The Always Sunny Podcast - The Gang Exploits a Miracle

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

I don't get my Jesus cracker?

Now, we had a bit of a different kind of episode last time. We did. It was a departure. I think that's probably good. You know, it's in a while, maybe. I don't know. We'll see if people like it. If they do, maybe we'll do more of them if they don't. Well, I think people come to these podcasts because they want to learn something about life

and they want to learn from us because they know how wise, whizzing we are. Sure. And they trust anything we say. So, you know, we could do... I think it behooves us and the fans of the podcast to take on a bunch of different subjects so we could really educate people through this podcast. Yes. You know what I mean?

Sure. I was talking about last week's thing. I was like sort of thinking about the conversation we had, and I felt bad about specifically naming the kid from my high school. Well, we could beep it out. I think maybe we ought to. Only because it's like, then that's still... Then I'm just passing down the bullying. Now I have the upper hand and I'm slamming down the bullying. And bullying only stops when someone takes the high road.

So, you want to take the high road? You want to take the high road? Well, beep his last name out. I'll leave his first name. Okay. Great. How are you going to do that with Brandon McPoyle? Can't do that. I love Brandon McPoyle. Okay?

Brandon McPoyle is... Don't lie. He's my buddy, man. I feel bad that... He was. Yeah, he might... To me, it's like... Holy shit, Rob. That cat is giant. You're a giant cat.

I got a big, beautiful cat. I love him. I love that cat. What kind of cat is that? It's a badass street cat, even though he looks regal and beautiful. Wow. I'm not a cat. Glenn knows I'm not a cat person. I live with him for years with cats. And this fucking cat, I love this cat.

Yeah. What is it with the smell of cat shit being a thousand times worse than dog shit? It's not. It's just it's in the house. Oh, maybe that's it. You know, your dogs aren't shitting in the house into a litter box. Like, so, you know, it smells like the whole fucking... This cat doesn't shit inside anymore. Yeah, he only shits outside.

The cats are brown now, which is the line from this episode. It's a good segue. The cats are brown now. So let's talk about... Miracle. Mir... What is the title? The Gang Exploits a Miracle. The Gang Exploits a Miracle.

Exploits. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. What do you guys remember about this episode? I mean, well, first of all, I mean, most significantly, it's the introduction of Rickety Cricket. Mm-hmm. Probably, right? That's probably the most...

David Horne's view. I'm sure we've discussed him on this podcast already, who's a brilliant actor and writer and really been with us from the beginning. You know, giving us tons of funny ideas and doing a lot of great writing. He was the first person to write on the show. I mean, we tried to hire out a couple of some people. Well, this episode, we did hire two writers. Yeah.

And they did a pass at this episode, and we used a chunk of their material. Oh, that's right. Right. Yeah, they were... There's Romano and Eric Falconer. Eric Falconer, right. And I believe, maybe I'm remembering this incorrectly,

but didn't they come up with the name Rickety Cricket? They might have. I think they did. I don't know. I think they did. They might have. Yeah. That's possible.

They had a lot of funny ideas, and they were good writers. And this is the first time we sort of successfully had someone, you know, work with us to write an episode. Aside from, you know, David's contributions. Yeah. Yeah, well, in Hornsby wrote, I think the one that we're going to do next, right? The gang runs for office or whatever that one is. Oh, that's right.

I believe he wrote that one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I had forgotten that Chris Romano and Eric Falconer wrote for us in season two. I thought that the only other person who wrote for us in season two was Hornsby. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's cool.

Yeah, no. So it's weird, though. Did you guys notice how like, how grounded David's performance is? Yes. Yeah, he starts out very, yeah. It's like a real person. He's a real person. Like a real actor playing a real player.

Like really good. Like watching his brother, I'm like, he's a really good actor. What happened? Yeah. He just leaned too heavily into the bits. Yeah, yeah. Well, we threw away any groutiness by the very next usage of his character, I think. Pretty much.

He was banging on the shirtless in the next episode. Is that the next time? That can't be the next time. Wow, that's a big jump. I think that's the next time we see him. Right, it's in the gangster episode or whatever where he's on the streets and you guys get him doing cocaine and shit like that. Yeah.

What I noticed about this episode was that there was like five storylines all have. Like every character had a distinct and specific storyline that was separate from the other characters. And they were all they were all connected, obviously, in some way, but everybody was sort of off on their own. Even your Mac and Charlie were together. Yeah. But each one of them had a different want and need. And I don't know.

I thought that was interesting and how we took each individual character and gave them their own story. And I noticed that. Yeah. That's a tough thing to do with with only 22 minutes to try to have like, you know, three or four stories. But usually the smallest story just it's like a couple of bits. I had a couple. It's kind of like my thing, like my fasting thing.

Yeah. So I found that very amusing. I found the the stuff between you and you and me. Very amusing. I had some real genuine laughs that I sort of was in my memory. I remember feeling like, yeah, this one's not so great. Yeah, same. I watched it and really enjoyed it.

Yeah. Especially the stuff with you and me and preaching to those. Yeah. You got to do you got to do some really fun stuff, like putting on that big white suit and, you know, the song. Yeah. Remember how we can. I mean, I remember us like talking about that song and like joking about the song.

But I remember where I think almost all of it was improvised. I think I think that whole section of shoes and the Lord giving you shoes. Oh, I don't think any of that was scripted. Well, I know it was you know, I know it was improvised because Charlie is you can see how amused Charlie is as he's coming up with the whole like shoot that, you know, trust in God, give you shoes. But he's got a smile. You know, I was thinking about that, too.

I was thinking, you know, it's funny, right? Like, OK, you go do some drama, you're not going to be amused the whole time. But you're, you know, you get together, you're making a comedy and you start playing with an area and you find it amusing, you know, and it's there's something in that high wire act of like. Obviously, we put a lot of hard work and we take what we do very seriously. And then it's completely not serious to the point where it's almost OK to be laughing while you're doing it.

And there's some spark there. I don't know. I don't know if I can. I wonder if like subconsciously because I see it in other shows, right? Where I'm like, oh, I think that person is laughing. But I think at the end of the day, maybe even subconsciously, you're like, oh, they're having fun doing what they're doing. I think so.

And I think on a show like this, that can be so like a cervic and aggressive and difficult like subject material, like to see that we're having fun. Yeah. And that we're making fun of the people that we're playing. I feel like there's like a there's like this could all fall apart at any moment. Kind of a feeling to it, right? Which is like it's hanging on by a thread. And that's why it's funny.

Yeah, because when you find it, if you find something as you're like as you're standing on that high wire, you know, it's it's it's really gratifying to know that to just know that you've hit on something that's like that's going to strike a chord or at least that you think is funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember distinctly that priest spitting directly into my face. Oh, I remember that. Fucking disgusting.

Yeah, yeah. And then and then we were we got a little bit into this yesterday, but like how often we have characters spitting into each other's faces. Sure. It's a lot. Yeah, like maybe the most in the history of any comedy ever, right? Like because that's not necessarily funny. No, no, no, it's it's it's pretty it's pretty wildly gross and like not, you know,

it's I mean, yeah, so the kid spits in your face in the abortion episode. Oh, yeah. The priest spits in your face. Then we have the 1776 episode where like three or four different people spit in Hornsby's face in Hornsby's face. Yeah. What else? So is there more than that?

Am I sure? Not alone. Hornsby gets his face spit spat on so many times and that's 1776. Yeah. He took it like a champ. He really did. By the end, though, he was like that's enough. He's like, that's enough guys.

Come on. Like like take after take of it too. Like how many times did that priest spit spit in your face? I think one. I think that was the one we got it. And yeah, that guy is hilarious. Yeah. And I don't know that he was too far off from the character he was playing.

No. Well, I'll tell you something. I looked him up. Did you guys look him up? He's still alive. No, he is not. He's still alive. Well, I mean, I don't know.

Maybe I got looked him up on IMDB. Maybe they don't know that he's dead. But he's but he was born in 1930, as I recall. So he was he would have been 76 when he made the episode with us. So now he looked bad for 76. Yeah. He looked 96. Yeah.

Oh my god. No, I think it. No, he's no. I you're wrong, actually, because he's got he's like a theater guy. He's like a real like an acting teacher. Maybe he was method. I he went real. Yeah, I think he was method.

Yeah. He was I remember him being very, very good. Rhea Perlin's father. Yeah. Isn't that episode? Yeah, Phil. Phil as the guy who says, I think I'd rather get a blessing from him. He looks a little.

He looks a lot more religious than he seems. He seems a lot more religious than. Yeah. And he was in Cheers. Many times. He was many, many, many times recurring character in Cheers. Yeah. Yeah.

He's funny. He's great. But we see was he was he an actor or not? Or was he just a funny guy? And they were like, let's put him on Cheers because Rhea is on the show. Yes. And it'll be fun. Yes.

So he's not an actor at all. No. No, I think he was like an accountant. That's great. Or something we should find out exactly. Yeah, he's fucking great. You know, we talk about a lot in the show, religion. Like a ton.

Like because we all grew up. Yeah. It's because we all grew up in religious households. I mean, you grew up Catholic. Although you were your parents weren't like hardcore Catholics, though, right? No. They just were Catholic. No, I went to every Sunday.

I did all that. I said they were. Yeah. OK. And then and obviously you're you're well. Your dad was pretty religious, right? Yeah, it's all very confusing. The I definitely grew up Catholic.

I went to Catholic school all the way through. But did you go to church every weekend? Did you go to church every Sunday? Yeah. Every Sunday. Every Sunday. Every Sunday. Every Sunday.

Sunday school. No, we didn't have to go to Sunday school because we went to Monday through Friday school where we got the Catholic beaten right into us. Right. Right. Yeah. And I grew and I grew up Methodist church every Sunday Sunday school.

I mean, church was like in in our lives like the church we went to in Montgomery, Alabama was I mean, it was huge. What I was like, it was like a mega church before there were really a lot of mega churches. You know, they even had I think they had their own show, but it wasn't like it wasn't as big as like the Joel Austin type thing or anything like that. But it was but for the area, I mean, it was it was huge. And so like the youth the youth group asked, they had a youth group and that whole aspect of it was so fun.

I mean, we had a full. Yeah, that's when you went to the camp. What a full court basketball court. We had like, you know, all kind of games and stuff that were always put like putting together activities and stuff. You know, so I spent a lot of time, you know, you know, I think the major difference that I see is like the vast majority from and for better or for worse, it seems like more people from like that part, that like section of

the country that like Methodist born again, they truly believe and I feel like I was just surrounded by people who didn't, but they just go because that's what their parents did and their grandparents did and their parents before that I didn't. There wasn't a lot of like dialogue, really. It was just like, this is what you do. Then you can just kind of like check in and check out. It becomes like a part of your identity, but it's not really like something you're right. It's almost actively engaging.

But there's also the social thing. Yeah, like explain this to me. So lots of battles, bloody, bloody wars, hatred, pointing fingers between, you know, a Protestant and Catholic, let's say in Ireland or just like a Baptist. They went a lot further than pointing fingers. Yeah, pointing all sorts of things. Pointing guns. Yeah, pointing things that explode.

That's just, it's just fucking bananas. It's the same religion. Well, yeah. It's the same God, but you're like. Well, you guys are obsessed with the Virgin Mary. What is that? Right? We're not obsessed with that with her over in the Protestants.

I mean, we like her. You know, we recognize her contribution. Well, I think you guys hate women more as a culture than, I'm not sure. What was it that they had to be considered as a man? No, no, we only hate women who try to act like they're equal to men. Ah, the women who know their place. We don't hate them. We love them.

We love them deeply. So as long as you know your place, you're good. You're good with the Protestants. But yeah, what's the deal? Like, what is it about? Like, I, what is in you guys mind? What is the person who gave birth? To God?

Yeah, no. I'm sorry. Is that you? What is it about this person? And how about she didn't even have to get fucked to do so? Like, think about that. Oh, that's, that's, that goes back to the thing with my, with my grandmother, how she said she'd never been with a man in spite of the fact that her daughter,

my mother was there to see her at the nursing home place. Oh, yeah, yeah. So she, she saw herself in this, in that same way. I did sleep in a bucket of sperm one night and I believe that's maybe how, yeah. It's so good. It could have happened that way. Rob, I'll put this question to you since you already asked a question, Charlie. Like, what is the, what are the, like, what are the things that separate Catholicism from Protestantism?

Like, well, I'll tell you, right? There was a guy named Martin Luther and he, he was all up in arms about people paying to, to go to heaven. And there was, I forget what that, there was a fancy term for, do you remember the term for those things where Rob? It's like, uh, yeah, I think it's like, it sounds like reparations or something. But it's not that. But anyway, so he's all, he's, he's getting pissed about this and he goes and he,

and he, and he writes sort of like a list and he hammers it on a door and a church somewhere. And the list is like, no, we don't need to have crucifixes in the church and we don't need all this ornamentation and we don't need to pay to go to heaven and this whole trans and sub-seation thing where the, where the cracker actually turns into Jesus. No, that can be a metaphor. And you guys are, you guys are focusing on the wrong things. Let's focus on the real sort of like, uh, yeah. Was he ejecting, was he also like objecting to like the, the sort of the hierarchy, the,

the whole like, you know, just bishops and cardinals and all these motherfuckers that are like, who are these fucking people? Like I can have a direct relationship with Jesus Christ. He's got nothing to do with the, the Catholic church. Possibly. And I think what sort of happens, people saw that pamphlet and then there was an uproar, I think he was probably killed. I'm not a historian. So are you not? Are you not?

But then, you know, then I don't know. Then at some point England was like, actually I dig, I dig his way. And then there was all sorts of bloody wars. And well, I think that's so what's interesting about Catholic school is like, we didn't really learn. We knew that that guy existed, Martin Luther, right? But it was like, he's a heathen. We don't really talk about it.

Right. He shall not be named. And we had, we had classes, right? Called religion class. It was called religion. And then you would go, you sit there and it would be Catholicism. And then even at like 14, you'd be like, well, this is a religion, right? And they're like, no, no, this is the religion. And you wouldn't learn about anything else, anything, except for Roman Catholicism,

which was very specific. So when you get into like the nitty gritty of like other versions of Christianity, I have no clue. You don't know. No idea other than like talking to you or talking to Charlie. I guess I don't really either because I only went to Catholic church one time with a friend of mine. And I remember being, I remember all the, this is why when we did that,

the episode where we were like constantly standing and kneeling was like, I remember bringing this up to you guys back then because the one experience that I had was like, we were constantly standing and kneeling and everyone knew when to do it. And I was like, what the fuck is this? Like, why are we constantly standing and kneeling? And I didn't get it. And then when they went up to take communion, they were like, hmm, why don't you, why don't you just stay here?

Like they didn't let me take communion. I was like, fuck these people. Like what? I don't get my Jesus cracker. No, man, no, you haven't gone through the steps. Yeah. I want to be getting both. Oh, sorry.

What are the steps? There are steps. Oh, wow. Educational thing. And then first is baptism. And then there's... Yeah, you were baptized. I was baptized.

But you weren't baptized, Catholic. No. Well, you're fucked. Oh, you're going to go to hell no matter what. Yeah. Well, if there is a hell, yeah. Unless at the very end. On your deathbed, you have enough time to be like, my bad.

Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Yeah, basically. And then you're good. Yeah. Yeah. Now, I got both. I went to both Catholic. My dad went to a Catholic church in town.

And my mom went to the Protestant church that her mother and his father went to. Why? So every now and then, I got to go dabble in the Protestant thing, too. I didn't care for it, though. It was a lot more kind of hippie-dippy. Oh, you like your shit. Oh, that's so weird. And weird.

I like my shit. Like, don't bother me. Let me come in, do the kneeling, standing, eat the cracker, get out of here. Yeah. I don't want to... That was when we saw a lot of Roman Catholic. It was like, hey, you just show up. You go to the shortest mass.

Whatever. Like, we know there's a priest that does a 25-minute mass. That's the one you do. Yeah. You get in, you get out. Everybody's happy. Yeah, I don't want to do the whole, like, bake, sail, and then we're going to be holding hands and singing.

Oh, Methodist, it's a white is a lifestyle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is for seeing people. But there's great value in that, because that's the whole community aspect. That's right. And that's the thing that's like, I think that is strange and difficult, and we've talked about this a little bit already, but it's probably the reason why it keeps coming back up on the show

is that it's very confusing for me personally, because the Catholic Church has also done amazing things for the world and for me personally. Yeah. Like my schooling, my education, going through Jesuit, I've talked about this like quite a bit, but like my Jesuit education is like truly who made me who I am today. So it's really, I have this like very odd relationship with them.

It's a tricky thing, right? Because like you said, tons of good all around the world, done all the time, and tons of bad, and tons of people taking advantage of it and twisting it, and also the fact that it sort of it needs to feed the beast like any other religion or cult, you know, where it was like, no, we need more people. We need more money.

Like it's tricky. Yeah. It's tricky. Yeah. And so I remember at the time there was a whole, and it continues to this day, but there was there was like a year where people were seeing the Virgin Mary all over the place.

Yeah. All over the place. There's like a Virgin Mary and a piece of toast at one point. Yeah. Yeah. Was that any visions, like ghosts or like anything, anything of the spiritual realm that you feel like? I had a really crazy experience once in my apartment in New York

that scared me beyond belief. Go, go. Okay, so I was asleep or half asleep, that sort of like half asleep. No, no, no. I was, that was what it was. I was asleep. And, but in my dream, I could see myself in my bed asleep.

And there was this dark amorphous thing floating through the air, floating in and it floated into my room and I could watch it, but I couldn't. And I was trying to wake up because I knew I was asleep, but I couldn't wake up. And I was like frozen. So one of those things where you're like paralyzed in your sleep and it just, and it was getting closer.

And as it got closer, there was this like humming noise. It was like, I mean, it was freaky as fuck. And then it was just hovering directly over me, just like, just like fucking this dark, dark, dark energy or whatever the fuck it was. And then I remember I was finally able to open my eyes. And when I opened my eyes, it was still there.

And then it, the sound went and like it, it like dissipated and went away. But like when I fucking opened my eyes, it was still there. It, I mean, again, probably all in my head, but still it was, it was one of the, it's, it is the scariest thing that I've ever experienced in my entire life. I don't know what the hell was going on there. It was an old building.

They tore it down. Were you mildly aroused as well? I mean, It could have been the night man. Yeah. It could have been the night man. Cause there's a, there's a ghostbuster situation there where Dan Ackroyd sleeping and then all of a sudden

the ghost hoppers over him. Then suddenly his, his pants unbuckle. I was watching that with my son when he was much too young to, well, he's still too young. And we get to that scene and he goes, daddy, what's happening? Yeah. And, you know, Dan Ackroyd is getting a blow job from the ghost. And I go, Russell, he's, he's chasing ghosts so much that he's,

he's, he's having dreams. They're getting him dressed for school. Russell's like, that checks out. He's like, cause I thought he was getting a blow job, dad, but I'm right. Okay. You say he's getting dressed, but yeah, he seems way too happy about it. He sure is enjoying getting dressed for school. I just had to deal with this last week because I, we should talk,

we, we could do a whole podcast on introducing the show, our show to our kids, but, but I took Leo to the mix and, and that's an audio mix. And I thought, I don't know. It's going to be fun. Go see what dad does. And I didn't even look at the episode, but in the episode, I won't give anything away because we've done this a million times.

Dennis is betting a woman and we have a very specific shot. I was just like, streaming as he's, yeah. And he just turned to me and was like, in the mix. He's like, what is that? And I was like, he's doing pushups. And Dennis, do you see how Dennis has like Glenn's got a great body. Thank you. And we have to justify it by making Dennis do exercise.

Why do you have to justify it? And he was like, oh, I don't exercise. How old? How? Why is there why? He's nine, right? Old enough for him to be like, yeah, there's a woman screaming.

I mean, at what, at what point it's probably most people listening are like, yeah, it's like three years ago. Do you, do you like explain sex and be like, well, they're teaching the conversation with Axel who's 11. I think they're, I mean, they start teaching sex ed at our school that mine and Rob's kids go to at a pretty early age. I mean, they're breaking the ice. Yeah.

Yeah. But I've had the sit down like, let's talk about it. What is the church's stance on sex these days? Is it still, hey, just don't do it? Is it, are they still furious if you use a condom? Or have they lightened up that? That's a Catholic thing. That's a Catholic thing.

It was, right? It was like an abstinence with the old me. I still believe that birth control is problematic for them. As is abortion. And that was always the rub. I won't touch abortion yet, but let's just start with birth control. How are you going to have a problem with that? I just, because sex is solely for procreation.

Yes, for procreation. Oh, sex is solely. And you can, and enjoying it is a byproduct, but it is something that is blessed by God. This is for God, not for you or two of you to enjoy. But also like the Catholic church wants you to make more little Catholics, you know what I mean? It's like, they want more of them.

It makes the cult strong. Can you imagine that information first getting out to people where it was like, we will love each other like our brothers. Only the poor and the meek show inherit the earth. The sex is really bad and we won't do anymore. Are you sure? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Yes, quite sure.

All six? Yes. What about a little sex? Very bad. Very bad. We're going to destroy a whole city where they're doing that. None stop. A hand job?

Still not good. Not good. Not great. Not great. Masturbation. No, no masturbation. None of this. None of this.

Well, I do know. Yeah, masturbation is problematic because you've taken the seed and you're killing the seed of God. I remember a specific thing like your seed was not supposed to touch the ground. If it hit the... Oh boy. Yeah.

Yeah. My seed never touches the ground. I try to avoid letting it touch the ground to this day. What if it touches a cup or a sock? Could it land in a river or a stream? That may have been the only time where women felt pretty good to be excluded from the conversation altogether because it was like, well, I guess we can just keep doing it.

They're not even mentioning us because we don't even matter enough. We can do it all ourselves. Yeah. Yeah, because they're not even... Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, that's fun. Well, speaking of...

Next command. Women are your property. Oh, damn, damn. So close. Yeah. Okay. Well, I like that one. Well, that works, but I can't have sex with them.

No. Well, you can, but they got to get pregnant. But you must make babies. Yeah. Then the women are like, God damn it. Well, I'll tell you guys something that on the surface is sexual, but it really isn't sexual. It's just about humiliation and comedy.

And that's putting someone's balls on someone else's chin. Okay. Let's talk about that. Or door, door. So the network, we originally in the script, it was that we teabagged him, right? Yes. Because that's for those of you who aren't familiar with that expression,

if you're listening to the podcast, you probably are. Teabagging is where you dip your balls into someone's mouth. As one would a teabag. An unconscious person. And by the way, you know, no, no, no, that doesn't happen. This episode is unconscious, but you could teabag a conscious person. I'm perfectly... Sure.

You could if they were willing. If that was a sexual or a willy. Teabag! Each other. Yes, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine as long as it's only for comedy. It's not for comedic purposes.

Thank you. It's fine. Both of my kids have asked me what teabagging is because that's popular in a video game. There's a video game out there that where they're teabagging each other. Wait, I'm sorry. What in the game? What game are you letting your kids play? Fortnite.

Oh, dude, you know, you should get them off that crap. What are you doing? In Fortnite, they don't play it anymore, but there was a period two years ago. And yeah, they teabag each other was when there's a dead body, they like basically crouch over it and they call it teabagging. And so I had to explain what that is. And, you know, this, Megan and I were talking about this yesterday. Like, this is where there's this very specific and dangerous gray line

that is very specific to men and does not cross over into women, where it is theoretically funny to have a friend who's asleep and you put your dick or balls onto his head or face because he might wake up. No, I would never do this to Glenn, for example. You got to know the audience because he's not going to find it funny. I don't think Charlie would either. But I know many guys, especially when I was 15, 16, you know, 17, where if that happened to you, you didn't feel violated.

You didn't feel assaulted. Right. Because that's sexual assault. Yeah. I mean, legitimately sexual sexual assault. Come on. I think what happens if Megan's passed out right now is that if you pass out and I put my balls on him and we take a picture,

that's the point I'm trying to make. That's just hilarious. That's the point I'm trying to make, which is that there is a difference between doing that too. But you still have to recognize that it's a willing participant, meaning it's your buddy. Yeah. And he's going to wake up and be like, oh, they got me.

Now I can like get him. But it can't be some stranger that you're doing it to. You're sticking your genitals. Yeah, I was like, yeah, what if he what if it was there was something called called plumbing, you know what I mean? It was like to plumb someone and you enter their anus while they're asleep. Sure. You know.

It's the same. For comedy. It's the same thing. For comedy, it's not sexual. It's fun. No, it's funny. You got planned. I will say it is a bizarre thing to actually do.

Talking about it in a vacuum is one thing, but I would never be like, hey, this is going to be really funny when I put my genitalia into this guy's mouth. Like, no, but I don't think I ever even did that in high school. I also never saw anyone do it. The closest thing the closest thing I can think is like, we had a thing where if you were sitting and your back was to people like every once in a while, you'd look over and there was a dick on your shoulder.

A dick or like a ball dick and balls. That's pretty good. Yeah. And we would never ever even at 16, we would never do that to like one of our girlfriends or a woman because we knew that that was even a 15, 16 that that was inappropriate. But for dudes like every once in a while, you just be sitting there and you'd feel something and you knew you could feel a presence behind you.

And then you knew that you knew it was there. And then you had to get it. You had to slap it as fast as you could before the guy knew that it was coming. Yeah. Oh, that's that's a good that's a good that's a good comeback to that, right? To slap the penis. You're going to and that's why the balls stopped coming. So right.

Penis. You catch a penis with it. Okay. You can get a sting, but it's not going to the whole not sack. That's painful. Very painful. Yeah. That's now me and my buddies were not doing that to each other.

No, yeah, we weren't doing that either. We don't do that in the south. I mean, the way we like that was just like a film. That was just yeah, you and your homo erotic friends. I mean, sometimes, you know, like a good month draw a good mustache on somebody with Sharpie. That kind of gag. Yeah.

But we had different kinds of friends. Sure. Yeah. Well, but I want to so I do want to talk about this because I remember us finding this so perplexing that the network would not let us say teabagging on the show. Yeah, yeah. So we so we submitted balls to the chin to them and they were like, yeah, that's fine. Yeah.

Strange thing like so strange. Who writes the rules? I guess the idea is maybe one's less offensive because you haven't entered the person's mouth. Technically, you've just put your balls on their chin and that's like slightly less offensive somehow. I don't know. Now, I think if we wanted to put teabagging in the show, they would give a shit.

Yes. They would definitely let us put it now. It is crazy as a society how and this must go back like a puritanical thing just from the roots of the country. But like, you know, because we were escaping religion and for stricter religion, we were coming here to be like, no, we want to be more strict about religion. And why I mean, like our most popular movies are extraordinarily violent with people getting shot and blown up.

And like, if you saw someone's penis, like that's that's way too far. That's taking things too far. That's crazy. Right? Like, how did we how do we come to this? No, I'd rather maybe see violence in a movie than a bunch of dicks, but but not but not everybody. But I know lots of people would rather see dicks than violence.

But it depends on the movie. It depends on the movie. Right. So there are there is a type of movie. All right. There's a type of movie that you would like to watch that has dicks just all. How are you going to give me magic mic without the dicks? You know what I mean?

Yeah, right, right. That doesn't feel very bad. I enjoy looking at a dick. I like it. I don't have a problem. I don't have a problem. Can I anything? Yeah.

Okay. All right. Great. Well, we're just done with that. That's great, guys. That's great. Well, I'm just saying it doesn't seem right. It seems like, you know, religion got in the way of us viewing dicks,

especially dicks for comedy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, dicks and comedies. That's definitely funny. Yeah. It used to be that male nudity immediately elicited an X rating. Right at X, yeah. And now I believe finally that's been eradicated.

But but an erect male penis, I think might still get you might still get you that X. Right. Which I don't get it. Well, it's the, you know, the state of ecstasy that the man is either in or not in that determines the rating. Yeah, I don't know. I guess it's to keep our it's for the same reason

why we're like dancing around the topic with our kids. You know, it's like we got to put an X on this. So no kids stumble into seeing these penises and vaginas. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like the rules were made up by men at a certain point, certainly like the MPAA. It was just a group of dudes who were like,

it's OK to see women naked. Like we can exploit women. That's fine. That's that's no problem. Can we see vaginas though? Like I think that would get you. Oh, yes, you can. That would get you an X rating problem.

Really fucking way. The entire 80s. Yeah. The entire 80s. Yeah. It was like it was just bush after bush after bush. I used to do big hair, but you're not seeing the vagina itself, right?

You're like. Do you mean if someone's taking the hair and splitting it to get just the same way that if you see if a guy was running around with nothing but a giant bush. And you couldn't see the guy's penis. They probably be like, yeah, OK, that's funny. You know, but even a little bit of penis peeks out of that, that bush there.

We're getting, you know, yeah, we got a slap in the rating on this. Well, what else about this episode? I mean, I know we've talked about my my weird diet. We've already discussed the diet. Yeah, we talked about that. This is the episode. That's why we wrote, we wrote and decided to write to it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How'd you fall off that bar stool? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a great stunt. That's a great stunt. Yeah, you fainted off that bar stool.

You fainted off that bar stool. You look you. Yeah, that's some that's some stagecraft. Yeah, I don't know. I think just that that's sort of like a younger man's younger man's game. You know what I mean? Like if I was asked to do that now, I'd be damn, that's going to really hurt. Like I think back then I was like, oh, yeah, I can do that.

That'd be fun. Like I I thought I thought it would be fun. And it was, I don't know. It did look real though, Mike. Yeah. The trick right is to not to not like put your hands out. Like that was the tricky thing about it, I remember. But I don't know.

I don't know. So that's because I hurt my shoulder, man. I don't know. I slept on it weird or something. My right shoulder is fucked up. And that's just from sleeping on it. Imagine what would happen if I fell off a bar stool now. Yeah.

Oh, God in heaven. Everything just hurts more these days, guys. You know. Yeah. I'm all banged up. Ah, God damn. But you're fine. You're fine as you attribute it to the ice baths that you take.

I attribute. I have no real chronic physical issues. I think I have good genetics. My dad doesn't really. And and also, I don't know, never being an athlete, ever. Like you. Now I'm wearing down a specific joint. You spent years and years and years wearing down

very specific joints doing all that. Even if it was in your youth, like, you know, and for 10, 12, I never did any of that. I also find that almost every acting thing that I do, whether it's on sunny or any other projects I've gotten to do, I'm going through a lot of like slamming into things. And, you know, just like it's very physical. Yeah.

Yeah. When it comes to like the physical comedy stuff, where you have to really like you get that shit really. Like I think people think like there is a way to do all those things, all those stunts and things like quote unquote safely. But that doesn't mean you're not getting hurt. You are getting fucking hurt. You're just not like breaking a bone, ideally.

Or, you know, something worse than that. But like, you know, when you fall off of something where you get slammed into a wall, it fucking hurts. Yeah, fucking hurts. You get bruised up. You get beat up. I mean, when we did this fight, you know, I'm not playing a guy who's supposed to look like Rocky Balboa in his prime, right?

I'm not. I'm playing the nerdy guy who doesn't want to be in the fight. And so obviously I'm not like ripped in an amazing fighting shape. And we shot that fight for like a week straight. So you're doing like 14 hour days all day every day. Just just, you know, an ice cube is not a stuntman. So sometimes when he goes to throw you into a school bus, he overshoots it and you go slamming into the school bus, you know,

and I got sciatica on that. Like I couldn't feel my foot. It's crazy. It's crazy. Well, I can remember like, so I'm watching a lot of football now, soccer in the U.S. And I'm still used to watching it on TV and it looks like the guys are always flopping and they're like, oh man,

I'm gonna get the fuck up. They're all faking it. And when you go and see it live in person, like on the field, you see how hard they're smashing into each other. Oh, it's brutal. It's brutal. And so I was asking them about like, what does it feel like when somebody's like, you know, you're running at each other

and I've heard this from a lot of professional athletes. They say, you know, the big hits aren't the big things. It's like the small things you weren't expecting. And I remember the biggest, I think the worst injury you ever had, Charlie, on sunny. Yeah, it was that time. Well, no, you didn't break it. You bruised it, right?

You landed on your elbow. I got like a hairline fracture and bruised it. Yeah. And like, I remember it was lingering for like eight months because I remember the doctors were like, it almost would have been better if you cracked it completely because it could heal. Otherwise it couldn't heal.

And I remember you were in pain for like forever. A long time. It was little nagging things. And that was from the snowblower in the Christmas episode where we did a stunt. Yeah, you just jumped into the air and you just happened to land. I missed the fall mat. So there was a fall mat, but there was so much like snowblowing.

Couldn't really get a sense. So I jumped as high as I could in the air, curled my back into a ball, and then just came right down on the ground. And then I was like, oh, that hurt, but the shot was still going. So I did it again and I missed again. And I went to the hospital like I think a few hours later and Danny went with me being like, I'll help you like get in. I think I mentioned something.

I'll help you get in. I can get you in. He's like, I'll get you. I'll get you a guy. I'll get you. And the nurse, no idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were saying that.

What? They didn't. The nurse didn't know who Danny DeVito was. No. We talked about this on the podcast. We did. We did. No, we didn't.

We did? Yes, we did. I mean, we just talked about it. Yes, we did. No, we didn't. We did. We talked about this on the podcast. Not when I was here.

OK, Meg. No. OK. Megan says no. And she's listening to all. She's edited the episodes. I'm telling you right now, we did not. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Were we in the editing room talking about it? I think we're talking about the podcast. You guys might have talked about it. I feel like we're talking about the podcast just so I thought we're bringing it up because I think I'm repeating myself here. You definitely, definitely, definitely 100% did not talk about it in the podcast. It was under the conversation we were having was whether or not

people like knew the show and how weird it was that people like it has been on for 15 years and people are like, what's that? I've heard that. And then you told the story about Danny, but maybe it was just the two of us. It might have been. It might have been.

There's probably an editing, you know. It might have been. Let me ask you guys this. Did you eat breakfast today? No. Yes. I did it twice. You guys haven't eaten today?

No, I haven't. I haven't eaten today. I haven't eaten two times. I normally would have, but we didn't go to the office and then I was in the car. It was a weird times. I usually eat around like 11 30. So I'm going to, I'm going to overshoot that.

But I could, I could not eat till noon, one o'clock. So I'm like that. I got here a little bit early because I just went straight from dropping my kid at school over and then I was like, oh, maybe I'll just find like a little restaurant near you. But there's so much traffic around your house that I was like, I'm just going to go park on the street and do some calls and emails and things.

But I should have, I should have gone to a little restaurant or should go to In-N-Out Burger. Try to cut the line. What? Should go to In-N-Out Burger and try to cut the line. We should go for lunch. See if anybody's, see if anything's popping off over there. We're sitting on a miniature set of Patty's Pub.

I should bring this up. I think it's maybe like, so it was in our office and we got rid of that office and you, and they were like, what do you want to do with it? Rob, you said, oh, I'll take it. I'll put it up in my, in my home, in my, in my, whatever you want to call this little side office. Why did we build this?

I have, did we just build it for fun? Yeah. We just, it was, we were, we, we got those offices. We knew they were going to be year round offices. We were going to, we were under a deal and we were like, let's make it nice. You know, we put a little, we put like a little, I think we were also like, you, you'd see like images,

you'd see like the South Park offices or like the Simpsons offices or like any like long running comedy show and they were always like, ping pong tables and putting greens and like all this cool, fun shit. You know what I mean? And we were like, we should do that. And so we put in like a little, we put in a little.

And yet I feel like we didn't use any of it. We put in a ping pong table. We put, we use the ping pong table. I feel like that structure never had that energy though. But probably only because there wasn't enough space to really like run the show from there. Probably if we had set that up in a larger space where we were actually running the show from,

then it will have the hustle, bustle. I think you're right. You know, of an office, but instead it was just like the strange little miniature set in this little. Which we never used because by that point, we're all married with kids. And so we didn't have like, we never sat at the bar and had drinks.

No, no, not at all. No, we've never really been, we've, we've really just been kind of people that work together. And then when we leave, maybe we'll go out, we used to go out together, but we would never like drink at work. I think we've definitely talked about this too. Like every once in a while on set we would,

but we never like drinking right. How many people? No, I mean, we're doing a job. Yeah, that's a common misconception that we should clear up, right? Because that's a weird thing. We'd be like, oh, you guys probably just get high as shit. And like, right, episode, I'm like, I'm sorry.

No, we so don't. We so don't. Like, I mean. There are people who do. Yeah, no, like Seth Rogen can be high as shit all day long and write like amazing stuff. And I could, there's no way I could do that. No way.

Yeah, I couldn't operate. No, but you haven't built up the tolerance. I think that takes a lot of practice. I also think, I mean, we just, I think any drug just affects everybody differently, right? Because I mean, there's no way that he feels the way I feel when I'm high. Yeah.

Because if he felt the way I felt when. He wouldn't. Yeah. He wouldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. I've tried every single kind of fucking strand. Me too.

I've smoked it. I've gummied it. Everything. Yep. It definitely affects. Can you put it up your butt? Yes, you can put weed up your butt still. Very good.