The Always Sunny Podcast - Charlie Got Molested

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

Fuck Blockbuster.

Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather, good blood, bad blood. Welcome back to the show. That's one that I learned at Julliard. You don't have to do the accent with it. Do you have to do that? No, that was standard American. Red leather, yellow leather, good blood, bad blood.

That was standard American speech. Or God, what did we call it? They really fucked you up at that school, huh? Oh, fucking so stupid. What is a standard American? Who is the standard American? Who set the standard? Yeah, who sets the standard for what it is to be American?

Somebody from Julliard. Somebody from Julliard? Oh, man, fuck that shit. Fuck that shit, man. I don't want a standard American sound like that. I don't either, though. Yeah, I don't either. No one does.

No one does. Which is why when you first graduate from Julliard, you walk into a casting and they go, oh, and how many years has it been since you grabbed? Oh, it's been one year. Oh, OK, here we go. He's still going to be talking like a robot in one, two, three action.

Guys, do you know what's funny? Milestation. Are you talking about the act or the episode? Neither. We all watched the episode. And the McPoyles are great. They're super funny. Jimmy Simpson, Nate Mooney, so funny.

Uncle Jack, Andrew Friedman. We were definitely at a time where we were trying to do something that we weren't seeing on TV. And what I'm realizing now, 17 years later, is that there was a reason why it wasn't on TV. Yeah, because it ain't funny. It wasn't that funny. No, it's not that funny.

I don't know. It was funny to us at the time, kind of. There's some funny stuff. Look, the idea that your character is upset that he didn't get molested. That's funny. It is funny. It is objectively funny.

It's kind of understandable, right? Like, I think that's what I like about it, is there is a reality to it, as despicable as it is. There is a reality to being like, well, wait a second. If he's molesting those guys, and those guys smelled like a couple of, quote, unwhipped assholes, as I believe you put it in the episode. My character.

Well, your character, sure. Then why wasn't he molesting cute, sweet, little old me? The joke being that your ego is so out of control that you can't take not being molested. But if I have to explain the joke, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, if I have to explain it, then it's not working. I don't think we shy away from that kind of stuff. Now, I think it's just our execution is different.

And most likely 17 years from now, we'll look back on it and be like, wow, I would do something completely different. Well, I would like to point out one of the things about that episode was that was the first time that we ran up against some real resistance with FX because that episode was originally written to be not about a gym teacher, but about a Catholic priest. And FX got a little squirrely about that,

even though it was all over the news at the time and it was a big deal in the country and it was all over the world, really. And they got a little uncomfortable with the idea of saying that a Catholic priest was molesting you guys, even though in the episode, he isn't molesting any of the kids and even though it was true because they were fucking, the Catholic priests were and still are.

Oh, guys. You know, this isn't supposed to be funny, is it? This podcast, I mean. No, the show is funny, this is the analysis. Man, it's like, okay, Megan is laughing. We gotta get her a microphone. I'm telling you, she doesn't want it, she's laughing. Are you guys uncomfortable talking about FX

being uncomfortable with the episode? And we almost quit the show over it, guys. We were about to like really. Holy shit, that would have been dumb. Oh, it would have been so dumb. That would have been so dumb. No, but I mean, to our credit, we did realize that. You know, and to their credit.

To our credit, we backed down. Well, hold on a second, to their credit, what they said was they said, we understand you guys are passionate about this and we get it, but will you at least try and see if you can make it something else and see if it's still funny? And we were like, well, that's fair.

We would be assholes if we didn't at least try it and see if we liked it. Was it because of pressure that they would get from the sort of Catholic powers that be? Yes, yes, that is correct. Yeah, they were worried about the right. Let's go ahead and call that out for what that is. Like, that is some dark shit to be like,

we know that there's been a problem. We've been out here molesting boys, but don't you fucking talk about it on your TV show. I'll tell you. We'll destroy you. Like own your shit, man. Yeah. Own your shit.

Yeah. Beg your forgiveness from your Lord and do better. I want to take it back to, I want to look on a lighter note. I want to switch it over to Jimmy Simpson and Nate Mullay. Yeah, they're the funniest part of the entire episode. Jimmy and Nate, though, re-watching those episodes, you know, like we had some stuff scripted in there.

We had some ideas, but they also fully created those characters. Totally. And pushed the way further than what I was sort of imagining on the page. And one thing I picked up on was Nate huffing the spray can. I guess, I don't remember how this happened, but three seasons later, we had me just huffing spray paint.

But in the first season, we're like, well, this isn't a crazy character who does this, right? We also established in this episode that you have sisters. Yeah, I have two sisters. Twin sisters. Can we see them? We never hear from them again.

No. And a grandmother. And yeah, she must have passed by now. Oh, okay. Yeah. The twin sisters we completely forgot about. Like we scripted them in, and I say, you know, there was some line about like them.

And then we just kind of forgot their style. You know who we didn't forget about? Uncle Jack. Oh man. We sure didn't. Do you remember where we found him? You had the ground legs. Yeah, Quirknut.

Quirknut. Say Quirknut, Mike. He did, I played a character, and I don't know, he had a... Oh, he had a parrot. A parrot. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Name Quirknut. Yes.

And we're like, this guy is the funniest guy I've ever seen. And we wrote that part specifically for him. We did. And he's still to this day, every time he pops up in an episode, there are very few guest actors that we have that make me laugh as hard as Andrew Friedman, as Uncle Jack.

But two of those people would be Jimmy Simpson and Nate Mooney. Truly. Yeah, two of the best. But yeah, we established all those characters. And that was the first episode where we saw your mom, too, you know? We established a lot of supporting characters.

A lot of main characters, yeah. Lynn Marie Stewart. Lynn Marie Stewart. Yeah. Brilliant. Was that her first episode? Yeah, I think that was her first episode, yeah. She's so good.

What's going on with you guys? How are things? I saw you down on set earlier. Yeah. We're in the middle of filming the 15th season. Week two? Week two of the 15th season. We couldn't get through that scene.

That was fun. That was the first time we've had a scene where I was like, this is really funny. And I'm in trouble getting through it. Yeah, we got a bit tickled while shooting, which is still the joy of doing the show, is that we make each other laugh. Yeah.

But what about the molested episode? I don't recall. I don't recall a lot of laughs. No. Coach Belding from Save by the Bell. Principal Belding. Principal Belding. Principal Belding.

Yeah. Dennis Haskins. Yes. Was our first celebrity guest casting, I think, in the history of the show. Big Get. It was a big Get. It kind of was for us.

We were like, why is this an established actor coming in and doing a thing? We went from that to Danny DeVito. Oh. Yeah. Like immediately, like, OK, we got Dennis Haskins, and now our next celebrity guest will be Danny DeVito. I'd be interested to see how much the show changes for us

when we start watching the second season. Because I haven't seen those episodes in equally as long. And is it going to be as painful as it is to watch the first season? No. No, no, no, no. No. It's definitely a step up.

It's a step in the right direction as far as I recall. There's some really strong episodes in the second season. I think what's strange is I certainly don't want to go through the entire catalog of the show and apologize for what we did. I think, for me, it's more like looking back. It's not even about the content itself. It's about looking back 17 years in your life,

and you see yourself, and you're like, oh, that doesn't reflect who I am. It's weird. You look back at home movies. But it shouldn't. It shouldn't. Because you were a man in his mid to late 20s, and now you're a man in your mid 40s.

It shouldn't represent you now. Do you think Steve feels that when if he sees Jaws, where he's like, this doesn't represent me? Jaws is good, though. Yeah, but he doesn't. He probably sees it. He just sees us. He's probably got some clunky scenes that he looks at,

and he's like, oh, I wouldn't stage that one that way anymore or something. Well, I wonder if, yeah, we wind up having people listen to this podcast and get pissed off at us, because they're like, I like those episodes. Why are you guys talking shit on them? And I don't think I'm talking shit on them as much as like that.

Yeah, I think that's definitely going to be the case. I mean, you know, they're like bands that I love, where they hate their first album, and I would argue it's their best. I think that's a classic tortured artist's perspective, if I can call ourselves that. But like, is that you're just constantly trying to make the best thing that ever was made, right?

Every time you set out, you're like, well, this could be the best one that we do, maybe not 15 seasons in. But, and then you look back on, you're like, well, it wasn't the best thing ever made, and then you pick it apart. What's that, Spielberg? Do you still, Mr. Spielberg? Steven. Steven, how do you feel about the first Jaws movie?

I think it's pretty good. I'm a big fan. I mean, I still like it. I mean, I mean, you know, I don't love everything about it, but there's some things that I think still work. And I do regret that the shark didn't look better, because I still think the movie would have been better if the shark, if we'd been able to see the shark more.

But that turned out to be a good thing, according to some people. I don't know. I stay by it. I stay by it. I don't know. Is that bad, Steven Spielberg, in front of you? What do you talk?

Well, that's how Steven, Steven, how is your impression of yourself? Is it good or is it bad? I don't think I sound like that. Well, thanks for coming by, Steven Spielberg. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. That was, yeah.

Steven Spielberg. Wow, what a get. How about this? When we wrapped the season, do you have any memories of how you felt, like, once we were done? Like, do you recall that at all? That you were like, we did it. We got this thing in the can.

How long was it from when we wrapped to when we aired? OK, well, I remember the last day we shot was actually, we were shooting the underage drinking episode. If I'm not mistaken, we were on location at the house where the big party happens. That is correct. And I remember we busted out a bottle of whiskey. Yep.

Yeah, you sent us a photo from that the other day. Didn't she was in that town? Yeah, yeah, I definitely have a photo of the four of us in one of our trailers, like, drinking whiskey and. All right, so we're all jazzed up. We shot a season of television and then what happened? Then we went into post. We went into post and we fell into full despair

because we had ruined it. Yeah. And then eventually we came out of that and we had episodes that we felt like pretty good about. Right. And we were like, OK, this is different from other things that are on TV. Like, maybe this will work.

I think I thought it was pretty funny. I mean, I felt great when we were done. Yeah, the initial cuts. No, those are never good. But then did we do a premiere or did we do a premiere? No, no, the we all went out to a bar. Yes, because they were launching Starved, a show called Starved.

We went to like a TCA thing at the Beverly. Yep. And we watched it on like televisions. Yeah, and they had like big screens in like the bar area. Yep. And we were just talking. And then we watched while it was going because they were drinking and eating at the same time.

That's right. It was sort of like a background band or something like that. Yeah, yeah, it was like a lounge act. Yeah, nobody was really paying attention to it. Right. And then that was it. And then we went to a big premiere

that they had for Over There. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's going to be a monster. Yeah, there was a show that they had that they thought was going to be their big hit. Yeah. And it wasn't. It wasn't.

It didn't work. They put it over there in the trash. Then. Right over there in the trash. Yeah, and then we proceeded to not really see any promotion or anything like that. And then they put us on a 10.30 at night on a Thursday in the summer.

Yeah. And so we celebrated. Yeah, that was a big night. And then we celebrated that by going out to a bar. We aired on a Thursday. Yeah. Oh, right. The night that the show premiered,

we went to a bar in Santa Monica. Yeah, it was that Philly bar. Yeah, the Philly bar. And we just invited a bunch of our friends. And it wasn't like an official thing. Like, it's not like we it's not like the drinks were free. No. And once again, we asked everybody to sort of quiet down

while it was on and the people of the patrons of the bar were like, fuck you. Get fucked. Yeah. I don't give a shit about your stupid show. I'm not here for that. Come to the bar to watch TV. Yeah.

And then the ratings, if I recall, were abysmal. Yeah, abysmal. Like, pretty bad. Pretty bad. Like, nobody. Yeah, really, nobody, nobody watched it. But I remember also being excited for some reason. We thought, oh, well, no, they know what they're doing.

Like, maybe it'll work. And then we got to call the next day from their publicity people. And they were like, yeah, so, right, like that. This is like, nobody watched it. Nobody watched it. This is like, nobody watched it. This is really bad.

I do remember that there was one important statistic that we did OK in, which was that the people who did watch it watched it through to the end. Yes, retention. Yeah, retention. Yeah, they would monitor retention at the quarter way mark, so every 15 minutes. So if there was, like, let's say, I don't know,

throw out a number, 175 people across the country who tuned in. 175 people watched it all the way through to the end. And then we built on that. And then we built on that from there, but probably it was Danny. Yeah, well, what happened, and I guess we'll get into this with the next podcast, but what happened was that FX gave us a bit of an ultimatum when they said,

look, if you can get a big name on your show and we can attract some more viewers, you're doing this so cheaply that it's worth it for us to take another crack at it. I'm surprised that they didn't just can it. Like, why exactly? They liked it. They liked it.

They liked it. They liked it. They liked it. They saw some potential. Yeah, and we were skeptical about bringing on a new cast member. But at that point, we were already talking about meeting some of the parents on the show.

So it kind of did go hand in hand with that. It's just the idea of making that person a regular cast member felt a little like, wait, that's going to fuck with the dynamic too much. But do you guys remember some of the names that we were throwing out in terms of people that we thought would be good to play Dennis and Dee's father? I remember at one point we were talking about Ray Leota.

Ray Leota, I remember. We got very serious about Ray Leota. I just work with Ray Leota. I know. Yeah, he's great. He's the best. I think also maybe the FX was like, well, you know, who else gives this show a giant thumbs up?

The Catholic Church. No problems here. No problem there. No problem. We're not seeing any problems. So we definitely have remember expecting a lot of pushback from whatever those family councils are, whatever. Yeah, at the time.

At the time, it was the right that was coming after television shows. Now it's the left. Yeah, that's sort of an amalgam of a number of different extremities, yeah. Yeah. And then we were actually kind of disappointed. Not yet.

Nothing. When it just kind of went straight past. And our justification was like, oh, because people understand the satire, they understand what we're trying to do. Really, it was that they weren't watching it. No, it wasn't impactful. They never heard of it.

And I remember also, I remember after that first year, that we put out a DVD and Blockbuster wouldn't carry it. They wouldn't carry it. Fuck Blockbuster. What do you mean? I'm so glad they failed. Yeah, they wouldn't carry the DVD. I don't remember that.

Yeah. And it wasn't even content. It was because we just weren't like. Oh, right. It wasn't together. It wasn't big enough. Wasn't worth the shelf stress. And we didn't do it on the first season.

I think we released. We're not an indie film establishment here. We're a major. Blockbuster. Blockbuster. It's called Blockbuster. We're looking for Blockbusters. I think for years they didn't.

Yardbusters. Yeah, right. Yeah. They didn't carry it. Patio Buster. My wife's parents, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, her parents, the Ellis's are sitting in the police station. They are?

Yes. They're just sitting on a bench talking to what they were in town visiting her. And they came to set to watch this filming. And we, you know, they were like, oh, I don't know if they asked her if we were like, do you want to be in a shot? And they're like, oh, that'd be fun. I always felt bad about this, you know, because they're

from southern Mississippi, very conservative part of the world, obviously. And here they are in this episode of television entirely about like a molestation. Right. And I completely unable to tell their friends like, oh, yeah, you got to watch Charlie's show. It's all about.

Yeah. Here's a question for you, Charlie. I think I know what the answer is for you, Rob. But Charlie, when you were making this show, was there a part of you that was like worried about how your parents were going to react to it? No, fortunately. Really?

Yeah. I don't have that too bad. OK. Yeah. Thank God. I definitely was. I'm sure. I mean, I understandably.

Yeah. I mean, my whole family is pretty conservative and they're all Christians. And I just thought, because, you know, when you're an actor, you have the excuse of like, you know, I'm taking a gig and I thought it was cool and whatever. I didn't write the thing. I didn't create the damn thing.

I'm just playing a character, like whatever. But like with this, it was like, and that was always my excuse for almost everything I did. And then when we created this show, I was like, well, shit, I can't do that anymore. So I guess I need to tell my parents who I really am. So that's when my parents discovered the real me. And you know what?

It was great, actually. They were very supportive. They didn't, you know what they did? My parents would always say, like, we just, we don't like all the GDs. Can y'all stop with it? Just if y'all could just do the GDs. It's hard for us to watch it with all the GDs in it.

And it just so happened that goddamn, or goddamn, it was like my favorite curse word of the time and probably still is. Yeah, that's a big one for our show. My grandmother watched every episode and she would mute it. Oh yeah, my grandmother. Yeah, so she would just turn all the sound down and then she could just watch it, but not listen to it,

which I thought was really great. She found the content objectionable, did she? I suppose so. She didn't really get into that as to why she did that. I just think it was like, I like looking at my grandson, but I don't need to hear what he's saying. Yeah, I don't need to hear this. Yeah.

I don't need to hear this. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. I just, I want to experience the experience of seeing my grandson on television. That's exciting enough to actually then go and listen to it. That's a whole other level that I'm not interested in. They're also from a generation where children didn't need

to be heard at all anyway. Yeah. Just seen from time to time. Right, my grandmother probably would have been embarrassed that I even had the gall to be on television, like that I would even think that anyone, it's like that would have been arrogant to her. It would have been arrogant to be like,

you just think that people want to see you. That's very arrogant. That's very oppressive and withholding of her. Yeah, I have a funny story about my grandma if you guys want to hear it. No. No, not really. It's actually really funny.

No, please. Go with the best you can. I'm not going to tell you about my grandmother, but she was a very conservative woman from Mississippi. And there was this one time where my mom was going to visit my grandmother when she was in a nursing home. And she showed up. And the nurse went to my grandmother, who we called Meemaw.

And again, this was the South. And the nurse went to Meemaw and she said, oh, your daughter, Janice, is here to visit you. And my grandmother said, I don't have a daughter. I have never been with a man. She just, yeah, she was insisting to the entire nursing staff that she couldn't possibly have a daughter because she'd never had sex with a man,

because that would be scandalous to someone of her generation, in her mind. What about the Virgin Mary, you know? Like, do you ever think about how that went down? She fucked. Oh, she fucked. Come on, let's be honest. Virgin Mary?

No, she fucked. Everyone back then knew that she fucked. That was her whole thing. She fucks. Oh, should I not? Sorry. No, it's all right. It's all right.

We got to make sure we clear this podcast with the Catholic Church. Fuck them. Yeah. Well, I'm sorry. I interrupted you. I interrupted you with my stupid joke. No, no, no.

My offensive joke. I'm going to move past it. OK. Were you going to ask a question about the Virgin Mary that you wanted a real answer to? Like, what was her deal? Like, what was it? Sure was it.

Oh, OK. I thought you were going to say, like, what was her relationship with Jesus? I was going to go into it. With Jesus? I was going to go into a bit as well. She was his mother. Right.

But I mean, what was her deal? Like, did she love him? Was she real? Was she overwhelmed by his fame? You know? Was it like Jesus had his own TV show in a way and she was just embarrassed the way your grandmother, it was like, it's like.

It's like being Julie Cruz, right? Or whoever Tom Cruz's mom is. She's just like, wow, how do I deal with this? You know what I mean? My son is Tom Cruz. Except her name is Julie Mapother, because that's his real last name. Come on, let's be honest.

Mapother? Mapother, yeah. Mapother, no. That's his real last name. I don't know if that's how you pronounce it, but that is. Never heard of such a name. Tom Mapother. I do think his middle name really is Cruz, though.

Yeah, Tom Cruz Mapother. I would have gone with Cruz as well. Hell yeah. Yeah. If I had a time machine, if I had a time machine, I'd go back and change my name as soon as I got out to. Right. What would you change it to, Rob?

I would keep it simple. Dump truck, you know? Rob dump truck. Yeah. Ooh, that's tough. Yeah, that's cool. Very masculine. And that is, oh man, that's cool.

I would have been like Glenn Boulder. Yes. You know what I mean? You would have changed Howerton? In a heartbeat. You know what, I would have changed Glenn, too. You don't really have much. I'd be Tom Boulder.

You know what I mean? And then I would have hit crunch a little bit harder than I did at the time in my early 20s. And I would have put on some, I would have put on Boulder shoulders. OK. Yeah. I would have really put on those Boulder shoulders.

I get also yet changing the first name. If I would have went with like Gary, like Gary dump truck. Gary dump truck. Here's the thing, you're remembering that name, right? No matter what, you're never going to forget that name. Yeah. You meet that guy one time. You're talking about it when you leave the party.

Gary dump truck. Did you fucking meet that guy? Yeah. Did you meet that guy? You're limiting Gary. Not much to say about his personality, but his name. Yeah, but you're not getting a tons of work as Gary dump truck.

You know, you're getting some funny, like I have. We got Gary dump truck on the show again. But you know, you're not out front and center. Because they don't want to put that. Gary dump truck does stand up. He does something very specific. Yeah, they don't want to put that on the movie poster. So let's get a different name there.

Yeah. Robert Blaze. Rob Blaze. Yeah. Oh, shit. It's not too late, man. People still don't know who you are. It's not too late.

They really don't. It's not too late, man. I could do it. I could do it today. You have gone yourself on to so many people, and they still don't know who you are. I'm always the friend. I'm the third party.

I'm telling you, man, you could be Rob Blaze now, and no one would even notice. I had a nickname. Well, I had a. So my freshman year of high school. Oh, OK. Our teacher. We had a teacher who said, hey, this

was so fucking cruel. And I was a 14-year-old boy, so whatever. She was very kind enough to say, like, I'll call you by your nicknames if you want me to. So when we go around, you introduce yourself, you give a nickname. So she got to me. This is a story I've heard before.

Yes, I have heard this. Yeah, I remember you were giving a shit about, like, we never remember anything. But he's doing this for the podcast. He knows. I'm doing it for the podcast, and also because you said the word Blaze. I want you to know that I remember you told the story.

OK, finish it. But if it makes feel better, I don't remember what the name is. Well, then you don't remember the story. I don't remember the story. I just remember that you told me the story. I don't remember the name, either. I remember the story. Well, then you said you don't know the story.

I know the story. I just don't know the fucking name. You don't have this conversation about names. Yeah, but you took the opposite side of it. You took the other side of it. I did, but now I'm proving the point to you that you do know the story insofar as you heard the story, but you don't remember the actual events of the story.

That is correct. Now go. Go with the story. Go. I don't even know what you're talking about right now. I've already moved on to other thoughts. No, go, go, go. I want to hear it.

I've had 15 thoughts since I last heard the story. Well, I like hearing these stories over and over again, because they're good stories. Now go, go, go. OK, so she gets to me. Everybody's saying whatever their name is or the nickname she gets to me, I say Blade. Blade.

That's right. I wanted her to call. I'm just fucking around because I'm 14. She's like, what's your name, your nickname? And I said, well, everybody calls me Blade. And she was like, Blaze? And I, at that point, didn't. Then I was like, oh, fuck, maybe it's like first day of school.

I'm going to get called out. So I just said, yes. And she was like, OK, Blaze. And I was like, all right. And then from that point forth. You registered it subconsciously. I constantly pulled that up. She called me Blaze for a long time.

I'm going to call you Blaze from now on. Yes. I'm not. And then, interestingly enough, she spelled it. If she spelled it B-L-A-Z-E, I'd be like, all right, that's still kind of cool. She's from the French way. She's like A-I-S-E.

Yeah, B-L-A-I-S-E. B-L-A-I-S-E, yeah. And then I was like, is she fucking with me? Maybe she's fucking with me. And then she noticed that nobody in the school called me Blaze, not one person. She was a math teacher, Algebra. Who, eh, Roberta Blaze?

And she realized she'd been had. She had been had. She'd been had. And then we went back to Rob. We went back to Rob, yeah. So Blaze. Did people call you Robbie at all when you were younger? Robbie?

You know what they called me. I did have a weird nickname that my wrestling coach called me. Oh, boy. You guys know this? I, you, of course you know this. This I don't recall, that's amazing. No. I was called Squirrely D.

Squirrely D? What was the D? What did they call me? Squirrely. What did the D stand out for, Robin? Be honest. Oh, Lord guys were South Philly meatballs. It turns out that one of them is in jail

and then got out and is now in the witness protection program because he was a fucking gangster who ratted on a bunch of other gangsters. He was our wrestling coach. Oh, shit. What did the D stand for, though? I don't know. Like I said, they were meatballs who called everything

like Tommy D and I was Squirrely D. Squirrely D? Why not Squirrely B for like Bob or Squirrely R? I mean, it doesn't sound good. D can only be Dick. That's what I'm saying. He sees, they saw a little squirrel in your pants and they were like.

Yeah, they saw you in gym changing into a leotard. Those singles are tight. Look at that little Squirrely D. Yeah, Robbie's got Squirrely D. You know what? Maybe we should call him a chipmunk. It's a little smaller than a squirrel. Poor Rob's got a little Squirrely D.

He's got a little Squirrely D. Oh, Robbie. Squirrely D. Go get him, Squirrely D. I'll look at him, try and rescue the man down there. How much did you fucking weigh when you were wrestling? 87 pounds. Oh my god.

87 pounds. My first year of high school, I know that for a fact, because the lowest weight class was 103. Boy, was there like one? Only there was only, it was just you and one other guy. It was always the two of you wrestling. Because nobody else could have wrestled the 103 guys and won't, yes.

And how'd you do? I got fucking destroyed. I sucked. You did? Well, you shouldn't be wrestling someone 103 if you're 80. Correct. Well, there's not a lot of 87.

There's not a lot of 87 pound freshmen. Squirrely D wasn't so Squirrely. You might have an 88 or 89. I have a 10 year old son who weighs 90 pounds. I don't understand. I was 14. 14, oh boy. Do you wonder why I'm telling my teachers my name's Blade?

I'm looking for attention anyway. Any way you can get it. Yeah. You think I want to whip out my Squirrely dick? No. No. It's too small. It's too small.

It's too manual. You're in Catholic school. It's too risky. Yeah, it's too. Somebody might have all of it. Right, somebody might have started sucking it. Somebody might suck on it. Yeah, somebody definitely would have started sucking it.

That starts getting passed around the hallways. Those priests don't care how Squirrely it is. They'll pop that right in there. That's right. That's right. Well, this has been fun. This has been fun. Guys, bye.

That's the end of season one, but tune in for season two. And much like it's always sunny in Philadelphia, it seems unimaginable that this endeavor could continue. And yet I think we'll just carry on. Yeah. We're going to push through until it becomes good or just continues to get worse.

Bye. MUSIC