The Always Sunny Podcast - Dennis and Dee's Mom Is Dead

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

The internet thinks you’re short and poor.

Can I have we started yet? No, no, let's start now Cuz it's there's one little a little damp and we're the top lighting it's gonna look thin It's gonna look 44 there's things you can't spray paint just come on. We're not so we do when we're shooting That's what everybody does. We're in Hollywood. That's the secret. They just take spray paint spray hair Yeah, most people don't realize that like almost nobody else and every female act actor is wearing a wig All the vast majority well if you're on a TV show and you're and you're one of the leads and you're an actress You're most likely wearing a wig and that's not because you don't have good hair

It's because getting your hair done every single morning destroys your hair. It destroys it It's also it's so much faster. Yeah, just just pop away staple the wig on and then why aren't we doing that? I know but it's another reason for audience members To watch this bullshit that we're putting out there into the world and Not try to live up to like imagine like a woman looking at another actor's hair and being like oh I wish my hair was as thick and luxurious. Yeah, but it's a wig. It's a wig It's a wig. I'll tell you what to in terms of like the men out there I'm pretty much like all your all my favorite actors don't have luxurious hair

Like when I really think about right right right people that I like the best character actors Yeah, I'm like just let it go. They just let it go. Yeah, Jack. Why aren't you letting yours go? Because I think You know what I will say there's there's certain I've never shaved my head by the way. I have no idea what it would look like. I could have Oh, I think you have another eyeball. No, no listen listen. You've got a good shape head. I can tell we've already talked about you've talked about Yeah, you don't know what's on today. Well, that's true. It could be a lumpy could be a lumpy could be bumpy lumpy

I don't know if people have lumpy heads. That's weird. Yeah, that would be good character shit You're like, oh man that kind of the lumpy head. Yeah, that's cool I like see that do with the lumpy head of the movie. Yeah, but then he's limited to only playing lumpy-headed characters I can only play lumpy-headed people otherwise they got to like fill it in with like, you know, you can make a whole sitcom about that The lumps. Yeah, the lumpies. The lumpies. That's even better. I will say there are certain balding patterns That I think are more attractive than others like I would say the least attractive balding pattern And this is the most unfortunate in many ways is when you've got somebody with a full head of hair And then it's just missing right and then just it starts to go like right here

Like I I would prefer to go bald in the way that Jack Nicholson went bald where it just goes here Cool. Yeah, it just looks cooler. You have like a fucking point in the front But Jack's also bald in the back, too. You just don't notice it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what's happening with me Yeah, yeah, I'm thinning in the crown. It's not fun I think like the front mean this has never been sick, but I turn around right now. The three of us are all nightmare That's a nightmare back there. The mystery will be gone. Yeah, yeah It's all almost all half a century

My mind last night because I know you have a birthday coming up this week. Yeah, I do and you're old I almost shit myself. Yeah, I know You're an old man, but you don't look it. I know yeah No, I tell you why I tell you why because Tom Mary day Did not look old until like I don't know like like they're late 60s early 70s And then they look now they look a hundred and seven, but it was just like took a minute Yeah, they just had these genes that they kind of like young young young young young and then wham Really old baseball bat of age. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So my theory about how to like not upset the audience

It's just always be on camera, you know, never stop being on camera. Oh, right. There's no gap There's no gap. It's the gap that throws people off like when a guy goes away for a while then comes back and people are like, oh shit Jesus Jesus. What happened to that guy? Yeah, but if you're watching the process, if you watch people slowly deteriorate, you're fine with it Yeah, yeah Well in terms of like dyeing the gray hair that I have like there was a time where I was doing it on the on the various shows Sonny and mythic west is the show I do on Apple and I will Will paint the grays out or I'll dye them and then I would tell myself Well, no, I'm just doing the character like the characters, you know

We want to stay like a certain thing and then I was doing it and then we would stop shooting and then I would keep Continue doing it and then I would look at other other guys and be like, oh, he looks cool He's going like salt and pepper that looks that looks good. Yeah, but then I'm like You can't pull the tree It's hard to pull the trigger on it when you're an actor like you're like you want to convince yourself Like I want to convince myself that I can still play a guy in his like mid 30s if I really wanted to but let's be honest I mean, you know, yeah, so I'm actually I'm actually letting the grays come through here a little bit I'm not sure if I'm gonna fully commit to that but um, but like this part right here is on top

I'm still, you know, pretty dark, but like here, you know, great for the listener and home here was the side of his head Oh, yeah, sorry. Sorry for the side of mine But you know, it occurred to me like cuz I was you know sort of going through this like no one's actually sorry listening to this part We're gonna cut all that back. This is so fucking boring. Do we want to dive right in this week's episode? Do we want to talk about something to talk about the pole? Okay, let's jump back a little bit because I have a little bit of an issue With the pole right now. Oh really? Yeah, I've got an issue with the pole. Okay, I feel it was a little bit biased because a lot of the comments that I was reading We're like, you know, based on people's opinions. Well, no

Okay, so we had a poll on the internet on Instagram Instagram, yeah And it was just a thumbs up or thumbs down if you liked if you thought the clicks was funny Or or if you thought the clicks ruined the scene This is the fucking problem. Okay, what is not what I was saying that is not what I was saying What I was saying was what I didn't like was the actual shooting of the gun the clicks. I like yeah Now this is where the pole got biased because people misunderstood and they thought because and then because you did say you were like You know the firing is funny But what's I think you maybe even said what's even funnier is that when he runs out of bullets and the clicks afterwards

And I didn't respond to that. I just kept going was like, no, it's not funny But what I meant was that the actual shooting of the gun is what I didn't find funny the clicks I found funny, but then I would also like to clarify I do think it would be funny if It click if it clicked five times if he was gesturing with it and it clicked five times and then on the last one He went off like he forgot there's one Isn't that what we did though? He shoots one and then he goes two three four five With the clicks and then the last one is six. No, he shoots the gun like fucking six times

Wait Meg what was the actual question? Can we hear the question? Is Danny firing the gun funny or does it ruin the scene? Well, okay, so that's the other problem. Yeah, I never said I never said you guys want it But I never but I want to be clear about this also. I never said that it ruined the scene So this is why I feel like the pole was biased It was like it was almost like you said like you may as well have said like was Danny firing the gun funny or is Danny on the show not funny You know what I mean? Like I didn't say that the scene wasn't funny Are you saying that the results of this voting are fine. Oh, okay. Yes, it was in there for

Null and it's null and void. Okay. I will say though the comment I liked the best was that they said the more that Glenn talks about how not funny it is the funnier I will say though to your credit. I think out of you know, the whatever like safe 107 people liked it, you know, there's two or three dudes that agreed agreed with you that they didn't like it now Yes, and the ones that agreed said I didn't like it because I felt like the gun going off was ridiculous Basically, we're their comment. That's the only thing I was the creative process. That's the whole thing So like when we come into an editing room, we're like, okay We have a funny idea and there is no is when it comes to ideas about jokes. There's no like factual

This is funny. It's not funny. It's all it's all what's pinging. It's pinging you and it's pinging you is too false to be funny And Rob and I are thinking it's true enough to get away with and be funny. Totally and that's and listen, and I'm hyperbolic I admit, you know, I'm saying like I I'm reactive. No, no, no, I'm not dug in. I'm not I promise you I'm not dug in. I swear to God. I'm not but I am hyperbolic You know, I mean like so it may have come off like I was saying, you know that the scene was ruined But that was not my intention. I don't think the scene was ruined. Anyway, should we move past the pole? Yeah We can talk. I mean, I don't know

I think we want to keep it going I saw more than anything else about well way more comments about About that episode had nothing to do with the dry firing and more to do with Glenn slowly morphing into Dennis in various episodes and how much people I want to challenge that. Okay, because there is the the raging angry golden god Dennis Which we found and and love and love to use in the show that character is not in this episode that we watched That we're gonna be discussing today. He is not a raging man. Yeah, and he's a delightful guy in this episode So there are other sides to the Dennis character that I think we should embrace. I'm not talking about the Dennis character

I'm talking about Glenn on the podcast Well, yes, but I'm saying the listeners and viewers are in the show. We lean too hard into one lane Well, cuz also like you know, I mean No, it will it will He's just a dumb bear. He doesn't want to get poked Okay, I can lick that off later Okay, me with a stick. Well, what is this regular stick with no honey? How many times do you think you can poke a bear with a stick before it starts to slash at you? Uh-huh. I

Say not that many I think you could get six pokes It's the bear sleep of the bear. I don't know if you covered yourself in something to cover up your smell Does he know you're there? You're just you and He can smell you in the scenario The bears not around it's not protecting his child, right? The bears is doing his bear bear like foraging for whatever It's it's it's a good moody this is 2022 So it's used to people everywhere and you go up to the bear and you're in the park and you're like wow I'm getting right up to this bear. Yeah, and you poke it with a stick once and the bear's like

You know, I mean you poke it again and the bear's like, oh, what's this guy doing you poke it a third time the bear's like You poke it a fourth time the bear's like is this guy serious They fucking checking it for honey though. I mean like you poke at the fifth time and the bear's like, all right, dude Forget this guy. I might have to teach him a lesson. You poke at the sixth time and the bear's like you dead And then he's like five pokes of the bear I think he's saying I think you could poke a bear six times before explain the price He got away with it five times He got swiped. Yeah. Yeah. I think with about at least like a six foot stick. I'm not saying, you know

Like it's so close to you because the bear's got you know, well, you're gonna want you want to be you want to do this safely One two, you want to stab the bear with a stick safe from a safe distance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Disclaimer guys, there is no safe distance To poke a bear or is it appropriate to poke any animal with a stick? You probably could just poke it once in reality. Yeah guys this episode brought to you by pita Here's another thing to Rob. Have you been watching the episodes? Yes I kind of watch every episode now being like I wonder if Rob's actually watching you son of a bitch No, not only have our trust. No

Totally fair. Not only have I watched every episode. I went back and watched the politics episode. Oh, you did. Yes, I did Yes, I did and and also now I've recruited katelyn to watch them as well. She's very excited We have no memory of of like half the shit that's that's happening like the knives thing from this episode Actually, can we talk about that for a second? So as I recall, I mean the the whole thing of us doing the countdown That was not in the script. No, because we're laughing that yeah, you guys are just fucking straight up We're straight up laughing, but it totally works. Yeah. Yeah, because you're like, well, they would be laughing at Yeah, the potential throwing knives at the yeah, I I have a thing where I watched the episodes and this is just a

Creative weakness, but where every time I watch I I have this like battle in my mind of like, were we better? Were we doing it better? Was this funnier? Like do you guys have that? Do you struggle at all with that? I struggled that all the time. No, I'm just constantly comparing stuff in my and then doubting Which I think that's really just fear and doubt the first two seasons. I felt that I definitely did not feel that Um, I felt we were doing it better now most of the times I was watching it I'm like, I get why that was funny at the time, but it's not that's not I would never make that joke now Uh, I wouldn't once now that we're into season three Like this last episode Dennis and Dee's mom is dead

Uh, that one made me laugh from start to finish and I was like I stand by this This is a really good episode Like this is I think the first time that we started making every character a little bit stupid You know, I mean Danny's reaction to hugging when he finds out that that Stephen Collins has been working with people with aids Is I completely forgot about that. Also, like can we talk about his perform? Like this is this is such a great actor The standage veto guy. Yeah, we found we got we we struck all That we found this guy. I can't believe nobody had ever, you know discovered this guy before I mean, he's incredible

But like no his his turn from like, you know going from the grift to just immediately like I'm dropping it AIDS Just immediately that's so stupid for his character and I I love that now There's a guest actor in this episode and I don't want to name the person because Because this the story I'm going to tell is sort of a personal story Uh, but It was this actor's first ever audition for anything. Oh, yeah. Well, so we had met him I guess after season one or two and uh, well, he's friends with our makeup artist

And he said that he had his first ever audition for a movie television anything and it was for our show And um, he went our casting director at the time was a guy named John Pepsadera when we started the show And he goes to John Pepsadera's office and he's as nervous as can be right. He's never auditioned for anything And He's got his head shots and he's he knows his lines He's ready to go and suddenly he has this like rumble in the stomach of like, you know And that like taste in your mouth and the sweat of like tasting. Well, I don't know. It's just like the dry Taste in your mouth. Okay, right. Like a dry mouth situation that your body the watery the watery. Yeah, you're usually

That's fine. That's not what this is. All right. Sorry. Well, this is coming out the other end So he realizes he he's gonna have diarrhea like he's like there's no way I'm not having diarrhea and it's the vomit of the anus It's coming And yeah, it's coming. He said yeah, so he goes to the bathroom, but just before he gets to there Uh, someone some actor actress goes in and they lock the door and he's he's waiting He's waiting and he can kind of hear the person in there like rehearsing their lines And they're like taking forever and he like taps on the door, but they're not coming out and then he's like, I'm not gonna make it I'm not gonna make it

so he goes in the alleyway behind the casting office and He's like a dumpster there and he he doesn't quite make it. He he has diarrhea in his pants. He pulls his pants down And he's like, oh my god. This is a mess. He this is a He's trying to salvage the situation. He has no toilet paper. So he's wiping his butt with his own headshots And the sides Paper and photographs of himself. He's wiping his ass with pictures of himself There's never been a greater metaphor for hollywood It's something out of like, uh, you know, like a Ben Stiller absolutely

straight out of a yeah, and so As the story goes he realizes I'm done. There's no I can't do the audition. I gotta go home And he gets in his car and his pants are so ruined and they're smelling the car smells so bad that he like takes them off And like I don't know if he throws him out the window where but he's driving home with no pants on and as he's driving home With no pants on he gets rear-ended. Oh my god He gets rear-ended now the rest is kind of hazing for me like I mean There's like a homeless guy who looks in the window and starts yelling like that dude's got no pants on

And anyway, so we heard the story and then I think we had he auditioned again He because we didn't just like automatically give him a part. We had to make sure he could I think yeah Yeah, no he auditioned for the he did but we we found out about it after he had auditioned Well, that's right. So we probably would have just given it to him Anyway, because of that but then he read for it and was great and we were like, yes You you have earned this role. Do you guys have any terrible audition stories like your worst auditions you ever went into? That's a good question. Oh god worst audition. Yeah, but nothing like that Right. No, nothing where your pants are filled with diarrhea or you?

You know, yeah, it's like to go from that any story is going to be a step down at this point from that story I think that's I can't I I barely remember My days of auditioning. You have to delete it. It's like a whole different era of my life I do remember I I had been given the terrible advice I was a sophomore in college and I decided oh, maybe I want to go to acting school And so I applied to be you and I did the audition And I remember the one acting teacher at my college gave me some pretty bad advice Which was he's like, you don't have to do a monologue do a scene and just do your half of the scene

so So yeah, yeah, I know it's really bad advice. So I did I did something like from Hurley Burley and like I would say like my line and then pretend I was hearing a response So I'd be like it's the menus Karen, you know, like you're not even looking at the menu pause Pause pause pause. Oh really? Oh really? You would say that Like of course. Yeah, well, I didn't get in of course. It didn't go well. It didn't go well

Um the dick flyer we got to talk about the dick flyer. Yeah, let's talk about the dick flyer Do you guys remember whose idea was that? I don't remember who came up with that Is that that feels like a martyr rosell joke to me? But I don't know. I think uh, I think we were talking about Uh, I think I I think it occurred to us in the moment Like we were pitching different ideas like what should the shape of the flyer be and somebody pitched a bicep And then I think somebody was like if you turn that upside down Yeah, that would probably look like a dong And then uh, you know because that was who we were

And still are uh, we decided that that was the funniest shape for the for the flyer It absolutely is. I can't imagine a better joke for that sequence. There are a lot of things I feel like from this episode that sort of endured and stayed Um, none of which I can now recall. I'm remember was dead. Well that whole scene I mean what I love about that particular scene when we're talking about all the all the people that we're going to invite to the party mansion and Like to me it distills exactly what we were trying to do which is like these guys the the joke isn't Oh, isn't it funny that these guys are like homophobic? That wasn't it at all. It's that

They don't even realize what they're doing. No, right there because they're so stupid so That's like perfectly distilled in that scene in the party mansion where we're Where I open up my flip phone and I'm like I'm gonna like go through my contacts list and I only have two numbers saved Dennis and charlie and then everybody else that we talk about We have either burned or has killed themselves or doesn't want to hang out with us And then we go and torture these other two people to show that like The this is how we've alienated it

Yes, the first time we took the characters to that place where we're like these people are so extreme that they've actually alienated everyone By the way, all those names were like college buddies of mine all those those names everybody had a nickname and you brought Stash who got his nickname because he was afraid of pistachios I Thought that was a mustache. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was a pistachio reference I just remember on that day which we shot in that actual house that we that's in the in the exterior shot Um, nick grad who is the executive at fx Um, who's basically like the the boss right came that day

And I remember he was behind the monitors It was the first time that fx because they kind of like were pretty hands-off and they would just be like, okay Just deliver the episodes and he was like no, I live in the area. So he came by that day And I remember us not being able to get through that scene. We were laughing so hard And like that we were like wasting so much a lot of it in the bloopers Yeah, and I just remember at one point looking over at nick who was sitting at the producers monitors And he was laughing as hard as we were he was like crying Nick grad was yes, and I was like stone-faced nick grab

I was like with yet. Thank god like we if nick is laughing right start at this then I think we're in good shape Yeah, we're okay. Nick's a good laugher. I mean not so much in a like a business pitch meeting, but like uh, like yeah That's his job But when you're seeing the actual goods you're seeing the performance. It's funny He's saying the goods when you're telling if you were pitching that scene to him. It wouldn't be as funny Yeah, I noticed this was the first episode. I think credited to matt shackman. Yeah, I I yeah, I think so Matt shackman who uh, to quote the big Lebowski directed the bulk of the series bulk of the series, dude Bulk of the series bulk of the series. Yeah, at least for a while. I don't know if it well

He's probably still moved on to mad men and game of thrones and yeah does What's that disney show one division one division? Yeah, he directed all the one divisions matt shackman. God. I miss that guy I love him so much. He's brian hunger brian amazing that and this is the first scene with the lawyer. Yeah, and he like I feel like he got our Humor like in immediate. Yeah, he understood exactly what was funny about it and then made it way funnier than it was even on the That scene where he's reading the will and you're yelling at him about the will and then you're yelling at him to tell barbara stuff Yes, yeah, tell you know that she's dead. Yeah

I remember I remember sitting with horns. I mean horns be and I are credited with writing the episodes But as we've said many many times nobody really writes the we're all writing it together But I do remember being in a room with horns be and figuring out the idea that it would be funny if they were not not Clearly misunderstanding, but almost like subconsciously misunderstanding that this man was not the person who was actually Writing the words that he was saying and that they could somehow connect back to barbara and communicate with barbara. That's how like Locked off they are. Yeah. Yeah, and it works. Yeah It works really well. The pauses he takes when he's like your fat monkey heart When he realizes he's about to read something that's going to trigger a response

he's like It's like I have to read this. I have to read it. I wonder how many episodes he's done Unger Six five six we haven't had him Have we had him on I feel like the last time we had him on was when we did that The trial or the big fake hand. Yeah, the boilers We've got to have him back. I love him so much six episodes six God, I feel like he's been in so many

Well, we talk about him a bit like we're always threatening each other with like I'm going to call him Right. He's going to come in and fix it for us because he's my lawyer. He's my lawyer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah No matter how many times he undermines us we're he's still our guy That's our guy. Well, we expect that from you expect that from a lawyer, right? It's like anyway. Um, what else I'm going to consult my notes here guys. I I had Ross print out my notes So that doesn't look like I'm just looking at my phone. I love that. There's a little bit more professional That's good. That's a good question You know what I really like about this I like that

Well, first of all, we do something that we don't normally do we did a little bit in the politics episode but when we cut Outside in the hallway and Bruce Mathis is walking away and he calls Tracy or whatever his assistant says unclear who he's calling Clear my schedule. Yeah, and says clear my schedule. I'm gonna I'm gonna teach my my my daughter a lesson And then and then we watch as he tries to do that But every turn I was watching it with Caitlyn last night and I was like, wait, what? So he says I'm gonna need you two to make love, right? Yeah So the assumption is the character is thinking there's no way they're gonna take it this far, right?

And then you cut to them in robes on the bed and I was like just as we're as we're thinking about what those characters are thinking What they took it already this far. Yeah, and then I was like, this is so stupid Why would they why would we assume that the characters will go this far with it? I remember us having a similar conversation when we were writing it and then we were like Let's lean all the way into that which is that the whole point of the story is to watch as Bruce Mathis tries to push them As far as he possibly can and they keep going all the way through with it Yeah, all the way along with it. Yeah to the point where he says let's get married And let's get I'll I'll marry you and they say okay, and then they do it and he can't believe it because there's no

He can't go any further. There's no. Yeah, there's no line that they're not gonna cross over I remember debating whether or not to keep the phone call it, right? So we have a moment where he's in the hallway and he says I'm gonna teach these guys a lesson Is it better if we know that he knows and he's doing a thing or is it or is it better if we don't know that he's doing a thing? Um, that was the right. I feel like nowadays. We wouldn't keep that little bit of phone call in We would say let's let the audience connect those dots in their mind that But it is a good setup for the comedy of those scenes, which is probably why we ultimately I think it's good. Yeah, I think it's funnier that we know what he's doing

I stand by that choice But I think if we didn't do it if we wouldn't put that scene in now it would only be because we just don't cut to characters Outside of our characters or we would assume that you'd either you'd either know right you'd either watch and be like I bet he's doing this Or you wouldn't know you'd watch and you say well, I don't know he might be doing that He might be not and then it's a fun reveal when you find out that he was right Glenn we cut outside of our main characters on friday Um on the podcast our main characters being you me and charlie we cut outside when you left we uh

We we cut outside of you and we we we called we had a listener call in who's a big part of the show And it was fine But you know what's better with you who cook? Well, thank you. Yeah, you almost got replaced by Who called in katelyn olsen? Yeah, all we heard was I mean it was unlistable. It's bad enough. We got to listen to meg's voice now. We got to listen to hers, too It's like good lord. I can't Dudes only bros

Only you know what? Um, I disagree. I love one I was so happy when we did the call-in show and really hard working with you for so long just because of how toxic It's very toxic. Yeah, it's so toxic toxic and megan. I'm sorry for your toxic friend here Yeah, yeah, so you have to put up with them. I know it's difficult. Thanks guys. So much top stick um I don't know No one knows what top stick is unless they're you're like a costume people put on for like their two pays I I might need to look into that

Mm-hmm. I'm looking at top stick. It's it's it's uh, I believe it's double-sided tape right two sided tape Yeah, so if you got a shirt if you're in a scene and you've got a shirt with buttons and it's it's bunching That little hole that little hole sometimes they'll come and put a little top stick on there Yeah to keep it your shirt together. They stick your hair on this The audience is at home going like how does he get his shirt in between the buttons so flat? My sense of self-worth is destroyed by the fact that that man can keep his shirt. So yeah, mine's always top stick It's just top stick. Yeah, everything's top stick. You're sticking hair on. Yeah, you're sticking makeup on You're sticking tan and stuff on you're sticking

You know somebody else's clothes on you got makeup on you got makeup on you got, you know, yeah, it's a whole thing Someone's writing the words. It's almost like you're like creating like the illusion of like a fake reality of life or something You know as long as like you're trying to do that, right, you know, right? You know what? I appreciate I appreciate that the rock is bringing back baggy clothes You know what I mean? Like he wears shit. That's like is he have you seen his fucking? He'll wear put a suit on this shirt. Sure. It'll be tight, right? But his pants Holy shit Sweet that they have to be specially made right? I mean, how do you oh, yeah, everything's specially made for the rock

Come on. How tall is he? Is he tall also? No. No. No. No. He's four eight. He's four. Yeah. Yeah. He's big They always have him stand really close to camera. So he seems big and the rest of the cast is way far behind But he's right up there right up close to lens and they make tiny cars for him to drive around and Tiny muscle cars Rob's laughing because he knows that I told us like some kid this one's like I like man a long time ago Mary this was like working at the ymca. I think it was like season one of sunny and like some kid was like

Oh, what you do? I'm like, huh? He's like, what you do? I'm like, I don't know like I'm an actor He's like you have him at Vin Diesel. I'm like, oh, yeah, dude. He's like is he badass? I'm like, no, he's really small. So what are you talking about? I'm like, he's really tiny, man. He's like What about those those cars he drives? They make tiny cars for me. They make like tiny little Cars for me to drive around The internet says he's six five Dwayne Johnson. Wow. Wow. Is he really? That's what the internet says But if you want I can look up what the internet says you guys. Yeah, let's see what it says about us Let's see if it's accurate. Yeah, I know it's not. I the internet says I'm five ten and I'm not

Are you taller taller? I am taller. Why is the internet shortened you? I don't know why the internet would do that to me. I don't dare dare the internet I'm five ten and a half. I'll tell you what some bullshit on the internet that those whole net worth things Oh, oh, those are fun. Those are fun. Those are fun, but they're total bullshit. I wish they were real Yeah, they're not real Megan, what's our net worth? Yeah What's our height first? What's our height? That's what's our height. How tall am I? Oh, wait, let's guess this. Are they gonna guess you taller or

Shorter or dead or right? I'm actually not even certain how tall you are five seven with bare shoes on take my shoes off I'm probably five six and three quarters. We're talking about with no shoes on the the internet says five seven for you, Charlie Okay, Rob five ten What the fuck? And Glenn five ten as well. Oh, we're the same. Oh, we're the same height. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's clear the internet says it That the internet says it is so it claims that Charlie's worth 30 million dollars. Oh my can I take that to the can I cash that in? Can I take that to the bank? That's something

I should be you should have 30 million dollars. God damn it. Yeah, how much how much do I have? It says Rob's worth 50 million. Oh What why are you Almost double what well there is that is that in 25? Oh The internet hates you man. That hurts that hurts. The internet thinks you're short and poor. Well, see I okay And I'm tall and rich and you're tall and rich. They're building you up and tearing me down But this is what the internet does isn't it it takes the takes the biggest star and tries to tear him down Uh, that's what the internet does man. They made the rock six five

He must be like seven ten But what is crazy about that shit though is that how often We'll we'll recognize right that all of those numbers are off and yet when someone's like, hey, did you know that the rock? What does it say the rock was worth? Yeah, because whatever the number is. Yeah, whatever the number is. I'll believe it. I'll believe it I'll believe it and I'll still believe it. Uh, it says 800 million. I don't believe that. I don't believe that. I don't believe that. I'll get out of here. 800 million with taxes and all the all the people that he has He's got a page that'll work him under. I don't have he's I don't know. They haven't sold Taramani yet, but I think it's it's something like four times

Like the I think it's like worth four billion dollars. It's called celebrity net worth, right? Yeah Okay, so that means that after you're saying that he's made one point. I mean one point six billion dollars I think that's possible. No. No more than that more than that more than that. Yeah, because the agents and you know, you know Yeah, he's not taking home 50. So he's so you're saying the rock his income has been well over $2 billion. I think if you can if you look at his movies now his movies his endorsements his energy drink his tequila his shoes his Clothes the man is rocking it. He's he's rocking it. He's rocking it. $2 billion is a lot of income Why are you getting more money because of Caitlyn because of Caitlyn? No, it's not it's not his combined

Network that's not combined. I don't know is it combined? Let's see if Caitlyn Olson has her own separate because now we're about to add these together guys Oh, she's got her own separate. We're gonna take the 50 and oh no, this is 50 million for her Oh, that's combined. That's all that's how they did it. Yeah, net worth is combined with her husband. Yeah. Yeah, okay See my my wife makes documentaries about social issues. So she's not making millions and millions of dollars But she is making the world a better place. By the way, it says she's five eight Caitlyn, she's that's probably right. Yeah, oh really? Yeah, I think yeah, I'm I'm I'm honestly I'm five nine So I'm an inch. I think I'm an inch taller in her because when she wears heels, she's taller than me. Oh, yeah

Yeah She can see that ball from every direction. Oh, yeah, she does seem tall She's tall lady. She's very skinny too long five days not that tall her arms are so long Right, she's got a wingspan and she can reach up and grab and she's the one grab Yeah She can she can reach higher than you. These arms are ridiculous. We've measured her this way So she got long fingers too. She does so human beings are supposed to be the exact their exact height this way Yeah, that's right. And and then sometimes there's outliers and and can you know that I did not know that

Okay, so there are people who are just listening rob has his arms fully extended extended sort of like uh, Jesus not across look and and uh, And he's saying if you measure from finger to finger that's supposed to equal your height. Yeah, it's almost like it's pretty eerie Do we have a tape measure in this office? We can get one if we don't we might as well do our height while we're here I can't yeah, and and then I can't I can't do you can't do my friend has the What are you gonna do right now? Your height's different right now than it's I'm hunched because of my injury like I'm I'm literally I'm literally like I can't it hurts for me to stand up. It's like fully straight still That sounds weird

When we're all able-bodied We'll take them a tape measure Sorry, my shoulder's broken. You can't measure my height. No, no, it's my back. It's my fucking bit like I I got we don't have a tall back right now It's all back right now. It's fine. It's fine. My betrubian spine has been all fucked up from my snowboarding incident. Okay Um, let me get let me get a tape measure. This is worth doing because it's it's really interesting Okay, let's grab one. Yeah, I think I've always felt like I had slightly short arms So I wouldn't be surprised if my wingspan was shorter than my in my body. Well, let's find out

This is gonna be this is gonna be interesting. I can't lift this arm up that I yeah, well Oh, shit He's Man his back. He's lifted Pretty cool, I didn't know I could do that Soon do me. Okay, so for the Glenn you want to walk them through. Yeah, okay. So for the listener who's not watching this Um Are we are we is this is this going to be on camera? Is this are the cameras high enough to capture this

Well, you got to take your hat off bud I'll go do it from the back. Yeah. Yeah. This is shoes on so give or take Come on straighten that neck straight. Yeah, there you go. Get that chin nice and high Okay, so we have you at 67 and a half inches. So that's five foot seven and a half That's five seven or half shoes on so well with shoes on five foot seven five foot seven Let's call it five foot seven. Oh the wingspan now. Can you hold okay? So he's holding his arms out, uh, like jesus on the cross I'll pin it to the door And we're going to see if his wingspan matches his, uh

Meg can I have some confirmation? We have you at 67 inches Wow What she's you're So now it is a very well proportioned man All right, macklehoney, let's see what you got. So now macklehoney's holding one arm out, but not the other one I'm so happy to warm my lips today You go to tom cruz's guy, right? Yeah, let's get the hat and the headphones off here

Let's uh, let's make sure you don't measure his hair. What's left of it? The hair can be high. Don't measure what's left of his hair. Just measure to the top of his head Here we go. Megan's Megan's assisting I'm right around 70 70 so that would be probably 5 10 but an inch for the shoes probably because I know He's got some tall He might be five nine and a half though. No or five nine and a quarter at least anyway All right, now we're doing macklehoney's wingspan

We're gonna cut all this, um Yeah 69, which would make Wow I think that's the vitruvian thing, right? The vitruvian mission. Thank you. That is the vitruvian measure. Meg. Holy shit. Megan That meg has mentioned that she's like sometimes feel self-conscious about being tall and I'm like, it's not that you're tall It's that we're small like I'm around you How tall are you? Is that why you married the world's tallest man? I uh, I'm 5 10 and a little bit. How are you and my husband's 6 7

And first sunny fans. He played allen in the sexual harassment episode. He's so funny in that episode What a funny man. You guys wrote the thing about his dick being big. I did not put that Yes, that was us. That was us. You guys been watching the panman tommy thing? No, is that good? I'm enjoying it. Great. I'm gonna watch it. There's a whole scene where spoiler alert where his like penis talks I heard about that. That's fucking hilarious Yeah, I was like, that's great. I was like, okay, awesome Finally and we talked about this. Do they show it? They're showing they show its little mouth Finally the dick is sideways now. I saw the article today. We're having a penis renaissance

There's been a lot of penises. It's good. Penis on a penis on good. Yeah. Yeah, the penis is back There? Glenn's really happy about it It's very happy about it. I think it's well overdue that we have a penis on us because We've been showing other stuff for a long time and it's time to show those dicks guys It's time to get your dicks out and show everybody what you've got. Yeah, not at work. Not at work Don't take your dick out on the show now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

No, no, no, but if you're in a movie, take your dick out and let's see what you've got. That's the right place for it. As long as everyone is on it. As long as everyone is on it. They've cleared the set. We've agreed there's a time and a place for everything, and the time and a place is when you're doing a movie. And I'm telling you, sure, that's when you take your dick out.

I've got a question for you guys. You know, since we do a whole scene with, you know, character reading the will of... If you guys were to die suddenly, what would you leave me? Would you leave me anything? Or does it all go to the family? Millions of dollars I've made you. How much are you worth? 25 million dollars.

25 million dollars. That's a lot of money. And that's pretty much you have the two of us to thank for that. You're... Well, that's definitely true, actually. But I have to thank you guys as well for the food. Is there anything you'd like to leave me, Charlie? No.

I'm trying to think what you like. You could even... What you could even just... Go ahead. I probably have, like, a nice Japanese whiskey, which I know you enjoy. So I could leave you my whiskey. Did you see me just like that? You know?

I actually just genuinely got a little bit touched by that. Yeah. I genuinely touched... You can have my whiskies. You're touched by the fact that I know what it is that you really like. Yes. The fact that you would give me that, that you would will that to me. Okay.

I'll see if... I'll call my... All right, Rob. What would you give me? Oh, no. I can't. I'm not going to follow that. What would you give me?

What would Glenn like? Other than whiskey. You can make it up. You don't actually... You don't have to be real. I know. I really know. Just make up a point.

What does Glenn like? Got to give me a good blender. You could recut that episode and take the gun shots out. Oh, wow. That would be really nice. Wow. All right. And listen, you wouldn't even have to be...

We're going to have to replace the current one. You just literally give it to me. Okay. Why don't we do that? Why don't we do that anyway? Because it might be interesting to see the scene as exactly the way you want it cut. Okay. So I think the funniest version for the record, if we're actually going to do this, is five

clicks and then a gunshot. I don't know if there's a way to cut it that way, but... We have the technology to do that. Of course. We could just go back. They'd have to just pull that one. It wouldn't. Yeah.

I think he fires it, and I think he does fire it probably six times, because then he reloads it and fires it again at the end. Yeah. You can take the first, that you could just mute the first... Yeah, but the flashes. Don't we do muzzle flashes? I don't think we did. I think we did.

We did? Yeah. Oh, well. But we could go back. Hey, look, for you, buddy, since you're dead and whatnot, we'll go back and we'll pull those... We'll pull that old footage and we'll have it recut for you. Well, I'm not dead.

You're dead. You're leaving me something. I'm alive. Right. I don't know how it works. You died. Right. And you left me something.

Right. I'm alive. You don't leave the dead man something. So, okay, so then you have full autonomy to cut the show any way you want. Whoa. You would leave me that right? That's what I'm leaving for you. The Glenn Howerton cut?

The Glenn Howerton cut. Of the whole fucking series. I'll put that in my will. How about this? How about this? I'll put this in my will. You guys should continue making the show. By the way, we have actually all decided that, that if one of us dies, we will continue

making the show. That was years ago before we made that. We did make that call. And it's not to honor you, it's because we want to continue making money. But how about this, if I die, or when I die from some awesome thing, and you guys are still making the show. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You guys still want to make the show?

Oh, yeah. You guys don't want to make the show with you. No, I keep trying to get out of this fucking thing. You keep trying to get out. What if I put in my will that I always side with Glenn? Holy shit. That'd be so fucked up. So he's got a super majority.

I have a super majority. I have a super majority. I have a super majority. Why does Glenn and Glenn have a great relationship? And I tend to agree. That is true. We agree a lot on things. We disagree.

We disagree a lot. You generally, Charlie, and I disagreeing in you. No, I don't know that that's necessary. No, it's it. It cycles around. It cycles around. It cycles around. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's very rare where there's a scene, you know, in the editing room where there's like gunshots getting put in or whatever it is And I'm like that's that's just not this crazy. I would say it's rare that we just that we heavily disagree on anything at this Yeah, yeah, like we usually know when something is working or not working Can we agree that we've done the podcast for the day? Something to leave you guys even though I'm not dead, but I have a special treat for you today You do which is I this morning I hard-boiled these eggs in coffee. No fucking way

Whether it would get through so if you guys want to peel these eggs and then taste them. Yeah, let's do it Let's do it. You didn't peel it before you boiled it. I did not peel. Okay, so you just you just boiled You just I made a pot of coffee And then I put the eggs into the coffee with no extra water just the coffee and then I boiled them as I Standardly to hard-boiled eggs. We would wait. Do you have salt? Yeah, there's no brown coloration in here though Like but the tea So here's I think the tea egg the thing with the tea egg and I don't know I have to look at never peel these well Well, I suck at me. I suck at peeling. I gotta use the side of your thumb. These are tough

These are tough. They're shattering into a billion pieces. Um, I'm not good at this I would say that I think maybe let's look up how the tea egg is cooked, but I think What I meant to say what I did look that up and actually they soak it in tea after they This is gonna taste like it smells like an egg or just tastes like an egg. Yeah, oh does it so So so we got to do it the way they do the tea egg you gotta soak it in coffee You gotta and this is what I meant when I said do you peel it first? You gotta boil it peel it and then soak it in some Cough, I'm so okay, but definitely boil it first before you peel it. Hmm. Well Megan My husband was like, what are you doing and I was like, I'm working

Wait wait for those freaks out there. Let's do a little ASMR. Why? Oh That doesn't bother me that doesn't bother you wait, let me do it. Let me see if I can it won't bother me if you're doing it on purpose Right, that's what we established chewing sounds. Don't bother me. It's not the sound It's that it's that people don't give a shit. Yes. Yes, it's the chaos It's the the psychology behind it being like I don't care what sounds I make that are invading this space That's very odd because the sound bugs the shit out of me. Mm-hmm. And whether you are doing it Intentionally or not, it's the sound so I'm just bothering you

I'm doing on purpose To try and bother. There's a lot of people out there right now that are fucking really grossed out And then there's some people that are getting erection, right? Right Yeah, I guess I don't know. I don't know. Is that what it is? I don't know like our women into this mega They get into it. No, it's only men of it. Oh, these are all women. Yes, I do. Meg speaks for a woman It's a good egg Meg. Thank you. Yeah, that's a good egg Coffee in these trying times. So it turns out you can boil your egg in coffee or water and it won't penetrate the shell

Boil it in whatever whatever you're already boiling. Just go ahead and throw an egg in there. It won't make a difference That's basically what we're saying. Well guys, this has been great Brought to you by egg egg It's just fine for your trying times. Mm-hmm. I Don't like it