The Always Sunny Podcast - Everybody Browns Out

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

Let's get hammered about it.

Well, happy St. Paddy's Day. Happy St. Patrick's Day. No, it's not actually St. Patrick's Day. Oh, no, but it will be when this airs. Yes. Yeah. We'll drop it on St. Patrick's Day and celebration of St. Patrick, who we all know and love so well. Yeah, St. Patrick, driving out snakes and did the thing with the snakes.

And, you know, and then people were like, that's cool. Let's get hammered. Let's get hammered for about it. Speaking of that, yeah, yeah. But then they were like, where do our fucking snakes go? Shit, are they part of the ecosystem? They work. God damn it. They're feeding. Right.

The snakes feed the birds and they. But no snakes there in Ireland, as is the case with. Oh, look, it's you coming in to fix my mic. As is the case with Hawaii. You know about this, you know about this, you know about this, you know about this. I don't. I don't know what you're talking about. No snakes, no snakes, no snakes. They got like one species of snake, which is more like a worm.

So. A worm is just a snake that is like way more lame. Right. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like, like all worms want to be snakes. You know what I mean? Like there was like, when I grow up, definitely going to be a snake. I know it can make this happen. Doesn't work that way.

Walter does not work that way. Wait, hold on. Walter, is that your fist or your butt? So you face your butt, buddy. Well, so, so what are we doing here? So we're here at night now for the for the viewer, you can see that there is alcohol in front in front of us. The listener, you've you've just heard it. You've just heard you there. You've heard it.

You've heard the words. There are three shots of brown per person, including Megan. Just to get going. Just to get going. Just to get a base. We are asked very often, are we drinking at work? And generally, I mean, almost always with the answer is no. There's only been a couple.

We've covered this in the podcast. There's been a couple of times where we've drank during work and shooting hours. Only at the very end of something like it was like the last scene of a season. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we thought let's drink at work today. And maybe we might do this.

We might not do this. We were we were kind of joking around. Hey, would it be funny for the people listening or watching to hear us try to break an episode and to see how that would go drunk? We may start that in totally give it up because we don't have to do anything we don't want to do. No, I'm breaking the stories is the worst. It's the worst. It sucks.

It's a lot of this. What? What is? OK, wait. Wait, wait, wait. What if? OK, OK. No, no, no, no. We did that. We did that. It's a lot of I did. We did that.

We did. Yeah, we did that. Oh, we did that. It's a lot of we did that. A lot of we did that. Well, let's drink the shots. Let's get it going, right? So what we're going to do is we're going to do all three shots right in a row, because then that first minute will all of us

will still be sober. Then slowly, but surely the alcohol will kick in or quickly. I don't know. I think it's going to happen pretty quick. Now, this is this is bourbon. Yeah, this is a bourbon drink. All right. Cheers. There's a Irish word, right? Slot slunger. Yeah, slung. Slung. Slung sounds like I'm saying.

Isn't that Beyonce's sister? Fuck it. Here we go. All right. Just a launch. All right. Slung just like that. No rest for the weary. Let's get right now. We're not you're not even going to take like a 10 second break

between you're just going to. No, I was just going to. I was just going to go. That second one went down with the pause. Yeah, there was a hold in your mouth for a second. There was a brief pause where my body was like, no, don't do that. I don't know why your body's like, no, I will not do.

Stop. Why are you doing that? I'm going to drink a sip of water because I'm not. Yeah, it is not. Yeah. That was that's two for me. Yeah, it's going to be number three. I'm doing a feel warm. What number are you after? This is a one and a half.

But hurry up. You've been sipping that one. What are you doing over here? Now, just to be clear, that was all the same bourbon and it was exactly one shot in each glass. That would be one point five ounces of fluid. But it was eighty six proof. Yeah, just a hair stronger, just a hair stronger

than your average eighty eighty proof alcohol. Yeah. And we're not in college anymore. So that is this is not a normal routine for us. I don't fire down three shots. Ever ever for yourself. You know, you're firing down shots. If I do shots, it'll be like a tequila or something like that. I guys, I figured out, actually,

the formula to getting drunk without getting a hangover. Would you like to hear what it is? Yeah, yeah, that'd be good. I need that really bad. OK, now, this is not to say that you won't have like you might have a little bit of a hangover. But I'll say it's it's the formula that I figured out that gives me the least amount of hangover.

And no, it's the shots are fired. It's it's the potato chips you gave us before. And I have great and very salty, a very quick sort of salty heartburny situation. Oh, no. Yeah. Your body's just rejecting all of it. I'm fine. But I mean, I'm it wasn't just potato chips that were. Yeah, there was there was other things,

but it was the saltiness that it ended with just for the listener at home and the viewer. We are in my in my home. Yeah, this is my guest. This is cozy. Well, this is my office. This is the my office that I that I work out of. We didn't think it'd be fun to do it at our.

No, you will. You will notice, again, for the listener, they don't know that it's not 9 a.m. You can tell when you look out here in the camera that it's dark outside. Yeah, we decided to do this at night. Normally, we record the podcast in the morning. Megan, did you just in it? Wiggle your glass to indicate to me.

You just got the third one down. That's still very impressive. That is a lot of whiskey to drink very fast. Oh, OK. I wanted to do it in the mic because that's part of the fun. Does there a trash can close by? I guess it comes up. This might come up. It might come up.

Now, that was just you guys have not spent a lot of time drinking. You spent a lot of time with Megan, but not a lot of time drinking with Megan. I have spent time drinking with Megan. She gets so happy. Oh, are you happy? Happy drunk? She's a happy, happy drunk. Yeah. Megan, I know you are already so happy.

I know you as a happy person in general. Oh, I didn't. You don't know, Megan. Well, the last time. Megan is a happy person, but there are demons. Yeah, you're a person. The whiskey pushes the demons away. I never have bad, like, drug experiences or drinking experience.

I don't go dark when I use substances. No, no, no, no, no, no substances made you go. No, I just try and I took so many mushrooms recently and like way too many. And I was still like, it was like overpowering, but I was still like, this is cool. This is fun. Yeah. OK, let's get into that. That's fascinating because you you do go dark sober. Well, that's because and I've been reading Eckhart Tolle recently.

Oh, yes. That's the second time this is always come up. Rob and I are big fans of Eckhart Tolle. I just started reading it. Caitlin actually suggested that I start listening to it. The power of now, which I've never listened to before. But I think that that's because when I'm sober, it's my like thinking mind that is sad all the time.

And when I get drunk, maybe that. It's your ego. It's your ego. It's it's the eye that you identify with not the real you. But the yes. Now that he addresses this, I'm not going to plug or push Eckhart Tolle. I will say that he addresses this because he said what he says is you try to rise above the voice and drinking. Observe. You're basically you're dropping below the voice.

Either way, the voice is gone. The thing is, if you go above the way, Eckhart talks about that means he talks about very specifically about alcohol, drugs, whatever it is, because you can quell the voices. That's from his point of view. Yeah, it's also running away. Substances is like you running away from the ever present. Now of you being just in the moment that you're in.

Yes. Sure. And yet, God damn, it makes you happy. Yeah. In short, first ever minute. So like it's releasing a bun. It's dumping a bunch of like dopamine, right? Or endorphins or something into your brain for a second. And then is there you got some science to back that up? No, no, no, no, I don't think it really is any dopamine. I don't know. I don't know.

It does something to make you happier. It releases something or sadder. The first one I think does. I was trying to match you, but it was good. No, it wasn't. No, just like the show. So wet. Well, this is what you get when you try to keep up with you. And I can't do it.

So try to keep up. Be your own self. Thank you. Hey, Rob, just be you like Eckhart Duller, the ladies and gentlemen, the alcohol is kicking in. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. What are we going to do? I'm sorry, this fire is so fucking hot. It is really hot.

I told you, can we open the door? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, take your shirt off. Take your shirt off. Turn the fire off. No, take your shirt off. You don't want me to take my shirt off, Glenn. Come sit over here, then. Are you a fatty? Are you a fatty?

You're so hot, boy. I love your nose is a little red. I was out. I was out in the wind. Well, I was out in the wind again. We were both out. Oh, I have windburn. Or maybe that's I don't know. Dude, I definitely have windburn. We don't know if you get windburn just on your nose.

No, no, no, no. No, that's literally alcohol. What was that? Alcohol has flush. Yeah, your flush. Was my note was my nose red before the alcohol? No, it is fired up since it looks it looks like someone has slapped another nose onto your face.

You know what I think it's the I think it's the fire. No. No, it's the. Remember when you were a kid and there was a rumor that like, hey, man, don't pee in this pool because they put a chemical. Yeah, of course. If you pee, it like turns like blue around you and then you pee. Well, it's it's for you. It is. It is.

He's been drinking. That's how he gets caught. Yeah. And it's hereditary. Have you noticed it before? Well, I'm doing a bit. I will. But I've been drinking around you for 20 years. Yeah. No, no, no, no.

What if I sweat? Let's come over here. OK, well, let's see if I go over there. Is your note. Does your nose feel hotter than everything else? The nose knows. OK, we have just figured out why we don't break stories. Drive.

If there's no, I have no desire. I'm sweating. No, I'm not going to. I won't do it. I won't do it. I would like to hear you play that guitar, though, at some point. I'm just already straight into it. Here it goes.

Just one prompt. One prompt. What do you want? We'll make up things. Um, yeah, make up. Make it up. You know what? Sing it.

Let's sing up. Sing about our friendship. Red Nose Rock. I don't know. That's what I got. Yeah, that's fair. He's kicking it now and he's getting real. This is the problem.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sloppy. It's sloppy. Sloppy. You guys are the Beatles. Wait, we're the Beatles. Go. OK, OK.

I forgot that we were the Beatles. Go. Oh, he's got a guitar too. Where's my guitar? There is a percussionist. What the fuck? You have another guitar? It's like when Bob Dylan went electric.

You know what I mean? Nobody wants it. Nobody wants it. Wait. There we go. I'm going to put that down again. Oh, shit. I just can't rather put that down.

Yes. Yeah. What are we going to talk about? What's the story? Here's what's interesting. The alcohol works. Yeah, it's good. Let's break a story.

Well, hold on a second. Hold on. Hold. Hold. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I been holding on too long. I been holding on my life. And it just feels wrong.

Oh Wait When you want to be we get you Yeah, you want to sit behind there? Well, yeah, you got there and now you want to sip on something and maintain I don't know that I've ever had whiskey without the beer. Oh, so it's okay. It's yeah All right, really? Yeah

Guinness scores light. What do you want? Well, it's St. Paddy's day. Give me the Guinness Give give the man a Guinness give the man again the Guinness the Guinness first of all The podcast definitely not Yeah, we're gonna do one. I want one set up. Yeah One wait, I gotta hand because we're gonna break a story. This is a whiteboard. Oh, I thought that was I thought you were gonna like Looks like a like your basketball coach. Hey, Rob. Now that we're not sitting by the fire. I'm waiting. Can you close the door? No, because that's what's gonna. That's what's got your nose. It's gonna deheat me. It's gonna. Your nose has calm down I told you it's because I'm so fucking hot. I was sitting right nose get hotter than everything indicates when there's a fire

It's like a fire alarm. Okay, that's what the episode should be about. Okay Which character is it whose nose constantly turns red and they're upset about it. Well, Rob's no, no It's Dennis's right because it like it fucks with your ego that your nose turns red like you like and so my No, no level of makeup will cover your nose, right, right or or or such a level of makeup that you can see it And once you start to see it at look, you know, the illusion is gone, right? If you know that I'm wearing makeup Yeah, and that by the way that is the that is the speed is like his nose is turned red again I'm like, you know, I thought you were dealing with that with makeup, you know, and then I go in a whole monologue about

About how no amount of makeup, you know The the amount of makeup that it would take nowadays to make the nose not be red is you know, it becomes noticeable You can see it. Okay, and that's a problem So maybe his nose has been red for years for years. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. He's been covering it up Well, but we've done we've done that. We've established. He was makeup free and it wasn't red. It was ghoulish. This is where we This is where we run into problems with the history of the show. That episode got taken down. Yeah, that's not up anymore. That episode was taken. Oh, so it doesn't exist. We can do it again. No, no, it doesn't do it again. No, no, it does exist. It's on YouTube. That scene's on YouTube. Okay, somebody put that put it on YouTube.

That middle part you have. The middle part just makes that whole thing. We we were trying to figure out how that episode got taken down. Yeah, so actually why? Well, because it's it's D. It's D-Day. Oh, it's D-Day. Tastesless Carats. Yeah, D-Day starts coming out. Everybody? The guitar is coming back out. I was just going to noodle while we talk. He likes it. I know. Can I fuck with your tuning? Yeah, that, yes, of course. You can do whatever you want, buddy. This is like, this is like storybreaking in the sunny room except that Glenn, you need those, remember those

weighted baton things you had? Oh, yeah. Those like, what were those? They were like weights, but then And you could swim. There were Indian clubs. Yeah. The Indian clubs that you swing around. And that's for forearm strength or? Oh, this is like. He doesn't know what it's for.

That's the thing. It's always a new thing. Can we, I hate the red-nosed episodes. There's nothing better we can do. Of course. We haven't even started. There's nothing on the board. He determined.

I'm joking. There's nothing on the whiteboard. He determined that he didn't like it once he started playing the guitar. I can feel myself getting cooler. And so I'm wondering about my nose. Your nose looks better. Interesting. That is interesting.

From your perspective. By the way, how it goes is, you drink and you drink and you drink, your nose gets redder and redder and redder. Then the vessels start exploding. And that's, you know, when you see those guys or those people that have WC fields or something. Yeah. Where the nose is like exploding in different places.

The blood vessels. Yeah. What is that? Why is it the nose specifically that takes the brunt of it when you drink too much? Like the liver sends it to the fucking nose and then you get varicose veins in the nose. What is the liver nose connection? What's the liver nose connection, guys? There's so many mysteries in science that we haven't even scratched the surface.

The liver nose connection. Guys, can we do, let's do the shot. Let's write a book called the liver nose connection. Do you want one, Charlie? Let's do the shot. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. We got to get him a shot.

Okay. I didn't want to initially, but once they were in me, I only wanted a beer. I thought you wanted a beer. I wanted a beer too. I want both, Megan. Do you guys want to hear how to get drunk without a hangover? Yes. Oh my God.

You set that up. I know. That's okay. That's all right. I'm going with the flow, but it just came back to me and I realized I do want to tell this because I think our listeners are going to want to know or at least experiment. You've figured it out. Humans have been drinking for thousands of years, but you've, wow, Charlie, no ceremony

whatsoever. He's past ceremony. For the listener at home or in the car, Charlie just took the shot or the rest of us are sitting here waiting. Well, for him to get his alcohol so that we could all slonge. I wanted it. I wanted it. Okay.

That sounds like the character. Everybody but Charlie. I just wanted it. Cheers, cheers. No, I wanted to do it while I still had the spirit to do it because, you know, you might start telling your story and then suddenly I don't want to do it. You know what's coming out in me already is when I get drunk, I wink a lot. At people.

Oh. It's dangerous as a lady. Yeah, it is. You know who hates winking is Caitlyn. She fucking. Oh, really? Yeah. And I do it to her all the time just because it makes her cringe.

Like, I'll like, I'll say something that I, that's like, that I recognize is like cheesy funny and I'll give her like a little, just a quick, like a little, you know, a quick wink and she's just like, oh, like it goes through her body. Like I see that. I see it. Like, like she just, she gets it and she doesn't like accents. People doing. Yeah, accents.

I'm texting. We've had ours. If you want yours to have it, but take your time. But this must be, I wonder if this is the best episode to listen to or the fucking worst. I think, I think if anything, it could be slightly novel, but I definitely don't think we should fool ourselves and think that this is the best way to do it. I mean, well, no, that was the beer. Yeah.

I had in my mouth. I mean, but yeah, of course, I'm going to start slurring my words, but for the listener at home, he's going crazy because most people would love to be able to have a drink and never get hungover. What's the secret? Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.

Thank you for the prompt. Oh, for fun. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. Oh God. That's not fun. I just want to hear your answer. Yeah, they are. They're right here. You know, for the listener, you can't see this, but I'm circling my palm. You're in the palm of my hand right now.

I can feel it. Okay. So here's how you do it. You go to, let's say you're at a party, right, or you're at a bar, okay? You want to get drunk, but you don't want to get a hangover, okay? And you want a clean buzz, okay? So you want a clean buzz because a clean buzz, yeah, it's pure. It's pure.

Pure. Pure. So you want to drink a clear liquor, and I would advise vodka. Okay. Here's what you do. You go to the bar and you order a shot of vodka and a water, okay? You drink, you do the shot of vodka, you drink the fucking water, then you get another shot of vodka.

But every time you get a shot of vodka, you drink a bottle of water. Oh shit. Is that the Russians? Is that the Russians? It's the helicopter. It's the helicopter. Is this a Red Dawn situation? It could be.

Oh, we might. By the way. I'm ready. Are you ready? Yeah. I am too. I am too. We believe in the Second Amendment, the McElhinsey.

Buddy, I am armed to the teeth. But not when you're drinking. What do you mean you're... Cut that. Cut that. Cut that. By the way, when you're drinking, the guns don't go away. They stay where they are.

In the safe. Yes. But I'm too. We get it. Drink a lot of water when you drink. And by the way... Yes. Yes, that's the gist of it.

That is the gist of it. If we have... Like, was some... Like, I think somebody told me that at 16. No, no, no. Well, if someone had told me that at 20, it would have helped a lot. I'm telling you guys. I'm telling you guys.

And I did this experiment with Jill, too. And Jill, now, this is what she will do sometimes when she needs to stay like, you know, sharp. There it is. The party. You know. Yeah. When Jill stays sharp. Get on mic, buddy.

What would you like to do? I'd like to do a reveal. I'd like to do a reveal of my ears. Oh. Oh, shit. Are your ears already? My ears are so hot. They're on fire?

Yeah. My nose is going to calm down, but my ears... Let's do it. Let's see it. I'll wait for my mom. Those are good ears. Perfectly colored. Are they?

They're not red? No. They feel so hot. I'm so hot. That blows the hot nose theory right out the window. That blows the hot fucking nose. Because what you were implying by saying that your nose is looking red to me. Because I'm Irish.

He's an Irish man. And sometimes our noses get redder than we planned. If you want to pick your kid up from school. But your nose is looking red. You're going to look like a fool. Because they know you've been drinking and you're drunk. You've been drinking and you're drunk. Oh, that's not just falsetto.

That's beyond falsetto. Yeah, man. No big. By the way, for the watcher, listener at home, when we do get drunk together. And it's been a while. We used to do it. In the early seasons we did it all the time. We fucking party and drink all the time.

And if there was a piano or guitar nearby. This is exactly the kind of thing that would happen. I remember being over at Danny's house. You would always sit down at the piano and start, you know, just. And I was always so jealous of that. It's my happy place. It's my happy place. Yeah.

I did it all through college too. Oh, really? I was faster, quicker. I just make a song about people as they walk by. You would? Yeah, I don't know. I need to get it out of my system. That's good for girls though, right?

Good for attracting women. You know what? It was. And I was no good at attracting women until I picked up a guitar. And then I was like, oh, that works. Yeah. So I have a theory. I have a theory about why that is.

Yeah. Okay. So I feel the same about dance. Like why so many women were into Magic Mike. And also why women are into men that play instruments. Yeah. I think it's because like there's a thing about masculinity that you can't express emotions and stay masculine at the same time.

And having an instrument or doing dance is a way of expressing emotions that's like still considered within the realms of masculinity. Yeah. Absolutely. I think you are absolutely right. Yeah. Thank you.

I think she's absolutely right. You never say that to me, Rob. And that's why he's laughing right now because it's like. That's why you're so gentle and validated. I don't know how condescending it is. It's so. Why is that condescending to me? Why is that condescending?

He's telling you how right you are. I am right. Why is that condescending? Because you're a man telling a woman that she is right about why women are attracted to men. Fuck you both. No, no, no, no. You know you're wrong.

No, I don't. You're wrong. You are wrong. That's crazy. That's crazy. You're fucking, that's crazy. Get your... That's a little whiskey though.

This is it. Don't... Yeah. Oh, shit. That's her whiskey. That's why I said don't do whiskey. That's why I said true. I mean, I get it.

I know you are. I was validating Megan's point of view because I agreed with it. It's just that simple. And I didn't like that. She said something. She said something and I was like, oh fuck, you're totally right. And I would have said that to anyone. Man, woman, alien, Ross.

He's in his own category. People don't even know about Ross yet. He's in his own category. That's the next level podcast. Get a shot, Ross. Stick your fucking face in Megan's shot. Come on in. Let's have a look at Ross.

He's going to take over for me when I move to that chair. He's wearing a Cuscanes hat. Oh, yeah, move over. Oh, come on in. You're going full... You're going full jogging. Jump in, Ross. Jump in, Ross.

Okay, this is Ross Maloney. This man has... He's my rock. Sorry, I'm going to get emotional. Ross is my rock. Love him. I love him. Ross is my rock.

Do you need a tissue, man? I can go running. No, I'm good. I'm going to get you a tissue. Ross is my rock. Ross is my rock is a good lyric. Yeah, it is. Yeah.

Ross is my rock. He is, though. Ross is my rock. He really is. When I need a man jumping for me. Ross is my rock. When I have a bubble is my rock. Well, Ross has also been very helpful to me, by the way, with the

podcast and he helped me set up today. And also he wrote down some questions that we could ask you guys. Hey, let's do that. Yeah, let's do some prompts. So one of them is which of you guys is the most fun drunk? And how would you categorize your drunk person? But I think we're all equally fun. I agree.

I think we're all happy drunk. Ross, you're the one sober person in this situation now. Yeah. Oh, shit. I haven't done my shot. Oh, my lord. I'm hammered. I didn't eat dinner.

I didn't eat dinner. I'm ready for another one. You're fucking nuts. All right, I'll do it. I'm going to do it. This is going to get messy. You sat in but you haven't spoken. Who's the best drunk?

He doesn't even know us. He's Glenn's rock tonight. No, you know, Ross, it's not fair for you to because Glenn might fire you. Glenn pays you. I don't pay you shit. I wouldn't fire Ross for a million dollars. Let the man speak. All right.

What's what's take on it? Okay, I'm seeing different styles emerge here. I like the musical comedy, but then the aggression. I was into it. I couldn't look away. I shot him down. I shot down the aggression. I should have let that flare up.

The aggression is fun. It's not real. Rob, you were at it, Glenn. What? What else exactly? Well, I want to see it like, you know, let's let's let's see what happens again. Do you want another shot? I'd be happy to.

Yeah, I think we should probably do another shot if we're going to if we're here at St. Patrick's Day. Let's do another shot. Look, I'm the only one that's got to work tomorrow. What do you mean? Do you know that? How dare you sack of shit? You told me how dare you told me.

I didn't tell you shit. Yes, you did. You're on sabbatical. Yeah, but guess what? I'm like, you're right. But I didn't tell you that. Yes, you did. No, I'm not on sabbatical.

I was supposed to be there. You working tomorrow? Yeah, of course. No, no, I am. I am. I am. I got you. Dude, you guys all have kids.

You work every day. We got to get up. I got to work every day. 100 percent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got to work every morning super early and meditate.

That's going to be hard, dude. All right, Ross, take a hug, man. Ross, go get Rob. Do you want to take over? Do you want to take five ounces for everybody? Will you take over from me now? Because I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, what do you mean?

I'll go sit. I'm going to go sit over there. Yes! Yes, you're going to officially join us. Should we get you to the guitar? That means you're taking the wheel with the ones in the zeros, pal. Yeah. One.

Yeah. No, but it's got to be one point. You got to measure it out. So it's an equal shot all the way across. No. He doesn't have to. Oh, I see. I see what you mean.

You want everyone to stay. I'm down for playing together, but the electric is overpowered. It is. It is. Can you unplug it? Can you just, can you do, like, how do you? Do you have another acoustic? Yeah.

Yeah, of course he does. Of course he does. Of course he does. That's too low. I'm good. I'm not going to, I'm not going to do one right now. This is foolish, by the way. This is foolish.

What do you have to do? By the way, when you say you have to work tomorrow, what are you doing? You breaking stories? Breaking stories, buddy. Let's say this to the listener at home. We are in a safe space. We are all driven here. Oh, yes.

I think it's important. We Ubered. We Ubered. I live here. For this theme of St. Patrick's Day, I wrote you guys some toasts, which we can do with this shot in the style of a limerick. You wrote these? I wrote these, limericks for each of you, but I think that you shouldn't read the one

that's about you. You should read one that's about, have you ever heard, like, drinking limericks? My favorite one was in this movie, Gentleman Prefer Blondes, which is my favorite movie, and Marilyn Monroe, before they take a drink, she recites this limerick, which is, there was an old fellow from Sydney who drank till he ruined a kidney. It shriveled in shrank, but he drank and he drank. He had his fun doing it, didn't he? Yeah.

That's pretty good, except it would be the liver, wouldn't it? Not the kidney. A liver-nose connection. Come on! Yeah. I don't even credit for that, because totally right. Get your fucking rhymes right. So I wrote limericks for you guys.

Oh, my God. I mean, you just had to pick a different town than once was an old man from whatever. Man tuck it. Dilver, who drank so much he killed his liver in on whatever. Dilver, liver, don't worry. Thank you. Giving notes on a classic. You're close enough.

Giving notes on a classic. Megan, this is really good. Megan, you're a delightful writer. She's the best. Who's going first? Who's going first? I'll go first. Okay.

Because I don't trust my ability to continue to speak and to speak. Coherently. Let's raise our glasses to Glenn, the best of the five-star men. He's the host of this show. Can't stay safe on the snow. And he dreams of not chewing again. Megan, that's very good. That's so good.

That's very, very good. Yeah. A lot of references to previous podcasts. And if someone at home doesn't think that it's good, they're fucking idiots. It's very good. Cheers. Cheers. We'll go a little bit for this one.

We have three. Did I already drink mine? You said you didn't want it. No. I don't remember. Rob, read yours. Three cheers for our pal, Charlie Day. Yeah.

He's one of a kind in a way. We flatter him more, but he'll walk out the door and forget every word that we say. Yes. That's it. I did, guys. So good. So good. Wait.

So good. It's like, goddamn, that's good. Why did I forget something? Never. Oh, that's so bad. That is good. That is good. Well, Rob, that means this one's about you.

I guess so. You want to hear it? Yes. What are you anticipating? Well, out of the three of us, I'm the one that's closest to Megan. So you're anticipating a roast. I think it's going to be devastating. Yeah.

Yes. No. But we have, we're very close. So she also loves you. Yeah. We love each other very much. It's a love-hate relationship as it often is with someone you're close with. I'm guessing she doesn't love you.

She likes you, but she doesn't know you that well. I mean, right now I love everybody. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But you're keeping her because of your sociopathy. You're keeping her. That's not sociopathy.

That's not sociopathy. That's growing up in an Air Force family where you moved around a lot and had to protect yourself. God, that's a whole thing. Okay. All right. That's a whole thing that we can get into that. But I hold everyone at arm's length. Got it.

Okay. And I don't like that about myself. I, it's ingrained. Okay. A toast to our good buddy, Rob. He's the reason we all got this job. Thank God he made sunny to prove that he's funny. A little rose.

A big rose. Because his other show makes people sob. God bless you, Megan. God bless you, Megan. Now. A good brain you got on you. Listen, we should huddle up in the other room or send Megan into the bathroom or something and try to write a limbering about Megan on the whiteboard.

You feel bad? The thing is nothing rhymes with Megan. It's one of those words. Like I never had a nickname. What are you talking about? Nothing rhymes with Megan. Second. God bless.

Now we know you, Megan. We could spend our whole goddamn life begging. Oh. For someone as brilliant as back to Megan. Yes. However, I reckon. However, I reckon we won't find one. Yes.

Yeah. I'll take that. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. I'll find another Megan. Cheers. Cheers.

To bourbon. Too much. Too much whiskey. You guys, I'm feeling a lot of love. For as much as. We have officially finished the bottle. We opened it and we finished the bottle. Okay.

We finished the bottle. Cheers. What's the difference? Hey, we're just making noise. No. I don't have the acoustic guitar. I'm trying to play along to the thing, but I didn't get it. No, I don't need the guitar.

I was trying to play along to your song because it's cool to hear. Rob also plays guitar very well. Yes, he does. We all can tinker on a guitar. We can tinker. We can tinker. Very musical. And we can do it in harmony, which is pretty cool.

Let's go. Go ahead. Harmony. It's not terrible. Why is it so satisfying to harmonize? It is so satisfying. I grew up doing that with my sister. Like we would sit in the backseat of the car.

We would listen to songs on the radio and we would sit back. You want to hear my like hippie version of that? Yes. Because a harmony is in tune with like whatever vibrations of the planet. Yeah. We're getting some Eckhart Tolle shit. Yeah.

I don't read that fucking guy, man. I know it's the same thing. He's not the fucking boss of me. It's the same as like why it feels good to like fucking lay in water. You know, like, I don't know. There's certain like. It's soothing.

Yeah. There's an element. There's a frequency. There's a frequency. There's a frequency. Yeah. That's an elemental fucking fact, bro. We're talking elemental facts today, guys.

I'm talking elemental facts, bro. Okay. I've got a question for you guys related to music. So if this were your Irish wake, what song would you like played? Oh. After your death, like for people to rock to. I think I have one, but first I'll be, I'll be right back. Uh, I think it'd be like amazing grace.

You sing it. Amazing grace. How sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet.

Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet.

Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet.

Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet.

Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet.

Sweet. Sweet. Oh my goodness. Sweet. Parhyuk. That was amazing you guys, well you do that at my funeral when I die. Can you play fairy tale of New York? I think that would be the song I would want.

Oh sure. Fairy tale of New York, fairy tale! You don't know it either. No, what the fuck is that? It's the Pogues. It's the Pogues. It's the Pogues. I probably know it and don't know that I know it.

You know it and it would be, that would be a good wake song. Yeah. It's happy and sad and sad. You know what? I never could play other people's songs because the only way I ever played music was like to just make up shit. Kind of like what we're doing tonight. And I learned a couple songs but I didn't learn songs, I didn't really learn how to

read music. Yeah. And I never could play, like people were like, hey play this, I'm like, oh sorry man, I don't know how to do that. Well you didn't learn shit, you just like do a thing that you want to do. You don't know how to, like you didn't, like you didn't spend a lot of time learning other people's songs. Yes.

I could because they tend to be, there's 12, there's 12 notes, so there's not that many chords. They tend to overlap. Yeah. But that's really interesting. Well, first of all, your parents are music teachers. Yes. Right.

So that's, but it is fascinating because like any, the way that I learned to play the guitar is you go, well, I want to play a song I know. So you learn how to play that song. I did that too. I did a Neil Young like chord book and I learned like hard of gold, yeah, hard of gold, all the songs in like decade. And but I also was like, from the day I picked up a guitar, trying to just like write my own things.

Let's play a song you wrote. Well, he wrote, by the way, I remember you, for the gang turns black, I remember you coming in one day and having written all the songs in like a day, in one day, you came in and you were like, here's all the songs. Well, you know what the thing is, though, I'm always like tinkering with stuff. My memory is the same as yours. In one night, like you sent us videos of like seven or eight, like every song, how they ended up in the episode.

Yeah. Not like a first draft. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's not such a talent that I was like able to be like, here's 10 songs. It was more like I've I've been like tinkering with a bunch of songs and ideas for many years and I do nothing with them. So let's use them on the show. Yeah, you're being you're being you're being humble and I get that.

And I get that. But it's fucking crazy that one day in one day, we got a fucking video of like 10 songs like with you singing them and playing them on the guitar. And then, you know, we gave them to Cormac, of course, and Cormac filled them out. But like, yeah, I mean, I would love to do a musical together. I'm putting it out there. But I would like a Broadway musical. Yeah, like a like right.

But of sunny or of something else, like something else, just like write the book of Mormon type like a book of Mormon type thing. I think it'd be really fun. That would be very fun. But like, I mean, with I mean, Trey and Matt, they didn't act in it. Would we act in it? Well, we could because we're that good. Fucking good.

I have a game for you guys. Can you guess what time it is right now? I have no idea. OK, I have no idea. 8 p.m. Anybody else? Yeah, I'm going to say it's 744. I can help you out with that.

Oh, get out of here. OK, guys. There she is. Sit your fucking ass down. I came in to say it's the children's bedtime and I, you know, I've got to be around eight. Yeah, it's right around eight. That's why I know what time it is. Sorry to crash.

It's just you are in my own home. We're in my office. This is my office. It's not your office. It's our office. We've had your office. We've had a lot of whiskey tonight. I'm so fucking happy to see you.

I'm so happy to see you. What a breath of fresh air. Hi, Glean. Charlie, I love your Hitler mustache. You look nice. No, no. What? Stop that.

Stop that. Hitler. He stopped it a little earlier. But I do it all after this. You tried. You tried. This means I'm going to like kill everyone and everything. And this means I'm just going to arrest you, but I might take a bribe.

Well, by the way, I apologize. By the way, should we do the shot? Okay. Let's go. Well, the kids. I don't have a shot. I don't drink. What are you drinking?

What are you drinking? I've got tequila and lime juice and bubbly water. Well, don't. God bless you. Yeah. This is foolish. This is foolish. This is fucking foolish.

This is the dumb one. This is the dumb one. I think I've been listening and it seems like it's been dumb for a bit. Okay. That was the dumb one. Caitlin, do you have any good drinking slash St. Patrick's Day memories either with these guys or without them? I don't remember life without them.

It's been. Oh, it wasn't like a. It was so great. It's just been. We've been together for a really long time. But it's also been really, really great. What have we done? What have we done?

What was life before me? That's right. Come on. What was life before Rob? I don't know. It was just big, big dicks and lots of drugs and very tall, handsome men. Oh, thank God that's over. But you know what?

They're big. And so that's the thing. It doesn't matter how big you are. It matters how big your ego is. No, it matters how big you believe yourself to be. Oh, I was sure. Sweetie, this dick is giant. You just don't know it.

Yeah. It doesn't. Caitlin, I heard you don't like winking. Oh, God, no. We were just talking about this earlier. I would say because when I get drunk, I wink a lot. No, I feel that. No, no, no.

I think if it was from you, it wouldn't be so creepy. For me, it's a man. No. If she fucking winked at you out of the blue, that wouldn't be like. No. I wasn't expecting that. I'll tell you why. Why would she do that?

To me, a man winking at me is like this private thing that he tried to sneak across without anybody else knowing. This is why I want it all to be public. And if you're going to say something to me, say it out loud. If Megan winked at me, it would just be as you can wink at me on you. But I do not like a man winking at me. I love this about you. I love this.

This makes me like I love this. And so I will wink at you. I will get you. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. That's a different scenario. You know, it's a safe situation.

It still triggers me a little bit. She knows it gives you a ride. I'll laugh. I'm happy to laugh. But I also hate it for like a fraction of a second. Yes. And I love it so much. Yeah.

And you're totally right because it is weird. Don't try and sneak me like a sneaky little note and nobody else knows about it. Like if you're going to be inappropriate, inappropriate where everybody else can hear about it. So everybody, I can like confer with other people. Paper trail. Yes. I want a paper trail. Yeah.

How am I going to track that? What if I say, oh, he winked at me? How am I going to prove that? Nobody saw it. I'm going to be sneaky and quick. I don't like it. Megan, you can wink at me all you want. Let's do it.

I do. But I, for the same reason it's dangerous. I don't know what it is about me getting drunk, but I wink a lot and then I wink at guys and I'm like, I don't mean it. I don't mean it. It's just like an involuntary. That is very dangerous. It's dangerous.

That's dangerous. It is. And I've noticed that I've done it a couple of times accidentally while laughing and smiling. And the wink will come out and I'm like, no, wait, hold on. And I do feel compelled to be like, I'm, I'm, I didn't mean to. That wasn't a, I'm sorry. I didn't, I just went to smile. I feel like apologizing for it because winks are terrible.

Stop it. Everybody stop it. We should, we should outlaw and ban winks down with winks. Yeah. But if I wink to my wife, would you be okay with that? That's okay. That's okay. If you guys have a contract and it's okay with, if Rob winks at me, it's fine.

It's not creepy. I've never winked at anybody. That's why I'm comfortable. That's why. Can you wink? Can you wink? That's why I married him. Give us a wink.

Try a wink. Try to close one eye. Both eyes actually. I want to see both eyes. You got to, you got to do it real quick. Let me close one eye. It's gotta be a quick one. No, see that was so obvious.

He's got a great wink. See anybody in the room would, no, no, no, no. That was bad. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm uncomfortable with this kind of wink. Watch this. Watch this. You have a wink.

We're having a secret. Do you see what I'm saying? Wait, wait, wait. But you're good at it. Well, that's why it's so upsetting. Watch. I'm just sitting here, right? Like we're just at a, like no big deal.

So that makes me think that there's part of you there. All right, we're all in a middle of a conversation. I don't know what my camera. Oh, this is my camera. I just did it. It's very, very quick. Why is it a wink? So upsetting.

That was sneaky. Right. Ultimately. She just explained it. Like for a good 10 minutes. I mean, she literally just explained it. Yes. What is happening?

I'm going to piss. No, no, no. You know what? You know what? You know what? You know what? You know what? You know what?

It wasn't that interesting. I wasn't. I wasn't listening. Katelyn, how many episodes of the show have you seen? Oh yeah. We were talking about. Yeah. You haven't.

You haven't watched. No, I don't know. But like I'm curious. Are there. Hold on. Are there episodes of the show that you've never seen? There are only a couple of years there where Rob was a little bit. So I think it was right before the Glenn Howerton burnout.

Yeah. Yeah. They're. Wait, which one? Well, there was a couple. Which one? Okay. We'll come back to that because that's what we're talking about when we've been in.

We've been drinking. How many times you've quit the show? Okay. So there was a lot of burnout and because we were doing back to back to back to back to back. And for Danny and I, it was really fun because we were showing up and, you know, working for two and a half months out of a year was no big deal. You guys were writing and editing and shooting.

And it was a lot. There were a couple of seasons where Rob was so in the editing room constantly that when the shows would come out, he wouldn't want to watch them with me. And we had little kids and we had a tiny amount of time to watch TV together. So I didn't see those ones. But I always wanted to watch them and I love watching them. And I'm not one of those people who's like, Oh, I can't watch myself. Which I don't judge.

I just, I, I love the show and I think it's really funny. And when it comes on, I see it. And also, also if I may, and I could be wrong, please correct me if I'm wrong. I would say you've got your priorities straight. You've got other things that you're concerned with. You're concerned with your, the life of your children. Mostly it's the kids. Yeah.

This is a job. Yeah. You know what I mean? I was just going to say, no, they're just running wild in there. I do need to go pretty soon and put them to bed. I don't want you to go. I know. How many, how many shots have we taken?

So we did a lot. We were looking at me, but I have no idea. I just got here. Yeah. We did the three to start. I'm hammered. Then we did one after that. Four or five.

Six at least. Six having another one. I think six. Oh, Megan. Good for you. Is that the worst one or is that the one? Okay. Should we do one more and call it a night?

I have to say because I'm drunk enough to be overly emotional. Here's the question. What do you mean? Yeah. Because she's the thing that made me keep watching sunny. Like she's the thing that really I, uh, in my life, I've had two major, uh, female comedy influences. One was Molly Shannon on SNL.

Yeah. Yeah. And the other is Caitlin Olsen on. And the reason was because it's so seldom you see a woman put comedy in front of everything else in their performance. And I just, from the very first moment that I saw, I still remember seeing, um, $100 baby and you doing that shot to the monitor where you're,

where you're shaming your face. And I was like, she's going so hard after the joke and she's not worrying about like how that. There's a complete lack of desperation. Yeah. And it, and I felt so, it was so, I saw, I felt power through that. Like I really,

and I watched that and I was like, I want to be involved with whatever that is. You know, like, I don't think this is the right form for it, but like I grew up really hating myself. Like really like a tragic accident when I was in sixth grade. I was, I was hideous through middle school and high school. I think that's kind of out there,

but like I really always hated myself and hate, definitely hated what I looked like, but like, I always really looked up to Carol Burnett and Gilda Radner because they would unapologetically just go for the character. They didn't care what they looked like. It wasn't about being a beautiful woman. It was about being just fucking funny.

And when I would really dig into characters I loved, when it came from the inside, you didn't care what you looked like on the outside. That's, when you felt really funny and authentic comedy specifically, but all entertainment, but specifically comedy helps us process our wounds. Like we all are, we're wounded people.

Like we want to feel infallible and want to feel great, but we're wounded or we have our child insecurities and they create these wounds. And when someone leans into it and doesn't fight against it says, I'm going to love you. I'm going to be willing to look embarrassing. Right. When Will Ferrell takes his shirt off and runs around in his

underwear, he's got a scar on his belly and his butt. Yeah. And he doesn't, and he seems okay with his, he doesn't seem to have the vanity to say, Oh, I need to look perfect. It,

it helps us feel better about our own lives. And I think that's why we love our, our comedic actors. Right. It made me feel less alone. Truly. Let's drink this last shot and call it a night. I already drank it.

I thought I didn't know it was. It was. Cheers guys. Well, should we do the sobriety test? Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of standing on one.

Let's do that. Can we have the cameras work? Yeah. Let's do that. Let's do that. Can we have the cameras work? Let's guess who's the drunkest. Do it.

Your sister. Okay. Are we going to predict it? Oh. Okay. Yes. Yes. I don't know.

That's a wish I fucking got. I feel like I might have one of my car. Well, no, but that doesn't last her in your car. I think Glenn is probably the drunkest, which is crazy, but you're not the drunkest.

Do you think I am? I'm not your weight. I would be basing this on. I would say behavioral changes. Yeah. Well, he's just quiet, but I think,

I think you've changed the most. I will say I'm very drunk. I don't need to prove anything. The alcohol works. Yeah, it works. It did stop. It did stop.

It's done a fine job on me. It's done. But I do but but but the real test the real test is the fucking test Yeah, the actual test the surprise. Let's do it. Let's all do it. Let's do it Let's see who passes it the most. I'm a pass No, she hasn't had the whiskey. She can't do it to Kayla drink. You won't do it. No, I'm saying I'm a pass You won't do it. I'll do it. I thought you said I'm a pass. No, I'm a Oh, yeah

She Caitlyn through it, she's gonna do it. We're gonna see it on camera. We're gonna talk about Ross. What is this? Do you pass? Okay, we already doing something she hasn't been asked to do this is pretty good, but Caitlyn you cannot use your hands to balance you Okay, what what are you doing? Why are you a yoga person? I Fucking hang out. Yeah, it's really it's really cool, man I count for 30 seconds and you just have to it's all just one leg one leg up. No hands

The test is can you be cool hands? No swaying. Can you just fucking cool for like 30 minutes? Can you be fucking cool for like ten minutes? I don't know that I could do that No swan no hands. Oh, no no hands. No hands Come on Caitlyn no no disqualified. Okay, you're out. Oh shit. Glenn you're next you've already found swan you've found sit down Glenn how about your eyes have to be closed no eyes can be open eyes can be But your hands have to be down hands have to be down. Yes Yeah, that's no swing That's so difficult to do even if you're dead sober to stand on one leg with no

No, but is it not a swan just one leg up. Just one leg up. Yeah, you're doing like a swan. Yeah Okay, so what she's doing is wrong. Yeah, so yeah, so Caitlyn sits down stop. She's peacocking You're gonna have You're gonna lift your leg you choose the leg and then Just yeah hands down by your side arms down by your side. No swing nothing to help your balance Yeah, and now you're holding that for 30 seconds, and you're not using anything else If you're dead sober that's impossible you're Come on that was good though

You're telling me that a dead sober person can stand there on one leg fuck that. What are you a gymnast get out of here. I My point is you're gonna fail that if you're sober there's no way You can stand there dead sober with one leg up Would you you're balancing your entire body weight on one leg without swaying in any way and keeping your arms to the side What are your circus performer fuck off? Sorry Yes, it is what you're balancing your entire weight a human being is designed to walk on two legs So you're taking all of your weight putting it on one leg. You're not gonna sway back and forth

Next thing so yeah, you're lined up. You're gonna take nine steps heal to toe, and then you're just gonna hit it right back around and do it So straight line one foot heal to toe next step nine steps one way This way turn around and go back I'm gonna focus in on the edit I'm gonna focus in on Charlie Okay, well now we're getting some way now we're getting some because you should be able to do this, right? Okay Here are you've already failed Now we're starting here so the cops like great. Okay, buddy. Now we're starting. Okay. Yeah, okay. We'll start whatever you want How about this how about this about we'll just

Mr. Howerton we Would you like Okay And by the way the test is good, which we all know sure sir sir Yeah, what you know what we like to do we like to give people lots of chances at it Before we put you behind the wheel again. We're gonna give you another chance This is very complicated in many ways for many reasons. Okay beyond the fact that I'm fucking hammered. Yes Dear officer

One two three four past See how many steps I took To prove I could walk in this train line I do think that a part of it that a part of it is that you can't look down You can't look down. You can't you he was just looking down. You're supposed to look forward Okay, so you're supposed to right right right You can't aid your balance in any way that would be looking at your balance in a shot. One To be better that eyes that eyes that didn't better look back. That was good officer. All I need to do is practice. Let me practice

Oh, there's a little English on that I think you would do that if you're sober, okay Oh, I was looking straight ahead None of us are driving home just to be totally there for the hell. No, we've all been driven here Speaking of which by the way, we did this is great. We did it. We did the fuck out of it. Yeah, and Good luck editing Jesus Christ Place house on That's a lot of pressure We came to be funny

But we searched for the truth We told some yarns Got along in the tooth But life's just that way If you're lucky that is I Guess I'm just foolish For living in bless

For I am happy Yes, that makes me And that's why Ah, we're here for We are sunny even though we See Sometimes it may appear But we

Sunny Because we're hopeful in a way And we're honest with each other And I guess that's just the way We appear We are sunny in our way and this will be What we're known for Till our very last day

Oh my god That's good man. Wow. I just got I don't know. I just got actually emotional Wow, that just really got me. Yeah, that's what it's like