The Always Sunny Podcast - The Gang Sells Out

Episode Date: April 18, 2022

There's a lot of money in butts.

the new studio. This is the new space. This is a jump. This is us. This is who we are now. This is who we are. This is what defines us now. Fine tastes and leisure. And no, no headphones? No headphones. Oh, we are headphone free. Yeah, we get to be headphone free in this space. Oh, okay. I was kind of counting on that for like hair purposes. You didn't put your makeup on. Well, I just, you know, I got like a little, there's like a little thing that's like, keeps sticking out on this side. I don't know if you guys can see that. And I was like, oh, you know what? It doesn't matter because I'm going to have headphones on and it's going to cover that right up. So it doesn't matter. I'm going to go ahead and say it doesn't matter either way.

Your hair looks very high today in a good way. It's big. It's big. I haven't had her hair cut in a while. Okay, but it looks good. I like it. I like it was original. It's a little big today. Yeah. In a good way. Thanks, man. I really like this studio, Megan. Yeah, I think you and the team did an amazing job. I think you guys cut that cut that cut that. You guys did an amazing job. It's beautiful in here. I got to say, I was like yesterday, before I was thinking, I don't want to do the podcast anymore. Oh, okay. Let's dive into that. What's going on there? I feel like like we did it. Yeah, we did it. Yeah, we had fun episodes. We did it and like halfway through season three. Well, you know what it was? I'll tell you what,

I'll tell you actually the psychology behind it because we now have to do it. And it's just the mere fact of having to do it. We don't have to do it. We don't have to do it. We don't have to do it. But I was like, we did, we did just spend a lot of money on that. Megan's like, Megan's like, wait, wait, wait. I'll find three other guys if you guys don't want to be in there. It's fine. I do want to do it. It's just that I was like, I go through phases, right? Like we're right now, I'd actually rather be writing some scripts with you guys or on set shooting something, you know, like, but only because it had a little break from it. Then I'll be doing that and be like, I don't want to be doing this. I can tell you, I'm in the middle of production

right now. You do not want to be doing it. This is exactly where I want to be. This is where you want to be. Yeah. Yeah. All right, I'm back. I'm back. This episode of the gang sells out, I think right now is my favorite episode that we've watched. I'm so glad to hear you say that. I have always, I've often cited this episode as one of my favorites. It's not one that I hear fans talking about very often. I would have to agree that this is absolutely one of our best episodes we've ever done. It is. It's just, I don't know if you guys thought about this, but like from a technical standpoint, like the structure of this episode is just really, it's really tight. Like there's a lot of storylines going on and then they all

start to kind of weave together in a really, I don't know, really elegant way. I'll give you, I'll throw one shout out to Rob Rosell and Scott Martyr. When we, so season three was the first season we started hiring like writers and we interviewed people and I think we said, look, let's come into the room and tell us some general sort of story ideas that you'd like and things. And, you know, they didn't come in with a storyline about like selling the bar, but they did pitch that Frank used to be in a do-op group called the Yellow Jackets. And I mean, from that moment on, their contribution to the show was just fantastic. They were a real do-op group that we hired, except for the old man. Except for hockey. There was one moment

in the entire episode that didn't work and it was at the very end. And do you remember whether, I was watching it and I remember even at the time lamenting it and we were trying to get this guy to do what we needed to say. Well, okay, so hockey? Yeah. So we wanted hockey to come up to, by the way, that actor, Rich, Rich, Rich Ricollo, is so good. He's fantastic. He was the guy, one of the guys in Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place. Oh, that's right. The other guy was, he's so fantastic. Some movie star. Some, yeah, some guy that like, he's like a soccer guy now or something. Right. Alcohol baron. He's an alcohol baron and soccer guy. Yeah. That first scene, how we're just arguing amongst each other and then reveal that the man's in the room with us.

Is that the first time we did it or this, or we did it in one other episode? No. Did we do it with Ravi Patel? No, we didn't do that. No. That may be the first time we did this. This is the first time I remember doing it. I remember when we were coming out with that bit as we were working on it, thinking that is so, so funny. And I don't remember exactly if it was like, we started with the thing of having the conversation and then we realized like, oh, what if the guy's already in the room and we just turned and he's there? It essentially becomes that entire storyline where you guys take him out to the strip bar and then you become consumed with the very funny argument about a bear versus an otter and the amount of hair in the power bottom

generating all the speed. It's the same joke. Yeah. And in the previous scene, it's the same joke as well. But you see the genesis of it, of how we wind up on those tangents, where it starts about what we're talking about and then very quickly becomes about something else in the scene with Frank when we're talking to the guy. To tie it back in, what we wanted Harky to do was walk right up close to Rich, Rich. Rich. Rich. Was it Rich? I thought it was Rich. Rich Riccolo. I thought he went by Rich. I bet you could go by either. If you're a Rich, you could be a Rick. Anyway, to go right up to Riccolo, stare right in the eye and go, queer. And then after he calls him queer to then

have a heart attack and die. Yeah. Pay the price right away. Yeah. And I remember there were conversations of like, is it kind of sad that this old guy dies? And we were like, let's just make him homophobic. Like, let's just make him go up there and say something really offensive. And then he dies and then nobody gives a shit. And we just couldn't get him to do it. I never give a shit about that. We just couldn't get him to do it. Let the people die. Let dogs die. I'm like, I don't care. To me, it's like, if it's funny, then. No, but that was always the question. Was like, is it going to be funny enough? Or are we going to? We were still having those kinds of conversations. Yeah. Yeah. At the time, like, well, I don't know if this is going to play or

people are going to. The man was not really an actor. So he couldn't do it. And I remember Matt Jackman who directed the hell out of that episode being really frustrated. And then we just kind of had to work around where, actually, I don't think we had to work around. We just had to cut. We had to cut it out. We had to cut it out. We had to cut it out. And it works fine. It's like he walks up, he has a heart attack. But. And do you remember who did it? Because that wasn't his voice. One of us, one of us did the thing for him. And then at the end of the episode where we put up the thing, he hadn't actually passed away. It's just the character passing away. It kind of looks like. Yeah, it kind of seems like we're saying that the actor passed away.

Well, because we've also done that. Yeah, that's true. And the lifting up of the camera in that was a Matt Shackman thing at the end of the episode where it goes up to the city of Philly, which we did. Of course, we were in Philly, so we kind of went to white and clouds. But. We did shoot in Philly in that episode, though, and which is great. There's that the job, the job, job. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was in Philly. That was Philly. Yeah, that's Philly. Where jobs grow on jobbies. The scenes between Marilyn's with the Katelyn were cracking. Oh, my God. So funny. The two of them together. I love that moment when, when, when the waitress says to D, D, I think you told me you weren't applying here. And she says, no, that was a lie.

That was a lie. That scene is really funny. It's really funny. And just the character looking into another person's eyes and saying, yes, that was a lie. You're accepting that and you're moving on from it. Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. Exactly. That's the subtext, right? It's like, well, no, that was a lie because that's what I wanted then. At the time. And now I want something different. You know how you do that, right? You know, and you have a version of that later when you say to her, why aren't you, this is not attractive to me. Aren't you aware of that? Don't you want to be attractive to me? The characters like just complete and total obliviousness in this episode is at its height. Like all through the episode, like from beginning to end, it's just

like, every time I also like the run of like, whenever anyone gets handed, you know, an application form to fill out, they're just like, you do it. Yeah. Which is by the way, how I feel whenever I'm handed a form. Sure. I just, anybody gives me a form. If Jill is anywhere, if Jill or Ross or anywhere near me, I'm like, here's the form. I can't. I hate forms. Can we talk about that? The stakes of this episode are really real. And never, you know, aside from maybe the do-op thing, which is believable, you know, that he was in his do-op group, we don't have the thing that we had before of like, suddenly we have people running a sweatshop in our, our basement, you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, the music transitions, I remember this, Josh Driscoe was

cutting it together, and it's something wasn't working. It couldn't, we were using sunny music. And we just stumbled on the sort of fifties rock and roll kind of, do-op. Yeah. Some do-op transitions in some are just like, you know, kind of like what you would imagine, like people roller skating up to a car outside of a, you know, the kind of stuff they would have played at the oldies, at the oldies rock cafe. Yeah. Yeah. What were we going for? Like, like a hard rock or? I think it was a Hollywood-ish type thing. Yeah. Or Fridays or something. And it ties in really well to Danny's storyline and the do-op group, and it all is cohesive. And I don't know, that's one that we're like, Hey, this, this works. Yeah. There's, and

like, I have to say, like specifically, I, I, I kind of, I do kind of miss playing some of that stuff that, that I get to play in that episode where I'm a little more, you know, manipulative, but like, not so frantic, not so like, on edge the whole time. Yeah. I like when you say, I'm so sorry for not calling you ever. Ever. Yeah. That's a farmer's tan I'm rocking in that episode. Oh my gosh. Very real. That's legit. Yeah. What happened there? Was that a golf thing? I think so. Cause I think I had just picked up golf that year. Yeah. Cause you, when did you start playing golf? Well, I got like super into it out here. I think when I turned 30. So I think around season three. But you were, you played before you just, you just weren't that into it.

Yeah. Like hit balls or my buddies and I, we would like sneak onto a course and like play three holes and then go, you know, since we're talking about Charlie and golf, and might as well bring this up because I find this fascinating about him. This is nothing to do with the episode and everything to do with Charlie. And because, and the podcast because he's always talking about his memory being terrible. Although I will say that I've discovered over the course of doing this podcast, it's, it's better than I thought. It's selective. It's selective. Yeah. Right. It's like if it, if it's interesting to him and it matters to him, he'll remember it. Okay. So to that very true, to that end, Charlie has a very strange rain man like ability to play a round of golf

with three other people. So you could go out and enforce them. And at the end of that round of golf, you could be having a drink afterwards and he could tell you every single shot that every single person had over the course of the entire round. Is that true? Yeah. I've, I've, I've watched him do it. It's like a party trick that I pull out and like impress other people. I'm like, Bateman, watch this. That is fascinating. Yeah, I don't know. I can tell you for sure. But that's also because I don't care about golf. So when I play golf, I'm just like, I can remember how many beers I had usually. I can't remember like any of the shots because none of them were good. I remember a lot about this particular episode, I think because it was, we felt like it was a good

episode. And there are other episodes that I'll watch where I'm like, I can't remember a thing. Yeah. And it's because the episode doesn't really grab me or whatever. Yeah. I remember, I remember shooting a lot of these scenes. Yeah, me too. I remember where we shot them. What I don't remember is where the Oldies Rock Cafe was. That's Long Beach. Long Beach. Yeah. So I don't remember that. That's the Long Beach. Long Beach by the aquarium. Yep, near the aquarium. Really? Do you guys remember if the Get a Job strap on my job helmet and get into a job cannon was scripted? That was not scripted. Well, I think part of it was and then Charlie turned it into something. Yeah, it was like, it was like, go get a job strap or strap on a

job helmet. Like it was some of it was. I think it was just, oh, go get a job. And go get a job or job. I think it was where jobs grow on trees. Jobs grow on jobbies. And then he just realized, I think, my guess is that you probably realized, as you were saying, I just said job. The word job like five times. I may as well end it with another job word. Yeah. Jobbies. And I remember that was one where we were in the editing room and I was like, that's stupid. It should just be, it should just be job trees. And you guys were like, oh, that's what it was. No, it was job trees. Where jobs grow on job trees. And you guys were like, no, you're wrong. It's job. I was like, okay, wrong. Look at them. It's jobbies. It's gotta be job. It worked. Yeah. There were certain

things we established in that episode, like that I traded all my shares for parts of sandwich. Well, there is one glaring mistake. Yeah. And that's the way the waitress says, did you even go to high school? Yeah. Did you go to high school or yeah. That's the thing. It wasn't a mistake at the time. It's just that we made the mistake later. Well, I think we, I was saying they sat next to each other and she didn't remember her. Right. Well, Dee didn't remember the waitress, but the waitress remembered. You know what? When you're doing a show, like another show, is there like people who are, because I guess some of it is unprecedented, right? We've been doing our show longer than most shows go. So when we seven years later write a joke,

you know, you've got to go back through. Yeah. You need an archivist. Yeah. You need someone with a historian. There's some things you can justify, like for example, my character eventually coming out. Right. We could see some of the signs of it maybe early on. But the idea of the waitress not knowing that Dee went to high school or where that just simply doesn't make sense. That doesn't track. And nobody gives a shit. No. And if you do, fuck off. Yeah. Creeps. Yeah. I'm talking to you. I'm not talking to the listeners. I'm talking to the creeps, the creeps, the watchers. The watchers. They're watching. They're always watching. They're always watching. Speaking of memory, do you guys have this thing? So I've noticed recently where,

well, not, I guess not that recently, but like when I was a kid, I feel like I could ask my dad almost anything and he would have, he would know like, I don't know, maybe 80% of the time, he would have, he would know like, he'd be like, oh, you know, that's interestingly enough. And then he would go into like the history of the thing or he would know things. I was like, how do you know that stuff? And then I thought like, oh, when I grow up, I'll, I guess I'll, I'll like know all that stuff. I'll know all that stuff too. You know what I mean? And I don't know even a fraction of what my dad knows. And that's partially because he's just far more educated than me. But I do know things that I don't even know how I know them. Do you guys have that where like,

somebody like your kid will ask you something or like your wife will ask you something and he's like, yeah, what is that? Or like, what does that word mean or whatever? And you just know? I'd say that's dad brain, where you just go, I'm going to pretend like I know no matter what, because this little motherfucker needs to know who's in charge. Oh, okay. So you're saying I don't actually know the answer to those questions and neither did my dad. Right. No, that's right. That's right. He's just making you feel safe and comfortable, like you got it all under control. Just don't worry about it. I like to think that I'm the type of person who if I don't know, though, I will say like, I don't know, but let's look it up. Let's find out. I think that's what

changed, right? Now we all have something in our pocket that can, we can instantly get answers. Fact check. And so we don't need to know. And maybe you're a little bit more reticent. As much. And then you just start popping out facts. Right. Cause homeboy might go look it up, might go Google it and find out that it's just dad's an idiot. That's right. Yeah. But like, back in the day, your dad could just tell you whatever answer and it was better to tell you what a very answer because a, you know, he knew you weren't going to shut up until you got your answer. And B, he didn't want to have to drive down to the local library and fucking dive into the Dewey Decimal System. What was that? That was never a good system. Fucking Dewey, man.

Dewey is fucking Decimal System. Idiot. There was no, just how about just fucking alphabetical by category? What's the Dewey Decimal System? The Dewey Decimal System was developed by Thomas Dewey. He was then the assistant district attorney of New York state in 1933. Yeah. There you go. You know, you just say it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not true. It wasn't able to read whether or not you meant it. No, Thomas, well, because there's enough historical facts in there to make it sound. Thomas Dewey was a real person. He was like a, he was the governor of New York at one point. Okay. He was Melville Dewey. He was Melville Dewey. Of course. Well, that's why I got the mixed up. It was Melville. Of course. I'm a name fucking Melville. Yeah. He's going to create

assistance to make us all annoyed. Everybody. I will force them to look through my small file cabinets and they will be infuriated with the inefficiency of this. No one will understand. Look at me. Look at me. That makes me feel powerful. Going up, sir. You're flowing, sir. That was the droopy, droopy, man. Droopy dog. Droopy dog? Yeah. What was that? I think his name was droopy. Droopy D. I thought it was droopy D. Droopy D sounds like a rapper. Like a rapper. Yeah. You're flowing, sir. Why was he always on an elevator? Was he an elevator operator? He was an elevator operator. Like full time? Like that was his thing? Yeah, that was his thing. Entire episodes take place with just him fucking hauling people up and down the elevator. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. That doesn't seem right. That doesn't seem right. No, it doesn't seem like you could ride a whole season based on the elevator guy. That seems like a fucking asset trip. Like, you know, Hannah, whoever, you know. Barbara. Hannah, Barbara. Well, that was two guys, wasn't it? No, it was a woman. Hannah, Barbara was a woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who was creating cartoons in 19... She was actually, interestingly enough, she was from Helena, Montana. And it was at a time when women weren't... Yes, that sounds right. Yeah, you just go, you just go with it, right? I believe Hannah, Barbara was two people. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of them must have been like, what if there's just, you know, you're at a certain point, you're like, we've done everything.

What if there's just like a, I don't know, sort of marble-mouthed dog. You know, his whole thing is like, he's got got to get people from A to B, but on an elevator, right? So he's an elevator operator and Barbara's like, yeah, I mean, we got to turn this in by noon. So yes, let's do it. Yeah, go, go. What's his name? Sold. Drupy. Great. Hilarious. Well, that is what a writer's room is. That's what you're doing all day long. You know, when you're getting an elevator and you're a real rush, and you just can't wait for that elevator to zip up? Yeah. What if the guy pushing buttons for you is even slower? That's frustrating. That's frustrating. That is very frustrating. And frustration is funny. And frustration is funny.

Okay, good news. We are going to start giving you guys ads. Babe, I'm excited to say that we are hereby supported by Athletic Greens. Look at this bag of Athletic Greens right here. Guys, if we are going to sell out, this is not a bad place to start because this is a product that I have been using for quite some time. You have brought this up to me before. You know, I'm glad we're getting paid for this, because I at some point would have probably talked about it anyway. And that would have been... Well, don't tell them that, because now they know that you would have done this for free. I would have, but I won't. Because now I know I could get paid for it, whereas before...

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dumpster out sometimes with something healthy, like these athletic greens. Yeah. Yeah. Something good for your gut. Does it help you get full release in the morning? I didn't have a problem with that before, so I don't know if it's forcing the issue or if it's... I'll tell you what, I just drank a whole bottle of this. I'll let you know. Okay. Because I got a long drive home. Okay. Now, what I'm looking for is a full evacuation. On the freeway. No, no, no. I want to wait until I get home. Oh, yeah. If it forces it out somewhere on the 405. They use that same bottle.

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Sunny. And get you some. Transitioning back to the episode at hand, the gang sells out. I don't know if that, by this point, the listener or the creeps would notice that we're doing ads. Yeah. We're doing ads because we're selling out. We're selling out at the same time that the gang sells out. It seemed like the right time to sell out.

Yeah. It seems like there's a lot of people watching and creeping. Like, Megan was just complaining about not getting paid like so much. You know what I mean? And she's like, don't grow on trees. I'm like, fine. We'll give you your money. It's like so greedy. And then we realized, I don't want to give her my money. So I'll give her the money of the products that I enjoy. Yes. You know what I mean?

It's that's the thing. It's like, let's take a group of products that we enjoy and we'll say, give us money. Yeah. Like that. I'll say it like that. And then they will. And then we'll give it to Megan. But isn't it just like- And we'll keep a hefty portion of it. You know, like a mom, like the guys are just having fun.

The dudes are just hanging, having fun, they're drinking their water and maybe a beer or two every once in a while, hanging out. And then like mom comes in and she's like, you have to monetize this. Yeah. Do you ever need to say cool? Cool. In fact, no, we don't even want to hear it. We don't. Cut that.

By the way, are you guys seeing the samurai sword up here? I just noticed that. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're gonna cut. We're gonna cut stuff. Samurai swords, you know what ads pay for? Fucking pianos. Samurai swords.

Cut that, cut that, cut that. Neon's on this way. We got shit to pay for. Yeah. Literally. All right. All right. So we're doing ads now.

We're selling out. Hey, everybody, grow up. That's the way the world works. It's not about, it's not all about you. Yeah. We can't do shit for free. That's the way the world works. I mean, we can't hear it from Megan. I mean, it's not fair.

Megan can't pay her rent and shit. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna sleep on this. I'm gonna spend more time. You know, people are trying to, you know, survive, man. Stop complaining. What do you guys think about the whole concept of selling out?

You know what I mean? Like, what do you, what do you think? What do you, what does that bring up for you? You know what I mean? Have you ever been accused of being, of selling out and does that bring something up for you? You know what I mean? Like, sure, of course.

But like, yeah, it's an interesting thing, right? I had a good, I had to tell you my story about John Malkovich when I was, I was doing a movie with John and I had shot a commercial over the weekend. I think it was for direct TV. Okay. And I was kind of embarrassed because John is one of the great American actors

and a great world actors. I mean, he's just one of the, one of the best. So I was a little bit like, oh man, I'm, I'm cheesy, like a commercial guy and here's John. And we were between scenes and he, you know, he was like, um, how was your weekend? And I was like, oh, well, yeah. And how was your weekend?

Yeah. I was like, well, you know, it was good. I mean, I kind of sold my soul, you know, and did a, did a commercial. He goes, hmm, and I said, have you ever done a commercial? And he goes, well, I've done hundreds of them. And he goes, and you don't sell your soul. You rent it. And so I was like, fuck, yeah, man.

Thank you, John. Has he done, I mean, maybe just his voice? No, no. You recognize that voice? What has he done? He's done, look it up. He's done commercials. I actually remember him.

Just him selling fucking Tide Pods. Well, you know, he probably, I think like anything you want to make sure it doesn't feel like you put the laundry into the laundry machine. I can't do it. I don't know. You have to wash your clothes. I don't know.

Who knows? It's very unique. But I don't know. It's selling out. It's, you know, part of the thing. This is a profession. I don't think anybody out there expects us to do these kinds of things for free.

I think it's an overused expression, right? But I do think there is a point at which selling out, you know, you could maybe accuse someone of selling out. If there was a product on here that we've already gone, we've had the conversation in private, but let's just have it in public. Like we're vetting any company that we're considering chilling for, right?

Yeah. And so it doesn't necessarily mean that we're all going to agree every single time with every move that a company or product makes. But if we can at least understand that we're not like, we're not putting something out into the world that we think is an inferior product.

Yeah. It definitely changed. Like it used to be if you were a big A-list actor and you wouldn't, you wouldn't do a Hyundai, you know, like a car commercial or whatever. Not in America. Not in America. You would go over to Japan and you know,

like it wouldn't be seen. I mean, and then people just, you know, like Sam Jackson or whatever. It was just like, no, I'm just going to do commercials and movies and TV. I'll do it all. Yeah. The line got blurred.

And thank God because like that 1% of actor, yeah, they make an elite living, you know, but they basically made it okay for everyone else to like. Right. The people who aren't making as much money as Samuel Jackson can now go and do it and not feel like they're selling out. Or yeah, or not, not work again.

You know. Right. Are you suggesting that you're struggling? Because we've already been. Not me. Not me. We've been celebrity net worth. We know what.

No, I, I, I think. We've established what you're putting. By the way, most of my money comes in and goes out to other wonderful charitable things like taking care of Megan. But she's so greedy. Yeah, she's very greedy. That at some point we have to start doing it.

Well, I think if we're going to do it, let's do it like, let's have fun while we do it. And one of our, one of our sponsors is a company called Manscaped. And they sent us some scaping tools. And Glenn, and I haven't spoken to you directly, but through Megan, I heard that you would be interested in us potentially shaving your chest hair.

Well, I, I'm, I'm open to it. Yeah. I don't know that I want to do it today, but maybe. Well, you just got back from Hawaii. There might be a nice base coat. There's probably never a better time. Are we hairy? Are we talking about how, how short are we talking?

What I'd like to do, when I'd like to do is if it's nice and thick, I'd like to carve an S into your chest and have you just be Superman for, for a day. Okay. I thought that would be cool. Okay. Yeah. I don't know that it would be cool, but he was the original.

He was the original. That's true. But he, he wasn't hairy. No, but he had the, he had the SM one. You think Superman had like a really hairy butt? You know what I mean? Like, like everything was smooth except the butt. Like he was from a planet where they had like.

Just hairy from the waist down. Just like baboon butt, you know? Or baboon butt is not hairy. It's like an explosion of. It's like an out. Strange flash. Like an outty butt. I was at the zoo recently and like, it's never not upsetting

to see a Mookie's butt. And like it looks painful. You're like, what is going on with his butt? It's all jammed off. It looks inverted. It's lumpy. It's like a brain on its ass. Like what is happening outside of it?

Have any of you guys ever used a man scaping tool? Yeah, I've used. I've used clippers for body. When did that start happening though? Because I, because, because when, when did it become okay socially for men to be, to, to be clipping their body hair? Socially? I bring it back to Brad Pitt in Fight Club.

And you think it all. I think that's where it all starts. All rivers flow back there. I think all rivers flow. He let us do commercials. He let us trim our body hair again. He fucking kicked down doors. Brad Pitt, you know, I mean, he was just,

he was so hairless in that movie that, that, you know, you think that was impossible. Like that, that was definitely not natural. It was taken off. Well, I think probably that would be to a razor. Is that that now we're getting into razor territory. If we're going to a turtle shell, what's that? He's smooth as a turtle shell.

He's because I feel like it's socially acceptable for men to like trim up hair to make it shorter, right? Like, like men don't generally get a, get shit for that from other men. But if you were to take a big razor to your body. That's a body. I'm bodybuilders been doing that for years. Sure, sure, sure.

But I think it depends on your physique, right? Like, like if you are pretty out of shape and you have hairy like arms and you've big razor to your chest, it's going to look weird. Right. Like, you know, like, you know, like it's. Right. Just hairy arms.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you are super tan and ripped and you're all shaved up too, you're probably like, we're used to seeing that. So we're like, okay, I guess that's your look. It's fine. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

Listen, here's the thing. I'll be totally honest with you guys. I'm not in great shape right now. Yeah, I'm fine. It's fine. You know what I mean? But like I broke my collarbone and I stopped going to the gym and then I never went back.

I still haven't come back. That's fine here. Yeah. Yeah. So, so I would, I would, I would, I would, here's what I want. I feel you. Here's what I want. Well, if we're going to do this, if we're going to trim my body hair.

You're like a week of prep in the gym at least. No, no, no. What I was going to say is let's do it. Let's do a before and after, right? Let's do it now when I'm a little, you know, pudgy around the middle and, and let's just, and then give me, I don't know, eight, 12 weeks to get in, in shape again.

And, and then let's do it again. Okay. You know what I mean? So, I have the opportunity to show people what I'm really capable of in terms of my physique. You know what I mean? Okay. So, you're saying you're, you're eight weeks out,

eight to 12 weeks out at any given moment. Well, it depends on what we're, it depends on what kind of a standard we're trying to reach. Well, you set the standard. What are you looking for? What, what, what do you need? Right, a fight club. Okay.

That is the standard. We've already established that. Got it. Got it. Got it. I read an article about like age that, that so much of it is what you think about your age. Like the mental side of it is such a big part of it. Do you feel as though you have limitations now with your age

to get into Brad Pitt fight club shape? Or do you feel as though you could get there? The only, the only thing limiting, I would say, most people honestly, well, there's two things. One is, you know, willpower, right? Do you have the will to, to push through the hunger, to push through the, the, the workouts, you know, to, to carve out that time in your schedule, but also like resources, right?

Like if you've got, if you're rich as hell and you've got a gym in your house and you've got, you know, you can, you can afford like all the supplements in the world and you could shoot peptides into your body and. What are peptides? Oh, I don't know peptides. You don't know peptides? I don't know from peptides though. But you forgot the most important thing, which is genetics.

Well, that's, do you have the genetics to actually? 100%, 100%. Starts, that's, that's probably number one, right? And then number two is I think time and, and yeah, like your, your willingness to, to, to go through all that because it's a lot of work. But as you age, it definitely gets harder. You have, for sure. For men, you have less testosterone, you, your skin looks,

so you're never going to look the same as you would in your 20s. Even if you got into the same kind of shape, our skins all stretched out and shit. I'm getting things hacked off my body every other week from sun damage, from the vinegar. Oh, the vinegar, yeah, yeah. I got a big old thing on my face. I got to get cut out. On your face?

On my face. I don't see it. Yeah. You can't, you can't see it. You'll see it when there's a giant scar there. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. But you know what I mean?

Look, are you wearing makeup right now? Why can't I see this thing on your face? What's wrong with your face? What the fuck are you talking about? I've already had, you know, have you, have you had things removed from your body? Yeah. Okay. So they remove it, then they biopsy it.

Yeah. And so this one I got, they biopsied it, and it's like some kind of There is nothing on your face. So you can't see it because they cut it off. You might need to switch dermatologist because this guy might be making a killing off you. Just being like, here's a rich guy. I'm just going to keep chopping shit off him.

And then yeah. I'm going to chop this guy up. Wow. You might have chopping the bits. You know what I mean? Because I went to a guy this years ago and got something like I had a freckle on my back and I have a big scar now from they cut it off and like 12 stitches better. And then I go to a different guy now and it's like he's never, he's barely cutting off anything.

You know what I mean? And I feel like the other guy was just knife happy. Well, maybe the first one was a good doctor and this one's killing you. Well, no, not judging by the office. The second guy's got a better looking office. You do wonder how those doctors get into certain specialties, right? You go to med school because very few people when they're six years old and all the other kids are like, I want to be an astronaut.

I want to be a football player. And he's like, I want to shave people's parts of their skin off and biopsy them. Nobody does that. So they- I want to look at their moles. I want to look at moles. I want to stick my finger up a guy's butt all day long. Nobody's dream is that when they're a kid.

Talking about proctology. He's demeaning doctors. I'm not demeaning them. Nobody wants to be a doctor. I didn't say that. Who the fuck wants to be a doctor? I didn't say that. You said nobody.

You said no kids want to be a doctor. He said no kids- Dreams of being a proctologist. That's no problem. Yeah, you're trying to turn out the class of this one. He's talking about a proctology. He's talking about moles. What I was about to say was a kid does grow up though thinking,

I want to be a doctor. And then eventually that turns into, I don't know, I just, you know, some, and some people do just become internists or general practitioners and, you know, whatever. But then, you know, somewhere along the way, somebody's got to go, well, I guess I'll be the butt guy. You know what I mean?

I guess I'll check out butthole. But like, are you already into that shit? Like, are you going through Med School and you're like discovering that you're like, I'm kind of fascinated by like, what's inside people's butts, you know? Yeah, I want to see the butt itself. Then I want to go through the butt and see everything.

I want to see the journey from the butthole through the intestines. You know what I mean? Maybe. Or you're looking at it and saying like, so many men die of prostate cancer. So you just see a dollar sign. No, you're thinking that you want to save a lot of money.

Maybe it's a doctor's cell. That's a lot of money. That's a lot of money. There's a lot of money in saving lives. Not a lot of people want to do it. I don't want to do it, and I do. Let's do a coffee company. Yeah.

Let's get some good coffee. I love coffee. I don't think I could ever give up coffee. I don't think I could ever not drink coffee. I've tried. I've tried. But why? Why did you try to get off of it?

Well, you were having too much. I was having too much, and I was starting to feel like it was actually having the opposite effect on me. Like it was making me manic and sleepy at the same time. Like not. It wasn't doing the good stuff. All the good stuff was going on it. I wasn't getting the adorphins.

I was just getting like the anger. That's true. I can confirm that. Yeah, I can confirm. I was just saying if I had to describe you in three words, it would be manic, sleepy, and angry. I read a book on something called Neurophysical Pain, which was like, this is really interesting.

So what was the book? It's called The Way Out. I forget. That's not Sarno, is it? Maybe. Yeah. Well, I've read some article with Jared Leto, and he was saying he read this book,

and then he got out of like back pain. I don't have back pain. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, he had like severe pain and shit. Yeah. And so I've had hip pain for a while. And so I was like, I'll read the book. It was really interesting.

So like the guy who's the example of, if I were a hypnotist, and he said an unethical hypnotist, and I hypnotized you, and I told you your arm was on fire. You'd run around the room trying to pat it out, and then I'd wake you up, and I'd ask you what was it like, and you would say it was extraordinary pain. And to you in that moment, the pain was real. Your brain was sensing it.

It became real. He was another example of a guy who was on a construction site who stepped on a nail. The nail went all the way through his shoe, and he's screaming. They bring him to the hospital. They like saw the shoe off. And by the time they get to his foot,

they see that the nail's gone between the toes and not actually gone in his foot at all. Whoa. But the pain was very real, right? The brain is saying. That's a real story? Supposedly. And so he was saying, like oftentimes,

people will like, will injure their neck in a car accident or something. And then the body will heal in its course of time, but the brain keeps, it's like a mistake in the wiring. That's right. Your brain keeps sending the alarm system and saying, oh, you're in pain, or anytime you start to sense pain, the fear comes up.

That was an interesting book. Listen, listen. Phantom whims and what? I can tell you from experience, with absolute certainty that that is true. It's certainly for me, sorry, for me. Yeah, yeah. I had, I mean, you guys remember,

I used to have horrible back pain. I used to throw my back out all the time. It doesn't ever happen anymore, ever, at all, ever. And that was due to multiple factors, but one of them being I stopped telling myself the story. This is, I think, this was, I think, the biggest contributing factor to me stopping, not having back pain anymore.

I stopped telling myself that I had back problems. And every day I would tell myself, I have a, my back is, you guys, now, I can tell you guys, you guys are going to make fun of me. No, I know, I'm with you on this. It's the power, it's the power of the mind. But I would tell myself, like, my body is strong, my body is healthy, my back is strong,

there's nothing wrong with my back. The power of the mind is massive. You know, I think something you have innately, which is like a, you know, is it true, and I feel like you've said this before, like, you've never had the flu? I've never had the flu, no. But I think that's like a genetic thing,

because my dad's never had the flu, my mom's never had the flu, his father's never had the flu. That's extraordinary. That's crazy. He thought he was immune to COVID, but then I gave it to him. See, I think I'm one of the people who's immune to COVID, because I had every flu.

I had COVID one through 18. So by the time 19 came around, I was like, huh, oh yeah. Yeah, that's no biggie. I had all the COVIDs going on. See, I think I may, so I haven't gotten COVID yet either, and I don't know why. I've been exposed, I know I've been exposed to it.

Well, are you being tested constantly? Because I'm constantly being tested. I was when we were doing, yeah, so you might have had it even though. It's possible, but like usually even the, like to be that asymptomatic, like, I mean, it is possible, yes. It is possible that I had it and just was asymptomatic,

but if you got it, you'd just be like, sickness be gone. Precisely. It's my favorite thing you've ever done on a show, man. But part of why it's so great is that it's partially true. Like pseudoscience, the reason that pseudoscience works is that they're in people, is because psychosomatic phenomena are real.

And if you keep telling yourself that you're sick, then you're eventually going to get sick. Yeah, for sure. But then there's limits to that. If you break your femur, your femur is fucking broken whether you believe it or not. Absolutely. But the power of the mind,

you see it on every day. You have to believe that you're happy. You have to believe that you're, but if you have a brain chemical imbalance, it doesn't matter how much you believe. You've got to take medication. That's why those gratitude journals are so effective, because you're forcing yourself to think about

the things that you're grateful for on a daily basis, and you're slowly changing your brain chemistry to think more about appreciating the things that you do have, appreciating what you do have going for you and not focusing so much on the negative. And that is really something I totally, totally struggle with. I also like focusing on stuff that I really love. And to that end, I have to bring up that in this episode

is one of my all-time favorite sunny jokes, which is the conversation about wooed and wood. That was an added side joke. When Charlie mistakes the conversation about you guys wanting to be wooed for, yeah, we should get some wood. I was thinking about that. Like, that's a kind of joke that we would have done

with me early in the show. And I feel like you guys would not be into that if it got pitched now. Am I wrong? No, well, I think, as I recall, at the time even, I was on the fence about it, but I do remember, I think it was one of those situations for me where I was like, well, let's get it.

Because, you know, Charlie thinks it's funny or like these guys think it's funny and, you know, let's get it. I wasn't like totally against it, but I do think I was actually thinking at the time, like, that's so stupid. We've never landed on how stupid any of us are, right? Like, I sort of was out of the gate first.

It's a moving target. With being like, okay, I'm going to be the dumb guy in the group and that will be what's funny. And then the dumbness really got moved around. Aren't you also reading that resume? I can't remember if you got specific or... No, I wouldn't have been reading by that point because season two, we pretty much locked in that joke.

Right. But you're looking at Dennis's resume and you're saying like, this all looks pretty... That's a good scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not reading anything. Oh, yeah. He's just making shit up.

He's just making shit up. Just making shit up. Yeah, it's a funny scene. Yeah. I like that moment where you're like, can I just take a peek at that? You know, I'm just standing there like... I love the tone.

Like the level of the humor in that episode is so good to me. Like, it's never quite manic and raging and it all works pretty good. Yeah, it's dialed in in a really funny way in that episode, I think. I got one more question for you guys, which is if you had to strap on your job helmets and go get another job, what would it be? If you had to leave writing TV and making podcasts.

Wait, do you mean like outside of entertainment? Yes. And do we have... And you have the skills to do whatever you... Oh, we have the skills to actually do the thing that we want to do? Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Oh, oh, oh, okay.

But we're not us. Like we haven't done what we've been doing. Yes. It's like a fresh start. You went down another path. It's an interdimensional sort of question here, right? Yes. Okay.

Hmm. I feel like something in the sciences. I don't know. Like, I like science stuff in theory. You'd be a butt doctor? What's that? You'd be a butt doctor? No, not the science of the butt.

What's in the... What's in the hole? Yeah. What's in the hole? How is it healing? In this, we could be the best at what we do? Yeah, sure. Well, I mean, I'd be a soccer player.

I'd be a professional soccer player. Yeah, yeah. I'd be pretty sweet. I'd be the world's best golfer, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Sports? I think I would want to run a company that makes cars and rockets.

Also, you'd want to be Elon Musk. Yeah. Yeah, you'd be an inventor? He's more of an industrialist. I think I would be an industrialist. Okay. Or would you be like the guy who just goes out and is like the face of the company and just sell, or are you actually, you know, getting him a lab?

Elon Musk is that and also has the ability to get into the lab and break down the business and whatnot. That is true. Right. That is true. He can kind of do both. I mean. He can build rockets and super cars.

I think I'd want to do that. Oh, wow. It's cool as it is. It sounds like a lot of work, doesn't it? Yeah. I feel like I'd be in offices all day. Does he love it? Is he happy?

He hasn't calculated the happiness yet. He could probably do some charts and see, you know, happiness isn't actually, I've broken it down. I don't know. He kind of talks like that a little bit. Yeah. He's broken it down. And it's, you know, I have degrees of happiness and it's not as useful to be happy as you

would think. It actually, the problem with happiness is. Well, but I feel like people at that level, I feel like Elon Musk and Tiger Woods are exactly the same. Like, I don't think Tiger Woods seems very happy to me. In fact, Elon Musk seems way happier than Tiger Woods. So there's a thrive. He seems like, like when Michael Jordan was at his peak, he didn't seem happy.

Right. In fact, he wasn't happy. I think you would be tormented by that degree of drive. Yeah. Right. If you have, you're striving for something, nothing's ever good enough, which is why you are so good at what you do because you push yourself to the limit and you strive to be the best at the thing you're doing.

But yeah. And you drive. But you can't ever achieve that. I'm sure you just drive moments of satisfaction from that, but like overall sort of happiness. Yeah. I doubt it. If you had a job, it would be something like simpler and more clear cut, like moving cinder blocks from one part of a room to the other.

Right. You know what I mean? Something that's not subjective at all. But like, I would either know if it was done or not, like, because that's the hard part is being a perfectionist and being in a job that there is no like perfect. Yeah. That's hard. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you were like a carpenter or something with precision, you could actually see your brain hit its final end point and know like if the cut is right, you know, you've done what you were supposed to do. I don't know. If you have that personality type, though, it's never, it can always be a little bit

better or a little bit different or a little bit, because that's the hardest thing about what we do. Right. There is no perfect. It's very undefinable. You know what? Speaking of gratitude, I had a very big moment of gratitude this morning when I was driving here because do you, Glenn, you know what's two blocks away from here?

From the studio? Well, what are you saying? As I was walking in, you were talking about how two blocks away from here. With the man who's gotten more mentions on the podcast than anyone else, Chris Bacchus. And I was pulling, I was driving by and I drove past it and then I pulled into the, into the, into the parking spot and I came into the studio and I was very grateful. I feel like we've come a long way. Yeah.

There was a shit hole apartment. You've come a long way. That was only two blocks. It took 20 years to come two blocks, but man, it's on the, the outside looks very different, but the inside. I have very specific memories of being in that apartment with you and with Chris. We watched the entire first season of America's Next Top Model. Huge, huge fans of that.

We just thought it was so incredible, that show. Love that show. We drank a lot of Folgers coffee, if I'm not mistaken, correct? You were rocking the Folgers. We, yes. We, we were on a budget. Yeah. We were, we started writing a movie together, a movie called, that we were at the time

calling Mind Games. Sure. And we were just hustling. I have a specific memory of actually being in the pool of your apartment building because we were like, we needed a break. We were like drinking. It was one of those weird pools that anybody who's ever lived in Los Angeles would be in the center of the building where there's no sun.

So the sun, there was only like sun on the, on the pool for like a 45 minute period when it's directly over time. How long are you there in that, in that apartment? One year? One year. That's it. That's it. God, man, time goes so much faster now because it seemed like.

One year. And I just remember walking all of these streets for hours because I had nothing to do during the day because I worked at the restaurant at night. And so I would just walk like this through the streets for exercise and also just so I didn't go insane. Were you just, were you just contemplating your dreams? No, I was trying to think about like how I could not be doing this. How you could get out of this hole?

Yeah. How I could convince. How to get out of the apartment. How do I find people who are more talented and funny and just latch on to them to hold on for dear life? And I did. And I'm grateful for that. You know, that's a good move.

You gotta latch on to people. You gotta surround yourself with people that are smarter and better than you. And that's what you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the drive driven, you know, organized. You gotta latch on to somebody who will do the majority work for you. I'm driven and organized. And, and.

Driven and organized. Yes. Driven and organized. Yes. Yeah. And what we do is we find people like you and we just stick our hooks in and we just slowly bleed you dry over a 40 year period. That's okay.

A shark in the fish that's like. Yeah. Or the Ramora. They work. What is it called? Ramora. Yeah. Yeah.

You're the shark on the Ramora. That fact. They need each other. The truck needs it for some reason. But like. Does he clean it? Does he clean it? Yeah.

Yeah. There's lots of those things in the sea. Just like picking. Or like I'm one of those birds. Swim into their mouths. Clean other tongues. Like, oh, thanks man. It's like a guess.

I won't eat you. Or they're like the big, the big animal, like the moose or something where they have the birds that live on them. Oh yeah. They keep the insects. Yeah. They keep the antlers fresh and. Yeah.

See. But I'm not. A bird out there like polishing antlers. Let me get these bugs off your antlers. Yeah. But see, I think I would probably be, I wouldn't be the moose or the birds. I would be the tick that you don't even know is there. You don't realize it's just something dry and infecting you.

Because we benefit from the, you don't benefit from the tick in the relationship. Yeah. We benefit from one another. Symbiotic relationship. Symbiotic relationship. Symbiotic relationship. Symbiotic relationship. That's why we put up with each other and love each other.

Yeah. God bless you guys. God bless you guys. We're all these years. We're all these years. Quite grateful. God bless you guys. And, you know, and with the fans, you know, we have a relationship with them where they

are forced to listen to our advertisements. Yeah. They're not forced to do anything. They can like it or not like it, you know? Well, that's sort of been the attitude of the show all the way through, which is like, we're going to do the thing if you like it, great. If you don't fuck off. That's showbiz.

You know, that's showbiz. That's life. That's life, man. That's life, baby. You can't please everybody. Hey. You just try to please a very specific demographic of 18 to 34 year old adults. That's it.

Everybody else can fuck off. Yeah. That's pretty true. Yeah. That's pretty true. That's how he thinks it.