The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Mike Recine - Episode 71

Episode Date: September 14, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Mike Recine - Episode 71 Check out OFS: https://www.patreon.com/OutForSmokes Watch Mike's Special: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fjt3mkpvquw Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #mikerceine

I'm gonna go start this show with a major complaint that I think a lot of people can relate to this Is it gonna come back on me or no absolutely not okay? No, I'm gonna do is go ahead go off. God what a self-centered shit Why? Listen that's the format of the show Adam has nothing terrible it has Absolutely nothing. Oh, what we probably did something Well, and that's exactly why he's already immediately defiled.

For me, Nick. Oh, I didn't do anything. For me, no, I said, will it come back on me? It wasn't something I did, was it? I was going to complain about the debate schedule. Nick, I am nothing. And then immediately, oh, me, me, me, me, me. I'm nothing if not a survivor.

Me, me, me, me me me me it's true There's no Context for did you do something that you want to confess? No, it's just like you know We're doing the show Nick's like you know I have a Gripe a bone to pick and I'm like oh boy here here. You know are we done talking about you yet? Can we just complete 1987 st. John's Hospital? I was born in my seven. Let's go. Yeah, all right. Sorry Nick Grievance, I'm not even I'm not mad at you. I love you problem right it's the ABC debate

Okay Now normally when I go to watch a debate or anything is I just go to CNN because CNN usually has it even if it's somewhere else and then note that if it's not there then I'll go but I said oh I know this one's on ABC so I'll go right to ABC. Debate starts at 9 o'clock and 8 52 p.m. I use my Fios remote I say put on ABC and it changed the channel to ABC's local affiliate. Instead of ABC World, whatever the fuck the other ABC channel is. Yeah.

Wasn't there one? I think there was one. I thought there was one. Last night I put it on. And what's happening is Wheel of Fortune with Ryan Seacrest, not even the right host, is ending. They gave it to him? Is ending. Right host, is ending. They gave it to him? Is ending, right? It's ending and it says presidential debate countdown, you know, and it's 8.52 and then it starts and they're like, we're live here at the Constitution Center in Philadelphia where the debate is about to start in less than an hour.

And it says 58 minutes until the debate starts. At this point it's 9.02 PM, right? And it says live on the screen.m. right and it says live on the screen and I'm like is there a delay or something you know I'm like what the fuck is it's 9 p.m. debate's not on I don't know this is ABC it says live and so and then there's just an insane amount of commercials leading up to it so I go back to God of War? I go back to playing my game and I periodically I checked in right? Okay, it's 930 Maybe they're coming out. Maybe there was a delay or something. I checked back

I'd use the the remote to switch the inputs. I go back to cable now. It's 928 or something. Oh live your life with symbolic more fucking ads, right? So I go back to and, and I keep coming back, and then I'm like, alright, well I don't wanna miss it. So at 9, 9.50 something, right? Back to when I put it on and they're still talking, and then I'm like, is there something, like why is this taking, you know, why is it at 10 p.m.?

Why did they say, I was like, was it delayed? So I Google, and I find reddit debate live reaction thread And there's all these people from 30 minutes ago. She's destroying him. She's completely I'm like well what time was the fucking debate? Why? Well, where was it? Well, and so what I think is there's a different a beast channel There's a different ABC channel and ABC local Local ABC has it on an hour later, but it still says fucking live

Either that or I press pause on my remote at some point and my TV was just an hour behind the hour watching ABC Family or you know is ABC's one ABC Nick I'm telling you what happened It doesn't make any sense and I'm looking at these comments. I'm like you what happened. It doesn't make any sense. And I'm looking at these comments. I'm like, I already missed this fucking debate. Yeah. And then it's like, well, I can watch it. I can watch it. Cause it's right here. Now it's about to start. I was so mad.

I turned it off. Cause it's like, I don't even actually give a fuck about the debate. I don't care. And I w it's like, I was only watching it to participate in something. Right. You know what I mean? And so it was like, would, in the same way I would watch Evel Knievel or, you know, a Monster Jam or something. Mm-hmm.

Literally. I'm not going to sit there and DVR a guy jumping a motorcycle. You know what I mean? It has to be, we're all watching. You want to be with America watching Magic Secrets Revealed. Right. Yeah. By the Masked Magician America watching magic secrets revealed. Right. Yeah.

By the masked magician. It ruined my night. Yeah. And did you catch up anywhere? I did not. I haven't looked at fucking anything because I was so mad. Trump did great. So it's either Verizon's fault or ABC's fault.

Yeah. Well, you could have caught the fourth quarter. Or Ryan Seacrest. What's that? You could have got the fourth quarter, you know? See? No, it was already fucking... Well, you could have caught the four Ryan Seacrest. What's that? You could have got the fourth quarter, you know, see see no It was already fucking Why was why when I was like is this starting now? It was already 950 was already over

I'm 52 you get 40 minutes left. Yeah another hour. Maybe it was a two-hour debate I think 90 minutes 90 minutes. Okay. Well, I didn't even see that. Yeah, so you didn't get to see the outfits the red carpet No, it doesn't make sense. sense whatever happened I don't for whatever I think ABC the local one is I got will carry it an hour later you need I think it was that ABC had the moderators that's why it was the ABC debate but it was on every channel it was yeah but ABC the itself the channel carried it an hour later. I that I don't think that's right bizarre That is what happened. I don't not fucking crazy. I I'm open-minded. We can check that but it doesn't sound right if it's their biggest night

ABC there it's ABC's debate. They're like, why don't we? Show it an hour later. I have no idea and then it also said live it said lot because I was like well I wasn't starting in an hour and it says well It says live because normally when they do shit like that it says you know recorded earlier Yeah, at least you weren't one of those losers who watched it at a bar like me Oh, you went to a bar to watch the bar flies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was watching at home My kid took the remote and I said I'm gonna get out of here. You hit him?

No, not yet. Maybe a little. And he put something else on? Yeah, he put on Sonic. There's a new Sonic movie. The movie. Yeah. Oh, is that the second movie?

With Jim Carrey? I'm not sure which Sonic it is, but he likes Sonic. I caught the end of, I think, the second one. Okay. With Knuckles in it, okay? Dog shit yeah, yeah, it didn't seem very good really bad. There was something add to oh there's something in it where he goes Uh I guess he's raised by like an owl or something. No. He's got a black mom White dad no, I'm serious the hedgehog does yeah Sonic's mom is a black lady. Yeah, no yeah

Yeah, the dad is a family the dad's that guy that plays Cyclops in the x-men movies. He's black no No, he's a side Marsden James Marsden. Yeah, it's something happened where I think the mom is black mom storm It's he's being raised by an owl and he's like she's like she's she raised me She's just like obi-wan Kenobi with feathers in a beak. I'm like obi-wan Kenobi didn't raise anybody That's sure this is bad writing. I guess you like sort of like took care of when they purchased the slave boy Yeah, yeah, no Darth Vader. Oh right and look how that turned out I guess yeah, and that's because you know know, him and Qui-Gon were. Gay?

Well yeah, they had a civil. Yeah, silly. That was kind of the whole point of Star Wars, the prequels, it's like, you know, they can do their thing, but maybe don't let them adopt. I think that was my takeaway. And that's why they called it the Phantom Menace. Eight year old?

Yeah, it's like this kind of hidden thing lurking behind all this progressive stuff. It's the fact you'd be a Nick's dad when you think of the movie, son. He's like, yeah, I don't think we should let them adopt. I don't think they should be allowed to adopt. I don't think they should be allowed to adopt. Yeah, what was it called? The whole race element of the first one that NASCAR competes in? It was called bug chasing? Oh yeah, bug chasing. Yeah, bug chasing.

Anakin was like, yeah I'm a bug chaser. I'm one of the fastest bug chasers on this side of the galaxy. I think in the original script Anakin's like 12 years old which makes more sense because he's like a bad kid yeah you know but then boys a slave I don't yeah but you think they're bad kids and slavery that's why they were probably oh he's always getting in trouble that's a bad kid we're gonna send you this to the plantation son. Well, they're already at the plantation Well, they're all there for being naughty though. Yeah, I'm not saying that they were bad kids that became I'm saying that slavery is wrong Okay, that's what the first of all has to give it I don't even need to say it cuz it's obvious these days you do these days you do I guess you're right

Yeah after that debate Yeah, you know you missed some crazies crap. Was it even was it was pretty boring. Yeah, yeah But the the goat lost his fastball. Let's just say yeah, he didn't have any really see actually good at debates Yeah, when he said you'd be in jail that was good. Yeah, yeah He's good. He never like gives up though. He never stops fighting. That's what I like about him. Yeah.

That's what I like. Yeah. It is like, he mentioned getting shot though, right? Once? Probably. Did they ask a question about it? I don't know. Did that just never happen?

It's weird, right? It's weird. Hawk 2 has been around for like three months. Yeah, and that was two days Yeah, of a guy almost getting killed that's running for president. Yeah How that happened, and then we don't know anything about the guy we don't know anything yeah Who is a nerd just we were saying that he's a nerd it was like DeGrasse Yeah, he was getting bullied too much, then he tried to kill was he even getting bullied I remember they'd said that initially like oh he's bullied and then they talked to

kids at his school like no not really yeah yeah he was just good at math and yeah he was kind of not even silent they're like I had friends but you know he was just kind of like a I think it would problem is with all the mass shootings and stuff and people are, that we got to a point with the mass shootings that we're like, all right, what type of guy is this? Because there's maybe 20 types of guys, from online that we understand.

And then, Adam Lanza was the last one, the Sandy Hook kid, where they're like, what's his deal? And they're like, oh, he likes My Little Pony. Okay, great, he's that type of know, there's a documentary about those guys We know what they're up to online and then Stephen paddock happened and people are like don't you think it's a little strange? This guy we know nothing about him. It's like well, we know girlfriend guy. Well, we know well, not even we know everything Jimmy Buffett You know we know plenty about the guy. It's just that it can't be distilled down into like, oh he was a MAGA, you know, or this or that.

It's like he's just a rich guy that likes gambling and has a Filipino girlfriend. You know? Did they give us an answer on that one? I'm making the point that there doesn't need to be an answer. But they try to give us something. There's some sort of like oh that's what it was but they didn't even try there was no Warren Commission you know it's like clearly like not true but like he just killed the most people ever and then

it who the hell was Warren you know I think Earl Warren Earl Warren Supreme Court not Warren from the far side comics? No. Who's that? Half the characters in Far Side comics are named Warren. Are they? Yeah. Okay. So there's Warren. That's a name he uses a lot. Okay. Yeah.

Wasn't the Far Side like calendars typically? Not typically. They made calendars like most popular comics. That's like saying wasn't Dilbert mostly calendars? No, I've never seen a Dilbert calendar. Okay. What do you mean? Don't respond like that. It's a ridiculous statement I've just made.

You're in one of those moods today, I see. No, no, Mike obviously is being deferential, but he looked at me with a wink. He was like, I've only seen far-sighted comics. Well, where did it exist though, in the newspaper? I feel like it wasn't like he had books and then yes It was also in news and in newspapers calendars and calendars as well For like people at work. Hmm. Yeah, they'd be like this one's funny today. Check it out Yeah, there's probably a guy that got a Dilbert calendar

He started his new office job and he's like this is gonna suck, but at least I got Dilbert. It's 1995 There's not I mean the internet exists, but it's like you're going to a fourth graders website to look at a picture of a frog You know it's like like somebody's book report. There's nothing really fun to do on the internet So all he's like I got this Dilbert calendar at least then he's got one night He gets drunk, and he's like I'm just gonna fucking read all of them, dude And he reads all of them, and he just has a night where he's just dying laughing He's dying and he wakes up in the morning They're all just

They're all torn off the thing. It's like oh no You know and he's like, okay Well, he goes and buys another one and then he's at the work the next day and he tears off the thing He's like I've already seen this I've read this I've already have fucking seen this one. Mm-hmm And so he goes and buys a gun He comes back to the office the next day. Remember those? Remember people used to shoot up the office back when people had jobs? Yeah. Why don't they do those anymore? Because there was a very effective anti-gun ad where there was a guy with a musket who went into his office and

they were like, he's got a gun! and it was like taking him like 15 minutes to load the musket They just like tackle him and nobody dies and they were like this is what the founding fathers saw guns That's really smart. Yeah. Yeah, and so people were like, okay message received. Yeah, we will no longer shoot up offices Assault rifles are here to stay. I Shot guns for the first time recently yeah yeah handgun is really not accurate rifles easy yeah rifles pretty cool I can get the guy in the eye with a rifle I was shooting a bin Laden target that's cool yeah yeah he's already dead it's I don't know why they're still selling those

yeah you can do it now yeah well but it's nice to go back to that. It should be like melons or simply when you knew who to be mad at Yeah, yeah, there's one guy. I'm gonna bring my own. What's a little Swedish girl the activist the grant Just be Bring that to the gun rage and be like what I'm not very good at shooting and she has a big face that to the gun rage and be like what I'm not very good at shooting and she has a big face. I'm learning how to shoot and I picked the person with the biggest face I could find. It's like the size of that door. It's just perfect. It's two feet away. I just need it. It's so close. Look at all the face. You start stabbing it with a knife. Hitting it with the gun.

Jacking off on it. First time shooting guns. You guys do this every Saturday? This is cool. What if cops just had rifles? They wouldn't accidentally kill people. They do have rifles. They keep them in the trunk. I just feel like they should just have a rifle because it's it's more accurate than a handgun. No I don't think that they're accidentally hitting people. I'm pretty sure style situation on purpose

Because they had like a letter opener or something or a threatening pen It's like the look harder guys sponge Bob socks. I'm to take a handgun out of your pocket. Yeah, they have a holster. They could have it around their chest, you know? Yeah. With ammo. Yeah. And grenades.

Give them a whole Judge Red setup. I don't know. I found that... I think cops should just have a self-destruct button. That's fun. Yeah, they should have a suicide vest instead of a gun. If they get scared. Yeah, they could be like a bumblebee basically.

They get one sting. That's great. You know? But they really gotta make sure they use it. They use it, yeah. Oh, guys, I wanna talk about Lucy. Guys, 100% pure nicotine, always tobacco-free. Lucy isn't like every other nicotine pouch company

That's owned by big tobacco. They're the mom-and-pop shop of pouches. Have you used this Lucy? It's they make pouches that you put in your gum and then they get you real geeked up on nicotine What's your favorite Lucy flavor Nick? Have you tried them? Apple martini Nick's a big apple martini fan I'm a big uh like there's a coffee one that I like um what strength do you use Nick? um

strongest 20% yeah me too I go uh John Rambo the strongest one they also still don't know they sent us a nice care package and it had a a nice crew neck in it nice Fall is starting. I just saw it again today. I'm redoing. I've decided to give up on the idea of folding sweatshirts I think that's idiotic. Okay, they need to be on a hanger. I

Agree. Yeah, they take up too much room in the dress. That's what I've been doing that and I'm like, this is fucking I've yeah And uh live and learn, you know, you just get better as you get older When do you usually throw in your Lucy Nick 2 a.m. I wake up. I set an alarm I go to bed at 7 p.m. And I wake up at 2 Fill my mouth with Lucy's and I go back to sleep for another six hours. And so I'd love if they made one that tasted like my wife so I could taste her all day. What does she taste like? Ah, I don't want to talk about that.

Oh come on. Just kidding there. I like to take it Cheese During mid-day slump That's a hidden cheese recipe from From the the Byzantine Empire that Mike discovered from the Byzantine Empire that Mike discovered. I prefer Lucy over gas station brands because of the quality and flavor. I don't know about you guys. And a nicotine routine is a big part of my day.

And I think it should be part of yours. And what you could do guys is level up on your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy.co. slash TAFS and use promo code tafs to get 20% off your first order Lucy offers free shipping and has a 30 day refund policy if you change your mind that's Lucy.co and use code tafs to get 20% off and always free shipping and guys here comes the fine print, products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified.

Warning, this product contains nicotine. Thank you Lucy. Don't forget that they got, it's not just the thing, they got the breakers. Yeah. They got gum, but I think unique to Lucy, they have those breakers. Breakers, yeah.

Where you can bite into the pouch. And then it's like more flavor. You know when you chew gum and then after a while it's like, ah, I've been chewing this gum for two days. You know, it has no flavor anymore. Well they have, you know, your nicotine pouch runs out, crack it open with your teeth. Perfect.

Yeah, right. Now.co, is that weird when a website is dot co Sure yeah, but otherwise yes, I feel like I'm being scammed a little bit yeah They don't do the country extensions anymore like dot co dot UK or okay remember that No, my friend Went I wasn't allowed to visit foreign websites my British my friend in high school went on a porn website. I wasn't allowed to visit foreign websites. My friend in high school went on a porn website and his parents owed money to Vanuatu, which I guess is an island when we were kids that ran a lot of porn websites. And he got in big trouble. Speaking of Vanuatu, I will be at the Irvine Improv, September 19-21.

It's the last big show. I Don't know if I can so please come out if you're in Orange County or Los Angeles Say big venue. We got this fun. We had a good time there. I think we did Yeah, you were sick. I thought no I was sick a lot on tour. Yeah that first time out Like was the end of 2022 I was sick probably every weekend Yeah, but he let me take the rental car. He said take the rental car and do whatever you want I went to CVS pretty going to Chipotle pretty cool. Yeah, great guy. Yeah Yeah, yeah, very generous very generous guy. Yeah, we don't say it enough. We don't say it enough. We don't say it enough

Yeah, about chimps cold lay, okay burritos like banana burritos You know they got yeah, they got been a taco. Yeah, it's all stuff for chimpanzees right And you're like do you have like carne asada and they they come out and they rip your penis and hands off. Yeah They tear your face. That's so funny. They do that. That's awesome. They're mean Also know that's like, if you had no social, you know, it's like,

if you were in a fight with somebody, and you had never seen like a John Wayne movie, you know, where it's like, all the ladies on her, you know, I'll keep her husband's face. I'll count to 10. Yeah, right, exactly. That kind of

bullshit yeah you'd be like well I guess I'll try to rip this guy's eyes out of the side I'll use my mouth because I'll bite his penis off. They're savages yeah right yeah yeah they do war you know that chimpanzees in the wild. They're the only other species that does war This is like one of in the 15 years that comedy podcasts have been a thing now probably longer than that We've realized there's only ten conversations that you can have Animals well The biggest one is yeah chimpanzees. Yeah, that's where it all started Joe Rogan there Joe Rogan show what it is now was built on a very heavy foundation of like

Which fighters you think could take on a champ you ever seen them what a chimp can do fucking crazy He did that for a decade and then he had like stuff. They write children's books about yeah Yeah, he had a scientist on he's like what the hell is a graduated? Cylinder and then 10 million people watched it and then the next guest was Barack Obama Yeah, you know and that's it was written. Yeah. Yeah, I see but he hasn't done Rogan He's done mark Maron's podcast. They're the same. Yeah the same show. Yeah, I heard a rumor. He's going on Hassan. Oh Yeah, yeah, a rumor. He's going on Hassan. Oh Yeah, yeah cuz Trump went on That other yo the ovens know the other streamer Tim pool

Eleven now, yeah Yeah in Miami he gave him a watch or something. They all have a zillion dollars He went on Patrick bet David he went up. I love him. Patrick bed David. He went up. I love him so yeah He's pretty cool. I love him so much. Yeah, there's a video I don't like when he does shill for Israel a little bit nothing. He says makes sense. No, there's a video of him Promoting one of his scam conferences and he goes four years ago pandemic. Yeah, three years ago technology to AI This year up like it makes no sense what he's talking about yeah yeah what do you say for this year I forget I have to find the video

it's really funny great awesome I'll find and he's always talking about like kids changing the genitals how did he going to he became famous because he did Kobe's last interview before he died on the helicopter on the hell he crashed the house spinning around. Yeah, four years ago. Yeah, I'm Demick lockdown AI Technology, yeah two years technology. Yeah, it makes no everyone are you had like Like there was like contracts out for his assassination He was the only one that because I expected when Kobe were to die everyone would be like actually he low-key problematic But Shafir was the only one who actually did that

Like everyone was respectful to the boys for having our sad death And then he just had to disappear and go get like a yoga certificate or something He went this way He did Bikram yoga for five months in a fucking jungle. I want you to kill Ari Shafir Ari Shafir very disrespectful to Kobe Bryant. Yeah Yeah, but he's a billionaire that guy. I really want it. I want to like he's just like a South Florida Scammer guy, right? Right. He has like an insurance pyramid Shit ton of money. Mm-hmm. And now he's people accidentally love his him as an interviewer

I do kind of love what he's doing though because it's like it's like the opposite of what we're doing right now Like they all wear suits they get dressed up and they do their show and it's very like he makes people feel smart He makes me right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, people feel angry from watching but you listen that show and you're like, oh we're gonna like make some Money together like money together. Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, do you know this guy Patrick Bate David? I've seen the name and I've seen a clip or two, but I'm not really familiar It's yeah, he's I guess I like I like what he's selling. I read like selling I read like three subreddits and then Like my internet consumption is literally just the news. I don't look at anything else anymore. So yeah I'm pretty nice to get your news from though. Whatever shows me on Apple News, okay?

Yeah, so you'll read like the news headlines. Yeah, I mean, you know people like oh you can't really trust the media And it's like well, yeah if you Agree with their opinion you can certainly look at what's happening. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah what they're selling Yeah, I don't care anymore. You know, go ahead lie to me. Yeah, I don't give a shit. You read the post New York Post Yeah, yeah when I'm in the store in the morning, I get my coffee. I'll see it there. No, yeah take a look see what the I get my coffee. I'll see it there. Yeah take a look see what the

What the fun headline is see what the black crime is up to yeah Yeah, she got the one for black crime one for today was like Kamala boozled Yeah I'm just up all night. Canbush, yeah. Kamala Boozled. Yeah. Because I guess Trump got ambushed at the debate. Because they were fact checking him. But they weren't fact checking Kamala. Yeah. They had some great ones though. Yeah.

Like? Like when the Beatles were found, it was found that they jacked off together. headline was beat the Beatles Beat the Beatles. That's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, that's not bad Yeah, and then they got a little lazy when Jared was caught They it was just like enjoy that footlong in jail, which I know everybody was doing that Yeah, but my dad sent it to me being like hey, I just thought you would like to see Funny what comedy actually is. Yeah, actually.

And you're my, when you're on this journey through it in life, you'd like the starting place is like, you know, well, we're not going to return there. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. But that's what people want. But so many people haven't discovered the starting place. Right. Most people. Well, it's nice when it's a dad because they don't they don't have that reference point. Yeah. My dad called me really excited one day

He was like his name is wiener and he showed his penis He was like so excited. He was like, this is awesome He's like comedy is dead. His name is wiener But it was like very sweet. He was trying to connect with me. Mm-hmm, you know, yeah I was doing intravenous drugs when he called. Yeah, I said dad I Should call you more. Okay intravenous drugs Okay, see you're nice Do people do that anymore in Jack Seaman into their blood?

Yeah, there's another like sales like Patrick bed David kind of guy His name is Brad Lee and I was watching him on Instagram What Bradley like his Brad Lee is his last name lea? Bradley what or Bradley? What's his last name? Oh, is he the buff guy that sells cars Bradley Lee Bradley? Brad or Bradley, it's Bradley Bradley Bradley what though? His first name is Brad the RAD and then there's a space between his first and his last name and then his last name is Leah lea Bradley lea Bradley lea yeah, and He was arguing with this guy who drinks his own piss So he was like see I would just think that if you're if your body's getting rid of something

It doesn't want it to be in there. But you drink it for health reasons. He's introduced as a guy that drinks his own piss. Yeah, piss drink. He's like, you didn't tag me. My next guest needs no introduction. I just want to plug my Instagram. He's such a disgusting piece of shit that I won't entertain one. He probably smells like pee pee right now, folks.

Mr. Pee Pee. so what happens with that information? there's like a like a Recently pubescent Indian boy that starts drinking his own urine. I guess I call because then you'll get pussy Is that what that the market for that is yeah, maybe I imagine all that manuscript stuff. It's got to be all like younger His children must be teenagers. Yeah That is yeah, maybe I imagine all that manuscript stuff. It's got to be all like younger His children must be a teenager. Yeah, like a little market. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the getting pussy market Yeah, yeah when I was in high school like my we were like 15 my friend was like I'm sick and not getting pussy

I was like yeah, we all are right He's like I downloaded lectures from Kazaa of this guy Ross Jeffries and he tells you how to get pussy I was like it's never gonna work yeah and then he fucked at school three days later okay I know I was shocked yeah he was like yeah you you have to like say things like like a subliminal messaging you have to say like I think that women are blow me you have to like say I was like that's never gonna work and he had sex with a teacher with a white trash girl that he dated for two years and was saved in his Cell phone as bitch. Yeah, he's a

Really? Yeah, that's good. I hope you learned his lesson. I hope that came back to him That was early manosphere though You had to like get a book or like download a lecture off of you know, cuz our naps. Yeah Yeah, but it did work I downloaded a lecture off of, you know, Kazaa or Naps. Yeah. Yeah. But it did work. Yeah. I remember sitting on the bus and I would like, I'd be waiting to ride the bus home and this,

when I was in seventh grade, this eighth grade couple would just, they would meet up and they would make out. And I would just watch them make out through the bus window and I'd be like, how does he do? And the kid was like, he had a shaved head. He had a shaved head, he would sag his pants. He had cancer. Yeah.

He was like, I'm dying. I'm dying and all I want is the tender touch of a fat woman. In sixth grade I heard two kids had sex and I went home and cried because I was like we're just kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like we're doing sex now. We're just kids. I don't have pubes. No I did the same thing. I thought we were kids. Now sex is happening. I was in tenth grade and my friend Shane was telling me about like how he had sex with His girlfriend and I said you don't do that till you're married. What the fuck's wrong with you? He's like yeah, and he was like he had like a south jersey accent he was like yeah me and Lauren

You know my mom found the condom in my cigarettes. I'm like Shane. What the hell man? Also, there's that thing in like ninth, 10th grade where you're 15 and then there's a girl that's hot. That's 15. Yeah. And she goes and smoke cigarettes and hooks up with like 20 year olds. Yeah. And you think you're like, I can't wait to be an adult one day so I could have sex with a child. Like you're like, it's not fair. She's my someday. I'll be 20 I'll be giving a child cigarette for a hand job Yeah, there was a girl. I knew that she was three years older than me and She was in I met her at like this theater camp that I did and she was um

a man she was a man Boys would play with it. Yeah Right right knows England and it was a Shakespeare program doing a midsummer night stream and it turned in to a night Yeah, they would call him the merchant of penis Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. They would call him the merchant of penis. And he would go around,

he would go around the camp extracting a pound of flesh from all the uncircumcised boys. And my parents picked me up at the airport and said, how was theater camp? And I said, yeah, it was good. What happened to this girl? She, you know, it was just like, we would talk and I asked her to go to the movies and I, you know, I thought she was going to be my girlfriend, you know, but she was in 11th

grade and I was in 8th grade, you know, so no. And then you went to see like a blue II. Yeah Yeah What's a you try to tell her chicken run was the movie that I wanted to take her to go see? Okay, well that's a girl already once a month. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but you know, he got to go for it Line, you know, did you make a move on that 11th grader? No, I ate her out like years later Yeah, we reconnected in 2022

Three weeks ago, she got out of jail. Yeah. Yeah, I ate her pussy. Yeah, I told my wife I was podcasting I went on Jersey Transit I told my wife I was podcasting. I go fuck this town. I go down the well. I went on Jersey transit. You know woman out to Penn Station. I got a tall boy and I had ninety minutes on the train to contemplate cheating. What am I become? All right, I guess I'm here. The momentum of like the initial spark of hornyness had faded, but you had to convince yourself you're not a bitch. Well I'm not a homosexual. It's gay to not get pussy.

I'm doing this for my... I would have thought this was awesome. I don't know if this is a good idea. What are we 20 minutes into this train ride? I would have thought this was awesome. I don't know if this is a good idea What are we 20 minutes into this train, right? I was in theater in seventh grade and I did a play and then at the cast party my dad was a play it was fences It was the vagina monologues. Yeah

I forget what place but my dad picked me up at the cast party and then like, you know The theater kids are very touchy feely. Yeah, so all the girls were like giving me a hug. Yeah I was like, oh my god, that's fine, huh? And then my dad saw he's like he's like, what do you what do you he's like? Why are you hugging all those girls? He's like You can Interesting and I was like but it's good. I'm touching girls. Yeah, it's like it's you're acting like a gay guy And I was like Understand at all I was like, well, how is that game?

There they have training brah. Get out of my car. You make me sick What do they call training bros? Like, like, press learning something? They're getting ready. Yeah. And it's words on the inside. Yeah, right. Yeah. Be bigger.

Yeah. It's proven. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah. Did you? All right. Wait, Mike did you all right? Wait Mike you had something I do I was wondering when when Nick started uh, you know like a letter girls. Yeah Yeah, he just was like oh Girls going on dates. Yeah, I didn't I mean, you know, I'm like kind of autistic. Yeah, so I was like

Oh, I'm just never gonna get pussy and then 15 I was like, maybe you can try just asking that when that no worked But then I always show weird cuz I didn't have like a girlfriend until I was like 18 okay, so I was like, oh there's something wrong with me. Yeah, you can just ask It's so funny that my first thought was like I never thought to just ask mm-hmm brilliant. Yeah There was a guy there was a guy I don't want to say his name But there was a guy that did comedy in DC who was very much autistic But like in the new style not like you know back nobody was autistic back then

They're just kind of weird, but he was and he would like really do it just every woman Yeah, and it would work all the time Wow. Yeah, and he was like I Mean everybody else so scared of them. Yeah. Yeah, you didn't know him. It was before you for me. Yeah Yeah, so why is acres yours? Yes. Yeah, so he wasn't really around Later he may have I think he moved. I don't want to cuz then people are gonna figure it out Yeah, I don't be rude but yeah Yeah, it's true women will just fuck anyone. I guess What's that imagine the father yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know what's happening

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I bet on a game a few years ago, and I won, but you had to convert it to Bitcoin or something to get paid. You have to do that now No, not here. No, it's legal in New York now. Yeah. Okay Yeah, it used to be the Wild West. I think our flavored vapes now legal in New York No, I think that they did a big like a stink. They did a thing in Queens like a big sting You know what I would do? Here's my invention. I'm gonna start making vapes that tastes like Feces okay, if you were trying to quit yeah, so every time you're vape you're like oh god

Yeah, just I'm inhaling shit. It's a good idea. Have you ever tasted feces though? No no no, but I vape yeah I Feel like it doesn't taste what you think it's gonna taste like interesting you're pitching On Bradley Lee's podcast It was the bonus content We got a guy who each join our page for the guy for Tom flood technology two years AI technology two years

AI What did you say? What did you poopoo? Now? What do you said you were gonna eat your doodle? He's awesome that guy He's really cool. He's so confident. Yeah. Yeah, which that's sales. I guess Yeah, he's amazing, but there's something cool about that show where it's like they sit down and they like they go All right. Here's all the stuff. We're gonna get into like and he says everything that's going on in the news So you go? Okay, I'm gonna be informed, and I'm gonna like use this to start a business or buy some stock I get my own suit you feel like yeah, you get your own suit with just the vest Like you feel like you're gonna get rich listening to that show. I'm gonna get a boat. Yeah, this guy's awesome Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna move to Florida, and it's cool cuz like there's Patrick bet David, and then there's

Adam who's like the insane Zionist, and then there's Vinnie who's like the WAP The screaming WAP what does he say? He's a Syrian Syria he's a Syrian he's Iranian, but he's a special type. He's like I'm actually a Syrian Okay, which is like not which is a Christian Iranian or something, but Which is like not, which is a Christian Iranian or something. But yeah, he's like gets offended if you think he's Muslim. He really doesn't want people to think he's Muslim at all. Okay. Yeah.

But. And he's always talking about like kids, kids changing their genitals. Also just the tone of voice he has is awesome. Yeah. Yeah, kids cut the penis off. I like the way he talks. Yeah. Are you gay?

I'll be right back after I go to this message from the bathroom, from me cut the penis. I like the way he talks. Yeah No, are you gay right back after I go to this message from the bathroom for me to the bathroom where you go? I gotta go to the bathroom. Oh guys. I'll be in London the 21st. I pissed before the show, but then I drank too much water It happens brother. It happens. All right So it was nice we were talking about know, back in the day getting pussy. It was nice talking about back in the day getting pussy. Do you remember that? I feel bad for kids. And the door's closed and we can talk about pussy.

Thank God, dude, he's gone. Yeah. Now we can be ourselves. It's just so simple what we were pitched about getting pussy was just, it was just American pie. It was like by the end of this year, we're all getting laid. Well, it's also weird too because it's like by the end of this year. We're all getting laid Well, it's also weird too because it's like none of those movies had anything about women enjoying sex

It was all like Nerds it was all about nerds trying to get take pussy from women Right, so you don't realize so you're like in your mid 20s that they sometimes enjoy having sex Did do you ever see revenge of the nerds? Yeah, sure that scene where they're in the yeah, but I watched him when I was like 10 years old And I didn't know he has the mask on yeah when I was a kid. I was like doesn't register Score one for the nerds. Yeah, yeah, she thinks it's someone else having sex Yeah, and then he takes it off, and she's like I guess nerds have giant penis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's no cause Yeah, when I worked at got junk there was this Italian guy that worked there

And he is telling us a story about his twin brother and he was one of these guys like threaded his eyebrows You know he's like yeah What that assured me and my me and my brother and I fucked this girl that my brother went in and fucked That's kind of nice, and we were like yeah, I think you raped somebody who's like, yeah That's what the girl said, but I don't know what he talking about She's Louise yeah, I'm glad we don't do that anymore. Oh it happens No, but I don't I don't find that by the end. That's not me. I'm not getting away I'm really with that. Yeah, yeah, but it was just simpler. I think kids today

I'm not saying it's good. That's not know that's no That's our isn't good. But like kids today are like I think it's like you will be a huge You will be accused. Yeah being a monster. Yeah, if you even say hello. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, they're like They're all like a time for the autistic guys So it's time to bring back When you're autistic you just clean up just making my son watch American Pie and being like this is cool Yeah, Stifler's mom is yeah. Yeah, it's a whole yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, don't you think this is cool? You watch Saving Silverman. You're like, look. She's a bitch. She's a bitch. Yeah

That movie is so good that movie's cool. It falls apart at the end a little bit Yeah, but yeah, it's a good movie a man to piece is so hot in it Saving Silverman I rewatched it recently And then it's more of a nostalgia of watch is it yeah, then I like Neil Diamond that element of that's cool Yeah, yeah, it wasn't good though doesn't it's not as funny I read it quirky Romano recently. How's that? It's so cool. It's funny how the guy can't read it's so cool what movies used to be yeah The scene where he does cocaine and he's just the dog is ripping the bag of cocaine away

And it sprays all over his face Yeah It's just the dog is ripping the bag of cocaine away, and it sprays all over his face Yeah, and he's just walking through the FBI office. They make him talk give a talk to kids perfect. It's just so funny Yeah, cuz movies today. They're just they're doing too much Every there his two brothers one can't read the other one's just gay. Yeah, she doesn't realize it Yeah, we mean they're doing do you mean comedies? I'm just movies in general It feels like you have to do a lot of stuff who was it that was saying like Six months ago. They're like yeah, you can't really make comedies anymore. It's long to saying that I think one hot ones Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he said you have to get to make a movie about you know

Battleship or whatever. Oh Like a read there has to be like an IP There has to be something big IP. There has to be something big that people will go to the theater to see. Nobody's going to the, nobody would go to a movie theater now to watch the other guys. You have to make like the condom movie. You would just watch it at home. Yeah. Yeah. You have to like license some IP. You have to get a toy. Yeah. And say I'm going to make the movie of it. Yeah. Yeah. They're like there's a bunch of schizophrenic retards doing podcasts so well so the reason I

watched quirky Romanos that Katan claims that Paul Thomas Anderson wrote quirky Romano which is sly right he didn't know he could have why not it would be awesome if he did yeah but yeah it's uh I was like oh I forgot how much I loved that movie But there was a Chris Katan's whole career first of all apparently everyone in that generation of SNL hated him Because he was like an evil cokehead but his whole career was just like The joke is that I'm I'm a fag yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a fag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I'm a monkey. I'm gay. You know, that was just like what we're- Don't they kind of do that with Bowen now? Isn't he like gay in every sketch? I think so. Yeah, you're right. I mean, I don't watch SNL, but every time I have, it's been- something happens every

week. You know, it's like, oh, a hot air balloon. That was literally one of them was a Chinese spy balloon. That's like, well, what if the balloon was gay in Chinese? That's kind of mad TV style. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of nice. Yeah. They're like this time that whatever is the debate was actually the stage was gay in Chinese. And then they're just standing on them. He's like, wow, really heavy guys. Feeling a little chubby on the left side. I can't do this.

I just got a makeover. I just got my nails done, and you're ruining my new nails. Hurry it up. I got to go shopping later. I have to buy stuff. I have to buy things. I'm Chinese. This is so groundbreaking. Also, I'm Chinese. Wow. This has never been done before. This is everything. The ugliest girl you've ever seen is at Emerson the next day going, did you see SNL last night? Did you see the new SNL last night? Did you go

on their Reddit? He was a watermelon. Yeah. Yeah. Have you been on our slash live from New York? I did when Shane was on just to see ya. Yeah. Yeah, they take it so serious I know they have like a that was like, okay. Here's the recap of you know, it's like fucking Well, it's a show for industry. I mean,'s like am I it might as well be like a political party Yeah, you know yeah, yeah, you know it's like the whole pipeline SNL, and then yeah the way people See it is and it's really it's Tina Fey's fault not that anything she did but just who she was as a person because she kind of turned being like an SNL writer and

You know cuz nobody gave a fuck who wrote for SNL It was just like which cast member does the most cocaine. Right. You know, and then you couldn't aspire to be that because they all died. Yeah, people don't die anymore probably. Yeah. I'm going to Ireland more.

It's crazy, we probably have the most big fat comedians of all time right now. Right now, yeah. Yeah. If you think about it, with stop Shane and Tim have all made a past Well, stop you got one more year. I'm fat. That's not really fat. He's just tall. Oh Sorry guys Sorry, yeah, I would also like some feature work Yeah I would also like some feature work Yeah

He does yeah, he's not we don't think you're gay either if you're watching this guy's gonna have a shooting range face All right, I guess yeah, I'll be on your yeah, I'm gonna do that I'm gonna shooting range and you can either get a Greta Thunberg or a shameless Shane dummy To shoot at he set it on fire. Yeah. Yeah, he's throwing ninja stars at it How crazy be good shooting raises an Asian guy, but you're just launching throwing stars at Shane You're like, I'm sorry, I love you on SNL you're really funny I Love you on SNL you're really funny Like this Guys like oh my god

I'm gonna be late to shopping. I got shopping to do. I have to get home to watch drag race You've been to Ireland Nick yes, I'm going yeah Though I talked about fat come sorry to interrupt you but fine There was a generation before that right there was like Ralphie May and John Panett Ralph. Yeah, well, that's what I mean. Yeah John Panett died. Yeah, and he was like not even that He was just it's like his material did more damage to his heart Than his weight did you know cuz he was fat but his full He was like I love fucking I love ice cream. You know what I mean? Yeah That was like his whole thing he'd be like talk about how fat he was, but you know we had my 600 pound life on TV

We didn't can you imagine going back to the 60s and being like look at how fucking fat we're gonna you think somebody's fat now Yeah Just wait You're gonna be on TV. Yeah, you can be TV shows about trying to get these you're calling the fire department to get them out of bed, right? You know Yeah, I think about that a lot really I think the best part of my 600 pound life is like when they have like a skinny husband that like gets them Talk about yeah, I know isn't that that guy's awesome to me. Yeah

No that by the doctor because always like sneaking food to them Yeah, they're the enabler typically but to me That's like so alpha to be like loyal to your 1200 pound wife mm-hmm you know if my wife was 1200 pounds. I would listen to everything she said yeah until my wife Doing my wife is 900 pounds How much longer can I sneak her Taco Bell yeah, she's not very fast. She's very dense Skeleton is solid. There's no hollow parts of it Her skull is just all bone There's no cranial cavities all over them one big bone. Yeah, and she gets her thoughts from the phone sorry no your

wife's great your wife's great Nick you've been Ireland you asked me that yeah, yeah, where do you go? Well, I guess We flew into Shannon and then Yeah, we had a rental car we went to the West we're going to the West Yeah, I mean I went to Dublin and stuff in Galway. Yeah, was it the Dingle Peninsula? I remember that name being funny It's funny. Yeah, Dingleberry some of the cliffs where people kill themselves Yeah, is that true? Yeah, they told us that. Which it seems like there was something very Irish about it. Yeah. That they're like, oh yeah, you know, people will kill themselves here, you know? And it's like, that's okay. I mean, you can say that about the Golden Gate Bridge or the fucking

Empire State. Maybe not the Empire State building, but like People kill themselves in a lot of things. Yeah, unless it's happening every day, it's like what you know, yeah You're just being like goth. Yeah You know like oh wow, because I'm sure a lot of people kill themselves at Disney World But they don't talk about that on the yeah, and the other thing too is like even having said that there's not really any Protection against that happening when you go to that place. Mm-hmm. There's like a little Like chain where it's like hey don't step over this and kill yourself, but you can't Yeah

I'll go I'll check that out. Yeah, what are you looking for? Nice people in Ireland? Yeah, they do Yeah, I was like on YouTube. I was like I want to know the songs Yeah, that they sing at the pubs. Okay, it looks nice that they all know the word they do that You'll go to like the small pub. Yeah, it looks really nice in towns. Don't be somebody's like grandpa And he's like really sweet when an old person sings and plays music I've always thought but I was like I need to learn these IRA Rebel songs sure so they think I'm cool. Yeah. Hey guys, what are we singing? Guys I've been studying

Get the fuck out of here get out of our pub What you're doing to the Palestinians is fucking Why do we have to bring in- Why do we have to bring up Israel? You're a fucking bastard. Ivan Dunny! Get the fuck out of our pool. And don't get me started on Woody Allen.

You people make me sick. Um, anyway. Should we call it, guys? Terrormen! Alright. Alright. Thanks, Pete. Good to be here. Thanks, be here. Thanks Mike. Can we see you? Yeah, I got a podcast out for smokes that you can listen to and I got a special on YouTube right now called Mike Racine

I'm normal a couple tickets left for the 21st of September in London Looking forward to those shows and see once again Irvine improv 660 seats. Mistake to book that. You sold it out last time. I know, that was last time. Not this time. Yeah. Please come out.

It'll be fun to see you in Orange County. That's that.