The Always Sunny Podcast - The Oldie Friends Game

Episode Date: May 23, 2022

Beat it. Drink it. Watch it.

So how's everybody feeling? It's super early, super early for you guys. Not so much for me. It's super early for us. I believe Meg's in the middle of the afternoon. Is that right, Meg? Yeah, I've already had lunch and two glasses of champagne, guys. I'm feeling great.

Oh, a couple of glasses of champagne. How's that jet lag doing? Are you are you already like adjusted? It takes me about two, three weeks to get adjusted. I swear to God, I am a mess. It's hard. I'm still not adjusted to Toronto and I've been here for almost three weeks.

That's three hours. That's a mental thing. I'm exactly. Yeah, yeah. Rob, is the sun up at your house because like the sun's like just coming up in my house. And yeah, I got to have this like super harsh overhead lighting. You look well lit.

I've been doing Zoom since 2020. So I have a lighting set up. Well, I mean, it's not really because you're a fucking bitch. It's just a light. You've got a lighting set up. It's a light. Let's have a look. Oh, look at that beauty.

Ring lights good for you. Nice. I mean, is it 20? Is it what year is it? We're two years into this fucking thing. We've been haven't you guys been doing zooms? Recorded zooms for years. But not only not only have I been doing all these recorded zooms and stuff,

but you know, I've done enough stuff now where anytime I have to shoot something or film something on my laptop, they just send me equipment. Wait, so you got a ring light going to Glenn? Not right now. No, because I'm not at my house, but I mean, at my house, I've got all kinds of like podcasting and and and like, you know, filming things on my computer equipment

that people have sent me and then nobody ever comes to pick it up. It's good to have because your lighting looks good. I think I think I look a little blasted out. I look blasted out. I don't think so. You don't see I get shadowy because it's over overhead light. Nobody cares. Yeah, the listeners just definitely not having fun with this.

Cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that. What's this episode going to be? We got some fun. What are we doing here? What are we doing? What are we doing here? Maybe got a wild idea. Yeah, so I thought I'd make a little game for you guys to play

because we're all spread out. Well, you certainly are in many different places. Well, now, Charlie, you're back in LA, so I guess just Glenn's a part. But I wanted to play a little version of the newlywed game for you guys so that you could remember that despite being far apart, you're actually very close because of your 20 plus years of friendship. So you know what? We're far apart, but they're always in my heart.

Oh, that's neat. Yeah. Hey, fuck you guys. Totally. Yeah. All right. That's what's in my heart. That's what's in my heart. Yeah. So the way this is going to work is that I'm going to ask you guys questions about each other and there'll be three sections, one for Rob, Charlie and Glenn. Actually, four, because then I'm going to have a special lightning round at the end.

And basically, you're going to write your answers on these dry race boards that you should have in front of you. And we're going to take points and see who wins, who knows the most about their fellow friends. I mean, I can already tell you right now who's going to win this game. It's definitely going to be Rob. I don't think I don't think so. I we've already brought this up that Charlie keeps thinking that his memory

is terrible and that he keeps remembering every single thing that we post to him. So I think I think that's true. I do feel like I got a chance, but I also feel like, Rob, you have more of a mind that like studies a person, you know what I mean? Like we're like, you'll pick up on a detail about me. I'm interested in you guys more than you're interested in me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A little too interested, a little too interested, pal. With your ring lights in your interest. With your ring lights and OK, OK. Take it easy. Dial it down or not, Charlie. So if I'm doing a section about Rob and your answers agree with what Rob has written down, then you get a point. But Rob, if you like either of their answers better than the one you've written down,

you can choose to award them half a point because they're kind of subjective answers. So right, right. So this isn't this isn't. Yeah, this isn't like background or factual. This is this is these are all what I think they're going to see. Yeah, right. I guess. So I don't I don't get it. I don't get it at all.

Have you never seen the newlywed game? It's been a very long time since I've seen that game. And I have to admit I was getting hot because I turned the heat on this morning because it was cold and all I could think about was like, should I get up? Do I get up and turn the heat off right in the middle of the podcast? Like, do I do that? And then I realized I missed your entire explanation. And I didn't see the newlywed games games.

I mean, you pick up like a pack of cards or whatever. Maybe some people have a mind that they can sit and look at all those instructions and be like, I get it, let's go. I'm like, let's just play around. And yeah, you know, we'll figure it out one round. You're like, I got it. OK, yeah. Yeah. But the point is these are subjective.

This is this is not this is not like trivia or or memory based. This is more more about how do I believe you're going to feel about something? And good. OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK. It's more EQ than it is IQ, right, Meg? Yes, that's correct. EQ. What's EQ? Don't worry about it. Look it up. You're emotional quotient.

I don't know what you mean. It tells you a lot about my IQ. Your egg quotient. I didn't even know the key to your egg quotient. How many egg quotient? My egg quotient, my quotient is excellent. Let's go. Oh, with the dad jokes, you. Buddy, it's six. You've been messing with heat. Charlie and I just woke up.

It's six o'clock in the morning. By the way, it's shots on gold, pal. I got about I got about fucking eight jokes in this podcast already. All right, let's get going. Let's warm up, buddy, because the audience wants to laugh, Glenn. OK. I want to hear us complain about our fucking jet lag. And how warm it is in our gorgeous hotel room. It's so warm. It's too warm in here, guys.

Megan, Megan, get this game on the rails. OK, well, we'll start with Glenn's since he doesn't know what's going on. That'll make it the easiest. The first question is, what makes Glenn the most angry? Just in general. OK, well, I got it. OK, I'm ready to rock.

You see, that's amazing. There's so much that there's so much. But you went for it. You just went for one. Rob, whenever you're ready. OK. OK. Charlie, show us your answer. OK, I wrote. Chewing loud.

Oh, OK, Chewing, Chewing, Chewing loud. So, Chewers, you know, smacky foods. I see that. I hear that. But I'll say that that's just one thing. I think I think Glenn looks when things when things just don't work, when things that are supposed to. Oh, sure. Yeah, just don't work. Don't work. Yeah, that's a big one for like just stuff.

Technology thing, just stuff that's not working. There's an injustice to that. Yeah, OK. Well, listen, guys, I mean, you're totally both of your it's not what I wrote, but it's 100 percent. You're 100 percent correct in that those things make me angry. The difficult thing I think about this is that so many things make me angry. So I wrote down a sort of a broader category which would encompass what you wrote, Charlie.

Can I have a one second guess? I won't write it. But just just to say, yes, did you write the word life? Wait, I think I know what you did. I think I know what you did. I think I know what you did. Yeah, go for it. You wrote you wrote peep is having to do with people not giving a shit. There's an injustice about people not.

Big one. That's a big one. You are you you didn't say it the way I said it. But I think what you're saying is what I is. I think what you mean is what I meant when I wrote what I wrote. Mm hmm. Yeah, what'd you write? People's lack of awareness. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I think Charlie should get a point for that.

I get the point for the loud chewing. I think it's up to Glenn. Well, what makes him more crazy that things not working or someone smacking their food while eating? Stuff like that. Both are raging. They're both infuriating. I mean, Charlie's answer is a part is a is a more specific

version of what I wrote, right? So people's lack of awareness of I was going to write a whole thing, but I was like, I don't think it's supposed to be this long. Oh, that's true. People's lack of awareness and they're smacking smacking their food is the same thing where the technology is nothing to do with people. That's a technology's lack of awareness of what you want it to do. Of what I need it to do.

Yes, my my my full answer would have been people's lack of awareness of how their actions affect other people. That's that's the thing that makes me the most angry. That's the broad category of like the thing that makes me the most angry. And it seems like a half a half a point to Charlie seems very fair. Oh, half a point. OK, OK, let's see. Yeah, we can do we can do whatever we want. Fine. That sounds good.

Point is fine. I don't know. I like a point. I'm going to award Charlie half a point for that, then. That's good. The next question is Glenn says 90 percent of the time he eats healthy and 10 percent of the time he eats whatever the fuck he wants. It's a 10 percent day. So what is Glenn eating?

OK, I have a I have a thought. This was a tough one, even for me, honestly. All right, this time, Rob, why don't you go first? This is a tough one. Yeah, this is a tough one because the man likes food. The man eats food. The man that you eat, you eat what you want, generally, what I see. So I think if you're going to splurge what I've seen you do in the past

is to just get a straight because you don't eat as much red meat. You don't eat red meat. You went for a long period of not eating red meat for a while. I think if you splurge, you're going to get just a just a just a hamburger in French fries. Oh, this is really interesting. This is really interesting. You want to know what I wrote, Rob? A burger with French fries, but never a Coke, never a soda, never a soda.

Just for one little specific. So he's going to get the fries. He's not going to drink a couple of sugar on top. OK, so here's the thing. Here's the thing. I think you guys should both get a point for this, because that's what I was literally writing when I scratched it out. And I actually think that your answer is more right than mine. You overthought it. You overthought it.

I overthought it. OK. Yeah, like because mine, I think mine is a little bit more. It's like this is this is I gravitate towards this. But like if I'm really going for it and that was the question, that's exactly right. I would I would be like a cheeseburger with the works, you know, and and and some fries. And you're right. And no soda.

And I am almost tempted to give Charlie an extra half a point there for the no soda thing. By the way, this is what I wrote. I wrote a turkey sandwich with with extra mayo and fries, but. But that just seems too healthy. I mean, even that even the extra mayo kind of puts it over the top. But, you know, I think you guys are right. All right, burger and fries. All right, let's move on. Jesus Christ.

I'll award a point for both of them. OK, OK, the next question is Glenn is going to star in Guns. Actually, a big budget action movie about a man whose father is tragically murdered, causing him to go on an epic rampage. What actor is Glenn casting to play his father? Done and done. Got it. And as meaning that he has a choice or this is this is like a realistic like. No, no, he has the choice of who is going to the choice of all actors.

Yes, all actors. Now, is this what's that? Sorry, what is the tone of this movie? Is it is it is it an action comedy? Is it or just a straight like? No, it's a straight action, get Carter type of thing. Yeah, all right, all right, all right, and your father is an action has to be an action actor.

No, because he dies at the beginning of the movie. So he's not. OK, OK, that's just a great actor. OK. Oh, I'm tempted to do a joke here, but I also want the point. Yeah, why don't you put the joke at the bottom? Oh, he's going to put is himself aged up. No, it wasn't. But I wish that one. God, yeah, myself, me, aged up. Well, that's that's right.

That's I know, I'd be great. All right, Charlie, why don't you show us first? OK, I wrote he's going to go Gary Oldman. Gary Oldman is, you know, who's going to go who's available. But if you want accuracy, it's got to be Lindsey Buckingham. OK, that's just a grand slam. I mean, that's just a grand slam. If we're going purely on looks,

I forgot about that just the other day. We were having we were talking on the podcast about like doppelgangers. And I forgot that that's one that I get all the time. Like it's funny to see these pictures of him now. And he does it's more like he has a Dennis Reynolds vibe than he has a Glenn. You know what I mean? Like something about his hair is always high. This is how much his hair is very high.

It's how much Charlie and I know and love Glenn. I said the same thing and aged up Gary Oldman because he can do anything and be any age. Well, you guys, this was a tough one. Amazing that you both wrote Gary Oldman, one of my favorite actors of all time. I did not even think of Gary Oldman. I still stand by my actual choice.

Brynden Gleason. No, that's mixed. No, it's not like he's even like one of my favorite actors, although he is a phenomenal actor and I absolutely love him in things. I don't know why this is who I this is who I want. Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken. Your brain sometimes is interesting. It's just wrong. It's terrible casting. Yeah, and you're and you're wrong.

It's actually not the answer. The answer is Gary Oldman. I believe we know you better. Yeah, you don't know your own mind. But I'm OK. Well, I think that you my son who comes in the room. Well, I don't know, man. I think I like everyone does walk in.

No one wants to hear a walk like if you guys see like Christopher Walken in my boy, you know, it was me. I'm your dad. Sure. OK, sorry. You guys you guys do know me very well. Gary Oldman is one of my favorite actors and I mean, again, it's not what I wrote. But I don't know how you ever got to pick Christopher Walken.

I don't because I was I don't know for some reason. His performance in seven. His no, it wasn't the first person. You know, he was the first fucking person to lunch. He's the first fucking person that popped into my head and I wrote it down. That's not overthinking it. No points awarded. I was thinking of his performance in Seven Psychopaths, which is just like so phenomenal, so good.

Have you seen that movie? Please tell me you've seen Seven Psychopaths. I watched it with you years ago. Oh, God, it's so good. Or maybe I've seen it. I don't know. It's so good. It's one of those movies you can watch like 15,000 times. It's it's fantastic.

Watch it again if you haven't seen it. OK, here's a question that's not subjective. What was Glenn's starter car as in his first car he ever had? The actual one in real life. Yes, in real life. What was his starter car? Glenn, this is just a question. Would this have been in high school

or did it was your first car since we've known you? I mean, I just I think you're talking about my very first car, right? Yeah, yeah, you had you had you had a car and then you had another car. The car that you brought out here was different than your very first car. Yeah, you guys never met my first car, but no. But I think I think I know what it is. OK, let's start with Rob on this one. I believe your first car when you were in high school was a Volvo.

It was a Volvo. Wow. Do you happen to remember when you came out? I mean, that's that's that's that's a very difficult. But it just for extra points, maybe if you can get the year. The year of the Volvo. It was an 85. I'm jumping in for a point to the 85 Volvo. I think it was it was my dad's. It was my dad's the first car my dad ever bought for himself.

That's a clue. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Seventy six Volvo. I'm going to say it's a 1981 Volvo. Well, you guys think it took my dad that long to buy a car. OK. I said, Seventy six. I said, Seventy six. I'll just like that was, you know, I wrote a nineteen nine accurate, a nineteen ninety nine accurate legend. OK, that's a great that's a great that's a great guess because that's a very good answer.

Yeah, that's a very good answer. It was a nineteen very much. That was the car that I got my senior that I was able to split with my parents. My senior year of high school was a nineteen ninety accurate legend, but very good. I got pretty damn good, pretty damn good. However, Rob gets the point. It is a Volvo. It was a night.

Nineteen sixty six Volvo. Pearl White. His nickname was Pearl Jam. It was Pearl Jam. That's cute. Just because it was Pearl White. It's cool. I love that car, man. It's so, so great. We kept it for a long time. I wish we still had it. I wish I could restore it. I would. Well done, Rob.

Did you remember that he had discussed having a Volvo at one point in time in his life? Yes. OK. Well, then, yeah. Yeah, it wasn't just a guess. That was you remember. Yeah, I'm going to give a point to Rob on that one. If Glenn had to speak in a different accent for the rest of his life, which accent would he pick? OK, OK, I feel like Glenn's going to have an interesting answer here, which is not which is not accurate.

What we're expecting. No, it's not. No, it's not. OK, Charlie, you want to go first? Well, my first my first if I just went off my first and think it would have been like a British accent. But I switched it because I thought he's going to get tired of people being tired of that accent and thinking that he's hoity, toyy. He's going to want to sometimes just be able to go home and just fit in. And I went with this other accent.

He's just going to slide into a comfy southern accent just for peace of mind. I'm going to say Glenn. Now, if I want Glenn to think about it for a second, I think he would want to do because I've heard him do this many times. And it's very funny. And I believe he would want to do a German accent. A German accent, Rob. I like to think because sometimes Glenn comes out with an answer where you're like,

huh? Yeah, he was he was going. He was going along the the lines of my overthinking it and not giving the most obvious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking with a lot of your answers. So we kind of like on in the glory in the glory hole. I remember you getting really into that. And he was just doing a nondescript European accent. Well, that's and I'm a big fan of that, by the way, just just like a European

accent, but it's just just like kind of all of it. I'm guessing, though, you wrote a British accent because of just the beauty of the sound and the flow and you and it feels comfortable to do. And and I'm guessing I have an affinity for that for it, because, you know, I live there as a kid and I had an accent. But I had a British accent as a little kid for a short, short period of time. And I just love it there. I love it. Well, that's the Glenn round.

We are supported by Shopify. Hey, you guys, if you think about starting a small business together. Oh, you're talking about a little side hustle. Hmm. What do you have in mind? I don't know. Maybe something in retail or e-commerce, you know, artisan scented candles, macrame, wall art. I don't know, you know, that whole it all sounds pretty complicated, right? Like, how are we going to compete with that with big macrame?

Right? Well, we're going to get in the big macrame industry is that's a that's a tight community. You can't get a foothold in, right? How do you start? What did we start? Well, I'll tell you what, Shopify gives entrepreneurs like ourselves, the resources once reserved for only big businesses. Glenn, I'm going to need you to go on about this a little bit. OK, so all right, I will. So upstarts, startups and established businesses alike can sell everywhere,

synchronize online and in-person sales and gain insights as they grow with detailed reporting of conversion rates, profit margins and beyond. Now, that's a lot of big words you just said there, Glenn. Sorry. Sorry. I'm a smart guy. Yeah, that's OK. But what about reaching customers online and across like social networks, you know, with an ever-growing suite of channel integrations and apps like Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest and more.

You know, there's so much out there now. I don't even know what's out there. Yep, a lot of big words there, too. But yeah, Shopify provides all that. Yeah, Shopify powers millions of businesses from first sale to full scale. It's more than a store. Shopify grows with you. That's Shopify.com slash Sunny.

Go to Shopify.com slash Sunny, all lowercase, for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify's entire suite of features. Grow your business with Shopify today. Go to Shopify.com slash Sunny right now. That's Shopify.com slash Sunny. Shopify.com slash Sunny. We are supported by Zip Recruiter. Yeah, OK.

Say we're going to run a promotion for Patties. Tuesday night is ladies night at Patties Pub. Oh, sure. Great. You know, it's ladies night and we we need to hire some people like... A cheese sample guy. Yeah. Oh, cheese is very classy. Ladies love cheese. Well, I mean, who doesn't love cheese, right?

Everyone loves cheese. OK, so we need a cheese guy on the fly. And we'd want to hire the best person for the job, right? Like a sommelier for cheese, a real cheese whiz. Ooh, a cheese whiz. Oh, OK. A wizard of cheese. Doing jokes, guys. A cheese wizard.

Doing jokes. That's why we'd use Zip Recruiter. And if you're hiring for your business, you should go to ZipRecruiter.com slash Sunny right now to try Zip Recruiter for free. Guys, Zip Recruiter's powerful technology finds the best people with the right skills and experience for your job and presents them to you.

And then you can personally invite your top choices to apply for your job. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. So in less than 24 hours, Patties Pub would have a cheese expert. It's that easy. Yeah. Yeah. So find the right people for the job

when you try Zip Recruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash Sunny. That's three people talking at once. So once again, one at a time at ZipRecruiter.com slash Sunny. ZipRecruiter.com slash Sunny. ZipRecruiter.com slash Sunny. All right. Here we go. First question for Charlie. Charlie gets to play a round of golf

with any famous person living or dead. Who does he choose? Oh, got it. I'm just going to keep that one simple. I'm not going to go with nothing crazy here. I mean, I haven't got a clue. I haven't got a clue. Not a clue. Playing golf with somebody.

OK. Rob's written Tiger Woods as his answer. Glenn, do you want to? I mean, I thought Glenn already conceded. Yeah, conceded. Um, just give me one second here. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on. No, that's God damn it. I'm overthinking it. I don't know. I can see.

OK, Glenn, pass. It was, in fact, Tiger Woods. I mean, if you're going to get a round of golf with anybody, you're going to play with the person who is arguably the best player to play the game. OK. Good answer, Rob. Good answer, Rob. You guys play golf together. I know you very well. I know you.

I know. Yeah, that's true. We golf together and Glenn doesn't golf as much. So OK, here's one that's not subjective. How old was Charlie when he had his first kiss? Oh, shit. Wait, I got to think of that. What? Wait, wait, wait. How could you not know? But Megan knows.

It's right on the cusp of two ages. But I. Yeah, I think I. OK. OK, OK. OK, wait, I think I got it. You can write down two ages to give them more of a chance. No, no, no, no, I'm pretty shh or it's this one. OK, I wrote down to two ages. Glenn, you want to go first? So it's 14. 14.

14. I know that's I know that's late, but Charlie just strikes me as a little bit of a late bloomer. Not that he couldn't have been. Yes. But good instincts. But just that you were the type, you're the type of person to not go for the kiss unless you're absolutely sure. And I think that takes that's a little bit of it.

And because of that, because of that, I'm going to go later. I'm going to go later. Not because he didn't have the opportunity, but because he he he's been very clear that he would never go for the kiss unless he knew it was a definite, which is a hard thing to do 15 or younger. So I believe he was 16 on the cusp of 17. I was tempted to do that.

I was tempted to go there and I was like, God, that's almost insulting. I believe. Well, don't worry about that, pal, because I believe it was actually 17 or I might have even been 18. It was not until my senior year of high school. My goodness. Yeah. I remember you. Yeah, I was frustrated about it. Um, now, was this your first your first kiss in general or like your first like kiss kiss?

Both. Yeah. OK. Yeah. And then I think I think it was definitely my senior year. So I can't remember if I was 17 or I might have been 18, which was adding to the humiliation. But to my credit, though, my high school throughout throughout my freshman and sophomore and most of my junior year was an all boys school.

So it made it even harder. Why can't you kiss boys? You can. But I didn't want to. So that was, you know, that held your back. That held your back. Yeah, not wanting to make you not do it, huh? It's a big part of it. Yeah. Yeah. OK. Next question is the DJ.

Do I get a half a point for that? I think that's. Well, I said 16 on the cusp of 17. He said seven on the cusp of 18 on the cusp of 17. I think half at least a half point to I did say seven point for Rob. Megan, did you know? I didn't know. No. Oh, OK.

But this is how the newlywed game works, is they don't know the answers. You provide the answers to questions. Oh, I could ask you guys, where's your favorite place to make whoopie? Because that's pretty much that's always a question. Yeah, that was the big one. Well, what's whoopie? Is that a sandwich?

I believe it's sexual intercourse. I believe it's a she's a view on the host. Yeah, she's a host on the view on the host. I was like, what is a view on the house? What the fuck am I talking about? How about this one? Charlie is having a midlife crisis. What does he buy for himself?

Oh, I know exactly what this is. I know I know that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK, I'm pretty sure I got this one. Glenn, you want to you want to show first? A classic car. OK. Classic sports car. OK. Oh, I'm also a sports car. Yeah, I called it vintage instead of classic.

But a vintage car. Maybe I'm thinking like a 60s Ferrari convertible because it's a crisis. I'm really I'm spending too much money. Right. I'm like overspending. It's like a two million dollar car. OK. One point each guy's great job. Yeah. OK.

Trying to have midlife crisis for a while now. You sure have. You've been talking about having a midlife crisis in that regard for quite a bit. I'm going to get a good vintage car. Pull the trigger on that. You got to pull the trigger on that midlife crisis, man. What is Charlie the most proud of?

And I'm going to say that his wife and child are exempt from this. Oh, I'm not sure I know the answer to that. Um, I know the answer. I mean, I think I think I think I think I know the answer. I think I'm right. OK, Rob, you want to go first on this one? Robbie. Sonny.

Sonny. OK. Glenn. Always sunny. Always sunny. OK. Charlie. Or horrible bosses. Sonny babies. Oh, great job, guys. I'm not going to be proud. Would that have been the same for you guys?

Yes. 100%. 100% without a doubt. That's nice. Unquestionably. Sonny's the best. Everything else is great. But Sonny's the best, baby. It's just very, very special.

OK, one more. And then I think that makes this even to the amount we did for Glenn. I'm easy. These guys know me. It's like there's no mystery. What movie would Charlie most like to have written and starred in? And this could be from any era.

OK. This is pretty easy, too. I wouldn't say that this was easy, but it's the first thing that popped into my mind. And I don't think you'll say I'm wrong, Charlie, but you might have one that's. No, I think this is right. I want easy first instinct.

I mean, there's a million of them that I was here, wrote and starred in. OK, I think I think I got it. OK, Glenn, you want to go first? The big Lebowski Rob. Good one. Rob said. Dog Day Afternoon. Oh, wow, you know what?

It was it was between the two. But I went with Lebowski just for the comedy of it. But honestly, my second instinct was Dog Day Afternoon. My first was. But you wrote Lebowski. You wrote Lebowski. I did. Because I'm going to say I'm going to say it's not right.

But no, no, no, no, it's it's it's right. I think I watched Lebowski more than I have watched Dog Day Afternoon. It would be a very different movie. You know, obviously, Jeff Bridges' performance in that is absolutely amazing. But like, I would like to see that movie with you in it. I think it would be amazing, dude.

I would like to make my own Lebowski at some point, you know, working on it. I'd rather see you in Dog Day Afternoon, if I'm being honest. In fact, I'd rather see you in Dog Day Afternoon. Glenn, I'd like to see you in the Big Lebowski. Oh, God, I would love. But maybe I want you maybe I want you playing

to Toro's part, though. What about me and Glenn in Dog Day Afternoon? OK, yeah, Glenn and I are robbing the bank together. Am I are you Pacino and I'm Cazale or what do we do? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's cool. Maybe we do like a cat, like cat day, cat day, you know, mid lunch, you know, a movie called Cat Day, lunch or Cat Day, mid lunch.

I'd see that movie. OK, we're moving on to Rob, guys. You ready to see how much you know, Rob? OK, the first question is Caitlyn and the kids are out of town. How is Rob spending his evening? His evening. Yeah, that's a joke answer.

Shit. All right. Well, if you're going to go, if you're going to go base, just pass, just pass base. It's not base. OK, OK, I'm ready. All right. I'm going to get my my my first answer is a joke. And my second answer is my real answer. But my first answer, which I want to do as a joke,

I was going to write working. Like that's why I wrote starting a new business. That's so sad because I wrote that and then stopped because it was like, oh, that's so sad. Rob, I know you have a kickback side. I wrote drinking a Manhattan, watching the Eagles, as if as if the Eagles are an option. But I wrote a Manhattan and a movie.

Oh, my God, you guys know me so well, because I literally started writing working and then was like, that's so sad. I don't want to do that. And then I wrote drinking whiskey and watching. And then I stopped because I was like, am I watching? It depends on the day. I know that I know the Eagles are specific. Yeah, you're watching something.

You know, that's really I think that's a point to both of us. I'll give a point to both of us. Oh, yeah, I think you should get two points because you got both. You got both of them. We got, but we actually, I didn't want to write. I didn't want to write working because it was so sad. All right, two points for this, guys. Yeah, yeah, but your first instinct would be like, OK,

man, I got to come up with something. I have some time to focus and the kids aren't here and to bother me so I could really dig in on some work here. And then it would be like, what has no one done yet? Like, how can what's Elon Musk done? I could probably do what he does. And then and then realize I'm too stupid to do anything like that. What's the dumber version of making that much money?

What's like the dumb version? And I was like, what's the thing that I could do as a dumb guy? No, but listen, I actually understand the appeal of that. Like, I have there's something kind of really nice about sitting down with a glass of whiskey or a glass of wine or whatever and getting some work done, considering that I would say, you know, not not everything we do is fun, but I actually really enjoy most of the work that I do.

Yeah, for as much as it frustrates me. So it's actually fun sometimes to to work during non work hours with a cocktail in your hand. I think I probably could even squeeze another point out of this because the real answer is masturbating. Well, right. That was the base. That was the base answer. The man had all three things are correct.

All three he's getting all three in for the night. But wait a second. Well, you've just described you just described what every man on the planet, in fact, probably any human on the planet would do if their if their families were not around, masturbate, work and then enjoy a cocktail and watch TV. I mean, that's I think many would not work. Most would not work or go to work. Most would be like, wait a second, I don't have to work. I'm just going to go straight to the masturbation.

Yeah, in the movie, I look two out of three. In no particular order. Probably the masturbation comes first, but beat it, drink it, watch it. Here's a question, though. Here's a question that would you would you make the Manhattan and drink the Manhattan while masturbating and then make another Manhattan for the movie? Or would you masturbate just to get it out of the way, just to get the demons out and then make the Manhattan and go watch the movie?

Well, here's what I would say. I don't usually work at night. What I would probably do is I would wake up, I do what I do now, which is wake up really early before anybody's awake, then work. Then I'm not talking about working on. Well, then at night, I would I would I would I only drink one Manhattan every night, a big one, but it's a big one, but it's just one. I drink the one and then I watch the movie at the same time. Then fucking 32 ounce Manhattan.

It's a big gulp. And then when that's over, I turned whatever that show or movie was was. And then I then I would then I would complete my. Oh, at the end. Oh, yeah, I'd get it out of the way. I usually get it out of the way. I'm like, I got to get this out of me. I need to get this out of me. So I'm not going to look forward to something.

Oh, good for you. Delayed gratification. What time did you wake up this morning? Did you wake up shortly before the podcast? No, I got up at like five fifteen. Good for you. God bless. I I do, by the way, can we not move past the fact that in order to be able to tell yourself that you only have one drink a night, you you basically make like twice the size of a normal Manhattan.

Maybe three times. I'll take a picture of it and put it on the podcast. Yeah, no, I take it to the brim. The next question about Rob is what was Rob's first job? Who is first job? Very first job. Rob, this is in high school at some point, I'm assuming, right? Or like, no, this was in grade school. And oh, you wait, you got to do something you got like a paycheck for.

I did. Well, was it as a cash business? Well, OK, then I'll tell you what, there's two answers. If you call it your first job, you can you can say that I'm going classic here, guys. I mean, OK, there's there's there's there's there is two. But I think that that's fair, Meg, and both of them are classic. Very Americana. OK. Paperboy Glenn. Oh, Glenn says Paperboy Charlie. I wrote Alterboy Lode Wipe Down Boy.

Alterboy parentheses wipes down the loads. Oh, boy, it's just like robe destainer. I don't know. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure what his actual job was. So I was a joke. I I Glenn is right, I had a paper route. OK. And when I was like 11 or 12, and then I pumped gas in high school. Oh, I remember that.

Yes, I remember you talking about that. You pumped gas. My freshman year of high school, I pumped. But the first but you get a paycheck for being a paperboy. You got to pay. Yeah, I can't remember if it was like a shady cash business. No, I don't know if I was old enough to have a job at 12. So they may have had to really pay on the table like yeah. And it was one of those local papers that nobody wanted. They would they would just like appear on your doorstep

and you just take it and throw it in the garbage. So I'll give Glenn a point for that. And the next question is if Rob gave a Ted talk, what would the subject of it be? OK. I went non-joke. OK, Charlie, what do you got? Me too. I wrote show running and the business of Hollywood.

All right. Just basically like, you know, like, you know, and an area of expertise. No one knows anything. Make your own rules. Oh, that's interesting. I like that, Glenn. Well, that's what I write down. I said creative collaboration, which I think we should give Charlie

a point for that. This is very Rob. How about we both get a point for that? Yeah. Well, that those are the things that I've learned. And I think we all have learned a version of that. And in these are all areas. I don't know, Meg, I think I think a point each. Oh, wow. OK. Yeah.

I mean, I do think that this is something, you know, that you discovered along the way, you know, working on it's always sunny and various other projects is that like, you know, the rules that people set in place. Are often arbitrary or don't, you know, no longer apply. And the people who are administering or, you know, what's the word I'm looking for enforcing the rules, don't even really understand what they're for or why they're beneficial

to the project or whatever. You know, so what you discover is that, like, your whole thing is to just push through, just do your thing, just do it, just fucking do it. And don't worry. I mean, and I'm not talking about like rules that are not laws. I'm not talking about laws and I'm not. No, no, no, I'm not talking about laws and I'm not. How often have we?

Yeah, how often have we, over the course of making this show real that we've come up against an idea or a structure or something that was put in place long ago and then enforced by people who don't understand why they're enforcing it. And then you if you just peel back and ask why you realize that they don't know the answer and then you realize, oh, there are no, there is no rule that's such as arbitrarily. It's like there's no experts and the so-called experts are really,

their expertise is only just what oftentimes what they're comfortable with not failing at, right? So they're like, well, we do this this way because we won't fail. But then you're like, well, but yeah, but, but why and of course, not all the time. There are lots of experts in different fields and we have to be able to recognize which ones are the ones are to be listened to and which ones are the ones not. This is what I like about you, Rob, if I may, you know, you're not one to just break the rules arbitrarily or because you're not getting what you want.

You will ask the question, what is the purpose of this rule? And if the answer satisfies you and it feels logical, then you'll follow the rule because you're like, that makes sense. I shouldn't, you know, do X, Y and Z because what you just said makes sense. You know, you will listen to reason. It's just that if the rules don't make any sense or if the person explaining it can't explain it because they don't even know what it means and no one can explain it and no one can make sense of it, then you're like, no, fuck it, then I'm not doing it.

Well, let's do a TED talk. Let's do a, let's do a three person TED talk about this very thing. No, no, it's a lot of work, a lot of work, sounds like a lot of work. I'd rather be masturbating. Yeah, sure. Sure. Isn't a TED talk a form of masturbation? Let's be honest. Absolutely.

Self-gratification. Something for people named Ted. They're fucking psyching me up. OK, the next question is, what movie is most likely to make Rob cry? Oh, OK. Maybe after Manhattan. I know like what the subject matter would be, but I don't, I can't think of which movie that is. You could write subject matter if it fits with the movie he's written down.

I'll give you a point for that. I think I've got the general category, but I'm not sure if I've got the specific movie. All right, Glenn. What's it say? What does that say? Oh, Pixar movie. Pixar movie. So my first thought was because I, you know, you really like those Pixar movies.

I thought maybe it would be a Pixar movie. And then I just, I don't know why Inside Out was the one that pops. And I couldn't think of anything better. So I don't know. I can't think of a movie. I just wrote anything or the subject matter is a dad and his sons. You know, like that's going to, that's going to cut you to the quits. Like if it's a movie about, I, yeah, I mean that I think, OK, so I hear that

I wrote, I wrote, I wrote Rocky because it's the first thing that popped into my head. But what I would say is that my make you cry. That movie makes you cry. Rocky makes me cry. Yeah. Yeah. If I think about it and talk about it too much, I'll probably start crying. So I'm not going to do that.

But Field of Dreams is a pretty. There you go. Yeah. So that's a father son story that's hard to deny. You're definitely right about the, the whole father son thing. Anytime, anytime like a father son thing happens. I'm like, I can't handle it, man. It's like, it's so intense for me.

Sure. But I would say in terms of Pixar movies, anybody who watches the first what six minutes of up and doesn't cry. Oh my God. No, you're a hundred percent. Oh, you're right. You're right. That opening is mind-blowingly good.

I remember a moment with you, Glenn, where you said something about, we were having this conversation. You were like, I'm not into animated movies. They don't really make me feel, I don't really care that much. I don't know that I can be emotionally invested. And I said, did you see up? And you said, no. And I sat there and watched it with you.

I was like, let's watch it. I think I cried when we watched it. I think I might have cried. You cried. You did. You did. Yeah. It's, it's, it's one of the best things ever.

It's one of the best openings to any movie ever. Yeah. It's incredible. It's incredible how they make you care so beautiful. They make you care so much in such a short period of time, right at the beginning. I mean, that's a, for anyone who, anyone who understands filmmaking knows how difficult that is to make people feel something deeply in, in the first five minutes of watching something is almost impossible.

Yeah, for sure. It's almost impossible. And then you're emotionally invested in these characters right from the go. I mean, that is so difficult to do as a, as a filmmaker. Mad respect for the people who made up. Mad respect. Big ups. Mad respect.

Big ups. Big ups. Big ups for Pixar. Yep. Okay. Big ups for Rob. This is the last one for Rob. Rob has to give up either booze or sex.

How does he kill himself? Sex rampage or booze rampage? I mean, got it. I feel like I sound like such an alcoholic. I drink one Manhattan a night. One big golf of a Manhattan. It's one sex a night or does that. More than one sex.

So maybe give up the booze. Okay. I was sex. How are you? How are you not going to? Sex rampage. Yeah. How are you not going to have a sex rampage?

Well, Rob. Drinking. Okay. Hold on one sec. Did you write booze? Guys, can we write a movie called Sex Rampage? Oh my God. Can I reframe the, can I reframe the question for myself just so I, am I married?

No, no. Oh. All right. He changed his answer. All right. Yeah. That was very sweet of you to, to, to, to, yeah, to, to, to. Very safe for you.

Your wife and children and your hypothetical. Very safe. Yeah. I assumed I, if I'm going to, if I'm going to kill myself, I want to do it with virtue. Guys, we are supported by Tommy John. By the way, Rob, sorry. You look really cool today, man. I don't know what it is.

Thank you for notice that. I'm feeling, I'm feeling rather cool today. Have you had a haircut or a shave? Did you get a little pre-workout in before the pod? You look great. No, no. Well, thank you. We started the podcast very early today and I, I just happened to be wearing my, my Tommy

John undies. Oh, you popped on some Tommy John's. Okay. I mean, it's, it's actually emanating out of you and making your whole thing cooler. The, the underwear actually does keep me seven degrees cooler than cotton. That is oddly specific. Wow. Well, you want to be cool.

You don't want to be overheated, right? You want to be a light breezy. Well, if you want your underpants to be anything, you want them to be breathable, lightweight, and with four times the stretch of any competing brand. Cause you know, you know, I need the stretch. You guys both are very aware that I need a stretch. Well, you know, you blow up, you get too big and then you shrink down. You don't want to be constricted.

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Okay. So the speed round is basically that I'm going to ask you questions about who is the most whatever amongst the three of you and the consensus wins. So you write our C or G and and you can write yourself if you feel like you're the person but whoever gets two out of three wins and then we give you the points for that. So the people who got it right. So all right, here we go. Who has the most speeding tickets?

You can hold it. I see G, G. Oh shit. Sorry. G. I'll get one point for that. Who would survive the longest in a zombie apocalypse? Got Rob.

Oh wow. The guys are in agreement. I'll say Rob. I would just join the zombies like right away. Just get it over with. Wait a second. What are we doing? Let's go get some fucking brains.

I like to go to the majority. What are we doing? What are we doing here? What are we doing? The zombie thing? Great. Let's go boys. Let's go boys.

Okay. Who is the best at keeping a secret? Oh. Oh. I mean, I think all three of us would be good. Yeah. I would actually say all of us. All right.

Well, Rob wins because he got the consensus. I was going to write RCG, but I guess we can't do that. If you all were to get chloroformed, who'd have the best chance of fighting it off? Fighting like the person who's trying to chloroform you off. Fighting the person? Yeah. Who's trying to chloroform you off.

Yeah. Charlie, you and I are thinking the same. Ready? Three, two, one. Go. Yeah, Rob. The fighting man. Do I need to give you the best of fighting the man?

The rage. The rage. Yeah, but Rob's done all the karate shit and he lifts the weights and stuff. No, I would say that Glenn would be the best at fighting off the drug, taking over his body. I think that's more what I was thinking. Yeah, I would agree with that because he's thought about it the most. Oh, boy.

Yeah, sure. Okay. Who makes the best first impression? Three, two, one. I think that's me. I don't know. I mean. Speed round, guys.

I feel like we all three of us make a good first impression, if I may. All right. This one will, this one will prove itself. Who is the fastest writer? Oh, wait, wait, wait. Sorry. Do you mean typing? Or do you mean like?

Yeah, I guess. Oh, that's easy. I guess all things considered. Who gets scripts out the fastest? Three, three, two, one. Charlie. Sorry. Yeah.

I was, I would have said Charlie. All right. I lost. Who ruins the most takes by laughing or breaking for those people that don't know that? That's one, but. Three, two, one. Yeah. I'm pretty bad.

I'm pretty bad. I'm pretty bad. It could have been you or me. It could have been me. It could have been me. I just went with my first instinct. I was a toss up, but I lost. That was a toss up.

Okay. And then the last question is who is the most competitive? Oh, I know. We're all pretty damn competitive. We're all pretty competitive. I don't, I don't know. I don't, I don't know. I don't know that.

Let's be honest. Let's be honest here. Let's be totally honest. Okay. Go ahead, write it down. Okay. No. Deep down inside.

I'm just the most competitive. You write the first thing to say, Glenn. I already wrote it down. Based on Glenn's tone. Immediately. I wrote it down immediately. Okay. Fine.

You don't think you're the more competitive? Oh, Charlie. Oh, I thought you. I think Charlie by a mile. That's me. He did. You wouldn't think like outwardly. I know.

It's not an outward. It's not an outward show. I think that outwardly. You would think that it would be you or I. Yes. That's what I think. Deep down inside. That's what I thought you were implying.

Yeah. I do. I do think that Charlie is highly competitive. It's just that he doesn't have the app. He doesn't have like the outward sort of like demeanor of like a highly competitive person. I agree. And you're also not like, you're not, you're not like, I think often

like super competitive dudes are often like have the alpha male thing. And it depends on the thing in life, right? Like if it's like us trying to make a great TV show versus other TV shows out there. Yeah. I have a competitive streak, right? If it's like, you know, playing around a golf, I'm playing to win, you know, like I'm usually playing to play as good as I can.

You're collaborative. You're collaborative. You're collaborative and you're, you know, it's not, it's not like, it's not like it's all about winning. But when it is about winning, I'd say you're the most competitive. Well, okay. We're about to find out who won this game. How are you feeling about that?

Are you, do you want to win this game? Well, I tell you what, I did have a, when this was getting going, we were talking about points and like the first round when I only got a half point, it did spike that little like competitor thing in me where I was like, oh, fuck, I don't want to get a fucking half point. And then I let it go. Right. So I do, I do.

And then I was writing, you know, low jokes and stuff. But, but I do have that thing where it's just like, yeah, like if it's a competition, if someone is like laid down the rules, and I think that just comes from like doing so much competing as a kid, like always all I did with my kids, but my buddies was play some kind of sports game so much. So like got hardwired. I don't know.

I mean, I feel like you feel like a little bit of an underdog or did as a kid. Maybe. And I don't think I do anymore. But my guess is that you, you probably deep down like knew that you were capable of more than people gave you credit for or thought you were capable of. And so there was this desire to prove it.

You know what I mean? Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think all three of us can be pretty competitive. Oh, without a doubt. We all have chips on our shoulders and are looking to prove something to somebody.

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Come on. So Meg, did you count? Okay. Tally it up. I did tally it up.

And according to my calculations, we have Rob with 10 and a half points, Glenn's got 13 points and Charlie has 13 and a half points. Fuck this game. Fuck that. That's bullshit. Fuck this. You know, I thought I didn't care, but then when you started talking about the points, I felt care in my body.

You know, I felt like, oh, I want the most points. I want the cookie. Give me the cookie. Give me the cookie. You all cookies. I want the trophy. I want Megan to think that I have more points. You want her to think that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We've talked about this before, but I've, and this is maybe for a different podcast, but I've never beat Charlie and golf ever. Ever. Yeah. But that's not totally fair because I started playing way before you.

But we played a hundred times, if not more. I'm better than you. Yeah. That's what he's saying. That's what Rob's saying. I know. That's what I'm saying. It gnaws at me.

Yeah. I know. It's kind of fun. You just got to put a little more work into it and a little less time into things that matter like work and your family, you know, a little more time into just banging a ball around a field. Yeah. That's kind of the dedication.

All right, guys. Well, this has been fun. Yeah. I love you, man. Man, do I love you guys. Meg, I love you too. Oh, thanks. I love you guys too.

Thanks, man. I love you guys too. Cut that. Cut that. I love you guys too.