The Always Sunny Podcast - Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom

Episode Date: December 20, 2021

Glenn comes in hot.

Guys, how are you doing today? I'm, I'm, I'm, I can, I can see Glenn's in a, I hate that shit. No, let me, let me, let me. Cause everybody can park closer to the column. You gotta get, your job. For the listener at home, you couldn't find a parking spot in the garage, in the basement. We're in a, we're in a building editing and the basement has some spots. If you're gonna take an end spot, you gotta park as close to the column as you possibly can.

So that the middle guy doesn't have to park too close to the other end. Cause then you show up and there's either two cars that are parked too, too far from the, there's three, there's three spots, right? Two, two cars parked in the column and then one in the scent wedged in the center. Okay. Now, if the both people don't park close to the column, then there's no spot in the center. You can't get in there unless you're driving a fucking smart car or a motorcycle. Right. So there were no parking spots that I could get into that didn't require me, you know, either being a, you know,

opening my door into a column or. No. Now we know, I know Glenn well enough as do you, that there are certain times that Glenn comes in hot. And it's a fun thing that we can all joke around about because we can turn it into an episode or something like that. For example, the serial eating defense. Sure. That's the best. And then there are sometimes not just Glenn, probably each and every one of us that we come in hot and we realize, let's not joke about that.

Let's just move on from it because I think I think it might make him more upset, but not in a funny way. Well, yeah, well, it would make me upset if you guys disagreed. Well, I don't disagree. That's the thing is, I can get my fucking car right up next to that column right up next to it. I mean, like so close that most people would be nervous because I know how to drive. Park closer to the column. When you park your car, think about other people. Here's another thing that bugs me.

Was it my car that was not close enough to the column? Your car definitely was not close enough to the column, by the way. I was there. I was first one in this morning and I backed my car in. Yeah. And I tried to get it super close to the column. Backing it in, you can actually get it closer to the column because it's harder. You can't see the side of the car as well when you're going forward. But when you're going backwards, you can see the side of the car in the rear view, in the side mirror.

So you can get like crazy fucking close to the column with that side mirror. See, any closer to the column, and I was thinking about this when I was back in, I was actually thinking I should get pretty close to that column. So there's room in the space next to me. It crossed my mind. But in my mind, I was like, okay, I'm pretty damn close. Any closer would be reckless. Yeah, I don't know. I'd have to take a closer look to it. But when I park it close to the column, because it's the same thing.

By the way, I said we pause the podcast. I think we should go down there and take a look. Measure how close I am there. Let's go. Wow, listener. Okay, we've got a lot to talk about. All right, we went down to the garage, to the parking garage to investigate the situation and pick up some data points. Charlie, do you want to defend yourself? Oh, yeah. Not only am I reasonably parked, and I think Rob will back me up.

I'm beyond reasonably parked to the point where I was overly cautious that there's two white guidelines that you're supposed to park your car in between. Not only am I over the white line as close to the pole, and your argument is I could even get further past that white line and even closer, but I am more close to the pole than I am the other line on the other side of the car. So we measured about 16 inches from the pole, which is too far for you. So about 25 inches from the next line, and then beyond that line, there's the next parking spot.

So I probably could have gotten closer to the pole, but to me, my car starts beeping at about 13 inches. You also don't need to. Those particular spots are a little bit wider than the other spots. So where you got, which also comparatively speaking, you did park closer to the pole than everyone except for one other guy who got... That guy got ten inches from the pole. Was it ten?

Ten inches. Or lady, that's to be fair. Women tend to be more courteous than men. There's a very strong possibility that that's a lady. The question is, what are we assuming are the basic guidelines and or laws of parking? For example, to Charlie's point, isn't it generally assumed that those lines... Because you said something very interesting and telling. Charlie said, I'm over the line on one side,

meaning I'm too close to one line. I'm over one line and too far away from the other line, thus proving that I parked as close to the pole as I could. And you said those lines don't mean anything. Something they don't mean anything. This seems like chaos to me. No, no, no. When you're dealing with compact spots,

now by the way, for listeners who don't live in Los Angeles or New York or some large metropolitan city where parking is just not an issue, you guys probably don't even know what the fuck we're talking about, right? Because there's plenty of parking where you live. And that's great for you. But in Los Angeles, people who design parking garages, they love... That's real elitist of you, man, to think that parking problems aren't a problem for everyone, man. They're not.

I'm from Montgomery, Alabama. You can park anywhere. You can park on the grass if you want. Just park in a field. Yeah, just park in a field and you're good to go. Yeah, it's great. But in Los Angeles, they love to design parking garages where the vast majority of the spots are for, quote, compact cars.

I don't know what they're thinking because most cars are not compact. So to me, they're just getting greedy and trying to create as many parking spots as they possibly can. That's where the whole line thing is just kind of like, well, okay, I know these are super small spots. So regardless of where the line is, I got to park as far over as I possibly can to make room for the other cars. That's it. That's it. Well, okay, so...

Another interesting thing... Nobody's coming down there giving you a ticket because you parked a little over the line. You know what I'm saying? Right. Yeah. Another interesting thing... Well, I will say when I parked this morning, I parked... I thought, you know what?

I'm going to try to get close to that pole, make a little room on the other side, which is what you're hoping for. It's what you're getting angry about. You're thinking that people aren't considering that. Yes. Yeah. And on top of that, being like when I got out of my car, I was like, yeah, that's about as close to the poles I feel comfortable getting in and out of.

But my car's small. And I don't... A, don't really worry so much about the lines. But I mean about parking. But B, don't care so much about the way other people park. No, it's true. And so... Yeah, it's an obsession of mine.

If it's an obsession of yours, I would suggest getting a smaller car. Yeah, because, okay, in terms of justice, I would say that you are parked directly next to somebody who has like a Honda, right? I think it was a very small car. Yeah, maybe. Now, let's just say theoretically that person wasn't parked as close to the poles you would have liked them to. Yeah. Couldn't they just as easily turn around to you and say,

hey, I purposefully picked a car that is actually a drivable and livable car for the city of Los Angeles. Because it's so fucking packed here. Right. You chose a car that's twice as big as everybody else's car. But you don't know why I chose that car. You don't know why I need that car. Okay, but you don't know that somebody willfully, like to Charlie's point, who he just said, he actually did try to park as close as he felt comfortable to the pole.

Meaning like this was not something that slipped his mind or he just didn't give a fuck. He did his best. He did his best. I don't know he did his best, but he definitely considered it. He definitely considered it. And I do appreciate that. I mean, I was, yeah. I can also understand getting frustrated when somebody's accusing you of not doing something that you specifically actually tried to do.

Well, also, you know, I gotta say, you look at your car and it's over the lines on both sides, even when it's perfect. Because it's a compact spot. Because every spot in that garage is a compact spot and not everybody has a compact car. My car's, you know, my car's not that big. It's big. No, you're not driving around in a ram truck. No, but what if I did? What if I had a Ford F-150 because I'm hauling shit around all the time?

I couldn't even park in the garage. No, you couldn't. And then you'd have to take that in consideration before you got frustrated. You'd be like, okay, I've made the choice to get something that is not going to fit anywhere. Now, if you were living in Montgomery, Alabama, it wouldn't be an issue, but you're having a major, major, jam-packed, full metropolitan area. Yeah. So maybe every once in a while you're going to run into issues where parking is a problem. The thing is, like, I can't fit my two kids, all their soccer buddies and their friends from school and my dogs all in a car if it's small.

I just can't. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to drive an SUV. I don't. I'd rather drive a smaller car, but I can't. I mean, it's not practical for me for my lifestyle. All the problems with the climate. Why are you having so many children, Glenn?

I only have two kids. That's a lot of children. What about dog methane? Dogs are off-gassing like crazy. I think you're thinking about cows. By the way, I rescued my dogs, so I didn't breed my dogs. You know what I'm saying? I rescued them.

Did you rescue your children? Are they drowning? Huh? Did you adopt your children? You rescued them from... All right. So what we've learned is that, unfortunately, we settled the dispute without a ton of fireworks, and that's why we've lasted as long as we have. But the characters in this episode do have a ton of fireworks, and that's where the comedy comes from.

Segway, let's talk about the show. You're talking about Max Bang's Dennis' mom? Yeah, I love this one. I did, too. I really enjoyed it. Love it. This was the first episode that you and I wrote together, Charlie. Yes.

For clarity's sake, we would always sort of sit down and outline the things together, the three of us, and then we would say, all right, someone goes off on draft. I would take a draft. I would take a draft. We would do it together. This was the first one that you and I went off on, and I feel like we had some success with this one. Yeah, absolutely. Definitely. And it's not as if, again, like Charlie said, we're all very involved in the conceiving of the story and the breaking of the story and the outlining of the story.

So it's not as if we came up with it whole cloth. Is that the saying? Yes. But I was pretty proud of our execution, and we created the character of Max Mom, which I'm also very proud of. A lot of firsts in this one. Charlie worked for the first time that came up. Right. And that sort of, we just took the character in that direction after that moment.

Yeah, so one of my wife's favorite moments in the entire show is in this episode, and it's you, Charlie. It's after Frank leaves you in charge in that back office, and he walks out, and you're like, yeah, no, I got it. He's like, you know, he walks out, you sit down on the desk, you pick up the calculator, you look at the calculator, and you're like, what are you? And that's one of Jill's favorite moments. And that kind of thing sort of became where we took your character. That's right. That level of stupidity. Not knowing what a calculator is.

Got locked in there. Yeah, and that was just an improv. That wasn't in the script. That was just something you did. Yeah. And that was, it was very funny. Seeing off the set a lot in this episode. Oh, really?

So many times. I mean, literally looking directly up into lights. Come on. Yes. When you come into the back office. In the back office. In the back office. Yeah, I do remember that.

I noticed it, and I didn't bring it up. I noticed in one of the other episodes, we wanted like a few episodes ago. But. How about this? When Mary Elizabeth, when the waitress walks into the bar at the, in the final scene, the first time she opens the door, and we look out and there's a brick wall. That's just out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then it cuts to us. Then it cuts back to her. And the wall's gone. And it's just gone. What? What was happening there? I don't know. Wasn't there anybody who was in a position to say, hey you young kids, let's, let's get some service.

Yeah, there were a lot of people in that position and they didn't do it. No. Not sure what happened there. Let's blame someone else. Yeah. Yeah. I took a bunch of notes. Oh, you took some notes?

I can't, I can't read a single one. Oh boy, I was putting on some big Frank Reynolds glasses right now. I should have had those glasses on when you parked. Oh, shit. Do you need parking glasses? Do you need parking glasses? Maybe you guys should put some glasses on when you buy cars. Yeah, yeah.

Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. I'm on your side. I'm going back. I'm on your side. I was just there. Yeah, you're just doing a joke.

You're just doing a joke. But now the listener at home thinks that I parked poorly. No, no, you parked it really well. Let me say, let me say for the record, Charlie, you did not park that badly. Thank you. You really, you really didn't. I would argue you could have gotten closer, but I appreciate that you tried. And you did get pretty close considering, you know what I mean?

And also those spots don't require it as much. Those are like two of the biggest spots. I don't know why. I will think about it even more. I can't believe we're talking about this again. Here's what I'll do. If I get to the place early in the morning, I'll get close as shit to that, that pole. And then I'll see if there's a cone around.

I'll pop a cone in the spot. I'll save it for you. Oh, shit. Well, I was going to have Ross. I was going to have Ross put my name on a spot. That's what I'm going to do. Because I can't read any of my notes. Well, do you know Sean Levy's got a spot down there?

Yeah. In this building? Yeah, because the right next door, they're doing a Netflix movie. He's got the best spot. He's got the best spot, right? Yeah. So I texted him and I said, I said, this is a phantom spot, isn't it? And then he wrote back, I'm in New York.

Are you coming back anytime soon? No. It's a phantom spot. We should take that spot. We should take that spot. There's never anybody in there. So yeah, that's not a waiting for Sean to come. He's not going to come.

No. No. Why would he? He's got he's got other things to do than to be at this random building in Studio City. I used to park in Vin Diesel's spot when I went to go to Jason Bateman's office because he had a spot there. I was like, he ain't coming in here. So I just park in a spot every day.

But it would have been really interesting if he did. What the fuck part of my spot? That's pretty good, man. That's pretty good. You've got to be fucking kidding me. What the fuck part of my spot? What else do we have? I can't read my notes.

This is amazing. Just for the listener at home. Jared is just staring at this piece of paper. I can't read anything. This is my last time writing notes. I'm not doing it again. Can I see if I can find it? No.

Let me see if I can find it. I know your handwriting. I know your handwriting pretty well. It is on like a cranium from the board game? Yeah. I don't know how I have this, but I did. That is fucking hilarious. Oh, first time we shot in Guajino's.

Is this correct? The lunch date that Danny goes on? No. What other scene do we have? We use it in Gun Fever. Colin designed a date with Sweet D. Oh, you're right. But I love that scene.

And then Danny's daughter comes over and he leers at her, which was aww. Very strange. So strange. Yeah, that's Lucy DeVito playing the waitress that he ogles. But if you don't know it's Lucy, then it's not that strange. But we wanted to give Lucy a part and we only had that one left. And we said, all right, you won't do this. Yeah.

Oh, so the song. Okay, so we're on set that day in the scene where Frank and Matt go to the disco tech to meet some ladies. This is the best. And what is in the script is that he's got a move, like a very specific move that he's dancing to. And then we're doing the scene and at one point this is not scripted. He goes back onto the dance floor and he says, hey, ladies, I'm Frank, remember?

And then he goes, go. Yeah, he starts doing the move. He starts doing the move and singing, go for it. Go for it. And we were like, what the fuck is he doing? We have no idea what he's doing, why saying that or whatever, because there's no music that's actually playing. No.

And then in post, we thought it was so funny, but we were like, what if we wrote and recorded a song that we sung that he and that's actually us. That's that's that's me singing and you and I. Yeah, you and I sing. Well, so what happens when we found the disco song, right? Oh, this disco song works really fun for the scene. And then when we're posting it, we were like, I want to be funny if he was singing along to the thing and we sort of riffed on it.

And I was very jealous that when we went to go do the recording of that, I was I had left for my honeymoon. Yeah, I knew there must have been a reason why you weren't on that track. That's why it's you two guys. Yeah. It always bumps me out because I would like to go for it as well. Well, here's a question for you guys. Have you ever banged somebody's mom?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. I mean, so, so you. Yeah. That's not what I mean, though. Oh, what I mean is, have you ever banged?

Did you ever bang a friend's mom? No, of course not. No. Did you? No. No. No. I wouldn't have wanted to.

There weren't there weren't any that I wanted to. You know what I mean? I would say they wouldn't have wanted to when it came to me. Yeah, they probably wouldn't have wanted to with me either. But I didn't want to with them. Yeah. We are starting to get to that age, though, where our children will be, you know, like in like six or seven years, they will be like of the age where they're starting to have

sex. And then I, as we all remember, like late, late in high school. And then we would, you know, be around other people's parents, but you never thought of them as sexual objects in any way, shape, form. I didn't. Do you think that your children's, do you think that your children's friends are going to want to have sex with Jill? I think so.

Biologically, sure. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, sure. The little teenage boys are so horny. Yeah. But I don't remember ever feeling that way about any of my friends' mother. Well, because you didn't grow up in Los Angeles, where? Fair.

Yeah. I mean, women. Look. Well, I'm not going to. People. I don't suggest. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't either.

I don't know. People look great everywhere. People are beautiful everywhere. I know. Who was that, who was that person that just came in and started talking? You know what? Started talking right on my mic. Get the fuck out of here.

It was Spielberg. Okay, guys. That was fun. You got me. Yeah, Stephen. Can you talk about parking a little bit in the city? Because I haven't parked a car in 30 years, haven't I? Yeah.

You think I parked my own car? I don't have a car. I have a fleet of cars. Actually, I just don't drive them. And I certainly don't park them. What the hell are you talking about, man? Come on. Come on.

I can't bend these. It'll be so good. And Stephen, do you want me to just be a complete different person? What are you talking about? Is that it? Is that it? You saying I'm doing a bad impression to myself? What are you saying?

What are you saying? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. It's a weird thing to say. Anyway, but if I did park my car, I'd like to think that I'd park it pretty close to the column. Oh, thanks.

Well, thank you, Stephen. That was Stephen's answer. You're right. Thanks for popping your head in. I'll make an even greater effort next time. Stephen is editing his most recent movie in the same place as us, and so we just kind of hang out and he pops in and every now and then, and so it's always good to see him. I like him.

He's a good guy. He's cool. Yeah, he's great. Yeah. What do you think the chances are he's ever seen, not an episode, but a scene from It's Always Sunny Flood? I think they're pretty high. Yeah.

I mean, he strikes me as the kind of guy who likes to know what's out there and certainly what people are seeing. I think if a show's been on for 15 years, most people are going to be like, let me just at least pop it in and like, why does everybody like this show? And then, you know, and then they'll be confused as to why anyone does unless they go back and again, and again, and again, and then maybe they get it, but probably not, you know. I bet, I bet not, I bet, I bet, no, no, you don't think he's seen it? No.

No, I don't want to ask him because I don't want to not even a scene. So he doesn't even know who we are and he's popping his head in and he just likes podcasts. He does every reputation as really enjoying podcasts. That's true. Three guys just talking, just talking and talking. Yeah. Yeah. That's high entertainment.

That's high art. Yeah. Yeah. What else guys? What else? What else do you guys remember from that episode? What, should we talk about Sandy Martin? Should we talk about her amazing performance as a Max mom?

Yep. And obviously we shot that in Philly, so we flew both Sandy and Lynn Marie. Wait, is this the first time we met Lynn Marie? No, because she was in the molestation episode. Oh, right, of course. Of course. I think it was, I really enjoy the, the, what's the word, the contrast between me being like skivvy with her and her just being like super sweet and nice.

And even when she's telling me that she doesn't find me sexually attractive, that she's doing it in the sweetest possible way, because she's just a sweet, sweet lady. And when you're breaking down, she feels genuinely concerned for you, which is really funny. There's a plate of cookies there, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

She tried to give me cookies about it, but I wasn't, you know, I wasn't having that. But yeah. Anyway, I love her performance. I love how she plays it. And she always looked like she could be your mom to me. Oh, really? Yeah. I think there's a, I think, I see a resemblance there.

I don't, I don't know why, but it, and it's just a coincidence. Made the connection in your mind and now it's real for you. I see it. Do you guys, am I the only person like, I think she looks like she could be your mom. I feel like she looks like she could be anyone's mom. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. America's mom.

America's mom. She's America's mom. She's America's mom. Have either of you guys ever dated, like a significantly older woman at any point in your life? Yes. Yeah? What was the age discrepancy between you and this, 20 years?

Oh, wow. How old were you? 20. I was 21 or 22. And you dated? She was 42. Oh, wow. How long did you guys date?

We were friends that would hang out from time to time. Like it wasn't like it was like a, like a finite amount of time where we were like, oh, we are dating. Yeah. We would hang out. Go out. Bang. Yeah.

Have sex. Yeah, just have fun. It will take advantage of that they'll have you really, have you worked this out in therapy? Like, you know, that's, that's an older person taking advantage of the younger person. So do you feel? Well, she was an agent too, which is even, which is interesting. And I was a struggling actor. Okay.

That's a power abuse. I wasn't concerned about the power dynamic at the time. No, in retrospect. No, it was great. It was really fun. Yeah. It was really fun. And I remember you're thinking like, wow, this is, this is nuts.

Like, but that's two years younger than I am now. But at the time, you know, you're 20. I was 22 years old, but it was, it was fun. She was actually, she showed me a different New York city because I was used to experiencing a New York city the way that a 21 year old does or a 22 year old does. Just Irish products. She was like taking. She had tons of cigarettes.

She would like take me out to restaurants and show like Broadway shows. I saw a bunch of Broadway shows and that was really fun. Yeah. That's that side of New York is fun. I, I would have been fun to live in New York. Uh, I never lived there when I actually had a little bit of cash to spend. I was just, I was always so broke. I would literally, yeah, if you went into a nice restaurant, you were either applying

for a job or trying to like sneaky use their bathroom before they kicked you out. I mean, I, I would, I would go to this, uh, these like, my favorite thing to eat in New York was burritos because they were relatively inexpensive and filled with, you know, nutrition or filled with sustenance calories, I should say, uh, but I was so broke that I would literally go buy a burrito. I would cook rice and beans at home because they were cheap and like vegetables. And then I would go buy a burrito. I would bring it back to my apartment.

I would cut it in half and use half the burrito with my rice and beans and like that would be my lunch and then my dinner would be the other half. I couldn't, I couldn't afford to eat two burritos. I couldn't have a burrito for lunch and a burrito for dinner. I had to split it in half. That's how broke I was. Did you have sex in older lady? I thought that's where that was going.

No, I was, I wanted to talk about burritos. Oh, okay. All right. Well, this is what I was saying. Well, he turned it around, but he was legitimately upset when he first came out, but like not in a funny way. Yeah. Sometimes I'm upset and I'm all fired up.

Like you were fired up about the cereal thing, right? At the, at the time. Oh yeah. When I, yeah. But we were able, there was enough, there were enough comedy writers in the room. Oh no, that's not at all how that went down. Did he not eventually come around? No, no, no, no, that's not at all how that went down.

Then we have to save that for that episode. I don't know. Do we? Do we? You were fired up about it. You were genuinely upset. You and I were amused. My car was destroyed.

Sure. You and I were amused by how upset he was. That's a fun thing. Not about. That's a fun thing to walk into, right? Your car gets destroyed. Your brand new car is the first time I'd ever bought a nice new car in my entire life. I had a brand.

It was like a couple months old. My car was destroyed and I come in upset about it. My friends are laughing at me. Well. Well. Can we please clarify that? Yeah, let's clarify. There's nothing funny about it.

There's nothing funny about the fact that your car was destroyed. What's funny is that you were eating cereal while driving your car. It's just an amusing thing. Yeah. It was also the way that we found out. Yeah. It would have been just as amusing if you said I got in a horrible car accident. I'm like, oh, that's terrible.

You were like, yeah, I was in the middle of crocheting this beautiful sweater. No. Like, wait, you were crocheting a sweater and driving a car? Like, yes. But that's not why I got into the accident. So. And you were very specifically upset about the fact that the interior of your car was destroyed.

Not the exterior. The exterior got pretty banged up, too, but it was the interior. But that's fixable. The interior. If you came in and you were like, I got rear-ended. No one's laughing at you. Right? That's what happened.

I know. But what you then continued to tell the story. And as you were telling the story, you were like, yeah, and the fucking whole interior is ruined, too. And we were like, whoa, you must have gotten completely totaled. And you're like, well, no, I mean, like, I got to get all the vents cleaned because like all this, all the milk, all the milk and cereal went into the vents and the air conditioning ducts and we were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what milk, what cereal?

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why it was interesting. But you genuinely were upset about it because you've been in a car accident. And it was not your fault. And we left it. That part was not your fault. And we left it alone.

But then you were gone, you were out of town for a vacation or something. And it kind of came back up and then we sort of, Rob and I went down the rabbit hole and then presented it to you after things had settled and you were receptive of it. And I think if in that moment we said, oh, that'd be a good episode, it would not have gone over well. Well, maybe. Yeah, I can't. I can't remember exactly.

I do remember being very upset about it. Sure. I also remember. I also remember. You're still upset about it. No. No. I mean, I look, I can get worked up about it.

Just about anything. That's what you're looking for. You can get it. Rob, do you, I don't think. I don't feel as though you come in to work hot. Does Rob come in hot? No, he's, he's a little bit more professional. You might be hot about some like work injustice, like usually related to like, you know, on

the corporate level. It's a less caffeinated version of it because you don't drink coffee anymore. You know, because when I come in hot, there's caffeine put on top of it and it's, you know, it's intense. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Well, I mean, I get, I get there from time to time. I guess maybe I don't start the day that way usually.

Yeah. But I get there. I can get worked up. I do. Your kids drive you fucking crazy. My kids drive me crazy in the mornings. Oh, they drive me insane. They're so loud.

They're so loud. I can't. It's like, I wake up, I walk downstairs and she's just immediately like just chaos. Yeah. Like chaos and fighting and it's either, it's either screaming out of anger at each other because they're in fighting or it's like screaming because they're playing, they're playing annoying characters that they play. Or it's the YouTube guy, the YouTube guy that, ah, that guy.

Should we call him out? I don't know. I don't know his name. Sunday. Sunday. Hey, buddy. They love him. Hey, buddy.

They love him. Go fuck yourself. Careful. Careful. He's the piper, but I'll tell you, he could probably get your kids to do anything. Yeah. But how about this? Don't put your kids on YouTube first thing in the morning.

Well, no, I don't. What do you do in the morning? They don't watch YouTube in the morning. No. But we do, we do allow them a certain amount of screen time and they choose to, and we're like, look, you get 45 minutes or whatever it is to watch whatever it is that you want. And we think we're like, great, like they're going to watch a movie, you know, or like like pizza and a movie night was like, great, we'll all sit around and we'll watch a movie

together. But they want to watch other people play Minecraft and do YouTube channels about it. And it's, you don't want to be the old man who's wagging his finger like, Hey, back in my day, we used to play video games, watch people play video games. Nevertheless, there's a few of them out there that are particularly irritating. Well, yes. And also like it is still absolutely baffling to me that someone instead of playing video games would watch somebody else play video games.

Let me ask you this. Did you get into a fist fight this weekend, an actual fist fight altercation? What do you mean? What are you asking? No. Did you watch the boxing match on Saturday? No. I wish I had.

Who played? It was the heavyweight championship. It was Tyson Fury versus nobody watches that stuff anymore. Oh, it was massive. And it was an incredible fight, but you watch boxing, but I used to enjoy it. It was my favorite sport for a very long time. And I gave it up when I had kids because I just didn't feel like I had the time to keep up with it.

So I just kind of fell off of it. But you do enjoy watching other people do something, right? Well, I would also say when we were kids and you went over to someone's house, I'm sorry, you're making a parallel between playing sports versus watching somebody else play. Got it. I understand. Yes. Yeah.

But also I did say when we were kids, you know, you go over to your buddy's house and you'd be playing Nintendo and someone is playing the level and it's like a one player game and you're sitting there watching them play. And if they were good enough to beat the whole damn thing, you want to see that you'd probably be enthralled. You'd be like, shit, like you're going to you're going to fight everyone and Mike Tyson and win. Like, yeah, they're also like learning things about how to navigate and like I get all that.

It's just that it's just that the the the voice is very specific. I also just don't like the manufactured enthusiasm. He's like, oh, I walked into a door, he came in the room, he came in the room. That's the guy. That we had for three reasons. That Sunday, I got that object. But let's take off our headsets. I feel like a few people probably stopped listening to the podcast, but that was good

idea. I didn't think about that. That is literally what he sounds. Have you watched this guy, Sunday. No, no, no. Yes, you can't be looking him up. He's the most. Fucking annoying man on the planet.

I'm not gonna. Fuck him. I'm not gonna look him up. Fucking ronin my kids. You fucking down. Do I come in? Do I come in? Hot freak, I'm not my I'm not really ever really aggressive.

You're passive-aggressive. Passive-aggressive. Yeah. A little bit more. My aggression goes inward. Yeah. No, then it comes out. It's like seeps out.

It seeps out. It's like pouring out. Yeah. I can tell when you're upset. Sure. But you're very rarely... Well, you're not moody. You're not moody.

You're not a moody person. No, no. If you're upset, it's because of something very specific. I'm so overly affected by all stimuli, right? So if something makes me happy, I can get very, very happy. If something pisses me off, I have trouble letting it go. And I see... I'm seeing this in my kids now, too.

It's very disturbing. I'm like, I don't know if I passed that on to them as a learned behavior or if it's just in their genes, but like I easily can't let let stuff go. He just can't let it go. He gets angry and he just stays angry for like 30 minutes. You're like, dude, we can... You got to let it go. You know what I mean?

But I'm like, I do the same shit. I do the same shit. I don't know what that is. I'm like, so reactive. If you can figure out a thing that works on him, if you could let Charlie and I know. So that you can use it on me. So that we can use it on you, that'd be great. But you guys like it.

You do use my anger in the show. I mean, you use it all the time, right? That's right. I mean, a lot of stuff gets written because any one of us is hung up about something seemingly insignificant or stupid or something that really, really bothers us and we're like, well, that's an episode. And then we give it to Dennis because it's funny to watch you get angry. Yeah.

It's funny to watch anybody get angry. Like then all our characters is funny to ask you that. This is pure defense mechanism, guys, like because I get so worked up about shit. And I realized at a certain point in my life, I was like, well, this is no fun for anybody. So I have to make it funny in order to be able to get away with like ranting and raving. I need to rants. Let me make my ranting a joke. So let me make it kind of funny, you know, and now I don't know if it's because it's

actually funny or if it's just because like, it's now, I don't know, I don't know what it is. I don't know why it's funny. I don't know why it's funny because it really is just me getting angry. I mean, even when I'm playing the character, it's like, I mean, you guys have seen me actually where I'm playing the character and I get, you know, Dennis is ranting and raving about something that I'm not even upset about as a person. But I've done the scene so many times, I've done like five takes of like yelling and screaming

that it literally puts me in a bad mood. And I'm actually angry, you know, you've released those hormones into your body, you know, whatever. Yeah. I can't come. I get stuck. You know, it's almost like I'm a real actor. You know what I mean? It's almost like I'm so in character that, you know, I have trouble dropping the character

afterwards. It's almost as if I'm as good of an actor as say Christian Bale, you know, it's almost like that. It's exactly like that. It's exactly like I'm as good an actor as Christian Bale. And yet you feel trapped on this TV show, which only makes you angrier. Yeah. It just.

Why? I don't know how you guys. Are you Christian Bale? Trapped me. Huh? Are you Christian Bale? I'm not actually Christian Bale. Doing it.

Because that would be an ultimate performance. Christian Bale doing a Glenn Howerton. And we didn't even know. And he's been doing, no, there is no Glenn Howerton. It's only, it's a character of Christian Bales. Yeah. That would be pretty sweet. Guys, who would you want to play you in a movie?

What actor would play you, Rob? Steven Seagal. You know, he can't stand up anymore, right? Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, I don't know. By the way, I don't know. I can't say for certain that he can't stand up.

I just haven't seen him stand up in 10 years. I don't think he can stand, you know, God bless him, you know, he's always shooting guns from the car. CG for that. They'll fix it. Fix his legs in post. Fix him post. Yeah.

I would hope that I could get the part, you know, um, you know, I know it's tough. I know casting out there is tough, but boy, I feel like I can nail it. Well, I don't know if you're a big enough box office draw to play yourself. Yeah. You know, maybe. Possibly. Spock's office is irrelevant now, you know, everything's streaming. Spock's office.

Spock's office is irrelevant. Box office asshole. Oh, you said Spock's office. I don't know. I don't fucking know. I don't know. I would like, who's Spock? Dr. Spock?

Mr. Spock? Spock's! Don't pick up on every consonant. Well, you're demanding perfection of everyone's parking, of everyone's words. Oh, look, guys, I'm fully aware of how fucking crazy I am. It's entitlement, man. Oh, 100%. You're right.

You're absolutely right, Charlie. Have we talked about this? Did you just... Over yourself. No, you're absolutely right. You're... I did kind of have that revelation maybe a year ago where I realized that most of the time I'm angry, what it all comes down to is entitlement, as I feel entitled for

everything to go well and be smooth. And when it doesn't go my way, I get angry. And it's totally entitlement. You're absolutely right. You weren't raised Catholic, so you didn't... You were somehow able to avoid the self-hate and feeling of worthlessness that... No. You know, I always had a very high regard for myself.

Yeah, see, that's a bad thing. Well, I know. There are periods where I do that. You want to really put yourself down constantly, and then, you know... And then you don't get so angry about... No, you won't care. Yeah, you'll go into that parking garage and you'll be like, there's no available spaces. I must have done something wrong.

God's punishing me. You know, and you won't get mad at someone else, you know. You'll just feel as though you weren't worthy of having a good space. Oh, I see. Is that true of you, Rob, as well? Do you feel that? Yeah. I mean, I don't know if I feel it to that extent.

Catholic Catholicism is a strange thing, but it definitely puts you in... It sets you up for that. Sure. I reject all of it. But I don't know the megachurch that Glenn was going to was setting him up for success either, was it? No, no, no, no. Definitely you're a piece of shit in the eyes of the church, no matter whether you're Catholic

or Protestant. But, you know, we're all born sinners, right? We're all born bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. And we need Jesus to make us good, good, good, good, good. So we can go to heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven, money, money, money. And then do what? And then just kind of float around and, you know, living your mansion there. The idea of having your consciousness for eternity is baffling.

Like... Meg just audibly sighed. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? Can you imagine? Can you imagine? Guys, we did it. We did it.

It's not our best, but we're going to keep going. We got other shit to do, and we got a show to cut together. Yep. Yeah. Let's keep trucking, guys. Let's keep trucking. Let's do it. Okay.

Park closer to the column, everybody. All right. Great. I'll give it another go. Yeah. Take measure. Tomorrow. We're going to drop by evening to say goodbye.

We're going to end it.