The Amelia Project - Episode 10 - Melissa Menken

Episode Date: May 18, 2018

“Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and pulleys.” Season 1, Episode 10. The Amelia Project is a secret agency that helps its clients by faking their deaths and setting them up with a brand new identity! This episode’s client find herself with an extraordinary predicament. Is it a gift? Is it a curse? Listen and find out! With: Alan Burgon, Kudra Owens, Ravdeep Singh Bajwa, Benjamin Noble and Julia Morizawa. Written by Philip Thorne. Directed by Alan Burgon. Music and sound design by Fredrik S. Baden. For full credits see our website. Website: https://ameliapodcast.com  Transcripts: https://ameliapodcast.com/transcripts Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ameliapodcast Donations: https://ameliapodcast.com/support Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-amelia-project?ref_id=6148 Twitter: https://twitter.com/amelia_podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ameliapodcast/ Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ameliapodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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This phone call isn't happening. If you're not serious about this, hang up. Now. If you continue, there's no way back. Good choice. A new life awaits. You'll hear back from us within the hour. If you don't hear back, please consider the whole thing a hoax. Leave your message after the beep. I'm not a murderer! I'm innocent! This gift, it's a curse!

I need to get as far away as possible and I need your help please, please, please call me back I look forward to tasting that cocoa The Amelia Project by Philip Thorne and Einstein Braga with music and sound design by Frederick Baden. Episode 10. Melissa Mencken. Yes? Melissa Mencken, here to see you.

Ah, bring her in. Mrs Mencken, here to see you. Ah, bring her in. Mrs. Mencken. Please, call me Melissa. Take a seat, Melissa. The cocoa is waiting for you. How the devil did you know? Know what? Cocoa.

How did you know I'd offer you cocoa? I had to get your attention somehow. It's good. Good? Did you just say good? Yes, good. Did I say something wrong? Well, when you see the Eiffel Tower, do you say big?

What was I supposed to say? This cocoa is as creamy as a pre-raphelite nudes in a thigh and as addictive as crack. How did you know I'd offer you Coco? I'm about to tell you. Go ahead. I'm just waiting for that Italian guy to knock on the door. Salvatore? Yes, I'm about to tell you a complicated story and I don't want to be interrupted.

Salvatore won't interrupt us. He never... Yes? Melissa Macon, LCU. Ah, bring her in. Mrs. Menken. Please, call me Melissa. Take a seat, Melissa. The cocoa is waiting for you.

How the devil did you know? Know what? Cocoa. How did you know I'd offer you cocoa? I had to get your attention somehow. Ooh, as rich as Rockefeller and as silky as satin. I couldn't have put it better myself. I like you.

So you'll help me? That depends. On what? Your story. My story? At Amelia, we collect stories. And in return, you'll help me? If I like your story, yes. Oh, now I'm nervous.

Have some more cocoa. It'll help you relax. I don't like this. I'm no good under pressure. And I hate suspense. It puts me on edge. Congratulations! Amelia is happy to help. Oh, thank you so much. And you're absolutely sure about Antarctica. I can't tempt you with, say, Goa. It's paradise on Earth.

Oh, I'm sure it is. But it would rather defeat the objective, wouldn't it? I mean, I need a place with no distractions. I'll be very happy in Antarctica. Well, in that case, to your new life. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Ah. Hmm. Oh, you're right. This cocoa is really soothing. I feel more relaxed already. So, you're ready to tell me your story? Yes. I'm all ears. I'm a magician. Oh.

Any good? Too good. It's not possible to be too good. When MI5 batters down your door at three in the morning, perhaps it is. Wow. What kind of a magician are you? A mentalist. A mentalist? I read people's minds, predict the future, tell them things I can't possibly know. Oh, okay. What's my great aunt's name?

Astrid. Wow. Okay, okay. What's my great aunt's name? Astrid. Wow! Okay, do I have pets? A skunk. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. You're beyond good. Ha! I mean, how did you do it? I didn't! I'm innocent!

You killed Solveig Larson! No! Oh, you're telling me she happened to have a car crash just after you made a huge investment in her rival company? Her death made you a millionaire? Yes! Oh, you're saying it's a coincidence? Not a coincidence! No!

But it must be! I mean, how else could you know I have a skunk and that my aunt's name is Astrid? Okay, go on. Do another trick. Very well. Your favourite place on Earth is... Goa. It is. Oh my god. And you're fond of chests and tiddlywinks. Oh, Jesus Christ on a tricycle. How could you possibly know? Have you been looking me up on the googly? Before I walked through that door, I knew nothing about

you. Okay, I propose a deal. You tell me how you did that, and in return, I'll help you. You'll help me disappear? Yes, I will. And I can reappear anywhere I like? Well, within reason. I want a new life in Antarctica. Ha! Really? It's the only place I can get away from myself. My mind will be at peace, nothing but white, empty vastness.

And I like penguins. Penguins? Well, at least they don't play board games or talk about the stock market. Wow. That was really random. Oh. We haven't talked about that yet, have we? Sometimes I lose track. Lose track of what? The present. Oh, this is the present. It is? Of course it is. Well, what have we just been talking about? Solveig Larson.

Seems to be all anyone's talking about these days. Well, she was a great scientist. The AI she created was quite staggering, I should know. She ran Siri Industries single-handedly, so her death leaves a gaping hole. There's intelligentigent Futures. Yes, but nobody had even heard of Intelligent Futures before Larson's death. They benefited from Siri Industries' collapse. As did you.

Yes, but I didn't kill her. You're telling me she happened to have a car crash just after you made a huge investment in her rival company? I didn't... Her death made you a millionaire? Yes, but... You're saying it's a coincidence? Do you know the quote, coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the letters and pulleys? Hey, that's one of my favorite...

I mean, what a... Coincidence. Have we had this conversation before? Yes. Sorry. How many times have we had this conversation? God, I can't remember. This is going to play havoc with my blood sugar levels, though. I've had at least eight cups of cocoa already.

Yes, I know the feeling. But how are you doing this? You're asking me to reveal my secret? If we're to progress, I feel you must. And in return, you'll help me? Yes. Very well. I can manipulate time.

What? I can bend time to my will. Fast forward, rewind, replay. Are you telling me you're a time traveler? That's a rather fancy way of putting it. Well, can you travel in time or not? Only within an hour. I see.

So, not enough to create a grandmother paradox or kill Hitler or anything like that. No, but it's useful for skipping back a few minutes to make predictions about things I've already found out about. By the way, your phone's about to ring. I don't believe you. No, nobody does. It can't be true. Well, don't take it from me. Take it from me.

Hello? Yes? It was a pleasure to meet you, too. Certainly. Will do. Oh, you're very welcome. Toodle-oo. Well, dunk me like a donut, it's true. What did I say? Oh, you want me to remind you to ask me where I get my cocoa from?

Where do you get your cocoa from? Les Dumas Go in Paris. Summer is like a cocktail. It has to be mixed just right. Start with a handful of great friends. Now, add your favorite music. And then, finally, add

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Bacardi, its trade dress and the bat device are trademarks of Bacardi and Company Limited. Rum 40% alcohol by volume. So now you believe me? It's incredible. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. Exhausting? I'm constantly replaying the same conversation. Making a tweak here, an improvement there.

Zipping forward to see how it changes things. It's so confusing. I say something and then I realize I could have put it a better way. Or missed the opportunity for a joke. Do you know how difficult it is to resist going back? I'm always moving backwards and forwards. The only place I'm not is the present. This is the present.

It is? Of course. Well, what have we just been talking about? Penguins! Ah, yeah, that's right. You're not a fan. Penguins give me the creeps. Seriously? Penguins? Yeah.

But they're so cute! A skunk! Now there's a loyal companion. A skunk. I swear on my great-aunt Astrid's prosthetic left leg. More cocoa? Yes, please. Oh, I envy you. You want to be suspected of killing the world's leading AI scientist?

No, I want your ability. I told you, it was doing my head in. But all the things you can do with that extra time. I mean, you can read so many books. Books and films have lost their appeal. I can't deal with the suspense, so I jump forward to see what happens, but that kind of defeats the point. Yes.

I may control time, but I can't control my impulses. It's not a happy combination. You're a killer magician, though. Yeah, that was the one productive outlet I could find for my skill. In a magic show, people want to be baffled. They don't expect answers, but MI5 does. Yeah, you should have kept your skill to the stage. I know.

But I became addicted to winning. How's that? Oh, it started with board games. My sister, she takes them so seriously. I decided to have a bit of fun and win. Every single time. With Risk, I achieved global domination in six moves. Nobody could follow my random tactics.

They had no idea how I was doing it and were completely flummoxed. My, my. So far, so harmless. Next. I went to my niece's school fate and I used my skill at the raffle. Oh, you didn't. Ooh! Ha ha!

I walked away with a giant teddy bear, a Power Wheels desert racer, a Disney princess styling head, three super soakers, and a fart gun. The moms gave me the stare of death. I can imagine. And then my parents took me to the church lottery. I hit the jackpot. The money was meant for a new church roof. Everyone was distraught. I think they expected me to give it back or something.

And then you decided school raffles and church lotteries weren't enough. You decided to win big. But it wasn't about the money. It was to prove a point. How so? I was on a date with an investment banker from the city. So boring.

I hate boredom. He was going on and on about share prices and how I should invest. And the one thing I could rely on, he said, was Siri Industries. The company of the future. Rock solid. Huh. I got home, switched on the TV and heard that Solveig Larson had died and that Intelligent Futures had been called in to take over what they could and destroy anything they didn't understand. I can see how the temptation to go back and buy shares was impossible to resist. Like I say, it wasn't even about the money. I just wanted to put that Eric and prick in his place,

boring me to tears and lecturing me all evening about how I should invest in Siri Industries. Then I'd do the opposite and come out the winner. But I didn't think it through. And by the time MI5 smashed through my door, several hours had passed. It was too late to skip back in time and undo my investments, so now I look guilty as sin. Which is why you want to disappear. I want to escape.

Not just from MI5, but from my skill. Can you do that? Can you leave it behind? No. But I can go to a place where it will be useless. And where's that? Antarctica. Ha! Really? It's the only place I can get away from myself. My mind will be at peace, nothing but white, empty vastness.

And I like penguins. Oh, penguins. Well, at least they don't play board games or talk about the stock market. Penguins are creepy. They will be the perfect companions. My interactions with them won't require any tweaking of time. For once, I can live in the present. I'm going to help you, Melissa. You'll die during one of your magic shows, just like Tommy Cooper. You'll have a heart attack on stage. Well, we'll have to make it very convincing. I'm booking an appointment with our new acting coach,

Stanislav Sokolov, right away. Once you've died, we'll nail you into a coffin. I'm claustrophobic. Well, you won't be in there for long. The minute the nails are in, you can skip back in time. While you're being buried, you'll make your way to Portsmouth. I'll be waiting for you with Joey, Salvatore, and a submarine. A submarine? I know a guy. With a submarine.

He'll take us to Antarctica, and you can start your new life of peace and penguins. Perfect! Champagne? Yes, please! Congratulations! Amelia is happy to help. Oh, thank you so much. And you're absolutely sure about Antarctica. I can't tempt you with, say, Goa.

It's paradise on Earth. Oh, I'm sure it is. But it would rather defeat the objective, wouldn't it? I mean, I need a place with no distractions. I'll be very happy in Antarctica. Well, in that case, to your new life. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

The Amelia Project is produced by Imploding Fictions in association with Open House Theatre Vienna. This episode featured Alan Bergen as the interviewer, Kudra Owens as Melissa, Ravdeep Singh Bajwa as Salvatore, Benjamin Noble as Agent Haynes, and Julia Morizawa on the answer phone. It was written and edited by Philip Thorne and directed by Alan Bergen and Oistein Braga.

Music and sound design by Frederik Baden, graphic design by Anders Pedersen, production coordination by Julia C. Thorne. This episode was recorded at Torngeber Studios with the assistance of Gabriel Geber. Graphic design by Anders Pedersen. Production coordination by Julia Seethorn. This episode was recorded at Thorngeber Studios with the assistance of Gabriel Geber. For each episode of the Amelia Project, we compile a case file, which contains top-secret documents relating to each disappearance. By becoming a $5 patron, you will get access to the case files for every single episode.

As a special end-of-season thank you, we're making the case files for the next episode available to $1 patrons too. Go to patreon.com slash Amelia podcast to sign up as a patron or follow the link on our website at Amelia podcast dot com. You can also say hi on Twitter. We're at Amelia underscore podcast.com you can also say hi on twitter we're at amelia underscore podcast and please do tell your friends and family about the show and help others find it bye for now and see you soon for the season finale Hi, Agent Haynes here. There's been a development in the Melissa Menking case. Well, that's what we all thought.

But we've just been sent footage from outside Hampstead Tesco Express of a woman who looks exactly like Mencken. Yeah. Spitting image. Yeah. Well, we've already done that, and... the coffin? Well... it was empty. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. No, no, no, here's the thing. She wasn't in her flat. We found her mobile and I've been dialing through some of the contacts. Here's one marked Amelia, which connects to an answer phone. Oh, we haven't been able to trace its location yet.

Anyway, I think you should listen to that answer phone message. I'll give you the number. You have a pen? Good. It's 0044-2038-073634. We need to find out more about this Amelia. In fact, I think we should make it a priority. The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish. Well, hello there. Dr. Charlie Tuggett here. You know, rumor was Spaceship Oz-9 was intended to take a bunch of rich folks to a new planet since, you know, we pretty much used up the one we have now. But, you know, since it's looking more and more likely the ship might be humanity's last stand, let's take a quick look around.

Are you telling me the four sacred tokens are all aboard the Oz-9? Remind me again why we're doing this? Allegiances are too muddled on this ship. MCC-ACEC is a normal institution of higher learning. Ah, but if you pull back the outermost layers... I'm from Minnesota, where we like our lives as neat and as open as the inside of a freshly caught and cleaned walleye. Do you know, I am now the only assassin aboard the ship. What are you doing alive? I want to know what side he's on when the assassin aboard the ship. What are you doing alive?

I want to know what side he's on when the ship hits the fan. Are they the most ridiculous people I've ever met? Fetch that annoying bunch of trespassers so we can bring Pluto to heel. The new order starts today. Well, however this all plays out, if you have a strong stomach and a high tolerance for stupid, you can follow the Oz9's adventures just about anywhere you listen to podcasts. I gotta trot, space muggies. Stay safe out there.