, I was raped by a couple of guys who broke out of a prison.

And then she's like, nevermind. I think, you know, this thing has run its course. We can work with this. Maybe we take a step back from the relationship and you stay away from my son. But I told him I'd throw a football. God damn it why can't I? I was lying. I was just trying to spend more time with you. I thought you were Gary Pussy. I had no no idea was Nick Nolte. I feel lied to You guys do good strides in oh

I Live it. Yeah, baby. Yeah, my mother my every one of the Jay's mom's like That's their hero. Yeah. Yeah. Why though? Does she what does she do? Really?? I don't know does she do anything. It's so crazy Doesn't she like won every award isn't she like an EGOT yeah? Yeah, well I didn't mention my mother is a gay man. Oh, yeah She's she's a 75 year old gay man, so she she loves strizen she loves bad It's kind of great like they are the most loyal consumer base like when gay guys decide you're iconic They'll be with you the rest of your life. I feel like that kind of gay is dying out though, right?

The Barbara one? Yes, well, they're dying with her. The lame You know what I mean? Well, I feel like that type of gay has been so co-opted by I mean well that you like that type of gay has been so co-opted by Like straight people in general well no there's a shift The gay super fan of things well those guys like survive those are the heroes they survived the plague and stuff Right there. They watch all their friends die. Yeah, I the real cultural shift in gay This is a working theory. I have is it shifted from Talking like a Jewish shifted from talking like a Jewish woman to talking like a valley girl, right? Okay. Yeah, that's the kind of

the, and I don't know when that exactly happened, but... After Clueless. It might have been after Clueless. Do you have a gay guy in your life? Yeah, my favorite fitness instructor. And he's like, don't eat. He's like tough though. He's like don't eat He's like from North Carolina. He's like, oh, yeah, they're all John Cena now. Yes. Yeah, he's like jacked farmer gay Yeah, sorry. My brain just shut off We're like people are talking and they're like, you know, you understand all the words and then for like just two seconds It's like Teacher Glendale, California You know you understand all the words and then for like just a two seconds site It's Charlie Brown teacher, Glendale, California

Yeah Armenians Glendale gallery. You got the galleria great ball No, I was thinking about you said the the valley girl thing and it's like it's crazy that California shopping I mean that's like a it's like a like culturally a bombshell goes off in the fucking 1980s in that mall Bates crisis Linguistic implications yeah of Like just people like girls in that mall saying like every 30 seconds Yeah, and then I didn't the crimson wave and then it explodes Was there? That's the kind of shit that is a million years of then it explodes. What does that mean?

That's the kind of shit that in a million years will cause wars. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I think it was probably Fast Times too. Yeah. That probably...

Yeah, but the accent predates Fast Times. Yeah. It's Southern California. No, but it's Glendale Galleria. That's where they invented it. They had a... Ground Zero. Ground zero. Ground zero.

Yeah. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna start this. I'm gonna create a protocols of elders of Zion for- For the mall. For the girls that hang out at Glendale Galleria or did 30 years ago. Uh-huh.

Yeah, those women are now like 65 years old too, which is crazy to think. Those like girls that were like going- Like Alicia Silverstone? I don't know if they are 65 years old like 80s mall culture in 1985 Yeah, that's old though yeah, but they that's not you see 50 year old women all the time being like oh my god stop I love it. You know yeah, and they they they're just weathered and they have lots of bangles. That's the different rings Yeah, they're just they there's always like Just like they fucking sound like somebody trying to steal from a vending machine. Yeah

They move loud. Yeah, it's like is a dog walking behind me. Yeah That um, what was I gonna say? Nothing. No, I had something Something you were like, what are you guys saying? No talking about Glendale? No, I want something Something you were like, what are you guys saying? Glendale no, I want to talk about them all You were thinking about was a worthwhile departure. I don't disagree. I made my I made that genius point Wow, dude, isn't that crazy? We all talk like this now because of fucking just because of some dumb bitch in 1982 I totally paused.

I grew up with a lot of those guys, like Orange County style guys. But you gotta think, if that didn't happen, if that didn't happen. I grew up in Vegas. Maybe no Hezbollah. No, no war at all. Yeah.

Yeah, no Israel. Yeah. Wiped off the map. Yeah. Had it not been for that god damn wall. That might happen. The big war is coming, dude. Oh my god. I Can't wait to figure out what side I'm gonna support. Yeah, I'm on the fence

Whoever's paying more war we're 80 trillion dollars in debt Well, they're drafting all the walks So they say that like 70% of the men in this country not fit for The drafts, but they're drafted them anyway right what do you mean? Not it's just an age thing physically well no I know but like they wouldn't be able to like do the thing Have you seen the people that are they're conscripting in Ukraine? They're probably better than I mean It's like they have like radio fucking like like with a slingshot up against yeah, but they're probably in better shape They're probably not obese

I think that's a unfair crude stereotype about Americans It's not unfair. It's we have any butterfingers in the refrigerator in the mini fridge You'll have a little bit of We had it we had a there was like the Eucharist? We got lunch. We had a, there was like a group, we had a catered lunch recently. I would have liked to come. I stepped out to use the phone.

I went to go sit at the table with our friends and Adam's seat was the only one available. I sit down at Adam's seat and he's like taking, he says just one falafel and he's taking, he's eating it with a fork and just taking small bites like it's tiramisu. Falafel? Yeah. I like to savor. You have an eating disorder. No, you do. No.

Sorry, I deflected. You projected. No, you're drunk. You're wasted. You're drunk. I don't care. You're wasted. I eat a lot.

I order Butcher Box. You're tearing this family apart with your false accusation. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of this crap. It's called projection grams of protein Do you think you get a day? I like a healthy amount actually I eat really healthy Okay, my diet has been dog shit the last two weeks. They'd sell the Goldfish boxes that you can pour. It's like a giant milk carton

And so I was pouring the pour into your cereal and now I'm ripping the entire now I'm just getting your alarm arm gets stuck in the mouth part Uh-huh, and then I have to shake the box of goldfish off my hand Like it's a catfish itself. Yeah, basically. It's just destroying his apartment. Mm-hmm Yeah, trashing everything. I've been bringing lamb to the pool. Lamb? Yeah, I've been eating... what? Just in a Tupperware? Like, I'll get a rack of lamb.

Oh, I make a great rack of lamb. See, now you're in. Phenomenal. He doesn't make anything. He says he makes stuff. No, it's not true. When you go to his apartment and his girlfriend's doing everything. She's better cursing me. Where's the spice?

Where's the spice? Nick came over for Hanukkah. This is one of the most disgusting. I've said this story on the podcast a million fucking times, but he goes to make latkes. Yeah? And he gets a, you know, you shred the potatoes. Very nice of me.

And the potatoes, and you fry them. He drops it, he's trying to strain it, drops the potatoes into this fucking trap in the sink where all the dish water goes And then he scoops it out. No it dropped into a he scoops it out That's you he would try to he hates you know it dropped into a bowl Okay, what was in the bowl? I was right over here's the point okay? I I invited Nick the potato Jewish holiday. I thought we could share. I thought we could share it.

I'm like, you're Irishman. This is the potato one. I only went over there to try out the nice Ford green parking spaces that are free on Hanukkah. They are nice. Yeah. Yeah. Adam spends a lot of money on rent.

Sounds like it. Nice to date a guy who lived there, right across from the park. Adam's like, I want people to think I'm a millionaire. I don't spend that much. Comptown was making like $3,000 a month split between three people and he was like time to get a $17,000 apartment. I have a better factor. Dasha did the same thing we were talking about money one time She's ridiculous with money I know I was like I'm not like that I know I was like having just what I thought was a casual conversation about finances

And I was like, oh you just spend everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what about the future? What's gonna happen in the future? Yeah, just keep making more No, she if she's listening you got to start thinking about the future? What's gonna happen in the future? Yes, keep making more No, she if she's listening you got to start thinking about the future Cool, babe blow it blow it all girl. You got to think about the future by your dad in Omega watch Do you buy your dad things yeah, I got my dad a personal trainer I built a little home gym I pay my parents phone bill. Oh, nice. I tried to get my dad to take care of himself.

It's hard. It doesn't work. Yeah. It eventually worked because I guilted him because I started paying for it. I tried to do that. I took my dad to a gym. To a lifetime?

Yeah. I was trying to like, let me buy you a membership. I'll buy you a membership. That's so generous. No, he won't do it. It's funny, too. He'll talk about exercise. And I think I've told this story, too. But he's like, you know, I'm buy you a membership. That's so generous. He won't do it. It's funny, too, like he'll talk about exercise.

And I think I've told this story, too. But he's like, you know, I mean, I say I remember Tate and he'll explain his history of exercise as just going to like one ab workout class once in 1983. And he's never like he's never. It's actually your transverse abdominals you're going to want to focus on. And he was trying to like pick up some.

And then what he said He's like and I went and like everybody in there seemed like they were already like in shape anyways I'm like oh, this is all a scam He's like in his mind people are just in shape and then they do they go exercise to lie to everybody Yeah, as a drag yeah to make it seem like to make it seem like oh well That's how That's how I have this he was probably trying to Like spit game at some let's get physical Olivia Newton John so

Yeah, Suzanne powder yeah exactly Suzanne summers to with the thigh master. I don't even really know what Suzanne powder is I just remember cuz my my grandpa was like way fat when I was a kid That's didn't she have like a flat top Huh my grandpa no Suzanne powder. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she had she had like yes She had like a flat top cuz I remember the VHS like my aunt or something got him a VHS of like thinking my like conservative fat grandfather was gonna like And then turn it off and say the n-word like thinking my conservative fat grandfather was gonna like, you know, like. And work your hips and one and two.

And then turn it off and say the N-word. Like, what if my dad. Or just say it at her. Yeah, yeah. But I remember this. Why's her hair like that? I remember I would look at the box and laugh. I'd be like, ha ha, this lady looks like Bart Simpson.

Yeah, yeah. She was jacked too. She had like big arms. Tony Gazelle was the other. Oh, the ponytail and the tank top down here. His infomercial used to make me laugh so hard. Yeah, she was Jack too. She had like big arms. Tony gazelle was the other He's amazing that guy his life story is awesome too. Have you ever read no again another thing I think I've talked about on the years ago who cares, but yeah, he He's like had all this fucked up shit happen to him. He got like hit by a school bus And then while he was recovering,

while he was recovering, he went to visit a friend and accidentally sat into a bucket of acid. Stop it. Who has a bucket? What type of friend has a bucket of acid? Who's this, Roger Rabbit? He had a bucket of acid and got severe chemical burns all over his ass and scrotum.

How'd he build his glutes back up? Well then because of the burns, he ended up getting like an infection and got spinal meningitis. No he didn't. And went blind. No he didn't. No, you know what, he got spinal meningitis,

went blind and then accidentally sat in a bucket of acid. Oh, that's how, obviously, that makes way more sense, yeah. Now he was temporarily blind. Temporarily blind. Tony Gazelle. Pete, are we at the, like... We're there. Okay, let's do it now.

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Yeah, turns their tongues blue doesn't it? Not and it tastes like candy. Yeah, I don't like candy. It's great Can you do the ones that are the generic? I don't know for the generic? Cialis ones are but they're like they're good. They're like one of those drugs I think you're supposed to just take all the time anyway for circulation. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a vasodilator It's like that and what are they called statins? For blood pressure. Oh Statens statins?

Yep, sounds good to me. Stathams. Jason Stathams. Jason Stathams. So do guys disclose? Yep. And what do you say? Yum.

I say yum. Give me that blue cheese. Yum. It's time to get some chewed. Get that hard dick in me. Really? Yep. That's what girls say?

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Like a brick pizza oven in here. Oh my god, that'd be great Yeah, ready by the end of the pod. Maybe yeah do a podcast and make a pizza. Where is it? Where does it vent does it need to vent? I need to vent. I'm upset. What's wrong? I'm just kidding. So guys, how does it work? Do you have a podcast, Carrie? Yes. What's it called?

It's called Only Fiends. What's that? Thank you. But it's also kind of annoying in the same way that Ian's podcast name is annoying. Being Ian. Well, there's all this like, is it like a, is it called a glissando or like it's... What is that?

An atlasian or whatever in French? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anytime I hear being Ian, it's like somebody's like, like, like gagging the name at being Ian. Well, it's also like if you have a certain accent, you're saying only Fians, you could be saying only fans, right? Right something being in like if you're from California if you're a British you're like I listen to being Ian. Yeah Picard yeah, it's Picard's favorite. Yeah, one of my favorite podcasters

In the county brazen The being Ian. Being Ian. The way he's... The way he's just so open about his bisexuality. It's liberating. Ian is just a monstrosity. Watching a man destroy himself with scar music and cock.

Disgusting monstrosity. Revolting. Every tattoo worse than the last The way he just sort of smiled the more he smiled you would think that seeing that Understanding that emotion would make me feel happy as well, but it's grating No It makes me want to kill every time I see it Every time I see Ian smile. I want to break his neck

He looks exactly like Chuck E. Cheese. You guys could be missing out on the best sex of your life, so with Bluetooth, men everywhere are excited to see the postman. Special delivery. Special delivery. What about, I don't understand that reference. You're excited to see the postman because he has your pills for your pee. I thought you meant the Kevin Costner movie. Yeah.

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so I'm gonna have to say no. It's my show. I know it's your show, but they're my sunglasses. All right, this is fine. I don't know, do you think his head is wider than mine? I'm like being serious. He has a tiny head,

we measured our heads once. No, until, yeah, I'm a bird brain. Well, don't put them on over your. But how am I gonna see? They're not, come gonna see that's rude dude She just said I'm worried your head will stretch my glasses now you're actually they look pretty cool on you Do I look like Kurt Cobain? I believe you know you look like You look like a like an Italian man from the from the 60s

No, you know you look like is in dr. No, Dirk Dirk suck lighter Dirk suck light What am I saying Pete I don't know what Dirk suck light No, not the bad guy the CIA guy Felix light cut. Oh, yeah Everything Nick says. Mm-hmm. You look like Felix Leitkiker. Heshy Teshawitz. Hyman Teshawitz. Names Felix Leitkiker.

Mossad. I mean, SEIA. It's giving me anxiety. Because your head's bigger than mine. It's not that big. I know, but now I feel like they're going to be loose on my head. They are. They're looser now. I've never loosened anything of a girl's. But I have an exceptionally tiny head.

Yeah? Yeah. Alright, whatever. I want them to be screwed in later now. So how is everyone's Juneteenth? You guys, you... Celebrated hard, FTPed. Wall Street, Wall Street not trading on Juneteenth.

Thank God. Not even baseball cards? Out of respect. That seems, that seems wrong. You know what I mean? Like if somehow, like we had Juneteenth, like let's say that we reached a ceasefire with the South, right? And they still had slavery in the South. And in the North, Juneteenth was a holiday,

because that's when we got rid of the North, right? Like this is, Wall Street taking off Juneteenth is as close as you get to this current modern day slave owners in the South being like, well I'm not working today it's Juneteenth. Enjoy my lemonade. Federal holiday. It would be disrespectful. Listen these people have been through a lot. I mean there was a lot of hypocrisy going on. Lewis, you go pop my car for me. I'm taking the day off. But even like the lifeguards at my pool are black. Everybody in the building had off, but they still had to work.

There's a lot of hypocrisy. That's what I mean. Wall Street shouldn't be taking the day off if there are any black people still working. Right. You know what I mean? All of corporate America took off. And I understand there's plenty of black people that work on Wall Street. But.

But come on. They have other jobs too that they still had to work that day. It's fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true. They should've at least got time and a half or something. Uh-huh.

Yeah, Juneteenth bonus. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. When did it start like two years ago? It did right there. No, there's no people that were like, yeah, you know Like I was a Juneteenth guy for a long like welcome, but like there's no one like a hipster about it. No No, they who made it a thing Trump two years ago. No, I think Obama was into it, right?

After George Floyd They were like this one doesn't work. He is so Trump was like after what happened to George we had honest I'll be honest with you. We had an amazing run with Alternate side street suspension so I'm during COVID we can know not done the last couple weeks. Oh, we should not There was aid then it was Eid, then it was Juneteenth. What's Eid? Eid is the end of Ramadan. I thought it was Eid.

It's Eid. Okay. No, he's doing an Egyptian pronunciation. You're doing a Syrian. I am? Yeah, classic. Classic mistake. What the hell is going on in Syria?

I don't know. What is going on? How's Assad still there? And we're not like, but also he's like still wearing suits and just walking around and we've been trying to kill him for like... He is the goat. Ten years now? Yeah, I don't know.

The lion of Damascus. He is the absolute goat. The man has survived. I mean, for like 30 years, we've been trying to kill this guy. Why can't we get him? Do you remember that his iTunes top played songs leaked and it LMFAO, I'm Sexy and I Know It was number one?

No. That has to be fake. I'm choosing to believe it's real. I mean, the funny thing is that people in the middle like that could be the thing that makes peace between the air like The Palestinians and the Jews because they're both LMFAO style. That's done. It's not gonna happen I'm just saying if next five years one of them is dead and we get it's just I'm just saying if they if LMFAO went to Gaza and did the biggest concert ever did did Shots, Shots, Shots, Shots. You don't think Hamas would go up to that festival?

Hamas loves that, and so do Israelis. Yeah, they're gonna love it. If Imagine Dragons win. Imagine Dragons, now you're up speaking my language. Really? I like that guy, he's hot. It has to be, that has to be the gayest name for a band ever imagine Yeah, it's pretty bad movie, but that guy's hot really Mumford and Sons is a pretty stupid name

You know he makes all the other guys call him dad You've made that joke so many times Like I mean the fourth wall crumbling it's it's about four times. I've done it and make the last two times It's been like stop it. Just say to her don't say it to me like I'm supposed you know Ha ha ha you know you know Thank you, thank you. I appreciate that You know that he makes everyone else home daddy dad or daddy. Yeah, it's it's just it's an abusive You know father Mumford. No, they're like daddy You think there's an adult man who still calls his dad daddy, yeah

who still calls his dad daddy yeah who infighting no no no come on it's insensitive. Who cares? Yeah, I care. No, but I know there are. What like a guy that's like yeah Karen and I took the kids up to the legs to stay my dad my dandies yeah I mean they exist yeah every Mormon man probably they say daddy I think so yeah cuz daddy girl their adult daddy women they're like daddy Like did you say gay men? I said Mormons. Oh I Think gay men might call their dad daddy Mitt Romney says daddy still yeah Every man in the south my daddy yeah

My dad I guess no country for old men black guys I don't know yeah yeah yeah my dad my dad no that's daddy oh I believe no they say that kind of thing in New York they say father and then they it's it's like they have like a very specific with a the black community does? The black New York accent when they say father. So my father. Oh my God. They always say it like that, right? I don't know.

Father. I've never picked up on it. Yeah, it's like one of those words where it's like the pronunciation seems like it's from like way back. Yeah, it's like Boston Bravo. Yeah, right. It's like old school.

It's like from the pilgrims. Occasionally, I feel like in New York, black people say one word that's like old school. It's like from the pilgrims. Occasionally like here I feel like in New York by people say one word that's like what is that from the 1600s? The way they say it. I think they just mush words together sometimes. All right, let's not go there, okay? It's not it's not that kind of podcast. I think it's more just like a lack of subject-verb agreement sometimes. I Don't even know what that means. like we be in here. Mm-hmm But that's a habitual be They have a name for that Or like it will be like

Yeah, they call that it's good use of the word be Habitual be that's what they call that the black version of be is called a Habitual be it sounds like a like a conscious style like lyrical rapper Habitual be yeah, yeah It's it's when you use the word be to describe a persistent state of something or like a pattern like women be shopping women be Shopping that is true. No really have a tendency to shop. Yeah It's imprecise stupid. Yeah, I don't care be I that should we should be able to take that I think I think that's on the table casting. Yeah, we'd be podcast. We just

Everyone just took Juneteenth seriously for two years Be should be on the table. We're not gonna go to the, we're not gonna ask for too much. You know? But B is fine. You know? Y'all? I guess, I guess Southern... Southerners have had y'all for a while. Florida has y'all. Everybody in Florida says y'all. How about June teeth? I hear that all the time too. I think about big teeth I hear that Think about big teeth just a guy with huge teeth. It's like finally a holiday for me Gary pussy, it's about slavery ending and he's like I guess I'll just fucking kill my Brown white do it. Did you do anything to celebrate it? We're doing June

I watched I went to the pool my building, but I watched that documentary that I wanted to tell you guys Oh, yeah, tell us please. It's called tell them you love me. It's about the astronauts. No, no, it's about Pedophile no wouldn't be crazy if NASA had a big problem Can you imagine that would be funny wait tell us about it you guys heard of Yeah, can you imagine that would be funny wait tell us about it? Do you guys heard of? facilitating communication for nonverbal people no worse Like you probably sounds like some girl stuff They know you probably communication like say somebody has like severe like cerebral palsy or like something They're like nonverbal and like they're like facilitator will help them like push the buttons on a keyboard

Oh like Annie Sullivan. Yeah So this is a that's pretty much what she did for I almost called Who's a blind deaf girl Helen Keller? I almost called her Harrison Ford Your brain is your Your brain is mush. You're done. You know that dumb girl, Harrison Ford. You know that lady. Has anyone seen my car keys?

You know that lady from Star Wars I couldn't talk? So this woman was convicted of? Molesting. You know the irony of that? I knew it was a molest. It's always a molest. You know who sounds like Helen Keller? Chewbacca.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's why he's the king, folks. That's why he's the fucking king of this guy. See, you guys think you say, oh, that's your brain breaking down. No, that's me. There's a joke there somewhere and your mind's working on it. And it's like, here's the riverette. And now it creates these bridges to other worlds where anything is possible. I'm not entering early stage dementia. There are no plaques in my brain.

Yeah, the only plaque in here is the one on the wall that says never stop dreaming. Yeah, and we have a JD power. Never stop dreaming and also no eons allowed. No eons. No eons. The black eons, the white eons. So this lady was molested.

These sick people. Well, here's why do girls like this stuff? Girls are all found this fascinating. Why is it? It's horrible. The concept. Don't you like it when things are nice? Shut up, bitch. You watch that shit. I don't watch that. Everybody likes it. No, I watch sports.

Really? What sports? I don't like watching. Everybody likes it. No, I watch sports. Really. What sports? I don't like watching. You watch pickleball a lot. Did you watch the Jinx? No. Yeah. Yes, you did.

I didn't watch it. I listened to the serial when I was moving, like, 10 years ago. OK. That's good. That's the most true crime I've done. Oh, I did America Murder. Oh, that was so good. The Stephen. The Murdochs?. The Stephen Murdoch's.

God I have to turn away. Can you guys smell my crotch? Well when you just brought it up. I can smell it. Is that what it is? I feel I'm so embarrassed. It's chafing? It's chafing and I'm like I think the skin is rotting because I got gained like 20 pounds. Just do some aquaphor down there maybe. Like three weeks. Well I I didn't know I was huh. No gold bar is bad. No, I got yeah I put lotion on it Pete sounds well versed in chafing. Yeah Yeah, I chaff all the time. She raised. Okay the thing with the facilitator communicators. They did these experiments They would show the facilitator a picture and then they would show the nonverbal person a picture And then the nonverbal person would type the picture that the facilitator saw which is like

mine meld no like an empty mind and let facilitators just like Guessing what they're thinking like they're just right like there's no thought going on But this specific shot up Nick this specific guy college course and he read a book that the facilitator did not read and he wrote an essay on it hmm so that makes me think like he did have a brain and the lady said he seduced her with his words but he also had sores on his back wait wait the the the disabled guy Molested the facilitator now the facilitator raped. Oh, it's a jail. Oh, okay

So what's the surprise twist yeah, there's no No, she was in handy and then it gets the last episode of the documentary series and they're like and that was awesome Yeah, that's awesome that that happened his mom with the non verbal guys mom was really mad That you like that I was changing his diaper and I could tell that he got raped Well, it was a little kid. Oh, no, it was a guy with a diaper You felt good after how could she tell because it was replaced with a song This is in a diaper What the sparkly what the hell happened to my nonverbal adult son? Because the lady was so like yeah

Like he seduced me and you're like, are you fucking was she hot? She was like a six. She was like Disabled not guilty now. I'm listening Why didn't you start with that case on the you're saying that a six did that yeah, all right? That's in play All right, I said I felt Someone a little bit above me That is my dream to be a nonverbal And just you really told that story the wrong way to be a non-verbal, diapered invalid. You really told that story the wrong way. It should be called The Man's Dream.

Should be like the coolest guy ever. That should be the name of the documentary. But she's holding his hand and he's like typing out, I want to touch your breasts. I bet she is. Yeah, but is she saying that or is she thinking that? oh, it's like a Ouija board kind of thing right Mm-hmm Ouija wood, I we Ouija wood I would I would your mother fucker wood like an airplane

Ouija wood peeled and got out. Thank God. Thank God She oh she left her family for the guy she not on my bird. She God. So she's out raping again. Thank God. Oh, she left her family for the guy. She nod on my verbatim life. She left her husband. Married with kids. That guy. That guy, the husband.

Why? That husband, he's got to be, that's got to hurt. Right. Yeah. Then the husband does it to get revenge, and he does four million years in prison He's like, oh, so if you're gonna do it then I'll do it too. I'll find the nonverbal girl How do you like it? and being executed by by knives

Stone to death Ninja stars Throwing you into a giant blender That's a two-tiered justice system for you folks Yep, suicide by car That's why we're out here. That's why we'retiered justice system for you folks. Yep, suicide by car. That's why we're out here. That's why we're marching.

Mm-hmm. Okay? Because a woman is allowed to rape a mentally disabled person, but suddenly when a man does it, now it's a big problem. No one's saying this. No one's saying this. And now it's a big problem. Yeah.

Why? What's the difference? Because this goddamn Me Too situation. I can't stand it. Can someone explain the difference to me? I can't. This lady is a puppeteer for people that can't move or speak. Because I can't see a difference.

Maybe I'm dumb. Maybe I'm an idiot. Weren't you ladies burning your bras for equality? Or maybe there's a double standard in America. There's no marches for that. There's no marches for the man that rapes him and After his wife that guy after his wife started it. Yeah Tucker wearing denim jeans denim shirt denim tie This is Tucker on I love I love his podcasting look. It's insane.

He has a regular show and then he has the home show. Now I'm just chilling out at home in my sauna. That's also a podcast studio. In his vineyard vines. Dressed like a drunk person trying to remember tool time. He looks like he's always on Nintucket. I gotta get on that show. You'll do it. Just chill with him. Manifest it.

What is manifest? I'm sick of this manifest. We'll manifest it. I feel like I would be disappointed if I went to Nantucket because I'd be thinking about the Pepperidge Farm cookies. Any one of those places, Tahoe, Tahoe I don't think I could ever go to, Milano I definitely couldn't go to. I ate too many Milanos on a Christmas one time and I vomited and I haven't been back. Yeah

that's what did it. The Milano cookies. Yeah. What do you think it was? The buckets of cum I had before? No, I was thinking you were talking about it. You had cum with your family there? Yeah, I was dunking them in cum. Your grandfather, He's a veteran in front of him He said he survived Omaha Beach, but he couldn't survive that the man is a goddamn here finished toilet paper roll is a straw He liberated Europe is that noise my god is the sump empty Oh, no Karen's drinking a bucket of KFC. Her nightly come. Remember that? It's just a minister Rod Stewart.

Yeah. It's the best. Yeah. You remember that? What? So there's a whole like POD. He had his rib removed to suck his own dick. Then it became Marilyn Manson. Nah, it depends on, I think at like how old you are. Yeah, cuz gen X for gen X. It's Prince for us. It's it's Merlin Manson Then there's the other one then Richard gear added. He puts mice in his asshole. Yeah, and then Rod Stewart was at a party and drank two liters of cum

Well, yeah, he OD'd and they had to pump his stomach He got sick And they said it was two liters of cum They said the two liters of semen were in Rod Stewart's Which is like too much Yeah, I did the math on it at one time and I looked Like double dare challenge? Like with the line?

It was something like seven thousand men Yeah Yeah It's way more than you think like can you imagine I mean he would it would have to be like an event was he trying to cure his throat huh was he trying to like I think he was trying to be forever young oh yeah like that guy who keeps injecting his kids blood who keeps drinking his own son's blood? I think that's like, that is like, there's some of them.

He doesn't even look that good to me. I don't understand, this is how fucked up things are, right? If you're poor and you like- Harvest your kid's blood. And you cut your son, you go to prison for child abuse. If you're a rich man and you extract it with needles to inject into yourself and make him talk about it, pose nude with you in the news.

Totally. People are like, is this guy good or bad? Right, but if you just want to suck on your kid's arm, get some fresh DNA, you're abusive. If you talk about it on a podcast, then it's not cutting your tic toto. Unrelated, but I watched Amadeus again yesterday, so man that movie so good It's such a good

It's just about a guy that's just a bitch dude Sally airy He's just a piece of shit. Yeah, it has nothing the movie has nothing to do with Mozart. No, it's about a guy Yeah, just a pussy. Yeah, and then they use a guy who like it, it's about a guy. It's like nothing about me. Yeah, just a pussy. It has nothing. And then they use a guy who, like, it's also just completely fictional. It's sort of like a libel against the actual Salieri. But they just imagine this world. They pick the composer and said, what if this guy just

fucking was just a c*** to Mozart? Just a player hater. Yeah, he just didn't like him because he's like, wow, this guy's goofy. I'm gonna hate, I'm gonna kill him. Yeah. Because he was goofy. He was acting too goofy. Like Harvey Milk or whatever? Yeah, that's what a lot of gay guys act. Be acting kind of goofy. They do be. No, I, the, I, there's a scene right where he's going through the sheet music and the no mistakes part.

And I kind of sometimes identify with that. Yeah? I was like, yeah, if you see some- You're a perfectionist? No, I wish I'd ever done anything that's perfect. Yeah, I feel like a freaking eraser, white out guy. Aw. Yeah, it's fun

You know a lot of us bring a backpack with us I did spider-man skateboarding backpack was filled with all the molestation wouldn't really be comparable to Salieri What oh cuz he at least made yeah, yeah, at least made something It's more like yeah, it's the the spirit You're the people is the F. Murray Abraham whose work you're reading as Sali areas And you're like one of the the mentally disabled people in the insane asylum at the end No, I'm more of like a unit that guy in the Vienna Boys Choir the guy that's in the straight jacket in the end Yeah, saying I absolve you that's you. Yeah. Yeah, I'll take it as long as I's in the straight jacket in the end, saying I absolve you, that's you.

Yeah, yeah, I'll take it. As long as I'm in the movie. Yeah, you're gonna get a credit. The ending of that movie is amazing. It is an incredible ending. Just the priest speechless, and he's like, you don't have to say anything. He got to just.

I love that movie. They just take him to lunch. Who made that movie? Milo Sforman. Yeah, that's right. The Man on the Moon guy. I love that movie. Man on the Moon?

Yeah, Jim Carrey. It was good. It's not as good as Ace Ventura. I love Ace Ventura. I also love Liar, Liar. It's such a good movie. For this, you'll pay a terrible price. That would suck if I couldn't lie anymore.

It's one of my favorite pastimes. Yeah, I lie a lot. I've been lying on stage about how much I can bench press. Have you? Yep. What do you say? What is the real number versus what you're going with? I can probably bench press around like, like with a barbell, probably like 70, 75.

I've been seeing like 85, 90. Is that how you do it too? So your lie is 10 pounds? Yeah, I do it too. So your lie is 10 pounds? Yeah, I see it more as like I will eventually bench press that much. So I might as well start saying it now. Are they having you doing bench pressing in the alpha classes? Yeah. Oh, that's surprising.

I thought it was all like... We do Olympic lifts. I'm working on my split jerk. But that's not an Olympic lift. No, that one isn't. But I'm working on my split jerk and my hand clean and the other ones, my deadlifts. Those are good. I can deadlift like 155, 160.

This is how we should have started. Right? Talking numbers. Nick's one of the strongest people I know. I know. Yeah. In more ways than one. That's really sweet.

That's nice that you guys say that stuff to each other. Bench 575 raw. Shut the fuck up. Raw. Yeah, 575, raw. Shut the fuck up. Raw. Yeah, 575, raw. Shut up. No spot. 685 with a slingshot.

In a bench shirt. If you have your right shirt. 1,315 pounds. With your special shirt? Yeah, yeah. Your special bench shirt? In a bench shirt, yeah. Yeah.

I would need to buy those wrist add wrist wraps right we're talking 1375 Smelling salts now. We're 1580. We're up in the 1500 right I put a weightlifting belt on yeah Now yeah, we're at 17 about 1730 Kilos yeah, ask are pounds or are we doing kilograms? Keep in mind too, the numbers I've quoted so far are completely nude from the waist down. Excellent.

I put pants on, I can get a little bit more distance from the bench. Right, what are you thrusting? What's that? What are you thrusting? Oh, hip thrust. Yeah. I don't do those.

No, it's gay. It's gay. Hip thrusts are gay. It's like, what are you doing, brother brother? What are you bore at in the gym? You're supposed to be hip thrust. Well, that's that's all the exercise I do I basically I do a different type of box squats where instead of a box I use one of those dildos Attaches and I don't sit down on it. I go to depth so that the tip of the penis just barely touches my ears

Yeah, okay, and then I and then I on the way up And then it's it just it triggers something just primal Yes, some man survival comes out and I'm back up I'm back up. I broke my hand doing a box jump because I punched it and I have a screw here right now That happened to you that in your alpha classes. Yeah, I should be able to sue them, right? Yeah 100% that happened so long ago if it happened like last April especially because it's not like it's like one of these things were They'll just be like hey come take a class. It's not like something you sought out You went to the gym to just like walk around

Put on the expensive clothes you bought the instructor. I was really and then you found I was a gay guy John Cena actually did end up fucking him, but I was trying to be cute when I do the box up I like shut my eyes. I was doing like a really cute little stance, and that's when I fucking broke my hand Oh, I like going a lifetime, and, and I love chatting folks up in the sauna. I bet you do. I got yelled at in the sauna for being naked by this black woman. I talked about this on my podcast.

She came in. Well, you have the N word tattooed on your ass. For sure, who doesn't? I don't. Oh, I. I would never get a tattoo. She got the staff involved, came in. This other woman brought me an extra towel.

Now mind you, I have a very small vagina And thick thighs so when I'm lying flat like this you can't see my vagina She had to like come up look and like become disgusted. She's like this is so weird You're so weird a lady peeped on your pussy like my pussy and then told on me told the head of the spa to come in And give me another towel. Is it Glenn quagmire? to come and give me another towel. I was laying on a towel. Who's that, Glenn Quagmire? Yeah.

I've heard a lot of stories about women's saunas. And it's like, it's sort of turned me into a misogynist. And because, I mean, literally, like, it's red pilling me more than anything. Yeah. Why? What do you mean? Because the men's sauna is, it is like, we're in ancient Rome.

Yeah. You have to understand, like, the- It's a Bacchanalian sex fest. No, well, no, it's not. But it's like it's the court of the Emperor Nero. It's the great equalizer. You know, we're at the bath. People you talk about business, you talk about current events,

you know, like you talk about working out. I have never witnessed anything remotely close to any type of contention in the men's sauna. Every time I hear about the women's sauna, it's just, it's like about to go reach critical mass. You know why, you know why it is? In the 80s. With the exception of Luis Gomez, by the way.

He'll be happy. Luis, Luis, Luis is banned from Equinox because he cannot. I thought he quit Equinox. Well, he tells you, he goes in the steam room He's like he's like yeah, dude was fucked up like guys were talking and stuff Yeah, and I'm like that's what the fucking thing is for I think there's two different schools of thought I think I think a steam room. I don't know I think it depends it depends sometimes I do believe the sauna is a place of like quiet meditation and if you want to chat it's not

That's what the fucking did Zendo is for the sauna You go in there, and you can't it's hot. You don't need to meditate. You're already fucking hot I'll tell you why these these girls are acting up because after 80 the 80s Yeah, they banned peepholes for guys locker rooms and so once they they're like no no now that now then that now they can't act Right now they acting different because we're not open Now they can't act right. Now they're acting different. Because we're not cracking towels in Peep-Ink. We're not opening a place called Porky's Gym. And then you're just spying, you're just recording women

in the locker room. And then when you get sued for it, you're like, I mean, there's a reasonable assumption to be made that that's what's happening. Have you seen the movie? We play it in the lobby. The movie is playing in the Yeah, I remember as a kid I would see the cover of that movie I'd be like damn I can't wait to do that

It's gonna be awesome gonna have a secret hole in the women's locker room. I'm gonna look through a hole. Mom, can I have a telescope? I can jack off in like a broom closet. And there's nothing the girls could do about it. I'm just covered in cleaning fluid from all of the janitor's supplies masturbating. And I'm gonna be just like the movie. And then you watch the movie and you're like, this sucks. Yeah, it's not good.

It's not good, no. It's bizarre, in fact. Yeah, you think it's gonna be like Animal House and it's not. No, it's not good. No, it's it's it's bizarre in fact. Yeah, I think it's gonna be like Animal House And it's not no it's not like that at all. No. It's just uh yeah, just peeping yeah 1980s peepers a lot of 80s peepers it really went out of vogue after that yeah, but you know what society's like a pendulum Peeping is gonna come back. I hope so I think so I'm trying to get peeped on Yeah, have you really? Peeping's gonna come back. I hope so. I think so. I'm trying to get peeped on. Yeah, have you, really? Yep.

Come on, that's disgusting. It's disgusting. You don't know who's on the other side. It could be a five-year-old. It could be five-year-old Nick. Who do you think is the person at fault? Because I got into a disagreement with someone about this.

He was like, I saw a girl getting naked in the apartment across from me. He could see through her window. That's cool. And I'm like, you're the problem. You're looking at her. She's allowed to be naked in her room. No, no, what are you talking?

It's her fault. It's her fault. Really? And she knows that he's there. No, I don't think. And she probably wants to get married to him. No, people do the thing where they're like, ah, they probably can't see me.

They can see you. Oh yeah. Everyone can see you. If you're in your apartment and you look out the window and you can see things, all that shit can see you. Yeah, it doesn't bother me. Yeah. Yeah.

If someone doesn't have a telescope, they can't. Me and Felix and Amber lived together. Remember, there was that couple across the street We've been doing the podcast and they would just be like fucking in front of the window. It was awesome A window is so cool That guy look because that guy was the man Yeah, no, I I remember the stop would be at the window like like like a fire truck. Yeah, but it's their fault It's not my fault. That's right. They're not in the the privacy of their own It's in the fucking it's in the public. Yeah, okay

What the hell right and he used to do a doggie thing where she would be they both be facing the way they were She reached climax four minutes into it still it's just cool after for 12 minutes after that 15 feet away from a Malcolm Malcolm X mural yeah It's spread love is the Brooklyn that mural cuz it's like it's clearly Denzel on the cover yeah, it's not That's who used to copy it. I think so yeah, I think it's the cover of the There's a couple other funny ones on there anyway any plugs Karen I'm gonna be in Akron, Ohio on July 6 nice for what the dirigible festival yep you do I will see you there cool No, there's a LeBron James owns a club with a guy called the 30 something what the 30

God like the 33 club the 30 30 club maybe Well, they used to have the 40 40 club in New York. Yeah, yes p.m. On the screen. So yeah I'm there July 6 July 12. I'm headlining Rodney's comedy club in New York City if you want to come to that Okay, probably not gonna sell a lot of tickets go check it out folks Nick anything you're gonna be on the road No Hyenas at the end of July I want to figure out some way to just tackle a show either before or after in Austin and then maybe like we're like One-nighters or something. Yeah, cuz I really don't like any time I go down there.

It's just I book it for the shows. I'm like, I'll do this stuff during the day, but I kind of want to just chill. Yeah, just have a nice trip for a little see the crew. It will be hot. Just go to Barton Springs. I don't really fuck with Barton Springs. I like going to Krause Springs. Well, it's what's southwest, but it's the same thing.

Okay. It's a natural spring. Less populated? Barton was busy. No, it gets pretty busy now. Okay. It used to be less populated, but Austin's... You know what?

Maybe I'll just cancel the show and not go to Texas. Did I just talk you out of it? Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be hot? It's gonna be like 108. I will be at Hyenas in Fort Worth, and that's a fun club They never booked me. That's fun It's like it's like the the setup of the club is the actual space is enormous

And then the showroom is like the smallest room and then And they it's like it's like one of the birthday rooms of Chuck E cheese. That's awesome Yeah, and the chairs are the same kind of chairs, but that's like the best environment because it's like, we're just here to laugh, folks. I like that. All right, folks. We're just here to have some good Christian laughter

here tonight. Awesome. Yeah. All right, folks, thanks for listening. Yeah. I'll be... When they asked if I was Mormon, I said, yeah, I would love some Mormon.

Mormon. In my life. Yeah. Mormon. Yeah. Because I'm actually, I'm love some more more men in my life. Yeah Mormon. Yeah, because I'm actually I'm gay folks And it took christ to teach me that And it's okay because if you read the bible the only thing that's actually a sin Is fucking the other guys you can suck them off you can fucking

Jack off together all of that is fine Yeah, I I grew up with a lot of them, and I guess the dads were all 16 like they were gay There is no better feeling soak your dick in there and then they make turning you just making a Cinnabon with another guy You guys curl up, and it's just yeah, I call it a yin-yang. Yeah Yeah, that's kind of the Bung it's kind of like it when it's three guys is the recycling symbol, and we check the Bible Let me say yep. Yep. We didn't lay down together. We fuck completely we still we were standing up It's in the tablets. We didn't up. It's in the tablets. I did

not lay with another man. I fucked him on a sex swing. There is a difference. Alright folks thanks for listening. We'll be back next week. Take care. Bye.