The Always Sunny Podcast - Charlie Has Cancer

Episode Date: November 22, 2021

Rob doesn't know where his nose and lips are.

Yeah, we're like listen to those like like news shows or like a podcast where someone comes on they're like You know Yeah, there was one particular person I don't remember who was an NPR that was like I would I would almost crash my car into a tree on the drive into the office Cuz I was like oh, yeah, just to end it all because I couldn't handle that between every word Yeah, there's one guy on there that I feel like Where are we landing on swearing on this we're gonna beep out the cuss words or no No, I think this is anybody who's listening to this

I think well, I'm excited for the children to listen. I think the children are gonna listen either way All right, listen up you little fucks Very nostalgic to watch that particular episode because as listener at home might not know That actually was our pilot certain scenes from that are from the pilot and that that was based on the home movie version of the show that we put up Yeah, it was actually a combination of the first two home movies that we used to sell the show That first scene where I come over to your apartment and you know, I ask you if you have a basketball That was actually the impetus behind the entire show that was the scene that started at all That was before we'd ever conceived of it as a show or short film or anything

I remember Rob coming over to my apartment being like, hey, I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about this scene and just laughing my ass off And you coming over and be like, I started thinking about this and I wanted to do something where we took a subject that is traditionally impossible to make comedic And figure out a way to make it funny and that was the challenge and you wrote it. Did you write it in the middle of the night? Yeah, I wrote it that night Yeah, yeah, you were like half asleep half dreaming about it No, I was just up late probably from all the coffee and cigarettes Let me ask you something about this will be an interesting question because we just watched this five minutes ago and I can't remember whether or not we saw something that was in it But in the one that we watched which we switched it to a basketball, which I think isn't as good as coming over for sugar

But that the guys were waiting for you in the car, we shot a thing where you then hop in the car Was that it? It was cut out, right? Yeah, we cut it We shot that in Pasadena because we needed bricks and we couldn't find bricks anymore I don't know why but we did go to Philly so I don't know why we didn't shoot in Philly I think because we added that scene or something like that so we had to shoot it in LA Yeah, but the original scene, that one scene, it was a little bit different from what we wound up using in the home movie We did a bunch of improv on the day but then when we wound up cutting it and having it work

We then took that scene almost verbatim and put it into the pilot that we shot for FX In fact, your performances are very specific, we were recreating what we had already done We were and by the way, I don't know if you remember this but we also shot that scene That scene we shot probably ten times, over the course of like two years We were just experimenting, we were just working it out It was almost like working on a song We were just trying to find ways to make terrible, terrible, terrible characters into funny, relatable people And so it just took time

A lot of awkward pauses in that scene I was very fascinated with the idea of like very, very awkward kind of comedy You know, just based on what were probably my biggest influences at the time Which was the British office and curb your enthusiasm Just so much like awkward, uncomfortable comedy kind of stuff that we... I still like that Yeah, I like it too We do less and less of it but I like it

Yeah, but we shot that scene multiple, multiple times By the time we shot that pilot version for FX That was probably the tenth time we shot it or something But that episode, we jammed a lot of stuff in that episode A lot of story Yeah, a lot of story Some of it, you know, a little bit problematic But we've addressed that over the years

And you know, we are making a show about terrible people However, we know we have certain blind spots that we have admitted to over the years And we try to ameliorate that as we go But I think overall, from a structural standpoint, it seems to hold together pretty well This is a little off topic Rob, I noticed you're talking so close to the microphone that your lips are like touching the little pop card thing Yeah, you were talking like that your lips were like on the thing It wants to suck it, but it's too big

You know what it is? I think that my... Megan, is he coming in hot or what? No, I can't hear myself very well And so I thought maybe that's just the way the mics are designed Of course, you're not seeing me right now, but I'm like really I mean, you were nestled in there You should not have to crane your neck that far forward You should not have to see a chiropractor after doing a podcast

There's also got something kind of... And to be clear, I wasn't judging you, but feeling insecure about myself like, oh my god, maybe I'm not close enough to Mike I can hear you perfectly I sound like I'm in a different room No, not in my cans Oh, okay, great Listener, when I say cans, I'm talking about headphones That episode was directed by Mr. Rob McElhaney himself

Who originally, when we shot the original version of the home movie Was not in the show at all Just wanted to write and direct Did not want to act in it So Mr. David Hornsby, who eventually, of course, went on to play Rickety Cricket Played the original character whose name was Rob And Rob just wanted to direct Let's get into that for a second

Now, why were you thinking you were done with the acting thing? And then, obviously, you've done back on the show You're killing it in mythic quests You've gone on to do some other work here and there Not a lot, I know it's not a priority for you But you were lost I think you said a lot of lost I think they cut you out of Game of Thrones

The point is, though, I know you like being in front of the camera So why was it at that age? Let's go back to young Rob and be like, what was it that made you think You know, I'm just going to be behind the camera Well, I don't know that I was making that clear of a distinction I was just afraid that if there wasn't somebody behind It's not like we had playback or anything So it was like holding the camera and looking at it

I was just afraid that we wouldn't have enough people there It was a QC issue for you It was a quality control thing But also probably, and I don't want to put words in your mouth to correct me if I'm wrong But I mean, we were friends with Hornsby at the time And Hornsby was just one of the funniest fucking people we'd ever met So I think you probably were like, well, somebody's got to be behind the cameras Watching this thing as it goes down to make sure it's working

And then Hornsby can just play back I'm really not saying this out of any kind of like false humility I'm really not I never considered myself like a super funny performer I always thought I could write funny stuff I remember when I gave you that script and I was like I don't think I could pull this off But I feel like maybe the two of you could make the scene really funny

And then sure enough, you did So then my thought was like, well, why not just populate with really funny people That can make this dark material really funny And I can see myself even in this episode, you know, for the first year or two Really trying to find my way And in fact, it'll come up more and more often But I saw things that Charlie was doing in that episode That I know that I like directly ripped off

Like later in the season and then I can season two No, we all know Yeah But it's fine, it's like, you know We've all stolen each other's moves over the years Yeah, we share the wealth It's osmosis was what happens It's not intentional

It's not like, oh, I'm gonna do that thing No, no, it's just like, oh, I saw somebody do that and it was funny And in the moment I'm trying to be funny and I just Yeah, it just comes out You're registering it subconsciously as funny And then you sort of end up doing it But emulating it And I didn't think I had enough experience at the time being funny

So I was just like around these really funny people And was like Well, you're always a funny guy But you did not think you were a funny performer Performer Because as an actor, you've done, you know, mostly drama at that point That's right Yeah, but not even a lot of that

Mostly I had done a lot of waiting tables Did it occur to you that maybe drama wasn't the way to go When you got cut out of every single fucking film you shot? Yeah, I mean, there's evidence out there to really suggest That I should have given up a long time ago Yeah, but those movies that you got cut out, tell us But before you get into that, there was zero evidence To support you being a writer-director

Yes, even less It's interesting that you were like, yeah, this is Lot of hubris Yeah, this is gonna be the thing Without a doubt, without a doubt, yeah Yeah, no, there was no evidence to suggest that I should have succeeded At either of those disciplines Any of those disciplines

Lot of unsubstantiated confidence in your own ability to pull something off Yes Yeah, yeah, that's that Again, I think that goes back, we were talking about Show business in general, you just summed it up The only way that anyone ever does anything is to say Hey, I think I can do this with absolute Unless you wake up looking like a supermodel

And then you're like, yeah, maybe people will want to watch my face Yeah, if I can learn how to talk good, I know people want to look at my face Yeah The rest of it will work itself out We start talking good We start talking good after today And then maybe Movies come my way

Yes Tina Fey was just, I just heard her say this exact thing She said acting pretty much is 99% having a face that people want to look at It helps to have a great face She was saying it's really attractive or just really interesting to look at It doesn't necessarily have to be like really attractive But it's just a face that people want to look at It does do a lot of the work for you when you have a really compelling face

When your face is constantly scrunched up like Clint Eastwood's Well, he is also really handsome But then you also can win the war of attrition If you're the only person that can really put in Because you're willing to put in 12 hours a day And write everything and constantly keep creating it And then saying, well, if you want this, then I have to be in it Then you kind of force your way in

Yeah, a lot of people do that More and more these days So I don't know that people want to look at my face But they're being forced to I like your face I think your face looks great on camera Oh, thanks I do

I think it's more interesting than mine, certainly I think I sort of have a neutral face Kind of good looking, but not that good looking I feel like I have to go pretty big with my acting In order to remain interesting I have to make big choices as an actor I tried early on in my career to just kind of do that thing of Okay, I'm just going to feel the feelings of the character

And just know that it'll shine through my eyes And what I saw was just fucking flat dead performances across the board I was just like, oh my god, every fucking thing I do I thought of that too, where you're like, I really was feeling that Yeah And really dropped into it, then you watch it And you're like, oh, there's nothing there Dead eyes

Dead eyes Just dead eyes He's got dead eyes Yeah That's my Dr. Larry Meyers impression Of? Talking of Ethan Hawke He came, I love Ethan Hawke

He came up to me and Wait, sorry, who? Dr. Larry Meyers Larry Meyers You remember he had the beanie babies Yes, I had gotten a job directing downtown theater Mostly naked men I've told these stories to me too

I know For the last 15 years This is not for you Not remembering It's not for you It's not all for you, Rob We're not performing for you You're not directing our lives

God, tell the story of Dr. Larry Meyers That you heard That you heard Dr. Larry Meyers I told him, I bumped into him He had a play called Beanie Baby Addiction Right You remember this?

And then, you know, it was the kind of thing where it was like 90 monologues Like maybe we could cut it down to like eight And he's like, fine And then Fine Don't do too much director stuff That's fine, I just need the money And, you know, like then there would be like a kid

Who'd come over from New Jersey He was like 18 And he'd do his monologue And I'd be like, all right, let's talk about like Who do you think you're talking to in the scene Or whatever And Larry would cut it And he'd be like, I think he should be wearing

Bicycle shorts and lifting weights And then his dad would get him back in the truck And drive him to New Jersey We'd never see the kid again Anyway, Larry stopped me on the street And said hi And this was years ago And I told him I was going to play with Ethan Hawke

And he goes, Ethan Hawke has dead eyes Just dead eyes I'm like, I don't, well, I disagree, Larry We disagree And did we somewhat Ethan Hawke, one of the best One of the best Absolutely, fucking incredible

And an amazing artist A true artist Dr. Larry Myers, that makes me think of the And that's the director, Rob Sweet D's acting teacher Yes And that character's name was Dr. Myers, wasn't it? Yes

And that was based on Dr. Larry Dr. Larry Myers You know what I do think though Your voice is part of it too, right? Like Keanu Reeves Always got a rap for not being a great actor Obviously, the man is a very good actor He can carry a major motion picture

And you will love that movie And be highly entertained But because he has this affectation When he talks, you know That's going to not sound great If you're doing like Shakespeare Playing Hamlet Yeah, you're playing Hamlet

So it's just that voice But the actual belief of the words that he's saying And the conveying of it is fine It's just that you're stuck doing that It's going to sound I venture to say that people watch Keanu Reeves' movies For his face, more than his voice That's, I'm saying the same thing

I'm saying his voice does a big part of it His face does a big part of it You just like him You just like him And you want him to succeed And that in and of itself is like telling Or just genetics I don't know

You know, he's compelling to watch There's no doubt about it This still makes me laugh to this day Thinking of Keanu Reeves and Point Break A movie that I absolutely love Where when they find out that the FBI wants to Put him under cover as a surfer Keanu Reeves has, I believe this is the exact line

It could be wrong Or maybe I'm paraphrasing But his line is, and said like this The FBI wants to pay me to learn how to surf Like as if the subtext behind that is like Why would they pick me for that? No one's going to buy that, bro Like what?

Pick somebody else, man Who's going to believe I'm a surfer? What do they even sound like? Exactly I'm going to have to start I'm from Idaho, man I'm a football player, dude Shoot a ball surfing, bro

Oh, he's Utah, Johnny Utah Johnny Utah I was going to say Idaho, Utah He's not Johnny Utah from Utah I think so Oh, get the fuck out of here It's a code name That was like his nickname

Yeah, yeah, yeah I think that was his fucking name I think that was the character's actual name Johnny Utah Did he play at the University of Utah? Hold on a second because they referenced that I can't remember At one point Roach said

They remember playing football on the beach Yeah, he blows his knee out And then Swayze says, Bode Says, don't you guys know who this is? This is Johnny Utah Yeah And then they remember him playing Maybe it was that state or something

And they're like, oh, fuck yeah And then he's in And that's why Not because he's anything like a surfer, dude Like the FBI wants to pay me To learn how to surf Dude I'm fucked

I'm thinking of finding out like right away, dude Bummer, dude Bummer, man Totally not bodacious Do you guys have any other stories about making the FX pilot That you think would be interesting to the listener Because Well, we shot a good chunk of that in Philadelphia

We did And then a good chunk of it in Los Angeles And oddly enough, if anybody is interested enough To go back and experience this as we are Which is to watch the episodes again You'll notice that Charlie's apartment looks like The set of a grade Of a grade school production

It looks like the Nightman comic set Interesting fact, that was not a set That was a real apartment that we painted Apparently to look like a set Actually, I wonder if we even painted it Or if we just dressed it Oh, you mean maybe somebody else had painted it For some other show or something

Yeah, because we were I don't think we were painting things yet Or anything like that I think it was like go in, dress the place Think about that pilot Think about the budget of that pilot We weren't painting We didn't have a ton of money

And in fact, there's a scene that happens Maybe no one else can notice it But there's a scene that happens where I'm In the street with Carmen Having, I think it's a part of the montage And you can very clearly see that I still have Like the remnants of a black eye Which has not happened in the story yet

But we had shot the scene already We had a strong makeup department But I don't think we had good video playback So I don't think you could see it on camera Yeah, the whole thing was pretty low rent We were fine in our way, fine in our way Pretty low rent Rob, two of your buddies from Philly

Are in that episode Yes, Dennis Hart and Dennis Hogan Yeah, and they play They play the construction worker Number one and construction worker number two Hogan and Hart, the classic comedy duo I love it That is, by the way, a great comedy duo

Yeah, they've come back They write musicals I know they came back in the World Series defense episode But have they been in other ones, too? I think it was just that Maybe not, maybe it was just that I think it was a callback from the same scene

Where they're like, they see me fighting the mascot And that guy's beating on the Philly friend Is that a hate crime? I don't think that's a hate crime I don't think that's a hate crime Should we pound on him anyway? Yeah, totally I just spoke at Dennis Hogan this morning

Rob, why don't you tell people what my character's name Is based on? I have a number of friends named Dennis And then one of my best friends's name Is Tom Reynolds Right And so I just sort of fused those together For Dennis Reynolds

But who knows? I mean, we were knocking around All sorts of different ideas at the time No, that is what it was I think that's what it was Absolutely, you had two close friends Dennis Hart and Dennis Hogan Yeah

Who were in the episode So you went with Dennis And then you didn't want it to be there Last name, so you did So it was a shout out to old Tommy Reynolds And then we went with Mack And then Charlie Charlie was just Charlie

Well, Mack was your I mean, I used to call you Mack Everybody called you Mack That was your actual nickname And in the album we did the original Like home version of it We weren't changing our character's names And my friends have had to stop calling me Mack

Because that's what they used to call me Because now it's weird to call me that I will say the one really great thing about me Not changing my name Is when someone yells at me in the street I don't have that like hey Kramer moment I assume they are just such big fans of me As the person that can fill my cup

Without knocking me down a peg We can talk about the name Sweet D Oh yeah Which is a tad problematic as well It's got an interesting etymology When I first moved to Los Angeles I moved with Chris Bacchus A buddy of mine from New York

And very early on We were only out here for a few weeks Chris is a very handsome person I think we may have talked about Chris already On the first podcast, yeah We were at this barbecue And he met Mira Sorvina No, I was there too

No, that wasn't a barbecue We went to a couple of Tom Morello's barbecues But this was a night where we played We played that game But that was not a barbecue Running charades That was a game night In West Hollywood at

Samantha Yes Was it her house? Yes And so, I mean this was now 17 years ago or something like that This would have been back in 2004 Yeah, it was a group of friends

And Tom Morello was one of the people there Tom Morello was the League guitarist of Ridge Against the Machine Audio slave One of the greatest musicians of life His girlfriend at the time Now wife Everybody kept referring to her

As Sweet D And I always thought That's an interesting funny name Sweet D Why do they call her that? I don't know And then I kind of forgot about it For like three years

Three years I forgot about it And then when I sat down to write the show I don't know why it popped in my head I was like maybe they call her Sweet D That's kind of fun Yeah, that's just a funny name Touching your lips or touching He wants to suck it

I'm telling you He wants to suck it so bad But it's not the right shape It's not the right shape You don't feel that scrape But against the front of your face Anyway, continue with this riveting story Yeah, he likes it

It's soft Yeah, you're in it though You're in it It's like sucking him up at stick You're still kind of You're friendly with Tom I'm friendly with Tom I haven't seen

Yeah They're married Yes, so we've run into each other Over the years But again, we didn't know That this stupid show was going to go forever I also, like I didn't put it together

That I was stealing this person's name Of course I was I didn't even I didn't put it together either Even though I know who she was too Then I got word from Bacchus Like, hey, Denise is not psyched And I was like, fuck, of course she's not psyched

Because I just And it turns out That it was a nickname that Tom Gave her So it was like their pet Very meaningful name Yes, yes And I felt guilt ridden

And you ruined it You ruined that special thing that they had I know Does that make you feel powerful That you were able to ruin something And someone is That's interesting I'm going to come in here

In your defense for a second You don't own Even if it's your personal pet Now, if it was like Every time you said the name You put a picture of her face up there Like, but that's You don't own

That's not It is very specific It's just very specific And I think what was happening Like in the beginning Nobody watched the show So nobody gave a shit And then all of a sudden it becomes popular

And then people are like Oh, I noticed that people call you Sweet D Is it named after that show And then she's got to be like No, they stole my name Well, look, yeah, I have that issue With my good college buddy Brendon McPoyle Yes

You know Which we were doing It's like a cool shout out Like it wouldn't be fun To hear your name on the show And then like No, it's Now it's associated with

Not the most mentally strong Yeah, the characters take on their own life And Yeah Brendon, I'm sorry, man It's Denise, I'm Tom Yeah

Actually, it's Rob's fault Brendon's Rob's fault I tried to talk him out of it I don't even know you, Brendon So I don't like Yeah, I don't give a shit Is that an earthquake? Oh, we're having an earthquake right now

Oh, we're having an earthquake right now Oh Whoa I don't think so Yeah, that was an earthquake That was an earthquake It certainly sounded like one Yeah

Did you fart? I didn't feel anything rumble though You didn't I I heard the rumble But I didn't feel it Yeah, I heard a rumble But I didn't feel it

Listen, man This is one of the newer buildings It's probably very earthquake-safe And, you know, that's pretty cool I'm gonna say we had an earthquake I think It's more fun for a listener at home We've just been through an earthquake

Yeah That's exciting It certainly seemed like an earthquake to me Megan's looking it up I have been hit up multiple times as I think you guys have on social media about like Who's the thrice?

No, nobody's talking about that Everyone wants to know who the thrice fan is I don't know what thrice is And here's the thing I don't know about you guys I have never fucking heard of that band I have never heard any of their music I apologize if they're a great band

and they've got fans out there I'm not saying they're bad I've never heard them before So that was a choice made by the set decorator The art department on the show to stick some thrice stickers up there And we didn't know it was a band We didn't know

And now all of a sudden there's all these thrice stickers And God knows, has it done anything for their careers? Has it helped you guys out, Thrice? I like to think so You know, maybe I don't know Unless your music's shit In which case you just simply don't deserve it

Well, I can't be that bad if they have fans who are reaching out excited about the stickers So, you know, they're reaching somebody All right, they are reaching somebody They're good for you, Thrice Yeah, thrice stickers everywhere Everywhere I don't know what that band is

I apologize, Thrice I don't know I wonder how they named that band They were like, twice? No, that's not good enough Yeah What about? What's more than twice?

Thrice Oh, that's one more Yeah, yeah, one more All right What about fours? Fours Twice, nah We'll stick with thrice

All right First things first Stickers All right Oh, another interesting thing about this episode which we picked up on is a lot of our music cues that we used for the rest of the run of the show We found then

Yeah, which was from a library of music By the way, which is rented out everywhere Like, you'll hear the sunny transition songs It's a very popular library of music It's used in a lot of commercials and stuff like that It's being used in this podcast right now It is? Yes

Has that been decided? Well, that's been cut in the other weeks I don't know It's above our budget I think we might want to consider using a thrice song Okay, so let's talk about the earthquake, Mike No, we did it Somebody rolled a card

Oh, my God That's how shell-shocked we are in California Like, we are ready at any moment for that shit to go down First earthquake I ever felt was in our editing suite on Seward And we were cutting season one or season two of Sunny You remember that? You didn't feel any earthquakes prior to that? No

It was a big one I remember it was a big one I don't remember that In season four, when we were shooting in Culver City This is how I remember it Because, you know, I don't know if you guys have this But my family is always like, oh, California, why would you want to live there? All the earthquakes and stuff

And you're like, you know, it's not constantly earthquakes You might have a little rumble here and there But it's pretty fine They're like, I don't know, I would never do it You know, and then my sister was visiting And of course, one week she's visiting Because we have the biggest earthquake I've had Shit, really?

Just reinforcing their hysteria That's funny Do you guys remember the first time we saw the editors cut Oh The abortion one, where it was full of record scratches Oh, shit And like, like I don't remember that

And we had hired like a composer for a minute Right, we tried to work with a composer And then we realized it was taking way too long And as like young people making something What you start to realize is anytime you make anything The first time you see it, you're like, oh, this is a disaster We ruined everything We ruined our life

Only because the journey from what's in your mind To what's actually what you shoot What it feels like on the day to what's actually there There's a process of a different lens each time, right? It's one thing in your head It's another thing on the page It's another thing on the day You find it in the edit

I mean, and now luckily we've been doing this for so long And we've worked with the same editors for so long That now we walk into an editor's cut and they're like, well It's a lot closer And we're pretty much done here Yeah, well, we know how to get to where we want to be Much quicker now Yeah

But the first time we saw the cut of some of the stuff that we'd shot And it was an editor who we hadn't worked with He was a great editor But like, you know, he was doing very sort of commercial TV approach to it Yeah It was devastating Fair enough Yeah, but we watched it and we were like, this is real bad

We're done Yeah, we're gone We're going back to the restaurant He'd say a line and be like Throw in some ah-oo guys on it Ba-ba-ba-ba-bah We just want to talk about the fact that we did the Rick Astley song before Rick rolling was a thing

Did we invent that? No, we, I'm sure I don't know I like to think that People were watching the show for us to invent it You never know, man I don't know You plant a seed and

You know, his songs are like, they're fun to sing in his like, very specific style of singing in my sister and I used to sing all of his songs whenever they would come on the radio We'd be sitting at the backseat sitting in the back seat and we'd be singing and yeah, I think of the kind of shit my sister and I used to do when we were kids and it's exactly the kind of things

that my kids do that drive me fucking nuts. And now I get it, I told my parents, I'm like, I get it guys, I'm so sorry. Like my mom used to make us sit at a different table. I get dinner, she'd be like, I can't. We had a kid's table in our house because she couldn't stand us. She hated us.

We were insufferable and she was right. Were you fighting all the time? Was that what it was? You were constantly battling? No, we were just, we wouldn't, we just, we were loud and doing voice. You were full of joy. We were full of joy.

Yeah, we were making each other laugh. That sounds terrible. We were making each other laugh. Well, it was just, you know, it's like, I don't know, like my kids kind of do that. And I'm just like, can you just fucking eat? Can you just fucking eat? Yeah.

I need you to go to bed so I can have at least an hour to myself. Get out of here. Finish your dinner, get in the bath, go to sleep and leave me alone. And you've said that, now they just laugh at you when you say that. Yeah, cause they take up funny.

Yeah, they're. Cause I am. And I have to explain that I'm not trying to be funny. And they're like, daddy, you don't know how to be angry and not funny. Finally, daddy. So I'm like, son, I'm not joking. Get out of here.

Shut up, Hollywood. Oh, shut up, Hollywood. Shut up, shut the fuck up, Hollywood. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is the purpose of this for you, Rob? Why are you doing this podcast?

What excites you about it? Same reason we do the show. It's fun. I don't know why we still do the show. So. I have fun. Oh, you're having fun. I spend at least 40 to 50% of the day laughing out loud.

Yeah. Where else are you going to do that? I have a lot of fun on set once we get to set. You say you have not been having fun. By the way, the writing is hard. The writing is hard. We are in the middle of writing season 15 right now.

We're what? Week four or five into the writing process and we're avoiding it by doing this podcast. Yeah. The writing is brutal. The writing is the hardest part. It's the hardest part. Yeah, it's brutal.

There are definitely moments of fun. And Charlie's right. When we're on set, when we're acting together, that's probably the most fun. But this is fun too. I like doing this podcast with you guys. I wouldn't say today's the best episode, but you're going to have your...

Today's the one where we spoke the most clearly. Like we stopped down for a second to have an actual conversation from time to time, which maybe is interesting to people. I don't know either. I just don't feel like we were that funny today. No. You know what I mean?

Like I feel this pressure to be funny because we're, you know, the show's fine. I was laughing. Were you laughing? Meg was laughing. But you know, again, she doesn't have a microphone so you can't tell. We should have like a phone number,

like old school phone number. Like a hotline. Yeah, where people can call and they can basically tell us how much they love or hate an episode. And then maybe we could... I would love a live call. That sounds very fun.

One live call. I'm the kind of person that when the office phone rings and I answer it and it's like spam, I engage the person for 45 minutes. As long as possible. Where I'm like, okay, yeah. I'd love to give you my credit card information. Can I know a little bit more about your company?

And then I'd say, hey, it's not a problem that I work for the FBI, right? Like that's not an issue for you guys. And then they usually hang up right around that. Oh, we have fun. We have fun. Charlie likes to have fun in any situation. I must.

He'll take a situation that would irritate the average person and go, how can I make this fun? Yeah. Yeah. Two wars. Two wars. Well, think about that. That was an episode that seems like it was 100 years ago.

And we were talking about, we were talking about podcasts. You guys were doing a podcast. We were doing a podcast. Yeah, it was basically you guys won that radio contest, Max Big Break. And we thought like these fucking knuckleheads, they don't do anything.

They just talk and listen to themselves. And they do like stupid sound effects. And we were like, we have more interesting conversations than those guys. And so we were like, let's do a podcast. That's kind of what this is. My face is all open. Yeah.

I can't stop. Well, it's not so bad that you do it. And what's funny is that it startles you. Yeah, I can't, I can't. Yeah. It's probably you. It's probably a while I get too close and it bombs me. The pop cart, well, also like you're probably the pot.

The, your breath is like hitting the pop guard and splashing you back in the face. You're like a fucking, like a cat getting sprayed by a spray bottle, you know, because you got up on the counter. There's just some spatial awareness issues happening with you. Yeah.

You did. No, I thought you said your eyes were doing okay. Yeah, my eyes are all right. It doesn't seem like it. It's my nose. It's your nose and lips that just don't know where to go. Yeah. So your eyes are okay,

but you don't know where your nose is. I think we're getting somewhere. Yeah. Okay. What do you think that is? I don't know. You don't know where your nose is anymore. Actually jokes aside, what do you think it is?

Like, why, why is your face actually continue to touch the microphone? Yeah, what is that? Because I can't hear myself in my, Oh, that's what it is. It's a hearing thing you did mention. Yeah, I do have a terrible. Get that, man.

Oh, there we go. Oh, there we go. There, he's blasting out. That was so loud. Shit, Megan is turning up the volume on Rob's ear. Oh my God, that's such a difference. No, because if I speak like this, that hurts my ears. Yeah.

So I don't want to stay back here. Okay. Rob has hearing damage. It's been so, okay. Rob was telling us the other day he's got hearing damage. What do you suppose that's from? Oh, you were saying that. Man, I really delete files.

Like completely forgotten you said that, yeah, I remember that. Well, because we were talking about how our eyes are going, Charlie. Yeah. My eyes are great. My ears are shit. Can't hear anything. The good news about hearing loss is that

if you can't hear it, it didn't happen. So you don't know what you don't hear, but with sight, you guys can see that you can't see what you're supposed to see. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, you see I'm fight for time. Come on.